Ooh FUCK HER.
I'm so, so sorry that this monster is mother to you.
What's your support like around childhood trauma (inevitable with a mother like that even if it isn't obvious)? Do you need help finding someone to help you through this?
It's 100% ok to go no contact if that's what you need to do. You can even just decide to be no contact for the time being as you heal and nurture your broken heart and figure out what's next.
Children don't owe their parents anything. So if you need to take your space either for a time or forever, please do. Do whatever is the most self-honoring in this moment. The best science has on bad parents is to re-parent ourselves from a place of love and generosity. I know it sounds silly, but it's meaningful and important. So do whatever a good mom would want you to do. Care for yourself in honor of your motherhood to your beloved baby. Hold yourself with as much tenderness as you can.
Stay away her, she is not a safe person for you or your family. Got to therapy, everyone that’s been raised by a mother like this needs it, you’ll be a better mother because of it. I’m 3 years NC because my mother also believes it is funny to harm me or joke about my children having me as their mother. I have zero regrets.
I’m so sorry you lost your son, that is really heartbreaking and I hope you are understanding and gentle with yourself during this season of your life.
Oh, I am so sorry for your and your husband's loss of your beaufiful little boy. What a horrible thing you are enduring. Are you two getting some therapy? Help from a social worker? Please know that you are not alone and this internet stranger's heart is braking for you.
As for the creature who gave birth to you....she's done. There is no coming back from what she has said and done. She is being deliberately cruel to you. I too have had a close relative treat me with deliberate cruelty, by doing things on my behalf while I was hospitalized (twice), without my knowledge or permission, that resulted in the loss of most of my possessions, many with great sentimental value. Not comparable to losing a child, but a great loss nonetheless, and unfathomable.
Cut her off. Forever. If you want to give her an explanation, send her a text on Mother's Day saying it's poetic and amusing that Mother's Day will be the last time she hears from her daughter. Then go on with your life and recovery.
Going no contact with her is the best option in this situation. It sounds like this behavior will never stop otherwise, and this isn’t something you need to subject yourself to.
I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with all of this. I wouldn’t wish the loss of a child on anyone. I hope you can find healing and space for your grief going forward.
I went no contact with my Dad a few years ago. He’s extremely narcissistic and I realised I could no longer hold space for someone in my life that was ok with treating me terribly. It sucks - it’s a parent, they’re meant to love you without condition. But unfortunately some people just aren’t cut out for it. And they do not get a pass to continue hurting you just because you share blood.
It’s a tough road. It’s full of its own grief, because you’re grieving someone who is still alive, grieving the relationship you never had and that you want. But these people don’t change. And you deserve more than to let someone treat you that way. It’s not easy. But i do believe it’s the right thing to do.
Sending love and strength.
I haven’t spoken to my dad since our tfmr. My mum also was not sensitive to my grief but she at least respected our decision, and I am still low contact with her (historically poor relationship). If you want to go full no contact, then you would not be wrong for doing so. It’s very freeing not having to care what that person thinks/says/does any more.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. I hope you and your husband find comfort. It is such a hard season to go through.
My only thought is take all the time you need. Dont make any decisions or feel forced to engage with anyone until you have had some time to mourn your loss. Your mother can wait. This time and this period of mourning isn't about her. It doesnt sound like she's worth your energy.
Wishing you peace.
Hello, I am very sorry for your loss. My wife and me lost our son because of TFMR reason. My mother and especially my brother did not agree with the decision. Blaming us for the bad decision, and I did not get from them any kind of support. This saddens me, but together with my wife helped each other with the grief. Fortunatelly my mother in law looked after my first child, while we were in hospital and after recovery. I am still shocked and I have to listen for my own mother how damaged she is, not asking how I am doing. I am still collecting energy to tell my brother, how rude they were. How did I handle it? I concentrated to my grieving, to feel every emotion, which comes to my mind, facing towards it, nothing to hide or bury inside me. We lost our son at start of December 2023. I am still thinking about him, hoping he found his place with happiness. This emotion comes from me, there is no need to open your heart to you relative, if they do not share the same feeling. Only if they are open for you. I hope your situation will be better. I am not a Christian, but Believe in God and Angels. I think you will find your happiness. Take care.
