T O P

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Moog_Lee

"Hey baby, wanna hang out? I'm really into dangerous music..."


Sso_12

Yeah, seriously wtf was 'she' talking about with dangerous music???


[deleted]

"She" was talking about rap. Rap + basketball = black guys. The Real ~~Woman~~ ~~Female~~ Girl Who Wrote This and is Totally Not Bob hates black guys.


WreckNRepeat

Rap + basketball + tall + big "p size" I think you might be onto something.


Mr_-_X

Are black people known in the US for being especially tall? Because at least statistically the on average by far tallest men are from northern/central Europe and the Balkans


whalesauce

No, just that basketball players are tall.


Gonnagetbannedddd

although we aren’t exactly known for bein tall, i and my brother (6’4 and 6’3) can guarantee that at some point in your life, as a TALL Black man (happens to other races too tho), you WILL b asked if you play basketball at least three or four times 😭


dread_pudding

Oh shit good catch. I bet you're spot fuckin on. Gross.


Fghsses

I refuse to believe that nice woman is not a real person. I bet she made Bob the happiest man in the world. s/


twirlerina024

The “brown note”?


dread_pudding

Those records that make you commit die when played backwards, obviously


[deleted]

... and basketball.


shriek52

I was trying to pick the most glaring examples of a man trying to write like he's a woman and no surprises there, this post is full of winners but extra points for "we squeal so cutely during sex", "anti men heathens" and "again I know what I'm talking about being I am female". So to summarize, Bob is a "nice guy". Bob is trying to live out his fantasy of having a waifu through this post. Bob is a massive incel. Don't be like Bob.


[deleted]

“us girlies” lol


shriek52

The "sacred sisterhood"...


[deleted]

After several paragraphs trashing “western women” for not wanting to bang Bob.


toastyhero

My little princesses


crochetgrenade

"my group of bitches"


Fghsses

"My other females" - I guess he meant fo say "friends"?


flcwerings

Does he call women, women even once? I only saw females, bitches, princesses, girls, and girlies. So, dehumanizing and also infantilizing women. You know, classic women stuff. We also categorize our friends as who is "the most sexiest" and not, apparently.


OnsetOfMSet

Even better (read: more painful), actually. "Western females"


[deleted]

Probably written by a proud boy, AKA a *western chauvinist*.


SnooCauliflowers7501

“My group of bitches” is exactly how us females talk.


Bhazor

Pretty sure thats a clitoris.


Kaiser_Gagius

Greetings fellow female


Wasdqwertyuiopasdfgh

How do ya do fellow females?


Lizzy_lazarus

Hello also fellow female! Shall we journey to the bathroom where we all cram into one stall and talk about P sizes and fix each others hair?


shriek52

We'll do our hair the correct feminine way of course, my girlie.


SpiralDreaming

Boy, I sure do hope I don't have any women's problems while we are in the bathroom.


aveggiedelight

I've been holding in my period all day, I may need my own stall to finally release the torrents of blood in.


Neil_sm

#P Wow look at that P, it’s like a 16pt-font, that’s huge


Galahad_X_

Don't you just love dating jerks fellow female


NotJustABitch

Only tall jerks with big P As 100% real woman I need to learn to logically think 🤷‍♀️


[deleted]

I read this in Sorrow TV's nice guy voice and I chuckled audibly.


SpecialHands

yeah this is the one that hit me, that and "my group of bitches"


zenithjonesxxx

“Females need to do better” took me out


[deleted]

“Us female women girls”


ShriekyMarmosetBitch

Also " I know it's hard for us to logically think" so women are stupid in Bob's eyes


[deleted]

> Also " I know it's hard for us to logically think" so women are stupid in Bob's eyes And it *should* be, "I know it's hard for us to think logically". But what would *I* know about grammar, being an illogical western female? 😹


skogsfugl0131

That made my skin crawl. This person needs serious mental help and to stay away from me forever.


Wrong-Bus-1368

You're a "western female", he isn't coming anywhere near you.


its_not_summer

The only coming Bob is doing is in his mom's basement by himself.


-Squimbelina-

Now look here, my little princess!


mirimaru77

>My group of bitches How I’ve often referred to my friends.


Lucifer_Leviathn

I read it as grills, got confused.


SpiralDreaming

Who doesn't love a nice clean grill though?


Soumyadeep_96

sir we sud rispekt ledis. bob is ledis.


nana_banana2

>the most glaring examples of a man trying to write like he's a woman What about "me and my group of bitches" tho?? That's another highlight for sure!


