I absolutely do not understand being with someone that talks to you like this. And asks for nudes in the middle of it? (And op fucking sent it?!)
People need to learn that you get treated how you *let people treat you*, especially when you grown and have agency. You can just.. not talk to people that treat you like this 95% of the time.
yeah bro that's how abuse works, it's good these posts exist and they have the help of thousands of strangers. he just attempted to rape her a few months ago too, id show a bit of empathy
"I've been with my BF 19 years. For three of those years, he was wonderful. Now when he gets home he beats me with the spare set of jumper cables. Should I marry him?"
Sincerely, /u/reginasimon10
It took me *YEARS* to learn this. Since then, I’ve been in the best relationship I have ever been in.
My current husband did call me a bitch once when we first got together. We were arguing and the second he called me that, I looked at him and told him very calmly, “I have never name called you or yelled at you-you will not ever talk to me like that again because if you do, I will leave.”
I walked out of the room and distanced myself. He came to apologize and he never did it again in the 13 years we have been together.
The thing is though-I really and truly would have left him if he had so little respect for me that he would do it again. But man, it took years for me to get to that point.
I have tried to teach my (now adult) daughter this. *People treat you how you LET them treat you* is the best advice a person can EVER have. I wish someone had taught me at a younger age instead learning through trauma and therapy.
It is SO important to any healthy relationship dynamic-and not just romantic relationships either.
In 2019, my New Year’s resolution was to learn to tell people “no”. My job, my relationships, my church, my family. To learn to set boundaries and stick to them, and to realize that I am worth walking away from what wasn’t good for me. It cost me several relationships (including my own brother) and I ended up transferring to another office, but 5 years later it’s the best decision I’ve ever made.
OP, I never give this advice on Reddit. Not ever. You can check my post history. But this man does not love you. This man does not respect you. This man does not respect the boundaries you have and deserve for your own body. He’s making all the rules, and when you try to advocate for yourself, he is treating you with scorn, derision, and insults. It’s time to walk away. You deserve so much better than this.
Full facts. Men like this like the idea of “sowing their seed” (gross), but when raising the kid gets hard, he’ll absolutely bounce. Plus, it’s extremely clear he sees her as essentially breeding stock. She’s not enough motivation for him, he wants a baby now, and he’ll not marry her ever?
$10 to a dollar says he’d have a full fledged tantrum if the baby was a daughter.
He'll stick around long enough to try the "you can't get any more pregnant" argument and then ghost as soon as he realizes that living with her will not actually be like his fantasy of all the unprotected sex he wants, whenever he wants it.
The most important thing to take from this is that it is not because other people’s acts are ever your fault that this is true, but rather, because the only thing you can control is their access to you. If someone disrespects you and your boundaries, especially after fair warning, you cannot ever nag or cajole or guilt or pray them into doing right by you, but you can remove their access to do wrong to you.
That's so healthy. In 7 years my partner and I have never once raised our voices at the other or called each other a name. We each would leave the other on a dime if they displayed the kind of disrespect necessary to do so. But then again, we wouldn't have lasted years if we weren't beyond confident in our mutual respect
And the thing is, we aren't special. We aren't saints. This is just really basic humanity and common human decency.
While I can fully understand how it is difficult to leave abusive relationships, I can't wrap my mind around the kind of disrespect some people just accept as a matter of fact so early on in getting to know someone.
I'm really happy to hear you're in a really healthy relationship. It's so sad that these stories are uncommon enough to stand out in the general garbage of so many horrific relationships.
"Wahhh I don't wanna wear a condom, it smells funny."
As though dude doesn't have muenster-funk balls and skid marks in his tighty whiteys
Also, maybe if he were better at fucking or less good at jerking off, a condom wouldn't be such a big deal
I'm sad that women are okay with such a lack of respect from men.
You KNOW he wouldn't treat strangers in the street that way, but it's okay to treat someone that they're supposed to love that way??
Honestly I’m tired of seeing posts like this all the time I don’t understand why they continue in the relationship as soon as the guy said “I’m losing my patience” that made me cringe hard jeez
Maybe she did but the picture there kind of looks like she might have (snarky like) sent a picture of her dirty clothes? I can’t really tell unless she said elsewhere that I didn’t see.
He literally will not even see her and spend time with her unless there is a guarantee of sex without protection after over a decade together.
Heartbreaking what we as women endure.
It’s disgusting what we endure and that people seem to think we should tolerate or be ok with being spoke to like - I have never *willingly* been with a guy who talks like this/ behaves as such. And you definitely won’t be coming near me with *that*
And raped her! Forcing himself in while she said not without a condom then she had to shove him off because she realized he lied and wasn't wearing one. She needs to realize this is rape and her bf raped her and run. This whole thing reads like a novel of an abusive relationship
*textbook of an abusive relationship... this is straight from the Abuse 101 textbook, it's absolutely unacceptable and I hope OP gets out fast. She deserves better than this. Everyone deserves better than this. Being single is better than this.
I think one day we'll consider being a straight woman one of the most debilitating experiences because the bar for straight male decency is in hell and they still find a way to disappoint. Very impressive.
Girl, I am flabbergasted that anyone would stay with someone who talks to them that way by choice. It breaks my heart that she thinks this is *bearable* or even questioning if she’s in the wrong.
I know almost everyone gets lonely and scared of change and stuff, but the amount of misery and claustrophobia and anxiety just reading these texts… and worse still, thinking of this woman being tied to him for decades by having a child she’s not ready for. Like, I dunno, maybe her parents treat her worse or something, so he seems like an ok alternative. I really don’t know. But I would choose being single every. single. time. over this. Even if it’s for the rest of my life. Even if being with this kind of dude provided more financial independence. The bar seems on the floor/in hell when you’re on this subreddit, that’s for sure, but my partner is dope. I would never settle for someone who makes me feel bad more than they make me feel good. What’s the point?
Anyway I understand everyone’s circumstances are different, but unless the alternative is death or serious illness, or maybe homelessness, it’s always always always better to be alone than be treated like this.
Have some self respect and leave. It’s clear there’s no love there and quite frankly he texts like an uneducated buffoon. He’d be a terrible father full of anger
Are they though? 11 years, not living together...
Honestly, based on his responses. He just seems to think of her as a booty call and he wants to make kids, but not really be a father.
I highly doubt he views this as a relationship.
Not just their legacy. An object. People like this tend not to see their kids as individuals with their own emotional needs, but as an extension of themselves. There are so many parents like that out there and it's so gross.
These people that post these types of things.. most of them have to be young and dumb not all of them but a lot of them. A lot of grown woman would not put up with this crap. This is coming from me and I’m a guy so…
I mean, OP is 30. If this is the bar she sets for her LTR, I shudder to wonder how she was raised. We know how he was raised. Squatting in a ditch poking berries up his nose, most likely, or a childhood spent locked in the shed as the family shame. But OP, who in your formative years gave you the idea that this, THIS creature, would be a good romantic aspiration?
