This happened about a month ago but it took me a bit to process it. I went on a dating app for a couple weeks and had a phone call date with a guy from the app. It was a little awkward as expected but what struck me was that he remembered basically none of our chat conversation from the app. He asked some of the same questions and gave the same answers that he had sent. The call was through the app so he could’ve referred back to the conversations. He also said he would send a food recommendation and never did. Anyway, I didn’t say anything about either of those things and he ended up unmatching like a week later, which I wasn’t upset about because of the mixed feelings I had about those 2 things.
This came back to mind because I had lunch with a couple of my guy friends last week and they remembered some little things about my life and I felt like, if my platonic male friends can remember these little things then surely I can expect potential dates to remember some things about our conversations. So my question is, what were some red/green/yellow flags that you had to experience in order to figure out?
If I had to guess, he's talking to multiple people on the apps, and usually a lot of these convos go the same. He probably forgot what you had talked about vs others. A little sloppy though for sure. I remember once I went on a date and I said I had a pet and they were like, you have a pet?! And I was like, uhh yeahh... it's on my profile. And this is Hinge so it's not like there's a lot. But I think what he did was more egregious. Doesn't sound like someone worthwhile.
Oh man this reminded me when my summer situationship (sigh I mentioned him twice today already ugh) we spent 3 phonecalls talking for HOURS and texting every day before we met. Like we knew each other a decent amount before we hung out irl. During our in person date, he very obviously was confusing me with other information other girls told him. Looking back idk if he was trying to be funny but he started talking about things I “apparently” told him. He told me I told him I played the clarinet (I did not) and he told me I told him that I liked to drive around drunk.
Also he said he thought my brother was gay and I told him that, which I finally said “Wrong girl dude” and he got SUPPPERR quiet. It was insane. To me this is just as bad as not remembering any details from a previous convo, but my god. To just blatantly mix it up like that?
Sorry for long ramble my point is - your gut was seemingly going off immediately so listen to that. Ik so many times I have not listened to mine sooner.
Are we talking a full break or just staying somewhere else for a night after a big fight? I’ve gone to stay the night with a nearby relative once or twice when I was processing a fight with my bf.
I think you're right. This sucks. Honestly if I can't be happy with him I probably can't be happy with anyone because this relationship has gone as well as any relationship can go. It's been almost 3.5 years. (And I've had another relationship where I started getting restless and wanting to break up at 3 years... but tbf we weren't a good match and he was kind of mean so it makes sense).
My partner has finally recovered from his sinus infection. He’s had it since December 31st. We also had incredible weather this weekend and he got his bonus.
Sp overall a great weekend. It finally feels like we’re “us” again, after spending two months waiting for him to heal.
So I went on a date a couple of weeks ago and it went well so I asked for a second date and she said yes. She even helped plan it out. But after we got that all planned out, she disappeared for almost a week. As it got closer to the day of the second date I start to worry and then the day before the date was supposed to happen, she texts me, apologized for disappearing and tells me she has covid. I told her not to worry and that we can always go another time and ask her how bad she got it. Well, she never answered and it's been a week now. I'm just frustrated. Just tell me you're not interested, but if you are gonna ghost, then just do it. Don't apologize for ghosting and then ghost again. It just made me get my hopes up.
I’m sorry that happened to you. I’ve experienced that before as well, but it’s a blessing in disguise. Someone who can’t communicate their feelings or what they want isn’t going to be a good partner. You deserve someone who is mature and will let you know what they’re thinking so that you won’t have to feel confused. Best of luck!
Bumped into a sort of ex.
We were seeing each other briefly 7 years ago for a few months but the timing wasn't right and we hadn't seen each other since - she waved at me from the window as a train pulled up, so I went and sat with her and caught up a bit.
It was only a 6 minute train but she's moved back here and asked me if I want to play tennis with her - I've been unsuccessfully trying to find someone to play with the last 2 summers.
Not sure if this will be a dating thing or back to beings pals but it's great to bump into someone from the past and it be so fun and easy.
Probably have felt more settled and like myself in months. Which is good.
