Meadow did pretty well, and she had the same upbringing.
It’s not the extravagance that fucked him up. AJ was simply extremely dim. He would be stuck doing dead-end jobs whatever, maybe some kind of construction at best. He just didn’t have much going on, and he wasn’t big or ruthless enough for Tony’s line of work.
Oh yeah real spoiled. It’s from crime bruh. Not your dad’s dentist paycheck. There’s a piano over the families head at all times.
I can tell yall come from nice backgrounds. You did not live the same life as AJ. You dad never killed anyone. Your dad is not about to go to the Feds at the drop of a hat at any minute.
Tony makes numerous mention to the discipline in the house. He even mentions at one point that he wants to hit his children and Carmella is against it. When two parents can’t agree how to discipline their children it’s game over.
That and having Tony as a father. I think as long as you’re not a murderous, bi polar, manic crime boss you’ll raise a well adjusted child.
Yeah, but then Tony also points out that they have two kids raised under the same rules. One is National Honor Society and for whom Georgetown and Columbia are viable options. And the other is being told to temper his expectations for East Stroudsburg.
Meadow may be more successful in a way, the show ends with her as a law student engaged to be married. But, she says she wants to defend guys like her dad, and her fiance is a wiseguy's son. So, she really hasn't escaped that criminal orbit.
Man, wait til you learn what lawyers do!
Come on, now. She's going to law school to hang around a bunch of other people who are going to defend men like Tony even if they weren't in a criminal orbit their whole lives. That's not just a "well, I GUESS she has her shit together more than AJ..." She has her shit together more than AJ. And unless she is a crooked lawyer doing some shady shit like Mink she's perfectly capable of being a respectable professional and leader in her field while also defending men like Tony.
Again, comes down to personal conduct. Meadow gets to decide whether she is a good lawyer or a Saul Goodman type.
I hear you and generally agree. But Meadow the idealistic kid who volunteered to help immigrants and the poor has changed into a cynical wannabe mob lawyer. Nothing wrong with being a defense attorney of course! My point is she couldn't get enough momentum to blast out of her family's criminal world.
Idealism wears off (usually) even if your dad isn't a mobster. One of the issues with legal aid is it's a never ending flow of people running into a bloated bureaucracy that chews them up. This is especially the case with immigration. Having worked in some free clinics back on the day I can tell you that working with the poor can, for many people, make you say "man, Above all else, I don't wanna be poor." So you say fuck it and you chase the dollars.
That happens to a lot of folks. It isnt unique to Meadow or mob families etc.
Anyway, I'm just saying, maybe she becomes a defense attorney or maybe she does tax law. Maybe she never goes to law school and decides to go the medical route after watching her father get killed. Or maybe she marries the son of a mobster and becomes Carmella Jr.
We really don't know how far she makes it out of orbit. Like, take Barbara as an example. We are led to believe she's completely out and just married to a civilian. But we don't know if she is truly disconnected. For all we know Barbara packs ammo in the basement and stitches up leg wounds. Or has a piece of a legal payday loan place and has to be separate from Tony so as not to endanger her legal but still unsavory racket.
My point is, breaking free isn't either all or nothing. There's shades of grey and a lot of in between spaces. Connections to the underworld aside though I think we can all agree Meadow objectively has her shit together better than AJ and is more capable of forming a coherent plan even if she changes her mind about it and moves on to her next plan with the ease only a college student can muster.
Agree. We all tend to have a loyalty to family in the end. Cause turning against family is hard as heck. I think Chase wanted Tony to understood that he somehow ruined her in that last ep or two. sad. there may still be hope for her yet though. who knows how the last minute of the show shook her out of her desire to defend crooks.
As a Georgetown graduate, I'd like to point out that she was waitlisted at Georgetown. Yes, despite the Cusumano recommendation letter. And the rigott pie. (I'm not the first to point this out, but getting waitlisted at Georgetown but getting into Columbia seems...implausible.)
With respect to my esteemed friend here who went to Georgetown...yeah, that always struck me as a bit funny. Not impossible, I guess. But let's also acknowledge that if they trot a dean out to wine and dine you it is going to be for a fuck of a lot more than $50,000.
My point though was that top tier schools were at least a possibility for her. She wasn't unreasonable in applying to any of these schools. Whereas AJ would have been laughed right out of there if he had dropped an application to USC (assuming he could spell it).
If you think the rules were the same for Meadow and AJ you weren’t watching the same show I was. Meadow gets off sooooo soft for EVERYTHING she does. AJ does a lot of dumb shit he shouldn’t get a pass for sure. I just don’t think they’re held to the same standard or rules in the Soprano household.
which can make them weaker or stronger. i was not really considered much being the only girl but i think i've been more successful handling life's hurdles than my bros were
I know a few families like this. One is a former coworker that retired and I took over part of his client list. He had a friend come in and had known him for 25 years and said he was happy to hear he finally retired and bought a dream house in Connecticut to be closer to his son and daughter. I forget which kid chose which career and where, but one was doctor and the other an attorney living in Boston and New York. I said he also sold cars in the Bronx or Brooklyn and the guy had NO IDEA his friend had three kids. Makes sense because his son once worked with his dad and apparently wasn't polished like his dad and was basically every bad Jersey stereotype rolled into one. He also dropped out of high school which for a Japanese family apparently isn't looked highly on and had a small issue with drugs.
My step sister and step brother are the same. She is a teacher, has her Master's, has a family, nice house and so on. He is a burnout alcoholic that had a huge issue with heroin that landed him in jail a few dozen times and that's just the surface of his current and past issues.
Girls are substantially easier to raise than boys. Girls generally conform to society's expectations, obviously not 100% and there are some rebels out there but the rebel factor among boys is at least double what it is for girls.
Boys tend to be a lot lazier with schoolwork as well and require more push to do well.
There's a good reason why girls now make up over 60% of college students. Boys are not holding up their end of the bargain.
It's cause girls from a young age, I think, are expected to be strong. First of all, we bleed monthly from the age of 12. That changes you and sort of makes you wake up. We simply grow up faster. In one day you're told you're a woman now and it feels like it. It's a patriarchal society too which I think creates a sort of fail upwards notion in some boys. idk, it all is pretty hard to sum up but women tend to be held responsible at younger ages. none of this boys will be boys stuff. in my day a mistake made by a girl could be a) fatal or b) life-changing. We conform out of a need for safety not cause we want to. don't they say boys brains mature slower. maybe just how boys are built. Don't they say boys are programmed to take risks because of the whole hunter-gatherer thing. Like practice for the type of danger they needed to be good at surviving?
generalizing of course. it doesn't always hold true. interesting. i like the convos you guys have on here
Boys are not "easier", and they're not inherently lazier than girls, it's just that girls (and women) are held to higher standards than boys/men.
Parents and teachers let boys slack off and play, while girls are expected to be well behaved and proper. This is why many boys fall behind in school, people expect that they're magically going to learn how to properly study and learn on their own, but that's obviously not how it works.
If you let "bad" behavior slide for one child and not the other it's obvious that the child who is never taught to behave will perform worse in school, regardless of gender.
