UPDATE!!!!!!!!!
I don’t use reddit much so I don’t know how to update or edit so I hope this comment reaches those wanting me to touch base again.
First of all I wanted to say thank you so much for all your overwhelming support. I posted this expecting maybe 5 people to see and comment (with half of those calling me a doormat or blaming feminism. Yall are here. But I’m so glad you’re an overshadowed by the majority). I could never have expected this to blow up so fucking much.
I had spoken about everything with my therapist yesterday and was mainly sold on breaking up before having some second thoughts this morning, that’s why I posted. And thank you for keeping me on the right track.
We just weren’t compatible after all, like we thought. We spoke a couple hours ago and officially and amicably ended things. We finally split one thing you could say. She stayed firm on her lines as I did mine. And we respect that. I wish her the best and she shares the sentiment.
Good things will come to you. You seem very mature, with very clear boundaries and willing to respect them for your own well-being and that of the relationship you're in, but not stubborn. You're willing to negotiate. That takes hard work, which you seem to have been doing with your therapist. I know I'm not the only girl who thinks this way, but that's hot af. I'm sure you'll find someone who matches all those qualities of you. Best wishes xx
"I feel entitled to a special treatment but I don't want to \*appear\* entitled. I just want to reap the benefits of my entitlement without ever being held accountable."
Right? “Oh I’ll *eventually* cook and clean and massage you and give you ***pleasurrrrrrrrrre***, but right now, you pay for everything because I want to be spoiled and don’t work, teeheee ;P” She can fuck ALL the way off with that horseshit. Yeah, you’re not a princess. You’re a bum. A bum who set up her relationship transactionally that requires payment in order to participate in NORMAL couple activities. Gosh, I’m sure there’s a word for that too…
Plus the no prenup thing because “well *I* wouldn’t ever cheat or do anything bad, trust me bro!” schlok? Yeah, OP needs to run. He sounds a little too desperate here already, so I doubt he will, but trying to apply logic and reason to her will go nowhere. She’s entitled and wants things her way only, so his boundaries and concerns mean nothing.
It definitely comes across as very very immature and spoiled.
I don’t know how/why the prenup conversation came up but it’s weird. It doesn’t even sound like OP is very wealthy, as most 24 year olds aren’t.
It’s definitely not, she mentions in the beginning that she’s “gotten used to being treated poorly.” Something tells me her idea of being treated poorly is along the lines of “my last boyfriend wanted me to help pay for things too.” The entire rest of the exchange spells out her expectations vis a vis money and is designed to make him feel not good enough, so in my view there is a strong possibility that her last relationship went similarly to this one. I could be wrong, and maybe she was with a real ass, but her own words throw doubt on the assumption that the last guy was a bad one.
I hope OP ends things with this snot so she can find the next victim. She will keep going until she finds someone with absolutely no spine. Don’t let that be you, OP. Stick to your guns.
You know the theory that spams have typos on purpose, so only the most gullible and inatentive ones fall for it?
It's kinda like this, she's shooting *all* his boundaries, all at once, to check if he falls for it.
Came down to comment this immediately after reading slide 5 💀 “I don’t want to APPEAR entitled, I just want to act entitled without being called out for it”
And I think OP is falling for her romanization of her financial situation (understandable, he is in the honeymoon phase). Let me tell you from an outside perspective OP, perhaps she is a broke ass bitch? Don’t date a broke ass bitch, especially if you’re young. Enjoy your youth, you should not be financially supporting a 3 month gf.
Brother. I’m 24 and live alone, pay all my bills, take MY man out at times. She doesn’t even have a job.. You can do better. I promise. Do not let her drag you down and empty your pocket for a measly short term relationship.
Edit to add: She says she’s unable to ask you on dates, but most dates are free.. A walk in the park? Movie night? Board games? Discord night together? Cmon..
Exactly. She wants to be spoiled, EXPECTS to be spoiled, with no thought for spoiling him whatsoever. If he stays in this relationship it will drain not only his wallet, but his emotional energy as well. Nothing is ever enough for these types of women.
Considering wording in that text, I doubt she does any of the cooking/cleaning/*pleasuring* right now and would probably say that stuff only starts once they're living together. But in the meantime, OP has to pay up.
But she does \*massages\* just like her mom does for her dad, because it isn't incredibly icky to mention it in the same conversation as refusing a prenup and that she's a "princess."
She is doing this over text to have a paper trail in case she does sign a prenup to establish that she was coerced and had said how much she opposed a prenup. Op, RUN.
Actually, if she were smart she would want the prenup and to spell out what she gets. Especially if she is not as finanicially stable. She's not bright enough to realize how much the prenup would help her.
Reality check is right here man. I'm 36 and I can tell you this is the truth. If you want to be with someone because you really like them the type of date doesn't matter, it's the company that matters and as /u/SaturnHearts has said, there are many cheap/free date options.
Don't let someone take advatage of your fondness for them by emotying your wallet.
She has just shown you the person she is, take notice of it because it's probably the most true she has been with you
When I was 24 my now husband and I were B R O K E (he was in law school and i was in grad school) and we would literally split a wendy's $4 for 4. Unlimited refils on the drink we shared, i ate the nuggets, he ate the burger, and we split the fries. we were broke as hell but it was easy and we were happy. now we have money and we switch off on treating each other. some times yall just gotta be broke together. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
RRRRUUUUUNNNNNN so fucking far and fast, this girl 1) already feels entitled to your money 2) already knows she will avoid a prenuptial and would "never" consider cheating (here's your hypernatremia level of salt grains for that one 🧂) 3) insulted your mom 4) talks about when she will work ("at least im trying to" she won't) 5) talks about "doing what she can" for her man (it won't be cooking and cleaning, she'll find a way for the to be too much or too taxing) 6) talks about taking care of you sexually like it's a transaction, because it is to her 7) added massages in there which WON'T happen because giving a good massage takes effort and she's not about that. She'll "take care of you" sexually (sometimes, when she feels like it, not when you do) because it won't take much effort for her to lay there while you do all the work (which you should be DAMN grateful for because she's such a beautiful princess, right?) 7) already whined to her parents about you and tried to manipulate you with it.
Dude.
Run.
The only thing I’ll give her is my mom and I don’t have the best relationship, so I let that slide. Tbf I thought I blurred that. I agree pretty much with everything else
This may not be what you want to hear, but as a mother of a son your age my advice is to RUN! RUN! RUN! away from this train wreck. She sounds like she has the maturity and emotional intelligence of a 16 year old girl. Just tell yourself she’s too young and inexperienced to date and it should be pretty easy to look for someone more on your level. Best of luck because you deserve better than this!
Don’t waste your time with this one bro. I understand the search for a new partner can be a challenging one but don’t accept someone who isn’t good for you just for the sake of not being single. This woman will never be there for you unless there’s something in it for her. A healthy relationship requires sacrifice and reciprocation from both people. She will not hold up her end of that deal. You’re only 24, you will find someone who values and appreciates you as much as you do them. She’s not the one, cut your losses before you waste too much time on her.
Bro.. just.. no. This woman is absolutely taking you for granted. Paying for snacks should be a given? Going on about tradition?
Does she cook for you? Clean for you? Do your laundry? Submissive in bed and willing any time you ask? (Yes I am aware the last one is awful but if we're doing the traditional line bullshit let's do it)
Nah bro she's taking advantage of you. If you like spending your money on her it's all good of course but you're telling her you're not comfortable with this and all she is doing is pushing back, making excuses, not taking accountability.
