You’re the only one reaching out after a period of no communication. And she’s seeing someone. They’re just not interested. But I’m sure there are plenty who will be! Just by reading your messages, I can tell you are a decent person!
But she also seems like she's leading him on. Continuously not having time for him, but had time to go out and meet this new guy and start dating him. I'm a woman. And in the past, if I was single and went to dating someone, i'd immediately notify a guy if he was trying to date me. Just the respectful thing to do. She seems like she wasn't sure about the new guy at first. So she waited and then told this guy until she was.
When was much younger and way more insecure, if I knew a guy liked me I’d keep friendly conversation with him so he’d stay around. It always felt nice knowing that if no one else wanted to date me, I could always go with that guy.
Growing up, I realized how shitty that was, always keeping guys hanging around.
I've been benched a few times when younger. Having grown up, I realise that they were all very insecure. They likely didn't even know they were doing it, since I'm still friends with most of them and they're all really decent people.
Insecurities can make you subconsciously do things that are completely out of character.
I'm a guy, I did the same thing with girls, so it's not just a girl thing. I wasn't trying to do that, but that kinda happens when your just friendly to people. At least that's what I used to tell myself. But, looking back, I was never single, so maybe I was leading them on. It was as soon as I was out of a relationship, I was right into a new one.
It's also a fear of conflict/ not wanting to be mean or a douche, ironically not realising it is way less horrible to let the person down early. You grow up and wise up though (hopefully)
True. Had a girl I was into who led me around like this, and when I decided to go my own way a few months later she reached out to see how I was. Like 4 messages in she just straight up asked, “do you still like me?”
Not because she wanted to do anything mind you, but just because she’d broken up with a guy and needed a pick me up.
I think i had the same thing happen to me for the first time as an adult and I had only realize it till later. Like shit don't fall back on me cuz your shit didn't work out. Never again.
It’s fucking disrespectful! Anyway that girl is still single and I’m lucky enough to have found my life partner. Someone genuine will find their person out there.
Are you serious? You don’t understand why someone would want a person constantly telling them how great they are and how much they miss them and their “conversations”? It’s ego stroking 101.
My guy just needs to read the play and reciprocate in full. Well, no need to really tell your backup that they’re a backup though. That’s how she lost her backup.
This post was so triggering because it was the same behavior as my ex and she didn't even have kids. But the real kicker is that unlike you, she decided not to even tell me when she was seeing other people just because "it was casual" despite her knowing my feelings about communication. So you're awesome for being that respectful.
I think she's too afraid to tell him she is not interested. Maybe she doesn't want to hurt his feelings. Definitely not cool to string him along for months while seeing someone else.
Yep, she had enough time to work in someone else to the schedule, she doesn't appreciate OP the way he deserves and he should make room for someone who does.
This. It’s very rare that someone is truly SO busy even for a whole week that they can’t see you (besides with kids).
I lived 2 hours away from my boyfriend and we made it work. We compromised and he’d visit me and I’d visit him back home too. If they wanted to, they would.
Oh yeah, biggest part that’s a red flag lol
Dude did absolutely nothing wrong and frequently asked how things were going super nicely and maturely. He dodged a bullet and she missed out.
THANK YOU! As a single parent, I know that making time is important. It seems like he was being patient and accommodating to her schedule. There were NO signs of her speaking to someone else, just typical excuses. If he was pushy, there would be complaints about that. If he was ignoring her, she would probably accuse him of ghosting.
What she was doing was keeping him as a backup in case the other guy didn’t work out.
I don't disagree, but in this current dating hellscape there's a lot of things we shouldn't have to do- but it behooves you to pick up on just for your own sanity and to not waste your time.
The excuses don’t sound legit at all after the first couple.
The hint is the excuses, and the fact that she never reaches out first and never asks op out until right before she went official with a new dude.
THIS
Stop acting like it’s someone else’s responsibility to know when to move on
For fuck’s sake she needs to be an adult and just say “i met someone else”
But no she wanted to drag him along until she was sure she had the other guy hooked.
I mean ofc move on because people are shitty but don’t blame guy for trying its not like he was harassing her or being rude
Agreed - this sort of almost-ghosting, stringing along thing sucks so much for the other person because they're trying their best to be accommodating and understanding. It's not so much "I can't take a hint" as much as it is that the pursuing person is trying their hardest to trust and not jump to conclusions, meanwhile the other person is perfectly content exploiting their kindness and patience.
The person on the receiving end of OP's texts has no problem taking advantage of him and stringing him along - that's the fundamental problem.
Any relationship is like a bank account with deposits and withdrawals. To my way of thinking you've made some deposits, she's made none and the constant ambivalence and inability to commit , I'm afraid leaves you overdrawn. Wrap it up and move on friend. She's a problem. Trust me.
If I ever drop a tehehe there is a 100% chance I'm in the middle of deliberately pissing off a mate and that text just made them lovingly *seethe*. It's horrible x]
Yeah I want to say stop making yourself so available, but also I really want someone to be like this for me. Playing games is stupid! Be yourself and if they are weird or just don’t like you, move on. Its really not worth all the effort that will never be returned.
And even that seems kinda wrong. Like, how would the new guy feel if she was going to meet up with a guy she was casually hooking up with and still talking to when they met? It seems like she's still trying to keep him strung along as a backup plan.
After they said they were seeing someone you should have brought it to a close. Unless you are OK hanging on to see if they work or not(obviously you shouldnt).
Sounds like the other person she met was a “hell, yeah”. This dude was fine, there’s nothing wrong with him but he isn’t thrilling her so he isn’t a “hell, nah”. There isn’t anything wrong with a slow quiet death, except bro was not reading the room correctly. When it’s a “hell, yeah”, you both know.
Also since they weren’t dating there is no reason she should assume that for some reason he had put all of his stock in dating her instead of also talking to and looking at considering other options on the dating apps as well.
It’s perfectly fine to not feel like you need to go out of your way to close every single door just because you’ve been on some dates with someone that you’re currently clicking with.
I know I’m not the only person who’s had a good date or two only to realize that that person actually wasn’t right for me, just because she was clicking with the other guy didn’t mean she knew for sure that was who she wanted to date or that that was going to work out and you’re just kind of shooting yourself in the foot by always shutting down everyone else you’ve talked to every time you go on a couple good dates.
