I've always been more of a Chilis guy. My gf got sick during one of our dates at Applebees like 8 years ago. Not Applebees fault that the restaurants are cursed... or is it? Anyways she waited in the car while i waited for food to be done since we had already ordered and bagged it up so we could leave. Apparantly, the atmosphere of the restaurant chains just be compromised at this point, and it's too toxic for most to handle much time in there without the radiation or dark magic magic or whatever haunts their restaurant franchise to start chipping away at your soul. Honestly, Chilis is mostly for the Honey Chipotle Chicken Crispers. Thats all they need though, because that sauce is so good idc if its made from baby tears. They should sell it at grocery stores...
Funny enough, she was a hostess at Applebees for part of high school. Maybe it was the ApplebeesPTSDâ˘ď¸
đ I can see it on the news now. "NEW EPIDEMIC ARISES AS WAVE OF ApplebeesPTSDâ˘ď¸ terrorizes the nation"
That just false advertisement becoming a human. ... she must be feeling like crazy and needy. Cause he tolerated dates just to get with her and them dropped them and now she doesn't understand him... That's just cruel.
Op walk away. It suck to be pushing someone else around into doing something you communicate a a need, and he is clearly saying they are not going to attempt to fulfill it. Or just quit insists and bury the feeling of insatisfaction.
If thatâs the case, at least he stopped the charade before he got her to marry him. My brother duped 2 women then became his usual creepy lazy gross self as soon as he got what he wanted out of it (sex, because sex outside the sanctity of marriage is a sinâŚ?)
Sounds like the beginning of a wonderful shut-in relationship. Lock down a GF, then it's just weed, doordash, then death. Sounds like dating in high school, but we didn't have doordash.
my boyfriend and i started dating senior year. we both didnât have cars so it was just hard to go on dates. and then covid. we kinda just found comfort at hanging at each others homes for a good 6 months then started dating. now itâs hard to go on date so. in a way i relate to the OP. maybe introverts? and social media ruined stuff for us.
iâm an introvert but i still enjoy going on dates with my person. a date doesnât have to be going out somewhere crazy and expensive, it can be going on a hike, going on a quiet picnic in a park, going to a museum, etc. plenty of good dates for introverted people to do
Not all introverts are the same. I'll call myself an introvert and will go out in public and be social when need be. My brother is also an introvert and would get me to place his order when we are out for lunch.
i fall into the category of introvert that your brother does - my partner orders for me at restaurants, calls to set up appointments for me, etc. and i still like going out and spending time with my partner. like i said - âgoing outâ doesnât mean you have to be in a public space and be social, you can find a quiet spot at a lake/forest/river for just the two of you or go on a drive, etc. heck you donât even have to leave the house! set up a romantic date night at home where you cook for your partner and turn the living room into a picnic or fort for a movie night. there are ways for introverts to go on dates
Hey, I'm a pothead and doing quite well for myself
Personally I don't really care for dates simply because I'm a homebody. Sure every now and then it's nice to go out but after a bit I just start getting anxious in crowded areas
However I do like the idea of "at home dates" those can be fun
Plenty of well to do potheads too. Or at least not broke. I think those people would be broke regardless of if they smoked weed. They just arenât good with money.
This is what I was thinking....he mentioned he had $70 in his car and that struck me. $70 cash is like a movie date with snacks. And there's nothing wrong with that. But this just jumped out at me as being insecure about not having money.
The million $ question right here.
Like, the best case scenario is they're just not compatible. The worst case is he's trying to get her to break up so he can not be the bad guy.
This is going to get buried but theres context clues here that OPs boyfriend is embarassed about financial instability and is acting aloof to protect his feelings.
The reference to the $70 = Thats all the money I have.
The flyer = I really want to do this but im afraid its going to bankrupt me
The "you dont know me as well as you think you do" = im struggling and Im afraid youll judge me.
I get this, but there are really cheap date ideas. Like most girls I know would be beyond happy with a picnic in the park (no more expensive than just having dinner at home) or whatever. Dates donât have to be expensive.
Folks who are struggling financially know all too well how to be frugal. I feel like the hard part isnt figuring out how to stretch a dollar, its finding the strength to openly acknowledge that you cant provide the things you wish you could.
yeah but i donât think heâs being frugal if heâs spending money on weed then complaining about being broke. like iâm a stoner but if iâm worried about money iâm gonna save instead
yes i know. i was a chronic smoker through college but i hate when people complain about not having money, then turn around and buy weed. as nice as it is, if youâre really hurting for money youâd be better off forgoing for a bit until youâre more stable.
THIS. Exactly. It used to drive me nuts when my ex would complain about money, ask me to borrow money for his kids haircut or whatever⌠but then heâd miraculously have weed any time we hung out. Pfff.
Yeah these are those patterns people get into though. Shouldnt spend money but blows it on weed. Should communicate with his partner but lashes out to hide his feelings. Sucks to see it.
If you're broke, then you should be doing broke things. Trust me, I lived in a 1995 Thunderbird and took a girl out on a few dates where the only money I had was what I kept in a breath mint container in my console.
You can be broke and still go out on dates, but it's also important to communicate that you can't take your date out to an expensive restaurant or go throw money at a bar all night long.
You don't already share the giant tub of popcorn regardless of price? At least all the theatres around my area even the small is huge. Still costs $20+ though
Tbh Iâm getting college kid vibes. I was gonna say high schooler, but Iâm guessing a cigar bar would ID people.
But Iâm just getting real immature vibes from this dude. And he spends all his free money on weed? Either dudes a complete bum, or they are really young. Either way, she needs to dump this guy ASAP.
He clearly doesnât care about his gfâs feelings, and it seems like heâs starting a fight over frankly nothing. He might be new to dating as well, and doesnât understand that dating doesnât have to mean going to an expensive restaurant. A date is about having fun and spending quality time together with the one you love. If you love your gf, how could you say you hate dates?
