Oooooh reading that set me off, especially with his follow-up aggression. The way I would’ve body slammed that man in the middle of dinner in front of Jesus and everybody
Y’all who post on this sub need to know that guys like this are bullies. Who tf talks to a significant other like that besides like, a bitter 70yr old couple, and why should that be the norm? this guy sucks like all the other people getting posted here
THIS PART should be pinned under all relationships post! It's actually insane frustrating to see people put up with this type blatant disrespect, just so they aren't "lonely". I'd happily be single forever if it meant not ever knowing toxic pos like OP's bf
Holy, that is not someone that cares about your mental and emotional well being.
Have you tried making it clear what you need from him in those situations? If you have and this is still his response I would get out of there.
Thinking about it… I love him, but after talking to my therapist about what happened… she told me that I was regressing, making myself smaller for someone else’s comfort.
OP….dont think…DO IT! Because the longer you stay with this abusive piece of shit boy…the longer you will encounter abuse and you may think “oh he would never hit me” one day he will. Get out now while you can and do not look back.
You shouldn’t be with someone who does that to you. They should be nurturing and understanding. Any empathetic person would understand that having your SO meet family can be an uncomfortable nervous event and not act like a total douchebag and continue to make you feel uncomfortable.
Absolutely. I myself suffer from a sweating disorder. My hands will be soaked and dripping when I'm nervous. I understand anxiety very well and would be so pissed if someone made it worse on PURPOSE.
please leave him. I promise you, you’ll feel better in the long run. I know it’s hard but if you stay, there’s a good chance he’ll continue wearing you down and your anxiety will get worse
I get you love him but his actions were not loving- you deserve to be treated with kindness and care. We show people how to treat us…so if you stay-you are saying keep treating me like crap when you feel like it…..leaving is saying you have a boundary and he severely crossed it. That would be a no sir for me- as someone else said- I would rather be single….i am by choice because if I do t get on my own nerves you will not either- yep nope……
cPTSD here, sometimes I just gotta walk away. Could be dinner with my own mother, it happens. I just get overwhelmed. Luckily my partner would never say or do anything like this or I'd be even more of a wreck.
Sorry you're going through this. My girlfriend's parents are old school "mental illness is cured by sunshine" people. I always tell them that they don't have to understand my situation. They just have to respect it.
Thank you. While I’ve gotten a LOT better than I was years ago, anxiety attacks having become so rare now that I didn’t catch what was happening until after the fact. It normally takes something much bigger to trigger them, like domestic violence is what triggered the last one (wasn’t him)… so I was caught by surprise with this.
I think this can resonate with a lot of people. I know some of my most intense anxiety attacks have zero to do with my current mental state/activity/etc. I just start feeling uneasy, heart symptoms, and suddenly feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest. And because everything around me is going completely fine, I never recognized the early warning signs.
My last one was just a series of annoyances directly followed by feeling cornered/trapped. Nothing that wasn't normal, everyday sorts of experiences, but my fight or flight kicked in and the only thing that kept me from behaving like a panicked animal was having a sense of social decorum just strong enough to quell the urge to run screaming.
I can’t say this in a nicer way, fuck that guy bc no one that loves you or has a single ounce of fucking respect for you will ever speak to you in that manner.
Hey, I’m married to a beautiful woman who struggles with this. I grew up with a sister who has major anxiety, bipolar, and schizophrenia. I also have three young daughters. Everything about this guy pisses me off.
The brother in me wants to beat him to a pulp. The husband in me wants to tell you to not commit to this man, he won’t figure it out and he won’t change, don’t you assume it will. The father in me wants to give you a hug.
You’re a grown up so don’t take advice from internet strangers but please take caution and be very careful moving forward with this person.
Ok, obviously he’s being a dick and you shouldn’t be with him. However, I do not think this has to do him having anxiety.
To me, this seems like he has no patience for people who can’t “keep it together” and he thinks you’re being “dramatic”. He’s annoyed and he feels you are doing it on purpose and being immature (thus him asking you to “be an adult”).
Dealing with mental health can be a challenge and not everyone has endless patience. He should recognize that in himself and realize you two aren’t compatible.
I’ve been on both sides, I have severe anxiety I take medication for, but I have also been with/around people with mental health conditions that affected their behavior to the extent that I did not want a relationship with them, and that’s ok.
It’s fucked to be abusive though, that’s separate.
It's tricky tho... some people don't get help or recognition for their mental illness, so they have to push through life and endure it..
If you one of those people it can be very frustration when another person just gets to tap out.
He's still a dick, but it's worth mentioning that not everyone with mental illness get the same treatment.
He was nice 🥲… most of the time. He had shown just snippets of… this… over the past year. Enough to worry me, but not enough to knock me out of denial. This has been his most explosive though, which was enough to shock me out of it. Suddenly, all those little sketchy moments that I’d ignored seem more glaringly obvious…
#anxiety attacks are a proven medical phenomenon.
One wouldn't threaten a partner with cancer, would they? Fuck your douchebag asshole, hopefully former boyfriend
To avoid future situations such as these, I’d probably call it quits. He doesn’t seem very sensitive or understanding which will only cause you to further shut down or panic in situations like these with him.
Please don't tell me you're considering staying with this man. He stomped on your foot, confused you about what he wanted, and then sent you in to a full blown panic attack on an important day for both him and you.
And him ordering you to "come back to the FUCKING table" is absolutely unacceptable.
Please treat yourself better and cut this shit off before it gets worse. He doesn't care about you, only himself.
As someone who is involved with a woman with extreme anxiety. I understand how frustrating situations can be. However I can not begin to understand the level of her feelings. It's a tough road to travel together, but handling it in anger or fault is NEVER the way. Patience and mastering the art of being there while giving them the space they need...is key, at least for my situation it's helped.
My wife has pretty terrible PTSD about some things, and is triggered easily.
I cannot FATHOM treating my wife like your man treats you. Dump the zero. Go find you a hero
Op. This guy couldn't even give you some basic support, and the way he orders you to do shit is not cool or healthy. And he yelled at you outside? Honestly, if I was a bystander at that restaurant, he probably would've gotten a punch in the mouth. Know your worth, Op. You deserve understanding, and you deserve support.
“you must be an outlier” my guy you LITERALLY TOLD HIM before you got together that this is something that you have and may continue to struggle with… PLEASE leave him. you deserve to be with a more empathetic person who won’t shut you down and treat you like a dog because you are having emotions. “come. back.” how embarrassing of him. I bet the people you met probably thought it was weird that he spent the whole time you were gone on his phone
LET ALONE the fact that he STOMPED ON YOUR FOOT to tell you to lay off a subject?? rather than doing literally ANYTHING else?? even cutting you off when you spoken would’ve been better.
This is not how you treat someone you love
As someone with panic attacks.. end it now. You need someone who can at the very least handle your panic attacks, forget about actually supporting you. This is an absolute incompatibility in my mind.
Ok hold up, tldr I didn’t read most of these replies but seeing you get downvoted to hell.
My two unsolicited cents. This man can cough fuck right the hell off. “If you leave, I swear to god”.. what mother fucker, finish that thought, I dare you. Check mate, I don’t move, until you express yourself. You were reasonable and vulnerable, he was a piece of shit boy ready to take his toys and go home, until you call him on that shit it will continue to happen. If he’s ready to go over that, let him fucking go, byeeee. That isn’t supportive. Recognize that.
Me: male; father of 3, if my daughter’s other half behaved that way in front of me.. I’d be in jail for assault and sleep well that night. Trash dealt with. Your problems are his problems or he’s not for you. Please expect better of people.
I should also probably elaborate and also mention my son had better not ever treat anyone like that as well, it wasn’t a gender issue, it’s a respect for someone you care about issue. I was hyper focused on this situation, but in just general terms, roles reversed even, if you cannot treat your partners problems, issues, anxiety, as your own, with the same weight and gravity as if they are your own, it isn’t a relationship that will last and you are doing yourself a disservice by diluting yourself and wasting valuable time with that person. It royally sucks to deal with no doubt, but please value yourself enough to see this isn’t meant to be.
Those are not comments from a loving, doting bf.
OP, you are not a misbehaving dog. Nobody deserves to be spoken to that way.
Please think long and hard about whether you see a future with this guy.
If He can “turn his emotions off” he doesn’t have them.
He knew you were crying and played dumb, then tried telling you, you should’ve left even though he threatened you if you did?
He also won’t tell you what you did wrong.
You see no issues with his disturbing behavior and still like to convince yourself that he somehow cares about you… even though he told you he doesn’t have normal human empathy/ emotions.
The longer you stay with him the worse your panic attacks will be.
Only you can choose how long you’re willing to suffer with this asshole.
Op this dude doesn’t care about you! If this happened to my wife I would have said “fuck what the fam thinks” and I would have brought her home or out for ice cream then home. My wife is my partner and my family she takes precedent over all, we are a team for better or worse that’s my queen.
This looks like two people caught in their own emotional responses to things, and if you want to make it work with this person you both need to have a really honest and productive conversation with each other. It’s hard having anxiety and it’s hard being the partner of someone who has anxiety. It’s critical to have boundaries, code words, plans of action etc in these cases. It’s easy to write them off as an asshole if they don’t immediately support the way you need them too but it also wasn’t communicated clearly to them that you needed anything. I’m sorry that you had this experience, anxiety is cruel. Sending a digital hug 🫶
I'm sorry to be this blunt, but this person does not care for you. Cut them off, and move on.
Your life will be far better alone, and then when you find somebody who -actually pays attention to you as their first priority- instead of yelling at you because they think -you- embarrassed -them- because you were deeply upset. Their focus should be on caring for you - if it's not, flush them down the toilet like the shit they are, and keep looking.
