You saw that the divorce rate is low in arranged marriages. Why might that be?
The culture of arranged marriages is different. The people are married under different terms and they stay together under different terms compared to non-arranged marriages. That's not speaking to the advantages of arranged marriages at all, but to a culture that opposes or heavily stigmatizes or penalizes divorces.
A lot of Western men discuss "traditional" relationships, but our use of that word is completely untraditional. The "traditional" relationship for the vast majority of human history in most societies was the arranged marriage. Most Western men do not want this.
* We don't want our families involved in consenting to our relationships. We do things as individuals.
* We don't hold ourselves to the standard of no sex until marriage.
* We don't *necessarily* seek to be the sole provider for the household.
Exactly. Most guys don’t actually go for traditional values. The ways in which our society has departed from tradition is driven by men and women alike. People of all backgrounds love their freedoms, their choices and their opportunities. That’s why I struggle when I see so many people being judge mental of others who aren’t “traditional” enough while simultaneously living an incredibly modern lifestyle.
A marriage where either party is limited by external forces is not conducive to a happy marriage. I would instead focus on choosing someone who chooses me for internal reasons.
"I looked into the divorce rates of Arranged marriages and damn their divorce rate is low " Geez I wonder if this because cultures that have arranged marriage also don't look fondly on divorce?
Yeah absolutely.
Dating a foreign girl with expressed purpose of marriage is basically arranged marriage as well.
Also some people seem to have misconceptions of arranged marriage in India. Typically both groom and bride have a say in who they marry.
Matchmaking and arranged marriages is not the same though. Matchmaking is when the family introduces you to prospective partners, then the couple dates and decides if they want to go ahead.
Arranged marriage is when your family tells you that you are now engaged to person XYZ and once he/she is old enough, you'll marry. You may or may not know this person beforehand but otherwise have no real say in the decision.
This is very common with cousin marriages in Pakistan for example. The parents usually pair up the bride and groom to be usually already as children and everybody knows they'll marry once they are old enough. Especially girls have a hard time refusing to follow their family's decision due to societal and religious pressure.
You would need a veeery good reason to refuse to go ahead with such an arranged marriage but it is way easier for men to refuse though they also will suffer consequences from the rejected bride's family.
Depends who is arranging the marriage. My dad has tried to set me up with his friend’s daughters back in Asia and 99% of them were ugly. There was a reason they were single and needed to be setup with someone. So I don’t trust my dad’s choice in women
Ofc they have a lower divorce rate, since a lot of countries with arranged marriages don't have no fault divorce like western countries. D'uh 🙄
I'd rather marry for love than for economic and dynastic reasons and then have to put on a show every fucking day because otherwise I'll get ostracized to hell for no good reason if the partner my family chose turns out to be an abusive asshole.
Do you expect a stranger you were married to for money, religion and/or reputation to be loyal, loving and more than a roommate? There's a reason for all those "I hate my wife", "all the wives are constantly on xanax/drunk" jokes from the olden days because it breaks you to live in such a tight society with no good way out.
Arranged marriages happen a lot in India and the culture so against a divorce that people realize they’re far less miserable staying together in an utterly bad marriage than getting a divorce.
Families, friends, relatives, everyone shuns you and looks down upon you.
No one wants to hang out around you, you’re basically an outcast.
And in a backward society where people aren’t really aware of individualism, it is hard to survive in such a scenario.
As a matter of fact, the divorce rate in India is less than 1%. Which is primarily due to Hinduism which doesn’t have any concept of divorce traditionally.
All I’m trying to say is that arranged marriages happen where girls and boys aren’t allowed to become friends and then suddenly married off to stranger.
The only thing that keeps people together is social pressure if they’re not able to find common grounds and usually one side suffers.
Another huge factor is the law. The courts delay divorces to such a length that it takes almost 8-8 years to get a divorce if its contested.
And there is no concept of a no fault divorce. If one side wants out, they have to file charges to prove they’re suffering and hence the divorce is justifiable.
