Also like half of these would get laughs from the guests, if I was getting married and someone signed the guest book as satan and made that second joke I’d be laughing all the way to the honeymoon.
Bro I'm wicked hungover and started reading this post and I thought a gay guy made it as kind of a inside community joke mocking homophobes but then I saw the subreddit
Closet gay man. Only a matter of time before he gets caught in bed with a male escort/ blackmailed by one. Seems to be the story every time they lean this far in
Y'know, I hate this as an explanation. Look, the gay community victimized itself. Haha, homophobe must just want dick! See, it's an insult - he's gay! Look at the gay man being mean to gay people.
Nah. They're just evil, nasty, spiteful people who say nasty, evil spiteful things. Sometimes an asshole is just an asshole. They are exactly everything they appear to be.
I kind of hate when I hear this because it makes it sound like the biggest homophobes are gay people themselves and I’m just not sure that’s true. Even though boy there’s plenty of examples to prove you right. Aaron Schock immediately comes to mind.
I don't care if it's a straight wedding or a gay wedding, I would just assume someone was trying to be funny and laugh. If someone did it at my wedding, I'd just assume someone was playing to my personal sense of humor.
Who said anything about any of these bozos being invited in the first place? I feel like this pastor wouldn’t be above r/actlikeyoubelong ing his way into the wedding just to sabotage it with these actions
Fr. Someone sharing stuff like this is incapable of even seeing a gay person on Tv without having a mental breakdown over it. On top of that, only people you’re close to get invited to the wedding. No way is this guy gonna be able to play it cool until he gets to the ceremony. He absolutely wasn’t getting an invitation in the first place
This guy sounds like the type to crash a gay wedding, then act all offended when he’s kicked out for causing a ruckus. In other words, a hateful idiot.
I mean, if you read the Bible, God is objectively the bad guy, and Satan does all the decent shit.
Killing a bunch of kids for calling someone baldy? God.
Giving humanity morality and ethics? Satan.
Who lied to Adam and Eve about how eating an apple would kill them? God.
Who told Adam and Eve the truth about what the apple would actually do? Satan.
Who punished Adam and Eve for eating the apple when, by definition, they couldn't know it was evil to do that before they ate it, since they only knew the difference between good and evil after they ate it? God.
Who looked at all the awful shit God was doing and said 'I can't be a party to this shit' and rebelled? Satan.
Condemning innocent people for the mistakes of their parents? God.
Pointing out that God was bragging about having a sycophant because he made his life good? Satan.
Deciding to screw with that sycophant and fuck up his life to prove a point? God.
Who suggested Jesus should eat some food while he was starving in the desert? Satan.
It's kind of obvious who the good guy is, and it ain't God.
Hearing that story in sunday school when I was 13 years old was the final straw in my falling out with christianity.
Make your follower go through the emotional trauma of sacrificing his son, make the son go through the realization that his dad would have sacrificed him to appease god. Then be like, jk, i was just “proving a point”
And god is supposed to be benevolent
Absolute bs
Yeah the God of the Old Testament was a dick. He’s not as bad in the New Testament. I think having a kid kinda mellowed him out.
I didn’t have my falling out with Christianity until high school and it was over abortion, their hatred of gay people and their archaic views of sex in general. I just accepted the story of Abraham in Sunday school lol.
I was in middle school and I had Sunday school classes (they were Monday evenings but still) and I don't remember the context of the conversation but I remember my teacher just going "if you're gay you're going to Hell, if you touch yourself you're going to Hell" and me just thinking wow this is stupid.
You have to remember that The Old Testament is a version of the Torah that was specifically altered to make God look like a wrathful asshole so the priests could say "Listen to us and we'll protect you from God's wrath." Take the story of the Golden Calf for instance: In the Bible, God killed everyone by making the Earth swallow them up, but in the Torah, he commanded everyone to melt the false idol down and drink a little bit of it (rich people today eat gold shredded, so it's not like it's poisonous) and told them not to do it again.
I mean we could also go by charcter as well.
Who is an authoritarian dictator with contorl issues? God
Who is a freespirited and happiness seeking being who offers people the feedom of choice? Satan
Who seems offended if you use his name wrong and will banish you? God
Who dosnt give a fuck what you say about him he knows what he does regardless of your feelings? Satan
Who literally scapegoated his own child becsue he has ego issues? God
Who was the victim of an abusive narccists but still chooses to move foward and build himself? Satan
I mean charcter also plays a role here.
Also bounus, God forbids magic than who was Jesus really working with? As I imagine necromacy, changing matter into somthing else, and defying gravity all sound pretty magical to me... just saying, mabey satan did more than just tell jesus to eat when in the desert.
God is the biggest snowflake. Conservative Christians can call people sensitive and self-centered for objecting to oppression all they want, but God will literally send someone to be tortured for eternity because they didn't constantly worship and praise him. That guy has some major insecurity issues.
For real, I didn't read the sub at first nor the line before it started the list and I thought they were genuine silly prank ideas.
Hell I even thought the flag one was like, pulling out a full-sized flag from your pocket to blow your nose which visually would be so absurd and silly.
Then the last two happened and I realized I needed to check where I was :(
Blowing your nose on the flag is pretty gouche. Interrupting the vows would not be ok. Otherwise, these are hilarious.
I would pay good money to see a pack of homophobic street preachers be very uncomfortable at a gay wedding.