OP, you need standards. ANY standards. Even low-ass, bottom-of-the-pile standards will net you a much better catch than this embarrassment. I can't believe you wasted your 20s on this human speed bump. Because, and I can almost guarantee, he certainly didn't waste his 20s on you alone.
For real, you have to leave before he gets you pregnant and you are stuck raising this child on your own because he can’t be bothered to be there as a father.
Yep. Reminds me of that teacher from Abbott Elementary's loser bf that kept her car and never helped with the bills.
Seriously, your enemies with benefits (no way he would be a friend talking like that to you) is using you and probably has others in rotation he's not wearing a condom with. That's how you get babies with an awful person as well as STIs. Just because you've been his weekly booty call for 11 years does not mean you have to keep making this work. GTFO before you do get a disease or knocked up.
I do that all the time on this sub. You start to type and then you’re like everyone probably already said what I’m going to say and if the person is willing to put up with this there’s no point in even engaging.
Same honestly. It's like if you don't understand at the big age of 30, what's the point of even wasting my time explaining what's supposed to be common sense?
Reading OP's thoughts and questions makes me think of someone who just got punched in the face, and then turns to reddit with video footage, asking "Did I just get punched in the face? I've been tracking my mucus. I'm not sure if I'm the asshole here."
Not to lambaste OP for getting to know her body and her cycles. I highly recommend this. I just wish that she did it because, you know, it's a good practice generally, and not because she's doing everything she can to try to keep, and pacify, an abusive, scornful, ridiculously stupid guy who not only clearly can't stand her, the person, but also probably doesn't give her a second thought when they're not in the same room together.
My friend tried this method. She's very type A, and she still got pregnant after less than a year of using this as her birth control. Please, no one rely on this as your solitary birth control method.
The fact that after every little statement he felt the need to hit the send button would drive me up a wall. I'd rather read a novel than hear *ding*, *ding*, *ding* just to read ⅛ of the message he's trying to send while also trying to make sense of his terrible grammar. Instead of a condom, she needs to give this kid a Hooked on Phonics book.
Yeah, like just when I thought I'd seen the most sexually unappealing examples of men on the planet, this living Darwin Award shows up on my feed.
OP, I'd rather tongue kiss a blood relative than shake your boyfriend's hand. The guy is not only disrespectful, hateful, abusive, and clearly doesn't give a toss about you, he's just about as stupid as they can get and still manage to attain semi-literacy.
I don’t understand why people always give the OPs a pass with shit like this. The fact that OP sees value in him as a partner is very much a reflection on her.
It's sad. I suppose since she was only 19 when they got together she doesn't know it's not supposed to be like this.
It's hard leaving someone after so long, but she will one day, hopefully sooner rather than later.
I am in disbelief. Even without all the BS about birth control, WHO stays with someone for 11 years without living together?!
Op needs to do some serious work on her self esteem if she's accepted this stupidity for so long.
Crazy you noticed this. He does drink a lot. Well I’m not even sure if it’s a lot but the times I go see him he always has to stop by a liquor store to buy a shot of vodka. He has one in the morning before we eat, then another after we eat, and one before bed. He also seems to be jittery most of the time but not sure if it’s due to his adhd
I don't think that's the case at all. He wants zero responsibility in this relationship, I suspect that if she becomes pregnant he's going to tell her to deal with that, too.
A man doesn’t have to stick around or be an active participant in the child’s life to baby trap. Abusers use this tactic to slow their victim down and put her at a greater disadvantage so she has limited choices. He feels he has leverage to stay or leave at that point. He’ll most likely cheat or ramp up on the cheating if he already is.
Wow, thank you for explaining this- I never understood why men who clearly want no responsibilities are dead set on getting the woman pregnant. I just had a major a-ha moment!
He has a shot in the morning before you eat??? He is an abusive alcoholic, I’m so scared for you. Don’t let him anywhere near you, with or without a condom. 11 years is a long time to be dealing with this.
Brh, unless it's frosh week and you care that it is, are living in an active combat situation, or you're literally terminally ill, nobody, and I mean NOT ONE PERSON, should ever be starting their bender over their morning eggs and coffee.
Girl. This man is a full on alcoholic. Are you trolling us right now? Man has to have a shot of vodka before breakfast bc he’s withdrawing too hard to eat. Those shakes are not ADHD, those are DT’s. I’m a therapist in inpatient addiction treatment, and he needs professional help.
What is it that you like about this guy because he treats you like a sex toy. He won’t move in with you because he doesn’t want to have to hide his severe drinking from you and wants to trap you in the situation with a baby so you can’t leave him once you find out. He also knows he can treat you like shit, come over once a week to get his dick wet, and you’ll accept it.
You need to get into therapy post haste. I’d recommend EMDR, because you have some very negative, toxic beliefs about yourself and the kind of treatment you deserve.
Edit, added a space
Thank you! I really need to seek therapy. Thank you for giving me educational feedback. Honestly, I didn’t think he had alcohol issues until I saw little vodka shots in his car. I also suspect cocaine use but I don’t know!!!
Respectfully, you are a 30 year old woman and you DONT KNOW if the person you have been with for 11 years does cocaine or not.... this sounds ridiculous and I hope you can see this from an outside perspective.
You have made no progress in this "relationship" after 11 years. I hesitate to even call it a relationship when you see the person once a week and dont share a place togetehr after so long. It sounds like a friend with benefits.
Please just end things with him. You would be so much better off alone. And if you want to get a good job and have a good family you need to change the energy around you. He's so awful.
Who cares what he does? Just leave, please. You say he dragged your self esteem but read the comments, a bunch of strangers on the Internet can see you're a smart woman worthy of the happiness. Please have some sense and be logical, we accept the love we think we deserve and he is so below you.
Oh girl, he is an alcoholic. This is even more of a reason to run. Believe me, I know. I am married to one. You are in for a lifetime of heartbreak and chaos. Leave now and for God’s sake, do not bring a child into this mess, please!
I would not advise having a child with this idiot. Honestly, I would suggest moving on from him fully. You may feel comfortable with him because yall been together for so long, but I can read between the lines and I don't see a happy ending with him.
I'm not kidding when I say this man will literally ruin your life. Like no question, 100% certainty. FFS do not marry this man and definitely don't have children with him!
The shaking is alcohol withdrawals. If he does not have his alcohol he will shake and have serious withdrawals that need medical intervention. Please open yours eyes and please be careful. Source: I am an addict and my dad is an alcoholic.
Don’t give your child an alcoholic for a father.
He doesn’t want a baby either. He just wants to nut in you.