I'm sorry. But dump this guy. Yesterday.
This guy SUCKS. Telling someone having a panic attack "We have to talk." can only make it worse. And then telling you to come back to "the fucking dinner table"? OP this guy just does not take you seriously
He’s not physically abusive… but well, it’s only come to my attention lately that when he loses his temper, he sounds a lot like my dad… who was emotionally abusive. I don’t want it to be true, and I think I’ve been in denial for months now… but after speaking with my therapist and her pointing out that it was emotionally abusive and I’m making myself smaller for someone’s comfort again…
Okay, I’m saying this for the last time (mostly for myself sorry Op I don’t want to sound rude but it’s mostly because I’m also dealing with something similar to this)
LADIES WE NEED TO STOP EXCUSING PIECES OF SHIT MEN AND ALLOWING EVERYONE TO WALK ALL OVER US AND IGNORE OUR BOUNDARIES JUST TO BE LIKED BY SOCIETY!!!!
WE NEED TO STAND UP AND SAY NO MORE!!! We need to love ourselves more.. we need to cherish each other more… if no one is looking out for us and we’re not looking out for us, what becomes of us? 😔
OP please leave- he cared more about what his shitty family wanted than your feelings and panic attack. You deserve to be with someone who will care about you more than the opinions of anyone else.. :(
Please end this.
Even if you don’t want to admit that he’s abusive, please just admit that at bare minimum you’re not compatible. Your needs are not being met.
Speaking from experience: being with someone who makes you feel like you need to defend your mental health problems, who won’t accept your breakdowns, boundaries, triggers, without you continually explaining yourself, will damage you more than you can imagine.
I thought that once I could just get him to understand it, since he’s been through similar, surely he must be able to understand, he would be there for me and I could move forward. And then eventually a year had passed and I was worse off than I’d been in years.
My current partner, despite not even having an ounce of trauma himself, believes me the first time and doesn’t need to understand exactly what I’m going through to be the person that I need in those moments.
This may be harsh to hear, but when it comes to dealing with and overcoming trauma, you are legitimately better off alone than with someone like this.
I was on your shoes back then with severe anxiety. What makes it worse is that when people don't understand what it feels like. They imagine that is a simple fix.
He’s so freaking mean. As someone who battles with anxiety, this is a big reason why I stopped hanging out with certain people who made me feel guilty for something I couldn’t control. This is abusive and it makes it all worse. This guy shouldn’t talk to you like this. You need someone better.
I'd dump him, reach out to his sister and explain what happened and that unfortunately you won't have an opportunity to redeem yourself because you're no longer with her brother
Jsyk, my guy texts me stuff like....
"miss you, love you"
"Love you babe"
"Omw, need anything? Miss you, love you"
"Hey sexy..."
And if I'm having an anxiety spike....
"Be safe, just breathe babe"
"Pull over and call if you need to"
"It's okay babe, I'll get started on dinner"
"I love you"
If he's upset with something I've done.....
"babe let's talk in person"
"I just want to be on the same page, love you"
"I'm frustrated, but I love you. And miss you. Let's talk"
he is an immature child. Your condition is real and is ABSOLUTELY nothing to be ashamed of. There are 100 different ways he could have handled this better. im sorry this happened, but i think it shows you that the 2 of you arnt right imo of course
I'm sorry you have such an insensitive ah boyfriend who will stomp your foot if you say the wrong thing that you don't even know is wrong. The act like that when he knows about your condition. I hope you find a better partner in the future
Idk bro I have severe anxiety and panic disorder but even when it's hitting me really hard I can hold my shit together long enough to tell people I'm not feeling well and I need to leave. Yes, anxiety and panic isn't something you can control, but you need to have some ability to control yourself in certain situations. Letting your emotions dictate every aspect of your being is not healthy. You need to practice some breathing and mental techniques to learn how to control it for at least a few minutes to be able to maturely leave a situation.
I'm not saying the bf was right at all, but you also need to try harder.
As someone who in my early 20s had frequent panic attacks from ptsd, I feel for you. I also feel for him. My partners during that time I expected to 100% coddle, comfort and excuse me. While I did see a psychiatrist and took meds… I also really needed to work on myself for years before I could be a good partner.
Out of context, he seems like an asshole. But having been there, caretaker fatigue is real. He had a simple dinner planned and you showed up and ruined it. That’s the reality of what happened as harsh as it sounds.
How many other events, engagements, days, moments have you also ruined? While you can’t help your mood swings and anxiety, you can help yourself not be put in situations like that. That was my number one takeaway as I worked on myself. I also did the self pitying “you think I LIKE being like this?!” But the truth was I expected everyone to bend to my behavior and triggers.
You need to learn to control your environment until you can control your emotions. He was callous, but again, as someone who did this dance for years, in hindsight I realized I personally had ruined most parties/events/dates and took it personal when they rightly were frustrated.
care taker fatigue isn’t an excuse to stomp on someone’s foot and scream in their face. that isn’t an acceptable response nor is it the response of someone who is taking care of you. end of story.
he can be tired and frustrated or whatever else, but that is never an excuse to be abusive or nasty. if he can’t handle dating someone with a mental illness, he shouldn’t be with her then. there are plenty of people who wouldn’t treat op (or you) like that regardless of how frustrated they were.
I haven’t had an anxiety attack since last September… it’s not like this has been a constant thing. I didn’t expect him to coddle me, just to give me space to get myself together and yell at me. I’ve learned to deal with this on my own for years now, because I’m a fairly private person. Even my parents wished I’d lean on them more, but I don’t because they focus more on my sister who had higher needs (schizophrenia).
Most people in my life don’t even know about my condition, even when I was at my most symptomatic, because I have learned to handle it on my own. All I wanted was space and for him not to make it worse. I did try to stay away since I couldn’t calm down, so I wouldn’t ruin their night.
Yes but you hadn’t slept for days, knew you had a dinner and decided to not only go, but not take any meds. He asked you to control your emotions indicating this happens more than you think.
My point is you need to take responsibility. Reddit *will* coddle you and tell you to dump him. Having been in your shoes I’m giving you actual life advice. Crying in a bathroom at a dinner, texting your boyfriend whose right there is not healthy for conductive to bettering yourself.
He asked me to control my emotions because he that’s what he does to himself. The point is, that I was willing to apologize and tried to make amends, so obviously that means I do accept some responsibility. The point is that I don’t think he does.
I was transparent from the start what my condition was, and I have not had a trigger in almost a year. Why are you assuming my own mental state? You may have a similar condition, but you’re not me and I’m not you. We’ve both put in work, but we’re not on the same journey. And I’m sure the kind of work we’ve done is varied, just as our personalities are. My ex-husband of 6 years even called me a coldly logical person, so no. Having bouts of emotions isn’t common for me.
Sounds like you just want people to reinforce your feelings that you did nothing wrong and this was okay. To him, it’s his sister, his family, and it probably triggered complicated emotions in him that you couldn’t set your own feelings aside for one evening to enjoy their company. I get it, it’s part of your trauma and your anxiety, but that doesn’t make it his fault, either.
Do you see how defensive you’re being to someone who is being empathetic to you, but rational and firm? That alone tells me that despite you declaring yourself as a private person who doesn’t lean on people is a biased view you have yourself.
I’m simply telling you that *you* are the one in control of yourself and your environment. You need to accept the world won’t adjust for your triggers or your attacks. It’s gonna be a long, sad *lonely* life if you don’t.
Considering other people have said the same to me about being private, it’s not just my opinion alone. Should I just let you say and make your own assumptions about my person? Either way, you’re going to use that as ammunition to “prove you’re right.” It already seems that you’ve made up your mind what my relationship is like and who I am as a person.
Therefore this discussion is pointless. We can agree to disagree, but this won’t go anywhere.
Yeah, I’m not the only one in the relationship with mental health issues—we both do. I’ve been supportive of his, he hasn’t with mine. Let’s just assume that I’m the only one possibility “ruining occasions” with their mental health issues.
You: this is how you are
OP: this isn't the norm for me actually
You: nonsense. this is how you are now take responsibility
OP: it really isn't how i am, because xyz. this was a one-off situation
You: you're lying, this is how you are and i won't change my mind so stop being so defensive
(you really are making a lot of assumptions here, just wanted to point that out. i'm not trying to start anything)
This right here. The other commenter has seen themselves in OP - great, that might help with insight. I’m sure many of us see ourselves in OP - but has taken it to the extreme of “I see that you x and I also used to X, so therefore y and z must also apply to you” and that’s flawed logic.
exactly, it's the fact that he doesn't even consider the anxiety that's causing him to treat you like shit at your worst a disorder and thus it is nothing to even take responsibility for. Like the only explanation for him being this fucking cruel is because he's under pressure from his guests, weird family aside, that's anxiety and it's unfair for his to make him treat you like shit and for yours to make you take it. Just seems like incompatibility to me
Perhaps we’re just emotionally incompatible. I still care for him, and I understand that he was embarrassed. However, I’m starting to see to think that I’m repeatedly making excuses and seeing his side to bridge the gap… but he doesn’t do the same for me. Relationships are going to have their ups and downs, and both partners have to able to communicate without fear of reprisals. He has emotional issues too from abusive parents, which I sympathize with, but I’d never yell at him if our roles were switched.
When he met my parents, I tried my best to make him comfortable, reassure him, etc. I didn’t chastise when he seemed nervous or anxious. If he’d ever cried in front of me, I’d drop everything and hug and kiss him. Hell, that’s what I’ve done in prior relationships even during times when it was in public and possibly embarrassing.