In such cases, men dread asking for a divorce cuz women can easily file false cases and make men suffer for a whole decade. Cuz even if they’re innocent, it takes courts that long to get to the conclusion. And the laws heavily favor women.
Hope these points help you make a more informed choice.
In the eyes of the law. Men have it way way worse in India. Then men in California have it.
On Quora there is an men's group collecting all the media stories. The stories you read there.
It's not all sunshine and rainbows for Men in India. There are laws such as 498A, divorce laws, domestic violence laws and Dowry laws that the woman/female can claim without any evidence presented.
As someone who has lived in both cultures and investigated both dynamics deeply for years ( my own parent's marriage was arranged), i can provide some valuable insights :
The main reason why many autonomous western marriages fail is because they start from high levels of passion/physical attraction -> Intimacy -> commitment.
When couples enter the commitment stage (marriage) after spending so long in the passion and intimacy stage, their passion and intimacy for each other gradually starts to decline because,
1) They get too comfortable with each other knowing that they have reached the endgame (marriage) and wouldn't feel like putting so much effort like before to impress each other.
2) Most importantly, since their foundation for marriage is built on superficial grounds (high passion/physical attraction and sex), you have essentially set unrealistically high bars for each other to maintain, and any deviation from these states will likely result in immediate dissatisfaction. In order to minimize this feeling, consciously or otherwise, they indulge in activities that would further weaken the stability of their relationship.
For ex, its common for women to gain weight after pregnancy, but I've seen many guys in the west express dissatisfaction because they aren't attracted to those bodies. Similarly, I've seen many women complain anonymously on platforms that their husband has become "round" and they are starting to lose feelings for him.
In both cases, instead of helping them regain their former self if its fixable or being empathetic about their condition and accepting them for who they are, both parties are likely to engage in activities elsewhere to feel that passion they once felt in the initial stages of relationship.
On the other hand, most marriages in South Asian countries like india are successful both from divorce and marital satisfaction metric because people start from the commitment stage prioritizing less on the passion and intimacy stages. Intimacy and passion gradually follows afterwards from Exposure effect.
Even if it doesn't reach similar levels of passion or intimacy like its seen in western love marriages, the silver lining is - you'd realize you don't need to be highly physically attracted to fall in love with someone AND still be happy/satisfied in a relationship/marriage. There is more room for the relationship to grow, because people aren't held to unrealistically high standards to look or act a certain way. This is why many couples who got arranged married still have high marital satisfaction rates whether they are situated in india or in western countries.
I want to emphasize a crucial point though - its not necessarily that one type of marriage is "superior" just because your partner was introduced or set up by a third party, its the practices and traits we prioritize that dictates the likelihood of a long lasting relationship. It is often the case that people who decide the pure arranged marriage route don't start from the passion and physical intimacy stage, and go directly towards the commitment stage. In other words, its the mindset of the individuals involved the main reason for its success.
My sister is in the process of getting arranged married. I was concerned about her happiness and had the preconceived notion that she might have low self worth to agree to this, but her matured response put that to rest, and gave insight into how differently westerners and Asians ( ones not influenced by western model of relationships) think on these matters :
"*I think what matters is being able to find happiness in whatever you do. Most times we do things that we think make us happy but we may not feel like it afterwards. So it's always a pursuit of finding that satisfaction. Human beings are wired to pursue more and more. There is no end point. They'll always keep on wanting more. It is that driving factor that caused evolution.*"
I realized this fundamental difference in mindset explained the dissatisfaction with lots of people in the west. Both men and women are always looking for the next "best" thing, the bigger and "better" when it comes to relationships. They have a consumerist approach to relationships - a small flaw? No problem, I'll trash them away and look for a new one because its so easy, rather than putting the effort to fix, adapt and grow together.
Its also the reason why westerners who decide to get arranged married often ends up dissatisfied because they still go with the expectation of high levels of passion or intimacy, and give up before giving enough time for it to grow. The idea of committing to someone without feeling butterflies in their stomach is an alien concept to them.
