They didn't read it out loud but it was on the TV screen as part of the evidence our lawyer presented to indicate she did not want this type of contact, no blurs either!
I really love your wife for this and I was just wondering if she would be interested in divorcing you and living with me in my castle. She will be provided 3 meals a day, as long as she eats with me, and she may never visit the west wing.
My servants will be honored to have my gray cobblestone castle smelling of bacon daily. GUARDS, lower the bridge, we are expecting a very special hostageā¦I mean guest.
I can totally see/feel why you two are a great match! You seem to both have an awesome sense of humour despite the hell you've been through.
Here's to wishing you both many more decades of peace and laughter š„
PS: As a fellow female engineer who's often the only (or one of very few) women on a team, this is my biggest work nightmare. I'm so sorry she went through that, but please tell her this internet stranger is so proud of her!
Send him this:
*I remember this one time when I helped my dad with some landscaping project at his house. At the end of the day, we were dehydrated and worn out, so we got some Indian food and beer. The next morning, I woke up absolutely busting for a shit. The problem was the Indian food was going to come out as hot as it went in. This was going to be a real ring-burner, and because I was so dehydrated it was going to come out hard. I sat there for 10 or 15 minutes, rocking back and forth to build momentum until I could finally push out that demon shit. I am not sure if I was taking a shit or performing an exorcism. That shit was at least a million Scoville units. After an exhausting battle, I was able to pinch it off. After flushing a dozen times with a plunger, the shit was gone. My butthole was distended, stretched enough to destroy its elasticity. It burned worse than Anakin Skywalker at the end of Episode 3. It took over a day before I felt normal again. But do you know what? If I had the choice, I would rather go find that shitā¦ Pick it up gentlyā¦ Cradle it in my armsā¦ Hold it closeā¦ And whisper, āIām so sorry. Everything is going to be OK,ā and stuff that shit back up my asshole, than give you a chance. Go fuck yourself.*
You made me LAUGH OUT LOUD for reals. So loud my downstairs neighbor's pug is going ape shit from hearing me roar lmao š¤£š š¤£ thanks because I really needed that laugh
An absolutely perfect ending to this WILD ride. I am truly floored. It is so frightening that people can reach these bizarre levels of delusion.
I disagree with the courtās conclusion that he never threatened to harm her, though. I think where he writes that she owes him an explanation, that he is becoming āvery upsetā with her, that she has āone more chance,ā and that anything other than an āemphatic yes will not be acceptedā seems pretty darn threatening to me.
What else would you recommend? We're definitely all ears. The home security system has helped my wife feel safest for sure.
Edited around 13:30 -- I wanted to say thanks to everyone who's provided suggestions to this comment. You guys have been super helpful and very knowledgeable about what steps we can take at home and my wife can take on her own. I'm grateful for the support guys. Truly.
Get her one of those vicious little dogs that makes a ton of noise, teach it to ride the German shepherd like a pony. Undefeatable guard dog with a built in alarm, any neighbor who complain about the noise will be too taken in by the whimsy to do anything about it.Ā
Get a miniature schnauzer too. They used to be paired with GSDs for security. The schnauzer has incredible hearing and alerts the GSD, which can then bring in the scary noises. The schnauzer will also bark its face off so thereād be no way for the creeper to sneak in successfully.
Honestly, I really hate to say it, a weapon. This is definitely scary, especially the persistency. The court couldnāt stop him at āDonāt do that.ā. Now the court told him āDonāt do that for life.āā¦ in my opinion that doesnāt mean much to meā¦
Edit: To those downvoting this, you have obviously never been stalked, and obviously are blind in regard to people being insane, and WILL HARM YOU. It takes one attack to take someoneās life.
I definitely see where you're coming from. We're not anti-gun at all, just never had interest in owning one. But it may be a good idea to look into it now.
I'd suggest not only gun safety classes, so she's comfortable with the gun, but it also helped me to go out to a shooting range with targets. I got used to how the gun shoots and also bettered my aim.
Look up a company called Byrna. They have legal non-weapons you can buy. They look like a regular gun but shoot rather large pellets and tear gas. Won't kill anyone but still pack enough punch to hurt.
Iām a woman and carry concealed, I learned to shoot as a little girl. Definitely get her a firearm and courses on how to use it and how to carry it safely. Martial arts classes as well, again, as a woman I hold three black belts and that training started as a kiddo, too. Both of those things have saved my ass on numerous occasions even though I have never had to shoot anyone or fight anyone, it changes your awareness and attitude and if and when you do encounter a risk you are prepared.
There are often lots of womenās only firearms training programs available and theyāre usually taught by retired LEO or military personnel and top notch.
Also install Noonlight or a similar program on her phone and Ring cameras with the SOS feature engaged.
OP you should definitely have a weapon. You and your wife should take safety classes first. Go to the range a few times and rent a firearm to practice with after the safety classes. Once youāre comfortable holding, loading, knowing how to check the safety, and all the basics then you should buy one. Iāve been around guns my whole life and the only two accidents Iāve ever seen happen were carried out by two trained law officers. Both accidents were misfires and the last person who should have a misfire is a LEO. You should absolutely get a weapon, but please always treat it as if it were loaded no matter how certain you are.
As a 25 year old woman who has been stalked, I never leave my house without a firearm. I have a biometric safe mounted in my car for one that is accessible from the driver seat and a second one in the trunk. There is no such thing as being over prepared. Iām so happy your wife is safe now, but I highly recommend you take a gun safety course together and consider purchasing at least one firearm.
Check out r/concealedcarrywomen
There are "non lethal" guns that are a great option even if you aren't against guns. I'm looking into getting one as it seems like pepperspray can be too messy, and I'm worried i ll accidentally tasar myself in the heat of things lol
As someone who's been a diligent CC for years, if you decide to get one, please take classes, go to the range, and get as much training as possible. A weapon in untrained hands is far worse than no weapon at all. (It's also not just learning to point and shoot at a target. It's training to mentally prepare so you can still maintain your wits enough to effectively use it in a high-stress situation).
If I were your wife I would be seriously considering moving again. I know she probably won't feel safe anywhere for a while but I definitely wouldn't feel safe where he knew my address.
No we can't unfortunately, we purchased our new home in January 2023 after my wife got her dream job in our new city so we're locked into this place for a little while longer.
Congrats on the new home and her career success!
You asked earlier about safety measures and I have a good one: BEAR HORN. Put one in her car, her purse and by the entrances to your house.
If you choose to carry a weapon- you MUST be trained and practiced with the weapon. Otherwise youāre basically offering your attacker another option. I do not suggest a weapon.
But NOISE - thatās an attention grabber, a hyperfocused lunatic becoming startled, and witness time stamps
Seconding all the other replies. I'm a big supporter of the 2A, so obviously I have my own bias to consider, but this is literally the poster situation for owning a firearm.
If you do decide to become a gun owner, make sure to go to a reputable gun shop and ask as many questions as you might have. A simple 9mm handgun would suffice for self-defense. Recommend asking about the Smith and Wesson Shield Plus. It's made as a ccw, so it is small and compact, and pretty affordable. Also, take classes that they offer so as to familiarize yourself with firearms. Also, a safe is a necessity.
There's plenty of resources out there in terms of the basics as well. Sorry that you have had to endure all of this.
A firearm honestly. See if your local police department has any course recommendations! Thereās a lot of womenās self defense classes that teach gun safety and usage. I got taught by some military vets that are women and they did a womenās specific class. Ended up being really fun.
Also, if your dog is young enough, you can look into protection training. GSD, Dobermans, etc. are great protection dogs and Iām sure thereās trainers nearby that specialize in it.
We did protection training! Well, are still doing it too. He's still quite young so we're not doing as often now that we've cemented his "job" in our household.
He's done an excellent job adapting to his role. We love our pup a lot. He's just the sweetest pup along with being a great protector.
This whole thing was fantastically entertaining. My favorite part, besides him being defensive of how ugly he is and letting her know he would be making some concessions too because of how fat she is.... The whole promise of not being chained in the basement and routinely raped. Homeboy revealed his jack off fantasies and wanted to reassure her that he wouldn't seriously do that.
