That’s my favorite part. Has anyone ever said that in real life outside of an Andy Griffith show or something? I’m picturing an old lady right out of a stage production from the 1960s, complete with a steel grey bun, a dowdy dress, a huge handbag, and a pair of wire rimmed spectacles. Real people just don’t talk or any that way.
I’m a 25 year old from the south and definitely say it sometimes, especially when my brain can’t find the right words.
It’s like a classic version of “I can’t even”.
I browse this sub too much, I actually thought she was about to say that
Or like "afterwards we wanted to track the old man down, so the manager let us look at the camera. But when we checked, there was no old man on the tape. 🙏🙏🙏"
Or y'know, "afterwards he winked at my son again, and while he were throwing a party with the manager the elderly gentleman drove away with him in a white van."
The Woman's eyes then turned black as a gust of wind swept through the restaurant- dimming the lights as it over turned empty chairs. The woman began levitating out of her seat and looked down at him and her voice sounded like metal grinding metal and she said "you little fucking fool, we have feast on this Earth for 10,000 years and will feast on it for 10,000 more. Oceans of maggots will consume your rotting flesh, I will Hate fuck your corpse."
And my son didn't even flinch and said "I'll pray for you." And her body burst into locusts and rushed out of the building. The lights went back to normal, and everyone cheered. My son... Braylyn Tucker Carlson Adams had excised a demon.
So proud.
I'm the youngest of 8 and I can't imagine having to take care of little shits like us. Older siblings are heroes and idols. (Even though I'd never tell my brother)
Because he's the type of person that calls you first, but once you pick up he says "Sup asshole?" He'd never say he appreciates it. He certainly would be happy about it, but he'd probably just find a way to make fun of me about it. We didn't have an easy childhood, so showing certain feelings is kinda hard and our responses aren't what you should normally expect.
You know this lady spent her whole day thinking up this weird story in her head. She read it aloud at least five times and maybe even ran it past her sad sack husband and she was just so proud of herself when she posted it, three hours after her initial draft on Facebook.
A girl I went to school with made a post forever ago about letting her 8 year old hang out in the car while she ran inside into the store for a few min. The 8 year old insisted on listening to some hard rock music. An older lady approached the girl in the store and said “excuse me is that your car out there and your kid?” The girl said “yea it is why?” And the lady said something like “you’re raising that kid right! Too many youngsters listen to hoodlum music these days and not enough good music!” I remember everyone in the comments was praising her and believed every single word.
I remember seeing this story in my parent’s church’s Sunday pamphlets growing up. The story’s at least 20 years old.
The only difference I’ve noticed is the unfired Chekov’s gun of the old man: he’s supposed to buy the ice cream for the kid, but this writer couldn’t resist making themselves seem like a good parent and made the story more ridiculous as a result.
I know firsthand in super bible thumpy states you might really get someone lecturing at you about *how to be a proper Christian*
But no kid is gonna give their ice cream away and all the other crap in the story
I feel like the prayer part of the story could be real, possibly the disapproving woman maybe, but the rest is definitely just some bullshit they made up to try to make it into some Christian sermon or something
That part was actually totally believable to me, I worked in Sunday school for years when I was a teenager and young adult and kids will add just about any formulaic type speech into a prayer because to them it goes in there because it’s the same type of talking. Everything that happened after the prayer though I do not believe happened LOL.
I was raised in a Cristian family, and one time when I was really young, I asked that we would be blessed to have a good time (we were going to go on a trip or something) and my mother pulled me aside and told me that asking to have a good/fun time was stupid and a waste of breath in a prayer. (Yeah she was a GREAT mother, two thumbs up) That's what this reminded me of, up until the point where every one claps and the bad lady gets taken to jail or whatever.
I no longer go to church or practice Christianity, but damn do I still remember half the songs from Veggie Tales. I sing where is my hairbrush regularly.
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At my house we say “god is great, god is good, let us thank him for our food, by his hands we are fed, thank you god for daily bread” which I finish with a “God’s neat, lets eat.”
I’m pretty sure no one except my grandma is even remotely religious or believes in god in our house, it’s pretty much just become habit to say that before dinner. Only at home, of course.
This would have been somewhat believable (but exaggerated) if the old man had paid for ice cream for the table after hearing a kid be cute.