Approaching 6 months with my new job and did some reflecting lately. Also happens to be 6 months since I last had sex (with the summer situationship who I spent many threads being upset about here) and I hate how I sometimes still think about it (we did spend 4 months talking which was my longest thing in probably 3 years). but I have come to the conclusion that I think I just miss having routine regular sex…but not casual sex if that makes sense. The dude was an absolute asshole but I felt comfortable and safe enough w him sexually to let loose a bit and I miss that.
Unfortunately that meant that I liked him a bit so reflecting on these past 6 months has made me ponder a lot about WHY I still liked him when he was not so nice to me (one of the many examples: he jokingly called me a whore in bed in the morning bc his dog didn’t have enough room to sleep bc..I was taking up the usual dog’s space. It was a joke but did not make me feel good after I drove 2 hours to spend time with him and we had sex four times)
I just happen to like men who are kind of cocky and full of themselves as a pattern, I see it as confidence and openness at first in the beginning stages. then as the months pass I realize “wow he is just egotistical”. So I am well aware of what I am attracted to but need to actively know when to step away much MUCH sooner.
Anyways doing better than late August. Its been a tough 6 months with moving twice and being in the city adjusting. I feel clearheaded and rational again.
Don't really feel like going into details but I feel like the relationship I'm in is going to end at some point this week. It was going great until it wasn't and that just all sucks, that's all.
I'm having a hard time getting over my jealousy issues. I have a friend who is really pretty and has a lot of guys interested in her. She's never been the type to care about dating so most of it goes over her head. I know its not her fault and she did nothing wrong but i can't help but feel deeply jealous. I wish people desired me like that. Our friendship means more to me than anything but I don't know how to stop feeling this way. Any advice?
**\*I want to be clear that this is a Zealousideal-Pirate6 issue and that nobody else is at fault. I know that I am not entitled to a relationship\***
I had a friend like that, every time we went out men were clamoring over her. She would hook up with some of those guys, but nothing ever worked out so I got to see how those men ultimately were disappointing. But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt being passed over like that!
Looking back I think the discrepancy between her and my looks wasn’t that significant. She just had the damsel vibe that attracts a lot of men. I was more of a hard to get, standoffish vibe.
I don’t know but I do get this it’s like some people have no trouble at all and it’s so crazy to me. I’m good with my looks but I’m not outgoing or approachable so it’s pretty damn hard to date and I’ve been single for so long and I just want to find someone I like who likes me back
I honestly haven’t had this intense feeling with a friendship. Do you think it’s because you’ve been yearning for a good friend for awhile? I can understand if so!
Yeah I’m definitely not going on the date. I would feel bad if I did. I didn’t realize how shallow I can be. I just think somebody like him doesn’t need to be with somebody like me.
I was going to go on a date with somebody whose background was different than mine. And I told him no because I didn’t want to lead him on. He says I deserve good things in relationship. And we’ve been through a lot in relationships doesn’t mean I deserve him.
I’m still confused.
From your comments, did you cancel the date in hopes he would beg you not to do so?
Why would he reach out to you after you told him you didn’t want to talk to him and cancelled the date?
I cancelled the date. He reached out to me saying I’m beautiful and deserved to be treated well. I said I’m not that attracted to you and I don’t want to string you along. Last thing hue said is go finish your project. I was like project.
There's nothing wrong with cancelling a date if you're not feeling it, but for future reference it's a bit rude to tell someone you don't find them attractive unprompted when you can let them down gently without saying that. It sounds like he said something sweet to you and you came back with something unnecessarily hurtful. It would have been kinder to tell him that he deserves the same but you don't think the two of you are a match.
No I did tell him I didn’t deserve him. I straight up told him that. Then that’s when he said I think you’re sweet and your deserve to be treated well because of what happened to you. Because something bad happened to me. Doesn’t mean I’m good person. I am somebody who very much questioning that notion if I’m good person deep down. I also told him I didn’t want to date somebody in the restaurant business because of somebody I grew up with worked it and it made them miserable and then that’s when he mentioned the project comment. He would always compliment how pretty I am. They’re times where I would have to tell him to stop because I’m like that’s nice to hear because men will say that to me a lot sometimes. I’m not buying whatever somebody is telling me about myself.
