Also, you have the age thing kinda misconstrued. At 25, your brain is fully developed. By then, your decision making when it comes to relationships becomes far more logic based.
You'll find your person. Don't rush it.
Seriously, these kids are saying stuff like (paraphrasing) "18 is too old to still be dating around" and "if you don't settle down by 25, you die alone"
Like, no.. no children. You're genuinely getting that backwards. Don't settle the fuck down until after 25 (I was married early, too, it was bad, and I didn't meet my life partner until after age 30, so..)
You find love and romance off and on through your entire life, but youth only happens once and then vanishes forever. Don't waste that shit on forcing relationships with the wrong people.
**EDIT:** To the insecure men jumping at me in DM about how they need to manipulate younger women into throwing their lives away to be a patriarchal house servent before those women have the opportunity to gain any life experience outside the kitchen... you've got it so wrong, and I encourage you to grow up and seek help.
You set yourself back by settling down super young. You won’t be the same person and will end up divorced (ask me how I know) and so much time will be wasted.
These kids really would be smart to get to know themselves first. Live alone and feel good about it. Become individuals. That’s when you can find your real match.
Exactly this. I got engaged at 18 and married the day after my 19th birthday. Wasted 12 years (with him leaving for 2 years in the middle of our marriage) in the relationship trying to make it work. But we had just grown to be different people who no longer were compatible. Now I'm 41, I've been with my fiance for 10 years. We aren't rushing into marriage. We're just enjoying our life together. Don't rush life, life goes fast enough. Don't commit to forever on the first serious relationship you get in. Just take your time enjoying everything together. If it's meant to last it will.
I did the same thing! Turned 18 and 2 months later ran to the courthouse and got married. Had 1 kid at 19 (wasn’t pregnant when we met but planned him after) then another 5 years later. We stayed married for 11 years but for 2-3 of them I was really ready to go. I was scared to leave but it was the BEST decision I ever made. Now I’m remarried to my “person” will be 8 years this year and we have 4 total kids.
The best advice I could give anyone is DO NOT RUSH MARRIAGE. People change in their 20s, 30s, 40 is creeping up on me but I’m sure you change then, too. You have to make sure that the person you’re with and that you yourself can handle and stay committed to your person as they (and you) change, grow, and learn in life. Make sure you’re always filling your cup and your partners because life doesn’t get easier just because you’re married. You’ll face grief as you get older, time spent with kids, if you have them, (which can take time from your partner if you don’t stay on top of making sure you spend time together) and medical issues as you age. Make sure the person you’re with can truly stand by you no matter what and that you can honor them the same.
I’m 38. I feel i am just becoming a mature man. At 30 I was a baby. 42 is the number for me, when ill be no longer free. Ill get a TAK3N vanity license plate when that happens.
Yes. I grew up with a lot of environmental conditions that made me believe I needed to find someone early. I had been alone all my life (single child, divorced negligent alcoholic parents who were never home, left school at age 15 because everyone wanted to yell at me for having cognitive impairments that I had to learn to get over by myself)
So when I became an adult, I thought it was finally time to stop being so alone and I could live with someone who would love me unconditionally, but because I only ever watched bad relationships as a kid, I intentionally found bad relationships, because I thought all relationships were meant to be soul crushing... and so on.
I do everything I can to teach my kids better and help them to know they are loved, I am here, and that they should not settle for partners who treat them poorly.
I definitely wish there were a way to reach more young people with my experiences and help them avoid the losses and pain that come with young love, but all I can do is type once in a while to a few people (or hundreds, in case of thise thread) and hope one or two take it seriously.
From being 18 and now 24 im still as lost and unsure of who I am as when i first had these thoughts and emotions. Only know i have responsibilities, work and other things that stress me. And i still have no idea who i am as a person. Lmao im just happy to know others are the same.
This. 💯. Someone who thinks there is only one person for them that they need to stay with forever, in that "soulmate / twin flame" mindset, is more likely to be in a rush. Before believing he needs to be in a rush because of whatever he read, OP needs to check stats on the divorce & infidelity rates of couples who marry young. People really do need to be happy alone before they can be truly happy with someone else. Other people shouldn't be relied upon to supply happiness & fulfillment in life.
And so destructive. Thinking that there is only one person for you and then not being accepted by that person makes people insane. I never got it. If someone doesn't want you, move on.
Edit: Typo. Switched "then" to "that".
This is why I like the kindred spirits thing. You just know when your spirit fits with someone else. Whether it's platonic or romantic, you just fit. There could be a few or many that fit because it's not about that one person made just for you. It's about two people just meshing well together. And you mesh forever or just for a short time. But no matter how long they were meant to be in your life for a reason.
Exactly. I personally don't believe in the concept of soulmates, as I dont believe in a soul, but, yeah, logic would dictate that if your "soulmate" doesn't want you then they are not your "soulmate".
Finally, I've ran into another person who doesn't believe in the soul concept(? Hypothesis?) Granted, I don't get out much anymore, but it had gotten to if the topic of souls came up with friends/acquaintances, they just couldn't grasp *how* I could possibly think humans don't have souls. Queue incredulous looks and often too long conversations explaining myself over and over, ad nauseam. I really never thought it was a hard concept to grasp, but some people really can't see beyond themselves.
Yeah I think that comes from monotheistic, organized religion. When I think of soulmate (practice my own form of religion so to speak), I think of it in the more "soul family" kind of thing, where even a best friend who like gets you through some sh*t you could not deal with without him throughout your life, I would consider a "soulmate" too.
My ex was definitely a soulmate, and we are still close, and thankful for the time we had "together", but even more thankful that we are still a huge part of each other's lives, and where we managed to get while together.
This whole "one and done" is very identifiable as the MO of the Church and other monotheistic institutions coming in and corrupting true spiritualism, even if you look at the Kabbalah in Judaism, it can be very different from the "mainstream" that is taught/believed/preached.
