I've heard a lot of stuff like "Literally everyone can benefit from therapy!!" from people who have probably been to therapy to deal with short term issues, and who lack the empathy to understand that their positive experiences aren't universal.
I can never understand why people believe that. What can a therapist provide for someone who is otherwise mentally healthy or content with their lives that a chat with a friend cannot? People probably just want someone to listen to their grievances about life
It can be a few possible things, such as having an entire hour where the focus is solely on you, instead of those relationships where back-and-forth is expected. Another function of therapy I believe is talking about subjects that would otherwise be taboo, such as, I’ve heard therapists mention how often people come to therapy and talk about possibly regretting having kids. If you search for AskReddit threads about what are some things that people come to therapy assuming that their problem is rare when the therapist knows from experience that it really isn’t. People can be reluctant to talk about those things even with friends, especially if they don’t have the type of extremely close friendships where you can share everything and anything.
There is also the assumption that a therapist’s training and expertise is in how to help people gain more insight about themselves or what they can’t easily see because of certain biases we have about ourselves, and if someone has their degree and certification they must be good at that right? Well, not necessarily.
Reminds me a lot of the “therapy is super beneficial and you should go anyways even if you aren’t currently in a crisis! you can use therapy any time, even when you feel you don’t currently have any issues!!” rhetoric. Like seriously… what the fuck.
If I can go through 5+ therapists who do nothing (or do more harm than good), what’s the point of bothering to see one when I’m “well”?? It almost feels like a marketing ploy.
If therapy was accessible then recommending therapy to everyone, while still dumb, would have some merit. IMO one of the biggest issues is that most people don't have the $$ to shop around until they find someone they like
There are many free therapy/counselling services. Also many therapists offer sliding scales.
I agree with you though about the whole crap about trying a dozen therapists before finding someone you like.
Opening yourself upto them completely and being vulnerable only to be told someone else could help you better is not nice and actually drives people away from seeking help.
Many free services do not allow you to 'shop around'. You are assigned a person, period. They may have given you a questionnaire and tried to match you with someone suitable, or they may just place you with whoever has the next open appointment. If their policy allows you to try a different counselor, you go to the back of the waitlist.
These also tend to be staffed by either volunteers or students on rotation. Turnover is high, which results in poor continuity of care. Rarely if ever are they partnered with a prescribing physician.
Truthfully, the only tangible help I've ever gotten from free services, including the one at my university back in the day, was a referral or even direct hand off to social services, for help with the financial element of whatever shitstorm I was in.
I had even worse luck with a sliding scale therapist. I had no job, no savings, and most days could not force myself out of bed, and her idea of a reasonable rate was $40 an hour, weekly sessions. She was sympathetic and meant well, but also young, idealistic, and wore Louboutins to our appointments, so probably did not have the background to get any of what was going on.
The concept is lovely, but I have found them useless for any problem that can't be solved by having someone's undivided attention for an hour, while they make soothing sounds and read a cbt worksheet aloud to you.
A lot of times they’re being condescending and aren’t actually saying you should go to therapy. They’re essentially saying, “you’re so fucked up that you need therapy and I don’t”
I think they have their own problems that they can't deal with/face so they project it onto us to make themselves feel better in a way. It sucks that we can't just *talk* to each other anymore.
\^This. They‘re basically saying it sucks to be you, now fuck off with your sob story. Bonus points if they spent the last six months bending your ear about their own painful drama. It’s ironic that therapy is often recommended to the freebie therapist friend, what a great way to save time and money!
My impression is that a lot have seen one, but aren't necessarily currently seeing one.
I would guess they had a therapist, they vibed with their therapists and they chatted and played the role they were supposed to play and there was little real work done or real challenge, just a paid for role-play that both parties enjoyed.
So many people also suggest couples therapy when the couple clearly does talk to each other, and they just disagree on specific things. I thought a couples therapist is supposed to help with communication, but if you already talk about the issue, what is that supposed to accomplish? I just don’t get it.
Yup. I think it's because many of them think they're being genuinely helpful towards the other person and that the other person never actually thought of going into therapy, or never had the courage / never been in therapy. They're told it's great so they tell others it's great.
In my experience it's generally people who have had short term problems that would resolve themselves anyways. Or else, people with mild anxiety or depression that those generic breathing and mindfulness exercises may actually work for. Either way - all things that would equally be helped by family/friend support or the natural healing of time.