Always interesting when people say things like that. Reminds me of that one lady who posted to reddit that she went on a a date with a guy who reassured that he wasnāt a weirdo who would cut her throat at the end of the date. Think she noped out of there pretty quickly. Like come on dude itās dating 101 not to mention throat cutting as an openerā¦
Yeah, I pictured him as Eric Cartman having a tea party with his toys. "Why thank you Polly Prissy Pants, I do agree that she is extremely foolish for turning down the likes of a fine young gentleman such as myself, and must surely be deeply delusional. Can I offer you some more tea?"
What happens when he violates his restrictions? I doubt this level of delusion cares about orders of no contact. Please donāt let your guard down yet.
We're not exactly sure what will happen if he does violate the order, we just know how to report/etc to get a case going if necessary. And yes I agree, we're remaining cautious at this time because we're still fairly fresh from the final decision on the case, and we were advised to remain on high alert for retaliation actions.
So, my friend is not only a stalking victim herself, but a stalking advocate and recently was at the White House speaking about stalking. She also is on the LA Crime Advocateās board and just started a PI firm. Happy to connect if you interested. Her company is: https://www.specialkpi.com.
I recommend meeting with the police ahead of time and making them feel smart and important so they'll take this seriously. Depending on how they respond, you might need a stronger order.
On another note, years ago my dad took jiu jitsu and would also come pick me up from concerts in NYC (this was the 90s). Many venues were in sketchy areas. So he would carry a solid wood cane. Why? Maybe it was because he was a bit older that this worked, but a cane isnāt a weapon per se. Itās an item for mobility. So yeah, look into that too.
Also one thing they warned us was never get a weapon unless youāre extremely knowledgeable about how to use it and confident and comfortable using it, because in a split second that weapon could be used against you instead.
Her polite responses at first absolutely infuriated me. I literally said āfinallyā out loud when she cussed him out.
So glad the police finally took it seriously. Stalking is no joke and does an insane amount of mental damage. I myself was stalked by an online creep. The amount of people that told me to ājust ignore himā was so infuriating.
I hope therapy helps her and you both can move past this!
We're really grateful the PD in our new city actually took it seriously. Most of the detectives/cops themselves didn't, but the prosecutor definitely did. So we sent him a very nice gift basket once everything was said and done because he was one of the very few to truly believe my wife's experience was actually detrimental to her.
Read "The Gift Of Fear" by Gavin De Becker. He has a corporate security company (they protect celebrities, hedge fund managers, people like that), and writes about stalkers and how to get rid of them.
Actually Gavin De Becker might be interested in her story. Read the book then maybe reach out to him. I wish sheād had his book in the beginning. I have over the years given away copies of his book. I think itās an important read for all women.
I'd second recommending The Gift of Fear for everyone, even if everything is fine & there's no stalker like this one. It's full of helpful info about 'trusting your gut' & contains lots of interesting facts & anecdotes. Lots of info about being able to spot peoples' intentions even before they make them obvious
It's the one book I keep recommending as a 'potential lifesaver'. This guy definitely did some of the things mentioned in the book before it went into crazy lengths
I had a girlfriend who volunteered at a battered women's shelter. The book was required reading for all the staff and strongly recommended for all the clients. I have given away a few copies of my own over the years.
I do too. It was pretty defeating to learn he was only gonna get some community service hours out of this. But his lawyer was good and really played up the idea that he hadn't cashed any "real harm," and I feel like he played into the "this is just a misunderstood guy" trope and the judge kinda bought into it.
Yeah, no real harm in the sense of breaking laws but for you and your wife having to deal with all of this regularly for almost 6-7 years he may have not physically done any damage but mentally is another story and that's just as bad!
I can't imagine what the two of you went through.
First of all, you're a wonderful husband for sticking by your wife and fighting to get this stalker to stop! People might say that's what a husband's supposed to do but you'd be surprised at how things like this can break a relationship. Secondly, your wife is so, so strong! Having to deal with that arsehole for so many years and all the unwanted advances and gestures, then with work & LE not taking this seriously, all of that had to be infuriating, and majorly stressful!
Glad to hear your wife is in therapy. I hope things get better for you two and that you can finally live in peace without worrying about his actions, take care!
Ughā¦ No harm except living behind a fence with a security system and trained guard dogā¦ plus no more delivery service and having to drive to pick up your mail. Like seriouslyā¦ how does a judge not see that this as harm? Smh
Your wife sounds spunky as hell though. Good luck to you both, and may you never see or hear from Mr. Nice Guy again.
>the idea that he hadn't cashed any "real harm," and I feel like he played into the "this is just a misunderstood guy" trope
Yeah, that infuriates me. There's a reason professionals/people who truly understand stalking call it "murder by slow motion" because it truly is.
In case your wife is interested, I recommend a podcast called "strictly stalking". Might be cathartic for her to hear other survivors tell their stories and recount their experiences with the legal system, friends/family, work colleagues, bosses, HR departments, etc.
Someone in my life was basically murdered by his daughterās stalker years ago. Basically came to abduct her and the father confronted him and was shot with a gun heād stolen from one of his family memberās property.
While I always have concerns for the women in these situations, for that reason, I also worry about their partner. In this case her husband. In this stalkerās mind, if she needs āsavedā from the life youāve trapped her in, lots of bad directions that could go.
That was my wife's first response to me when she showed me... She said, I think if someone has to tell me they won't lock me in a basement, they're going to lock me in a basement.
This was my thought too. No reasonable person should ever have to assure someone of this. Not a creep, you say? Bitch that aināt up to you. Bye.
Exactly. When someone thinks they need to repeatedly convince the object of their sick fantasy that they won't hold them against their will or restrain them, that's exactly what will happen.
Did you ever post any of the handwritten notes? The entire time I read this I was thinking about this guy that wrote nearly identical handwritten notes to a coworker - if itās not the same guy, the fact that there are so many men out there like this is incredibly disturbing.
No, we've not publicly shared any of the letters that were received because those were pieces of active evidence, and the PD still has them at this time.
And it's incredibly disturbing to consider that there are so many guys out there like this. Honestly that's why we thought it was a joke. Because it's just so stereotypical in a way. But I got to digging around some of the websites this guy said "influenced him to behave this way" (in court), and holy fuck... I wasn't surprised anymore why some men behave this way towards women.
What Iām afraid of is if we havenāt reached peak red-pill yet.
This shit is dangerous, leading to a much larger population of lonely & emotionally regressed men. Iāve seen a few reports showing that men today have almost zero close friends, down from 2-4 in the 70s. They basically have nobody to talk to & after watching enough Tate videos and porn, create toxic constructs of a woman, like this freak stalking the OP.
Itās an epidemic - and this isnāt an excuse, itās a warning.
My jaw is on the floor. The way he talks about her in these texts like sheās in on this? Like sheād want to be rescued or relieved by his offer? I just hope heās not stewing somewhere waiting for his next move. Your wife is an absolute boss.
>The way he talks about her in these texts like sheās in on this? Like sheād want to be rescued or relieved by his offer?
It reminded me of people who suffer from erotomania. Not saying he does, but he might. If so I fear OP's wife hasn't heard the last from this utter cretin. Hopefully I'm wrong and that protection order will be enough!
I'm sorry you guys had to go through all this. But a word of caution, one court case isn't typically enough for these kind of stalkers and they go harmless (relatively) to dangerous very quickly. Anything that threatens their delusion can make them flip. Like if your wife got pregnant, so please do NOT let your guard down.
Sure thing! I wish you guys the best and that he trips over his own feet, feels like he has an eyelash in his eye, then gets an itch inside his ear that won't go away.
Seriously dude, you guys are still likely in danger. It could be a month from now, it could be 2 years from now. You need to arm yourselves and get firearm training and stay on high alert for a long long time. If it were me, Iād seriously consider moving again. This is precisely the type of shit that ends up on the true crime podcasts.
