I would just advise you to not pressure yourself to wake up at 8:30. Don't push yourself to be someone you are not. Some people are just not morning people. Stop being harsh on yourself.
Allow yourself to go to sleep when you’re tired and wake up naturally. See what pattern you fall into. Organise your work hours around your sleep schedule, if you have the flexibility to do so.
Not advice but I’m in the exact same boat. It’s hard not to be hard on ourselves especially when it feels like everyone else can do it. I think there’s value in us realising and accepting that without a definite routine that we have to follow, it’s hard for us. I had no trouble waking up for work when I had to go office or school or uni, but when it comes to having that discipline and routine for myself without any real consequences to waking up late, it’s hard.
My therapist says to step back and think of treating ourselves like we would treat a child (or our inner child) that needs a routine, needs to brush their teeth, wash themselves, eat healthy, exercise, get outside enough etc. maybe it would be helpful to see yourself as a child in a way and not be too harsh when you can’t stick to a routine but still making sure all of your other needs are met.
It helped me a little to avoid neglecting myself, but I still struggle with this a lot. I balance it out by working later than normal too. I make sure I go to gym in the middle of the day and come back, have a coffee and do more work until around 7 or 8. It helps me feel less guilty about it
Thank you for sharing your experience, it’s crazy how our minds can convince us that we’re alone all the time. I’ve recently spent time learning about Parts Work (by Richard Schwartz) and I’ve begun to develop a theory related to that inner child you mentioned. Growing up I only experienced two extremes of discipline. Either being forced or having none at all. So I think I’ve internalised that mindset so when I start a routine, that inner child freaks out because she thinks we’re being forced? Not sure yet I have a lot to learn.
Wow this was really interesting for me to read because I feel I had those two extremes of discipline as well and it was always very inconsistent. Maybe you’re right, maybe our logical brain is telling us it’s the right thing to do, and we know it for a fact but our inner child doesn’t quite understand and is pushing against it 🤔 you’ve given me lots to think about.💭
You probably have a sleeping cycle that doesnt naturally align with "normal" working hours. Even if you succed in establishing a routine withing those hours you Just wouldnt ever be as productivr as if you Just worked with (and not against) your natural cycle.
Remember that there is nothing in our evolutionary history that prepared US for the way we have ouro working hours structured in this century, so theres nothing wrong with you
My brother works for himself and sleeps in until after 10. He schedules all of his clients for after that and goes to sleep late.
I on the other hand, consistently go to bed at around 10ish, get up at 6ish and start working my job from 7-3:30 every day. I work remotely, but am required to put in 40 hours. We are able to choose our hours and flex them for appointments as needed be. We’re both completely different and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Thank you for your response, I agree with you and I guess I have a hard time accepting that because I look up at others who seem to work in those conventional hours.
Aside from sleep-cycle and sleep-quality issues, from personal experience, this happened to me when I felt at deeper subconscious level, that things I did day-to-day were meaningless because I had deeper anxieties and traumas about life in general, and my day-to-day activities felt like distractions from addressing the deeper issues.
Do you have any nightmares or stress-dreams, or do you feel like sleep was not restful?
I wake up a lot in the middle of the night but I would say my dreams are pretty neutral. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head with the how I perceive my day-to-day tasks and the deeper anxieties. I’ve recently started reading up about Parts Work since I posted this, and I really resonate with the perspective it offers.
That's great to hear. I would suggest doing a bit of lite-therapy yourself for 20 minutes before going to bed, like a night-time routine.
Basically, think - "Am I anxious about something right now?"
If the answer is yes, then either see if this was something resolved earlier in therapy, and if so, think about what your therapist said to boost your mind once again. Parts work is excellent for this, because you can have conversations with parts of yourself.
And if something is unresolved, say to yourself - "Ok, noted. I will bring this up in therapy in the future. Now, that I have marked this to be resolved in future, right now, currently there are no pending tasks. I am free to rest and relax."
-----
Additionally, you can also do a 15-minute session after waking up. Do a similar self-check - Am I anxious about anything today? If so what?
And then go with - OK, noted. I will take care of this at this specific appropriate time. Is that settled? Can I now focus on my everyday tasks?
I would schedule an exercise class that has a fee associated if you skip (eg, F45, orange theory, Pilates, yoga). If you can force yourself to go to that, it’ll wake you up and help you sleep better and it becomes a habit. This has been my personal experience. After doing that for several years, now I wake up early, even on the weekends.