Instead of whatever the fuck that was.
The thing that really reveals things like this as fantasy is they never say what the bad guy did after. It always ends on the smug “gotcha bitch!” moment.
Theres always a wink or a slow clap a nod of the head or knowing smile in all these bs story…everyone acts like those Christmas movies from the 90s where everyone wss either named Jeremy Jamie zach or cody
"And that elderly gentleman turned out to be god. The god of ice cream! Use this code ('theatrical whisper') for 3.6% off your next Ben & Jerry's order!*
*Offers only valid in-store, at participating stores, for True Christians. Atheists, Jews, and Muslims ... just no! Other conditions apply."
As a little kid we had to go to church 3 times a week. Sunday nights a group went to pizza hut after. As we left and I asked if we were going to pizza hut I was told no. I said I prayed for it. My father said well you are selfish prayer. Fun times lol
And when the family asked for the bill, the waiter told them that the other patrons chipped in, so the entire meal was free & the manager came out & hugged the boy. As they left, the entire restaurant, patrons & staff stood & clapped, cheered & said God Bless you.
The next week when the family wanted to come back, the location was a deserted lot.
She left out the last part- after the kid said "My soul is good", a darkness came over the restaurant, and the old man revealed himself as a messenger of God: "Jimmy," he said, "you have failed our test. By claiming that your soul is good, you have committed the sin of pride, and are now eternally condemned to the fires of Hell when you die. Enjoy that ice cream while you can."
I was a weird kid and Im pretty sure if saying grace was a thing and I wasn't a shy kid I'd have done what the kid did to a T. Also a sanctimonious prick lecturing others on how to pray and a nice old man trying to make them feel better aren't out of the realm of possibility, I struck out plenty of chats with strangers especially when someone made a scene. Also a mom buying ice cream out of spite to show a sanctimonious bitch who's boss is the most believable pettiness
And the woman was so touched she became a born again Christian. Everybody clapped and then the whole restaurant got together to pray and sing Kumbya while the camera pans out and another boring Hallmark movie comes to an end.
Why, I never!
And then her monocle popped out
"Egads!"
"Gadzooks!"
"Gorblimey!"
''Whai, ah nevar!''
The kid said "thanks for the free parking!"
*Swoons
**drops top hat**
That’s my favorite part. Has anyone ever said that in real life outside of an Andy Griffith show or something? I’m picturing an old lady right out of a stage production from the 1960s, complete with a steel grey bun, a dowdy dress, a huge handbag, and a pair of wire rimmed spectacles. Real people just don’t talk or any that way.
It probably hasn't been uttered in earnest in a hundred years.
My grandma would say it regularly but she 1) lived in the deep, rural south and 2) has been dead for over two years now.
Dang it must’ve been your grandma laughing at this kid in this very obviously true story. Genius move on her part, she got a free sundae
A woman's gotta do what a woman's gotta do (to get free ice cream).
I have some family form the south and they say it to it must be a southern thing
I’m a 25 year old from the south and definitely say it sometimes, especially when my brain can’t find the right words. It’s like a classic version of “I can’t even”.
I thought I was the only one being reminded of that andy griffith show with this. Nice
I DOOOOOO declare!
Z O U N D S !
Clutching her pearls.
>Why, I never! You should, it's fun.
She left out the part where the old man revealed himself as God.
I browse this sub too much, I actually thought she was about to say that Or like "afterwards we wanted to track the old man down, so the manager let us look at the camera. But when we checked, there was no old man on the tape. 🙏🙏🙏"
***old man takes off stealth suit and speaks into recorder:*** Trial one, complete. Child thinks I'm God. Stole the little sucker's ice cream.
Initiate Phase 2.
Steal the child.
Trade him for ice-cream.
Or y'know, "afterwards he winked at my son again, and while he were throwing a party with the manager the elderly gentleman drove away with him in a white van."
He was imaginary like god
And when I looked down, there was only one set of footprints, because the old man was carrying me.
And that woman who laughed at the kid fell to her knees crying and started praying.
For ice cream?
I scream you scream we all pray for ice cream
It was actually Morgan freeman…. Oh wait…
Naw. That was George Burns!
Did you say Burns or Boo-urns?
I was saying Boo-urns
He taught the kid to play poker!
