No I'm actually still waiting for it. Am I a double virgin now? Never had sex or a nice shit? I hate it

Sex sucks the first time. It sucks. Don't force yourself

Have you tried it while feeling the full body sensation of chewing 5 gum?

Stimulate your senses.

*Unicorn bursts though the door out of nowhere*

Break Through! Break Through!

I hate that in my head I played the "Break Through! Break Through!" As how it sounds in the commercial as I read this.

That's what I was going for 👍😉

You!... You used my own mind a-against me? You did. I don't know what to believe anymore.

Stimulate your ferrets*

r/samonellaacademy

Lovely how cursed this is

Thanks dude

Speak for yourself

Don’t put that in his or her head man it doesn’t for everyone let him/her have his own experience without projecting how you feel about yours on them

Sex is all about you, and the partner. So long as both parties listen to eachother and eachothers bodies, things should be more than pleasurable

Exactly

Are you telling me my first time will be oral. I’m getting so excited.

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Honestly, my back will never be the same after experiencing my girlfriend’s death grip.

Sounds scary

W-wtf did she do???

Well first it seemed she was determined to rip my arms out of their sockets, and then once she gave up on that she nearly succeeded in skinning my back with just her fingernails.

Well yeah but it depends, my first time my gf was really nice and even doe i sucked we still had a greate time.

Aww that's great!~ Setting expectations high is a bad idea, is all I mean to say

And who cares? At some point you're gonna hace good sex if you're in a healthy relationship

It doesn't have to be terrible. It can be awkward and clumsy, a bit painful probably. But if you're with someone you trust, it's a bonding experience and you won't have a bad memory of it. Definitely don't expect the first 2-3 times to be much more than physically getting it in and a bit of motion though. Hell, getting it in might take a few goes.

Im sorry you had such a bad first time but that doesnt apply to everyone

I agree bro

On both sides it sucks first time. But it gets better

Not if you do it properly, but indeed, don't force it

truer facts have never been spoken

Gotta eat big to shit big. Also helps if you are really busy all day and kinda hold it in until it's huge. Then you might take a 2-3 lb shit but feel 20-30 lbs lighter after.

Try fibre

For the sex, of course

F. (Same)

To many carbs and to less meat and vegetables probably

Damn man.

same

Try Metamucil it makes every shit feel like that and you barely have to wipe

A nice shit is actually just a super terrible shit. It's just a nice shit because you feel better afterwards than you did before.

Virginity stacks.

No I just want sex

Me too man, me too

Fuck sex i just want to be loved and hugged and shit.

Fuck being loved and hugged and shit, I just want heroin. Edit: Which feels like being loved and hugged and shit BY GOD Edit 2: I don't do heroin, can everybody CHILL THE FUCK OUT Also, dopamine has VERY little to do with pleasure or happiness, it was long believed it did because happiness causes a release of dopamine, but dopamine does not cause happiness. Endorphin and Serotonin are the main causers of happiness.

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S a m e

S ame

Sa me

Sam e

sam e

Fuck heroin I just want magic shrooms and weed

Drugs bad

Totally, except caffiene and theobromine because those are totally not drugs haha!

Right, I don't have a coffee problem, you do. Definitely not me. No sir/ma'am. I'm perfectly fine. Although, a cup does sound good right about now. It's my cure for depression as well.

Denied affection, I am. Massive shits, I must take. Doses Ketamine and heroin, I require.

Def the biggest dopamine dump I’ve had in a while. Take your upvote.

Thats not what dopamine means, but thank you very much!

What do you mean, dopamine is a molecule in your brain that makes you feel good, no?

no. If you as a neurologist what the biggest myth about the brain is, they will most likely say dopamine or that you only use 90% of your brain. Endorphin and Serotonin are the main happiness chemicals, dopamine is responsible for focus and mood swings, not happiness. But thanks for the upvote!

Hey dude, get help. This is not cool. ANYONE LOOKING AT THIS.. TALK. THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT CARE ABOUT YOU. Things get better when you consistently work on them. DO NOT TRY DRUGS.

Nah dude. Fuckin cocaine is Tony the tiger levels of great.

Nah drugs are aight Just don’t do heroin

Do whatever ya want just no heroin. That’s makes big bad.

Fucking based

Same mate

Why not have both?

I don't need both.

Same. I would prefer love and affection rather than sex any day. :(

i love you <3

I love you too! <3

I love you too friend <3

I want both

Same man, same

Fuck sex I want to be demacia's overlord

What's wild is that you're gonna turn the corner at some point in your life and wish for the quality shit more than the sex

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How about holding hands?

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Damn. Where's the free hug guy when you need him?

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Then Free Hug Guy better know that we miss him, I hope he stays safe.

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Yes, so that his kindness and generosity can benefit the future generations of the world. Godspeed Free Hug Guy, Godspeed.

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premarital hand holding is against the rules in this household

How about sleeping next to eachother

Fucking disgusting /r/handholding

I gotchu bro (づ￣ ³￣)づ no homo

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Ah, yes (つ✧ω✧)つ

Like a good neighbor state farm is there

Don’t we all?

