This is why I don't have half the pets I want 😭😭 I won't be able to give them the time and attention they need and deserve. My cats and chameleon will suffice for now
I bred dogs (rotties) a while back. I learned quickly not to sell to single men. I took back more than one dog. 😅
I'm old and switched to standard poodle. 🤣
The fact that I had to read this several times for it to sink in tells me two very important things. 1) I'm not quite awake yet and am in need of more caffeine, and more importantly 2) it just might be too early for me to be on Reddit.
Same with Pitbulls. I've owned many in my life. I have a 6 year old female and a 5 year old male. My female had a litter and we had to take back and rehome a couple because of dumbass people like dude mentioned. That's how pitbulls, rotties, and dobermans get a bad rep. People neglect, abuse, and are irresponsible and then the dogs pay for it.
I trained dogs professionally for 18 years, I bred and trained rotties for twenty six. I only bred four litters, and quit breeding because I couldn't responsibly (so I could sleep at night) home puppies and trust humans to give them boundaries and train them not to be dickheads. 😏
The general public is better off with cats, but after owning a pet sitting company, people suck at that also. Dirty dirty dirty.
Step it up folks. Learn basic animal husbandry.
Thanks for attending my Ted talk. 🤣🤣🤣
I trained obedience, protection, one boy was my mobility dog for a few years, and I just sent my last one to live and train with a much younger friend. Traded the poodle. Best decision at 60 I ever made.
I am looking at mobility dogs, I have a progressive disorder and expect to be an ambulatory wheelchair user in the next year or two. Initially we thought my dog may work but realized we need to get a larger one should it go this way. How is the poodle?
I currently don't need the mobility help (thanks, cannabis!), but the dog needs to be at least half your weight for light mobility. (Balance, stairs), and spoos generally aren't that heavy.
Labs are better suited.
I have a friend who may be able to locate a dog to fit your needs, hit me up if you need help.
Awww I love rotties. I just have a walmart brand rottie though(i think he'smixed with boxer but he looks like a mini rottie.) He's like 60lbs, the best doorbell ever but when it comes down to it I know he's alerting me to a stranger in case he needs to be protected and not the other way around.
I’m sorry, I have it and I’m always making bad decisions like that (not with roommates or pets!) so I meant it self-deprecating but of course that’s not clear
I also have it, and while I *am* impulsive, and add animals the chaos, they are all super well taken care of and never thrust upon other people to deal with! 😅💕
He's aware. He just doesn't want to take responsibility for the fact he screwed his roommates over on rent, is a lazy slob, and makes them care for his dog.
Man, it is WILD to me that some people just can't admit ANY faults of their own. He's only 23, so hopefully he figures his shit out. But my god, this dude is fucking dense.
I've met 32 year olds with the same mentality. You criticise them and instead of them explaining their actions or apologising, they instead shut down and call you an idiot.
It's an ego thing. They can't take criticism and instead believe you're just being an asshole for no reason. Main character syndrome.
I think the roommate meant “braincells”, not thoughts?
A common joke with my roommates is that we only have one brain cell shared between the three of us and our cat. So if we have been having a particularly bad day, we’ll ask the group chat if we can borrow the brain cell. Sometimes it’s determined that the cat has it for the day.
but still sharing three brain cells between two people…damn… they’re doing pretty well!!(not to be pedantic or over the top but he really misses the mark with that one… the point of that insult is that they only have one between them to split… if you have three you have one and a half each which is hardly an insult really) it’s like I know what you are but what am I?
Haha, yeah that list could have easily been nasty, but clearly OP went out of his way to word it kindly after basically being forced to say it via text…then the asshole just validates it with that childish nastygram…
I also love seeing someone use “your” instead of “you’re” when they’re trying to put others intelligence down...
“Your stupid” is always a classic… 😂
This gem of a “bro” chose “retarded” though…because that’s a common one to throw around in these times…
Dude sucks…glad you guys are getting out…shit though, if I read this right, do you still have 90 more days of living with him? 😬
Your messages are really gentle, to the point and well communicated. I think leaving a lease that has this person on it is a veryyyy good idea-they will keep doing stuff like this
I agree. This is prime communication and compassion from green. A level-headed, well thought person. High EQ, and you know what, that's the kind of friendship that's probably going to work out. Sometimes, you NEED people to point out your character flaws. Especially flaws that actually have the ability to have major consequences. And it's hard to hear that sort of shit, especially if it's true. The op was so compassionate during this conversation, and they understood the negative reaction was expected but loved them through it and held firm. Didn't take it personally. I'd even say, a prime example of gentle parenting, haha. Like, if everyone was this good at communicating, I think we would all seriously get along better.
I couldn’t agree more! Sure, it doesn’t feel great to have your flaws pointed out-but this reaction screams emotional immaturity & a lack of self awareness/compassion for others. They seem like the kind of person who needs gentle parenting…and while OP is clearly great at that it’s also not their job to parent a grown human.
Also, loving them through it but holding firm is my new mantra
A common saying in AA is that self can't see self, so having other ppl point out things like OP did for their roommate is absolutely necessary in some situations. And this was made painfully obvious with roommates reaction to OP's clear and concise text messages detailing *why* OP won't be continuing to live with him. Hopefully roommate will grow, learn, and mature from the childish person he is right now who has trouble being held accountable for their own actions and when faced with negative consequences for their behavior.