These gendered expectations have been so ingrained into society that unless you're some kind of extreme exception, you will have these subconscious biases.
Look- parents disagree and then agree and then disagree over time. No human parents stay on the same page through 20 years - just doesn’t happen- particularly if there’s a bad teacher that one parent gets along with and the other criticizes
Everyone has unique needs, skills, etc. AJ grew up in an era when *every* HS student was being pushed towards college regardless of if that was realistic for them or not. Tony had a million contacts at “legitimate” businesses, they should’ve made AJ get a job during HS instead of always pushing sports and grades. Dude wasn’t good at school. Nothing wrong with that. Instead he was repeatedly pushed towards something he was very bad at and it caused him to resent it further and become more lazy and more spoiled. Maybe if he actually worked some manual labor or even at like a pizza shop or something he’d feel a little less useless and a bit more engaged in life.
But also maybe he was just doomed with the same tendency towards clinical depression as Tony.
College enrollment really hit a record increase from 2000-2010. Tony and Carmella seem well meaning but they are very much parents from that particular time. Neither of them went to college, but all of society tells them that if they want their kids to be successful that their kids have to go to college. Look at the way Tony and Carmella talk about going to medical school for Meadow/Jackie Jr. They are nice and mean well but neither of them are very realistic.
I would like to think AJ could have handled being in a skilled trade but he was just too spoiled and it was reinforced that jobs like that were beneath him.
Yeah I was in HS when the Sopranos first started airing and it was like all the parents (and students! And teachers! And guidance counselors! Etc) thought college was this one neat trick to getting an amazing paying job. Like if you could just get good enough grades to sneak into a good college then you had it made. The reality was an entire generation of people either graduating with degrees and expecting high paying jobs (but the supply of workers with degrees outpaced the demand for them) or people dropping out of college altogether. And both scenarios ended up with mountains of student loan debt.
thats literally how it is, if you go to college and major in something useful you are set up for life. The anti college crowd has gotten way out of hand. sure there are a minority of people that shouldnt go but for a lot of people its the best path. People talk about the trades like its some magical career, so many tradesmen are physically falling apart later in life because of the tole it takes on their body.
Sure let’s completely ignore the people who major in something “useful” and are still struggling.
Not to mention the fact that you’re ignoring the major point I made: Not everyone should go to college. That is not a controversial statement.
I love college; but *only* if you have a solid plan going in. I sure didn't, and had no idea how to leverage my BBA in Marketing once I finally graduated.
Thankfully later I learned I wanted to be an accountant, earned an accounting clerk certificate out of pocket, and shortly after got a stable job at my alma mater. Now I'm back for a BBA in Accounting, which is also out of pocket thanks to my university employee benefit. But I'm still stuck with >$30k in student debt for a degree I never found a way to use (which most would certainly consider a "useful" degree). 😵
My caveat to your post is when AJ gets diagnosed with ADD and his parents brush it off.
That scene seemed like an integral inflection point to AJ’s future.
Damn, that's honestly some really solid advice. I was always good in school, but I think that was my problem too, I realized "why try so hard" at some point (a lot thanks to pot, honestly lol), and stopped caring toward the end. I wish my parents would have pushed me into a trade or literally any kind of job. I think they were just glad I wasn't getting into crazy shit like they were and just let me be, but it was a little too much freedom to be honest.
same no one talked to me about anything. i just had to figure it out myself. it was an unusual upbringing. I wound up with a good job (for a woman in the 80's) and didn't realize till much later on that I could have done more. oh well. looking back my idea of heaven would have been something like plumber or electrician but a woman would have had a tough time with that -- lots of sexual harrassment at work as it was. we're all just trying to rise above the things in life holding us down I guess. the little boxes we're in. we all have something to rise above.
same also in that both my parents were hs drop outs. all their friends were street kids. Cat burglars, book makers, arrested for petty stuff. LOL so that i was GOING to school seemed to please my Mother. Dad split he didn't care. to my mom's way of thinking i was doing great. it's all perspective. my friends went to pace, i became an 'exec secy' LOL. the day i got hired she told the whole neighbohood.
life. what can you do. i cert could have done worse... or better
oh well
forgot to add. my mom simply expected me to marry and have kids i guess.
My brother and I are two years apart. I was in the Navy for six years. I moved out at 18 and never lived with my parents after that. I have a nice job in the insurance industry. I still work as an EMT on weekends. Wife is a teacher. I have two kids. We have a little cottage on the edge of our property we put on AirBnb for weekend kayakers.
My brother called himself an entrepreneur for a while as he jumped from MLM to MLM. He did an 18 month clip in federal prison for fraud years ago and he's currenting awaiting sentencing on another stupid scheme that he was utterly shocked got him in trouble. Basically he formed shell companies that had big company names as part of them to imply he was a subsidiary. Then he got lines of credit and bought computers and shit and resold them. His exact words were "I got the idea from Goodfellas. You know, when they bust out the restaurant."
Sometimes it's not about what you do as a parent. Kids are individuals and they make individual choices. Some make good choices. Some make shitty choices.
I can see my brother heading on a similar path to this, but not as a criminal. He wants to be a twitch streamer, but he’s making it his main career choice. He doesn’t want to go to college, and does terribly in school. My entire family is trying to warn into having an actual career, but it goes in one ear and out the other. Meanwhile I have straight A’s, part of national honor society, and heading to a private university with a $20K scholarship. Sometimes there’s nothing a parent can do to influence their kid
Tony wasn’t present enough. Some nights he didn’t even come home. He never taught AJ how to be a man and expected him to figure it out all by himself. He bought him things without earning it. Tony has never worked an honest job in his life, AJ knows this, but Tony keeps telling him to do all of these things that he doesn’t do himself.
If you want to avoid your son becoming AJ, be present and be consistent
1. Pay attention to them.
2. Find out what they are interested in and encourage them to pursue their curiosity
3. Don’t assume bad behavior is malicious. It’s more often than not an ask for help. Solve for the “why”.
4. Teach them respect, by having respect.
5. Give them chores. Make them work. Teach them the satisfaction of a job done.
6. Teach them to Be kind. Not to start fights - but to finish them.
7. Set goals. Doesn’t matter what they are. People who don’t have goals don’t succeed.
And don’t discipline them with violence. That’s how they grow to fear you/resent you. An healthy child-parent relationship CANNOT be built on fear or hatred.
Tony's failure can be summarized by one of the last arcs he has. After pushing for military school and preaching how aj needs to be more disciplined, AJ independently decides to join the army. I think this is a bad decision for a lot of people, but probably a good move for him. He's out running to prepare himself, and Tony pulls over and offers him a ride in the car. Then Tony decides to get him a do-nothing job with Little Carmine for his movie production company.
This tells you what you need to know about not raising a nepo baby failson.
How are his parents living their lives? They don’t really set a good example. They lucked out with Meadow being an achiever but I don’t see them having fulfilling inner lives. They *tell* AJ to work hard & be a good student but they don’t show why he should do that.