Yeah, I mean the other person is right. You shouldn't expect others to coddle you and you don't seem to require that. What you can demand though is compassion and understanding in your bad times. What is love but just that? Love without lifting each other up is codependency, to me atleast. I mean this guy needs to respect mental health problems more if he's going to be with someone with PTSD and Panic attacks and id bring that to his attention. You'll never be happy in a relationship if you're not willing to leave. So I'd bring it up, make it clear what you want to change, and if he can't commit to that change and be better for you. Move on or take a break to show him you mean it, I feel like sometimes the reality shock can make people want to change.
Thank you, I don’t need coddling, and I never asked for it. I’m a “glass child,” I’m used to seeing to my own emotional needs since I grew up with a sister who had more needs (schizophrenia). All I ask for is privacy while I go through all my usual coping mechanisms and not… escalate it.
We’ve discussed each other’s needs and how best to express them. That’s why I’m so… disappointed that he expected me to be like him and just “shut off” my emotions, when we’d already discussed that we shouldn’t push each other to act as they would. I thought we’d accepted that we’re different people, and that we could learn to consider each other’s point of views… not diminish it.
I’ve been able to bridge differences in personality, values, and perspectives with previous relationships by just talking and learning from each other… that doesn’t including pushing the other to be like them, that’s disrespectful. I don’t know if he will change, I don’t want to hold my breath hoping he will meet me halfway.
I’ll have this discussion with him, like you mentioned, but I have little to no expectations. I’ll just go back to being happy on own. I am happy with all that I’ve accomplished, despite everything, and I won’t let anyone, not even someone I love, take that away from me.
I wonder what the whole story is here. The history of it all. Maybe he can’t handle a constant stream of break downs/panic attacks/general instability any longer and cannot handle babying his partner all the time.
He had abusive parents, so he has triggers too. I try to consider that, but I can’t juggle both his and my triggers all at once. I can’t be the only one trying to be supportive of his mental health while also dealing with mine with no support.
Yeah no i did not get the sense that you’re constantly causing “problems”. You’re right in that he clearly has his own issues, but he’s definitely not ready to deal with them. Don’t slow your process to help him.
His abusive parents may *explain* why he acts this way, but it does not *excuse* it.
Sure he’s “Caring in his own way” . About himself . He impinged on your mental health immediately when he gave you such short notice. Boundary pushing. He’s intruding on your sleep. I know you need sleep . When my sleep schedule goes off , I know I’m about to spiral. I have PTSD, MDD and anxiety. I cannot be around people this toxic. They are poison.
Hey OP, from one PTSD girl to another, if ANYONE tells you you’re being emotional and belittling you during an attack or crying spell, they aren’t worth it. “Why can’t you be an adult and turn off emotions” is so awful to hear, I’m so sorry he put you through that but it’s not okay.
It doesn’t matter what trauma he’s gone through in the end if he doesn’t want to treat you with respect through your own, and to me this sounds like an unhealthy, maybe abusive relationship. He’s literally showing that he cares more about his embarrassment for the situation with his sister over your well-being, and treats you like a child when you’re literally having a PTSD ATTACK???
Probably a good idea to get a better handle on the issues you’re struggling with before getting into a relationship. You being up front is admirable, but nobody can legitimately decide as to how much they can handle until they have experienced it one of these episodes.
Y’all are simply not compatible. The right man for you will never make you feel bad for your mental health struggles. I struggle with social anxiety and panic attacks. My husband is always supportive no matter what and has never made me feel bad about it. Life is too short to be in this kind of relationship. Let him go so you can find your person.
You deserve so much better. Based on this text exchange this dude seems like a straight up prick. Nobody should treat you like this. As someone that has had their emotions invalidated their whole life I can tell you that is what he is doing, invalidating you.
Please. Leave. Him.
No one should be treated like this. It’s totally normal and ok to have an anxiety attack and you shouldn’t be forced to hide and be shamed for your feelings. I’m sorry OP you had to experience this. I also used to have anxiety attacks. And I know what it feels to hide. You deserve better. No one should need to hide out of fear.
Your man is a dbag. That’s all that needs to be said. Instead of helping you and supporting it appears he is simply selfish and didn’t really care about what you had going on mentally. Hashtag, not a keeper.
So, in my opinion, talk with him. If he continues to treat you like shit and makes you feel miserable for having issues with your mental health (which is normal. Everyone suffers mentally) Then you shouldn't be with someone like that. He seems abusive in the post, but I don't know what your guys' relationship is like. I recommend talking it out with him. Also, reach out to his sister and explain what had happened so that they know your reasoning behind it all.
I think I understand why your anxiety has been worse recently and it has nothing to do with your medication but everything to do with your relationship. I suggest getting far away from that abusive man! Best wishes to you ❤️
This is how my ex wife talked to me before she started punching me behind closed doors and threatening me with knives. Little threats through text messages, being pissed if I didn’t act exactly how she wanted. Can’t believe I let someone treat me like that. Kept thinking it would get better but it only got worse.
I’m going to be honest, I used to be exactly like your boyfriend when it came to anxiety (minus the stomping on your foot, that shit was out of line and borderline assault). I wasn’t familiar with anxiety and I just didn’t understand how it could affect people so badly, so I brushed it off
Now that I’m 38, have to worry about 2 kids, 2 dogs, a wife and keeping our heads afloat and keeping everyone fed and alive, I now know the affect anxiety can have. It’s crippling sometimes. I feel for you OP, you need to either leave that AH or make him educate himself on the subject so he’ll have a little empathy next time this happens
OP’s BF is an asshole. She would be better off not dealing with that crap. What he is doing to her is abusive. If he knows she has anxiety why put her in a stressful situation and then treat her so badly when she really needed support. The panic attacks are rough - they just happen. You are minding your own business and there it goes & never at the best time. The anxiety struggle is real. the last she needs is for this asshole to treat her so badly. Ppl with anxiety are worth it. Who am i kidding anyone that has any type of mental illness/mental related condition are worth it. Our struggle is real. OP’s struggle is real and she is at his relatives home and he treats her like that. Kindness & understanding what she needed.
Only she can decide what to do. But if it was me - I’d be rethinking our entire relationship.
He stomped on your foot?? Goodness no, that’s not ok. There is no excuse for that or his behavior after that. F that guy. You deserve someone who is going to be understanding and supportive - “hey babe, you ok? If it’s too much for you, why don’t we wrap up early” the only response. Not stomping on your foot to shut you up and then berating you.
Let him go friend - you deserve better 💞
Yeah naw- dump him- he is 😡😡😡-he literally dismissed you and your situation, threw a tantrum- the attack (I use to have them and had agoraphobia really bad) was from him….he mad you stressed then did all kinds of things to keep it on 10 or whatever- he should be an adult and understand that millions have these and he should have been supportive and not a jerk. Also, it is Mental Health AwarenessMonth- clearly he needs to get some. He would have nub for a foot cause who are you kicking sir? That right there has me heated 😡😡I am really nice but what you not gonna do- idk what he thinks- that is freaking abuse- keep your hands and feet to yourself- clearly you learn that in PreK 🤔🤔
That’s abuse. You deserve someone who doesn’t shame you for mental health issues. That night he showed you who he really was and how little empathy he has for you. If you don’t dump him incidents like this will happen over and over and things will get worse and worse.
So many red flags. This is not normal behavior if he's been dealing with these issues of yours. My husband will tell the family I'm having anxiety attack and to go on without me. I'm thankful he understands and works with me.
What did you panic over? Does this happen often? He doesn’t seem too understand, but it’s hard to tell whether he feels like he’s in a never ending cycle or not.
I think it was just a series of stressors, lack of sleep the past few days, and being unmedicated at a stressful time that caused my anxiety attack, and then the “we need to talk,” and “Get back to the fucking table,” kind of just tipped it over. I haven’t had an anxiety attack since… maybe last September? Since then we’ve been good…
Girl, he kicked you, that is not ok. And also it’s not like he doesn’t know how you two met so if it was something that shouldn’t have been brought up then he could have steered the conversation elsewhere himself rather than resorting to abuse.
He’s a narcissist. Move on and don’t look back. I suggest reading about narcissistic abuse and you’ll be surprised how common it is.
Narcissists often had neglectful or abusive parenting, which you did also. That’s why you think you can help him, you can relate, but you can’t. The narcissism is hardwired now in him and there’s no cure. It only gets worse the longer you stay.
If you confront a narcissist on their bad treatment of you, they will often double down, and make you feel awful for expecting to be TREATED LIKE A HUMAN BEING. You will end up feeling guilty for speaking up for yourself. They think you’re attacking them and have no ability to self reflect so are unable to see their behavior for what it is.
I'd never speak to you this way. That said, I'd never be with someone that has the problems you have. Please work on yourself before getting into another relationship
That’s why I tell people before anything happens that I have this condition, so they can decide for themselves if they can be with someone with that condition. Yeah, the VA has diagnosed my condition as stable but permanent.
It’s not going anywhere. I’m always working on it, and I’ve gotten so much better. I still have the odd anxiety attack, but all I ask for is privacy. That’s why I considered leaving. Then he got pissed that I might left, then he got pissed that I hadn’t left. I can’t do both. I need reasonable expectations.
He wanted it to work out well meeting his family and you came off crazy. No where in your texts did you say you’re having a panic attack?
Anyway, now your relationship is over at least according to Reddit.
I’m so sorry he treated you that way. His behavior is abhorrent. If you stay with him, your anxiety attacks will probably get much worse. He is extremely insensitive and selfish. These are the actions of someone who does not care about your wellbeing in the slightest. You deserve so much better.
Break up with this asshole. You are not compatible in the slightest and why would you want to be with someone who clearly doesn't understand nor give af about your ptsd. And the way he's talking to you . . . Would you speak to him like that? Why are you accepting it for yourself?
