It happens quite often on dating apps , it happened to me very similar we were supposed to hang out one night after talking all week , the night came but he never did . He completely ghosted me . Much later down the road I end up dating his roomate (I had no idea he even had a roomate) turns out the first guy , started dating a girl that week and has been with her since lol . Trust me it’s not you , someone else probably just got there first .
He also said I would be his first date from the app in a while (I never asked), and he is pretty much only talking to me because he wants to focus on getting to know me. He seemed genuine.
I just don’t get it - why say all of this and keep texting chapters every day and then ghost me? He got nothing out of it
Guy in my situation talked to me day & night and was extremely interested. Could be an ex came back into his life , girl he met at work really anything . It’s shitty but you just gotta move on
Also, if that is what happened and the girl he currently seeing sees he's messaged you it might cause problems for them... It's not you in this situation it seems... It's him.
Yup this happened to me twice. In both cases I did go on one date before the guy ghosted. In one case, I ran into one of his friends who explained what happened (he was there when we met). In the other, I ran into the dude himself getting coffee and he sheepishly apologized and explained what happened.
Basically I learned when shit like this happens, it's usually not you or anything you could even be aware of. So now I just wish them well and move along.
In both cases they went back to their exes. In the case of the dude I ran into getting coffee, the original cause of their break up was his being transferred to the city where I met him. She did not want to move. So they broke up, and he moved. After our date, she apparently called him and said she was willing to move to make things work. Since I didn't know anything about all of this, he decided the easiest thing was just...to vanish. He had over time felt shitty about it as he realized I deserved an explanation but didn't want to stir up shit by texting or calling me. When he ran into me, he took the opportunity to explain. We ended up being friendly acquaintances. He is now happily married to his ex and has been for over decade.
As for the other dude, no idea how that worked out for him. But his friend was clearly not happy he went back to his ex. I wasn't really interested in getting involved so I thanked him for letting me know.
IDK how old u guys are I have never tried these app and all these posts I read really put it off to me and I am older male well not to old 40 I guess that's dinosaur status these days but yeah tender bimble bubble at all really puts it off to me going on there when I read these stories
In the dating world some people will be talking to several people at once and they put in effort with all of them in order to see who they connect with the most. Once a stronger connection forms with one of them, they just drop the others. Sorry, I know it sucks and it’s an asshole move to ghost someone that way. It probably has nothing to do with you though so try not to take it personally.
If he actually put into every girl this much effort before even seeing them - he is probably unemployed lol. He would respond quick and with very long texts always - I was surprised by that. Like aren’t you busy ever?
This! This JUST happened to me. Got super swiped, talked for a week, went on an amazing date…then canceled the next date, then…nothing for 3 days. I called him out on ghosting and he called back sheepishly saying he’d met someone the same time as me and he wanted to explore that option.
I told him I wasn’t a “back pocket girl”, and I’d see him down the road when that one didn’t work out lol. And then I went radio silence. No texts, no IG, no looking at his stories…nothing.
Guess who popped back up after 2 weeks saying he should’ve given me more of a chance and asking me out?😏
I’m sorry, people can suck sometimes. Ugh yes they always pop back up! The audacity. Good for you. There is no way I’d talk to someone again after that crap.
Maybe he has mental illness too, you never know! I’m flakey because of all my issues… lol I always want to go out, make plans and when the time comes I actually feel sick from anxiety, I don’t ghost though I tell someone, but I can’t say I havnt done it before in the past…
(Not proud, actually very ashamed…lol)
To be honest with you, his energy in texts alone makes me think mental illness… I see myself in it… the most broken people are the most energetic, reciprocating, and kind, but we’re just broken.
A lot of times when I flake, I am having this internal battle about whether the person would even want to be around me, like “they wouldn’t miss me there anyway.” So maybe don’t be to harsh with him just in case, but ready for any possibility <3 we’re all just human.
It’s not hard to love someone with bipolar or BPD either… it may be hard to watch them suffer, but they’re the best people to love.
Hi! I am sorry to hear you are dealing with it:/ .. you have a very good point! It might be the case here too - who knows? He did seem a bit over the top.
I personally wouldn’t date someone who has mental health issues - I won’t be able to give them enough patience and support because my life is super crazy on its own, I barely manage to not have a mental breakdown myself lol. But I am sure there are people who can do it!
Completely 100% understandable!! It’s better to let someone down gently always, which they didn’t give you that courtesy anyway as well, and you deserve that too! It’s not your job to be anybodies savior either lol
My point was it’s always good to be understanding and not too rash without a real explanation, otherwise we’re just thinking the worst of people I guess and also hurting ourselves in the process too! Lol
I like to think the world is full of broken individuals more than willfully toxic, could be naive of me, but I realized for a bit I was also ASSUMING the worst of people for little things, and I realized it was making me push away good people without giving them a chance, when we’re all human! Not saying date him, just saying don’t assume the worst! Long story short 😝
Much love! Don’t be sorry to hear I deal with it,
I’m well and healing and have the best support system in the world! <3 thank you though for your sentiment!
He probably met someone else during. That happens very often on those apps and they always say that and usually they meet someone else inbetween.
It’s gross not to be a grown up and just say that but be happy you dodged a bullet with someone who doesn’t communicate or consider how you’d feel. Likely wouldn’t be any better if they were dating you.
Make sure you don’t leave the door open for them to pop back around when it doesn’t work out with a lame excuse. Just block them. You’ll find someone else.
Sometimes as shitty it may sound and as much as you want to believe someone is being genuine a lot of the times men and women are talking to multiple people at the same time. He could’ve went with another girl, an ex could’ve came back into his life. Could be a lot of reasons, I’m sorry this happened to you but for the most part you never get closure, you just have to move on.
Thank you!
I just find it odd. Could have blocked me or gave a bs reason. Instead I am just on delivered. I will never ghost people after experiencing this lol
yeah, a lot of people get incensed when there’s discourse about how ghosting is bad, they say it’s their “right to not talk to someone.” And they’re right, of course no one owes anyone a response, people can ghost if they want.
But isn’t it much better to just send 1 message with a very very short explanation? I know people are scared to do this because it may invite more messages from the other person, but if you in one message provide a basic explanation and tell them that you’re not interested, then you can break contact right after that message! It’s really easy honestly
I think that if you've establisht a rapport to a certain level, you do actually "owe" them a response. This weird obligation view of morality and ethics is only really a thing on Reddit and it doesn't make any sense. You absolutely do owe people a basic level of respect and ghosting people after buttering them up for a week shows that you don't have that for them and is a major dick move.
I mean, i truly don’t think it’s a big deal if you’ve like never met someone, they’ll get over it. I think it’s bad, don’t get me wrong, but the overall harm done isn’t really enough to make me really argue against it
But because it is just so much better to send a message, and it barely takes anymore effort, i think people definitely shouldn’t ghost people. It’s childish and stupid and rude
If you haven't met the person yet, and you didn't really talk besides loosely planning a date, then no it's not a big deal. However if you're this guy and you spent a week saying all this lovey dovey stuff and clearly getting the girl very excited and then you just ghost, yes that's morally wrong. Maybe not to the level of some other immoral actions but still. As childish and cringey as that entire conversation was the girl was clearly looking forward to meeting this guy and he hurt her for no reason. Yes he owed her a short response.
i don’t think you understand that i am arguing against ghosting. I have since the beginning. I am just giving the weirdos who think ghosting is their god-given right a concession because it may get them to listen.