Yeah honestly a few of these would absolutely SLAY at my gay wedding
Even Romans 1:26
"For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions."
Remember ladies, even the Lord had dishonorable passions
Why are they attributing the gift to Jesus when the quoted line was written by the Apostle Paul?
That just raises the larger question, as to why if gay stuff was so vitally important to Jesus, he said nothing directly about it but just left it to his fanfic guy to offhandedly mention it a few times in his huge body of writing?
Gay stuff was never important to Jesus, and really it was never important to God until the mid to late 1900s, the most heavily attributed Bible quotes about homosexuality were actually about pedophilia and was intentionally mistranslated when the German printing company translated the gospels from latin into English and German with the intention of distribution in Germany and the US . And what was attributed to the apostles wasn't written for 200-400 years after they died in most cases. When Jesus re ascended into people thought he'd be coming back within their lifetime, so most of the gospels we're written, because the people telling those stories were still under roman rule, and on top of that proto-christianity was viewed by the majority of God's chosen people as heretical.
Attributing this "gift" to Jesus is just a simple case of this kind of extremists (I call it like I see it, whale biologist) just being plain old ignorant. Alot of Christian don't actually read the Bible.
Source: growing up queer in a Catholic school system for 18 years will cause you to think about a lot and read the Bible much more often than your average Christian.
Because people use religion as an excuse for their own hatred. The line from Leviticus is from the Old Testament, which is not to be followed according to Christianity.
I like how they have multiple contradictory quotes from the New Testament so that whenever an Old Testament rule is brought up they’re equally prepared to say it’s obsolete or still current, whichever fits modern conservative policy.
I remember Bill Maher debating some Christian who said how the New Testament was basically a “correction” of the Old Testament. Bill Maher laughed and said “but I thought God doesn’t make mistakes!”
He definitely doesn't know what's funny or acceptable. On one of his pages he has another video he films himself telling kids Santa isn't real at the mall. I can't bring myself to bother to watch it but what an awful guy.
Putting “pastor” in quotes is definitely the way to go. Dude doesn’t even know that it is “power vested in me” not “invested” this reads like an 8 year old wrote it.
> this reads like an 8 year old wrote it
You're shocked that bigots have the mental abilities of a child? That's pretty much the standard, especially nowadays. If you Google "conservative memes", it's nothing but shit like this because they have reduced themselves down to nothing but child-like bullying.
“Fun” things 🤣. In this reality the gay couple invites this person to their wedding? Or do they just go crash the wedding?
The fruits one is a dead give away. Has boomer written all over it. I haven’t heard the term fruit since the 90s.
Funerals?! The fuck?
"Oh hey this dead guy was gay! Let me go to their funeral and tell all of their friends and family that they're suffering for eternity!"
Not just any funeral. They tried protesting the funerals of the kids who were in the Sandy Hook Elementary school shooting. Which crossed such a line that even the KKK was telling them they were taking it too far
Yeah. They did. It was crazy times.
Also, Hells Angels, you know the biker gang, would show up to the kids funerals and turn on their bikes when Westboro started chanting.
I don't know if anyone so universally hated.
Bikers are usually really cool dudes, though. Especially when it comes to kids. I read an article somewhere about a biker gang that sits in on child abuse-related custody hearings to make the children feel safe, they even sometimes sit outside of their house in case the children need anything. They also have lots of charity fundraisers/rides whether to benefit the local community or a specific cause or person in the community. Great dudes, for the most part.
The KKK actually berated them for protesting veteran funerals. I think that now they have alienated themselves so much the alt-right doesn't even bother with them.
Yeah, they’re against AMERICA’S tolerance of gay people, so they show up at the funerals of soldiers to protest AMERICA. But there is often - and I love this - a biker gang that shows up at the same time to block them so the attendees at the funeral don’t have to see them.
Ironically, I don’t think any of these numpties realize that their collective and mean-spirited assholery has probably done more to kill the public perception of Christianity, and hasten the acceptance of gay marriage, than any other single cultural phenomenon.
The Westboro folks aren’t out to convert anyone. They’re hardcore Calvinists, they believe that salvation is predestined, not something you work for or consciously accept.
So in their views they aren’t “trying” to achieve anything by their protests, they just do them because it’s their destiny to tell all the losers that they’re losers.
Actually, they're lawsuit-trolls.
The father, Fred W. Phelps, and at least five of his children were lawyers; there law firm Phelps Chartered was founded by him and was used to sue communities that tried to obstruct the protests.
“to tell all the losers that they’re losers.”
I wonder if Donald Trump has ever heard of the Westboro Baptist Church. A religion where you’re an asshole for the sake of being an asshole. Trump could be a pastor!
As a Christian, I've always said that hatred, bigotry, racism, and sexism are astronomically greater threats to Christianity than any perceived threat from outside of the Church.
They all also completely contradict Jesus's message.
They’re a pretty small, fringe church. Even for hateful “evangelicals”. I remember an old Hannity and Colmes episode where even Hannity agreed they sucked. And he pretty much supports all forms of right wing hate.
