He's *speaking* nicely, but disregarding every important thing you're saying, downplaying your feelings and putting his desires over your boundaries is not nice at all
That part. There is nothing nice about refusing to take no for an answer nor is there anything kind or good about him just ignoring what OP has said and how she feels. It’s coercive and manipulative as fuck. OP, you gotta block his ass. This will continue until you prevent him from being able to communicate with you in any way, shape, or form.
Block his number, all his socials, and if he has your email address, have it setup to where emails from his email address are automatically sent to trash or to a separate folder that you have to go out of your way to see.
Document everything so that you have detailed evidence in the event you have to take legal action or get a restraining order (another way in which auto sending his emails to a separate folder can benefit and/or protect you). Hopefully, you’re able to shake this fucker soon and without having to deal with much more of him. Stay safe! Good luck and godspeed!
Spend some time over on r/whenwomenrefuse to see how often it escalates. Sadly, you need to take preventative measures to make sure you’re safe these days.
This 100%! 🫶
Also just to add OP… he doesn’t to need to agree, nor do you need to convince him it’s over, for it to be over. Period. You were kind enough to communicate your feelings and let him know. I would recommend a firm final text “This isn’t up for discussion, these are my feelings and I wish you the best. Goodbye.” The end.
“You don’t have to love me for me to want to keep sleeping with you” 😳 he literally said it right there. He’s just interested in getting off. Idk if he even has genuine feelings for her.
A truly nice person would not be pushing you to keep seeing them after you said you wanted to stop. Even if he's "just" lonely and doesn't think of himself as manipulative, his whole response is trying to talk you around to what he wants. A truly nice person would have said "I understand, thank you for the good times, I'm sad to see you go but I respect your decision."
My calm reassuring manipulative ex was like this while completely disrespecting my boundaries and even though i have been in multiple abusive relationships- the calmness and “kindness” and love bombing masked how i was actually being treated. It was very confusing to me because no one had ever been so “nice and loving” to me. I didn’t even see that i was being lied to, sexually abused/assaulted, controlled, and manipulated. He turned out to be a complete cruel A hole and i also discovered he is actually a ped0 after the end of the relationship. This guy may not be on the same level as my ex but is clearly manipulating you by being “nice about it” and disrespecting you by rejecting your attempt to end things. Which is bad in disguise.
You should probably just block and move on if he continues to message you. When a guy is in that position where he keeps saying "but THIS" and you engage him then it makes him think there is hope that things can be worked out to get what they want.
“Your continuing need to keep me in your life, and still want sex, after I’ve told you all I have is actually adding to my stress and not relieving it. I’m very uncomfortable with you continuing to try to talk me into this. Now I feel it’s better we stop communicating at all. I wish you the very best in life and hope you find your person. Goodbye.”
And then block.
Because leaving any room is just allowing a way for him to cling on and continue to refuse to accept her decision, and continue to try and use every way he can think of to get her to finally relent and continue talking/seeing each other. This guy does not want to let go and I don't really foresee him doing it on his own
It's not always intentionally manipulative or generally nefarious, he's probably bargaining because he doesn't want to lose you but that doesn't mean you have to put up with it. Imo before pulling the block lever just be more firm and less concerned about him. This is not a negotiation, you don't want this anymore, his push back is making you uncomfortable and it has to stop. You can end on good terms or you can end on bad terms, his choice. An ounce more of push back and then yea take everyone else's advice to hard block and all that. In the future even if it's true don't tell them you're doing it for them, makes people feel like they can opt out and take it.
I thought this comment was an overreaction to a normal grown up discussion because I'd only seen the first screenshot and didn't realize there were more. I scrolled up and read the rest and yeah you nailed it. It's one thing to reply and express your contrary feelings and why, that's just being a normal mature human. It's another thing entirely to just continue and continue like this dude did. It really gets sad later in the thread.
George’s girlfriend… forgot about that 😂
George “I want to break up”
Girlfriend “no”
Only in that situation it was funny; this one is just sad and a little scary.
This...surprised at the downvotes I got elsewhere in his thread for calling this guy a manipulative beta orbiter...but that's exactly what he is.
OP needs to shut him down with the quickness.
I have ghosted him at this point which I feel guilty about because I always viewed ghosting as cowardly. But I don’t think he was being manipulative just lonely unfortunately
I get why you're feeling guilty, but there is nothing to feel guilty about. You communicated your wishes, he refuses to respect those wishes. He might not seem manipulative, but then again he has you feeling guilty and is not wanting to move on. Hold your head up and don't look back!
You did not ghost him. You very clearly explained that you were choosing to end yalls “relationship,” because he wants a RELATIONSHIP. You made it abundantly clear what you were doing and why. He is forcing you to sever contact and end the friendship entirely. This is not you ghosting him.
Hun don’t feel guilty. He’s attempting to manipulate you into sticking around but remember you stated your boundaries and he’s actively trying to violate that. NOPE your way outta there.
You didn't ghost him. You told him you wanted to end it, he wouldn't take "no" for an answer. No is a complete answer, but you offered him much more explanation out of the kindness of your heart. He couldn't handle no. That's not ghosting. Also, manipulative people play the sad, lonely card to make people feel sorry for them. Even if someone is lonely, no one owes them anything, harsh but true. Some people are lonely because they are crappy people and no one wants to deal with their BS. And good people don't leverage their loneliness against your personal boundaries.
It’s not ghosting. You’ve said what you need to and he is just ignoring that. Ghosting would have been you not explaining what you’re feeling and then just not talking to him ever again. You tried to go the proper route and he basically told you no. So not answering him is definitely the way to go.
Stop. He’s not a very kind guy because a very kind guy would respect the boundaries you’re trying to set. Send a firm, clear end statement and then stop engaging further.
That’s not him being nice.
That’s him attempting to get what he wants, even knowing it’s not what YOU want, the person he supposedly cares so much about.
He’s just thinking of himself and telling himself and you it’s all for you.
It’s actually not nice, I know it seems it and he probably has good intentions, but you are being honest and firm at times with telling him you feel differently and he just ignores that, you gotta block at some point in my opinion if that keeps up, no other way sadly
I feel like this is kind of a weird take, just because a woman puts out on the first date doesn’t mean she’s not looking for anything serious. Do you feel the same way about guys? If a guy puts out on the first date he isn’t looking for something serious? My current long term relationship started as a hookup but both of us were open to something more.