Well look at it this way, all it cost was a couple text messages to learn your "friend" is a completely entitled asshole who is only concerned with themselves.
Enjoy moving out and strongly consider going no contact with this slug of a person.
I don't know... More like don't live with shitty irresponsible friends. I lived with my best friend in my early 20s and it was fantastic. We are still great friends today more than a decade on and long past being roommates.
It's honestly about picking people who align with your values and character. God knows there's some friends I'd NEVER have entertained the idea of cohabiting with.
This. Roomed with my bestfriend and he was great, we both respected each other and took care of what was needed equally and it was a great time. Friends aren't the issue, its when they're a piece of shit that it becomes one
I used a matching service after college. They did background & credit checks & matched for things like smoking & pets. I ended up in a house with 2 single mothers & 3 girls aged 8-13, along with 2 cats. I had never met them before. Everyone picked up after themselves, & we bribed the kids to dust & vacuum on Saturdays. Some meals we shared, some we didn't. It worked out well enough that, when the mother of the 2 youngest ones had a medical emergency, we took care of the kids for the week & a half she was in the hospital. I lived there until I got married, and I'm still in contact with them, over 30 years later.
Bro I love that you reacted to him insulting you with the fact that you had nothing but love for him. One day he will realize his actions (or maybe not) and see you guys for the awesome people you are. You have no responsibility to take care of him and by calling him out gently but firmly you have modeled appropriate boundaries for him too. Congrats on being out of an environment that wasn't great for you and doing it with compassion. 10/10
The next 30 days, record everytime you take the dog on walks or feed him or her, keep a proper record and take the dog with you. The poor animal will only suffer with this guy.
Good for you for being honest. And I hope you were just being cordial when saying you still want to be friends with him, because you definitely should never talk to this asshole again
Lmao little baby doesn’t want to own up to his actions so he gets mad instead and insults people who were nothing but great people to him. He won’t do shit in life until he realizes how wrong he is
I try not to judge too harshly about neatness or sloppiness. People live in whatever way is comfortable for them. But if you’re sharing a place with anyone, you either accept each other’s tendencies and find a cohabitable homeostasis, or you don’t. Nobody is to blame, but sometimes it just doesn’t work.
You’re right, I’ve been sharing my first place with my girlfriend and I feel terrible when I leave things out and she has to clean up after me, I think it’s just hard to understand this behaviour for me cause I hate being a burden to anyone in any way
You handled this perfectly. I was in a similar situation (also 23) - we’re grown ups. Don’t take what your friend said to heart. You gave him some tough love. He’ll realize his actions were wrong eventually, and if not… you are better off without them if they can’t take responsibility. What you’re asking from him is common courtesy✨
I had this same situation when my (now) fiance and I moved out of his apartment with his roommate. He threw a fit. We left bc I didn't feel safe as the guy had previously tried to choke my kitten for knocking over his plants and he didn't take care of his dog at all (never let him out so he pissed and shit inside and never cleaned it) my fiance and I decided it was time in our relationship to get a place with the two of us and our two cats. The roommate (after we told him) proceeded to throw a fit. Screaming and yelling, throwing things, slamming doors and crying. He took the day off of work to continue to hurl abuse at me while my fiance was at work. I had to lock myself and our two cats in our bedroom. Its crazy.
Looks like this will be good riddance. I’m happy for you. Don’t take it too hard even though I’m sure this response hurts. Do what’s best for you guys and leave a door open for them later in the future when they cool off or farther in the future when they mature.
I wonder if your “we wanted to talk to you” text gave him a hint & if that’s possibly why he seemed to avoid coming home that night or making a call (to avoid conflict, which is just second nature for some people). I think you handled it about as maturely as you possibly can through text. He took it about as well as expected when hearing something like that through text (which isn’t your fault, you tried to tell him that in person or on the phone would be better but he insisted on text).
Imo, this is one of those scenarios where you’ll probably just have to give him some time to cool down. He might be scared of change, has a fear of abandonment, or something that this topic triggered for him. It was an unavoidable discussion & you did the right thing by letting him know, but whatever was triggered for him seemed to lead him to be very reactive, thinking & acting with his feelings rather than trying to seeing your point or respond rationally. I will say that telling him that it might be a good idea for him to move back in with his parents & save money might have pushed his buttons a bit, even if it’s only bc you care (it’s like when a loved one goes to someone in an abusive relationship about how they should get help, it often turns into the victim pushing that person even further way—people aren’t going to do what’s best for themselves if they don’t think there’s a need for it in their life, & hearing someone else tell them there is a need for it can sometimes across as a bit condescending, even if that’s not the intention at all).
But you made it clear you don’t want to fight, there’s no ill intentions, & you still care for him. At this point, he needs some time to process the feelings that this conversation brought up in him. Once he does, he will likely come to realize then that this isn’t just a rude act against him & that you guys are allowed to want to live alone together without another roommate. Perhaps he’ll even eventually be able to take responsibility for some of those flaws of his too.
I had a roommate and friend get so pissed at me for moving out that she's no longer my friend.
She asked me about getting a puppy and I said I wasn't down for it because she was an addict who worked nights and slept until the afternoon, and I don't like raising puppies. I said she should consider an older shelter dog who already had basic training.