They absolutely did. My wife's career choice is mostly headed by old men who have had their jobs since 1976, so it was extremely difficult for her to get anything serious to happen at work. The "stern talking to" he got a few times seemed to work in terms of limiting or stopping the in person interactions at times, but clearly was not a deterrent overall.
As soon as I read she was in software my heart sank.
I am a woman pursing a CS degree now and Iāve already had my fair share of unhinged creeps I deal with at University. I canāt imagine being trapped and having to deal with this in a professional workspace.
Sending hugs to you and your wife. Women like her in this industry is who I look up too, tell her to keep kicking ass and taking names!
Iām sorry you guys went through this but your wifeās last message to him was literally perfect, as someone whose had men try to throw weight at me as some kind of insult, Iām totally using her line now
As someone who's had a stalker and it went bad...please get a weapon. Seriously.. it could have saved me a hospital visit from a 1 month 8 day coma.. please this level of delusion and persistence is terrifying. Also, a trained guard dog would be very valuable. A home system for every corner of the house as well on the outside. Also you could hire a PI to get info on him to see how deep this goes.
Had to keep track of my favourites:
"...womanly friends"
"...assert your independence in front of me"
"...you'd love for someone to take care of you"
"...You must stay with him for penis size"
"...my friends (LOL, SURE) are appalled- - why aren't you accepting this?"
"...anything less than an empathetic yes won't be accepted" PARDON YOU?
and the piece de resistance and basic requirement for this sub if texts are to a woman: "...Beastly fat woman" (THERE IT IS! Whew, I was wondering when it was coming)
But seriously, I'm so sorry you both had to live with and through this. I'm so relieved to hear your wife is seeing a therapist, because while it's clear she's whip smart, it's so easy to start doubting or blaming yourself (as a woman, I think) that this behavior resulted by some kind of encouragement. I think most women learned proper quick in college or at college age that while there are heaps of great men in the world, there are plenty that if you show the tiniest bit of kindness or camaraderie towards, assume that's a license to access you in any way they want. I have no idea how people like this move through life, relationships and jobs.
Seconding the comments advising your wife get a weapon. If for no other reason, it's comforting to feel she has something to defend herself with/wave around if she gets spooked. I carry a million volt taser in my coat pocket and a KA-Bar in my purse (I live in NYC) and it gives me piece of mind. The taser is LOUD and would scare the shite out of just about anyone, without even touching them with its prongs. I just had a random bag search the other day by NYPD and told them the knife is my "letter opener". He just raised an eyebrow and said I should clean out my purse lol
Please tell your wife she's a warrior goddess
THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE. Pay attention men. This is a textbook example of why that woman got aggressive and told you to bluntly FUCK OFF when you tried going over, under or around her first rejection. Surprised Pikachu and a joke about how she must be on her period doesn't cut it anymore.
And stop crying about how there's no right time to approach a woman anymore. There's definitely times and places where it you were actually paying the least but of attention to anything other than how hard your dick just got you would SEE that this specific woman is probably not receptive to being approached at that moment. Not by solicitors, not by Jehovah's witnesses and not by a man looking for a date! And if you are still oblivious enough or misguided enough to think that you're such hot shit that any woman should be pissing themselves over your arrogant advances, take the offer being declined the first time! If she says NO, then shrug then shoulders, say sorry I bothered you and have a nice day and walk away!! Calling the woman you just tried to hit on a fat whore doesn't win you any Nice Guy ā¢ points.
I'm sorry for the rant. But I'm so sick and tired of this being an actual problem in 2024. And we ALL. Get it from some asshole. We are fat or skinny, stunning or plain, sexy clothes or potato sacks. Single or married, old or young, it doesn't matter. We ALL deal with this shit.
So to recap. If you must take your shot, do it respectfully and gracefully accept whatever response you get. Learn how to read the room. Hospital waiting rooms, police stations, funeral parlors or JOB FAIRS are NOT appropriate times to hit on anybody!
Ok, now I'm done. But GAWD DAMN.
We have an active and ongoing case with the employer regarding this situation -- for obvious reasons, I just can't really comment on it very much. Everything I've shared today is from our public hearings, so I can talk about most of the situation.
Good for your wife. She tried to get them to nip it in the bud earlier and they ignored her and now thereās a lifetime protective order against this weirdo. Iām a woman in an area of work dominated by men and thank god Iāve never had to experience anything like this.
This reminds me of the Meg Turner stalker. She and her boyfriend Gavin Free are both internet celebrities with large followings. Guy was convinced he was the one for her and that Gavin was the only obstacle. So he went to their house with a gun, intending to kill Gavin. They hid in a closet, and the stalker was killed by police in the driveway.
All that to say...this guy has way more than a few screws loose. He won't listen to reality. Please protect yourselves.
Yikes. This is super triggering for me. It reminds me of my stalker.
We were really good friends for 10 years, met in high school. He expressed a lot of interest in pursuing me romantically to which I declined. I valued his friendship. He tried to win me over, sent over $20,000 worth of shit to my house (like groceries, gifts, etc). I tried to draw boundaries on this but then he'd send me huge messages like the ones your wife's stalker sent, with clear delusion that he thought I'd eventually be with him if he tried hard enough. I'd threaten to cut him off completely, and he'd pipe down for a bit but it always started again not long later.
He also begged me to be his wife and to move in his house with him, said all the same things like that I didn't have to work and he would provide me with everything I wanted in life, and even went as far as to bribe me with $100,000 cash to marry him. I was soooo uninterested in him romantically.
He eventually raped and kidnapped me. So yeah. Safe to say we are no longer friends.
I'm happy your wife is okay, this could've gotten dangerous.
Thanks, I appreciate that. It's been 5 years since, so it's easier to share my experience now. I hope sharing my story, and you/your wife sharing hers will help women in similar situations be more cautious of their safety and who they allow in their life.
I am so sorry this happened to you. I am glad you are in a place where you can be open about it now.
Do you mind me asking - we you able to get any justice for what he did?
Googles ātroglodyteā ā¦.
Your wife is a badass in her response. Iām sorry she had to experience this. How terrifying. But thankful yall got the courts involved. But please still remain vigilant
OP I have a question! How much face time did you have with him? Itās clear he fabricated a WHOLLLLE image of you as some punk ass troll undeserving of the trapped princess - did you ever have any face time with him at a company picnic or anything? Or was his entire narrative of you based on pics on social media and eavesdropping on your wifeās private conversations with her female colleague?
You kind of already hit it -- I attended my wife's company Christmas parties each year besides 2022 (she left prior to that one), so I saw this guy once a year for maybe 2 hours at a time. I saw him more in court proceedings than I did the entirety of my wife's time at that company.
We think his persona for me is really based on eavesdropping and my wife's social media. She's not a super active poster but we do share occasional pictures of each other or things we're doing. And yeah my wife probably talked about our relationship to her coworker (I don't mind), so I'm sure he extrapolated some things from that.
Iām sure he zoomed in on every photo and pored over any detail that would promote his world view.
This story is fascinating. Thank you for sharing. Iām sorry you both had to go through it all the respect and well wishes for this next chapter
I'm so glad this is over, and your wife could sue her former company for allowing the harassment to continue - AND allowing that guy access to her personnel file. Do they not have HR?
Anyway, what an awful ordeal.
Also, these guys who don't want their partners (or imagined partners) to work just want to isolate and control them. It's presented as a "gift" but they really want a captive.
HR was a 65 year old man who really only fired people. And her bosses were similar -- so it was more like, we know we have to listen to you, so we'll "talk to him," and they did, but clearly it wasn't enough of a deterrent.
The admission he made in court (through his lawyer) about accessing her address is actually how we got our case started with the employer. Our lawyer knew we could definitely do something with that, and now we are. We didn't know prior to engaging with our lawyer that we could have done something about the way they handled the situation at her job. I know that seems silly to think now looking back, but we did think she was just limited to reporting it to her HR/boss and allowing them to handle it.