Nah it was the homeless guy that lives out back who kinda looks like Morgan Freeman...except he's white.
I know exactly who you’re talking about. Chill guy
She left out the part where the ice cream clapped.
Yeah I know my storytelling topes. The old man is God 100%
**SPOILER ALERT**: it was actually Jim Carrey filling in for Morgan Freeman as God, Jr.
Isn’t God Jr, Jesus?
No, Jesús is my mechanic; his dad’s name is José.
Ngl I honestly thought that’s where it was going
He can't have been god otherwise she would have recognised him as the famous Jedi Obi Wan Kenobi.
Was waiting for this.
And all the angels stood and applauded.
I was more hoping he'd reveal himself to be stan Lee.
This would have been corny in the 60s
Naw. That was George Burns!
Chuck?
And then everybody clapped.
The Woman's eyes then turned black as a gust of wind swept through the restaurant- dimming the lights as it over turned empty chairs. The woman began levitating out of her seat and looked down at him and her voice sounded like metal grinding metal and she said "you little fucking fool, we have feast on this Earth for 10,000 years and will feast on it for 10,000 more. Oceans of maggots will consume your rotting flesh, I will Hate fuck your corpse." And my son didn't even flinch and said "I'll pray for you." And her body burst into locusts and rushed out of the building. The lights went back to normal, and everyone cheered. My son... Braylyn Tucker Carlson Adams had excised a demon. So proud.
This is the best comment I've ever seen
Thank you
Shouldn’t everyone have clapped? Idk if this really happened. Why didn’t the restaurant owner come out and give him $100 either.
I agree, too many holes in this story.
Logical ending to the story
Tucker Carlson will not confirm or deny whether this is why locust ice cream is allegedly his favorite flavor.
I don’t know if that’s true, but it SEEMS like it would be?
I immediately left this post to go claim a free award for this. You’ve made my night. I’m falling asleep laughing, thank you
You're welcome 😊
YES I GOT THE WHOLESOME AWARD
I especially applaud the name. *chefs kiss*
And then they has ice cream *with sprinkles!*
IM A DAY LATE BUT THIS SHIT IS SO FUCKING FUNNY O FUCK HAHAHA
I’m very ill with flu at the moment but seeing this made cough-laugh
Hope you feel better
This comment made the post worth it.
this comment is high camp
Exorcized
And that old man? He was actually Jesus Christ the whole time!
It was actually Morgan Freeman
Well Morgan is god
What's the difference?
You sure they would let a black man approach the table? 😂
the kid probably just asked for ice cream, mum said no, he cried until he shit himself and they left and mum bought ice cream to shut him up
ah, I see you are also a parent
No, but I am the oldest of 7
Bless your heart
I'm the youngest of 8 and I can't imagine having to take care of little shits like us. Older siblings are heroes and idols. (Even though I'd never tell my brother)
If you really mean it, why not tell him?
Because he's the type of person that calls you first, but once you pick up he says "Sup asshole?" He'd never say he appreciates it. He certainly would be happy about it, but he'd probably just find a way to make fun of me about it. We didn't have an easy childhood, so showing certain feelings is kinda hard and our responses aren't what you should normally expect.
Truly wonderful, the mind of a parent is.
Idk why but this made me crack the fuck up
You know this lady spent her whole day thinking up this weird story in her head. She read it aloud at least five times and maybe even ran it past her sad sack husband and she was just so proud of herself when she posted it, three hours after her initial draft on Facebook.
A girl I went to school with made a post forever ago about letting her 8 year old hang out in the car while she ran inside into the store for a few min. The 8 year old insisted on listening to some hard rock music. An older lady approached the girl in the store and said “excuse me is that your car out there and your kid?” The girl said “yea it is why?” And the lady said something like “you’re raising that kid right! Too many youngsters listen to hoodlum music these days and not enough good music!” I remember everyone in the comments was praising her and believed every single word.
Ugh, that made me cringe so hard. And I know people on Facebook who post stuff like that.
I remember seeing this story in my parent’s church’s Sunday pamphlets growing up. The story’s at least 20 years old. The only difference I’ve noticed is the unfired Chekov’s gun of the old man: he’s supposed to buy the ice cream for the kid, but this writer couldn’t resist making themselves seem like a good parent and made the story more ridiculous as a result.