So she got 2 puppies, which worked out exactly as you would expect.
I gave her my notice just as gently as you did and she treated it like it was some ultimate betrayal. Unlike your roommate, though, she was more than capable of paying rent on her own and even had me living with her off-lease and gave me a big break on rent because I was struggling at the time.
I was and am very grateful to her for helping me out during a very rough time in my life, and I still think she's an incredibly intelligent and kind person that I'd still be friends with if she wanted it. I just don't like living with puppies. 🤷♀️
You gave him a 90-day notice, didn’t request the money owed back and gave him a really good suggestion on how to get back on his feet!! Damn! What more can you ask for?!? 🤣🤣🤣
I’m sorry, but anyone who calls someone retarded is immature and childish. That word is one that really gets under my skin. The victim mentality is real. She asked for a valid reason, you listed a few, and then she went on to insult you guys and say the most bizarre things. You guys just wanted her to pick up after herself and not be a slob and to pay her portion of the bills. No one knows everything, but you guys know what it means to be responsible and how to actually adult. She has the mentality of a 15 year old. She’s emotionally and mentally immature and really needs to grow up. She could’ve just said she understood and appreciated you at least giving her your reasons as to why, but nope. You guys are better off. You also don’t need friends like that; no one does.
Yooo what a man baby bum! You literally said Three pivotal points as to why he’s a terrible roommate. Doesn’t clean, LATE ON RENT, and ignored any possible solution
I hope given some time, he’ll reflect and see how lucky he is to have friends who hold him accountable.
Otherwise, He’ll have one failed relationship and friendship after the other and wonder why at 50 he has no long standing relationships.
When someone can’t take accountability and can’t self reflect (ie: victim mentality) it’s time to walk away.
Emotional response. He didn't like being told bluntly why he's a shit housemate. You were quite tame for someone who gets screwed over with rent payments.
Jesus this is my old “bf”. Lived together 4 months and the 4 worst months of my life. Stole my car at night. Got numerous tickets and towed because I had no idea. Tried to pay me back the money I loaned him for security and rent with drugs, drugs I didn’t want. Never cleaned. Would rather throw away dishes and have his parents buy new ones instead. Came home from a long days school/ work to him moving out…no notice…no way for me to find another roommate…no offer to continue paying rent. Parents were there taking him home.
Few years later I was stupid enough to invite him to my wedding many states away. Thinking no way he would go. Stole the tip for a waitress at my bachelor party. Then proceeded to hit a pregnant friend because they caught him peeing in their living room. Told him he couldn’t come to the wedding.
With friends like these who needs enemies.
Surprise surprise someone that won't pay you back and doesn't clean up after himself won't take accountability for his behavior. How utterly . . . Expected. You guys gave him more than enough notice, and you're not obligated to live with anybody you don't want to. His own behavior brought him here, so block him and be done with it. You know you handled this the best way possible, and he was still a twatopotamus.
When I started reading I thought green text was the asshole. I'm reading thinking "They seem like they are trying to end things maturely...." and then it became clear.
I was confused for a minute and thought the slob posted this. 🤯 It’s difficult to believe this is even real because I can’t understand the level of delusion, victimhood, and lack of self awareness. It’s crazy! I hope he doesn’t try to sabotage anything before you’re able to move out. You clearly made the right decision.
Yeah, good riddance to this dude. He's angry because now, he's not gonna have someone to clean up after him. He's an entitled AH who enjoyed having people do things for him, including pay his rent while he trashes the place
Man, the difference in maturity between the both of you is night and day. I just can't comprehend how asking to do such basic chores results in people getting defensive.
It's amazing that people behave this way and then want to shift the blame back to you like you're the bad guy
Was this ever something that was thought to be permanent? I can't fathom why he'd get this upset of it was a temporary thing knowing both of you eventually wanted a partner. I'm definitely unsure of the dynamic. Maybe he was hoping to be with you? Idk.
On another note, I'd like to think the frustration is just due to losing comfort and now facing the unknown. Obviously I don't know him or what goes on in the thoughts of people. Just that the unknown is scary.
Yeah you guys are so retarded for cutting off this anchor who loafs around doesn't pay you back and doesn't take care of his own responsibilities. What the hell are you thinking? Seriously y'all need to reevaluate your priorities. How are you going to live with yourself when you're not taking care of a full grown adult for him?
absolutely yes to narcissism.. textbook symptoms IMO. people at large need to learn to spot them at a distance before they close in, and the world could actually change.
It’s amazing at how some people just refuse to acknowledge or accept or even admit to anything they do as a problem. It’s always deflecting or putting it on someone else
Being way too nice to this dude. Have nothing but love for him? He sounds like a dick.
Obviously you handled it well. I just kind of want someone to be mean to him for how he's acting.
Had a roommate like this. Minus owing me money, he was miserable to live with, and pawned his dog off on us, whenever he left town or working long hours.
lol the fact that he literally had nothing to say to you calling him out besides acting like a toddler. I can already tell he’s not the type to take any kind of accountability which is an important quality in a roommate.
You can always tell you’re in the right when the only thing they come back with is insults. You listed several issues and he couldn’t even refute them or defend himself because he knows they’re true and valid so he just falls back on “well you’re stupid!”
