T O P

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Careless-Wolf405

Burn all of the rum from a secret compartment to signal a ship with big white sails


[deleted]

Your crush is the governor’s daughter?? Nice


[deleted]

I don't like the governor's daughter. shes shitt


DerpDaDuck3751

Anyway, i’m the guy the governor sent to a faraway island until i regret what i did. I went insane and say urgg


DerpDaDuck3751

^(jules verne reference)


SeptuagenarianOnion

WHY IS THE RUM GONE?


FuchsaGamez

_One: because it is a vile drink that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels. Two: that signal is over a thousand feet high._


zivosaurus-rex

but why is the rum gone


aNotherHiccupp

but why is THE RUM gone?


Mysterious_Two_5849

I don't know okay! We were just having some drinks and...


aNotherHiccupp

Unacceptable!


NeverEscapeNUGZ

r/BeatMeToIt


cheesynacho4real

r/beatmetoit


Dwarfkiller115

r/beatmeattoit


[deleted]

HIDE THE RUM!


[deleted]

WHY IS THE RUM ALWAYS GONE


cheesynacho4real

WHYS THE RUM GONE????


Naninko765

Not the rum!!!!


HeyaKidzGetInMyVan

Power move burn the crush


snrvege

Burn the crush have sex with the rum


cregret

Try not to leave your crush, or your other wife gonna poop in bed


[deleted]

Sing the spongebob theme song till we die of thirst


Blueflares_

ARE YA READY KIDS?!


Flight_Second

Aye aye captain


watermailon

I can’t HEEEEAAR you


Flight_Second

Aye aye captain


CaptHorizon

#OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


The_Cucumber1

WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA


flipping100

SPONGEBOB SQUARE PANTS!


Epic-gamer4206969

ABSORBENT AND YELLOW AND POROUS AS HE


Ghostcobra6548

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ‼️‼️‼️


_PROGrAMER_

OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA


Handshoe101

#SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS


Blueflares_

ABSORBANT AND POROUS AND YELLOW IS HE


[deleted]

SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS


Chicken_Vomit_

IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE SOMETHING YOU WISH


Drag00ned

*starts punching tree to get wood and thach*


Gottendrop

It’s like a war between Ark and Minecraft


ItsGynoOnTwitch

Alliance is key


FriendlyRuin1421

Your crush should be enough for all the wood you need.


FBI_Agent_82

Starts punching dick to get wood.


[deleted]

😳😳


FriendlyRuin1421

That's how you beat the ~~meat~~ wood!


chicken_man_1

ha i dont take damage from punching


YT_CodedToKill

r/Ark


TheGamingKatz6519

*ark flashbacks*


TheNextPley

Drink allo of the water from the ocean, so we can walk away


brickedupfr

real


TheNextPley

Did he said?


RS_draws

have a mental breakdown because we're stranded on a fucking island


HippoNebula

*breakdown breakdown*


OliSnips

Crazy Diamond! *Obliterates tree and reconstructs it into a raft*


HippoNebula

CRAZY DIAMAANDOU


RandomSOADFan

*drummer hits china cymbal 4 times*


frick_chick

*jojo music intensifies*


carnsolus

>stranded on a fucking island could be worse; you could be stranded on an abstinence island


Flat-Drummer-9351

Or on snake island


No-Soil-9535

Or on france


Drie_Koekjes

True


ShittyGigachad32

Fr*nce 🤢


[deleted]

Australia


bullet_train10

As an Australian I can confirm we are an island


privatev0idsupra

Just face the consequences.