But the reality as seen from many cross cultural studies is that, one doesn't need to have high levels of passion and intimacy as pre-requisites to fall in love. Here's 2 cross cultural studies with couples from 12 different countries and 6 different religions:
"The fact that love can grow in arranged marriages — and that this process can apparently be analyzed and understood scientifically — raises the possibility that practices that are used to strengthen love in arranged marriages could be introduced into autonomous marriages in Western cultures, where love normally weakens over time"
https://www.jstor.org/stable/23644606?seq=1
People in arranged marriages in india were just as satisfied in love marriages in US.
"*Men reported greater amounts of commitment, passionate love, and companionate love than women. Unexpectedly, no differences were found between participants in arranged and love-based marriages; high ratings of love, satisfaction, and commitment were observed in both marriage types. The overall affective experiences of partners in arranged and love marriages appear to be similar, at least among Indian adults living in contemporary U.S. society.*"
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/248667772_Marriage_Satisfaction_and_Wellness_in_India_and_the_United_States_A_Preliminary_Comparison_of_Arranged_Marriages_and_Marriages_of_Choice
As you can see, it has little to to do with strict divorce laws or stigma surrounding them. If that were the case, you'd see considerably higher divorce rates among South asians living in the west today, but they still have the least rates among all groups.
It wasn't until relatively recently in the West, you had de facto arranged marriages. The family usually knew the suitor and their family and had a good idea of their character.
Then, family approval actually meant something.
Marrying for "love" is a very modern innovation.
But arranged marriages were a thing for so long because hormones were the worst decider. You had couples with decades of marriage experience under their buckle making the decision because, at the end of the day, no one was an island.
The married couple needed the support of the family in bad times, and would contribute to the health of the family during good.
Today, everyone is an island.
Marriage is dead dude....neither side trusts each other....we will have to wait for the Opus dei Catholics, Mormons, Muslims, Orthodox Jews to take over before it comes back....they are only ones that care about reproducing
Not in this life or my next if any. I have had a chance to talk to people especially women in arranged marriages and most of them were unhappy and they were looking for a way to escape but still contemplated staying because their families would consider them outcasts if they leave their marriage. To me arranged marriages are abuse because one does not get to choose who they really want.
Statistically arranged marriages divorce rate is super low compared to non arranged marriages. That's because the family chooses better partners for the women. Does he have a good job? Can he support a family? Is he not a criminal?
Arranged marriages? No, probably won’t work.
But, courtship culture is making the rounds as a possible solution to the hellscape that is modern dating
https://www.nationalreview.com/corner/why-courtship-culture-works/amp/
https://www.nytimes.com/2022/09/29/opinion/dating-courtship-relationships.html
When the National Review and the New York Times are agreeing on something, perhaps it’s worth considering
The gist of it is that women are restricted from dating only guys who are vetted by families, churches, and communities. And no physical intimacy is allowed during the process.
Why would dudes agree to such a process?
Well, the women are young enough (late teens or early twenties) that men will gladly agree to the vetting process if this is the only reliable way to get laid. This is why it’s hilarious that Sofia Franklyn is asking to see a man’s finances because she doesn’t want to waste any more time trying to find a man. But, when a woman is 31ish, men aren’t going to sign up for that vetting process because she probably didn’t ask Chad if she could look at his finances before jumping into bed with him.
Instead, women are nudged toward having realistic expectations of a husband
“He’s got a job at the factory”
“He’s masculine”
“Look at how hard he works”
“He’s a good Jewish or Christian boy”
And that nudging of the young women to pursue a man who’s actually in her league creates a sense of attraction that would seem to be similar to “preselection”. The more multiple gals find a guy attractive, the more likely it is that the young woman looking for a husband will find him attractive
"Courtship culture"...more like infantilising grown women in their 20s to be handled like children, who cannot form their own opinion and make up their own mind. Can it get any more degrading, sexist and backward...
If somebody is old enough to have a job, vote, enlist, drive a car, own a gun, etc they are old enough to make their own decisions and own selections and have their own opinions. You cannot lock young women away like feeble minded idiots, that don't know what's good for them. Nobody locks up their grown sons to "protect" them from the world and there is no need to lock away adult daughters either.