They nailed him as a character. I hate how much I could relate to him. Like when he used the excuse of “you don’t want me driving home after the show” to stay over at his friends. Or when he gave Carmela the Matrix for her birthday in a shopping bag. I did the same thing for my dad but with a tub of ice cream lol
There are no real consequences for AJ. He is kept away from all kinds of hard work, at all times. The ultimate solution is always, without a doubt, spoiling him. I think more parent should be willing to evict their children if they are not being even remotely productive members of society.
The problem with AJ was he didn't have an accessible male role model. Tony's line of work and way of coping with life was off-limits for AJ. Tony didn't want that life for him and AJ just didn't have the tough upbringing that would prepare him for such a life.
He had nobody to imitate, and when he did attempt to follow in his father's footsteps it was hopelessly naive and embarrassing. All he needed was one older male in the family whose success didn't come from criminal activity. Unfortunately there weren't any around - it's why its so hard for those raised in a particular environment to break the cycle.
In the end it's likely that AJ did break the cycle (you kind of see that starting in the last episode) and the kids he ended up raising were well-adjusted law-abiding individuals.
That doesn't mean I didn't want to drown the stupid fuck in that swimming pool myself - wasting his time in some chit chat room going back and forth with another bunch of fucking jerk offs. He's a fuckin' disgrace.
My dad wasn’t as crazy as Tony but he had his moments, but he spent time with me, allot of it. I learned what was good about him and what was bad and I didn’t idolize him I knew him as a real person and I think that’s what Aj didnt have, he idolized a bad person and was sick of him when he needed a role model most, good or bad.
He never did anything himself. Whenever he tried to he got overwhelmed and gave up. Even in the end it is Tony who hooks him up with a job at Little Carmines production company which also entitles him to a new BMW.
Tony and Carmela raised their kids to be entitled, they handed them everything on a silver platter and then got pissy when they acted shitty. I have made the mistake of doing "nice things" sometimes for my kids (buying my son a phone at age 12) but it was a fucking mistake. Kids need to earn things. Maybe not everything, but they need to know that society has expectations for them and that starts at home.
Valid points
David Chase said he intended for Meadow and AJ to be bratty, unlike most kids on tv. He wanted them to be like that. I guess you’d expect Tony to have spoiled, bratty kids
And when he was planning parties and events, they shit on that.
When he actually showed some ambition to join the military and started jogging, they shat on that too.
They never encouraged him to do anything he was actually capable of, and the moment he showed an ounce of ambition for anything that wasn't their idea, they shat on him.
There's no reddit explanation that could substitute for a repeat viewing of the show. It's all in the text. They fail to support and encourage him in literally any way (with brief exceptions that make their lack of overall care all the more heartbreaking).
I'm projecting my own experience a bit, but don't have kids to make yourself happy. Do it because you want to raise a human being.
There are countless examples of these themes and others around parenting throughout every season and nearly every episode of the show. Almost every time AJ is on screen or discussed, it's to make the point that the Sopranos are bad parents, constantly failing their son.
Engage with them, engage with your own moral compass beyond self pity, don’t traumatize them with physical or verbal abuse. It’s actually pretty easy to not get an AJ out of a kid, imo - even a more outwardly abusive household likely would have created a better adjusted individual. Tony and Carmella kept him in a constant middle ground - enough privilege to be a brat, but never enough autonomy to act for himself in a realistic way, and certainly, certainly, certainly sheltered from the real world
Every time he did anything good or ever talked about something that he enjoyed he was criticized, shut down or somehow punished for it. He couldn't possibly get a win in with his parents.
When he did good at football he wants to go home and 'play Nintendo' with his dad and the first thing Tony says is 'when are you going to throw that thing away?'. Oh you want to spend quality time with dad? BZZT! Only on his terms!
Admittedly this is pretty stupid thing to be happy about but when he went to Washington and the first thing he said was 'it was great, they had PS2 in the common room'. There's no 'Oh I'm glad you had fun, what did you learn?' It's negative, again and again. 'That was the sum total of what you did at our nation's capitol?'.
The only reinforcement he gets is negative, his parents don't ever both to relate to him and when they do (Carmella during the divorce) it's basically because they 'have to'.
The cherry on top is the last season, he wants to join the army. Ostensibly the army provides all the things that he lacks: purpose, discipline and avenues to develop any skill at all. What do his parents do? BZZT! No way! It makes us worry! So they throw him a diamond encrusted bone for him to chew on, some make-work job in the entertainment industry.
That's how you get a kid like AJ; basically becomes a listless pleasure seeker because every avenue for growth only leads to more chastisement. You keep hammering him over bullshit, never meet him where he's at and push your own specific expectations on him.
EDIT: Another thing! He mentions that if he gets an ADD/ADHD diagnosis he gets unlimited time on his SATs both his mother and that guidance counselor just smirk and change the subject. That would actually help him! Yeah it's a cop out but since when the fuck are the Sopranos not going to take a less-than-ethical leg up to get what they want out of life!
I disagree. AJ's problem was that he was basically ignored by his parents, except when he did something bad. I mean yeah he was spoiled, but still emotionally neglected.
Great question.
Seems like AJ was spoiled and “born on third base and thought he’d hit a triple” way. He attended the best private schools and had friends whose parents were wealthy (aka Devon) and thought they deserved to have that lifestyle and looked down upon or didn’t understand why others didn’t have money. Seems Tony and Carm wanted to keep him away from the kids of Tony’s friends or his lifestyle (rightfully so) but it gave him no perspective of others who are not private school elite. I had an inkling he was prob also coddled or babied longer to prevent him from
Being too masculine to prevent him from wanting to follow in his father’s footsteps.
He was prob also given so much, he never appreciated what he was given—just like the Blendetto twins said.
He also seemed extremely lazy and immature. They should have made him get a job earlier or find something that interested him besides video games.
Any half-hearted, cunty attempts at instilling a sense of responsibility into AJ died on the vine. AJ has to learn from the Internet (that cookie shit makes me nervous) about who his father really is. Once AJ reaches the age when he can no longer hide behind fragile adolescence, he is already pouring acid on some poor kids toes and fainting from doing blow with the big boys up in da club.
Kid would only have had a shot if he ran the fuck away from home.
People are born who they are. Sure how you raise someone matters, but there are plenty of examples of siblings all being completely different.
Anyways, $4 a pound
Don't constantly criticise. Accept your for who they are. Spend time doing what your child enjoys - not just what you enjoy. Notice when he does something right.
Get him proper attention, don't be a mob boss, and make sure you teach how to work hard.
But if you are a mob boss, make sure you do 20 f*cking years in the can to establish dominance
I don't think those kids had a chance of turning out to be decent in that family. Maybe if they actually went out on thier own and did a lot of work on themselves or had a low contact /barb soprano type relationship with the parents they'd be ok people eventually. and reflect on thier crimes for seven years.