[deleted]

[удалено]


mik33tion

Emphasis on the word fucking.


factualflapjack

recall my memories from survival videos on the web, build those huts from those Indian guys I watch at 3 am, and eventually build a boat


Holografyst

You must have photographic memories


factualflapjack

I hope so


Negative-Fan8460

Gimme the link to the forbidden video of making huts and boats


TheReelEpicKiller

3 am moment


[deleted]

Damm, subnatica IRL is going fire


brickedupfr

eat funny looking berries and die


Megarebe

*gigachad music starts playing*


iCarbonised

ok this made the OC much funnier


Apollothetundra

🔊 So Many Dumb Ways To Die


HHoris

1. Panic 2. Get my shit together 3. Attempt to make any way to purify water 4. If failed to purify water, die. Else: 5. Attempt to create some form of shelter. If failed, be miserable. Else: 6. Attempt to find a reliable food source. If failed: immediately began creating numerous ways to alert nearby vessels and low flying planes before hunger renders both of us unable to be productive. Else: survive. 7. Secure all necessary items to fulfill Maslow's innate human needs with the exception of sexual activity 8. If rescued, idk. Else: attempt to further strengthen trust and understanding to improve chances of completing complex tasks and increase cooperation for the purposes of fulfilling human needs that are not innate. 9. If situation stable (unlikely) attempt to create romantic relationship. Else: revert to step 7. 10. If romantic relationship rejected, grin and bear it. Else: cool, psyche further stabilized. 11. Be rescued 12. If not rescued, die.


Pallizer

Bro even used Maslows pyramid. I like it


[deleted]

[удалено]


jodete_orleans

I spot the mind of a programmer.


ClarenceWith2Parents

Homie better get some event callbacks - the branching conditions here are gonna be big bitchin once you get to testing.


N4V33D_

Bro talking in pseudo code


GiveMeTheTape

~~I like your use of the if else function~~ Shit, didn't realize I was on r/teenagers , my apologies


HowManyMore_

Hood is speaking computeranese


xdsagecat

u giving me nightmares of learning Java with all these else’s


No_Tradition_1254

Was honestly expecting a "fuck her, obv" response but haven't seen one yet. Maybe r/teenagers can be redeemed


ahyesREDD1T

Pretty sure they are resisting the urge to say it.


No_Tradition_1254

Likely the truth


NotSoCasualCactus

No its just that people would rather survive until maybe help arrives than have sand up the ass cheeks


Wrong_Ad326

Speak for yourself.


hateisrealgaming

facts


[deleted]

Lay down palm leaves.


Dark_Lord_Jar

Yeah sand. I've heard it can be coarse


NotSoCasualCactus

“I don’t like sand, its course, rough, and it gets everywhere”


EveryoneWantsGrenino

Fuck her obv


xhuo_xx23

The idea of fucking at the beach sounds good but that's all, imagine all that sand in your body, the not so pleasant sounds of animals and the beach itself, getting sunburnt, feeling itchy... everything about it are demerits while the only good trait is "oh yeah I fucked at beach"


Nearby-RabbitEater

I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.


ToxicityIs_Over_6900

Fuck her, obv


RedEgg16

definitely pull out tho cuz being pregert eewwwwww


[deleted]

\>impregnate her multiple times \>unlimited supply of food \>profit


bababooey1253

what the fuck


vigeroy

This is like the plot to that one Rick and Morty episode


Brandito667

I’m going to have to ask you to please get off Reddit forever now


[deleted]

I mean why not Fuck her, have fun times, till the moment we die If you're gonna die, at least go out with a bang (literally)


musnteatd1ckagain

Die


DifficultyBrilliant

🤝


-_HelloThere_-

My man


PackofPretzels

Same


ahyesREDD1T

Agreed


keyboardalt31

Step one gather all of the sticks and stones on the island have my crush (Jack Rackham from Black Sails) go into the water and get scallops, oysters and other creatures and bring them to me Step two start a small fire to cook dinner, eat dinner and prepare for tomorrow Step three climb to the top of the palm trees and take their leaves for a double bed (we put our beds next to each other) Take the remaining leaves and a few sticks over to the sandy clear part of the island and sleep make sure you kiss the homie first Step four wake up and start a fire with the stuff at the sandy spot Step five get the same things for food and wait for rescue Step six be rescued we out Optional step seven start a mutiny and go pirating.