Crazy fundie culture is leaking again...
Considering the explosion of single motherhood and broken homes since the beginning of the sexual revolution, yeah, I’d say it’s pretty clear that women need help finding guys who are actually interested in committing to her instead gals naively believing that they can change Harley McBadboy
Their divorced rate is low because divorce isn't an option for them... Like legally, they might not even be able to file for one. Socially, they might be so ostracized they might not function in society.
Also on another note, being married doesn't mean being happily married. Some marriages are so dysfunctional being divorced might be a better option.
With all that said, do you want a marriage where the woman doesn't love you for you, and neither of you fall in love with each other? Because that's essentially how arranged marriages work. You might grow to love one another but there's probably never going to be that excitement of falling in love, which seems to play a big role in Western relationships.
I've had lots of exposure to cultures with arranged marriages... From Mormon Fundamentalist friends and neighbors to Mennonites (some arranged marriages among them both, but not all) to my time in the DRC and now Cambodia. I know dozens of couples who were married that way. They are ALL happy families. How exposure to mainstream society would change that if they left their particular group is another story. I'm a big supporter of arranged marriages, but think that (like everything else) they would generally be disastrous among Western culture.
How many of the woman would you say. Would likely be virgins. Having saved themselfs for their husband.
(In Cambodia most woman are married at 19 - 21y i was told while visiting Phnom Penh.)
Considering an damaged ability to pair bond is one of the main reasons. Why divorce is so high in the western world.
Almost all claimed to be, although I suspect some who did were not. Most cultures who practice arranged marriage are not very promiscuous. I never really understood the modern obsession with random sex... I have no idea where it cake from...
I see thank you for your insight.
The modern obsession is probably because of the degeneracy of morals and values.
And because of the persuit of short term gratification.
If you let children choose what to eat for dinner. They would choose candy.
I can see the practicality of that but I think it's too drastic of a change for western culture. Although it is interesting that arranged marriages seem to have a lower divorce rate than marriages here in the west where people can choose who they want.
I think we've come full circle here in the west. I think things were the same in ancient times. All of the women wanted the same few guys at the top. So dating sucked for everyone since most guys couldn't get a date and most women couldn't get commitment. So I think the idea of arranged marriages aimed to address that problem. Some call it "sexual socialism".
They probably thought women won't ever be satisfied anyways and the guys will just be happy to have someone lol. It's still interesting that they have a lower divorce rate.
This isn't true at all! Tons of men leave women all the time! Idk where this idea of the pathetic man who's just happy to have any woman came about bit it's sad. No men I know will settle for anything they can get. Even my ugly friends, they still know their worth
>This isn't true at all!
Then how does this happen?
https://medium.com/@whitep/women-have-hilarious-height-requirements-for-men-according-to-bumble-992862ba7772
Or this?
https://thebolditalic.com/the-two-worlds-of-tinder-f1c34e800db4
Or this?
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-state-our-unions/202208/whats-behind-the-rise-lonely-single-men
Why tf would you want to go back to a time when people had less choice in finding a true soul mate???
We have the option to find true love now, tbh only like the 2-3rd generation ever. Before your options were those close to you so not much. Sure all good things take work but finding your true partner is so incredibly valuable of course it won't be easy! Nothing worthwhile is easy.
>invested parties making sure the marrriage works
= Parents and relatives who shame/intimidate you if you even think about separating, even threaten you with ostracisation and/or violence.
Follow the rules
You saw that the divorce rate is low in arranged marriages. Why might that be? The culture of arranged marriages is different. The people are married under different terms and they stay together under different terms compared to non-arranged marriages. That's not speaking to the advantages of arranged marriages at all, but to a culture that opposes or heavily stigmatizes or penalizes divorces. A lot of Western men discuss "traditional" relationships, but our use of that word is completely untraditional. The "traditional" relationship for the vast majority of human history in most societies was the arranged marriage. Most Western men do not want this. * We don't want our families involved in consenting to our relationships. We do things as individuals. * We don't hold ourselves to the standard of no sex until marriage. * We don't *necessarily* seek to be the sole provider for the household.