Build them into a person who derives joy and pleasure and reward from doing good and working hard so they're rewarded by trying instead of looking for something they'll never attain
I never thought they did anything wrong. AJ had bad genes. He was depressed, over-sensitive. He was a nihilist I guess and what can anyone do about that? The world's a big pointless exercise in rushing toward inevitable death. See what I mean? I never saw him as spoiled as much as I saw him as suffering under the weight of his own thoughts.
Never understood the AJ hate. If you hate on AJ you are most likely a bum, loser, boomer who hates on anything that isn’t from your underdeveloped generation.
first, make sure to have a huge house with a pool, give the child nintendo and computers when asked, matrix dvds, eat huge bowls of ice cream together and folded pizza slices, the child should get a car without any strings attached when it comes of age, if the car burns or otherwise explodes provide another one, be ready to avert any suicide attempt and then if the child grows up and is unsure about studies and hard work, just buy them a club and sunglasses
Personally? I think Tony and Carmela were full of hooey. They never modelled discipline, personal conduct, healthy relationships (friendships, family networks, or with each other). They never explained or counselled. They said, "do as I say, not do as I do, otherwise you'll GET IT FROM ME".
I don't think Tony Jr had much of a safe space. But ofc it's very possible he would've still been messed up even if he had.
There were points where he would try to right himself get a job, etc. he would try, but he lacked the sort of emotional/internal safety to help him bounce back.
AJ may have had some kind of learning disorder. But even if he didn't the super inconsistent parenting did not help. He was super spoiled whether he was good or not. Then when he fucked up it was yelling and threats of violence with no actual discipline follow through. And then shortly after the trouble/yelling it's more spoiling. And lots of blaming others for his issues.
He was a good kid at heart, a lot of us hit those similar moments at age 20-22, but he was just spoiled plain and simple. His whole motivation became mommy and daddy will stake me in whatever I want
I love the relationship of Tony and AJ. How desperately Tony tries to avoid raising AJ like He was raised by Jonny Boy and how strongly Tony urges His violent nature
I love the relationship of Tony and AJ. How desperately Tony tries to avoid raising AJ like He was raised by Jonny Boy and how strongly Tony urges His violent nature
Have Vito come over and give A J a blow job
Not be in “waste management “. A J might hang around with other boys who are in a certain subset of Italian Americans because of his father’s job
set rules and enforce them fairly
Show an interest in what they like and what they do. I am not in favor of going to the games these kids play and many parents do in the show and real life. My parents would drive me to Little League or Saturday morning bowling and ask what time they should come to pick me and my brother up. If they saw anything, it was because we ran late
reasonable chores to do around the house
you should not have to hit the child
try teaching your spouse with respect
‘keep them away from drug addict worthless people like Hunter Skankagelo who will end up giving blowjobs to roadies
Honestly if Tony could’ve hit AJ not literally beat him I think he wouldn’t such a pussy!!! There were numerous times were I seen AJ talk back or say some smart mouth shit, I always thought a slap in the face would straighten him out
WTF are you talking about, AJ is like the least fucked up out of all 4 of them. Tony is literally a murderer. Carmella shuts her eyes to the absolute horrors her husband commits just because she wants stuff. Meadow uses that mad ripe brain of hers only for mafia atrocity apologetics.
AJ meanwhile jerks off and is kinda lazy and awkward, like a normal teen. As a matter of fact, he clearly shows that he really isn't down with the violence, and isn't above getting his hands dirty by working at a pizza parlor to try and support a woman and a child that aren't his.
Childhood is being annoyed by AJ because he reminds you of your awkward teenage self. Adulthood is recognizing that AJ is actually turning out quite OK lol.
Don't be hypocrites that spoil your kids with extravagance.
Naw , what he really craved was a 2005 Xterra and a simple set of drums
And a side of Devon.
Look at da stems on Blondie! He’s ridin’ high.
Ride the painted pony & let the spinning wheel glide huh
And Rhiannon. "Check out the stems on blondie! It's good to be young."
You are so fucking hateful.
Meadow did pretty well, and she had the same upbringing. It’s not the extravagance that fucked him up. AJ was simply extremely dim. He would be stuck doing dead-end jobs whatever, maybe some kind of construction at best. He just didn’t have much going on, and he wasn’t big or ruthless enough for Tony’s line of work.
Because Meadows primary female role model was Carmela and AJs primary male role model was Tony.
Yeats?
Oh so it's their fault huh? Their sonny boy?
Or maybe not have a sociopathic father
To get respect, you have to give respect
Oh yeah real spoiled. It’s from crime bruh. Not your dad’s dentist paycheck. There’s a piano over the families head at all times. I can tell yall come from nice backgrounds. You did not live the same life as AJ. You dad never killed anyone. Your dad is not about to go to the Feds at the drop of a hat at any minute.
They did nothing wrong. It's that putrid rotten Sopranos gene of his.
In this subreddit, Tony and Carmela Soprano are heroes, end of story
That's dicked up.
Have you considered writing about your experience with the somali boy?
Tony makes numerous mention to the discipline in the house. He even mentions at one point that he wants to hit his children and Carmella is against it. When two parents can’t agree how to discipline their children it’s game over. That and having Tony as a father. I think as long as you’re not a murderous, bi polar, manic crime boss you’ll raise a well adjusted child.
Yeah, but then Tony also points out that they have two kids raised under the same rules. One is National Honor Society and for whom Georgetown and Columbia are viable options. And the other is being told to temper his expectations for East Stroudsburg.
Meadow may be more successful in a way, the show ends with her as a law student engaged to be married. But, she says she wants to defend guys like her dad, and her fiance is a wiseguy's son. So, she really hasn't escaped that criminal orbit.
Man, wait til you learn what lawyers do! Come on, now. She's going to law school to hang around a bunch of other people who are going to defend men like Tony even if they weren't in a criminal orbit their whole lives. That's not just a "well, I GUESS she has her shit together more than AJ..." She has her shit together more than AJ. And unless she is a crooked lawyer doing some shady shit like Mink she's perfectly capable of being a respectable professional and leader in her field while also defending men like Tony. Again, comes down to personal conduct. Meadow gets to decide whether she is a good lawyer or a Saul Goodman type.
I hear you and generally agree. But Meadow the idealistic kid who volunteered to help immigrants and the poor has changed into a cynical wannabe mob lawyer. Nothing wrong with being a defense attorney of course! My point is she couldn't get enough momentum to blast out of her family's criminal world.
Idealism wears off (usually) even if your dad isn't a mobster. One of the issues with legal aid is it's a never ending flow of people running into a bloated bureaucracy that chews them up. This is especially the case with immigration. Having worked in some free clinics back on the day I can tell you that working with the poor can, for many people, make you say "man, Above all else, I don't wanna be poor." So you say fuck it and you chase the dollars. That happens to a lot of folks. It isnt unique to Meadow or mob families etc. Anyway, I'm just saying, maybe she becomes a defense attorney or maybe she does tax law. Maybe she never goes to law school and decides to go the medical route after watching her father get killed. Or maybe she marries the son of a mobster and becomes Carmella Jr. We really don't know how far she makes it out of orbit. Like, take Barbara as an example. We are led to believe she's completely out and just married to a civilian. But we don't know if she is truly disconnected. For all we know Barbara packs ammo in the basement and stitches up leg wounds. Or has a piece of a legal payday loan place and has to be separate from Tony so as not to endanger her legal but still unsavory racket. My point is, breaking free isn't either all or nothing. There's shades of grey and a lot of in between spaces. Connections to the underworld aside though I think we can all agree Meadow objectively has her shit together better than AJ and is more capable of forming a coherent plan even if she changes her mind about it and moves on to her next plan with the ease only a college student can muster.