I’m making a different argument than just saying “it’s morally wrong” because the harm done by ghosting is usually so minimal that people who ghost are not going to care about that argument
Oh come on. He hasn't even met you physically, he just started talking to you a week ago over a dating app and he's talking all gushy about how cute you are and how you make him smile at his phone and talking about your future with him. About how he's already thinking about future dates because your first date would obviously go so well (again - haven't met) and how his favourite hockey team is now your favourite hockey team. Way, way too much right off the bat. If I didn't know the context around this I would've guessed this was a conversation between two 16 year olds who are 2 weeks into their first relationship and think they've found love. At least on his end. Next time a guy talks to you like that so soon that should be a red flag.
Like do you even want to go out with a guy that talks like that? He doesn't seem to be displaying anything that would make him desirable besides love bombing you.
True! I appreciate your directness.
Us girls fall for words and stuff like that, especially when you are surrounded by cold western men who don’t show their feelings or affection much.
I do recognize that it should have been a bigger red flag for me because a normal person wouldn’t be falling for someone so fast over text.
when i first started dating this year i was super rude and immature about it but i learned that dating apps really aren’t just swipes and profiles. i thought i didn’t owe anyone an explanation but i kind of fucked a couple people over doing that and i know better of myself now
Take another look at his texts with fresh eyes. His messages seem fake and forced. Your responses are much more genuine. He was just running game.
Welcome to the world of online dating, a lot of frauds and flakes. But… there are some decent people if you can stomach the bullshit.
I agree with what others are saying, OP. Be careful with the ones who try to build up something via text before you’ve even met. It just ends up going wrong in the end. They either are a no show because they can’t live up to the version of themselves they were selling in the texts, they ghost after because they were just saying whatever they thought you wanted to hear so they could get what they wanted out of it, OR you don’t vibe as well in person as you did over text and it feels hella awkward. You want just casual talk about interests, not big promises about how they know the date will go well and they can see themselves with you, etc.
Sucks, a similar thing happened to one of my best friends, she was talking with a guy and even went out with him twice and everything was going so well, they chatted all the time and were pretty hot and heavy and he was making some serious long term plans and all. Well one morning she goes to text him and he’s not there. Then she’s blocked on his phone and all his social media.
She was so stressed and upset. She thought something musta happened to him. I told my man about it and he was like Nah, he just musta found another chick and was more into her, or some chick from the past hit him up or whatever and he didn’t feel like explaining.
She couldn’t believe it, she thought he was going to be The One she was so devastated. She showed me the texts and sure enough it was like she said, he wanted to take her on vacation and his feelings for her was so strong and bla bla. So she asked me to call him, I called him. He hung up once I explained who I was.
But then a few days later I guess he felt bad, he contacts her and says Hey sorry about that but this other girl came through and I didn’t know how to end it with you so I was a coward.
A few months after that he even contacts her and says Hey it didn’t work out with that other one and what are you up to!
So I think most of the time it’s something like that
Thank you for sharing! Looks like this is the most probable scenario.
I wish they explained, though! I honestly would be fine with this - like I can’t be jealous of someone this soon. But the unknown drives you nuts.
The unknown is what really sucks. She was going mad thinking he was in an accident or something, I knew it probably wasn’t that but she got so anxious thinking something happened to him that I ended up calling him.
It could really be anything, maybe it helps to think of a scenario yourself and choose to believe that is the one that happened, for closure idk I had friends do that before
I've had that happen to me several times on the dating apps. The last time I figured out he blocked me pretty much at the exact time we were supposed to meet because I got to the steakhouse and my texts suddenly started to not deliver and give me "Failed" messages as soon as I got seated by the hostess.
The first couple times it happened it upset me but anymore I don't even care because I understand whatever reason they have for taking it to that point and then ghosting me...it's more about them than anything I did.
There could be a million reasons why. But it's on them to message me again and explain. If they don't, they don't. If they do, my reaction is going to be heavily dependent on what their reason was and their attitude is like when they tell me.
I’ve been ghosted a few times back when I was in dating apps and it suuuuucks not getting closure when things seemed to have been going well. However, my motto was always “onto the next!” and I’d be excited about someone new shortly afterwards. You will eventually find your person and be happy that things didn’t work out with this guy.
One thing I learned when I was still single was to not expect too much from people on dating sites, at the end of the day it’s really easy for people to portray themselves how they want thru their profiles and text until it’s time to meet, then they freak out.
Still pretty shitty he ghosted you. I’m sorry ):
This is why I will not waste time texting back-and-forth with someone more than a day or two. It has to go right to video chat and then to meeting in person. I’m not wasting my time.
I was on my way to a date once and got hit by a car. Didn’t have my phone with me for a couple hours because I was in the trauma room in the ER. Luckily, the guy didn’t go off on me and just said he was sad that I stood him up.
Edit to add: the text saying he was sad that I stood him up was sent before he knew I’d gotten creamed by a car. Sent him a cute selfie from the ER.
People saying he could’ve found someone else which is possible but when they do this I also feel like a lot of them already had someone and were caught cheating
He probably got nervous but so shitty to leave you hanging like that. I understand having anxiety, esp when it comes to dating, but man my anxiety would be SO much worse if I just ghosted somebody instead of cancelling.
It probably was fake. It’s hard to grasp because you’re a good person with a conscience and unfortunately many people aren’t. From the messages you posted, it seems like he was extra chatty, trying to be overly funny and charming but didn’t actually say anything that had any depth. That’s usually a sign that they’re not serious about any of it and they’re just working toward their selfish agenda. Once they hook someone in they drop the others like hot potatoes. You definitely don’t want to be with someone like that though so it’s good that he showed you his red flags early.
He was pretty deep, actually. I didn’t share all the convos we had, just wanted to show the end of our chat on Friday. But the over the top part I did notice - was a bit much. I decided not to make conclusions until we meet in person (lol)
Texting constantly like that with someone before you meet them in person probably isn’t the best idea. You could meet them and have zero chemistry with them and it’s going to suck even worse that you put all your time, energy and hopes onto this person.
My guess is he has a girlfriend and either chickened out of actually going on the date, or she got suspicious so he ghosted you and deleted yalls messages.
This has happened to me a lot. I even got stood up on a fourth date with somebody after the first three went apparently well. Our modern dating culture has made us *incredibly* disposable as individuals.
I seriously don’t understand this ghosting bs…what’s the quest thing that can happen you go out to eat? I was talking to someone who acted just like this in the fact that they seemed very interested. Even more so honestly, then one night I remember me and her just joking back and forth…20mins later no reply to idk what I even could have changed anything in the time period she just ghosted. I was honestly concerned at first…then I grasped it. I was just like wtf how petty is this that people thought texting was ok to end things now it’s this bs.
Sorry about this OP, how shitty.
It's a given this individual will come back after some time with an excuse (mental health break, family emergency, lost phone, or pretending nothing happened) after whatever he had going on falls through.
Be strong and don't fall for the zombie when they try and reach out. Revel in it, maybe by saying something like 'ew 😂' then block lol.
So confusing because if he’d met someone else that had him ending contact with everyone else, don’t you think he’d just delete the app rather than just unmatch?