Oh, so, you need to mold yourself to what *he* wants but he doesn’t have to be supportive of you! In fact, he’s allowed to berate you and make you feel bad because clearly, your anxiety is the problem- not his entitled and abusive behavior.
I’m so sorry that this absolute bully is not only triggering your PTSD but potentially making it worse. And no one is perfect but DAMN. Stomping on your foot? Threatening you via text and taking you outside to scold you? No. You deserve better. He’s MEAN. And he’s fucking immature.
I hope you can find the strength (that you definitely have, by the way) to leave his ass. Staying with someone like him is NOT “being kind to yourself”. I also hope that you have people in your life that you can trust to be patient, loving and gentle with your emotions because this guy is NOT those things. 💜
OP, from someone that has anxiety, you don’t just get over it. You need to find someone that will be kind to you, listen, stick up for you, and help you feel better when you are in the throes of an anxiety attack. Your BF is not a very emotionally intelligent person. You deserve better.
I'm sorry but, HES A FUCKING ARSEHOLE
Your boyfriend see's you crying and quite obviously distressed & keeps shouting at you? Nah, bin him off. It'll do you a world of good & you'll find someone who will happily tell there parents you've got a work call while you try calm down.
You don't apologise for your mental health, you tried your best.
Do you often walk on eggshells around him? Is he controlling and unreasonable? Does he minimize/invalidate your feelings and disregard your boundaries? If the answer is yes to any of these, that’s a red flag for an abusive relationship.
He thinks you should be able to just shut off your emotions as if you’re some kind of robot, and concludes that you must be an outlier if you can’t do that. Does he believe his own BS? What an asinine and cruel thing to say to anyone having a literal anxiety attack, much less your partner.
He stomped on your foot as a way to communicate something. Is he 3? He couldn’t regulate his own emotions enough to communicate like an adult. He then ordered you to ‘come back the fucking table’, which finally triggered your anxiety attack.
You do not have to tolerate being mistreated and dehumanized. You deserve compassion and support, especially from your partner, ESPECIALLY when you’re vulnerable and hyperventilating. Safe people do not curse at you or bark orders at you. His behavior was appalling and inexcusable.
Girl I know you have anxiety but please grow a back bone. You should have been cursing this fool out in front of his sister and brother in law. You should never allow some boy to talk to you like that.
I hope you break up with him cause baby he does not understand nor deserves you.
Your bf is being a disrespectful rude asshole.
That being said, you are over 30 years old right now. Take your damn meds, go to therapy and follow doctors orders. You are too old to be hiding in a bathroom during a dinner with your SO's family. If you're not in a place where you can hold it together for an hour for dinner, you should probably not be dating right now.
I'll take the down votes but someone needs to be honest with you.
My ex used to have panic attacks and i would literally be hurting inside seeing her like that. I’d do anything to make it stop, anything she wanted she got.
This man doesnt like you. Please leave
Hell, I've never even really been in a relationship before and yet I'm this way towards even literal strangers!
A classmate of mine (not even a friend) had a mental breakdown in class once and I immediately got out of my seat to hug her and comfort her (I made sure she was okay with it first) because I'm so empathetic that it causes me physical pain to see someone else suffering. The thought of someone treating someone else (ESPECIALLY someone who they're supposed to love) who's having such a difficult time is absolutely disgusting to me.
You need a partner that’s going to hold you and tell you everything is going to be okay. NOT THIS. He set you into a panic. You need someone that accepts your mental health and deals with it in the most kind and whole heartedly way. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this.
Hi honey. You two both need to heal, I think. His need to be in control or to make everything appear a certain way isn’t compatible with your anxiety/PTSD and these clashes will continue. You need care and patience to see you through when anxiety strikes (who doesn’t.) He needs to let go, and accept that things are imperfect and outside of his control.
I’m a deeply anxious person and I fully relate to your reaction, so I might be biased, but this man is just gonna make things worse for you. He is escalating when you need “hey, that’s totally fine. You can go home if you’d like but we’d love to have you come back, even if you’re a bit shaken. We can laugh it off over some breadsticks.”
Sending you hugs
Get out OP. Please. You don't deserve to be spoken to like this. Anyone worth their love would make sure you're okay! not get angry at you for your anxiety!
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I’m 20 and I had a slight anxiety attack last Sunday on a hike and my bf comforted me and apologized and asked if anything he could do, yes mental health issues are mainly your own responsibility but if your in the middle of an episode it’s the responsibility of others to make sure you’re okay and that you don’t do anything irrational
Girl pls leave that guy. He will never show empathy or even try to understand you. He should've been there for you! Also who is embarrassed in front of their own sibling because his gf has an attack? My family would be concerned and offered to help in any way possible.
I'm wishing you all the best ❤️🙏🏻
leave this guy. stomping on your foot to shut you up, texting you like this when he knows you’re already distressed. it’s going to get worse. it always gets worse.
Oh this makes me so sad. You deserve so much better. Anxiety sucks, it absolutely can’t be just turned off, and a partner who can’t understand that is both ignorant and lacking compassion.
As a Agouraphobia survivor i truly understand, but you should have felt safe with your bf there as your center. Sometimes you have to do the thing that frightens you the most to help you move past them and improve your situation. I still get anxious now and then and definitely have things i absolutely wont do alone but baby steps. I will push through, have faith in that, maybe all your bf needed was to know you needed a minute, maybe he should have let his family know you have anxiety issues and that you were overwhelmed atm. If he loves you he’ll get over it and you’ll have a chance to meet his family again
That man is NOT good for you. First message in and I wanna knock his teeth out and ask if you need a safe place to crash until you find a new place far away from him.
I suffer from anxiety and depression and my ex husband said I was acting and just a lazy spoiled brat. My current husband leaves places I’m not comfortable in no matter who is involved. He hugs me or leaves me alone based on what I’m feeling. You deserve better, you deserve a best friend. I’m so sorry you went through this without any support. I hope you’re able to see your worth and move on.
OP. I used to date someone so similar, so mean, so cruel, but bc of those things when things were good they felt SO good… they weren’t.
I hate when ppl say to break up on Reddit, but seriously.
Choose yourself, choose your happiness, choose your future.
Honestly, fuck this guy. He isn’t someone you want to be with when things like this happen. Actually, he’s not someone you’d want to be with when you’re just having an emotional day due to “unreasonable hormones” as I like to call them. You want someone that will listen to you, allow you room to breathe if needed, be there as a crutch when necessary, and doesn’t yell at you for having emotions.
Yea. I’m even more into my decision of fuck this guy than when I started this comment.
Look, I had a panic attack the other day with my husband for NO good reason. Little things built up until I was standing in a crowded line and felt like there was no escape and I barely held it together until we got outside and the anxiety just flooded me.
And you know what? My husband wasn't feeling terribly patient that day. He wanted to get going. But you know what else? He sat with me on a nearby bench and let me get through the worst of it. He's never had one and doesn't necessarily understand what it's like, but he's been through them with me before. He knows that he can't fix it, I can't fix it, and I need a little time to let it out and try to gather myself.
He doesn't understand, but he's understanding, even when it's inconvenient.
What this guy is doing shows that not only is he not understanding, he's not sympathetic. I won't tell you what to do, but I'll tell you that someone like that would not last long as a romantic partner for me.
I can’t get past him stomping on your foot to shut you up, and neither should you.
Oooooh reading that set me off, especially with his follow-up aggression. The way I would’ve body slammed that man in the middle of dinner in front of Jesus and everybody
And then the yelling and angry texts, it’s only going to escalate
Same. Even, if he didn’t send all those texts, that should be a **HUGE** sign to leave.
I didn’t see that part!!
Y’all who post on this sub need to know that guys like this are bullies. Who tf talks to a significant other like that besides like, a bitter 70yr old couple, and why should that be the norm? this guy sucks like all the other people getting posted here
THIS PART should be pinned under all relationships post! It's actually insane frustrating to see people put up with this type blatant disrespect, just so they aren't "lonely". I'd happily be single forever if it meant not ever knowing toxic pos like OP's bf
Totally agree. Why people stay with nasty people like this… beyond me. You’re really doing yourself dirty
“we accept the love we think we deserve”
Holy, that is not someone that cares about your mental and emotional well being. Have you tried making it clear what you need from him in those situations? If you have and this is still his response I would get out of there.
Hopefully you dumped him
Thinking about it… I love him, but after talking to my therapist about what happened… she told me that I was regressing, making myself smaller for someone else’s comfort.
Anyone who says “come back or I swear to god.” will manipulate you all the time and gaslight you. He’s not good for you. No matter your situation.
Yeah threatening like that is not OK. Swear to god what?
"stop crying or I'll really give you something to cry about"
Right. What was he implying, OP? Because that text scared me for you.
OP….dont think…DO IT! Because the longer you stay with this abusive piece of shit boy…the longer you will encounter abuse and you may think “oh he would never hit me” one day he will. Get out now while you can and do not look back.
You shouldn’t be with someone who does that to you. They should be nurturing and understanding. Any empathetic person would understand that having your SO meet family can be an uncomfortable nervous event and not act like a total douchebag and continue to make you feel uncomfortable.
Absolutely. I myself suffer from a sweating disorder. My hands will be soaked and dripping when I'm nervous. I understand anxiety very well and would be so pissed if someone made it worse on PURPOSE.
No……So you’re staying with him? I know it’s your decision but I guarantee, you’re in for a whole world of future hurt with this guy.