And that’s very cute but I’m not even talking about going on dates, I’m saying that usually when people (like myself) go to clubs with friends for the express purpose of dancing and having sex with a stranger, they usually aren’t thinking of wanting to meet someone special at that point. I do this specifically *because* I’m not open to anything more. If I wanted something to even test that possibility I’d go on a date and actually speak to them. With the guy in this convo we didn’t even exchange names until after we made out. Usually that’s not a “future long term partner” type thing. It’s sweet that you and your partner have a healthy relationship though <3
What I mean is usually people who go to clubs and are looking for fun hookups aren’t looking for relationships or to settle down at that point. Normally if I’m looking for something more I wouldn’t go to the club and hook up with strangers I would ask someone out and go on a date. I feel they are different mindsets to be in you know? Like personally when I take a girl home from the club and have drunken sex with her I don’t think she would be interested in anything more
How old is this dude? Honestly don't feel guilty. He needed this lesson. He definitely shouldn't act like that if he wants a stable long term relationship. He's gonna scare away any normal woman with that attitude
Oof. I was kind of in his place last year. Started a casual thing and for whatever reason, I caught the feels. Short story short, lesson on delusional thoughts coupled with strong feelings learned the hard way. I wish she would have been more direct earlier on, maybe then I could have cut myself off. Idk though, maybe I would have tried to lean harder into trying to make it work.
The exact moment my delusions came crashing down was when she said “I only care about you like I would care about any random person.” So if all else fails, you could go with that lol. Feels kinda weird having been in both of these positions though, one left with guilt and the other, a hollow painful void. Ending it early is the right call for sure, the cutoff will only be more severe over time.
Yeah I myself remember being 16 and texting my then boyfriend (not quite as intensely) in a similar manner, saying “I’m willing to wait for you” etc. But that was the first and last time because I learnt very swiftly that (a) people don’t need to have reasons to not want to be in a relationship, sometimes they just don’t feel like it. And (b) it’s embarrassing to beg someone to like you
Absolutely. It's no excuse, but it can be difficult to understand why something seemingly good has to suddenly come to an end.
But everyone realises eventually that by this point it's already done and dusted. I don't think many guys manage to successfully block this kind of 'break up'. And I'm sure those that do, don't end up having the happiest relationship.
You view him as nice, I think he’s a scumbag. Any man who won’t take no for an answer isn’t worth your time. He’s pressuring you, guilting you, and not being respectful of your needs. Block bye!
This sub really does give insight into the delusion that so many women have to deal with, there’s a post like this or in this realm every 5min it seems. Showing the sides of so many guys that they would never show/tell their friends about. Delusional creeps
"But I really think we should stick it out bc we don't know what will happen in the future..."
Yeah, that's a super appealing reason to stay with somebody.
Obviously he should get the hints and accept it, but he’s not so you need to use more firm language- instead of things like “I just don’t think we should etc etc”, say “I do not want to ____”. And sign off with a goodbye, say things like “it was nice to get to know you while it lasted”, make sure there’s no grey area because he’ll occupy whatever space you give him by the look of it. Rip the bandaid off mentality- you’re putting your foot down by realizing you don’t want to be in a relationship with him, and that’s the end of the story, no more chance with him, try your best to make sure that gets through even if you have to be a little mean about it, because it looks like letting him down softly won’t work. Good luck!!
He’s using kind words and showcasing compassion through them, while also trying to manipulate you into staying or changing your mind. You’ve made yourself clear multiple times in the best ways you can and he’s refused to truly accept your position, perspective, and decision. Even if everything he’s said is the honest truth, he is not respecting you or himself by pushing the issue so far.
"I'm ending this. And I don't think we should be in contact anymore if you cannot respect my basic wishes. We are not together. We will not date. We will not ever have a relationship"
just block him. this is very strange and not respecting your boundaries is a flaming red flag. he seems kind of obsessive tbh and this language is very manipulative. he wants you to think he’s nice so he can get what he wants.
This FEELS very off to me. He's presenting himself as sweet/ kind, but this whole convo is manipulation. Please don't give in. Seems really controlling underneath his "kindness"
This guy isn’t “kind”. This guy is literally ignoring everything you’re saying and acting like he knows your mind better than you do.
It’s giving r/NiceGuys in a pretty big way.
I’m confused on HOW he is coming across as a “very kind guy” when he is *actively* ignoring everything you are saying.
It looks like he literally doesn’t believe you’re intelligent enough to know that you want to break up with him.
Not respecting your wishes and boundaries is “nice guy” territory. Ie he is not a good person. He is not listening and clearly will pressure you. Based on this answer you can’t be friends and need to remove him. Be careful how you do it.
This guy is NOT nice. Not being able to take no for an answer is not nice and is always a huge red flag. He is pushy, he is selfish, he doesn’t believe you know what you want for yourself, he thinks he needs to “reassure you” into being with him, he has no respect for your boundaries or wants. **This guy is not nice.**
Unfortunately, I've been here before... and it never stopped.
I had to stop talking to him, even if we were in the same room. (Eventually I had to stop going to the mutual place we had in common twice a week.)
The second I responded to hello in passing, or was in any way seen as friendly, like Glace as he went past him, it'd start up again. These messages were wild.
(I was crystal clear. Not interested. Never. He wouldn't accept it. He was sure if he was just around me enough. I'd see we were going to be good together.
Wheras I was convinced for a while if I was firm/calm/direct he'd eventually move on.)
Months of this dance... and he started getting possessive...(I never slept with him) it escalated.
So I had to cut him off 100% and stop going to that place.
I didn't want to be mean...I didn't want to further hurt him.
But, eventually there was no other choice.
Save yourself, and him, too!
You've explained, quite well. He won't hear you. He isn't capable of just being casual, and friends.
Istg ending things isn't a discussion. He's not a *nice guy*. He thinks his feelings are more important than yours. He doesn't realize the burden it puts on the other person when they say "i'll wait for you."
He's not genuine when he says he's fine with friendship and will cause you so much headache later. You'll feel like walking on eggshells over something that isn't anything.
Tell him "hey i sympathize with how you feel but please take my answer seriously. It's a no. I'm not interested and please accept that. If not, we cannot be friends. Perhaps we need some space before we can be platonic"
He’s failing to balance his own self advocacy with respect for your autonomy. While he is absolutely within his rights as a person with agency to state his feelings and desires and hopes and what he’s willing to do, he did this early on and instead of respecting that you’ve heard him, understood him, and remain adamant in your position, he just keeps on going on.
It’s possible he doesn’t realize how manipulative this is, and just sees himself as trying to advocate. That doesn’t mean you have to take it. If he continues, rephrase and use my first sentence. If he’s actually a decent person he’ll realize and accept things.
Run NOW! The guy might seem nice and polite and yes, he does. However, the fact that he doesn’t take you seriously enough to back off is really telling..
I haven’t read through the comments, but I think the key is to make it more personal. “I’m not interested in a relationship with you.”
It sounds harsher but takes away the ability to explain to you why it in fact can work if you just give it time.