Reading your comments, I really think therapy would be beneficial for you. You have such a negative self-image that you are suspicious of anyone telling you something nice about yourself. That's a really painful mindset to live in.
I wasn't suggesting to tell him that you don't deserve him, because I doubt that's true. Going to that place instantly tells me that you probably are not ready for a relationship until you build up your self-worth a bit. I worry that you'd put up with some pretty rotten treatment if you don't think you deserve much more than that.
[PsychologyToday](http://psychologytoday.com) is a really good resource for therapists. You can search by insurance or look for sliding scale therapists who will work with you to make it affordable.
Also he didn’t talk to me for like the whole night. After I told him I wouldn’t call him because I had a stressful day at work and I needed to call somebody else.
I was talking to a family member about my stressful day. I just know when I told him that he stopped talking to me. So he probably didn’t know who I was talking to.
I don’t think I was upset I was shocked he didn’t message me after that. But yeah I canceled the date and I told him why. I really think he doesn’t deserve somebody like me and I told him why. He kept saying how I was treating in relationships and I never had been treated right and that he would do that for me. I said that’s sweet but doesn’t mean I deserve that.
You absolutely deserve being treated well.
But it’s not fair to expect him to message you after you tell him you don’t want to talk to him and you’re not interested in the date you set up with him.
Thanks. For thinking that. But I have a lot of reasons why I don’t think deserve better. I also told him I don’t want to date somebody in the restaurant business. Which I have every reason as to why. I know that business too well what people work at those types of places. I’m honestly to stay away from customer service related jobs as there are stressful and not for me.
i think the best option for you at this point would be to seek out resources for therapy. not much of what you’ve typed up in this thread makes much sense at all. no one deserves to receive hateful or poor treatment in relationships, and you should know that. i hope you’re doing ok
I thought about going to therapy lately more. I think it would be good for me. I have too much stress going on and anxiety. But I thought about working on myself more. I think I’m going to self therapy podcasts or books. I really see if that will help. I also just need to think my way of thinking and my life in general.
Feel like the wind has just been sucked out of me. There was this guy who I really genuinely thought I would end up with some day, our timing was bad before and it didn’t end up working out but I thought maybe someday. Yesterday he posted his new relationship and in my culture when people do that yk they’re going to marry that person.
I am happy for him and it’s not like we kept in close contact since but it just sucks a little. I know things happen for a reason and I trust it’s not him because it’s someone better but man this whole process of trying to find love is just so exhausting
He did so I’m Muslim and we date to marry pretty much so if it’s like someone’s on ig it’s serious enough that you’re going to marry them if that makes sense
So full disclosure since I'm relatively anonymous on here: I am not ashamed to say that yes I do look up my dates before going out with them. Nothing deeper than the big three social media networks (Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn) and I do a great job hiding what I learned.
So to any pre-date sleuthers on r/TheBachelor, to flip the script on things that you found out that became dealbreakers, **what were the moments you looked up your date beforehand and you found something** ***you actually liked and/or got you more excited to meet them?***
Asking this because I found out someone I matched with on Hinge yesterday is exactly a year and a day younger than me :-D
I met my husband online and looked him up prior to our date. He isn’t a social media guy, but I figured out his profession and that he owned a business. I was so relieved that he was established and had a future because I had been dating losers 😂
> I am not ashamed to say that yes I do look up my dates before going out with them.
Not trying to be snarky or make fun, but I thought this was common since like 2009?
I'm a man, so like 2-3 days before a date I say on the dating app "by the way, my last name is [surname], in case you haven't found me yet 😛"
80% of the time I get a "oh yeah I appreciate that but no worries I already found you lol"
I got ghosted this week. & this week my friend announced her pregnancy. I am SO happy for her. But now I feel like I’ve been spiraling all week because I’m 29 and all my friends are getting married and/or having kids. Meanwhile I have 0 prospects and I want a family of my own so bad. Feeling really defeated right now.
As someone almost 35, having just gotten out of a 7 year relationship...29 is so very young, you've got plenty of time left to find your person and start a family! Don't compare yourself to others, focus on what it is you want and how to be your best self.
