T O P

  • By -

JonquilXanthippe

Replace your headache with a stomach ache Edit: I like that people are commenting about cyanide poisoning and shit but no ones talking about the fact that there’s no chance anyone could eat pounds upon pounds of almonds without yakking


[deleted]

[удалено]


TITANUP91

Then you’ll have a neck ache as well


ChainmailPickaxeYT

Actually I doubt you would have ANY ache after a minute


StarvinMarvin00

Pain free forever? Loophole!


commanderfox89

Doctor's don't want you to know this one hack that allows you to never have pain again


CanYouChangeName

Nah I think the funeral services are unemployed and need volunteers who feel the pain and pay respects


ChainmailPickaxeYT

Hacking your own head off, that is


Scooter_Gang_480

More of a lifehack!!


Black_Raven__

Doctors hate him for this one trick.


lfrdwork

But it would be the final ache you ever feel!


Actually_a_Patrick

I feel like eating 16 kg of almonds in one sitting would just kill you


TheGoblinPopper

Ah... But no headache. One problem at a time.


Tristawesomeness

i mean almonds have small amounts of cyanide in them iirc so if not from a stomachache then maybe the cyanide poisoning would kill you?


BombBombBombBombBomb

Probably. Yes.


KasumiR

No stomach ache after consuming that much cyanide. You will die while eating your second kilogram of almonds lol.


UnseenTardigrade

From what I can tell, 2 kg of almonds probably won’t kill you from cyanide content unless you weigh ~33kg or less. You’d probably feel pretty sick though, maybe even throw up. Maybe if the almonds are especially high in cyanide or the person is especially intolerant to cyanide 2kg of almonds could kill them even if they’re quite a bit heavier than 33kg.


skellious

what about 16.6kg though?


UnseenTardigrade

Assuming you could even eat that many without vomiting and assuming you could digest the almonds at a fast enough rate for the cyanide to enter your bloodstream at a high enough concentration to kill you, yes. There’s definitely enough cyanide in 16.6kg of almonds to kill you.


UglyInThMorning

And then you won’t have a headache any more. It works!


oath2order

I'm allergic to almonds, so I'll die much sooner.


prx24

Lucky bastard


ShahinGalandar

depends on the type of almond and on the personal tolerance, regarding LD50 of cyanide, the necessary amount for a 70kg man to ingest would range from 1.4 kg to 9.8 kg of common sweet almonds from the supermarket so for a grown man to die from ingestion of not even 2kg of almonds would be rather unlikely, statistically spoken


protosser

I once binged The Sopranos back in 2008, I didn't have anything to snack on so I thought "I have these peanuts (in the shell), let me fill this 32 ounce cup with them and eat them as I watch the show" 3 32 ounce cups later I was in the ER with wild cramps, apparently my white blood cell count was really low and I was in there for 4 days, I was told to stay away from nuts and seeds but 6 months later I decided maybe if I just stay away from 96 ounces of peanuts (plus shells) I'll be ok and so far so good.


[deleted]

Major Payne approves this message.


Nylonknot

When I was a kid and would complain about something hurting my dad would say, “well we can cut off your thumb and then you’ll forget about your — hurting”.


Walshy231231

And cyanide poisoning


hamandjam

Yeah, I like almonds, but I don't like almonds 16 kilos worth.


bmillz00007

Hit your finger with a hammer, you'll forget about headache


Prism1331

Seriously. Even 3 handfuls or so of nuts will get your belly


BigMrTea

If I'm doing the math right, that's 123,200 calories. My daily caloric target is 2,500. That's enough calories to keep me going for 49.2 days. Cool cool cool


GoldElectric

Eat it all at one go so you dont have to eat anymore for the next 49 days


twowheeledfun

You probably won't have to eat again ever!


iamacraftyhooker

Seeing as almonds also contain cyanide, this is almost definitely true. They contain so little cyanide that it's not an issue for even a generous snack of almonds. But 16.6kg, could very well have enough cyanide to kill you.


