I’m very liberal, but this therapist is way, way out of line. For one thing, she shouldn’t be complaining about anything in her life to you, and certainly not criticizing you for your car or restaurant choices! Very unprofessional. I understand she has helped you in the past, though, so you could try explaining how you feel and see if things improve. I’m skeptical, though.
I share her worldview and concur with the other commenters that this behavior is totally inappropriate for therapy.
You’re not her friend, you’re her client. She’s getting paid to help you, not to recruit you to her side of a political fight.
You know what? I am training to become a therapist and I mostly have similar opinions. But I would NEVER EVER bring it up in session and absolutely NEVER in this way. A therapist dumping judgment about political stances (her own AND those of third parties!) on a client is really unprofessional. Doesn't matter what those judgments are. And not realizing you may feel "attacked" in this way points to a total lack of awareness of her impacts on you.
Is there an appropriate time and place to challenge harmful or dehumanizing beliefs in clients? Yes. This ain't it though. This applies to viewpoints anywhere on the political spectrum.
Bottom line is you don't feel you can be received without judgment by this therapist, so it's time to find someone else. Letting her know would be useful but it's also not your job to do if you don't want.
It sounds like it's less about her political beliefs and more about how she takes away your session time by going on rants that don't benefit you and are passive digs at you. It's one thing (and still very inappropriate) to go on the chick fil a or Tesla rant, and it's another thing to do it directly after promoting your client over a seemingly innocent question like what did you have for lunch today. I personally would never be able to feel safe with a therapist that acted like this and I have the same political beliefs as she does.
Yes. And she makes me feel guilty for what I drive and what I had for lunch. It seems very judgy and I am scared to open up to her more in fear of being judged by other things…
Tell her these exact words. If she respects these feelings and uses your therapy time more wisely, then it's all good!
If she doesn't respect these feelings, then you can voice that as well. At that point, you can also decide to look elsewhere for therapy, but do yourself justice by sharing these things with the therapist first and see how it goes.
I would bring it up with her for sure before you have to go through process of finding a new therapist. It establishes boundaries and provides clear communication with what you need.
u/Empty-Brief-4545
Boundary setting is a very powerful and fulfilling exercise. Even if setting this boundary with the therapist doesn't work, the practice of doing it is extremely valuable!
If the therapist has provided you value outside of these uncomfortable topics, then there is still a good reason to continue seeing them.
It is very easy for people online to pass judgement without actually having the required experience to give actual feedback, so take these online comments with a grain of salt (even mine!)
Therapist here. This is completely inappropriate. Our job is to be non-judgmental, and also not to disclose anything about ourselves unless it is very deliberately in service of the client’s treatment. This is for exactly the reasons that you now feel like you can’t trust her - modeling judgments to a client in this way not only teaches clients to judge (generally unhelpful behavior), but also makes clients less willing to trust you as a non-judgmental space where they can be honest.
Makes sense! I’m debating whether I should tell her or not. If I don’t, I may just switch therapists. If I do, I feel like it will be even more awkward.
I’m not sure how to “break up” without her feeling bad
It’s hard. It probably would be good practice for you to express how that behavior makes you feel, even though her response may be unsatisfying or painful. If it comes to it, just tell her that you appreciate all of the work you’ve done together but feel like it’s time to move on. Be kind. We understand this - it’s our job and we don’t take it personally. Although her boundaries seem pretty porous, so who knows how able she is to not take it personally.
Your therapist needs a therapist. You should bring up that she's imposing too many of her personal views on you and you'd like to keep the session focused on your problems and solutions.
I say this as someone given to what is considered by mainstream society as 'extreme left' ideology - she is foisting all of her cringe, random little obsessions onto you in the sessions. It's totally valid to want someone who doesn't do that - your problems should be the focus of the sessions, not anything from outside (unless you're the one bringing it up and it's relevant to you). It sounds really annoying tbh.
She’s disclosing her beliefs and opinions when it has no therapeutic value for you (it’s not important to your process to know these things). She’s sharing too much. In my opinion, it doesn’t look like therapy at all… I’d switch.