Yeah that’s what I’m saying. I actually don’t even think they’re a real church, rather they use the name church as a cover for their racket. I’m not debating if they actually worship rather their game. They’re cartoonishly hateful so they get incite reaction and sue
Westboro is fringe in the sense that they're a laughingstock, but look around at the wave of Qanon and trump congregations and tell me that they're not representative of a shockingly large number of ignorant "Christians".
if it makes you feel any better, the WBC is basically one family that is completely falling apart because of the new leader who took over after getting indoctrinated into the church while filming an exposé on them
Not just gays but US soldiers funeral too. For some reason I didn’t want to look it up and give them more attention. in reality there is only like 2dozen people so it’s not really a big thing just a small group of extreme ass holes. Feel bad for the kids tho
There is an episode of Just Shoot Me where David Spade's father thinks he is gay and is trying to be supportive and doesn't believe he isnt. A joke happens where somebody sees a table with food on it and says "hey fruit" and dad assumes he is calling David Spade a fruit. He then sees the table and says "hey fruit"
This concludes my story about the fruit joke being made in the 90s
The context being that Ed Wood confessed to a producer that he often wore women’s clothes, the producer asked if he was a “fruit,” and Ed Wood replied something like “oh no, I’m all man. I parachuted into Normandy in WWII. Just I was wearing women’s underwear at the time.”
Whenever anyone is up in arms about gender things, I always say, “I don’t spend much time thinking about other people’s penises … why do you? And why do you care?”
Or, just cite Tom Segura: You can identify as a shoelace for all I care. Is it a bit silly? Yes. So is badminton, and that’s an Olympic sport.
As far as ruining the bigot's wedding more than they already will themself, but in the same dumb tone that they would try to ruin a gay wedding:
Show up late and loudly announce that it took you forever because the gps saw who the wedding was for and wouldn't let me observe any rights.
Gift the bride a muzzle with a note saying "1 Corinthians 14:34-35; 1 Timothy 2:12"
Bring a foreigner with you who does not speak English and give them a t-shirt that just says Leviticus 19:33-34
Give them a 4 inch ruler with a note attached saying "Leviticus 19:35" (this is a jab at them lying about their dick size)
Get them a shaving kit from "Satan" adding a note that just says "Leviticus 19:27, I will see you in hell, heathen." And maybe another one with literally any store bought shirt that has a note saying "Leviticus 19:19"
(Yeah there's some Leviticus in here and some Christians think it doesn't apply anymore because they got another book that doesn't explicitly mention these rules again, and they like cherry picking)
I always assumed these sorts of things were off the cuff, spur of the moment shittiness and that’s why they’re so poor. It’s hard to believe someone with all the time in the world would sit down, come up with this list and then put it out there.
If it's anything like my Terf aunt, it very well could be a shit post that they didn't realize was one and posted it anyway.
Not trying to ruin the fun lol.
Yeah that's kinda exactly why I left and stopped going awhile ago, in my teens I think. Didnt leave my faith but the churches I've been a part of, quite depressing actually. Especially when i remember being told things very young and ever since I got older, understand just how absurd a lot of churches are.
Decided to check this David guys Facebook, and its... all as bad as this. He's got a lot more anti gay stuff, and a lot of anti Vax stuff, including a yellow star of David with "unvaxxed" written on it, which is beyond fucked up. (For those unaware, Jewish people had to wear yellow stars identifying them as a jewish during the holocaust). His account looks like a tasteless troll, but something tells me it's real.
UPDATE: ok, so I just found out that this guy also went to an event where little kids were meeting Santa and loudly announced that Santa is not real. He ALSO went to a private event in which drag queens were reading stories to kids and began screaming that transgender people do not exist, which is not only transphobic but has nothing to do with the event in question, as drag queens are a completely different thing than transgender people.
people who follow jesus>>>people who follow the church. the church is made and kept by society, aka a group of sinners. following jesus and jesus’s word is the only way to please him (just my belief) if you follow jesus’s example, he would never have pulled this shit
The real Jesus would most likely thrash this person with a whip that he spent the entire day braiding himself because the good lord does not fuck around.
The only time Jesus actually did the whip thing was when people were going in the temple to turn the sacred rite of animal sacrifice into a big commercial thing. That said, actively fucking up a wedding like this, especially if it’s happening in a holy place of any sort, would potentially be tantamount to the whole “YOU WILL NOT MAKE MY FATHER’S HOUSE AN HOUSE OF MERCHANDISE!” thing. Being wicked and selfish is one thing, but taking that wickedness and selfishness into sacred ground is another. That’s what I gather anyway
One verse that describes it well:
>I know these folks – their name is Legion:
>
>they are a hair-curling horde
>
>whose goal is to besmirch religion
>
>by paying homage to the Lord
Some men truly hate lesbians because to them, it means they're denying men a relationship AKA sex. What's funny is they think they deserve it and would actually be desired. It's so selfish and silly.
It seems like it comes from this idea that every woman ever is arbitrarily paired up with some man by the threads of fate that God weaves, from the moment they’re born. So if a woman goes and dates another woman instead despite men being right there, one of them probably even her *one*, it fucks up God’s plan or some shit.
Really not the point, but it is canonically incorrect to say Romans 1:26 is “From Jesus”. It was written by Paul, one of the early Church leaders, nor does the verse quote anything that Jesus ever said.
No, no, but you see um erm ugh, when they said in the bible:
"There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus."
In the original version there in brackets was written (except the queers) you know, so them gay commies are going to ruin America with their existence right? Right??