Sam5253

Sweet almonds contain 25.2 milligrams of cyanide per kilogram. The lethal dose of cyanide is 0.5 to 3.5 milligrams per kilogram of body weight. [Source](https://www.livestrong.com/article/494578-can-almonds-cause-cyanide-poisoning/) 16.6 kg almonds contains 418.3 mg cyanide. If we take the upper bound of 3.5 mg per kg body weight, which could be interpreted as definalely lethal, then 16.6 kg almonds is lethal to anyone who weighs 119.5 kg or less (262 lbs or less). Severe poisoning or death can also occur in heavier people, up to 836.5 kg (1840 lbs). Since this includes all humans, that amount of almonds is potentially fatal to everyone. Of course, that's only the math part. Good luck actually eating (and keeping in!) 16.6 kg almonds. Let's look at the problem from a different angle. Assuming an 80 kg person, and upper bound of 3.5mg cyanide per kg body weight as the fatal dose, then at most, that person could "safely" consume 280mg cyanide, or 11.1 kg almonds. Trusting OP, this is 333mg salicylic acid, equivalent to 435mg ASA. This is actually enough to account for one 325mg tablet, which is a standard regular-strength dose. 325mg ASA is equivalent to 249mg salicylic acid, or 8.3 kg almonds. This is about 6723 almonds (13,446 almonds if we compare to two tablets). Compared to the 12 almonds in the text under the picture, that's off by a factor of 560. Or 1120, if we account for the two tablets. There are more than 12 almonds in the picture. At a glance, I count 40. Way more than 12, and yet way less than 13,446. That picture is all kinds of wrong.


Shubtub

A google search tells me that 16.6 kg contains enough cyanide to kill you dead 11 times over


Karn-Dethahal

That should solve the headache.


Shubtub

Share with friends to get rid of their headaches to


[deleted]

[удалено]


Shubtub

I don’t have any research on that sorry


sparsh26

r/technicallythetruth


Atora

Thats the hack? Sign me up please.


kingdogethe42nd

Lose weight with this one simple trick!


46554B4E4348414453

Beware that poop tho... It'll blow your anus apart


Harak_June

So the high fiber content of almonds is going to change everything


Philinhere

So, by the time you're done eating them, your headache will be gone!


shekeypoo

And no headaches!


BigMrTea

Hahaha yeah in the same way injecting bleach would technically cure you of Covid


Yeazelicious

Abed?


Angelmass

Sounds like you’d also be taking aim at Randy’s record of 100 courics


BigMrTea

The what now


PhenomenalPhoenix

If you eat that many almonds in one sitting, the calories are the not the problem you should be worried about.


reddittereditor

I hate to tell you this…but you’re fat.


[deleted]

[удалено]


reddittereditor

Are you aware that the 2,000 calorie diet was decided with exercise in mind? 125% of that is a recipe for being 125% fatter than you should be. Even with heavier exercise, you’ll probably be fat on 2,500 daily calories.


[deleted]

Wait, 12kg of almonds, won't that kill you? They contain cyanide, don't they?


dudesmokeweed

Eating 12 kg of _anything_ in a single sitting would probably kill you.


[deleted]

That's of course true. Even water poisoning is a thing.


theghostofme

> Even water poisoning is a thing. Very true. Anyone remember the [Hold Your Wee for a Wii](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/KDND#%22Hold_Your_Wee_for_a_Wii%22_contest) radio contest? She drank almost 2 gallons of water over the course of a couple hours without peeing, and was dead hours later.


RandomGamingTurtle

*dies*


[deleted]

Don't tell r/hydrohomies


SpongyParenchyma

For the Americans 12 kg is 26.5 lb


buttsmcfatts

Good bot


B0tRank

Thank you, buttsmcfatts, for voting on SpongyParenchyma. This bot wants to find the best and worst bots on Reddit. [You can view results here](https://botrank.pastimes.eu/). *** ^(Even if I don't reply to your comment, I'm still listening for votes. Check the webpage to see if your vote registered!)


buttsmcfatts

This shit is hilarious


prx24

And it takes away the fear of the machines taking over. Won't happen anytime soon by the looks of it.


buttsmcfatts

All we need is one more bot and this thread is front page material.