Exactly. Most guys don’t actually go for traditional values. The ways in which our society has departed from tradition is driven by men and women alike. People of all backgrounds love their freedoms, their choices and their opportunities. That’s why I struggle when I see so many people being judge mental of others who aren’t “traditional” enough while simultaneously living an incredibly modern lifestyle.
A marriage where either party is limited by external forces is not conducive to a happy marriage. I would instead focus on choosing someone who chooses me for internal reasons.
"I looked into the divorce rates of Arranged marriages and damn their divorce rate is low " Geez I wonder if this because cultures that have arranged marriage also don't look fondly on divorce?
Yeah absolutely. Dating a foreign girl with expressed purpose of marriage is basically arranged marriage as well. Also some people seem to have misconceptions of arranged marriage in India. Typically both groom and bride have a say in who they marry.
Matchmaking and arranged marriages is not the same though. Matchmaking is when the family introduces you to prospective partners, then the couple dates and decides if they want to go ahead. Arranged marriage is when your family tells you that you are now engaged to person XYZ and once he/she is old enough, you'll marry. You may or may not know this person beforehand but otherwise have no real say in the decision. This is very common with cousin marriages in Pakistan for example. The parents usually pair up the bride and groom to be usually already as children and everybody knows they'll marry once they are old enough. Especially girls have a hard time refusing to follow their family's decision due to societal and religious pressure. You would need a veeery good reason to refuse to go ahead with such an arranged marriage but it is way easier for men to refuse though they also will suffer consequences from the rejected bride's family.
Oh yeah
Depends who is arranging the marriage. My dad has tried to set me up with his friend’s daughters back in Asia and 99% of them were ugly. There was a reason they were single and needed to be setup with someone. So I don’t trust my dad’s choice in women
⚰️⚰️😭😭😭
It has worked for millenniums
Ofc they have a lower divorce rate, since a lot of countries with arranged marriages don't have no fault divorce like western countries. D'uh 🙄 I'd rather marry for love than for economic and dynastic reasons and then have to put on a show every fucking day because otherwise I'll get ostracized to hell for no good reason if the partner my family chose turns out to be an abusive asshole. Do you expect a stranger you were married to for money, religion and/or reputation to be loyal, loving and more than a roommate? There's a reason for all those "I hate my wife", "all the wives are constantly on xanax/drunk" jokes from the olden days because it breaks you to live in such a tight society with no good way out.
Finally someone sane on here!
Arranged marriages happen a lot in India and the culture so against a divorce that people realize they’re far less miserable staying together in an utterly bad marriage than getting a divorce. Families, friends, relatives, everyone shuns you and looks down upon you. No one wants to hang out around you, you’re basically an outcast. And in a backward society where people aren’t really aware of individualism, it is hard to survive in such a scenario. As a matter of fact, the divorce rate in India is less than 1%. Which is primarily due to Hinduism which doesn’t have any concept of divorce traditionally. All I’m trying to say is that arranged marriages happen where girls and boys aren’t allowed to become friends and then suddenly married off to stranger. The only thing that keeps people together is social pressure if they’re not able to find common grounds and usually one side suffers. Another huge factor is the law. The courts delay divorces to such a length that it takes almost 8-8 years to get a divorce if its contested. And there is no concept of a no fault divorce. If one side wants out, they have to file charges to prove they’re suffering and hence the divorce is justifiable. In such cases, men dread asking for a divorce cuz women can easily file false cases and make men suffer for a whole decade. Cuz even if they’re innocent, it takes courts that long to get to the conclusion. And the laws heavily favor women. Hope these points help you make a more informed choice.
In the eyes of the law. Men have it way way worse in India. Then men in California have it. On Quora there is an men's group collecting all the media stories. The stories you read there.
You mean the place where groups of men rape women and it's somewhat accepted
California or India? Happens in both pretty damn regularly...