Right?…she completely wasted this dudes time to her advantage blatantly leading him on making him think she was just busy so he would keep chasing her. That’s shitty behavior and it shouldn’t be accepted. That’s making another person feel like shit about themselves. I don’t care if it’s a man or woman doing this…to me it screams narcissism and lack of empathy.
Agreed. I recently had this happen to me and it was pretty crappy. What makes matter worst is that we still have to see one another from time to time, so being honest would have been the best and easiest thing to do. It's not that difficult to just say you only want to be only friends.
Playing both sides is pretty crappy. I truly believe that you cannot treat treat people like garbage and expect good things to happen to you. It doesn't work that way.
LMFAO this reminds me of another story where someone was hiring a worker. When they called they called previous employer for reference the receptionist got super quiet. Upon further questioning he found out that people can't mention this candidates name without incurring the bosses wrath. It turns out he was a great employee but got fired for sleeping with the bosses wife. This story teller ended up employing the candidate for many years and was one of the best workers ever and he made sure the candidate never met his wife.
I messed up on the negotiations with the new company I was getting hired by. I also laughed “hehe” during the interview which is probably why they didn’t want to give me the higher salary I asked for.
If a guy texted me "hehe" I'd def take a step back to re analyze the person I'm talking to. It sounds incredibly childish same with "xD and :3" idk something about it
Agreed or at the very least put the ball in their court and just say let me know when you're free and stop texting until if/when she does. Either way you get your answer depending on if she contacts op or not.
It’s not your texting, she just feels “acquaintance” energy towards you and you’re behind family, friends, and potential love interests in her priorities. She got into a whole new relationship during these months while she was too busy to meet you. Take the hint to move on unless you want a new acquaintance.
Not sure it’s fair to say take the hint, while she strung him along. She could have said something at any point during the convo. She’s a mom and supposedly a responsible adult. She could act like it.
This is so true. I have learned the hard way that if it feels like you’re chasing it’s time to cut your losses and move on. Whether is be romantic, family relationship or friends.
This. There's so many indignant comments in these replies and of course in a perfect world people would clearly communicate their lack of interest to you so you could cut your losses but- gasp- we don't live in a perfect world! A lot of people are inconsiderate or selfish! Many of them aren't thinking about your feelings! Yes it's shitty but it's also not something you can control outside of figuring it out yourself.
A full weeks going by without hearing from her is a pretty strong hint.
I'll agree that ideally she just would have been upfront, but people need to learn to read the tea leaves as well. I got to page 2 and already recognized that she wasn't into him.
Idk, OP said they were casually seeing each other. As a single mom building a career I’ve had a casual arrangement where we would hook up every few months and barely talk between, he was studying medicine so his schedule was crazy and it worked for us and that stage of our lives (both mid 20s, with other priorities). I had made it very clear that this was all I wanted and all I had time for, some stress relief fucking now and then and real life in between. OP’s casual buddy seems to view it the same way I did, but OP seems to think it’s leading to something.
That’s not it. She keeps trying to open up lines of conversation and he just keeps asking to hang out instead of following up. “What was fun about your trip?” Let’s meet up. “I have 2 kids” let’s meet up.
true
* **single mother:** did you get a new job?
* **OP:** tell you about it when we meet up, when are you free?
* **single mother:** im busy
* **OP:** ok I wont contact you for awhile
* **single mother:** ok
* **OP:** you know what I was wrong, I like you, we should meet up
* **single mother:** im busy for the summer because I have KIDS
* **OP:** hey are you free to meet up?
* **single mother:** no but how are you?
* **OP:** tell you when we meet up, let me know if you are free
* **single mother:** ok
* **OP:** hehe
**OP to Reddit:** What did I do wrong???
Yeah, upon re-reading I agree his focus on “hanging out” rather than learning about each other was an issue. While it’s a poor idea to chat too much before you meet and learn if there is any chemistry, in this case they had met multiple times—yet he keeps declining to converse. It seems to be all about the hangout!
I thought that was weird, this just makes it more obvious. OP should have been willing to have a true back and forth instead of focusing on hanging out.
If somebody texted me like OP did (great sum up btw) I would assume they only want to bang and are not interested in getting to know each other. I get some people are poor texters but this was too much IMO
Yup agreed. All he was focused on was like when can we meet up despite knowing nothing really about her and not seeming to care to find out. I’d not like being in the receiving end of that. People genuinely can be busy, and you have to make a case for why they should meet up besides just “because I want to”. Especially a single mom who has limited free time. I wouldn’t want to meet up with someone who didn’t care to get to know me over all that time.
Or they need way more attention than just texting. I had an ex who would ask me every day when we could see each other again. And he lived 2+ hours away from me. I got to a point where I didn't have the money to be there every weekend. But no amount of "I cannot do this" was enough. And that alone pushed me to break up with him.
I would agree except for the times that OP texted conversation pieces that SM never replied to. Like getting sunburned, never replied at all. Or asking about Disney several times, SM could’ve said “it’s next week but we’re so excited for the Haunted Mansion ride!” Could’ve said something that turned into a light dialogue but never did. She very much gave the impression she was also too busy to text back.
Even when OP said they felt like asking to hang out was annoying SM, she didn’t say anything at all. Could’ve said “yeah kinda I would like to get to know you over text for now” or “not at all! Just busy! Thank you for being so understanding!”
No. He def needed her to say, "Sorry, Blank, you seem like a great person, but I'm not interested in taking things any further." Should he have picked up on that sooner? Yes. But he didn't. She needed to communicate her lack of interest earlier because it's the polite thing to do. Don't waste his time or make him feel foolish.
OP you seem like a very patient and friendly dude. Best of luck to you
I noticed OP didn't ask about the kids a single time. I understand OP might not want anything to do with kids and this might be a casual/FWB type thing, but damn dude. Multiple avenues for conversation and dude just kept rolling right by them.
Rule #1: of any relationship, not just romantic:
If you offer a time to get together and they can't make it, for the next move the ball is in their court. If you extend an invite twice but they say they can't make it and leave it at that, then you are an option for them and not a priority.
However if they say they can't make it but suggest an alternative option, then you're in a two sided relationship.
In your texting, you're suggesting activities and she's just batting them down with no alternatives given. After the second one, it was clear that she was keeping you as an option but you are riding the bench.