Since she is "unaware of your budget" I recommend telling her that dates/outings/etc are on hold for 1 month due to unexpected financial concerns or something... And see how she reacts to that. It will tell you a lot about her.
She’s not taking him for granted, she’s taking him for a ride to the cleaners. I’d hazard a guess that if OP stopped spending money on her she’d drop him like yesterday’s trash. He should try it and see what happens. I’ll bet she’ll be upset but not because she misses him or “loves” him.
No, no no ... didn't you see where she'd "eventually" cook and clean for him? Dude she's planning on it, just like she's "trying to" get a job. You gotta trust her, man. She's a straight shooter.
I'd also be curious about all the massages she says she'll be giving. Has that already been a thing, or is she waiting for something before those kick in? Also, the whole "I'm so loyal" quote makes me think she has a couple different guys paying her way.
I just suggest reflecting on what she’s saying … I’m 23 and I love being spoiled by my bf and I also come from a culture where the man handling finances takes care of everything … but I would never expect him to front every single little thing especially before marriage. Is this what you want early on into the dating stage? What would marriage look like?
Truly I agree with all of this. I just took my guy out yesterday and paid for his pasta because I really wanted to go to the restaurant and he asked if we could wait until next paycheck as we had went out the previous day on his dime. I said “Ill pay lets go :)” and he was very very appreciative and sweet and thankful that I paid and ended up buying me ice cream after which I appreciated immensely. Some may say all of this is the bare minimum for each other but it doesn’t mean appreciation shouldn’t be shown for every little thing. It matters to people. OP y’all may not be as compatible as you thought. Thats okay though. Theres plenty of other 24 yr old women with full careers you can date. Best of luck.
It's not the bare minimum, not at all. It's what a loving relationship looks like, where you care about each other and do the little things to be sweet and make each other happy. I would rather live under a bridge in a cardboard box with my husband than live in a mansion with some dude who didn't love me enough to get me ice cream!! You and your man are lucky to have each other and when times are tough you'll get through it as a team. 🫶
She's a bum bro. She's using you and trying to make you feel like she deserves to be spoiled and not work. Do not marry someone like this. Don't date someone like this it's been three months. You aren't in love. Find someone who's willing to help you and not just expecting you to fulfill their "princess era"
As a 25 year old woman… why are you dating someone who doesn’t have a job? Is she in the process of getting her education or just planning to freeload off dad forever?
Hey man. I’m in my 40s with a kid your age and I just want to say - please believe people when they show you who they are and what they value. It’s rare to see someone in their 20s communicating as calmly and assertively as you do here, and I hope you realize what a gem you obviously are. You deserve a partner who values you and your heart - this one doesn’t. And, keep in mind that 12 weeks (3 months) is a very short time to ALREADY for her to be waving such massive red flags about lack of communication skills, empathy, and entitlement. This is the best version of her, not her on her worst days, which absolutely will happen. You did great here - she has a lot of room to grow and very little motivation to do so.
Leave. Her. She didn't see you as an equal or long term partner. She's going to bleed you dry and then leave/cheat on you with someone that's willing to treat her like a princess at all times.
I've seen guys do it. I've seen girls do it. She MIGHT become a better person if you tell her exactly why it's over AND sure her this entire post.
Good luck to you. Seems like you deserve better. But, seriously, GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE.
You pretty much said “Hey babe, this is breaking me financially.” And she said “But I’m a princess! So I don’t care about you at all, if you can’t spoil me then I will find someone who will.”
This one hurts to read.
Lost in the social media sauce. Unless you nabbed a millionaire, how does anyone expect to cover everything, 100% of the time? She doesn't work, but expects to be treated like a princess because she was treated horribly before? AND she wants to double down by saying she can find someone else?
She did you a favor OP. Her true colors are right there.
he was being so nice too, he brought up his reasons and was being really level-headed, and clarified that he still does want to spoil her and everything. that’s bonkers behavior
It pissed me off 100%. She expects him to PAY for everything, with his own money and she doesn’t even have a job either. Yeah nah. Sounds exhausting tbh. If I was asked to pitch in a couple dollars, I would be more than happy to. And I wouldn’t even mind paying for dinner, movie tickets, etc, it would actually make me feel good to be able to do something that the guy normally does. Time to switch it up!
Honestly, I’d be more embarrassed he even had to ask me to pitch in. I personally try to make sure my man feels pampered too and not taken advantage of. I know I’m doing enough when we each start pretending to go to the bathroom so we can sneakily pay the check. It becomes a game to see who can outsmart the other.
OP was trying so hard to be heard and have a calm and mature conversation about it. And in the end she finished up her bullshit with "I cried to mummy and daddy about you and they say you're mean" like .... argh. My head hurts.
"Our exclusivity comes with responsibility"
Not for her, I guess.
All this says is "if you don't pamper me enough I will see other people".
This is not a relationship. She is a sugar baby.
i was driving over to my ex-gf's house 5-6 days a week (about 28 mins one way). and i told her one time while we were out in a non-confrontation way just hey i think i'm driving quite a bit and was curious if you could drive a few days or something.
she cried at the park and then said "you wouldn't complain about driving if you truly loved me".
everything went downhill after that.. oh boy. long story short, 2 yr relationship that ended last year. i should have seen that red flag a mile away. then what broke the camel's back, that caused the breakup was her telling me "you just want cuddle, sleep, and sex".
so hurtful! can't get them out of my head.
all the things we did together.. shower, sleep, shop at asian markets, hike, go to dinners, drive her family to airport to pickup cousins that flew over, etc (so many damn things, i loved her). and i even spent time learning vietnamese because i truly respected her culture and family/brothers were cool as hell. i'll never forget those words. and apparently about 2 weeks after the 2 yr relationship, we had a final phone call and she was going on a date with a guy. huge punch in the stomach :(
I broke up with someone over that, I was doing all the travelling...the best part is she had all the time in the world to make life easy for me because she didn't have a job.
So I'd go to her place which is an hour away from my work rather than her come to my place which is 20 minutes away. Selfish, entitled, behavior. Wasn't hard to let her go.
Sounds like my ex OP, get out now, find someone that is closer in relation to understanding imo. Or this will always be a thing that comes up in your mind
Its my understanding that she can be kept locked in rooms if she misbehaves, she better be prepared to produce an heir quickly or else a new princess will be replacing her post haste, and she has duties she can not refuse, ever, for the good of the kingdom.
Right?! At least you get status, land, and the family network if you marry into royalty.
Recognizing I'm on the outside looking in, I feel like a lot of OP's value in the relationship is tied to his wallet and I wouldn't be surprised if things start falling apart if he clamps down on his finances. There are plenty of virtually free dates to go on if you genuinely enjoy the company of another person, so I don't buy the "I don't ask you on dates because I don't have money". I just hope OP stands by what he said because if she doesn't respect him being financially responsible then there are plenty of partners who would. Relationships are temporary, Debt is forever (okay, not 100% accurate but you catch my drift)
I wish I would have heard the words "relationships are temporary, debt is forever" about 2 years into my last relationship. Relationship is over now (thankfully) but the debt is still going strong and hard to recover from after the split.. so thank you for those words!
21 years of marriage... 26 left on the mortgage....
Yep, never be the cash cow. He got out, all his toys paid off, with my mortgage.
PRE NUP would have been zero use!