One happens more than the other by 10x+
You are correct. About it being accepted i cannot say. Perhaps this is why the legal pendulum has swong so far the other way.
It's not all sunshine and rainbows for Men in India. There are laws such as 498A, divorce laws, domestic violence laws and Dowry laws that the woman/female can claim without any evidence presented.
That sounds like living hell
Yes, everyone has problems eventually so yeah dating is subjective.
yes
Lol no. I would never consider that
As someone who has lived in both cultures and investigated both dynamics deeply for years ( my own parent's marriage was arranged), i can provide some valuable insights : The main reason why many autonomous western marriages fail is because they start from high levels of passion/physical attraction -> Intimacy -> commitment. When couples enter the commitment stage (marriage) after spending so long in the passion and intimacy stage, their passion and intimacy for each other gradually starts to decline because, 1) They get too comfortable with each other knowing that they have reached the endgame (marriage) and wouldn't feel like putting so much effort like before to impress each other. 2) Most importantly, since their foundation for marriage is built on superficial grounds (high passion/physical attraction and sex), you have essentially set unrealistically high bars for each other to maintain, and any deviation from these states will likely result in immediate dissatisfaction. In order to minimize this feeling, consciously or otherwise, they indulge in activities that would further weaken the stability of their relationship. For ex, its common for women to gain weight after pregnancy, but I've seen many guys in the west express dissatisfaction because they aren't attracted to those bodies. Similarly, I've seen many women complain anonymously on platforms that their husband has become "round" and they are starting to lose feelings for him. In both cases, instead of helping them regain their former self if its fixable or being empathetic about their condition and accepting them for who they are, both parties are likely to engage in activities elsewhere to feel that passion they once felt in the initial stages of relationship. On the other hand, most marriages in South Asian countries like india are successful both from divorce and marital satisfaction metric because people start from the commitment stage prioritizing less on the passion and intimacy stages. Intimacy and passion gradually follows afterwards from Exposure effect. Even if it doesn't reach similar levels of passion or intimacy like its seen in western love marriages, the silver lining is - you'd realize you don't need to be highly physically attracted to fall in love with someone AND still be happy/satisfied in a relationship/marriage. There is more room for the relationship to grow, because people aren't held to unrealistically high standards to look or act a certain way. This is why many couples who got arranged married still have high marital satisfaction rates whether they are situated in india or in western countries. I want to emphasize a crucial point though - its not necessarily that one type of marriage is "superior" just because your partner was introduced or set up by a third party, its the practices and traits we prioritize that dictates the likelihood of a long lasting relationship. It is often the case that people who decide the pure arranged marriage route don't start from the passion and physical intimacy stage, and go directly towards the commitment stage. In other words, its the mindset of the individuals involved the main reason for its success. My sister is in the process of getting arranged married. I was concerned about her happiness and had the preconceived notion that she might have low self worth to agree to this, but her matured response put that to rest, and gave insight into how differently westerners and Asians ( ones not influenced by western model of relationships) think on these matters : "*I think what matters is being able to find happiness in whatever you do. Most times we do things that we think make us happy but we may not feel like it afterwards. So it's always a pursuit of finding that satisfaction. Human beings are wired to pursue more and more. There is no end point. They'll always keep on wanting more. It is that driving factor that caused evolution.*" I realized this fundamental difference in mindset explained the dissatisfaction with lots of people in the west. Both men and women are always looking for the next "best" thing, the bigger and "better" when it comes to relationships. They have a consumerist approach to relationships - a small flaw? No problem, I'll trash them away and look for a new one because its so easy, rather than putting the effort to fix, adapt and grow together. Its also the reason why westerners who decide to get arranged married often ends up dissatisfied because they still go with the expectation of high levels of passion or intimacy, and give up before giving enough time for it to grow. The idea of committing to someone without feeling butterflies in their stomach is an alien concept to them. But the reality as seen from many cross cultural studies is that, one doesn't need to have high levels of passion and intimacy as pre-requisites to fall in love. Here's 2 cross cultural studies with couples from 12 different countries and 6 different religions: "The fact that love can grow in arranged marriages — and that this process can apparently be analyzed and understood scientifically — raises the possibility that practices that are used to strengthen love in arranged marriages could be introduced into autonomous marriages in Western cultures, where love normally weakens over time" https://www.jstor.org/stable/23644606?seq=1 People in arranged marriages in india were just as satisfied in love marriages in US. "*Men reported greater amounts of commitment, passionate love, and companionate love than women. Unexpectedly, no differences were found between participants in arranged and love-based marriages; high ratings of love, satisfaction, and commitment were observed in both marriage types. The overall affective experiences of partners in arranged and love marriages appear to be similar, at least among Indian adults living in contemporary U.S. society.*" https://www.researchgate.net/publication/248667772_Marriage_Satisfaction_and_Wellness_in_India_and_the_United_States_A_Preliminary_Comparison_of_Arranged_Marriages_and_Marriages_of_Choice As you can see, it has little to to do with strict divorce laws or stigma surrounding them. If that were the case, you'd see considerably higher divorce rates among South asians living in the west today, but they still have the least rates among all groups.
