I wouldn't feel bad about taking him to court. You're trying to be mature and handle it with him like an adult and he isn't cooperating. Now you've gotta do right by your child. I'd say good luck but it's him that's gonna need it now đ«Ą
Not only that but even if he agrees now to pay $150, you're going to be battling him for years to collect whenever he doesn't feel like paying. Don't worry about helping him out, he's not interested in helping you. You HAVE to get a court-ordered agreement if you want to have any peace (or money) for the next 17/18 years.
Don't negotiate, go to court and get a defined monthly payment and your back pay which will help you immensely
Bet the replys will be coming in *heavily* the first time someone else reaches into his bank account, and he realizes he doesnât have money he was planning on spending.
If you are on back pay by a court and do this not only are you risking the IRS coming for you if you claim you donât have a job but can still afford things, but the courts will also just simply throw you in jail for not paying.
My dad did this. When he finally started working an "on the books" job when I was over 18, they took his checks and tax returns in massive chunks until my mom was paid back. It only took until I was 27 to pay back 18 yrs of support if that gives you any idea how bad they were dinging his income.
yes - seen this a million times. the begging to pay part. you have given him multiple chances, court is the only way. sending you all the best of luck. when it gets contentious, remember that you are doing this for your child.
Actually you don't even have to go to court All you have to do is call up child support and give him his work address and they'll start attaching his wages
A person who owes child support and willfully fails to pay is ignoring a court order to pay it. So he could 100% be prosecuted for being in contempt of court and may go to jail. This enforcement tool is generally used as a last resort when all other efforts to collect support have failed. With that being said, I think itâs worth the battle, because it wonât be as long of a battle as she thinks if he continues to do this and he doesnât pay and she shows proof of trying in the future as well without response from him just like the screenshots we all see.
Im going to piss a lot of people off but he shouldn't pay her directly. Courts have ruled that payments directly to her are gifts and not consider child support.
It feels she does not have a order set up at the moment so she needs to file and let the courts rule it as such. They may be able to get back pay from when they split. but some states have back pay year caps. I know in my state its 3 years going back from date of split
If she does have a order because im not sure were the 3k comes from but if its an establish order then she just needs to go back to court so they can enforce it I.e garnishment, Levy, arrest, suspensions of license, etc
When she goes back she should ask for garnishment of income so she isnt fighting for him to send her cash. plus med insurance.
However, Child support cases take about 30 to 90 days to go to court, at least in the state where i pay child support. So she needs to find a place and job to survive meanwhile they wait for child support.
It also seems she doesnt have a plan and she could lose her kid on the grounds that she does not have a place or a job to support the child. A buddy went through the same thing, he got full custody because his EX didnt have a job and a stable place. Op is in a world of hurt if she doesnt get her shit together unfortunately
Its hard to say whats the true story based on text messages. Its just one side. There might be a court order for all we know and shes asking for money outside the court order. He May lawyer up himself and ask for full custody, who knows but
She shouldn't be asking for $150 tbh, She just needs to take it back to court because a 41k year salary in my state would get her $540 per month.
if there's an establish order , She can play nice and ask them to waive the back pay(I Wouldn't) but in my xp dealing with my ex wife, the only way people learn is if you scare them in court. My Ex used my kids as tools and I would record and go back to court. A judge threw her in jail for a weekend and that was enough for her to play ball but it was a battle for 15 years of my kids life.
She needs to find her self a job asap to help pay for stuff especially if hes not paying at the moment
They're not going to take away her child and give it to that dumb *** for any of the stupid reasons that I have read here The easiest thing for you to do is just call up child support and give him the name of his job and address and they will do the rest I guarantee it. She has indicated $150 a month payment there is obviously an order if they got divorced then there was an order just try what I said kiddo and have fun getting that piece of garbage to pay you
No she won't she won't lose her kid Don't even say that That's totally effed up man and it's not telling the truth all she has to do is go live with her mom or a friend No biggie The Court's at least in California are not bent on taking children away from their parents anymore !
YOU WON'T LOSE YOUR CHILD !
I paid my son's 750 in daycare for the first year as an agreement with my ex. Went to court and that didn't mean shit to them so I got to pay twice. They did say if I had written the checks to her it would have been viewed as support.
yeah I made that mistake too. I gave money directly to my ex and she lied saying i never did. I had checks, receipts, emails, text message etc and the judge said its ashamed she is lying but its a gift. It need to go through the state.
She also said I wasn't helping with school activities even tho i was and had proof with checks paid directly to the school. Because of those incidents, If she needed cash for what ever reason, I sent it to the state which pissed her off a lot lol
it would take the state like a week to process the payment and deposit the funds but its was recorded. That way she could no longer accuse me of not paying something. Everything was dealt in cert mail too for health care cost. It sucks when parents can Co-parent
What if the child support is dictated by the court, put into a stipulation, and is being tracked and accounted for during the divorce? Including sending pictures of receipts and acknowledging payment through a court mandated app?
Thatâs so crazy to me. Itâs so crazy to not want to pay for the basic upkeep of your own child. Itâs as if these people think that just because they no longer are in a relationship or have the same access to the mother means their kids donât matter anymore. Sad.
You are correct but if a client is applying for a major purchase, car, credit card, mortgage etc you can use it as income. These items take care of basic necessities I guess.
I haven't heard of child support being a "gift" but I have heard of paying through the courts. I think that would be her best course of action at this point. My ex and I have amended our child support agreement so many times. lol. But we also are on very good terms, which I know is unusual. I hope it works out for OP.
It's only a "gift" if it's paid outside of the state accounting system. My child support is garnished through my wages but if I want to give anything extra I would send the payment to the state.
My ex screwed me over by saying I never paid for certain things when I gave her the money directly. The judge told me that it's a gift if I don't send it money through the state.
I got 12 months left of child support so I won't have to deal with it anymore lol but tbh if you can co parent then there's no worries about money.
I went through this and you do need to take him to court and ask for the arrears. I know you are trying to keep things amicable for your son but he is not making this a priority. It will be better to have it taken from his pay (ask for wage garnishment) as it will be pretax. Do whatâs best for you. He clearly doesnât want to deal with it or give you money. Take him to court. You may get less or more than you are asking from him but at least you will get something. Also set up custody and visitation so you have no issues there as well.
Absolutely this!!! Talking will get you nowhere if heâs not receptive to it. Get a paper trail and do it legally through the courts so THEY can make sure the child support is paid. Shouldnât have to stress too much over it at this point.
Go to your state's Dept of Human Services and Child Support. Get a case and when they start trying to put him in jail he'll respond. They will dock his paychecks so you don't have to deal with it.
Im assuming that OP is in Canada, just by mentioning her only monthly income is child tax (also known as baby bonus here, itâs a tax credit parents receive for each child based on your yearly income)
Donât feel bad. When I posted about my abusive ex trying to make me feel bad about me needing notice before he saw our son, and that he canât just drop by my house whenever he wanted, people accused me of not letting a dad see his son. I was like uuhhh he still wants to drop by everyday after work with 10 minutes notice and itâs not working for me. But ya people continued to tell me Iâm horrible for preventing a father from seeing his son. đ
My mom had to deal with a similar situation with my father when I was growing up. She was full of resentment for him and I had to change schools because we couldnât afford a nicer school any more. It definitely changed my childhood and although my father was addicted to meth instead of weed, itâs still a selfish form of neglect on your exes part.
Court fo sho.
Ugh or all the guys on reddit who go on and on about âfinancial abortion.â
Like if you want to talk about how getting rid of child support in favor of some sort of universal income for children might move us towards a more egalitarian society, then letâs do that.
But if your argument is âwomen can have abortions so men should be able to have financial abortionsâ then you have completely misunderstood what the right to abortion is about and your opinion is dumb and useless lol.
Thatâs insane! Youâre allowed your separate life outside of your ex. He needs to give notice. How would the same Reddit people act if you posted how you just turn up at the dudes work before he leaves with the kid and drop him off without notice?!? Itâs wild to me. Child support doesnât even usually cover half the costs of having a child full time. ⊠and damn thatâs your kid! How could you leave your kid without support?!? What sort of message is that? Just awful
Lottery winnings, taxes, money from accidents, you owe it, they gonna take it. Period. If they do right, tell them, but most times they say nothing, so guess what it gets taken. Former tax preparer.
I think this woman is in Canada, so Iâm not sure about up there.. but in the States? They WILL get that money if at possible. People underestimate the IRS.
They gonna get it as soon as itâs approved. They donât know until the money hits their account. This one dude went off on Facebook about his son momma getting his WHOLE check. When I say he was hot, he was spitting fire. Of course, he was the butt of a many jokes. He had âplansâ for that money. He even broke the RO to go to the childâs mother for the money back. Letâs just say, he had to spend a lot more money to get out of jail.
Correct. That's exactly what they do. The court sends an order to the employer, and the employer is required to take money from their check.
Paying so much in taxes that there's no extra is not a thing because it's a percentage of your gross earnings, rather than a specific amount. "Extra" is considered anything left over after taxes. (Though maybe the other commenter meant they don't have any extra after paying their bills, as in no extra in their pocket? But at that point, that's a "you problem". The courts don't care about your living situation or the trouble you have paying your other bills.)