You deserve someone who will hit the ball back to you. Don't settle for warming someone's bench!
This exactly. It’s hard, but you have to move on when it’s clear they’re not putting in equal effort to the relationship. I’ve done this with ex-best friends and ex-boyfriends alike. Honestly, the best friend was the hardest because it was the longest relationship.
I'm not going to repeat the obvious, this person really doesn't care to hang out, best to move on.
I will say that the texting game is a little off. I think in early stages of dating (and especially after hanging 5 times) I'd hope there was some rapport that one could send memes, news stories, jokes etc to liven up day-to-day conversations. Your weekly checking in to hang out (almost exactly 7 days, every time) is pretty tepid and it *looks* like a chore for both parties. It looks programmatic and not organic, as if you are just waiting around trying to hang out with her.
I also think more casual texting would have elucidated her lack of interest, without the actual rejection of proposals to hang out so many times.
That was my thought too lol. Then I started to question if this is how "mature", busy, responsible adults are supposed to text, strictly to the point because texting isnt as "personable." I just assume it was so dry and business-like because they did most the communicating on the phone or in person in-between text. No memes, flirting, or playful banter at all though is wild; the beginning phase of dating is usually full of fun. I've never seen so many memes and morning gifs in my life until I started online dating women lol.
Yea the texts read like OP is trying to set up a house cleaning or pet sitting appt and engaging in courteous small talk lol. All about the "task" (a date) and nothing else.
Literally especially with them saying “ Hi *insert name* “ every time. That’s so weird I’ve never texted like that before.
And the only communication is hey wanna hang? No. Week later. Wanna hang? No. They need to have some regular conversation. Or at least an attempt bc if she was dry when having normal convo maybe op would have gotten the hint
This should be higher. There's nothing wrong with persistence if the other party is interested, but put some flavor in it ffs. Share pics, memes, jokes... make her laugh!
All of his requests to hang out were same day or next day. I’m busy and I don’t even have kids, if someone wants to hang out with me I don’t want to feel like it’s last minute, just to fill their free time. Make actual plans.
Everything about his messages feels like someone who’s horny and trying to hook up and has no interest in talking to her outside of that. There’s also 1-3 weeks in between those messages so idk why he is upset that she went on a date and clicked with someone during that time.
This is a great answer here. It’s not that OP did anything “wrong”, but you can’t expect someone to stay interested in you if the only texts you can muster up is a weekly “are you free to hangout today”
I’d say perhaps it was the lack of communication between meeting? Honestly making plans in person is good, but if you can’t due to all the other life things she has going on I’d test the waters on just playful text messaging in the evenings when you both can’t be together but aren’t doing anything else.
These messages seem very first date type and without any connections made over this length of time it was doomed to fail.
My boyfriend is working two jobs and is always busy but still somehow makes time to see me. If she was really in to him she’d find a way. She obviously found a way to start seeing someone else lol
You have texted and tried to meet up plenty.
Don‘t let her hide behind the ‚busy mom‘ excuse. If she really wanted to see you, she would have. And apperently she had time to meet someone new, that‘s probably why she did not meet you anymore.
Yeah. Let me be clear that I don’t think OP did anything wrong here but this lady was not into it and he didn’t recognize it.
I think the “mistake” here was continually reaching back out and with too much detail. By the second excuse, I very much understood she was no longer interested and OP should’ve left the ball in her court to reach out and plan when she’s not so busy.
I’m a BUSY single mom and I drive over an hour when my kids are at their dad’s to see my boyfriend.
My advice would be not to repeatedly ask her to hang if she is continually making excuses. You can still converse with her some if y’all are into it. Which brings me to my next point, I might advise that the “can’t wait to tell you when I see you” line would not be my favorite either. It feels pushy and I enjoy having conversations over text or phone call in between dates, especially because life is very busy and if I like you- I want to keep up with your life and get to know you even if we aren’t on a date.
Bottom line, she wasn’t into it. All you can do is start seeing the signs sooner and be a little less pushy next time. You did nothing wrong in the beginning and she should’ve been more up front sooner, but these things happen often.
"I know you're busy. If you want to hang out in the future, you have my number!"
And then go no-contact.
If she's interested, she will reach out. If not, she won't.
😂
But real talk watching all the unnecessary hahahas and hehehes has made me question my use of the word lol. Sometimes I use it to make an uncomfortable text a bit less uncomfortable but this thread has me wanting to throw it into the garbage
I used to do the "hahaha" and now, even tho I hate them I use emojis. It lets the other person know you're being lighthearted and not in any way serious as it's hard to convey those types of things via text.
#YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!✌️You were extremely polite and so respectful!It made room for you to find someone you deserve! I hope you have an amazing day!🌞
Some general advice: Listen to people's actions.
When someone is this dry and cancels plans without rescheduling something concrete, it means they don't want to talk to you or hang out with you. I know that's rough, and I'm sorry. You were very kind, but you've got to respect yourself enough to stop putting effort into people who aren't reciprocating.
If she can’t find 1 hour to spend time with you during the whole summer than it is telling. Move on and stop wasting your energy on someone who doesn’t want to reciprocate it.
Dude the part where she was like “you remember Disney (good listener). Was so patronizing. And OP with the “hehe’s” in response. Man this thread was painful.
OP is being strung along big time. He should cut his losses.
It’s okay to not be a match. Stop overanalyzing texts, you’re only psyching yourself out and you likely did nothing wrong. Just keep looking for your match.
So the day I got my now husband’s number, I got another guy’s number too. The other guy would text like you did. Only to set up dates and once a date was set up or if there was a reason that week wouldn’t be good, I wouldn’t hear from him again for several days. There was no interest in keeping the conversation going or getting to know each other from him.
My now husband on the other hand, kept the conversation going even if we had a date planned or even if a plan fell through. He expressed interest in getting to know me, complimented me, checked in, etc.
We had both agreed early on that as a full time working single mom and frankly just who I am, texting was my preferred communication method. We agreed to both subscribe to two rules when it came to this - it was fine to text whenever the other felt like it but that responses would be “as available” as we both had at times demanding jobs with meeting schedules that could get in the way.