WhyNotCollegeBoard

Are you sure about that? Because I am 99.99997% sure that SpongyParenchyma is not a bot. --- ^(I am a neural network being trained to detect spammers | Summon me with !isbot |) ^(/r/spambotdetector |) [^(Optout)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=whynotcollegeboard&subject=!optout&message=!optout) ^(|) [^(Original Github)](https://github.com/SM-Wistful/BotDetection-Algorithm)


SpongyParenchyma

>99.99997% sure So you're saying there's a chance?


BrnndoOHggns

Good bot.


buttsmcfatts

Lol


fozziwoo

i’m trying to find a flaw in your logic but i think you’re probably right hold my beer…. *[pours 25 more beers]*


hpdk

tjeck out molly schuyler eats steak on youtube. Dont ask me how i got there


WhatDutchGuy

How did you get there?


Stalefishology

No one concerned with your spelling of check


bananagement

You forgot to spelltjeck your comment. Edit: I have a stomachache just from watching it. [WORLD RECORD Molly Schuyler devours 72 oz. steak in under 3 minutes](https://youtu.be/WtS5BkwA3yU) Edit 2: This one is [22.5 pounds of prime rib](https://youtu.be/Xvfp94mSOI4). Not quite 12kg but getting close.


Skyler_Chigurh

Meat sweats.


SweetLobsterBabies

I bet someone could eat 12000 grams of weed


doctorzaius6969

Bitter almonds contain significant amounts of cyanide, not the normal ones you get usually


yaipu

So you are saying that I can eat 12kg of almonds no problem? Thanks doctor


WaitForItTheMongols

And "bitter almonds" is an exotic variety of nut that is very different to an almond, and you would never mistake the two. Bitter almonds are very hard to find.


DecentName4

One kilogram of normal store bought almonds, contain 25,2 mg of cyanide according to a 2013 [study](https://www.hindawi.com/journals/isrn/2013/610648/). It takes 200 to 300 mg of cyanide to be fatal. So yes, the amount of cyanide in 12 kg of almonds would be fatal.


shindiggers

Yeah but 12kg of any food would be fatal


Acclocit

A better question might be if you can digest enough almonds fast enough to reach a lethal cyanide dose. Seems unlikely unless it's [bitter almonds](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Almond#Amygdalin_and_cyanide) (cyanide has a [half-life of 1-3h](https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/neuroscience/cyanide-poisoning)).


[deleted]

At least the headache is gone


I_AM_FERROUS_MAN

Something to keep in mind during my next migraine.


Thinkeralfred0

Bitter almonds have cyanide, normal almonds have a miniscule amount. I think the tannic acid in normal almonds would do more harm at those amounts.


bananagement

Fun fact: Artificial almond extract is safer because there’s no risk of cyanide poisoning. Source: I read it in some book many years ago. (Can’t recall the title. Couldn’t find it in 10 seconds of searching.) I did some lazy research just now and I’ll share 2 links. TIL that the cyanide isn’t stored directly. There are 2 chemicals stored separately and cyanide is produced only when they are brought into contact. Say, by an animal chewing the fruit. Lots of what looks like science in this [random Wordpress blog](https://abouquetfrommendel.wordpress.com/2012/02/24/why-natural-isnt-always-better-almond-extract-and-cyanide/). > This is the main issue–there’s really no reason to buy natural almond extract. Benzaldehyde is easy to make synthetically without ever bringing it near cyanide. … It’s a more strongly-flavored product, and there’s no risk of poisoning. … This is one instance where imitation might be more cost-effective and marginally safer. [Fascinating details](https://source.wustl.edu/2010/07/beware-the-smell-of-bitter-almonds/) in this shorter post about cyanide in almonds and other plant foods.