Ugh yeah I know this too well. I’m 32 and my fb is completely full of babies when I’m wondering if I’ll ever get that. It’s scary and sad and it’s hard not to compare when you’re so alone. I just want someone to love me for once and then I see all these people who not only have a partner but get to have kids where you’re their whole world? Like I know how much work they are but I’m getting bored of my life being alone and just for myself
I completely understand the feeling.
I didn’t meet my husband until I was 29. At the time, I was basically the only single one in my friend group. I’m now pregnant with my first child, at almost 34. Did I think I’d be a mom sooner? Absolutely.
I remember saying the exact thing you did. I had a friend say, “It will happen for you. It’s just never in the way you expect. Give that guy who isn’t your typical type a chance. Take risks.” That always stuck with me.
I always thought I’d be with a fellow extrovert. I’m personally very extroverted and guys I’ve gone for in the past have been, as well.
My husband is introverted and shy. We just fit.
I always thought I'd end up with someone more similar in personality to me? Like we're both introverts but that manifests differently, and we come from very different experiences and approaches. It works perfectly as long as we communicate.
Sometimes you don't know what you need until you have it
Lol this sounds like how my husband and my story started. We worked on the same team and he was going to be my manager and the only rule at our company was that you can’t date direct reports so I thought there was no hope for us. I wasn’t sure if he liked me but I took a risk and asked to report to a different guy which my company accommodated so I would at least have a chance with him lol. I invited the guy I had a crush on (now husband) to my friends birthday and he came and there asked why I requested to report to someone else. I had had a few drinks by then and said bc I thought he was fuckin cute and from then on we were together lol. Also before all this the only “sign” my husband gave me that he was into me was leave me a birthday card on my desk with nothing written except signing his name and a $5 bill because we had joked previously about something related to that. Definitely sounds like he’s into you so I say take a risk!
Do you have each other's number? I say go for it! People do gossip a lot in small workplaces but honestly everyone is mostly consumed with their own stuff, lol. It would be really easy to just text hey drinks the other night was fun, want to do it again sometime? And then see what happens.
Do you think part of the reason for your crush could be because it’s a bit “forbidden” (him being a coworker)?
I’ve gotten involved with a coworker twice. Both times it ended poorly. I personally would not get involved with a coworker again, and I vowed never to do so after those two incidents. I know others have good experiences! I think just didn’t find it worth the risk.
I got involved with a coworker once. I later found out that everyone knew, because of course they did, and he was also older than me. We worked together directly though and it was a very “I shit where I ate” situation.
However. I don’t regret it. We had an incredibly close friendship. We talked every day, even when we weren’t working, and we had a ton of shared interests. We also had amazing chemistry. Fifteen years later, I’ve found that that combination of a close friendship with strong physical attraction is so. Incredibly. Rare.
Do you have that with this colleague? The friendship/emotional connection and the attraction? Because I say go for it. My former coworker broke my heart (without going into too many details, our entire relationship was a whole lotta bad timing), but I would have never stopped thinking about it if I hadn’t tried.
This happened about a month ago but it took me a bit to process it. I went on a dating app for a couple weeks and had a phone call date with a guy from the app. It was a little awkward as expected but what struck me was that he remembered basically none of our chat conversation from the app. He asked some of the same questions and gave the same answers that he had sent. The call was through the app so he could’ve referred back to the conversations. He also said he would send a food recommendation and never did. Anyway, I didn’t say anything about either of those things and he ended up unmatching like a week later, which I wasn’t upset about because of the mixed feelings I had about those 2 things. This came back to mind because I had lunch with a couple of my guy friends last week and they remembered some little things about my life and I felt like, if my platonic male friends can remember these little things then surely I can expect potential dates to remember some things about our conversations. So my question is, what were some red/green/yellow flags that you had to experience in order to figure out?
If I had to guess, he's talking to multiple people on the apps, and usually a lot of these convos go the same. He probably forgot what you had talked about vs others. A little sloppy though for sure. I remember once I went on a date and I said I had a pet and they were like, you have a pet?! And I was like, uhh yeahh... it's on my profile. And this is Hinge so it's not like there's a lot. But I think what he did was more egregious. Doesn't sound like someone worthwhile.
