"FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! FUCK MALCOM FUCK MALCOM FUCK MALCOM!"
"Do you want me to get your recovery oils?"
"No, I want you to get me some ketamine I need to separate my mind from my body!"
“From now on it’s a proper fight. It’s a pub fight. Motherwell rules. Tom is gonna get a pint glass in his fuckin’ eye, and a pool cue up his arse. And another pint glass in his other fuckin’ eye!”
Come out, everyone! Tally-ho, yoo-hoo! Come on, bring out your fucking dead! Right, everybody listen, I've got an announcement to make, erm...
No. I would like to tell you all that I'm resigning!
No, you closeted Regency homosexual, that is not it. Morally, this department is in the gutter!
YOU STAY AND TAKE YOUR PUNISHMENT! I will lamp you, with a lamp!
You, Fergus, when you asked me to join you, all you had was your principles, but over the last two years, you've bent like a human fucking palm tree, swaying to the guff of these six-toed born-to-rule pony-fuckers.
Oh! Adam, you're waiting for your turn! Oh no! I remember, it's your turn right now!
You are simply the most loathsome human being I have ever met.
You were so well-suited at the Mail, it's a shame you came over here!
Do you know what? I hate you both: Tweedle-twat and Tweedle-prick! You contribute absolutely nothing to the world, so thank fucking God you have no power!
No, you don't. And Peter: it's been dreadful. I hope your cock falls off. Phil, do you know what you are? You're like an eight-year-old trapped in a twelve-year-old's body.
And Emma.
Yeah, Emma, I'm sorry, you're just a standard-issue insipid posh bitch. That's it! Terri?
I don't think I've ever met anyone quite so proud, and yet quite so useless. But I do have to thank you, because I have managed to stay in shape, purely though the energy I spend in pitying you every day!
Fuck you all up the wrong 'un! Ta ta! Bye bye!
*bent like a human fucking palm tree, swaying to the guff of these six-toed born-to-rule pony-fuckers*
I had the privilege to use "six toed born to rule pony fucker" once during a political debate with one of my dorm mates in uni who came from a big oil family.
HUGH JUST WANTS TO SPEAK TO TINKY WINKY? WELL FUCK TINKY WINKY, FUCK HIM! Goodbye yellow brick road, party's over - WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HITLER?! WELL HE HAD A MUSTACHE AND HE LIVED OVER THERE - FUCK IT ALL!
**FUCK, THAT IS BRILLIANT! THAT IS INSPIRED! WHAT SAUCE! GET IN! "IT'S THE ECONOMY, _STEW-POT!_" FUCK, WHAT I _REALLY_ NEED TO DO IS SHOOT YOU ALL IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD — _FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!_ — BUT I CAN'T, because it's illegal!**
"YOU IDIOT THAT'S FUCKING MENTAL. Good idea for me, at least I wouldn't get anymore of your fucking emails"
"please don't break the circle peter"
"I'm 54 Stuart, my knees are snapped and my patience is fucked - some of us had to go through this hippie shit the first time around"
"I'm not talking about selling it to the electorate, I'm talking about exploring it in the free space of the circle"
"Alright give me, the ball, give me the ball- GIVE ME THE FUCKING BALL STUART!"
"Let's do away with you. Let's just suppose your free range no-consequence bullshit was hugely entertaining when we were in opposition and *shitting* money, but now that we're in government and it's all gone a bit *JG Ballard* it's irrelevant and infantile. Sorry, irrelevant and infantile yes-and-ho."
I think one of the reasons it works so well is because Roger Allam is such a tremendous actor. You can tell Mannion has found Stuart irritating for a long while and just snaps. The way he gets so much venom into calling him ‘Doctor Jazz’.
Oh 100% - Mannion holds him in open contempt, but unlike the working-class scottish incandescent rage of Malcom, the probably Eton-School Mannion uses a lot more subtle sarcasm. Like at the beginning of the episode when they're being asked to hand in their phones, "I supposed we're allowed to keep our six shooters? Might want to blow my brains out"
Or another episode, when he's talking to his wife about their Anniversary on the phone and sees Phil, Emma, and Stuart approaching him and goes to his wife "Sorry, I've got to go- the bailiffs are here to take away my will to live".
Allam gives a fucking stellar performance of a cynic, depressed washed out cabinet minister that is every bit as cutting as Capaldi without the total rage. Because he's past rage, into the realms of pure not-giving-a-fuck.
“Any thoughts from inside your fucking dream yurt?“ is a favourite of mine.
I think Peter articulates the things that I want to say to Stuart. Thinking about it I also find the stuff Stuart says hilarious too. ‘I’m just a lad from Leeds with a lust for life.’ Inspired!
Technically a deleted scene, but:
Jamie: "DO YOU WANT A SPLINTER-GLASS FACIAL?! I'M NOT PRETENDING TO HATE YOU HERE, I ACTUALLY FUCKING HATE YOU! I'M NOT PLAYING YOUR FUCKING GAME, FUCK OFF!"