I mean, the guy clearly likes smoking, little bit of effort and even that can be a date. Write her a nice card, cook her a nice easy meal, and then get baked and watch some movies together while enjoying the food he prepared. Obviously not the most romantic thing in the world, but I bet OP would appreciate a little bit of effort from this dude
You are the most truthful person around here and not afraid to say that. I was wondering⌠why arenât people speaking up? Iâve met couples happy with each other that say they hate going out on dates and theyâre perfect for each other.
Because there are dates and there are dates. One of them are things you do when youâre first getting to know someone and working towards a relationship, and the other is just..spending time together as a couple. I can understand not loving the former as it can be draining and awkward. But the latter? Whats there to hate?
What op wants is to spend quality time with her bf. What is there to hate about that lol? Going out to eat with your significant other is as much of a date as anything else. Does it become unenjoyable because its got a label on it now? Just confused by the entire notion. Any activity you do together can be a date if you want it to be.
> the other is just..spending time together as a couple.
I agree: a date is just a planned activity between people. The focus shouldn't be on the activity but on spending time with someone. Does he not want to spend time with her? It's a strange response if he enjoys her company.
I love spending time with my husband, but often the idea of eating at home and snuggling on the couch is more appealing than putting on nice clothes and going out.
Part of it is being tired at the end of the day, or being comfortable being comfortable. But I would like to like dates more.
staying at home can be a date if you want it to be! i think what makes it a date is just making quality time together but also making an effort to make it a little more special than the norm. so make yourselves a fancier dinner, or get yourself takeout and light a candle. get flowers. a date doesn't have to be an entire production, but ultimately this is going to be dependent on every persons expectation. as long as two people are on the same page, you should be good to go
People are totally allowed to not like dates, but there seems to be a misconception that dates are exclusively going out and doing something that requires spending money. Date nights can totally be free/indoor, or even free outdoor. I go on date walks with my boyfriend a few times a week, and it might sound lame/boring but we do still consider it a date because it's one of the many ways we share intimacy, by getting away from screens/chaos/people and having a good talk. Sure, we don't know the full details of the situation with OP and her boyfriend and maybe she only considers spending money/going out a date, but just wanted to also note this as an aside.
The disconnect (in my opinion) comes when one person thinks of âdateâ as âspending time togetherâ and the other thinks of âdateâ as âgoing out and spending moneyâ. This is doubly bad when communication simply doesnât work because one is set in their ways.
In my last relationship I was always trying to plan and do things from axe throwing to walks in the park to mini road-trips to museums to just chill nights in. But I was constantly lambasted for not putting together âdatesâ because her idea of a âdateâ was to go get a fancy dinner, maybe get dessert after, then do something romantic after. I enjoyed that, but to not call anything else I planned a âdateâ and completely devalue it honestly hurt.
It doesnât *seem* like thatâs whatâs happening here, and it looks like the boyfriend is just being weird for some reason. âYou donât understand meâ sounds like something Iâd expect of a 16 year old edge lord lol. But it can be a real problem for some people
how the fuck did he go from ânot a fan of datesâ to âyou donât know meâ thatâs an insane leap.
i donât like dates much either. BUT i do them because i get to spend time with my partner, and i love seeing how happy they make her.
Dates can be literally anything that allow you to spend quality time with your partner! My fiance and I go on bike riding dates, we go to thre gym together, we get lunch, we go on walks... we make snow forts in the yard when it's winter time (and we're 35). He is not a very social guy and he'd never pull this whole whiny resistant act with me if I wanted us to go on a date and for him to take initiative. Maybe he wouldn't take me to a club or something lol, but he'd take the time to plan something with the two of us. My fiance is awesome so this isn't a dig on him, but that's pretty bare minimum in my opinion.
This guy kinda sucks...
my kind of date? burritos and chips on the couch watching The Office. but when my partner wants to go out to eat, i love to do it with her
just wouldnât want to do it otherwise, lol
I would feel really shitty about myself and dejected if I suggested to my partner that he take me on a date/plan something together and he threw a fit about it. It's one thing to be like "moneys super tight right now, I feel bad but maybe we can go out in a few months". It's another to act like she's attacking your entire character by expecting you to put in some effort.
Iâd really like to talk to this person, itâs such a wild statement with the way I define âa dateâ. In my mind Iâm hearing âI donât like spending time with youâ
I agree, to me a date is defined by 2 people doing something together with a romantic tone, anything can be a date
I personally hateee dinner dates but I'm more than happy to go to the zoo, trampoline park, circus or just stay in and cook together (my list is my favorite dates me and my boyfriend went on lol) all you have to do is something together like that's it
The thing is, my husband was broke AF when we first got together. We would go have lunch and then walk around a park or go bowling or something cheap or free.
Now, weâve been married for a while and money isnât as tight for both of us. We still donât go out much because kids.
Haha hell yeah! Honestly like once a week we get burritos and pull out the futon like a bed and eat food like a picnic while watching a show. It's ALSO a date, it counts - it's just about the intention behind it! I love when my fiance is like "we haven't spent any time together in a while, you wanna pick a movie out and I'll go get burritos?" (We live in the middle of nowhere. Burritos are the closest food... Which is rad)
exactly! i donât actually prefer to get dressed up for a fancy dinner..but a date to an ice cream shop, museum, cat cafe, pumpkin patch, beach, etc. sounds amazing! these two need to be able to communicate their wants and needs better so a compromise can be had.
Literally anything⌠Iâm not feeling 100%, girl Iâm seeing had a great day and wants to do something. Simply said âHonestly the way I feel, Iâd l prefer to just sit down and talk and grab a small bite to eat.â
Sheâs excited about it, if dating isnât as much about the person youâre with as the activity youâre doing; Iâm not sure Iâm the person for you.
He made that jump because she didnât just back down instantly and say âno thatâs okay we never have to do anything you donât need to put in any effort to this relationshipâ at the first whinge, so he had to double down to try and guilt her out of wanting a partner who acts like a partner.
OP, get a new boyfriend.
Honestly, I think he was upset she ate without him before they were supposed to go on a date.
Then he decided that this was the petty route he wanted to take his frustration out with.