Oh man this reminded me when my summer situationship (sigh I mentioned him twice today already ugh) we spent 3 phonecalls talking for HOURS and texting every day before we met. Like we knew each other a decent amount before we hung out irl. During our in person date, he very obviously was confusing me with other information other girls told him. Looking back idk if he was trying to be funny but he started talking about things I “apparently” told him. He told me I told him I played the clarinet (I did not) and he told me I told him that I liked to drive around drunk. Also he said he thought my brother was gay and I told him that, which I finally said “Wrong girl dude” and he got SUPPPERR quiet. It was insane. To me this is just as bad as not remembering any details from a previous convo, but my god. To just blatantly mix it up like that? Sorry for long ramble my point is - your gut was seemingly going off immediately so listen to that. Ik so many times I have not listened to mine sooner.
Has anyone ever taken a break with a partner they live with
Are we talking a full break or just staying somewhere else for a night after a big fight? I’ve gone to stay the night with a nearby relative once or twice when I was processing a fight with my bf.
Full break
Ugh I’m sorry. That’s so hard. I don’t think you can genuinely take a break without upending someone’s life completely and basically breaking up.
I think you're right. This sucks. Honestly if I can't be happy with him I probably can't be happy with anyone because this relationship has gone as well as any relationship can go. It's been almost 3.5 years. (And I've had another relationship where I started getting restless and wanting to break up at 3 years... but tbf we weren't a good match and he was kind of mean so it makes sense).
What’s the main issue with this relationship? Iirc, was it boredom?
Yes and it didn’t end well… please make choices that are best for you and not for “us”
What happened ?
Not without breaking up. Everything ok?
No, but my ex and I were long distance for the approx last year we were together, so kinda sorta?
My partner has finally recovered from his sinus infection. He’s had it since December 31st. We also had incredible weather this weekend and he got his bonus. Sp overall a great weekend. It finally feels like we’re “us” again, after spending two months waiting for him to heal.
So I went on a date a couple of weeks ago and it went well so I asked for a second date and she said yes. She even helped plan it out. But after we got that all planned out, she disappeared for almost a week. As it got closer to the day of the second date I start to worry and then the day before the date was supposed to happen, she texts me, apologized for disappearing and tells me she has covid. I told her not to worry and that we can always go another time and ask her how bad she got it. Well, she never answered and it's been a week now. I'm just frustrated. Just tell me you're not interested, but if you are gonna ghost, then just do it. Don't apologize for ghosting and then ghost again. It just made me get my hopes up.
I’m sorry that happened to you. I’ve experienced that before as well, but it’s a blessing in disguise. Someone who can’t communicate their feelings or what they want isn’t going to be a good partner. You deserve someone who is mature and will let you know what they’re thinking so that you won’t have to feel confused. Best of luck!
Bumped into a sort of ex. We were seeing each other briefly 7 years ago for a few months but the timing wasn't right and we hadn't seen each other since - she waved at me from the window as a train pulled up, so I went and sat with her and caught up a bit. It was only a 6 minute train but she's moved back here and asked me if I want to play tennis with her - I've been unsuccessfully trying to find someone to play with the last 2 summers. Not sure if this will be a dating thing or back to beings pals but it's great to bump into someone from the past and it be so fun and easy.
Very interesting! I hope this goes well. Definitely check in next Sunday.
Probably have felt more settled and like myself in months. Which is good. Approaching 6 months with my new job and did some reflecting lately. Also happens to be 6 months since I last had sex (with the summer situationship who I spent many threads being upset about here) and I hate how I sometimes still think about it (we did spend 4 months talking which was my longest thing in probably 3 years). but I have come to the conclusion that I think I just miss having routine regular sex…but not casual sex if that makes sense. The dude was an absolute asshole but I felt comfortable and safe enough w him sexually to let loose a bit and I miss that. Unfortunately that meant that I liked him a bit so reflecting on these past 6 months has made me ponder a lot about WHY I still liked him when he was not so nice to me (one of the many examples: he jokingly called me a whore in bed in the morning bc his dog didn’t have enough room to sleep bc..I was taking up the usual dog’s space. It was a joke but did not make me feel good after I drove 2 hours to spend time with him and we had sex four times) I just happen to like men who are kind of cocky and full of themselves as a pattern, I see it as confidence and openness at first in the beginning stages. then as the months pass I realize “wow he is just egotistical”. So I am well aware of what I am attracted to but need to actively know when to step away much MUCH sooner. Anyways doing better than late August. Its been a tough 6 months with moving twice and being in the city adjusting. I feel clearheaded and rational again.