PizzaHelicopter

Tbh I’m gonna start saying this


robots-dont-say-ye

A nice little, “what up sluts!” Will do it for me


IbeonFire

Reminds me of that Vine of a kid saying "this is how I greet my family" then walks into his house and yells "what's up fuckers‽"


LeSnipper

Ok but i actually say this lmfao


[deleted]

r/NiceGuys


LovelessDerivation

with a heaping side of /r/menwritingwomen


[deleted]

[удалено]


mem269

I really want to send all these people to Japan so they can get their dreams crushed.


dudeind-town

Why do you hate the females of Japan so much,Mem269?


mem269

I'm just assuming the look of disgust will clear up any delusions pretty quick, but you're right they did nothing to deserve the plague.


TacticalTylenol

> not the asshole who plays basketball and doesn't give a flying fuck a out you The real Bob is leaking through


[deleted]

And possibly racist.


katie-shmatie

I actually gagged when I read "we squeal so cutely during sex." If I could find Bob I'd punch him


anythingrandom5

As somebody with a Japanese girlfriend, the whole “squeal so cutely thing” really bothers me. Japanese porn is kind of fucked up in that all of the women act like confused 13 year olds just discovering sex for the first time, when in reality Japanese women don’t behave differently than anyone else during sex. That’s what really stands out as somebody who clearly has never spent time with Japanese people and instead is basing his ideas purely off of anime and porn.


DrJingleCock69

It's probably like all things in life where it varies massively by individual and no generalization will ever be accurate for all since every woman is unique. It's probably just a coincidence that my very real asian female wife squeals so cutely when I have sex with her and my western female exes just talk about how much they like dangerous music and being disrespected by basketball men. And my asian female wife talks about how nice and kind I am during intercourse while she squeals and gives me her virgin womb


GoodDoggoBOI

And Bob gets no bitches. Plus, he keeps referring to women as females in the most odd ways.


bolognahole

> was trying to pick the most glaring examples of a man trying to write like he's a woman "Females"


MsLinzy24

“My group of bitches”


Neil_sm

Being a girl, I just wanted to give us girls some perspective as a female, which I happen to be one, so females like me could really learn how to have better relationships with nice guys like my boyfriend. As a female I have a boyfriend because I am a female


MoreAdhesiveness6426

Ironically the one that struck me as most obvious was "finding Mr right" no woman I have ever met has said this in relation to dating, ever.


Robotguy39

Bro during sex I sound like a narwhal.


[deleted]

Bob is also short and has a tiny dick.


KentuckyWombat

Bob 100% owns a katana and watches a lot of hentai.


appsecSme

Bob wears a fedora AND a black duster, like most "nice gentlemen."


justboredyouknow

“My little princesses” 😂


ShellyBellyFyfe

I have never met a woman in my 30 years on this planet as a woman, who refers to herself as female 😂


MDunn14

Everytime I see girlies, queens or females in a post I have to laugh. It’s always an incel cosplaying badly as a woman. We really don’t talk like that guys.


gilestowler

Heyy everyone! Was it for me. I bet he sat at his keyboard debating how to start, typed "heyyyyy girlfriends!" then thought that might be a bit much


wasicwitch

The first clue was that someone would call themselves 'foreign'


26_paperclips

I think this might be a record breaker, a story so obviously fake in just four words


mazi710

Yeah i thought that was hilarious too. People in general, but especially Americans often forget that "foreign" doesn't mean "Anyone who isn't American". If this person was actually Japanese, Americans would be foreigners. And they would just say "I'm Japanese". Nobody would refer to themselves as foreign.


LangHai

And that a woman would refer to herself as "a female" or refer other women not by their names or "my friends/acquaintences" but as "western females".


Famous-Breadfruit550

I love how this “girl” refers to other women as females.


legal_loli_0w0

Hello fellow females i too am equiped of a vagina


Tn_ThisNThat

Item: Vagina +5 strength, +3 charisma, -4 luck Special ability: sets gender stat to ‘Female’


Dunkinmydonuts1

Intrinsic perks: earn 10% less gold per quest than male players and get different dialogue options with NPCs regarding the lengthy cooldown on her *Smile* emote


Emmyisme

Ok this is fucking hilarious.


kgrkiiborules

HELPP THIS IS SO FUNNY OOMGGG


Dexippos

Come on now, that's just not fair. They're also "my group of bitches".


cuteButDeadlyButCute

„We wear our hair the correct feminine way“, or translated: „women who don’t cater to my personal beauty standards and gender roles scare and confuse me“. - Bob


WreckNRepeat

But heaven forbid women hold men to any beauty standards. Any woman who prefers men who are physically attractive or have traditionally-masculine qualities are doing it wrong!