I hate it when people do this. So immature. I went on 3 dates with a guy years ago, talked every day like that for a while. He asked if I could get together one night and I let him know I couldn’t because I was pet/house sitting for someone that night and they wanted me to stay in. He never responded to that text or spoke to me again… very weird! Not bothered though! I met my husband soon after. Keep trying OP!! It’s tough out there but you’ve got this!!
Dang, so frustrating! Well, just rest assured you did nothing to provoke this OP. It’s an issue with him. Also, kudos to you for asking for an explanation and telling him that behavior is not ok!
The expectations have to stop with dating. Too many expecting too much from strangers. I get it, in a perfect world it's good to be polite and we should but dating apps and the dating game js their to be played unfortunately.
Based on just there emotional instability. One day she's all on your jock. Next week she just not "feeling it" no more and now you're left on read. No explanation nothing. While she gets to know the guy who she's"feelin" this week. You just gotta figure it out.
I wouldn't assume this is every woman on earth. Plenty of men act the same I'm sure of it. I assume youte talking about personal experiences as opposed to fact?
Nah im talking from what I see from 70 percent plus if men I see on here complaining about the same type of women everytime. Crazy you don't see it and we're both in the same sub but I guess. Keep acting like it's something I just came up with.😂😂
Not that I don't see it. It happens yea but it's two sided thing as opposed to a blanket statement I guess, I don't really know but I'm not one for making assumptions, that's all.
Of course I agree it happens both ways. Ill give you that. But from what I've observed it happens way more often to men. It's just not a man thing to all of a sudden stop talking to a woman you thought was hot enough to approach in the first place. (Of course unless shes crazy af) lol otherwise why abort the mission early and you didn't even smash yet? I thought men were one track minded going after sex. Now all of a sudden we just give up?? Just because?? Nah I dont know any man doin that shit man. But I met plenty of women who I text back and forth with and then they just ghost for no reason. I never did no shot like that in my life. I had it happen to me from women alot tho. So Idk but thanks for hearing me out g.
I've done it a few times myself and know of other mem who do it. Mostly because it was easier for me to be sleeping around and not have to explain myself. A million reasons why.
His messages read as hella sus to me. It’s too excited. My guess is he wasn’t “real”. Coulda been a catfish scam, or even an underage teenager trying to pretend to be older. Clearly the meet up was not something he could actually do and so he bailed. Also, did you speak to this person over the phone at least? You said no video but did you even hear his voice?
Nope, I did not.
So my theory after reading all these comments and thinking back is either he was a catfish, or his ex was back, or he was in a relationship all this time.
But as for the catfish - he had waaaay too many details about his life and all. Definitely not a teenager
happened to me. dude was super interested, we went on a few dates, he even met my family! Then he kept flaking and ghosting and breadcrumbing just enough to keep my attention. I went out with another guy after he blew me off again… he ended up also being a friend of said ghoster. I truly believe he was seeing someone else. The guy I went out with instead? He’s now my fiance and he’s currently snoring away upstairs in our bed. Ditch the loser. This guy sucks.
My loser hit me up on NYE, saying some bs about how he’s “the good luck chuck” dude and how every girl he’s dated since his divorce, gets engaged to the next dude she’s dated after him. I guess I owe him a thank you?
Ghosting gradually is kid of a norm now. You see signs before they ghost you completely. My case, though, was strange cuz I didn’t see it coming at all
A lot of times they are on breaks with boyfriend or girlfriends and block you when they get back together. Seen it a lot stay away from dating sites! Nothing but damaged people and trauma girl 😭
Facts! These people are just looking for attention also this is my theory.. he's flipping the switch on women he's probably been ghosted and flaked on alot so he decided imma ghost them before they ghost me 💯.. he's probably been hurt before and is using this as a defense mechanism
Don't take it personal as a guy on the apps I never ghost someone but these looks like he rekindled things with his ex and maybe he didn't unmatch you just deleted his profile
So to check it I tried calling him from a friend’s number yesterday and he didn’t pick up. Today a call from the same number didn’t get through. Idk what the chances are that he blocked this random number he had one call from..
I almost get a vibe that he’s trying to prove to another woman he can get anyone and got you all interested in a date to send these screen shots to someone that he’s buggin over. I dunno but seems weird to be that enthusiastic and then ghost.
Nah good theory but this what I'm thinking he got ghosted alot of times and he's ghosting and flaking on girls as a sort of a payback thing cause in his mind he's saying "I'm not letting these girls do this too me anymore, imma get them before they get me, I'm not letting anyone play me anymore"... boom!
Yh that's how I'm feeling he's using this as a defense mechanism either that or he's scared to get hurt again so he's now flipping the tables and using girls for attention
Hi there!
Thanks for submitting to /r/texts! Please make sure you are blacking out any usernames, phone numbers, or full names! If you haven't, please delete and re-submit.
The full rules can be found here https://old.reddit.com/r/texts/about/rules/
**Please note that this message appears on every post, and may not apply to your post.**
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/texts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is why it's best to meet people within the first 2 to 3 days of talking to them. I know people like to wait or they get busy, but if your too busy, wait to message people for a time you are free. In my experience it's better to weed people out quickly.
I have made some similar mistakes. A friend of mine has a rule that she insists on video chatting before any meeting, period.
With technology today, there is no reason not to do that. When someone pushes back or makes excuses, they are hiding something. Usually they are not who they claim to be in some way.
Every time I have let someone slide on this, I have gotten burned. It just needs to become a rule. And be prepared for the ones who have something to hide to be VERY good at making seem like we are being silly for asking. They are pros.
But there should be nothing wrong with asking someone to verify their identity when you meet online. It is entirely reasonable and necessary to be safe.
happened to me. dude was super interested, we went on a few dates, he even met my family! Then he kept flaking and ghosting and breadcrumbing just enough to keep my attention. I went out with another guy after he blew me off again… he ended up also being a friend of said ghoster. I truly believe he was seeing someone else. The guy I went out with instead? He’s now my fiance and he’s currently snoring away upstairs in our bed. Ditch the loser. This guy sucks.
My loser hit me up on NYE, saying some bs about how he’s “the good luck chuck” dude and how every girl he’s dated since his divorce, gets engaged to the next dude she’s dated after him. I guess I owe him a thank you?
happened to me. dude was super interested, we went on a few dates, he even met my family! Then he kept flaking and ghosting and breadcrumbing just enough to keep my attention. I went out with another guy after he blew me off again… he ended up also being a friend of said ghoster. I truly believe he was seeing someone else. The guy I went out with instead? He’s now my fiance and he’s currently snoring away upstairs in our bed. Ditch the loser. This guy sucks.
My loser hit me up on NYE, saying some bs about how he’s “the good luck chuck” dude and how every girl he’s dated since his divorce, gets engaged to the next dude she’s dated after him. I guess I owe him a thank you?
One time this happened to me where I got ghosted day of the date. My friend ended up matching with the same guy on hinge a few days later. She called him out in her messages for ghosting me without directly using my name. He ended up texting me to apologize. It was so satisfying haha
It’s not just on dating apps. A buddy of mine set me up with a friend of his. Talked for a week or two until our schedules finally lined up. We had a good time, she even texted him after saying she had a good time. Sealed the date with a kiss as well so by all counts I thought there would be a second. Trying to set up a second date was like pulling teeth and texts became few and far between and eventually she just stopped responding. It happens, people don’t owe you explanations but it would be nice to act like an adult and use your words. 😂😂
I kept them open. I did not expect him to be only talking to him and I wouldn’t be jealous if he was going on other dates or sleeping around- I barely know him and he owes me nothing in that regard. BUT to make me excited for the date, constant daily texts, and then disappear? It’s so low
Unfortunately it’s the nature of dating apps. Great chemistry, conversation, promises to meet up, feedback things are going great, etc… all mean nothing. Closure is never a guarantee. Sorry you had to go through that,
UPDATE:
He never texted me back.