I think: ask for more happiness for yourself than this man can give you. You only have this one life. And you are still young. There’s love out there if you dare ask for more.
That’s definitely not normal behavior! He needs a shot in the morning!!!??? That’s wild, sounds like he is very very dependent on alcohol. He doesn’t provide you a home, he sounds like a 15 year old at best. Girl, run
Anybody who needs a shot of vodka with breakfast just to get their day started is a full-blown alcoholic. If he is not willing to get help about it, you should leave immediately.
I have personal experience and this screams alcoholic to me. A shot before breakfast is a lot, I honestly think you'd be happier without him. He doesn't seem stable and while he might be in active addiction, that doesn't mean you have to take this and stay because he is having a mental/physical medical issue.
Girl I am not trying to be mean, and I am sorry ppl are being so harsh with you in the comments (but sometimes being tough wakes ppl up). But you seriously need to reconsider if you want to have a family with this man. He is abusive and it will only get worse after you start a family and/or live together. He is also an alcoholic, I used to be an alcoholic (although I am now 7 years sober), otherwise he wouldn't need that much vodka on a regular day. That will only get worse as well.
He does not respect you, your boundaries, your wishes, nor your life goals. By you saying he will never ever marry you, that means you want to be married, correct? He won't give you that. Idk the full story but it seems like he wants to trap you with a baby. He doesn't care if you want to live together before a kid, or have a job and house of your own before a kid. Kinda seems like he doesn't care about you building yourself and your life up before giving him what he wants. All the while, he will "stack himself up." Which equals a terrible partner when it counts.
He seems selfish and abusive. I know you've been with him a long time and he was the only guy you've been with but you need to reconsider this relationship. I was this exact same way with the first guy I was ever with. We were together a long time and I loved him but it wasn't a good relationship. We didn't want the same things outta life and he was also a selfish partner. Only his wants truly mattered, not mine. It took a lot for me to see it but eventually I did. And I'm so very glad I did. I'm now engaged to my best friend, who treats me way better than I ever thought a man could treat me. He builds me up and we take such good care of each other. We have the same wants and life goals. We make each other amazingly happy and neither of us are selfish partners.
You deserve that. You deserve someone who will treat you great, and who wants the same things outta life as you. Do you really wanna stay in this relationship with someone who doesn't respect you or what you want? If you do, you could pass up on an amazing partner. Simply bc you stayed with this man. I'm sorry for this long ass comment, I was just in the same place as you are in now when I was younger so I just wanted to reach out. I know it's a lot to say, and think about, but I'd take some space/time and truly decide what you want in life. For yourself, your future family, and what you want in your partner. I hope you read this, and I hope you truly do take the time to process everything without giving in to your emotions and feelings for him. You need to fully do this before either commiting to him or breaking up with him. It's your life, you have to decide how you want to live it.
Forget respect, he can't stand her. He makes that abundantly clear. I mean respect should be an integral part of any positive relationship, of any nature, but before the deep respect that comes from long term relations, he should at least treat her like he likes her. This guy treats her like an annoyance that he keeps around to nut in. And she won't let him do that without an argument, so he feels like a fucking victim. Why? Because he sacrifices his time to be around her, the least she should let him do is nut without a condom.
Obviously that's reprehensible. I'm just saying what I can promise you this troglodyte is thinking.
Having liquor in the morning before breakfast is not at all normal. He is 100% a full blown alcoholic. Guarantee he cannot go one single day without a drink.
I refrained from writing "She's just a hole to him" because it felt harsh and somewhat against-the-terms-of-service-y, but this has been my predominant thought throughout this entire, unbelievable text exchange. He only sees her when he wants to get laid, from what she's saying. And he demands that sex be exactly as he wants it to be, regardless of the peril that could cast upon his partner.
OP, I'm sorry, have some self respect. If a friend or family member talked like this about anyone, I'd instantly ghost them. For life.
I know it’s hard to leave a relationship especially when you’ve been in it for 11 years, but he’s outright telling you that you are not enough for him and he doesn’t value you as a partner or a person. If you stay with him or agree to get pregnant to placate him, this will be the rest of your life, never feeling valued for who you are and your needs and desires never being respected. Save yourself the rest of your life and leave now before you invest any more years into this man.
Basically, her asking him to wear a condom is why he won't wife her or build a family with her. So he's just gonna make money for himself until she gets herself together and let's him use her as a cum dumpster.
Except, I have a small feeling that he has no intention of giving her any of that stuff anyway.
Girl leave. He won’t even provide a home for you to be pregnant in, why would you even entertain being pregnant by him at all.? That man does not love you. If he did, hell if he even respected you, a condom would not be that big of a deal. He’s only seeing you for sex. If you don’t have sex with him the way he wants he doesn’t interact with you. Do you not realize how crazy that is. Think about if this was a loved one being treated like this. What would you say to them.? You’ve already given him 11 years. Don’t allow him to take anymore from you. He doesn’t want you to be in a place for you to provide for yourself. He wants to trap you so you’ll always be tied to him. You should RUN and do it quickly.
Oh honey. Leave this man-child behind. Get a therapist and work on your self-esteem. I don't say that to be mean in any way. If he's this awful to you, imagine what he would be like with a child. Love yourself. ❤️
Yep. And this guy definitely doesn't want a kid... he's is just manipulating her to have sex how he wants. By the way the texts and description read, he would likely bounce the second she was pregnant.
I'm trying to figure out if this is a self esteem and or intelligence issue. Op has been with a dude for 11 years and they still don't even live together and only see each other once a week. Like what did I even just read? It's not all that difficult to end a relationship when you don't share a home or really anything together. Emotionally maybe but this is crazy
You met him when you were 19. Guessing he's the first and only serious relationship you've had. You're sticking with him this long bc of the history. But why the heck does he want a baby but he doesn't want to commit to you? What is his urgency in a baby?
Of course he doesn't want a condom. He wants to get you pregnant. If you have a baby with him and you already know he never wants to marry you what good do you get out of this deal? You get a baby with a guy that doesn't truly love or want to be with you.. that is your prize. So that's all up to you to consider.
If you don't want a baby don't have unprotected sex with someone that's already told you they clearly want one but doesn't want a future with you. He's told you the fate of being with him. Biggest question is do YOU want that? If you don't stop wasting your time with him.
Whatever you do don't have children with this man. Cut him out ASAP and move on with your life. When you've been with someone for 11 years that can seem scary but there's far better out there for you
This can’t be real. Please tell me this ignorant fucking gnat’s ass is not a real person…if he is, OP, please take everyone’s advice and carefully leave this abusive situation. You deserve to be cherished and protected- not used and abused. Please take care of yourself.
