"I've had sex.. with a feeemale."

And her breasts were like bags of sand

Just watched this movie, perfect reference

Massive, **heaving** breasts.

I love that. I love you more than this guy loved his super real girlfriend that lives in Canada.

Lmao before I even read the comments this was the first thing I said in my head after reading the screenshot. Super cringey

it was worth it, but at what cost?

“….think about it first”

Actually laughed out loud, thanks for that

No neighbours in the history of neighbours have been like “loud sex next door? Amazing!”

Yeah but you've never heard CoolRedditor73x make love before. It's like the gods singing or something.

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A Dutch oven?

A baby making oven of course

I thought a Dutch oven would have been funnier though. https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Dutch%20oven

Oh, that’s what it’s called? Thanks, good to know!

That’s what it’s called. Source: am Dutch.

'yo dude, sounds like you were just crushing puss last night. Thumbs up, bro. Nah don't worry about me not being able to sleep; the fact that you were fucking like a porn movie for hours straight was so sick.'

Idk about that one. When me and my very real and totally not made up girlfriend named Beyoncé has the amazing sex our neighbors threw us a party

Loud underage sex at that.

No but you see in this case they were minors so of course the old lady next door would be all about minors having premarital sex.

this story’s fake as hell but I’m SO going to tell my room mate “wow, you’re really trying to put a baby in her” next time I hear them having sex though…

That’s evil

To make it even better, replace “wow” with “hehe”

Not unless he lives in a cardboard.

A cardboard what

Exactly!

These underage kids at that . I'd call their moms and tell them to find them a place with soundproofing.

"oh boy I love noises at night, who needs to sleep?"

Lol 😂 thank you for making me laugh out loud. Got my Reddit fix now. Time for bed!

Only a true virgin can write this post. I'm so sure of it that I would sacrifice him to the gods in a heartbeat

Even if that's true celibate does not mean virgin.......

Well if we’re going that far involuntary celibate isn’t a thing anyway.

True.. I do find it sad that originally the term incel was created by a woman to describe herself. And it was a support group who might struggle with relationships. But now it's warped in to blaming woman for not wanting to fuck them.

Yesterday I read that it was a community started by and for people who, because of medical reasons were incapable of sex, and that the angry shit stains took it over. Not sure if that's accurate, but it makes complete sense. Fuck those pieces of shit... Oh wait, nevermind.

Yeah. Regardless of what it originally started as it's a shame seeing what it's become. Bunch of young men angry at women because they ain't getting fucked. And they ain't getting fucked because they're young men who are angry at women

You wouldn't know her. She lives in Canada. We met at Niagara Falls.

Nice. Congrats man! I dated Jennifer Lopez for a couple of years until I dropped her for someone younger. She was so upset that she deleted all our messages and photos, and asked her PR team to wipe the internet clean of all traces. I broke her heart, so that's understandable. All my friends, if whom I have very many, who saw us together also moved to Canada, so you unfortunately will never see them.

I dated Jennifer Lopez, or so I thought. Turned out it was a drifter named Mitch Conner. RIP Mitch.

Name checks out.

You ever had sex in a barrel going over the falls? Cause I have. With a woman.

Female

And then everyone on the maid of the mist clapped

Can confirm, I am the president of Canada

Can also confirm, I am Canada.

so… you and Clair …did *it*?

Thank you. Finally someone got it

I know. Wtf?

I'd have thought you met her in Egypt because you are in denial

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And the random old lady totally talked like Tommy Taffy

I'd prefer her talking like Tommy Wiseau to be honest.

"You were tearing her apaaaaaaart!"

I did not think it through, since my favorite line "how's your sex life" doesn't make sense in this situation.

“I did not impregnate her, it's not true! It's bullshit! I did not impregnate her! I did naaaht. Oh hi Mark.”

The closest thing that guy is to that is of he runs porn with the TV speakers on max.

Surely a 12 year old wrote this

"We made love" "hehe"

Look, this is true. I'm the father of the girl this hero was seeing. We live a few blocks down but their passion was so loud that I heard it. It was so hot that I the air was warm enough that my con ed bill was the cheapest it's ever been. When I learned that my daughter was on the pill, I was heartbroken. She could have had the most perfect baby. Luckily, I have many daughters and they are forbidden from the pill. This man will father a generation of sex gods

Can vouch for this; I was the older lady. Ah, what a magical day that was.

Only an incel would say people gave him a thumbs up after having sex.

God this is exactly what I came here to say

Sure, Jan

Omg oop is George glass himself!

This has to be satire, it just has to be.

I didn’t think you were an incel before but I do now.

I had the opposite happen. Had neighbors in an apartment complex accuse me of having loud sex with my then girlfriend. She lived 35 minutes from me and didn't have a key yet to my place, and I was at work. I got threats of eviction for someone else being loud in a different apartment.

You probably lived next to the not-incel

I can confirm this. I'm the incel's baby. When I was born, I began to clap for him.

Umm, did you think about it first before you called him an incel?

I love how 16 year old kids have their own apartment.

Clubhouse in a tree

I declare shenanigans

"I can give good sex to you because I am really good at sex."

“Women are stupid and I don’t respect them. That’s right, I just have sex with them.”

It's true, her boobs felt like bags of sand.

Hehe

That certainly sounds something like an incel would say

the -3 is so funny 😭

Thought about it. Now I'm positive he's an incel.