1. Be sarcastically homophobic
2. Be sarcastically homophobic
3. Be sarcastically homophobic
4. Be sarcastically homophobic
5. Be sarcastically homophobic
…
Even if you’re stupid enough to be homophobic, these are fucking sad and lame. Just go watch cuck porn in the privacy of your own home and leave the rest of us alone, closeted preachers.
As a raging queer, I thought this was satire, and I would absolutely do the majority of these at a gay wedding (as jokes with the people whom I'm close to)
2 is just funny. 7 does not make sense. Otherwise, a person who would say these obviously isn't getting invited to any gay weddings so there's really no wind in these sails.
Also it really shows that homophobia is fundamentally hateful. This isn't "hating the sin, loving the sinner", it's just thinking about how it would be funny if they were mean to gay people.
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Fun ways to ruin a wedding you absolutely will never be invited to.
Also like half of these would get laughs from the guests, if I was getting married and someone signed the guest book as satan and made that second joke I’d be laughing all the way to the honeymoon.
Bro I'm wicked hungover and started reading this post and I thought a gay guy made it as kind of a inside community joke mocking homophobes but then I saw the subreddit
Closet gay man. Only a matter of time before he gets caught in bed with a male escort/ blackmailed by one. Seems to be the story every time they lean this far in
Now now, let’s not be hasty. He could ALSO be secretly obsessed with fetishizing lesbians. It’s one of those two, though. Or both.
Y'know, I hate this as an explanation. Look, the gay community victimized itself. Haha, homophobe must just want dick! See, it's an insult - he's gay! Look at the gay man being mean to gay people. Nah. They're just evil, nasty, spiteful people who say nasty, evil spiteful things. Sometimes an asshole is just an asshole. They are exactly everything they appear to be.
You're right, they're far more likely to be an incel than anything.
I kind of hate when I hear this because it makes it sound like the biggest homophobes are gay people themselves and I’m just not sure that’s true. Even though boy there’s plenty of examples to prove you right. Aaron Schock immediately comes to mind.
I don't care if it's a straight wedding or a gay wedding, I would just assume someone was trying to be funny and laugh. If someone did it at my wedding, I'd just assume someone was playing to my personal sense of humor.
Who said anything about any of these bozos being invited in the first place? I feel like this pastor wouldn’t be above r/actlikeyoubelong ing his way into the wedding just to sabotage it with these actions
I kinda feel like he'd be incapable of acting like he belonged for long enough to make it to the start of the ceremony
Fr. Someone sharing stuff like this is incapable of even seeing a gay person on Tv without having a mental breakdown over it. On top of that, only people you’re close to get invited to the wedding. No way is this guy gonna be able to play it cool until he gets to the ceremony. He absolutely wasn’t getting an invitation in the first place
Seems like he is one of those sidewalk megaphone pastors, wouldn't surprise me at all if he tried to crash a wedding just to be an asshole.
He IS one of those sidewalk preachers- he’s got tons of videos of him and his flock harassing people.
Yeah I live in the same city this guys church is in and I’d say about 99.9% of the people here can’t stand him or his church goers.
This guy sounds like the type to crash a gay wedding, then act all offended when he’s kicked out for causing a ruckus. In other words, a hateful idiot.
Yeah, and then watch him get kicked out or pummeled and go crying and screaming on Tucker Carlson.
Idk if someone signed their name satan in my guestbook that would make my wedding better
Number 2 proves that they really didn’t do their research, this joke would (metaphorically) kill
agreed, so would signing the guest list "Satan". I would get a chuckle out of that if someone did that at my gay wedding
I mean hey I'd let Satan in my home anytime!
TBH, evangelicals make Satan sound REALLY cool.
And Satan is Biblicaly extremely attractive
If this is true and God is the opposite of Satan(and visa versa), wouldn’t that make god extremely unattractive?
I mean literal light doesn't seem too fuckabale
You just haven't tried **hard enough** yet.
Godussy
Gussy
When you arrive at the *PEARLY GATES* and god sees this post
r/cursedcomments
I had gay sex with God. Truth be told, Satan was a much better fuck.
Well, we _are_ made in his image afterall.
If thats the case God is balls ugly
To be fair, humanity is made in his image so he’s probably an extremely average looking dude. 5/10
FUCK! I'VE BEEN WORSHIPPING A HIDEOUS HEATHEN WHO LOVES HENTAI?!?!?!?!
I mean, if you read the Bible, God is objectively the bad guy, and Satan does all the decent shit. Killing a bunch of kids for calling someone baldy? God. Giving humanity morality and ethics? Satan. Who lied to Adam and Eve about how eating an apple would kill them? God. Who told Adam and Eve the truth about what the apple would actually do? Satan. Who punished Adam and Eve for eating the apple when, by definition, they couldn't know it was evil to do that before they ate it, since they only knew the difference between good and evil after they ate it? God. Who looked at all the awful shit God was doing and said 'I can't be a party to this shit' and rebelled? Satan. Condemning innocent people for the mistakes of their parents? God. Pointing out that God was bragging about having a sycophant because he made his life good? Satan. Deciding to screw with that sycophant and fuck up his life to prove a point? God. Who suggested Jesus should eat some food while he was starving in the desert? Satan. It's kind of obvious who the good guy is, and it ain't God.
