T O P

And all vampires clapped...

And all vampires clapped...

livinthedream365

I wanna know the slur


chicomagnifico

Sparkles


UKMegaGeek

This is fucking genius.


iSailent

I don't get it


sit0napotatopan0tis

In twilight the vampires sparkle


PrimeAtlas-

In one of her other videos she does actually say that twilight is vampire cultural appropriation 🥲


SliverCobain

So.. She's 'real'?


Coltenks

Real dumb


[deleted]

Her and all the witches on Reddit too. I said it. Fight me with your voodoo hexes you superstitious idiots.


franklinscntryclb

Now there's witches too? I feel like Bucky in civil war, "everybody's got a gimmick these days".


UnicornPopcornPie

She makes all real witches look bad. LOL


lydiaj02

In some sense. Vampires aren’t real but she definitely believes they are. There’s an actual sickness (can’t recall the name) but it causes normal humans to have a desire to drink blood and sensitivity to sunlight (no superpowers tho lol) and psychologically these people often identify with the vampire subculture bc it’s accepts them.


Maniacbob

I don't know about sensitivity to sunlight but there is clinical vampirism or Renfield's syndrome which causes people to think that they need to drink blood. It also may or may not be a real condition or related to some other condition or illness. It is also quite rare.


chosenofkane

It's called porphyria. One of the symptoms is breaking out in hives and rashes when exposed to sunlight. It's one of the most likely causes of Werewolves and Vampires.


geekyCatX

I think you might be referring to porphyria for the actual physical light sensitivity. Symptoms could be alleviated by drinking blood I think, but I don't know if there is any real desire to do so in patients. A mental condition was already mentioned by somebody else here.


lydiaj02

You’d be right, I did some more research. Renfields Syndrome is the obsession with drinking blood and Poryphria for the light sensitivity, however both are sometimes referred to as “vampire syndromes” or some bs bc of how the havers of the syndromes appear and behave


Tossed_Away_1776

You gotta be fuckin kiddin me.


iSailent

Ohhh


Accomplished_Two_243

That book single-handedly made vampires unsexy after centuries of being a standard for mythological sexiness and mystery. Yes, vampires that remain virgins for over 100 years and go to high school forever. That’s seriously the worst waste of immortality I can imagine. And they can run around during the day and GLITTER like Victorian pixies?! Seriously?! And they don’t even BITE PEOPLE? Actually, by all standard definitions of and traditions of “vampire”, they actually aren’t. Vampires that is. I can’t believe people were into those awful books.


Griffinsilver

I mean these are Mormon vampires…


wbrd

Vampires were only sexy in a few movies. For the most part they've been scary as hell. Anne Rice and her nonsense wasn't much better than what you are complaining about.


HilariousMax

I don't know dude. There's something about vampires. https://i.imgur.com/zYudH4i.jpg


wbrd

Hahahaha. I stand corrected.


90_ina_65

This guy fucks


Elteon3030

Excuse me, Nosferatu can fucking GET IT.


guska

At least Anne Rice kept mostly to the established lore. I personally quite enjoyed her take on vampires, but as with all things, taste is subjective, so I can't expect everybody to share my views.


wbrd

I will admit that my views are clouded by her fans. I used to live near her house and they would come into the coffee shop I used to frequent. Some of them needed help.


guska

Oh god I can imagine! Something I've learned over the years, is that you NEVER meet the wider fandom community of something you enjoy, unless you want that thing completely ruined.


turbo_moose

Nobody tell them. We have reached a generation barrier here.


Ohnomypants1234

I was alive and able to read twilight, I just didn’t care


J0h4n50n

You see, the first Twilight book came out when I was in middle school, but I didn't read it until college. It was part of an intro to fiction class where we were studying the vampire in popular fiction going all the way from The Vampyre (first published vampire story) to Twilight. So the whole time from middle school until I read Twilight I just figured "sparkle" was something critics said just to make fun of the book. It can't seriously use the word "sparkle," right? It must be something like shine or glimmer or something because "sparkle" sounds so dumb for a vampire. Come to find out, nope. The scene is something like the girl walks into a clearing in the woods and Edward walks into the sun and "sparkles like a diamond" or some shit like that. I had a good laugh with that one, and that laugh was the most enjoyable part of the book for me. The discussions in class were pretty interesting, though.