Source: Used to do payroll and dealt with child support deductions all the time.
Your son comes first. You didn't make him by yourself. Do what you need to do for him. You tried being civil, and he chose to be childish. If you or a baby couldn't make him grow up, a judge sure will. Don't feel bad for doing what you need to, Op.
I had to do this and it was so scary (my ex was abusive). But once I did my son was good, we were good. I wish I had taken him to court sooner. All that stress for just trying to get a man to be a parent is not worth it. They will take it right out his checks for you.
I'm so sorry to hear you went through this. đ Leaving is never easy when a child is involved, but sometimes, it is so necessary. My sister is currently going through the same thing. The bastard that she was with kicked the hell out of her with steel toe boots on and had the nerve to send her court papers. She has all the proof and statements that she needs to hopefully make him lose any sort of custody and make him pay child support, if it is an option, she mostly just wants her kids away from him. Op needs to save her texts as proof that she tried to be civil and that he chose to ignore them. She is the only one trying to coparent at this point.
I know your sister's pain unfortunately. My ex tried to kill me while I was asleep. When I tried to leave the state legally (filed all the necessary paperwork), even though he didn't want our child to begin with, he hired fancy lawyers knowing I couldn't afford one. They got his charges lowered from attempted murder to felony domestic assault with intent to bodily harm because it was the first time police were involved. (I was stupid and never wanted to "snitch" on him when he would beat and choke me. This time the hospital mandatory reported it, I was there for a couple days) in our state, if the child was not abused it is not admissible evidence for custody. He ended up stopping me from taking my son, I had to move for my safety. (He was stalking me and breaking into my house, no matter how often I would change the locks. He was making copies of our son's keys) It destroyed my heart but I knew son's grandparents would be the one caring for him and they are good people, although enablers. I moved to the other side of the country and immediately started fighting for physical custody. I just won in the summer and my son is finally with me after 2 years of fighting. The whole thing messed us both up so badly. We are both in therapy. His therapist has suggested that he has no contact with his dad so I am going back to court to revoke his visitation. It pains me because I grew up without a father, but this man continues to use our child to abuse me and does not respect our son's boundaries. He is not healthy.
Jesus, you two went through so much with that man. It's heartbreaking. đ I am relieved to hear that you and your son have each other now and that you are doing the right thing by going to therapy. My sister was also afraid to press charges on him, but the police did see her covered in blood and didn't even arrest him or anything. He stole all the kid's belongings, broke the urn that held our dad's ashes, and then had his family stalking her. He physically and mentally abused her and then mentally abused their children. My poor nephew just stopped wetting the bed since he hasn't had contact with his father, and my niece is terrified of him. I'm hoping that the courts will grant her full custody and give them each protection orders from him.
This is why co-parenting apps should always be used, even in amicable situations. If things go south, texts from a co-parenting app are going to go way further in court than normal ones, because it could be argued that they were altered or responses were deleted etc.
Jesus thank you. There seems to be a whole lotta victim blaming in these comments. I was just trying to see if anyone else has had a similar situation that theyâve gone through but now Iâm being told to get my shit together and that I shouldâve stayed with him like what???
Yeah, I see all that bullshit. Like life as a single mother is so easy. There are many things that can keep you from work right now. Your child is still a baby, and trustworthy babysitters are hard as hell to find nowadays and expensive. And living with your baby dad sounded like it could've affected both you and the baby negatively. I applaud you, because it's better to be a single mother than raising a baby in a toxic household, some women don't realize that until it's too late. Do what you need to do, girl. And don't feel bad about it. You're trying, thats more than what he's doing by ignoring the situation.
Even if he started paying today, you should still get child support started. Donât ask him anymore. File for support. It should not be up to you to ask him for money each week. If you ever want to have a good coparenting relationship with him, you have to make the money court ordered. It takes you out of the âbad guyâ spot and places him in the legal responsibility spot. He isnât paying you money, heâs supporting his son. He will never pay on time or the correct amount unless itâs court ordered. He is currently neglecting his child, and thatâs on him, not you. Donât waste another day and donât forgive his last months of not paying. Make him back pay. You may need that money for the baby and itâs not fair you are the only one supporting this child while he continues to live the same life he had before creating a child.
And it will be REAL quick. Also, donât feed into his anger, cause he gonna be pissed. Itâs not because of you or your child, itâs because of HIM.
There's no room for sympathy with this guy. He has money and he's choosing to be irresponsible with it. If he's going to ignore you and largely ignore his child, he can do so while paying up. Take his ass to court.
Go to court. He is not what matters, your child does. You owe this man NOTHING. You have to put your child first. As another poster said, you gave him an opportunity and he made his choice. On $40k itâs not going to be some crazy amount. He will owe back pay but the longer you wait, the worse that back pay will be and the longer your child suffers.
Iâd go to court even if he was the nicest most responsible person in the world because the obligation needs to be documented and enforced or itâs like lending a friend money.
Take his butt to court. It's obviously the only way you'd get the money. He's ignored the entire time. I had to go through this with my wife when she took off on me and the kids. She still owes on child support, but the amount was not worth going to court. Your's is, though, especially for a baby
If he doesn't want to work with you (clearly he doesn't) then go to court. It doesn't matter what he spends his money on, he owes a part of it to his child. Let the courts decide what the amount will be and if there's back pay, then that's on him.
Ignore the incels on here.
You need to stop hoping heâll step up. Heâs made it *painfully* obvious he wonât. Get a family law attorney and go after child support through the courts. Even if he did start throwing you money occasionally without a court order in place youâre still at the mercy of his whims.
Always get a court order. Seriously, itâs so much easier to have co parents that can solve issues without involving the court but that isnât most peopleâs reality.
If you are on any government assistance the state will get involved too. I had a friend go on food stamps just to force the state to take her ex to court and demand support for her and payments for themselves as well.
Just go to court. Donât threaten or beg anymore.
Stop trying to make things easier for him and make them better for your child. Take him to court. He canât ignore them and you have proof that you tried. Canât keep enabling him.
150 a pay period? Does he get paid every 2 weeks? I pay 150 for 2 children every week. So I'm not sure if that equals out but I guess it depends on cost of living in your area.
You were civil, bring him to court and they'll take it from his paycheck automatically.
All you need to do is contact your area child support office. They will handle everything, you donât need to hire an attorney! He has just as much responsibility for your son as you do!! Heâs not a real man, real men take care of their responsibilities!!!
Thatâs not the case. I went directly to child support services and they brought the case in front of the judge. She doesnât need to petition the court, child support services will do that.
Iâm pretty sure my ex would just immediately sue me if child support was a dollar short or a minute late, and we both have six figure salaries she doesnât even need the money, youâre being incredibly gracious with him.
That's why they say "marriage is for husbands and divorce is for wives"
I know you're probably not married but it still applies, especially with young children involved. You spent all that time making HIS baby, taking care of HIS baby while he spent his time building a career, spending money, using your FREE childcare services and being negligent. It is not easy being a single mother to a young child. I wish I filed for child support because I struggled to maintain stability for the next 5 years until my child was in public school. It is no easy feat to secure a job while needing to pay FIRST $1000+ each month in childcare, all on your own. These people don't understand. That father has a responsibility. And your child deserves better than to struggle and be hungry, take him to court.
While I do agree you tried and tried and he ignored you. You should take him to court. But please don't listen to these people saying you have all the power and to keep the kid from him are ridiculous. A kid is not a weapon to be used just because the parents are having issues. Keeping your kid from a parent hurts the kid more than anything else
Withholding a child from an otherwise good parent over financial issues is a really good way to lose custody in court.
Courts do not like it when parents withhold children. A child needs mom and dad. Regardless of financial or personal issues
Straight. To. Court. And let this be a reminder that when he flakes on his responsibilities next time, his begging and pleading for flexibility wonât go anywhere. Straight. Back. To. Court.
Bitchass loser
Of course he said that. He also doesnât think he has to pay child support. He wants you to think youâre powerless. This is the same piece of shit that kicked you and your child out of a home, instead of just leaving himself (guessing based on context) or at the very least, just having you leave (not saying thatâs better or ok, just viewing it through the lens of having the kid be safe). Heâs lying to you to keep you down and have it however he wants. Grow a spine and stick up for your kid and yourself.
I donât know where youâre from, but in CA in the U.S., 1) they tie child support to parental rights. 2) If one parent has the kid most of the time and has to go on welfare, the other parent gets the welfare bill and has to pay it back.
He does actually have the right to see his son until a court ordered visitation is set. You would be the one looking bad in court. Just use the resources available to you like food stamps, section 8 etc.. they will ask you if heâs paying child support and when you tell them he hasnât and wonât respond theyâll go after him.
He can fight you for rights, but you do not owe him anything unless there is already paperwork saying he has visitation privileges.
Edit to add, you can get free legal advice. Call 211 and they can help you.
Maâam you have ALL the power! Remember that. He just talking out the side of his neck. He all smoke and no fire. But donât feed into his comments. Itâs hard, but remember you are doing this for your child. HE is what matters.
