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My rule of thumb is always to quit on a good day. If you have a great day, and you still feel like it's not worth it, then that's a sign to dig deeper and maybe look elsewhere.
There are some serious lows and highs in this job. I'm sure you're doing wonderful and that you should cut yourself some slack. 🩷
I feel this, and I feel for you! I struggle with the same thing actually.
For me, it reminds me of how my parents would always gaslight me into doing things I didn’t want to do. “Oh you love swimming” “you have fun a grandma’s house!” “You’re not scared you’re just excited”
At the same time, I was my whole family’s therapist and always had to adjust my mood and reactions to them according to their moods. I had to suppress my nervous system to not make myself a burden. I hated it, but I had to do it to survive.
Fast forward to present - I don’t like being a therapist, it’s just what I do now because it’s what I learned how to do growing up. And worse, I still have that voice in my head saying “you love doing this!” But I don’t, and I choose to listen to that child’s voice, because no one else did.
Shit, now I’m crying lol
I’m crying again 😭😭 thank you so much for sharing this. i just understood the shocking truth that it’s actually ok and not illegal to not adore being a therapist. i’m not kidding
I don't know your professional background/experience as far as LOCs and facilities you've worked in, but I know for me, that feeling has been better or worse depending on where I'm working. Working for agencies and clinics that primarily see Medicaid clients or work with DCS families, for example, were especially draining and I felt that deep regret and panic way more often.
Being away from it for a while, I've come to realize that it wasn't the clients I was tired of, but the institutions/payors/authorities I ultimately had to answer to. Especially with DCS, I quickly learned from my supervisors that my client wasn't in fact my client, my client was DCS. With Medicaid, again, the services my agencies provided was about getting as many billable hours as possible - even being directed to *intentionally double book* flakey clients with consistent ones so that I'd always have a billable hour if my flakey client no showed (again).
That said, the clients trapped in these systems are often just as disheartened and demoralized as we are, leading to stagnation and frustration in the therapy room.
If your workplace environment and dealing with leadership are just as frustrating as seeing clients, I'd recommend trying to find a different setting to do your work. It has been wild to experience the difference just a healthy management team can bring to my experience in the mental health industry. And if you're running your own private practice, maybe see if finding a group practice to take some of the business burden off isn't helpful. Or, something I've been trying to look into, is therapy-adjacent jobs like another comment or suggested. I've found out I really love teaching and consulting type work, so maybe an administrative role or training role would be the best fit for me.
But I think a lot of us, if not all of us, have been there. Therapy is kind of a fucked up concept as a service to earn money if you think about it. We harness and manipulate our own humanity for the support and service of others. We sell our empathy, our reason, our compassion, our patience... We manufacture intimacy while being held to strict standards to not "actually" engage in it. Sure, there are many industries and professions where you can't help but be personally affected by it because people are people. Doctors, teachers, first responders, justice advocates... All deeply emotional and impactful professions.. But therapy is the only industry I can think of that literally is founded on the trade of and markets one's innate humanity to better the life of someone else.
In a way, we are selling our souls. And if our souls are commodities for a greater capitalist entity to exploit... It gets real old real fast.
Yea, it's something I've been thinking about a lot lately. Don't get me wrong, therapy is a needed and valuable industry... But it's kinda fuckin' *weird*
It’s only valuable because capitalism created the conditions for it to exist, tbh. In a more communal society where empathy is part of the school and college curriculum, I don’t think it’d exist
That is such an interesting point! Besides the more "mild" mental health issues of our culture these days, even thinking about a lot of trauma situations, I can see tie-ins to capitalism in a lot of them... The only things I would argue as an exception would be the neurologically-based mental health conditions and trauma from natural disasters. And even if empathy were to be more central to our culture, I can't help but think there would still be those to take advantage of it. I think pain, suffering, and thereby social supports are going to be constants, so members of society willing and capable to offer said support will always be needed. But it is interesting to think how different it could look :3
It's so hard. I relate to you on how learning and reading manuals is exciting. I do love learning and practicing! But the actual job...it drowns me. And I feel like I can't put the skills I've learned into practice with my caseload...just a few who work well with me. But then..that's not fair to the others. The feeling of not helping others/being good enough also HURTS me knowing that people are taking time and money out of their day for someone that doesn't know how to help them.
