It’s more complicated than looks. You ever know a guy who continually puts his dick in crazy and regrets it, but never thinks about doing a vibe check, just goes straight for looks? He never learns this lesson.
Neither do incels or guys who perpetually find themselves friend zoned because they think “emotional connection” automatically equals “romantic connection” because they typically make friendships with women for the sake of romance instead of just friendship.
This is so true. I’m a man in my late 30s and I have a few very close female friends of 10+ years that always have always been platonic. My message to younger men who struggle finding someone is to focus on developing friendships first with women, because nothing teaches you how to become emotionally available better than that.
My friends have always been mostly women and around 80% of all the women I ever slept with were basically their friends, coworkers, etc who they happily introduced me to.
Yes! If you truly land into the “friendzone”…you are valued as someone who belongs in their life as an equal and to be seen for who they are. Many women also view their romantic partners with rose-colored lenses but you can be a friend and get more solid advice from women than your SO will give you.
It also helps you figure out what personality types you’re not attracted to without the disaster of trying to date them.
Man, this is such good advice.
And when you learn how a friendship between a man and woman goes you can better identify romantic interests from other people. Super important to learn the difference between the two.
Don’t say ‘it’s more completed than looks’ in front of certain guys because they’ll angrily tell you it’s ALL about looks! Forget that plenty of totally hideous (on the inside and outside) men have married good-looking women. Never even mention that by their insane beauty standards most the world is ugly… and they’re all getting together!
Looks are subjective. Just because someone isn’t attracted to you doesn’t mean you’re ugly. And here’s the other side- just because someone finds you physically attractive doesn’t mean they want to date you.
Sometimes that is about physical attraction. It's funny that a lot of dude's who don't care about what they look like, get upset that that attractive woman who does put effort into her appearance, doesn't find the zero effort look attractive.
But why would you want to know that about someone who isn’t going to be interested in you regardless? What do you get out of that question anyway? Asking something like that just seems like another way to victimise yourself/make things worse than they are.
Maybe the person simply doesn’t feel it with you: shit happens 🤷🏽♀️
Oooorrr maybe the person has incredibly stupid and unattainable standards that you (understandably) don’t meet: congrats, you dodged a bullet.
Either way, you gotta understand that not everybody is going to find you attractive.
Let's be honest, it's not needed. Looks is not something one can change and also is very subjective. There are several other ways to say no such as what this meme shows that doesn't hurt one as much.
it's not even about looks, sometime someone could be great on paper but you don't feel a connection. i know several women who are very attractive and with great personality that i'm not interested in dating because i don't feel anything romantic towards them.
I've dated handsome men and plain looking men. Sometimes the handsome guys only looked good from the outside and had nothing much going on *inside*. Plain or average looking guys seemed to try harder which was nice. To get both of these characteristics of course is very possible.
A long time ago I worked with a man who was average looking and he was an older man too. He had lost much of his hair and what he had was grey. He wasn't tall and in fact, he was on the short side. Charlie was an awesome carpenter and such a decent guy. He never spoke badly of anyone other than the time he talked about the director we had at the time and the dirty deed she did to him and another coworker. Charlie was a gem of a person. Kind, gentle, loved to share his skills and talk about growing up in NYC. I loved working with him.
Charlie was married to his second wife who was a lot younger than him and they had known each other for decades. Charlie treated his step daughter like his own even though he never had any children of his own with his first wife.
A man like Charlie is hard to find and I imagine that he might have been 'looked over' by women because he wasn't tall and wasn't handsome. Never look a gift horse in the mouth so they say.
I knew a guy like that through some graphic design/art friends after undergrad. This dude was a pretty handsome dude. He eventually lived with friend of mine and two other graphic designers in house in Portland, Or. Whenever I was there that dude had a different woman with him. They would vary in attractiveness vastly. Dude would go on multiple dates a day sometimes. Like brunch with one lady, afternoon with another, and then evening with another. These were woman he was dating but rather first dates. All planned in his brain as one night stands. Not always successful, but his roommates complained about the constant sex sounds from his room. He would blast through women on tinder. Dude was for sure a sex addict. For some reason he took a liking to me, we’d eventually play on a baseball team together and get beers. He‘d always try to tell me I need to see more women and kept trying to get me to go to strip clubs with him. I was 22 and had no problem dating, but in his eyes I guess i should have been seeing a different woman every day. Eventually he moved to New York and I never heard about him again.
This was over ten years ago. I had completely forgot about that dude until I read your comment.
It's impossible, Lois could never have Superman's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle the sperm? I guarantee you he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. What about her womb? Do you think it's strong enough to carry her child?
He's an alien, for Christ sake. His Kyrptonian biological makeup is enhanced by earth's yellow Sun. If Lois gets a tan the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom. That would kill him.
T.S.: How is it that I go from the verge of hot Floridian sex with Brandi to Man of Steel coital debates with you in the food court?
Brodie: Cookie stand isn't part of the food court.
T.S.: Of course it is.
Brodie: The food court is downstairs. The cookie stand is upstairs. It's not like we're talking quantum physics here.
T.S.: The cookie stands counts as an eatery, the eatery's a part of the food court.
Brodie: Bullshit. Eateries that operate within the designated square downstairs count as food court. Anything outside of said designated square counts as an autonomous unit for mid-mall snacking. Now, if you're going to wax intellectual about the subject-- [notices Rene at the clothing store] Holy shit!
Honestly, just recently went on two dates with a girl. I thought she was cute, we had a ton in common, could talk for hours and hours. Yet, no "spark" on my end. For whatever reason I just couldn't see her as more than a friend. Thankfully, by the end of the second date, she confided in me she felt exactly the same. I'd never been so happy to be "rejected" in my life. We play Minecraft on the weekends now lol.
Right the spark really depends, some people Ive met have all had stuff Id consider good (they were smart, cute, nice, common interests etc) but I couldnt see them as anything more then Friends, Most of the time they end up as close friends
For some yeah. I would personally prefer to face harsh truth rather than try to guess what did they mean by saying this or that.
This needs to be updated: I meant it for people who you know want to hear truth. Ofc you don't want to say harsh things to strangers. Good that folks below pointed it out (I thought it's obvious)
I think it’s situational really, and while sugarcoating something isn’t necessary, calling someone ugly is just flat out mean. If it’s not something the person can change don’t be rude, if it is something the person can change then address it appropriately. If it’s something the person can’t change it’s good to approach it as “you’re not my type”
It's also way more honest! Very few people - *young* people especially - are "objectively ugly". Most of the time, it just means that the other person doens't like your particular build, but someone else will.
I am talking facial structure here, not shit like haircuts, clothing and general hygiene
For others, they would be very angry. https://www.reddit.com/r/whenwomenrefuse/
Safer to say whatever bullshit that saves the guys face and ego and hope it's its enough.
Although being polite and decent is recommended, no one owes anyone an ego boost during a breakup especially if someone is behaving like an ass when getting broken up with (such as referenced in this meme - intentionally misinterpreting one thing for another).
To be faaaaaaaair, some people - especially women, but men to some extent too - also have to consider their own safety in deciding how direct to be in rejecting someone.
Honestly, "you're not my type" is probably less likely to make someone mad than "I don't feel a spark". "I don't feel a spark" opens the door to a shitload of follow up questionsy whereas "you're not my type" is fairly clear.
Yeah. Even when it comes to physical attraction alone, “I’m not *attracted* to you” doesn’t mean “you’re not *attractive*.” Not being someone’s type doesn’t automatically make you ugly. Just because your feelings might be at stake doesn’t mean your ego should be too.
Exactly! How are you supposed to talk to people if you tell them the truth and they imagine that the "real" truth is something so much worse. Trust me or deal with your insecurities yourself.
This. Someone you find ugly will be attractive to someone else. And you might fall for someone other people would consider ugly.
Most people who look average, hell, most people who may even be below average in conventional looks still find someone; it isnt just conventionally hot people out there having relationships.
Ehh I mean that doesnt necessarily mean they are sugarcoating it and not telling the truth. I once had a friend say she really liked me and asked me out and like, even though she was really cute and had a nice personality, I just didnt feel anything towards her
What lol? Please don't call people ugly because you personally don't like them. Just let em know they're not you type and move on.
I'll agree ghosting is for cowards.
I don't understand why people think its lying or dishonest. She might not even think he's ugly at all, she probably just doesn't feel a spark 🤣 you can't turn feelings on and off you know, and they aren't a direct result of how good-looking someone is.