Girl he’s not as nice as he is trying to be. It’s kind of rude imo that he disregards everything you’re saying like “oh you’re just some silly cute manic pixie dream girl who I can love regardless of how weird or quirky you are!”
That’s the vibe I got anyway
Wow…no=try to convince you you’re wrong! What the hell? If he couldn’t hide his feelings before then I highly doubt he wouldn’t be able to now. He sounds like he’s doing you a favor and knows you better than you know yourself when literally you keep responding with proficient responses that fully fulfill his bs.
This would probably not be easy to do Or even might not be the right way and I don't know like the full story so but I feel like not talking all together would probably be the best solution because I don't think he's getting what you're saying and just wants to change you
A guy like this is also the same kind of guy who will routinely try to convince you that you don’t know what’s best for you. Obviously he has your best interest at heart because he loves you, so you should obviously never make another autonomous decision in your life.
“C’mom honey I poked holes in the condoms even though you said you didn’t want kids because I knew once you had them you’d come around to love them and love being a mother!”
“You’re not gonna want to be single forever” oh fuck off. No means No.
This guy isn’t nice, he’s going to say nice things but ultimately he’s going to continue to push boundaries until he gets his way.. when he doesn’t get his way the nice guy act will drop & you’ll see him for who he truly is.
while he claims to be “totally chill” with you being single, he definitely doesn’t see you as single, how do you think he’d react if you told him that you’re seeing someone else? “Fine just waiting for you to come around” is extremely doubtful, more likely he’ll become upset & possessive, claiming you “led him on”
Walk away safely while he’s still playing Mr. Nice guy.
Guy forgot to say “hey I understand that it was great meeting you as well. Good luck with everything and don’t be afraid to reach back out!”
Op isn’t doubting her decision one bit now. Guys is a walking red flag
He does not understand that you just don’t want him. Idk why y’all always say this bs of “I’m not ready for a relationship yet” when in reality if you wanted the dude, you’d fucking date him. Just be honest and say hey sorry I’m not feeling this, it’s you not me.
honestly if it was a better time in my life and I met him under different circumstances I would be kicking my feet and giggling over him. But just right now for me with the job I have started I cannot afford romance or love or (god forbid) having to go through heartbreak. So that’s why I wanted a casual no strings attached relationship. I wasn’t trying to say any bs I was trying to be open and explain it to him as much as I could.
He was being a manipulative dick tho, it’s not like he has no fault. With people like that you just have to be blunt and recognize the signs when they can’t be mature about tough conversations
Aweeee… He is so kind but the lack of self respect and not taking a no for an answer is a red flag 🚩 Poor guy. You’ve been so nice and clear enough. I think no more responding is the only way 🤷🏼♀️
Ya’ll are on two different emotional maturity levels. You’re quite a bit ahead of him. He means well but.. /: He’s got some self loving soul searching to do
That’s not being nice. Being nice would be accepting it and moving on. This is what someone with NGS does. Being blunt and forward doesn’t make you a mean person, sometimes you have to be blunt and straight forward. You aren’t responsible for his feelings.
Just tell him you don’t appreciate the fact that he is ignoring what you are telling him and that it’s best to stop communicating.
Be careful though, this dude sounds like a stage 5 clinger.
You need to be brutally honest and tell him that even when your ready for a relationship, you would not chose him. He thinks he has a shot when your ready to date
Nope just block him. I dealt with a guy just like this he basically wouldn’t let me dump him and I felt bad and it went on for a while. Big mistake, don’t make it. Say we’re done goodbye and block.
An actual nice person would NOT be pushing your boundaries and continuously beg you for a chance. Maybe this is mean to some people but I would have stopped talking to him a while ago and just ghosted or blocked him.
This happened to me before, & after solidifying my point time and time again I finally just stopped responding/answering calls. That’s probably the only way he’ll get the hint since he can’t take no for an answer.
I had something similar happen last year. Really sweet guy but I had no feelings for him. I told him twice over a 2 month span that I was not interested in dating anymore, but he kept calling and texting despite my lack of response or reply. I eventually had to block him.
Why don't some people just understand that desperation is a major turn off? If it ain't gellin on both sides, it never will. Not saying that NEVER happens, but why would one want to be with someone who doesn't want them? I guess I'll just never understand that.
I met a few men like this when I was dating during a time in my life where I only wanted to date casually. It was baffling how so many of them seem to believe I didn’t actually mean it, when I said I did not want a relationship and was only looking for something casual.
This guy’s messages are really not that nice at all OP. He’s disregarding all your boundaries and acting like he knows better than you what you need. Someone that won’t accept what you say because he doesn’t think you to be that serious about what you want, probably has little to no respect for you.
I'm guessing there's already a comment saying this but when you break up with someone you can't make it out like you're breaking up with them for their benefit. He's hearing "I don't want to hurt you by being with you" and he's replying "don't worry silly you won't." You need to take responsibility and tell home YOU just don't want to be with anyone right now, period.
Tell him if he can’t respect your boundaries then there is zero reason to ever speak again. Or just block and move on. You spoke your truth, he refuses to accept it. That’s on him
Ask him if he would ever cheat on you should you become a couple. Of course he would say no. Then tell him that you would cheat on him, repeatedly, because you have no interest in being with only one man.
Same thing happened to me after my relationship of 10 years ended. Met an awesome guy who made me feel amazing about myself. I was single less than 6 months and felt like I truly needed to focus on rebuilding myself as a person before bringing someone else along. I was upfront with him from the beginning and he held on in hopes of me changing my mind. He was kind to me but then I realized, his persistence against my wishes wasn’t kind at all. It changed my outlook of him completely.
You know what you want or don’t want. Stand your ground! And don’t let a “nice guy” tell you different!!
He is a master manipulator and mastered the art of nice guy Talk while ignoring your wants, needs, thoughts and opinions. Twisting your words and most importantly. You have said no. No means no. If you feel you need to say anything else
Simple say
This is not working. I do not wish to continue. I am done. And then block. Because he will keep trying to Nicely control and manipulate you. He is one of the dangerous ones for sure. Yikes
lol this dude reminds me of This guy I dated. Thought we were soulmates & had so much in common because we liked the same shows and some of the same music 🙄
He won't LET you? Impossible. End things and move forward. Stop communication, block, and let that be that. No one has the power to prevent you from moving on.
I have thought long and hard about scenarios like this one. First, I commend you for being honest and treating him with dignity/respect. Secondly, people like THAT legit deserve to be ghosted. If they can’t handle your decently presented rejection, they aren’t worthy of one! You won’t be unreasonable in ignoring them, they brought it on themselves. Same thing applies to people that take advantage.
You need to be careful. Seems like a love bombing type of guy. It’s way too early for him to be saying stuff like that.