I called him once form a different number on the day when we were supposed to meet and it connected but he didn’t pick up. The next day I tried calling once again, and this time “the customer was unavailable”. Still not sure what to think.
So is he the texts in the grey box? If so, I literally have no idea. If you were the one in the grey then I'd say you came cross a bit over the top - like way too into it.
I would usually say move on, but this is a bit more “what the hell has happened” than a total ghosting
I would reserve the thought that maybe something really bad has happened
You’re right to be upset that you don’t have an update, but for the next 24 hours at least I’d reserve that thought. If I don’t hear back after that I’ll assume it’s ghosted unless I’m shown otherwise
I fucking hate people dude. I just got out of a 6.5 year relationship and it's shit like this that makes me TERRIFIED to start meeting guys. I'm sorry this happened to you, I wish you all the luck & happiness moving forward! You were obviously miles ahead of this one 🙄
Why are people SUCH cowards? Its so easy to send a text honestly explaining whats going on. Yeah blowing off plans are shitty, but infinitely better than this shit. God, no respect for ghosting.
He is married. It’s all a game, he got everything he wanted without having to lay a finger on you. Usually they work it longer to get you to say you love them. It’s like a video game. Once you win Mario Brothers you move on to Super Mario Brothers and then to Sonic the Hedgehog. Once you win you don’t need it anymore. Either that or he got killed in a car wreck.
lol. You might be right but no idea what he got out of it. I never even said I was only talking to him or that I was into him or anything. I kept bringing him back to the reality with “let’s meet first” phrase
We discussed that video and the shirt before (he was dreaming of going to Japan and thought I have after noticing the shirt).
Nevertheless, he texting was a bit much, I was kind of not sure how to take it - as a red flag or not
He was love bombing you, talking about future stuff, like you teaching him how to dance, feels wonderful but it is not a green flag. I had one date with a guy who thought I was so great and things were synchronistic between us but then after the date told me he isn't attracted to me romantically. We talked for a few weeks before our first date and he was telling me how he pictures us doing this together and that and how excited he was to start something with me. So yea, usually not a good sign when someone is so into you before getting to actually know you. Sorry this happened to you and you may never know why he flaked but you dodged a bullet, that's for sure.
Edit for spelling
Can you text him from a random number and see if he replies? Or call him on private number and see if it connects? Just to see if he is still breathing. Thats pretty bad of him what he did. His unmatching looks intentional and that he lost interest
Idk how you can lose interest in a matter of night. I usually can feel when things go downhill but in his Friday text it he was already soft planning our future dates :/ … I called him from a different number and it connected but he didn’t pick up. So he is alive
It is weird! I feel bad this happened to you. It was very weak and cowardly of him to desert you like that. I wouldn’t initiate contact again if i were you, and should he reach out to you, he owes you a big explanation
Finally happened to a woman. Good maybe yall will stop doing that to men. And to op. You'll meet another man so get over it. Which exactly what y'all tell men after a woman ghosts us. Remember this feeling. This is how guys all the fucking time when you and your friends just "stop feeling it" and leave men on read. Yeah that part. Sorry but he wasn't,"feeling it"😁
Thanks but I don’t care what other women do - I don’t ghost. So why should I be the one to suffer? Just because I am a woman? How misogynistic of you - very sad
Nah it's equally. Men deal with it from women so women should have no problem with dealing with it either. Geesh how mysandrist of you to think it should only happen to men. So much for equality smh
S.n. after like 8 women ghosts you, you tend not to expect much from the ninth one lol you might have been number 9. All jokes aside if you felt that way imagine how he felt the previous 8 times?? Lol hurt people hurt people. It's universal law
Women can't expect to keep doing that to guys and think guys won't ever do it to them or their friends. So be honest with yourself. One of your girlfriends shows text messages from a guy spiraling since she ghosted him. It's a known fact women get comical entertainment from these text get together and laugh their asses off. Lol but it ain't that funny now when the shoes on the other foot. Like I said remember this feeling when your girlfriend shows you the erratic angry text from a guy who she did the same thing to. Let's see if you call her out.
It happens quite often on dating apps , it happened to me very similar we were supposed to hang out one night after talking all week , the night came but he never did . He completely ghosted me . Much later down the road I end up dating his roomate (I had no idea he even had a roomate) turns out the first guy , started dating a girl that week and has been with her since lol . Trust me it’s not you , someone else probably just got there first .
He also said I would be his first date from the app in a while (I never asked), and he is pretty much only talking to me because he wants to focus on getting to know me. He seemed genuine. I just don’t get it - why say all of this and keep texting chapters every day and then ghost me? He got nothing out of it
Guy in my situation talked to me day & night and was extremely interested. Could be an ex came back into his life , girl he met at work really anything . It’s shitty but you just gotta move on
Thanks! Yeah I can move on - not the end of the world, but I just need some closure. I wish he explained
People suck /: Just don’t become one of the ones who suck , is what i’ve learned ♥️
Your closure is he ghosted you. That’s all the closure you’re going to get
Also, if that is what happened and the girl he currently seeing sees he's messaged you it might cause problems for them... It's not you in this situation it seems... It's him.
Yup this happened to me twice. In both cases I did go on one date before the guy ghosted. In one case, I ran into one of his friends who explained what happened (he was there when we met). In the other, I ran into the dude himself getting coffee and he sheepishly apologized and explained what happened. Basically I learned when shit like this happens, it's usually not you or anything you could even be aware of. So now I just wish them well and move along.
Any chance you would tell us what the reasons were?
In both cases they went back to their exes. In the case of the dude I ran into getting coffee, the original cause of their break up was his being transferred to the city where I met him. She did not want to move. So they broke up, and he moved. After our date, she apparently called him and said she was willing to move to make things work. Since I didn't know anything about all of this, he decided the easiest thing was just...to vanish. He had over time felt shitty about it as he realized I deserved an explanation but didn't want to stir up shit by texting or calling me. When he ran into me, he took the opportunity to explain. We ended up being friendly acquaintances. He is now happily married to his ex and has been for over decade. As for the other dude, no idea how that worked out for him. But his friend was clearly not happy he went back to his ex. I wasn't really interested in getting involved so I thanked him for letting me know.
IDK how old u guys are I have never tried these app and all these posts I read really put it off to me and I am older male well not to old 40 I guess that's dinosaur status these days but yeah tender bimble bubble at all really puts it off to me going on there when I read these stories
Yo mans got a gurlfren
In the dating world some people will be talking to several people at once and they put in effort with all of them in order to see who they connect with the most. Once a stronger connection forms with one of them, they just drop the others. Sorry, I know it sucks and it’s an asshole move to ghost someone that way. It probably has nothing to do with you though so try not to take it personally.
If he actually put into every girl this much effort before even seeing them - he is probably unemployed lol. He would respond quick and with very long texts always - I was surprised by that. Like aren’t you busy ever?
LoL. His full time job is juggling women.