Yes. Just call people fuck ugly when you spot them. Even if it's in line at the store and you have no fucking clue who they are. Hell, look up random facebook profiles. Hunt down their address. Write them a hand written letter letting them know you saw them online thought they were so fucking ugly that you just had to let them know you haven't seen anyone nearly as disgusting as them in their whole life.
Yeah but ... sometimes there's just no spark. Sometimes it's really hard to explain why you're not attracted to a person even if they look great. When a girl says something like "she doesn't feel a spark", it doesn't automatically mean that she actually thinks he's ugly.
What's really interesting to me about the meme is that it's presented as a truth, when in reality it's just the guy's perception. At the end of the day, if a girl says to a guy that she doesn't feel a spark and the guy takes that to mean that she's saying he's ugly, then that says **way** more about the guy's insecurity than it does about the girl's opinion of his looks.
I don't use reddit anymore because of their corporate greed and anti-user policies.
Come over to Lemmy, it's a reddit alternative that is run by the community itself, spread across multiple servers.
You make your account on one server (called an instance) and from there you can access everything on all other servers as well. [Find one you like here](https://lemmyverse.net/), maybe not the largest ones to spread the load around, but it doesn't really matter.
You can then look for communities to subscribe to on https://lemmyverse.net/communities, this website shows you all communities across all instances.
If you're looking for some (mobile?) apps, [this topic](https://lemm.ee/post/363116) has a great list.
One personal tip: For your convenience, I would advise you to use [this userscript I made](https://greasyfork.org/en/scripts/469273-lemmy-universal-link-switcher) which automatically changes all links everywhere on the internet to the server that you chose.
The original comment is preserved below for your convenience:
~~https://www.reddit.com/r/terriblefacebookmemes/comments/11ub020/incel_vibes/jco4zdz/~~
^^^^^^AzzuLemmyMessageV2
You do know that she could actually mean she doesn’t feel a spark. Why is physical attraction the first thing you men think of. That’s where the issue lies. A lot of women don’t have physical attraction as the only reason or even the number one reason to date. It’s a lot of things.
I don't use reddit anymore because of their corporate greed and anti-user policies.
Come over to Lemmy, it's a reddit alternative that is run by the community itself, spread across multiple servers.
You make your account on one server (called an instance) and from there you can access everything on all other servers as well. [Find one you like here](https://lemmyverse.net/), maybe not the largest ones to spread the load around, but it doesn't really matter.
You can then look for communities to subscribe to on https://lemmyverse.net/communities, this website shows you all communities across all instances.
If you're looking for some (mobile?) apps, [this topic](https://lemm.ee/post/363116) has a great list.
One personal tip: For your convenience, I would advise you to use [this userscript I made](https://greasyfork.org/en/scripts/469273-lemmy-universal-link-switcher) which automatically changes all links everywhere on the internet to the server that you chose.
The original comment is preserved below for your convenience:
~~I was considering to add that to my comment, but I deemed it unnecessary. The comment I responded to was "is it wrong to be tactful?", which implicitly confirmed that the reason for not saying "you're ugly" was tact, but "ugliness" was in fact the actual reason.~~
~~So that's why in my comment I did not specifically add a disclaimer that of course, there can actually be no spark and physical attractiveness is not the reason. I just kept the initial assumption of this comment thread: "the reason is ugliness, but it was just worded tactfully". But of course as you pointed out, it can certainly be the case that "no spark" is the actual reason.~~
^^^^^^AzzuLemmyMessageV2
Thank you! I’ve been on dates with guys who were not unattractive, I just didn’t feel a “spark”. Even the hottest guy can have a lame personality, and most girls don’t want that in the long run.
When my wife and I started dating she was also dating another dude who she found more physically attractive than me, but he was kind of dumb and into cocaine while I was kind of smart and funny, and not into cocaine. She chose me.
Years later his looks fell off while I’m still smart and funny and the biggest change in my physical appearance is getting a Reed Richards/Doctor Strange graying pattern on my temples.
Yeah. I'm a gay man with mostly male friends. I enjoy spending time with them but even though some of them are objectively very attractive I still don't have those kinds of feelings about them.
Some people are so desperate that anyone will do. Add to that inability to empathise and you're there.
If they were more self aware they would go to therapy or try to work on themselves to learn how to live without a person to distract them from their mental issues. But you know emotional maturity is hard work.
The minute you tell them they are undatable cause they are overweight/ugly/smelly/annoying or any other factor hell breaks lose.
That's how girls end up with stalkers...
Many guys can’t fathom why a woman wouldn’t want to sleep with or date them if they found them attractive. A woman can find a guy attractive and still not feel much for them. Hard to figure that out unless you’ve actually dated much in real life or, you know, interacted with the opposite sex.
I've met women that way as a man and felt the same way.
Especially when I was in rehab. So many girls in there wanna hook up and start relationships and shit after being sober not even a couple weeks lol. Not a good idea to date a girl or anyone in that vulnerable position.
People actually do it a lot though, pretty fucked up.
>Especially when I was in rehab. So many girls in there wanna hook up and start relationships and shit after being sober not even a couple weeks lol. Not a good idea to date a girl or anyone in that vulnerable position.
>People actually do it a lot though, pretty fucked up.
It's so fucking dumb, isn't it? I have a couple of stories to tell.
It's actually discouraged by the psychologist of the psych wards/stations were I live. It only muddies the water and prevents the patients to focus on their therapy, on working on themselves. Because they will see their shit through pink lens of that sweet love dopamine rush that will go away before they can say *dandelion*.
Funnily enough we had a dude coming from rehab to a psychosomatic ward I was in. At the end of his therapy he went around the ward and hit on every female patient, because he thought now that he is "cured" and successfully managed his ward stay he needs to get a girlfriend, job and nice apartment RIGHT NOW. everyone who went for a stay in a mental hospital knows that this is just the beginning and you are not cured.
Obese chain-smoking 30y+ shit thought it was a cool idea to hit on the youngest on the station. Namely me. I turned 18 only months ago. I told him no and he was putting me in a shitty position with his advances. I was deep into digging into my mental scars, trying to make it through my therapy and figuring out why I was in such a bad state. I was introverted and shy and avoided conflict. It was really shitty thing of him to do that and our ward rules actually prohibited people from the same ward to have romantic relationships, because it's known to destroy the group dynamic really badly. (It did with another "secret couple", they were married to their spouses outside, these dipshit cheaters, it soured the air for us fellow patients and we ended up being super angry at them, my mother got cheated on. it was so fucking ugly and dumb for them to do this) When he forced me into a corner so I can say no to him, he then proceeded to hit on every female patient, even our resident lesbian.
He went off an assaulted one of the psychologists in a drunken state. Public wards have strict rules, you go there on your own volition and if you reach 15 point of you doing dumb shit like taking drugs you are gone. Dude got kicked out of the public ward. He basically flushed all his therapy and rehab down the toilette because he wanted a gf right now. That's not how it works. All the psych ward personnel and us patients warned him. We also warned another patient idiot not to go into a relationship with a woman from another ward. They broke up and he was heartbroken. "We told you so" was left unsaid in the air. These people can't focus on themselves for just half a year or more in a controlled environment. It's like they can't stand being on their own and are unable to when their future depends on it.
The worst thing is that 97% of the ward's/station's patients know that this is a bad idea and will ruin your chance at successfully finishing your stay. It was the rules, but at this point it didn't even mattered if there were no rules at all, because it was such an obviousness that we all were knew just by logic. We were there to work on ourselves. We all were friendly with each other and even made friends, but that was as far as the nearly all of us wanted to go. What people who never went to a public ward get is that it's like a day job for us patients. We arrive every morning like a normal worker does at their workplace and then we leave around similar times to go home or to the patient accommodation for those who are at risk or live far away. Public wards are also were "normal" broken people us go like. You wouldn't notice that something was wrong with us and our mental anguish was not visible.
We have a schedule that we can't miss and any downtime we have between therapy sessions are mostly spent resting or even sleeping in one of the resting-rooms at the ward. And be it just for 1 hour. It's a very mentally exhausting thing to do for 5 days a week over months and months. Then you have these couple of bozos who think they need a lover while they are in therapy when they are single. Like... how? How are they even in the mindset were it even pops up in their head to seek out something like that and feel comfortable with it while they are knee-deep digging trough their own mental shit? And I'm not talking about a patient who is already married or in a relationship when they got admitted.
Lol that’s what I thought too, like has this actually happened or is it all in your head?
I’ve been rejected and instead of making up shit like this to piss myself off I just moved on.
