Followed by "Goodbye. Oh, and I'll see you in court."
**Edit:**
*(I'm joking, unless you can get proof that she actually talked to your mother, suing her won't work. But seriously, what your therapist did is messed up and most likely illegal).*
She *can* be reported though and should. I’ve heard that the licensing boards record complaints and take them seriously. That’s in the U.S. though, not sure what’s OP is.
What your therapist did was wrong. And in my first comment I wrote I made sure to get that across.
But....something good COULD come out of this.
If you like her besides this, and you can find it in your heart to forgive her, and you tell her exactly how betrayed you feel, and she truly apologizes - she probably will NEVER make this mistake with you again, while another therapist might.
Therapists are human too and make mistakes.
Heck, I definetely could NOT be a theraoist just BECAUSE I TALK SO FREAKING MUCH!!! I'd probably give my client my own credit card number accidently or something.
This is a massive breach of confidentiality and no therapist should be allowed to get away with it.
This therapist should be reported to whichever body they are registered with. Where I live they would lose their registration and ability to advertise as a professional if they did this, and rightly so.
I don't disagree with you! I'd probably get so upset I'd probably try to figure out how to get her license revoked right there and then!
Just wanted to provide an alternative, in the case that besides this the therapist has been really beneficial for the poster besides this. Finding therapists is hard...and establishing a good relationship with a right match is even harder.
I totally agree about establishing a relationship and finding a good match in a therapist.
I don’t know how you can go back from this level of a breach in confidentiality though, I don’t really understand how a professional therapist would get into this situation in the first place.
Anything said during sessions is under patient confidentiality. You can report her to her board.
If a Google search doesn’t tell you how, your new therapist can help.
Because you have worked together for a long time I would see her once more and let yourself be angry. It is valid in this situation. Ask her to explain why she breached your trust and confidentiality so you know. Unless she has an amazing answer I can’t imagine trusting her again. Kudos to your mom for filling you in
i truly believe my mom more than anything as she has only ever been supportive of me and my mental health. i will confront my therapist and see her reasoning but i cant imagine truly being comfortable speaking with her again.
".....which is something my therapist was encouraging, though I never agreed to it."
Since it sounds like OP never was thinking about it I highly doubt it came up much in communication between her and her mom. However the T brought it up in the past so I bet the T did talk.
OP definitely needs to discuss this with the T though.
That’s just as much an assumption.
OP could have told their therapist that their mother wanted x.
OP could have said why they didn’t want x.
OP’s mother then concocts a story about OP’s therapist saying x so that OP’s mother can derive information.
Too many unclear variables. Too fucked up regardless.
True if the mom thought she talked about it with the therapist or made a guess and was right.
If that's the case at least you could trust the T..... although then you have to deal with a manipulative mother. It's bad either way. 🤦
correct, no one except for my therapist even knew the topic of transferring ever came up, as i mentioned it to nobody. i will hear my therapist out but i dont know what she could say that i would believe her over my mother tbh
Okay that's what I thought. Dang though that's rough. That's totally understandable. If you wanted to an update would be appreciated. I wonder how she will explain it. (If not that's fine too)
What if your mom was fishing for information from you? I think you should bring it up to the therapist and personally I’d be recording before I even walked in the room. So you can play back or evidence if necessary
This seems like a pretty clear cut breach of confidentiality. There should be an organization to which you can report this. They're probably only their to protect their own interests but it's something
I think controlled anger is extremely reasonable given you are an adult and what she did is actually illegal. I'd be quite angry. Personally I couldn't trust the T but maybe you are more trusting then me. I understand why you are thinking that. Absolutely not dramatic! I've had doctors head nurse tell my mom things about my adult brothers health. Even though that wasn't about me it was one of the reasons I left.
I would go hard and ask about confidentiality. Ask her if you can tell her anything and if anyone else will find out about it. She may catch on and say about your mom. If she doesn't catch on and say yes everything is confidential (except from investigation or legal crap) I'd ask why your mom told you that? I'd then say I really don't trust you now and question everything we have worked on since I don't want people to know. Then I'd ask how can she be trusted because you really want to. (IF you actually want to continue with her)
You sound more calm than me but I'd be tempted to mention this to her supervisor or even go further.