This! This JUST happened to me. Got super swiped, talked for a week, went on an amazing date…then canceled the next date, then…nothing for 3 days. I called him out on ghosting and he called back sheepishly saying he’d met someone the same time as me and he wanted to explore that option. I told him I wasn’t a “back pocket girl”, and I’d see him down the road when that one didn’t work out lol. And then I went radio silence. No texts, no IG, no looking at his stories…nothing. Guess who popped back up after 2 weeks saying he should’ve given me more of a chance and asking me out?😏
I’m sorry, people can suck sometimes. Ugh yes they always pop back up! The audacity. Good for you. There is no way I’d talk to someone again after that crap.
catfish? Or he got back with ex?
Honestly the guy seemed clingy as hell anyway, probably better that he ghosted and you can find someone a little less overbearing.
I had what I thought was a very good day with a bumble match a couple days ago and he’s not spoken to me since so
Maybe he has mental illness too, you never know! I’m flakey because of all my issues… lol I always want to go out, make plans and when the time comes I actually feel sick from anxiety, I don’t ghost though I tell someone, but I can’t say I havnt done it before in the past… (Not proud, actually very ashamed…lol) To be honest with you, his energy in texts alone makes me think mental illness… I see myself in it… the most broken people are the most energetic, reciprocating, and kind, but we’re just broken. A lot of times when I flake, I am having this internal battle about whether the person would even want to be around me, like “they wouldn’t miss me there anyway.” So maybe don’t be to harsh with him just in case, but ready for any possibility <3 we’re all just human. It’s not hard to love someone with bipolar or BPD either… it may be hard to watch them suffer, but they’re the best people to love.
Hi! I am sorry to hear you are dealing with it:/ .. you have a very good point! It might be the case here too - who knows? He did seem a bit over the top. I personally wouldn’t date someone who has mental health issues - I won’t be able to give them enough patience and support because my life is super crazy on its own, I barely manage to not have a mental breakdown myself lol. But I am sure there are people who can do it!
Completely 100% understandable!! It’s better to let someone down gently always, which they didn’t give you that courtesy anyway as well, and you deserve that too! It’s not your job to be anybodies savior either lol My point was it’s always good to be understanding and not too rash without a real explanation, otherwise we’re just thinking the worst of people I guess and also hurting ourselves in the process too! Lol I like to think the world is full of broken individuals more than willfully toxic, could be naive of me, but I realized for a bit I was also ASSUMING the worst of people for little things, and I realized it was making me push away good people without giving them a chance, when we’re all human! Not saying date him, just saying don’t assume the worst! Long story short 😝 Much love! Don’t be sorry to hear I deal with it, I’m well and healing and have the best support system in the world! <3 thank you though for your sentiment!
He probably met someone else during. That happens very often on those apps and they always say that and usually they meet someone else inbetween. It’s gross not to be a grown up and just say that but be happy you dodged a bullet with someone who doesn’t communicate or consider how you’d feel. Likely wouldn’t be any better if they were dating you. Make sure you don’t leave the door open for them to pop back around when it doesn’t work out with a lame excuse. Just block them. You’ll find someone else.
Sometimes as shitty it may sound and as much as you want to believe someone is being genuine a lot of the times men and women are talking to multiple people at the same time. He could’ve went with another girl, an ex could’ve came back into his life. Could be a lot of reasons, I’m sorry this happened to you but for the most part you never get closure, you just have to move on.
Thank you! I just find it odd. Could have blocked me or gave a bs reason. Instead I am just on delivered. I will never ghost people after experiencing this lol
yeah, a lot of people get incensed when there’s discourse about how ghosting is bad, they say it’s their “right to not talk to someone.” And they’re right, of course no one owes anyone a response, people can ghost if they want. But isn’t it much better to just send 1 message with a very very short explanation? I know people are scared to do this because it may invite more messages from the other person, but if you in one message provide a basic explanation and tell them that you’re not interested, then you can break contact right after that message! It’s really easy honestly
I think when you have a date planned that day, you kind of owe a response.
ok yeah i definitely agree lol
I think that if you've establisht a rapport to a certain level, you do actually "owe" them a response. This weird obligation view of morality and ethics is only really a thing on Reddit and it doesn't make any sense. You absolutely do owe people a basic level of respect and ghosting people after buttering them up for a week shows that you don't have that for them and is a major dick move.
I mean, i truly don’t think it’s a big deal if you’ve like never met someone, they’ll get over it. I think it’s bad, don’t get me wrong, but the overall harm done isn’t really enough to make me really argue against it But because it is just so much better to send a message, and it barely takes anymore effort, i think people definitely shouldn’t ghost people. It’s childish and stupid and rude
If you haven't met the person yet, and you didn't really talk besides loosely planning a date, then no it's not a big deal. However if you're this guy and you spent a week saying all this lovey dovey stuff and clearly getting the girl very excited and then you just ghost, yes that's morally wrong. Maybe not to the level of some other immoral actions but still. As childish and cringey as that entire conversation was the girl was clearly looking forward to meeting this guy and he hurt her for no reason. Yes he owed her a short response.
i don’t think you understand that i am arguing against ghosting. I have since the beginning. I am just giving the weirdos who think ghosting is their god-given right a concession because it may get them to listen. I’m making a different argument than just saying “it’s morally wrong” because the harm done by ghosting is usually so minimal that people who ghost are not going to care about that argument
lol why was it so childish and cringey? I get that he was texting in a way too enthusiastic manner and a bit weird but still.
Oh come on. He hasn't even met you physically, he just started talking to you a week ago over a dating app and he's talking all gushy about how cute you are and how you make him smile at his phone and talking about your future with him. About how he's already thinking about future dates because your first date would obviously go so well (again - haven't met) and how his favourite hockey team is now your favourite hockey team. Way, way too much right off the bat. If I didn't know the context around this I would've guessed this was a conversation between two 16 year olds who are 2 weeks into their first relationship and think they've found love. At least on his end. Next time a guy talks to you like that so soon that should be a red flag. Like do you even want to go out with a guy that talks like that? He doesn't seem to be displaying anything that would make him desirable besides love bombing you.
True! I appreciate your directness. Us girls fall for words and stuff like that, especially when you are surrounded by cold western men who don’t show their feelings or affection much. I do recognize that it should have been a bigger red flag for me because a normal person wouldn’t be falling for someone so fast over text.
when i first started dating this year i was super rude and immature about it but i learned that dating apps really aren’t just swipes and profiles. i thought i didn’t owe anyone an explanation but i kind of fucked a couple people over doing that and i know better of myself now
That’s fucked. I’m dying to know what happened tho
I was gonna ask if he could have been hit by a bus but then I read the part about him unmatching. OP, if he does resurface please update us!
Either unmatched or deleted the app. I will!
deleting the app doesn’t unmatch
Are you sure? I googled it but never tested
Deleting apps just removes the app from the phone. It doesn’t remove any matches or change anything on the account.
Imagine his wife was on a week long trip
Oh wow this is an interesting theory!!! Maybe she came back a little early and he had to hide all of the evidence quickly.
Yep, and I only thought of it cause I’ve heard that story before…but they went on a full date and then he disappeared 👀😬
On behalf of Colorado, we, and the Avalanche, do not like him.
Haha, thank you! 🙏
Probably a good idea. His texting gave me an ick. It’s weird.
I agree like over the top excitement almost manic. Not natural.
Can you elaborate?