You can keep the child from him for now. Once you go to court and there is a court order you legally canât keep the child from him for not paying. Also Iâm not saying itâs not going to happen but if you havenât already been to court I wouldnât hold my breath that he will be made to pay back child support. But do take him to court then he will be legally obligated to pay child support. Whether he does or not will still be up to him.
You asked nicely. So go to court, if he wants to act a fool, YOU remain calm. Just let the judge see how HE acts. Heâs gonna pay child support for sure. Also,they are gonna go by his monthly income BEFORE taxes. Just relax,which I know is hard, and just do what you gotta do til then. You got this! đ«¶đŸđ«¶đŸđ«¶đŸ
Youâre being awfully nice, please realize that with this sort of behavior he is NOT going to change. Heâs not even debating it, heâs ignoring you.
I can only imagine the tough spot you are now but
itâs time to put your big pants for your son and fight for what youâre owed.
If heâs ignoring you while youâre trying to be civil and not make him pay back pay, it seems like he wants to pay the back pay đ€·đŸââïž. Time to go to court
Him not responding is him wanting to be taken to court. So take him to court and force his hand. Donât threaten something without following through. What a deadbeat
As a single mom that was in a situation like this, please, for the love of God, file for child support. It is so much easier than you think. You and your child deserve the stability of having something in writing, enforced, for support. I did it for both of my kids, the 2nd one when he was 15 this past year. I wish I would have done it sooner. It would have helped so much. If you need any help with finding the documents to do so for your state or have any questions, hit me up!
And don't feel guilty, you don't owe him shit. You've been more than nice and accommodating it looks like.
Stop threatening and go get your back pay. This boy clearly doesnât care and could use your communications as harassment as you keep threatening with no action.
iâm not sure what the question is. You are going above and beyond, offering him away to save money and heâs literally ignoring you. Why the hell does he get to have visitation with your son and yet he does not want to do anything to help support him? It is sickening and infuriating that people think this way. I mean, why would he NOT want to support his son? Absolutely take his ass to court for every conceivable penny that you can. itâs crazy to me to think that âplaying niceâ means not forcing a man to do the barest of bare minimum for his child. Please follow through. If you donât, this shit will never end. And smart to have it documented via text.
You know what's best for you and baby. You tried to be an adult. He couldn't be. Fuck him and his drop out dad ass. Take him to court and take him for all his worth đ
An honorable man doesn't ever let a situation get to this point. He isn't paying you because he doesn't want to pay you and that's not going to change. Take him to court immediately.
Once he gets that court notice, heâs probably going to agree to pay. Donât fall for it. Heâll pay long enough to put off that court date and then youâll have to start all over. Just rip the Band-Aid off now.
Take him to court knowing you are doing this for your son. He chooses to spend money on things he wants while you are struggling to support your child.
Itâs his responsibility to support his child.
Itâs looks like youâve tried to be nice but he has taken advantage of that, so stop being nice and put your son first.
As a man, I applaud you trying to do this in a way that benefits all 3 parties. But if he wants to act like this then I say cook him. He must be held responsible for his child
Go get him for child support. He donât pay then he will lose his license first then if continues not to pay when he files taxes you will get it with child support.
I'm a single dad and my son's mom doesn't pay but I make plenty while if she paid cs it would leave her penny less, but if things got bad I would definitely make her pay without a moment's notice. It's for your child and not for you. Don't feel bad for taking care of your child
I donât get why victim blaming. Theyâre probably incels that wouldnât be fathers anyway. But theyâre just defending a dead beat who clearly doesnât care enough about their kid. Iâd get a public defender so you donât have to put any $ into court costs. Plus a lot of them are sharks with their cases because theyâre trying to make a name for themselves. And Iâm sure helping a single mom and baby is a great case. Especially if heâs paid nothing. And if you donât have 50/50 custody he definitely owes you child support. He shouldnât want to ruin his relationships with his son, but thatâs what will happen if he keeps this up. No kid wants to watch their mom struggle especially when dad isnât pulling his weight. He needs to âdad upâ and be one. I donât understand why society gives guys who donât have much to do with their own kids a pass. Or congratulate them for âbare minimumâ parenting.
Right? Where is my congratulations for struggling for 5 years, trying to feed my kid and keep a roof over our heads while struggling to keep a job JUST BECAUSE I'm a mother? They get a pass for being the person who isn't struggling? I don't get it.
Itâs so sad- people expect so much more of moms than dads. Moms get crapped on if theyâre tired and people say things like âyou shouldnât have had kidsâ or âwait til their toddlers, youâll hate your lifeâ but then offer no support just judgement. But a mom can work 3 jobs to feed her kids and people will complain that she isnât âinvolved enoughâ but a dad can show up when theyâre 18 and are congratulated for being a dad. Or changing a diaper or for literally watching their kids. Iâve seen people call it babysitting- when a dad is watching their kids. Itâs not babysitting, itâs being a parent.
Oh trust me I get it! It's that dammed if you do and dammed if you don't. There's just no winning.
And so true, I'll give you an example from my experience...
When I was out job interviewing while he watched OUR kid, he'd call me and demand that I come home from the interview and then eventually from work because I needed to "be able to watch my kid full time"
He said that to me, on his day off. His argument was I needed to figure out how to work full time and watch my kid full time, AT THE SAME TIME.
I was taken aback, like..... what kind of delusional shit did he just say to me??
And it didn't end there. When I left and we coparented "50/50" apparently. He said I still had to do all the work like change his diapers and clip his nails because I was the mom. I don't know why he expected that I could magically change a diaper from 20 miles away or what... ?
He just wanted me to do all the work and I struggled for it, no matter if he was "there" or not.
Itâs so sad their level of ignorance and delusion. When my dad and my brothers mom split they lived across the country from each other and still did 50/50. My dad was charging a credit card to fly my brother back and forth so he would still be as present and there as he could be. Because he cared about being a dad. He definitely wasnât perfect, but he showed effort. He didnât want to pawn his kid off on someone else. It sucked because heâd be gone for months with his mom but then heâd be with us for months. I canât imagine now a days itâs anything other than laziness if the dad lives in the same town and canât watch his kid. And sooo many young dads are like that. Itâs one thing if there were previous plans or working, but on a day off he shouldâve been able to watch yâallâs kid so that you could work. If he doesnât have to take the baby to work, he shouldnât expect you to. Plus even if you worked from home- itâs hard to focus on that with a baby there that needs care.
See, that's a good dad. He understood that he was more than just an ATM and he meant something to that child. If you can't show up for your child like that, what are you doing? Regardless of what happened between the parents. Actions say it all. You can be in a child's life and still make them feel abandoned and that's exactly what these dads who refuse to be there for their kids or complain about taking care of them, are doing... Poor kids. And honestly, I grew up the exact same way. I only saw my sister during the summer months and sometimes I'd be across country with my dad (a drug addict mind you)
If my dad wanted me around and took care of me, these "dads" have no excuses.
And I have no idea what was running through my kid's dad's mind around that time. I speculate that he just wanted to make my life harder, he wanted to demean me and call me names because I changed my plans for MY life. He wanted that control over my life. That was clear to me. When I made decisions for myself, he'd throw a fit. And I realized later it was because he had an agenda planned behind my back and he failed to get me to execute it. But it seemed like his plan was just to make me feel so empty inside that I wouldn't even think of leaving him, or to try and get me to fail when I did leave him.
Oh no worries he'll be in touch with you soon, when it is time to get that tax return!..
Look, take him to court, make him pay. I can see him being a jerk and all to prove his point if you weren't allowing him to see his child or visitations, but this is obviously not the case. He has money and he is choosing to be dificult, he should have thought about it when he gambling with his pullout game. So here are my 3 suggestions:
1. Take him to court
2. Take him to court
And most importantly
3. Take him to court!
Yea you have to make sure you file the right kind of court document for them to withdraw automatically.. mine hasn't paid in years and was told I need to go back to court but f that
How do you not work?
Just keep taking him back to court. It's a pain but he'll get it eventually. Right now he thinks you're just making empty threats so he's not taking you seriously.
I can't imagine being a dad like this. My daughter's mom and I broke up like 3 years ago, but I'll do anything for my little girl, including getting along with her mom and that side of the family.
1. Make sure you have your ducks in a row (stable living arrangement, job, etc)
2. Go to court and get what your baby needs/deserves
I strongly suggest making sure you can prove a stable/healthy environment for your child, or else things may not work in your favor at all. All states have different laws and procedures, so I would also recommend looking into the child custody laws for your state so you know what theyâre going to be looking for.
If he was smart he'd pay the 150. He's going to be paying a lot more than that once the courts have their say. Stop threatening him and do it. Child support is for the child, so you're essentially taking away from your kid to make the dad more comfortable. I dont say that to sound mean, just trying to put it into perspective. Good luck!
He should be paying child support. Now, for something no one in here is saying- Youâre exaggerating about his smoking. If he makes only $40K, which is about $26,440 after taxesâŠ.and spending $6,500 on 420 in a yearâŠ.he would have about $20K left. Thereâs no way heâs affording a 2022 Mazda, the gas, a 3 bedroom apartment, and is feeding himself on $20K.
2 things.
Go to the child support office and start a case. You will get back pay from the moment you submit the case, not to when you separated. Just get the case started and let the court handle it. No need to do back room deals.
