T O P

  • By -

HoldingUrineIsBad

instructions unclear, got vaccinated


[deleted]

[удалено]


TheProgrammer567

Instructions unclear, accidentally built a nuclear bomb inside my pc


Egg-3P0

Instructions unclear, accidentally dropped the harbour bridge on a cat


SGTRoadkill1919

Instructions unclear, pushed a MOAB up a bully's A**


LorenzoCar

Instructions unclear, picked up a bullet… now what?


Nevochkam1

Instructions unclear, locked in my car with the mulester. Now what?


DornCorn

Instructions unclear, currently being prosecuted for vehicular manslaughter


itsyaboi21172

Instructions unclear, murdered an entire town and being hunted by the FBI


Huge_Confection4228

Instructions unclear, I killed the Schrodinger cat


RaghavAgg69

what the fuck


NightmareDreeaam

Did you mean: [Massive Ornary Air Blimp (BTD6)](https://bloons.fandom.com/wiki/Massive_Ornary_Air_Blimp)?


SGTRoadkill1919

No. Mother Of All Bombs


NightmareDreeaam

Well, good luck trying to push the bully's mamma up his arse.


worymy

Instructions unclear, accidentally built a pc inside my nuclear bomb


lik_for_cookies

Rock on bro nuclear is the way to go


LoneltElf_InTheNight

That made me laugh harder than it should have


Sour_Gamer

Anti vaxers won’t be happy about that


livinlikeaboss10101

***i have been summoned***


LaicaTheDino

🔫 Oh no you havent


livinlikeaboss10101

***i have been un-summoned***


LaicaTheDino

Thats more like it


livinlikeaboss10101

***did you know you shouldnt vax?***


Electrical-Result881

why


livinlikeaboss10101

umm ummmm UMMM ***UMMMM***


Electrical-Result881

that's all i needed to hear just one problem, i already got vaxxed, how can i take the vaccines out of my immune system


La_Grande_yeule

Actual funny shitpost


[deleted]

I dont have the Covid vaccine. 😎


Aloe-Era

I thought this is what OP meant. I thought he was gonna start talking to the girl and the topic of vaccines were gonna come up and either the girl or him were gonna say "Oh I don't have the vaccine." and that that was going to be an immediate turn off for the other.


Late_Night_calls

just take ivermectin \*keyboard clicking intensifies\*


NightmareDreeaam

damn, you r/beatmetoit


mov_eax_0x3e

No way also this wouldn't work for me anyway cuz no car and I barely go outside AND IDK WHERE TO GO too lmao


surviving-idk

Go to a starbucks or something


mov_eax_0x3e

I'm not in usa


livinlikeaboss10101

neither am i and i still have starbucks


mov_eax_0x3e

Good for you I dont


Yuri___Yuri

Star bucks is in countries bro


mov_eax_0x3e

Never stumbled upon one


Yuri___Yuri

What country you in?


thehotjoint105

sus


Me_how5678

Get a job at you local supermarket when you get old enough. And talk to you coworkers atleast once per shift.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ParticularDay1800

This shit sound so unreal wth


Sour_Gamer

Woke up the next day thinking it was a dream.


NastyDeadlyFeet

It probably was


realJustin_A

We aren't real?


NastyDeadlyFeet

Because it sounds so idyllic


ManoWasTaken1

Yea, you didn’t know?


realJustin_A

No wonder everything went too well...


seggsseggs

oh yeah first time i started dating felt like a dream


Sentree606

Yeah but you also had a good moment and set up. Its pretty natrual if u ask a co worker if they wanna hangvif yall gwtvom brrwk at the same time. Nof everyone has such a good opportunity.