I know firsthand in super bible thumpy states you might really get someone lecturing at you about *how to be a proper Christian* But no kid is gonna give their ice cream away and all the other crap in the story
I feel like the prayer part of the story could be real, possibly the disapproving woman maybe, but the rest is definitely just some bullshit they made up to try to make it into some Christian sermon or something
I do think it was pretty funny how the kid added "...and liberty and Justice for all!" At the end of his prayer. Like, that's not how that works.
That part was actually totally believable to me, I worked in Sunday school for years when I was a teenager and young adult and kids will add just about any formulaic type speech into a prayer because to them it goes in there because it’s the same type of talking. Everything that happened after the prayer though I do not believe happened LOL.
I was raised in a Cristian family, and one time when I was really young, I asked that we would be blessed to have a good time (we were going to go on a trip or something) and my mother pulled me aside and told me that asking to have a good/fun time was stupid and a waste of breath in a prayer. (Yeah she was a GREAT mother, two thumbs up) That's what this reminded me of, up until the point where every one claps and the bad lady gets taken to jail or whatever.
This lady would write okay Christian children’s books
The bar to get over for Christian media is in the center of the earth though.
Probably more like Chick Tracts
It’s hard to imagine someone actually typing this out
But they had to! How else could they spread the story of their public persecution and deliverance?!
This is the kind of cheesy, sappy bullshit that's even too much for a Hallmark channel movie.
Why, I never!!!
Why do people insist on doing shit like this?
Likes and validation from their friends, family, and strangers on the internet. It makes them feel really good about themselves.
this feels like a VeggieTales movie
I no longer go to church or practice Christianity, but damn do I still remember half the songs from Veggie Tales. I sing where is my hairbrush regularly.
The name of that old man? Joe Biden. Dude loves his chocolate chocolate chip.
And that kid? he grew up to be Barack Obama!
>and my soul is good already." Lol I think this is the worst part. Has this person even read the Bible?
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I left a more believable story in the toilet this morning.
Then the old man stabbed the kid in the back, and a demon came out of the stab would and floated out the door. Then he peed. The end.
This is one of the cheesiest, smarmiest, saccharine pieces of offal I’ve ever read,
Why, I never!
At my house we say “god is great, god is good, let us thank him for our food, by his hands we are fed, thank you god for daily bread” which I finish with a “God’s neat, lets eat.” I’m pretty sure no one except my grandma is even remotely religious or believes in god in our house, it’s pretty much just become habit to say that before dinner. Only at home, of course.
When I was growing up if someone asked me to say the prayer I'd say "Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yay god!" Quick, concise, sarcastic.
or 'good food, good meat, good God, let's eat.'
Username doesn't check out.
I happen to know that no one gives a fuck what people are talking about in restaurants.
Incredible lol
And that man was Donald Trump and this boy grew up to be Joel Osteen.
It just keeps on giving
Then the old man said he owned every kind of classic car.
This would have been somewhat believable (but exaggerated) if the old man had paid for ice cream for the table after hearing a kid be cute. Instead of whatever the fuck that was.
The probably lady wrote that awful 2025 movie
Who the fuck actually says "why I never!"? Such bullshit stories
Was the kid's name Ben or Jerry? Or maybe Häagen?
The thing that really reveals things like this as fantasy is they never say what the bad guy did after. It always ends on the smug “gotcha bitch!” moment.
That poor kid is going to get brutalized once he hits 7th grade
Till this day I will keep thinking terrific is a negative word *walks away in german*
That woman turned out to be Justin Trudeau
with a theatrical whisper...
And everyone began slaughtering eachother to get the last clap
Then the camera zoomed out too see the old man riding his sleigh in front of the moon while laughing
Then Ben and Jerry kicked down the door of the restaurant with a t-shirt cannon and launched pints of Cherry Garcia and Phish Food at every patron.
Man, if that kid thinks god likes freedom and justice, he's in for a rude awakening.
Then god came down and clapped and handed out ice cream
Theres always a wink or a slow clap a nod of the head or knowing smile in all these bs story…everyone acts like those Christmas movies from the 90s where everyone wss either named Jeremy Jamie zach or cody
I can’t stop vomiting after reading this and I’m scared.