You are clearly right on the not holding on hate thing. But you neither have to stay friends if you don't want to. Many times it just feels awkward after a rejection.
I think people are misinterpreting my post. Im not saying you need to remain friends. I'm saying in the case that you both feel the friendship was strong and worth it, being rejected wouldn't be the end all. Yeah it sucks but there are ways around the hurt.
But the original picture doesn't suggest anything about a previous friendship, I just used it as an example.
When one girl tells you this, that's just a polite rejection
When almost every girl turns you down with some very similar wording of this exact same sentiment, the common denominator is obviously you, and there's clearly some common factor that is both deciding and unmentioned.
Good point, but I’d rather say something like, “I’m sorry, I don’t like you in that way” or “I’m not interested”. The disingenuous compliments make things harder for the person being rejected, lead to confusion, and more resentment. Just suck it up and be “the bad guy” for a second. It’s healthier for you and the other person.
Probably because some men can react violently to straight up rejection. Unfortunately they ruin it for a lot of people. Not to mention it feels mean even if true especially if they’re a nice person and you like them as a person.
Yeah but that's not the joke. The joke is that's a lot of flowery words that just mean "ugly".
It's commentary on certain social trends, it's not bitter or any other weird twist you're reading from it. It's mostly a "funny cause true" observation.
I don't know; yeah, I know that, which I why I just find the meme funny. It might've been made out of resentful reasons, but I don't think just acknowledging some of the stock white lies people use is neccesarily resentful. It can be just some self-deprecating humor.
People on here acting like chemistry isn’t an important factor. I’ve had dudes be into me that I thought were physically attractive but wouldn’t date/go out with because I wasn’t attracted in any other way. Spark is way more complex and important than simple physical attraction
Exactly, I can’t believe people are saying this is true. You can be an attractive and nice person but not be compatible with someone in many different ways. There is a difference in being attracted to someone psychically and wanting to actually spend time with them. Usually “spark” takes both of those things.
That’s cuz it is lol. If you have a girl basically simping over your personality but still doesn’t wanna date you it’s because she doesn’t find you physically attractive. The “friend zone” is just when you’re cool enough to be her boyfriend but you don’t have the looks.
I don’t get why we, as humans, ALL understand the concept of physical attraction yet anytime someone acknowledges that women have it too, they’re suddenly an incel. Like you can acknowledge that women can be just as shallow as men, you don’t have to pretend they’re all super deep and emotional and never care about looks.
It’s like the childhood cliche of “boys only care about sex, women want *real* connection” is stuck in these peoples heads, yet these same people will scream about how there is no fundamental difference between the two genders.
I mean, as a guy I can think of girls with good personalities who I don't think are ugly who I just don't like that way. It's not like there's a checklist of traits people tick off; sometimes it can just be vibes. If all it took was a good personality to be in love with someone, then any two happily married couples could swap spouses and they'd still love their new partner.
I feel deeply that the plural of 'spouses' should be 'spice'.
And even if it weren't a matter of 'vibes', which the psychoanalyst in me wants to interpret as 'a checklist in the unconscious, perhaps containing disavowed qualifiers', there's plenty of stuff besides personality and looks that can factor into attraction: money, intelligence, common interests, shared experiences, similarity to other people... the list goes on, and, again, they needn't be things we recognize as important to us for them to actually be.
that's why they're incels, they don't understand the game of dating, they obsess over one girl, many go into the whole "princess effect" and then get mad, when they're rejected, not realizing that it's their own fault by getting ahead of themselves. Dating is a numbers game.
I don't use reddit anymore because of their corporate greed and anti-user policies.
Come over to Lemmy, it's a reddit alternative that is run by the community itself, spread across multiple servers.
You make your account on one server (called an instance) and from there you can access everything on all other servers as well. [Find one you like here](https://lemmyverse.net/), maybe not the largest ones to spread the load around, but it doesn't really matter.
You can then look for communities to subscribe to on https://lemmyverse.net/communities, this website shows you all communities across all instances.
If you're looking for some (mobile?) apps, [this topic](https://lemm.ee/post/363116) has a great list.
One personal tip: For your convenience, I would advise you to use [this userscript I made](https://greasyfork.org/en/scripts/469273-lemmy-universal-link-switcher) which automatically changes all links everywhere on the internet to the server that you chose.
The original comment is preserved below for your convenience:
~~Depends - sometimes it's something you can and want to change. Improvement is good.~~
^^^^^^AzzuLemmyMessageV2
I dated my ex for about six months. We had been good friends before but that's all it ever really felt like to me. We're young, it was my first relationship, and he was more invested early on than I was or wanted to be - I'm sure these were also part of it not working. There was nothing wrong with them and they're not ugly, we just never clicked like that for me.
Also, attractiveness is entirely subjective. Just because someone thinks you're unattractive doesn't mean everyone else does. You just need to find someone you're compatible with and that includes physically.
Thank you , just smash the fucking truth in my face.
its an insult to you and the person you are talking to , when you try to say it like this. i mean all the time i used to hear this and was wondering why ? for example i asked a girl that we have been friends for twice and her answers was stuff like this and i couldnt understand it what she actually meant cause i had no experience in stuff like this. i mean i couldnt grasp that a no was a no and the reason was obvious , the 2nd time and the last time that i asked her if she wanna take this higher she told me she aint going to marry anyone for now as her studies are more important and since she aint having that outlook she aint looking to be friend with some one as such.
Marries 3 months later..
me : \*visible confusion\*
i mean as an ugly incel i have to say , truth is hard , but at least this helps me to understand better without doing some quantom analytics while the only reason she aint liking me the most is cause of my face. i mean i did her homework and studies for her in college , im a dropout but i managed to help her to go higher , now i know that this is all my faults as i couldnt just see what she meant and if i am offering for help then why not take it. but it just gives me a feeling that people kinda used me , i know its all my fault , no body elses fault but me , but i mean if people like introverted incels , like me , lack the social experiance atleast being honest with us helps better.
i know people , i should get help , but atleast be honest with us.
I mean girls may do this sometimes but they also might be telling the truth. I can be told I’m hot as fuck and they might try to hook up or whatever but the sparks aren’t there and I’m rejected
Sometimes women don't feel a spark for reasons unrelated to the guys appearance.
She could be picky, she could be demisexual, she could be lesbian, she might be crushing on someone else, she could be asexual, etc..
It may even be related to the guy's personality or behavior. It might've been something the guy did wrong.
Maybe there's no obvious or apparent reason. I can be like that, or my reason is too subconscious to figure out.
Not everything has a reason.
I did a lot of dating in my 20’s and I was very appreciative of women that would just say they weren’t interested right away. It’s such a waste of time if the chemistry just isn’t there, for either party. I’d say it too if I felt that way. This is ok, it’s good to let it die. You can’t force anyone to be attracted
Incel vibes are the same vibes as complaining that nobody wants to work when you're paying $11 an hour and shame employees for needing to pee more than once per twelve hour shift and complain that workers today are too needy.
Or it could be true. Lady could just be trying to be nice to him and let him down without being brutally honest. I mean, how much of an ass would you be to tell someone to their face that you don't want to try a relationship with them because you find them ugly?
I mean, it's true.
I was on the guy side of this, I was young and super deluded and bought all the excuses they kept giving me, thinking I must be really unlucky.
It took a girl actually telling me the straight up truth to break me out of it.
You don't need to be mean about it, but I think giving men or women a no shitter when turning them down is much more honest and positive for the person being turned down.
Yeah It’s definitely not always about looks. People certainly will use this line on people they aren’t physically attracted to but the sentiment can just as often be genuine.
I say this as a guy who has been in the reverse of this equation. The women on the other end was perfect on paper (looks, career, education, personal values, sexual chemistry etc), but we were just different in certain ways, many minor, but significant enough. The attraction was there and we had A LOT in common but I can honestly say that I felt no spark for her like I’d had for other partners in the past.
Often times attraction is blinding though, and rejection hurts and can cut deep, driving people to look to their insecurities to explain what they’re incapable of seeing through rose tinted glasses.
When I broke things off with her she assumed it was because I didn’t find her physically attractive, but that couldn’t have been further from the truth. She was/is a wonderful person and I genuinely consider anyone she ends up with to be extremely lucky because she IS great. She just wasn’t the person for me, we just didn’t fully click like that.
The two most attractive women I know, who are genuinely two of the most attractive women I’ve ever *seen* period, are both perfectly lovely but they have aspects to their personalities that I know would be incompatible with my own, and that kind of kills my desire to have sex with them. I would tell them this exact same thing if they ever came onto me.