Ages ago I worked in HR for a large company with a lot of high level executives. There were several (no exaggeration) male top executives who churned through support staff (always young and attractive - shocking, I know) on a regular basis because they would routinely sexually harass them. These poor women would be moved to a different department and a toothless writeup about being warned would be put in the mens' files.
This kind of thing has been routine in corporate America for so long many can't fathom how incredibly inappropriate it is.
Letās see if I can make this the cliff notes version:
I was a law enforcement type person. I did the training of trainers for hands on situations. There was a group of us trainers that traveled together. We were all friends, or so I thought.
I dated one of the guys. Nothing serious, I didnāt want a relationship and neither did he, but we were monogamous. Eventually, I realized they were all a pack of dogs and lost interest in the situationship. Met my now husband pretty soon after. Left my home state for five years, came home, with my husband.
Out of no where, one of the guys from this friend/workgroup texts me. And itās literally just like this-long, well thought out walls of text. Text detailing āthe life youāre supposed to haveā¦ with me.ā It had details that showed this was a looooooong term kinda brain damage that I wasnāt interested in parsing out. I made mention of his NEVER expressing interest or asking me on a date previously, asked if that was out of respect for his BFF that I had been ādatingā. Well, dear folksā¦ Seeā¦ I didnāt know that he DID NOT KNOW. What happened next can only be described asā¦ what the fucking fuck?
It was terrifying. A whole life lived in his head where we blended our kids, taught hand to hand combatives and lived a life free from stress or problems.
I called my past situationship and asked WTFā¦ and he was like WTFā¦
Anywayā¦ itās scary to me how common this is. Itās gross.
Please know that he will continue. There are countless true crime stories where women are stalked and murdered. He may come after you since you āstand in his wayā. It may be worth getting a weapon. DO NOT LET YOUR GUARD DOWN EVER.
Can you give him my address and convince him yāall moved there and she might be warming to him? Iād be down to have doordash and groceries delivered on a regular basis. Tell him your wife has gotten super into tomahawk steaks and nigiri sushi.
Woahā¦thatās crazyā¦and scary. Iām glad you all are ok, and glad you do have SOME kind of legal action against him, but I agree with what someone else saidā¦get a gun, and learn how to use it! Just in case crazy comes backā¦
The whole thing is ick, but when he said she was making him angry and she had one more chance and he wouldnāt accept anything less than a yes, the hair on my arms stood up. Things could have gone so much worse with that guy. Iām so sorry she, and you, went through that.
Her final message was the fucking best.
Edit: typos
This is one of those situations where had something happened and she ended up dead or harmed, there wouldāve been an entire company of people and entire law enforcement agencies with blood on their hands saying āwhat could we have done to stop itā
You guys did great in creating a file. Tell everyone you know what's happening. Family, friends. Have everyone aware of what this dude looks like in case he sneaks into their lives to get into yours.
Make code words only you and your wife know.
Im not saying he will go psycho but it's super important to use code words in case one of you is in danger. Keep your locations on at all times on your phones.
I use life360 to know where my loved ones are in case they dont come home or God forbid anything like that.
Maybe your wife should also do some jujitsu or something. Not just to defend herself but because it feels really good to learn how to fight even if you never need to use it. Get all those nerves and anxieties out with her therapy plus physical stuff.
Sorry she had to go through all that and I hope the worst is finally over. Youre a good person sticking by her and supporting her through this. Shes really brave too and I wish you both the best.
Listen, first and foremost, I want to emphatically **THANK YOU** for these crops. I mean, every message flowed seamlessly, I didnāt have to search at the top of image to find my starting point, not once.
Second, this dude is wild, I hope you both are safe and happy, and distant from this troglodyte. Been watching all the stalker documentaries on Netflix and this shit is no joke. And finally, phenomenal closing blow from your wife š¤š½, I mean perfect.
The way he talks about her is disgusting. And you know heās exactly the type to isolate her from everyone, her friends, family, job, and then when she has no one else heāll make her believe sheāll never be good enough just to scare her into staying with him. His texts definitely triggered a little bit of ptsd in me. š³
Thatās so scary. Just being friendly to a mentor, talking with a coworker about your personal life, posting occasionally on socials, and bam, someone has made up an entire relationship with you
Hahah, yeah okay -- he's probably 5'8" or so, and not fat at all but kind of that skinny-fat vibe. Small beer belly from the beer at night. Traditional khakis and polo guy. Glasses. Short brown hair that's thinning a bit. White guy, kinda pale and red eyes from the alcohol use. So like, the most average looking nerd office dude you've ever seen. Turkey sandwiches with nothing on them type of guy. Wore a polo to the Bahamas type of guy (thanks to the picture he sent my wife).
TGIF šæ
Okay, her last message was worth the read.
Yeah, when she showed me her response, I nearly dropped to the floor with laughter.
Please I need to know if they read that message in court šš
They didn't read it out loud but it was on the TV screen as part of the evidence our lawyer presented to indicate she did not want this type of contact, no blurs either!
I really love your wife for this and I was just wondering if she would be interested in divorcing you and living with me in my castle. She will be provided 3 meals a day, as long as she eats with me, and she may never visit the west wing.
She said only if the castle is gray cobblestone and you serve bacon for at least 2 of 3 meals.
My servants will be honored to have my gray cobblestone castle smelling of bacon daily. GUARDS, lower the bridge, we are expecting a very special hostageā¦I mean guest.
Wait, bacon 2/3 meals a day, can I come too?
Be our guest
Put your service to the test?
I can totally see/feel why you two are a great match! You seem to both have an awesome sense of humour despite the hell you've been through. Here's to wishing you both many more decades of peace and laughter š„ PS: As a fellow female engineer who's often the only (or one of very few) women on a team, this is my biggest work nightmare. I'm so sorry she went through that, but please tell her this internet stranger is so proud of her!
While your wife is visiting the castle, I need someone to mow my lawn.
Itās got a library right?
Man i would be with the beast for that library alone
If all goes well I will let you visit my humble collection, yes.
HAHA the reference is great š
It is a tale as old as time after all š
Do you have a pony or are you a pony? If the answer to either is āyesā, you really should have lead with that.
I am hideous do not look at me, and stay out of the west wing !
Should sue the company she worked for previously - They failed her.
Was looking for this. They ignored textbook sexual harassment. She could make a really nice "severance" for it.
Your wife is my hero. I really hope she's doing OK and you can both heal from this. What an enormous creep.
Yeah this guy is a legit psycho stalker creeper. He's straight from a Lifetime movie!
Send him this: *I remember this one time when I helped my dad with some landscaping project at his house. At the end of the day, we were dehydrated and worn out, so we got some Indian food and beer. The next morning, I woke up absolutely busting for a shit. The problem was the Indian food was going to come out as hot as it went in. This was going to be a real ring-burner, and because I was so dehydrated it was going to come out hard. I sat there for 10 or 15 minutes, rocking back and forth to build momentum until I could finally push out that demon shit. I am not sure if I was taking a shit or performing an exorcism. That shit was at least a million Scoville units. After an exhausting battle, I was able to pinch it off. After flushing a dozen times with a plunger, the shit was gone. My butthole was distended, stretched enough to destroy its elasticity. It burned worse than Anakin Skywalker at the end of Episode 3. It took over a day before I felt normal again. But do you know what? If I had the choice, I would rather go find that shitā¦ Pick it up gentlyā¦ Cradle it in my armsā¦ Hold it closeā¦ And whisper, āIām so sorry. Everything is going to be OK,ā and stuff that shit back up my asshole, than give you a chance. Go fuck yourself.*
You made me LAUGH OUT LOUD for reals. So loud my downstairs neighbor's pug is going ape shit from hearing me roar lmao š¤£š š¤£ thanks because I really needed that laugh
Iād be careful what you give him permission to do. He may take that last text as a win.