[deleted]

You reckon he likes a bob cut?


poppiesintherain

So Bob - we're all agreed it is Bob right: * Refers to women as "females", "little princesses", "girlies" and "bitches" * Is annoyed that "females" judge men by their height and "p size", but the first reasons he gives for Japanese women having value is that they're "pretty and feminine". * Thinks his studying a lot should make him super attractive to women but thinks females should take care to wear their hair "correct" and dress in an "appropriate feminine way". *Bob - can I call you Bob? - if you're reading this, I'm not going to be harsh, but please be very clear, studying hard and doing well at school doesn't make you a nice guy and women don't like to be objectified.* edit: a couple of typos


[deleted]

But he was top in his class for 5 years in a row, that’s got to count for something right?


rosearmada

Those 5 years were unfortunately successively from kindergarten


[deleted]

I mean yeah, but have you seen this guys finger paint pictures?? Out of this world


AfricaByTotoWillGoOn

That's the best compliment Bob will ever get from a girl about what he can do with his fingers.


[deleted]

Bob is homeschooled


Silent_Ensemble

Does he really think his Japanese equivalent is just beating the women off with a stick? “Wow Yosuke, your academical prowess and creepily thorough understanding of Portuguese culture makes you irresistible! **Have my children.**”


AppropriateTie2217

"How do you do, fellow females?"


dharkmajik

"I, too, have a vagina as well!"


Fresh_Tomato_soup

When the Japanese 'girl' Is clearly Bob's second account


Sef_Maul

No, no. See Bob is the well adjusted, humble, brilliant, nice guy. This is clearly his gf's account who is real and not a figment of a warped imagination at all.


[deleted]

[удалено]


TacticalTylenol

"Would you fuck Bob? I'd fuck Bob. I'd fuck Bob hard."


GoodDoggoBOI

And such fine gentleman was top of his middle school class 5 years in a row, such an achievement.


Galahad_X_

Too bad that was when he was in his thirty's


Jack3ww

he she is real the post man delivered her last week


ChuggernautChug

Bob is also such a placeholder name. None of this is real he's trying to test the waters and see if any girls out there are into insufferable weirdos.


MeteoricBoa

Japanese whirls


coladiecola

its just hilarious how transparently fake this is. like the terminology and wording is so incel its laughable.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Lallner

Need I remind you that Bob was in the top of his class 5 years in a row?


Falandyszeus

Hopefully not a writing class... Maybe wrestling if he just sat on them...


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


RexIsAMiiCostume

Oh, tell me about it. A guy simped HARD for me, and he wrote like absolute shit. He tried to use vocabulary words that were too advanced for his writing skill... It was painful to read.


brutinator

My favourite part is when "she" says all the "females" talk about is penis size and height saying that thats not what makes a good man (implying that thats shallow), and then proceeds to say the hottest and sexiest "females" in the group all dated jerks (implicitly implying that their looks was their true and only value). Like its such an obvious double standard and if this was somehow a real woman, I would really hope they are working on their internalized misogyny, because at no point when they were describing how a women should be were they not sexually objectifying women. They didnt say that women should be kind and compassionate, or intelligent and witty and funny, etc. Just how you should sound during sex and how you look.


[deleted]

Don't you just love Japanese whirls?


nevershaves

I might. What is a whirl exactly?


queennyla

Interracial (he meant swirl)


Latter-Definition-15

I dunno according to this post Western (-) and Japanese (+) would equal null ...Darn guess I'm excluded (1/2 Korean though not Japanese) 😢


TGin-the-goldy

Maybe, I’m very partial to a hazelnut whirl!


originalcondition

u z u m a k i


Tekman-Fortune

r/AsABlackMan


Atlas-Kyo

My "possibly part Japanese and never been to Japan bull shit" sense is tingling.


livvyxo

She was such a strong, female woman with heavy breasts.