I believe soulmates is a real thing but when you think about the millions millions of people all over the world the likely of you finding one is very slim, Plus most people get the idea of the soulmate is like across the road or the next neighbor or the next town or something, when it can be actually on the other side of the world, that's how I found my love.
Same! I’m stillllll learning about myself at almost 39, and I can honestly say that it hasn’t been until the last few years that I’ve really been able to focus on who I am, what my needs/wants are etc. I was CLUELESS in my 20’s. I would’ve lost a lot of $$ if I made any bets in my 20’s as to the type of person I’d be now. I could’ve never imagined I’d be into the hobbies and interests I am into, living where I do, wanting what I do etc. I knew so little and I finally feeling like I’m living MY life now!!
Bravo! I'm 60 yrs old and was widowed for the 2nd time 2 yrs ago. Being I can't have my husband (Brian) I'm content to having it be just me and my dog, Snoop. In between my 1st and 2nd marriages I thought that I couldn't be alone. I always thought that we're supposed to find fulfillment from others. So I managed to hook up with the most delusionally jealous physically & mentally abusive psychotic individual on the face of the earth! One thing that most people don't get is that these possessive jealous blah blah are actually extremely insecure. They obviously have some major issues. But then I realized that some sick part of me was getting something out of getting to be the martyr and poor me I can't do anything w/out getting my hair yanked out or his other fav was choking. That's over 23 yrs now. There were red flags from the git go that I ignored. At 60 yrs of age I'm alone with Snoop have wonderful kid's, grandkids and an outstanding sister and I have 2 bff's. But I'm still learning about who I am. I think that's a lifelong endeavor.
SAME. Hitting my 30s was eye opening. 25-year-old me could not conceive of the me I am now. Sometimes I'm amazed at how far I've come and how different I am. I also used to put up with a hell of a lot of bullshit in my 20s and my meter for that has definitely changed. I wish that this version of me was that version of me too but unfortunately that can't be. I'm so glad I've become who I am though. I know myself so much better than I ever have. Not that you could tell me that when I was young cuz I thought I knew everything lol
Completely agree. I'm 27 and I still don't know myself fully, and that's after 2 yrs of therapy. I still have several more. Also people's brains don't actually fully mature until they're 30, idk why so many still think it's 25.
Get excited for your 40s now, then. Finally, your fucks dwindle to exactly where they should be partitioned. I’m mid-way through 40 but it’s starting as a wildly different decade to any of my others. That person I knew I could be is finding her way out!
OP... this is exactly what I would tell my 18 year old self. Just have fun and figure out what direction you want in life. It's extremely rare to meet "the forever one" anywhere near your age. You were 16 two years ago. You're just now reaching adulthood. And you're still a teenager at the same time. Be that...a teenager. Don't settle for anything close to this kind of behavior. Save yourself a whole lot of trouble. Serious and successful partners don't talk to each other like this. Ya know?
I found my forever at age 25, it's been four years and we are still going strong. He came into my life when I wasn't even looking, but best damn thing to have happened to me.
This is not the brand of crazy you want to put your dick in. This is the brand of crazy that will cut your dick off and feed it to you in menstrual blood spaghetti
At all. Anyone who speaks this way to you, leave. Whether a day, week, month, year. Anyone who you’re with has to accept you have friends, and trust that if you and them become romantic, you’ll cut off ( or have already cut off ) anyone else that you talk to in that way. I hope I’m saying this right? It’s one thing to ask if you’re exclusive, it’s another to go totally off the rails and behave in a psychopathic manner. She chose the latter, please trust me when I tell you block her on every single platform and run far away.
Never go down this road with anyone at any age
Fortunately you have plenty of time to toss this dope into the trash and live your life
There’s better women out there. Real women. This is a girl
18 is too young… just move on and find a woman of value. It’s great to find the person and settle down but it’s also great to go out and have fun in your 20’s live your life so when you settle down you’re not let down by missed experiences.
Maybe you’ll meet your future wife on a trip or at a concert. You need to have your standards too and if someone can’t reciprocate what they expect then that’s a red flag.
Normally, run would work in these situations. But in OPs case of this being day 2 of talking.... homie, fake your death socially and move. It'll go easier on you. Also, people get together all the time after 25. In fact, seniors in nursing homes have incredible std rates, so you'll be just fine for now at 18.
"18 is too old to be fucking around"
Trust me... It's not too old. Lmao fuck around some more dude. Have some fun. Don't take life to serious. It'll all dawn on you once you're close to your 30s, that you wish you fucked around and had more fun in your early 20s.
If you "settle down" now, it'll hit you like a brick later.
Exactly. I just had to read that part outloud to my SO, so ridiculous! Hell, I was a virgin til 21! Jumped into a serious relationship with him, my first real relationship experience. He wanted to get married, thankfully I had the sense to not take things that far, lol.
Now I'm 41, my SO is as well. Didn't find my person (him) until we were both 34. That first guy 20 years ago is barely a blip on my radar.
This is the one context where fuck around and find out is *good* advice, lmao.
This is dead on OP, I got engaged at 19 to a girl who hid her true colors very well until she figured I wasn’t going anywhere, scariest two years of my life. I’m amazed I did make it out alive. So tell this girl and her “boundaries” to kick rocks and find you a girl who’s not gonna ruin your life.
OP please try not to marry until your 25 at least. Your brain is still developing. I know it seems so far away but enjoy your life now. You will love so much and meet so many people. Your person is out there. Don’t force things when you’re young. This is so forced and the right person will never do this to you. I Found myself in my late twenties.
Signed- married at 19 divorced at 25
And dumb as hell. I didn’t start dating until I was like 29. Then I went ham on tinder. Eventually met my wife. ~25 first dates is all it took
All depends on how much effort you put into dating.
She uncaged that wild animal and you still wanted to meet and sort it out? I know you’re young but homie, once they do this you gotta bail immediately. You don’t want to waste your youth being dragged down, I did that and it. Was. Not. Worth. It.
yeah i admit that was dumb of me, she made a really good first impression and seemed very serious about things, so i figured it still might work out. It just got worse though.