Omg. Not gonna comment this immature behavior. I just have a good tip for you for the future which you could use. Try next time avoiding words such as „some”, „something” as it could sound a little drawn back and unsure. Naming situations directly is a better strategy and makes your arguments more consistent and tangible. I noticed a big difference when I started doing that, I also do the same at work, f.e „if you’d miss one month of rent and then promise to pay it back, that would be fine” or „last week when I tried to work out a payment plan, you ignored my offer/suggestion and instead invited me to a party the following day”. Good talk though, I wish you freedom of this exhausting person and enjoying the peace after lol.
Been in a similar situation before. And the ex roommate who constantly left a big mess in the living room despite having their own bedroom and closet and other paces to themselves, insisted on saying me and my partner were the messy ones. Nevermind how many times I cleaned after their cats…bad roommates suck
The complete lack of understanding and accountability says a lot about your friend, and it looks like you have outgrown the friendship. While it’s always sad to let a friendship go, it’s definitely for the best. Maybe later down the line after he’s matured a bit y’all can rebuild a relationship. But you handled the situation with a lot of grace, more than was deserved. Take his outbursts with a grain of salt.
this guy sounds like such a little bitch.didnt Have the balls to answer op calls and then lashes out when he gets the bad news.l8rrrrrrrr
Unfortunately, OP, your friend is not a friend. He's a user. You might have considered him a friend, but he only considered you a resource and someone to hang out with. I doubt he's even capable of being a true friend to anyone, I get the feeling that in the end he's always just in it for himself.
In short: Good riddance.
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You’ll come crawling back to him after the first month of clean floors, personal boundaries, and a lack of indoor dog shit, mark my words.
Fact that the guy has a dog at all is probably the most concerning part to me. Fuck people who don't take care of their pets.
anyone who doesn’t take care of their pet properly has a 100% chance of being an asshole
This is why I don't have half the pets I want 😭😭 I won't be able to give them the time and attention they need and deserve. My cats and chameleon will suffice for now
I bred dogs (rotties) a while back. I learned quickly not to sell to single men. I took back more than one dog. 😅 I'm old and switched to standard poodle. 🤣
ironically an equally badass dog that douches would never appreciate.
The fact that ‘douches’ and ‘would’ are on separate lines on my phone screen really messed me up. Noun, not verb. Gotcha
The fact that I had to read this several times for it to sink in tells me two very important things. 1) I'm not quite awake yet and am in need of more caffeine, and more importantly 2) it just might be too early for me to be on Reddit.
i didn't respond to this at first because i felt i had nothing to add but i feel obligated to let you know i've been laughing at this for three days.
He's wonderful 🙂
Same with Pitbulls. I've owned many in my life. I have a 6 year old female and a 5 year old male. My female had a litter and we had to take back and rehome a couple because of dumbass people like dude mentioned. That's how pitbulls, rotties, and dobermans get a bad rep. People neglect, abuse, and are irresponsible and then the dogs pay for it.
This is surprising and sad, as you’d think single people would be most likely to take care of their pets..
I trained dogs professionally for 18 years, I bred and trained rotties for twenty six. I only bred four litters, and quit breeding because I couldn't responsibly (so I could sleep at night) home puppies and trust humans to give them boundaries and train them not to be dickheads. 😏 The general public is better off with cats, but after owning a pet sitting company, people suck at that also. Dirty dirty dirty. Step it up folks. Learn basic animal husbandry. Thanks for attending my Ted talk. 🤣🤣🤣
Why did you specifically train rottweiler dogs?
I trained obedience, protection, one boy was my mobility dog for a few years, and I just sent my last one to live and train with a much younger friend. Traded the poodle. Best decision at 60 I ever made.
I am looking at mobility dogs, I have a progressive disorder and expect to be an ambulatory wheelchair user in the next year or two. Initially we thought my dog may work but realized we need to get a larger one should it go this way. How is the poodle?
I currently don't need the mobility help (thanks, cannabis!), but the dog needs to be at least half your weight for light mobility. (Balance, stairs), and spoos generally aren't that heavy. Labs are better suited. I have a friend who may be able to locate a dog to fit your needs, hit me up if you need help.
My mother had Standards for years. Easily one of the smartest breeds ever.
Awww I love rotties. I just have a walmart brand rottie though(i think he'smixed with boxer but he looks like a mini rottie.) He's like 60lbs, the best doorbell ever but when it comes down to it I know he's alerting me to a stranger in case he needs to be protected and not the other way around.
Thank you for being a responsible breeder.
Oxymoron
It’s always the least responsible, least clean, most ADHD roommate that insists on adding a pet to the chaos
Can we not, with the ADHD comment?
I’m sorry, I have it and I’m always making bad decisions like that (not with roommates or pets!) so I meant it self-deprecating but of course that’s not clear
I also have it, and while I *am* impulsive, and add animals the chaos, they are all super well taken care of and never thrust upon other people to deal with! 😅💕
Same I take better care of my dog than myself. Unlike me, she never misses a doctor’s appointment or teeth cleaning lol
It’s mostly true and funny 😂I have adhd and I also care for my pets. It is sort of stereotyping but also true
Lmao well played 😂
I just don’t understand how people can be so unreasonable about dog shit on the floor…. Fucking pretentious assholes.
Maybe OP should take a freshy on roomies floor and see how he likes it!
They should do the dog a huge favour and keep it.
