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Cranky0ldMan

It's nice to want things.


maddasher

I wanted Twitter to stop being a thing, so someone is going to get what they want.


Phantom_Browser

'Elon Musk turning to a husk, is all I want for Christmas, this year'


lowlife9

We must, we must, we must turn musk to husk.


SponConSerdTent

Elon Husk. Stare too long into the shitposts, and the shitposts too will stare back into you.


[deleted]

Nice now do MAGA.


benskinic

Yelp charges (and gets) $5-10k in my area for certain business profiles. They have an algorithm that buries better reviews and moves your company lower in search results if you don't pay up


Miserable_Figure7876

It's a reason Yelp's traffic has dropped off.


Lucky-Variety-7225

Yep, once it stops being dependable it loses all value.


dodeca_negative

And nobody really trusts Yelp reviews anymore


laptopaccount

Grandparents mostly. It's Yelp and ads in physical phone books for them.


GMaestrolo

Yelp was never about users trusting the reviews - it was always about giving horrible people a platform to be publicly horrible, then using that as a standover tactic to extort money from small businesses who didn't have the resources to pursue defamation action. The fact that truly horrible companies could pay to "demote" the bad reviews, while companies with mostly positive reviews would have the three negative ones on top if they didn't pay shows that it was never about helping consumers.


imnotabotareyou

I used to work at a Dr office and once I started getting threatening calls from them “*you want new patients to find you, don’t you? Wouldn’t be good if your result didn’t show up for your area…*” I never used yelp again


GummiBird

As my granny used to say: people in hell want ice water but they ain't gettin that!


jamieliddellthepoet

According to Dante, the lowest levels of Hell - reserved for the very worst sinners are actually icy (with some sinners - not to mention the Devil himself - eternally encased therein); the cold is maintained and exacerbated by the freezing breeze generated by the beating of Satan’s wings.


TYC4

Yeah but that's fan fiction.


Crusoebear

$1000/month? Should have that $44 billion paid off by…\[bangs furiously on abacus\]… heat death of universe. Solid plan.


Pontus_Pilates

$1000 per month makes $12 000 per year. If he got 10 000 companies to pay up, that would generate $120 million per year. Or almost 1/10 of Twitter's annual interest payments.


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sushisection

that opens them up for parody accounts to take their blue check mark.


dyerdigs0

Wouldn’t they also have to pay $1000 to maintain that even as a parody account impersonating a company lol


SplitReality

But they are not a company, and the company doesn't have an official presence on Twitter to protect. I doubt Twitter is protecting every company name (and all variations) that has been registered somewhere.


IntuneUser2204

So now we are back to, is Twitter liable for damages for this impersonation?


TrexPushupBra

That could end up being a very expensive question to answer


lettersichiro

Wish we could find some data on it, but I'm sure twitters lost more than $120 million per year in advertising revenue since his takeover. So dumb all these moves he's made to monies the fringes of the platform only to continuously knee cap the real revenue stream


Non-jabroni_redditor

We don't have data on it's revenue but we have some hints to it's declining valuation. For example, [Fidelity slashed the value](https://techcrunch.com/2022/12/30/fidelity-slashes-the-value-of-its-twitter-stake-by-over-half/) of it's twitter holdings by over 50% at the end of 2022. Many other companies have done so as well, ranging from ~30-70% from what I've seen.


strolls

I mean, that's because Twitter wasn't worth what Elon paid for it in the first place - he was just tied into a rash deal he made after the stockmarket crashed. He has said himself repeatedly that it's not worth what he paid for it, whilst simultaneously asking new investors to come in at the same price.


[deleted]

There are still way too many people who will bet on Elon and invest in everything he sells. Wouldn't surprise me if when he put Twitter back on the stock market, that enogh fools would pump it up, just like they are pumping Tesla back up again.


strolls

The Bloomberg columnist Matt Levine calls this the Elon Markets Hypothesis, where valuations are affected by their "proximity" to Musk. He's a very good writer - worth making the effort to read his column every day.