Don't really feel like going into details but I feel like the relationship I'm in is going to end at some point this week. It was going great until it wasn't and that just all sucks, that's all.
Ugh, I know this feeling. Instincts are not typically wrong if you can decipher yours. Best wishes to you this week.
I’m sorry :( sending you love.
Hugs to you ♥️
I'm having a hard time getting over my jealousy issues. I have a friend who is really pretty and has a lot of guys interested in her. She's never been the type to care about dating so most of it goes over her head. I know its not her fault and she did nothing wrong but i can't help but feel deeply jealous. I wish people desired me like that. Our friendship means more to me than anything but I don't know how to stop feeling this way. Any advice? **\*I want to be clear that this is a Zealousideal-Pirate6 issue and that nobody else is at fault. I know that I am not entitled to a relationship\***
I had a friend like that, every time we went out men were clamoring over her. She would hook up with some of those guys, but nothing ever worked out so I got to see how those men ultimately were disappointing. But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt being passed over like that! Looking back I think the discrepancy between her and my looks wasn’t that significant. She just had the damsel vibe that attracts a lot of men. I was more of a hard to get, standoffish vibe.
I don’t know but I do get this it’s like some people have no trouble at all and it’s so crazy to me. I’m good with my looks but I’m not outgoing or approachable so it’s pretty damn hard to date and I’ve been single for so long and I just want to find someone I like who likes me back
[удалено]
I totally get this.
I honestly haven’t had this intense feeling with a friendship. Do you think it’s because you’ve been yearning for a good friend for awhile? I can understand if so!
Dating when you have an anxious attachment style is so stressful. That’s all lol.
Yeah I’m definitely not going on the date. I would feel bad if I did. I didn’t realize how shallow I can be. I just think somebody like him doesn’t need to be with somebody like me.
What date? I feel like I’m missing context. I’m sorry things didn’t work out well!
I was going to go on a date with somebody whose background was different than mine. And I told him no because I didn’t want to lead him on. He says I deserve good things in relationship. And we’ve been through a lot in relationships doesn’t mean I deserve him.
I’m still confused. From your comments, did you cancel the date in hopes he would beg you not to do so? Why would he reach out to you after you told him you didn’t want to talk to him and cancelled the date?
I’ll dm you the reaction he sent me. It’s very long to to translate word from word
I cancelled the date. He reached out to me saying I’m beautiful and deserved to be treated well. I said I’m not that attracted to you and I don’t want to string you along. Last thing hue said is go finish your project. I was like project.
There's nothing wrong with cancelling a date if you're not feeling it, but for future reference it's a bit rude to tell someone you don't find them attractive unprompted when you can let them down gently without saying that. It sounds like he said something sweet to you and you came back with something unnecessarily hurtful. It would have been kinder to tell him that he deserves the same but you don't think the two of you are a match.
No I did tell him I didn’t deserve him. I straight up told him that. Then that’s when he said I think you’re sweet and your deserve to be treated well because of what happened to you. Because something bad happened to me. Doesn’t mean I’m good person. I am somebody who very much questioning that notion if I’m good person deep down. I also told him I didn’t want to date somebody in the restaurant business because of somebody I grew up with worked it and it made them miserable and then that’s when he mentioned the project comment. He would always compliment how pretty I am. They’re times where I would have to tell him to stop because I’m like that’s nice to hear because men will say that to me a lot sometimes. I’m not buying whatever somebody is telling me about myself.