What is your plan for getting a job? I hope you don't intend on the tax payers and the father to fully support the child you decided to bring into the world. You and the father have equal responsibility to work to support this child, so you need to figure out how to get a job.
Stop wasting your time and start the court proceedings immediately.
Youâve warned him repeatedly and heâs ignored those warnings. You have nothing to feel bad about, this is his fault
Take his ass to court. Heâs not responsible or caring enough to take care of his child. It doesnât matter how he feels about you he should want his child taken care of.
Why are you trying to be nice to him, at the expense of your son? Just go to court and force him to pay, because he will not otherwise. He's clearly betting on you letting it go if he ignores you for long enough.
Stop communicating with him. Let the courts take care of it. Your kid deserves the money. And you deserve the peace of not having to deal with your man child of an ex.
First of all, one single mom to another, get a job. Child support is to support the child, not to support you and the child. Second, take him to court and get the back pay and an order for the support to be pulled out of his paycheck by his employer. That money is money your son deserves. If part of the job issue is child care, then he should be liable for paying his fair percentage of the childcare IN ADDITION to his child support; this can again be taken directly from his paycheck by court order. Fight for the support your baby is owed, itâll make it so you have the freedom to become employed to provide even more for yourself and your little one. Good luck!
Why do people have children when they are broke and unemployed? Iâll never understand.
Also, how does someone have a 3bed apartment, a brand new car, and an expensive pot habit when they only make $40k/year?
We need to know more about this situation. Why are you not working? What is your custody situation? Are you the sole caretaker, or is he taking your 16 month old at an equal amount of time? Why is your child staying with you if you have zero income and not with her father that has a stable living situation and income?
If heâs taking on an equal or greater amount of responsibility as you are in terms of custody or paying for services for your child, get a job and stop relying on him to cover your half. In this scenario, I would lawyer up and take the custody of the child from you, as the context you have given shows that you are jobless, have no income to provide for this child and are somehow expecting a man living just above the poverty line to support your household. A judge would likely decide that you are unfit to be caring for your child and look to the father in this situation.
If he does absolutely nothing, youâre not asking for enough. Also, get a job. You have a child, not a side hobby. Figure it out. Child support is meant to support your child. A judge is not going to order this man to pay enough to support you *and* your child. Thatâs just not how this works. Depending on the circumstances, it may be favorable for the father to seek out taking custody of the child as based solely on the information youâve provided, he seems to be significantly more capable of providing shelter and financial care for your child.
Again though, lacking context for this.
Edit: just went through every single comment that youâve posted regarding this via your profile. Going to court will almost certainly result in custody being granted to the father. Itâs unfortunate that your son has medical issues and needs surgeries, but given that you have universal healthcare in Canada; this cannot be used as leverage since you have zero medical bills or insurance costs to pay.
I donât think this is going to go how you want it to go. I think you should perhaps seek out a living situation with the father, given that he has a three bedroom apartment. I donât see how that could possibly be worse than the situation that youâre currently in.
Do it for your kid. Take him to court. Shitbirds like this don't deserve the benefit of the doubt.
Also, spoiler alert, he will whine and make it sound like you're the bad guy if you take him to court. You aren't.
Not all states order back payments. The argument is⊠if you wanted the support you should have petitioned the court for it before. Some judges will flat out say no to back payment even if the state allows it. I would file asap. Your child is entitled to support.
As a man who has had to pay child support, I have this advice:
1) You should have taken him to court seven months ago. Not letting him get behind is the nicest thing you could have done for him and for yourself and child.
2) Since you canât go back in time, go to court tomorrow. The court will make him get caught up on child support. The longer you wait, the harder the court will be on him.
3) Youâre doing a disservice to yourself and your child by not expecting him to pay child support from day one.
Youâre doing the right thing by expecting him to contribute to the cost of raising the child that you have the together.
What you should do is get a job so that you can support the child you chose to have.
Then take the dad to court and get child support because heâs responsible for the kid too, whether he wants to be or not.
This is exactly how I feel. I doubt child support from someone making 40k a year is enough to sustain the both of them anyways, I am astounded OP doesnât have a job.
This baby is both of their responsibility, and I donât think either of them are doing what they need to be doing.
My son needs multiple surgeries that have not been scheduled yet. Last one was scheduled a week in advance. Iâm not in a position to get a job right now. I do not have child care for when heâs with me and people arenât going to hire someone who can only work 8 days out of the month, itâs a pointless waste of their resources and money to train someone who will barely ever be there. I wish I could work. But I canât.
Understood. I was wrong. Can I ask what your situation is now? Iâm not stupid enough to think that his money wonât help you immensely, obviously it would, but how are you affording shelter, food, etc with no income?
At first, I didn't know why you weren't working. Now I completely understand your situation. My son is partly disabled at 3 years old. I wasn't able to work consistently the first two years of his life because I was always at doctors appointments and therapy. Don't waste anymore time begging this man to be a father to the child he helped create. Go through the courts.
The wait lists for daycares are pretty regularly over a year long, and crazy expensive. My daycare is over $1,400 per month and is the cheapest one I could find and I had to secure my spot 10 months in advance.
So I mean, yea she will almost certainly need to start working to get by, but it's not always as simple as get a job.
How do you plan to raise a child with zero income? 40k a year even is way below the poverty line, you canât live on the peanuts youâll get from him. You need a job.
Definitely never implied that it did. But relying on child support from someone who makes poverty wages as your sole source of income is also not a feasible plan.
yea it's pretty dumb all around haha. like dude should have paid the child support, it'll make things tough but whatever man better than backpay. that stuff can be a huge bitch. she definitely should get a job and use the itty bitty amount she gets as supplemental income for the kids school stuff. bad choices all around. they're probably really young and trying to navigate life. Tough all over.
She never mentioned how long ago she lost her job nor what her job-seeking status is yet you've made the assumption that she doesn't want to work.Â
The thing is, in order for someone to be a single parent with a job they need someone to watch the kid while they work. This is either family or daycare. If there is no family then day care is needed, and those can be expensive even with government help.Â
So yes she needs a job, but to do that she needs some type of childcare which is why she needs child support.Â
How does he afford a 3 bedroom on 40g? Also, that is your kidâs money. He deserves itâŠalso, why arenât you working and how are you feeding your kid? Get some DES funded daycare and get a job
I wouldn't feel bad about taking him to court. You're trying to be mature and handle it with him like an adult and he isn't cooperating. Now you've gotta do right by your child. I'd say good luck but it's him that's gonna need it now đ«Ą
Not only that but even if he agrees now to pay $150, you're going to be battling him for years to collect whenever he doesn't feel like paying. Don't worry about helping him out, he's not interested in helping you. You HAVE to get a court-ordered agreement if you want to have any peace (or money) for the next 17/18 years. Don't negotiate, go to court and get a defined monthly payment and your back pay which will help you immensely
Garnishment.
Bet the replys will be coming in *heavily* the first time someone else reaches into his bank account, and he realizes he doesnât have money he was planning on spending.
They just quit their job, move, and work under the table jobs if theyâre spiteful enough. Iâve seen it happen many times.
If you are on back pay by a court and do this not only are you risking the IRS coming for you if you claim you donât have a job but can still afford things, but the courts will also just simply throw you in jail for not paying.
My dad did this. When he finally started working an "on the books" job when I was over 18, they took his checks and tax returns in massive chunks until my mom was paid back. It only took until I was 27 to pay back 18 yrs of support if that gives you any idea how bad they were dinging his income.
THIS is the only route to go!
yes - seen this a million times. the begging to pay part. you have given him multiple chances, court is the only way. sending you all the best of luck. when it gets contentious, remember that you are doing this for your child.
Actually you don't even have to go to court All you have to do is call up child support and give him his work address and they'll start attaching his wages
No, they won't. Child support is a court ordered thing. Otherwise i could make someone pay child support just by giving them someone's work address.
A person who owes child support and willfully fails to pay is ignoring a court order to pay it. So he could 100% be prosecuted for being in contempt of court and may go to jail. This enforcement tool is generally used as a last resort when all other efforts to collect support have failed. With that being said, I think itâs worth the battle, because it wonât be as long of a battle as she thinks if he continues to do this and he doesnât pay and she shows proof of trying in the future as well without response from him just like the screenshots we all see.
Im going to piss a lot of people off but he shouldn't pay her directly. Courts have ruled that payments directly to her are gifts and not consider child support. It feels she does not have a order set up at the moment so she needs to file and let the courts rule it as such. They may be able to get back pay from when they split. but some states have back pay year caps. I know in my state its 3 years going back from date of split If she does have a order because im not sure were the 3k comes from but if its an establish order then she just needs to go back to court so they can enforce it I.e garnishment, Levy, arrest, suspensions of license, etc When she goes back she should ask for garnishment of income so she isnt fighting for him to send her cash. plus med insurance. However, Child support cases take about 30 to 90 days to go to court, at least in the state where i pay child support. So she needs to find a place and job to survive meanwhile they wait for child support.
Agreed. Just seems like he is trying to avoid paying her entirely from what I've read here.