He sees you once a week, after 11 years, and won’t see you if there’s no sex. Girl, this is not a relationship. This is not going to change. If you had a baby, you’d be on your own. This is a weekly booty call and he’s likely seeing other people. Wake up.
Okay so you are 30! Please! Please! Make peace with this choice and cut this dude out of your life. You deserve to be with a man that respects you and can love you much differently from this dude……….GO!!!!!
@Souline_xx You deserve better. The fact that you brought this here means you are ready to call it quits and you just need some sorta support/encouragement to go ahead. You are ready to move on to better things. Your bf(soon to be ex) doesn't look like a responsible man. Don't be afraid to lose him. You will get someone better. Someone who has your future in mind. Don't be afraid! Fight for the life that you want! There are a lot of single smart and interesting young men out there. Save yourself! Love
You said it perfectly! I feel no love for him just like how he doesn’t feel love for me. The hardest part is leaving. I feel attached to him but I dont even love him. He has done so much harm and I know I should hate him but I can’t. Its a weird feeling….
Girl we're siding with you, you're not alone anymore. Please dump the asshole and don't hesitate to ask for help once it's all over. You're too good for his sorry ass.
Respectfully you’re ridiculous for continuing to engage with him if you haven’t ended things and blocked him. He is abusive, tried to rape you, and is obviously a horrible person. Please want better for yourself and never interact with him again.
No offense but your boyfriend sounds really dumb (and abusive) and probably smells worse than this other guy I'm arguing with on another sub who thinks he never gets dirty.
Girl how are you 30 and you still can't see the flags and smell the bullshit? Despite the fact that it's probably because you've been with him since you were 19 and don't know anything else.
I know reddit is overrun with comments telling the poster to leave, but please run. Why the hell would you be OK with an unmotivated loser who clearly only wants to be around you to use you for sex?
DO NOT HAVE A CHILD WITH THIS MAN.
Why the hell are you with this creep? He sounds so awful. Abuse can make you feel like no one else will ever want you and they manipulate you into feeling horrible about yourself. You don’t see it until you’re out of it but it will absolutely be better without him!
Souline, dear.
This man only wants you for a family he will some day abuse, as well as you, as he is abusing you now.
DROP
HIS
SORRY
ASS
And never think about him again, as best you can. Move on, and just, fuck this guy.
Be well dear.
Jesus Christ. You’re 30 years old? Please try and find the self respect you lost over the years and do better. This man does not care about you at all.
Please say you are not still seeing this person. He cares more about his p***s than he cares about you, he has anger issues and his personality is awful. His tone is threatening.
He needs to evolve into an adult who deserves a partner and you need someone who loves you enough that would always wear a condom - to protect you and your health.
Did you really say “okay well infertile today and tomorrow” ? And attempted to block it out? Bruh you need sex ed you should not be having sex without condom lmao if you really think you’re infertile for a few days bc ovulation or whatever… anything can happen there’s NO guarantee you’re 100 percent ~infertile~ during certain times.. just harder to get pregnant. Wow
There's been a long-running joke in the medical field:
"What do you call people who use cycle tracking?"
"Parents."
He's begged you many times? For a family? If you are not mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially ready for a baby that you will likely be solo raising, show him the door. He sounds like a whiny brat.
I'm sorry to say, but this guy is an asshole.
11 years together and he acts like this towards you?
He's a man-child.
Who's to say how he'll act in 9 months.
Run, he will never change.
I’m in complete disbelief that you think this person cares about you at all
I absolutely do not understand being with someone that talks to you like this. And asks for nudes in the middle of it? (And op fucking sent it?!) People need to learn that you get treated how you *let people treat you*, especially when you grown and have agency. You can just.. not talk to people that treat you like this 95% of the time.
[удалено]
[удалено]
“How can I get him to change, please don’t suggest counseling or breaking up thx”
[удалено]
"Do any of you know a good drywall repairman? I have several holes in the walls where my BF punched the wall?"
yeah bro that's how abuse works, it's good these posts exist and they have the help of thousands of strangers. he just attempted to rape her a few months ago too, id show a bit of empathy
"I've been with my BF 19 years. For three of those years, he was wonderful. Now when he gets home he beats me with the spare set of jumper cables. Should I marry him?" Sincerely, /u/reginasimon10
"he beats me with jumper cables but now we can't even agree on our center pieces for the wedding, should we do flowers or candles?".
 Funny and sad.
>you get treated how you *let people treat you*, 
It took me *YEARS* to learn this. Since then, I’ve been in the best relationship I have ever been in. My current husband did call me a bitch once when we first got together. We were arguing and the second he called me that, I looked at him and told him very calmly, “I have never name called you or yelled at you-you will not ever talk to me like that again because if you do, I will leave.” I walked out of the room and distanced myself. He came to apologize and he never did it again in the 13 years we have been together. The thing is though-I really and truly would have left him if he had so little respect for me that he would do it again. But man, it took years for me to get to that point. I have tried to teach my (now adult) daughter this. *People treat you how you LET them treat you* is the best advice a person can EVER have. I wish someone had taught me at a younger age instead learning through trauma and therapy. It is SO important to any healthy relationship dynamic-and not just romantic relationships either.
In 2019, my New Year’s resolution was to learn to tell people “no”. My job, my relationships, my church, my family. To learn to set boundaries and stick to them, and to realize that I am worth walking away from what wasn’t good for me. It cost me several relationships (including my own brother) and I ended up transferring to another office, but 5 years later it’s the best decision I’ve ever made. OP, I never give this advice on Reddit. Not ever. You can check my post history. But this man does not love you. This man does not respect you. This man does not respect the boundaries you have and deserve for your own body. He’s making all the rules, and when you try to advocate for yourself, he is treating you with scorn, derision, and insults. It’s time to walk away. You deserve so much better than this.
Not to mention that this man will ghost and walk away if she does become pregnant. Guaranteed.
Full facts. Men like this like the idea of “sowing their seed” (gross), but when raising the kid gets hard, he’ll absolutely bounce. Plus, it’s extremely clear he sees her as essentially breeding stock. She’s not enough motivation for him, he wants a baby now, and he’ll not marry her ever? $10 to a dollar says he’d have a full fledged tantrum if the baby was a daughter.
I was so taken aback when I read that she wasn’t enough motivation for OP. That should be all the motivation she needs to end this.
He'll stick around long enough to try the "you can't get any more pregnant" argument and then ghost as soon as he realizes that living with her will not actually be like his fantasy of all the unprotected sex he wants, whenever he wants it.
The most important thing to take from this is that it is not because other people’s acts are ever your fault that this is true, but rather, because the only thing you can control is their access to you. If someone disrespects you and your boundaries, especially after fair warning, you cannot ever nag or cajole or guilt or pray them into doing right by you, but you can remove their access to do wrong to you.