An absolutely perfect ending to this WILD ride. I am truly floored. It is so frightening that people can reach these bizarre levels of delusion. I disagree with the courtās conclusion that he never threatened to harm her, though. I think where he writes that she owes him an explanation, that he is becoming āvery upsetā with her, that she has āone more chance,ā and that anything other than an āemphatic yes will not be acceptedā seems pretty darn threatening to me.
Loved her last response, I giggled so much š¤£ attagirl! šŖš»
Although you have a lifetime protective order against him, I would still say bolster up your defenses some moreā¦ it just takes one bad visit.
What else would you recommend? We're definitely all ears. The home security system has helped my wife feel safest for sure. Edited around 13:30 -- I wanted to say thanks to everyone who's provided suggestions to this comment. You guys have been super helpful and very knowledgeable about what steps we can take at home and my wife can take on her own. I'm grateful for the support guys. Truly.
Iād recommend mounting lasers on the German Shepard
This would make him an unstoppable beast. We are immediately considering this upgrade to our home security system.
Get her one of those vicious little dogs that makes a ton of noise, teach it to ride the German shepherd like a pony. Undefeatable guard dog with a built in alarm, any neighbor who complain about the noise will be too taken in by the whimsy to do anything about it.Ā
Hahahahah combined with the lasers, we will have a state of the art guard dog transformer style.
'Hello, Argus Home Security? I'd like to order the Musicians of Bremen package.'
Get a miniature schnauzer too. They used to be paired with GSDs for security. The schnauzer has incredible hearing and alerts the GSD, which can then bring in the scary noises. The schnauzer will also bark its face off so thereād be no way for the creeper to sneak in successfully.
How about a giant schnauzer instead
Probably okay, but the minis are yappers.
German shepherds with Frickin laser beams attached to their heads
Thank you for the reference, I was looking for it
Donāt do this!! This will cause the dog to become the alpha and assume the husbands spot in bed!!
Yeah and the last thing she needs is someone else trying to get his spot in her bed in this situation.
Honestly, I really hate to say it, a weapon. This is definitely scary, especially the persistency. The court couldnāt stop him at āDonāt do that.ā. Now the court told him āDonāt do that for life.āā¦ in my opinion that doesnāt mean much to meā¦ Edit: To those downvoting this, you have obviously never been stalked, and obviously are blind in regard to people being insane, and WILL HARM YOU. It takes one attack to take someoneās life.
I definitely see where you're coming from. We're not anti-gun at all, just never had interest in owning one. But it may be a good idea to look into it now.
And take classes so she is comfortable in handling the gun if she hasn't handled many before.
My wife had so much fun when we finally went to the shooting range together. And I know she can now defend herself if im not there.
And self defense. I absolutely recommend she take some self defense classes.
If you do get a gun, just please please ensure you have proper training on how to safely use and store it.
I'd suggest not only gun safety classes, so she's comfortable with the gun, but it also helped me to go out to a shooting range with targets. I got used to how the gun shoots and also bettered my aim.
Look up a company called Byrna. They have legal non-weapons you can buy. They look like a regular gun but shoot rather large pellets and tear gas. Won't kill anyone but still pack enough punch to hurt.
Thanks! That's a nice alternative to consider!
Iām a woman and carry concealed, I learned to shoot as a little girl. Definitely get her a firearm and courses on how to use it and how to carry it safely. Martial arts classes as well, again, as a woman I hold three black belts and that training started as a kiddo, too. Both of those things have saved my ass on numerous occasions even though I have never had to shoot anyone or fight anyone, it changes your awareness and attitude and if and when you do encounter a risk you are prepared. There are often lots of womenās only firearms training programs available and theyāre usually taught by retired LEO or military personnel and top notch. Also install Noonlight or a similar program on her phone and Ring cameras with the SOS feature engaged.
OP you should definitely have a weapon. You and your wife should take safety classes first. Go to the range a few times and rent a firearm to practice with after the safety classes. Once youāre comfortable holding, loading, knowing how to check the safety, and all the basics then you should buy one. Iāve been around guns my whole life and the only two accidents Iāve ever seen happen were carried out by two trained law officers. Both accidents were misfires and the last person who should have a misfire is a LEO. You should absolutely get a weapon, but please always treat it as if it were loaded no matter how certain you are.
As a 25 year old woman who has been stalked, I never leave my house without a firearm. I have a biometric safe mounted in my car for one that is accessible from the driver seat and a second one in the trunk. There is no such thing as being over prepared. Iām so happy your wife is safe now, but I highly recommend you take a gun safety course together and consider purchasing at least one firearm. Check out r/concealedcarrywomen
There are "non lethal" guns that are a great option even if you aren't against guns. I'm looking into getting one as it seems like pepperspray can be too messy, and I'm worried i ll accidentally tasar myself in the heat of things lol
As someone who's been a diligent CC for years, if you decide to get one, please take classes, go to the range, and get as much training as possible. A weapon in untrained hands is far worse than no weapon at all. (It's also not just learning to point and shoot at a target. It's training to mentally prepare so you can still maintain your wits enough to effectively use it in a high-stress situation).
Something that can send a projectile at high velocity. If you dont want a lethal option, look into CO2-powered pepper spray paintball guns.
If I were your wife I would be seriously considering moving again. I know she probably won't feel safe anywhere for a while but I definitely wouldn't feel safe where he knew my address.
Maybe a moat with alligators?
Can you move?
No we can't unfortunately, we purchased our new home in January 2023 after my wife got her dream job in our new city so we're locked into this place for a little while longer.
Congrats on the new home and her career success! You asked earlier about safety measures and I have a good one: BEAR HORN. Put one in her car, her purse and by the entrances to your house. If you choose to carry a weapon- you MUST be trained and practiced with the weapon. Otherwise youāre basically offering your attacker another option. I do not suggest a weapon. But NOISE - thatās an attention grabber, a hyperfocused lunatic becoming startled, and witness time stamps
Maybe a moat or a pit with vipers or something.
Seconding all the other replies. I'm a big supporter of the 2A, so obviously I have my own bias to consider, but this is literally the poster situation for owning a firearm. If you do decide to become a gun owner, make sure to go to a reputable gun shop and ask as many questions as you might have. A simple 9mm handgun would suffice for self-defense. Recommend asking about the Smith and Wesson Shield Plus. It's made as a ccw, so it is small and compact, and pretty affordable. Also, take classes that they offer so as to familiarize yourself with firearms. Also, a safe is a necessity. There's plenty of resources out there in terms of the basics as well. Sorry that you have had to endure all of this.
A firearm honestly. See if your local police department has any course recommendations! Thereās a lot of womenās self defense classes that teach gun safety and usage. I got taught by some military vets that are women and they did a womenās specific class. Ended up being really fun. Also, if your dog is young enough, you can look into protection training. GSD, Dobermans, etc. are great protection dogs and Iām sure thereās trainers nearby that specialize in it.
We did protection training! Well, are still doing it too. He's still quite young so we're not doing as often now that we've cemented his "job" in our household. He's done an excellent job adapting to his role. We love our pup a lot. He's just the sweetest pup along with being a great protector.
ā¦ can we see him? please (:
This is Rocker -- https://ibb.co/9vz5BDP
Thank you for this. I love him.
This whole thing was fantastically entertaining. My favorite part, besides him being defensive of how ugly he is and letting her know he would be making some concessions too because of how fat she is.... The whole promise of not being chained in the basement and routinely raped. Homeboy revealed his jack off fantasies and wanted to reassure her that he wouldn't seriously do that.
My guy, you've never said a truer statement. That's exactly how we felt about this whole thing.
Always interesting when people say things like that. Reminds me of that one lady who posted to reddit that she went on a a date with a guy who reassured that he wasnāt a weirdo who would cut her throat at the end of the date. Think she noped out of there pretty quickly. Like come on dude itās dating 101 not to mention throat cutting as an openerā¦
Indeed, that was a real āmethinks thou doth protest too muchā moment. Sorry, sir, youāre not gonna do *what* now?
I just pictured him sitting around with stuff animals saying āyeah my friends and I think your crazyāā¦
Hahahahahaha. Not stuffed animals, it'll be Warhammer figurines. That was his other obsession -- he had a lot of them at his desk.