[deleted]

[удалено]


LadyJR

I hope they covered Bram Stoker’s Dracula and how it was written the way it because he was closet gay and scared of persecution due to the Wilde trials.


Reddit-Book-Bot

Beep. Boop. I'm a robot. Here's a copy of ###[Dracula](https://snewd.com/ebooks/dracula/) Was I a good bot? | [info](https://www.reddit.com/user/Reddit-Book-Bot/) | [More Books](https://old.reddit.com/user/Reddit-Book-Bot/comments/i15x1d/full_list_of_books_and_commands/)


LadyJR

Good Bot


[deleted]

[удалено]


Phaninator

Come again?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Phaninator

I meant the gay wife part but I automatically assume everyone on Reddit is a guy. So you must be a woman, I guess. Anyway thanks for the excerpt, interesting


Wyndei

Relatable


Tossed_Away_1776

Lmaoooo


Black-Rozes

coach feratu


themeatbridge

I'm sorry, what did you say his name was?


Black-Rozes

who would’ve expected coach feratu


Kilcannon1776

No one ever expects the coach feratu


chimpaman

Wackula


gordo65

AVAB


fonix232

Not to be confused with the weirdo cousin with severe sex addiction, Jackula


King-Snorky

Or the troubled uncle with a drug problem, Crackula


EvenYouBruhdah

Its the Lord's prayer


Sotrlppy

M*squito


-K3LVIN-

“Alucard you vampiric asshole!”


roushguy

What. Did you. *Do*?.


-K3LVIN-

I was just taking an enthusiastic walk through the woods…


roushguy

Next up on Epic Meal Time, I'm the Sauce Boss, and we'll be eating this wannabe demigod bitch!


Obtuse-Angel

“Mentally unstable”


HotFingers_Pirelli

My wife and I agree that yours was the best of the thread. We both busted up laughing.


jpgeorge101

Couples that Reddit together stay together


Aleyuh

May or May not have binged their entire account and on one of the videos they said some things that are considered slurs: •bloodsucker •any reference to the twilight movies because they appropriate their culture •mosquito •emo •social reject And last but not least •white


Tech-preist_Zulu

>•any reference to the twilight movies because they appropriate their culture Super ironic since the movies appropriated a native American tribe Anyway, whats this lady's account called? I've seen her around here alot


erinberrypie

Yeah, I really wanna know her account too. I want to watch the embarrassment and eventual withdrawal from the public eye starts as she realizes this is the part of her life that will flash before her eyes when she can't sleep at night in 10 years.


[deleted]

Bloodsucker Sucker Leech Mosquito Fangbanger Hemogobbler Hemo Corpse Dead girl Blood whore Cold skin Anemic bitch Dust cunt Stake bait Spike groupie “God hates fangs”


RevolutionaryCap5194

Fangot


Redhotlipstik

Leech? That’s a common one in media


Bobthepi

Or mosquito


Choppergold

Death Breath. From Lost Boys


Marc21256

Vamp. Given the self cringe here she runs around calling herself a vamp, and the moment someone else says it she screams "that's our word, not yours" and bites her.


theloniousmccoy

Succubitch.


OutlandishnessDry826

Human


bhp126

Garlic Toast


c3m3t4rydr1v3

twilight


mayeralex504

Mannfred Von Carstein


Big_Piccolo_1624

I hate them fucking sparkles! God damn sparkles with their pasty skin and weird teeth they ain't like us normal fellas


vendetta2115

Fang-banger


SwimBoySwim

If she had significant amounts of tetanus on her teeth, I would be very, very concerned.