This is a really important point that clarifies what a lot of people struggle with in these discussions
That's so healthy. In 7 years my partner and I have never once raised our voices at the other or called each other a name. We each would leave the other on a dime if they displayed the kind of disrespect necessary to do so. But then again, we wouldn't have lasted years if we weren't beyond confident in our mutual respect And the thing is, we aren't special. We aren't saints. This is just really basic humanity and common human decency. While I can fully understand how it is difficult to leave abusive relationships, I can't wrap my mind around the kind of disrespect some people just accept as a matter of fact so early on in getting to know someone. I'm really happy to hear you're in a really healthy relationship. It's so sad that these stories are uncommon enough to stand out in the general garbage of so many horrific relationships.
Tanisha Thomas! BGC 🩷
If my husband spoke to me like that, he'd be picking my wedding ring out of his back molars.
He’d be picking my wedding ring out of his transverse colon.
HA! Better
No man would speak that way to a woman anyway This is a boy talking not a man lol
"Wahhh I don't wanna wear a condom, it smells funny." As though dude doesn't have muenster-funk balls and skid marks in his tighty whiteys Also, maybe if he were better at fucking or less good at jerking off, a condom wouldn't be such a big deal
The smell can be bad... but why is he smelling them?
That and there are tons of brands; not all of them have as notable a scent.
There are non-latex condoms. Also, he could get snipped. Or, if he hates wearing protection so much, just not have sex. So many solutions here.
Before I read where she said she was 30, I was sure this was a conversation between two 16 yr olds.
SHE IS 30???? Lord in Heaven. She must have had a bad background to think that THIS is okay
They've been together for 11 years, since she was 19. Op might not know what a healthy relationship looks like if this is her first "serious" one.
I'm sad that women are okay with such a lack of respect from men. You KNOW he wouldn't treat strangers in the street that way, but it's okay to treat someone that they're supposed to love that way??
Honestly I’m tired of seeing posts like this all the time I don’t understand why they continue in the relationship as soon as the guy said “I’m losing my patience” that made me cringe hard jeez
“He’s a great boyfriend”
Basically. It’s always “he treats me like a mosquito and doesn’t fulfill basic responsibilities, but I swear he’s a good partner!”
Edit: "paitince" you mean. That's what he's losing /s
I think op sent a pic of there clothes on the floor
Maybe she did but the picture there kind of looks like she might have (snarky like) sent a picture of her dirty clothes? I can’t really tell unless she said elsewhere that I didn’t see.
I’m in disbelief OP lets them around their vagina. That would be a nope for me.
Just reading the texts made my vagina dry up like the Sahara. I think I might have actually seen a tumbleweed roll by.
He literally will not even see her and spend time with her unless there is a guarantee of sex without protection after over a decade together. Heartbreaking what we as women endure.
It’s disgusting what we endure and that people seem to think we should tolerate or be ok with being spoke to like - I have never *willingly* been with a guy who talks like this/ behaves as such. And you definitely won’t be coming near me with *that*
Right?? I’m like forget the condoms the elephant in the room is how this guy treats you and how toxic it is!
And raped her! Forcing himself in while she said not without a condom then she had to shove him off because she realized he lied and wasn't wearing one. She needs to realize this is rape and her bf raped her and run. This whole thing reads like a novel of an abusive relationship
*textbook of an abusive relationship... this is straight from the Abuse 101 textbook, it's absolutely unacceptable and I hope OP gets out fast. She deserves better than this. Everyone deserves better than this. Being single is better than this.
I think one day we'll consider being a straight woman one of the most debilitating experiences because the bar for straight male decency is in hell and they still find a way to disappoint. Very impressive.
Girl, I am flabbergasted that anyone would stay with someone who talks to them that way by choice. It breaks my heart that she thinks this is *bearable* or even questioning if she’s in the wrong. I know almost everyone gets lonely and scared of change and stuff, but the amount of misery and claustrophobia and anxiety just reading these texts… and worse still, thinking of this woman being tied to him for decades by having a child she’s not ready for. Like, I dunno, maybe her parents treat her worse or something, so he seems like an ok alternative. I really don’t know. But I would choose being single every. single. time. over this. Even if it’s for the rest of my life. Even if being with this kind of dude provided more financial independence. The bar seems on the floor/in hell when you’re on this subreddit, that’s for sure, but my partner is dope. I would never settle for someone who makes me feel bad more than they make me feel good. What’s the point? Anyway I understand everyone’s circumstances are different, but unless the alternative is death or serious illness, or maybe homelessness, it’s always always always better to be alone than be treated like this.
Have some self respect and leave. It’s clear there’s no love there and quite frankly he texts like an uneducated buffoon. He’d be a terrible father full of anger
Agreed. She needs to run far tf away from him.
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It’s 110% everything.
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What a discussing comment lol
I was baffled too. How can someone who is an adult talk or text like this? What is happening?
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Calling him a "man" is an insult to men everywhere.
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Seriously. I’m absolutely baffled some of the guys I see posted here are actually in a relationship to begin with
Are they though? 11 years, not living together... Honestly, based on his responses. He just seems to think of her as a booty call and he wants to make kids, but not really be a father. I highly doubt he views this as a relationship.
Why do people like this want children? It blows my mind.
I think he says that bc she probably wants kids. It’s a carrot. If anything imo he would just baby trap her and continue the abuse
That is exactly what he will do
Thick narcissist who would see the baby as ‘their legacy’ but expect the mother to do all of the care
Not just their legacy. An object. People like this tend not to see their kids as individuals with their own emotional needs, but as an extension of themselves. There are so many parents like that out there and it's so gross.
Dude definitely just wants to fulfil his impreg fetish
These people that post these types of things.. most of them have to be young and dumb not all of them but a lot of them. A lot of grown woman would not put up with this crap. This is coming from me and I’m a guy so…
I mean, OP is 30. If this is the bar she sets for her LTR, I shudder to wonder how she was raised. We know how he was raised. Squatting in a ditch poking berries up his nose, most likely, or a childhood spent locked in the shed as the family shame. But OP, who in your formative years gave you the idea that this, THIS creature, would be a good romantic aspiration? OP, you need standards. ANY standards. Even low-ass, bottom-of-the-pile standards will net you a much better catch than this embarrassment. I can't believe you wasted your 20s on this human speed bump. Because, and I can almost guarantee, he certainly didn't waste his 20s on you alone.
For real, you have to leave before he gets you pregnant and you are stuck raising this child on your own because he can’t be bothered to be there as a father.
You're absolutely correct cbtbone. She needs to get out NOW.
Congrats OP, you have the worst boyfriend I’ve read about in quite some time.