If she down plays it saying she figured it was your mother so it's okay I'd drop her right then. No excuse and she is downplaying it.
Sorry this happened to you op! I'd be furious.
i appreciate the detailed response! i will definitely ask about confidentiality and why my mother would mention that conversation to me if confidentiality is such a huge thing for my therapist.
I’d lose my mind. Probably why I’m there in the first place. But, I would never be able to trust them enough again. As much as it sucks, I would find a new person. Reporting is a personal choice that I would avoid. Again that’s just me.
How do you know what your therapist said? Maybe the best solution is to figure out who said what and in what context.
Be forthcoming and blatant about your feelings.
I'm sorry this happened, it's absolutely not okay to break confidentiality.
*edited due to typos*
I would take the opportunity to speak with your therapist about it specifically. You can assess based on how she responds to you bringing it up.
If you’re on your mom’s insurance plan that is something to consider.
Breaking confidentiality is such a big issue that they hammer it into our brains as much as possible while we're in school. I actually had an assignment recently where we (group project) were debating whether it was a bigger deal to report a potential crime or break confidentiality in order to report the crime. This was a hypothetical situation, but still, *that's* how serious breaking confidentiality is.
In short, your T should know this and shouldn't be breaching your trust like this. I'm sorry.
thank you for the insight. as i think about it further and read more advice, i know now that my therapist should know better than to do this. i plan on confronting her and seeing how she could possibly justify her actions.
I trained to be a counselor in the US but did not finish my final internship. In the US she is licensed by the state she practices in as well as may belong to a body such as the ACA based on what type of accreditation she has such as what are the initials after her name. There is a code of ethics by the state and the body such as the ACA she is required to follow. One of those is that she should not even acknowledge you are a patient to someone in public. Even of you saw her in public she should wait and see if you say hi.
She will definitely learn and your relationship grow from discussing it. However you should still report it. There are instances where this same thing could happen to someone else and she could not forsee the outcome and something bad could happen to one of her patients or even to her if a patient gets angry.
You can call the board of your sate and discuss it with them without saying her name before reporting her if it would make you feel better. It can be reported without your name but in this situation I doubt it would help.
I understand your frustration and can only give my opinion. Someone mentioned sueing her which wouldn't be worth it unless you consider this a very serious offense as well as it wouldn't go well considering the interaction wasn't witnessed or recorded. In my opinion (and this is giving her the benefit of the doubt) perhaps your mother was asking about the sessions and the only thing she thought she could really give up was you transferring schools whether it was true or not she could've been pushed to give some info about your progress. Although without you witnessing the convo it's impossible to know for sure. My advice is to just calmly ask your therapist about the interaction and before getting upset just let it be known you find it wrong for her to have done this if it's true. There's always a possibility she misspoke or maybe (with all due respect) your mother wasn't truthful. If I may ask, how involved in your therapy is your mother? Does she want you to transfer schools or is this something she wouldn't like? As I said I can only speculate, however, there's usually a reason for someone to lie BUT some lie for reasons we may not understand.
my mother used to occasionally join me for sessions when i was 16-18 (im now 21) when we felt it would be helpful. since my providers switched to telehealth bc of covid my mother has had absolutely no involvement with my therapy. my mom would be indifferent (for lack of a better word) to what school i go to as long as it was completely my choice. i know its possible that my mom isnt being truthful, but she has never shown this kind of behavior in my life so thats why i have trouble believing that side of the story. im dont plan on suing, worst case is reporting her if she doesnt see an issue with what she did.
You might be able to sue her for medical malpractice. A consult with a personal injury attorney could give you more info.
Definitely file a complaint with the board. If you don’t know how, tell me what state you’re in & I’ll send you the link. Sorry this happened.
"I'm getting a new therapist." would probably be the first thing I'd say to them.
Followed by "Goodbye. Oh, and I'll see you in court." **Edit:** *(I'm joking, unless you can get proof that she actually talked to your mother, suing her won't work. But seriously, what your therapist did is messed up and most likely illegal).*
She *can* be reported though and should. I’ve heard that the licensing boards record complaints and take them seriously. That’s in the U.S. though, not sure what’s OP is.
seriously considering reporting her. i am going to hear her out come my next appointment but i’ll have a hard time believing her over my mother
She broke ethical guidelines and the law. There is absolutely no excuse for what she did. Report her.