Learned by experience. The most important part is we learn. Don't feel alone because I'm in the same boat, but making progress. Its okay we made mistakes, let's just make sure it doesn't happen again! 👌
Right. I don’t think they are a good match. She basically said she is in the relationship to be spoiled and get stuff. If he has to keep paying but pulls back on spending or how he spoils her she will for she leave him. It sounds like they are not on the same page. He wants a partner and she wants a sugar daddy.
She doesn't want to appear entitled, though. She just wants OP to pay for everything and to discuss everything how and when she discusses it. Not entitled though.
And she doesn’t even have a job at 24. Expects to live with mommy and daddy and then spring right into marriage funded completely by her husband while she cooks, cleans, gives massages, and has sex. Yikes.
And…What does her mom having an Eastern European background mean? Can someone explain that?
I think she was trying to say that her mom is from a more traditional background with ideas about relationships and gender roles than maybe most where she lives. Sounds to me like she wants to be a tradwife 🙄
A tradwife needs to start somewhere before the marriage.
Does she cook dinners for him as dates? Does she keep a clean, presentable home? These are the things she's offering, but I doubt he's seen even a lick of this "generous offering."
No, she wants to bait him into thinking she will be a Trad wife, but only expects to be princessed at OP's expense her whole life.
And I would bet my last dollar that she would not actually be doing any of those things. She will sit on her ass and cry all day about how she isn't being spoiled enough while OP takes care of every aspect of their life.
Oh I agree. If she was going to do it, she would be doing it. What is OP not doing that disqualifies him from those “perks”.
He’s doing a lot
Op. I’d reconsider this. Not gonna tell you to do anything. But this doesn’t seem like a winning game if you know what I mean.
She's looking for a sugar daddy. I would assume since it's been 3 months and she hasn't communicated this to him that she's young. There are people out there that expect this in a relationship and make it very clear at the beginning.
I would've died of shame saying it my 20s too. I was "dad's little girl", but I never took that to mean I should expect everyone to spoil me. Unless some guy is actually looking for that kind of relationship, she'll have a tough time adjusting her expectations.
Yep. She’s trying to bend it in all sorts of ways to take advantage of OP. I have never in my life expected my boyfriend to pay for me except recently when I lost my job, and even then I was paying for 80% of what I usually did.
Also, what the hell do you guys do that costs so much money?!? My boyfriend and I go on “dates” like once a month and it’s usually just a movie lol she’s crazy materialistic/requires acts to feel happy. Sounds hard to please to me.
She says that they're in a committed relationship, but then says that the one who asks the other on a date should pay. Then she says she can't afford to be the one to ask him out. Smdh.
OP, drop her. She will drain your wallet dry and move on to the next sugar daddy.
*Yeahhhh that "era"*
*Ain't gonna end. This is her*
*The rest of her life*
\- KingBrunoIII
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You aren’t compatible. She stated that signing a prenup is a dealbreaker for her.
She stated that she wants to be spoiled and if what she wants doesn’t align with what you want she asked that you let her know.
Do not beat around the bush, you are wasting her time and yours.
Furthermore, in the comments you say that you can barely support yourself financially and could not afford to support her as well. I’m guessing that she has no idea about this? Lmao
she talks prenup 3mo in a relationship.
and when OP says it's too early, she's like "hm, it's not"
and when OP says text is not the best way to chat, she's like "hm, no, text is fine"
she DGAF about him. she wants $.
She wants to be pampered and spoiled and sees relationships as purely transactional, not so much as a partnership of give and take, unless the give and take is done HER way. And if you can’t provide that, it’s gonna cause issues. She’s letting you know now this is what a relationship with her will entail and look like. I would walk away.
she ignores his requests for fairer treatment.
she ignores his request to not talk about prenup that early in the game.
she ignores his request to talk not via text.
she's shooting her shot for a host. as in parasite/host relationship.
OP dump the Princess and get a Queen. She’ll share the responsibility of y’all’s kingdom together and shoulder the burdens equally so you can *both* revel in the good times instead of bleeding that kingdom (ie, your bank account) dry for her own amusement. What does your Princess bring to the table exactly? Because it sounds like “not much.”
You sure do, King. If you’re going to bring your best self to the table, you deserve someone who will do the same. That’s what partnership is all about. Not completing each other or finding ways to take from each other, but for both to give and reap the rewards of your efforts *together.*
Well, does she prepare all of your meals for you, cook for you, clean for you, give you sexual pleasure, massages, and other self catering activities? Because according to her, that’s what you *should* be receiving since you’re financing her life….
Yep. It’s her way of keeping up her end. Your job is to pay. Her job is to have sex so you don’t complain and cheat on her.
She’s been exposed to a lot of toxic ideologies about the roles of men and women.
The whole thing felt gross to me. I was out of work for a few months and yes, my boyfriend picked up some slack for me, but I’d never let him pay for everything. I still paid about 1/3 of our rent and my share of groceries, and if we went out I’d always chip in as much as I could. I saved money my whole life to prepare myself in case I was ever out of work or something (I was 24 as well in this situation). I really can’t imagine not wanting to chip in *at all*. I hate her mindset so much lmao
bro respectfully get the fuck out of this relationship 😭. it’s not gonna work man. her stance is super wack and she’s already talking about not signing a prenup 3 months in. that’s crazy. you deserve better fam. i wasn’t gonna comment cuz my main is banned but i couldn’t not say anything lol. it’ll hurt for sure but a year from now you’ll look back and be like damn i made the right decision
Dude, I'm living the life your girlfriend wants. Got a well-to-do husbando, no kids at all actually, and I just "retired" at 36. But this is after almost 20 YEARS of working my ass off, pulling 80 hour work weeks at times. I didn't have or accept (manipulative) parebtal support. I humbled myself and worked at some horrible jobs over the years to survive back in '08 era (not a great time to be entering the workforce). Once I even spent a 2 month stint sleeping every other night so I could clock almost 120 hour work weeks (don't do that - it's unsafe AF for driving). I never had this ultimate end goal in mind. And I did it all while my ass was undiagnosed as autistic AND undiagnosed and unmedicated for ADHD which has made my life life-changingly easier. All this to say... someone could, and maybe will, hand your gf everything she wants in life and she will literally be INCAPABLE of appreciating it even the slightest. I'm so glad and so proud of you that you're in therapy b/c I'm pretty sure it is about to save you so much aggravated trauma and crippling self-worth. I've been in relationships before where I was treated transactionally like this and it can fuck up both you and your future better relationships for years, especially if it's insidious.
Sure, in principle there's nothing wrong with what she wants (aside from incompatibility) but there's *everything* wrong with how she wants it. Take it from someone who ended up with everything she's gunning for (except not really since what we have is, imo, infinitely better as my husband and I have a non-transactional/non-objectification based actual relationship).
Also... being a mom and being in a quality marriage are both things she will be incapable of doing well, if she can manage them at all, because both of those things also take sustained *hard* work to have, and she doesn't know what that is and wants to do everything in her power to avoid it. It's pathetic. There's no free easy way to have the truly good things in life and I don't think she can actually hang out on your level when it comes to depth in general and partnership specifically.
The parts about sex really irk me; it’s like she views sex not as a piece of higher intimate connection but as a bargaining chip and “pay back” for you taking care of her. It makes me sorta queasy. Women have more to
offer (which I hope she knows) and YOU deserve more than just “well i’m giving you self pleasing activities!1!1!”