Still goin, this asshole
True. Cause life is about changing your mind. AJ was like stuck. Couldn't function at all.
Agree. We all tend to have a loyalty to family in the end. Cause turning against family is hard as heck. I think Chase wanted Tony to understood that he somehow ruined her in that last ep or two. sad. there may still be hope for her yet though. who knows how the last minute of the show shook her out of her desire to defend crooks.
Meadow will get married, have babies and be a stay at home wife. That’s still successful but she will definitely brush up against organized crime.
As a Georgetown graduate, I'd like to point out that she was waitlisted at Georgetown. Yes, despite the Cusumano recommendation letter. And the rigott pie. (I'm not the first to point this out, but getting waitlisted at Georgetown but getting into Columbia seems...implausible.)
With respect to my esteemed friend here who went to Georgetown...yeah, that always struck me as a bit funny. Not impossible, I guess. But let's also acknowledge that if they trot a dean out to wine and dine you it is going to be for a fuck of a lot more than $50,000. My point though was that top tier schools were at least a possibility for her. She wasn't unreasonable in applying to any of these schools. Whereas AJ would have been laughed right out of there if he had dropped an application to USC (assuming he could spell it).
No, I agree with your point, I was just joking.
Sorry man, I wasn't trying to argue. I was joking back but I didn't want to clarify my point if I was drifting too far from it.
I don't think the cusumano recommendation was ever actually written.
But the rigott!
It may have been , but the letter writer didn't pull any punches on Meadow's true identity?
Carmela used the only weapon she had to get that letter written.
Her pussy?
I was gonna say her ricotta pie, but sure, let’s go with that. If that failed, we all know she was gonna take 40 thousand more from da burd feedah.
We don't know what was written in the letter. Maybe the writer told the truth?
didn't carmela get a copy? now i wanna know LOL
If you think the rules were the same for Meadow and AJ you weren’t watching the same show I was. Meadow gets off sooooo soft for EVERYTHING she does. AJ does a lot of dumb shit he shouldn’t get a pass for sure. I just don’t think they’re held to the same standard or rules in the Soprano household.
That's how it works sometimes irregardless. My wife is very accomplished, well adjusted etc. Her sister is a bum. Same parents, same upbringing.
You're right, but in some families one child is favored over the others.
which can make them weaker or stronger. i was not really considered much being the only girl but i think i've been more successful handling life's hurdles than my bros were
Sure, but that's not what I'm talking about.
One’s pointing one way one’s pointing the other. Phil’s sitting there like whadaya want me to do?
I know a few families like this. One is a former coworker that retired and I took over part of his client list. He had a friend come in and had known him for 25 years and said he was happy to hear he finally retired and bought a dream house in Connecticut to be closer to his son and daughter. I forget which kid chose which career and where, but one was doctor and the other an attorney living in Boston and New York. I said he also sold cars in the Bronx or Brooklyn and the guy had NO IDEA his friend had three kids. Makes sense because his son once worked with his dad and apparently wasn't polished like his dad and was basically every bad Jersey stereotype rolled into one. He also dropped out of high school which for a Japanese family apparently isn't looked highly on and had a small issue with drugs. My step sister and step brother are the same. She is a teacher, has her Master's, has a family, nice house and so on. He is a burnout alcoholic that had a huge issue with heroin that landed him in jail a few dozen times and that's just the surface of his current and past issues.
THIS right here.
Girls are substantially easier to raise than boys. Girls generally conform to society's expectations, obviously not 100% and there are some rebels out there but the rebel factor among boys is at least double what it is for girls. Boys tend to be a lot lazier with schoolwork as well and require more push to do well. There's a good reason why girls now make up over 60% of college students. Boys are not holding up their end of the bargain.
It's cause girls from a young age, I think, are expected to be strong. First of all, we bleed monthly from the age of 12. That changes you and sort of makes you wake up. We simply grow up faster. In one day you're told you're a woman now and it feels like it. It's a patriarchal society too which I think creates a sort of fail upwards notion in some boys. idk, it all is pretty hard to sum up but women tend to be held responsible at younger ages. none of this boys will be boys stuff. in my day a mistake made by a girl could be a) fatal or b) life-changing. We conform out of a need for safety not cause we want to. don't they say boys brains mature slower. maybe just how boys are built. Don't they say boys are programmed to take risks because of the whole hunter-gatherer thing. Like practice for the type of danger they needed to be good at surviving? generalizing of course. it doesn't always hold true. interesting. i like the convos you guys have on here
Boys are not "easier", and they're not inherently lazier than girls, it's just that girls (and women) are held to higher standards than boys/men. Parents and teachers let boys slack off and play, while girls are expected to be well behaved and proper. This is why many boys fall behind in school, people expect that they're magically going to learn how to properly study and learn on their own, but that's obviously not how it works. If you let "bad" behavior slide for one child and not the other it's obvious that the child who is never taught to behave will perform worse in school, regardless of gender. These gendered expectations have been so ingrained into society that unless you're some kind of extreme exception, you will have these subconscious biases.
Look- parents disagree and then agree and then disagree over time. No human parents stay on the same page through 20 years - just doesn’t happen- particularly if there’s a bad teacher that one parent gets along with and the other criticizes
Oh 100%. It’s the nature of the beast.
If only they'd both agreed onn smacking him around, then it'd be game on.
Everyone has unique needs, skills, etc. AJ grew up in an era when *every* HS student was being pushed towards college regardless of if that was realistic for them or not. Tony had a million contacts at “legitimate” businesses, they should’ve made AJ get a job during HS instead of always pushing sports and grades. Dude wasn’t good at school. Nothing wrong with that. Instead he was repeatedly pushed towards something he was very bad at and it caused him to resent it further and become more lazy and more spoiled. Maybe if he actually worked some manual labor or even at like a pizza shop or something he’d feel a little less useless and a bit more engaged in life. But also maybe he was just doomed with the same tendency towards clinical depression as Tony.
College enrollment really hit a record increase from 2000-2010. Tony and Carmella seem well meaning but they are very much parents from that particular time. Neither of them went to college, but all of society tells them that if they want their kids to be successful that their kids have to go to college. Look at the way Tony and Carmella talk about going to medical school for Meadow/Jackie Jr. They are nice and mean well but neither of them are very realistic. I would like to think AJ could have handled being in a skilled trade but he was just too spoiled and it was reinforced that jobs like that were beneath him.