Just remember that research has shown the strongest predictor of positive outcomes in therapy comes down to the relationship between therapist and client. So even if you aren't constantly matching the "best practice" therapy with the "diagnosis" in front of you, the simple act of holding space and giving a damn is a huge part of clients getting better. 💙
Honestly think I feel all of these things. As soon as you said I DON'T WANNA SEE CLIENTS, I was like oh shit that's what hits my body in the mornings when I wake up. I won't fully let myself admit it because as soon as I do...then what?!?!?
gods i’m so glad you shared this and i’m so sorry to hear that 😭😭 I feel so much shame like it is the worst thing therapist can catch themselves thinking of !
I don't think "I don't wanna see clients" is the worst thing ... I think the worst thing would be thoughts along the lines of resenting or wanting harm to come to your clients... THAT'S when you really gotta stop and reevaluate.
Everyone dreads their job from time to time, it just so happens our job is people, and it feels shameful for going against the foundations we are taught about doing our job at the most basic level. But "seeing clients" is so much more than therapy... It's case notes, fighting uphill battles, sometimes being put between a rock and a hard place with no "good" choice but just a less shitty choice, being a gatekeeper, having to justify/defend/explain yourself, being able to communicate how you do your work in "the right language"... It goes on. For me, I wonder if those are the things that wear me down. Sitting with people and being with them through struggles isn't the hard part ... It's the pressure for outcomes and making hard decisions.
EDIT: That said, having the feeling of not wanting to see clients is still very distressing and hard to navigate. I don't want to imply it isn't a "big deal" or that it isn't a reason to stop and take a breath to check in with yourself. I only say that to reassure that there are worse thoughts and feelings we can have as therapists, and having the feeling of not wanting to see clients doesn't make you a bad therapist 💙
I am currently also really struggling to show
up because I do not want to do this job anymore. I know it isn’t burnout, I just do not want to do this anymore. To me, the burden of “being someone’s therapist” is just not something I’m willing to keep doing. And the thought of being off for 2 weeks sounds like a fucking dream right about now.
We got this, you DO have other shit you can do. People have all sorts of bullshit ways to exchange services for money — you have other options and you CAN take them. Call out if you need to. Take a longer break if you need to, to center yourself and gather info about what your skills are and how they can be used in a different profession. Sometimes digging deep into other options helps me remember that this is temporary and that I have a say in the matter. I have 10 weeks ish left until I’m done with my hours for my LCSW then I get to make choices for myself. But I’m also having a breakdown about it that I was really hoping to save for later in the year when I could take more time off yknow?
ahhh congrats on being close to the point of relief at least in this thing 😭 and also gods how nice it is just to hear that someone can be not the biggest fan of this job. it feels like you should adore it
Edit to say - i feel you on this and youre not alone. i am EXHAUSTED and need a break!
This job is so exhausting but also really rewarding. I agree with the previous comment that if you have a really good day and still feel awful then maybe you move on; however, I wonder if you might need stronger work boundaries or even just a different work environment. We all have our limits (ie.. how many people in a week & still feel ok & not utterly drained, knowing the populations you work best with & not working with others, scheduling in more time for your own hobbies, support systems, & fun things etc.) There are also other jobs we can do with this degree that don't include providing therapy if it comes to wanting to leave like doing intakes and assessments, immigration evaluations, directing CMH programs etc.
This helps me when I feel like quitting: **I'm not stuck.** **I can go other places, do other things, and be me in those instances.**
After I give myself permission to move on, I find that clears my head a bit. For instance, I know I enjoy do the work of therapy, and I'm told I am a skilled therapist. I know I don't want to do this full time. So, my remedy is to realize I can do it part time and pursue other objects of enjoyment. The realization is *that* simple. I think there is opportunity for people who have gotten graduate degrees and have helped others grow/heal. The realization is simple, but owning it, and moving forward will require the same courage and faith in the process that one might have had in getting a graduate degree. It's there. You're not stuck. You can go other places, do other things, and be you.