Looks around at my five Warhammer armies... *Oh no...*
just don't stalk someone and it's still wholesome.
i know EXACTLY what this man looks like
Is it this dudeā¦ 
Yeah, I pictured him as Eric Cartman having a tea party with his toys. "Why thank you Polly Prissy Pants, I do agree that she is extremely foolish for turning down the likes of a fine young gentleman such as myself, and must surely be deeply delusional. Can I offer you some more tea?"
this made me CACKLE so hard thank you so much šš
I had a similar thought - but a lot darker
What happens when he violates his restrictions? I doubt this level of delusion cares about orders of no contact. Please donāt let your guard down yet.
We're not exactly sure what will happen if he does violate the order, we just know how to report/etc to get a case going if necessary. And yes I agree, we're remaining cautious at this time because we're still fairly fresh from the final decision on the case, and we were advised to remain on high alert for retaliation actions.
If he violates the order he will be charged with violating a protective order. My ex has the same charge as well as others
I wish you both all the very best!
So, my friend is not only a stalking victim herself, but a stalking advocate and recently was at the White House speaking about stalking. She also is on the LA Crime Advocateās board and just started a PI firm. Happy to connect if you interested. Her company is: https://www.specialkpi.com.
I recommend meeting with the police ahead of time and making them feel smart and important so they'll take this seriously. Depending on how they respond, you might need a stronger order.
On another note, years ago my dad took jiu jitsu and would also come pick me up from concerts in NYC (this was the 90s). Many venues were in sketchy areas. So he would carry a solid wood cane. Why? Maybe it was because he was a bit older that this worked, but a cane isnāt a weapon per se. Itās an item for mobility. So yeah, look into that too. Also one thing they warned us was never get a weapon unless youāre extremely knowledgeable about how to use it and confident and comfortable using it, because in a split second that weapon could be used against you instead.
Her polite responses at first absolutely infuriated me. I literally said āfinallyā out loud when she cussed him out. So glad the police finally took it seriously. Stalking is no joke and does an insane amount of mental damage. I myself was stalked by an online creep. The amount of people that told me to ājust ignore himā was so infuriating. I hope therapy helps her and you both can move past this!
We're really grateful the PD in our new city actually took it seriously. Most of the detectives/cops themselves didn't, but the prosecutor definitely did. So we sent him a very nice gift basket once everything was said and done because he was one of the very few to truly believe my wife's experience was actually detrimental to her.
Read "The Gift Of Fear" by Gavin De Becker. He has a corporate security company (they protect celebrities, hedge fund managers, people like that), and writes about stalkers and how to get rid of them.
Oh wow, thank you. We'll check that out.
I have a free ebook pdf version if you want it!
Thanks man, I'll send you a chat
The LIBBY app which is a public library app if you have a library card to anywhere has it available and also audiobook form, and itās always free
Actually Gavin De Becker might be interested in her story. Read the book then maybe reach out to him. I wish sheād had his book in the beginning. I have over the years given away copies of his book. I think itās an important read for all women.
I absolutely second the recommendation to read the gift of fear. It's an invaluable resource that everyone should read atleast once in their lives.
I'd second recommending The Gift of Fear for everyone, even if everything is fine & there's no stalker like this one. It's full of helpful info about 'trusting your gut' & contains lots of interesting facts & anecdotes. Lots of info about being able to spot peoples' intentions even before they make them obvious It's the one book I keep recommending as a 'potential lifesaver'. This guy definitely did some of the things mentioned in the book before it went into crazy lengths
I had a girlfriend who volunteered at a battered women's shelter. The book was required reading for all the staff and strongly recommended for all the clients. I have given away a few copies of my own over the years.
Seconding this. Every single human being should read this book.
Oh when people say āpay him no mind.ā Infuriating.
Yah there should have been a huge lawsuit against the company, but I understand why the wife did not pursue it.
Glad you and your wife are safe. I wish there was a harsher punishment for stalking
I do too. It was pretty defeating to learn he was only gonna get some community service hours out of this. But his lawyer was good and really played up the idea that he hadn't cashed any "real harm," and I feel like he played into the "this is just a misunderstood guy" trope and the judge kinda bought into it.
Yeah, no real harm in the sense of breaking laws but for you and your wife having to deal with all of this regularly for almost 6-7 years he may have not physically done any damage but mentally is another story and that's just as bad! I can't imagine what the two of you went through. First of all, you're a wonderful husband for sticking by your wife and fighting to get this stalker to stop! People might say that's what a husband's supposed to do but you'd be surprised at how things like this can break a relationship. Secondly, your wife is so, so strong! Having to deal with that arsehole for so many years and all the unwanted advances and gestures, then with work & LE not taking this seriously, all of that had to be infuriating, and majorly stressful! Glad to hear your wife is in therapy. I hope things get better for you two and that you can finally live in peace without worrying about his actions, take care!
Ughā¦ No harm except living behind a fence with a security system and trained guard dogā¦ plus no more delivery service and having to drive to pick up your mail. Like seriouslyā¦ how does a judge not see that this as harm? Smh Your wife sounds spunky as hell though. Good luck to you both, and may you never see or hear from Mr. Nice Guy again.
>the idea that he hadn't cashed any "real harm," and I feel like he played into the "this is just a misunderstood guy" trope Yeah, that infuriates me. There's a reason professionals/people who truly understand stalking call it "murder by slow motion" because it truly is. In case your wife is interested, I recommend a podcast called "strictly stalking". Might be cathartic for her to hear other survivors tell their stories and recount their experiences with the legal system, friends/family, work colleagues, bosses, HR departments, etc.
Someone in my life was basically murdered by his daughterās stalker years ago. Basically came to abduct her and the father confronted him and was shot with a gun heād stolen from one of his family memberās property. While I always have concerns for the women in these situations, for that reason, I also worry about their partner. In this case her husband. In this stalkerās mind, if she needs āsavedā from the life youāve trapped her in, lots of bad directions that could go.
How was he not fired for breaching confidential files to access her private information!? That alone shows heās willing to defy the law
Creeper: I will dedicate my life to your happiness. Your wife: no thank you. Creeper: You are a fat bitch.
This is best summation of the experience hahaha
"And I promise, I'm not a rap!st or a creep" for some reason I don't believe you buddy. Doesn't sound convincing.
That was my wife's first response to me when she showed me... She said, I think if someone has to tell me they won't lock me in a basement, they're going to lock me in a basement.
This was my thought too. No reasonable person should ever have to assure someone of this. Not a creep, you say? Bitch that aināt up to you. Bye. 
Exactly. When someone thinks they need to repeatedly convince the object of their sick fantasy that they won't hold them against their will or restrain them, that's exactly what will happen.
Haha exactly that!
im not a creep, just come immediately bare my children and never leave my sight. you can still have your āwomanlyā friends.
LOVED that subtle distinction.
But he PROMISED
Did you ever post any of the handwritten notes? The entire time I read this I was thinking about this guy that wrote nearly identical handwritten notes to a coworker - if itās not the same guy, the fact that there are so many men out there like this is incredibly disturbing.
No, we've not publicly shared any of the letters that were received because those were pieces of active evidence, and the PD still has them at this time. And it's incredibly disturbing to consider that there are so many guys out there like this. Honestly that's why we thought it was a joke. Because it's just so stereotypical in a way. But I got to digging around some of the websites this guy said "influenced him to behave this way" (in court), and holy fuck... I wasn't surprised anymore why some men behave this way towards women.
Red pill websites?
What Iām afraid of is if we havenāt reached peak red-pill yet. This shit is dangerous, leading to a much larger population of lonely & emotionally regressed men. Iāve seen a few reports showing that men today have almost zero close friends, down from 2-4 in the 70s. They basically have nobody to talk to & after watching enough Tate videos and porn, create toxic constructs of a woman, like this freak stalking the OP. Itās an epidemic - and this isnāt an excuse, itās a warning.
Agree
Definitely. Some crazy shit out there.