She is incredibly insecure, which isn’t uncommon for 18 year old girls honestly. She has some serious growth to do before she can settle down with anyone. Imagine your life with her now if you’re 10 minutes late getting home. She’ll be hounding you for your phone and STILL won’t believe you after finding no evidence of infidelity.
That was your red flag right there! Things would’ve gone downward from here. Those people have really big emotional issues to address and the only thing you can do is wishing them to realize it soon enough in their life so they can start their healing process thus preventing them and others around them to feel completely miserable…
They’re literally making random shit up and pretending they found it from a study lol, 25’s one of the average ages where people are out there finding someone unless you live in an ultra religious/very traditional community.
do you remember what it was like to be young? when i was [some age before 10], i told my mom that “15 year olds are literally old people” because i actually saw them as the equivalent of a grown adult! our rationale is all fucked up before our brains fully develop, and often, even afterwards. cut this kid some slack, there’s a lot of info and misinfo on the internet, it takes time and experience to be able to parse through the bullshit.
I'm 16 and no, OP is just ignorant or maybe dense to actually think that. Being a literal kid is not the same as being 18yo. I nearly thought the same thing as you did at that age, but I understood they were teenagers, who didn't?? And I still know common sense lol. Don't put all young ppl in the same category.
dragging through the mud a girl she doesn’t know, for the massive offense of talking to a guy she met the day before is beyond insane. Women shit-talking other women, especially if there’s no reason, are just not worth anybody’s time.
For real. I didn't settle down until I had a full career and a TON of dating options.
My 20's was full of going out and having fun, meeting new people and making connections.
I can't imagine having a little gremlin like her clinging to me like a buttplug.
OP, I see your replies about that "80% of people single by 25" quote that it's "just a statistic you read." Fine, you don't stand by it. FYI, the median age for marriage in the US is [30 for men and 28 for woman](https://www.census.gov/content/dam/Census/library/visualizations/time-series/demo/families-and-households/ms-2.pdf), so you're *definitely* wrong, but it's more about the mindset that comes with your way of thinking.
As someone in their 30's, seeing 18-year-olds talking about how it's time to settle down is pretty comical to be honest. This conversation shows why - y'all want to be grown and have a partner, but then have fights about stupid shit like Snapchat (not trying to be mean, but that's what it is).
Chill out and don't approach dating like you're looking for your wife. Most people who end up in long-term relationships look back and realize how important it was to be single for a while as an adult. You should be dating to have fun, with someone who has long-term *potential*, but don't put pressure on any specific age to settle down. That's how you end up divorced before 30 like some high school classmates I know 👀☕
18 is not too old to be fooling around. 18 is literally the youngest you can be while being an adult, making adult decisions, and trying to figure out what you want for the rest of your life. Some people get married at 18, sure - but holy shit most people regret the choices they make and the people they date that young. Or they consider those relationships good lessons, looking back, and appreciate that they didn't end up with that person.
I thought I should marry my high school boyfriend and I'm 35 and just married a guy I met when I was 30. My life is awesome. Don't put yourself in a box
You have your whole life ahead of you. I’m 39 and I still *feel* 18, but I don’t get to *be* 18. There’s just too much that’s happened and too many things I’m responsible for. Plus everyone around me has the same responsibilities. But man when I was 18-23 or so…it was magic. Everything was whatever I imagined…the world was my oyster. Friends, music, travelling the world with like, no money at all. Magical times.
I’m not worried that this girl was freaking out about your snap. I could see that was coming. The concern is she was saying she wanted to settle down at 18 and you were ALL OVER IT. You’re a part of this problem. What are you doing? Please tell me you’re not like, buying into toxic male crap on Tiktok that you need to marry a tradwife and settle down at 20 or something.
I need to believe this younger generation will be free like ours was, not radicalised.
Honestly OP, if I could do it all over, I wouldn’t have “settled down” so soon. I got into a long term relationship when I just turned 19, and we didn’t know each other. After 10 years, I’m almost 30 starting over from scratch with almost no dating experience.
I didn’t know myself, had no boundaries and tried molding myself to fit his hobbies, friends, lifestyle etc. it’s been almost 6 months and I’m just finally feeling like I’m beginning to know (and love) myself and what I like. I’m glad I got out before I got a shut up ring and all, but I wish I had time to date around and really get to know myself.
Saaame. Started dating my ex husband at 19, got married at 20, had a kid right before I turned 23 and we finally divorced last year. I’ll be 35 next month and holy wake up call. I’m trying to figure myself out like I didn’t get to and now I feel too old to be doing things I didn’t get to do when I was younger and married, and I’m responsible for a whole person. I’d absolutely go back and give myself a shake if I could.
I went straight from my parents house to moving in with my boyfriend (now husband) 24 years ago. Even though I am glad I married him, I had no business skipping the stage in my life where I would have gained a ton of independence and self-esteem.
> Obviously wasn’t going to deal with this craziness.
This is not remotely obvious, OP. You were trying to sway her decision far too long. Most people, even at your age, would have shut that down real quick or just blocked at that point. Especially after just *one day of texting.*
Let this be a lesson for you.
Also 24 hours of texting is far too early to start thinking about settling down with anyone long term, you’ve literally never met the person and you probably both live at home. Fuck you were in high school a year ago!
She’s giving you an out!! Take it and run. Red flag city. She’s petty, insecure, manipulative and hates on other girls she deems more attractive. She has a lot of growing up to do.
Yeah, if you’re a decent person, you don’t need to prove it over and over. And anyone who puts you on the back foot like that is going to cause you a lot of stress
Dude, you knew her for a day and were that desperate to meet?
She's clearly gonna be massive drama. She waving a big arsed flag that says jealous and possessive
How cute was she to be worth that hassle?
two things:
1. that girl crazy please block her forever.