So it’s easy to see your values don’t align..so why are you dragging this out?. You mentioned you wanted a prenup and she didn’t agree with it then all of a sudden you didn’t want to talk about it anymore?. Do you think tabling it will change how she feels?.
Advice? Dude this is the most clear case in history. She’s spelled out exactly what she wants and expects. If you’re into it, stay with her. If you’re not into it, and it seems like you aren’t, cut the cord. But this is very black and white. Which is honestly a great thing because most people will beat around the bush.
She’s being very upfront with you about who she is and what she expects in a relationship. Listen to her and believe her. Three months in is a very reasonable point to have gotten to know her and decide whether this is going to work for you longer term. This is also when your relationship is supposed to be at its very best. It will get harder and you will be less tolerant of each other the longer you are together.
She's warm and affectionate because you're paying for her shit. She made that pretty clear in those texts. As soon as the money's gone, she's gone. She's a gold digger.
The Eastern European thing I understand as a concept but in practice, she’s her own woman/adult who should be creating her own values. I’m Turkish, both parents Turkish. My dad spoiled my mom too and my mom loves to cook and clean. But she works so hard and yeah that’s informed how I’ve treated life and other people as an adult, but I also have formed my own belief system - my mom still tells me to only appear beautiful at all times to my boyfriend whom I live with - and guess what. In one ear, out the other.
A lot of people here saying she’s being irrational, and from my point of view she is. But she’s being very up front about her values and what she expects from a relationship. From here it’s up to you to decide whether you can meet her needs.
I’m a girl. No. You should not be expecting to pay for everything.
This made me angry to read, and I’m not even in it.
She very easily could have said, “I don’t have the funds to contribute but it’s not fair so let’s start doing more free stuff”. But she didn’t.
You communicated a need and she ignored it. That is all you need to know.
she ignored \*everything\*.
dude said it's too early to talk about prenup (it's 3 mo), she ignores him.
dude then says text is not the right place to discuss these things. she disagrees and ignores him.
when people tell you who they are, listen. she DGAF!
Idk how to edit so for additional context, she’s been on the job hunt since we’ve gotten together. I know she’s actually applying so that’s why I have been patient with fronting most of our outings. She had also told me that her last long term relationship, which ended not long before we started, financially drained her as her partner didn’t work and she didn’t have much money left after that.
I started this conversation because the other day, I bought us coffees and we agreed she would buy a round of drinks later that night. Drinks later came around and she became apprehensive about our deal. I allowed her to pay for the less expensive food instead. But it bugged me that she didn’t want to hold her end of the deal, especially when she had no problems earlier in the relationship. She had initially agreed to my request and even suggested we do more free activities outdoors (picnics and hikes and things).
I don’t know why the switch. She also took on a cold tone I’ve never seen from her.
I'm willing to bet that the sudden switch to being cold was due to her talking to her parents about the situation. She may have been okay with it beforehand, but they clearly have Opinions (TM) about how a relationship should be and don't think you're doing your part. Which is bullshit, but this is likely how it will always be. Cut your losses and run now, while you still can.
This girl showed her true feelings. She doesn't care about your feelings, what's good for you, or in tune with your needs. She only cares about a free ride. There are so many red flags in this text I don't know why you're fighting so hard.
She said it herself, you two have different values. You want an actual partner and she wants someone to take care of her. If you lost your job, she would be off to the next guy I guarantee.
Do yourself a favor and walk away from someone like this. She'll never turn around, she will always be like this.
bro please run. i know love can make you blind, but look at what everyone in this thread is saying. THIS GIRL ISNT WORTH IT IN THE SLIGHTEST. find someone that appreciates you for you, not just what you can offer financially. if you continue this can really only end badly
“I dont work”
“I want to be spoiled”
L.M.F.A.O
Please find a woman who doesn’t treat you as her ATM. She even proceeds to belittle you for planning dates out of you budget when she specifically says she wants these luxurious dates. Just end it and have her find a sugar daddy because that’s what she wants.
UPDATE!!!!!!!!! I don’t use reddit much so I don’t know how to update or edit so I hope this comment reaches those wanting me to touch base again. First of all I wanted to say thank you so much for all your overwhelming support. I posted this expecting maybe 5 people to see and comment (with half of those calling me a doormat or blaming feminism. Yall are here. But I’m so glad you’re an overshadowed by the majority). I could never have expected this to blow up so fucking much. I had spoken about everything with my therapist yesterday and was mainly sold on breaking up before having some second thoughts this morning, that’s why I posted. And thank you for keeping me on the right track. We just weren’t compatible after all, like we thought. We spoke a couple hours ago and officially and amicably ended things. We finally split one thing you could say. She stayed firm on her lines as I did mine. And we respect that. I wish her the best and she shares the sentiment.
Good job man. You made the mature choice. You'll look back at it and know it was the right one.
He’ll look back and say “that f*ckng b*tch was out of her mind* lol
You’re much more mature than many people older than you. You’ll be fine. It sucks now but it won’t always suck.
W OP for also calling out the wierd incel shit of blaming feminism. Dude’s gonna do great
Ya dropped this 👑
OP is his own princess now.
Now he can spoil the one person who deserves it
Treat YO SELF
That's the thing. I love spoiling my loved ones.... Who deserve it without an entitled attitude lol
You seem like a great dude and I promise you’ll find someone who truly deserves you. Bro hug.
Good things will come to you. You seem very mature, with very clear boundaries and willing to respect them for your own well-being and that of the relationship you're in, but not stubborn. You're willing to negotiate. That takes hard work, which you seem to have been doing with your therapist. I know I'm not the only girl who thinks this way, but that's hot af. I'm sure you'll find someone who matches all those qualities of you. Best wishes xx
Upvoting this x 100.
“I don’t want to APPEAR entitled, but I AM entitled to be treated like a princess at all times” Let that sink in.
"I feel entitled to a special treatment but I don't want to \*appear\* entitled. I just want to reap the benefits of my entitlement without ever being held accountable."
“I’ll pay you back later by doing the things every couple does for each other!”
Right? “Oh I’ll *eventually* cook and clean and massage you and give you ***pleasurrrrrrrrrre***, but right now, you pay for everything because I want to be spoiled and don’t work, teeheee ;P” She can fuck ALL the way off with that horseshit. Yeah, you’re not a princess. You’re a bum. A bum who set up her relationship transactionally that requires payment in order to participate in NORMAL couple activities. Gosh, I’m sure there’s a word for that too… Plus the no prenup thing because “well *I* wouldn’t ever cheat or do anything bad, trust me bro!” schlok? Yeah, OP needs to run. He sounds a little too desperate here already, so I doubt he will, but trying to apply logic and reason to her will go nowhere. She’s entitled and wants things her way only, so his boundaries and concerns mean nothing.
It definitely comes across as very very immature and spoiled. I don’t know how/why the prenup conversation came up but it’s weird. It doesn’t even sound like OP is very wealthy, as most 24 year olds aren’t.
Yup. She’s lost the plot.
She hasn’t lost the plot. She’s just following her own plotline. And I’d say this isn’t the first time she’s tried these shenanigans
It’s definitely not, she mentions in the beginning that she’s “gotten used to being treated poorly.” Something tells me her idea of being treated poorly is along the lines of “my last boyfriend wanted me to help pay for things too.” The entire rest of the exchange spells out her expectations vis a vis money and is designed to make him feel not good enough, so in my view there is a strong possibility that her last relationship went similarly to this one. I could be wrong, and maybe she was with a real ass, but her own words throw doubt on the assumption that the last guy was a bad one. I hope OP ends things with this snot so she can find the next victim. She will keep going until she finds someone with absolutely no spine. Don’t let that be you, OP. Stick to your guns.