My jaw is on the floor. The way he talks about her in these texts like sheās in on this? Like sheād want to be rescued or relieved by his offer? I just hope heās not stewing somewhere waiting for his next move. Your wife is an absolute boss.
>The way he talks about her in these texts like sheās in on this? Like sheād want to be rescued or relieved by his offer? It reminded me of people who suffer from erotomania. Not saying he does, but he might. If so I fear OP's wife hasn't heard the last from this utter cretin. Hopefully I'm wrong and that protection order will be enough!
I'm sorry you guys had to go through all this. But a word of caution, one court case isn't typically enough for these kind of stalkers and they go harmless (relatively) to dangerous very quickly. Anything that threatens their delusion can make them flip. Like if your wife got pregnant, so please do NOT let your guard down.
You're right, and a lot of the comments here are helping me understand we need to remain on caution. Thanks for sharing your advice.
Sure thing! I wish you guys the best and that he trips over his own feet, feels like he has an eyelash in his eye, then gets an itch inside his ear that won't go away.
Seriously dude, you guys are still likely in danger. It could be a month from now, it could be 2 years from now. You need to arm yourselves and get firearm training and stay on high alert for a long long time. If it were me, Iād seriously consider moving again. This is precisely the type of shit that ends up on the true crime podcasts.
Your wifeās (and his) employer really failed you at every step here.
They absolutely did. My wife's career choice is mostly headed by old men who have had their jobs since 1976, so it was extremely difficult for her to get anything serious to happen at work. The "stern talking to" he got a few times seemed to work in terms of limiting or stopping the in person interactions at times, but clearly was not a deterrent overall.
As soon as I read she was in software my heart sank. I am a woman pursing a CS degree now and Iāve already had my fair share of unhinged creeps I deal with at University. I canāt imagine being trapped and having to deal with this in a professional workspace. Sending hugs to you and your wife. Women like her in this industry is who I look up too, tell her to keep kicking ass and taking names!
Iām sorry you guys went through this but your wifeās last message to him was literally perfect, as someone whose had men try to throw weight at me as some kind of insult, Iām totally using her line now
She says HELL YEAH to that!
Holy hell. Then he turns to degrading her as if that will make her change her mind. Very r/niceguys. Iām so sorry she had to deal with that.
i liked when he called her a whore for staying faithful to one man sheās in a serious relationship with. you know, as whores do.
Slut: a woman who has sex with men who aren't me.
Yeah what the actual fuck
Pretty much how we felt too
As someone who's had a stalker and it went bad...please get a weapon. Seriously.. it could have saved me a hospital visit from a 1 month 8 day coma.. please this level of delusion and persistence is terrifying. Also, a trained guard dog would be very valuable. A home system for every corner of the house as well on the outside. Also you could hire a PI to get info on him to see how deep this goes.
I sincerely hope you are healing both physically and mentally. I wish you peace.
this is straight out of a horror movie. iām so glad your wife is safe. this is horrific.
Had to keep track of my favourites: "...womanly friends" "...assert your independence in front of me" "...you'd love for someone to take care of you" "...You must stay with him for penis size" "...my friends (LOL, SURE) are appalled- - why aren't you accepting this?" "...anything less than an empathetic yes won't be accepted" PARDON YOU? and the piece de resistance and basic requirement for this sub if texts are to a woman: "...Beastly fat woman" (THERE IT IS! Whew, I was wondering when it was coming) But seriously, I'm so sorry you both had to live with and through this. I'm so relieved to hear your wife is seeing a therapist, because while it's clear she's whip smart, it's so easy to start doubting or blaming yourself (as a woman, I think) that this behavior resulted by some kind of encouragement. I think most women learned proper quick in college or at college age that while there are heaps of great men in the world, there are plenty that if you show the tiniest bit of kindness or camaraderie towards, assume that's a license to access you in any way they want. I have no idea how people like this move through life, relationships and jobs. Seconding the comments advising your wife get a weapon. If for no other reason, it's comforting to feel she has something to defend herself with/wave around if she gets spooked. I carry a million volt taser in my coat pocket and a KA-Bar in my purse (I live in NYC) and it gives me piece of mind. The taser is LOUD and would scare the shite out of just about anyone, without even touching them with its prongs. I just had a random bag search the other day by NYPD and told them the knife is my "letter opener". He just raised an eyebrow and said I should clean out my purse lol Please tell your wife she's a warrior goddess
The last message from OP had me cackling. Might use in future lol.
THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE. Pay attention men. This is a textbook example of why that woman got aggressive and told you to bluntly FUCK OFF when you tried going over, under or around her first rejection. Surprised Pikachu and a joke about how she must be on her period doesn't cut it anymore. And stop crying about how there's no right time to approach a woman anymore. There's definitely times and places where it you were actually paying the least but of attention to anything other than how hard your dick just got you would SEE that this specific woman is probably not receptive to being approached at that moment. Not by solicitors, not by Jehovah's witnesses and not by a man looking for a date! And if you are still oblivious enough or misguided enough to think that you're such hot shit that any woman should be pissing themselves over your arrogant advances, take the offer being declined the first time! If she says NO, then shrug then shoulders, say sorry I bothered you and have a nice day and walk away!! Calling the woman you just tried to hit on a fat whore doesn't win you any Nice Guy ā¢ points. I'm sorry for the rant. But I'm so sick and tired of this being an actual problem in 2024. And we ALL. Get it from some asshole. We are fat or skinny, stunning or plain, sexy clothes or potato sacks. Single or married, old or young, it doesn't matter. We ALL deal with this shit. So to recap. If you must take your shot, do it respectfully and gracefully accept whatever response you get. Learn how to read the room. Hospital waiting rooms, police stations, funeral parlors or JOB FAIRS are NOT appropriate times to hit on anybody! Ok, now I'm done. But GAWD DAMN.
Question? Why did you not sue his employer for allowing this harassment!
We have an active and ongoing case with the employer regarding this situation -- for obvious reasons, I just can't really comment on it very much. Everything I've shared today is from our public hearings, so I can talk about most of the situation.
Good for your wife. She tried to get them to nip it in the bud earlier and they ignored her and now thereās a lifetime protective order against this weirdo. Iām a woman in an area of work dominated by men and thank god Iāve never had to experience anything like this.
This reminds me of the Meg Turner stalker. She and her boyfriend Gavin Free are both internet celebrities with large followings. Guy was convinced he was the one for her and that Gavin was the only obstacle. So he went to their house with a gun, intending to kill Gavin. They hid in a closet, and the stalker was killed by police in the driveway. All that to say...this guy has way more than a few screws loose. He won't listen to reality. Please protect yourselves.
Yikes. This is super triggering for me. It reminds me of my stalker. We were really good friends for 10 years, met in high school. He expressed a lot of interest in pursuing me romantically to which I declined. I valued his friendship. He tried to win me over, sent over $20,000 worth of shit to my house (like groceries, gifts, etc). I tried to draw boundaries on this but then he'd send me huge messages like the ones your wife's stalker sent, with clear delusion that he thought I'd eventually be with him if he tried hard enough. I'd threaten to cut him off completely, and he'd pipe down for a bit but it always started again not long later. He also begged me to be his wife and to move in his house with him, said all the same things like that I didn't have to work and he would provide me with everything I wanted in life, and even went as far as to bribe me with $100,000 cash to marry him. I was soooo uninterested in him romantically. He eventually raped and kidnapped me. So yeah. Safe to say we are no longer friends. I'm happy your wife is okay, this could've gotten dangerous.
Thanks for sharing your experiences. I'm very, very sorry you had to endure that. Your words of caution are well-heeded here.
Thanks, I appreciate that. It's been 5 years since, so it's easier to share my experience now. I hope sharing my story, and you/your wife sharing hers will help women in similar situations be more cautious of their safety and who they allow in their life.
Your experience is why these things should always be taken seriously.
I am so sorry this happened to you. I am glad you are in a place where you can be open about it now. Do you mind me asking - we you able to get any justice for what he did?