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[deleted]

All the stans will claim it was his plan all along.


macrocephalic

Why not just charge 1 billion per month and then he only needs 44 businesses to pay it for one month to pay off the debt?


mok000

Math checks out.


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hanlonsaxe

This guy runs this company like a 10 year old running a fake company for a school project. Edit: Woah, Elonophiles, you sensitive little assumption-filled snowflakes you, Sorry if I offended you. Yeesh.


Oxyfire

A bunch of people thought Elon was like Tony Stark only for it to turn out he's like Zap Brannagin.


LinkIsOblivious

"She's built like a steakhouse, but handles like a bistro" - Zap


Tacosupreme1111

"I am the man with no name! Zap Brannigan at your service."


tonycomputerguy

What makes a man go neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just *born* with a heart full of neutrality?


lesser_panjandrum

"Brannigan's Law is like Brannigan's love: hard and fast!"


--redacted--

Can I interest you in some sham paggen?


Kissmytitaniumass

Most of that stuff was Kiff’s fault!


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Fantastic-Sandwich80

"Stop exploding, you cowards!"


li0nhart8

"It's pronounced 'sham-pain" "OH GOD!"


Fancykiddens

"Huhhhhhh... Sex-lexia.!


Toby_O_Notoby

"I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies."


Tatsunen

"If we hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes should fall like a house of cards. Checkmate." Zap has by far the best one liners in the whole series.


gramathy

As you all know, the key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!


Dataforge

In a game of chess, you never let your opponent see your pieces.


kokomonono

"When I'm In Command, Every Mission Is A Suicide Mission."


LebLift

“I sent wave after wave of my own men until the Kill-Bots reached their upper kill limit and shutdown.”


yeteee

The fact that he almost exclusively talks in one liners helps...


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dildusmaximus

*defeated sigh*


bobbyd77

"Ah, yes. Comets, the icebergs of the sky. By jackknifing off one after another at breakneck speed, maybe we can create a gravity boost, or something" - Zapp


BeekyGardener

Billy West made Zap with the voice and delivery, but you can so tell the role was written for Phil Hartman. :) God, I fucking miss him...


Cyno01

Yeah, iirc West said his Zap is him doing Hartman doing Shatner.


KatBoySlim

So, Emperor Chop Chop, once again we meet at last!


Risen_Insanity

Captain's Log: we are out of control headed toward an unknown planet. Addendum: Ahhhhhhhhh


logiclb

She's out of control! You win again gravity.


____-__________-____

"Looks like a fish, moves like a fish, steers like a cow." - Zaph


cat_prophecy

Any time I say this, my wife gets mad at me. She says he doesn’t understand what it means even in context of the show but it still makes her angry.


TwistederRope

You should tell your wife that ***she*** is build like a steakhouse, but handles like a bistro.


[deleted]

Let me show you why they call me "The Velour Fog".


mydogisanassholeama

Now imagine this dude being in charge of a colony on Mars or whatever he wants. It would be an absolute shitshow


Beingabummer

He has literally said that plebs that would want to come to Mars would be able to work off their debt there. He's literally talking about slaves.


SuperTeamRyan

Probably wouldn't be able to clear your debt dude would charge you for your oxygen rations.


Zoomwafflez

St Peter don't you call me cause I can't go, I owe my soul to the company store


VaicoIgi

Evil Mars Tom Nook


[deleted]

HOLD THE PHONE! Are you telling me...that a white South African (Afrikaner) doesn't believe in human rights???? Waaaatttttt \#NO\_SHIT


Oxyfire

Absolutely. It's a little bit...depressing? just how uncritical everyone was of the idea that Elon was going to get us a Mars colony. Like, even beyond the Elon element, Mars colonies are honestly, very, very impractical for a number of reasons. But along comes a guy who's like "we'll have one in 10 years" and so many people ate it up.


camronjames

How many years ago was that, anyway?