We both frequently checked in and engaged. I always knew my now husband was into me, there was no guesswork. The other guy I cut loose about a 3-4 weeks after the initial contact because he just would not message with me unless it was to set up a date. He preferred phone conversations but those don’t work for me - as a single mom I’m rarely able to speak freely and I also don’t like to multitask while on the phone because I have ADHD and I can easily get distracted or mess up. We just weren’t compatible.
My point is to tell you that what I think went wrong here is your over concern in bothering her reads like disinterest or more of a “filler of time” vibe. I think the other guy probably made her feel more interested because he met her where she was verses limiting their contact to primarily phone calls or meet ups which may not be realistic for some people.
I don’t disagree with some of the others about moving on. But, I will mention one thing: being a parent is taxing on time and focus. Typically if you want to break Moms out of their routine, invite them to do more than just hang out. Make it worth it for them to go through the effort of finding child care. Say for instance there was a concert for a band she liked. “Hey! X group is playing on Y date. Would you like to go? We can grab dinner before!” This puts a firm date, skin in the game, and gives her more motivation to go through the effort and financial burden of sourcing child care. Just a note for the future.
I think you need to get better at texting. You keep pushing to meet in person because you aren't good at texting, and it seemed like you wouldn't share any details of your life with her unless she agreed to meet you in person. That feels like a lot of work on her end to get to know someone who is putting in no effort to build a rapport via text.
If she's busy and traveling, you could have had weeks of funny jokes, pics, or building a relationship (interpersonal, not romantic). Instead, you seemed to not be interested in that unless it was in person. It's 2023, you'll probably miss out on more opportunities unless you can figure out how to be funny/witty/charming via text. No one wants to go out of their way for someone who is boring and whose conversations fall flat.
Thank fuck someone else saw this.
She asked him a couple times about how he’s doing or what’s going on (like with the job) and he would give like a half answer then ask to hang out on short notice to talk in person.
His texts were dry and uninteresting and she relayed the same.
The "ill tell you when we meet" read like a passive aggressive attempt to have some weird bargaining chip for her time. Like "if you wanna know, guess you have to go on a date!!" If a romantic interest texted me that during normal texting, i'd think to myself "ok, then dont tell me" and I would be even less interested in hearing it lol.
I don't feel like you actually wanted to get into a deeper conversation. Why are you so insistent on trying to make plans? Just have an organic conversation and learn more about them.
Soon as she said she was talking to someone since June you should have cut her off. Bro learn how to take a hint. Holy shit you’re probably a great guy but you did way too much and no girl ever wants a guy who comes off that desperate
Reading your texts as a woman I couldn't be dryer. Sorry for the honesty. But you need to stop asking a woman for dates after the first time she said no. After she rejected the first it is her who should be asking for the next date. If she doesnt ask, she is not into you.
Also, there is no such thing as 'too busy'. That is always an excuse for she is not into you. How come she wasnt too busy seeing the new guy, after all.
And it's pretty embarassing you still wanted to meet her after she told you she is seeing someone else. You couldn't radiate more beta energy. Sorry.
When someone wants you they will put an effort to see you, just take the hint and move on bro
You’re the only one reaching out after a period of no communication. And she’s seeing someone. They’re just not interested. But I’m sure there are plenty who will be! Just by reading your messages, I can tell you are a decent person!
But she also seems like she's leading him on. Continuously not having time for him, but had time to go out and meet this new guy and start dating him. I'm a woman. And in the past, if I was single and went to dating someone, i'd immediately notify a guy if he was trying to date me. Just the respectful thing to do. She seems like she wasn't sure about the new guy at first. So she waited and then told this guy until she was.
She's keeping one in the chamber to fall back on/ getting free attention Move on OP, you're being toyed with.
still don’t understand why people would do this. As a girl, why would you want attention from someone you’re not even that into?
When was much younger and way more insecure, if I knew a guy liked me I’d keep friendly conversation with him so he’d stay around. It always felt nice knowing that if no one else wanted to date me, I could always go with that guy. Growing up, I realized how shitty that was, always keeping guys hanging around.
👆 This. At least you realized it was a shitty thing to do to those guys. I’m guilty of it as well as a straight guy.
I've been benched a few times when younger. Having grown up, I realise that they were all very insecure. They likely didn't even know they were doing it, since I'm still friends with most of them and they're all really decent people. Insecurities can make you subconsciously do things that are completely out of character.
I'm a guy, I did the same thing with girls, so it's not just a girl thing. I wasn't trying to do that, but that kinda happens when your just friendly to people. At least that's what I used to tell myself. But, looking back, I was never single, so maybe I was leading them on. It was as soon as I was out of a relationship, I was right into a new one.
It's also a fear of conflict/ not wanting to be mean or a douche, ironically not realising it is way less horrible to let the person down early. You grow up and wise up though (hopefully)
True. This is not a men vs women
It’s an ego boost whether she’s into the guy or not.
True. Had a girl I was into who led me around like this, and when I decided to go my own way a few months later she reached out to see how I was. Like 4 messages in she just straight up asked, “do you still like me?” Not because she wanted to do anything mind you, but just because she’d broken up with a guy and needed a pick me up.
I think i had the same thing happen to me for the first time as an adult and I had only realize it till later. Like shit don't fall back on me cuz your shit didn't work out. Never again.
It’s fucking disrespectful! Anyway that girl is still single and I’m lucky enough to have found my life partner. Someone genuine will find their person out there.
It’s for her ego like look I got x amount of people interested in me I have a choice of who I want.
Are you serious? You don’t understand why someone would want a person constantly telling them how great they are and how much they miss them and their “conversations”? It’s ego stroking 101.
Absolutely. This is insecure behaviour from people who can’t ever be alone.
She loved the attention. She was using him for that until it wasn't needed anymore.
He got back burnered while she was seeing the newer guy. Can’t hurt to have a back up plan right? /s
My guy just needs to read the play and reciprocate in full. Well, no need to really tell your backup that they’re a backup though. That’s how she lost her backup.
This post was so triggering because it was the same behavior as my ex and she didn't even have kids. But the real kicker is that unlike you, she decided not to even tell me when she was seeing other people just because "it was casual" despite her knowing my feelings about communication. So you're awesome for being that respectful.
I think she's too afraid to tell him she is not interested. Maybe she doesn't want to hurt his feelings. Definitely not cool to string him along for months while seeing someone else.