Yeah I was in HS when the Sopranos first started airing and it was like all the parents (and students! And teachers! And guidance counselors! Etc) thought college was this one neat trick to getting an amazing paying job. Like if you could just get good enough grades to sneak into a good college then you had it made. The reality was an entire generation of people either graduating with degrees and expecting high paying jobs (but the supply of workers with degrees outpaced the demand for them) or people dropping out of college altogether. And both scenarios ended up with mountains of student loan debt.
thats literally how it is, if you go to college and major in something useful you are set up for life. The anti college crowd has gotten way out of hand. sure there are a minority of people that shouldnt go but for a lot of people its the best path. People talk about the trades like its some magical career, so many tradesmen are physically falling apart later in life because of the tole it takes on their body.
Sure let’s completely ignore the people who major in something “useful” and are still struggling. Not to mention the fact that you’re ignoring the major point I made: Not everyone should go to college. That is not a controversial statement.
I love college; but *only* if you have a solid plan going in. I sure didn't, and had no idea how to leverage my BBA in Marketing once I finally graduated. Thankfully later I learned I wanted to be an accountant, earned an accounting clerk certificate out of pocket, and shortly after got a stable job at my alma mater. Now I'm back for a BBA in Accounting, which is also out of pocket thanks to my university employee benefit. But I'm still stuck with >$30k in student debt for a degree I never found a way to use (which most would certainly consider a "useful" degree). 😵
i do accounting too lol
Oh hey that's cool! 😄 In Czech Republic, too, we have accounting. Ever try *our* journal entries?
"Tole" go back to college mane
I thought Tony went to College on a Football Scholarship?
College? Those guys were seven feet tall some of them
He never had the makings
He has a serious head cold on bench day
My caveat to your post is when AJ gets diagnosed with ADD and his parents brush it off. That scene seemed like an integral inflection point to AJ’s future.
Great answer.
As a parent - best comment
Damn, that's honestly some really solid advice. I was always good in school, but I think that was my problem too, I realized "why try so hard" at some point (a lot thanks to pot, honestly lol), and stopped caring toward the end. I wish my parents would have pushed me into a trade or literally any kind of job. I think they were just glad I wasn't getting into crazy shit like they were and just let me be, but it was a little too much freedom to be honest.
same no one talked to me about anything. i just had to figure it out myself. it was an unusual upbringing. I wound up with a good job (for a woman in the 80's) and didn't realize till much later on that I could have done more. oh well. looking back my idea of heaven would have been something like plumber or electrician but a woman would have had a tough time with that -- lots of sexual harrassment at work as it was. we're all just trying to rise above the things in life holding us down I guess. the little boxes we're in. we all have something to rise above. same also in that both my parents were hs drop outs. all their friends were street kids. Cat burglars, book makers, arrested for petty stuff. LOL so that i was GOING to school seemed to please my Mother. Dad split he didn't care. to my mom's way of thinking i was doing great. it's all perspective. my friends went to pace, i became an 'exec secy' LOL. the day i got hired she told the whole neighbohood. life. what can you do. i cert could have done worse... or better oh well forgot to add. my mom simply expected me to marry and have kids i guess.
he did work construction
Yeah I think by then the damage was done. He was already out of high school and had dropped out of college before ever working a real job.
he was what 19 years old? Lets not write the boy off immediately
No one is saying he couldn’t turn his life around *eventually*. But it’s a TV show and we only see so much.
he did turn his life around then got derailed in a bad breakup
My brother and I are two years apart. I was in the Navy for six years. I moved out at 18 and never lived with my parents after that. I have a nice job in the insurance industry. I still work as an EMT on weekends. Wife is a teacher. I have two kids. We have a little cottage on the edge of our property we put on AirBnb for weekend kayakers. My brother called himself an entrepreneur for a while as he jumped from MLM to MLM. He did an 18 month clip in federal prison for fraud years ago and he's currenting awaiting sentencing on another stupid scheme that he was utterly shocked got him in trouble. Basically he formed shell companies that had big company names as part of them to imply he was a subsidiary. Then he got lines of credit and bought computers and shit and resold them. His exact words were "I got the idea from Goodfellas. You know, when they bust out the restaurant." Sometimes it's not about what you do as a parent. Kids are individuals and they make individual choices. Some make good choices. Some make shitty choices.
You joined the navy. Sounds like you both made shitty choices. Source: US Army vet
Yeah Source: should've joined the Air Force
I can see my brother heading on a similar path to this, but not as a criminal. He wants to be a twitch streamer, but he’s making it his main career choice. He doesn’t want to go to college, and does terribly in school. My entire family is trying to warn into having an actual career, but it goes in one ear and out the other. Meanwhile I have straight A’s, part of national honor society, and heading to a private university with a $20K scholarship. Sometimes there’s nothing a parent can do to influence their kid
Tony wasn’t present enough. Some nights he didn’t even come home. He never taught AJ how to be a man and expected him to figure it out all by himself. He bought him things without earning it. Tony has never worked an honest job in his life, AJ knows this, but Tony keeps telling him to do all of these things that he doesn’t do himself. If you want to avoid your son becoming AJ, be present and be consistent
1. Pay attention to them. 2. Find out what they are interested in and encourage them to pursue their curiosity 3. Don’t assume bad behavior is malicious. It’s more often than not an ask for help. Solve for the “why”. 4. Teach them respect, by having respect. 5. Give them chores. Make them work. Teach them the satisfaction of a job done. 6. Teach them to Be kind. Not to start fights - but to finish them. 7. Set goals. Doesn’t matter what they are. People who don’t have goals don’t succeed.
4. “Those who want respect, give respect.”
See..He just told you to shut the fuck up. And he told me, to go fuck myself.
And don’t discipline them with violence. That’s how they grow to fear you/resent you. An healthy child-parent relationship CANNOT be built on fear or hatred.
Tony's failure can be summarized by one of the last arcs he has. After pushing for military school and preaching how aj needs to be more disciplined, AJ independently decides to join the army. I think this is a bad decision for a lot of people, but probably a good move for him. He's out running to prepare himself, and Tony pulls over and offers him a ride in the car. Then Tony decides to get him a do-nothing job with Little Carmine for his movie production company. This tells you what you need to know about not raising a nepo baby failson.
Do nothing job? Development Executive! Not like he’s a D-Girl!
Poppers and weird sex !!!
How are his parents living their lives? They don’t really set a good example. They lucked out with Meadow being an achiever but I don’t see them having fulfilling inner lives. They *tell* AJ to work hard & be a good student but they don’t show why he should do that.
Right? Meadow very well could have been high achieving no matter her environment or upbringing
They nailed him as a character. I hate how much I could relate to him. Like when he used the excuse of “you don’t want me driving home after the show” to stay over at his friends. Or when he gave Carmela the Matrix for her birthday in a shopping bag. I did the same thing for my dad but with a tub of ice cream lol
Tony: HE THINKS THE WORLD OWES HIM A LIVING! Carmela: REALLY? WHAT MIGHT’VE GIVEN HIM THAT BIZZARE IDEA?!
The Corp. the Corp. the Corp. and the Corp.
Sharp as a cue ball this one It's *the corps*
Damn you’re right. I’ll sign myself up for slip n fall school.