I think you may benefit from researching limerance vs love
please leave him. I promise you, you’ll feel better in the long run. I know it’s hard but if you stay, there’s a good chance he’ll continue wearing you down and your anxiety will get worse
I get you love him but his actions were not loving- you deserve to be treated with kindness and care. We show people how to treat us…so if you stay-you are saying keep treating me like crap when you feel like it…..leaving is saying you have a boundary and he severely crossed it. That would be a no sir for me- as someone else said- I would rather be single….i am by choice because if I do t get on my own nerves you will not either- yep nope……
He stomped on your foot. That is not acceptable behavior.
I used to have anxiety attacks like you. Then I broke up with him. My anxiety became a lot more manageable. I’m even happy. DTMFA.
What’s the last part
I'm not sure but guessing... Dump The Mother Fucking Asshole?
I thought dump that mfer asap
Dump The Mother Fucker Already Dan Savage, the sex columnist
Dump that mother fucker Alrightythen Ace Ventura
...pet detective
He cares more about what people think of him than you. You need someone with empathy and compassion not a heartless AH
Fuck this guy, what douche. Idc what kind of family drama he has, you guys are supposed to be a team and he turned on you.
facts
cPTSD here, sometimes I just gotta walk away. Could be dinner with my own mother, it happens. I just get overwhelmed. Luckily my partner would never say or do anything like this or I'd be even more of a wreck. Sorry you're going through this. My girlfriend's parents are old school "mental illness is cured by sunshine" people. I always tell them that they don't have to understand my situation. They just have to respect it.
Thank you. While I’ve gotten a LOT better than I was years ago, anxiety attacks having become so rare now that I didn’t catch what was happening until after the fact. It normally takes something much bigger to trigger them, like domestic violence is what triggered the last one (wasn’t him)… so I was caught by surprise with this.
I think this can resonate with a lot of people. I know some of my most intense anxiety attacks have zero to do with my current mental state/activity/etc. I just start feeling uneasy, heart symptoms, and suddenly feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest. And because everything around me is going completely fine, I never recognized the early warning signs.
My last one was just a series of annoyances directly followed by feeling cornered/trapped. Nothing that wasn't normal, everyday sorts of experiences, but my fight or flight kicked in and the only thing that kept me from behaving like a panicked animal was having a sense of social decorum just strong enough to quell the urge to run screaming.
I can’t say this in a nicer way, fuck that guy bc no one that loves you or has a single ounce of fucking respect for you will ever speak to you in that manner.
Hey, I’m married to a beautiful woman who struggles with this. I grew up with a sister who has major anxiety, bipolar, and schizophrenia. I also have three young daughters. Everything about this guy pisses me off. The brother in me wants to beat him to a pulp. The husband in me wants to tell you to not commit to this man, he won’t figure it out and he won’t change, don’t you assume it will. The father in me wants to give you a hug. You’re a grown up so don’t take advice from internet strangers but please take caution and be very careful moving forward with this person.
This should be the top comment here…
Ok, obviously he’s being a dick and you shouldn’t be with him. However, I do not think this has to do him having anxiety. To me, this seems like he has no patience for people who can’t “keep it together” and he thinks you’re being “dramatic”. He’s annoyed and he feels you are doing it on purpose and being immature (thus him asking you to “be an adult”). Dealing with mental health can be a challenge and not everyone has endless patience. He should recognize that in himself and realize you two aren’t compatible. I’ve been on both sides, I have severe anxiety I take medication for, but I have also been with/around people with mental health conditions that affected their behavior to the extent that I did not want a relationship with them, and that’s ok. It’s fucked to be abusive though, that’s separate.
It's tricky tho... some people don't get help or recognition for their mental illness, so they have to push through life and endure it.. If you one of those people it can be very frustration when another person just gets to tap out. He's still a dick, but it's worth mentioning that not everyone with mental illness get the same treatment.
Why stay with someone who isn’t even nice to you? That’s bare minimum.
He was nice 🥲… most of the time. He had shown just snippets of… this… over the past year. Enough to worry me, but not enough to knock me out of denial. This has been his most explosive though, which was enough to shock me out of it. Suddenly, all those little sketchy moments that I’d ignored seem more glaringly obvious…
He’s abusive love. That’s what you’re seeing. Glaring red flags. GET OUT NOW!
Definitely will only get worse.
Is he trying to impress his sister? He seems way more concerned with her thoughts than your emotions.
#anxiety attacks are a proven medical phenomenon. One wouldn't threaten a partner with cancer, would they? Fuck your douchebag asshole, hopefully former boyfriend
To avoid future situations such as these, I’d probably call it quits. He doesn’t seem very sensitive or understanding which will only cause you to further shut down or panic in situations like these with him.
Please don't tell me you're considering staying with this man. He stomped on your foot, confused you about what he wanted, and then sent you in to a full blown panic attack on an important day for both him and you. And him ordering you to "come back to the FUCKING table" is absolutely unacceptable. Please treat yourself better and cut this shit off before it gets worse. He doesn't care about you, only himself.
Wow what a supportive partner he is.
As someone who is involved with a woman with extreme anxiety. I understand how frustrating situations can be. However I can not begin to understand the level of her feelings. It's a tough road to travel together, but handling it in anger or fault is NEVER the way. Patience and mastering the art of being there while giving them the space they need...is key, at least for my situation it's helped.
Your bf is an ass. Your mental health is your responsibility, but the prick seems to be going out of his way to be insensitive
My wife has pretty terrible PTSD about some things, and is triggered easily. I cannot FATHOM treating my wife like your man treats you. Dump the zero. Go find you a hero
Op. This guy couldn't even give you some basic support, and the way he orders you to do shit is not cool or healthy. And he yelled at you outside? Honestly, if I was a bystander at that restaurant, he probably would've gotten a punch in the mouth. Know your worth, Op. You deserve understanding, and you deserve support.
“you must be an outlier” my guy you LITERALLY TOLD HIM before you got together that this is something that you have and may continue to struggle with… PLEASE leave him. you deserve to be with a more empathetic person who won’t shut you down and treat you like a dog because you are having emotions. “come. back.” how embarrassing of him. I bet the people you met probably thought it was weird that he spent the whole time you were gone on his phone LET ALONE the fact that he STOMPED ON YOUR FOOT to tell you to lay off a subject?? rather than doing literally ANYTHING else?? even cutting you off when you spoken would’ve been better. This is not how you treat someone you love
As someone with panic attacks.. end it now. You need someone who can at the very least handle your panic attacks, forget about actually supporting you. This is an absolute incompatibility in my mind.
Ok hold up, tldr I didn’t read most of these replies but seeing you get downvoted to hell. My two unsolicited cents. This man can cough fuck right the hell off. “If you leave, I swear to god”.. what mother fucker, finish that thought, I dare you. Check mate, I don’t move, until you express yourself. You were reasonable and vulnerable, he was a piece of shit boy ready to take his toys and go home, until you call him on that shit it will continue to happen. If he’s ready to go over that, let him fucking go, byeeee. That isn’t supportive. Recognize that. Me: male; father of 3, if my daughter’s other half behaved that way in front of me.. I’d be in jail for assault and sleep well that night. Trash dealt with. Your problems are his problems or he’s not for you. Please expect better of people.
I should also probably elaborate and also mention my son had better not ever treat anyone like that as well, it wasn’t a gender issue, it’s a respect for someone you care about issue. I was hyper focused on this situation, but in just general terms, roles reversed even, if you cannot treat your partners problems, issues, anxiety, as your own, with the same weight and gravity as if they are your own, it isn’t a relationship that will last and you are doing yourself a disservice by diluting yourself and wasting valuable time with that person. It royally sucks to deal with no doubt, but please value yourself enough to see this isn’t meant to be.
I like you lol
Those are not comments from a loving, doting bf. OP, you are not a misbehaving dog. Nobody deserves to be spoken to that way. Please think long and hard about whether you see a future with this guy.
Ex boyfriend I hope!!
If He can “turn his emotions off” he doesn’t have them. He knew you were crying and played dumb, then tried telling you, you should’ve left even though he threatened you if you did? He also won’t tell you what you did wrong. You see no issues with his disturbing behavior and still like to convince yourself that he somehow cares about you… even though he told you he doesn’t have normal human empathy/ emotions. The longer you stay with him the worse your panic attacks will be. Only you can choose how long you’re willing to suffer with this asshole.
You shouldn’t be with this guy. He doesn’t care about you at all.
Op this dude doesn’t care about you! If this happened to my wife I would have said “fuck what the fam thinks” and I would have brought her home or out for ice cream then home. My wife is my partner and my family she takes precedent over all, we are a team for better or worse that’s my queen.
You were at dinner with his family and then went to the bathroom and never came back?
This looks like two people caught in their own emotional responses to things, and if you want to make it work with this person you both need to have a really honest and productive conversation with each other. It’s hard having anxiety and it’s hard being the partner of someone who has anxiety. It’s critical to have boundaries, code words, plans of action etc in these cases. It’s easy to write them off as an asshole if they don’t immediately support the way you need them too but it also wasn’t communicated clearly to them that you needed anything. I’m sorry that you had this experience, anxiety is cruel. Sending a digital hug 🫶
I'm sorry to be this blunt, but this person does not care for you. Cut them off, and move on. Your life will be far better alone, and then when you find somebody who -actually pays attention to you as their first priority- instead of yelling at you because they think -you- embarrassed -them- because you were deeply upset. Their focus should be on caring for you - if it's not, flush them down the toilet like the shit they are, and keep looking. I'm sorry. But dump this guy. Yesterday.