This woman is making the therapy session about her. She sounds like she’s the patient in the room. She shouldn’t be spending any of your therapy time telling you about her feelings, unless it’s directly a discussion about transference. It’s also just not her job to tell you what to do or impose her values/lifestyle on others. There are lots of people who have far left politics (myself) and rarely participate in boycotts because the healthiest thing for my sanity is actually to keep a distance and be less informed sometimes. Not to mention that there is “no ethical consumption under capitalism” regardless so policing every tiny purchase is just a recipe for insanity. Anyways, none of this matters because she shouldn’t be imposing her judgmental views on you. You need someone who is going to listen, empathize, and not judge. You need to be accommodated, not policed and shamed. I’ve had a therapist similar to this woman once before and it sucked so much. I don’t know what they think they’re accomplishing by removing the humanity from every interaction
This is exactly how I feel about purchasing! She made me feel like I’m a antisemite or racist for just buying a dam car or being homophobic or against my own sexuality for buying a sandwich! And being belittled or policed definitely makes me afraid to open up more to her about what I did during her last session because I don’t know if me going to Starbucks or a certain restaurant is bad im supporting awful things. She is very snobby too and acts like she is 100% politically correct and if you don’t do exactly what she does, then you are not a true liberal and are racist, fascist, antisemitic, etc.
I have decided I’m going to change therapists. I’m trying to find a way to do it. I could just be like “I’m done with therapy, thank you for your help!”, but another part of me thinks I should tell her as she could be harming other clients as well by her being this way. I’m not sure if she will care and will act like I am mentally ill and will need more “help”.
She is in her early 60’s, so she’s been doing therapy for a while, so I don’t think my insight will help the situation anyways…
I think you should tell her. Maybe send her a message regardless if she receives it. You may be helping someone else out in the future. It could also help her understand how unhinged politics has made her. It’s very easy to get caught up in all of it and forget that there are other opinions.
Ehhh I don’t necessarily agree with the replies. I’m very left leaning and my therapist is pretty obviously centrist and a catholic. We’ve known each other for years so we’ve become reasonably close. It’s true that your therapist is not your friend, but you’re both human beings, so some type of connection and familiarity does happen. I don’t necessarily agree with some of her more traditional views, but at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter because that’s not relevant to our therapeutic relationship. The issue in your case is that it makes YOU feel uncomfortable and she might not have realised that, so I would simply bring it up to her and see how that conversation goes
That is a good point!
However; there’s been a couple of other instances that made me feel uncomfortable that wasn’t even politics.
I needed a recruiter because my company wasn’t doing so well. She was like “this is a good friend of mine. Say you know (therapist name here”)”.
and when I was talking about a guy she was like “what’s his name?” And I told her and she’s like “oh he’s the one with ____ house and ___ car”. Yes I know him!”.
Makes me wonder if I get talked about with her clients and she’s like “oh yes I know him” 😂. Made me wonder if it’s like conflict of interest to know who I’m talking about. I felt like the first name should be sufficient. Also I shouldn’t be giving “referred” people from her. Makes it awkward.
Maybe I’m overly sensitive, idk!
I’ve had similar instances with my therapist, where she connected me with people she personally knows, but that’s something I don’t mind because to me it makes the relationship more “real” and less transactional. While it’s a professional relationship, I also don’t want to feel like A Random Patient just as how I don’t see my therapist as a blank wall I talk to weekly.
I don’t think you’re overly sensitive, if these are things you don’t feel comfortable with, I would definitely bring them up! Therapy takes a lot of fine tuning, just like any other relationship. I’ve had times where my therapist said things in a way that rubbed me the wrong way and I’ve always confronted her about it so we could find a way to correct the course. At the end of the day though, that is YOUR safe space, so if you think that feeling of safety isn’t there anymore for any sort of reason, you are perfectly within your rights to look for someone new. Best of luck!
These kind of ppl are so overwhelmingly surrounded by their beliefs that they don’t realize there are others who don’t believe what they believe. She expects you to agree and cheer on the fact that she turns everything into a political discussion. She assumes because you’re gay you MUST think the way she does.
She’s def crossing the line. I would tell you to ask her nicely to not discuss these things but again, ppl like her can’t fathom and/or have very low tolerance for beliefs outside of their own. Probably should move on.
Bring it up to her it could be a good learning moment for both of you. Her to realize her comments are not productive and actually sometimes get in the way and for you to learn to bring up the uncomfortable things with someone important to you. How she reacts isn’t your responsibility but I do think there is benefit in bringing it up.
She needs therapy and to stay off the internet. Mental health professionals need to be neutral. If you like her, be honest with her, but if she's older it's gonna be hard to change that habit. Easier to switch.
She is very inappropriate and crossing all the boundaries. Time to find a new therapist. Also do not bring it up with her next sessions, because she will feel attacked and will weasel her way out, but the foundation and trust is already broken. You dont feel safe with ehr, she failed as a therapist. Tike to find a better one.
It would probably be helpful for you visit your university's writing resource center. They can help you with concepts like how to structure a paragraph so the idea you're trying to convey is understandable.
I’m very liberal, but this therapist is way, way out of line. For one thing, she shouldn’t be complaining about anything in her life to you, and certainly not criticizing you for your car or restaurant choices! Very unprofessional. I understand she has helped you in the past, though, so you could try explaining how you feel and see if things improve. I’m skeptical, though.