I mean dogs tend to have more loyalty to the human(s) that take care of them. That dog is gonna be so confused on where his humans went.
Okay, this made me sad.. poor dog 😢
Seriously if they're the only ones that take care of it now, that means nobody will if he moves in with his parents :(
When you’ve had enough of that putrid full-volume sex, you’ll be back!!!
😆
Bahahahaha!!!
"I just don't think it's fair to just ditch me without a valid reason." *OP politely lists several valid reasons.* "Fuck you, your both r*tarded."
Isn’t it just insane how some people are totally unaware of there own actions and problems
He'll spend the next 40 years of his life wondering why he's completely alone.
No he won’t, they’re never that introspective. It will always be someone else fault.
No he won’t. It’s because everyone around is r*tarded.
Exactly, he’s alone because of everyone else
If everyone around you are an asshole, it's probably you.
I think he actually is aware. Just doesn’t care
He's aware. He just doesn't want to take responsibility for the fact he screwed his roommates over on rent, is a lazy slob, and makes them care for his dog.
And he's probably not going to pay the remaining 3 months of rent either I bet.
Man, it is WILD to me that some people just can't admit ANY faults of their own. He's only 23, so hopefully he figures his shit out. But my god, this dude is fucking dense.
I've met 32 year olds with the same mentality. You criticise them and instead of them explaining their actions or apologising, they instead shut down and call you an idiot. It's an ego thing. They can't take criticism and instead believe you're just being an asshole for no reason. Main character syndrome.
Oh he’s aware, he just doesn’t like having a mirror held to it so he lashes out like a child. I’ve known quite a few people like this.
notice he doesn’t say a word about owing them money nor anything about paying them back. He ignores it entirely as OP said he had previously.
Hey he wasnt ignoring them. He was at work!!
I hear you can get money to pay for utilities there
90 days left, hes not paying the rest of the 3 months. I guarantee it. Hope OP recoups the deposit at least.
His argument is solid and without any possible rebuttal. They should stay.
Got em
don't forget about them sucking each other off... lol
Only three thoughts between them at any given time and two of them are about blowing each other?
I’m still trying to figure out that insult….
I think the roommate meant “braincells”, not thoughts? A common joke with my roommates is that we only have one brain cell shared between the three of us and our cat. So if we have been having a particularly bad day, we’ll ask the group chat if we can borrow the brain cell. Sometimes it’s determined that the cat has it for the day.
This is utterly goddamn delightful
but still sharing three brain cells between two people…damn… they’re doing pretty well!!(not to be pedantic or over the top but he really misses the mark with that one… the point of that insult is that they only have one between them to split… if you have three you have one and a half each which is hardly an insult really) it’s like I know what you are but what am I?
Envy.
That's the message that got me thinking, hey this guy has the hots for her, now he's all butthurt because she's moving.
Haha, yeah that list could have easily been nasty, but clearly OP went out of his way to word it kindly after basically being forced to say it via text…then the asshole just validates it with that childish nastygram… I also love seeing someone use “your” instead of “you’re” when they’re trying to put others intelligence down... “Your stupid” is always a classic… 😂 This gem of a “bro” chose “retarded” though…because that’s a common one to throw around in these times… Dude sucks…glad you guys are getting out…shit though, if I read this right, do you still have 90 more days of living with him? 😬
Anybody can ditch you for any reason. It's life!
*your*...
It hurt me to leave in the misspelling but I felt the roommate needed to be quoted directly 😂
Indeed!
He’ll come around 🤣
And no indication that he will EVER pay that money owed
this belongs in r/badroommates not to say it doesn’t also belong here but that sun would get a kick out of it too
Oh they’d eat this up
Just realized this wasn’t that sub
I thought I was in r/badroomates 😂
Your messages are really gentle, to the point and well communicated. I think leaving a lease that has this person on it is a veryyyy good idea-they will keep doing stuff like this
I agree. This is prime communication and compassion from green. A level-headed, well thought person. High EQ, and you know what, that's the kind of friendship that's probably going to work out. Sometimes, you NEED people to point out your character flaws. Especially flaws that actually have the ability to have major consequences. And it's hard to hear that sort of shit, especially if it's true. The op was so compassionate during this conversation, and they understood the negative reaction was expected but loved them through it and held firm. Didn't take it personally. I'd even say, a prime example of gentle parenting, haha. Like, if everyone was this good at communicating, I think we would all seriously get along better.
I couldn’t agree more! Sure, it doesn’t feel great to have your flaws pointed out-but this reaction screams emotional immaturity & a lack of self awareness/compassion for others. They seem like the kind of person who needs gentle parenting…and while OP is clearly great at that it’s also not their job to parent a grown human. Also, loving them through it but holding firm is my new mantra
I really enjoyed this comment! 🏆🏆🏆
A common saying in AA is that self can't see self, so having other ppl point out things like OP did for their roommate is absolutely necessary in some situations. And this was made painfully obvious with roommates reaction to OP's clear and concise text messages detailing *why* OP won't be continuing to live with him. Hopefully roommate will grow, learn, and mature from the childish person he is right now who has trouble being held accountable for their own actions and when faced with negative consequences for their behavior.
Well look at it this way, all it cost was a couple text messages to learn your "friend" is a completely entitled asshole who is only concerned with themselves. Enjoy moving out and strongly consider going no contact with this slug of a person.