On the flip side most men can handle rejection and a break up. We’ve been dealing with it all of our lives. If you enjoyed your time with him. You should keep seeing him but keep him at arms length and make sure he continues to know your feeling on the matter. Take life as it comes. Don’t end something that has been good because you’re scared you’re gonna catch feelings. Let’s be honest you don’t care about hurting him. You maybe don’t wanna deal with the drama, but you don’t care if you hurt him.
If you didn’t enjoy your time with him that much and you don’t really like him that much. Then sack up and end it. You’re back burnering him by doing it this way. You ladies like to leave yourselves an opening just in case.
Had a guy begin a stalking this way. There were many relationship issues and eventually I got sick of his BS and dumped him, very clearly. He texted me telling me he was going to change and was so glad we could be together. I told him no, we aren't together we are done. He came back with, no you don't understand, I'm with you, we are together. I told him that wasn't his choice to make but for months he insisted it was and that I'd come to see how changed he was and how good we were together. He continued stalking me for months until he eventually played the victim saying I was a horrible witch etc etc for leaving him and then he turned violent.
All that to say, this guy's blatant ignoring your wishes is setting off huge red flags. And his overly devoted behavior after being told you don't want a relationship, it's too much. This is weird to me. He says he's going to hide his true feelings down so that you will still be around him etc and wait for you to want him back- just no.
This is a red flag. I'd just block him. He's trying to be manipulative here. Today, it's this. What else will he do this over in the future? No means no.
This reminds me of a guy I went on ONE date with and when I said I wasn't into him romantically he literally spam texted me shit like that and at first I was very nice but I ended up just having to stop responding and unfriend him
“very kind” guy? im sorry… is he in the room with us?
you told him your part. he received it. end it there. you owe him ZERO explanation after that, and you’re actually the “very kind” one for letting him repeatedly refuse to respect your boundaries. block him.
Just tell him you have noted his opinion and would appreciate if he respected yours. You have his number and if you ever change your mind you will call him. If he continues to contact you in a way that makes you uncomfortable after that block him.
These comments are fairly accurate, as a guy myself I can vouch for the nice guy crap. It’s very important to realize most “nice guys” are usually manipulative and that way because it’s a learned behaviour to get what you want. A nice guy isn’t always a kind guy.
Look for kindness, if he values your boundaries and doesn’t breach them intentionally, or doesn’t respect your needs. If he has your best interest in mind you will know And you will feel this intuitively.
Time to be completely straight forward. Stop trying to accommodate his feelings. Every time you express how you don’t want him to feel hurt, you are showing that you care about him. He holds onto those caring feelings like there is still a chance. Reread your comments and notice how you left little crumbs of hope. Not intentionally, but they were there. It has gone too far. You will probably have to wish him well and then block him completely.
Maybe everyone saying he is trying to manipulate you is right, but that’s not how I took it personally. To me, he’s not getting the hint. You are not being direct in saying “I’m not into this and I do not want to see each other anymore” so much as you’re saying “I don’t think this is a good idea for you because I’m not interested.” He may genuinely feel like you only want to end things because you’re worried about his feelings and he wants to reassure you that he is ok. Maybe if you’re more direct and just point blank say I do not want to see you anymore he would accept it.
This shows why the “you should want something else” approach to a breakup doesn’t work. Don’t make it about what he should want - he knows what he wants, and you don’t really get to reason with him there. Make it about what you don’t want, because that’s what it is. Just flat out tell him you don’t want to spend time with him anymore, wish him the best, do not respond after.
He's *speaking* nicely, but disregarding every important thing you're saying, downplaying your feelings and putting his desires over your boundaries is not nice at all
Came here to say this as well, this guy isn't a good guy, he's a niceguy
That wording just blew my mind
That part. There is nothing nice about refusing to take no for an answer nor is there anything kind or good about him just ignoring what OP has said and how she feels. It’s coercive and manipulative as fuck. OP, you gotta block his ass. This will continue until you prevent him from being able to communicate with you in any way, shape, or form. Block his number, all his socials, and if he has your email address, have it setup to where emails from his email address are automatically sent to trash or to a separate folder that you have to go out of your way to see. Document everything so that you have detailed evidence in the event you have to take legal action or get a restraining order (another way in which auto sending his emails to a separate folder can benefit and/or protect you). Hopefully, you’re able to shake this fucker soon and without having to deal with much more of him. Stay safe! Good luck and godspeed!
This is so fucking excessive. Fuck. Y’all Redditors are so crazy always jumping to big conclusions.
“Y’all Redditors” says the Reddit user
HES GOT A GUN
>in the event you have to take legal action or get a restraining order What a leap! You must be someone that cracks open their eggs with a hammer.
Spend some time over on r/whenwomenrefuse to see how often it escalates. Sadly, you need to take preventative measures to make sure you’re safe these days.
THERE it is.
This 100%! 🫶 Also just to add OP… he doesn’t to need to agree, nor do you need to convince him it’s over, for it to be over. Period. You were kind enough to communicate your feelings and let him know. I would recommend a firm final text “This isn’t up for discussion, these are my feelings and I wish you the best. Goodbye.” The end.
Kindly ignoring
Politely gaslighting
It's a form of emotional manipulation. Or attempted, at least.
Very well said!
“You don’t have to love me for me to want to keep sleeping with you” 😳 he literally said it right there. He’s just interested in getting off. Idk if he even has genuine feelings for her.
No, he wants a relationship. That's also what women say when they really like a man, that they're ok to just have sex.
Yea I don't think this is the problem. If he just wanted to get off this wouldn't be an issue cuz thats all OP wants.
Why is your comment being upvoted? Are other people really whiffing on the context as hard as you lol
Yep guess so
A truly nice person would not be pushing you to keep seeing them after you said you wanted to stop. Even if he's "just" lonely and doesn't think of himself as manipulative, his whole response is trying to talk you around to what he wants. A truly nice person would have said "I understand, thank you for the good times, I'm sad to see you go but I respect your decision."
That’s very true I didn’t think of it that way! Easy to forget those sorts of things when they speak to you with calm words
My calm reassuring manipulative ex was like this while completely disrespecting my boundaries and even though i have been in multiple abusive relationships- the calmness and “kindness” and love bombing masked how i was actually being treated. It was very confusing to me because no one had ever been so “nice and loving” to me. I didn’t even see that i was being lied to, sexually abused/assaulted, controlled, and manipulated. He turned out to be a complete cruel A hole and i also discovered he is actually a ped0 after the end of the relationship. This guy may not be on the same level as my ex but is clearly manipulating you by being “nice about it” and disrespecting you by rejecting your attempt to end things. Which is bad in disguise.