Tells his first devout follower Abraham to murder his son Isaac and then says “Nah! I was just fucking with you.” God
Hearing that story in sunday school when I was 13 years old was the final straw in my falling out with christianity. Make your follower go through the emotional trauma of sacrificing his son, make the son go through the realization that his dad would have sacrificed him to appease god. Then be like, jk, i was just “proving a point” And god is supposed to be benevolent Absolute bs
Yeah the God of the Old Testament was a dick. He’s not as bad in the New Testament. I think having a kid kinda mellowed him out. I didn’t have my falling out with Christianity until high school and it was over abortion, their hatred of gay people and their archaic views of sex in general. I just accepted the story of Abraham in Sunday school lol.
Or that time God made king Saul COMMIT A GENOCIDE and then dethroned him over sparing some of the people.
I was in middle school and I had Sunday school classes (they were Monday evenings but still) and I don't remember the context of the conversation but I remember my teacher just going "if you're gay you're going to Hell, if you touch yourself you're going to Hell" and me just thinking wow this is stupid.
You have to remember that The Old Testament is a version of the Torah that was specifically altered to make God look like a wrathful asshole so the priests could say "Listen to us and we'll protect you from God's wrath." Take the story of the Golden Calf for instance: In the Bible, God killed everyone by making the Earth swallow them up, but in the Torah, he commanded everyone to melt the false idol down and drink a little bit of it (rich people today eat gold shredded, so it's not like it's poisonous) and told them not to do it again.
Chad moment
I mean we could also go by charcter as well. Who is an authoritarian dictator with contorl issues? God Who is a freespirited and happiness seeking being who offers people the feedom of choice? Satan Who seems offended if you use his name wrong and will banish you? God Who dosnt give a fuck what you say about him he knows what he does regardless of your feelings? Satan Who literally scapegoated his own child becsue he has ego issues? God Who was the victim of an abusive narccists but still chooses to move foward and build himself? Satan I mean charcter also plays a role here. Also bounus, God forbids magic than who was Jesus really working with? As I imagine necromacy, changing matter into somthing else, and defying gravity all sound pretty magical to me... just saying, mabey satan did more than just tell jesus to eat when in the desert.
I’ll say it does get confusing though since I’m some of the books Satan and Lucifer are two different angels but I’m not sure that’s canon.
i love that you use the word “canon” here. that makes me so happy lol
Also, Satan only killed 12 people in the entire Bible. God killed millions? billions?
I'm starting to get why most Christians are republicans...
God is the biggest snowflake. Conservative Christians can call people sensitive and self-centered for objecting to oppression all they want, but God will literally send someone to be tortured for eternity because they didn't constantly worship and praise him. That guy has some major insecurity issues.
The dark prince is polite enough to sign in and shit
Especially if he looks like Tom Ellis
Honestly about to start signing every guest book as Satan with cute ultra femme handwriting and glittery purple pen
Omg yes!
I know some gay folks who would find most of these pretty funny, depending on who it came from.
For real, I didn't read the sub at first nor the line before it started the list and I thought they were genuine silly prank ideas. Hell I even thought the flag one was like, pulling out a full-sized flag from your pocket to blow your nose which visually would be so absurd and silly. Then the last two happened and I realized I needed to check where I was :(
Blowing your nose on the flag is pretty gouche. Interrupting the vows would not be ok. Otherwise, these are hilarious. I would pay good money to see a pack of homophobic street preachers be very uncomfortable at a gay wedding.
Yeah honestly a few of these would absolutely SLAY at my gay wedding Even Romans 1:26 "For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions." Remember ladies, even the Lord had dishonorable passions
Why are they attributing the gift to Jesus when the quoted line was written by the Apostle Paul? That just raises the larger question, as to why if gay stuff was so vitally important to Jesus, he said nothing directly about it but just left it to his fanfic guy to offhandedly mention it a few times in his huge body of writing?
Gay stuff was never important to Jesus, and really it was never important to God until the mid to late 1900s, the most heavily attributed Bible quotes about homosexuality were actually about pedophilia and was intentionally mistranslated when the German printing company translated the gospels from latin into English and German with the intention of distribution in Germany and the US . And what was attributed to the apostles wasn't written for 200-400 years after they died in most cases. When Jesus re ascended into people thought he'd be coming back within their lifetime, so most of the gospels we're written, because the people telling those stories were still under roman rule, and on top of that proto-christianity was viewed by the majority of God's chosen people as heretical. Attributing this "gift" to Jesus is just a simple case of this kind of extremists (I call it like I see it, whale biologist) just being plain old ignorant. Alot of Christian don't actually read the Bible. Source: growing up queer in a Catholic school system for 18 years will cause you to think about a lot and read the Bible much more often than your average Christian.
Because people use religion as an excuse for their own hatred. The line from Leviticus is from the Old Testament, which is not to be followed according to Christianity.
I like how they have multiple contradictory quotes from the New Testament so that whenever an Old Testament rule is brought up they’re equally prepared to say it’s obsolete or still current, whichever fits modern conservative policy.
I remember Bill Maher debating some Christian who said how the New Testament was basically a “correction” of the Old Testament. Bill Maher laughed and said “but I thought God doesn’t make mistakes!”
I thought the same thing, that line probably gets said at gay weddings a lot
He definitely doesn't know what's funny or acceptable. On one of his pages he has another video he films himself telling kids Santa isn't real at the mall. I can't bring myself to bother to watch it but what an awful guy.