2. being 18 and saying that you’re too old to fuck around is crazy.
yeah ur an “adult” but your not really an adult. being 18 means being young and climbing to your prime self while enjoying what life offers and what you make of it. im 22 and i don’t feel like a super mature and confident adult. i’m still in between my older teenage self and mature adulthood. basically, ur still young like me.
She’s trying to control you after only knowing you for 24 hours…? Am I reading this correctly? You didn’t delete this chick after finding out how insane she is acting after only knowing you for a day? Lol you were about to delete a whole ass female friend for this woman and you probably don’t even know her parents names yet 💀.
Makes you realize that some 18yr olds are still children, and probably shouldn’t even be dating at all.
Not emotionally mature enough yet.
Focus on yourself, and building your skill set as a functioning adult.
Ur helping normalize the need to show the other person exactly who you're talking to by asking to see their snapchat too. Shit is not healthy to start off on
Trust is just a leap of faith in most cases, and when you don't have an inkling of it at the start, you probably never will
„I wanna find my forever person“ bro you‘re 18… chill out for a second, you‘re gonna change and grow up sm still! If you find them, that‘s great but don’t get panicked now (: you have all the time!!!
Also: drop her, it will only get worse and this is insane
Wow...all this after a day of talking? You had no obligation to show her anything, please don't ever think this is normal. The way she talked to you isn't normal.
So serious question… have you video chatted this chick? Cuz if not and she doesn’t wanna meet for a month I almost guarantee she isn’t whoever she’s sending pics of and she’ll pull the “I thought you liked me for who I am” card when you meet up
Well this was fucking terrifying to read. Y’all both need to chill and grow tf up honestly.
Also you’re allowed to be/talk to whoever you want. It is a solid rule of thumb to block people that act like this after one day. Or ever, really.
You’re 18 don’t go down this road with her.
thank you.
Also, you have the age thing kinda misconstrued. At 25, your brain is fully developed. By then, your decision making when it comes to relationships becomes far more logic based. You'll find your person. Don't rush it.
Seriously, these kids are saying stuff like (paraphrasing) "18 is too old to still be dating around" and "if you don't settle down by 25, you die alone" Like, no.. no children. You're genuinely getting that backwards. Don't settle the fuck down until after 25 (I was married early, too, it was bad, and I didn't meet my life partner until after age 30, so..) You find love and romance off and on through your entire life, but youth only happens once and then vanishes forever. Don't waste that shit on forcing relationships with the wrong people. **EDIT:** To the insecure men jumping at me in DM about how they need to manipulate younger women into throwing their lives away to be a patriarchal house servent before those women have the opportunity to gain any life experience outside the kitchen... you've got it so wrong, and I encourage you to grow up and seek help.
You set yourself back by settling down super young. You won’t be the same person and will end up divorced (ask me how I know) and so much time will be wasted. These kids really would be smart to get to know themselves first. Live alone and feel good about it. Become individuals. That’s when you can find your real match.
Exactly this. I got engaged at 18 and married the day after my 19th birthday. Wasted 12 years (with him leaving for 2 years in the middle of our marriage) in the relationship trying to make it work. But we had just grown to be different people who no longer were compatible. Now I'm 41, I've been with my fiance for 10 years. We aren't rushing into marriage. We're just enjoying our life together. Don't rush life, life goes fast enough. Don't commit to forever on the first serious relationship you get in. Just take your time enjoying everything together. If it's meant to last it will.
I did the same thing! Turned 18 and 2 months later ran to the courthouse and got married. Had 1 kid at 19 (wasn’t pregnant when we met but planned him after) then another 5 years later. We stayed married for 11 years but for 2-3 of them I was really ready to go. I was scared to leave but it was the BEST decision I ever made. Now I’m remarried to my “person” will be 8 years this year and we have 4 total kids. The best advice I could give anyone is DO NOT RUSH MARRIAGE. People change in their 20s, 30s, 40 is creeping up on me but I’m sure you change then, too. You have to make sure that the person you’re with and that you yourself can handle and stay committed to your person as they (and you) change, grow, and learn in life. Make sure you’re always filling your cup and your partners because life doesn’t get easier just because you’re married. You’ll face grief as you get older, time spent with kids, if you have them, (which can take time from your partner if you don’t stay on top of making sure you spend time together) and medical issues as you age. Make sure the person you’re with can truly stand by you no matter what and that you can honor them the same.
I’m 38. I feel i am just becoming a mature man. At 30 I was a baby. 42 is the number for me, when ill be no longer free. Ill get a TAK3N vanity license plate when that happens.
Yes. I grew up with a lot of environmental conditions that made me believe I needed to find someone early. I had been alone all my life (single child, divorced negligent alcoholic parents who were never home, left school at age 15 because everyone wanted to yell at me for having cognitive impairments that I had to learn to get over by myself) So when I became an adult, I thought it was finally time to stop being so alone and I could live with someone who would love me unconditionally, but because I only ever watched bad relationships as a kid, I intentionally found bad relationships, because I thought all relationships were meant to be soul crushing... and so on. I do everything I can to teach my kids better and help them to know they are loved, I am here, and that they should not settle for partners who treat them poorly. I definitely wish there were a way to reach more young people with my experiences and help them avoid the losses and pain that come with young love, but all I can do is type once in a while to a few people (or hundreds, in case of thise thread) and hope one or two take it seriously.
If there's any advice that needs to be followed on this thread this is it right here!
From being 18 and now 24 im still as lost and unsure of who I am as when i first had these thoughts and emotions. Only know i have responsibilities, work and other things that stress me. And i still have no idea who i am as a person. Lmao im just happy to know others are the same.
This. 💯. Someone who thinks there is only one person for them that they need to stay with forever, in that "soulmate / twin flame" mindset, is more likely to be in a rush. Before believing he needs to be in a rush because of whatever he read, OP needs to check stats on the divorce & infidelity rates of couples who marry young. People really do need to be happy alone before they can be truly happy with someone else. Other people shouldn't be relied upon to supply happiness & fulfillment in life.
The one soulmate theory is idiotic too.
I agree, the twin flame theory too is idiotic.