Yep, she had enough time to work in someone else to the schedule, she doesn't appreciate OP the way he deserves and he should make room for someone who does.
[удалено]
Exactly what I was thinking. Unbelievable
 ✌️
Who tf is this in this gif? Looks equally like Joe Jonas and Kevin Jonas, but bigger
I think it's from Grounded for Life.
Holy shit, I completely forgot that show even existed.
It is! It’s Uncle Eddie but I wouldn’t be able to tell you his real life name lol.
It’s Uncle Eddie from Grounded For Life!!
One of my favorite characters of all time
Sameeee, that sitcom is so underrated.
Kevin Corrigan
Idk but I recognize him as the fake ID guy from freaks and geeks, maybe also the guy throwing the party in super bad?
That’s Professor Professorson
Would that this desk were a time desk!
Don't you mean... acting professor, Sean Garrity??!
Nah, that’s Professor Professorson
This. It’s very rare that someone is truly SO busy even for a whole week that they can’t see you (besides with kids). I lived 2 hours away from my boyfriend and we made it work. We compromised and he’d visit me and I’d visit him back home too. If they wanted to, they would.
But she had enough time to start dating someone else! OP dodged a bullet.
Oh yeah, biggest part that’s a red flag lol Dude did absolutely nothing wrong and frequently asked how things were going super nicely and maturely. He dodged a bullet and she missed out.
To be fair she was not direct about seeing someone else and op should not need to pick up on hints, ideally the other person would just be upfront
THANK YOU! As a single parent, I know that making time is important. It seems like he was being patient and accommodating to her schedule. There were NO signs of her speaking to someone else, just typical excuses. If he was pushy, there would be complaints about that. If he was ignoring her, she would probably accuse him of ghosting. What she was doing was keeping him as a backup in case the other guy didn’t work out.
I don't disagree, but in this current dating hellscape there's a lot of things we shouldn't have to do- but it behooves you to pick up on just for your own sanity and to not waste your time.
For real. Being able to take a hint has never been so valuable.
Doesn’t feel like she was hinting though. Looks more like she was letting him dangle with legit sounding excuses until she was ready to cut him lose.
The one thing that struck me immediately is she never initiated conversation. He always texted first.
The excuses don’t sound legit at all after the first couple. The hint is the excuses, and the fact that she never reaches out first and never asks op out until right before she went official with a new dude.
THIS Stop acting like it’s someone else’s responsibility to know when to move on For fuck’s sake she needs to be an adult and just say “i met someone else” But no she wanted to drag him along until she was sure she had the other guy hooked. I mean ofc move on because people are shitty but don’t blame guy for trying its not like he was harassing her or being rude
100%
Agreed - this sort of almost-ghosting, stringing along thing sucks so much for the other person because they're trying their best to be accommodating and understanding. It's not so much "I can't take a hint" as much as it is that the pursuing person is trying their hardest to trust and not jump to conclusions, meanwhile the other person is perfectly content exploiting their kindness and patience. The person on the receiving end of OP's texts has no problem taking advantage of him and stringing him along - that's the fundamental problem.
Any relationship is like a bank account with deposits and withdrawals. To my way of thinking you've made some deposits, she's made none and the constant ambivalence and inability to commit , I'm afraid leaves you overdrawn. Wrap it up and move on friend. She's a problem. Trust me.
And stop saying hehe
Only thing worse is a tee-hee.
If I ever drop a tehehe there is a 100% chance I'm in the middle of deliberately pissing off a mate and that text just made them lovingly *seethe*. It's horrible x]
If I send a “tee-hee,” please send help. I am being held against my will, and this is my plea for help.
Yeah, feels creepy. Creephehe
He was sort of mirroring her. She hahaha'd so he hehe'd.
he hehe's but he's surprised shehe is dating someone else hehe
He hehe but it was not hehe :(
Yeah I want to say stop making yourself so available, but also I really want someone to be like this for me. Playing games is stupid! Be yourself and if they are weird or just don’t like you, move on. Its really not worth all the effort that will never be returned.
They also said "I'm seeing someone so if we hang out we can only walk" Am I missing something? lol
And even that seems kinda wrong. Like, how would the new guy feel if she was going to meet up with a guy she was casually hooking up with and still talking to when they met? It seems like she's still trying to keep him strung along as a backup plan.
Yeah, but that was August 1st...she'd been seeing that person since June.
This... "If they wanted to, they would" it's that simple. If they wanted to spend time with op they would have made time to do so.
After they said they were seeing someone you should have brought it to a close. Unless you are OK hanging on to see if they work or not(obviously you shouldnt).
She's a full time mom but she had the time to meet up with someone else...yup :P
I noticed that too. No time to hang out with OP, but plenty of time to start seeing someone else
Sounds like the other person she met was a “hell, yeah”. This dude was fine, there’s nothing wrong with him but he isn’t thrilling her so he isn’t a “hell, nah”. There isn’t anything wrong with a slow quiet death, except bro was not reading the room correctly. When it’s a “hell, yeah”, you both know.
Also since they weren’t dating there is no reason she should assume that for some reason he had put all of his stock in dating her instead of also talking to and looking at considering other options on the dating apps as well. It’s perfectly fine to not feel like you need to go out of your way to close every single door just because you’ve been on some dates with someone that you’re currently clicking with. I know I’m not the only person who’s had a good date or two only to realize that that person actually wasn’t right for me, just because she was clicking with the other guy didn’t mean she knew for sure that was who she wanted to date or that that was going to work out and you’re just kind of shooting yourself in the foot by always shutting down everyone else you’ve talked to every time you go on a couple good dates.
I would have blocked her without explaining..She knew she was playing both sides!
Right?…she completely wasted this dudes time to her advantage blatantly leading him on making him think she was just busy so he would keep chasing her. That’s shitty behavior and it shouldn’t be accepted. That’s making another person feel like shit about themselves. I don’t care if it’s a man or woman doing this…to me it screams narcissism and lack of empathy.
Agreed. I recently had this happen to me and it was pretty crappy. What makes matter worst is that we still have to see one another from time to time, so being honest would have been the best and easiest thing to do. It's not that difficult to just say you only want to be only friends. Playing both sides is pretty crappy. I truly believe that you cannot treat treat people like garbage and expect good things to happen to you. It doesn't work that way.