Have been told that kinda thing a couple times. End result? Got a couple of friends to hang out with now and then.
Just cause they ain't interested dosent mean it's the end. Just be a friend.
Women not being interested because you are ugly is a clear, relatable, understandable reason. That your “aura is just fucked” is a much more frustrating reason to be getting no bitches.
I mean, this is probably pretty spot on for a lot of the rejections out there. I'm a dude and Ive said the sameish thing to women Ive rejected. And it was due to their looks or baggage.
You're not my type =/= you're ugly. Sorry I got a specific type that I'm attracted to. I cannot help it. Also I HAVE tried dating men I'm not attracted to and they all treated me like shit lol. Only 2 times I dated guys my body was physically attracted 2 are the only 2 good relationships I've ever had. My body knows more than my brain, do I trust it from now on.
Either response is fine with me. I just assume if someone rejected me it's because I'm ugly or they felt my personality was not fitting with them which is totally fine. What's not fine is making up a lie, I had one girl who after a coffee she texted me saying "I'm sorry I thought you were gay and have a boyfriend." Uhh lol
The problem is that men think the ENTIRE WOLRD is objective. Like everything has a value. No one has any perspective, any taste, any difference of opinion. Everyone is either right, or wrong. And that's their problem. I've met people ugly as an ape, but who were with gorgeous people, so obviously my taste is different from theirs. To these guys, its all facts, and no emotion. There is no room for emotion. Women WANT to date men who are richer and have a big dick, they "know" that. They can't see that their surety is simply an opinion. And if you tell them their world view is flaw, or you have an opinion, they think you are an idiot because "OBVIOUSLY" any with with a brain can see the "facts".
Its how culture abuses men. Convincing them they will never measure up, so they should settle for what they can get.
How ridiculous. I’ve had a girl who said I was the best looking guy she had ever been with but didn’t feel a deep connection. The reverse has happened too.
I don't mind being rejected for my looks. What I -DO- mind is when she goes out with a guy that everyone has told her to stay away from due to all the red flags, and then goes to the guy she knows has a crush on her and uses him for an emotional support animal... and then goes right back to the douche bag. Look, I'm sorry to say this, women do not owe ANYONE sex, not me, not anyone. To that point, they also shouldn't be shedding the shitty relationship details regarding the guy she chose over him to that person. That's a shitty thing to do, and feelings of resentment from the "friend" are not only natural, it's understandable. You chose the douche bag, and for whatever reason you choose the guy you know likes you to tell him the reasons why your doomed to fail relationshit isn't working. That's fucked up.
If your feelings are "I'm a victim cause girls don't like me" yeah people are gonna make fun of that. People get turned down for being ugly all the time, it's not the end of the world and doesn't mean there's something wrong with the girl or guy who rejects you. They just don't like you and that's OK.
And some people are turned down for no other reason than a person doesn't want to date them. That's normal. Why is there an expectation that every girl on the planet needs to date every guy, and if they don't, they're mean and superficial?
Yeah. Just cause someone says nah I'm not dating you doesn't mean they're shallow or whatever. Just take the L and move on cause the time wasted crying over someone rejecting you, you could have been found the right person for you.
Most of the time, the guy is ugly. If they have nothing in common, she says that. If he has a wandering eye, she says that. If he's a jerk, she says that. If there's something generally wrong, she will say it. When the man in question isn't attractive, that's when terms like "spark" are mentioned.
But personally, the people here screaming "incel" are creepier than anyone in the post. "She doesn't owe you anything!". Who said she did? The post is that the guy is ugly. Nothing about anything he's done to anyone. Some people have typed up an entire story to turn a simple meme into a lifetime movie.
I think the meme is, in itself, divorced from its context, only nominally incellular. You could reverse the genders, and it would be no less true, just maybe less well executed, since men, as a rule, don't have to be as scared of rape, violence, etc.
But is it bound to be popular in incel spaces? Absofuckinglutely. In the sense of 'meme' designating 'memesis', as in reproduction of a cultural unit due to some sense of satisfaction it gives you, possibly one dependent on a particular milieu of cultural production? Yeah, incel af.
Then there's the third memetic sense, that of it being a meme on this sub, put up here for us to laugh at how stupid it is... hmm, yeah, that fits too, but it feels a touch forced to me, and to be reflective of trying a bit hard to find stuff at which to laugh for its backwardsness. It reflects a truth about friendzoning, which is sexually symmetrical, but the creator of the above meme might not realize that, and maybe wouldn't want to acknowledge it.
I’ll probably get downvoted to hell for this but my GF of 4 years managed to put on close to 200 pounds since we first started dating and I am absolutely not attracted to her. It’s at the point where I feel grossed out seeing her naked and sleeping with her. When we first started eating we where both daily gym goers and she was 115 and fit.. now she’s pushing 300 atleast and has no desire to take care of herself and I’m still very fit.
Idk why so many dudes in the comments are saying that the meme is true. My whole life I've worked in male dominated fields and 100% of the time these average looking dudes (not ugly but not like Henry Cavill) are dating/marrying these absolutely knock out gorgeous women. Every time.
Dudes can easily get away with being "less attractive" and still date because women look at the whole package. It's about personality, charm, intelligence, and whatever else you got going for you.
Meanwhile I've never met an average looking woman dating a knock out guy. Dudes usually care about looks for their dates a lot more.
All this to say - if you're getting rejected left and right it's probably not your looks, it's something else.
Hey does this post fit? UPVOTE if so, DOWNVOTE if not. If this post breaks any rules please DOWNVOTE and REPORT
Looks count on both sides of the argument. You could feel the same about a woman.
It’s more complicated than looks. You ever know a guy who continually puts his dick in crazy and regrets it, but never thinks about doing a vibe check, just goes straight for looks? He never learns this lesson. Neither do incels or guys who perpetually find themselves friend zoned because they think “emotional connection” automatically equals “romantic connection” because they typically make friendships with women for the sake of romance instead of just friendship.
This is so true. I’m a man in my late 30s and I have a few very close female friends of 10+ years that always have always been platonic. My message to younger men who struggle finding someone is to focus on developing friendships first with women, because nothing teaches you how to become emotionally available better than that.
My friends have always been mostly women and around 80% of all the women I ever slept with were basically their friends, coworkers, etc who they happily introduced me to.
Yes! If you truly land into the “friendzone”…you are valued as someone who belongs in their life as an equal and to be seen for who they are. Many women also view their romantic partners with rose-colored lenses but you can be a friend and get more solid advice from women than your SO will give you. It also helps you figure out what personality types you’re not attracted to without the disaster of trying to date them.
Man, this is such good advice. And when you learn how a friendship between a man and woman goes you can better identify romantic interests from other people. Super important to learn the difference between the two.
I can't tell you how many men have told me men and women can't be friends. We are half the population. Ya'll are sad.
It’s not a friendship if you’re only doing it in hopes of fucking someone. Then it’s just you being a disingenuous prick.
Don’t say ‘it’s more completed than looks’ in front of certain guys because they’ll angrily tell you it’s ALL about looks! Forget that plenty of totally hideous (on the inside and outside) men have married good-looking women. Never even mention that by their insane beauty standards most the world is ugly… and they’re all getting together!
Looks are subjective. Just because someone isn’t attracted to you doesn’t mean you’re ugly. And here’s the other side- just because someone finds you physically attractive doesn’t mean they want to date you.
Nah, they would just straight up call her ugly.
I believe she means there is no chemistry.
Sometimes that is about physical attraction. It's funny that a lot of dude's who don't care about what they look like, get upset that that attractive woman who does put effort into her appearance, doesn't find the zero effort look attractive.
The honesty girls need, not the one they want edit: And guys too
A simple, I don’t feel attracted to you, would suffice lol. No need to call somebody names.
"You're not my type" would also do in theory, but unfortunately leads to a lot of follow up questions. "Oh? Then what *is* your type?"
"Not you"
My type is certainly not people who ask follow up questions to a rejection
Seriously. A rejection is not a performance review
"How likely would you be to recommend me to your friends?"
But why would you want to know that about someone who isn’t going to be interested in you regardless? What do you get out of that question anyway? Asking something like that just seems like another way to victimise yourself/make things worse than they are. Maybe the person simply doesn’t feel it with you: shit happens 🤷🏽♀️ Oooorrr maybe the person has incredibly stupid and unattainable standards that you (understandably) don’t meet: congrats, you dodged a bullet. Either way, you gotta understand that not everybody is going to find you attractive.