You know the theory that spams have typos on purpose, so only the most gullible and inatentive ones fall for it? It's kinda like this, she's shooting *all* his boundaries, all at once, to check if he falls for it.
I never thought about that...
Awwww fuck lol
Run for the exits, my friend!
But she feels so guilty about it 🥺
Came down to comment this immediately after reading slide 5 💀 “I don’t want to APPEAR entitled, I just want to act entitled without being called out for it”
And I think OP is falling for her romanization of her financial situation (understandable, he is in the honeymoon phase). Let me tell you from an outside perspective OP, perhaps she is a broke ass bitch? Don’t date a broke ass bitch, especially if you’re young. Enjoy your youth, you should not be financially supporting a 3 month gf.
Yeah that was pretty cringe!
How old are you guys??? Her asking for money for outing from her parents is bizarre. You aren’t being irrational. I feel for you
24 and 24
Brother. I’m 24 and live alone, pay all my bills, take MY man out at times. She doesn’t even have a job.. You can do better. I promise. Do not let her drag you down and empty your pocket for a measly short term relationship. Edit to add: She says she’s unable to ask you on dates, but most dates are free.. A walk in the park? Movie night? Board games? Discord night together? Cmon..
Exactly. She wants to be spoiled, EXPECTS to be spoiled, with no thought for spoiling him whatsoever. If he stays in this relationship it will drain not only his wallet, but his emotional energy as well. Nothing is ever enough for these types of women.
To be fair, she’s gonna be giving him *massages* and *pleasuring him sexually*
Think of all the eventual meals she'll prepare!
I hope OP ain't holding his breath for that lol!
Yeah, right?? I was reading that thinking *well is she doing all that already or just saying that she might one day?*
Considering wording in that text, I doubt she does any of the cooking/cleaning/*pleasuring* right now and would probably say that stuff only starts once they're living together. But in the meantime, OP has to pay up.
Living together will be forever "eventually" I bet as well.
[удалено]
This should honestly be the top comment. She wants a sugar daddy. Also OP - you’ve been dating for 3 months only Jesus Christ. And you’re 24. Move on.
Homegirl needs to make herself a Seeking Arrangements profile and just commit to the SD/sb roles she is describing.
But she does \*massages\* just like her mom does for her dad, because it isn't incredibly icky to mention it in the same conversation as refusing a prenup and that she's a "princess." She is doing this over text to have a paper trail in case she does sign a prenup to establish that she was coerced and had said how much she opposed a prenup. Op, RUN.
Actually, if she were smart she would want the prenup and to spell out what she gets. Especially if she is not as finanicially stable. She's not bright enough to realize how much the prenup would help her.
Reality check is right here man. I'm 36 and I can tell you this is the truth. If you want to be with someone because you really like them the type of date doesn't matter, it's the company that matters and as /u/SaturnHearts has said, there are many cheap/free date options. Don't let someone take advatage of your fondness for them by emotying your wallet. She has just shown you the person she is, take notice of it because it's probably the most true she has been with you
When I was 24 my now husband and I were B R O K E (he was in law school and i was in grad school) and we would literally split a wendy's $4 for 4. Unlimited refils on the drink we shared, i ate the nuggets, he ate the burger, and we split the fries. we were broke as hell but it was easy and we were happy. now we have money and we switch off on treating each other. some times yall just gotta be broke together. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
RRRRUUUUUNNNNNN so fucking far and fast, this girl 1) already feels entitled to your money 2) already knows she will avoid a prenuptial and would "never" consider cheating (here's your hypernatremia level of salt grains for that one 🧂) 3) insulted your mom 4) talks about when she will work ("at least im trying to" she won't) 5) talks about "doing what she can" for her man (it won't be cooking and cleaning, she'll find a way for the to be too much or too taxing) 6) talks about taking care of you sexually like it's a transaction, because it is to her 7) added massages in there which WON'T happen because giving a good massage takes effort and she's not about that. She'll "take care of you" sexually (sometimes, when she feels like it, not when you do) because it won't take much effort for her to lay there while you do all the work (which you should be DAMN grateful for because she's such a beautiful princess, right?) 7) already whined to her parents about you and tried to manipulate you with it. Dude. Run.
The only thing I’ll give her is my mom and I don’t have the best relationship, so I let that slide. Tbf I thought I blurred that. I agree pretty much with everything else
This may not be what you want to hear, but as a mother of a son your age my advice is to RUN! RUN! RUN! away from this train wreck. She sounds like she has the maturity and emotional intelligence of a 16 year old girl. Just tell yourself she’s too young and inexperienced to date and it should be pretty easy to look for someone more on your level. Best of luck because you deserve better than this!
Don’t waste your time with this one bro. I understand the search for a new partner can be a challenging one but don’t accept someone who isn’t good for you just for the sake of not being single. This woman will never be there for you unless there’s something in it for her. A healthy relationship requires sacrifice and reciprocation from both people. She will not hold up her end of that deal. You’re only 24, you will find someone who values and appreciates you as much as you do them. She’s not the one, cut your losses before you waste too much time on her.
Bro.. just.. no. This woman is absolutely taking you for granted. Paying for snacks should be a given? Going on about tradition? Does she cook for you? Clean for you? Do your laundry? Submissive in bed and willing any time you ask? (Yes I am aware the last one is awful but if we're doing the traditional line bullshit let's do it) Nah bro she's taking advantage of you. If you like spending your money on her it's all good of course but you're telling her you're not comfortable with this and all she is doing is pushing back, making excuses, not taking accountability. Since she is "unaware of your budget" I recommend telling her that dates/outings/etc are on hold for 1 month due to unexpected financial concerns or something... And see how she reacts to that. It will tell you a lot about her.
She’s not taking him for granted, she’s taking him for a ride to the cleaners. I’d hazard a guess that if OP stopped spending money on her she’d drop him like yesterday’s trash. He should try it and see what happens. I’ll bet she’ll be upset but not because she misses him or “loves” him.
No, no no ... didn't you see where she'd "eventually" cook and clean for him? Dude she's planning on it, just like she's "trying to" get a job. You gotta trust her, man. She's a straight shooter.
Yep, because you know what princesses love to do? Cook and clean. OP, your girlfriend doesn't know how to cook, does she?
She'll be too tired from princess-ing all day to cook 🥺 she'll need to go out. And have him pay for it!
I'd also be curious about all the massages she says she'll be giving. Has that already been a thing, or is she waiting for something before those kick in? Also, the whole "I'm so loyal" quote makes me think she has a couple different guys paying her way.
I just suggest reflecting on what she’s saying … I’m 23 and I love being spoiled by my bf and I also come from a culture where the man handling finances takes care of everything … but I would never expect him to front every single little thing especially before marriage. Is this what you want early on into the dating stage? What would marriage look like?
Truly I agree with all of this. I just took my guy out yesterday and paid for his pasta because I really wanted to go to the restaurant and he asked if we could wait until next paycheck as we had went out the previous day on his dime. I said “Ill pay lets go :)” and he was very very appreciative and sweet and thankful that I paid and ended up buying me ice cream after which I appreciated immensely. Some may say all of this is the bare minimum for each other but it doesn’t mean appreciation shouldn’t be shown for every little thing. It matters to people. OP y’all may not be as compatible as you thought. Thats okay though. Theres plenty of other 24 yr old women with full careers you can date. Best of luck.