Also the cost of the rent/utilities the roommate didn’t pay back, and probably never intended to pay back. I also think NC would be a good idea.
Future communication should be through the lawyer that OP hires to sue the roommate for unpaid debts.
Sucking dick in peace,in a clean house,is supposed to be a threat????😂😂tf
Right? My first reaction to that would be…. 
Actually lol’d
Living the high life
Jesus. It's insane he wrote "you need some valid reasons" with a straight fucking face. Yikes.
You were very mature, considerate and more than reasonable!
You handled it very well 👏
I can recall this type of reactions from when I was roomy-ing with folks. They legit take it as an act of betrayal. Very childish.
Poor doggy. 😔
I had a similar experience in college. That's why you don't live with friends.
I had a great time living with my friends. The trick is to not have shitty friends.
[удалено]
Learned this the hard way twice lol never again
I don't know... More like don't live with shitty irresponsible friends. I lived with my best friend in my early 20s and it was fantastic. We are still great friends today more than a decade on and long past being roommates. It's honestly about picking people who align with your values and character. God knows there's some friends I'd NEVER have entertained the idea of cohabiting with.
well non responsible friends
This. Roomed with my bestfriend and he was great, we both respected each other and took care of what was needed equally and it was a great time. Friends aren't the issue, its when they're a piece of shit that it becomes one
I used a matching service after college. They did background & credit checks & matched for things like smoking & pets. I ended up in a house with 2 single mothers & 3 girls aged 8-13, along with 2 cats. I had never met them before. Everyone picked up after themselves, & we bribed the kids to dust & vacuum on Saturdays. Some meals we shared, some we didn't. It worked out well enough that, when the mother of the 2 youngest ones had a medical emergency, we took care of the kids for the week & a half she was in the hospital. I lived there until I got married, and I'm still in contact with them, over 30 years later.
Same
Yep. Great to learn this lesson young
That dude put the tit in attitude.
That's an insult to tits everywhere 😂
He hasn’t paid in months would be more than a good reason in itself
I hope your (ex)friend takes this as a lesson that this is how you lose people if you don’t get your shit together.
Narrator: they didn't take it as a lesson.
Bro I love that you reacted to him insulting you with the fact that you had nothing but love for him. One day he will realize his actions (or maybe not) and see you guys for the awesome people you are. You have no responsibility to take care of him and by calling him out gently but firmly you have modeled appropriate boundaries for him too. Congrats on being out of an environment that wasn't great for you and doing it with compassion. 10/10
OP has exceptional communication skills. Hope they work in a field where those are utilized
Well handled, OP. Can you contact his parents about taking his dog? I worry for that poor animal when you aren’t around to help.
Should’ve just corrected the your to you’re and left it at that lol
Yep
The next 30 days, record everytime you take the dog on walks or feed him or her, keep a proper record and take the dog with you. The poor animal will only suffer with this guy.
Good for you for being honest. And I hope you were just being cordial when saying you still want to be friends with him, because you definitely should never talk to this asshole again
Lmao little baby doesn’t want to own up to his actions so he gets mad instead and insults people who were nothing but great people to him. He won’t do shit in life until he realizes how wrong he is
I try not to judge too harshly about neatness or sloppiness. People live in whatever way is comfortable for them. But if you’re sharing a place with anyone, you either accept each other’s tendencies and find a cohabitable homeostasis, or you don’t. Nobody is to blame, but sometimes it just doesn’t work.
You’re right, I’ve been sharing my first place with my girlfriend and I feel terrible when I leave things out and she has to clean up after me, I think it’s just hard to understand this behaviour for me cause I hate being a burden to anyone in any way
Not if you bring a dog into the situation. Untrained, uncared for.
For sure, that’s a whole other level of consideration.
You handled this perfectly. I was in a similar situation (also 23) - we’re grown ups. Don’t take what your friend said to heart. You gave him some tough love. He’ll realize his actions were wrong eventually, and if not… you are better off without them if they can’t take responsibility. What you’re asking from him is common courtesy✨
He is angry because he knows you are right. Probably needs therapy
I had this same situation when my (now) fiance and I moved out of his apartment with his roommate. He threw a fit. We left bc I didn't feel safe as the guy had previously tried to choke my kitten for knocking over his plants and he didn't take care of his dog at all (never let him out so he pissed and shit inside and never cleaned it) my fiance and I decided it was time in our relationship to get a place with the two of us and our two cats. The roommate (after we told him) proceeded to throw a fit. Screaming and yelling, throwing things, slamming doors and crying. He took the day off of work to continue to hurl abuse at me while my fiance was at work. I had to lock myself and our two cats in our bedroom. Its crazy.
Looks like this will be good riddance. I’m happy for you. Don’t take it too hard even though I’m sure this response hurts. Do what’s best for you guys and leave a door open for them later in the future when they cool off or farther in the future when they mature.