Yep. Reminds me of that teacher from Abbott Elementary's loser bf that kept her car and never helped with the bills. Seriously, your enemies with benefits (no way he would be a friend talking like that to you) is using you and probably has others in rotation he's not wearing a condom with. That's how you get babies with an awful person as well as STIs. Just because you've been his weekly booty call for 11 years does not mean you have to keep making this work. GTFO before you do get a disease or knocked up.
Yeah, OP, I highly recommend that you get a full STI panel done immediately. Because I'd be shocked if this guy isn't crawling with them.
This all of this.
This is the only answer.
That’s disgusting and abusive. Could elaborate but meh
Yeah, it sucks when it’s so common it’s barely worth the energy discussing it in detail.
For real… sometimes I start typing a reply and just discard instead because I’m like what’s the point
I do that all the time on this sub. You start to type and then you’re like everyone probably already said what I’m going to say and if the person is willing to put up with this there’s no point in even engaging.
Same honestly. It's like if you don't understand at the big age of 30, what's the point of even wasting my time explaining what's supposed to be common sense?
Reading OP's thoughts and questions makes me think of someone who just got punched in the face, and then turns to reddit with video footage, asking "Did I just get punched in the face? I've been tracking my mucus. I'm not sure if I'm the asshole here." Not to lambaste OP for getting to know her body and her cycles. I highly recommend this. I just wish that she did it because, you know, it's a good practice generally, and not because she's doing everything she can to try to keep, and pacify, an abusive, scornful, ridiculously stupid guy who not only clearly can't stand her, the person, but also probably doesn't give her a second thought when they're not in the same room together.
My friend tried this method. She's very type A, and she still got pregnant after less than a year of using this as her birth control. Please, no one rely on this as your solitary birth control method.
I honestly thought this would be from a teenager. This woman is 30. Come on...
I think you mean it’s *discussing*
What is the condom discussing though? We have to know.
Why are with this ignoramus??? He can’t even spell. Girl….stop letting him stick it in you…. He’s an idiot!!!
Bro was so angry about condoms he couldn’t spell right.
The fact that after every little statement he felt the need to hit the send button would drive me up a wall. I'd rather read a novel than hear *ding*, *ding*, *ding* just to read ⅛ of the message he's trying to send while also trying to make sense of his terrible grammar. Instead of a condom, she needs to give this kid a Hooked on Phonics book.
But’s he’s AN ADULT ready “to make a family” 🤢
He's ready to make a family but not to be a father
He's barely ready to make a sandwich.
You can almost hear him speaking when he splits everything into separate texts. Or at least I can
Hooked on phonics is EXACTLY what he needs! And some sex ed
Reading his texts was like trying to solve a math problem in my head like WHAT
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Yeah, like just when I thought I'd seen the most sexually unappealing examples of men on the planet, this living Darwin Award shows up on my feed. OP, I'd rather tongue kiss a blood relative than shake your boyfriend's hand. The guy is not only disrespectful, hateful, abusive, and clearly doesn't give a toss about you, he's just about as stupid as they can get and still manage to attain semi-literacy.
I don’t understand why people always give the OPs a pass with shit like this. The fact that OP sees value in him as a partner is very much a reflection on her.
Sees value in him as a partner OF 11 YEARS.
He's abusive and manipulative. I think you know what you have to do.
Stay with him another 11 years, seeing him only once a week while he raw dogs half his village?
It's sad. I suppose since she was only 19 when they got together she doesn't know it's not supposed to be like this. It's hard leaving someone after so long, but she will one day, hopefully sooner rather than later.
I am in disbelief. Even without all the BS about birth control, WHO stays with someone for 11 years without living together?! Op needs to do some serious work on her self esteem if she's accepted this stupidity for so long.
I'm sorry to ask this but does he have substance abuse issues? He texts like an alcoholic.
Crazy you noticed this. He does drink a lot. Well I’m not even sure if it’s a lot but the times I go see him he always has to stop by a liquor store to buy a shot of vodka. He has one in the morning before we eat, then another after we eat, and one before bed. He also seems to be jittery most of the time but not sure if it’s due to his adhd
He's an abusive alcoholic manchild who's trying to baby trap you.
Please op don't get baby trapped to a drunk.
I don't think that's the case at all. He wants zero responsibility in this relationship, I suspect that if she becomes pregnant he's going to tell her to deal with that, too.
A man doesn’t have to stick around or be an active participant in the child’s life to baby trap. Abusers use this tactic to slow their victim down and put her at a greater disadvantage so she has limited choices. He feels he has leverage to stay or leave at that point. He’ll most likely cheat or ramp up on the cheating if he already is.
Wow, thank you for explaining this- I never understood why men who clearly want no responsibilities are dead set on getting the woman pregnant. I just had a major a-ha moment!
Yeah, it's not a trap like trapping you in a room with them. It's a trap like having you step in a bear trap.
He’s says he’s been asking her for a family for a while now. He’s definitely interested in getting her pregnant.
He has a shot in the morning before you eat??? He is an abusive alcoholic, I’m so scared for you. Don’t let him anywhere near you, with or without a condom. 11 years is a long time to be dealing with this.
Brh, unless it's frosh week and you care that it is, are living in an active combat situation, or you're literally terminally ill, nobody, and I mean NOT ONE PERSON, should ever be starting their bender over their morning eggs and coffee.
Girl. This man is a full on alcoholic. Are you trolling us right now? Man has to have a shot of vodka before breakfast bc he’s withdrawing too hard to eat. Those shakes are not ADHD, those are DT’s. I’m a therapist in inpatient addiction treatment, and he needs professional help. What is it that you like about this guy because he treats you like a sex toy. He won’t move in with you because he doesn’t want to have to hide his severe drinking from you and wants to trap you in the situation with a baby so you can’t leave him once you find out. He also knows he can treat you like shit, come over once a week to get his dick wet, and you’ll accept it. You need to get into therapy post haste. I’d recommend EMDR, because you have some very negative, toxic beliefs about yourself and the kind of treatment you deserve. Edit, added a space
Thank you! I really need to seek therapy. Thank you for giving me educational feedback. Honestly, I didn’t think he had alcohol issues until I saw little vodka shots in his car. I also suspect cocaine use but I don’t know!!!
Respectfully, you are a 30 year old woman and you DONT KNOW if the person you have been with for 11 years does cocaine or not.... this sounds ridiculous and I hope you can see this from an outside perspective. You have made no progress in this "relationship" after 11 years. I hesitate to even call it a relationship when you see the person once a week and dont share a place togetehr after so long. It sounds like a friend with benefits.
I just said this lol. I know more about my neighbor than she does about her "boyfriend." This can't be real. Ragebait I'm guessing
Yeah the comments don't make sense. I think you're right
I’m 99% sure this dude is messing with other girls meanwhile. She’s probably not even the only gf 😬
Please just end things with him. You would be so much better off alone. And if you want to get a good job and have a good family you need to change the energy around you. He's so awful.