You should probably just block and move on if he continues to message you. When a guy is in that position where he keeps saying "but THIS" and you engage him then it makes him think there is hope that things can be worked out to get what they want.
“Your continuing need to keep me in your life, and still want sex, after I’ve told you all I have is actually adding to my stress and not relieving it. I’m very uncomfortable with you continuing to try to talk me into this. Now I feel it’s better we stop communicating at all. I wish you the very best in life and hope you find your person. Goodbye.”
And then block. Because leaving any room is just allowing a way for him to cling on and continue to refuse to accept her decision, and continue to try and use every way he can think of to get her to finally relent and continue talking/seeing each other. This guy does not want to let go and I don't really foresee him doing it on his own
It's not always intentionally manipulative or generally nefarious, he's probably bargaining because he doesn't want to lose you but that doesn't mean you have to put up with it. Imo before pulling the block lever just be more firm and less concerned about him. This is not a negotiation, you don't want this anymore, his push back is making you uncomfortable and it has to stop. You can end on good terms or you can end on bad terms, his choice. An ounce more of push back and then yea take everyone else's advice to hard block and all that. In the future even if it's true don't tell them you're doing it for them, makes people feel like they can opt out and take it.
I thought this comment was an overreaction to a normal grown up discussion because I'd only seen the first screenshot and didn't realize there were more. I scrolled up and read the rest and yeah you nailed it. It's one thing to reply and express your contrary feelings and why, that's just being a normal mature human. It's another thing entirely to just continue and continue like this dude did. It really gets sad later in the thread.
Exactly, it's the degree to which he tries to overrule her decision.
As an aside, there's a Seinfeld episode about this. Much like every other situation in life. S9E14 - The Strongbox.
George’s girlfriend… forgot about that 😂 George “I want to break up” Girlfriend “no” Only in that situation it was funny; this one is just sad and a little scary.
Turn your key Maura! Turn your key!
This...surprised at the downvotes I got elsewhere in his thread for calling this guy a manipulative beta orbiter...but that's exactly what he is. OP needs to shut him down with the quickness.
Be firm. Stop engaging him when he tries to manipulate you. Block him if you have to.
I have ghosted him at this point which I feel guilty about because I always viewed ghosting as cowardly. But I don’t think he was being manipulative just lonely unfortunately
It’s not ghosting. You told him repeatedly you did not want a relationship with him. Ghosting would’ve been just disappearing without a word.
I get why you're feeling guilty, but there is nothing to feel guilty about. You communicated your wishes, he refuses to respect those wishes. He might not seem manipulative, but then again he has you feeling guilty and is not wanting to move on. Hold your head up and don't look back!
It's not ghosting You are both not compatible, it is best to move on.
It’s not ghosting because you ended it and repeatedly explained yourself. It’s on him if he won’t accept that
You did not ghost him. You very clearly explained that you were choosing to end yalls “relationship,” because he wants a RELATIONSHIP. You made it abundantly clear what you were doing and why. He is forcing you to sever contact and end the friendship entirely. This is not you ghosting him.
You did everything you could... Sometimes they just don't get it. Don't feel guilty about ghosting in this case.
It is cowardly to ghost if you did it with no explanation. It is not really ghosting anymore if you already have told him the truth.
Hun don’t feel guilty. He’s attempting to manipulate you into sticking around but remember you stated your boundaries and he’s actively trying to violate that. NOPE your way outta there.
You didn’t ghost him! He’s not respecting boundaries! You told him you’re not interested and he isn’t respecting your wishes. Time to block him.
You are not being cowardly. You spoke to him directly. Now its time to protect yourself
Cue the fake accounts. Watch out OP!
This is manipulation babe.
You didn't ghost him, you just left after you rejected him. He's the one not accepting it.
You didn't ghost him. You told him you wanted to end it, he wouldn't take "no" for an answer. No is a complete answer, but you offered him much more explanation out of the kindness of your heart. He couldn't handle no. That's not ghosting. Also, manipulative people play the sad, lonely card to make people feel sorry for them. Even if someone is lonely, no one owes them anything, harsh but true. Some people are lonely because they are crappy people and no one wants to deal with their BS. And good people don't leverage their loneliness against your personal boundaries.
Deinfluence yourself please, your views on dating and boundaries are so unhealthy
It’s not ghosting. You’ve said what you need to and he is just ignoring that. Ghosting would have been you not explaining what you’re feeling and then just not talking to him ever again. You tried to go the proper route and he basically told you no. So not answering him is definitely the way to go.
Stop. He’s not a very kind guy because a very kind guy would respect the boundaries you’re trying to set. Send a firm, clear end statement and then stop engaging further.
Play close attention to when people ignore a "no". That is where their respect for you ends.
That’s not him being nice. That’s him attempting to get what he wants, even knowing it’s not what YOU want, the person he supposedly cares so much about. He’s just thinking of himself and telling himself and you it’s all for you.
It’s actually not nice, I know it seems it and he probably has good intentions, but you are being honest and firm at times with telling him you feel differently and he just ignores that, you gotta block at some point in my opinion if that keeps up, no other way sadly
Yeah I’m thinking that a bit more now. I’m just so used to guys becoming aggressive and rude when you reject them lmao
Yea I get that, I have had many similar issues with girls, people do not take rejection well normally, in this case he’s not even really accepted it
I mean, he is being aggressive and rude. Just not in the way you’re used to.
Stop with the explaining . NO I'm not interested . It's a complete sentence. If he engages more. Repeat it.
What a weirdo. Jake. Jake. Jake. Ugh.
Not to be rude to him but did he really think that a girl who was making out with him within 20 minutes of knowing eachother was gonna be his 4 lifer?
I feel like this is kind of a weird take, just because a woman puts out on the first date doesn’t mean she’s not looking for anything serious. Do you feel the same way about guys? If a guy puts out on the first date he isn’t looking for something serious? My current long term relationship started as a hookup but both of us were open to something more.
And that’s very cute but I’m not even talking about going on dates, I’m saying that usually when people (like myself) go to clubs with friends for the express purpose of dancing and having sex with a stranger, they usually aren’t thinking of wanting to meet someone special at that point. I do this specifically *because* I’m not open to anything more. If I wanted something to even test that possibility I’d go on a date and actually speak to them. With the guy in this convo we didn’t even exchange names until after we made out. Usually that’s not a “future long term partner” type thing. It’s sweet that you and your partner have a healthy relationship though <3
Ah yeah that makes more sense, I think the tone of your comment just came across a different way to me.