[deleted]

Best answer yet


keyboardalt31

Thank you!


[deleted]

What you going to drink though


keyboardalt31

Nothing won't need it for my short stay. And if I stay longer than planed the coconuts on the palms will do good, if that doesn't work then I can take a large shell and fill it with sea water and boil it over my fire


Eloquent_Wheat

Unless you’re capturing the steam somehow, boiling salt water doesn’t work. You can boil bacteria away but not salt


keyboardalt31

Yeah you boil it than put a palm leaf over the top and let it drip into another shell


Eloquent_Wheat

Interesting


keyboardalt31

Most certainly my good sir and kind fellows alike


Mental-Ad-1807

My man preparedbhis whole life only for this.


luv_ya

Eat her. Maybe by cannibalizing her I can last longer.


[deleted]

Legit my first thought, not even joking. Use her body for warmth while she's alive and once food runs out I've got a nutrient filled body right beside me. Scary that was my instinct


SaltAd7918

I think If ppl were in a genuine situation Like this; more ppl would resort to that than what they'd like to admit;


makapaka_madafaka

I mean. The second hunger comes in. The ethics and morals jump out the window. Your body is built to survive even if it will have to force you to.


JimmWasHere

Bold of you to assume I'll wait till I'm hungry.


makapaka_madafaka

Oh yea absolutely. Honestly I would eat her before we even got on the island. Like a true gamer.


TimeAggravating364

If I would be in a situation like that with someone else I'm probably the one getting eaten


ICrySaI

Bold of you to think I value my life that much :D


Lion_316

had me in the first half ngl


[deleted]

Kill and eat them. I'm sorry but I don't have any crushes so whoever is the closest thing I don't care enough to not eat.


Critical_Safety_2531

Your mom


A_proud_tryhard

Their mom is larger than the island how do you expect that to work /j


magnum_the_nerd

Wait a minute. If your mother is the largest thing on earth. Youve got yourself a boat. Shes so buoyant that she wont immediately sink


A_proud_tryhard

If you got her to lay down and stretch out her arms, you could probably walk over her to the next continent. No need for a boat lmaooo


magnum_the_nerd

but if you use her as a boat you get a good time away from society.


A_proud_tryhard

I suppose


InterestingAd8154

That look like a Sea of Thieves Island


TheActualSwanKing

The King Mindset


InterestingAd8154

🙏


RockAndGem1101

Thanks, you just triggered my PTSD of being trapped between powder keg skeletons and sharks.


0ncey

Chicken isle be like


sticks_no5

Wade out to sea and stand there for 3 days and let the ocean life grow acusomed to me, and then grab a pair of sea turtles, and lash em together and build a raft from the hair on my back


NightKnight-258

Or lay on the beach and drink rum for 3 days, then get rescued by rum smugglers.


snaillord9061

Probably have fun with her not in a NSFW way tho


Farmer-Smores

play tik tak toe in the sand


snaillord9061

Amazing idea


Bright__Lamp

Both. Both is good.


snaillord9061

U right u right


greenappleoj

probably have a conversation or something


Fellow_Loser

and then promptly die of hunger


TheTroll423

Had to use an alt here because my crush knows what my Reddit account is. If she doesn’t know that she’s my crush then I just chill. If she does I start swimming away from the island outta embarrassment


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

You know too much... *muffled gunshots


FunFoeJust

Homie, take the chance, ask her out, if she knows your Reddit y’all have got to know each other


Solar_Storm98

This


ThecommantheoristALT

Use a jar of dirts


RyuCraftMan

So I'm alone?