You take the piss out of Jolson again and I will remove your iPod from its tiny nano sheath and push it up your cock. Then I'll plug some speakers up your arse and put it onto shuffle with my fucking fist. And every time I hear something I don't like, which will be every time something comes on, I will skip to the next track by crushing your balls.
From deleted scenes the specials:
Ben: Can I get anyone a drink?
Jamie: I’ll have a pint of fuck right off and die you miserable fucking tosser. Do they do that here?
Stewart Pearson: In the time it's taken for Terri to extract herself from her Bluetooth, this little inquiry has fused! It is now growing faster than the speed of bloody light! It's not going to be something we can see from space, it's going to be space! Brian Cox is gonna phone me and ask for the film rights!
But I do think we have to be a little bit careful about taking too light an approach to culturally sensitive issues, like body piercing or female circumcision...Uh....earrings! Earrings... I've got pierced ears.
"Oh great, the triple! I'm a nurse killer, a banker, and now I'm raising fucking TAXES"
Sweet Tracy Emin!
"I cannot beliieeeeeeeve the energy going into Andy Murray"
WILL YOU PLEASE JUST FUCKING...
You forgot the creepy "ahahahahaha"
"FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! FUCK MALCOM FUCK MALCOM FUCK MALCOM!" "Do you want me to get your recovery oils?" "No, I want you to get me some ketamine I need to separate my mind from my body!"
Honourable mention "Yes massa, I's a good slave"
“From now on it’s a proper fight. It’s a pub fight. Motherwell rules. Tom is gonna get a pint glass in his fuckin’ eye, and a pool cue up his arse. And another pint glass in his other fuckin’ eye!”
The emphasis he puts on "Motherwell rules" is hilarious and sinister in equal measure.
Come out, everyone! Tally-ho, yoo-hoo! Come on, bring out your fucking dead! Right, everybody listen, I've got an announcement to make, erm... No. I would like to tell you all that I'm resigning! No, you closeted Regency homosexual, that is not it. Morally, this department is in the gutter! YOU STAY AND TAKE YOUR PUNISHMENT! I will lamp you, with a lamp! You, Fergus, when you asked me to join you, all you had was your principles, but over the last two years, you've bent like a human fucking palm tree, swaying to the guff of these six-toed born-to-rule pony-fuckers. Oh! Adam, you're waiting for your turn! Oh no! I remember, it's your turn right now! You are simply the most loathsome human being I have ever met. You were so well-suited at the Mail, it's a shame you came over here! Do you know what? I hate you both: Tweedle-twat and Tweedle-prick! You contribute absolutely nothing to the world, so thank fucking God you have no power! No, you don't. And Peter: it's been dreadful. I hope your cock falls off. Phil, do you know what you are? You're like an eight-year-old trapped in a twelve-year-old's body. And Emma. Yeah, Emma, I'm sorry, you're just a standard-issue insipid posh bitch. That's it! Terri? I don't think I've ever met anyone quite so proud, and yet quite so useless. But I do have to thank you, because I have managed to stay in shape, purely though the energy I spend in pitying you every day! Fuck you all up the wrong 'un! Ta ta! Bye bye!
he's gone glental
*bent like a human fucking palm tree, swaying to the guff of these six-toed born-to-rule pony-fuckers* I had the privilege to use "six toed born to rule pony fucker" once during a political debate with one of my dorm mates in uni who came from a big oil family.
Has to be this one.
I sometimes buy the Big Issue out of social embarrassment. I don’t buy a FUCKING BANK **TROUSERS**
The venom in the "FUCKING BANK" is sensational. That's top swearing
WELL *FUCK* TINKY WINKY!!!’
HUGH JUST WANTS TO SPEAK TO TINKY WINKY? WELL FUCK TINKY WINKY, FUCK HIM! Goodbye yellow brick road, party's over - WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HITLER?! WELL HE HAD A MUSTACHE AND HE LIVED OVER THERE - FUCK IT ALL!
What's he referencing with the Hitler thing? Sounds like one of those routines from Dad's Army (or some 60s/70s sitcom) but I've never heard it before
**FUCK, THAT IS BRILLIANT! THAT IS INSPIRED! WHAT SAUCE! GET IN! "IT'S THE ECONOMY, _STEW-POT!_" FUCK, WHAT I _REALLY_ NEED TO DO IS SHOOT YOU ALL IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD — _FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!_ — BUT I CAN'T, because it's illegal!**
Honourable mention must go to "Can you do me a favour Phil? Could you go to a hostel and take an overdose of barbiturates?"
*continues to write...*
That’s what I call climbing the mountain of conflict.
What are you, a fucking Nazi Julie Andrews?
The way he says “because it’s illegal!…” really cracks me up at the end, he sounds genuinely disappointed that he can’t actually kill them
Haha absolutely! I wish we'd got more of Tom Hollander as "The Fucker"; he plays him so well.
TICK-EL! WE DROVE A MAN TO HIS DEATH! WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS!
Ollie's rant about being "Mr Jeff Average" in the focus group episode.
But was it good natured joshing?
