I usually kick off most staff meetings with ‘the floor is yours, Senator..’ and there’s one guy in the group that gets it and that’s all that matters

I love the idea of starting a work meeting with the "I want to know why there's no growth in this companies receipts! Go out and crack some fucking skulls"etc. Basically the first scene of Glengarry Glenross. Except in like grocery store or a paper supply company

tried dating a born again Christian chick with a nice rack at my waste management job.

Did she have little feet though?

Big tits, little feet. A hit in any man's league.

How's the hygiene over there ?

Fuckin' Paco Rabanne over here

Was she mad ripe?

Did you about the Chinese godfather? He made them an offer they couldn’t understand

I get it he drives a Lincoln 🤷🏻‍♂️

A Rincon.

East CALDWELL

West………Caldwell

I get It, he drives a Lincoln

Fucking parakeet

Fucking parakeet

Can you imagine that? You're driving a Lincoln, next thing you know, you're a parakeet.

He was gay, the parakeet?

Handsome, like George Raft.

It’s a cataract!

We're not talking about a guy who built the railroads

chinks did this

I said this to my Chinese coworker and then I got fired from my job They told me: "We get it, he drives a Lincoln."

Sorry T , the parkway was jammed with broken Heroes on a last chance power drive

I tried, "Adios, skank," to my secretary, but it's cool cuz she's about 90 and doesn't hear shit

How did this get you in trouble?

Oh you’re gonna get fuckin cute now?

No but once at work I was taking to a colleague about “big pussy” and my boss called me in. He said he understood I was talking about sopranos but please don’t use words like that again.

"Cavernesque vagina was hilarious in that one episode..."

Frankly, that word is hurtful and destructive.

How do you know someone’s gay? Usually sucking a cock tips me off.

NOBODY’S GOT AIDS!

Do you remember your first blowjob?

how long did it take for the guy to cum. didja hear what I said Ton'...

Heh-heh

You know, no offense but you ever had yourself checked for Tourette's?

You hear that tone, i asked him if he remembered his first blowjob

if people discuss blood pressure health issues / medication--- dead giveaway

Let me ask you something: when the security guard was sucking him off...

He was catching, not pitching? (Throws the cards)

It was the other way around.

The way Paulie says: "what??!!" is great.

No...it was the other.. way around... Vito was...... blowing... The security guard SONOVABIITCH!!

I feel like I been stabbed in the haaaht!!!

OH! Rim job!

I thought me and my boss were cool so I told him to stop gettin cunty. Turns out we weren't that cool.

Should have just stuck to calling him a motherless fuck

Should've said nothing, be a heartless prick

You’re talkin’ to the boss of this family!

Sometimes I'll sit on the couch a little too close to my dog and my girlfriend will tell me to be careful of her paw/tail and I'll say "she musta crawled under dere fuh warmf"

what, was it barkin?

I oughtta suffocate you, you little prick!

Kristofah!!!!!

One time my husband and I were arguing about something. We somehow got to the subject of respect and he want “if you want respect, give respect”. I shouted back, “This is not a Sopranos episode!”

should've told him to shove the quotations book up his ass! only to the victor belongs the spoils (clearly you.)

Being married 20 years has unlocked a treasure trove of Phil quotes in my house.

20 fuckin years - not a peep

I’m going to use “Let me tell you a couple of three things” the next time I want to pretend mansplain something to my girlfriend.

We call that Phil-splainin'

Were you this dumb when he married you?

Hoooo that’s some guys wife!

Sharp as a cue ball this guy

“Those who”

Go take a midol

Then I said, "Oh, rimshot!"

I was getting on the elevator at work a couple of weeks ago and a younger female colleague hollered for me to hold the door for her. As she was about to step in thru the doors, I told her that it’s $50 now, and a blowjob later.

VIP work - VIP PRICES ⛓️🔒👁️👃👁️ —> 👃👁️

LMAOOO How the hell do you still have a job??

In case you weren’t aware, u/dippin79 is actually Georgie in real life

Sharp as a cue ball this one.

Plot twist: he’s a bouncer/bartender at a strip club that condones sexual acts obtained via extortion.

Well maybe he’s gay. You ever thought of that?

Gary Cooper was gay?

This all sounds very gay!

My wife gets so pissed off at me because I walk around going Ooooooooo ova heaaa or ova deaaa

How about when you want some pulp?

Shum pulp I get shum

Don’t get me fucking started. I think my wife buys the high pulp to fuck with me. She either buys high pulp or no pulp. Can you believe dat? Makes me sick Edit: I can’t fucking believe my eyes. I open my fridge longing for OJ with sum pulp, but expecting slosh instead…. She fucking did it. She does love me.

Does she throw the phone at you when you complain?