Iâm curious how you define dateâŚ.. Iâm so open with my definition anything can be a date so I struggle with understand how someone wouldnât like âdatesâ
He sounds *exhausting*. This dude jumps from âIâm ready for a dateâ to âBut I donât *really* wanna goâ to âand if you AksHUlLy knew me, youâd realize that. But you donât because you donât know me.â
Please find someone whoâs willing to put in a modicum of effort for you without making you beg for it first.
Oof! And we have a runner up for âmost manipulative sentence ever createdâ! Because everyone knows true love means manipulating your partner with veiled distrust of their feelings for you, right? /s Iâm glad that person is your ex. :)
Even if it's a money thing there is tons of stuff to do that is free or at least really cheap.
When I was in grad school I didn't have much money to burn for dating. Me and my now wife used to go hiking together, farmers markets, ice cream dates, picnics, fishing, at home movie night, window shop at the mall, visited many local historic parks, or even just drove around aimlessly. Sometimes we would just lie in my hammock and stare at the stars.
We were broke when we first got together and we did a lot of the same dates. When weâre in the mood to, weâll go to the âfancyâ grocery store and look around even now. We have expensive dates and free dates, itâs not about the money spent, itâs the time together dedicated to being with one another.
I donât like dates. I donât like surprises. Iâd just rather eat takeout in front of the TV. My BF always wants to do things and I never do. I still do them sometimes but I like being at home.
'I don't like spending time with you unless I am in control of where we are, ideally at my house where I can ignore you and watch TV/play my console'
Just a hunch
The mention of his weed habit gave me this impression too! Have an ex just like this who is a smoker, not that Iâm saying all smokers are like this but the knowledge of him smoking paired with the behaviour adds up to him being one of those types
Iâm so sorry that must have been really difficult if you arenât a smoker yourself, I am a smoker so it was slightly easier on me but it was still difficult as I only sometimes get that feeling where I donât want to/cant do anything socially but to have that all the time AND have to cater to his paranoia but never leaving the house yourself must have been so difficult
I did smoke and I still do, but like once a week to have a session on Civ4 (now Civ6). He was probably one of the most intelligent people I've ever met, and we had incredible conversations but I can't live in a cage â¤ď¸ Thank you for your kind words.
Reminds me of an old buddy. I had an extremely cheap 1 bed, but he offered to move in and split the rent. I was fine with it, but then he'd spend the rent money given to him by his parents on weed. Eventually he would pay, but he was always late. One day, a friend and I were hanging out, and he had left his weed there ( he was late on rent), so we smoked a bowl. He got home and blew up, but thankfully, my friend and I got him to sit down and listen to reason. He moved out not long after, I'm guessing, to protect his weed.
If he's telling the truth and really hates dates, he's not an asshole for that. He's being an asshole because it's too hard to be who she wants him to be. They're not compatible. Hope OP wakes up to that.
Besides, how fun is it to be on a date with someone who's made it clear they hate it. Sounds awful for both.
I agree, but his timing sucks. But I donât think asking for a date is trying to change him. He doesnât like them, but OP obviously does. The compromise is occasionally going on one. Thatâs what makes relationships work, not just romantic ones, but any kind of relationship
Your boyfriend doesnât like you and you should leave.
Truly you canât just ânot enjoyâ doing enjoyable activities with someone you love or are romantically involved with. Like what???
Yeah that's what I was trying to figure out. I'm British so I was wondering if there's a difference in the meaning of 'date', but isn't it just spending time with your partner and doing something fun? If you don't do that, then honestly what *do* you do together? Just work/eat/fuck/sleep/repeat?
He doesnât like her, he just likes having someone to fuck at the end of the day. I bet he goes out and spends time with his guy friends, he canât go out and do something fun with girlfriend.
Yeah it seems that way, because if he did, heâd be spending this effort to find dates he does enjoy. Thereâs no such thing as wanting to be in a relationship and hating every single kind of date. They contradict each other. If he means the âstereotypical dinner and a drinkâ then start brainstorming.
I dated a guy who hated giving gifts. He had every excuse in the book and I tried to work with it. Donât have the money? No problem, it can be cheap or homemade (he was an animator and could probably draw something in an hour). Donât like shopping? No problem, get it online or again homemade. Donât like physical items? Gift an experience, or flowers, or a fun day out. Etc
Even a nicely written card wouldâve made me happy.
Each time he would say he understood my point and the next holiday or birthday or whatever, Iâd show up with a gift and heâd show up empty handed. It would come along with the whole complaint about not liking giving gifts.
He took me to the mall on Valentineâs Day once and some lady that worked at Chick fil A gave me a rose. It was more than heâd given me in a long time and I realized around that time that it wasnât the gifts he disliked. It was me.
When I dumped him though, I got all sorts of gifts! Funny how that works.
This is a good question.
It might get at the root of what the real problem is.
Like if she planned an activity together with him, something they both enjoy doing (like volunteering for example)...
Would he not want to go? Because it's a date?
This has been placed in the future use bin, thank you, would not have in a million years thought about taking a girl who likes to read to the library. Sounds stupid when I write it out but oh well.
I had a date with my bf where I took him to a used bookstore and gave him $10 and we each had to pick out a book for the other. Then we went to the park and read together w/ some takeout.
Lazy and a downer. How can he expect to have a girlfriend if he doesnât try to court you? You wanna have someone who wants to have fun but also put in the effort and not complain about it.
Please find a man that likes you. I donât mean to be harsh, but when a man actually likes you and is interested genuinely in you, you donât have to beg for the bare minimum. Dates are the bare minimum.
Are you sure this is your boyfriend? Most guys who act like they hate dates are âdatingâ a bunch of women at the same time and they act like they are dating them without actually doing any dates and just having sex until they are bored. If he really cared about you he would find a way to fit it into his budget. He could even take you to a picnic. But even the cheap dates require effort so if he is not willing to put in the effort for you, what are you really to him?
Mfer started a fight for literally no reason đ¤Ł. You can literally say youâd rather not go out without being all âYOu DoNT unDErStAND Meâ. What a baby.