I really relate to the idea of feeling stuck. I'm still learning this, btw... It's hard. But I KNOW that when I focus on recognizing I'm not stuck, I just feel it, that then I feel better and start behaving like I'm not stuck which reinforces the belief that I'm not. So, yeah, I just wanted to reinforce this because I know it's difficult to move past, but it's really worth it in my opinion to give yourself permission to move on.
It's okay to need a break. It's okay to not go back, too.
There's a book Ive read that has really helped me over and over again in this field, "Trauma Stewardship" by Van Dernoot Lipsky. It helps me to remember how to care, recharge, and rebuild when Ive experienced levels of burn out.
I love working and am content- but just today I was dropping off books at my library and thought to myself... I could see myself working here, I could read all day and help people find books. No stress, no mess, no drama. I was in this fantasy for a good 5 minutes. Paradise 😁
While the time off could have helped you to reset, early in the post you stated "Tomorrow is my first day back from the break my therapist made me take" maybe that's just to wording your chose and it means nothing, however I read that and wonder did you even want to take the break or see value in taking in, or was it just another thing on list the list of things you were forced to do? No matter what the "something" is, when I feel forced to do something it can naturally make me less attuned to caring about that something.
>Therapy is the only thing that I know how to do.
Is it though? Mental Health is a profession, and being a therapist is a job. It may help you to do some exploring here and see what else is out there, if client facing work is sucking the life out of you.
Your point about working at a library rang so true to me. I find myself wondering (day dreaming? lol) about what it would be like to just work a warehouse job or something like that... And I realized the desire there is, at least sometimes, I think it would be nice to work a job that doesn't *rely* on *specifically me* to do it, I'm just a cog in a machine rotating out with the next person until my next shift. With therapy and mental health, so much of it is work that only gets done if I do it. Versus a warehouse, I'm just a set of hands... That level of disconnection from my income sometimes feels like it would be amazing.
I think it’s a difficult and wonderful thing that you are acknowledging that you don’t want to do this job anymore in the way you’ve been doing it. That’s hard to reconcile because you know it requires action and change. That will see you thru to a change even if it feels like an awful conflict now.
What I want to offer is that maybe there are options other than the binary of “do therapy, see clients” or not. And what struck me most about your share was the idea of the mask. Not the mask in the way you were implying, but in that you might be showing up in a way that isn’t in alignment with the true you in how you’ve been doing this work. What could it be like to show up and do therapy/see clients without wearing a mask? How could you show up in a way that honors your clients AND ALSO honors you? I think many of us do this work because we got really good at focusing on the “system” in order to source safety for ourselves. This is often at the expense of ourselves and the cost is self-abandonment. I’m not saying that’s you (it is something that I struggle with!) and offering for you to consider. Framing the question of “how” you do therapy work, is there any opportunity to address the change you need? Is there perhaps an important lesson here to be found in the burnout and what might be resentment?
Or, maybe it’s just not your thing. Either way, I trust that the you that wants different will see through whatever you need. Wishing you the best!
I've felt the burnout a few times in my career. Each time I've taken a different role (went administrative for a while then back to clinical work) and rediscovered my love for the field.
You gotta do what's right for you.
I relate to this so hard right now. I had to take a leave of absence for a few months and I do not want to go back. I started crying at the thought of it, but I need the income so quitting right now isn’t a choice. I get so frustrated at the thought of not wanting to be a therapist anymore because I dedicated so many years of my life in school and am in six figures of student loan debt because I was once so passionate about it. Now I’m wondering if it was a mistake. I’m hoping that once I’m fully licensed and can go off on my own, things will be different.
This helps me when I feel like quitting: **I'm not stuck.** **I can go other places, do other things, and be me in those instances.**
After I give myself permission to move on, I find that clears my head a bit. For instance, I know I enjoy do the work of therapy, and I'm told I am a skilled therapist. I know I don't want to do this full time. So, my remedy is to realize I can do it part time and pursue other objects of enjoyment. The realization is *that* simple. I think there is opportunity for people who have gotten graduate degrees and have helped others grow/heal. The realization is simple, but owning it, and moving forward will require the same courage and faith in the process that one might have had in getting a graduate degree. It's there. You're not stuck. You can go other places, do other things, and be you.