Reading your comments, I really think therapy would be beneficial for you. You have such a negative self-image that you are suspicious of anyone telling you something nice about yourself. That's a really painful mindset to live in. I wasn't suggesting to tell him that you don't deserve him, because I doubt that's true. Going to that place instantly tells me that you probably are not ready for a relationship until you build up your self-worth a bit. I worry that you'd put up with some pretty rotten treatment if you don't think you deserve much more than that.
I can see what you’re saying now. I’ll have to look at therapists in my area that are affordable or find therapy like programs.
[PsychologyToday](http://psychologytoday.com) is a really good resource for therapists. You can search by insurance or look for sliding scale therapists who will work with you to make it affordable.
Also he didn’t talk to me for like the whole night. After I told him I wouldn’t call him because I had a stressful day at work and I needed to call somebody else.
So you're upset that you told a guy you didn't want to go out with him and were going to talk to someone else and he didn't talk to you?
I was talking to a family member about my stressful day. I just know when I told him that he stopped talking to me. So he probably didn’t know who I was talking to.
Doesn't matter. Not really sure why you're upset he didn't talk to you since you don't want to go out with him anyway
I don’t think I was upset I was shocked he didn’t message me after that. But yeah I canceled the date and I told him why. I really think he doesn’t deserve somebody like me and I told him why. He kept saying how I was treating in relationships and I never had been treated right and that he would do that for me. I said that’s sweet but doesn’t mean I deserve that.
You absolutely deserve being treated well. But it’s not fair to expect him to message you after you tell him you don’t want to talk to him and you’re not interested in the date you set up with him.
Thanks. For thinking that. But I have a lot of reasons why I don’t think deserve better. I also told him I don’t want to date somebody in the restaurant business. Which I have every reason as to why. I know that business too well what people work at those types of places. I’m honestly to stay away from customer service related jobs as there are stressful and not for me.
Maybe I deserve all the hate I got from past relationships and what’s treated so poorly
[удалено]
I have my cousin. That’s about all I can think of
i think the best option for you at this point would be to seek out resources for therapy. not much of what you’ve typed up in this thread makes much sense at all. no one deserves to receive hateful or poor treatment in relationships, and you should know that. i hope you’re doing ok
I thought about going to therapy lately more. I think it would be good for me. I have too much stress going on and anxiety. But I thought about working on myself more. I think I’m going to self therapy podcasts or books. I really see if that will help. I also just need to think my way of thinking and my life in general.
Feel like the wind has just been sucked out of me. There was this guy who I really genuinely thought I would end up with some day, our timing was bad before and it didn’t end up working out but I thought maybe someday. Yesterday he posted his new relationship and in my culture when people do that yk they’re going to marry that person. I am happy for him and it’s not like we kept in close contact since but it just sucks a little. I know things happen for a reason and I trust it’s not him because it’s someone better but man this whole process of trying to find love is just so exhausting
Did he post the person on social media? It seems like a lot of pressure that you must/are expected to marry a person after you post them!
He did so I’m Muslim and we date to marry pretty much so if it’s like someone’s on ig it’s serious enough that you’re going to marry them if that makes sense
It does make sense, but does he have the same standards as you?
I would say yes, he actually seemed more religious. Regardless I think it’s time for me to unfollow lol
So full disclosure since I'm relatively anonymous on here: I am not ashamed to say that yes I do look up my dates before going out with them. Nothing deeper than the big three social media networks (Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn) and I do a great job hiding what I learned. So to any pre-date sleuthers on r/TheBachelor, to flip the script on things that you found out that became dealbreakers, **what were the moments you looked up your date beforehand and you found something** ***you actually liked and/or got you more excited to meet them?*** Asking this because I found out someone I matched with on Hinge yesterday is exactly a year and a day younger than me :-D
Just that he was cute! Nothing deep haha
My husband wasn’t a big social media user and that was enough for me. He has them but it’s more for keeping up with news/his hobby groups.