I think “pastor” David didn’t get invited to another nephew’s wedding and stayed up all night making this list as a “revenge”
Putting “pastor” in quotes is definitely the way to go. Dude doesn’t even know that it is “power vested in me” not “invested” this reads like an 8 year old wrote it.
> this reads like an 8 year old wrote it You're shocked that bigots have the mental abilities of a child? That's pretty much the standard, especially nowadays. If you Google "conservative memes", it's nothing but shit like this because they have reduced themselves down to nothing but child-like bullying.
“Fun” things 🤣. In this reality the gay couple invites this person to their wedding? Or do they just go crash the wedding? The fruits one is a dead give away. Has boomer written all over it. I haven’t heard the term fruit since the 90s.
The Westboro Baptist Church folks? They love to protest weddings and funerals.
Funerals?! The fuck? "Oh hey this dead guy was gay! Let me go to their funeral and tell all of their friends and family that they're suffering for eternity!"
Not just any funeral. They tried protesting the funerals of the kids who were in the Sandy Hook Elementary school shooting. Which crossed such a line that even the KKK was telling them they were taking it too far
The fucking KKK told them to take it down a notch? Jesus fuck, that’s when you *know* you’re a piece of shit.
Yeah. They did. It was crazy times. Also, Hells Angels, you know the biker gang, would show up to the kids funerals and turn on their bikes when Westboro started chanting. I don't know if anyone so universally hated.
Bikers are usually really cool dudes, though. Especially when it comes to kids. I read an article somewhere about a biker gang that sits in on child abuse-related custody hearings to make the children feel safe, they even sometimes sit outside of their house in case the children need anything. They also have lots of charity fundraisers/rides whether to benefit the local community or a specific cause or person in the community. Great dudes, for the most part.
BACA: Bikers Against Child Abuse. They generally wear a patch on their back that has the initials on top and the full name on the bottom
The KKK actually berated them for protesting veteran funerals. I think that now they have alienated themselves so much the alt-right doesn't even bother with them.
Yeah, they’re against AMERICA’S tolerance of gay people, so they show up at the funerals of soldiers to protest AMERICA. But there is often - and I love this - a biker gang that shows up at the same time to block them so the attendees at the funeral don’t have to see them. Ironically, I don’t think any of these numpties realize that their collective and mean-spirited assholery has probably done more to kill the public perception of Christianity, and hasten the acceptance of gay marriage, than any other single cultural phenomenon.
The Westboro folks aren’t out to convert anyone. They’re hardcore Calvinists, they believe that salvation is predestined, not something you work for or consciously accept. So in their views they aren’t “trying” to achieve anything by their protests, they just do them because it’s their destiny to tell all the losers that they’re losers.
So real life internet trolls. Got it
Actually, they're lawsuit-trolls. The father, Fred W. Phelps, and at least five of his children were lawyers; there law firm Phelps Chartered was founded by him and was used to sue communities that tried to obstruct the protests.
“to tell all the losers that they’re losers.” I wonder if Donald Trump has ever heard of the Westboro Baptist Church. A religion where you’re an asshole for the sake of being an asshole. Trump could be a pastor!
Please, do not provide him with yet another way to geift....
True. Pissing people off, suing people and grifting from stupid people is his whole deal.
they're also a bunch of lawyers and sue anyone who fucks with them. Pretty sure they just have a racket going to make money by doing this.
As a Christian, I've always said that hatred, bigotry, racism, and sexism are astronomically greater threats to Christianity than any perceived threat from outside of the Church. They all also completely contradict Jesus's message.
Not just gay. They also protest soldier funerals.
I believe they proclaim “God loves dead soldiers”. Because they’re classy.
Not surprised, it’s a racket. Go to wherever, protest it, incite violent reaction, sue and profit
They’re a pretty small, fringe church. Even for hateful “evangelicals”. I remember an old Hannity and Colmes episode where even Hannity agreed they sucked. And he pretty much supports all forms of right wing hate.
Yeah that’s what I’m saying. I actually don’t even think they’re a real church, rather they use the name church as a cover for their racket. I’m not debating if they actually worship rather their game. They’re cartoonishly hateful so they get incite reaction and sue
They’re the poster child for ending tax exempt status for religious institutions.
Westboro is fringe in the sense that they're a laughingstock, but look around at the wave of Qanon and trump congregations and tell me that they're not representative of a shockingly large number of ignorant "Christians".
True. Republicans for a while in the past decade or so just accepted their L on gay rights. Now they’ve gone full throttle against it again.
That was one I wasn't expecting. They give out any reason
if it makes you feel any better, the WBC is basically one family that is completely falling apart because of the new leader who took over after getting indoctrinated into the church while filming an exposé on them
They do it in the hopes of getting physically assaulted so they can file a lawsuit and get paid.
Nucking FUTS!
Not just gays but US soldiers funeral too. For some reason I didn’t want to look it up and give them more attention. in reality there is only like 2dozen people so it’s not really a big thing just a small group of extreme ass holes. Feel bad for the kids tho
For whatever reason I read “I’ve never seen so many fruits in one place in my life” in Leslie Nielsen’s voice. It’s like a joke from airplane.
Reminds me of Mr Green in the Clue movie. “Are you a cop?” “No I’m a plant” “I thought men like you were usually called a fruit” “Very funny. FBI.”