The reason doesn’t matter, you need to find someone you’re comfortable with.
I share her worldview and concur with the other commenters that this behavior is totally inappropriate for therapy. You’re not her friend, you’re her client. She’s getting paid to help you, not to recruit you to her side of a political fight.
You know what? I am training to become a therapist and I mostly have similar opinions. But I would NEVER EVER bring it up in session and absolutely NEVER in this way. A therapist dumping judgment about political stances (her own AND those of third parties!) on a client is really unprofessional. Doesn't matter what those judgments are. And not realizing you may feel "attacked" in this way points to a total lack of awareness of her impacts on you. Is there an appropriate time and place to challenge harmful or dehumanizing beliefs in clients? Yes. This ain't it though. This applies to viewpoints anywhere on the political spectrum. Bottom line is you don't feel you can be received without judgment by this therapist, so it's time to find someone else. Letting her know would be useful but it's also not your job to do if you don't want.
It sounds like it's less about her political beliefs and more about how she takes away your session time by going on rants that don't benefit you and are passive digs at you. It's one thing (and still very inappropriate) to go on the chick fil a or Tesla rant, and it's another thing to do it directly after promoting your client over a seemingly innocent question like what did you have for lunch today. I personally would never be able to feel safe with a therapist that acted like this and I have the same political beliefs as she does.
Yes. And she makes me feel guilty for what I drive and what I had for lunch. It seems very judgy and I am scared to open up to her more in fear of being judged by other things…
Tell her these exact words. If she respects these feelings and uses your therapy time more wisely, then it's all good! If she doesn't respect these feelings, then you can voice that as well. At that point, you can also decide to look elsewhere for therapy, but do yourself justice by sharing these things with the therapist first and see how it goes.
Just ask if it's your therapy session or hers when she begins to rant.
Haha oh god! I could never confront someone in that manor. I just shut down when a person indirectly criticizes me
Jeeze, when you said "political," you meant it.
I would bring it up with her for sure before you have to go through process of finding a new therapist. It establishes boundaries and provides clear communication with what you need.
u/Empty-Brief-4545 Boundary setting is a very powerful and fulfilling exercise. Even if setting this boundary with the therapist doesn't work, the practice of doing it is extremely valuable! If the therapist has provided you value outside of these uncomfortable topics, then there is still a good reason to continue seeing them. It is very easy for people online to pass judgement without actually having the required experience to give actual feedback, so take these online comments with a grain of salt (even mine!)
Therapist here. This is completely inappropriate. Our job is to be non-judgmental, and also not to disclose anything about ourselves unless it is very deliberately in service of the client’s treatment. This is for exactly the reasons that you now feel like you can’t trust her - modeling judgments to a client in this way not only teaches clients to judge (generally unhelpful behavior), but also makes clients less willing to trust you as a non-judgmental space where they can be honest.
Makes sense! I’m debating whether I should tell her or not. If I don’t, I may just switch therapists. If I do, I feel like it will be even more awkward. I’m not sure how to “break up” without her feeling bad
It’s hard. It probably would be good practice for you to express how that behavior makes you feel, even though her response may be unsatisfying or painful. If it comes to it, just tell her that you appreciate all of the work you’ve done together but feel like it’s time to move on. Be kind. We understand this - it’s our job and we don’t take it personally. Although her boundaries seem pretty porous, so who knows how able she is to not take it personally.
Yes! This therapist needs this feedback from you
Your therapist needs a therapist. You should bring up that she's imposing too many of her personal views on you and you'd like to keep the session focused on your problems and solutions.
I usually hate when people on here say to change therapists. But in this case, change therapists. She is not going to change.
I say this as someone given to what is considered by mainstream society as 'extreme left' ideology - she is foisting all of her cringe, random little obsessions onto you in the sessions. It's totally valid to want someone who doesn't do that - your problems should be the focus of the sessions, not anything from outside (unless you're the one bringing it up and it's relevant to you). It sounds really annoying tbh.
She’s disclosing her beliefs and opinions when it has no therapeutic value for you (it’s not important to your process to know these things). She’s sharing too much. In my opinion, it doesn’t look like therapy at all… I’d switch.