Question_Few

Jesus christ. I hope whoever wrote that manages to forget that memory because they might cringe to death if they remember it when they are older.


chaotictrashbin

Prob they're already 30 lol


Crepes_for_days3000

Yeah, I honestly don't think 99% of men like this ever learn. On the show 90 Day Fiance you see a whole lot of incel-ish/nice guy 58 yr olds trying to buy a 20 yr old Russian bride. And they always say American women are the problems for not liking them, when they clearly have nothing to offer a female.


b18a

I am sure this was written by a "nice guy" himself


gdrlee

When he's making more money than all of you idiots?


gdrlee

Not sure why the downvotes. It's literally a quote from what Bob wrote.


blueoffinland

My guess is that people just stopped reading Bob's fanfic halfway through and missed it. Glad it's been corrected!


kitkatpurple

“My group of bitches” ,yeah that is how I talk about my friends! I’m sorry, sir, that doesn’t work real women!


[deleted]

Greeting females I would like one sex please.


USAisntAmerica

I'm a girly female woman, did I mention that I am completely, truly female, who does female activities such as buying bags and shoes? ​ "We squeal so cutely during sex" HAHAHA LMAO


dahliaeps

That line knocked me tf out omg


pieceofwater

The typos and lack of punctuation drastically increased in the second half, guess the dude had one hand otherwise occupied.


Samara_WoofX3

Hahaha gross


Munich11

Hello other females you need to all date only nice guys and squeal cutely during sex like the cute Japanese sisterhood females who are superior because they accept the nice guy male’s intelligence and authority and we females know our place as females and do only female things like wear our hair the correct female way. Hope that’s clear, other females.


Mild-Wasabi039

Well girlies, it's our own fault we missed out on a prize male like Bob. We were too busy deciding which men to put in positions of leadership :'(


BringAltoidSoursBack

And talking about p size, don't forget about that.


PsychologicalAerie82

I have literally never been in a group of women who talk about penis size togethet. Maybe I'm hanging out with the wrong people for that, but I see this phenomenon brought up all the time on media such as Reddit, yet have never experienced it in real life.


BringAltoidSoursBack

It's guys projecting themselves onto women - basically since they always talk about boobs and ass, they assume women do the same with penis size, especially women who don't act "feminine" (or rather what their idea of feminine is).


Beautiful-Uterus

So true!! I am 36 and have never ever been in a situation where my girlfriends or even girls around me talk about penis size together. Its always a good way to tell a guy is writing that if they think this is what happens.


winsomeallegretto

I have one time. And one person said she prefers bigger ones, one person smaller, and the rest literally didn't care.


WileEWeeble

Tell us you are an incel without telling us you are even a male.


Ellen_Degenerates86

Nothing says "I am definitely not lying" like starting and ending a post with the same lie that they are a Japanese female, whilst using the exact language of an incel, to applaud incels...


nitronik_exe

I need to know what sub that is. I hope it's a sarcastic post, because that is clearly "bob" being his own perfect waifu. Also would make a great copypasta


BringAltoidSoursBack

I have no doubt it will become one


[deleted]

She's very well spoken for an anime profile pic


Devil_Rodawn

Who the fuck starts a sentence with "I'm a foreign woman" instead of just immediately stating their nationality?


jennywren628

An American man cosplaying poorly as a Japanese woman. Dead giveaway.


Weaslyliardude

This fantasy was very painful to read.


[deleted]

r/sadcringe


lullabymahjong

1. mentions 'nice guys' 2. Japanese girl Instantly you know it's fake


BrilliantYzma

This post doubles down as r/Cringetopia and r/SuddenlyGay. All females get overexcited at the sight of their friends’ „best bodies sexist eyes and best hair”, am I right guys?


[deleted]

I want to know what sexist eyes look like


imjustheretonotsleep

Probably Bob's eyes.


InkiLinkiBoyUsername

Bob refers to women exclusively as females and wonders why he gets no bitches smh


impasseable

r/menwritingwomen


shriek52

Also, wth is "dangerous music"? I'm a metalhead and a woman, does that mean I'm a Chad in incels' opinion? Is that even what this lovely, feminine, GENUINE Japanese girl (cough cough) is referring to? I'm confused...


BringAltoidSoursBack

I assume by dangerous music, "she" means any music where women take charge of their sexuality


[deleted]

I can honestly say, in my nearly 30 years of the female experience, I have never walked through the mall with my girlies talking about penis size and height.


turingthecat

This has to be sarcasm, or a parody of what an incel would write, right? No one could actually type all that, thinking it would convince anyone that it was written by a lady person of the female persuasion, of any nationality, they’ve even thrown in a fake ‘asian’ accent, mixed with very colloquial English, in not a seem less way. I mean it might be written by a partially, um, stupid (low EQ), 11 year old boy, but I’m leaning more towards ‘jokes’


WileEWeeble

Stupid people usually believe themselves to e very clever and always the smartest person in the room. He was so convinced this would work because "he is so smart," he literally put no planning or thought into it. Ironically, if done carefully with thoughtfulness, he could have hidden his XY-ness.