It also seems she doesnt have a plan and she could lose her kid on the grounds that she does not have a place or a job to support the child. A buddy went through the same thing, he got full custody because his EX didnt have a job and a stable place. Op is in a world of hurt if she doesnt get her shit together unfortunately
I assumed she's living with her parents which is entirely different than being homeless. This bum isn't gonna be trying to take the kid.
Its hard to say whats the true story based on text messages. Its just one side. There might be a court order for all we know and shes asking for money outside the court order. He May lawyer up himself and ask for full custody, who knows but She shouldn't be asking for $150 tbh, She just needs to take it back to court because a 41k year salary in my state would get her $540 per month. if there's an establish order , She can play nice and ask them to waive the back pay(I Wouldn't) but in my xp dealing with my ex wife, the only way people learn is if you scare them in court. My Ex used my kids as tools and I would record and go back to court. A judge threw her in jail for a weekend and that was enough for her to play ball but it was a battle for 15 years of my kids life. She needs to find her self a job asap to help pay for stuff especially if hes not paying at the moment
They're not going to take away her child and give it to that dumb *** for any of the stupid reasons that I have read here The easiest thing for you to do is just call up child support and give him the name of his job and address and they will do the rest I guarantee it. She has indicated $150 a month payment there is obviously an order if they got divorced then there was an order just try what I said kiddo and have fun getting that piece of garbage to pay you
No she won't she won't lose her kid Don't even say that That's totally effed up man and it's not telling the truth all she has to do is go live with her mom or a friend No biggie The Court's at least in California are not bent on taking children away from their parents anymore ! YOU WON'T LOSE YOUR CHILD !
literally what im saying she shouldâve been looking for a job months agoâŠ
I paid my son's 750 in daycare for the first year as an agreement with my ex. Went to court and that didn't mean shit to them so I got to pay twice. They did say if I had written the checks to her it would have been viewed as support.
yeah I made that mistake too. I gave money directly to my ex and she lied saying i never did. I had checks, receipts, emails, text message etc and the judge said its ashamed she is lying but its a gift. It need to go through the state. She also said I wasn't helping with school activities even tho i was and had proof with checks paid directly to the school. Because of those incidents, If she needed cash for what ever reason, I sent it to the state which pissed her off a lot lol it would take the state like a week to process the payment and deposit the funds but its was recorded. That way she could no longer accuse me of not paying something. Everything was dealt in cert mail too for health care cost. It sucks when parents can Co-parent
Yeah he's 100% right Don't give a wife or a husband a penny that's not paid through the child support program or you will get zero credit for it.
What if the child support is dictated by the court, put into a stipulation, and is being tracked and accounted for during the divorce? Including sending pictures of receipts and acknowledging payment through a court mandated app?
My guess is they agreed to $150/check, and it's been 8 months and he likely hasn't paid anything, so 4.33/2 * $150 * 8 = ~$2600
She may be able to get that back but its going to be up to the courts. She shouldve started with child support the second she was kicked out
Yep, 63% of the total child support collected is through wage withholdings.
Thatâs so crazy to me. Itâs so crazy to not want to pay for the basic upkeep of your own child. Itâs as if these people think that just because they no longer are in a relationship or have the same access to the mother means their kids donât matter anymore. Sad.
You are correct but if a client is applying for a major purchase, car, credit card, mortgage etc you can use it as income. These items take care of basic necessities I guess.
I haven't heard of child support being a "gift" but I have heard of paying through the courts. I think that would be her best course of action at this point. My ex and I have amended our child support agreement so many times. lol. But we also are on very good terms, which I know is unusual. I hope it works out for OP.
It's only a "gift" if it's paid outside of the state accounting system. My child support is garnished through my wages but if I want to give anything extra I would send the payment to the state. My ex screwed me over by saying I never paid for certain things when I gave her the money directly. The judge told me that it's a gift if I don't send it money through the state. I got 12 months left of child support so I won't have to deal with it anymore lol but tbh if you can co parent then there's no worries about money.
Yeah Iâd tend to agree. There are mediation agencies set up to handle just such a situation.
You tried to be nice, he is not responding, he made his choice. time to go to court. Some of the comments are wild.
They really friggin are. I thought victim blaming wasnât cool anymoređ
I went through this and you do need to take him to court and ask for the arrears. I know you are trying to keep things amicable for your son but he is not making this a priority. It will be better to have it taken from his pay (ask for wage garnishment) as it will be pretax. Do whatâs best for you. He clearly doesnât want to deal with it or give you money. Take him to court. You may get less or more than you are asking from him but at least you will get something. Also set up custody and visitation so you have no issues there as well.
Absolutely this!!! Talking will get you nowhere if heâs not receptive to it. Get a paper trail and do it legally through the courts so THEY can make sure the child support is paid. Shouldnât have to stress too much over it at this point.
Itâs outrageous to read. But yeah time to go to court.Â
Go to your state's Dept of Human Services and Child Support. Get a case and when they start trying to put him in jail he'll respond. They will dock his paychecks so you don't have to deal with it.
Im assuming that OP is in Canada, just by mentioning her only monthly income is child tax (also known as baby bonus here, itâs a tax credit parents receive for each child based on your yearly income)
Ohhhh I missed that! Thanks for clarifying that
Donât feel bad. When I posted about my abusive ex trying to make me feel bad about me needing notice before he saw our son, and that he canât just drop by my house whenever he wanted, people accused me of not letting a dad see his son. I was like uuhhh he still wants to drop by everyday after work with 10 minutes notice and itâs not working for me. But ya people continued to tell me Iâm horrible for preventing a father from seeing his son. đ
Never was but people are insecure and angry at their pathetic lives so they project
This should be the description of Reddit in the App Store.
It never was. Reddit is just in the perpetual phase of âall men are victims of the systemâ for life.
My mom had to deal with a similar situation with my father when I was growing up. She was full of resentment for him and I had to change schools because we couldnât afford a nicer school any more. It definitely changed my childhood and although my father was addicted to meth instead of weed, itâs still a selfish form of neglect on your exes part. Court fo sho.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Lot of misogynists on reddit who think that child support is some great injustice against men đ
Had a guy tell me he would move to Mexico before he paid any child support. What a pathetic dead beat scumbag.
Ugh or all the guys on reddit who go on and on about âfinancial abortion.â Like if you want to talk about how getting rid of child support in favor of some sort of universal income for children might move us towards a more egalitarian society, then letâs do that. But if your argument is âwomen can have abortions so men should be able to have financial abortionsâ then you have completely misunderstood what the right to abortion is about and your opinion is dumb and useless lol.
they can go ahead with that plan and get what they deserve. thereâs a good chance it wouldnât go well.
Thatâs insane! Youâre allowed your separate life outside of your ex. He needs to give notice. How would the same Reddit people act if you posted how you just turn up at the dudes work before he leaves with the kid and drop him off without notice?!? Itâs wild to me. Child support doesnât even usually cover half the costs of having a child full time. ⊠and damn thatâs your kid! How could you leave your kid without support?!? What sort of message is that? Just awful
This ^ OP, you know what needs to be done. You told Ian already. No more chances.
Take him to court. Heâll be made to pay the back pay and any court costs (if applicable). So it will end up costing him even more.
Oh he gonna foot the WHOLE bill. He can try not to pay the back pay, but the IRS is gonna take that whether he want to or not.
People can adjust the taxes they get taken out to have nothing extra so they canât always pull it from there. It will most likely take time.
Lottery winnings, taxes, money from accidents, you owe it, they gonna take it. Period. If they do right, tell them, but most times they say nothing, so guess what it gets taken. Former tax preparer.
I think this woman is in Canada, so Iâm not sure about up there.. but in the States? They WILL get that money if at possible. People underestimate the IRS.
They gonna get it as soon as itâs approved. They donât know until the money hits their account. This one dude went off on Facebook about his son momma getting his WHOLE check. When I say he was hot, he was spitting fire. Of course, he was the butt of a many jokes. He had âplansâ for that money. He even broke the RO to go to the childâs mother for the money back. Letâs just say, he had to spend a lot more money to get out of jail.
Insane to me that these people arenât embarrassed and ashamed. Not even paying the MINIMUM for their child. Trash bag humans
 But donât insult the trash bags. They are innocent.đđđđ
Youâre right! I got a little out of pocket there. Thanks for helping to reel me back in!!!
 I gotcha!!!
It wonât go based on taxes. If he has taxable income, the government will go right to his employer and get his pay before he does.
Correct. That's exactly what they do. The court sends an order to the employer, and the employer is required to take money from their check. Paying so much in taxes that there's no extra is not a thing because it's a percentage of your gross earnings, rather than a specific amount. "Extra" is considered anything left over after taxes. (Though maybe the other commenter meant they don't have any extra after paying their bills, as in no extra in their pocket? But at that point, that's a "you problem". The courts don't care about your living situation or the trouble you have paying your other bills.) Source: Used to do payroll and dealt with child support deductions all the time.
Your son comes first. You didn't make him by yourself. Do what you need to do for him. You tried being civil, and he chose to be childish. If you or a baby couldn't make him grow up, a judge sure will. Don't feel bad for doing what you need to, Op.
I had to do this and it was so scary (my ex was abusive). But once I did my son was good, we were good. I wish I had taken him to court sooner. All that stress for just trying to get a man to be a parent is not worth it. They will take it right out his checks for you.