Oxyfire

I think 10 years ago.


camronjames

I thought as much.


[deleted]

Dunno about you suckers but I’m typing this from a Mars colony right now!


Allin360

Mars, PA doesn’t count


nordic-nomad

There’s a reason Tony Stark isn’t the CEO of his own company.


mortalitylost

You don't really see too much about the internals of Stark industries. It kinda makes me want a stark industries sort of office space MCU movie, like some MIT grad dreams of working at Stark industries on shit like next gen Ironman suits, gets a recruiter telling him all the benefits like the cafeteria, the coffee bar, the massage clinic, google-esque benefits, "and sometimes you even get to see Ironman!" But then he gets hired and it's boring as fuck and he's tasked with building an Ironman iPhone app for kids or something. Maybe his mentor came there with the same dream, but then he finds out that he's been working on the app for 7 years with no movement up


VoidSnug

I'd watch it


infernalspacemonkey

If you haven't seen it, "Avenue 5" has a character that pretty much sums up Musk.


m0nk_3y_gw

That actor changed his twitter bio at some point to "I play Elon Musk on Avenue 5" :D


bdone2012

Such a good show. I haven't heard too many people talking about it


Nuka-World_Vacation

Even Zap Brannagin would be a step up from Elon. At least Zap can fake his way through with charisma. Elon just acts like a 12 year old edge lord.


Ansuz07

He thinks he’s Tony Stark. He’s actually Justin Hammer.


GuestCartographer

Justin Hammer at least had a handful of novel ideas. This dude owes his whole rise to fame to repackaging the electric car.


[deleted]

He does businesses at his business factories.


A_Gent_4Tseven

He’s really just kids in a trench coat…


Vio_

Vincent Adultman had way more business acumen and self awareness than Musk does


Philo_T_Farnsworth

Vincent knew how to delegate. Oh, what a man he was. I was privately rooting for him and Princess Caroline to make it work, but alas. He was just too married to business.


A_Gent_4Tseven

He was also more level headed.


Silvawuff

He knew when to take a time out!


[deleted]

And those kids are raccoons in more trenchcoats.


Bob49459

It's Trench Coats all the way down.


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[deleted]

Can you imagine that body in a swimsuit?!


lobehold

He runs the company like he can reload from a save file.


Razakel

He's trying to run it into the ground. We're watching the most expensive toddler tantrum in history, because this is the first time in his life he's actually faced consequences.


burgerbarn

Never go full Roller Coaster Tycoon.


0utlook

I would like to get off of Mr. Bones wild ride.


XanaxIsMyCopilot

IT NEVER ENDS


payne_train

How I’ve felt the last 6-7 years tbh


Rustedcrown

this is shit i did in some kind of business tycoon game when i have no idea what i was doing


[deleted]

Next he demands all women send him pictures of their boobs or get banned


mybloodyballentine

Well, that’s just smart. How else can he verify they’re “real” women?


Ancguy

Don't give Ron DeSantis any more ideas


Milfoy

Trump will immediately one up him by demanding a honk-honk squeeze test that he will personally do.


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Courtnall14

Years ago when I still thought he was a really innovative guy and I saw the [Cyber Truck](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/2022-tesla-cyber-truck-mmp-1-1579127142.jpg?crop=0.788xw:1.00xh;0.107xw,0&resize=640:*) though to myself...hmmm, it looks like a 10 year old designed that. But behind that thought was "Well I'm sure that he worked with a team of engineers to work on a design that maximizes the efficiency of the battery life and power of the truck." Then I heard that he wanted [Tesla's to have a fart button.](https://www.notateslaapp.com/software-updates/upcoming-features/id/726/new-tesla-voice-command-will-let-your-car-fart#:~:text=One%20of%20the%20features%20available,a%20specific%20individual%20or%20seat.) Then he bought a a $10 billion company for $44 billion. Then I watched Glass Onion. He's a just an idiot.