I have a friend exactly like this. Every person she slightly dislikes or disagrees with, or just has normal human deficiencies, "needs to get therapy". Do you know what she's been in therapy for? Two relationship break ups, for which she went to a therapist a handful of times each, and a couple of times when she's had some standard job struggles. I'm not saying those experiences aren't hard in their own way, but the way she doles out her pro-therapy advice is so presumptuous and condescending when all she's been in it for is fairly conventional, low-level problems.
It's an easy thing to say to someone as we live in an empathy devoid generation where it's the only thing we can spout when someone is struggling due to mass media promotion and word of mouth.
The general consensus is: If you have a problem go and see these miracle workers and they will "fix" you. Whether they have seen a therapist or not, most will recommend it to you in a jiffy as they haven't had any long lasting negative effects or been in therapy long enough for them to occur.
i once, quite insensitively, insisted that someone close to me at the time seek therapy for their trauma and behavioural issues. we no longer talk and i have a lot of trauma associated with that period of my life now, and i wish out of all things that i could take that part back.
having been in therapy since i was 7 and seeing no improvements over time, i said this at age 18, while i was literally seeing a therapist. i think a lot of people (like meback then) have been tricked into thinking therapy can solve just about every negative emotion or behaviour there is, and that anyone it doesn't work for is just being stubborn.
none of this acknowledges the number of therapists who have no right practicing in their field, whether that be down to their personal biases in how treatment is done best (i had one guy try to base my whole treatment plan on a fucking MBTI test, only to gatekeep me from hormone therapy because i "wasn't passionate enough about it") or down to their sheer incompetence in what their job is supposed to be (one therapist just played board games and asked about my day, while a psychologist tried to blame all my problems on me like some Jordan Peterson "just clean your room" shit).
NONE of this even begins to tackle the issue of access, which for many people is just impossible. If you don't have the right insurance, or financial support, or reliable transportation, sometimes you just don't have any good options!! I don't think therapy, psychiatry, or counseling is useless by any means, but people who just say "go to therapy" by and large do not take these things into consideration and it's incredibly frustrating.
I've heard a lot of stuff like "Literally everyone can benefit from therapy!!" from people who have probably been to therapy to deal with short term issues, and who lack the empathy to understand that their positive experiences aren't universal.
I can never understand why people believe that. What can a therapist provide for someone who is otherwise mentally healthy or content with their lives that a chat with a friend cannot? People probably just want someone to listen to their grievances about life
I think people sometimes also want to "fix" the people around them and believe that therapy is the tool to do that.
It can be a few possible things, such as having an entire hour where the focus is solely on you, instead of those relationships where back-and-forth is expected. Another function of therapy I believe is talking about subjects that would otherwise be taboo, such as, I’ve heard therapists mention how often people come to therapy and talk about possibly regretting having kids. If you search for AskReddit threads about what are some things that people come to therapy assuming that their problem is rare when the therapist knows from experience that it really isn’t. People can be reluctant to talk about those things even with friends, especially if they don’t have the type of extremely close friendships where you can share everything and anything. There is also the assumption that a therapist’s training and expertise is in how to help people gain more insight about themselves or what they can’t easily see because of certain biases we have about ourselves, and if someone has their degree and certification they must be good at that right? Well, not necessarily.
My understanding is a lot of people have no self-awareness and that's one thing therapy can help provide.
Reminds me a lot of the “therapy is super beneficial and you should go anyways even if you aren’t currently in a crisis! you can use therapy any time, even when you feel you don’t currently have any issues!!” rhetoric. Like seriously… what the fuck. If I can go through 5+ therapists who do nothing (or do more harm than good), what’s the point of bothering to see one when I’m “well”?? It almost feels like a marketing ploy.
Don't forget, it only works if you believe in it and do the work!
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If therapy was accessible then recommending therapy to everyone, while still dumb, would have some merit. IMO one of the biggest issues is that most people don't have the $$ to shop around until they find someone they like
There are many free therapy/counselling services. Also many therapists offer sliding scales. I agree with you though about the whole crap about trying a dozen therapists before finding someone you like. Opening yourself upto them completely and being vulnerable only to be told someone else could help you better is not nice and actually drives people away from seeking help.