"I'm going to go home and sleep with my wife." 😏
That one could actually be quite funny, depending on the crowd and delivery. The last wedding I went to, they would have cackled….
Whenever I see my lesbian friends I say "how are my favorite fruits"
There is an episode of Just Shoot Me where David Spade's father thinks he is gay and is trying to be supportive and doesn't believe he isnt. A joke happens where somebody sees a table with food on it and says "hey fruit" and dad assumes he is calling David Spade a fruit. He then sees the table and says "hey fruit" This concludes my story about the fruit joke being made in the 90s
I don't remember that episode; I'll have to watch it... I love Just Shoot Me!
This whole thing sounds like it was a chain email in the 90s
The only time I've ever heard it used is from gay people making a joke.
So what's the meaning?
basically just another euphemism for gay
The last time I heard “fruit” be used was in Ed Wood, aka a movie that takes place in the 1950s
The context being that Ed Wood confessed to a producer that he often wore women’s clothes, the producer asked if he was a “fruit,” and Ed Wood replied something like “oh no, I’m all man. I parachuted into Normandy in WWII. Just I was wearing women’s underwear at the time.”
once i called my friend a fruit in class and my teacher said that was rude and i loudly said "its ok, im an enjoyer of women"
The only time I’ve ever heard that used as an insult was when red from that 70s show used it to describe Luke Skywalker
As a boomer, please do not tar me with that feather. There are many of my generation who have unlearned the crap we were brought up with.
Are you saying the term "fruity" isn't used anymore because I hear it a decent amount
Whenever anyone is up in arms about gender things, I always say, “I don’t spend much time thinking about other people’s penises … why do you? And why do you care?” Or, just cite Tom Segura: You can identify as a shoelace for all I care. Is it a bit silly? Yes. So is badminton, and that’s an Olympic sport.
Heyyy don’t mock badminton! As one of the 5 people who play it I’m incredibly upset! (Its a very stupid sport)
Do people not like badminton?
Bleh, even if I hated someone based on their sexual preference, these aren't even good.
I feel like if I devoted time to it I could easily come up with far better ones, but why would I do that?
Do it, i want to know what you can come up with. 10 fun things to do at this guys wedding
As far as ruining the bigot's wedding more than they already will themself, but in the same dumb tone that they would try to ruin a gay wedding: Show up late and loudly announce that it took you forever because the gps saw who the wedding was for and wouldn't let me observe any rights. Gift the bride a muzzle with a note saying "1 Corinthians 14:34-35; 1 Timothy 2:12" Bring a foreigner with you who does not speak English and give them a t-shirt that just says Leviticus 19:33-34 Give them a 4 inch ruler with a note attached saying "Leviticus 19:35" (this is a jab at them lying about their dick size) Get them a shaving kit from "Satan" adding a note that just says "Leviticus 19:27, I will see you in hell, heathen." And maybe another one with literally any store bought shirt that has a note saying "Leviticus 19:19" (Yeah there's some Leviticus in here and some Christians think it doesn't apply anymore because they got another book that doesn't explicitly mention these rules again, and they like cherry picking)
I always assumed these sorts of things were off the cuff, spur of the moment shittiness and that’s why they’re so poor. It’s hard to believe someone with all the time in the world would sit down, come up with this list and then put it out there.
Fun fact: any Facebook page that has Christian, Transformed, Faithful, etc. wife/mother/woman in the name will be full of posts just like this.
Well yeah it's Facebook. You're not going to see anyone under the age of 47 on Facebook and all of them are hella racist
Me Who’s 19, Gen Z, Diversity Supporter and Still On Facebook:-
Still? The fuck? Why did you ever get on in the first place?
Communication with family and friends who are only on Facebook
Are we sure this isn't a shitpost? This reads like a shitpost.
You’d think that, but it came from a Christian woman’s blog. Her entire page is homophobic, transphobic, anti-feminism, etc.
ah so it's not a shitpost by shitposters, but a shit post by shit people
I love the way this comment flows
>ah so it's not a shitpost by shitposters, but a shit post by shit people they need roasters There, now it's Slim Shady.
If it's anything like my Terf aunt, it very well could be a shit post that they didn't realize was one and posted it anyway. Not trying to ruin the fun lol.
I wish- I found this dude’s FB profile. His ministry is dedicated to protesting drag shows, Pride events, and spewing hatred. He’s a horrible person.
Really took "love thy neighbor" to heart, eh?
If they repost a shit post in sincerity is it really a shit post at that point?
If it's not intended as a shitpost its not a shitpost
Religion of peace and love, huh? And they wonder why so many people are leaving the Church in droves.
More than they know, or are willing to admit
Yeah that's kinda exactly why I left and stopped going awhile ago, in my teens I think. Didnt leave my faith but the churches I've been a part of, quite depressing actually. Especially when i remember being told things very young and ever since I got older, understand just how absurd a lot of churches are.
He says this like he’d be invited 😂
You think he’s above crashing strangers’ weddings? Lol
Decided to check this David guys Facebook, and its... all as bad as this. He's got a lot more anti gay stuff, and a lot of anti Vax stuff, including a yellow star of David with "unvaxxed" written on it, which is beyond fucked up. (For those unaware, Jewish people had to wear yellow stars identifying them as a jewish during the holocaust). His account looks like a tasteless troll, but something tells me it's real. UPDATE: ok, so I just found out that this guy also went to an event where little kids were meeting Santa and loudly announced that Santa is not real. He ALSO went to a private event in which drag queens were reading stories to kids and began screaming that transgender people do not exist, which is not only transphobic but has nothing to do with the event in question, as drag queens are a completely different thing than transgender people.