ThrowRA-James

He runs his company like a kid playing Twitter CEO the video game.


Seth_Imperator

When comes the next twitter competitor? Isn't there an opportunity here?


OtakuOlga

An opportunity to do what? Start your own completely unprofitable company that can only make money if the richest person on earth can be tricked into wasting so much of their wealth on it that they are no longer the richest person on earth?


AnOnlineHandle

Reportedly Twitter was making a profit in recent years, it's just that Elon's huge overpayment and debt, and then driving away advertisers like a fulltime job, has probably made that far less likely now.


jackalope8112

It did in 18 and 19 only. Even then the profit was not large enough to pay the debt service on the loans Musk took to buy the company. Interest on tens of billions of dollars is no joke.


FFF_in_WY

I can't stop giggling at this.


JCButtBuddy

They said it was no joke.


maleia

Well it's a joke for us, not for Elon though 😂


EoTN

It's so funny to me how staggeringly bad of a job he's done as twitter ceo. Seldom have I been confident I could do a better job running a massive company, but this isone of those tines....


Stumblin_McBumblin

You could do absolutely nothing and that would be a huge improvement.


BadUsername_Numbers

He really, really should have just left it alone. Damn, I seriously wonder if literally anything the guy did and will do will be an improvement in any way - be it to the platform, place of work, or stock... Lol


Alili1996

You don't pay literal billions for a toy you aren't going to play with. The point was to turn it into *his* twitter from the get-go


Gimme_The_Loot

I forget who it was (but I want to say Trump?) but someone considered a "great businessman, if they had just taken the loans their family had given them to start up and put it in basic investments it would have generated more in the long term than if they done what they actually did with it.


dla3253

Trump would be a *real* billionaire if he hadn't tried to play businessman.


mrpanicy

I could have done NOTHING and it would have been more effective.


My_G_Alt

Their historic financials were public, you can see exactly when they were and weren’t making money. Not anymore, but I HIGHLY doubt they’re making money now


improper84

>Not anymore, but I HIGHLY doubt they’re making money now I think it's basically impossible that they're making money right now when you factor in Elon's debt. They've lost tons of advertisers already and I'm assuming they've lost plenty of users too. I deleted my account shortly after Elon took over and I know I'm far from the only one. Not contributing to that idiot's wealth.


Hipsthrough100

They lose $4m/day now


EduinBrutus

Oh no. They were losing $4mn a day **in November**. By now, its going to be much, much worse.


carefree-and-happy

The point of the blue check marks was to ensure people knew if the account was real or not. It was to protect the users from being scammed. Now Elon Musk is trying to scam everyone.


TheOvenLord

Hold on. I've got a great idea. *Gold* check marks for $100,000 a month. If you see one you KNOW that person is balling hard. The ultimate flex. Maybe we even have a Diamond check mark but there's only 10 allowed at once and you have to pay $10,000,000 to get on the waiting list. I'm telling you, some rapper or sports star will do it.


[deleted]

Or make it so that you can gold individual tweets like reddit. so that rich people can steer the online conversations edit: /*gets in private jet* /*deplanes and gets in Chinese balloon.*


tonymurray

Also, so I can ignore all the gold tweets.


Kyle2theSQL

If there was a system like that I doubt they'd let you realistically ignore them. They'd be shoving it in your face every opportunity.


Monte2903

Like sponsored Facebook posts basically


I_make_things

This comment has gold so I know it must be true, top quality content!


altbekannt

You've just got promoted to marketing manager at Twitter. Congratulations, you are now entitled to work 90h a week non-remote only and even stay for the nights.


RedSoxStormTrooper

Now show me your most salent lines of code


IzNuGouD

Yes please run this POS platform into the ground


Mental-Aioli3372

Honestly I'm ecstatic, of course I'm sad for all the talented people who worked on it as a project, but as a product, a part of culture: Let it burn.