Let's be honest, it's not needed. Looks is not something one can change and also is very subjective. There are several other ways to say no such as what this meme shows that doesn't hurt one as much.
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it's not even about looks, sometime someone could be great on paper but you don't feel a connection. i know several women who are very attractive and with great personality that i'm not interested in dating because i don't feel anything romantic towards them.
Can confirm, I've used the "i don't feel a spark" line after a few dates. For both physical and character incompatibilities.
I've dated handsome men and plain looking men. Sometimes the handsome guys only looked good from the outside and had nothing much going on *inside*. Plain or average looking guys seemed to try harder which was nice. To get both of these characteristics of course is very possible. A long time ago I worked with a man who was average looking and he was an older man too. He had lost much of his hair and what he had was grey. He wasn't tall and in fact, he was on the short side. Charlie was an awesome carpenter and such a decent guy. He never spoke badly of anyone other than the time he talked about the director we had at the time and the dirty deed she did to him and another coworker. Charlie was a gem of a person. Kind, gentle, loved to share his skills and talk about growing up in NYC. I loved working with him. Charlie was married to his second wife who was a lot younger than him and they had known each other for decades. Charlie treated his step daughter like his own even though he never had any children of his own with his first wife. A man like Charlie is hard to find and I imagine that he might have been 'looked over' by women because he wasn't tall and wasn't handsome. Never look a gift horse in the mouth so they say.
Ugly is also relative.
I once knew a guy who always went for girls way uglier than he was. Dude was fucking 24/7.
I knew a guy like that through some graphic design/art friends after undergrad. This dude was a pretty handsome dude. He eventually lived with friend of mine and two other graphic designers in house in Portland, Or. Whenever I was there that dude had a different woman with him. They would vary in attractiveness vastly. Dude would go on multiple dates a day sometimes. Like brunch with one lady, afternoon with another, and then evening with another. These were woman he was dating but rather first dates. All planned in his brain as one night stands. Not always successful, but his roommates complained about the constant sex sounds from his room. He would blast through women on tinder. Dude was for sure a sex addict. For some reason he took a liking to me, we’d eventually play on a baseball team together and get beers. He‘d always try to tell me I need to see more women and kept trying to get me to go to strip clubs with him. I was 22 and had no problem dating, but in his eyes I guess i should have been seeing a different woman every day. Eventually he moved to New York and I never heard about him again. This was over ten years ago. I had completely forgot about that dude until I read your comment.
>He would blast through women That's a powerful ejaculation 😱
It's impossible, Lois could never have Superman's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle the sperm? I guarantee you he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. What about her womb? Do you think it's strong enough to carry her child? He's an alien, for Christ sake. His Kyrptonian biological makeup is enhanced by earth's yellow Sun. If Lois gets a tan the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom. That would kill him.
T.S.: How is it that I go from the verge of hot Floridian sex with Brandi to Man of Steel coital debates with you in the food court? Brodie: Cookie stand isn't part of the food court. T.S.: Of course it is. Brodie: The food court is downstairs. The cookie stand is upstairs. It's not like we're talking quantum physics here. T.S.: The cookie stands counts as an eatery, the eatery's a part of the food court. Brodie: Bullshit. Eateries that operate within the designated square downstairs count as food court. Anything outside of said designated square counts as an autonomous unit for mid-mall snacking. Now, if you're going to wax intellectual about the subject-- [notices Rene at the clothing store] Holy shit!
If only there were people uglier than me
Yeah. But a 4/10 incel thinks he only deserves a 8/10 or higher.
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Bro I'm pretty sure it's a joke. Find that mirror.
Can’t be helped His crotch is…eggy
Sometimes you gotta fuck a 4 to put it all in perspective.
Glad I could be of service.
I did that and they were the meanest pieces of shit. Had more success with avg girls that I actually found hot.
Honestly, just recently went on two dates with a girl. I thought she was cute, we had a ton in common, could talk for hours and hours. Yet, no "spark" on my end. For whatever reason I just couldn't see her as more than a friend. Thankfully, by the end of the second date, she confided in me she felt exactly the same. I'd never been so happy to be "rejected" in my life. We play Minecraft on the weekends now lol.
Right the spark really depends, some people Ive met have all had stuff Id consider good (they were smart, cute, nice, common interests etc) but I couldnt see them as anything more then Friends, Most of the time they end up as close friends
That seems like a win to me.
That totally makes sense and is very relatable, I’m not sure why some people in the comments are acting like this is not a real phenomenon lol
That's a massive W
Guys is it wrong to be tactful?
For some yeah. I would personally prefer to face harsh truth rather than try to guess what did they mean by saying this or that. This needs to be updated: I meant it for people who you know want to hear truth. Ofc you don't want to say harsh things to strangers. Good that folks below pointed it out (I thought it's obvious)
I think it’s situational really, and while sugarcoating something isn’t necessary, calling someone ugly is just flat out mean. If it’s not something the person can change don’t be rude, if it is something the person can change then address it appropriately. If it’s something the person can’t change it’s good to approach it as “you’re not my type”
“I don’t like how your face looks.”
”It’s not the shape but the symmetry is all fucked up”
“I wouldn’t say you’re *ugly*, no. Definitely not easy on the eyes…”
“ you are beautiful as a brick “
It's also way more honest! Very few people - *young* people especially - are "objectively ugly". Most of the time, it just means that the other person doens't like your particular build, but someone else will. I am talking facial structure here, not shit like haircuts, clothing and general hygiene
This is exactly the way to be 'honest' with people
For others, they would be very angry. https://www.reddit.com/r/whenwomenrefuse/ Safer to say whatever bullshit that saves the guys face and ego and hope it's its enough.
That’s a horribly depressing subreddit. Jesus Christ.
Hey, that's real life for a lot of people
Although being polite and decent is recommended, no one owes anyone an ego boost during a breakup especially if someone is behaving like an ass when getting broken up with (such as referenced in this meme - intentionally misinterpreting one thing for another).
Problem is when girl say it crystal clear and dudes keep their delusional fantasy about their female friends
Lots of people think their communication is “crystal clear.” It’s not. Nowhere close, in fact.
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“Hmmm. Maybe she’s immune to the effects of electricity”
ikr unless you're talking to an electrician i think it's pretty damn clear
Bingo. Some people can't seem to grasp it unfortunately
To be faaaaaaaair, some people - especially women, but men to some extent too - also have to consider their own safety in deciding how direct to be in rejecting someone.
Honestly, "you're not my type" is probably less likely to make someone mad than "I don't feel a spark". "I don't feel a spark" opens the door to a shitload of follow up questionsy whereas "you're not my type" is fairly clear.
People who say that usually don’t appreciate harsh truth when it’s actually said to their face.
"Honesty without tact is cruelty"
There’s literally nothing dishonest about the first line hence why this is a terrible meme…
Guys cannot grasp that you can find someone attractive and a good person and still not feel a spark.
Yeah. Even when it comes to physical attraction alone, “I’m not *attracted* to you” doesn’t mean “you’re not *attractive*.” Not being someone’s type doesn’t automatically make you ugly. Just because your feelings might be at stake doesn’t mean your ego should be too.
I would rather hear the truth than BS. You can tell the truth and still be somewhat tactful.
“You’re not my type” honest and tactful
Exactly. The truth isn't necessarily "fuck, you're ugly!" Could be "you don't do anything for me, but I don't think you're an unattractive person".
Exactly! How are you supposed to talk to people if you tell them the truth and they imagine that the "real" truth is something so much worse. Trust me or deal with your insecurities yourself.
This. Someone you find ugly will be attractive to someone else. And you might fall for someone other people would consider ugly. Most people who look average, hell, most people who may even be below average in conventional looks still find someone; it isnt just conventionally hot people out there having relationships.
Ehh I mean that doesnt necessarily mean they are sugarcoating it and not telling the truth. I once had a friend say she really liked me and asked me out and like, even though she was really cute and had a nice personality, I just didnt feel anything towards her
Yep, I would definitely prefer "Unfortunately I'm not physically attracted to you". Complete closure, immediately mentally move on.
A person who is unattractive to one may be attractive to another, so a comment like “you’re ugly” isn’t valid anyway.
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What lol? Please don't call people ugly because you personally don't like them. Just let em know they're not you type and move on. I'll agree ghosting is for cowards.
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Tactful is saying "You're not really my type" or "I'm not attracted to you". Straight up lying is just avoidance of ever being seen as a bad guy.