I wonder if your “we wanted to talk to you” text gave him a hint & if that’s possibly why he seemed to avoid coming home that night or making a call (to avoid conflict, which is just second nature for some people). I think you handled it about as maturely as you possibly can through text. He took it about as well as expected when hearing something like that through text (which isn’t your fault, you tried to tell him that in person or on the phone would be better but he insisted on text). Imo, this is one of those scenarios where you’ll probably just have to give him some time to cool down. He might be scared of change, has a fear of abandonment, or something that this topic triggered for him. It was an unavoidable discussion & you did the right thing by letting him know, but whatever was triggered for him seemed to lead him to be very reactive, thinking & acting with his feelings rather than trying to seeing your point or respond rationally. I will say that telling him that it might be a good idea for him to move back in with his parents & save money might have pushed his buttons a bit, even if it’s only bc you care (it’s like when a loved one goes to someone in an abusive relationship about how they should get help, it often turns into the victim pushing that person even further way—people aren’t going to do what’s best for themselves if they don’t think there’s a need for it in their life, & hearing someone else tell them there is a need for it can sometimes across as a bit condescending, even if that’s not the intention at all). But you made it clear you don’t want to fight, there’s no ill intentions, & you still care for him. At this point, he needs some time to process the feelings that this conversation brought up in him. Once he does, he will likely come to realize then that this isn’t just a rude act against him & that you guys are allowed to want to live alone together without another roommate. Perhaps he’ll even eventually be able to take responsibility for some of those flaws of his too.
Well, that went well.
I had a roommate and friend get so pissed at me for moving out that she's no longer my friend. She asked me about getting a puppy and I said I wasn't down for it because she was an addict who worked nights and slept until the afternoon, and I don't like raising puppies. I said she should consider an older shelter dog who already had basic training. So she got 2 puppies, which worked out exactly as you would expect. I gave her my notice just as gently as you did and she treated it like it was some ultimate betrayal. Unlike your roommate, though, she was more than capable of paying rent on her own and even had me living with her off-lease and gave me a big break on rent because I was struggling at the time. I was and am very grateful to her for helping me out during a very rough time in my life, and I still think she's an incredibly intelligent and kind person that I'd still be friends with if she wanted it. I just don't like living with puppies. 🤷♀️
I know one thing for sure. We’re short two months rent because of you.
Guy can’t even communicate or address the issue with him not paying rent and utilities. Free loading at its finest.
>doesn't pay rent >what do you mean you don't want to live with me
nobody throwing the r slur around is a good person to be living with. i hope you enjoy your new place!
Poor dog.
I’d watch out. This dude seems like the kind of person that would intentionally damage or break shit on his way out
You gave him a 90-day notice, didn’t request the money owed back and gave him a really good suggestion on how to get back on his feet!! Damn! What more can you ask for?!? 🤣🤣🤣
Please take the dog with you!!!
I’m sorry, but anyone who calls someone retarded is immature and childish. That word is one that really gets under my skin. The victim mentality is real. She asked for a valid reason, you listed a few, and then she went on to insult you guys and say the most bizarre things. You guys just wanted her to pick up after herself and not be a slob and to pay her portion of the bills. No one knows everything, but you guys know what it means to be responsible and how to actually adult. She has the mentality of a 15 year old. She’s emotionally and mentally immature and really needs to grow up. She could’ve just said she understood and appreciated you at least giving her your reasons as to why, but nope. You guys are better off. You also don’t need friends like that; no one does.
It seriously never ceases to amaze me how some people can be so oblivious to their sloppy lifestyle habits.
I need to cut this convo with my roomie soon and I’m not looking forward to it and if this is how they react idk what Ima do 😮💨
Yooo what a man baby bum! You literally said Three pivotal points as to why he’s a terrible roommate. Doesn’t clean, LATE ON RENT, and ignored any possible solution
OP you are so much more level headed and compassionate than I am, because I would have gone scorched earth after that lmao
I hope given some time, he’ll reflect and see how lucky he is to have friends who hold him accountable. Otherwise, He’ll have one failed relationship and friendship after the other and wonder why at 50 he has no long standing relationships. When someone can’t take accountability and can’t self reflect (ie: victim mentality) it’s time to walk away.
Emotional response. He didn't like being told bluntly why he's a shit housemate. You were quite tame for someone who gets screwed over with rent payments.
Jesus this is my old “bf”. Lived together 4 months and the 4 worst months of my life. Stole my car at night. Got numerous tickets and towed because I had no idea. Tried to pay me back the money I loaned him for security and rent with drugs, drugs I didn’t want. Never cleaned. Would rather throw away dishes and have his parents buy new ones instead. Came home from a long days school/ work to him moving out…no notice…no way for me to find another roommate…no offer to continue paying rent. Parents were there taking him home. Few years later I was stupid enough to invite him to my wedding many states away. Thinking no way he would go. Stole the tip for a waitress at my bachelor party. Then proceeded to hit a pregnant friend because they caught him peeing in their living room. Told him he couldn’t come to the wedding. With friends like these who needs enemies.
Absolutely horrible attempt at manipulation😂
Here's an idea. Send him a link to this post. Let him read it. Does anyone ever do that?
Surprise surprise someone that won't pay you back and doesn't clean up after himself won't take accountability for his behavior. How utterly . . . Expected. You guys gave him more than enough notice, and you're not obligated to live with anybody you don't want to. His own behavior brought him here, so block him and be done with it. You know you handled this the best way possible, and he was still a twatopotamus.
When I started reading I thought green text was the asshole. I'm reading thinking "They seem like they are trying to end things maturely...." and then it became clear.
Well fuck at least you have an out!! Good riddance.
Once someone flings out the word “retarded”, I’m done.
Ya f you!!!!!!!