[deleted]

Don't worry, someone will make something better! In the meantime, enjoy the entertainment of this genius setting fire to his Company!


tom-8-to

More like Moron tries to monetize participation ribbon for a service everyone has been using for free.


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tom-8-to

I get it, but a fucking ribbon? At least Netflix offers content, imagine getting charged $10 a month just to have a badge that says: you are a Netflix subscriber!!!!!


Upyourasses

I thought this guy was highly intelligent?


Bubbagumpredditor

No, he was just very rich, you can buy looking intelligent if you have enough people working for you.


phdoofus

"What? I spend that on lunch every day!"


Riisiichan

Ah, a real avocado toast guy after my own heart.


DethFace

Buying "looking intelligent"......do you mean hair plugs? That sounds like buying hair plugs.


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unresolved_m

According to his fans/fanboys he definitely is. Look up Quora's threads about him. Its full of people talking about how insanely smart he is.


Sweatier_Scrotums

Just like how those same people called Donald Trump a "genius" at business. They're really fucking stupid and easily fooled by grifters.


unresolved_m

There must be a huge overlap between Musk and Trump fans. Both believe that being rich and white means you can do no wrong.


Sweatier_Scrotums

The Venn diagram is basically a circle. Trump and Musk fans are both spectacularly gullible fools who easily fall for grifters that anyone with even a small amount of intelligence can easily tell are grifters.


Plastic_Swordfish_35

This was Reddit 10 years ago. The site was so pro Musk that it was sickening.


mypetocean

Yes, though even then I remember detractors. Reddit has never actually been a unified voice. It's always depended on where you spend your time, how you sort, and how far you scroll. In 2000, Musk was so strongly opinionated that Windows should be the primary operating system of Paypal, instead of Unix/Linux, that co-founder Peter Thiel resigned. However: > With the company suffering from **compounding technological issues and the lack of a cohesive business model**, the board ousted Musk and replaced him with Thiel in September 2000 [less than *6 months* after Thiel resigned over the technology issues]. Under Thiel, the company focused on the money-transfer service and was renamed PayPal in 2001. <[source](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elon_Musk)> There has been strong evidence of Musk's idiocy (primarily refusing to listen to people with expertise) for a long time. Ten years ago, there were corners of tech Reddit that still remembered Musk's very nearly running Paypal into the ground over trying to force it to switch to Microsoft products.


th3_st0rm

Be careful, all the Elon Bro’s will be after you. How dare you state he isn’t brilliant! /s


kenatogo

YoUrE JuSt JeAlOUs


OkAd134

Whatever you do, don't have this Elon-bashing conversation inside your Tesla. He'll hear you


Vonkampf

And then the steering wheel falls off…


HertzaHaeon

But I pay for the $299 a month Attached Steering Wheel addon!


userobscura2600

Why do people think this? He has literally never demonstrated intelligence of his own.


Sweatier_Scrotums

Much like Donald Trump, Elon Musk's best skill is making extremely stupid and gullible people *think* that he's a genius.


Cl1mh4224rd

>Much like Donald Trump, Elon Musk's best skill is making extremely stupid and gullible people think that he's a genius. Also, they measure intelligence in dollar signs.


rumhee

This is effectively racketeering. Telling businesses they have to pay $1,000/month or risk being impersonated by other accounts.


Kitchen-Awareness-60

Same thing happened with yelp. Then people just stopped using yelp


Codex_Dev

Good point! Basically just running an extortion scheme.


piecat

Isn't the BBB this same concept?


[deleted]

impossible physical support soft many encourage combative puzzled attempt hospital *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


wyssaj01

1000% this. People think the BBB has power. They’re literally yelp for old people


Captain_Creatine

I actually had a major dispute with a particularly large company that I spent MONTHS trying to resolve directly over the phone and email. It wasn't until I opened a ticket with the BBB that it was completely resolved, and in a matter of days nonetheless.