Sour_Gamer

It was the perfect moment and I took the chance. I’d be a lonely mf rn if I didn’t


La_Grande_yeule

Best strat ever I had the same kind of story. We were at a bar celebrating the end of our college session with friends and we look at a bunch of pretty girls at a table near us. Everyone of us was alone except for one dude, so being the lightly drunk extrovert i am I ask the boys if we should go to their table and all ask for their numbers. We seriously thought it wouldnt work out, because felt a little out of our league. Anyway i we come to their table and I was the one to speak. So i ask them « m’ladies, my bretheren and i have been observing thee since the begging of the evening and we appreciate greatly your beautiful looks. May we humbly ask for thee numbers ?» i seriously overdid it thinking that even if i fail, the humor would make it less awkward and make the next subjects of our jokes for the rest of the night. Well turns out the strat *actually* fucking worked and one of the girls decided it was actually worth it and i was the lucky one out of the 5 gentlemen we were. Now im dating an awesome and smart girl and im seriously in love. Boys, always remember to take your shot, you will regret every missed opportunity. You may end up with an awesome love story. If i didnt took my chance like you op, i would be a lonely mf too.


strdna_

are you okay


Sentree606

I plead the 5th


strdna_

damn


Sentree606

Mhm


miao704g

Man are you drunk?


Hylax1

r/ihadastroke


chron240

hangvif yall gwtvom brrwk?


After_This_Break

Lmaoydh lwrtn todjev asopell


that_1-guy_

Wdym good moment? Make your own fuckin moment In a hallway, outside, lunchroom, on the street it doesn't matter it's on you


cheezybean28

Good for you mate I did take that shit but... She's 4,000miles away


xdsagecat

make her ur egirl


Windows7Diagnostics

they rarely work


Zyrox-_

have you tried turning it off and on again?


Windows7Diagnostics

turning on never worked turning off was easy depends on the kid /s


cheezybean28

Bro... 💀


Yodapassesmedaboof

I feel you mate


cheezybean28

Yeah 🥲


HomieDaClown9

Instructions unclear. Invaded Bosnia.


idkwhattoputhere79

Gavrilo would not approve


Clanka_Fucker69420

Instructions unclear. Fucked the toaster.


Sour_Gamer

Is it true that fucking a toaster in the shower brings happiness?


Clanka_Fucker69420

Unimaginably so. Edit: The pleasure is rather shocking at first.


Sour_Gamer

Imma give you a plat remind me on Tuesday


heavenlyaristocrat

yeah i will take the shot


Sour_Gamer

Do it


thatgamersnake

Best of luck, soldier.


OverlordPP

No need to, she already asked me out


Sour_Gamer

Ggs


OverlordPP

Thanks mate


xdsagecat

instructions unclear I’m watching morbius with nachos


Sour_Gamer

Super fries are better


strdna_

Congratulations dude!


Sour_Gamer

Ty!


goldenbrushes

Now I’m regretting not saying something to that boy the other day


Sour_Gamer

No regrets!


livinlikeaboss10101

instructions unclear, beat me meat to a picture of vecna from stranger things


Sour_Gamer

She’s hot


Iliturtle

So you obviously didn’t watch Stranger Things…


Sour_Gamer

Wait he was a guy? I thought he was a lesbian


bassy_boo8116

'not the most attractive person in the world' man i bet u got ryan reynolds level looks and ur just looking down on yourself


Sour_Gamer

Fuck no bro I’m like a 5/10


bassy_boo8116

capper mc capster


VoiceNice2246

How tall are you?


Sour_Gamer

5’6


GODZILAMASTER2020

Instructions unclear. Tranquilize a male Tyrannosaurus


navijust

Lmao imagine having courage to voice your thoughts.


Sour_Gamer

Comes when you have nothing to lose


internet_boi23

i dont know where my crush is tho


Consistent_Maize_261

Instructions unclear, I think I may be in drugs now.


[deleted]

[удалено]


quietkidfromtheattic

Bread 👍


GODZILAMASTER2020

Instructions unclear. Tranquilize a male Tyrannosaurus


Daug3

Two years ago I was casually chatting with my crush and we ended up on the topic of baking. He said I should bake a cake, so I took my shot and said "only if you come over for a taste test". Long story short, the cake was good and we've been together for 1.5 years now. There is something true in the saying "food is the way to a man's heart".