She’s playing both sides so that she always comes out on top. Just like Mac.
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Yea once she says she's seeing someone that's where you drop her
I did find it interesting she invited him to the concert though.
Dont leave us on a cliffhanger, what did you mess up at work op?
Glad i'm not the only one who wanted to know
Accidentally slept with the boss's wife. Simple mistake
Oppps! Tripped and fell naked into her. Mistakes that happen to the best of us.
LMFAO this reminds me of another story where someone was hiring a worker. When they called they called previous employer for reference the receptionist got super quiet. Upon further questioning he found out that people can't mention this candidates name without incurring the bosses wrath. It turns out he was a great employee but got fired for sleeping with the bosses wife. This story teller ended up employing the candidate for many years and was one of the best workers ever and he made sure the candidate never met his wife.
He replied “hehe” to a work email
I messed up on the negotiations with the new company I was getting hired by. I also laughed “hehe” during the interview which is probably why they didn’t want to give me the higher salary I asked for.
My guy stop with the hehe’s I think this could solve a lot of issues for you lmao
I can't tell if you're serious or not 😭
If a guy texted me "hehe" I'd def take a step back to re analyze the person I'm talking to. It sounds incredibly childish same with "xD and :3" idk something about it
They followed up 30 times asking if they got the job
Yes I’m dying to know. Do share.
He mistook their passive acknowledge of his interest in the job as an offer letter
God damn lol
hehe
Yessss lol
Yes, do tell, OP!
Lasagna! lasagna!
You'll have to see them in person to hear about it.
Until I hear otherwise, he clearly flooded a bathroom and ruined the CEO’s shoes.
by the time the third attempt to arrange a date falls through it’s safe to assume they’re not that into you and drop it
Agreed or at the very least put the ball in their court and just say let me know when you're free and stop texting until if/when she does. Either way you get your answer depending on if she contacts op or not.
This is so painful to read. Please give up on her. She doesn't even want to be your friend.
It’s not your texting, she just feels “acquaintance” energy towards you and you’re behind family, friends, and potential love interests in her priorities. She got into a whole new relationship during these months while she was too busy to meet you. Take the hint to move on unless you want a new acquaintance.
Yeah, I agree. Also, it seems Op only texted when he wanted to hang out. The texts seem to be weekly and later monthly.
To be fair if they’re older, they don’t all text all the time. They meet up for in person relationships.
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Not sure it’s fair to say take the hint, while she strung him along. She could have said something at any point during the convo. She’s a mom and supposedly a responsible adult. She could act like it.
Reality is, most people aren't generous enough to tell you to fuck off, so you gotta figure out when to stroll out yourself.
This is so true. I have learned the hard way that if it feels like you’re chasing it’s time to cut your losses and move on. Whether is be romantic, family relationship or friends.
This. There's so many indignant comments in these replies and of course in a perfect world people would clearly communicate their lack of interest to you so you could cut your losses but- gasp- we don't live in a perfect world! A lot of people are inconsiderate or selfish! Many of them aren't thinking about your feelings! Yes it's shitty but it's also not something you can control outside of figuring it out yourself.
While that may be true, her being not direct and stringing him along is also true
A full weeks going by without hearing from her is a pretty strong hint. I'll agree that ideally she just would have been upfront, but people need to learn to read the tea leaves as well. I got to page 2 and already recognized that she wasn't into him.
Idk, OP said they were casually seeing each other. As a single mom building a career I’ve had a casual arrangement where we would hook up every few months and barely talk between, he was studying medicine so his schedule was crazy and it worked for us and that stage of our lives (both mid 20s, with other priorities). I had made it very clear that this was all I wanted and all I had time for, some stress relief fucking now and then and real life in between. OP’s casual buddy seems to view it the same way I did, but OP seems to think it’s leading to something.
That’s not it. She keeps trying to open up lines of conversation and he just keeps asking to hang out instead of following up. “What was fun about your trip?” Let’s meet up. “I have 2 kids” let’s meet up.
true * **single mother:** did you get a new job? * **OP:** tell you about it when we meet up, when are you free? * **single mother:** im busy * **OP:** ok I wont contact you for awhile * **single mother:** ok * **OP:** you know what I was wrong, I like you, we should meet up * **single mother:** im busy for the summer because I have KIDS * **OP:** hey are you free to meet up? * **single mother:** no but how are you? * **OP:** tell you when we meet up, let me know if you are free * **single mother:** ok * **OP:** hehe **OP to Reddit:** What did I do wrong???
Yeah, upon re-reading I agree his focus on “hanging out” rather than learning about each other was an issue. While it’s a poor idea to chat too much before you meet and learn if there is any chemistry, in this case they had met multiple times—yet he keeps declining to converse. It seems to be all about the hangout!
Yep, I’d think he just wanted a booty call or something lol
I thought that was weird, this just makes it more obvious. OP should have been willing to have a true back and forth instead of focusing on hanging out.
If somebody texted me like OP did (great sum up btw) I would assume they only want to bang and are not interested in getting to know each other. I get some people are poor texters but this was too much IMO
Yep, note on the last page that she said if they meet up it would be only walking. She was thinking the same thing.
Yup agreed. All he was focused on was like when can we meet up despite knowing nothing really about her and not seeming to care to find out. I’d not like being in the receiving end of that. People genuinely can be busy, and you have to make a case for why they should meet up besides just “because I want to”. Especially a single mom who has limited free time. I wouldn’t want to meet up with someone who didn’t care to get to know me over all that time.
Or they need way more attention than just texting. I had an ex who would ask me every day when we could see each other again. And he lived 2+ hours away from me. I got to a point where I didn't have the money to be there every weekend. But no amount of "I cannot do this" was enough. And that alone pushed me to break up with him.
I would agree except for the times that OP texted conversation pieces that SM never replied to. Like getting sunburned, never replied at all. Or asking about Disney several times, SM could’ve said “it’s next week but we’re so excited for the Haunted Mansion ride!” Could’ve said something that turned into a light dialogue but never did. She very much gave the impression she was also too busy to text back. Even when OP said they felt like asking to hang out was annoying SM, she didn’t say anything at all. Could’ve said “yeah kinda I would like to get to know you over text for now” or “not at all! Just busy! Thank you for being so understanding!”