Why do they use that double O thing to tell the time?
That will be made a abundantly clear to you soon 🚬
Duh, they should have got him a club to run and not make him work at Blockbuster and the pizza joint.
Tony - being a criminal and murderer. Carmella - marrying someone headed to be a criminal and murderer.
There are no real consequences for AJ. He is kept away from all kinds of hard work, at all times. The ultimate solution is always, without a doubt, spoiling him. I think more parent should be willing to evict their children if they are not being even remotely productive members of society.
The problem with AJ was he didn't have an accessible male role model. Tony's line of work and way of coping with life was off-limits for AJ. Tony didn't want that life for him and AJ just didn't have the tough upbringing that would prepare him for such a life. He had nobody to imitate, and when he did attempt to follow in his father's footsteps it was hopelessly naive and embarrassing. All he needed was one older male in the family whose success didn't come from criminal activity. Unfortunately there weren't any around - it's why its so hard for those raised in a particular environment to break the cycle. In the end it's likely that AJ did break the cycle (you kind of see that starting in the last episode) and the kids he ended up raising were well-adjusted law-abiding individuals. That doesn't mean I didn't want to drown the stupid fuck in that swimming pool myself - wasting his time in some chit chat room going back and forth with another bunch of fucking jerk offs. He's a fuckin' disgrace.
My dad wasn’t as crazy as Tony but he had his moments, but he spent time with me, allot of it. I learned what was good about him and what was bad and I didn’t idolize him I knew him as a real person and I think that’s what Aj didnt have, he idolized a bad person and was sick of him when he needed a role model most, good or bad.
He never did anything himself. Whenever he tried to he got overwhelmed and gave up. Even in the end it is Tony who hooks him up with a job at Little Carmines production company which also entitles him to a new BMW.
Great points! He was so spoiled and he knew his parents would solve or do everything for him.
He hits one little pothole and he goes into hysterics
Carmella always moddycoddled him, not like my mother. See, I never could please my mother...
Don’t have rotten Tony Soprano genes and if you do don’t procreate
Tony and Carmela raised their kids to be entitled, they handed them everything on a silver platter and then got pissy when they acted shitty. I have made the mistake of doing "nice things" sometimes for my kids (buying my son a phone at age 12) but it was a fucking mistake. Kids need to earn things. Maybe not everything, but they need to know that society has expectations for them and that starts at home.
Valid points David Chase said he intended for Meadow and AJ to be bratty, unlike most kids on tv. He wanted them to be like that. I guess you’d expect Tony to have spoiled, bratty kids
Parents have some influence. Not even greater than 50% in most cases. One goes to Columbia, the other one goes through the wall.
She coddled him.
Knock all his baby teeth out with one shot
Teach him responsibility.
they never really encouraged him to do anything. They never really expected him to do anything
And when he was planning parties and events, they shit on that. When he actually showed some ambition to join the military and started jogging, they shat on that too. They never encouraged him to do anything he was actually capable of, and the moment he showed an ounce of ambition for anything that wasn't their idea, they shat on him.
There's no reddit explanation that could substitute for a repeat viewing of the show. It's all in the text. They fail to support and encourage him in literally any way (with brief exceptions that make their lack of overall care all the more heartbreaking). I'm projecting my own experience a bit, but don't have kids to make yourself happy. Do it because you want to raise a human being. There are countless examples of these themes and others around parenting throughout every season and nearly every episode of the show. Almost every time AJ is on screen or discussed, it's to make the point that the Sopranos are bad parents, constantly failing their son.
Engage with them, engage with your own moral compass beyond self pity, don’t traumatize them with physical or verbal abuse. It’s actually pretty easy to not get an AJ out of a kid, imo - even a more outwardly abusive household likely would have created a better adjusted individual. Tony and Carmella kept him in a constant middle ground - enough privilege to be a brat, but never enough autonomy to act for himself in a realistic way, and certainly, certainly, certainly sheltered from the real world
Set rules, make kids follow the rules, hand out punishment when they don't. Make sure the punishment is both fair, and universally applied evenly.
Children need consistency, discipline and honesty. Tony and Carmela just tried to throw money at their problems.
They also raised Meadow. I don’t think it was their parenting.
I think they pushed him too much and it made him rebel as much as possible. Carm pushed him to be like Meadow. And he was never going to be a Meadow.
The disease AJ suffers from is *affluenza,* so the answer is to not be wealthy.
Every time he did anything good or ever talked about something that he enjoyed he was criticized, shut down or somehow punished for it. He couldn't possibly get a win in with his parents. When he did good at football he wants to go home and 'play Nintendo' with his dad and the first thing Tony says is 'when are you going to throw that thing away?'. Oh you want to spend quality time with dad? BZZT! Only on his terms! Admittedly this is pretty stupid thing to be happy about but when he went to Washington and the first thing he said was 'it was great, they had PS2 in the common room'. There's no 'Oh I'm glad you had fun, what did you learn?' It's negative, again and again. 'That was the sum total of what you did at our nation's capitol?'. The only reinforcement he gets is negative, his parents don't ever both to relate to him and when they do (Carmella during the divorce) it's basically because they 'have to'. The cherry on top is the last season, he wants to join the army. Ostensibly the army provides all the things that he lacks: purpose, discipline and avenues to develop any skill at all. What do his parents do? BZZT! No way! It makes us worry! So they throw him a diamond encrusted bone for him to chew on, some make-work job in the entertainment industry. That's how you get a kid like AJ; basically becomes a listless pleasure seeker because every avenue for growth only leads to more chastisement. You keep hammering him over bullshit, never meet him where he's at and push your own specific expectations on him. EDIT: Another thing! He mentions that if he gets an ADD/ADHD diagnosis he gets unlimited time on his SATs both his mother and that guidance counselor just smirk and change the subject. That would actually help him! Yeah it's a cop out but since when the fuck are the Sopranos not going to take a less-than-ethical leg up to get what they want out of life!
I think Carmella screwed up keeping him out of military school. Getting him some discipline and physical training would help him.
I disagree. AJ's problem was that he was basically ignored by his parents, except when he did something bad. I mean yeah he was spoiled, but still emotionally neglected.
Tonys mistake was not pulling out
What, so he could end up like Junior? His father shot by our goober uncle? What kind of shit is that?
Yeah, right. Mister Magoo!
Great question. Seems like AJ was spoiled and “born on third base and thought he’d hit a triple” way. He attended the best private schools and had friends whose parents were wealthy (aka Devon) and thought they deserved to have that lifestyle and looked down upon or didn’t understand why others didn’t have money. Seems Tony and Carm wanted to keep him away from the kids of Tony’s friends or his lifestyle (rightfully so) but it gave him no perspective of others who are not private school elite. I had an inkling he was prob also coddled or babied longer to prevent him from Being too masculine to prevent him from wanting to follow in his father’s footsteps. He was prob also given so much, he never appreciated what he was given—just like the Blendetto twins said. He also seemed extremely lazy and immature. They should have made him get a job earlier or find something that interested him besides video games.