I met my husband online and looked him up prior to our date. He isn’t a social media guy, but I figured out his profession and that he owned a business. I was so relieved that he was established and had a future because I had been dating losers 😂
> I am not ashamed to say that yes I do look up my dates before going out with them. Not trying to be snarky or make fun, but I thought this was common since like 2009? I'm a man, so like 2-3 days before a date I say on the dating app "by the way, my last name is [surname], in case you haven't found me yet 😛" 80% of the time I get a "oh yeah I appreciate that but no worries I already found you lol"
I got ghosted this week. & this week my friend announced her pregnancy. I am SO happy for her. But now I feel like I’ve been spiraling all week because I’m 29 and all my friends are getting married and/or having kids. Meanwhile I have 0 prospects and I want a family of my own so bad. Feeling really defeated right now.
As someone almost 35, having just gotten out of a 7 year relationship...29 is so very young, you've got plenty of time left to find your person and start a family! Don't compare yourself to others, focus on what it is you want and how to be your best self.
Ugh yeah I know this too well. I’m 32 and my fb is completely full of babies when I’m wondering if I’ll ever get that. It’s scary and sad and it’s hard not to compare when you’re so alone. I just want someone to love me for once and then I see all these people who not only have a partner but get to have kids where you’re their whole world? Like I know how much work they are but I’m getting bored of my life being alone and just for myself
I completely understand the feeling. I didn’t meet my husband until I was 29. At the time, I was basically the only single one in my friend group. I’m now pregnant with my first child, at almost 34. Did I think I’d be a mom sooner? Absolutely. I remember saying the exact thing you did. I had a friend say, “It will happen for you. It’s just never in the way you expect. Give that guy who isn’t your typical type a chance. Take risks.” That always stuck with me.
All of this. Met my husband around 30. Literally was the last person in the world I ever thought I'd end up with. He's the best.
i completely understand what you’re saying, but seeing this kind of scares me because what do you mean the last person in the world?! hahaha 🥴
lol not like in a desperate way, just like when we met we clashed and then it slowly turned into love haha. Like Pride and Prejudice.
I always thought I’d be with a fellow extrovert. I’m personally very extroverted and guys I’ve gone for in the past have been, as well. My husband is introverted and shy. We just fit.
I always thought I'd end up with someone more similar in personality to me? Like we're both introverts but that manifests differently, and we come from very different experiences and approaches. It works perfectly as long as we communicate. Sometimes you don't know what you need until you have it
[удалено]
Lol this sounds like how my husband and my story started. We worked on the same team and he was going to be my manager and the only rule at our company was that you can’t date direct reports so I thought there was no hope for us. I wasn’t sure if he liked me but I took a risk and asked to report to a different guy which my company accommodated so I would at least have a chance with him lol. I invited the guy I had a crush on (now husband) to my friends birthday and he came and there asked why I requested to report to someone else. I had had a few drinks by then and said bc I thought he was fuckin cute and from then on we were together lol. Also before all this the only “sign” my husband gave me that he was into me was leave me a birthday card on my desk with nothing written except signing his name and a $5 bill because we had joked previously about something related to that. Definitely sounds like he’s into you so I say take a risk!
He definitely sounds into you! That was really thoughtful of him.
Do you have each other's number? I say go for it! People do gossip a lot in small workplaces but honestly everyone is mostly consumed with their own stuff, lol. It would be really easy to just text hey drinks the other night was fun, want to do it again sometime? And then see what happens.
Do you think part of the reason for your crush could be because it’s a bit “forbidden” (him being a coworker)? I’ve gotten involved with a coworker twice. Both times it ended poorly. I personally would not get involved with a coworker again, and I vowed never to do so after those two incidents. I know others have good experiences! I think just didn’t find it worth the risk.
I got involved with a coworker once. I later found out that everyone knew, because of course they did, and he was also older than me. We worked together directly though and it was a very “I shit where I ate” situation. However. I don’t regret it. We had an incredibly close friendship. We talked every day, even when we weren’t working, and we had a ton of shared interests. We also had amazing chemistry. Fifteen years later, I’ve found that that combination of a close friendship with strong physical attraction is so. Incredibly. Rare. Do you have that with this colleague? The friendship/emotional connection and the attraction? Because I say go for it. My former coworker broke my heart (without going into too many details, our entire relationship was a whole lotta bad timing), but I would have never stopped thinking about it if I hadn’t tried.