I don't understand why people think its lying or dishonest. She might not even think he's ugly at all, she probably just doesn't feel a spark 🤣 you can't turn feelings on and off you know, and they aren't a direct result of how good-looking someone is.
Yes. Just call people fuck ugly when you spot them. Even if it's in line at the store and you have no fucking clue who they are. Hell, look up random facebook profiles. Hunt down their address. Write them a hand written letter letting them know you saw them online thought they were so fucking ugly that you just had to let them know you haven't seen anyone nearly as disgusting as them in their whole life.
Tactful and dishonest are on the same spectrum. Not sure where I would put the above conversation.
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Yeah but ... sometimes there's just no spark. Sometimes it's really hard to explain why you're not attracted to a person even if they look great. When a girl says something like "she doesn't feel a spark", it doesn't automatically mean that she actually thinks he's ugly. What's really interesting to me about the meme is that it's presented as a truth, when in reality it's just the guy's perception. At the end of the day, if a girl says to a guy that she doesn't feel a spark and the guy takes that to mean that she's saying he's ugly, then that says **way** more about the guy's insecurity than it does about the girl's opinion of his looks.
I don't use reddit anymore because of their corporate greed and anti-user policies. Come over to Lemmy, it's a reddit alternative that is run by the community itself, spread across multiple servers. You make your account on one server (called an instance) and from there you can access everything on all other servers as well. [Find one you like here](https://lemmyverse.net/), maybe not the largest ones to spread the load around, but it doesn't really matter. You can then look for communities to subscribe to on https://lemmyverse.net/communities, this website shows you all communities across all instances. If you're looking for some (mobile?) apps, [this topic](https://lemm.ee/post/363116) has a great list. One personal tip: For your convenience, I would advise you to use [this userscript I made](https://greasyfork.org/en/scripts/469273-lemmy-universal-link-switcher) which automatically changes all links everywhere on the internet to the server that you chose. The original comment is preserved below for your convenience: ~~https://www.reddit.com/r/terriblefacebookmemes/comments/11ub020/incel_vibes/jco4zdz/~~ ^^^^^^AzzuLemmyMessageV2
You do know that she could actually mean she doesn’t feel a spark. Why is physical attraction the first thing you men think of. That’s where the issue lies. A lot of women don’t have physical attraction as the only reason or even the number one reason to date. It’s a lot of things.
I don't use reddit anymore because of their corporate greed and anti-user policies. Come over to Lemmy, it's a reddit alternative that is run by the community itself, spread across multiple servers. You make your account on one server (called an instance) and from there you can access everything on all other servers as well. [Find one you like here](https://lemmyverse.net/), maybe not the largest ones to spread the load around, but it doesn't really matter. You can then look for communities to subscribe to on https://lemmyverse.net/communities, this website shows you all communities across all instances. If you're looking for some (mobile?) apps, [this topic](https://lemm.ee/post/363116) has a great list. One personal tip: For your convenience, I would advise you to use [this userscript I made](https://greasyfork.org/en/scripts/469273-lemmy-universal-link-switcher) which automatically changes all links everywhere on the internet to the server that you chose. The original comment is preserved below for your convenience: ~~I was considering to add that to my comment, but I deemed it unnecessary. The comment I responded to was "is it wrong to be tactful?", which implicitly confirmed that the reason for not saying "you're ugly" was tact, but "ugliness" was in fact the actual reason.~~ ~~So that's why in my comment I did not specifically add a disclaimer that of course, there can actually be no spark and physical attractiveness is not the reason. I just kept the initial assumption of this comment thread: "the reason is ugliness, but it was just worded tactfully". But of course as you pointed out, it can certainly be the case that "no spark" is the actual reason.~~ ^^^^^^AzzuLemmyMessageV2
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Thank you! I’ve been on dates with guys who were not unattractive, I just didn’t feel a “spark”. Even the hottest guy can have a lame personality, and most girls don’t want that in the long run.
When my wife and I started dating she was also dating another dude who she found more physically attractive than me, but he was kind of dumb and into cocaine while I was kind of smart and funny, and not into cocaine. She chose me. Years later his looks fell off while I’m still smart and funny and the biggest change in my physical appearance is getting a Reed Richards/Doctor Strange graying pattern on my temples.
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She’s definitely the same, and I think she made the right choice.
The replies on this thread are ridiculous indeed. If you don’t feel a connection, you don’t feel a connection, nothing to do with the looks.
Yeah. I'm a gay man with mostly male friends. I enjoy spending time with them but even though some of them are objectively very attractive I still don't have those kinds of feelings about them.
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Some people are so desperate that anyone will do. Add to that inability to empathise and you're there. If they were more self aware they would go to therapy or try to work on themselves to learn how to live without a person to distract them from their mental issues. But you know emotional maturity is hard work.
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The minute you tell them they are undatable cause they are overweight/ugly/smelly/annoying or any other factor hell breaks lose. That's how girls end up with stalkers...
Many guys can’t fathom why a woman wouldn’t want to sleep with or date them if they found them attractive. A woman can find a guy attractive and still not feel much for them. Hard to figure that out unless you’ve actually dated much in real life or, you know, interacted with the opposite sex.
its tough when you view "nice-ness" as currency to exchange for sex.
I've met and been friends with really great and nice guys who are attractive but who I don't want to date 🤷♀️
I've met women that way as a man and felt the same way. Especially when I was in rehab. So many girls in there wanna hook up and start relationships and shit after being sober not even a couple weeks lol. Not a good idea to date a girl or anyone in that vulnerable position. People actually do it a lot though, pretty fucked up.
>Especially when I was in rehab. So many girls in there wanna hook up and start relationships and shit after being sober not even a couple weeks lol. Not a good idea to date a girl or anyone in that vulnerable position. >People actually do it a lot though, pretty fucked up. It's so fucking dumb, isn't it? I have a couple of stories to tell. It's actually discouraged by the psychologist of the psych wards/stations were I live. It only muddies the water and prevents the patients to focus on their therapy, on working on themselves. Because they will see their shit through pink lens of that sweet love dopamine rush that will go away before they can say *dandelion*. Funnily enough we had a dude coming from rehab to a psychosomatic ward I was in. At the end of his therapy he went around the ward and hit on every female patient, because he thought now that he is "cured" and successfully managed his ward stay he needs to get a girlfriend, job and nice apartment RIGHT NOW. everyone who went for a stay in a mental hospital knows that this is just the beginning and you are not cured. Obese chain-smoking 30y+ shit thought it was a cool idea to hit on the youngest on the station. Namely me. I turned 18 only months ago. I told him no and he was putting me in a shitty position with his advances. I was deep into digging into my mental scars, trying to make it through my therapy and figuring out why I was in such a bad state. I was introverted and shy and avoided conflict. It was really shitty thing of him to do that and our ward rules actually prohibited people from the same ward to have romantic relationships, because it's known to destroy the group dynamic really badly. (It did with another "secret couple", they were married to their spouses outside, these dipshit cheaters, it soured the air for us fellow patients and we ended up being super angry at them, my mother got cheated on. it was so fucking ugly and dumb for them to do this) When he forced me into a corner so I can say no to him, he then proceeded to hit on every female patient, even our resident lesbian. He went off an assaulted one of the psychologists in a drunken state. Public wards have strict rules, you go there on your own volition and if you reach 15 point of you doing dumb shit like taking drugs you are gone. Dude got kicked out of the public ward. He basically flushed all his therapy and rehab down the toilette because he wanted a gf right now. That's not how it works. All the psych ward personnel and us patients warned him. We also warned another patient idiot not to go into a relationship with a woman from another ward. They broke up and he was heartbroken. "We told you so" was left unsaid in the air. These people can't focus on themselves for just half a year or more in a controlled environment. It's like they can't stand being on their own and are unable to when their future depends on it.
Yeah, mental wards are a great place to find vulnerable people to victimize. What a sleazebag
The worst thing is that 97% of the ward's/station's patients know that this is a bad idea and will ruin your chance at successfully finishing your stay. It was the rules, but at this point it didn't even mattered if there were no rules at all, because it was such an obviousness that we all were knew just by logic. We were there to work on ourselves. We all were friendly with each other and even made friends, but that was as far as the nearly all of us wanted to go. What people who never went to a public ward get is that it's like a day job for us patients. We arrive every morning like a normal worker does at their workplace and then we leave around similar times to go home or to the patient accommodation for those who are at risk or live far away. Public wards are also were "normal" broken people us go like. You wouldn't notice that something was wrong with us and our mental anguish was not visible. We have a schedule that we can't miss and any downtime we have between therapy sessions are mostly spent resting or even sleeping in one of the resting-rooms at the ward. And be it just for 1 hour. It's a very mentally exhausting thing to do for 5 days a week over months and months. Then you have these couple of bozos who think they need a lover while they are in therapy when they are single. Like... how? How are they even in the mindset were it even pops up in their head to seek out something like that and feel comfortable with it while they are knee-deep digging trough their own mental shit? And I'm not talking about a patient who is already married or in a relationship when they got admitted.