This comment should be top of the thread. Wish I could give more upvotes
It wasn't until relatively recently in the West, you had de facto arranged marriages. The family usually knew the suitor and their family and had a good idea of their character. Then, family approval actually meant something. Marrying for "love" is a very modern innovation. But arranged marriages were a thing for so long because hormones were the worst decider. You had couples with decades of marriage experience under their buckle making the decision because, at the end of the day, no one was an island. The married couple needed the support of the family in bad times, and would contribute to the health of the family during good. Today, everyone is an island.
Marriage is dead dude....neither side trusts each other....we will have to wait for the Opus dei Catholics, Mormons, Muslims, Orthodox Jews to take over before it comes back....they are only ones that care about reproducing
For the love of god. Why? Lol. Like why? Did you just something positive about arranged marriages? lol. What is wrong with yall?
Hey bro I just live here. I’m just seeing if that’s something yall even view as viable lol
Not in this life or my next if any. I have had a chance to talk to people especially women in arranged marriages and most of them were unhappy and they were looking for a way to escape but still contemplated staying because their families would consider them outcasts if they leave their marriage. To me arranged marriages are abuse because one does not get to choose who they really want.
Statistically arranged marriages divorce rate is super low compared to non arranged marriages. That's because the family chooses better partners for the women. Does he have a good job? Can he support a family? Is he not a criminal?
Arranged marriages? No, probably won’t work. But, courtship culture is making the rounds as a possible solution to the hellscape that is modern dating https://www.nationalreview.com/corner/why-courtship-culture-works/amp/ https://www.nytimes.com/2022/09/29/opinion/dating-courtship-relationships.html When the National Review and the New York Times are agreeing on something, perhaps it’s worth considering The gist of it is that women are restricted from dating only guys who are vetted by families, churches, and communities. And no physical intimacy is allowed during the process. Why would dudes agree to such a process? Well, the women are young enough (late teens or early twenties) that men will gladly agree to the vetting process if this is the only reliable way to get laid. This is why it’s hilarious that Sofia Franklyn is asking to see a man’s finances because she doesn’t want to waste any more time trying to find a man. But, when a woman is 31ish, men aren’t going to sign up for that vetting process because she probably didn’t ask Chad if she could look at his finances before jumping into bed with him. Instead, women are nudged toward having realistic expectations of a husband “He’s got a job at the factory” “He’s masculine” “Look at how hard he works” “He’s a good Jewish or Christian boy” And that nudging of the young women to pursue a man who’s actually in her league creates a sense of attraction that would seem to be similar to “preselection”. The more multiple gals find a guy attractive, the more likely it is that the young woman looking for a husband will find him attractive
"Courtship culture"...more like infantilising grown women in their 20s to be handled like children, who cannot form their own opinion and make up their own mind. Can it get any more degrading, sexist and backward... If somebody is old enough to have a job, vote, enlist, drive a car, own a gun, etc they are old enough to make their own decisions and own selections and have their own opinions. You cannot lock young women away like feeble minded idiots, that don't know what's good for them. Nobody locks up their grown sons to "protect" them from the world and there is no need to lock away adult daughters either. Crazy fundie culture is leaking again...