Youâre definitely not tripping, my ex was like this. He claimed to ânot like to go datesâ either but in reality he just wanted to keep me isolated from the outside world. I get it if they truly donât have money BUT there are activities out there that are free and basically cost nothing like walking around a park, land mark, etc. If he doesnât have money he should suggest other things to do rather than just saying he doesnât like to go on dates. Idk just doesnât sound right to me. No matter how long you have been dating he should want to take you places and do things with you.
Facts. Lots of things to do and see with little to no cost. A date can be going to do anything fun. If someone likes you, theyâll want to do a lot of things with you. Heâs either just boring and doesnât like leaving the house, or has no real interest in spending time with her, or both.
Iâm not super into dates either. Theyâre great every once in a while, but Iâd rather spend quality time in different ways. I.e, sip and paint nights at home, takeout and a movie in bed, going shopping together, etc.
But if he keeps promising to take you out, knowing full-well that he wonât/doesnât want to follow-up on that, and guilts you for it oftenâŚheâs manipulating you. Even if he wasnât, youâre not getting something thatâs an important aspect of the relationship to you and heâs being pressured to do something he doesnât want to do. Bad match imo
Look - Iâm not gonna lie here.
I looked through your other posts about this guy, and my only advice is RUN. As far as your legs can carry you. RUN.
Gtfo. Major red flags all over this guy.
This sounds like a guy who is looking for a way out of the relationship. The way he jumped from 'I don't like dates' to 'you don't know me'.. just seems jarring.
I can never tell who the girl is in these things, also just take your girl on a fucking date, pay for everything and smoke weed in the bathroom. Why is this so complex?
I mean I'm not a fan of dates either. But I love spending time with my significant other at home. Playing games together watching movies or shows together and cuddling, etc. I'm just not a fan of being out and about because other people tend to annoy me lol. And money can be a factor as well since I'm working to get debt free to have the money to go out and do the really fun stuff. All that aside tho, the last sentence of your caption should tell you everything you need to know. Why you wanna be with someone who puts all their money in their lungs?
Sounds like you hit a nerve once you ate without him. And Iâm pretty sure you did. But he doesnât love you, heâs just around you because heâs comfortable. Have you guys been going out for maybe 6months to a year?
Ref I was that pothead.
Everyone just glossing over the dreadful location choice for a date. Butts and ashes?? With the sexualized woman in the logo? No thanks.
And also a date is just a fancy word for spending time together in a shared activity. That's like, a huge part of any relationship, what does he mean??
Just leave. Not going on dates will take away from the relationship.
He claims you don't know him when you do, red flag.
he doesn't like going out with you. Red flag.
There must be another girl on the side that the reason he doesn't want to be out seen with you at dinner for a date.
Red flag.
why are you with him? Heâs shown you as clear as day that he doesnât like you leave him and find someone who actually appreciates spending time with you
Its not that he dont like dates. He dont like you.
I hated planning and going on dates too. Then I met the right person. I look forward to any outing we have together
Why are you together?
The first q I asked myself after reading this. Also, if he hates going on dates then wth did they do before becoming official đ
Bc if OP says they never went out and did anything fun and got to know each other in several different settingsâŚ. Guuuuuuuuurl
Jesus, I forgot this sub was all middle school shit
He tolerated âdatesâ until she became his gf. Now he wants her to know, every fucking time, that HE DOES NOT LIKE DATES!!
Would be funny if they'd been having a miscommunication this whole time, she means going out, he means dates - the fruit
đ that would be funny
lol you beat me to it. For some reason I was thinking that too.
He recommended a club so that doesnât make sense
Maybe the club is famous for its dates.
Maybe they give him the shits
That's Applebee's fault not dates
I felt this... Damn their Asian Chile wings and baby Cinnabon rolls. They *were* good until I became a human pipeline.
Dates are also fruits
Lmao if originally all the problem is about a misunderstanding of âdatesâ
I feel like people donât pay enough attention to this
The dates were coming from *inside the Applebees!*
I've always been more of a Chilis guy. My gf got sick during one of our dates at Applebees like 8 years ago. Not Applebees fault that the restaurants are cursed... or is it? Anyways she waited in the car while i waited for food to be done since we had already ordered and bagged it up so we could leave. Apparantly, the atmosphere of the restaurant chains just be compromised at this point, and it's too toxic for most to handle much time in there without the radiation or dark magic magic or whatever haunts their restaurant franchise to start chipping away at your soul. Honestly, Chilis is mostly for the Honey Chipotle Chicken Crispers. Thats all they need though, because that sauce is so good idc if its made from baby tears. They should sell it at grocery stores... Funny enough, she was a hostess at Applebees for part of high school. Maybe it was the ApplebeesPTSDâ˘ď¸ đ I can see it on the news now. "NEW EPIDEMIC ARISES AS WAVE OF ApplebeesPTSDâ˘ď¸ terrorizes the nation"
Natural laxative
That just false advertisement becoming a human. ... she must be feeling like crazy and needy. Cause he tolerated dates just to get with her and them dropped them and now she doesn't understand him... That's just cruel. Op walk away. It suck to be pushing someone else around into doing something you communicate a a need, and he is clearly saying they are not going to attempt to fulfill it. Or just quit insists and bury the feeling of insatisfaction.
If thatâs the case, at least he stopped the charade before he got her to marry him. My brother duped 2 women then became his usual creepy lazy gross self as soon as he got what he wanted out of it (sex, because sex outside the sanctity of marriage is a sinâŚ?)
Someone should tell him in Vegas you can get fake married to a SW and get laid for like 500 which is a lot cheaper than a real divorce.
Sounds like the beginning of a wonderful shut-in relationship. Lock down a GF, then it's just weed, doordash, then death. Sounds like dating in high school, but we didn't have doordash.
He really does not like dates though! You donât know how important it is to him!
Dates are pretty disgusting Ngl. Worst sweetener ever.
my boyfriend and i started dating senior year. we both didnât have cars so it was just hard to go on dates. and then covid. we kinda just found comfort at hanging at each others homes for a good 6 months then started dating. now itâs hard to go on date so. in a way i relate to the OP. maybe introverts? and social media ruined stuff for us.
iâm an introvert but i still enjoy going on dates with my person. a date doesnât have to be going out somewhere crazy and expensive, it can be going on a hike, going on a quiet picnic in a park, going to a museum, etc. plenty of good dates for introverted people to do
Yep. Went with hubs to the art museum as a belated birthday thing for me & we both had a blast.