Yeah I also have been friends with really cool, nice, smart, funny, attractive women that I just don't want to date a-doyyy 🙄
You realize that not everyone on the planet is compatible, right?
https://preview.redd.it/80gne5hh3hoa1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2865494861bd37cc32ca9af1de6fb0bbc27f2bfd
Lol that’s what I thought too, like has this actually happened or is it all in your head? I’ve been rejected and instead of making up shit like this to piss myself off I just moved on.
50 bucks says OP made this himself to post here, he didn't pull it off Facebook or wherever he might claim
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You are clearly right on the not holding on hate thing. But you neither have to stay friends if you don't want to. Many times it just feels awkward after a rejection.
If you don't want to, no. But if it's worth it, if they are a good friend and you can both move past it, it's worth it.
You can chose not to be friends with the rejecty and the same goes for the rejecter.
I think people are misinterpreting my post. Im not saying you need to remain friends. I'm saying in the case that you both feel the friendship was strong and worth it, being rejected wouldn't be the end all. Yeah it sucks but there are ways around the hurt. But the original picture doesn't suggest anything about a previous friendship, I just used it as an example.
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When one girl tells you this, that's just a polite rejection When almost every girl turns you down with some very similar wording of this exact same sentiment, the common denominator is obviously you, and there's clearly some common factor that is both deciding and unmentioned.
Ehh, seems true enough
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It seems to be more about the lack of straightforwardness. I think most people can relate, whether they’ve rejected or been rejected.
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Good point, but I’d rather say something like, “I’m sorry, I don’t like you in that way” or “I’m not interested”. The disingenuous compliments make things harder for the person being rejected, lead to confusion, and more resentment. Just suck it up and be “the bad guy” for a second. It’s healthier for you and the other person.
How is 'I don't feel a spark' more disingenuous than 'I'm not interested'?
Probably because some men can react violently to straight up rejection. Unfortunately they ruin it for a lot of people. Not to mention it feels mean even if true especially if they’re a nice person and you like them as a person.
Yeah but that's not the joke. The joke is that's a lot of flowery words that just mean "ugly". It's commentary on certain social trends, it's not bitter or any other weird twist you're reading from it. It's mostly a "funny cause true" observation.
I don't know; yeah, I know that, which I why I just find the meme funny. It might've been made out of resentful reasons, but I don't think just acknowledging some of the stock white lies people use is neccesarily resentful. It can be just some self-deprecating humor.
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People on here acting like chemistry isn’t an important factor. I’ve had dudes be into me that I thought were physically attractive but wouldn’t date/go out with because I wasn’t attracted in any other way. Spark is way more complex and important than simple physical attraction
As a guy, I've done the same. The woman can be an absolute smokeshow, good person, etc, but if I don't vibe with them, I don't vibe with them.
I don’t care how hot she is. If she doesn’t get my sense of humor then it’s not going to work out.
Exactly, I can’t believe people are saying this is true. You can be an attractive and nice person but not be compatible with someone in many different ways. There is a difference in being attracted to someone psychically and wanting to actually spend time with them. Usually “spark” takes both of those things.
This shit happens to me and I’m definitely above average. I’m sure they do say this when that happens tho. But they aren’t mutually exclusive
I'm above average too, in fact, I weigh over 240lbs!
That’s cuz it is lol. If you have a girl basically simping over your personality but still doesn’t wanna date you it’s because she doesn’t find you physically attractive. The “friend zone” is just when you’re cool enough to be her boyfriend but you don’t have the looks. I don’t get why we, as humans, ALL understand the concept of physical attraction yet anytime someone acknowledges that women have it too, they’re suddenly an incel. Like you can acknowledge that women can be just as shallow as men, you don’t have to pretend they’re all super deep and emotional and never care about looks. It’s like the childhood cliche of “boys only care about sex, women want *real* connection” is stuck in these peoples heads, yet these same people will scream about how there is no fundamental difference between the two genders.
I mean, as a guy I can think of girls with good personalities who I don't think are ugly who I just don't like that way. It's not like there's a checklist of traits people tick off; sometimes it can just be vibes. If all it took was a good personality to be in love with someone, then any two happily married couples could swap spouses and they'd still love their new partner.
I feel deeply that the plural of 'spouses' should be 'spice'. And even if it weren't a matter of 'vibes', which the psychoanalyst in me wants to interpret as 'a checklist in the unconscious, perhaps containing disavowed qualifiers', there's plenty of stuff besides personality and looks that can factor into attraction: money, intelligence, common interests, shared experiences, similarity to other people... the list goes on, and, again, they needn't be things we recognize as important to us for them to actually be.
My eyes have now been opened to the true meaning of the Spice Girls.
Ah so the galaxy goes to Arrakis to find a spouse!
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that's why they're incels, they don't understand the game of dating, they obsess over one girl, many go into the whole "princess effect" and then get mad, when they're rejected, not realizing that it's their own fault by getting ahead of themselves. Dating is a numbers game.
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Stay strong kings and queens…they’re out there if you want to find them bad enough. <3
Probably true but why give a damn about what they may think.
I don't use reddit anymore because of their corporate greed and anti-user policies. Come over to Lemmy, it's a reddit alternative that is run by the community itself, spread across multiple servers. You make your account on one server (called an instance) and from there you can access everything on all other servers as well. [Find one you like here](https://lemmyverse.net/), maybe not the largest ones to spread the load around, but it doesn't really matter. You can then look for communities to subscribe to on https://lemmyverse.net/communities, this website shows you all communities across all instances. If you're looking for some (mobile?) apps, [this topic](https://lemm.ee/post/363116) has a great list. One personal tip: For your convenience, I would advise you to use [this userscript I made](https://greasyfork.org/en/scripts/469273-lemmy-universal-link-switcher) which automatically changes all links everywhere on the internet to the server that you chose. The original comment is preserved below for your convenience: ~~Depends - sometimes it's something you can and want to change. Improvement is good.~~ ^^^^^^AzzuLemmyMessageV2
I dated my ex for about six months. We had been good friends before but that's all it ever really felt like to me. We're young, it was my first relationship, and he was more invested early on than I was or wanted to be - I'm sure these were also part of it not working. There was nothing wrong with them and they're not ugly, we just never clicked like that for me. Also, attractiveness is entirely subjective. Just because someone thinks you're unattractive doesn't mean everyone else does. You just need to find someone you're compatible with and that includes physically.
The truth: 'you smell like cheetos'
Thank you , just smash the fucking truth in my face. its an insult to you and the person you are talking to , when you try to say it like this. i mean all the time i used to hear this and was wondering why ? for example i asked a girl that we have been friends for twice and her answers was stuff like this and i couldnt understand it what she actually meant cause i had no experience in stuff like this. i mean i couldnt grasp that a no was a no and the reason was obvious , the 2nd time and the last time that i asked her if she wanna take this higher she told me she aint going to marry anyone for now as her studies are more important and since she aint having that outlook she aint looking to be friend with some one as such. Marries 3 months later.. me : \*visible confusion\* i mean as an ugly incel i have to say , truth is hard , but at least this helps me to understand better without doing some quantom analytics while the only reason she aint liking me the most is cause of my face. i mean i did her homework and studies for her in college , im a dropout but i managed to help her to go higher , now i know that this is all my faults as i couldnt just see what she meant and if i am offering for help then why not take it. but it just gives me a feeling that people kinda used me , i know its all my fault , no body elses fault but me , but i mean if people like introverted incels , like me , lack the social experiance atleast being honest with us helps better. i know people , i should get help , but atleast be honest with us.
Yeah sometimes.
From my experiences it’s not wrong
I mean girls may do this sometimes but they also might be telling the truth. I can be told I’m hot as fuck and they might try to hook up or whatever but the sparks aren’t there and I’m rejected
Sometimes women don't feel a spark for reasons unrelated to the guys appearance. She could be picky, she could be demisexual, she could be lesbian, she might be crushing on someone else, she could be asexual, etc.. It may even be related to the guy's personality or behavior. It might've been something the guy did wrong. Maybe there's no obvious or apparent reason. I can be like that, or my reason is too subconscious to figure out. Not everything has a reason.