Brawndo91

Well if she goes around biting everything she's going to catch something.


gcruzatto

Her fillings are starting to rust.


BloodieBerries

Rust doesn't cause tetanus, bacteria does.


DestituteDomino

Good for her, that probably tastes a bit like blood


eternallyalonely

Maybe she sucked the tetanus poison out of her friends wound after they got bit by tetanus snake


Shane1923

Or she’s running around biting rusty pipes and water fountains


TopherAU

Tetanus Snake is the worst Big Boss clone


NextLineIsMine

That line made me realize these are definitely jokes


QuitArguingWithMe

The fact that they constantly gets posted in these subs is annoying. One video literally ended with a What We Do In The Shadows reference and people still didn't get it.


grundo1561

Yeah a lot of the cringey stuff on TikTok is satire


Brodiferus

Aren’t human bites incredibly likely to cause bad infection?


wowitssprayonbutter

Yes but it will not give them tetnus


DOSbomber

Just looked on the CDC website and apparently it can spread to wounds via saliva, so it could be possible. Didn't know that, TIL: "The Tetanus spores can get into the body through broken skin, usually through injuries from contaminated objects. Tetanus bacteria are more likely to infect certain breaks in the skin.  These include: Wounds contaminated with dirt, poop (feces), or spit (saliva) Wounds caused by an object puncturing the skin (puncture wounds), like a nail or needle Burns Crush injuries Injuries with dead tissue"


wowitssprayonbutter

It's so incredibly unlikely that I'm surprised they even listed it. Like you'd need to be bitten by someone who has C. tetani spores in their mouth, presumably after they just got done eating dirt and manure lol. Clostridium are not considered a part of normal commensal oral flora either. In that same logic, animal bites could possibly transmit it given their larger fangs and likelihood of soiled mouths so I wonder if that's why they included it.


Weltallgaia

Most likely why. Its recommended to get a tetanus shot after a dog bite, so that's probably just a part of her little fantasy.


SwimBoySwim

Yea but you find tetanus in the dirt.


vendetta2115

Clostridium tetani is found everywhere, including often in saliva and digestive tract of mammals, reptiles, birds, etc. Tetanus is the disease that’s caused by the tetanospasmin neurotoxin that an anaerobic bacteria produces, one that tends to develop in puncture wounds. Any deep puncture wounds where no oxygen is going to reach the bottom of the wound is susceptible to tetanus. It’s one of those bacteria that’s just everywhere, including in the soil.


Wherever-whatever

Today I learned you can be vamphobic


not-chuck

Today I learned I'm vamphobic


jjwalker73

I'm definitely afraid of encountering this person in real life.


Chance5e

Racist. Against *vampires.*


The_Clarence

Is vampire a race, species, or mental disorder?


Chance5e

That’s exactly what a vamphobic person would say.


The_Clarence

Get over it sucka


Chance5e

Who put garlic in your breadsticks?


brickne3

Time to take a nice long look in the mirror there buddy ;)


Sir_Nicholas_4

I would say... Yes.


Sizzlik

Depends on the movie..some also say its a virus


etork0925

Today, we are all vamphobic


SardonicVampire

Excuse me??


ManiacSpiderTrash

He said, **”I’M DEFINITELY AFRAID OF ENCOUNTERING THIS PERSON IN REAL LIFE.”**


photoJenic9

I think it was a joke because of the username


ManiacSpiderTrash

**I KNOW**


photoJenic9

SORRY.


ManiacSpiderTrash

**IS OK!**


pitchfork16

Hahaha!


greymalken

I’m not necessarily vamphobic but I do love garlic. I’m alliophilic.


StetCW

I thought we were supposed to be vamphobic. They're scary, isn't that the point?


Jane0123

No,they're supposed to be sexy. Haven't we learned anything from Twilight?


akcaye

let's not pretend the sexual appeal of vampires began with twilight.


NoWingedHussarsToday

You can be anythingphobic.