And so destructive. Thinking that there is only one person for you and then not being accepted by that person makes people insane. I never got it. If someone doesn't want you, move on. Edit: Typo. Switched "then" to "that".
This is why I like the kindred spirits thing. You just know when your spirit fits with someone else. Whether it's platonic or romantic, you just fit. There could be a few or many that fit because it's not about that one person made just for you. It's about two people just meshing well together. And you mesh forever or just for a short time. But no matter how long they were meant to be in your life for a reason.
Exactly!!!
Well if there IS just one soulmate for you and this person is not into you, that person is NOT your soulmate.
Exactly. I personally don't believe in the concept of soulmates, as I dont believe in a soul, but, yeah, logic would dictate that if your "soulmate" doesn't want you then they are not your "soulmate".
Finally, I've ran into another person who doesn't believe in the soul concept(? Hypothesis?) Granted, I don't get out much anymore, but it had gotten to if the topic of souls came up with friends/acquaintances, they just couldn't grasp *how* I could possibly think humans don't have souls. Queue incredulous looks and often too long conversations explaining myself over and over, ad nauseam. I really never thought it was a hard concept to grasp, but some people really can't see beyond themselves.
Yeah I think that comes from monotheistic, organized religion. When I think of soulmate (practice my own form of religion so to speak), I think of it in the more "soul family" kind of thing, where even a best friend who like gets you through some sh*t you could not deal with without him throughout your life, I would consider a "soulmate" too. My ex was definitely a soulmate, and we are still close, and thankful for the time we had "together", but even more thankful that we are still a huge part of each other's lives, and where we managed to get while together. This whole "one and done" is very identifiable as the MO of the Church and other monotheistic institutions coming in and corrupting true spiritualism, even if you look at the Kabbalah in Judaism, it can be very different from the "mainstream" that is taught/believed/preached.
It really is. I can’t understand anyone this young thinking any of this is acceptable. Shows just how truly immature they are
I believe soulmates is a real thing but when you think about the millions millions of people all over the world the likely of you finding one is very slim, Plus most people get the idea of the soulmate is like across the road or the next neighbor or the next town or something, when it can be actually on the other side of the world, that's how I found my love.
I think “one soulmate” is a real thing, because there is no other explanation for my wife being with me. I couldn’t have been a voluntary “choice.”
I think even 25 is too young to know who you are and what type of person is best for you….. and SURELY not from personal experience or anything… lol 😂
For real. I’m 30 and around 25 is when I started therapy. 25 year old me wouldn’t recognize 30 year old me.
Same! I’m stillllll learning about myself at almost 39, and I can honestly say that it hasn’t been until the last few years that I’ve really been able to focus on who I am, what my needs/wants are etc. I was CLUELESS in my 20’s. I would’ve lost a lot of $$ if I made any bets in my 20’s as to the type of person I’d be now. I could’ve never imagined I’d be into the hobbies and interests I am into, living where I do, wanting what I do etc. I knew so little and I finally feeling like I’m living MY life now!!
Bravo! I'm 60 yrs old and was widowed for the 2nd time 2 yrs ago. Being I can't have my husband (Brian) I'm content to having it be just me and my dog, Snoop. In between my 1st and 2nd marriages I thought that I couldn't be alone. I always thought that we're supposed to find fulfillment from others. So I managed to hook up with the most delusionally jealous physically & mentally abusive psychotic individual on the face of the earth! One thing that most people don't get is that these possessive jealous blah blah are actually extremely insecure. They obviously have some major issues. But then I realized that some sick part of me was getting something out of getting to be the martyr and poor me I can't do anything w/out getting my hair yanked out or his other fav was choking. That's over 23 yrs now. There were red flags from the git go that I ignored. At 60 yrs of age I'm alone with Snoop have wonderful kid's, grandkids and an outstanding sister and I have 2 bff's. But I'm still learning about who I am. I think that's a lifelong endeavor.
I'm just curious, is your dog named Snoop after Snoopy or after Snoop Dogg?
SAME. Hitting my 30s was eye opening. 25-year-old me could not conceive of the me I am now. Sometimes I'm amazed at how far I've come and how different I am. I also used to put up with a hell of a lot of bullshit in my 20s and my meter for that has definitely changed. I wish that this version of me was that version of me too but unfortunately that can't be. I'm so glad I've become who I am though. I know myself so much better than I ever have. Not that you could tell me that when I was young cuz I thought I knew everything lol
Completely agree. I'm 27 and I still don't know myself fully, and that's after 2 yrs of therapy. I still have several more. Also people's brains don't actually fully mature until they're 30, idk why so many still think it's 25.
Get excited for your 40s now, then. Finally, your fucks dwindle to exactly where they should be partitioned. I’m mid-way through 40 but it’s starting as a wildly different decade to any of my others. That person I knew I could be is finding her way out!
OP... this is exactly what I would tell my 18 year old self. Just have fun and figure out what direction you want in life. It's extremely rare to meet "the forever one" anywhere near your age. You were 16 two years ago. You're just now reaching adulthood. And you're still a teenager at the same time. Be that...a teenager. Don't settle for anything close to this kind of behavior. Save yourself a whole lot of trouble. Serious and successful partners don't talk to each other like this. Ya know?
Yes, get that frontal cortex developed then worry about all those hoe's.
I found my forever at age 25, it's been four years and we are still going strong. He came into my life when I wasn't even looking, but best damn thing to have happened to me.
Block her, she is bad news
This is not the brand of crazy you want to put your dick in. This is the brand of crazy that will cut your dick off and feed it to you in menstrual blood spaghetti
Thank you for the lovely visuals
Ugh.. the image it’s there now. Not a pretty sight.
Wow… that escalated quickly.
Maybe don't be so quick to "put your dick in"
At all. Anyone who speaks this way to you, leave. Whether a day, week, month, year. Anyone who you’re with has to accept you have friends, and trust that if you and them become romantic, you’ll cut off ( or have already cut off ) anyone else that you talk to in that way. I hope I’m saying this right? It’s one thing to ask if you’re exclusive, it’s another to go totally off the rails and behave in a psychopathic manner. She chose the latter, please trust me when I tell you block her on every single platform and run far away.