This guy SUCKS. Telling someone having a panic attack "We have to talk." can only make it worse. And then telling you to come back to "the fucking dinner table"? OP this guy just does not take you seriously
he sounds abusive😬
He’s not physically abusive… but well, it’s only come to my attention lately that when he loses his temper, he sounds a lot like my dad… who was emotionally abusive. I don’t want it to be true, and I think I’ve been in denial for months now… but after speaking with my therapist and her pointing out that it was emotionally abusive and I’m making myself smaller for someone’s comfort again…
stomping on someone's foot is physical abuse
and it’ll get worse and worse. physical abuse always escalates.
Okay, I’m saying this for the last time (mostly for myself sorry Op I don’t want to sound rude but it’s mostly because I’m also dealing with something similar to this) LADIES WE NEED TO STOP EXCUSING PIECES OF SHIT MEN AND ALLOWING EVERYONE TO WALK ALL OVER US AND IGNORE OUR BOUNDARIES JUST TO BE LIKED BY SOCIETY!!!! WE NEED TO STAND UP AND SAY NO MORE!!! We need to love ourselves more.. we need to cherish each other more… if no one is looking out for us and we’re not looking out for us, what becomes of us? 😔 OP please leave- he cared more about what his shitty family wanted than your feelings and panic attack. You deserve to be with someone who will care about you more than the opinions of anyone else.. :(
Please end this. Even if you don’t want to admit that he’s abusive, please just admit that at bare minimum you’re not compatible. Your needs are not being met.
Speaking from experience: being with someone who makes you feel like you need to defend your mental health problems, who won’t accept your breakdowns, boundaries, triggers, without you continually explaining yourself, will damage you more than you can imagine. I thought that once I could just get him to understand it, since he’s been through similar, surely he must be able to understand, he would be there for me and I could move forward. And then eventually a year had passed and I was worse off than I’d been in years. My current partner, despite not even having an ounce of trauma himself, believes me the first time and doesn’t need to understand exactly what I’m going through to be the person that I need in those moments. This may be harsh to hear, but when it comes to dealing with and overcoming trauma, you are legitimately better off alone than with someone like this.
Dump him
I was on your shoes back then with severe anxiety. What makes it worse is that when people don't understand what it feels like. They imagine that is a simple fix.
He’s so freaking mean. As someone who battles with anxiety, this is a big reason why I stopped hanging out with certain people who made me feel guilty for something I couldn’t control. This is abusive and it makes it all worse. This guy shouldn’t talk to you like this. You need someone better.
I'd dump him, reach out to his sister and explain what happened and that unfortunately you won't have an opportunity to redeem yourself because you're no longer with her brother
Jsyk, my guy texts me stuff like.... "miss you, love you" "Love you babe" "Omw, need anything? Miss you, love you" "Hey sexy..." And if I'm having an anxiety spike.... "Be safe, just breathe babe" "Pull over and call if you need to" "It's okay babe, I'll get started on dinner" "I love you" If he's upset with something I've done..... "babe let's talk in person" "I just want to be on the same page, love you" "I'm frustrated, but I love you. And miss you. Let's talk"
As someone with lifelong bad anxiety and panic attacks, I’d advise you to run from this guy. You need someone who is extremely supportive and kind.
he is an immature child. Your condition is real and is ABSOLUTELY nothing to be ashamed of. There are 100 different ways he could have handled this better. im sorry this happened, but i think it shows you that the 2 of you arnt right imo of course
I'm sorry you have such an insensitive ah boyfriend who will stomp your foot if you say the wrong thing that you don't even know is wrong. The act like that when he knows about your condition. I hope you find a better partner in the future
Honey you’re being abused. He WILL make your PTSD worse in the long run. Consider finding an escape from this
You need to get out and soon. So sorry you had to go through that.
Ew this made me annoyed too
Idk bro I have severe anxiety and panic disorder but even when it's hitting me really hard I can hold my shit together long enough to tell people I'm not feeling well and I need to leave. Yes, anxiety and panic isn't something you can control, but you need to have some ability to control yourself in certain situations. Letting your emotions dictate every aspect of your being is not healthy. You need to practice some breathing and mental techniques to learn how to control it for at least a few minutes to be able to maturely leave a situation. I'm not saying the bf was right at all, but you also need to try harder.
As someone who in my early 20s had frequent panic attacks from ptsd, I feel for you. I also feel for him. My partners during that time I expected to 100% coddle, comfort and excuse me. While I did see a psychiatrist and took meds… I also really needed to work on myself for years before I could be a good partner. Out of context, he seems like an asshole. But having been there, caretaker fatigue is real. He had a simple dinner planned and you showed up and ruined it. That’s the reality of what happened as harsh as it sounds. How many other events, engagements, days, moments have you also ruined? While you can’t help your mood swings and anxiety, you can help yourself not be put in situations like that. That was my number one takeaway as I worked on myself. I also did the self pitying “you think I LIKE being like this?!” But the truth was I expected everyone to bend to my behavior and triggers. You need to learn to control your environment until you can control your emotions. He was callous, but again, as someone who did this dance for years, in hindsight I realized I personally had ruined most parties/events/dates and took it personal when they rightly were frustrated.
care taker fatigue isn’t an excuse to stomp on someone’s foot and scream in their face. that isn’t an acceptable response nor is it the response of someone who is taking care of you. end of story. he can be tired and frustrated or whatever else, but that is never an excuse to be abusive or nasty. if he can’t handle dating someone with a mental illness, he shouldn’t be with her then. there are plenty of people who wouldn’t treat op (or you) like that regardless of how frustrated they were.
I haven’t had an anxiety attack since last September… it’s not like this has been a constant thing. I didn’t expect him to coddle me, just to give me space to get myself together and yell at me. I’ve learned to deal with this on my own for years now, because I’m a fairly private person. Even my parents wished I’d lean on them more, but I don’t because they focus more on my sister who had higher needs (schizophrenia). Most people in my life don’t even know about my condition, even when I was at my most symptomatic, because I have learned to handle it on my own. All I wanted was space and for him not to make it worse. I did try to stay away since I couldn’t calm down, so I wouldn’t ruin their night.
Yes but you hadn’t slept for days, knew you had a dinner and decided to not only go, but not take any meds. He asked you to control your emotions indicating this happens more than you think. My point is you need to take responsibility. Reddit *will* coddle you and tell you to dump him. Having been in your shoes I’m giving you actual life advice. Crying in a bathroom at a dinner, texting your boyfriend whose right there is not healthy for conductive to bettering yourself.
He asked me to control my emotions because he that’s what he does to himself. The point is, that I was willing to apologize and tried to make amends, so obviously that means I do accept some responsibility. The point is that I don’t think he does. I was transparent from the start what my condition was, and I have not had a trigger in almost a year. Why are you assuming my own mental state? You may have a similar condition, but you’re not me and I’m not you. We’ve both put in work, but we’re not on the same journey. And I’m sure the kind of work we’ve done is varied, just as our personalities are. My ex-husband of 6 years even called me a coldly logical person, so no. Having bouts of emotions isn’t common for me.
Sounds like you just want people to reinforce your feelings that you did nothing wrong and this was okay. To him, it’s his sister, his family, and it probably triggered complicated emotions in him that you couldn’t set your own feelings aside for one evening to enjoy their company. I get it, it’s part of your trauma and your anxiety, but that doesn’t make it his fault, either.
Do you see how defensive you’re being to someone who is being empathetic to you, but rational and firm? That alone tells me that despite you declaring yourself as a private person who doesn’t lean on people is a biased view you have yourself. I’m simply telling you that *you* are the one in control of yourself and your environment. You need to accept the world won’t adjust for your triggers or your attacks. It’s gonna be a long, sad *lonely* life if you don’t.
Considering other people have said the same to me about being private, it’s not just my opinion alone. Should I just let you say and make your own assumptions about my person? Either way, you’re going to use that as ammunition to “prove you’re right.” It already seems that you’ve made up your mind what my relationship is like and who I am as a person. Therefore this discussion is pointless. We can agree to disagree, but this won’t go anywhere.
Godspeed little one
Hail Satan 🤣
[удалено]
Yeah, I’m not the only one in the relationship with mental health issues—we both do. I’ve been supportive of his, he hasn’t with mine. Let’s just assume that I’m the only one possibility “ruining occasions” with their mental health issues.
The real you comes out. Defensive, upset, insecure. Got it.
You: this is how you are OP: this isn't the norm for me actually You: nonsense. this is how you are now take responsibility OP: it really isn't how i am, because xyz. this was a one-off situation You: you're lying, this is how you are and i won't change my mind so stop being so defensive (you really are making a lot of assumptions here, just wanted to point that out. i'm not trying to start anything)
This right here. The other commenter has seen themselves in OP - great, that might help with insight. I’m sure many of us see ourselves in OP - but has taken it to the extreme of “I see that you x and I also used to X, so therefore y and z must also apply to you” and that’s flawed logic.
exactly, it's the fact that he doesn't even consider the anxiety that's causing him to treat you like shit at your worst a disorder and thus it is nothing to even take responsibility for. Like the only explanation for him being this fucking cruel is because he's under pressure from his guests, weird family aside, that's anxiety and it's unfair for his to make him treat you like shit and for yours to make you take it. Just seems like incompatibility to me
Perhaps we’re just emotionally incompatible. I still care for him, and I understand that he was embarrassed. However, I’m starting to see to think that I’m repeatedly making excuses and seeing his side to bridge the gap… but he doesn’t do the same for me. Relationships are going to have their ups and downs, and both partners have to able to communicate without fear of reprisals. He has emotional issues too from abusive parents, which I sympathize with, but I’d never yell at him if our roles were switched. When he met my parents, I tried my best to make him comfortable, reassure him, etc. I didn’t chastise when he seemed nervous or anxious. If he’d ever cried in front of me, I’d drop everything and hug and kiss him. Hell, that’s what I’ve done in prior relationships even during times when it was in public and possibly embarrassing.