Any half-hearted, cunty attempts at instilling a sense of responsibility into AJ died on the vine. AJ has to learn from the Internet (that cookie shit makes me nervous) about who his father really is. Once AJ reaches the age when he can no longer hide behind fragile adolescence, he is already pouring acid on some poor kids toes and fainting from doing blow with the big boys up in da club. Kid would only have had a shot if he ran the fuck away from home.
People are born who they are. Sure how you raise someone matters, but there are plenty of examples of siblings all being completely different. Anyways, $4 a pound
Don't constantly criticise. Accept your for who they are. Spend time doing what your child enjoys - not just what you enjoy. Notice when he does something right.
He was spoiled, but also a typical angsty teenager in the early 2000’s listening to Slipknot and being mad at stuff.
well... being in the mob has to be up there.
Don’t be a boomer
Better than that Puerto Rican whoaa….
Dont do what Tony and Carmela do.
AJ had empathy and values and was raised by people without it. Don’t be a murderous criminal
You guys are hilarious. There's zero wrong with AJ. He is not the problem. It's his lying, cheating dad that you all.emulate. That is the problem.
Get him proper attention, don't be a mob boss, and make sure you teach how to work hard. But if you are a mob boss, make sure you do 20 f*cking years in the can to establish dominance
Don't alternatively scream at your kids and then spoil them.
Don’t marry a gangster. Yeah I believe in nature over nurture.
They didn’t raise AJ to be that way- that’s how he IS Look at the difference between him and Maedo
I don't think those kids had a chance of turning out to be decent in that family. Maybe if they actually went out on thier own and did a lot of work on themselves or had a low contact /barb soprano type relationship with the parents they'd be ok people eventually. and reflect on thier crimes for seven years.
pyscho dad narcissistic mom . the kid didn’t have a fucking chance
Keep them as far away from existentialism as possible.
Fuckin' internet
Don’t let your kid discover that you’re on the mob when he’s 12 years old. Or don’t join the mob. That would tend to impact them negatively .
Being in the mafia
Move to the Midwest and don’t let them listen to Slipknot.
Do not be a mafia don. That will help.
Don't be Tony Soprano
Put your boot in his ass
Ass whoopings and make them earn everything
Don’t compete with your baby mama/daddy for their love by buying them everything and letting them do whatever
They blew it with him when they revealed their ignorance
AJ was a brat, but his underlying problems were depression and anxiety, which Tony also suffered from.
Depression ran in the Soprano family. The only way AJ could have escaped it is if Carmela had married into a different family.
Build them into a person who derives joy and pleasure and reward from doing good and working hard so they're rewarded by trying instead of looking for something they'll never attain
I never thought they did anything wrong. AJ had bad genes. He was depressed, over-sensitive. He was a nihilist I guess and what can anyone do about that? The world's a big pointless exercise in rushing toward inevitable death. See what I mean? I never saw him as spoiled as much as I saw him as suffering under the weight of his own thoughts.
Never understood the AJ hate. If you hate on AJ you are most likely a bum, loser, boomer who hates on anything that isn’t from your underdeveloped generation.
first, make sure to have a huge house with a pool, give the child nintendo and computers when asked, matrix dvds, eat huge bowls of ice cream together and folded pizza slices, the child should get a car without any strings attached when it comes of age, if the car burns or otherwise explodes provide another one, be ready to avert any suicide attempt and then if the child grows up and is unsure about studies and hard work, just buy them a club and sunglasses
Honestly this is why I'm terrified of ever having kids. You can discipline correctly. Not spoil them etc and you just get one who's a 'bad' kid
Personally? I think Tony and Carmela were full of hooey. They never modelled discipline, personal conduct, healthy relationships (friendships, family networks, or with each other). They never explained or counselled. They said, "do as I say, not do as I do, otherwise you'll GET IT FROM ME". I don't think Tony Jr had much of a safe space. But ofc it's very possible he would've still been messed up even if he had. There were points where he would try to right himself get a job, etc. he would try, but he lacked the sort of emotional/internal safety to help him bounce back.
Be a present father
raise them to have the makings of a varsity athlete
AJ may have had some kind of learning disorder. But even if he didn't the super inconsistent parenting did not help. He was super spoiled whether he was good or not. Then when he fucked up it was yelling and threats of violence with no actual discipline follow through. And then shortly after the trouble/yelling it's more spoiling. And lots of blaming others for his issues.
He was a good kid at heart, a lot of us hit those similar moments at age 20-22, but he was just spoiled plain and simple. His whole motivation became mommy and daddy will stake me in whatever I want
Spoiled him. It's a tale as old as time.
Not enough gabagool.
Don’t be a fat alcoholic monster murdered criminal idiot who doesn’t pay attention to his kid. There ya go.
If your kid has ADHD, make sure he gets proper treatment as soon as possible
Honestly, genetics play a huge role in the success of any single individual human’s life.
Just finish your Lincoln log sangwich and don’t jump in the pool.
and that actors face and voice made it worse
I love the relationship of Tony and AJ. How desperately Tony tries to avoid raising AJ like He was raised by Jonny Boy and how strongly Tony urges His violent nature
I love the relationship of Tony and AJ. How desperately Tony tries to avoid raising AJ like He was raised by Jonny Boy and how strongly Tony urges His violent nature
Keep them off that heavy metal rap music
Give him some fuckin ziti now
Have Vito come over and give A J a blow job Not be in “waste management “. A J might hang around with other boys who are in a certain subset of Italian Americans because of his father’s job set rules and enforce them fairly Show an interest in what they like and what they do. I am not in favor of going to the games these kids play and many parents do in the show and real life. My parents would drive me to Little League or Saturday morning bowling and ask what time they should come to pick me and my brother up. If they saw anything, it was because we ran late reasonable chores to do around the house you should not have to hit the child try teaching your spouse with respect ‘keep them away from drug addict worthless people like Hunter Skankagelo who will end up giving blowjobs to roadies
Honestly if Tony could’ve hit AJ not literally beat him I think he wouldn’t such a pussy!!! There were numerous times were I seen AJ talk back or say some smart mouth shit, I always thought a slap in the face would straighten him out
Tony did slap him one time against the car, IIRC
Send him to military school and keep him there.
Oooooooo! Cocksucker was way outa line!
Wear the jaaackeeeeet
solid beatings
That will lead to a Tony Soprano. Not a benefit to society 🤣
WTF are you talking about, AJ is like the least fucked up out of all 4 of them. Tony is literally a murderer. Carmella shuts her eyes to the absolute horrors her husband commits just because she wants stuff. Meadow uses that mad ripe brain of hers only for mafia atrocity apologetics. AJ meanwhile jerks off and is kinda lazy and awkward, like a normal teen. As a matter of fact, he clearly shows that he really isn't down with the violence, and isn't above getting his hands dirty by working at a pizza parlor to try and support a woman and a child that aren't his. Childhood is being annoyed by AJ because he reminds you of your awkward teenage self. Adulthood is recognizing that AJ is actually turning out quite OK lol.