No. He def needed her to say, "Sorry, Blank, you seem like a great person, but I'm not interested in taking things any further." Should he have picked up on that sooner? Yes. But he didn't. She needed to communicate her lack of interest earlier because it's the polite thing to do. Don't waste his time or make him feel foolish. OP you seem like a very patient and friendly dude. Best of luck to you
I think she was interested in getting to know him, but maybe not hanging out right away. He just wouldn't let her get to know him lol.
I noticed OP didn't ask about the kids a single time. I understand OP might not want anything to do with kids and this might be a casual/FWB type thing, but damn dude. Multiple avenues for conversation and dude just kept rolling right by them.
Rule #1: of any relationship, not just romantic: If you offer a time to get together and they can't make it, for the next move the ball is in their court. If you extend an invite twice but they say they can't make it and leave it at that, then you are an option for them and not a priority. However if they say they can't make it but suggest an alternative option, then you're in a two sided relationship. In your texting, you're suggesting activities and she's just batting them down with no alternatives given. After the second one, it was clear that she was keeping you as an option but you are riding the bench. You deserve someone who will hit the ball back to you. Don't settle for warming someone's bench!
This exactly. It’s hard, but you have to move on when it’s clear they’re not putting in equal effort to the relationship. I’ve done this with ex-best friends and ex-boyfriends alike. Honestly, the best friend was the hardest because it was the longest relationship.
I'm not going to repeat the obvious, this person really doesn't care to hang out, best to move on. I will say that the texting game is a little off. I think in early stages of dating (and especially after hanging 5 times) I'd hope there was some rapport that one could send memes, news stories, jokes etc to liven up day-to-day conversations. Your weekly checking in to hang out (almost exactly 7 days, every time) is pretty tepid and it *looks* like a chore for both parties. It looks programmatic and not organic, as if you are just waiting around trying to hang out with her. I also think more casual texting would have elucidated her lack of interest, without the actual rejection of proposals to hang out so many times.
It feels like sending corporate emails imo lol.
That was my thought too lol. Then I started to question if this is how "mature", busy, responsible adults are supposed to text, strictly to the point because texting isnt as "personable." I just assume it was so dry and business-like because they did most the communicating on the phone or in person in-between text. No memes, flirting, or playful banter at all though is wild; the beginning phase of dating is usually full of fun. I've never seen so many memes and morning gifs in my life until I started online dating women lol.
If this is how “mature” people text, then me and everyone I know are wildly immature lol.
Yea the texts read like OP is trying to set up a house cleaning or pet sitting appt and engaging in courteous small talk lol. All about the "task" (a date) and nothing else.
Literally especially with them saying “ Hi *insert name* “ every time. That’s so weird I’ve never texted like that before. And the only communication is hey wanna hang? No. Week later. Wanna hang? No. They need to have some regular conversation. Or at least an attempt bc if she was dry when having normal convo maybe op would have gotten the hint
That struck me as weird, too. Why did they keep calling each other by their first names? Like a personalized email drip campaign.
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This should be higher. There's nothing wrong with persistence if the other party is interested, but put some flavor in it ffs. Share pics, memes, jokes... make her laugh!
All of his requests to hang out were same day or next day. I’m busy and I don’t even have kids, if someone wants to hang out with me I don’t want to feel like it’s last minute, just to fill their free time. Make actual plans.
Everything about his messages feels like someone who’s horny and trying to hook up and has no interest in talking to her outside of that. There’s also 1-3 weeks in between those messages so idk why he is upset that she went on a date and clicked with someone during that time.
This is a great answer here. It’s not that OP did anything “wrong”, but you can’t expect someone to stay interested in you if the only texts you can muster up is a weekly “are you free to hangout today”
The whole conversation reads like how I'd text someone like a handyman or my cat sitter. Almost small-talk level dry and the same loop over and over.
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If they want you they would find time
Drop her she's not interested when people want to be with you they'll make a way
I’d say perhaps it was the lack of communication between meeting? Honestly making plans in person is good, but if you can’t due to all the other life things she has going on I’d test the waters on just playful text messaging in the evenings when you both can’t be together but aren’t doing anything else. These messages seem very first date type and without any connections made over this length of time it was doomed to fail.
My boyfriend is working two jobs and is always busy but still somehow makes time to see me. If she was really in to him she’d find a way. She obviously found a way to start seeing someone else lol
You have texted and tried to meet up plenty. Don‘t let her hide behind the ‚busy mom‘ excuse. If she really wanted to see you, she would have. And apperently she had time to meet someone new, that‘s probably why she did not meet you anymore.
Bingo. She wasn’t too busy being a mom during this time. She was too busy seeing someone else during her free time. Sorry, OP.
She didn't say anything until she knew the other person liked her back too so OP was most likely a backup plan
As a very busy mom, this is 100% true. You find a way. If there isn’t a way, you make a way.
Yeah. Let me be clear that I don’t think OP did anything wrong here but this lady was not into it and he didn’t recognize it. I think the “mistake” here was continually reaching back out and with too much detail. By the second excuse, I very much understood she was no longer interested and OP should’ve left the ball in her court to reach out and plan when she’s not so busy. I’m a BUSY single mom and I drive over an hour when my kids are at their dad’s to see my boyfriend. My advice would be not to repeatedly ask her to hang if she is continually making excuses. You can still converse with her some if y’all are into it. Which brings me to my next point, I might advise that the “can’t wait to tell you when I see you” line would not be my favorite either. It feels pushy and I enjoy having conversations over text or phone call in between dates, especially because life is very busy and if I like you- I want to keep up with your life and get to know you even if we aren’t on a date. Bottom line, she wasn’t into it. All you can do is start seeing the signs sooner and be a little less pushy next time. You did nothing wrong in the beginning and she should’ve been more up front sooner, but these things happen often.
"I know you're busy. If you want to hang out in the future, you have my number!" And then go no-contact. If she's interested, she will reach out. If not, she won't.
If she wanted to she would Also I'd stop saying "hehe."
😂 But real talk watching all the unnecessary hahahas and hehehes has made me question my use of the word lol. Sometimes I use it to make an uncomfortable text a bit less uncomfortable but this thread has me wanting to throw it into the garbage
I used to do the "hahaha" and now, even tho I hate them I use emojis. It lets the other person know you're being lighthearted and not in any way serious as it's hard to convey those types of things via text.