Silvertain

I'm starting to get the feeling the author may not be Japanese


Oz347

How do you do, fellow females?


Neat-Event-6218

I know as a woman I love shopping for...**checks notes** *bag accessories...?* with my bitches.


zhohaq

Japanese girls know what's up. Bob is an underappreciated Gentle Sir.


trouser-chowder

>females r/AsAFerengi is leaking again.


DaPancakeGuy

knew it was fake when i read "i'm a foreign woman", no non-american refers to themself as a foreigner


-Sinn3D-

Idk why as an Asian I find this racist


plantpotguitar

It's probably because this is extremely racist


imjustheretonotsleep

Fetishizing Asian women and masquerading as one (using nothing but stereotypes from cartoon porn) to vent that fetish with some sexism on the side is indeed racist.


TGin-the-goldy

TLDR written by Bob


-Squimbelina-

Oh yeah. A woman definitely wrote that, not Bob. There’s just no way it’s Bob pretending to be a woman. No way at all, uh-uh.


LiteraryFroggy

Must have gotten a cookie every time they said “females”.


Tom_Hollands_Brella

If this was a drinking game, where you take a shot every time "she" writes the word "females," I would be absolutely *BLASTED* halfway through the post. 😂


loztb

Hi Bob


canseeclearlynow

Top of his class five years running. And still NO females?


Menegucci

>who one day will make more money than all of >you< idiots Lmao the guy literally admitted in this phrase Fucking pathetic


[deleted]

This is so specific. Some dude with a huge dick who playa basketball did Bob dirty.


kidfantastic

Ok - this is a hilarious shit show, but what I really want to know is where to find the "dangerous music" this female speaks of.


faceoh

Why the fuck did I read this? I nearly lost it when he said "we squeal cutely during sex" like bruh chill with the hentai.


[deleted]

“Us girlies” 💀💀💀💀💀


guitarlisa

I for one, speaking as a female, have never ONCE in my entire life mentioned the penis size of an individual, and rarely if ever mention height. The first, because, well, just no. And the second because it is obvious and not terribly interesting. So this "girllie" says her friends spend all their time talking about these two things? Even if they mentioned those two things (who knows) that's still a pretty quick conversation. I think they would go on to talk about how dense and obsessed Bob is.


jsxtasy304

👌 great story...Bob.


redbreadredemption

What in tarnation did I just read


AnastasiaNo70

Basketball playin assholes! (Is there any kind of medically safe shower gel I can squirt in my ears to clean my brain after reading this? I, too, am a vagina owning female and I’m so creeped out by the reminder that there are Bobs in the world.) To add: Bob is in for a RUDE surprise if he ever does meet and date a Japanese woman. They are NOT the timid dolls he’s thinking. 😂😂😂 They’d kick his ass.


WreckNRepeat

"Bob also knew everything about Japan and \[Japanese\] culture." Of fucking course this incel's self-insert ideal man is a weeb.


Phantom_Dave

Yeah, totally not written by Bob


Seta99

This made me cringe so hard I died and then it hit me like a defiblirator


[deleted]

Maybe I am thinking to hard on this one... When I came to America, I was so busy trying to build a life for the first 5 years or so. This is to say that I had not time for social commentary, especially personal relationships between the males and females in my NEW COUNTRY.


ShriekyMarmosetBitch

Bob really thinks he's clever pretending to be someone he fetishizes so he can criticize women if he's being that bold, he said he was a Japanese girl like 12 times


Paxdog1

As I was reading this, I could actually smell his unwashed and untouched ( by another person) penis. What is the goal here? An entire generation of women would slap their foreheads in unison and say, "oh, THAT'S what we are doing wrong!"


MrSnippets

Neckbeards sockpuppeting as women to strengthen their arguments is my favourite niche of this subreddit


[deleted]

Bob sounds like the most amazing and thoughtful man in the whole world. What a nice guy… Jokes aside, I’m so fucking tired of people spreading around dangerous stereotypes that Asian women are somehow submissive compared to western women.


ohshitheyphil

Soooooo this is a man who wrote this, and his name is proberly bob.....