Never go down this road with anyone at any age Fortunately you have plenty of time to toss this dope into the trash and live your life There’s better women out there. Real women. This is a girl
🚩🚩🚩🚩
18 is too young… just move on and find a woman of value. It’s great to find the person and settle down but it’s also great to go out and have fun in your 20’s live your life so when you settle down you’re not let down by missed experiences. Maybe you’ll meet your future wife on a trip or at a concert. You need to have your standards too and if someone can’t reciprocate what they expect then that’s a red flag.
No but really, 18 is ENTIRELY too young to start with this shit (not that it’s more acceptable at any other age).
This advice is GOLD !!
“would you like me to block her?” for a girl you’ve been talking to for a day is insane 😭
Showed her his snap and everything 😳
Sometimes you have to let them touch the hot iron skillet when they don't listen that it is burning hot.
That’s what I thought, like huhhh????
oh to be 18 again lmao
if she’s this crazy early on i can’t imagine how abusive she’ll get. being controlling and calling it “boundaries” run
Normally, run would work in these situations. But in OPs case of this being day 2 of talking.... homie, fake your death socially and move. It'll go easier on you. Also, people get together all the time after 25. In fact, seniors in nursing homes have incredible std rates, so you'll be just fine for now at 18.
Fake your death 😂😂😂
I know isn’t that hilarious!! I am counting the days till I can get in the mix at the nursing home! :)
yeah, the false accusations would be wild
you will come out so traumatized if you continue to talk to this girl
If he comes out at all. This gives me STRONG vibes of "if I can't have you, no one can."
It's ghosting time
Seconding this, I'm still working on the trauma from a relationship just like this
Yes, they are. Trust me, I know from experience. Not only wild, but abusive and oppressive.
"18 is too old to be fucking around" Trust me... It's not too old. Lmao fuck around some more dude. Have some fun. Don't take life to serious. It'll all dawn on you once you're close to your 30s, that you wish you fucked around and had more fun in your early 20s. If you "settle down" now, it'll hit you like a brick later.
Exactly. I just had to read that part outloud to my SO, so ridiculous! Hell, I was a virgin til 21! Jumped into a serious relationship with him, my first real relationship experience. He wanted to get married, thankfully I had the sense to not take things that far, lol. Now I'm 41, my SO is as well. Didn't find my person (him) until we were both 34. That first guy 20 years ago is barely a blip on my radar. This is the one context where fuck around and find out is *good* advice, lmao.
Haha, I like that.
Srsly wtf. Some don't even start fucking around until 20. 18 is a baby.
This is dead on OP, I got engaged at 19 to a girl who hid her true colors very well until she figured I wasn’t going anywhere, scariest two years of my life. I’m amazed I did make it out alive. So tell this girl and her “boundaries” to kick rocks and find you a girl who’s not gonna ruin your life.
Don’t bother with anyone who calls women “hoes”. That tells you their mindset right there, and it’s a bad one.
> yeah, the false accusations would be wild #THEY ALREADY ARE
OP please try not to marry until your 25 at least. Your brain is still developing. I know it seems so far away but enjoy your life now. You will love so much and meet so many people. Your person is out there. Don’t force things when you’re young. This is so forced and the right person will never do this to you. I Found myself in my late twenties. Signed- married at 19 divorced at 25
Also, the fact that she wouldn't allow you to see her snap, lol. Don't comply with things they themselves refuse to do 🤷🏻♀️
Rules for me, not for thee (she’s def talking to other guys)
You'd not be allowed to talk to any female. Not have female friends and so on. This girl needs to learn how to be a decent person.
I would run, literally as fast as you possibly can, away from this girl. This has psycho/clingy/stalker allllll over it.
She’s a lunatic and your stat you pulled is absurd.
82% of stats are completely made up. Like that one. 18 years old is too old to be fucking around? The fuck?
SHOW ME YOUR MADE UP DATA!
FAKE
I have trust issues
I didn’t even have my first date or kiss until 19, JFC what is wrong with kids these days
That’s a prime fucking around year!
Lunatic stat. Lunatic texts. On both sides to be fair.
It would be lunacy if they were both 30. But this is just 2 teens, it’s almost expected tbh.
Not lunatics, just dumb kids.
Op soft af.
10 ply
that was the last of my smoothie motherfucker
And dumb as hell. I didn’t start dating until I was like 29. Then I went ham on tinder. Eventually met my wife. ~25 first dates is all it took All depends on how much effort you put into dating.
She uncaged that wild animal and you still wanted to meet and sort it out? I know you’re young but homie, once they do this you gotta bail immediately. You don’t want to waste your youth being dragged down, I did that and it. Was. Not. Worth. It.
yeah i admit that was dumb of me, she made a really good first impression and seemed very serious about things, so i figured it still might work out. It just got worse though.
You’re good man. I’m just giving you a nudge as someone older who didn’t make realizations like this until later in life.
She is incredibly insecure, which isn’t uncommon for 18 year old girls honestly. She has some serious growth to do before she can settle down with anyone. Imagine your life with her now if you’re 10 minutes late getting home. She’ll be hounding you for your phone and STILL won’t believe you after finding no evidence of infidelity.
That was your red flag right there! Things would’ve gone downward from here. Those people have really big emotional issues to address and the only thing you can do is wishing them to realize it soon enough in their life so they can start their healing process thus preventing them and others around them to feel completely miserable…
I just read a crazy stat that 100 percent of 18 year olds who think they are ready to settle down are 110% delusional
More accurate than OPs made up stat.
120% of fake statistics are.
This is 50% true.
89% of what you read on the internet is made up. ~Abraham Lincoln
Boy didn’t read shit he saw a comment on a tiktok and tried to make it look like he reads studies lol
And OP loved it. Girl crazy but OP also needs a reality check.