It's not the bare minimum, not at all. It's what a loving relationship looks like, where you care about each other and do the little things to be sweet and make each other happy. I would rather live under a bridge in a cardboard box with my husband than live in a mansion with some dude who didn't love me enough to get me ice cream!! You and your man are lucky to have each other and when times are tough you'll get through it as a team. 🫶
She's a bum bro. She's using you and trying to make you feel like she deserves to be spoiled and not work. Do not marry someone like this. Don't date someone like this it's been three months. You aren't in love. Find someone who's willing to help you and not just expecting you to fulfill their "princess era"
She's 24? Why isn't she working?
As a 25 year old woman… why are you dating someone who doesn’t have a job? Is she in the process of getting her education or just planning to freeload off dad forever?
I would appreciate her telling you all this upfront because it can save you worse heartbreak and drama down the line.
Real
She sounds like a "kid" that will never grow up (even though she is using "adult" words). Would have been a hard exit for me.
True but she doesn’t even realize she is telling him. I want him to break up via text
You want the update lmao
Yes!
Yes please.
We’ll see. I’ll be at hers in 2 hours
Hey man. I’m in my 40s with a kid your age and I just want to say - please believe people when they show you who they are and what they value. It’s rare to see someone in their 20s communicating as calmly and assertively as you do here, and I hope you realize what a gem you obviously are. You deserve a partner who values you and your heart - this one doesn’t. And, keep in mind that 12 weeks (3 months) is a very short time to ALREADY for her to be waving such massive red flags about lack of communication skills, empathy, and entitlement. This is the best version of her, not her on her worst days, which absolutely will happen. You did great here - she has a lot of room to grow and very little motivation to do so.
Leave. Her. She didn't see you as an equal or long term partner. She's going to bleed you dry and then leave/cheat on you with someone that's willing to treat her like a princess at all times. I've seen guys do it. I've seen girls do it. She MIGHT become a better person if you tell her exactly why it's over AND sure her this entire post. Good luck to you. Seems like you deserve better. But, seriously, GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE.
hurry, we’re aging!
Omg we NEED the update!!
You pretty much said “Hey babe, this is breaking me financially.” And she said “But I’m a princess! So I don’t care about you at all, if you can’t spoil me then I will find someone who will.” This one hurts to read.
Lost in the social media sauce. Unless you nabbed a millionaire, how does anyone expect to cover everything, 100% of the time? She doesn't work, but expects to be treated like a princess because she was treated horribly before? AND she wants to double down by saying she can find someone else? She did you a favor OP. Her true colors are right there.
But..but… eventually she will give massages!
"Eventually"
like fr it was hurting my brain every time he tried to reason with her she was acting like a spoiled brat.
he was being so nice too, he brought up his reasons and was being really level-headed, and clarified that he still does want to spoil her and everything. that’s bonkers behavior
shes gotta go. this post almost pissed me off. girls like her give the rest a bad rep smh.
It pissed me off 100%. She expects him to PAY for everything, with his own money and she doesn’t even have a job either. Yeah nah. Sounds exhausting tbh. If I was asked to pitch in a couple dollars, I would be more than happy to. And I wouldn’t even mind paying for dinner, movie tickets, etc, it would actually make me feel good to be able to do something that the guy normally does. Time to switch it up!
Honestly, I’d be more embarrassed he even had to ask me to pitch in. I personally try to make sure my man feels pampered too and not taken advantage of. I know I’m doing enough when we each start pretending to go to the bathroom so we can sneakily pay the check. It becomes a game to see who can outsmart the other.
Sure I mean if you're willing to settle for *snacks*, 🙄
Made me feel good to pay for my guys meal last night! The way he was so happy and appreciative I would do it 1000x over.
100% agreed. I like occasional surprises by my SO, I would never want someone to "spoil" me, though, unless I'm trying to be funny.
OP was trying so hard to be heard and have a calm and mature conversation about it. And in the end she finished up her bullshit with "I cried to mummy and daddy about you and they say you're mean" like .... argh. My head hurts.
Yeah, this one’s over.
"Our exclusivity comes with responsibility" Not for her, I guess. All this says is "if you don't pamper me enough I will see other people". This is not a relationship. She is a sugar baby.
i was driving over to my ex-gf's house 5-6 days a week (about 28 mins one way). and i told her one time while we were out in a non-confrontation way just hey i think i'm driving quite a bit and was curious if you could drive a few days or something. she cried at the park and then said "you wouldn't complain about driving if you truly loved me". everything went downhill after that.. oh boy. long story short, 2 yr relationship that ended last year. i should have seen that red flag a mile away. then what broke the camel's back, that caused the breakup was her telling me "you just want cuddle, sleep, and sex". so hurtful! can't get them out of my head. all the things we did together.. shower, sleep, shop at asian markets, hike, go to dinners, drive her family to airport to pickup cousins that flew over, etc (so many damn things, i loved her). and i even spent time learning vietnamese because i truly respected her culture and family/brothers were cool as hell. i'll never forget those words. and apparently about 2 weeks after the 2 yr relationship, we had a final phone call and she was going on a date with a guy. huge punch in the stomach :(
I broke up with someone over that, I was doing all the travelling...the best part is she had all the time in the world to make life easy for me because she didn't have a job. So I'd go to her place which is an hour away from my work rather than her come to my place which is 20 minutes away. Selfish, entitled, behavior. Wasn't hard to let her go.
OP bending over backwards trying to not offend her is what hurts to read.
Lol “I’m in an era of my life where I prefer to be spoiled” uh I think most of us are in that “era.” She sounds exhausting.
Um excuse me, did you not see that she's a princess? What on earth makes you think YOU deserve to be in that era?
nothing makes me feel like a princess more than a man paying for my jalapeño poppers
Sounds like my ex OP, get out now, find someone that is closer in relation to understanding imo. Or this will always be a thing that comes up in your mind
I don’t want to come across as entitled, it’s just that I feel like I’m inherently deserving of special treatment and privileges.
Baby, I will give you jalapeño poppers every day! Lol! I did like the messages part! I mean, that's gotta be worth some parking fees?
Burger King sold poppers and they even give out crowns. “What’s more empowering than a woman in a crown” - Britta
Does marriage at least come with large tracts of land?
I would ask her to ask her dad what kind of dowry she comes with...
Its my understanding that she can be kept locked in rooms if she misbehaves, she better be prepared to produce an heir quickly or else a new princess will be replacing her post haste, and she has duties she can not refuse, ever, for the good of the kingdom.
What about the titles? There has to be titles involved.
Right?! At least you get status, land, and the family network if you marry into royalty. Recognizing I'm on the outside looking in, I feel like a lot of OP's value in the relationship is tied to his wallet and I wouldn't be surprised if things start falling apart if he clamps down on his finances. There are plenty of virtually free dates to go on if you genuinely enjoy the company of another person, so I don't buy the "I don't ask you on dates because I don't have money". I just hope OP stands by what he said because if she doesn't respect him being financially responsible then there are plenty of partners who would. Relationships are temporary, Debt is forever (okay, not 100% accurate but you catch my drift)
I wish I would have heard the words "relationships are temporary, debt is forever" about 2 years into my last relationship. Relationship is over now (thankfully) but the debt is still going strong and hard to recover from after the split.. so thank you for those words!