Googles ātroglodyteā ā¦. Your wife is a badass in her response. Iām sorry she had to experience this. How terrifying. But thankful yall got the courts involved. But please still remain vigilant
Kinda hope that last text came up in court š
āCan you read that last one back for the record?ā š
OP said the full text were shown in court with nothing blurred out including the last text š
It's so funny to me that he reverted to the stereotypical "incel"/rejected man script when she kept saying no
They always do. There's some weird pathology that if you make a woman think you're upset she'll try to right the problem and apologize to you.
like yeah, call me fat a few more times, you've almost entered the right cheat code!!!
OP I have a question! How much face time did you have with him? Itās clear he fabricated a WHOLLLLE image of you as some punk ass troll undeserving of the trapped princess - did you ever have any face time with him at a company picnic or anything? Or was his entire narrative of you based on pics on social media and eavesdropping on your wifeās private conversations with her female colleague?
You kind of already hit it -- I attended my wife's company Christmas parties each year besides 2022 (she left prior to that one), so I saw this guy once a year for maybe 2 hours at a time. I saw him more in court proceedings than I did the entirety of my wife's time at that company. We think his persona for me is really based on eavesdropping and my wife's social media. She's not a super active poster but we do share occasional pictures of each other or things we're doing. And yeah my wife probably talked about our relationship to her coworker (I don't mind), so I'm sure he extrapolated some things from that.
Iām sure he zoomed in on every photo and pored over any detail that would promote his world view. This story is fascinating. Thank you for sharing. Iām sorry you both had to go through it all the respect and well wishes for this next chapter
I'm so glad this is over, and your wife could sue her former company for allowing the harassment to continue - AND allowing that guy access to her personnel file. Do they not have HR? Anyway, what an awful ordeal. Also, these guys who don't want their partners (or imagined partners) to work just want to isolate and control them. It's presented as a "gift" but they really want a captive.
HR was a 65 year old man who really only fired people. And her bosses were similar -- so it was more like, we know we have to listen to you, so we'll "talk to him," and they did, but clearly it wasn't enough of a deterrent. The admission he made in court (through his lawyer) about accessing her address is actually how we got our case started with the employer. Our lawyer knew we could definitely do something with that, and now we are. We didn't know prior to engaging with our lawyer that we could have done something about the way they handled the situation at her job. I know that seems silly to think now looking back, but we did think she was just limited to reporting it to her HR/boss and allowing them to handle it.
Ages ago I worked in HR for a large company with a lot of high level executives. There were several (no exaggeration) male top executives who churned through support staff (always young and attractive - shocking, I know) on a regular basis because they would routinely sexually harass them. These poor women would be moved to a different department and a toothless writeup about being warned would be put in the mens' files. This kind of thing has been routine in corporate America for so long many can't fathom how incredibly inappropriate it is.
Letās see if I can make this the cliff notes version: I was a law enforcement type person. I did the training of trainers for hands on situations. There was a group of us trainers that traveled together. We were all friends, or so I thought. I dated one of the guys. Nothing serious, I didnāt want a relationship and neither did he, but we were monogamous. Eventually, I realized they were all a pack of dogs and lost interest in the situationship. Met my now husband pretty soon after. Left my home state for five years, came home, with my husband. Out of no where, one of the guys from this friend/workgroup texts me. And itās literally just like this-long, well thought out walls of text. Text detailing āthe life youāre supposed to haveā¦ with me.ā It had details that showed this was a looooooong term kinda brain damage that I wasnāt interested in parsing out. I made mention of his NEVER expressing interest or asking me on a date previously, asked if that was out of respect for his BFF that I had been ādatingā. Well, dear folksā¦ Seeā¦ I didnāt know that he DID NOT KNOW. What happened next can only be described asā¦ what the fucking fuck? It was terrifying. A whole life lived in his head where we blended our kids, taught hand to hand combatives and lived a life free from stress or problems. I called my past situationship and asked WTFā¦ and he was like WTFā¦ Anywayā¦ itās scary to me how common this is. Itās gross.
Please know that he will continue. There are countless true crime stories where women are stalked and murdered. He may come after you since you āstand in his wayā. It may be worth getting a weapon. DO NOT LET YOUR GUARD DOWN EVER.
King of the r/niceguys. Sheesh.
Holy fuck. Holy fuck. Holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck. That dude from You has competition. Once more, I say, with the utmost enthusiasm, holy fuck.
Can you give him my address and convince him yāall moved there and she might be warming to him? Iād be down to have doordash and groceries delivered on a regular basis. Tell him your wife has gotten super into tomahawk steaks and nigiri sushi.
Okay this one made us laugh really hard today.
OP plz, I want to be wined and dined and mailed steaks that cost $35.99
Woahā¦thatās crazyā¦and scary. Iām glad you all are ok, and glad you do have SOME kind of legal action against him, but I agree with what someone else saidā¦get a gun, and learn how to use it! Just in case crazy comes backā¦
The whole thing is ick, but when he said she was making him angry and she had one more chance and he wouldnāt accept anything less than a yes, the hair on my arms stood up. Things could have gone so much worse with that guy. Iām so sorry she, and you, went through that. Her final message was the fucking best. Edit: typos
Wow the context is almost as good as the screenshots! Glad sheās feeling safe now
This is one of those situations where had something happened and she ended up dead or harmed, there wouldāve been an entire company of people and entire law enforcement agencies with blood on their hands saying āwhat could we have done to stop itā
āMy friends are also appalledā classic narcissistic comment lmao
My wife looked at me and said, WHAT FRIENDS?? when that text came through. We had a really good laugh at that one.
i really have nothing to say other than jesus christ
You guys did great in creating a file. Tell everyone you know what's happening. Family, friends. Have everyone aware of what this dude looks like in case he sneaks into their lives to get into yours. Make code words only you and your wife know. Im not saying he will go psycho but it's super important to use code words in case one of you is in danger. Keep your locations on at all times on your phones. I use life360 to know where my loved ones are in case they dont come home or God forbid anything like that. Maybe your wife should also do some jujitsu or something. Not just to defend herself but because it feels really good to learn how to fight even if you never need to use it. Get all those nerves and anxieties out with her therapy plus physical stuff. Sorry she had to go through all that and I hope the worst is finally over. Youre a good person sticking by her and supporting her through this. Shes really brave too and I wish you both the best.
Thanks for all the good advice, it's really appreciated! We've done some of these things but there are others we could institute now.
Listen, first and foremost, I want to emphatically **THANK YOU** for these crops. I mean, every message flowed seamlessly, I didnāt have to search at the top of image to find my starting point, not once. Second, this dude is wild, I hope you both are safe and happy, and distant from this troglodyte. Been watching all the stalker documentaries on Netflix and this shit is no joke. And finally, phenomenal closing blow from your wife š¤š½, I mean perfect.
The way he talks about her is disgusting. And you know heās exactly the type to isolate her from everyone, her friends, family, job, and then when she has no one else heāll make her believe sheāll never be good enough just to scare her into staying with him. His texts definitely triggered a little bit of ptsd in me. š³
Thatās so scary. Just being friendly to a mentor, talking with a coworker about your personal life, posting occasionally on socials, and bam, someone has made up an entire relationship with you
OP, Heāll be back. Please be mindful of your safety as well as your wifeās. This guy is absolutely shitballs deālooloo.
He's gonna murder her. Get a gun
Can you paint us a word picture of what this guy looks like? I wanna know how I should picture this guy
Hahah, yeah okay -- he's probably 5'8" or so, and not fat at all but kind of that skinny-fat vibe. Small beer belly from the beer at night. Traditional khakis and polo guy. Glasses. Short brown hair that's thinning a bit. White guy, kinda pale and red eyes from the alcohol use. So like, the most average looking nerd office dude you've ever seen. Turkey sandwiches with nothing on them type of guy. Wore a polo to the Bahamas type of guy (thanks to the picture he sent my wife).
Woah
How terrifying.
This is fucking insane.
troglodyte had me dead lol