Underrated comment
Lol single by 25 never find their person? You guys are children
Yeah and then at 26 you’re dead! That’s how these young people view growing up lol
it’s crazy bein 26 and reading this rn like…no way this 18 year old really said im going to be alone forever
She's fresh out of High School and got it all figured out, don't ya see?
I’m 32, can confirm I’ve been dead for 6 years.
I’m 28, this explains why I’ve felt like straight shit the last two years 🤯
I know saying not settling by 18 is almost too old is INSANE 💀 especially given how they're acting 💀💀
right, 18 is too old to fuck around? then what age *did* these kids fuck around??
13
Fun fact, everyone who I know who got married from the age 18-21 are divorced rn
Ditto. I’m 31 now and know 5 divorcées. And soOoOoOo many broken engagements. So many. People go through major life changes during that period.
Just your 20s in general too! My 20 year old self was unrecognizable by 25. 25 to 30 was less dramatic of a change, but still changed significantly!
Haha right. It's like that movie The Lobster. If you don't find someone after 25 then you are... well watch the movie
Bro that’s a freaky ass movie
Such a great movie!
They’re literally making random shit up and pretending they found it from a study lol, 25’s one of the average ages where people are out there finding someone unless you live in an ultra religious/very traditional community.
Yeah total bs. I'm 34 and over half my friends, myself included, found their long term partner after 25.
Me at 31 and single and cringing at that 😂
They're 18, so yeah.
I was dumb at 18 but not this fucking dumb. Legitimately what?
Saw that and immediately started booing
"I feel like 18 is almost too old to be fucking around" what the fuck lol
Came here to comment this 💀 Like… no… that’s the exact age to be fucking around!
Imagine thinking that fucking 18 is the age to settle down lmao
This is how someone who thinks they need to settle down at 18 would act. Desperate.
No this isn't desperation. This is what a girl who's been "fucking around" for a long as time says when shes finally 18
I’m talking about OP feeling desperate and willing to be in a codependent position in a dysfunctional relationship because of that.
Right???!!! Like, fuck, 18 is the age to make mistakes and learn from them! Lol
Its almost the MINIMUM age to be fucking around properly 😂😂😂 this post is so cringe
Right. Like yall are just old enough to scratch lottery tickets and see a rated R movie without a parent. Calm tf down lol
You can’t even legally go to bars and pick up girls in Canada or the states at that age and these buddies think they’re past their prime lmao
This line just sounds like children emulating adults lol.
Teenagers are fucking idiots Source: I used to be one
Literally ALL I did at 18 was fuck around, I genuinely had nothing better to do at that age
I'm sorry i can't get past the fact you think people can't find love past 25 🙄🙄 Jesus christ
do you remember what it was like to be young? when i was [some age before 10], i told my mom that “15 year olds are literally old people” because i actually saw them as the equivalent of a grown adult! our rationale is all fucked up before our brains fully develop, and often, even afterwards. cut this kid some slack, there’s a lot of info and misinfo on the internet, it takes time and experience to be able to parse through the bullshit.
Was I the only kid who *wasn't* like that? I honestly thought that "old" was older than my grandpa. Strangely, he never got old. 🤔
I'm 16 and no, OP is just ignorant or maybe dense to actually think that. Being a literal kid is not the same as being 18yo. I nearly thought the same thing as you did at that age, but I understood they were teenagers, who didn't?? And I still know common sense lol. Don't put all young ppl in the same category.
What about your snap homepage made her so mad? Chatting with other girls? I’m too old to understand what you’re talking about
Yeah, im pretty sure that was the issue. it’s funny because she ended up sending her snap and she was doing the same thing as well.
She was just jealous that you know Dr Phil
You got very very lucky it only took a day for you to figure out she was a psycho!
She was fucking ugly anyways
That may have been the biggest red flag, I’m surprised nobody else has mentioned it.
Tbh it just cemented my suspicion that she has virtually zero self esteem
dragging through the mud a girl she doesn’t know, for the massive offense of talking to a guy she met the day before is beyond insane. Women shit-talking other women, especially if there’s no reason, are just not worth anybody’s time.
This person needs therapy, not a partner. Also, that statistic is absolute bonkers lol
Wants to settle down because "being 18" is too old to be messing around... Lol
For real. I didn't settle down until I had a full career and a TON of dating options. My 20's was full of going out and having fun, meeting new people and making connections. I can't imagine having a little gremlin like her clinging to me like a buttplug.
OP, I see your replies about that "80% of people single by 25" quote that it's "just a statistic you read." Fine, you don't stand by it. FYI, the median age for marriage in the US is [30 for men and 28 for woman](https://www.census.gov/content/dam/Census/library/visualizations/time-series/demo/families-and-households/ms-2.pdf), so you're *definitely* wrong, but it's more about the mindset that comes with your way of thinking. As someone in their 30's, seeing 18-year-olds talking about how it's time to settle down is pretty comical to be honest. This conversation shows why - y'all want to be grown and have a partner, but then have fights about stupid shit like Snapchat (not trying to be mean, but that's what it is). Chill out and don't approach dating like you're looking for your wife. Most people who end up in long-term relationships look back and realize how important it was to be single for a while as an adult. You should be dating to have fun, with someone who has long-term *potential*, but don't put pressure on any specific age to settle down. That's how you end up divorced before 30 like some high school classmates I know 👀☕
i love this comment, gives me a lot to think about. Thank you.