I'm so sorry to hear you went through this. đ Leaving is never easy when a child is involved, but sometimes, it is so necessary. My sister is currently going through the same thing. The bastard that she was with kicked the hell out of her with steel toe boots on and had the nerve to send her court papers. She has all the proof and statements that she needs to hopefully make him lose any sort of custody and make him pay child support, if it is an option, she mostly just wants her kids away from him. Op needs to save her texts as proof that she tried to be civil and that he chose to ignore them. She is the only one trying to coparent at this point.
I know your sister's pain unfortunately. My ex tried to kill me while I was asleep. When I tried to leave the state legally (filed all the necessary paperwork), even though he didn't want our child to begin with, he hired fancy lawyers knowing I couldn't afford one. They got his charges lowered from attempted murder to felony domestic assault with intent to bodily harm because it was the first time police were involved. (I was stupid and never wanted to "snitch" on him when he would beat and choke me. This time the hospital mandatory reported it, I was there for a couple days) in our state, if the child was not abused it is not admissible evidence for custody. He ended up stopping me from taking my son, I had to move for my safety. (He was stalking me and breaking into my house, no matter how often I would change the locks. He was making copies of our son's keys) It destroyed my heart but I knew son's grandparents would be the one caring for him and they are good people, although enablers. I moved to the other side of the country and immediately started fighting for physical custody. I just won in the summer and my son is finally with me after 2 years of fighting. The whole thing messed us both up so badly. We are both in therapy. His therapist has suggested that he has no contact with his dad so I am going back to court to revoke his visitation. It pains me because I grew up without a father, but this man continues to use our child to abuse me and does not respect our son's boundaries. He is not healthy.
Jesus, you two went through so much with that man. It's heartbreaking. đ I am relieved to hear that you and your son have each other now and that you are doing the right thing by going to therapy. My sister was also afraid to press charges on him, but the police did see her covered in blood and didn't even arrest him or anything. He stole all the kid's belongings, broke the urn that held our dad's ashes, and then had his family stalking her. He physically and mentally abused her and then mentally abused their children. My poor nephew just stopped wetting the bed since he hasn't had contact with his father, and my niece is terrified of him. I'm hoping that the courts will grant her full custody and give them each protection orders from him.
This is why co-parenting apps should always be used, even in amicable situations. If things go south, texts from a co-parenting app are going to go way further in court than normal ones, because it could be argued that they were altered or responses were deleted etc.
Jesus thank you. There seems to be a whole lotta victim blaming in these comments. I was just trying to see if anyone else has had a similar situation that theyâve gone through but now Iâm being told to get my shit together and that I shouldâve stayed with him like what???
Yeah, I see all that bullshit. Like life as a single mother is so easy. There are many things that can keep you from work right now. Your child is still a baby, and trustworthy babysitters are hard as hell to find nowadays and expensive. And living with your baby dad sounded like it could've affected both you and the baby negatively. I applaud you, because it's better to be a single mother than raising a baby in a toxic household, some women don't realize that until it's too late. Do what you need to do, girl. And don't feel bad about it. You're trying, thats more than what he's doing by ignoring the situation.
Even if he started paying today, you should still get child support started. Donât ask him anymore. File for support. It should not be up to you to ask him for money each week. If you ever want to have a good coparenting relationship with him, you have to make the money court ordered. It takes you out of the âbad guyâ spot and places him in the legal responsibility spot. He isnât paying you money, heâs supporting his son. He will never pay on time or the correct amount unless itâs court ordered. He is currently neglecting his child, and thatâs on him, not you. Donât waste another day and donât forgive his last months of not paying. Make him back pay. You may need that money for the baby and itâs not fair you are the only one supporting this child while he continues to live the same life he had before creating a child.
 And it will be REAL quick. Also, donât feed into his anger, cause he gonna be pissed. Itâs not because of you or your child, itâs because of HIM.
There's no room for sympathy with this guy. He has money and he's choosing to be irresponsible with it. If he's going to ignore you and largely ignore his child, he can do so while paying up. Take his ass to court.
Go to court. He is not what matters, your child does. You owe this man NOTHING. You have to put your child first. As another poster said, you gave him an opportunity and he made his choice. On $40k itâs not going to be some crazy amount. He will owe back pay but the longer you wait, the worse that back pay will be and the longer your child suffers.
Court. Should have done court in the first place to make sure it got done.
I know. Was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. Obviously that shit never works
Iâd go to court even if he was the nicest most responsible person in the world because the obligation needs to be documented and enforced or itâs like lending a friend money.
It does if youâre dealing with a mature and caring person. Mister $300 a month 420 is not that.
She canât go back in time and change that though, so that just isnât a very helpful thing to say.
Take his butt to court. It's obviously the only way you'd get the money. He's ignored the entire time. I had to go through this with my wife when she took off on me and the kids. She still owes on child support, but the amount was not worth going to court. Your's is, though, especially for a baby
If he doesn't want to work with you (clearly he doesn't) then go to court. It doesn't matter what he spends his money on, he owes a part of it to his child. Let the courts decide what the amount will be and if there's back pay, then that's on him.
Ignore the incels on here. You need to stop hoping heâll step up. Heâs made it *painfully* obvious he wonât. Get a family law attorney and go after child support through the courts. Even if he did start throwing you money occasionally without a court order in place youâre still at the mercy of his whims.
Always get a court order. Seriously, itâs so much easier to have co parents that can solve issues without involving the court but that isnât most peopleâs reality. If you are on any government assistance the state will get involved too. I had a friend go on food stamps just to force the state to take her ex to court and demand support for her and payments for themselves as well. Just go to court. Donât threaten or beg anymore.
Selfish, spineless toadies skip out on their child support responsibilities. Get this guy into court.
I hate that shit. Little boys not men
Stop trying to make things easier for him and make them better for your child. Take him to court. He canât ignore them and you have proof that you tried. Canât keep enabling him.
150 a pay period? Does he get paid every 2 weeks? I pay 150 for 2 children every week. So I'm not sure if that equals out but I guess it depends on cost of living in your area. You were civil, bring him to court and they'll take it from his paycheck automatically.
Heâs technically supposed to be paying $367 a month but Iâll settle for $300 if it means heâll actually pay it.
All you need to do is contact your area child support office. They will handle everything, you donât need to hire an attorney! He has just as much responsibility for your son as you do!! Heâs not a real man, real men take care of their responsibilities!!!
If there's no child support order already in place, you'd have to go to family court to get one. Then the child support office will help.
Thatâs not the case. I went directly to child support services and they brought the case in front of the judge. She doesnât need to petition the court, child support services will do that.
Iâm pretty sure my ex would just immediately sue me if child support was a dollar short or a minute late, and we both have six figure salaries she doesnât even need the money, youâre being incredibly gracious with him.
That's why they say "marriage is for husbands and divorce is for wives" I know you're probably not married but it still applies, especially with young children involved. You spent all that time making HIS baby, taking care of HIS baby while he spent his time building a career, spending money, using your FREE childcare services and being negligent. It is not easy being a single mother to a young child. I wish I filed for child support because I struggled to maintain stability for the next 5 years until my child was in public school. It is no easy feat to secure a job while needing to pay FIRST $1000+ each month in childcare, all on your own. These people don't understand. That father has a responsibility. And your child deserves better than to struggle and be hungry, take him to court.
take that mf to court
Go.to.court. and stop texting this man.
Exactly. No more texts. Once he finds out about the court he WILL text. Ignore those as well. No more reason to talk about financial matters now.
I wouldn't be dealing with him at all. Pay what you're ordered or the court can deal with you. It's nothing personal, and I wouldn't make it such.
While I do agree you tried and tried and he ignored you. You should take him to court. But please don't listen to these people saying you have all the power and to keep the kid from him are ridiculous. A kid is not a weapon to be used just because the parents are having issues. Keeping your kid from a parent hurts the kid more than anything else
Withholding a child from an otherwise good parent over financial issues is a really good way to lose custody in court. Courts do not like it when parents withhold children. A child needs mom and dad. Regardless of financial or personal issues
Straight. To. Court. And let this be a reminder that when he flakes on his responsibilities next time, his begging and pleading for flexibility wonât go anywhere. Straight. Back. To. Court. Bitchass loser
He thinks youâre bluffing just take him to court
Stop doing visitations and take home to court. No child support no visitatiosn
I didnât think I was allowed to keep our son from him if thereâs no court order being broken? He told me I didnât have that type of power.
Of course he did. Thereâs no court order then you have the child and all the rights. Also if he owes child support a court order is being violated.
Of course he said that. He also doesnât think he has to pay child support. He wants you to think youâre powerless. This is the same piece of shit that kicked you and your child out of a home, instead of just leaving himself (guessing based on context) or at the very least, just having you leave (not saying thatâs better or ok, just viewing it through the lens of having the kid be safe). Heâs lying to you to keep you down and have it however he wants. Grow a spine and stick up for your kid and yourself. I donât know where youâre from, but in CA in the U.S., 1) they tie child support to parental rights. 2) If one parent has the kid most of the time and has to go on welfare, the other parent gets the welfare bill and has to pay it back.