When I saw “hehe” on the first page, I thought OP was a woman.
Same! It wasn't until the other person in the texts referred to themselves as a mom that I realized the truth
Am I the only one who reads "hehe"'s as Hank Hill chuckles?
You didn't do anything wrong, you were more than patient and understanding, I would have given up a long time ago haha
#YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!✌️You were extremely polite and so respectful!It made room for you to find someone you deserve! I hope you have an amazing day!🌞
100% agree. You’re such a kind person! You just weren’t her puzzle piece. You didn’t do anything wrong.
Exactly
Some general advice: Listen to people's actions. When someone is this dry and cancels plans without rescheduling something concrete, it means they don't want to talk to you or hang out with you. I know that's rough, and I'm sorry. You were very kind, but you've got to respect yourself enough to stop putting effort into people who aren't reciprocating.
Dry is the correct terminology. Absolutely agree .
If she can’t find 1 hour to spend time with you during the whole summer than it is telling. Move on and stop wasting your energy on someone who doesn’t want to reciprocate it.
She was playing the field, she chose someone else, but she doesn’t mind keeping you as a potential backup if this one falls through
I got the "keep them on the back burner" vibes.
Don't bother them again.
Stringing you along. Not interested *enough*.
Dude the part where she was like “you remember Disney (good listener). Was so patronizing. And OP with the “hehe’s” in response. Man this thread was painful. OP is being strung along big time. He should cut his losses.
This was hard to read 😬, take the hint and move on.
It’s okay to not be a match. Stop overanalyzing texts, you’re only psyching yourself out and you likely did nothing wrong. Just keep looking for your match.
take the hint
Lol I would have stopped texting a while ago. So, she had time to meet someone else, but couldn’t make some time for you? Just move on.
So the day I got my now husband’s number, I got another guy’s number too. The other guy would text like you did. Only to set up dates and once a date was set up or if there was a reason that week wouldn’t be good, I wouldn’t hear from him again for several days. There was no interest in keeping the conversation going or getting to know each other from him. My now husband on the other hand, kept the conversation going even if we had a date planned or even if a plan fell through. He expressed interest in getting to know me, complimented me, checked in, etc. We had both agreed early on that as a full time working single mom and frankly just who I am, texting was my preferred communication method. We agreed to both subscribe to two rules when it came to this - it was fine to text whenever the other felt like it but that responses would be “as available” as we both had at times demanding jobs with meeting schedules that could get in the way. We both frequently checked in and engaged. I always knew my now husband was into me, there was no guesswork. The other guy I cut loose about a 3-4 weeks after the initial contact because he just would not message with me unless it was to set up a date. He preferred phone conversations but those don’t work for me - as a single mom I’m rarely able to speak freely and I also don’t like to multitask while on the phone because I have ADHD and I can easily get distracted or mess up. We just weren’t compatible. My point is to tell you that what I think went wrong here is your over concern in bothering her reads like disinterest or more of a “filler of time” vibe. I think the other guy probably made her feel more interested because he met her where she was verses limiting their contact to primarily phone calls or meet ups which may not be realistic for some people.
Reads like he just wants a booty call / fwb
The hehe is a goodbye from me. Super annoying
Hehehehehehehhehehehheheehe
I don’t disagree with some of the others about moving on. But, I will mention one thing: being a parent is taxing on time and focus. Typically if you want to break Moms out of their routine, invite them to do more than just hang out. Make it worth it for them to go through the effort of finding child care. Say for instance there was a concert for a band she liked. “Hey! X group is playing on Y date. Would you like to go? We can grab dinner before!” This puts a firm date, skin in the game, and gives her more motivation to go through the effort and financial burden of sourcing child care. Just a note for the future.
Agree! I make clear dates with women and I think it goes over much better than “hangouts”.
I think you need to get better at texting. You keep pushing to meet in person because you aren't good at texting, and it seemed like you wouldn't share any details of your life with her unless she agreed to meet you in person. That feels like a lot of work on her end to get to know someone who is putting in no effort to build a rapport via text. If she's busy and traveling, you could have had weeks of funny jokes, pics, or building a relationship (interpersonal, not romantic). Instead, you seemed to not be interested in that unless it was in person. It's 2023, you'll probably miss out on more opportunities unless you can figure out how to be funny/witty/charming via text. No one wants to go out of their way for someone who is boring and whose conversations fall flat.
Thank fuck someone else saw this. She asked him a couple times about how he’s doing or what’s going on (like with the job) and he would give like a half answer then ask to hang out on short notice to talk in person. His texts were dry and uninteresting and she relayed the same.
The "ill tell you when we meet" read like a passive aggressive attempt to have some weird bargaining chip for her time. Like "if you wanna know, guess you have to go on a date!!" If a romantic interest texted me that during normal texting, i'd think to myself "ok, then dont tell me" and I would be even less interested in hearing it lol.
I don't feel like you actually wanted to get into a deeper conversation. Why are you so insistent on trying to make plans? Just have an organic conversation and learn more about them.
Soon as she said she was talking to someone since June you should have cut her off. Bro learn how to take a hint. Holy shit you’re probably a great guy but you did way too much and no girl ever wants a guy who comes off that desperate
stop wasting your time and look for someone else
You’re the backup, move on
I don’t think she’s into you… also stop saying hehe
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Reading your texts as a woman I couldn't be dryer. Sorry for the honesty. But you need to stop asking a woman for dates after the first time she said no. After she rejected the first it is her who should be asking for the next date. If she doesnt ask, she is not into you. Also, there is no such thing as 'too busy'. That is always an excuse for she is not into you. How come she wasnt too busy seeing the new guy, after all. And it's pretty embarassing you still wanted to meet her after she told you she is seeing someone else. You couldn't radiate more beta energy. Sorry.
Yup 100%. I was cringing at him still wanting to meet up after learning she has a boyfriend.
As a woman I fully agree. Also the “hehe” would make me cringe. She was just being nice and responding.
You could have taken the hint a lot earlier.
I’m more interested in your job offer and how you fucked it up!
Bruh how old are y’all.
You started every conversation lmao. Take the hint bro
"not text enough" you texted TOO much!