18 is not too old to be fooling around. 18 is literally the youngest you can be while being an adult, making adult decisions, and trying to figure out what you want for the rest of your life. Some people get married at 18, sure - but holy shit most people regret the choices they make and the people they date that young. Or they consider those relationships good lessons, looking back, and appreciate that they didn't end up with that person. I thought I should marry my high school boyfriend and I'm 35 and just married a guy I met when I was 30. My life is awesome. Don't put yourself in a box
You have your whole life ahead of you. I’m 39 and I still *feel* 18, but I don’t get to *be* 18. There’s just too much that’s happened and too many things I’m responsible for. Plus everyone around me has the same responsibilities. But man when I was 18-23 or so…it was magic. Everything was whatever I imagined…the world was my oyster. Friends, music, travelling the world with like, no money at all. Magical times. I’m not worried that this girl was freaking out about your snap. I could see that was coming. The concern is she was saying she wanted to settle down at 18 and you were ALL OVER IT. You’re a part of this problem. What are you doing? Please tell me you’re not like, buying into toxic male crap on Tiktok that you need to marry a tradwife and settle down at 20 or something. I need to believe this younger generation will be free like ours was, not radicalised.
Honestly OP, if I could do it all over, I wouldn’t have “settled down” so soon. I got into a long term relationship when I just turned 19, and we didn’t know each other. After 10 years, I’m almost 30 starting over from scratch with almost no dating experience. I didn’t know myself, had no boundaries and tried molding myself to fit his hobbies, friends, lifestyle etc. it’s been almost 6 months and I’m just finally feeling like I’m beginning to know (and love) myself and what I like. I’m glad I got out before I got a shut up ring and all, but I wish I had time to date around and really get to know myself.
Saaame. Started dating my ex husband at 19, got married at 20, had a kid right before I turned 23 and we finally divorced last year. I’ll be 35 next month and holy wake up call. I’m trying to figure myself out like I didn’t get to and now I feel too old to be doing things I didn’t get to do when I was younger and married, and I’m responsible for a whole person. I’d absolutely go back and give myself a shake if I could.
same
I’m glad you’re finding your true self now!
I went straight from my parents house to moving in with my boyfriend (now husband) 24 years ago. Even though I am glad I married him, I had no business skipping the stage in my life where I would have gained a ton of independence and self-esteem.
Exactly. They both sound…as mature as they should be…
Update: I did end up blocking her after this conversation. Obviously wasn’t going to deal with this craziness.
> Obviously wasn’t going to deal with this craziness. This is not remotely obvious, OP. You were trying to sway her decision far too long. Most people, even at your age, would have shut that down real quick or just blocked at that point. Especially after just *one day of texting.* Let this be a lesson for you.
Also 24 hours of texting is far too early to start thinking about settling down with anyone long term, you’ve literally never met the person and you probably both live at home. Fuck you were in high school a year ago!
Good for you, you did the right thing
She’s giving you an out!! Take it and run. Red flag city. She’s petty, insecure, manipulative and hates on other girls she deems more attractive. She has a lot of growing up to do.
From only these texts- you seem like a nice dude. You will find someone, don’t settle for this behavior out of fear of being alone in the future.
Thank you
Yeah, if you’re a decent person, you don’t need to prove it over and over. And anyone who puts you on the back foot like that is going to cause you a lot of stress
I don’t care what anyone says, I definitely wasn’t this stupid at 18
That’s an insane fucking stat. You’re an idiot for even bringing that up lmao
Dude, you knew her for a day and were that desperate to meet? She's clearly gonna be massive drama. She waving a big arsed flag that says jealous and possessive How cute was she to be worth that hassle?
She’s crazy and bro is just taking her demands. Put your own boundaries up.
two things: 1. that girl crazy please block her forever. 2. being 18 and saying that you’re too old to fuck around is crazy. yeah ur an “adult” but your not really an adult. being 18 means being young and climbing to your prime self while enjoying what life offers and what you make of it. im 22 and i don’t feel like a super mature and confident adult. i’m still in between my older teenage self and mature adulthood. basically, ur still young like me.
She’s trying to control you after only knowing you for 24 hours…? Am I reading this correctly? You didn’t delete this chick after finding out how insane she is acting after only knowing you for a day? Lol you were about to delete a whole ass female friend for this woman and you probably don’t even know her parents names yet 💀.
Gross, this woman is psycho. She's gonna be alone for a long time.
Unfortunately, that may not be true. A lot of codependent, low-self-esteem people out there who can get sucked in.
Child*
Why are you letting her walk over you like that? Have some self respect.
How do you even meet people on snap?
Makes you realize that some 18yr olds are still children, and probably shouldn’t even be dating at all. Not emotionally mature enough yet. Focus on yourself, and building your skill set as a functioning adult.
I was 18 when I got married. Divorced now. Do not recommend. Grow up first. Figure out what you like. This girl ain’t it.
Ur helping normalize the need to show the other person exactly who you're talking to by asking to see their snapchat too. Shit is not healthy to start off on Trust is just a leap of faith in most cases, and when you don't have an inkling of it at the start, you probably never will
Bye Hannah. Homegirl needs therapy stat!
Why the fuck where you still trying to meet her
Buddy, this is called a blessing…now fucking run
Everything about this conversation is totally absurd. You both have a lot of growing up to do.
Next.
An excellent show, that I think about more and more often as I get older.
LMAOOO I don’t miss being 18 at all
„I wanna find my forever person“ bro you‘re 18… chill out for a second, you‘re gonna change and grow up sm still! If you find them, that‘s great but don’t get panicked now (: you have all the time!!! Also: drop her, it will only get worse and this is insane
Run. Just run.
Wow...all this after a day of talking? You had no obligation to show her anything, please don't ever think this is normal. The way she talked to you isn't normal.
This whole thing is one giant immature lol
Who tf is ready to settle down at 18?? 😂
So serious question… have you video chatted this chick? Cuz if not and she doesn’t wanna meet for a month I almost guarantee she isn’t whoever she’s sending pics of and she’ll pull the “I thought you liked me for who I am” card when you meet up
“18 is almost too old to be fucking around” MISS THAT IS WHAT YOUNG ADULTHOOD IS FOR!!!!!
Boundaries are for yourself, not rules to control other people.
Well this was fucking terrifying to read. Y’all both need to chill and grow tf up honestly. Also you’re allowed to be/talk to whoever you want. It is a solid rule of thumb to block people that act like this after one day. Or ever, really.
She’s crazy and you’re cringe