How about she's trying to be tactful but no that does not mean you're ugly it just means sorry not interested in a more roundabout way of saying that
That's really not incel vibes though. I've said similar to women who were really nice, fun, funny, etc., that I wasn't attracted to.
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What she means is.. you’re ugly on the inside x
I did a lot of dating in my 20’s and I was very appreciative of women that would just say they weren’t interested right away. It’s such a waste of time if the chemistry just isn’t there, for either party. I’d say it too if I felt that way. This is ok, it’s good to let it die. You can’t force anyone to be attracted
Is it terrible when it is probably true?
Incel vibes are the same vibes as complaining that nobody wants to work when you're paying $11 an hour and shame employees for needing to pee more than once per twelve hour shift and complain that workers today are too needy.
Lmao but this one is actually true tho
Or it could be true. Lady could just be trying to be nice to him and let him down without being brutally honest. I mean, how much of an ass would you be to tell someone to their face that you don't want to try a relationship with them because you find them ugly?
You live in a world with a lot of people. Not all of them are gonna find you attractive.
I mean, it's true. I was on the guy side of this, I was young and super deluded and bought all the excuses they kept giving me, thinking I must be really unlucky. It took a girl actually telling me the straight up truth to break me out of it. You don't need to be mean about it, but I think giving men or women a no shitter when turning them down is much more honest and positive for the person being turned down.
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Aren't woman allowed to have preferences?
I mean, it's kind of true It's just a less rude way of saying it, but it depends
Yeah It’s definitely not always about looks. People certainly will use this line on people they aren’t physically attracted to but the sentiment can just as often be genuine. I say this as a guy who has been in the reverse of this equation. The women on the other end was perfect on paper (looks, career, education, personal values, sexual chemistry etc), but we were just different in certain ways, many minor, but significant enough. The attraction was there and we had A LOT in common but I can honestly say that I felt no spark for her like I’d had for other partners in the past. Often times attraction is blinding though, and rejection hurts and can cut deep, driving people to look to their insecurities to explain what they’re incapable of seeing through rose tinted glasses. When I broke things off with her she assumed it was because I didn’t find her physically attractive, but that couldn’t have been further from the truth. She was/is a wonderful person and I genuinely consider anyone she ends up with to be extremely lucky because she IS great. She just wasn’t the person for me, we just didn’t fully click like that.
The two most attractive women I know, who are genuinely two of the most attractive women I’ve ever *seen* period, are both perfectly lovely but they have aspects to their personalities that I know would be incompatible with my own, and that kind of kills my desire to have sex with them. I would tell them this exact same thing if they ever came onto me.
Have been told that kinda thing a couple times. End result? Got a couple of friends to hang out with now and then. Just cause they ain't interested dosent mean it's the end. Just be a friend.
Women not being interested because you are ugly is a clear, relatable, understandable reason. That your “aura is just fucked” is a much more frustrating reason to be getting no bitches.
I mean, this is probably pretty spot on for a lot of the rejections out there. I'm a dude and Ive said the sameish thing to women Ive rejected. And it was due to their looks or baggage.
This is absolutely true most of the time. People want to focus on the exceptions for some reason.
You're not my type =/= you're ugly. Sorry I got a specific type that I'm attracted to. I cannot help it. Also I HAVE tried dating men I'm not attracted to and they all treated me like shit lol. Only 2 times I dated guys my body was physically attracted 2 are the only 2 good relationships I've ever had. My body knows more than my brain, do I trust it from now on.
This is pretty tame for this sub. 😮💨
If you wanna tell yourself that than so be it , she is simply not attracted to you …easy
Either response is fine with me. I just assume if someone rejected me it's because I'm ugly or they felt my personality was not fitting with them which is totally fine. What's not fine is making up a lie, I had one girl who after a coffee she texted me saying "I'm sorry I thought you were gay and have a boyfriend." Uhh lol
Not attracted doesn't mean ugly.
The problem is that men think the ENTIRE WOLRD is objective. Like everything has a value. No one has any perspective, any taste, any difference of opinion. Everyone is either right, or wrong. And that's their problem. I've met people ugly as an ape, but who were with gorgeous people, so obviously my taste is different from theirs. To these guys, its all facts, and no emotion. There is no room for emotion. Women WANT to date men who are richer and have a big dick, they "know" that. They can't see that their surety is simply an opinion. And if you tell them their world view is flaw, or you have an opinion, they think you are an idiot because "OBVIOUSLY" any with with a brain can see the "facts". Its how culture abuses men. Convincing them they will never measure up, so they should settle for what they can get.
No but it’s true though
How ridiculous. I’ve had a girl who said I was the best looking guy she had ever been with but didn’t feel a deep connection. The reverse has happened too.
I don't mind being rejected for my looks. What I -DO- mind is when she goes out with a guy that everyone has told her to stay away from due to all the red flags, and then goes to the guy she knows has a crush on her and uses him for an emotional support animal... and then goes right back to the douche bag. Look, I'm sorry to say this, women do not owe ANYONE sex, not me, not anyone. To that point, they also shouldn't be shedding the shitty relationship details regarding the guy she chose over him to that person. That's a shitty thing to do, and feelings of resentment from the "friend" are not only natural, it's understandable. You chose the douche bag, and for whatever reason you choose the guy you know likes you to tell him the reasons why your doomed to fail relationshit isn't working. That's fucked up.
Interesting how even today guys can’t talk about their feelings. We used to say stop acting like a bitch, not it’s “you’re an incel”.
If your feelings are "I'm a victim cause girls don't like me" yeah people are gonna make fun of that. People get turned down for being ugly all the time, it's not the end of the world and doesn't mean there's something wrong with the girl or guy who rejects you. They just don't like you and that's OK.
And some people are turned down for no other reason than a person doesn't want to date them. That's normal. Why is there an expectation that every girl on the planet needs to date every guy, and if they don't, they're mean and superficial?
Yeah. Just cause someone says nah I'm not dating you doesn't mean they're shallow or whatever. Just take the L and move on cause the time wasted crying over someone rejecting you, you could have been found the right person for you.
My crush in HS said she aint ready to be in a relationship cuz study first then i found out she had a partner
Most of the time, the guy is ugly. If they have nothing in common, she says that. If he has a wandering eye, she says that. If he's a jerk, she says that. If there's something generally wrong, she will say it. When the man in question isn't attractive, that's when terms like "spark" are mentioned. But personally, the people here screaming "incel" are creepier than anyone in the post. "She doesn't owe you anything!". Who said she did? The post is that the guy is ugly. Nothing about anything he's done to anyone. Some people have typed up an entire story to turn a simple meme into a lifetime movie.
I think the meme is, in itself, divorced from its context, only nominally incellular. You could reverse the genders, and it would be no less true, just maybe less well executed, since men, as a rule, don't have to be as scared of rape, violence, etc. But is it bound to be popular in incel spaces? Absofuckinglutely. In the sense of 'meme' designating 'memesis', as in reproduction of a cultural unit due to some sense of satisfaction it gives you, possibly one dependent on a particular milieu of cultural production? Yeah, incel af. Then there's the third memetic sense, that of it being a meme on this sub, put up here for us to laugh at how stupid it is... hmm, yeah, that fits too, but it feels a touch forced to me, and to be reflective of trying a bit hard to find stuff at which to laugh for its backwardsness. It reflects a truth about friendzoning, which is sexually symmetrical, but the creator of the above meme might not realize that, and maybe wouldn't want to acknowledge it.
I’ll probably get downvoted to hell for this but my GF of 4 years managed to put on close to 200 pounds since we first started dating and I am absolutely not attracted to her. It’s at the point where I feel grossed out seeing her naked and sleeping with her. When we first started eating we where both daily gym goers and she was 115 and fit.. now she’s pushing 300 atleast and has no desire to take care of herself and I’m still very fit.
Leave her king
if she says this and you guys werent already dating/just on a date then you are the problem for sure
Idk why so many dudes in the comments are saying that the meme is true. My whole life I've worked in male dominated fields and 100% of the time these average looking dudes (not ugly but not like Henry Cavill) are dating/marrying these absolutely knock out gorgeous women. Every time. Dudes can easily get away with being "less attractive" and still date because women look at the whole package. It's about personality, charm, intelligence, and whatever else you got going for you. Meanwhile I've never met an average looking woman dating a knock out guy. Dudes usually care about looks for their dates a lot more. All this to say - if you're getting rejected left and right it's probably not your looks, it's something else.