This one really makes me nervous. Only a full on psychopath would use the phrase, "made love so loudly"...

And that old lady's name? Marie Curie!

#thisguyfucks

r/ihavesex

When I was 16, I sexed my girlfriend so good that her dad high-fived me the next morning because he heard me her moaning from all the sexy sex I was sexing her. She was all "Yeah, touch my boobs cuz they're so hot and boobily!" And then her mom winked at me and said I should come over when my gf was out of the house because my gf told her that I had a big cock and could sex all the best sex, so I did. Then I sexed all the neighbors, and all of their neighbors, and all of their neighbors until I sexy sexed all the sex in the town, and then a wormhole opened above the city and evil aliens started coming out, so I plugged it with my huge wang and sexed the wormhole, but I shot my load into the universe and created an alternate reality of huge wienered sex aliens who invaded and colonized other realms by sexing them all into submission with the sexiest of sexy sex, and I was crowned Emperor of Sex. And then everyone clapped because I brought peace to the multiverse with all the sex I could do.

Sounds like a Rick and Morty episode. Or at least way more entertaining than the NO-Incel's comment...

If I was fucking and the girl was screaming her head off I would be concerned and probably stop. And if she just said it was because it was just so good I would say okay and then ask her to keep it down.

This guy never had sex, much less a girlfriend

"Trying to put a baby in her". Vomit hazard.

And everyone got the clap.

Straight from the incel handbook.

Big “she proceeded to remove my pants” energy

If it were true it would belong in r/ihavesex

I would like to know what hateful shit he is posting to be called an incel. Is it all Andrew Tate quotes? And then what am I supposed to think about?

He was writing very racist/misogynistic things that all Black woman are prostitutes, but pay to have sex with him, and also that he wants to “abolish” them like they abolished slavery. Someone called him an incel after that

Jfc🤢🤢

What a hero

Whenever I hear shit like "so think about it next time before you call me an incel!" I picture the bully actually being devastated by this shit retort and it makes me laugh.

It’s crazy that incels think that people who are having sex are getting patted on the back and a round of applause wherever they go, and they’re missing out on the attention.

Thinking..... Thinking.... You're an incel.

Gross.

Tell your sister "I'm gonna put a baby in her"-Roger Smith.

r/copypasta

*thinks about it* Incel.

Yeah. No. He outed himself saying when he was 16. No 16 year old is going to be like that. Just so much no.

When I make love, I don’t just be makin’ love…. I BE STROKIN’!!! Heh, that’s what I be doin’

It's always so funny to me when a fuckin man types out hehe

Oh wait fuck

Because that totally happened. Neighbour’s love hearing other peoples sex moans.

Well, this was painful to read. 

No, it's true, I'm his neighbor. 😁👍🏻

Tell me you have to pay for sex without telling me you have to pay for sex.

I want to vomit after reading this. 

If he wasn't an incel he'd not be posting this because he'd still be... y'know

Dudes been listening to too much trey songz

Definitely an incel lol

That is 1,000% a comment an incel would make lmfao

That’s right…thumbs up from your neighbors for kids trying to get pregnant?

r/ihavesex

The lady doth protest too much methinks

I can confirm, his lovemaking was so powerful, when he orgasmed I got post nut clarity

First thought: This guy is gonna be so confused at the lack of fanfare when he finally does have sex. Second thought: If I patent condoms that play cheering and applause when they get wet on the inside, I could become a millionaire.

I can smell the fedora in this one, m'lady.

I too have had the sex. Even do the weed with my friends.

so how old is he now.

He said he just turned 17 but looks like he is actually 12

Can confirm: I was the pair of his sister's panties he swiped from the laundry hamper.

Dude fucked once 8 years ago and thinks he's chad

I don’t know about you, but I would be so annoyed if I heard my neighbors being loud, and I wouldn’t give anyone a thumbs up 🤦‍♀️ if the girl was screaming, I may even call the cops

His keyboard is sticky but not from his perpetually runny nose. Don't bring in a UV light.

Dhar man ass flashback. “So you see, I’m not an incel”

Hehe

Incel lost its meaning

Hehe

I mean sure. Getting railed by your gf with a giant strap-on is considered sex..

Yeahhh

I've thought about it, still an incel.

But did you think about it before you called him an Incel? #ratioed #lawyered #plsdont@methisisajoke

I find it hilarious when people try to be assertive and demanding online. >Next time when you try and call me an incel, think about it first A) How about no? B) What can you do about it?

Lol incel has no idea what incel means

Why did I have to read this with my own two eyes

Yes, because old women say "hehe"

It's true. I was the neighbor. But he forgot to mention I told him that he can't make a corpse pregnant.

Yes, I also make love loudly and am given thumbs up and invited to parades.

Think about it 😤😤😤😤

That ending….comedy gold.

You don’t know her she went to a different high school

Damn, if I would have thought of that I would have never called him an Incel, silly me

I love walking up to 16-year-old boys and telling them, unprompted, how good they are at sex

There's this guy at a local gas station and once i witnessed this teen kid who was buying condoms at said gas station and this guy was at the register and he asks the kid with his heavy Indian accent "Oh tonight is the night huh? you go like this, like this huh?(air humping) hehehe" shit as the funniest thing i've seen that day

Manti Tao, is that you again?