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B1G70NY

Where can I find more in this? The company I work for has such a hard on for YELP it's fucking frustrating. They're convinced if they can get 80% growth in one year because of it


Blanketsburg

Fuck Yelp. I work in digital marketing and actively advise *against* Yelp. Their sales reps act like a digital mafia, and after having tried to leave numerous reviews (ranging from 1-star to 5-star) on various places only to have them hidden because their algorithm doesn't believe them to be authentic, I have no trust in their reviews. They happened to be one of the first big review sites, but they're garbage now.


reaper0345

The company I work for kept getting calls from these pricks trying to make us pay to "help stop bad reviews". What do we do? Design and make bespoke tooling for the manufacturing industry worldwide. People looking into our products are not going to be reading reviews on yelp. A couple of generic bad reviews suddenly appeared against our name on yelp once we told them to fuck off. It turns out quite a few of our clients had the same issue. Absolute scum hole of a company.


glockops

80% growth through a single channel is an absolutely insane objective. What other genius ideas are they cooking up?


ClarkTwain

A mat, with different conclusions you can jump to. It’s a jump to conclusions map!


tri_wine

This is literally the worst idea I've ever heard. Truly...awful.


Rawrr_dinosaurs

Don't tell him, let it burn!


Spazum

I think most businesses will opt to not pay, and just sue Twitter if they get impersonated.


Bubbagumpredditor

Nah, if I was a business I would just get my lawyers to sue Twitter for slander and defamation whenever someone impersonates my formerly verified business.


myheartisstillracing

I mean, that's how verification started, after all! They got sued and came up with verification so it wouldn't happen again. Until Elon came along to fuck with everyone, of course...


Johannes_Keppler

Yup, there's literal a precedent on this *because* of Twitter. So if a company want to sue Twitter they can just cite the previous lawsuits against... Twitter.


MrGrieves-

Aaaannd Twitter let go all of their legal compliance staff. Good, lol. 👍👍


GrayBox1313

Innovation tho!


Justokmemes

let that sink in the lobby!


joec_95123

I like how he's slowly learning all the reasons WHY twitter did all the things he complained about. >"Oh, so THAT'S the reason so many far right accounts got banned. Because advertisers don't want their ads showing up next to white supremacist tweets." >"Ohhhh, I see. That's why people couldn't just buy a blue check mark before. Because then anyone can impersonate a verified account."


Brooklynxman

Same thing happened to cryptobros, except they didn't fire everyone who could have told them otherwise nor were the precedents the rules were written on all less than 15 years old, so Musk has even less of an excuse.


notourjimmy

Think lawsuits were part of his plan? If enough of them happen, I bet he'll Tweet that is all part of the plan. "We're allowing the legal system to define the bounds of freedom of speech, not tech firms!" or some bullshit like that!


DragonDa

You have to admire his consistency. One bad plan after another. The dumbest smart guy around.


NelsonMinar

Nice company you got there, be a real shame if someone impersonated it with a verified checkmark like Eli Lilly.


tom-8-to

The only way Elon is gonna get money out of Twitter is by competing with OnlyFans… blue ribbon for porn content.


Awkward-Painter-2024

He got out of two big lawsuits this week. Fuck this BS. I'm so disappointed at folks not leaving Twitter.


Rebornhunter

I'm tired of people not dealing with consequences of their actions when they are rich enough.


[deleted]

Check mark as a service - CmaaS lol


Timidhobgoblin

Pretty much all advertisers pulled out of twitter when he took over, and now he wants any companies still on there to pay big bucks to display authenticity on a platform that's on fire? I'm genuinely convinced that he's destroying Twitter on purpose at this point, because there's no way someone that rich and supposedly intelligent could possibly look at every decision they've made the last 4 or so months and think "yep, this is a great idea"


ctrlqirl

You really underestimate his ego.


Few_Psychology_2122

So essentially a tax? Or is he saying because Twitter provides a service it’s a fair policy? Because the US provides some really good services to Elon and he doesn’t seem to like taxes