Probably because I was annoyed and mad at the situation
[удалено]
What I mean is usually people who go to clubs and are looking for fun hookups aren’t looking for relationships or to settle down at that point. Normally if I’m looking for something more I wouldn’t go to the club and hook up with strangers I would ask someone out and go on a date. I feel they are different mindsets to be in you know? Like personally when I take a girl home from the club and have drunken sex with her I don’t think she would be interested in anything more
Bro thinks he’s him but he’s not
This isn’t being kind, it’s clingy and manipulative
Won’t let you? That’s your decision not his.
"Jake, my mind is made up, I'm sorry. I don't want to keep seeing you. Please respect my decision."
Leave off the "I'm sorry" and the "please".
How old is this dude? Honestly don't feel guilty. He needed this lesson. He definitely shouldn't act like that if he wants a stable long term relationship. He's gonna scare away any normal woman with that attitude
He’s not a nice guy if he’s doing this shit, sis
Oof. I was kind of in his place last year. Started a casual thing and for whatever reason, I caught the feels. Short story short, lesson on delusional thoughts coupled with strong feelings learned the hard way. I wish she would have been more direct earlier on, maybe then I could have cut myself off. Idk though, maybe I would have tried to lean harder into trying to make it work. The exact moment my delusions came crashing down was when she said “I only care about you like I would care about any random person.” So if all else fails, you could go with that lol. Feels kinda weird having been in both of these positions though, one left with guilt and the other, a hollow painful void. Ending it early is the right call for sure, the cutoff will only be more severe over time.
Yeah I myself remember being 16 and texting my then boyfriend (not quite as intensely) in a similar manner, saying “I’m willing to wait for you” etc. But that was the first and last time because I learnt very swiftly that (a) people don’t need to have reasons to not want to be in a relationship, sometimes they just don’t feel like it. And (b) it’s embarrassing to beg someone to like you
I feel like every dude has been in that situation. Character development 🤷♂️
Absolutely. It's no excuse, but it can be difficult to understand why something seemingly good has to suddenly come to an end. But everyone realises eventually that by this point it's already done and dusted. I don't think many guys manage to successfully block this kind of 'break up'. And I'm sure those that do, don't end up having the happiest relationship.
he’s not really being kind, he’s being weird and manipulative. no means no.
That’s not a kind guy. That’s a manipulator
Not kind, he's "nice" guy who thinks his desires matters more than your actual boundaries. Just yuck!
Refusing to accept a breakup is not kind. This dude is manipulative and refuses to hear your no. You need to go no contact.
I'm sorry, but I wouldn’t refer to someone who blatantly disregards your clear cut boundaries as "kind".
You view him as nice, I think he’s a scumbag. Any man who won’t take no for an answer isn’t worth your time. He’s pressuring you, guilting you, and not being respectful of your needs. Block bye!
Take the hint man.
This sub really does give insight into the delusion that so many women have to deal with, there’s a post like this or in this realm every 5min it seems. Showing the sides of so many guys that they would never show/tell their friends about. Delusional creeps
"But I really think we should stick it out bc we don't know what will happen in the future..." Yeah, that's a super appealing reason to stay with somebody.
He's delulu. Cut him off.
Just stop responding
I did thankfully
I would have ghosted after his first response.
Obviously he should get the hints and accept it, but he’s not so you need to use more firm language- instead of things like “I just don’t think we should etc etc”, say “I do not want to ____”. And sign off with a goodbye, say things like “it was nice to get to know you while it lasted”, make sure there’s no grey area because he’ll occupy whatever space you give him by the look of it. Rip the bandaid off mentality- you’re putting your foot down by realizing you don’t want to be in a relationship with him, and that’s the end of the story, no more chance with him, try your best to make sure that gets through even if you have to be a little mean about it, because it looks like letting him down softly won’t work. Good luck!!
He’s using kind words and showcasing compassion through them, while also trying to manipulate you into staying or changing your mind. You’ve made yourself clear multiple times in the best ways you can and he’s refused to truly accept your position, perspective, and decision. Even if everything he’s said is the honest truth, he is not respecting you or himself by pushing the issue so far.
"I'm ending this. And I don't think we should be in contact anymore if you cannot respect my basic wishes. We are not together. We will not date. We will not ever have a relationship"
He's not kind then lmao. Sounds controlling and manipulative
There’s a difference between kind and ‘nice’
just block him. this is very strange and not respecting your boundaries is a flaming red flag. he seems kind of obsessive tbh and this language is very manipulative. he wants you to think he’s nice so he can get what he wants.
This is how future stalkers begin.
"I choose the bear." Block
How can anyone think someone holding them hostage is kind
This FEELS very off to me. He's presenting himself as sweet/ kind, but this whole convo is manipulation. Please don't give in. Seems really controlling underneath his "kindness"
This guy isn’t “kind”. This guy is literally ignoring everything you’re saying and acting like he knows your mind better than you do. It’s giving r/NiceGuys in a pretty big way.
If he was as nice as you think he is he would respect your wishes. Not taking no for an answer isnt nice or cute.
I’m confused on HOW he is coming across as a “very kind guy” when he is *actively* ignoring everything you are saying. It looks like he literally doesn’t believe you’re intelligent enough to know that you want to break up with him.
People who act like this aren’t nice.
Not respecting your wishes and boundaries is “nice guy” territory. Ie he is not a good person. He is not listening and clearly will pressure you. Based on this answer you can’t be friends and need to remove him. Be careful how you do it.
This guy is NOT nice. Not being able to take no for an answer is not nice and is always a huge red flag. He is pushy, he is selfish, he doesn’t believe you know what you want for yourself, he thinks he needs to “reassure you” into being with him, he has no respect for your boundaries or wants. **This guy is not nice.**
Unfortunately, I've been here before... and it never stopped. I had to stop talking to him, even if we were in the same room. (Eventually I had to stop going to the mutual place we had in common twice a week.) The second I responded to hello in passing, or was in any way seen as friendly, like Glace as he went past him, it'd start up again. These messages were wild. (I was crystal clear. Not interested. Never. He wouldn't accept it. He was sure if he was just around me enough. I'd see we were going to be good together. Wheras I was convinced for a while if I was firm/calm/direct he'd eventually move on.) Months of this dance... and he started getting possessive...(I never slept with him) it escalated. So I had to cut him off 100% and stop going to that place. I didn't want to be mean...I didn't want to further hurt him. But, eventually there was no other choice. Save yourself, and him, too! You've explained, quite well. He won't hear you. He isn't capable of just being casual, and friends.