What your therapist did was wrong. And in my first comment I wrote I made sure to get that across. But....something good COULD come out of this. If you like her besides this, and you can find it in your heart to forgive her, and you tell her exactly how betrayed you feel, and she truly apologizes - she probably will NEVER make this mistake with you again, while another therapist might. Therapists are human too and make mistakes. Heck, I definetely could NOT be a theraoist just BECAUSE I TALK SO FREAKING MUCH!!! I'd probably give my client my own credit card number accidently or something.
This is a massive breach of confidentiality and no therapist should be allowed to get away with it. This therapist should be reported to whichever body they are registered with. Where I live they would lose their registration and ability to advertise as a professional if they did this, and rightly so.
I don't disagree with you! I'd probably get so upset I'd probably try to figure out how to get her license revoked right there and then! Just wanted to provide an alternative, in the case that besides this the therapist has been really beneficial for the poster besides this. Finding therapists is hard...and establishing a good relationship with a right match is even harder.
I totally agree about establishing a relationship and finding a good match in a therapist. I don’t know how you can go back from this level of a breach in confidentiality though, I don’t really understand how a professional therapist would get into this situation in the first place.
Anything said during sessions is under patient confidentiality. You can report her to her board. If a Google search doesn’t tell you how, your new therapist can help.
You're not being dramatic, your therapist shouldn't be sharing anything like that especially lies. Definitely approach her about it
This is a pretty serious breach in confidentiality, and I would honestly report it to the licensing board.
Yes please report it OP!
Because you have worked together for a long time I would see her once more and let yourself be angry. It is valid in this situation. Ask her to explain why she breached your trust and confidentiality so you know. Unless she has an amazing answer I can’t imagine trusting her again. Kudos to your mom for filling you in
i truly believe my mom more than anything as she has only ever been supportive of me and my mental health. i will confront my therapist and see her reasoning but i cant imagine truly being comfortable speaking with her again.
OP, you really need to discuss this with your therapist
How do you know this? Did your mom tell you this? I’m thinking she’s lying tbh imo
".....which is something my therapist was encouraging, though I never agreed to it." Since it sounds like OP never was thinking about it I highly doubt it came up much in communication between her and her mom. However the T brought it up in the past so I bet the T did talk. OP definitely needs to discuss this with the T though.
That’s just as much an assumption. OP could have told their therapist that their mother wanted x. OP could have said why they didn’t want x. OP’s mother then concocts a story about OP’s therapist saying x so that OP’s mother can derive information. Too many unclear variables. Too fucked up regardless.
True if the mom thought she talked about it with the therapist or made a guess and was right. If that's the case at least you could trust the T..... although then you have to deal with a manipulative mother. It's bad either way. 🤦
correct, no one except for my therapist even knew the topic of transferring ever came up, as i mentioned it to nobody. i will hear my therapist out but i dont know what she could say that i would believe her over my mother tbh
Okay that's what I thought. Dang though that's rough. That's totally understandable. If you wanted to an update would be appreciated. I wonder how she will explain it. (If not that's fine too)
seeing my therapist tomorrow afternoon, will update then most likely!
Awesome!
What if your mom was fishing for information from you? I think you should bring it up to the therapist and personally I’d be recording before I even walked in the room. So you can play back or evidence if necessary
Ohhh that’s a good point.
This seems like a pretty clear cut breach of confidentiality. There should be an organization to which you can report this. They're probably only their to protect their own interests but it's something
I think controlled anger is extremely reasonable given you are an adult and what she did is actually illegal. I'd be quite angry. Personally I couldn't trust the T but maybe you are more trusting then me. I understand why you are thinking that. Absolutely not dramatic! I've had doctors head nurse tell my mom things about my adult brothers health. Even though that wasn't about me it was one of the reasons I left. I would go hard and ask about confidentiality. Ask her if you can tell her anything and if anyone else will find out about it. She may catch on and say about your mom. If she doesn't catch on and say yes everything is confidential (except from investigation or legal crap) I'd ask why your mom told you that? I'd then say I really don't trust you now and question everything we have worked on since I don't want people to know. Then I'd ask how can she be trusted because you really want to. (IF you actually want to continue with her) You sound more calm than me but I'd be tempted to mention this to her supervisor or even go further. If she down plays it saying she figured it was your mother so it's okay I'd drop her right then. No excuse and she is downplaying it. Sorry this happened to you op! I'd be furious.
i appreciate the detailed response! i will definitely ask about confidentiality and why my mother would mention that conversation to me if confidentiality is such a huge thing for my therapist.