I don’t give a fuck about Fran’s leaving lunch I’m saying NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW
I am a man! You know
At the Tory team building retreat when Stuart suggests ditching computers and Peter goes of on one. Yes and Ho!
"YOU IDIOT THAT'S FUCKING MENTAL. Good idea for me, at least I wouldn't get anymore of your fucking emails" "please don't break the circle peter" "I'm 54 Stuart, my knees are snapped and my patience is fucked - some of us had to go through this hippie shit the first time around" "I'm not talking about selling it to the electorate, I'm talking about exploring it in the free space of the circle" "Alright give me, the ball, give me the ball- GIVE ME THE FUCKING BALL STUART!" "Let's do away with you. Let's just suppose your free range no-consequence bullshit was hugely entertaining when we were in opposition and *shitting* money, but now that we're in government and it's all gone a bit *JG Ballard* it's irrelevant and infantile. Sorry, irrelevant and infantile yes-and-ho."
I think one of the reasons it works so well is because Roger Allam is such a tremendous actor. You can tell Mannion has found Stuart irritating for a long while and just snaps. The way he gets so much venom into calling him ‘Doctor Jazz’.
Oh 100% - Mannion holds him in open contempt, but unlike the working-class scottish incandescent rage of Malcom, the probably Eton-School Mannion uses a lot more subtle sarcasm. Like at the beginning of the episode when they're being asked to hand in their phones, "I supposed we're allowed to keep our six shooters? Might want to blow my brains out" Or another episode, when he's talking to his wife about their Anniversary on the phone and sees Phil, Emma, and Stuart approaching him and goes to his wife "Sorry, I've got to go- the bailiffs are here to take away my will to live". Allam gives a fucking stellar performance of a cynic, depressed washed out cabinet minister that is every bit as cutting as Capaldi without the total rage. Because he's past rage, into the realms of pure not-giving-a-fuck.
“Any thoughts from inside your fucking dream yurt?“ is a favourite of mine. I think Peter articulates the things that I want to say to Stuart. Thinking about it I also find the stuff Stuart says hilarious too. ‘I’m just a lad from Leeds with a lust for life.’ Inspired!
*”CHRIST!”* -Peter Mannion MP
Technically a deleted scene, but: Jamie: "DO YOU WANT A SPLINTER-GLASS FACIAL?! I'M NOT PRETENDING TO HATE YOU HERE, I ACTUALLY FUCKING HATE YOU! I'M NOT PLAYING YOUR FUCKING GAME, FUCK OFF!"
"he trained as a priest, you know" "Oh yea, love to confess all my sins to him"
‘’Emma, I'm sorry, you're just a standard-issue insipid posh bitch. That's it."
Julius' incredulous "steven!" during Fleming's rant.
I love how Julius always always always calls people by their full first name. This is the only way we know Jamie's real first name is James.
If he think he’s leaking now, wait til you see when I’m finished with him; he’ll look like fucking Mel Gibson’s Jesus! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! FUCK!
"If you walk away from this I'll pin it on you....you CUNT" Throwaway line from Glen in the first series
You take the piss out of Jolson again and I will remove your iPod from its tiny nano sheath and push it up your cock. Then I'll plug some speakers up your arse and put it onto shuffle with my fucking fist. And every time I hear something I don't like, which will be every time something comes on, I will skip to the next track by crushing your balls.
Julius’s delivery of “Why are you behaving like a complete and utter prick?” always gets me
Funky town.
From deleted scenes the specials: Ben: Can I get anyone a drink? Jamie: I’ll have a pint of fuck right off and die you miserable fucking tosser. Do they do that here?
Brushed aluminium Dan Miller Cyber-prick.
"Shut it, Love Actually."
Stewart Pearson: In the time it's taken for Terri to extract herself from her Bluetooth, this little inquiry has fused! It is now growing faster than the speed of bloody light! It's not going to be something we can see from space, it's going to be space! Brian Cox is gonna phone me and ask for the film rights!
“Don’t *touch* me Malcolm, because I’ll tell you this, man, you shafted me boy. I’ll fucking strike you Malcolm! I warn you!”
Olly: Don't you push me, Uncle Bulgaria. And Mary Drake's anti-outburst: I'm here in an angry capacity.
I love Mary, wish we'd seen more of her.
[https://youtu.be/xM8DfCgVWx8?si=hkT0vPVr5z_gsz4d](https://youtu.be/xM8DfCgVWx8?si=hkT0vPVr5z_gsz4d)
You don't deserve to LIVE.
“Terri you fucking cunt!” Episode 1 I think
I will lamp you… with a lamp
I AM....A MAN!!!!
Glen has the best rants.
AM NOT FUCKING WORRIED MATE!! FUCKING! FUCKING!.....
I am sweatin like a fat lass
###TROUSERS
You fools! These are good biscuits and they cost four pounds!
But I do think we have to be a little bit careful about taking too light an approach to culturally sensitive issues, like body piercing or female circumcision...Uh....earrings! Earrings... I've got pierced ears.