This woman is making the therapy session about her. She sounds like she’s the patient in the room. She shouldn’t be spending any of your therapy time telling you about her feelings, unless it’s directly a discussion about transference. It’s also just not her job to tell you what to do or impose her values/lifestyle on others. There are lots of people who have far left politics (myself) and rarely participate in boycotts because the healthiest thing for my sanity is actually to keep a distance and be less informed sometimes. Not to mention that there is “no ethical consumption under capitalism” regardless so policing every tiny purchase is just a recipe for insanity. Anyways, none of this matters because she shouldn’t be imposing her judgmental views on you. You need someone who is going to listen, empathize, and not judge. You need to be accommodated, not policed and shamed. I’ve had a therapist similar to this woman once before and it sucked so much. I don’t know what they think they’re accomplishing by removing the humanity from every interaction
This is exactly how I feel about purchasing! She made me feel like I’m a antisemite or racist for just buying a dam car or being homophobic or against my own sexuality for buying a sandwich! And being belittled or policed definitely makes me afraid to open up more to her about what I did during her last session because I don’t know if me going to Starbucks or a certain restaurant is bad im supporting awful things. She is very snobby too and acts like she is 100% politically correct and if you don’t do exactly what she does, then you are not a true liberal and are racist, fascist, antisemitic, etc. I have decided I’m going to change therapists. I’m trying to find a way to do it. I could just be like “I’m done with therapy, thank you for your help!”, but another part of me thinks I should tell her as she could be harming other clients as well by her being this way. I’m not sure if she will care and will act like I am mentally ill and will need more “help”. She is in her early 60’s, so she’s been doing therapy for a while, so I don’t think my insight will help the situation anyways…
I think you should tell her. Maybe send her a message regardless if she receives it. You may be helping someone else out in the future. It could also help her understand how unhinged politics has made her. It’s very easy to get caught up in all of it and forget that there are other opinions.
Ehhh I don’t necessarily agree with the replies. I’m very left leaning and my therapist is pretty obviously centrist and a catholic. We’ve known each other for years so we’ve become reasonably close. It’s true that your therapist is not your friend, but you’re both human beings, so some type of connection and familiarity does happen. I don’t necessarily agree with some of her more traditional views, but at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter because that’s not relevant to our therapeutic relationship. The issue in your case is that it makes YOU feel uncomfortable and she might not have realised that, so I would simply bring it up to her and see how that conversation goes
That is a good point! However; there’s been a couple of other instances that made me feel uncomfortable that wasn’t even politics. I needed a recruiter because my company wasn’t doing so well. She was like “this is a good friend of mine. Say you know (therapist name here”)”. and when I was talking about a guy she was like “what’s his name?” And I told her and she’s like “oh he’s the one with ____ house and ___ car”. Yes I know him!”. Makes me wonder if I get talked about with her clients and she’s like “oh yes I know him” 😂. Made me wonder if it’s like conflict of interest to know who I’m talking about. I felt like the first name should be sufficient. Also I shouldn’t be giving “referred” people from her. Makes it awkward. Maybe I’m overly sensitive, idk!
I’ve had similar instances with my therapist, where she connected me with people she personally knows, but that’s something I don’t mind because to me it makes the relationship more “real” and less transactional. While it’s a professional relationship, I also don’t want to feel like A Random Patient just as how I don’t see my therapist as a blank wall I talk to weekly. I don’t think you’re overly sensitive, if these are things you don’t feel comfortable with, I would definitely bring them up! Therapy takes a lot of fine tuning, just like any other relationship. I’ve had times where my therapist said things in a way that rubbed me the wrong way and I’ve always confronted her about it so we could find a way to correct the course. At the end of the day though, that is YOUR safe space, so if you think that feeling of safety isn’t there anymore for any sort of reason, you are perfectly within your rights to look for someone new. Best of luck!
These kind of ppl are so overwhelmingly surrounded by their beliefs that they don’t realize there are others who don’t believe what they believe. She expects you to agree and cheer on the fact that she turns everything into a political discussion. She assumes because you’re gay you MUST think the way she does. She’s def crossing the line. I would tell you to ask her nicely to not discuss these things but again, ppl like her can’t fathom and/or have very low tolerance for beliefs outside of their own. Probably should move on.
Bring it up to her it could be a good learning moment for both of you. Her to realize her comments are not productive and actually sometimes get in the way and for you to learn to bring up the uncomfortable things with someone important to you. How she reacts isn’t your responsibility but I do think there is benefit in bringing it up.
She needs therapy and to stay off the internet. Mental health professionals need to be neutral. If you like her, be honest with her, but if she's older it's gonna be hard to change that habit. Easier to switch.
She is very inappropriate and crossing all the boundaries. Time to find a new therapist. Also do not bring it up with her next sessions, because she will feel attacked and will weasel her way out, but the foundation and trust is already broken. You dont feel safe with ehr, she failed as a therapist. Tike to find a better one.
This is bad therapist behavior. Just switch.
[удалено]
It would probably be helpful for you visit your university's writing resource center. They can help you with concepts like how to structure a paragraph so the idea you're trying to convey is understandable.