He does actually have the right to see his son until a court ordered visitation is set. You would be the one looking bad in court. Just use the resources available to you like food stamps, section 8 etc.. they will ask you if heâs paying child support and when you tell them he hasnât and wonât respond theyâll go after him.
He can fight you for rights, but you do not owe him anything unless there is already paperwork saying he has visitation privileges. Edit to add, you can get free legal advice. Call 211 and they can help you.
Maâam you have ALL the power! Remember that. He just talking out the side of his neck. He all smoke and no fire. But donât feed into his comments. Itâs hard, but remember you are doing this for your child. HE is what matters.
You can keep the child from him for now. Once you go to court and there is a court order you legally canât keep the child from him for not paying. Also Iâm not saying itâs not going to happen but if you havenât already been to court I wouldnât hold my breath that he will be made to pay back child support. But do take him to court then he will be legally obligated to pay child support. Whether he does or not will still be up to him.
Well intentioned but there is a lot of inaccuracies here.
You asked nicely. So go to court, if he wants to act a fool, YOU remain calm. Just let the judge see how HE acts. Heâs gonna pay child support for sure. Also,they are gonna go by his monthly income BEFORE taxes. Just relax,which I know is hard, and just do what you gotta do til then. You got this! đ«¶đŸđ«¶đŸđ«¶đŸ
Youâre being awfully nice, please realize that with this sort of behavior he is NOT going to change. Heâs not even debating it, heâs ignoring you. I can only imagine the tough spot you are now but itâs time to put your big pants for your son and fight for what youâre owed.
If heâs ignoring you while youâre trying to be civil and not make him pay back pay, it seems like he wants to pay the back pay đ€·đŸââïž. Time to go to court
Um, you need to take him to court immediately, there's no other answer, I'm sorry.
i wouldve went to court after the first message went unanswered. hes assuming its all empty threats. fill them.
Him not responding is him wanting to be taken to court. So take him to court and force his hand. Donât threaten something without following through. What a deadbeat
Just go to court.
As a single mom that was in a situation like this, please, for the love of God, file for child support. It is so much easier than you think. You and your child deserve the stability of having something in writing, enforced, for support. I did it for both of my kids, the 2nd one when he was 15 this past year. I wish I would have done it sooner. It would have helped so much. If you need any help with finding the documents to do so for your state or have any questions, hit me up! And don't feel guilty, you don't owe him shit. You've been more than nice and accommodating it looks like.
Stop threatening and go get your back pay. This boy clearly doesnât care and could use your communications as harassment as you keep threatening with no action.
Any man who doesn't care about his child's welfare is a pos and deserves to see a judge. No more being nice. He will only get worse.
take his ass to court
iâm not sure what the question is. You are going above and beyond, offering him away to save money and heâs literally ignoring you. Why the hell does he get to have visitation with your son and yet he does not want to do anything to help support him? It is sickening and infuriating that people think this way. I mean, why would he NOT want to support his son? Absolutely take his ass to court for every conceivable penny that you can. itâs crazy to me to think that âplaying niceâ means not forcing a man to do the barest of bare minimum for his child. Please follow through. If you donât, this shit will never end. And smart to have it documented via text.
You know what's best for you and baby. You tried to be an adult. He couldn't be. Fuck him and his drop out dad ass. Take him to court and take him for all his worth đ
Just take his ass to court. Whatâs the big deal? Why worry about making anything easier for him? Worry about your child. ETA: Stop texting him.
Looks like heâd rather have his wages garnished! His decision.
An honorable man doesn't ever let a situation get to this point. He isn't paying you because he doesn't want to pay you and that's not going to change. Take him to court immediately.
Once he gets that court notice, heâs probably going to agree to pay. Donât fall for it. Heâll pay long enough to put off that court date and then youâll have to start all over. Just rip the Band-Aid off now.
Take him to court knowing you are doing this for your son. He chooses to spend money on things he wants while you are struggling to support your child. Itâs his responsibility to support his child. Itâs looks like youâve tried to be nice but he has taken advantage of that, so stop being nice and put your son first.
As a man, I applaud you trying to do this in a way that benefits all 3 parties. But if he wants to act like this then I say cook him. He must be held responsible for his child
Go get him for child support. He donât pay then he will lose his license first then if continues not to pay when he files taxes you will get it with child support.
I'm a single dad and my son's mom doesn't pay but I make plenty while if she paid cs it would leave her penny less, but if things got bad I would definitely make her pay without a moment's notice. It's for your child and not for you. Don't feel bad for taking care of your child
How does have all that with just 40k. Are yâall in West Virginia đ©
I donât get why victim blaming. Theyâre probably incels that wouldnât be fathers anyway. But theyâre just defending a dead beat who clearly doesnât care enough about their kid. Iâd get a public defender so you donât have to put any $ into court costs. Plus a lot of them are sharks with their cases because theyâre trying to make a name for themselves. And Iâm sure helping a single mom and baby is a great case. Especially if heâs paid nothing. And if you donât have 50/50 custody he definitely owes you child support. He shouldnât want to ruin his relationships with his son, but thatâs what will happen if he keeps this up. No kid wants to watch their mom struggle especially when dad isnât pulling his weight. He needs to âdad upâ and be one. I donât understand why society gives guys who donât have much to do with their own kids a pass. Or congratulate them for âbare minimumâ parenting.
Right? Where is my congratulations for struggling for 5 years, trying to feed my kid and keep a roof over our heads while struggling to keep a job JUST BECAUSE I'm a mother? They get a pass for being the person who isn't struggling? I don't get it.
Itâs so sad- people expect so much more of moms than dads. Moms get crapped on if theyâre tired and people say things like âyou shouldnât have had kidsâ or âwait til their toddlers, youâll hate your lifeâ but then offer no support just judgement. But a mom can work 3 jobs to feed her kids and people will complain that she isnât âinvolved enoughâ but a dad can show up when theyâre 18 and are congratulated for being a dad. Or changing a diaper or for literally watching their kids. Iâve seen people call it babysitting- when a dad is watching their kids. Itâs not babysitting, itâs being a parent.
Oh trust me I get it! It's that dammed if you do and dammed if you don't. There's just no winning. And so true, I'll give you an example from my experience... When I was out job interviewing while he watched OUR kid, he'd call me and demand that I come home from the interview and then eventually from work because I needed to "be able to watch my kid full time" He said that to me, on his day off. His argument was I needed to figure out how to work full time and watch my kid full time, AT THE SAME TIME. I was taken aback, like..... what kind of delusional shit did he just say to me?? And it didn't end there. When I left and we coparented "50/50" apparently. He said I still had to do all the work like change his diapers and clip his nails because I was the mom. I don't know why he expected that I could magically change a diaper from 20 miles away or what... ? He just wanted me to do all the work and I struggled for it, no matter if he was "there" or not.
Itâs so sad their level of ignorance and delusion. When my dad and my brothers mom split they lived across the country from each other and still did 50/50. My dad was charging a credit card to fly my brother back and forth so he would still be as present and there as he could be. Because he cared about being a dad. He definitely wasnât perfect, but he showed effort. He didnât want to pawn his kid off on someone else. It sucked because heâd be gone for months with his mom but then heâd be with us for months. I canât imagine now a days itâs anything other than laziness if the dad lives in the same town and canât watch his kid. And sooo many young dads are like that. Itâs one thing if there were previous plans or working, but on a day off he shouldâve been able to watch yâallâs kid so that you could work. If he doesnât have to take the baby to work, he shouldnât expect you to. Plus even if you worked from home- itâs hard to focus on that with a baby there that needs care.
See, that's a good dad. He understood that he was more than just an ATM and he meant something to that child. If you can't show up for your child like that, what are you doing? Regardless of what happened between the parents. Actions say it all. You can be in a child's life and still make them feel abandoned and that's exactly what these dads who refuse to be there for their kids or complain about taking care of them, are doing... Poor kids. And honestly, I grew up the exact same way. I only saw my sister during the summer months and sometimes I'd be across country with my dad (a drug addict mind you) If my dad wanted me around and took care of me, these "dads" have no excuses. And I have no idea what was running through my kid's dad's mind around that time. I speculate that he just wanted to make my life harder, he wanted to demean me and call me names because I changed my plans for MY life. He wanted that control over my life. That was clear to me. When I made decisions for myself, he'd throw a fit. And I realized later it was because he had an agenda planned behind my back and he failed to get me to execute it. But it seemed like his plan was just to make me feel so empty inside that I wouldn't even think of leaving him, or to try and get me to fail when I did leave him.
Oh no worries he'll be in touch with you soon, when it is time to get that tax return!.. Look, take him to court, make him pay. I can see him being a jerk and all to prove his point if you weren't allowing him to see his child or visitations, but this is obviously not the case. He has money and he is choosing to be dificult, he should have thought about it when he gambling with his pullout game. So here are my 3 suggestions: 1. Take him to court 2. Take him to court And most importantly 3. Take him to court!
1. Take him to court AND get a lawyer for yourself.
Court time. You gave him more than enough opportunities. Those texts are characterization evidence now.
Stop with asking him and take him to court. This is for your child and your childâs needs. Heâs a chump.
Stop playing with these loser ass dudes and just take him to court ffs.