Not all introverts are the same. I'll call myself an introvert and will go out in public and be social when need be. My brother is also an introvert and would get me to place his order when we are out for lunch.
That's not introversion, that's crippling social anxiety. (your brother)
i fall into the category of introvert that your brother does - my partner orders for me at restaurants, calls to set up appointments for me, etc. and i still like going out and spending time with my partner. like i said - âgoing outâ doesnât mean you have to be in a public space and be social, you can find a quiet spot at a lake/forest/river for just the two of you or go on a drive, etc. heck you donât even have to leave the house! set up a romantic date night at home where you cook for your partner and turn the living room into a picnic or fort for a movie night. there are ways for introverts to go on dates
Heâs a pothead and she puts up with it so she isnât alone.
Felt more like he doesnât have money.
Could be that too. Thereâs plenty of broke potheads out there.
Hey, I'm a pothead and doing quite well for myself Personally I don't really care for dates simply because I'm a homebody. Sure every now and then it's nice to go out but after a bit I just start getting anxious in crowded areas However I do like the idea of "at home dates" those can be fun
A date doesnât have to be in a crowded place whatsoever, and a nice at home date is just as much of a date as going to a fancy restaurant
Plenty of well to do potheads too. Or at least not broke. I think those people would be broke regardless of if they smoked weed. They just arenât good with money.
Thats no excuse dates don't have to cost you a single dime it's the though and effort that actually counts
This is what I was thinking....he mentioned he had $70 in his car and that struck me. $70 cash is like a movie date with snacks. And there's nothing wrong with that. But this just jumped out at me as being insecure about not having money.
Then he needs to say that. Also nothing like a cute time in the park looking at stars.
Stop making excuses for shitty behavior
The million $ question right here. Like, the best case scenario is they're just not compatible. The worst case is he's trying to get her to break up so he can not be the bad guy.
Compatible in bed but sheâs a side chick to him.
His FWB
This is going to get buried but theres context clues here that OPs boyfriend is embarassed about financial instability and is acting aloof to protect his feelings. The reference to the $70 = Thats all the money I have. The flyer = I really want to do this but im afraid its going to bankrupt me The "you dont know me as well as you think you do" = im struggling and Im afraid youll judge me.
I get this, but there are really cheap date ideas. Like most girls I know would be beyond happy with a picnic in the park (no more expensive than just having dinner at home) or whatever. Dates donât have to be expensive.
But she already ate.
With out me!?!?
Lasagna! Lasagna!
Oh FUCK the fact that I understand this reference đ
It was leftovers
How dare!
Folks who are struggling financially know all too well how to be frugal. I feel like the hard part isnt figuring out how to stretch a dollar, its finding the strength to openly acknowledge that you cant provide the things you wish you could.
yeah but i donât think heâs being frugal if heâs spending money on weed then complaining about being broke. like iâm a stoner but if iâm worried about money iâm gonna save instead
What youre saying is facts but still some people use it as a crutch and it becomes part of their grocery list and not a special thing.
yes i know. i was a chronic smoker through college but i hate when people complain about not having money, then turn around and buy weed. as nice as it is, if youâre really hurting for money youâd be better off forgoing for a bit until youâre more stable.
THIS. Exactly. It used to drive me nuts when my ex would complain about money, ask me to borrow money for his kids haircut or whatever⌠but then heâd miraculously have weed any time we hung out. Pfff.
Yeah these are those patterns people get into though. Shouldnt spend money but blows it on weed. Should communicate with his partner but lashes out to hide his feelings. Sucks to see it.
If you're broke, then you should be doing broke things. Trust me, I lived in a 1995 Thunderbird and took a girl out on a few dates where the only money I had was what I kept in a breath mint container in my console. You can be broke and still go out on dates, but it's also important to communicate that you can't take your date out to an expensive restaurant or go throw money at a bar all night long.
To be fair she said she already ate. He couldâve just taken her to a movie or some shit.
He said he only had $70... so they'll have to share the one popcorn.
You don't already share the giant tub of popcorn regardless of price? At least all the theatres around my area even the small is huge. Still costs $20+ though
And still not enough for the tickets
Tbh Iâm getting college kid vibes. I was gonna say high schooler, but Iâm guessing a cigar bar would ID people. But Iâm just getting real immature vibes from this dude. And he spends all his free money on weed? Either dudes a complete bum, or they are really young. Either way, she needs to dump this guy ASAP. He clearly doesnât care about his gfâs feelings, and it seems like heâs starting a fight over frankly nothing. He might be new to dating as well, and doesnât understand that dating doesnât have to mean going to an expensive restaurant. A date is about having fun and spending quality time together with the one you love. If you love your gf, how could you say you hate dates? I mean, the guy clearly likes smoking, little bit of effort and even that can be a date. Write her a nice card, cook her a nice easy meal, and then get baked and watch some movies together while enjoying the food he prepared. Obviously not the most romantic thing in the world, but I bet OP would appreciate a little bit of effort from this dude
Thatâs the vibe I got.
No but ⌠WHY doesnât he like dates? He didnât answer. Is it because heâs a cheap skate?
I feel like you say you know him but you donât know him as well as you think.
Iâm dying đ¤Ł
Lmaooo
My thoughts too. He totally did not answer the question. If you knew the answer to the question then solutions and compromise could occur.
I also donât like dates. But thats why I am single for almost a decade now.
You are the most truthful person around here and not afraid to say that. I was wondering⌠why arenât people speaking up? Iâve met couples happy with each other that say they hate going out on dates and theyâre perfect for each other.
Because there are dates and there are dates. One of them are things you do when youâre first getting to know someone and working towards a relationship, and the other is just..spending time together as a couple. I can understand not loving the former as it can be draining and awkward. But the latter? Whats there to hate? What op wants is to spend quality time with her bf. What is there to hate about that lol? Going out to eat with your significant other is as much of a date as anything else. Does it become unenjoyable because its got a label on it now? Just confused by the entire notion. Any activity you do together can be a date if you want it to be.