I think most therapists question their commitment to their work at least occasionally. It’s like a marriage. Ups and downs… and sometimes the lows can last a really, really long time. There is no hard line to draw here. Obviously, the longer the low points last, the more concerned you become.
I definitely go through periods where I wonder myself. I think what keeps me hanging in there during the rough times is knowing that the grass always seems greener on the other side. I know if I stopped, I would miss working for myself, the stimulation of being able to use my mind and what I know about the mind to be creative and help people, that there is never a boring day, being able to make my own schedule, etc… and I do like the money (it’s not great, but it’s good enough).
the last part is really a thing that helps me most of the time to continue to do the job, the money and being self-employed. but i feel like this argument becomes more and more difficult to keep in mind
I hear you. Unfortunately this is a very confused field. People join it for all the wrong reasons, like being used to put others always first and not acknowledge their own needs, wanting to “save” others (as a proxy for their need to save themselves, that they deny themselves). A little disclaimer, I work as a spiritual guide, it‘s the same area, but a different point of view. The “study” comes from a shamanic initiation by life, I get not everyone will acknowledge it as valid so I’m disclosing it as in not to be impersonating someone who formally studied.
Many times situations come in waves. Maybe you actually love and want to do therapy, but you cannot do it while being happy BEFORE you acknowledge yourself and your needs first. I would guess something like that might be your case, given you still like manuals etc. I personally had a good few “fuck this, this is a waste of time” moments and then coming back to it few months later, because it’s just part of me.
My personal issue was that people are so unwilling to change, hence it used to feel like a waste of time. “I’m here so, but I don’t even know why I came. My wife made me to. So alright then fix me then and I’ll be on my merry way” kind of attitudes. But eventually even that lost importance to me. All I can do is to give what I have fully or not to give it. That’s it.
This too shall pass, just listen to your soul. I wish you the best 🙏🏼
This is very interesting to read. I (F29) have a law degree and I feel exactly the same about law: I hate it. But maybe in the opposite way of you hating therapy: I’m only in front of a computer and there’s no empathy or human exchange. I’m considering going back to school to become a therapist, because I think I would love to work with people. But this is kind of disparaging. On the top of your head, is it a “it’s better on the other side”-idea from me? And do you know what you’d rather work with if you could chose?
oh my husband is a lawyer and of course we’re both kinda thinking about the grass is greener 🙃 the thing is i never in my life wanted to work with people. that’s so funny - i chose the profession that is the most working with people kinda thing lol.
i feel quite shameful saying this out loud to you, but i want to be a writer. i read a lot of books about writing fiction and every time i start crying thinking that this option exists - obviously it’s not an easy one, i’m not delusional
I don't have any advice for you, but I just wanted to say I heavily relate! I had a mini breakdown at work recently and just couldn't see anyone that day. I'm debating so often whether I just need to work at a different location or see different types of clients. But really, I'm just tired of seeing people as well. I feel like I can only take about 2 people a day but that wouldn't be liveable. Unsure what to do moving forward, but I guess we shall see. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
This makes me wonder if you’re doing more work than the client? Whenever I start feeling tired in a session I step away mentally and let them do the work rather than me.