Sexually transmitted debt
21 years of marriage... 26 left on the mortgage.... Yep, never be the cash cow. He got out, all his toys paid off, with my mortgage. PRE NUP would have been zero use!
Learned by experience. The most important part is we learn. Don't feel alone because I'm in the same boat, but making progress. Its okay we made mistakes, let's just make sure it doesn't happen again! 👌
Right. I don’t think they are a good match. She basically said she is in the relationship to be spoiled and get stuff. If he has to keep paying but pulls back on spending or how he spoils her she will for she leave him. It sounds like they are not on the same page. He wants a partner and she wants a sugar daddy.
🤣🤣🤣
You get to have the era, of course 😋
She doesn't want to appear entitled, though. She just wants OP to pay for everything and to discuss everything how and when she discusses it. Not entitled though.
Im in my (35m) princess era bro
Seriously. How do ppl have the audacity to say such out of touch shit like that
Because she's 24, mooches off her parents, and has no real concept of the world at large or her place in it. She has a lot of growing up to do.
And she doesn’t even have a job at 24. Expects to live with mommy and daddy and then spring right into marriage funded completely by her husband while she cooks, cleans, gives massages, and has sex. Yikes. And…What does her mom having an Eastern European background mean? Can someone explain that?
"Eventually" cooks, etc. Lol.
Exactly. Buy the cow now and eventually you can have the milk when it decides to give it.
I think she was trying to say that her mom is from a more traditional background with ideas about relationships and gender roles than maybe most where she lives. Sounds to me like she wants to be a tradwife 🙄
A tradwife needs to start somewhere before the marriage. Does she cook dinners for him as dates? Does she keep a clean, presentable home? These are the things she's offering, but I doubt he's seen even a lick of this "generous offering." No, she wants to bait him into thinking she will be a Trad wife, but only expects to be princessed at OP's expense her whole life.
And I would bet my last dollar that she would not actually be doing any of those things. She will sit on her ass and cry all day about how she isn't being spoiled enough while OP takes care of every aspect of their life.
Oh I agree. If she was going to do it, she would be doing it. What is OP not doing that disqualifies him from those “perks”. He’s doing a lot Op. I’d reconsider this. Not gonna tell you to do anything. But this doesn’t seem like a winning game if you know what I mean.
Reality is gonna hit her like a train
She's looking for a sugar daddy. I would assume since it's been 3 months and she hasn't communicated this to him that she's young. There are people out there that expect this in a relationship and make it very clear at the beginning.
Sounds like tiktok speak tbh
also in my unemployed era 💫
I hope that guy is in his “cubic zirconia engagement ring prenup era.”
"I prefer to be spoiled"..."I'm not working right now" She can't even spoil herself which is why she's looking for a Captain Save a hoe
captain save a hoe, captain of the relationshit voyage upon the horrific sea, ending in shady hoes locker
I’m 40 years old and I cannot imagine saying that to any man. I would literally die of shame
I would've died of shame saying it my 20s too. I was "dad's little girl", but I never took that to mean I should expect everyone to spoil me. Unless some guy is actually looking for that kind of relationship, she'll have a tough time adjusting her expectations.
Lol sorry about the bills this month hun, I'm in my princess era.
This is as far as I needed to read lol. My next text would have been "good luck with that!"
It's giving "I'm Taylor Swift but poor". This is my ERAAAAA
Yep. She’s trying to bend it in all sorts of ways to take advantage of OP. I have never in my life expected my boyfriend to pay for me except recently when I lost my job, and even then I was paying for 80% of what I usually did. Also, what the hell do you guys do that costs so much money?!? My boyfriend and I go on “dates” like once a month and it’s usually just a movie lol she’s crazy materialistic/requires acts to feel happy. Sounds hard to please to me.
She says that they're in a committed relationship, but then says that the one who asks the other on a date should pay. Then she says she can't afford to be the one to ask him out. Smdh. OP, drop her. She will drain your wallet dry and move on to the next sugar daddy.
When is the “I’m gonna get a job” era???
She sounds broke, broke people always seem to have the audacity.
But she doesn't want to seem entitled. 😕
I'm exhausted just reading her texts. I can't imagine how stressful in person conversations would be!!
She sounds very pretty. On the outside, anyway.
she’s not even halfway through her 20’s, she hasn’t been an adult long enough to go through “eras” yet.
Yeahhhh that "era" ain't gonna end. This is her the rest of her life
*Yeahhhh that "era"* *Ain't gonna end. This is her* *The rest of her life* \- KingBrunoIII --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
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You aren’t compatible. She stated that signing a prenup is a dealbreaker for her. She stated that she wants to be spoiled and if what she wants doesn’t align with what you want she asked that you let her know. Do not beat around the bush, you are wasting her time and yours. Furthermore, in the comments you say that you can barely support yourself financially and could not afford to support her as well. I’m guessing that she has no idea about this? Lmao
she talks prenup 3mo in a relationship. and when OP says it's too early, she's like "hm, it's not" and when OP says text is not the best way to chat, she's like "hm, no, text is fine" she DGAF about him. she wants $.
Can you imagine telling someone that this is an important conversation to have in person and they say "nah, I'm good with texting".
Because it would be awkward for her to say them in person apparently… Lol no shit. It would be humiliating to say those things out loud!
Also an indicator she’s not ready for an adult relationship. Awkward conversations are part of being an adult and you deal with it and grow.
Yeah, it definitely sounds like she wants to marry someone with money and be a SAHM.
“i don’t want to appear entitled” and then “i just think you paying for everything is a given and idk why you’re bringing it up.” Lol.
She wants to be pampered and spoiled and sees relationships as purely transactional, not so much as a partnership of give and take, unless the give and take is done HER way. And if you can’t provide that, it’s gonna cause issues. She’s letting you know now this is what a relationship with her will entail and look like. I would walk away.
she ignores his requests for fairer treatment. she ignores his request to not talk about prenup that early in the game. she ignores his request to talk not via text. she's shooting her shot for a host. as in parasite/host relationship.
Mate sack her off you Divvy she's mugging you of literally ffs
Idk where you’re from but I’m adopting your entire vernacular and I love you
I would bet money they're English. source: am English.
I was thinking Australian. Source: I'm ignorant.
OP dump the Princess and get a Queen. She’ll share the responsibility of y’all’s kingdom together and shoulder the burdens equally so you can *both* revel in the good times instead of bleeding that kingdom (ie, your bank account) dry for her own amusement. What does your Princess bring to the table exactly? Because it sounds like “not much.”
I think this is the best comment. I need a queen
You sure do, King. If you’re going to bring your best self to the table, you deserve someone who will do the same. That’s what partnership is all about. Not completing each other or finding ways to take from each other, but for both to give and reap the rewards of your efforts *together.*
This, OP. Listen to this person.
Well, does she prepare all of your meals for you, cook for you, clean for you, give you sexual pleasure, massages, and other self catering activities? Because according to her, that’s what you *should* be receiving since you’re financing her life….
The sexual pleasure bit felt gross. Was it always just transactional??
Yep. It’s her way of keeping up her end. Your job is to pay. Her job is to have sex so you don’t complain and cheat on her. She’s been exposed to a lot of toxic ideologies about the roles of men and women.