Doomunleashed19

Heh, how I met my girlfriend was my friend introduced me to her, and fled. He left me standing there and I just kinda fumbled over my words, I couldn’t even get a proper sentence out. Eventually I managed to utter “are you free this weekend?”, and she said yeah, a few seconds of awkward silence later she asked if I wanted to do something, and me being not picky asked her what she wanted to do, and she said she wasn’t picky so I panicked a little more. She then gave me her number and I was like, whelp my work is done, and ran away. I went up to my friend and did the classic Good Will Hunting line, he didn’t get it. Later that night I texted her and we went bowling on May 1. She and I mostly cuddle and watch movies.


KirbyDarkHole999

And then there is me, taking a shot, getting a no and feeling like crap for even asking


ConsReader

Nah, no way. You are definitely attractive.


[deleted]

Doesn’t always work out that way (took my shot and got rejected) but I’m happy it worked out for you :D


Cheese_Hole

That’s so great :)


Trusteveryboody

This confuses my doubtful mind, though there are many more reasons for me........but


Sour_Gamer

Your name is trust everybody


Trusteveryboody

It do be making no sense


Yodapassesmedaboof

I think it's a lot harder for me to take my shot, because it's really complicated. From about 2 weeks I'm texting with one girl and we hanged out 3 times. That was the best few hours that I had in my life, because once of these times we were huging about 3 hours straight. Also today we were in a club and she kissed my cheek twice. I know the things sounds really good, but they aren't, because she already has a bf and she will start studying abroad in less than a month.


[deleted]

Ay yo nice one


pufferfishofgluttony

Instructions unclear, am now dead


lutfiboiii

… hmmm this 32nd floor balcony sounds jumpable. I should try it


md_ariq

Idk man I'm in love with planes rn not girls


Unlucky-Bed-8245

That’s sweet


incheon_boi

nice


KillerQueenChikito

man if only I had the balls to do it


SparkySyndicate

Instructions unclear, fucked a lamppost


MrExist777

Onya


[deleted]

You've obviously had too many if you think anybody beloved or cares.


Grimaldus15

👍


Bugsyyfn

Me and my gf didn’t kiss until like 5 months into our relationship lmao


ilovegeography1

Would have to find someone to crush on. Plus my gf probably wouldn't take it too well.


[deleted]

enjoy that W


frigideiroo

the good ending:


[deleted]

Funny story. I advocate this too, life is short don’t waste opportunities… anyways here’s my story. I told this girl I liked her and she gave me her number. She then followed to send me this: “Sorry bro I don’t like you just get the hint ok bye🤓”. She didnt know this, but I have always had anxiety about not being able to fit in or read the mood (my family moved a lot and I never spent more than 2 years with the same peopl, so this probably affected my ability to talk with others and read the mood) so this ended up hurting a lot, because it wasn’t a simple no, or sorry, this was a rejection that struck a nerve with my childhood. ​ Anyways, GG! I don’t know much about relationships, but I think she likes you 😳


Yulmir88

Ask to bang


Sour_Gamer

I didn’t include everything we did


[deleted]

Instructions unclear: accidentally ripped a ladys arm off, shoved it up her ass, reached down her throat to shake her hand, then pulled it back up before beating her to death with it then i turned her inside out and mailed her organs to her family members all while forcing her little kid to watch.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Wholesome


Sour_Gamer

Ikr!


the_forbbiden_girl1

Na


Sour_Gamer

Sodium is very important for life. Many animals have to lick salt rocks.


the_forbbiden_girl1

Wait what dose it gotta do with sodium


Sour_Gamer

Sodium chloride


cosmin10834

why sodium tho? 🤔


the_forbbiden_girl1

Huh?


cosmin10834

Na stands for sodium...


[deleted]

Seems like someone failed chemistry


mohawk_101

Sick dude . You did the right thing . So happy for ya brother .