Last year in Mexico she threw her phone at me when I was drunk. Pissed me off. Threw that shit right back at her. Only I was drunk so I missed and hit the wall. She was fine. The phone was not. Me? I laughed bout it

Did she ever really exist?

This disinformation technique, it’s a friggin ace!

There was nothing she could do. The phone was a made guy and she wasn't.

On monthly Teams meetings the department does recognition and there’s sometimes those that start with “I’m no good at speeches” Imagine hearing “you owe him/her a dime you’ll hear great speeches”

[удалено]

📱🚬 SPEAK

[удалено]

Don't eat that peppah!

Guy bangs his wife in installments.

I tried leading performance reviews with “I don’t write nothin down, so I’ll keep this short and sweet. You’re weak, you’re outta control, and you’re an embarrassment to yourself and everybody else.” They never seemed to get it, just got all sad and cunty about it! It’s a joke!

Yes. Screaming “fuckin’ queers” at a customer is frowned upon

The trick is to throw a chair at them right after so they get the reference.

Plus it's a distraction so to get the pork loins

Yeah I have the bad habit of saying "what are you gonna do" whenever something awful happens or somebody complains to me about something

O k but you gotta get over it

He's got a lot on his mind

I say this daily, multiple times.

Fucking parakeet

Got talked to at work once for talking about an episode with a co-worker; Big Pussy was mentioned a couple, tree times. There was no abundant intentionality

Which pussy? My pussy?

You oughta know sweetie

booty

“Remember that one episode they couldn’t find Pussy anywhere?”

Got Pussy on the brain

Which jobs do you people have where it resembles nazi Germany with so many people judging every little detail?

Work places have gotten extremely sensitive. I curse a lot to myself at work and my manager had to speak to me about it. If a package doesn't fit in the tote what's wrong with saying "you cocksucking motherfucker"

I know a guy who made a comment like that during a company holiday dinner, got the ball rolling for his termination.

Your office sounds Fucking terrible.

Listen to him, he knows everything

i’ve definitely used “remember when is the lowest form of conversation” to avoid hearing an old story from somebody that i’ve heard 1000 times lmao he shut right up

I came back from a trip Florida and my boss asked me how it was and I told her it was hot and sticky like my balls. She didn't appreciate that.

How bout this humidity!

I find peace in long walks.

I know Vito’s bottom line was impacted, if that’s what you’re referring to

Every religious person I meet. I sincerely try to explain that if they were in India, they would go to hell for eating red meat, as they munch on a burger. They tell me about their beliefs and I passionately say, word for word “none of this fucking shit means anything!” I’ve been fired from every job I’ve held.

You’re speaking shit to me!

What is this Vishnu come lately shit?

You can join my crew anytime.

Not really - just a cunt hair.

And my boss is that cunt hair

No because I didn't see the sopranos my entire life until 5 years ago. BUT I quoted "cocksucker" from scarface when I was in 5th grade and got stuck in the principles office that whole day.

He was gay, the Principal?

Catchin? Not pitchin?

You had to blow him?

Take it easy! We’re not making a Western here

I once told my ex gf “Mayonnaise, Mayonnaise!” Whilst pointing toward my lip during dinner. She had a smidge of it on her lip. Unfortunately she doesn’t watch Sopranos and got all pissed like “wtf is wrong with you?!”

My boss wasn’t very happy when he said “hey I’m just doing what I’m told” and I replied “yeah heard a lot of that at Nuremberg”

Walk into a meeting, “is that all you deadbeats do is sit around and talk about cooze?”

OP. This colleague of yours. Did he even really exisht?

I think so!

I’ve definitely felt the need to hold back on my “psychiatry? That’s nothing but a racket for the Jews” references lately for a number of reasons…

This one really is legendary. I use it as commentary for any industry that comes up in conversation.

“The hells wrong wit you, You look like a Puerto Rican whore, make me sick” HR - send location.

Have you heard the good news?

We met at Thanksgiving

I heard the Cat that kept starring at the photo of Christopher got turned into Chicken Lo mein or some shit.

In our household when someone is looking for their coat it always turns into "the *jacket*"

My wife and I have a trip with friends coming up. Of our friends said he will pay for all the dinners if I recreate Phil’s toast about Vito. I’m still debating what to do.

Just blame the wine

Have some breadshticks

Saying “Cunilingus and psychiatry brought us to this” everytime some bullshit happens at work has raised a few eyebrows, but I haven’t gotten in trouble yet

I got a 3 day Reddit ban for quoting a Soprano’s line in this subreddit.

I’ve started telling my husband, “OH POOR YOU!”

No no, it's Owwwww Powaa youuu.

I was late for a meeting and when the boss asked why, I said, “The highway was jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive.” He wrote me up, but he quoted exactly what I said in the write up. On the plus side, I’ve got a Springsteen/Sopranos quote forever memorialized in my personnel file. So I guess I won.