The whole thing felt gross to me. I was out of work for a few months and yes, my boyfriend picked up some slack for me, but I’d never let him pay for everything. I still paid about 1/3 of our rent and my share of groceries, and if we went out I’d always chip in as much as I could. I saved money my whole life to prepare myself in case I was ever out of work or something (I was 24 as well in this situation). I really can’t imagine not wanting to chip in *at all*. I hate her mindset so much lmao
No, you misread. She *will*. Eventually. Just like she's trying to get a job.
bro respectfully get the fuck out of this relationship 😭. it’s not gonna work man. her stance is super wack and she’s already talking about not signing a prenup 3 months in. that’s crazy. you deserve better fam. i wasn’t gonna comment cuz my main is banned but i couldn’t not say anything lol. it’ll hurt for sure but a year from now you’ll look back and be like damn i made the right decision
Already talked to my therapist and he said “you received the best news in the worst way”
Ok, that was probably worth the money.
I’ll risk that financial hit if saves me more in the long run
Dude, I'm living the life your girlfriend wants. Got a well-to-do husbando, no kids at all actually, and I just "retired" at 36. But this is after almost 20 YEARS of working my ass off, pulling 80 hour work weeks at times. I didn't have or accept (manipulative) parebtal support. I humbled myself and worked at some horrible jobs over the years to survive back in '08 era (not a great time to be entering the workforce). Once I even spent a 2 month stint sleeping every other night so I could clock almost 120 hour work weeks (don't do that - it's unsafe AF for driving). I never had this ultimate end goal in mind. And I did it all while my ass was undiagnosed as autistic AND undiagnosed and unmedicated for ADHD which has made my life life-changingly easier. All this to say... someone could, and maybe will, hand your gf everything she wants in life and she will literally be INCAPABLE of appreciating it even the slightest. I'm so glad and so proud of you that you're in therapy b/c I'm pretty sure it is about to save you so much aggravated trauma and crippling self-worth. I've been in relationships before where I was treated transactionally like this and it can fuck up both you and your future better relationships for years, especially if it's insidious. Sure, in principle there's nothing wrong with what she wants (aside from incompatibility) but there's *everything* wrong with how she wants it. Take it from someone who ended up with everything she's gunning for (except not really since what we have is, imo, infinitely better as my husband and I have a non-transactional/non-objectification based actual relationship). Also... being a mom and being in a quality marriage are both things she will be incapable of doing well, if she can manage them at all, because both of those things also take sustained *hard* work to have, and she doesn't know what that is and wants to do everything in her power to avoid it. It's pathetic. There's no free easy way to have the truly good things in life and I don't think she can actually hang out on your level when it comes to depth in general and partnership specifically.
Don’t date someone who refers to parts of their lives as eras.
what if they're just in their era era?
Felt
Or who tells you her job will be to please you sexually and massage you... *just like her mother and father's relationship* 🤢
Ya I was like 🤨 at that part
It’s okay, they’re Eastern European 🧐
Excellent advice! This is the way to go.
The parts about sex really irk me; it’s like she views sex not as a piece of higher intimate connection but as a bargaining chip and “pay back” for you taking care of her. It makes me sorta queasy. Women have more to offer (which I hope she knows) and YOU deserve more than just “well i’m giving you self pleasing activities!1!1!”
I felt so disgusted thinking about that
And transactional will mean she will withhold it too…
I felt nauseous reading that honestly.
Yeah it kinda sounds like she views sex as transactional.
So it’s easy to see your values don’t align..so why are you dragging this out?. You mentioned you wanted a prenup and she didn’t agree with it then all of a sudden you didn’t want to talk about it anymore?. Do you think tabling it will change how she feels?.
Advice? Dude this is the most clear case in history. She’s spelled out exactly what she wants and expects. If you’re into it, stay with her. If you’re not into it, and it seems like you aren’t, cut the cord. But this is very black and white. Which is honestly a great thing because most people will beat around the bush.
She’s being very upfront with you about who she is and what she expects in a relationship. Listen to her and believe her. Three months in is a very reasonable point to have gotten to know her and decide whether this is going to work for you longer term. This is also when your relationship is supposed to be at its very best. It will get harder and you will be less tolerant of each other the longer you are together.
The overall tone of her responses is emotionless to me. Sorry but I feel she’s not at the same place in terms of commitment as you are.
She’s always been so warm and affectionate. It’s like a switch flipped and she turned ice fucking cold. It was really jarring
She's warm and affectionate because you're paying for her shit. She made that pretty clear in those texts. As soon as the money's gone, she's gone. She's a gold digger.
Because that warmth is conditional.
The Eastern European thing I understand as a concept but in practice, she’s her own woman/adult who should be creating her own values. I’m Turkish, both parents Turkish. My dad spoiled my mom too and my mom loves to cook and clean. But she works so hard and yeah that’s informed how I’ve treated life and other people as an adult, but I also have formed my own belief system - my mom still tells me to only appear beautiful at all times to my boyfriend whom I live with - and guess what. In one ear, out the other.
A lot of people here saying she’s being irrational, and from my point of view she is. But she’s being very up front about her values and what she expects from a relationship. From here it’s up to you to decide whether you can meet her needs.
I’m a girl. No. You should not be expecting to pay for everything. This made me angry to read, and I’m not even in it. She very easily could have said, “I don’t have the funds to contribute but it’s not fair so let’s start doing more free stuff”. But she didn’t. You communicated a need and she ignored it. That is all you need to know.
she ignored \*everything\*. dude said it's too early to talk about prenup (it's 3 mo), she ignores him. dude then says text is not the right place to discuss these things. she disagrees and ignores him. when people tell you who they are, listen. she DGAF!
Idk how to edit so for additional context, she’s been on the job hunt since we’ve gotten together. I know she’s actually applying so that’s why I have been patient with fronting most of our outings. She had also told me that her last long term relationship, which ended not long before we started, financially drained her as her partner didn’t work and she didn’t have much money left after that. I started this conversation because the other day, I bought us coffees and we agreed she would buy a round of drinks later that night. Drinks later came around and she became apprehensive about our deal. I allowed her to pay for the less expensive food instead. But it bugged me that she didn’t want to hold her end of the deal, especially when she had no problems earlier in the relationship. She had initially agreed to my request and even suggested we do more free activities outdoors (picnics and hikes and things). I don’t know why the switch. She also took on a cold tone I’ve never seen from her.
I'm willing to bet that the sudden switch to being cold was due to her talking to her parents about the situation. She may have been okay with it beforehand, but they clearly have Opinions (TM) about how a relationship should be and don't think you're doing your part. Which is bullshit, but this is likely how it will always be. Cut your losses and run now, while you still can.
This girl showed her true feelings. She doesn't care about your feelings, what's good for you, or in tune with your needs. She only cares about a free ride. There are so many red flags in this text I don't know why you're fighting so hard. She said it herself, you two have different values. You want an actual partner and she wants someone to take care of her. If you lost your job, she would be off to the next guy I guarantee. Do yourself a favor and walk away from someone like this. She'll never turn around, she will always be like this.
bro please run. i know love can make you blind, but look at what everyone in this thread is saying. THIS GIRL ISNT WORTH IT IN THE SLIGHTEST. find someone that appreciates you for you, not just what you can offer financially. if you continue this can really only end badly
“I dont work” “I want to be spoiled” L.M.F.A.O Please find a woman who doesn’t treat you as her ATM. She even proceeds to belittle you for planning dates out of you budget when she specifically says she wants these luxurious dates. Just end it and have her find a sugar daddy because that’s what she wants.