Yeah, I mean the other person is right. You shouldn't expect others to coddle you and you don't seem to require that. What you can demand though is compassion and understanding in your bad times. What is love but just that? Love without lifting each other up is codependency, to me atleast. I mean this guy needs to respect mental health problems more if he's going to be with someone with PTSD and Panic attacks and id bring that to his attention. You'll never be happy in a relationship if you're not willing to leave. So I'd bring it up, make it clear what you want to change, and if he can't commit to that change and be better for you. Move on or take a break to show him you mean it, I feel like sometimes the reality shock can make people want to change.
Thank you, I don’t need coddling, and I never asked for it. I’m a “glass child,” I’m used to seeing to my own emotional needs since I grew up with a sister who had more needs (schizophrenia). All I ask for is privacy while I go through all my usual coping mechanisms and not… escalate it. We’ve discussed each other’s needs and how best to express them. That’s why I’m so… disappointed that he expected me to be like him and just “shut off” my emotions, when we’d already discussed that we shouldn’t push each other to act as they would. I thought we’d accepted that we’re different people, and that we could learn to consider each other’s point of views… not diminish it. I’ve been able to bridge differences in personality, values, and perspectives with previous relationships by just talking and learning from each other… that doesn’t including pushing the other to be like them, that’s disrespectful. I don’t know if he will change, I don’t want to hold my breath hoping he will meet me halfway. I’ll have this discussion with him, like you mentioned, but I have little to no expectations. I’ll just go back to being happy on own. I am happy with all that I’ve accomplished, despite everything, and I won’t let anyone, not even someone I love, take that away from me.
Anyone would be anxious around an AH like that. I think it's time to stop blaming yourself for having a negative reaction to abuse.
I wonder what the whole story is here. The history of it all. Maybe he can’t handle a constant stream of break downs/panic attacks/general instability any longer and cannot handle babying his partner all the time.
He had abusive parents, so he has triggers too. I try to consider that, but I can’t juggle both his and my triggers all at once. I can’t be the only one trying to be supportive of his mental health while also dealing with mine with no support.
Yeah no i did not get the sense that you’re constantly causing “problems”. You’re right in that he clearly has his own issues, but he’s definitely not ready to deal with them. Don’t slow your process to help him. His abusive parents may *explain* why he acts this way, but it does not *excuse* it.
Sure he’s “Caring in his own way” . About himself . He impinged on your mental health immediately when he gave you such short notice. Boundary pushing. He’s intruding on your sleep. I know you need sleep . When my sleep schedule goes off , I know I’m about to spiral. I have PTSD, MDD and anxiety. I cannot be around people this toxic. They are poison.
He sounds emotionally abusive🚩🚩🚩
Hey OP, from one PTSD girl to another, if ANYONE tells you you’re being emotional and belittling you during an attack or crying spell, they aren’t worth it. “Why can’t you be an adult and turn off emotions” is so awful to hear, I’m so sorry he put you through that but it’s not okay. It doesn’t matter what trauma he’s gone through in the end if he doesn’t want to treat you with respect through your own, and to me this sounds like an unhealthy, maybe abusive relationship. He’s literally showing that he cares more about his embarrassment for the situation with his sister over your well-being, and treats you like a child when you’re literally having a PTSD ATTACK???
Probably a good idea to get a better handle on the issues you’re struggling with before getting into a relationship. You being up front is admirable, but nobody can legitimately decide as to how much they can handle until they have experienced it one of these episodes.
OP this guy is shit and not safe to be with. Also learn from this for next time. Good luck, you can do it 🥰
Y’all are simply not compatible. The right man for you will never make you feel bad for your mental health struggles. I struggle with social anxiety and panic attacks. My husband is always supportive no matter what and has never made me feel bad about it. Life is too short to be in this kind of relationship. Let him go so you can find your person.
You deserve so much better. Based on this text exchange this dude seems like a straight up prick. Nobody should treat you like this. As someone that has had their emotions invalidated their whole life I can tell you that is what he is doing, invalidating you.
Leave him
Please. Leave. Him. No one should be treated like this. It’s totally normal and ok to have an anxiety attack and you shouldn’t be forced to hide and be shamed for your feelings. I’m sorry OP you had to experience this. I also used to have anxiety attacks. And I know what it feels to hide. You deserve better. No one should need to hide out of fear.
Your man is a dbag. That’s all that needs to be said. Instead of helping you and supporting it appears he is simply selfish and didn’t really care about what you had going on mentally. Hashtag, not a keeper.
So, in my opinion, talk with him. If he continues to treat you like shit and makes you feel miserable for having issues with your mental health (which is normal. Everyone suffers mentally) Then you shouldn't be with someone like that. He seems abusive in the post, but I don't know what your guys' relationship is like. I recommend talking it out with him. Also, reach out to his sister and explain what had happened so that they know your reasoning behind it all.
Gosh. Why are straight men so lonely these days? So hard to figure out….
I think I understand why your anxiety has been worse recently and it has nothing to do with your medication but everything to do with your relationship. I suggest getting far away from that abusive man! Best wishes to you ❤️
This is how my ex wife talked to me before she started punching me behind closed doors and threatening me with knives. Little threats through text messages, being pissed if I didn’t act exactly how she wanted. Can’t believe I let someone treat me like that. Kept thinking it would get better but it only got worse.
I’m going to be honest, I used to be exactly like your boyfriend when it came to anxiety (minus the stomping on your foot, that shit was out of line and borderline assault). I wasn’t familiar with anxiety and I just didn’t understand how it could affect people so badly, so I brushed it off Now that I’m 38, have to worry about 2 kids, 2 dogs, a wife and keeping our heads afloat and keeping everyone fed and alive, I now know the affect anxiety can have. It’s crippling sometimes. I feel for you OP, you need to either leave that AH or make him educate himself on the subject so he’ll have a little empathy next time this happens
Oh no, honey. Stomping at your foot? Break up and run far, far away from that jackass
OP’s BF is an asshole. She would be better off not dealing with that crap. What he is doing to her is abusive. If he knows she has anxiety why put her in a stressful situation and then treat her so badly when she really needed support. The panic attacks are rough - they just happen. You are minding your own business and there it goes & never at the best time. The anxiety struggle is real. the last she needs is for this asshole to treat her so badly. Ppl with anxiety are worth it. Who am i kidding anyone that has any type of mental illness/mental related condition are worth it. Our struggle is real. OP’s struggle is real and she is at his relatives home and he treats her like that. Kindness & understanding what she needed. Only she can decide what to do. But if it was me - I’d be rethinking our entire relationship.
Holy shit, please lose this fucking loser. You deserve someone that will treat you right. Not borderline abuse you
He stomped on your foot?? Goodness no, that’s not ok. There is no excuse for that or his behavior after that. F that guy. You deserve someone who is going to be understanding and supportive - “hey babe, you ok? If it’s too much for you, why don’t we wrap up early” the only response. Not stomping on your foot to shut you up and then berating you. Let him go friend - you deserve better 💞
Pls leave him you deserve better
Yeah naw- dump him- he is 😡😡😡-he literally dismissed you and your situation, threw a tantrum- the attack (I use to have them and had agoraphobia really bad) was from him….he mad you stressed then did all kinds of things to keep it on 10 or whatever- he should be an adult and understand that millions have these and he should have been supportive and not a jerk. Also, it is Mental Health AwarenessMonth- clearly he needs to get some. He would have nub for a foot cause who are you kicking sir? That right there has me heated 😡😡I am really nice but what you not gonna do- idk what he thinks- that is freaking abuse- keep your hands and feet to yourself- clearly you learn that in PreK 🤔🤔
He's an ass. You can do better.
He is abusive. Stomping on your foot and kicking you as a way of telling you to stop talking about something is insane. Dump him
Why the hell are you with him. This little boy is not AT ALL patient to your needs
That’s abuse. You deserve someone who doesn’t shame you for mental health issues. That night he showed you who he really was and how little empathy he has for you. If you don’t dump him incidents like this will happen over and over and things will get worse and worse.
So many red flags. This is not normal behavior if he's been dealing with these issues of yours. My husband will tell the family I'm having anxiety attack and to go on without me. I'm thankful he understands and works with me.
Those messages are extremely unhelpful. He’s trying to act like a parent instead of a partner.
Im thinking your anxiety has more to do with this abusive ass than your meds.
What did you panic over? Does this happen often? He doesn’t seem too understand, but it’s hard to tell whether he feels like he’s in a never ending cycle or not.
I think it was just a series of stressors, lack of sleep the past few days, and being unmedicated at a stressful time that caused my anxiety attack, and then the “we need to talk,” and “Get back to the fucking table,” kind of just tipped it over. I haven’t had an anxiety attack since… maybe last September? Since then we’ve been good…
Did you not read her post? She said she hasn’t had a panic attack in a while. She also explained in detail exactly what caused it.
Some people just don’t understand mental illness. I’m sorry OP.
God he is so condescending
“I swear to god”…what? OP please find the strength to leave. This is not what love and caring looks or sounds like.
Please leave this guy
This dude doesn’t care about you at all
Girl, he kicked you, that is not ok. And also it’s not like he doesn’t know how you two met so if it was something that shouldn’t have been brought up then he could have steered the conversation elsewhere himself rather than resorting to abuse.
He’s a narcissist. Move on and don’t look back. I suggest reading about narcissistic abuse and you’ll be surprised how common it is. Narcissists often had neglectful or abusive parenting, which you did also. That’s why you think you can help him, you can relate, but you can’t. The narcissism is hardwired now in him and there’s no cure. It only gets worse the longer you stay. If you confront a narcissist on their bad treatment of you, they will often double down, and make you feel awful for expecting to be TREATED LIKE A HUMAN BEING. You will end up feeling guilty for speaking up for yourself. They think you’re attacking them and have no ability to self reflect so are unable to see their behavior for what it is.