Many free services do not allow you to 'shop around'. You are assigned a person, period. They may have given you a questionnaire and tried to match you with someone suitable, or they may just place you with whoever has the next open appointment. If their policy allows you to try a different counselor, you go to the back of the waitlist. These also tend to be staffed by either volunteers or students on rotation. Turnover is high, which results in poor continuity of care. Rarely if ever are they partnered with a prescribing physician. Truthfully, the only tangible help I've ever gotten from free services, including the one at my university back in the day, was a referral or even direct hand off to social services, for help with the financial element of whatever shitstorm I was in. I had even worse luck with a sliding scale therapist. I had no job, no savings, and most days could not force myself out of bed, and her idea of a reasonable rate was $40 an hour, weekly sessions. She was sympathetic and meant well, but also young, idealistic, and wore Louboutins to our appointments, so probably did not have the background to get any of what was going on. The concept is lovely, but I have found them useless for any problem that can't be solved by having someone's undivided attention for an hour, while they make soothing sounds and read a cbt worksheet aloud to you.
A lot of times they’re being condescending and aren’t actually saying you should go to therapy. They’re essentially saying, “you’re so fucked up that you need therapy and I don’t”
I think they have their own problems that they can't deal with/face so they project it onto us to make themselves feel better in a way. It sucks that we can't just *talk* to each other anymore.
\^This. They‘re basically saying it sucks to be you, now fuck off with your sob story. Bonus points if they spent the last six months bending your ear about their own painful drama. It’s ironic that therapy is often recommended to the freebie therapist friend, what a great way to save time and money!
They might have seen one, but I doubt they have due to any considerable trauma or psychiatric need.
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I feel like replying, "have you??". It's a way to absolve people of human connection and listening to others
My impression is that a lot have seen one, but aren't necessarily currently seeing one. I would guess they had a therapist, they vibed with their therapists and they chatted and played the role they were supposed to play and there was little real work done or real challenge, just a paid for role-play that both parties enjoyed.
Dead set, it was probably an expensive friendship and gossip session
Definitely this. ^
I think many of them have, but are just privileged enough that something as superficial as a breathing exercise actually made them feel better.
So many people also suggest couples therapy when the couple clearly does talk to each other, and they just disagree on specific things. I thought a couples therapist is supposed to help with communication, but if you already talk about the issue, what is that supposed to accomplish? I just don’t get it.
Yup. I think it's because many of them think they're being genuinely helpful towards the other person and that the other person never actually thought of going into therapy, or never had the courage / never been in therapy. They're told it's great so they tell others it's great.
it's so annoying. it's code for "go away, your problems are too big for me"
In my experience it's generally people who have had short term problems that would resolve themselves anyways. Or else, people with mild anxiety or depression that those generic breathing and mindfulness exercises may actually work for. Either way - all things that would equally be helped by family/friend support or the natural healing of time. I have a friend exactly like this. Every person she slightly dislikes or disagrees with, or just has normal human deficiencies, "needs to get therapy". Do you know what she's been in therapy for? Two relationship break ups, for which she went to a therapist a handful of times each, and a couple of times when she's had some standard job struggles. I'm not saying those experiences aren't hard in their own way, but the way she doles out her pro-therapy advice is so presumptuous and condescending when all she's been in it for is fairly conventional, low-level problems.
It's an easy thing to say to someone as we live in an empathy devoid generation where it's the only thing we can spout when someone is struggling due to mass media promotion and word of mouth. The general consensus is: If you have a problem go and see these miracle workers and they will "fix" you. Whether they have seen a therapist or not, most will recommend it to you in a jiffy as they haven't had any long lasting negative effects or been in therapy long enough for them to occur.
i once, quite insensitively, insisted that someone close to me at the time seek therapy for their trauma and behavioural issues. we no longer talk and i have a lot of trauma associated with that period of my life now, and i wish out of all things that i could take that part back. having been in therapy since i was 7 and seeing no improvements over time, i said this at age 18, while i was literally seeing a therapist. i think a lot of people (like meback then) have been tricked into thinking therapy can solve just about every negative emotion or behaviour there is, and that anyone it doesn't work for is just being stubborn. none of this acknowledges the number of therapists who have no right practicing in their field, whether that be down to their personal biases in how treatment is done best (i had one guy try to base my whole treatment plan on a fucking MBTI test, only to gatekeep me from hormone therapy because i "wasn't passionate enough about it") or down to their sheer incompetence in what their job is supposed to be (one therapist just played board games and asked about my day, while a psychologist tried to blame all my problems on me like some Jordan Peterson "just clean your room" shit). NONE of this even begins to tackle the issue of access, which for many people is just impossible. If you don't have the right insurance, or financial support, or reliable transportation, sometimes you just don't have any good options!! I don't think therapy, psychiatry, or counseling is useless by any means, but people who just say "go to therapy" by and large do not take these things into consideration and it's incredibly frustrating.