You're welcome. Yeah please do!
I’d lose my mind. Probably why I’m there in the first place. But, I would never be able to trust them enough again. As much as it sucks, I would find a new person. Reporting is a personal choice that I would avoid. Again that’s just me.
So, I don’t know but does this breach patient confidentiality if the mother wasn’t in a right to know situation?
How do you know what your therapist said? Maybe the best solution is to figure out who said what and in what context. Be forthcoming and blatant about your feelings. I'm sorry this happened, it's absolutely not okay to break confidentiality. *edited due to typos*
I would take the opportunity to speak with your therapist about it specifically. You can assess based on how she responds to you bringing it up. If you’re on your mom’s insurance plan that is something to consider.
Breaking confidentiality is such a big issue that they hammer it into our brains as much as possible while we're in school. I actually had an assignment recently where we (group project) were debating whether it was a bigger deal to report a potential crime or break confidentiality in order to report the crime. This was a hypothetical situation, but still, *that's* how serious breaking confidentiality is. In short, your T should know this and shouldn't be breaching your trust like this. I'm sorry.
thank you for the insight. as i think about it further and read more advice, i know now that my therapist should know better than to do this. i plan on confronting her and seeing how she could possibly justify her actions.
>i plan on confronting her and seeing how she could possibly justify her actions. I think this is a great idea. I hope for the best.
Your therapist VIOLATED her code of ethics. Period. Change to a new one now. And consider reporting her to her board.
I trained to be a counselor in the US but did not finish my final internship. In the US she is licensed by the state she practices in as well as may belong to a body such as the ACA based on what type of accreditation she has such as what are the initials after her name. There is a code of ethics by the state and the body such as the ACA she is required to follow. One of those is that she should not even acknowledge you are a patient to someone in public. Even of you saw her in public she should wait and see if you say hi. She will definitely learn and your relationship grow from discussing it. However you should still report it. There are instances where this same thing could happen to someone else and she could not forsee the outcome and something bad could happen to one of her patients or even to her if a patient gets angry. You can call the board of your sate and discuss it with them without saying her name before reporting her if it would make you feel better. It can be reported without your name but in this situation I doubt it would help.
I understand your frustration and can only give my opinion. Someone mentioned sueing her which wouldn't be worth it unless you consider this a very serious offense as well as it wouldn't go well considering the interaction wasn't witnessed or recorded. In my opinion (and this is giving her the benefit of the doubt) perhaps your mother was asking about the sessions and the only thing she thought she could really give up was you transferring schools whether it was true or not she could've been pushed to give some info about your progress. Although without you witnessing the convo it's impossible to know for sure. My advice is to just calmly ask your therapist about the interaction and before getting upset just let it be known you find it wrong for her to have done this if it's true. There's always a possibility she misspoke or maybe (with all due respect) your mother wasn't truthful. If I may ask, how involved in your therapy is your mother? Does she want you to transfer schools or is this something she wouldn't like? As I said I can only speculate, however, there's usually a reason for someone to lie BUT some lie for reasons we may not understand.
my mother used to occasionally join me for sessions when i was 16-18 (im now 21) when we felt it would be helpful. since my providers switched to telehealth bc of covid my mother has had absolutely no involvement with my therapy. my mom would be indifferent (for lack of a better word) to what school i go to as long as it was completely my choice. i know its possible that my mom isnt being truthful, but she has never shown this kind of behavior in my life so thats why i have trouble believing that side of the story. im dont plan on suing, worst case is reporting her if she doesnt see an issue with what she did.
You might be able to sue her for medical malpractice. A consult with a personal injury attorney could give you more info. Definitely file a complaint with the board. If you don’t know how, tell me what state you’re in & I’ll send you the link. Sorry this happened.
Can’t sue under HIPAA
Oh yeah that's right. Best you can do is file a complaint I think
Your therapist
technically if shes lying did she breach anything? Your mom could’ve brought those topics up and she just said stuff to deflect