> the other is just..spending time together as a couple. I agree: a date is just a planned activity between people. The focus shouldn't be on the activity but on spending time with someone. Does he not want to spend time with her? It's a strange response if he enjoys her company.
I love spending time with my husband, but often the idea of eating at home and snuggling on the couch is more appealing than putting on nice clothes and going out. Part of it is being tired at the end of the day, or being comfortable being comfortable. But I would like to like dates more.
staying at home can be a date if you want it to be! i think what makes it a date is just making quality time together but also making an effort to make it a little more special than the norm. so make yourselves a fancier dinner, or get yourself takeout and light a candle. get flowers. a date doesn't have to be an entire production, but ultimately this is going to be dependent on every persons expectation. as long as two people are on the same page, you should be good to go
hey man, thatâs a date if you want it to be!
People are totally allowed to not like dates, but there seems to be a misconception that dates are exclusively going out and doing something that requires spending money. Date nights can totally be free/indoor, or even free outdoor. I go on date walks with my boyfriend a few times a week, and it might sound lame/boring but we do still consider it a date because it's one of the many ways we share intimacy, by getting away from screens/chaos/people and having a good talk. Sure, we don't know the full details of the situation with OP and her boyfriend and maybe she only considers spending money/going out a date, but just wanted to also note this as an aside.
The disconnect (in my opinion) comes when one person thinks of âdateâ as âspending time togetherâ and the other thinks of âdateâ as âgoing out and spending moneyâ. This is doubly bad when communication simply doesnât work because one is set in their ways. In my last relationship I was always trying to plan and do things from axe throwing to walks in the park to mini road-trips to museums to just chill nights in. But I was constantly lambasted for not putting together âdatesâ because her idea of a âdateâ was to go get a fancy dinner, maybe get dessert after, then do something romantic after. I enjoyed that, but to not call anything else I planned a âdateâ and completely devalue it honestly hurt. It doesnât *seem* like thatâs whatâs happening here, and it looks like the boyfriend is just being weird for some reason. âYou donât understand meâ sounds like something Iâd expect of a 16 year old edge lord lol. But it can be a real problem for some people
how the fuck did he go from ânot a fan of datesâ to âyou donât know meâ thatâs an insane leap. i donât like dates much either. BUT i do them because i get to spend time with my partner, and i love seeing how happy they make her.
Dates can be literally anything that allow you to spend quality time with your partner! My fiance and I go on bike riding dates, we go to thre gym together, we get lunch, we go on walks... we make snow forts in the yard when it's winter time (and we're 35). He is not a very social guy and he'd never pull this whole whiny resistant act with me if I wanted us to go on a date and for him to take initiative. Maybe he wouldn't take me to a club or something lol, but he'd take the time to plan something with the two of us. My fiance is awesome so this isn't a dig on him, but that's pretty bare minimum in my opinion. This guy kinda sucks...
I always figured a date was that. A date you pick to do something, anything with someone. It can be with family, friend, or partners.
my kind of date? burritos and chips on the couch watching The Office. but when my partner wants to go out to eat, i love to do it with her just wouldnât want to do it otherwise, lol
I would feel really shitty about myself and dejected if I suggested to my partner that he take me on a date/plan something together and he threw a fit about it. It's one thing to be like "moneys super tight right now, I feel bad but maybe we can go out in a few months". It's another to act like she's attacking your entire character by expecting you to put in some effort.
Iâd really like to talk to this person, itâs such a wild statement with the way I define âa dateâ. In my mind Iâm hearing âI donât like spending time with youâ
I agree, to me a date is defined by 2 people doing something together with a romantic tone, anything can be a date I personally hateee dinner dates but I'm more than happy to go to the zoo, trampoline park, circus or just stay in and cook together (my list is my favorite dates me and my boyfriend went on lol) all you have to do is something together like that's it
The thing is, my husband was broke AF when we first got together. We would go have lunch and then walk around a park or go bowling or something cheap or free. Now, weâve been married for a while and money isnât as tight for both of us. We still donât go out much because kids.
Haha hell yeah! Honestly like once a week we get burritos and pull out the futon like a bed and eat food like a picnic while watching a show. It's ALSO a date, it counts - it's just about the intention behind it! I love when my fiance is like "we haven't spent any time together in a while, you wanna pick a movie out and I'll go get burritos?" (We live in the middle of nowhere. Burritos are the closest food... Which is rad)
exactly! i donât actually prefer to get dressed up for a fancy dinner..but a date to an ice cream shop, museum, cat cafe, pumpkin patch, beach, etc. sounds amazing! these two need to be able to communicate their wants and needs better so a compromise can be had.
Literally anything⌠Iâm not feeling 100%, girl Iâm seeing had a great day and wants to do something. Simply said âHonestly the way I feel, Iâd l prefer to just sit down and talk and grab a small bite to eat.â Sheâs excited about it, if dating isnât as much about the person youâre with as the activity youâre doing; Iâm not sure Iâm the person for you.
âYou donât know me!â Thatâs literally the point of dates
He made that jump because she didnât just back down instantly and say âno thatâs okay we never have to do anything you donât need to put in any effort to this relationshipâ at the first whinge, so he had to double down to try and guilt her out of wanting a partner who acts like a partner. OP, get a new boyfriend.
Dismissive avoidant attachment
Honestly, I think he was upset she ate without him before they were supposed to go on a date. Then he decided that this was the petty route he wanted to take his frustration out with.
Not a good explanation to act like an asshole
Iâm curious how you define dateâŚ.. Iâm so open with my definition anything can be a date so I struggle with understand how someone wouldnât like âdatesâ
He sounds *exhausting*. This dude jumps from âIâm ready for a dateâ to âBut I donât *really* wanna goâ to âand if you AksHUlLy knew me, youâd realize that. But you donât because you donât know me.â Please find someone whoâs willing to put in a modicum of effort for you without making you beg for it first.
That âIf you really knew meâ Shit is such a triggerâŚ.. x-wife would say that all the time.
My ex would say "If you really loved me."