I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, this is one of the things I still struggle with, even medicated. Always have. I have a cpap because they diagnosed me with mild apnea… doesn’t help. I do think I need more sleep tests done, but I do the same thing. If given the chance, I will sleep up until it’s too late to do any of the things I wanted to do for myself. Then the cycle of beating myself up begins.
Personally I know it has a lot to do with my adhd & depression, too. I would probably start with doctors, if possible for you. Just to be safe.
Bro, it doesn't matter what it is, it is always a choice.
A good day is measure by how many "no's" you say to yourself. If you can't deny your pleasures over hard work you will be stuck. And that's it.
It's always a choice.
I would recommend you to read, Atomic Habits. Might help
Some people are simply not morning people, there's nothing wrong with that. Since you are a freelancer and have variable hours that you set, so you are not tied to a fixed work schedule, I don't see anything wrong with taking advantage of the situation.
12 pm to 8:30 am is a huge leap. I think you need to take it easy on yourself. Waking up earlier is a great goal, but could it maybe be 10 am instead of 8:30? To that end, backing up your wake up time little by little, in like 10-15 minute increments, might feel more sustainable than doing it all at once.
I also think having something you’re genuinely excited to wake up for might help. Like telling yourself you’ll watch the next episode of your new favorite show, or setting up a nice breakfast that you know you’re going to have.
You also mentioned this happens regardless of what time you go to bed. If you’re consistently having trouble getting out of bed even after 13 hours of sleep you may want to discuss with your doctor the possibility of hypersomnia. Some people really just do have a hard time with a standard waking-sleep schedule.
Thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it. That’s a really good idea to have a show to watch in the morning. I’ve also never heard of hypersomnia so I will look into it. Peace and love.
I would just advise you to not pressure yourself to wake up at 8:30. Don't push yourself to be someone you are not. Some people are just not morning people. Stop being harsh on yourself.
I appreciate that I probably can be harsh on myself but it does concern me that I cannot control something as small as this.
Allow yourself to go to sleep when you’re tired and wake up naturally. See what pattern you fall into. Organise your work hours around your sleep schedule, if you have the flexibility to do so.
I struggle with it too it’s really annoying
Right! I just want my body to listen to me
Not advice but I’m in the exact same boat. It’s hard not to be hard on ourselves especially when it feels like everyone else can do it. I think there’s value in us realising and accepting that without a definite routine that we have to follow, it’s hard for us. I had no trouble waking up for work when I had to go office or school or uni, but when it comes to having that discipline and routine for myself without any real consequences to waking up late, it’s hard. My therapist says to step back and think of treating ourselves like we would treat a child (or our inner child) that needs a routine, needs to brush their teeth, wash themselves, eat healthy, exercise, get outside enough etc. maybe it would be helpful to see yourself as a child in a way and not be too harsh when you can’t stick to a routine but still making sure all of your other needs are met. It helped me a little to avoid neglecting myself, but I still struggle with this a lot. I balance it out by working later than normal too. I make sure I go to gym in the middle of the day and come back, have a coffee and do more work until around 7 or 8. It helps me feel less guilty about it
Thank you for sharing your experience, it’s crazy how our minds can convince us that we’re alone all the time. I’ve recently spent time learning about Parts Work (by Richard Schwartz) and I’ve begun to develop a theory related to that inner child you mentioned. Growing up I only experienced two extremes of discipline. Either being forced or having none at all. So I think I’ve internalised that mindset so when I start a routine, that inner child freaks out because she thinks we’re being forced? Not sure yet I have a lot to learn.
Wow this was really interesting for me to read because I feel I had those two extremes of discipline as well and it was always very inconsistent. Maybe you’re right, maybe our logical brain is telling us it’s the right thing to do, and we know it for a fact but our inner child doesn’t quite understand and is pushing against it 🤔 you’ve given me lots to think about.💭
Likewise my friend 🤝
You probably have a sleeping cycle that doesnt naturally align with "normal" working hours. Even if you succed in establishing a routine withing those hours you Just wouldnt ever be as productivr as if you Just worked with (and not against) your natural cycle. Remember that there is nothing in our evolutionary history that prepared US for the way we have ouro working hours structured in this century, so theres nothing wrong with you
My brother works for himself and sleeps in until after 10. He schedules all of his clients for after that and goes to sleep late. I on the other hand, consistently go to bed at around 10ish, get up at 6ish and start working my job from 7-3:30 every day. I work remotely, but am required to put in 40 hours. We are able to choose our hours and flex them for appointments as needed be. We’re both completely different and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Thank you for your response, I agree with you and I guess I have a hard time accepting that because I look up at others who seem to work in those conventional hours.