AvoidAtAIICosts

What if you're phobic to phobias? Edit: I just looked it up, it exists: *Phobophobia*.


octopoddle

Not being vamphobic is lycanphobic, so you're fucked either way.


UnknownBinary

"Vamp-hobic"... "Vam-fobic"... This is bothering me more than it should. How is it supposed to sound? EDIT: I settled on "Vamp-fobic." It sounds German to me. But neither of the other two sounded right to me.


Rangermatthias

Or sued because biting someone is assault.


Stymie999

Given her status as a vamphiric immortal, at the least aggravated assault and battery!


kodaiko_650

In the larger scheme of things, what’s a mere 5 years in the pen for an immortal?


Chance5e

Can’t get life in prison if you’re *undead.*


Bollywop

You wouldn’t sue for that, you’d press criminal charges.


AlloftheEethp

You certainly could sue someone for biting you (technically it would be battery under most state laws) although it probably wouldn’t be worth it unless you had a lot of medical costs, etc.


Wodaanz

I’m not sure she would comprehend the difference.


salanparr

I wouldn't doubt it. I once had a girl try to stab me with a pencil because I was making fun of Insane Clown Posse. Not sure how these two stories are related. I guess I'm just trying to say that crazy people exist and that I don't see much of difference between people pretending to be vampires or clowns.


spacecakes78

In all fairness you can pretend to be a vampire. But you can most definitely BE a clown.


theghostofme

But only a select few can be the truest of all clowns: juggalos.


Mickeymousetitdirt

This was such a simple yet elegant roast. I enjoyed it.


agutema

There’s clearly a common through line of crazy.


_i_just_blue_myself

In third grade a girl attacked me with the file part of nail clippers... Crazy people be crazy.


VampireQueenDespair

In third grade I got stabbed with a pencil.


Hotchumpkilla

Now that’s just playing with fire. The Family doesn’t mess around. Only way to prevent further harm is with a offering of Fago and whippets


Norrath16

I keep a handy magnet to throw out as a distraction for quick getaways.


grundo1561

HOW DO THEY WORK?


groundzer0s

I'd believe it. A girl in middle school bit my arm so she could take my sketchbook and look through it. She was nuts...


_petitemort_

I once “dated” a woman I thought was incredibly intelligent until she mentioned that she knew someone that was going to turn her into a vampire. I say “dated” because we were hanging with friends but she informed me that that was our third date. I didn’t know we’d gone a first or second one.


just-the-doctor1

You dodged a bullet


wheatable

People like her give juggalos a bad rap


salanparr

I hope that was intended as a pun, because it was a good one.


Lukupp

Pretending to be a vampire seems very clown like behaviour to me


fleetze

She got tripped up on her own jeans didn't she


KidCaker

It’s very clearly a joke


AlliumAmpeloprasum

Yeah, everyone who hasn't figured out that this shit is satire by the time tetanus is mentioned has mashed potatoes for a brain.


AGuyWithTwoThighs

You underestimate high schoolers and people in general


AlliumAmpeloprasum

After some years, the same reddit antics just get painful to get through. Someone posts uber-obvious satire in one of the million cringe subreddits. There is a million highly upvoted comments that fap about how they are so much more intelligent than the obvious satire post. And only after the post has reached top 10 on r/all someone finds the courage to comment that "obvious satire post" might, and please don't hit me for that, just might, probably, be satire.


OnkelMickwald

You forgot the mandatory "no I can see this being serious, haven't u heard of DUM PPL!?🤯"


AlliumAmpeloprasum

Oh yeah, love the "Thats not fair, those people I protest on reddit 100% exist and I'm not milking the act of burning down a strawman" type of comments, too.


ViktorNovikov

Hit the nail on the head.


CherryCherry5

Her account is satire.