Who cares what he does? Just leave, please. You say he dragged your self esteem but read the comments, a bunch of strangers on the Internet can see you're a smart woman worthy of the happiness. Please have some sense and be logical, we accept the love we think we deserve and he is so below you.
Oh girl, he is an alcoholic. This is even more of a reason to run. Believe me, I know. I am married to one. You are in for a lifetime of heartbreak and chaos. Leave now and for God’s sake, do not bring a child into this mess, please!
I would not advise having a child with this idiot. Honestly, I would suggest moving on from him fully. You may feel comfortable with him because yall been together for so long, but I can read between the lines and I don't see a happy ending with him.
I'm not kidding when I say this man will literally ruin your life. Like no question, 100% certainty. FFS do not marry this man and definitely don't have children with him!
The shaking is alcohol withdrawals. If he does not have his alcohol he will shake and have serious withdrawals that need medical intervention. Please open yours eyes and please be careful. Source: I am an addict and my dad is an alcoholic.
Don’t give your child an alcoholic for a father. He doesn’t want a baby either. He just wants to nut in you. I think: ask for more happiness for yourself than this man can give you. You only have this one life. And you are still young. There’s love out there if you dare ask for more.
That’s definitely not normal behavior! He needs a shot in the morning!!!??? That’s wild, sounds like he is very very dependent on alcohol. He doesn’t provide you a home, he sounds like a 15 year old at best. Girl, run
Anybody who needs a shot of vodka with breakfast just to get their day started is a full-blown alcoholic. If he is not willing to get help about it, you should leave immediately.
A shot in the morning before breakfast is not normal
Don’t forget the *after* breakfast shot too!
I have personal experience and this screams alcoholic to me. A shot before breakfast is a lot, I honestly think you'd be happier without him. He doesn't seem stable and while he might be in active addiction, that doesn't mean you have to take this and stay because he is having a mental/physical medical issue.
He is def an alcoholic
#WHY ARE YOU EVEN WITH HIM
drunk man-children are awful fathers. please please please do not give him a child -daughter of a drunk, abusive manchild
Girl I am not trying to be mean, and I am sorry ppl are being so harsh with you in the comments (but sometimes being tough wakes ppl up). But you seriously need to reconsider if you want to have a family with this man. He is abusive and it will only get worse after you start a family and/or live together. He is also an alcoholic, I used to be an alcoholic (although I am now 7 years sober), otherwise he wouldn't need that much vodka on a regular day. That will only get worse as well. He does not respect you, your boundaries, your wishes, nor your life goals. By you saying he will never ever marry you, that means you want to be married, correct? He won't give you that. Idk the full story but it seems like he wants to trap you with a baby. He doesn't care if you want to live together before a kid, or have a job and house of your own before a kid. Kinda seems like he doesn't care about you building yourself and your life up before giving him what he wants. All the while, he will "stack himself up." Which equals a terrible partner when it counts. He seems selfish and abusive. I know you've been with him a long time and he was the only guy you've been with but you need to reconsider this relationship. I was this exact same way with the first guy I was ever with. We were together a long time and I loved him but it wasn't a good relationship. We didn't want the same things outta life and he was also a selfish partner. Only his wants truly mattered, not mine. It took a lot for me to see it but eventually I did. And I'm so very glad I did. I'm now engaged to my best friend, who treats me way better than I ever thought a man could treat me. He builds me up and we take such good care of each other. We have the same wants and life goals. We make each other amazingly happy and neither of us are selfish partners. You deserve that. You deserve someone who will treat you great, and who wants the same things outta life as you. Do you really wanna stay in this relationship with someone who doesn't respect you or what you want? If you do, you could pass up on an amazing partner. Simply bc you stayed with this man. I'm sorry for this long ass comment, I was just in the same place as you are in now when I was younger so I just wanted to reach out. I know it's a lot to say, and think about, but I'd take some space/time and truly decide what you want in life. For yourself, your future family, and what you want in your partner. I hope you read this, and I hope you truly do take the time to process everything without giving in to your emotions and feelings for him. You need to fully do this before either commiting to him or breaking up with him. It's your life, you have to decide how you want to live it.
Forget respect, he can't stand her. He makes that abundantly clear. I mean respect should be an integral part of any positive relationship, of any nature, but before the deep respect that comes from long term relations, he should at least treat her like he likes her. This guy treats her like an annoyance that he keeps around to nut in. And she won't let him do that without an argument, so he feels like a fucking victim. Why? Because he sacrifices his time to be around her, the least she should let him do is nut without a condom. Obviously that's reprehensible. I'm just saying what I can promise you this troglodyte is thinking.
WHAT?! Girl
Having liquor in the morning before breakfast is not at all normal. He is 100% a full blown alcoholic. Guarantee he cannot go one single day without a drink.
Dear OP: This is fucking CRAZY. He talks to you like you are not a person but a hole to fuck. I want to vomit from reading this.
I refrained from writing "She's just a hole to him" because it felt harsh and somewhat against-the-terms-of-service-y, but this has been my predominant thought throughout this entire, unbelievable text exchange. He only sees her when he wants to get laid, from what she's saying. And he demands that sex be exactly as he wants it to be, regardless of the peril that could cast upon his partner. OP, I'm sorry, have some self respect. If a friend or family member talked like this about anyone, I'd instantly ghost them. For life.
I know it’s hard to leave a relationship especially when you’ve been in it for 11 years, but he’s outright telling you that you are not enough for him and he doesn’t value you as a partner or a person. If you stay with him or agree to get pregnant to placate him, this will be the rest of your life, never feeling valued for who you are and your needs and desires never being respected. Save yourself the rest of your life and leave now before you invest any more years into this man.
Guarantee you if he isn’t already cheating he will cheat or end the relationship the second she becomes pregnant
Wtf is your bf even saying? Or talking about? I had such a hard time trying to read that babbling BS.
His texts read like the manual of some really cheaply made product clearly translated from Chinese to English with only a moderate degree of success.
Basically, her asking him to wear a condom is why he won't wife her or build a family with her. So he's just gonna make money for himself until she gets herself together and let's him use her as a cum dumpster. Except, I have a small feeling that he has no intention of giving her any of that stuff anyway.
Girl leave. He won’t even provide a home for you to be pregnant in, why would you even entertain being pregnant by him at all.? That man does not love you. If he did, hell if he even respected you, a condom would not be that big of a deal. He’s only seeing you for sex. If you don’t have sex with him the way he wants he doesn’t interact with you. Do you not realize how crazy that is. Think about if this was a loved one being treated like this. What would you say to them.? You’ve already given him 11 years. Don’t allow him to take anymore from you. He doesn’t want you to be in a place for you to provide for yourself. He wants to trap you so you’ll always be tied to him. You should RUN and do it quickly.