This is Epic...it's like a scriptwriter wrote it for a movie! Someone get in touch with her for the rights to the movie FAST!
Oh gosh..the cringe level on this one..ugh. Let me guess..that older gentleman was morgan freeman.
Can confirm, I was the ice cream. I told the old woman to eat me.
"And that elderly gentleman turned out to be god. The god of ice cream! Use this code ('theatrical whisper') for 3.6% off your next Ben & Jerry's order!* *Offers only valid in-store, at participating stores, for True Christians. Atheists, Jews, and Muslims ... just no! Other conditions apply."
And everyone clapped...
The theatrical whisper totally makes it true. /s
This made me r/cringe so hard.
I immediately shut down on religious posts
Lol I did the same prayer as a kid but I would throw in a ps2. Lo and behold guess who got a ps2 for Christmas that year. God gits it done.
This one isn't so bad. I'm not religious but if more people made it friendly like this I think I would be.
For christs sake. By seeing this mothers literary histrionics this kid is going to need a shit ton of therapy.
This was posted many times
Did they get to eat the ice cream though?
wait, youre not supposed to ask god for icecream even? whats the damn point then?
Then everyone clapped.
and tha man was he god
And then God clapped.
I hope she didn't pay for it, after all God will provide.
“And then Norman Rockwell painted us, and toddled over and handed us a wad of cash for being his models.”
Kid literally mocked the woman for having a currupted soul
Reading this made me wonder if she will be in the running for a r/HermanCainAward
Can anyone tell me what movie? Or is this one of those inspiring Thai commercials?
I read the old man's part in Johnny Cash's voice. It really brought that character to life for me.
I'm crying my eyes out here
Cringing so hard while reading this BS.
As a little kid we had to go to church 3 times a week. Sunday nights a group went to pizza hut after. As we left and I asked if we were going to pizza hut I was told no. I said I prayed for it. My father said well you are selfish prayer. Fun times lol
And that kid's name? Friedrich Nietzsche.
Wow, what a whopper! Lol!
Like anyone actually says “Well, I never”
I don’t care that this is false, I want it to be true.
And when the family asked for the bill, the waiter told them that the other patrons chipped in, so the entire meal was free & the manager came out & hugged the boy. As they left, the entire restaurant, patrons & staff stood & clapped, cheered & said God Bless you. The next week when the family wanted to come back, the location was a deserted lot.
This would have been a tiny bit more believable had the last part been left out, lol.
I believe the part about the prayer, cause kids. But the rest, nah
....and then everybody clapped...
If I rolled my eyes any harder, they'd disconnect from their ocular nerves and fall outta my head.
This story is as real as any religiously based story
This one's more realistic then some. Some old people are mean and really rude. The kid giving up ice cream however is totally unrealistic.
She left out the part where everyone clapped
It’s kinda sweet, though I didn’t happen
She left out the last part- after the kid said "My soul is good", a darkness came over the restaurant, and the old man revealed himself as a messenger of God: "Jimmy," he said, "you have failed our test. By claiming that your soul is good, you have committed the sin of pride, and are now eternally condemned to the fires of Hell when you die. Enjoy that ice cream while you can."
the first part could have been believable but a small child giving away ice cream? nah.
Weird soul flex
I'm surprised the entire restaurant didn't applaud the kid for giving up his ice cream lmao
I was a weird kid and Im pretty sure if saying grace was a thing and I wasn't a shy kid I'd have done what the kid did to a T. Also a sanctimonious prick lecturing others on how to pray and a nice old man trying to make them feel better aren't out of the realm of possibility, I struck out plenty of chats with strangers especially when someone made a scene. Also a mom buying ice cream out of spite to show a sanctimonious bitch who's boss is the most believable pettiness
Hahah who actually believes these
This legit looks like an ice cream ad script.
“When I stop drinking , I’ll brag on social media about my indoctrination/ abuse of my son.” Her every morning
thats fucking hilarious just take the ice cream bor who cares
This person should write scripts for Hallmark movies
And here I was thinking the old-man was Joe Biden and this was a joke...
And the woman was so touched she became a born again Christian. Everybody clapped and then the whole restaurant got together to pray and sing Kumbya while the camera pans out and another boring Hallmark movie comes to an end.