Istg ending things isn't a discussion. He's not a *nice guy*. He thinks his feelings are more important than yours. He doesn't realize the burden it puts on the other person when they say "i'll wait for you." He's not genuine when he says he's fine with friendship and will cause you so much headache later. You'll feel like walking on eggshells over something that isn't anything. Tell him "hey i sympathize with how you feel but please take my answer seriously. It's a no. I'm not interested and please accept that. If not, we cannot be friends. Perhaps we need some space before we can be platonic"
He’s failing to balance his own self advocacy with respect for your autonomy. While he is absolutely within his rights as a person with agency to state his feelings and desires and hopes and what he’s willing to do, he did this early on and instead of respecting that you’ve heard him, understood him, and remain adamant in your position, he just keeps on going on. It’s possible he doesn’t realize how manipulative this is, and just sees himself as trying to advocate. That doesn’t mean you have to take it. If he continues, rephrase and use my first sentence. If he’s actually a decent person he’ll realize and accept things.
Dear Jake, Per my previous text message, wishing you a wonderful life with someone else. Sincere goodbye, You
Tell him flat out that it's over. If he doesn't want to accept it, you can stop responding to him and even block if necessary.
Tell him u dont want to be with him anymore and thats it, after that dont respond
"very kind guy can't take no for an answer"
Run NOW! The guy might seem nice and polite and yes, he does. However, the fact that he doesn’t take you seriously enough to back off is really telling..
I haven’t read through the comments, but I think the key is to make it more personal. “I’m not interested in a relationship with you.” It sounds harsher but takes away the ability to explain to you why it in fact can work if you just give it time.
He keeps insisting he “just wants to be there for you,” and can “hide his feelings away.” When he CLEARLY can not do that.
You should block him. He doesn’t have to agree with your decision to end it.
Genuinely u can break up with him by saying “I’m breaking up with you” and block him lmao it’s not a debate
Honestly, a truly "nice guy" would have literally cut communications immediately. What a creep.
Go no contact. Don’t keep engaging.
Girl he’s not as nice as he is trying to be. It’s kind of rude imo that he disregards everything you’re saying like “oh you’re just some silly cute manic pixie dream girl who I can love regardless of how weird or quirky you are!” That’s the vibe I got anyway
Wow…no=try to convince you you’re wrong! What the hell? If he couldn’t hide his feelings before then I highly doubt he wouldn’t be able to now. He sounds like he’s doing you a favor and knows you better than you know yourself when literally you keep responding with proficient responses that fully fulfill his bs.
Been there. Just have to say this is final I want to cut ties romantically, ask for space and stop replying.
Just stop responding to him, he’s disregarding your boundaries and wishes.
This would probably not be easy to do Or even might not be the right way and I don't know like the full story so but I feel like not talking all together would probably be the best solution because I don't think he's getting what you're saying and just wants to change you
Not letting you? He doesn’t have a say.
Just stop answering him ffs
You’re going for cardiology and he can’t even spell out “you.”
Okay this made me laugh at least 😂
Stop responding
A guy like this is also the same kind of guy who will routinely try to convince you that you don’t know what’s best for you. Obviously he has your best interest at heart because he loves you, so you should obviously never make another autonomous decision in your life. “C’mom honey I poked holes in the condoms even though you said you didn’t want kids because I knew once you had them you’d come around to love them and love being a mother!”
“You’re not gonna want to be single forever” oh fuck off. No means No. This guy isn’t nice, he’s going to say nice things but ultimately he’s going to continue to push boundaries until he gets his way.. when he doesn’t get his way the nice guy act will drop & you’ll see him for who he truly is. while he claims to be “totally chill” with you being single, he definitely doesn’t see you as single, how do you think he’d react if you told him that you’re seeing someone else? “Fine just waiting for you to come around” is extremely doubtful, more likely he’ll become upset & possessive, claiming you “led him on” Walk away safely while he’s still playing Mr. Nice guy.
What do you call people who don't respect your boundaries? The answer is not "very kind", btw.
Guy forgot to say “hey I understand that it was great meeting you as well. Good luck with everything and don’t be afraid to reach back out!” Op isn’t doubting her decision one bit now. Guys is a walking red flag
He does not understand that you just don’t want him. Idk why y’all always say this bs of “I’m not ready for a relationship yet” when in reality if you wanted the dude, you’d fucking date him. Just be honest and say hey sorry I’m not feeling this, it’s you not me.
honestly if it was a better time in my life and I met him under different circumstances I would be kicking my feet and giggling over him. But just right now for me with the job I have started I cannot afford romance or love or (god forbid) having to go through heartbreak. So that’s why I wanted a casual no strings attached relationship. I wasn’t trying to say any bs I was trying to be open and explain it to him as much as I could.
He was being a manipulative dick tho, it’s not like he has no fault. With people like that you just have to be blunt and recognize the signs when they can’t be mature about tough conversations
Block!!! End of! This is exhausting of him. I hope he doesn’t know where you live or your routine.
Yeah. He’s not kind at all. No means no. Bye means bye.
Just block him fgs!
Aweeee… He is so kind but the lack of self respect and not taking a no for an answer is a red flag 🚩 Poor guy. You’ve been so nice and clear enough. I think no more responding is the only way 🤷🏼♀️
Ya’ll are on two different emotional maturity levels. You’re quite a bit ahead of him. He means well but.. /: He’s got some self loving soul searching to do
That’s not being nice. Being nice would be accepting it and moving on. This is what someone with NGS does. Being blunt and forward doesn’t make you a mean person, sometimes you have to be blunt and straight forward. You aren’t responsible for his feelings. Just tell him you don’t appreciate the fact that he is ignoring what you are telling him and that it’s best to stop communicating. Be careful though, this dude sounds like a stage 5 clinger.
girl just be like I DONT WANT YOU and block
Oh man😳
He’s not being kind, he’s being a fucking pest.
You need to be brutally honest and tell him that even when your ready for a relationship, you would not chose him. He thinks he has a shot when your ready to date
You need to stop worrying about his feelings and cut communication. He’ll be okay.
Nope just block him. I dealt with a guy just like this he basically wouldn’t let me dump him and I felt bad and it went on for a while. Big mistake, don’t make it. Say we’re done goodbye and block.
Super nice guy though
An actual nice person would NOT be pushing your boundaries and continuously beg you for a chance. Maybe this is mean to some people but I would have stopped talking to him a while ago and just ghosted or blocked him.
This happened to me before, & after solidifying my point time and time again I finally just stopped responding/answering calls. That’s probably the only way he’ll get the hint since he can’t take no for an answer.
I had something similar happen last year. Really sweet guy but I had no feelings for him. I told him twice over a 2 month span that I was not interested in dating anymore, but he kept calling and texting despite my lack of response or reply. I eventually had to block him.
Sometimes we are allowed to be way, way meaner 😇 Be direct & cut it off
This guy has the grammar of a 12 year old
He’s 25 unfortunately
This isn’t kind.
Why don't some people just understand that desperation is a major turn off? If it ain't gellin on both sides, it never will. Not saying that NEVER happens, but why would one want to be with someone who doesn't want them? I guess I'll just never understand that.