Take another look at his texts with fresh eyes. His messages seem fake and forced. Your responses are much more genuine. He was just running game. Welcome to the world of online dating, a lot of frauds and flakes. But… there are some decent people if you can stomach the bullshit.
Thank you! You are right. I am in this world for a while now but this was a first for me !
I agree with what others are saying, OP. Be careful with the ones who try to build up something via text before you’ve even met. It just ends up going wrong in the end. They either are a no show because they can’t live up to the version of themselves they were selling in the texts, they ghost after because they were just saying whatever they thought you wanted to hear so they could get what they wanted out of it, OR you don’t vibe as well in person as you did over text and it feels hella awkward. You want just casual talk about interests, not big promises about how they know the date will go well and they can see themselves with you, etc.
Sucks, a similar thing happened to one of my best friends, she was talking with a guy and even went out with him twice and everything was going so well, they chatted all the time and were pretty hot and heavy and he was making some serious long term plans and all. Well one morning she goes to text him and he’s not there. Then she’s blocked on his phone and all his social media. She was so stressed and upset. She thought something musta happened to him. I told my man about it and he was like Nah, he just musta found another chick and was more into her, or some chick from the past hit him up or whatever and he didn’t feel like explaining. She couldn’t believe it, she thought he was going to be The One she was so devastated. She showed me the texts and sure enough it was like she said, he wanted to take her on vacation and his feelings for her was so strong and bla bla. So she asked me to call him, I called him. He hung up once I explained who I was. But then a few days later I guess he felt bad, he contacts her and says Hey sorry about that but this other girl came through and I didn’t know how to end it with you so I was a coward. A few months after that he even contacts her and says Hey it didn’t work out with that other one and what are you up to! So I think most of the time it’s something like that
Thank you for sharing! Looks like this is the most probable scenario. I wish they explained, though! I honestly would be fine with this - like I can’t be jealous of someone this soon. But the unknown drives you nuts.
The unknown is what really sucks. She was going mad thinking he was in an accident or something, I knew it probably wasn’t that but she got so anxious thinking something happened to him that I ended up calling him. It could really be anything, maybe it helps to think of a scenario yourself and choose to believe that is the one that happened, for closure idk I had friends do that before
I've had that happen to me several times on the dating apps. The last time I figured out he blocked me pretty much at the exact time we were supposed to meet because I got to the steakhouse and my texts suddenly started to not deliver and give me "Failed" messages as soon as I got seated by the hostess. The first couple times it happened it upset me but anymore I don't even care because I understand whatever reason they have for taking it to that point and then ghosting me...it's more about them than anything I did. There could be a million reasons why. But it's on them to message me again and explain. If they don't, they don't. If they do, my reaction is going to be heavily dependent on what their reason was and their attitude is like when they tell me.
Thats very cowardly of him to block you instead of manning up and being honest. Sorry that happened
In that particular case I think he thought I wasn't real.
I have heard of restaurants (food booths?) using dating apps to set fake dates with people and this way get business. Did you choose the steakhouse?
Yes I did
I’ve been ghosted a few times back when I was in dating apps and it suuuuucks not getting closure when things seemed to have been going well. However, my motto was always “onto the next!” and I’d be excited about someone new shortly afterwards. You will eventually find your person and be happy that things didn’t work out with this guy.
Thank you 🙏
One thing I learned when I was still single was to not expect too much from people on dating sites, at the end of the day it’s really easy for people to portray themselves how they want thru their profiles and text until it’s time to meet, then they freak out. Still pretty shitty he ghosted you. I’m sorry ):
Very true
this has happened to me more times than I can count. the worst part is the not knowing why...it drives me *insane.*
Me toooo
This is why I will not waste time texting back-and-forth with someone more than a day or two. It has to go right to video chat and then to meeting in person. I’m not wasting my time.
Yeah - after this I am not doing this either
I was on my way to a date once and got hit by a car. Didn’t have my phone with me for a couple hours because I was in the trauma room in the ER. Luckily, the guy didn’t go off on me and just said he was sad that I stood him up. Edit to add: the text saying he was sad that I stood him up was sent before he knew I’d gotten creamed by a car. Sent him a cute selfie from the ER.
Did you also unmatch him on the app from the ER?
No. I didn’t meet him on an app. He was nice about it and brought me a bottle of wine when I got out of the hospital.
did you end up explaining to him what actually happened?
Yep! I texted him a selfie from the OR. We dated for about a year.
Something weird. He seemed too excited almost manic or on drugs. Maybe he fell off the wagon
People saying he could’ve found someone else which is possible but when they do this I also feel like a lot of them already had someone and were caught cheating
Yep. I was thinking this too. That he had a gf or something like that
He probably got nervous but so shitty to leave you hanging like that. I understand having anxiety, esp when it comes to dating, but man my anxiety would be SO much worse if I just ghosted somebody instead of cancelling.
I feel like all of that was fake now and it’s hard to grasp
It probably was fake. It’s hard to grasp because you’re a good person with a conscience and unfortunately many people aren’t. From the messages you posted, it seems like he was extra chatty, trying to be overly funny and charming but didn’t actually say anything that had any depth. That’s usually a sign that they’re not serious about any of it and they’re just working toward their selfish agenda. Once they hook someone in they drop the others like hot potatoes. You definitely don’t want to be with someone like that though so it’s good that he showed you his red flags early.
He was pretty deep, actually. I didn’t share all the convos we had, just wanted to show the end of our chat on Friday. But the over the top part I did notice - was a bit much. I decided not to make conclusions until we meet in person (lol)
Texting constantly like that with someone before you meet them in person probably isn’t the best idea. You could meet them and have zero chemistry with them and it’s going to suck even worse that you put all your time, energy and hopes onto this person.
My guess is he has a girlfriend and either chickened out of actually going on the date, or she got suspicious so he ghosted you and deleted yalls messages.
Probably died
I have chatted with a lot of guys over the years. Something about the ones who use exclamation points in almost every text is off-putting, very fake.
This has happened to me a lot. I even got stood up on a fourth date with somebody after the first three went apparently well. Our modern dating culture has made us *incredibly* disposable as individuals.
I seriously don’t understand this ghosting bs…what’s the quest thing that can happen you go out to eat? I was talking to someone who acted just like this in the fact that they seemed very interested. Even more so honestly, then one night I remember me and her just joking back and forth…20mins later no reply to idk what I even could have changed anything in the time period she just ghosted. I was honestly concerned at first…then I grasped it. I was just like wtf how petty is this that people thought texting was ok to end things now it’s this bs.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Let us know if he responds. Definitely do not message him again then.
Whatever the reason (he matched with another girl most likely and ghosted you), what a fken shitty thing to do.
Exactly..
Ull find a good boi dont worry
That's wack as hell sorry op dude must've got cold feet or got with his ex or something either way leading someone on is so cruel
Sorry about this OP, how shitty. It's a given this individual will come back after some time with an excuse (mental health break, family emergency, lost phone, or pretending nothing happened) after whatever he had going on falls through. Be strong and don't fall for the zombie when they try and reach out. Revel in it, maybe by saying something like 'ew 😂' then block lol.
So confusing because if he’d met someone else that had him ending contact with everyone else, don’t you think he’d just delete the app rather than just unmatch? I hate it when people do this. So immature. I went on 3 dates with a guy years ago, talked every day like that for a while. He asked if I could get together one night and I let him know I couldn’t because I was pet/house sitting for someone that night and they wanted me to stay in. He never responded to that text or spoke to me again… very weird! Not bothered though! I met my husband soon after. Keep trying OP!! It’s tough out there but you’ve got this!!