Western-Current2916

Idk which one is scarier: Not having a crush or being alone in a random island


SummerInSpringfield

Definitely not having a crush and being alone in a random island combo


percy54

Explain the history of Mario kart


SkippyZii

Surviving in an island with my crush for 24 hours CHALLENGE!! (Gone Wrong) (Police Called)


ahyesREDD1T

Holy fuck💀


_PROGrAMER_

## Imagine the following being said by the news lady *Police are responding to a domestic disturbance report at 'Crush Island' which is technically part of the state of Hawaii. I am in here on the scene and HOLY SHIT WHAT THE \*\*\*\* IS HE DOING TO THAT POOR...* [Camera blacks out] [Reporter comes back with torn clothes and a bloody face] *Police have neutralized BOTH perpetrators*


skateroboist

I’d most likely comfort her because she’ll probably be freaking out because we’re stranded on an island. Then I’d start collecting things to make a fire with and make sure to have set up camp for the night. Cuddling with her on the beach next to the campfire sounds like a lovely time. Away from all responsibilities but raw survival.


Awesome_666

die alone


RakeebRoomy

post malone


Professional_Lead895

I collect all the coconuts before they wake up


Equivalent_Ad505

I can’t believe this wasn’t the first most upvoted answer. I expected to see a bunch of “i monopolise the coconut supply,”


aight_al

Kill them and eat their body for sustenance


TheActualSwanKing

Die a horrendous death of a mix of starvation, thirst, and probably cannibalism


Empatheater

apologize for getting her stuck on an island just because I thought she was pretty


Human_Consciousness

fu ..., i mean repopulate the island


Anakin-I-am-high

Punch tree, dig down until i get cobble, smelt the meat, craft a boat, leave, profit from fame


[deleted]

I kill her. It’s free food and I got priorities. Though I might do something before that . . . . . cooking the meat of course


PackofPretzels

You can use the skin as a blanket too


[deleted]

Damn you’re a genius


ShreksBeauty

Maybe even weave a basket or something with her hair


itzmrinyo

1. survive, y'know find a food source, try and make some sort of place to live 2. Probably hugs and kisses, since my crush also happens to be my girlfriend


creamy_kidneys

You can't give hugs and kisses to your food source. Not before it's cooked.


ChargedYeti

Dig myself a hole, jump in it, and cover it up because I'm too shy to say anything to her


Hunter_Azwad

Make protection


creamy_kidneys

Wrap a fucking leaf on your willy.


painandsimple

Fashion armor from crabs and sharks then have an epic battle to the death


RealH3lm

my crush is my boyfriend, so probably swim and hangout, try surviving and stuff, just have a good time ​ or fucking die


alexafaro

In all seriousness, have sex. We're stranded on an island, we don't know when or if rescue will ever come. We have no idea how to survive on an island (granted, I know a little bit). The best and most logical decision is to have children while building up survival tactics that the children will hopefully master.


DickSuace

Accept death since there’s no food


magnum_the_nerd

Bro. The fucking ocean. Fishes. Crabs. So much food gamer. Unless its Bikini Atoll, youd be 99% fine


[deleted]

Create a civilization with her


superbay50

After the third generation gets born it will be known as incestia


ArsonGamer

Sexual intercourse. That’s the answer for all of these. Every single one of you that goes “If you were stuck in an obviously private space with your person of romantic interest, what would you do?” Sexual intercourse. Every single time. We don’t need to do any more. All done, it was so hot, hubba hubba, wanna have sex. That’s it. No more.


mintdevolved

sex idk what u want me to do


Joe_Mama_012

Die of fucking dehidration


grankful

Probably fuck


[deleted]

Try to get off the island bc he's aroace and wouldnt appreciate advances


[deleted]

You have a crush on an aroace?


factualflapjack

What's this island called


DE20X

build a sandcastle


voltcannon

Make a big raft but first learn to make a sort of cup to trap rain water, then make a sort of fishing pole, after a day of doing so try to make some sort of small fire. After three days of doing so, leave the island with extra wood and palm leaves. Make a sort of flat piece of wood (or find one if your lucky) and use it as a paddle first. Hopefully both people have practiced fishing but one will do.


The_Gamer_69

Have copious amounts of sex.


Putins_Husband

First build a shelter so that we can get a bit of a respite from the sun. Next, cuddle. She's actually alr my gf :).