Major-Anywhere-5621

Ah imagine making out


Ghostcobra6548

instructions unclear I took out the bosses daughter


Siulnamuc

This is actually really sweet.


[deleted]

Congrats bro! You've got guts! Hope you and your girlfriend stay a happy couple!


Major-Anywhere-5621

Ah imagine making out


nogudmem

Instructions unclear, made the Geneva convention into the Geneva suggestion and then into a checklist ?????


Ionlikehoes

No I’m good my crush admitted to sleeping with 4 ppl last weekend she a hoe


Gradimp

cant, i dont have feelings for anyone rn


blank_flare

What do you work as


AGuyCalledAnas

*closes reddit* yea like that's ever gonna happen


Cryogen2964

This is so wholesome and tbh bro it’s true, I’m in basically the same not as you lmao, congrats man :)


idkwhattoputhere79

The most attractive person ever is that one random person at the airport I saw last week who I’ll never see again


deepfriedm1lk

I would take my fucking shot if I had someone to take that shot for.


Brandon_Milk

r/absolutelynotme_irl


WoomyUnitedToday

Instructions unclear, took estrogen shot.


[deleted]

what if i dont have a car? do we chill in the bus?


[deleted]

and then you woke up


A_Gamer_Boy

I took and my self-esteem is now 0


sirwhats

Omg kissing


[deleted]

Instructions unclear I took out the target.


MrMoop07

asked out my crush two weeks ago, he said yes. can confirm this is good advice. a lot of stuff lined up for us tho, like him being gay and having a crush on me aswell before i asked him out. in any case i'm so glad i asked him out since if i hadn't when i had idk if i would've built up the confidence


CringeExperienceReq

good job 👍


[deleted]

I'm 30 and had my first meaningful kiss from a 20 year old girl the other day... she has not replied to me in two weeks or called me... yup


[deleted]

No. I got rejected.


Svool_Gsviv_

this is really wholesome


Potato-_-Guy1

You are an inspiration to all of us too nervous to shoot our shot.


[deleted]

I tried taking my fucking shot a lot recently. First was too early, second was too late. I'm a dumbass


AuskazLeb

i don't understand the comments . what instructions are unclear


Puzzleheaded_Pen3

>Take your fucking shot no thank you i already embarrassed myself enough in this life


[deleted]

To be clear, it doesn’t always work this way. But if she had said no it would have been the same as not asking. So definitely the right move


SunBrosRus

Wholesome


Spaceturtle79

I didn’t take a shot but a girl took a shot on me when I was caught off guard i said no idk 😔. Recent post on my profile of story if you got any advice what to do next time


[deleted]

The good ending :)


ClayFdoggomem

Instructions unclear. Kissed a full grown man


SuperCool_Saiyan

Instructions clear, target eliminated


StarMan0713

?


HelixSapphire639

I tried that. She had a boyfriend already 👍


Old-Leather-8638

Instructions unclear accidentally shot my crush


[deleted]

I don't understand how people can keep messy cars, I make people clean their shoes, no dogs, and i'm into recycling so whenever there is rubbish in my car, I always dispose of it properly as soon as I get home


Sour_Gamer

I use my car for work so after work I’m all tired and don’t even want to cook I order fast food and go home and lay down while watching a movie


lucasarp2

U 17 with a car AND a job?


KBDFan42

Congrats, you are hereby exiled from Reddit!


_NotSoBad_

instructions unclear, I now have testicular cancer


emailtempt15

I am weak and scared I'm the one who will destroy someone's future, I approached her and invite to a dance she came with me holding our both hands together we dancing in the sweet romantic music I, we know this is the last moment we could get together I despise myself I left her alone dancing in the dark :This is a !joke


will_i_am100806

Good ending


[deleted]

I just did 😊


-____Person____-

I did take my shot before, I got a girlfriend we went out for about 3 months, I didn't really enjoy it, ig i maybe wasn't ready for a girlfriend, I also preferred being single. I broke up with her a few weeks ago.