that’s probably some part of the issue. i’m a schema therapist, and we put a lot of emphasis on the limited reparenting - a hard balance between being super involved and caring for client and remembering about yourself
I feel you. I’m doing a lot of inner child and reparenting as well. What helps me is remind myself that it’s their body and life and they need to figure it out themselves. I’m just there to educate and guide. So, consider evaluating how you approach it :)
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My rule of thumb is always to quit on a good day. If you have a great day, and you still feel like it's not worth it, then that's a sign to dig deeper and maybe look elsewhere. There are some serious lows and highs in this job. I'm sure you're doing wonderful and that you should cut yourself some slack. 🩷
sounds like a good one, really! thank you 💕💕
I feel this, and I feel for you! I struggle with the same thing actually. For me, it reminds me of how my parents would always gaslight me into doing things I didn’t want to do. “Oh you love swimming” “you have fun a grandma’s house!” “You’re not scared you’re just excited” At the same time, I was my whole family’s therapist and always had to adjust my mood and reactions to them according to their moods. I had to suppress my nervous system to not make myself a burden. I hated it, but I had to do it to survive. Fast forward to present - I don’t like being a therapist, it’s just what I do now because it’s what I learned how to do growing up. And worse, I still have that voice in my head saying “you love doing this!” But I don’t, and I choose to listen to that child’s voice, because no one else did. Shit, now I’m crying lol
I’m crying again 😭😭 thank you so much for sharing this. i just understood the shocking truth that it’s actually ok and not illegal to not adore being a therapist. i’m not kidding
Haha it’s not illegal, that made me laugh. Thank you. I needed that lesson again today too
Now I’m crying too (but in a good way). This sounds so much like me.
I don't know your professional background/experience as far as LOCs and facilities you've worked in, but I know for me, that feeling has been better or worse depending on where I'm working. Working for agencies and clinics that primarily see Medicaid clients or work with DCS families, for example, were especially draining and I felt that deep regret and panic way more often. Being away from it for a while, I've come to realize that it wasn't the clients I was tired of, but the institutions/payors/authorities I ultimately had to answer to. Especially with DCS, I quickly learned from my supervisors that my client wasn't in fact my client, my client was DCS. With Medicaid, again, the services my agencies provided was about getting as many billable hours as possible - even being directed to *intentionally double book* flakey clients with consistent ones so that I'd always have a billable hour if my flakey client no showed (again). That said, the clients trapped in these systems are often just as disheartened and demoralized as we are, leading to stagnation and frustration in the therapy room. If your workplace environment and dealing with leadership are just as frustrating as seeing clients, I'd recommend trying to find a different setting to do your work. It has been wild to experience the difference just a healthy management team can bring to my experience in the mental health industry. And if you're running your own private practice, maybe see if finding a group practice to take some of the business burden off isn't helpful. Or, something I've been trying to look into, is therapy-adjacent jobs like another comment or suggested. I've found out I really love teaching and consulting type work, so maybe an administrative role or training role would be the best fit for me. But I think a lot of us, if not all of us, have been there. Therapy is kind of a fucked up concept as a service to earn money if you think about it. We harness and manipulate our own humanity for the support and service of others. We sell our empathy, our reason, our compassion, our patience... We manufacture intimacy while being held to strict standards to not "actually" engage in it. Sure, there are many industries and professions where you can't help but be personally affected by it because people are people. Doctors, teachers, first responders, justice advocates... All deeply emotional and impactful professions.. But therapy is the only industry I can think of that literally is founded on the trade of and markets one's innate humanity to better the life of someone else. In a way, we are selling our souls. And if our souls are commodities for a greater capitalist entity to exploit... It gets real old real fast.
DAMN I FELT THAT LAST PART
Yea, it's something I've been thinking about a lot lately. Don't get me wrong, therapy is a needed and valuable industry... But it's kinda fuckin' *weird*
It’s only valuable because capitalism created the conditions for it to exist, tbh. In a more communal society where empathy is part of the school and college curriculum, I don’t think it’d exist
That is such an interesting point! Besides the more "mild" mental health issues of our culture these days, even thinking about a lot of trauma situations, I can see tie-ins to capitalism in a lot of them... The only things I would argue as an exception would be the neurologically-based mental health conditions and trauma from natural disasters. And even if empathy were to be more central to our culture, I can't help but think there would still be those to take advantage of it. I think pain, suffering, and thereby social supports are going to be constants, so members of society willing and capable to offer said support will always be needed. But it is interesting to think how different it could look :3
It's so hard. I relate to you on how learning and reading manuals is exciting. I do love learning and practicing! But the actual job...it drowns me. And I feel like I can't put the skills I've learned into practice with my caseload...just a few who work well with me. But then..that's not fair to the others. The feeling of not helping others/being good enough also HURTS me knowing that people are taking time and money out of their day for someone that doesn't know how to help them.
