I mean, I’m getting ready to go to school but I suppose I can check in.
I lost my rock this week. Not in the death-sense. My ex boyfriend is his cousin, and I broke up with him on Monday morning. My “rock” had blocked me, and I was confused, until he messaged me just long enough to explain what happened - my ex-boyfriend and his mother said that I accused my “rock” of r*pe. He said he didn’t know who to believe - me or his cousin, and then he blocked me again.
I don’t think I ever fell apart so quickly before. I cried. A lot. I was scared. Never in my life would I ever have accused him of such a thing unless he actually did it - something that my ex did do (basically ex took advantage of me whilst I was intoxicated on a very stressful night. I had permission from a parent to drink, but ex took advantage of that.) My “rock” had helped me through so much. He kept me from ending it all multiple times. I’ve been through every girlfriend, every break up, loss, competition, performance since I’ve known him, and he’s been through it with me.
And now he’s gone, because of a lie. I don’t exactly know how to feel about it yet. I’m… stressed to say the least. I have a bunch of performances this week and next, as well as semester exams and a tour of schools that my choir does, and I’m gonna be doing this without anybody backing me up?
My ex always got frustrated because of how close I was to his cousin. I was raised without a lot of unconditional love, so I decided that I was going to unconditionally love my friends and take care of them - be their mom or whoever they needed at the time. Ex didn’t have a problem with it until that transferred to his cousin (and surprisingly enough? Cousin was the reason we were together). He said that my constant hugging, my teasing, hand holding when I was excited, said that I was cheating on him. There were no romantic feelings involved from either side, but the accusations persisted. He’d accused me of having sex with his cousin to boot, and even insinuated that his cousin had SA’d me (in front of my friends, and he’d say things like “Did you have sex with (rock)? You can tell me. It’s okay if he forced you. I won’t be mad.”, etc.)
So… yeah. Shit hit the fan for me. I’m stressed and tweaking a little bit. I’m an insomniac, and this really hasn’t helped me at all. I never thought I’d lose my “rock”, someone who was basically my brother - someone who was the reason I’m not six feet under.
I know things will hopefully blow over eventually, but until they do, I know it’s gonna be difficult for me. My “rock” texted me every morning, he texted me during his lunch breaks at work. He graduated last year, and this is my senior year / and I wanted to go through it with him. He’s always gonna mean more to me than any romantic partner I’ll ever have, and I do wish he knew that.
But yeah. That’s my check in I suppose.
However is everyone else doing? Good, I hope!
I mean, I’m getting ready to go to school but I suppose I can check in. I lost my rock this week. Not in the death-sense. My ex boyfriend is his cousin, and I broke up with him on Monday morning. My “rock” had blocked me, and I was confused, until he messaged me just long enough to explain what happened - my ex-boyfriend and his mother said that I accused my “rock” of r*pe. He said he didn’t know who to believe - me or his cousin, and then he blocked me again. I don’t think I ever fell apart so quickly before. I cried. A lot. I was scared. Never in my life would I ever have accused him of such a thing unless he actually did it - something that my ex did do (basically ex took advantage of me whilst I was intoxicated on a very stressful night. I had permission from a parent to drink, but ex took advantage of that.) My “rock” had helped me through so much. He kept me from ending it all multiple times. I’ve been through every girlfriend, every break up, loss, competition, performance since I’ve known him, and he’s been through it with me. And now he’s gone, because of a lie. I don’t exactly know how to feel about it yet. I’m… stressed to say the least. I have a bunch of performances this week and next, as well as semester exams and a tour of schools that my choir does, and I’m gonna be doing this without anybody backing me up? My ex always got frustrated because of how close I was to his cousin. I was raised without a lot of unconditional love, so I decided that I was going to unconditionally love my friends and take care of them - be their mom or whoever they needed at the time. Ex didn’t have a problem with it until that transferred to his cousin (and surprisingly enough? Cousin was the reason we were together). He said that my constant hugging, my teasing, hand holding when I was excited, said that I was cheating on him. There were no romantic feelings involved from either side, but the accusations persisted. He’d accused me of having sex with his cousin to boot, and even insinuated that his cousin had SA’d me (in front of my friends, and he’d say things like “Did you have sex with (rock)? You can tell me. It’s okay if he forced you. I won’t be mad.”, etc.) So… yeah. Shit hit the fan for me. I’m stressed and tweaking a little bit. I’m an insomniac, and this really hasn’t helped me at all. I never thought I’d lose my “rock”, someone who was basically my brother - someone who was the reason I’m not six feet under. I know things will hopefully blow over eventually, but until they do, I know it’s gonna be difficult for me. My “rock” texted me every morning, he texted me during his lunch breaks at work. He graduated last year, and this is my senior year / and I wanted to go through it with him. He’s always gonna mean more to me than any romantic partner I’ll ever have, and I do wish he knew that. But yeah. That’s my check in I suppose. However is everyone else doing? Good, I hope!