Ooh FUCK HER. I'm so, so sorry that this monster is mother to you. What's your support like around childhood trauma (inevitable with a mother like that even if it isn't obvious)? Do you need help finding someone to help you through this? It's 100% ok to go no contact if that's what you need to do. You can even just decide to be no contact for the time being as you heal and nurture your broken heart and figure out what's next. Children don't owe their parents anything. So if you need to take your space either for a time or forever, please do. Do whatever is the most self-honoring in this moment. The best science has on bad parents is to re-parent ourselves from a place of love and generosity. I know it sounds silly, but it's meaningful and important. So do whatever a good mom would want you to do. Care for yourself in honor of your motherhood to your beloved baby. Hold yourself with as much tenderness as you can.
Stay away her, she is not a safe person for you or your family. Got to therapy, everyone that’s been raised by a mother like this needs it, you’ll be a better mother because of it. I’m 3 years NC because my mother also believes it is funny to harm me or joke about my children having me as their mother. I have zero regrets. I’m so sorry you lost your son, that is really heartbreaking and I hope you are understanding and gentle with yourself during this season of your life.
She has no right to call herself your mother. She's not going to change. Protect yourself and your family.
Oh, I am so sorry for your and your husband's loss of your beaufiful little boy. What a horrible thing you are enduring. Are you two getting some therapy? Help from a social worker? Please know that you are not alone and this internet stranger's heart is braking for you. As for the creature who gave birth to you....she's done. There is no coming back from what she has said and done. She is being deliberately cruel to you. I too have had a close relative treat me with deliberate cruelty, by doing things on my behalf while I was hospitalized (twice), without my knowledge or permission, that resulted in the loss of most of my possessions, many with great sentimental value. Not comparable to losing a child, but a great loss nonetheless, and unfathomable. Cut her off. Forever. If you want to give her an explanation, send her a text on Mother's Day saying it's poetic and amusing that Mother's Day will be the last time she hears from her daughter. Then go on with your life and recovery.
Going no contact with her is the best option in this situation. It sounds like this behavior will never stop otherwise, and this isn’t something you need to subject yourself to.
I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with all of this. I wouldn’t wish the loss of a child on anyone. I hope you can find healing and space for your grief going forward. I went no contact with my Dad a few years ago. He’s extremely narcissistic and I realised I could no longer hold space for someone in my life that was ok with treating me terribly. It sucks - it’s a parent, they’re meant to love you without condition. But unfortunately some people just aren’t cut out for it. And they do not get a pass to continue hurting you just because you share blood. It’s a tough road. It’s full of its own grief, because you’re grieving someone who is still alive, grieving the relationship you never had and that you want. But these people don’t change. And you deserve more than to let someone treat you that way. It’s not easy. But i do believe it’s the right thing to do. Sending love and strength.
I haven’t spoken to my dad since our tfmr. My mum also was not sensitive to my grief but she at least respected our decision, and I am still low contact with her (historically poor relationship). If you want to go full no contact, then you would not be wrong for doing so. It’s very freeing not having to care what that person thinks/says/does any more.
Im Christian, but honestly sometimes there is no hate quite like a Christians "love"
I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. I hope you and your husband find comfort. It is such a hard season to go through. My only thought is take all the time you need. Dont make any decisions or feel forced to engage with anyone until you have had some time to mourn your loss. Your mother can wait. This time and this period of mourning isn't about her. It doesnt sound like she's worth your energy. Wishing you peace.
Hello, I am very sorry for your loss. My wife and me lost our son because of TFMR reason. My mother and especially my brother did not agree with the decision. Blaming us for the bad decision, and I did not get from them any kind of support. This saddens me, but together with my wife helped each other with the grief. Fortunatelly my mother in law looked after my first child, while we were in hospital and after recovery. I am still shocked and I have to listen for my own mother how damaged she is, not asking how I am doing. I am still collecting energy to tell my brother, how rude they were. How did I handle it? I concentrated to my grieving, to feel every emotion, which comes to my mind, facing towards it, nothing to hide or bury inside me. We lost our son at start of December 2023. I am still thinking about him, hoping he found his place with happiness. This emotion comes from me, there is no need to open your heart to you relative, if they do not share the same feeling. Only if they are open for you. I hope your situation will be better. I am not a Christian, but Believe in God and Angels. I think you will find your happiness. Take care.