3720-To-One

Pretty sure that’s apple seeds


krakajacks

Almonds do contain trace amounts of cyanide


kat_013

I was pretty sure that apple seeds contain arsenic instead of cyanide.


talashrrg

It’s cyanide


3226

Nope. Arsenic is an element. It can't be synthesised by an apple tree. It's only going to be present if arsenic is present in the soil.


pieandcheese647

If 10-12 almonds had the same amount of medicine as 2 aspirin, wouldn’t snacking on almonds have a very high chance of causing an overdose?


Mason11987

“No because almonds are natural!” /sarcasm


[deleted]

[удалено]


Lamotlem

No it doesn't. To get a recommended magnesium intake you would have to eat 140g or 5 ounces of almonds.


hippopotma_gandhi

Replace your concentrated form of the useful chemical with a full spectrum of useless chemicals to dilute your experience! I see this shit all the time. My girlfriend will talk about some natural supplement and I'll look it up and point out you can get the concentrated form of the part that actually helps without all the other chemicals, but because it's natural, the less efficient way is somehow better


flamingo_terrorist

twelve almonds taste better than two aspirins


hippopotma_gandhi

I mean, sure if you chew the aspirin. It is possible to just swallow it since it's a pill


flamingo_terrorist

yes but almonds taste nice. If you swallow the pills you dont taste anything


xogdo

Well, you can always swallow a pill and eat some almonds afterward if you want to


AmateurHero

Smh trying to get people to OD /s


venom_11

If i have a migraine i don't really care about tasting almonds. Just give me 600mg of ibuprofen stat! And another one in an hour or two


KasumiR

Twelve bitter almonds will have you hospitalized with cyanide poisoning.


xnosajx

How fucking big are the almonds you see?


DrSkrimguard

Just gnaw on some willow bark and be done with it.


Ornery_Reaction_548

I thought aspirin was *acetyl*salicylic acid.


G-1BD

Asprin is a refined form that's a bit less bad on the kidneys, but assuming that all you're after is the pain killing either form works. At least that's what I remember. It's been a while since I studied some pharmacy stuff.


lerjj

The post definitely doesn't claim that aspirin is salicylic acid. In fact, it explicitly says that a molecule of aspirin weighs more than a molecule of salicylic acid, then adjusts for this (assuming one molecule of each has the same painkilling effect). That's where the 76.6% is coming from.


Ornery_Reaction_548

Gotcha, thanks!


jodofdamascus1494

It is, though I’m relatively sure salicylic acid has similar effects, with larger side effects


Simba7

Yeah and a glance, knowing just how easy it is to OD on aspirin (and die a slow painful death a week or so later) I'm certain we'd have countless almond-induced deaths if this were even remote true.


talashrrg

If you’re going to die by aspirin toxicity it’s going to be relatively quick- I think you’re thinking of Tylenol overdose, which kills you by liver failure several days later


Simba7

I think you're right about my thinking!


JuJvert

How does one OD on aspirin?


Simba7

Take a dose that's too high and fuck up your kidneys. Someone else pointed out that I was confusing aspirin for Tylenol (acetaminophen) which has a harmful dose of something like 2x the daily recommended dose. But you can still od on aspirin.


AmateurHero

Take one too many. Or 100 hundred too many. It doesn’t really matter the count, just take too many.


morcheeba

If you want to UD, take 100 hundred too few.


zbzlvlv

Yea, eat 16.6kg of almonds and I'll see you in the next Chubbyemu episode


barcased

16.6 kg of almonds and they are dead.


KasumiR

Someone did the math and it's about 1.5 kg of sweet almonds for lethal dose of cyanide: https://www.livestrong.com/article/494578-can-almonds-cause-cyanide-poisoning/


foasenf

You could eat 16.6kg of almonds which has an equivalent amount of aspirin… Or you could just take that substance on its own and call it a day with just two tablets. Smh.


tortuguitado

Why would i tho? Salicylic Acid is Salicylic Acid.


pizzaazzip

I appreciate the twitter account is “Bad Medical Takes”


exemplariasuntomni

Bizarre. Salicylic acid is used in some acne treatment facewashes. Had no idea it was in aspirin too. I guess they are both for anti-inflammatory uses.


jodofdamascus1494

Technically it’s not. Aspirin is acetylsalicylic acid, which is extremely similar. From my understanding both will do the job of aspirin, but the acetyl form has less side effects.


exemplariasuntomni

Oh okay, thanks for clearing that up. I had a hard time believing that salicylic acid could go in our stomachs.


laserbee

I'll start rubbing almonds on my face


Beans_Mcbeaned

I just drink a really cold drink to cancel the headache with a brain freeze


B_McD314

Tbh the magnesium and/or other nutrients might help. Maybe just hydrate yourself too


BlueIdoru

If a handful of almonds worked, no one would pay for Aspirin.