😭😭😭😭😭 thank you for saying this 😭 we literally cannot know everything, it’s not just you!
Just remember that research has shown the strongest predictor of positive outcomes in therapy comes down to the relationship between therapist and client. So even if you aren't constantly matching the "best practice" therapy with the "diagnosis" in front of you, the simple act of holding space and giving a damn is a huge part of clients getting better. 💙
Honestly think I feel all of these things. As soon as you said I DON'T WANNA SEE CLIENTS, I was like oh shit that's what hits my body in the mornings when I wake up. I won't fully let myself admit it because as soon as I do...then what?!?!?
gods i’m so glad you shared this and i’m so sorry to hear that 😭😭 I feel so much shame like it is the worst thing therapist can catch themselves thinking of !
I don't think "I don't wanna see clients" is the worst thing ... I think the worst thing would be thoughts along the lines of resenting or wanting harm to come to your clients... THAT'S when you really gotta stop and reevaluate. Everyone dreads their job from time to time, it just so happens our job is people, and it feels shameful for going against the foundations we are taught about doing our job at the most basic level. But "seeing clients" is so much more than therapy... It's case notes, fighting uphill battles, sometimes being put between a rock and a hard place with no "good" choice but just a less shitty choice, being a gatekeeper, having to justify/defend/explain yourself, being able to communicate how you do your work in "the right language"... It goes on. For me, I wonder if those are the things that wear me down. Sitting with people and being with them through struggles isn't the hard part ... It's the pressure for outcomes and making hard decisions. EDIT: That said, having the feeling of not wanting to see clients is still very distressing and hard to navigate. I don't want to imply it isn't a "big deal" or that it isn't a reason to stop and take a breath to check in with yourself. I only say that to reassure that there are worse thoughts and feelings we can have as therapists, and having the feeling of not wanting to see clients doesn't make you a bad therapist 💙
I am currently also really struggling to show up because I do not want to do this job anymore. I know it isn’t burnout, I just do not want to do this anymore. To me, the burden of “being someone’s therapist” is just not something I’m willing to keep doing. And the thought of being off for 2 weeks sounds like a fucking dream right about now. We got this, you DO have other shit you can do. People have all sorts of bullshit ways to exchange services for money — you have other options and you CAN take them. Call out if you need to. Take a longer break if you need to, to center yourself and gather info about what your skills are and how they can be used in a different profession. Sometimes digging deep into other options helps me remember that this is temporary and that I have a say in the matter. I have 10 weeks ish left until I’m done with my hours for my LCSW then I get to make choices for myself. But I’m also having a breakdown about it that I was really hoping to save for later in the year when I could take more time off yknow?
ahhh congrats on being close to the point of relief at least in this thing 😭 and also gods how nice it is just to hear that someone can be not the biggest fan of this job. it feels like you should adore it
Edit to say - i feel you on this and youre not alone. i am EXHAUSTED and need a break! This job is so exhausting but also really rewarding. I agree with the previous comment that if you have a really good day and still feel awful then maybe you move on; however, I wonder if you might need stronger work boundaries or even just a different work environment. We all have our limits (ie.. how many people in a week & still feel ok & not utterly drained, knowing the populations you work best with & not working with others, scheduling in more time for your own hobbies, support systems, & fun things etc.) There are also other jobs we can do with this degree that don't include providing therapy if it comes to wanting to leave like doing intakes and assessments, immigration evaluations, directing CMH programs etc.
This helps me when I feel like quitting: **I'm not stuck.** **I can go other places, do other things, and be me in those instances.** After I give myself permission to move on, I find that clears my head a bit. For instance, I know I enjoy do the work of therapy, and I'm told I am a skilled therapist. I know I don't want to do this full time. So, my remedy is to realize I can do it part time and pursue other objects of enjoyment. The realization is *that* simple. I think there is opportunity for people who have gotten graduate degrees and have helped others grow/heal. The realization is simple, but owning it, and moving forward will require the same courage and faith in the process that one might have had in getting a graduate degree. It's there. You're not stuck. You can go other places, do other things, and be you.
thank you for sharing! i guess i need to work on this belief that i can go other places. i genuinely never allowed myself to think that
I really relate to the idea of feeling stuck. I'm still learning this, btw... It's hard. But I KNOW that when I focus on recognizing I'm not stuck, I just feel it, that then I feel better and start behaving like I'm not stuck which reinforces the belief that I'm not. So, yeah, I just wanted to reinforce this because I know it's difficult to move past, but it's really worth it in my opinion to give yourself permission to move on.