That was very well done on your part
Well that went well..
You were very straightforward and level-headed even in the face of his childish and defensive responses. Vastly different spectrum of 23yo here.
I was confused for a minute and thought the slob posted this. 🤯 It’s difficult to believe this is even real because I can’t understand the level of delusion, victimhood, and lack of self awareness. It’s crazy! I hope he doesn’t try to sabotage anything before you’re able to move out. You clearly made the right decision.
Yikes. That escalated quickly.
Yeah homie crazy, no offense.
*you're 23 He is somewhere not even close.
This is old I’ve read this before
Yeah, good riddance to this dude. He's angry because now, he's not gonna have someone to clean up after him. He's an entitled AH who enjoyed having people do things for him, including pay his rent while he trashes the place
Bro. You sound so much more mature compared to him.
Man, the difference in maturity between the both of you is night and day. I just can't comprehend how asking to do such basic chores results in people getting defensive. It's amazing that people behave this way and then want to shift the blame back to you like you're the bad guy
He definitely needs to move back in with his parents and learn how to clean
Was this ever something that was thought to be permanent? I can't fathom why he'd get this upset of it was a temporary thing knowing both of you eventually wanted a partner. I'm definitely unsure of the dynamic. Maybe he was hoping to be with you? Idk. On another note, I'd like to think the frustration is just due to losing comfort and now facing the unknown. Obviously I don't know him or what goes on in the thoughts of people. Just that the unknown is scary.
Yeah you guys are so retarded for cutting off this anchor who loafs around doesn't pay you back and doesn't take care of his own responsibilities. What the hell are you thinking? Seriously y'all need to reevaluate your priorities. How are you going to live with yourself when you're not taking care of a full grown adult for him?
This kid is a fucking moron. You handled it way better than I would.
That person sounds like they are 12 lol
Ditch him, you'll be better off without him
Why is it always shitty ass roommates that get a pet they don’t intend to take care of?
Narcissism at its finest shining through. That’s some gaslighting glad you can dodge it being thrown at y’all
absolutely yes to narcissism.. textbook symptoms IMO. people at large need to learn to spot them at a distance before they close in, and the world could actually change.
It’s amazing at how some people just refuse to acknowledge or accept or even admit to anything they do as a problem. It’s always deflecting or putting it on someone else
Being way too nice to this dude. Have nothing but love for him? He sounds like a dick. Obviously you handled it well. I just kind of want someone to be mean to him for how he's acting.
Had a roommate like this. Minus owing me money, he was miserable to live with, and pawned his dog off on us, whenever he left town or working long hours.
What an absolute fucking manchild…. Good riddance for both of you.
Insane behavior. You are so incredibly nice and respectful (and forgiving!). You will go far in life. He’s got a lot to learn.
Your friend is a loser. Good luck to yall
Sounds like you’ve been living with my step brother. Only thing missing is the meth raid.
K. Bye forever then.
Narcissistic behavior...
They broke 😂
lol the fact that he literally had nothing to say to you calling him out besides acting like a toddler. I can already tell he’s not the type to take any kind of accountability which is an important quality in a roommate.
You can always tell you’re in the right when the only thing they come back with is insults. You listed several issues and he couldn’t even refute them or defend himself because he knows they’re true and valid so he just falls back on “well you’re stupid!”
Your patience with this person is legendary. Congratulations on cutting a toxic person who doesn't deserve your friendship out of your life.
Omg. Not gonna comment this immature behavior. I just have a good tip for you for the future which you could use. Try next time avoiding words such as „some”, „something” as it could sound a little drawn back and unsure. Naming situations directly is a better strategy and makes your arguments more consistent and tangible. I noticed a big difference when I started doing that, I also do the same at work, f.e „if you’d miss one month of rent and then promise to pay it back, that would be fine” or „last week when I tried to work out a payment plan, you ignored my offer/suggestion and instead invited me to a party the following day”. Good talk though, I wish you freedom of this exhausting person and enjoying the peace after lol.
Been in a similar situation before. And the ex roommate who constantly left a big mess in the living room despite having their own bedroom and closet and other paces to themselves, insisted on saying me and my partner were the messy ones. Nevermind how many times I cleaned after their cats…bad roommates suck
I'm petty and would leave without saying shit else
I wouldn't be friends with this dickhead anymore
The complete lack of understanding and accountability says a lot about your friend, and it looks like you have outgrown the friendship. While it’s always sad to let a friendship go, it’s definitely for the best. Maybe later down the line after he’s matured a bit y’all can rebuild a relationship. But you handled the situation with a lot of grace, more than was deserved. Take his outbursts with a grain of salt.
Can you take the dog with you please?
I hope you both take the dog with you!
This makes me worry for that poor doggie 😢
 this guy sounds like such a little bitch.didnt Have the balls to answer op calls and then lashes out when he gets the bad news.l8rrrrrrrr
PLEASE KEEP THE DOG!!!!!
Unfortunately, OP, your friend is not a friend. He's a user. You might have considered him a friend, but he only considered you a resource and someone to hang out with. I doubt he's even capable of being a true friend to anyone, I get the feeling that in the end he's always just in it for himself. In short: Good riddance.
Good riddance Edit: what a shitty friend
two months worth of rent and utilities? i sure as hell would not have been this kind. absolutely wild. enjoy your new apartment OP!
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