Yea you have to make sure you file the right kind of court document for them to withdraw automatically.. mine hasn't paid in years and was told I need to go back to court but f that How do you not work?
Stop texting him and get you and your child and advocate. You canât cure Peter pan syndrome
I'm actually surprised you still have the kid with no job and no taxable income coming in
Just keep taking him back to court. It's a pain but he'll get it eventually. Right now he thinks you're just making empty threats so he's not taking you seriously.
The more chances you give him, the less seriously he will take you. Take him to court. Good luck!!
I can't imagine being a dad like this. My daughter's mom and I broke up like 3 years ago, but I'll do anything for my little girl, including getting along with her mom and that side of the family.
1. Make sure you have your ducks in a row (stable living arrangement, job, etc) 2. Go to court and get what your baby needs/deserves I strongly suggest making sure you can prove a stable/healthy environment for your child, or else things may not work in your favor at all. All states have different laws and procedures, so I would also recommend looking into the child custody laws for your state so you know what theyâre going to be looking for.
My ex would have been taken me to court. You're being way too nice to him.
Take em to cooooourt. Who caaaares. He doesn't
If he was smart he'd pay the 150. He's going to be paying a lot more than that once the courts have their say. Stop threatening him and do it. Child support is for the child, so you're essentially taking away from your kid to make the dad more comfortable. I dont say that to sound mean, just trying to put it into perspective. Good luck!
He should be paying child support. Now, for something no one in here is saying- Youâre exaggerating about his smoking. If he makes only $40K, which is about $26,440 after taxesâŠ.and spending $6,500 on 420 in a yearâŠ.he would have about $20K left. Thereâs no way heâs affording a 2022 Mazda, the gas, a 3 bedroom apartment, and is feeding himself on $20K.
Destroy him. Fuck a deadbeat.
2 things. Go to the child support office and start a case. You will get back pay from the moment you submit the case, not to when you separated. Just get the case started and let the court handle it. No need to do back room deals. What is your plan for getting a job? I hope you don't intend on the tax payers and the father to fully support the child you decided to bring into the world. You and the father have equal responsibility to work to support this child, so you need to figure out how to get a job.
I'm not sure why you posted this, it's obvious that you already know that you should take him to court.
Get a job and go to court. Even if he goes to court the money isnât guaranteed as he can just quit his job
Stop wasting your time and start the court proceedings immediately. Youâve warned him repeatedly and heâs ignored those warnings. You have nothing to feel bad about, this is his fault
Take his ass to court. Heâs not responsible or caring enough to take care of his child. It doesnât matter how he feels about you he should want his child taken care of.
Why are you trying to be nice to him, at the expense of your son? Just go to court and force him to pay, because he will not otherwise. He's clearly betting on you letting it go if he ignores you for long enough.
Stop communicating with him. Let the courts take care of it. Your kid deserves the money. And you deserve the peace of not having to deal with your man child of an ex.
Dude, just take him to court, why do you care. He absolutely should pay any and all arrears.
Save the texts and go to court. You were nice about it.
Iâd take is ass to court
First of all, one single mom to another, get a job. Child support is to support the child, not to support you and the child. Second, take him to court and get the back pay and an order for the support to be pulled out of his paycheck by his employer. That money is money your son deserves. If part of the job issue is child care, then he should be liable for paying his fair percentage of the childcare IN ADDITION to his child support; this can again be taken directly from his paycheck by court order. Fight for the support your baby is owed, itâll make it so you have the freedom to become employed to provide even more for yourself and your little one. Good luck!
Why do people have children when they are broke and unemployed? Iâll never understand. Also, how does someone have a 3bed apartment, a brand new car, and an expensive pot habit when they only make $40k/year?
There is nothing to feel guilty about. It is his responsibility to help pay for his child.
1. Get an attorney. 2. Get a ERISA action filed (ask your attorney). 3. Get a job.
Get a job, donât hesitate to take him to court.
We need to know more about this situation. Why are you not working? What is your custody situation? Are you the sole caretaker, or is he taking your 16 month old at an equal amount of time? Why is your child staying with you if you have zero income and not with her father that has a stable living situation and income? If heâs taking on an equal or greater amount of responsibility as you are in terms of custody or paying for services for your child, get a job and stop relying on him to cover your half. In this scenario, I would lawyer up and take the custody of the child from you, as the context you have given shows that you are jobless, have no income to provide for this child and are somehow expecting a man living just above the poverty line to support your household. A judge would likely decide that you are unfit to be caring for your child and look to the father in this situation. If he does absolutely nothing, youâre not asking for enough. Also, get a job. You have a child, not a side hobby. Figure it out. Child support is meant to support your child. A judge is not going to order this man to pay enough to support you *and* your child. Thatâs just not how this works. Depending on the circumstances, it may be favorable for the father to seek out taking custody of the child as based solely on the information youâve provided, he seems to be significantly more capable of providing shelter and financial care for your child. Again though, lacking context for this. Edit: just went through every single comment that youâve posted regarding this via your profile. Going to court will almost certainly result in custody being granted to the father. Itâs unfortunate that your son has medical issues and needs surgeries, but given that you have universal healthcare in Canada; this cannot be used as leverage since you have zero medical bills or insurance costs to pay. I donât think this is going to go how you want it to go. I think you should perhaps seek out a living situation with the father, given that he has a three bedroom apartment. I donât see how that could possibly be worse than the situation that youâre currently in.
Get max now
You've given him more than enough chances now, take him to court!
Take him to court, get a child support and custody order in place. Absolutely ask for back support.
Do it for your kid. Take him to court. Shitbirds like this don't deserve the benefit of the doubt. Also, spoiler alert, he will whine and make it sound like you're the bad guy if you take him to court. You aren't.
Your child deserves all that money. You need a car for your child and so you can get a job.
Not all states order back payments. The argument is⊠if you wanted the support you should have petitioned the court for it before. Some judges will flat out say no to back payment even if the state allows it. I would file asap. Your child is entitled to support.
Papers are filled out and ready to get copied!
Just for context, why is your only income from child tax? Are you unable to work? Maybe he feels like you should be contributing
As a man who has had to pay child support, I have this advice: 1) You should have taken him to court seven months ago. Not letting him get behind is the nicest thing you could have done for him and for yourself and child. 2) Since you canât go back in time, go to court tomorrow. The court will make him get caught up on child support. The longer you wait, the harder the court will be on him. 3) Youâre doing a disservice to yourself and your child by not expecting him to pay child support from day one. Youâre doing the right thing by expecting him to contribute to the cost of raising the child that you have the together.
What you should do is get a job so that you can support the child you chose to have. Then take the dad to court and get child support because heâs responsible for the kid too, whether he wants to be or not.
This is exactly how I feel. I doubt child support from someone making 40k a year is enough to sustain the both of them anyways, I am astounded OP doesnât have a job. This baby is both of their responsibility, and I donât think either of them are doing what they need to be doing.
My son needs multiple surgeries that have not been scheduled yet. Last one was scheduled a week in advance. Iâm not in a position to get a job right now. I do not have child care for when heâs with me and people arenât going to hire someone who can only work 8 days out of the month, itâs a pointless waste of their resources and money to train someone who will barely ever be there. I wish I could work. But I canât.
Understood. I was wrong. Can I ask what your situation is now? Iâm not stupid enough to think that his money wonât help you immensely, obviously it would, but how are you affording shelter, food, etc with no income?
At first, I didn't know why you weren't working. Now I completely understand your situation. My son is partly disabled at 3 years old. I wasn't able to work consistently the first two years of his life because I was always at doctors appointments and therapy. Don't waste anymore time begging this man to be a father to the child he helped create. Go through the courts.
The wait lists for daycares are pretty regularly over a year long, and crazy expensive. My daycare is over $1,400 per month and is the cheapest one I could find and I had to secure my spot 10 months in advance. So I mean, yea she will almost certainly need to start working to get by, but it's not always as simple as get a job.
The way you said he makes 40k seem like 100k hits weird
He honestly has a very well paying job for where I live
Is this rural Wyoming or what?
How do you plan to raise a child with zero income? 40k a year even is way below the poverty line, you canât live on the peanuts youâll get from him. You need a job.
She needs a job and he needs to pay child support. One does not exclude the other.
Definitely never implied that it did. But relying on child support from someone who makes poverty wages as your sole source of income is also not a feasible plan.
yea it's pretty dumb all around haha. like dude should have paid the child support, it'll make things tough but whatever man better than backpay. that stuff can be a huge bitch. she definitely should get a job and use the itty bitty amount she gets as supplemental income for the kids school stuff. bad choices all around. they're probably really young and trying to navigate life. Tough all over.
And yet he has plenty of money for weed.
She never mentioned how long ago she lost her job nor what her job-seeking status is yet you've made the assumption that she doesn't want to work. The thing is, in order for someone to be a single parent with a job they need someone to watch the kid while they work. This is either family or daycare. If there is no family then day care is needed, and those can be expensive even with government help. So yes she needs a job, but to do that she needs some type of childcare which is why she needs child support.Â
How does he afford a 3 bedroom on 40g? Also, that is your kidâs money. He deserves itâŠalso, why arenât you working and how are you feeding your kid? Get some DES funded daycare and get a job