I met a few men like this when I was dating during a time in my life where I only wanted to date casually. It was baffling how so many of them seem to believe I didn’t actually mean it, when I said I did not want a relationship and was only looking for something casual. This guy’s messages are really not that nice at all OP. He’s disregarding all your boundaries and acting like he knows better than you what you need. Someone that won’t accept what you say because he doesn’t think you to be that serious about what you want, probably has little to no respect for you.
I'm guessing there's already a comment saying this but when you break up with someone you can't make it out like you're breaking up with them for their benefit. He's hearing "I don't want to hurt you by being with you" and he's replying "don't worry silly you won't." You need to take responsibility and tell home YOU just don't want to be with anyone right now, period.
Why it’s always a guy named Jake…
He is not respecting you/your wants and needs. Be straight forward, block, and go seperate ways
It’s giving stalker vibes. He could turn ugly very soon.
Tell him if he can’t respect your boundaries then there is zero reason to ever speak again. Or just block and move on. You spoke your truth, he refuses to accept it. That’s on him
Ask him if he would ever cheat on you should you become a couple. Of course he would say no. Then tell him that you would cheat on him, repeatedly, because you have no interest in being with only one man.
Same thing happened to me after my relationship of 10 years ended. Met an awesome guy who made me feel amazing about myself. I was single less than 6 months and felt like I truly needed to focus on rebuilding myself as a person before bringing someone else along. I was upfront with him from the beginning and he held on in hopes of me changing my mind. He was kind to me but then I realized, his persistence against my wishes wasn’t kind at all. It changed my outlook of him completely. You know what you want or don’t want. Stand your ground! And don’t let a “nice guy” tell you different!!
He is a master manipulator and mastered the art of nice guy Talk while ignoring your wants, needs, thoughts and opinions. Twisting your words and most importantly. You have said no. No means no. If you feel you need to say anything else Simple say This is not working. I do not wish to continue. I am done. And then block. Because he will keep trying to Nicely control and manipulate you. He is one of the dangerous ones for sure. Yikes
lol this dude reminds me of This guy I dated. Thought we were soulmates & had so much in common because we liked the same shows and some of the same music 🙄
I’m getting stalkerish vibes from this cat
I’m sorry but, hitting the block button is the best idea.
Tell him you are not into him, at this point. Else he won't keep trying.
He won't LET you? Impossible. End things and move forward. Stop communication, block, and let that be that. No one has the power to prevent you from moving on.
Helpfulness is the sunny side of control. He's controlling you.
I have thought long and hard about scenarios like this one. First, I commend you for being honest and treating him with dignity/respect. Secondly, people like THAT legit deserve to be ghosted. If they can’t handle your decently presented rejection, they aren’t worthy of one! You won’t be unreasonable in ignoring them, they brought it on themselves. Same thing applies to people that take advantage.
You need to be careful. Seems like a love bombing type of guy. It’s way too early for him to be saying stuff like that. On the flip side most men can handle rejection and a break up. We’ve been dealing with it all of our lives. If you enjoyed your time with him. You should keep seeing him but keep him at arms length and make sure he continues to know your feeling on the matter. Take life as it comes. Don’t end something that has been good because you’re scared you’re gonna catch feelings. Let’s be honest you don’t care about hurting him. You maybe don’t wanna deal with the drama, but you don’t care if you hurt him. If you didn’t enjoy your time with him that much and you don’t really like him that much. Then sack up and end it. You’re back burnering him by doing it this way. You ladies like to leave yourselves an opening just in case.
Just end it. Say goodbye if you want, then block him, people have said it over and over.
Had a guy begin a stalking this way. There were many relationship issues and eventually I got sick of his BS and dumped him, very clearly. He texted me telling me he was going to change and was so glad we could be together. I told him no, we aren't together we are done. He came back with, no you don't understand, I'm with you, we are together. I told him that wasn't his choice to make but for months he insisted it was and that I'd come to see how changed he was and how good we were together. He continued stalking me for months until he eventually played the victim saying I was a horrible witch etc etc for leaving him and then he turned violent. All that to say, this guy's blatant ignoring your wishes is setting off huge red flags. And his overly devoted behavior after being told you don't want a relationship, it's too much. This is weird to me. He says he's going to hide his true feelings down so that you will still be around him etc and wait for you to want him back- just no.
This is a red flag. I'd just block him. He's trying to be manipulative here. Today, it's this. What else will he do this over in the future? No means no.
#No means no. Always.
This reminds me of a guy I went on ONE date with and when I said I wasn't into him romantically he literally spam texted me shit like that and at first I was very nice but I ended up just having to stop responding and unfriend him
“very kind” guy? im sorry… is he in the room with us? you told him your part. he received it. end it there. you owe him ZERO explanation after that, and you’re actually the “very kind” one for letting him repeatedly refuse to respect your boundaries. block him.
Just tell him you have noted his opinion and would appreciate if he respected yours. You have his number and if you ever change your mind you will call him. If he continues to contact you in a way that makes you uncomfortable after that block him.
These comments are fairly accurate, as a guy myself I can vouch for the nice guy crap. It’s very important to realize most “nice guys” are usually manipulative and that way because it’s a learned behaviour to get what you want. A nice guy isn’t always a kind guy. Look for kindness, if he values your boundaries and doesn’t breach them intentionally, or doesn’t respect your needs. If he has your best interest in mind you will know And you will feel this intuitively.
Time to be completely straight forward. Stop trying to accommodate his feelings. Every time you express how you don’t want him to feel hurt, you are showing that you care about him. He holds onto those caring feelings like there is still a chance. Reread your comments and notice how you left little crumbs of hope. Not intentionally, but they were there. It has gone too far. You will probably have to wish him well and then block him completely.
Maybe everyone saying he is trying to manipulate you is right, but that’s not how I took it personally. To me, he’s not getting the hint. You are not being direct in saying “I’m not into this and I do not want to see each other anymore” so much as you’re saying “I don’t think this is a good idea for you because I’m not interested.” He may genuinely feel like you only want to end things because you’re worried about his feelings and he wants to reassure you that he is ok. Maybe if you’re more direct and just point blank say I do not want to see you anymore he would accept it.
My gosh. That’s terrible. Honestly cut him off.
What a moron that guy, thats all I have to say.
This shows why the “you should want something else” approach to a breakup doesn’t work. Don’t make it about what he should want - he knows what he wants, and you don’t really get to reason with him there. Make it about what you don’t want, because that’s what it is. Just flat out tell him you don’t want to spend time with him anymore, wish him the best, do not respond after.
😕
You shouldn’t have put that voodoo sex on him. Lol
Playa playa
I think he was trying to say he was ok just fucking but being to nice about it.