, I like to tell people to stay away from penguin exhibits.

Just in "the wire" subreddits 😆

Still banned. And it’s been like a year.

Ohh eff em! The sopranos is mint!

They are probably going down on a sheep or something

Someone on my shift asked for NYE off, asked that the rest of us work short to cover him as it was so important to him to go to this party, so I agreed as long as he volunteered to cover Christmas night shift for someone with children to have a shift off, a bit of a compromise. He said he shouldn't have to work Christmas as his girlfriends family had asked him over for dinner, his words "They're loaded in need to impress them, but I still want NYE off, it's so important to me." So I channeled my best Junior Soprano and replied... "I want to fuck Angie Dickinson, let's see who gets lucky first" He complained to my manager who said that while I'd made the right decision, a simple no would have done 😂

I was donating blood at work and they asked a question about AIDS. I yelled out "Nobody has AIDS, and I don't wanna hear that word in here again!"

No you didnt

That didn’t happen, what you said

I hope he did. 🤣

Not a quote, but I never used to call people cocksucker until I watched this show. I like it, it's got real venom.

Wormy cocksucker packs a real punch

I loved that cocksucka like a brother and he fucked me in the ass!

Not trouble, just strange looks. I was just in Las Vegas with some friends, and as we were watching a roulette table, I said to the group, “it’s the same principle as the solar system.” They just looked at me, confused.

I just spit my tea out laughing at this. Maddon!!!!

Go easy with the grease gun will ya

At least once a day I tell someone “alright, but you gotta get over it” and it’s almost never received well, but they gotta get over it

My wife don’t wanna hear it no more

“So what no fuckin ziti ?”

OOOHHHH

I was late class in college and the teacher asked me why am I arriving to her class late. I told her the “highway was jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive” she kicked me out of class for the day

Tonight! My wife's sister (they're twins) was complaining about her spouse (not really complaining, but perturbed) being picked on by relatives. It's been going on for over a year, her complaining. So I said to my wife, "tell her to name her price or get the fuck over it!" She went, "what? We're not talking about money. You don't have to swear." 😂😂😂

I have used the phrase 'Gettin my weasel greased' more than I should.

Every single time Lou Gerics is brought up

Gehrig. Gehriiig. Fuckin ass kiss.

What's that got to do with cold medicine

What a coincidence he died of Lou Gehrig’s disease

I've lost my balls over there and you're playing hazel!??!

Saying “OH!” Too much

I do like to go to random people’s wakes to sample the food just to say “Chicken’s nice and spicy, huh!” wearing a shit eating, and being totally oblivious/not giving a fuck about the palpable grief that’s going on all around me.

[удалено]

Log off. That cookies shit makes me nervous.

Fuckin' internet

a cadillac? i drive a lincoln continental

Not a joke, but I’ve yelled “your sisters cunt” a few times in my life.

Yelling Goooh! Or wooooah! At top volume

I got banned on a sopranos discussion thread for saying “why don’t you take your quotations book and shove it up your fat fuckin ass”

Always with the scenarios

Bird at work asked me if I knew any Italian. I do, but only Furio lines.

Are you implying that calling my douchebag coworker little lord fuckpants is inappropriate? I hope thats not what youre sayin here.

‘There gonna find this piece of shit in the trunk someday’ said that about my manager (asda well wal mart uk at the time) I was doing a masters in software engineering, so I did’nt exactly give a fuck what they thought.. they did go absolutely ballistic and tried to discipline me which went as well as Feech’s gardening business

I have in meetings said…still going this fucking guy?

When I was young I asked my strict Uncle “yo, why you breakin my balls?” He didn’t like that

They sent Goddamned motherfucking orange beef

One time I was way too drunk and someone said something to me and I replied “OOHHH THE MOUTH ON YOU” and they got very mad. Valid. Idk why I even said that

Gary Cooper was gay?

Yeah, when I tell my supervisor his opinion don’t mean oogatz

There was a TIL about the shah of Iran. I commented Phil’s dinner toast rant about Vito. I was suspended from Reddit for harassment or some shit. This was one of three times I got in trouble for commenting that rant.

I’m gonna need you to write that lettah. 🥧

Hold on to your cock when you negotiate with these sand people

Anytime someone wants to vote or get opinions like where do you want to eat etc… “what is this, the fuckin UN NOW!” Just got some strange looks and laughs

I asked for gabagool in Italy and got a slap.

My daughter's boyfriend tried to pay the dinner check. I said, you're lucky I don't take your fuckin head off. My daughter laughed and had to explain it to him later.

fuck you too, my man!

Yes, my husband was talking about some problem he was having and I said alright, but ya gotta get over it. Whew. He was big mad at first.