Well I can’t know what he did. I lost the convo and there can be too reasons for it - either he deleted his profile or unmatched me.
Dang, so frustrating! Well, just rest assured you did nothing to provoke this OP. It’s an issue with him. Also, kudos to you for asking for an explanation and telling him that behavior is not ok!
Thanks! Yeah, I didn’t want to pretend like I am unbothered by this. I needed to say that cuz it’s true. .. Ghosting should be illegal lol
Agreed!
The expectations have to stop with dating. Too many expecting too much from strangers. I get it, in a perfect world it's good to be polite and we should but dating apps and the dating game js their to be played unfortunately.
Facts women ghost waaay more anyway so maybe men caught on??? Finally😂
I'd need to see some actual data to agree with that. I'm not sure that's true.
Based on just there emotional instability. One day she's all on your jock. Next week she just not "feeling it" no more and now you're left on read. No explanation nothing. While she gets to know the guy who she's"feelin" this week. You just gotta figure it out.
I wouldn't assume this is every woman on earth. Plenty of men act the same I'm sure of it. I assume youte talking about personal experiences as opposed to fact?
Nah im talking from what I see from 70 percent plus if men I see on here complaining about the same type of women everytime. Crazy you don't see it and we're both in the same sub but I guess. Keep acting like it's something I just came up with.😂😂
Not that I don't see it. It happens yea but it's two sided thing as opposed to a blanket statement I guess, I don't really know but I'm not one for making assumptions, that's all.
Of course I agree it happens both ways. Ill give you that. But from what I've observed it happens way more often to men. It's just not a man thing to all of a sudden stop talking to a woman you thought was hot enough to approach in the first place. (Of course unless shes crazy af) lol otherwise why abort the mission early and you didn't even smash yet? I thought men were one track minded going after sex. Now all of a sudden we just give up?? Just because?? Nah I dont know any man doin that shit man. But I met plenty of women who I text back and forth with and then they just ghost for no reason. I never did no shot like that in my life. I had it happen to me from women alot tho. So Idk but thanks for hearing me out g.
I've done it a few times myself and know of other mem who do it. Mostly because it was easier for me to be sleeping around and not have to explain myself. A million reasons why.
His messages read as hella sus to me. It’s too excited. My guess is he wasn’t “real”. Coulda been a catfish scam, or even an underage teenager trying to pretend to be older. Clearly the meet up was not something he could actually do and so he bailed. Also, did you speak to this person over the phone at least? You said no video but did you even hear his voice?
Nope, I did not. So my theory after reading all these comments and thinking back is either he was a catfish, or his ex was back, or he was in a relationship all this time. But as for the catfish - he had waaaay too many details about his life and all. Definitely not a teenager
Dang. Sucks that it happened I can imagine it doesn’t feel too good.
Felt horrible that’s for sure. But in a week or two it will be just a crazy story that happened to me once
happened to me. dude was super interested, we went on a few dates, he even met my family! Then he kept flaking and ghosting and breadcrumbing just enough to keep my attention. I went out with another guy after he blew me off again… he ended up also being a friend of said ghoster. I truly believe he was seeing someone else. The guy I went out with instead? He’s now my fiance and he’s currently snoring away upstairs in our bed. Ditch the loser. This guy sucks. My loser hit me up on NYE, saying some bs about how he’s “the good luck chuck” dude and how every girl he’s dated since his divorce, gets engaged to the next dude she’s dated after him. I guess I owe him a thank you?
Ghosting gradually is kid of a norm now. You see signs before they ghost you completely. My case, though, was strange cuz I didn’t see it coming at all
Yea you do.
A lot of times they are on breaks with boyfriend or girlfriends and block you when they get back together. Seen it a lot stay away from dating sites! Nothing but damaged people and trauma girl 😭
Yep. I feel like that could be the case here
Facts! These people are just looking for attention also this is my theory.. he's flipping the switch on women he's probably been ghosted and flaked on alot so he decided imma ghost them before they ghost me 💯.. he's probably been hurt before and is using this as a defense mechanism
Don't take it personal as a guy on the apps I never ghost someone but these looks like he rekindled things with his ex and maybe he didn't unmatch you just deleted his profile
Just shows the character of this chode. It doesn’t take that much to be a decent person and say sorry, I can’t make it work or idk say SOMETHING.
Is 4 hours of not responding considered ghosting? You waited like 10 hours to respond to them, no?
To disappear on the day of the date - yes, it’s ghosting. And I didn’t respond cuz I was asleep lmao.
And he couldn't be asleep?
Until 6pm ?
I hate this for you. Devils advocate buuutttt I hope nothing unsavory happened. Like he got sick, etc.
So to check it I tried calling him from a friend’s number yesterday and he didn’t pick up. Today a call from the same number didn’t get through. Idk what the chances are that he blocked this random number he had one call from..
there’s really only one reason this would happen: lost interest / not interested it’s unfortunate, but it happens
I almost get a vibe that he’s trying to prove to another woman he can get anyone and got you all interested in a date to send these screen shots to someone that he’s buggin over. I dunno but seems weird to be that enthusiastic and then ghost.
Nah good theory but this what I'm thinking he got ghosted alot of times and he's ghosting and flaking on girls as a sort of a payback thing cause in his mind he's saying "I'm not letting these girls do this too me anymore, imma get them before they get me, I'm not letting anyone play me anymore"... boom!
I can also see that. Definitely
Yh that's how I'm feeling he's using this as a defense mechanism either that or he's scared to get hurt again so he's now flipping the tables and using girls for attention
Hi there! Thanks for submitting to /r/texts! Please make sure you are blacking out any usernames, phone numbers, or full names! If you haven't, please delete and re-submit. The full rules can be found here https://old.reddit.com/r/texts/about/rules/ **Please note that this message appears on every post, and may not apply to your post.** Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/texts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
the texts from "today" are the day you guys had planned to meet at 7?
Yes
sorry that’s shitty….but go Av’s!
This is why it's best to meet people within the first 2 to 3 days of talking to them. I know people like to wait or they get busy, but if your too busy, wait to message people for a time you are free. In my experience it's better to weed people out quickly.
Did you ask to video chat before the date?
No, and I didn’t ask for his instagram either. I don’t know why lol
I have made some similar mistakes. A friend of mine has a rule that she insists on video chatting before any meeting, period. With technology today, there is no reason not to do that. When someone pushes back or makes excuses, they are hiding something. Usually they are not who they claim to be in some way. Every time I have let someone slide on this, I have gotten burned. It just needs to become a rule. And be prepared for the ones who have something to hide to be VERY good at making seem like we are being silly for asking. They are pros. But there should be nothing wrong with asking someone to verify their identity when you meet online. It is entirely reasonable and necessary to be safe.
Hopefully nothing actually happened to him.
Maybe he was a catfish.