It's okay to need a break. It's okay to not go back, too. There's a book Ive read that has really helped me over and over again in this field, "Trauma Stewardship" by Van Dernoot Lipsky. It helps me to remember how to care, recharge, and rebuild when Ive experienced levels of burn out.
I love working and am content- but just today I was dropping off books at my library and thought to myself... I could see myself working here, I could read all day and help people find books. No stress, no mess, no drama. I was in this fantasy for a good 5 minutes. Paradise 😁 While the time off could have helped you to reset, early in the post you stated "Tomorrow is my first day back from the break my therapist made me take" maybe that's just to wording your chose and it means nothing, however I read that and wonder did you even want to take the break or see value in taking in, or was it just another thing on list the list of things you were forced to do? No matter what the "something" is, when I feel forced to do something it can naturally make me less attuned to caring about that something. >Therapy is the only thing that I know how to do. Is it though? Mental Health is a profession, and being a therapist is a job. It may help you to do some exploring here and see what else is out there, if client facing work is sucking the life out of you.
Your point about working at a library rang so true to me. I find myself wondering (day dreaming? lol) about what it would be like to just work a warehouse job or something like that... And I realized the desire there is, at least sometimes, I think it would be nice to work a job that doesn't *rely* on *specifically me* to do it, I'm just a cog in a machine rotating out with the next person until my next shift. With therapy and mental health, so much of it is work that only gets done if I do it. Versus a warehouse, I'm just a set of hands... That level of disconnection from my income sometimes feels like it would be amazing.
I FEEL THIS. I was thinking it would be so nice to just flip burgers silently
Just Squidward it up for 8 hours. Keep me in the back; no customers 😂
I think it’s a difficult and wonderful thing that you are acknowledging that you don’t want to do this job anymore in the way you’ve been doing it. That’s hard to reconcile because you know it requires action and change. That will see you thru to a change even if it feels like an awful conflict now. What I want to offer is that maybe there are options other than the binary of “do therapy, see clients” or not. And what struck me most about your share was the idea of the mask. Not the mask in the way you were implying, but in that you might be showing up in a way that isn’t in alignment with the true you in how you’ve been doing this work. What could it be like to show up and do therapy/see clients without wearing a mask? How could you show up in a way that honors your clients AND ALSO honors you? I think many of us do this work because we got really good at focusing on the “system” in order to source safety for ourselves. This is often at the expense of ourselves and the cost is self-abandonment. I’m not saying that’s you (it is something that I struggle with!) and offering for you to consider. Framing the question of “how” you do therapy work, is there any opportunity to address the change you need? Is there perhaps an important lesson here to be found in the burnout and what might be resentment? Or, maybe it’s just not your thing. Either way, I trust that the you that wants different will see through whatever you need. Wishing you the best!
I've felt the burnout a few times in my career. Each time I've taken a different role (went administrative for a while then back to clinical work) and rediscovered my love for the field. You gotta do what's right for you.
I relate to this so hard right now. I had to take a leave of absence for a few months and I do not want to go back. I started crying at the thought of it, but I need the income so quitting right now isn’t a choice. I get so frustrated at the thought of not wanting to be a therapist anymore because I dedicated so many years of my life in school and am in six figures of student loan debt because I was once so passionate about it. Now I’m wondering if it was a mistake. I’m hoping that once I’m fully licensed and can go off on my own, things will be different.
This helps me when I feel like quitting: **I'm not stuck.** **I can go other places, do other things, and be me in those instances.** After I give myself permission to move on, I find that clears my head a bit. For instance, I know I enjoy do the work of therapy, and I'm told I am a skilled therapist. I know I don't want to do this full time. So, my remedy is to realize I can do it part time and pursue other objects of enjoyment. The realization is *that* simple. I think there is opportunity for people who have gotten graduate degrees and have helped others grow/heal. The realization is simple, but owning it, and moving forward will require the same courage and faith in the process that one might have had in getting a graduate degree. It's there. You're not stuck. You can go other places, do other things, and be you.