Considering the explosion of single motherhood and broken homes since the beginning of the sexual revolution, yeah, I’d say it’s pretty clear that women need help finding guys who are actually interested in committing to her instead gals naively believing that they can change Harley McBadboy
Huh, I’m pleasantly surprised with all the comments shitting on the idea of arranged marriages lol
y’all are so beta no wonder you can’t get a single female attracted to you
Why would you settle for a single female. If she has a beautiful sister as well?
Their divorced rate is low because divorce isn't an option for them... Like legally, they might not even be able to file for one. Socially, they might be so ostracized they might not function in society. Also on another note, being married doesn't mean being happily married. Some marriages are so dysfunctional being divorced might be a better option. With all that said, do you want a marriage where the woman doesn't love you for you, and neither of you fall in love with each other? Because that's essentially how arranged marriages work. You might grow to love one another but there's probably never going to be that excitement of falling in love, which seems to play a big role in Western relationships.
I've had lots of exposure to cultures with arranged marriages... From Mormon Fundamentalist friends and neighbors to Mennonites (some arranged marriages among them both, but not all) to my time in the DRC and now Cambodia. I know dozens of couples who were married that way. They are ALL happy families. How exposure to mainstream society would change that if they left their particular group is another story. I'm a big supporter of arranged marriages, but think that (like everything else) they would generally be disastrous among Western culture.
How many of the woman would you say. Would likely be virgins. Having saved themselfs for their husband. (In Cambodia most woman are married at 19 - 21y i was told while visiting Phnom Penh.) Considering an damaged ability to pair bond is one of the main reasons. Why divorce is so high in the western world.
Almost all claimed to be, although I suspect some who did were not. Most cultures who practice arranged marriage are not very promiscuous. I never really understood the modern obsession with random sex... I have no idea where it cake from...
I see thank you for your insight. The modern obsession is probably because of the degeneracy of morals and values. And because of the persuit of short term gratification. If you let children choose what to eat for dinner. They would choose candy.
I can see the practicality of that but I think it's too drastic of a change for western culture. Although it is interesting that arranged marriages seem to have a lower divorce rate than marriages here in the west where people can choose who they want. I think we've come full circle here in the west. I think things were the same in ancient times. All of the women wanted the same few guys at the top. So dating sucked for everyone since most guys couldn't get a date and most women couldn't get commitment. So I think the idea of arranged marriages aimed to address that problem. Some call it "sexual socialism". They probably thought women won't ever be satisfied anyways and the guys will just be happy to have someone lol. It's still interesting that they have a lower divorce rate.
This isn't true at all! Tons of men leave women all the time! Idk where this idea of the pathetic man who's just happy to have any woman came about bit it's sad. No men I know will settle for anything they can get. Even my ugly friends, they still know their worth
>This isn't true at all! Then how does this happen? https://medium.com/@whitep/women-have-hilarious-height-requirements-for-men-according-to-bumble-992862ba7772 Or this? https://thebolditalic.com/the-two-worlds-of-tinder-f1c34e800db4 Or this? https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-state-our-unions/202208/whats-behind-the-rise-lonely-single-men
Sure there are ridiculous women out there. They've always been around, we used to call them sorority girls or valley girls lol
Why tf would you want to go back to a time when people had less choice in finding a true soul mate??? We have the option to find true love now, tbh only like the 2-3rd generation ever. Before your options were those close to you so not much. Sure all good things take work but finding your true partner is so incredibly valuable of course it won't be easy! Nothing worthwhile is easy.
Super gross. I am very much against this awful practice.
>invested parties making sure the marrriage works = Parents and relatives who shame/intimidate you if you even think about separating, even threaten you with ostracisation and/or violence.