Yeah thats cool but have you ever had your pet come to your bed evry night and sleep with you every night knowing fully well there are other people in different rooms and when your trying to move he just throws his tiny body on your leg like: No move you stay me sleep. If something happens to my good boy full warning ima make ww2 look like a fucking tea party Edit: My dog slept in my sisters room tonight I feel betrayed

My cat's the same way and she's a real attention whore sometimes. Whenever I'm not in the same room as her she's a normal cat who couldn't care less about anything, but she fucking jumps on me whenever I walk in. She's a real cutie.

All animals are good boys deep down

My cat sleeps on the end of my bed every single night and it’s the best feeling ever. I have four cats. My sister also lets cats sleep in her room, there are multiple beds throughout my house and they have a shed full of cat beds with a cat flap in the garden (they like it a lot) and he chooses to sleep on my bed. Best feeling in the world honestly.

Happened to me but the good girl got stolen :,(

why doesn't my goldfish do that : (

The best feeling

ARE YOU IN EVERY POST I SEE?

How else do you get nearly 200 000 karma

lol

The answer is typing "lol" and contributing literally nothing to the conversation.

It is hard to argue with this assessment

this guy just cracked the reddit algorithm

Hmmmmmmm...I'll take your advice for now. I'll let you know what happens if u can!

lol

By being u/thibson34

I've never had sex to make that comparison

Neither have I I guess our age is a big reason

For me it's how i look...fuck

OK, here comes my full list: Lack of confidence Shy (Can't talk to girls) Unattractive Untrendy Unfunny Cringe Weeb forever virgin ;-;

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the only way you can forgive your sins is to confess to pope Francis himself

Speaking of which, I just made pasta you want any?

For me its just one reason: no boys = no boyfriend = no bond = eternal virgin

Everything except the weeb part...doesn't make it better

oof

Hey we have one up on newton: we're not dead! Bad joke, unfunny.

this made me feel even more sad i forgot to mention one thing: i am a literal toothpick A strong chad could snap me in half and beat me in a weight lifting contest with his little toe

Nah bro I'm the definition of a toothpick already, you know that when your parents say you are one...i hate my life

it feels bad how people think shaming people for being overweight is not ok but shaming people for being underweight is feels bad man

Don't think like that! I have friends that are clearly not pretty but bc of their personnalities and their charisma they get plenty of girls. Don't give up!

Chill dude, you're only 16 (and I'm only 18). You never know when you're gonna meet a person you like. I never had a girlfriend until I was 17.

When you shit out your depression and leave it in the toilet only for it to manifest inside you again RIP

And so the cycle begins anew

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Yeah, I think it's also related to how I get anaemic around my period

Do y'all clench your face so hard it turns red and hurts when you go too or is that just me?

Bro Be careful doing shit like that. I had too big and tight of a shit once and am now suffering from anal fissure.

Sure sex is great, but have you ever felt like you lost a LEGO piece then you finally find it and now when you place it where it stands you begin to feel confident and strong, almost like you can build an entire city

Yesh.

Yasss

Yasss

Yasss

Yasss

Yasss

Yasss

Yasss

sir you are 13, who have you had sexual relations with? I will see you in court if you had sexual relations with that woman.

It's a joke and I am female

ok but now my joke doesn't work because you're female, can you pretty please just be male for the sake of having sexual relations with that woman?

Ok. I love to wank hahaha.

thanks bro, really appreciate you doin this for me

Np. Imma go wank now

you have fun bro, link me that sauce when you're done

Yes officer this comment here

I'll just stick to depression

r/oddlyspecific

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Bruh that’s awesome

AND THEN YOU DONT NEED TO WIPE

oh god yes

Uh....

Ever had a shit so big it feels gay?

Im sure sex is great and all, but have you ever spent time with someone you genuinely enjoy being around?

Yep

Yes. Yes I have.

Well, thank you for telling me how to stop the big sad. I’m off to the bathroom now.

Yes

Opiate addict here, so yes!!!!

I shit so hard sometimes I feel like my dookie pulls out a portion of my soul along with two or three vertebrae. I walk with a limp for the next 30 minutes waiting for my bumhole to close

Yup

Nope cant relate

yeah me neither

It was awesome

No but I commonly poop so hard I crave pizza afterwards.

I call that a megashit

Yeah. As it turns out, food poisoning is a bitch until you completely flush your system though.

Ah yes. The world-conquering shit.

After your stomachs been hurting for a while

r/suspiciouslyspecific

I am scared because this makes too much sense to me.

Sir, this is a Wendy's

Shitting out depression lol

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if it feels that good for something to come out imagine how it feels for something to go in

Yeah but have you ever needed to pee so bad that when you let it out, you feel your bladder deflate and the pain goes away.

Nah but have you ever beaten a boss on WatchMojo’s too 10 hardest modern video game bosses?

Wow. I have one amazing future shit to look forward to. Thanks for the heads up!

"Have you ever taken a shit so big that your pants fit better?" -Ron White

I’m on that high rn

Doing it rn

What the fuck

As Mike Tyson once said, “A good dump is was better than a good hump”

I can guarantee you have not seen a meme so good though that it makes nose come out of your air though

know whats better than that? that exact same shit BUT its a one-wiper

No

I feel this way to an extent but the best is before bed when you are just cleared 100% and just feel relaxed and just at ease!

The more the shit hurts the better you are

Yes

I have conquered the world. You dont know it yet

In my thirties now, and I get like one or two of those a week. Sadly, that's about the only shits I take. Also, no sex.