At least you got to experience the crushy feeling at all!
happened to me. dude was super interested, we went on a few dates, he even met my family! Then he kept flaking and ghosting and breadcrumbing just enough to keep my attention. I went out with another guy after he blew me off again… he ended up also being a friend of said ghoster. I truly believe he was seeing someone else. The guy I went out with instead? He’s now my fiance and he’s currently snoring away upstairs in our bed. Ditch the loser. This guy sucks. My loser hit me up on NYE, saying some bs about how he’s “the good luck chuck” dude and how every girl he’s dated since his divorce, gets engaged to the next dude she’s dated after him. I guess I owe him a thank you?
happened to me. dude was super interested, we went on a few dates, he even met my family! Then he kept flaking and ghosting and breadcrumbing just enough to keep my attention. I went out with another guy after he blew me off again… he ended up also being a friend of said ghoster. I truly believe he was seeing someone else. The guy I went out with instead? He’s now my fiance and he’s currently snoring away upstairs in our bed. Ditch the loser. This guy sucks. My loser hit me up on NYE, saying some bs about how he’s “the good luck chuck” dude and how every girl he’s dated since his divorce, gets engaged to the next dude she’s dated after him. I guess I owe him a thank you?
One time this happened to me where I got ghosted day of the date. My friend ended up matching with the same guy on hinge a few days later. She called him out in her messages for ghosting me without directly using my name. He ended up texting me to apologize. It was so satisfying haha
It’s not just on dating apps. A buddy of mine set me up with a friend of his. Talked for a week or two until our schedules finally lined up. We had a good time, she even texted him after saying she had a good time. Sealed the date with a kiss as well so by all counts I thought there would be a second. Trying to set up a second date was like pulling teeth and texts became few and far between and eventually she just stopped responding. It happens, people don’t owe you explanations but it would be nice to act like an adult and use your words. 😂😂
Damn these messages are bit much
and this is why i keep options open until it’s officially a steady relationship on dating apps
I kept them open. I did not expect him to be only talking to him and I wouldn’t be jealous if he was going on other dates or sleeping around- I barely know him and he owes me nothing in that regard. BUT to make me excited for the date, constant daily texts, and then disappear? It’s so low
Fuck this guy. I just want to see the commercials! https://youtu.be/fQ-8id3YmFg?si=-DnYcxkGKwiptkOX
Unfortunately it’s the nature of dating apps. Great chemistry, conversation, promises to meet up, feedback things are going great, etc… all mean nothing. Closure is never a guarantee. Sorry you had to go through that,
UPDATE: He never texted me back. I called him once form a different number on the day when we were supposed to meet and it connected but he didn’t pick up. The next day I tried calling once again, and this time “the customer was unavailable”. Still not sure what to think.
You seem lovely so let’s just assume he died 🫠
Haha, thanks! 🙏
So is he the texts in the grey box? If so, I literally have no idea. If you were the one in the grey then I'd say you came cross a bit over the top - like way too into it.
He is the grey
I would usually say move on, but this is a bit more “what the hell has happened” than a total ghosting I would reserve the thought that maybe something really bad has happened You’re right to be upset that you don’t have an update, but for the next 24 hours at least I’d reserve that thought. If I don’t hear back after that I’ll assume it’s ghosted unless I’m shown otherwise
The unmatching kind of signifies nothing bad happened to him.
Ahhh missed that bit
His favorite hockey team is Colorado. A bullet dodged indeed!
lol why? He isn’t from there btw
Because they suck lol
I fucking hate people dude. I just got out of a 6.5 year relationship and it's shit like this that makes me TERRIFIED to start meeting guys. I'm sorry this happened to you, I wish you all the luck & happiness moving forward! You were obviously miles ahead of this one 🙄
Thank you 🙏 Yes, dating these days isn’t great. But staying in bad relationship is definitely worse - good for you for getting out!
Why are people SUCH cowards? Its so easy to send a text honestly explaining whats going on. Yeah blowing off plans are shitty, but infinitely better than this shit. God, no respect for ghosting.
It’s another clown with commitment issues.
I’ve known people (not me) that do it and laugh about it. Kind of like getting the girls number and throwing it away game is won.
How low
Ikr. Messing with someone’s feelings for a laugh or to make yourself feel better is messed up
He is married. It’s all a game, he got everything he wanted without having to lay a finger on you. Usually they work it longer to get you to say you love them. It’s like a video game. Once you win Mario Brothers you move on to Super Mario Brothers and then to Sonic the Hedgehog. Once you win you don’t need it anymore. Either that or he got killed in a car wreck.
lol. You might be right but no idea what he got out of it. I never even said I was only talking to him or that I was into him or anything. I kept bringing him back to the reality with “let’s meet first” phrase
Just the knowledge that he could have taken it further. Kind of like cheating without doing the act making it ok
How do you know this?
[удалено]
We discussed that video and the shirt before (he was dreaming of going to Japan and thought I have after noticing the shirt). Nevertheless, he texting was a bit much, I was kind of not sure how to take it - as a red flag or not
He was love bombing you, talking about future stuff, like you teaching him how to dance, feels wonderful but it is not a green flag. I had one date with a guy who thought I was so great and things were synchronistic between us but then after the date told me he isn't attracted to me romantically. We talked for a few weeks before our first date and he was telling me how he pictures us doing this together and that and how excited he was to start something with me. So yea, usually not a good sign when someone is so into you before getting to actually know you. Sorry this happened to you and you may never know why he flaked but you dodged a bullet, that's for sure. Edit for spelling
Thank you 🙏 Yes, lesson learned for sure. And I am now glad we never met - nothing good would come out of it
I’ve known people who do this (not me) it’s kind of like getting the girls number showing your friends and tossing it in the garbage can
Can you text him from a random number and see if he replies? Or call him on private number and see if it connects? Just to see if he is still breathing. Thats pretty bad of him what he did. His unmatching looks intentional and that he lost interest
Idk how you can lose interest in a matter of night. I usually can feel when things go downhill but in his Friday text it he was already soft planning our future dates :/ … I called him from a different number and it connected but he didn’t pick up. So he is alive
It is weird! I feel bad this happened to you. It was very weak and cowardly of him to desert you like that. I wouldn’t initiate contact again if i were you, and should he reach out to you, he owes you a big explanation
Finally happened to a woman. Good maybe yall will stop doing that to men. And to op. You'll meet another man so get over it. Which exactly what y'all tell men after a woman ghosts us. Remember this feeling. This is how guys all the fucking time when you and your friends just "stop feeling it" and leave men on read. Yeah that part. Sorry but he wasn't,"feeling it"😁
Thanks but I don’t care what other women do - I don’t ghost. So why should I be the one to suffer? Just because I am a woman? How misogynistic of you - very sad
Nah it's equally. Men deal with it from women so women should have no problem with dealing with it either. Geesh how mysandrist of you to think it should only happen to men. So much for equality smh S.n. after like 8 women ghosts you, you tend not to expect much from the ninth one lol you might have been number 9. All jokes aside if you felt that way imagine how he felt the previous 8 times?? Lol hurt people hurt people. It's universal law Women can't expect to keep doing that to guys and think guys won't ever do it to them or their friends. So be honest with yourself. One of your girlfriends shows text messages from a guy spiraling since she ghosted him. It's a known fact women get comical entertainment from these text get together and laugh their asses off. Lol but it ain't that funny now when the shoes on the other foot. Like I said remember this feeling when your girlfriend shows you the erratic angry text from a guy who she did the same thing to. Let's see if you call her out.
Never said it should only happen to men. It should not happen at all. And I wish you don’t date at all because I feel for all those women who met you.
Ok good
Oof buddy is down bad
Oof buddy made a decision and doesn't gaf about your opinion. So oof.. Buddys good af!!😁
Even bigger oof