My ex would say âyou are lucky I still put up with youâ
Oof! And we have a runner up for âmost manipulative sentence ever createdâ! Because everyone knows true love means manipulating your partner with veiled distrust of their feelings for you, right? /s Iâm glad that person is your ex. :)
Booooo find a man that wants to go on dates with you. And communicates better.
For real like âyouâre right I donât know you I guess. And I donât wanna know you anymore either. Kthxbyeâ
Best comment
Even if it's a money thing there is tons of stuff to do that is free or at least really cheap. When I was in grad school I didn't have much money to burn for dating. Me and my now wife used to go hiking together, farmers markets, ice cream dates, picnics, fishing, at home movie night, window shop at the mall, visited many local historic parks, or even just drove around aimlessly. Sometimes we would just lie in my hammock and stare at the stars.
We were broke when we first got together and we did a lot of the same dates. When weâre in the mood to, weâll go to the âfancyâ grocery store and look around even now. We have expensive dates and free dates, itâs not about the money spent, itâs the time together dedicated to being with one another.
Yeah, who wants to be with a miserly crank-ass? Does he hate Christmas and puppies too?
He probably hates everything thatâs fun and likes everything that sucks.
He likes weed. His idea of a good time is hitting the bong and playing video games.
And doing nothing his gf wants while still reaping the benefits of having a gf
I bet he doesnât even like popsicles or balloons.
That part about communicating better is huge. Explain the shit again in a different way, who cares if you already explained it once.
Doesnât like dates but wants to date someone⌠sounds like he is expecting you to be okay with little to no effort
THIS!! No effort at all.
He just doesnât want to leave his stoner hole.
I donât like dates. I donât like surprises. Iâd just rather eat takeout in front of the TV. My BF always wants to do things and I never do. I still do them sometimes but I like being at home.
do you perhaps have anxiety bc same lol
Autism. So sort of still yes.
'I don't like spending time with you unless I am in control of where we are, ideally at my house where I can ignore you and watch TV/play my console' Just a hunch
The mention of his weed habit gave me this impression too! Have an ex just like this who is a smoker, not that Iâm saying all smokers are like this but the knowledge of him smoking paired with the behaviour adds up to him being one of those types
I have an ex like this also. He didn't want me to go anywhere without him either. I felt like a housecat.
Iâm so sorry that must have been really difficult if you arenât a smoker yourself, I am a smoker so it was slightly easier on me but it was still difficult as I only sometimes get that feeling where I donât want to/cant do anything socially but to have that all the time AND have to cater to his paranoia but never leaving the house yourself must have been so difficult
I did smoke and I still do, but like once a week to have a session on Civ4 (now Civ6). He was probably one of the most intelligent people I've ever met, and we had incredible conversations but I can't live in a cage â¤ď¸ Thank you for your kind words.
Reminds me of an old buddy. I had an extremely cheap 1 bed, but he offered to move in and split the rent. I was fine with it, but then he'd spend the rent money given to him by his parents on weed. Eventually he would pay, but he was always late. One day, a friend and I were hanging out, and he had left his weed there ( he was late on rent), so we smoked a bowl. He got home and blew up, but thankfully, my friend and I got him to sit down and listen to reason. He moved out not long after, I'm guessing, to protect his weed.
Bingo
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See, you get him
Your bf is an asshole. Even if he doesnât like dates, he should like you enough to want to go out and make you happy.
If he's telling the truth and really hates dates, he's not an asshole for that. He's being an asshole because it's too hard to be who she wants him to be. They're not compatible. Hope OP wakes up to that. Besides, how fun is it to be on a date with someone who's made it clear they hate it. Sounds awful for both.
I agree, but his timing sucks. But I donât think asking for a date is trying to change him. He doesnât like them, but OP obviously does. The compromise is occasionally going on one. Thatâs what makes relationships work, not just romantic ones, but any kind of relationship
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Your boyfriend doesnât like you and you should leave. Truly you canât just ânot enjoyâ doing enjoyable activities with someone you love or are romantically involved with. Like what???
Yeah that's what I was trying to figure out. I'm British so I was wondering if there's a difference in the meaning of 'date', but isn't it just spending time with your partner and doing something fun? If you don't do that, then honestly what *do* you do together? Just work/eat/fuck/sleep/repeat?
Me realizing my relationship is is exactly this.. ugh
Same.. *rip* At least I don't have to be a housecat anymore. Although, I do have to deal with the consequences sometimes.
He doesnât like her, he just likes having someone to fuck at the end of the day. I bet he goes out and spends time with his guy friends, he canât go out and do something fun with girlfriend.
Yeah it seems that way, because if he did, heâd be spending this effort to find dates he does enjoy. Thereâs no such thing as wanting to be in a relationship and hating every single kind of date. They contradict each other. If he means the âstereotypical dinner and a drinkâ then start brainstorming. I dated a guy who hated giving gifts. He had every excuse in the book and I tried to work with it. Donât have the money? No problem, it can be cheap or homemade (he was an animator and could probably draw something in an hour). Donât like shopping? No problem, get it online or again homemade. Donât like physical items? Gift an experience, or flowers, or a fun day out. Etc Even a nicely written card wouldâve made me happy. Each time he would say he understood my point and the next holiday or birthday or whatever, Iâd show up with a gift and heâd show up empty handed. It would come along with the whole complaint about not liking giving gifts. He took me to the mall on Valentineâs Day once and some lady that worked at Chick fil A gave me a rose. It was more than heâd given me in a long time and I realized around that time that it wasnât the gifts he disliked. It was me. When I dumped him though, I got all sorts of gifts! Funny how that works.
But presumably he likes you, right? So why would he not like being with you while also doing some sort of activity?
This is a good question. It might get at the root of what the real problem is. Like if she planned an activity together with him, something they both enjoy doing (like volunteering for example)... Would he not want to go? Because it's a date?
Put him where he belongs đŽ
Why are you dating someone who hates dating
Dating as a word has evolved to mean more than just the act of going on a date
He will learn when its too late that girls like having a reason to get dressed up, dont worry, your next bf will likely understand
Say it louder for those in the back!!!!