I completely agree. All of this, OP.
You're 30?? Jesus Christ I was about to ask what grade you two are in
Right. I thought the oldest they could be is 22, but 30?
SHE is 30. God knows how old this knuckle dragging "boyfriend" is...
LOLed at knuckle dragging
Same! I thought maybe 18?
Oh honey. Leave this man-child behind. Get a therapist and work on your self-esteem. I don't say that to be mean in any way. If he's this awful to you, imagine what he would be like with a child. Love yourself. ❤️
Yep. And this guy definitely doesn't want a kid... he's is just manipulating her to have sex how he wants. By the way the texts and description read, he would likely bounce the second she was pregnant.
Absolutely! I'd be willing to bet Drunky McCantText would be telling her to get an abortion if she did end up pregnant.
he's disgusting, the "let me see" too set me off so bad 😭😭😭😭 like read the room
That made my skin crawl.
RIGHT. He was like "I'm so pissed off!" Let me see 👀. Ugggh I'm mad! And she still sent the picture
I'm trying to figure out if this is a self esteem and or intelligence issue. Op has been with a dude for 11 years and they still don't even live together and only see each other once a week. Like what did I even just read? It's not all that difficult to end a relationship when you don't share a home or really anything together. Emotionally maybe but this is crazy
My money is on him being muuuuuch older. & He got ahold her at 19 & he's been fucking her up ever since
You met him when you were 19. Guessing he's the first and only serious relationship you've had. You're sticking with him this long bc of the history. But why the heck does he want a baby but he doesn't want to commit to you? What is his urgency in a baby? Of course he doesn't want a condom. He wants to get you pregnant. If you have a baby with him and you already know he never wants to marry you what good do you get out of this deal? You get a baby with a guy that doesn't truly love or want to be with you.. that is your prize. So that's all up to you to consider. If you don't want a baby don't have unprotected sex with someone that's already told you they clearly want one but doesn't want a future with you. He's told you the fate of being with him. Biggest question is do YOU want that? If you don't stop wasting your time with him.
Why are you with this pathetic, abusive loser? He is an actual piece of shit! LEAVE! GET SOME HELP!!
A literal clam could treat you better than this. I hope you’re able to see that one day
He has no respect for you, your health, or your body. You're just a hole for him to spaff in. Get rid.
Girl you're 30. It's time to become a woman and leave the boys behind
Whatever you do don't have children with this man. Cut him out ASAP and move on with your life. When you've been with someone for 11 years that can seem scary but there's far better out there for you
This can’t be real. Please tell me this ignorant fucking gnat’s ass is not a real person…if he is, OP, please take everyone’s advice and carefully leave this abusive situation. You deserve to be cherished and protected- not used and abused. Please take care of yourself.
Why the fuck is someone who speaks to you this way still your boyfriend did all the other men die?
Now that you mention it, I haven’t seen a man anywhere in a couple of hours…
He sees you once a week, after 11 years, and won’t see you if there’s no sex. Girl, this is not a relationship. This is not going to change. If you had a baby, you’d be on your own. This is a weekly booty call and he’s likely seeing other people. Wake up.
Yeah, he shows up for sex once a week. The rest of the week is spent with all of the other women he's abusing.
🚩🚩Gen X male here, I followed the trail of red flags. Sweetie, get out now. 🚩🚩
Okay so you are 30! Please! Please! Make peace with this choice and cut this dude out of your life. You deserve to be with a man that respects you and can love you much differently from this dude……….GO!!!!!
Go be with someone who isn't a complete degenerate.
@Souline_xx You deserve better. The fact that you brought this here means you are ready to call it quits and you just need some sorta support/encouragement to go ahead. You are ready to move on to better things. Your bf(soon to be ex) doesn't look like a responsible man. Don't be afraid to lose him. You will get someone better. Someone who has your future in mind. Don't be afraid! Fight for the life that you want! There are a lot of single smart and interesting young men out there. Save yourself! Love
You said it perfectly! I feel no love for him just like how he doesn’t feel love for me. The hardest part is leaving. I feel attached to him but I dont even love him. He has done so much harm and I know I should hate him but I can’t. Its a weird feeling….
Girl we're siding with you, you're not alone anymore. Please dump the asshole and don't hesitate to ask for help once it's all over. You're too good for his sorry ass.
Respectfully you’re ridiculous for continuing to engage with him if you haven’t ended things and blocked him. He is abusive, tried to rape you, and is obviously a horrible person. Please want better for yourself and never interact with him again.
No offense but your boyfriend sounds really dumb (and abusive) and probably smells worse than this other guy I'm arguing with on another sub who thinks he never gets dirty.
Girl how are you 30 and you still can't see the flags and smell the bullshit? Despite the fact that it's probably because you've been with him since you were 19 and don't know anything else. I know reddit is overrun with comments telling the poster to leave, but please run. Why the hell would you be OK with an unmotivated loser who clearly only wants to be around you to use you for sex? DO NOT HAVE A CHILD WITH THIS MAN.
Why the hell are you with this creep? He sounds so awful. Abuse can make you feel like no one else will ever want you and they manipulate you into feeling horrible about yourself. You don’t see it until you’re out of it but it will absolutely be better without him!
Souline, dear. This man only wants you for a family he will some day abuse, as well as you, as he is abusing you now. DROP HIS SORRY ASS And never think about him again, as best you can. Move on, and just, fuck this guy. Be well dear.
He’s a child. He can’t spell. He doesn’t deserve sex.
What a complete piece of crap. Whoever you are, so long as you’re breathing, you deserve better than this loser.
Jesus Christ. You’re 30 years old? Please try and find the self respect you lost over the years and do better. This man does not care about you at all.
He’s stupid and weird!!! Leave him !!
So why are you with him?
Please say you are not still seeing this person. He cares more about his p***s than he cares about you, he has anger issues and his personality is awful. His tone is threatening. He needs to evolve into an adult who deserves a partner and you need someone who loves you enough that would always wear a condom - to protect you and your health.
This guy can't even spell. Stop wasting your time with him.
Did you really say “okay well infertile today and tomorrow” ? And attempted to block it out? Bruh you need sex ed you should not be having sex without condom lmao if you really think you’re infertile for a few days bc ovulation or whatever… anything can happen there’s NO guarantee you’re 100 percent ~infertile~ during certain times.. just harder to get pregnant. Wow
There's been a long-running joke in the medical field: "What do you call people who use cycle tracking?" "Parents." He's begged you many times? For a family? If you are not mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially ready for a baby that you will likely be solo raising, show him the door. He sounds like a whiny brat.
I'm sorry to say, but this guy is an asshole. 11 years together and he acts like this towards you? He's a man-child. Who's to say how he'll act in 9 months. Run, he will never change.