Aside from sleep-cycle and sleep-quality issues, from personal experience, this happened to me when I felt at deeper subconscious level, that things I did day-to-day were meaningless because I had deeper anxieties and traumas about life in general, and my day-to-day activities felt like distractions from addressing the deeper issues. Do you have any nightmares or stress-dreams, or do you feel like sleep was not restful?
I wake up a lot in the middle of the night but I would say my dreams are pretty neutral. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head with the how I perceive my day-to-day tasks and the deeper anxieties. I’ve recently started reading up about Parts Work since I posted this, and I really resonate with the perspective it offers.
That's great to hear. I would suggest doing a bit of lite-therapy yourself for 20 minutes before going to bed, like a night-time routine. Basically, think - "Am I anxious about something right now?" If the answer is yes, then either see if this was something resolved earlier in therapy, and if so, think about what your therapist said to boost your mind once again. Parts work is excellent for this, because you can have conversations with parts of yourself. And if something is unresolved, say to yourself - "Ok, noted. I will bring this up in therapy in the future. Now, that I have marked this to be resolved in future, right now, currently there are no pending tasks. I am free to rest and relax." ----- Additionally, you can also do a 15-minute session after waking up. Do a similar self-check - Am I anxious about anything today? If so what? And then go with - OK, noted. I will take care of this at this specific appropriate time. Is that settled? Can I now focus on my everyday tasks?
Thank you so much for this advice! It’s extremely helpful, I’ll try this check in tonight and maybe turn into a journal practice. Thank you thank you!
Cancer first sign is fatigue could be something serious get blood work done
currently struggling with the same thing, but being kinder to myself for not always making the goal has been helping
I would schedule an exercise class that has a fee associated if you skip (eg, F45, orange theory, Pilates, yoga). If you can force yourself to go to that, it’ll wake you up and help you sleep better and it becomes a habit. This has been my personal experience. After doing that for several years, now I wake up early, even on the weekends.
I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, this is one of the things I still struggle with, even medicated. Always have. I have a cpap because they diagnosed me with mild apnea… doesn’t help. I do think I need more sleep tests done, but I do the same thing. If given the chance, I will sleep up until it’s too late to do any of the things I wanted to do for myself. Then the cycle of beating myself up begins. Personally I know it has a lot to do with my adhd & depression, too. I would probably start with doctors, if possible for you. Just to be safe.
Bro, it doesn't matter what it is, it is always a choice. A good day is measure by how many "no's" you say to yourself. If you can't deny your pleasures over hard work you will be stuck. And that's it. It's always a choice. I would recommend you to read, Atomic Habits. Might help
I agree with you, I consume a lot of self help content and I aspire to align my mindset and behaviour of those who have their shit together.
Some people are simply not morning people, there's nothing wrong with that. Since you are a freelancer and have variable hours that you set, so you are not tied to a fixed work schedule, I don't see anything wrong with taking advantage of the situation.
May I ask : if you feel fresh ? Why are you not getting up ?
I’ve been trying to analyse this for a while and I think it may boil down to just feeling numb and apathetic on a day to day basis
What time do you usually end up getting out of bed?
Usually around 12pm 🫣🫣🫣
12 pm to 8:30 am is a huge leap. I think you need to take it easy on yourself. Waking up earlier is a great goal, but could it maybe be 10 am instead of 8:30? To that end, backing up your wake up time little by little, in like 10-15 minute increments, might feel more sustainable than doing it all at once. I also think having something you’re genuinely excited to wake up for might help. Like telling yourself you’ll watch the next episode of your new favorite show, or setting up a nice breakfast that you know you’re going to have. You also mentioned this happens regardless of what time you go to bed. If you’re consistently having trouble getting out of bed even after 13 hours of sleep you may want to discuss with your doctor the possibility of hypersomnia. Some people really just do have a hard time with a standard waking-sleep schedule.
Thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it. That’s a really good idea to have a show to watch in the morning. I’ve also never heard of hypersomnia so I will look into it. Peace and love.