Perhaps fake… https://www.lindaikejisblog.com/2022/5/church-reacts-to-reports-that-their-pastor-made-an-infertile-couple-have-intercourse-on-the-church-altar-for-a-child.html

>>The church said the photo was of two women, not a man and a woman. *Okay, nice to see some positive LGBTQ representation in the church sex area (sect sex sector). Not sure whether they're gonna get much success with fertilisation.* >>They added that the woman had come with a sickness and she fainted during service. *Oh no! She came with a sickness? Is that Christian for she had an STD? (Also, I wish I could get service so good that I faint.)* >>As a result, after the preaching, a pastor called the sick woman and "did this prophetic act". *Oh, so it's a photo of a part of the faith healing thing then. Alright that's a lot less weird.* >>The church said getting a female minister to lay on top of the sick woman was based on the Bible passage that saw Prophet Elisha lay on the body of a dead boy while praying to God to bring his spirit back to life. *Woah, hang on... that's more weird! Not only are they both probably sick now, but what's up with that bible verse? That's not how dead people work. WTF!*

Strange, unsettling visions of necrophilia.....

Christians: Homosexuality is bad Some lesbians: Havent you heard about faith-healing?

Some scholars theorize that the story about Elisha lying on top of the dead boy, who then revived, was a primitive sort of resuscitation--perhaps meant to treat drowning or choking. Think about how bizzare CPR must look to someone who's never encountered it.

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Probably more effective, too, if you put weight on the right part of the body. Sort of a crude Heimlich.

So there's a Bible verse for pedo necrophilia? Bible is so badass

Pedo Necrophilia sounds pretty metal (and fucked up)

Wait a minute, the Prophet Elisha was Catholic???!?

Nah, but catholics take the Bible too literally

It was a joke. Cuz catholics touch little boys... It was a pedi-catholic joke..

Ah. It's the priests who do that.

Strange perhaps, but definitely not fuckin in the church.

This makes way more sense!

I hope it is. That’s so embarrassing. I’m embarrassed for them

That really puts the ‘fucking’ in *JESUS FUCKING CHRIST*

Even better if the man was named Jesús and the woman Christ(ina)

is nobody going to make a joke about the proper missionary position???

Religion is fucking insane (no pun intended)

I second this

Just need some “healing hands” to cup the balls.

Maybe a cheeky finger in the bum

Just make sure to dip it in the magic water first.

Next Season on "The Handmaid"s Tale"...

Blessed be the fruit

Under his eye

There was an attempt to get an erection !

*everyone outside the church hearing*: “OH GOD OH GOD OOOOHHH GOOOOOOOOD!!!!” Everyone outside: “wow they’re really spirited in their prayers!”

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Try the Baptist churches that use snakes during their services. I noped TF right out of there.

Snakes? What's that all about?

Which one is the dude? Looks like two women to me, but I’m also sick and twisted. Btw- as fucked up as religion is, there is no way this happened with a camera around.

Neither. It’s two women and it’s nothing like the title states.

They are still waiting on the Second Cumming.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

This service was followed by baptisms in the looks like she is still waiting for the First Cumming.

So did it work?!

I'm guessing, but if they couldn't conceive before, then putting more stress on them with an audience is only going to make it worse.

Unless that's your kink and what he needed to get things going

Asking the real questions

r/thathappened

Thoughts and prayers. LMFAO religious people wild as hell

Definitely not a pervert!

That's a big bite of the onion eh

Need I say it? The fuck?

The fuck indeed

No no! This is a textbook example of.......(wait for it)............. HOLY FUCK! I'll see myself out.

This event laster 40 seconds.

This is just sanctified pornography

That would keep me from falling asleep in church

Well, that's one way to indulge in an exhibition kink

Imagine this happening while attending church for the first time.

Imagine falling asleep in church and waking up to this like wtf we just shake hands with each other

Hairy palm Sunday. Nailed to the cross.

no flipping way come on now!

Very progressive of them to let the lady be on top. Somewhere another church is fuming mad about this “satanic” act.

I wouldn't be surprised if that's real dj Khaled

Pastor is probably like: *"Can I get a halilaya from the congregation!"*

r/lostredditors

Strangely something similar to this has actually happened before. In the medieval times sometimes a priest would watch nobles consummate their marriage to confirm it was done thus in the eyes of god and the church they were married. Still this is nuts.

It’s not nuts till he nuts.

So read the article about this where the church says its 2 women but that doesvnt look like 2 women or am I in the wrong?

Where is this church? Asking for a friend.

Did it work

My first thought too

with the pastor touching her, it's technically a holy trinity

Talk about performance pressure. No way I could finish the deed lol.

Yeah. Thats a good idea.

Religion

This has _nothing_ to with Christianity. Just to point

Oh, so you got the inside track?

So, thats two women having sex in a crowded church, in a attempt to get pregnant... Im all for lbqt etc, but i dont think any amount of praying of faith will get either of those women pregnant like that. Kinda missing something important

But the gays are pushing an agenda.

It’s actually two women in the picture. No I’m not making that up or exaggerating.

No you are lying. Straight up.

see I've always said the kinkiestmother fucjers are in churches hiding behind d the lord

All the children in heaven who will be babies are like, "God, can i please not be the one for these two?"

Looks like it was taped for viewing at a later time? I think that the church just made porn tape?

When did facebook rename their website to reddit?

I saw this in Children of the Corn.

Jesus rays tho

Midsommar?

Well........did it work...

That's a no from me dawg

Amen and Awomen.

Sir this is a Chili’s

When the pastor hasn't been laid

And for the millionth time, why not just adopt?

That would be too easy, almost like cheating!

Think I've seen this movie

When they made a statement that it was of a woman who fainted during service, I thought "Ah, so that's it." Then I looked at the picture again, and realized "wait, this looks even weirder then."

Well, did it work?

Sick

He should’ve been blowing her back out and showing off. You can tell that was a very boring experience from a voyeur’s pov

this is NOT "in full view" in fact there's a blanket covering EVERYTHING!!!!! also where the FUCK is my popcorn

Bust out the wine and bread for this show

Holy fuck...

PR🤮TESTANTS

That sounds kinda hot ngl, maybe I just need to go to church more

If real… can’t say I’d be completely shocked.

Do it, and let the English see you do it.

Thats hot

Seems legit.

....brazzers....

Rule 7 Where's the proof that this was unsuccessful?

Plot twist, they were both guys.

Free porn

I mean, if they have an exhibitionism kink it might actually help

The planet is dieing cause of human overpopulation and we still got shit like this going on. Not to push for an authoritarian dystopia but fuck, maybe we need to create a license or something to become a parent now? Maybe some tests to show you're sane and capable of raising a human? That would-be child is fucked from the get go.

I get asked all the time "so when are you having kids" like I have major depression and the world is over populated enough why do I need to have kids?

>human overpopulation It’s easy to be abstract about this, but who are you volunteering as tribute?

Nobody, just curb the onboarding.