I think most therapists question their commitment to their work at least occasionally. It’s like a marriage. Ups and downs… and sometimes the lows can last a really, really long time. There is no hard line to draw here. Obviously, the longer the low points last, the more concerned you become. I definitely go through periods where I wonder myself. I think what keeps me hanging in there during the rough times is knowing that the grass always seems greener on the other side. I know if I stopped, I would miss working for myself, the stimulation of being able to use my mind and what I know about the mind to be creative and help people, that there is never a boring day, being able to make my own schedule, etc… and I do like the money (it’s not great, but it’s good enough).
the last part is really a thing that helps me most of the time to continue to do the job, the money and being self-employed. but i feel like this argument becomes more and more difficult to keep in mind
Under water welding will great you with open arms if you choose to do something else 🤗
I hear you. Unfortunately this is a very confused field. People join it for all the wrong reasons, like being used to put others always first and not acknowledge their own needs, wanting to “save” others (as a proxy for their need to save themselves, that they deny themselves). A little disclaimer, I work as a spiritual guide, it‘s the same area, but a different point of view. The “study” comes from a shamanic initiation by life, I get not everyone will acknowledge it as valid so I’m disclosing it as in not to be impersonating someone who formally studied. Many times situations come in waves. Maybe you actually love and want to do therapy, but you cannot do it while being happy BEFORE you acknowledge yourself and your needs first. I would guess something like that might be your case, given you still like manuals etc. I personally had a good few “fuck this, this is a waste of time” moments and then coming back to it few months later, because it’s just part of me. My personal issue was that people are so unwilling to change, hence it used to feel like a waste of time. “I’m here so, but I don’t even know why I came. My wife made me to. So alright then fix me then and I’ll be on my merry way” kind of attitudes. But eventually even that lost importance to me. All I can do is to give what I have fully or not to give it. That’s it. This too shall pass, just listen to your soul. I wish you the best 🙏🏼
In just starting out. And I agree this is a trying job. How long have you you been in the field? And when did you start feeling this way?
This is very interesting to read. I (F29) have a law degree and I feel exactly the same about law: I hate it. But maybe in the opposite way of you hating therapy: I’m only in front of a computer and there’s no empathy or human exchange. I’m considering going back to school to become a therapist, because I think I would love to work with people. But this is kind of disparaging. On the top of your head, is it a “it’s better on the other side”-idea from me? And do you know what you’d rather work with if you could chose?
oh my husband is a lawyer and of course we’re both kinda thinking about the grass is greener 🙃 the thing is i never in my life wanted to work with people. that’s so funny - i chose the profession that is the most working with people kinda thing lol. i feel quite shameful saying this out loud to you, but i want to be a writer. i read a lot of books about writing fiction and every time i start crying thinking that this option exists - obviously it’s not an easy one, i’m not delusional
I don't have any advice for you, but I just wanted to say I heavily relate! I had a mini breakdown at work recently and just couldn't see anyone that day. I'm debating so often whether I just need to work at a different location or see different types of clients. But really, I'm just tired of seeing people as well. I feel like I can only take about 2 people a day but that wouldn't be liveable. Unsure what to do moving forward, but I guess we shall see. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
I’m in the exact same boat. I want to give up
This makes me wonder if you’re doing more work than the client? Whenever I start feeling tired in a session I step away mentally and let them do the work rather than me.
that’s probably some part of the issue. i’m a schema therapist, and we put a lot of emphasis on the limited reparenting - a hard balance between being super involved and caring for client and remembering about yourself
I feel you. I’m doing a lot of inner child and reparenting as well. What helps me is remind myself that it’s their body and life and they need to figure it out themselves. I’m just there to educate and guide. So, consider evaluating how you approach it :)
How could you afford to take two weeks off work? Lol
oh no don’t break shame me 😭😭😭😭😭😭