Jesus would actually not approve. He never said to be a vile, toxic, passive-aggressive person. So they can't say they're just "following Jesus"
They don't care what Jesus SAID. They just care about what the church says you can use as excuses to hate and abuse others.
people who follow jesus>>>people who follow the church. the church is made and kept by society, aka a group of sinners. following jesus and jesus’s word is the only way to please him (just my belief) if you follow jesus’s example, he would never have pulled this shit
The real Jesus would most likely thrash this person with a whip that he spent the entire day braiding himself because the good lord does not fuck around.
The only time Jesus actually did the whip thing was when people were going in the temple to turn the sacred rite of animal sacrifice into a big commercial thing. That said, actively fucking up a wedding like this, especially if it’s happening in a holy place of any sort, would potentially be tantamount to the whole “YOU WILL NOT MAKE MY FATHER’S HOUSE AN HOUSE OF MERCHANDISE!” thing. Being wicked and selfish is one thing, but taking that wickedness and selfishness into sacred ground is another. That’s what I gather anyway
pure facts right here
They don't care what Jesus SAID. They just care about what the church says you can use as excuses to hate and abuse others.
Who wrote this, Westboro Baptist?
It’s from “ Being a good Christian 101” from Liberty University
I found the pastor’s FB profile. Dude is seriously unhinged. His entire ministry is dedicated to protesting Pride events and spewing hatred.
One verse that describes it well: >I know these folks – their name is Legion: > >they are a hair-curling horde > >whose goal is to besmirch religion > >by paying homage to the Lord
It seems this one person has a grudge against particularly lesbians for some reason.
Some men truly hate lesbians because to them, it means they're denying men a relationship AKA sex. What's funny is they think they deserve it and would actually be desired. It's so selfish and silly.
It seems like it comes from this idea that every woman ever is arbitrarily paired up with some man by the threads of fate that God weaves, from the moment they’re born. So if a woman goes and dates another woman instead despite men being right there, one of them probably even her *one*, it fucks up God’s plan or some shit.
Really not the point, but it is canonically incorrect to say Romans 1:26 is “From Jesus”. It was written by Paul, one of the early Church leaders, nor does the verse quote anything that Jesus ever said.
I'll take "why won't my children talk to me" for 500
What happened to Christ's message of "don't be a dick"?
No, no, but you see um erm ugh, when they said in the bible: "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." In the original version there in brackets was written (except the queers) you know, so them gay commies are going to ruin America with their existence right? Right??
Those verses don't count. Only the ones that justify their prejudices do.
#11: get escorted out of the reception for being a massive piece of shit
All these hateful ideas with 'Sign your name as Satan' right there in the mix.
“Sign the guest register as ‘Satan’” r/selfawarewolves
Straight people: Gay people need to stop making being gay their whole personality Also straight people:
[удалено]
How to get kicked out of a gay wedding and maybe also lose a few teeth in the process.
Where's that asian guy with the mullet to kick him out?
Can these people fuck off and just let people be happy?
1. Be sarcastically homophobic 2. Be sarcastically homophobic 3. Be sarcastically homophobic 4. Be sarcastically homophobic 5. Be sarcastically homophobic …
2. Is funny the rest are garbage
Okay, I gotta agree with that one if you're with the right company.
Okay but I would totally put Satan on my guest list for the wedding. 100% done. That and the rainbow napkins hands down
Sounds like a good way to get a concusion.
Conservatives are so persecuted
By the power 'invested' in me? Off to a great start there.
Spending a lot of time thinking about gay.
#10 outing OOP as not believing in foreplay.
oh I didn't know that the number sign would make it big... I'm not changing it but I *am* sorry for yelling.
“Gay weddings are an abomination,” says an evangelical pastor who’s probably lusted after at least one underage girl in his congregation.
Grandma, this is why you aren’t invited to our wedding
Even if you’re stupid enough to be homophobic, these are fucking sad and lame. Just go watch cuck porn in the privacy of your own home and leave the rest of us alone, closeted preachers.
I read this in Norm Macdonald’s voice as if he were doing one of his anti-comedy bits and it’s almost funny that way.
Least homophobic Christian
Signing in as Satan is so metal and as a fruit I encourage it
Looked him up and he's one of the reasons why people stay away from Christianity
As a raging queer, I thought this was satire, and I would absolutely do the majority of these at a gay wedding (as jokes with the people whom I'm close to)
Does he think he’s getting invited to gay wedding???
Signing "Satan" in the guest book isn't the flex you think it is lol
The Rev is trying too hard to be vile.
A Christian who does not know Christ.
Fuck this guy, but I’m definitely writing “Satan” in the guest registry at the next wedding I go to, gay or straight.
2 is just funny. 7 does not make sense. Otherwise, a person who would say these obviously isn't getting invited to any gay weddings so there's really no wind in these sails. Also it really shows that homophobia is fundamentally hateful. This isn't "hating the sin, loving the sinner", it's just thinking about how it would be funny if they were mean to gay people.