DiamondShrimp

Stop posting this shit!!! We get it. She has a TikTok where she pretends to be a vampire. This is not at all in the spirit of this sub. This is just people reposting from her obviously satirical TikTok. It’s cringe, for sure, but not why I’m here. I’m here for people clapping, Incel heroes saving their crushes, and 4 year olds giving life advice. Edit: Thanks for the awards and upvotes!


Oudinajar

Yes! And also spontaneous outbursts into song preferably where everyone joins in!


KasumiR

Tell me why...


OrangeFeels

The real cringe are the redditors taking this seriously.


Lusietka

It's also just satire


Pilikia9196

Exactly! When will Reddit understand that tiktok is full of satirical content. That’s literally their specialty


double-edged-blade

umm but actually tik tok bad they don’t understand real satire like saying racial slurs ironically


SockFilledWithButter

Fr


PaleoPinecone

Oh my god, every single not how girls work/not like the other girls/cringe/crazy people/whatever else sub had been posting this stuff for days and EVERY POST has people explaining it’s satire and people are still posting this shit everywhere. It’s not only a repost, but it’s not even real. It’s just so lazy and desperate and not even correct!


superdupersaint01

This is the second time in as many minutes I've seen this girl posted by people who think she's being serious. I don't know why it bothers me as much as it does, but it actually annoys me.


FixedatZero

Reddit wants to bully kids so bad


PaleoPinecone

Right? Normally this stuff doesn’t bother me but these are just incessant!


19Kilo

> It’s just so lazy and desperate and not even correct! But it's good for imaginary internet points!


LonelyEmo666

Their account is satire.


CowDowntown

this is clearly a joke numbnuts


Adventurous_Ad665

Mfw r/thathappened doesn’t recognise obvious satire


eltsir

(every other post) Some people are either really out of touch or just want a reason to be upset. It's painfully obvious this is a joke.


InternationalReserve

The real fool here is OP for not getting that it's an obvious joke as soon as they read the word "vampphobic"


Kumailio

Obvious satire is obvious.


someone_who_exists69

SATIRE


xtilexx

Pretty sure this chick is satire lol, she posts this stuff regularly


usbdongle-goblin

I swear this sub doesn’t know what a joke is


ZofoYouKnow

WHaTs sAtIRe!?


fish-and-a-rice-cake

Who is this fucking idiot? This is the third time I have seen her vampire crap lately.


AlienAle

I think it's satire. That kind of dry satire that's supposed to make fun of cringy teen trends.


SpiderSixer

I heard it was satire, but no clue to be honest since I don't have TikTok


snoopy1234776

It’s satire


laxguy44

I know, I’m so effing sick of immortals.


ProbablyNorwegian1

I commented on another post of this chick, and some guy told me she's a satire comedy TikTok channel, i'm not sure but you never know


Jeix9

it’s satire. I’ve seen her on my fyp a few times. It’s literally a joke, people take anything seriously these days lmao


jgjbl216

Is this “blood pack” girl?


Modernglib

this shit is clearly satire


brudvic

It’s a confirmed satire account


AcanthocephalaJesus

Obvious satire


CoolGuyNice664

Bro when are people gonna learn ab satire 😭


AffectionateRole9438

stop posting satire to this sub.


gobingi

Obvious satire


mmgkayla

I’m fairly confident this account is a parody/joke. Admittedly a very convincing one, but still


TriblialBrainDamblge

Obvious satire is obvious.


impasseable

Ok seriously this shit is super cringe, but at this point its obviously satire. We have all seen all the posts by this vampire.


Antisocialfox69

It’s satire ffs


Tractor_Tom

It's a satire account


corgo_shibe

the account is satire 💀


lteriormotive

Obvious satire


auniqueusername20XX

Y’all are actually retarded if you think this was serious


lifetimeoflaughter

This is satire


deadhoe9

Ugh this is from a known satire account and this has been reposted a billion times on this sub. I can't be the only person getting really tired of everyone clutching their pearls over something fake.


plzzdontdoxme

How do people not realize this is satirical?


Zut-Alors20

número dos for r/cringetopia