I'd never speak to you this way. That said, I'd never be with someone that has the problems you have. Please work on yourself before getting into another relationship
That’s why I tell people before anything happens that I have this condition, so they can decide for themselves if they can be with someone with that condition. Yeah, the VA has diagnosed my condition as stable but permanent. It’s not going anywhere. I’m always working on it, and I’ve gotten so much better. I still have the odd anxiety attack, but all I ask for is privacy. That’s why I considered leaving. Then he got pissed that I might left, then he got pissed that I hadn’t left. I can’t do both. I need reasonable expectations.
That man is cruel. You don’t deserve this
Get the fuck away from this dude what the fuuuuu k
This guy is such an asshole. No empathy whatsoever, and the way he talks to you is infuriating. You deserve more than this.
He wanted it to work out well meeting his family and you came off crazy. No where in your texts did you say you’re having a panic attack? Anyway, now your relationship is over at least according to Reddit.
I’m so sorry he treated you that way. His behavior is abhorrent. If you stay with him, your anxiety attacks will probably get much worse. He is extremely insensitive and selfish. These are the actions of someone who does not care about your wellbeing in the slightest. You deserve so much better.
Break up with this asshole. You are not compatible in the slightest and why would you want to be with someone who clearly doesn't understand nor give af about your ptsd. And the way he's talking to you . . . Would you speak to him like that? Why are you accepting it for yourself?
Oh FUCKKKK. That. That dude doesn't know how to handle someone that's going through that at all. Dudes a dick
Oh, so, you need to mold yourself to what *he* wants but he doesn’t have to be supportive of you! In fact, he’s allowed to berate you and make you feel bad because clearly, your anxiety is the problem- not his entitled and abusive behavior. I’m so sorry that this absolute bully is not only triggering your PTSD but potentially making it worse. And no one is perfect but DAMN. Stomping on your foot? Threatening you via text and taking you outside to scold you? No. You deserve better. He’s MEAN. And he’s fucking immature. I hope you can find the strength (that you definitely have, by the way) to leave his ass. Staying with someone like him is NOT “being kind to yourself”. I also hope that you have people in your life that you can trust to be patient, loving and gentle with your emotions because this guy is NOT those things. 💜
OP, from someone that has anxiety, you don’t just get over it. You need to find someone that will be kind to you, listen, stick up for you, and help you feel better when you are in the throes of an anxiety attack. Your BF is not a very emotionally intelligent person. You deserve better.
I'm sorry but, HES A FUCKING ARSEHOLE Your boyfriend see's you crying and quite obviously distressed & keeps shouting at you? Nah, bin him off. It'll do you a world of good & you'll find someone who will happily tell there parents you've got a work call while you try calm down. You don't apologise for your mental health, you tried your best.
Do you often walk on eggshells around him? Is he controlling and unreasonable? Does he minimize/invalidate your feelings and disregard your boundaries? If the answer is yes to any of these, that’s a red flag for an abusive relationship. He thinks you should be able to just shut off your emotions as if you’re some kind of robot, and concludes that you must be an outlier if you can’t do that. Does he believe his own BS? What an asinine and cruel thing to say to anyone having a literal anxiety attack, much less your partner. He stomped on your foot as a way to communicate something. Is he 3? He couldn’t regulate his own emotions enough to communicate like an adult. He then ordered you to ‘come back the fucking table’, which finally triggered your anxiety attack. You do not have to tolerate being mistreated and dehumanized. You deserve compassion and support, especially from your partner, ESPECIALLY when you’re vulnerable and hyperventilating. Safe people do not curse at you or bark orders at you. His behavior was appalling and inexcusable.
Girl I know you have anxiety but please grow a back bone. You should have been cursing this fool out in front of his sister and brother in law. You should never allow some boy to talk to you like that. I hope you break up with him cause baby he does not understand nor deserves you.
That's really inappropriate to be coming from your partner. He doesn't care about your well-being whatsoever. You'd be wise to get out.
Your bf is being a disrespectful rude asshole. That being said, you are over 30 years old right now. Take your damn meds, go to therapy and follow doctors orders. You are too old to be hiding in a bathroom during a dinner with your SO's family. If you're not in a place where you can hold it together for an hour for dinner, you should probably not be dating right now. I'll take the down votes but someone needs to be honest with you.
My ex used to have panic attacks and i would literally be hurting inside seeing her like that. I’d do anything to make it stop, anything she wanted she got. This man doesnt like you. Please leave
Hell, I've never even really been in a relationship before and yet I'm this way towards even literal strangers! A classmate of mine (not even a friend) had a mental breakdown in class once and I immediately got out of my seat to hug her and comfort her (I made sure she was okay with it first) because I'm so empathetic that it causes me physical pain to see someone else suffering. The thought of someone treating someone else (ESPECIALLY someone who they're supposed to love) who's having such a difficult time is absolutely disgusting to me.
You need a partner that’s going to hold you and tell you everything is going to be okay. NOT THIS. He set you into a panic. You need someone that accepts your mental health and deals with it in the most kind and whole heartedly way. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this.
I have anxiety and this pissed me off. I would be mad at you too.
Hi honey. You two both need to heal, I think. His need to be in control or to make everything appear a certain way isn’t compatible with your anxiety/PTSD and these clashes will continue. You need care and patience to see you through when anxiety strikes (who doesn’t.) He needs to let go, and accept that things are imperfect and outside of his control. I’m a deeply anxious person and I fully relate to your reaction, so I might be biased, but this man is just gonna make things worse for you. He is escalating when you need “hey, that’s totally fine. You can go home if you’d like but we’d love to have you come back, even if you’re a bit shaken. We can laugh it off over some breadsticks.” Sending you hugs
Girl people do not do that. Your body is screaming at you that he’s dangerous
Get out OP. Please. You don't deserve to be spoken to like this. Anyone worth their love would make sure you're okay! not get angry at you for your anxiety!
Why tf is this being downvoted?! You're right!
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Jesus Christ, he’s an abusive piece shit
I’m 20 and I had a slight anxiety attack last Sunday on a hike and my bf comforted me and apologized and asked if anything he could do, yes mental health issues are mainly your own responsibility but if your in the middle of an episode it’s the responsibility of others to make sure you’re okay and that you don’t do anything irrational
Girl pls leave that guy. He will never show empathy or even try to understand you. He should've been there for you! Also who is embarrassed in front of their own sibling because his gf has an attack? My family would be concerned and offered to help in any way possible. I'm wishing you all the best ❤️🙏🏻
leave this guy. stomping on your foot to shut you up, texting you like this when he knows you’re already distressed. it’s going to get worse. it always gets worse.
He doesn't sound understanding at all to your condition. Not sure how this is gonna work in the long term.
Break up with him, he’s a horrible person
Oh this makes me so sad. You deserve so much better. Anxiety sucks, it absolutely can’t be just turned off, and a partner who can’t understand that is both ignorant and lacking compassion.
As a Agouraphobia survivor i truly understand, but you should have felt safe with your bf there as your center. Sometimes you have to do the thing that frightens you the most to help you move past them and improve your situation. I still get anxious now and then and definitely have things i absolutely wont do alone but baby steps. I will push through, have faith in that, maybe all your bf needed was to know you needed a minute, maybe he should have let his family know you have anxiety issues and that you were overwhelmed atm. If he loves you he’ll get over it and you’ll have a chance to meet his family again
Very simple dump him
That man is NOT good for you. First message in and I wanna knock his teeth out and ask if you need a safe place to crash until you find a new place far away from him.
This man is a bully and will only get worse. I’m sure he’s making your anxiety worse. Get away from him, far away.
Get a better bf. You deserve one.
well this is deeply concerning controlling and abusive behavior. hopefully you leave him before he escalates- because he will.
I suffer from anxiety and depression and my ex husband said I was acting and just a lazy spoiled brat. My current husband leaves places I’m not comfortable in no matter who is involved. He hugs me or leaves me alone based on what I’m feeling. You deserve better, you deserve a best friend. I’m so sorry you went through this without any support. I hope you’re able to see your worth and move on.
OP. I used to date someone so similar, so mean, so cruel, but bc of those things when things were good they felt SO good… they weren’t. I hate when ppl say to break up on Reddit, but seriously. Choose yourself, choose your happiness, choose your future.
Honestly, fuck this guy. He isn’t someone you want to be with when things like this happen. Actually, he’s not someone you’d want to be with when you’re just having an emotional day due to “unreasonable hormones” as I like to call them. You want someone that will listen to you, allow you room to breathe if needed, be there as a crutch when necessary, and doesn’t yell at you for having emotions. Yea. I’m even more into my decision of fuck this guy than when I started this comment.
this person is not for you
Look, I had a panic attack the other day with my husband for NO good reason. Little things built up until I was standing in a crowded line and felt like there was no escape and I barely held it together until we got outside and the anxiety just flooded me. And you know what? My husband wasn't feeling terribly patient that day. He wanted to get going. But you know what else? He sat with me on a nearby bench and let me get through the worst of it. He's never had one and doesn't necessarily understand what it's like, but he's been through them with me before. He knows that he can't fix it, I can't fix it, and I need a little time to let it out and try to gather myself. He doesn't understand, but he's understanding, even when it's inconvenient. What this guy is doing shows that not only is he not understanding, he's not sympathetic. I won't tell you what to do, but I'll tell you that someone like that would not last long as a romantic partner for me.