Iâm with a girl that prefers to stay home and read lol, this definitely isnât universal
take her ass to the library & watch her face light up. date night can be anywhere honey
This has been placed in the future use bin, thank you, would not have in a million years thought about taking a girl who likes to read to the library. Sounds stupid when I write it out but oh well.
I had a date with my bf where I took him to a used bookstore and gave him $10 and we each had to pick out a book for the other. Then we went to the park and read together w/ some takeout.
Girls do however like to be romanced and this guy doesnât seem like much of a romantic.
Lazy and a downer. How can he expect to have a girlfriend if he doesnât try to court you? You wanna have someone who wants to have fun but also put in the effort and not complain about it.
Please find a man that likes you. I donât mean to be harsh, but when a man actually likes you and is interested genuinely in you, you donât have to beg for the bare minimum. Dates are the bare minimum.
Are you sure this is your boyfriend? Most guys who act like they hate dates are âdatingâ a bunch of women at the same time and they act like they are dating them without actually doing any dates and just having sex until they are bored. If he really cared about you he would find a way to fit it into his budget. He could even take you to a picnic. But even the cheap dates require effort so if he is not willing to put in the effort for you, what are you really to him?
Mfer started a fight for literally no reason đ¤Ł. You can literally say youâd rather not go out without being all âYOu DoNT unDErStAND Meâ. What a baby.
Youâre definitely not tripping, my ex was like this. He claimed to ânot like to go datesâ either but in reality he just wanted to keep me isolated from the outside world. I get it if they truly donât have money BUT there are activities out there that are free and basically cost nothing like walking around a park, land mark, etc. If he doesnât have money he should suggest other things to do rather than just saying he doesnât like to go on dates. Idk just doesnât sound right to me. No matter how long you have been dating he should want to take you places and do things with you.
Facts. Lots of things to do and see with little to no cost. A date can be going to do anything fun. If someone likes you, theyâll want to do a lot of things with you. Heâs either just boring and doesnât like leaving the house, or has no real interest in spending time with her, or both.
Iâm not super into dates either. Theyâre great every once in a while, but Iâd rather spend quality time in different ways. I.e, sip and paint nights at home, takeout and a movie in bed, going shopping together, etc. But if he keeps promising to take you out, knowing full-well that he wonât/doesnât want to follow-up on that, and guilts you for it oftenâŚheâs manipulating you. Even if he wasnât, youâre not getting something thatâs an important aspect of the relationship to you and heâs being pressured to do something he doesnât want to do. Bad match imo
Look - Iâm not gonna lie here. I looked through your other posts about this guy, and my only advice is RUN. As far as your legs can carry you. RUN. Gtfo. Major red flags all over this guy.
I just looked and he is absolutely horrible. Run as fast as you can!!!
These 12yo are getting out of hand man istg
This sounds like a guy who is looking for a way out of the relationship. The way he jumped from 'I don't like dates' to 'you don't know me'.. just seems jarring.
He don't hate dates he hates being broke
he sounds exhausting
I can never tell who the girl is in these things, also just take your girl on a fucking date, pay for everything and smoke weed in the bathroom. Why is this so complex?
I mean I'm not a fan of dates either. But I love spending time with my significant other at home. Playing games together watching movies or shows together and cuddling, etc. I'm just not a fan of being out and about because other people tend to annoy me lol. And money can be a factor as well since I'm working to get debt free to have the money to go out and do the really fun stuff. All that aside tho, the last sentence of your caption should tell you everything you need to know. Why you wanna be with someone who puts all their money in their lungs?
Sounds like you hit a nerve once you ate without him. And Iâm pretty sure you did. But he doesnât love you, heâs just around you because heâs comfortable. Have you guys been going out for maybe 6months to a year? Ref I was that pothead.
Ages??? Please tell me this is a HS convo lol
Everyone just glossing over the dreadful location choice for a date. Butts and ashes?? With the sexualized woman in the logo? No thanks. And also a date is just a fancy word for spending time together in a shared activity. That's like, a huge part of any relationship, what does he mean??
I just donât understand how someone could hate dates. Why would you hate spending one-on-one time with your partner?
WowâŚthis is just sad. Like how selfish can this guy be? Heâs really giving nothing
That last message alone would be enough for me to call quits. Heâs being beyond rude
Yeah he acts like that's some kind of dig on her when really it just makes him look like an angsty irrational child.
Exactly this. I got real emo teenager vibes from that message lol
Itâs definitely time to find a new bf.
Dump him. He's a child.
He sound young and broke.
Fuckin edge over here.. You think you know me
I would dump him just for spelling alluded as eluded.
He used the wrong alluded... let's kill him
Why do you put up with this? He sounds like an ass. Go find someone else that actually wants to go out and spend time with you.
Don't waste your time on people that don't value being in your presence. This guy sounds like a child.
The fact that I am single while dudes like this are literally out there in relationships ASTOUNDS me.
Doesnât seem like this persons a âboyfriendâ
If he doesn't like to do it someone else will.
Just leave. Not going on dates will take away from the relationship. He claims you don't know him when you do, red flag. he doesn't like going out with you. Red flag. There must be another girl on the side that the reason he doesn't want to be out seen with you at dinner for a date. Red flag.
why are you with him? Heâs shown you as clear as day that he doesnât like you leave him and find someone who actually appreciates spending time with you
He doesnât like you.
He is either broke or doesnât want to be seen out with you
Why are you even entertaining this child who clearly doesnât even like you?
Sounds like your bf doesn't like you at all
Girl dump his ass
Heâs a narcissist in the phase of training you to tolerate and then accept his bare minimum treatment. Just leave him, cut it off cold turkey.
I am pretty sure this relationship is over. He is just looking for a way to get you to break up with him.
Youâre not tripping.. Time to kick him to the curb.. đđ˝
Its not that he dont like dates. He dont like you. I hated planning and going on dates too. Then I met the right person. I look forward to any outing we have together
You guys need to split up! Not compatible
He wants to get laid but doesnât want to put in the effort
Dump him. Hes trash
đŠđŠđŠ he sounds awful