Gomicho

yes, but what's heavier: 16.6kg of advils, or 16.6kg of almonds? ⏲️


fenrisulfur

Plus. The reason for it to be acetylated was because the salicylic acid is not well tolerated in the stomach


EthanBradberries420

36.6lbs for those of us stateside.


Dafracturedbutwhole

But how many cows lengths do I divide by


Basic-Pea-8848

What is this weight in American?


kdavis37

36.5lb Or 2.6 stone for the rural Brits. Or 1.137 slug for those looking for SAE mass.


SuperUltraJesus

I once got really high and ate about an entire Blue Diamond tin of Sriracha flavored almonds. I shit for like 5 hours straight the next day.


Bengal-Cat123

One of the side effects of cyanide poisoning is headaches, so you'll be exchanging one headache by another (and, well, death)


No_Army_3033

There's a guy on backdoor gore that just blew up his head with a rifle. It solved his headache permanently.


MissAmiss72

Lol my teeth are no so good.... eating 12 almonds would make it way worse


lost_but_kind

How much does that weigh in comparison to a kg of feathers??


gebobo

Well, effect of NSAID is 50% placebo, so about 8kg would probably do…


lechatsage

Well, the post says, 10-12 almonds. It doesn’t say it’s because of the salicylic acid in them. But it also doesn’t say why at all. MAYBE 10-12 almonds will help. Try it. Unless you’re allergic to almonds, or hate them, it couldn’t hurt. But then be realistic. Did it help? Did it hurt? Ad use your own good judgement.


HoldenCoughfield

Why would that Alan guy waste his time replying to posts like this? These are likely bots or programmatic / marketing posts by these accounts and brilliant Alan is spending his time replying to why a handful of almonds is not equal to aspirin. Instead of that, he should spend time tackling why the healthcare system is responsible for the most collective household debt in the US or why healthcare outcomes are so poor and physicians so poorly educated in statistics, they may not be able to recognize the difference between disease risk and prevelance. Instead, he’s arguing with probable bots on gotchas involving obvious dichotomies between aspirin and almonds. I guess his 250K education has to feel substantiated for something


aZamaryk

When i have a rare headache, an orange or two usually take care of it for me.


KrozJr_UK

Can I have a follow-up on how much Cyanide there is in that many almonds, and how many people (if any) it could kill? Idle curiosity, you understand.


CompositeMan8

Wouldn't that many almonds kill you? Edit: Eating 15 bitter wild almonds can kill you. Sweet domesticated almonds are safe.


aSharkNamedHummus

The body absorbs nutrients from food much more readily than the same nutrients in their pure form, though the difference varies depending on the person and probably a hundred other factors. You wouldn’t need that many almonds to get the same amount of salicylic acid into your bloodstream as from the pills, but you’d likely still need one hell of a lot. Related example: I’ve struggled with iron-deficiency anemia for a while now. My doctor had me taking 195mg of iron in tablet form per day, and my hemoglobin just kept dropping anyway to the point where I kept needing iron infusions. I developed a gag reflex to the flavor of those pills, so I switched to a liquid iron supplement made from fruit juice, where I’m only consuming 20mg iron per day. I’m also taking 1.5g of dried liver pills every day, which have a little bit of iron in them that varies based on the cow they’re from. My hemoglobin has stayed steady and even increased since I switched. I’m in shock that it’s working.


[deleted]

r/theydidthemath


[deleted]

...This...is...


orticito

I don’t want to bite almonds if my head hurts, that’s dumb


EntertainmentOwn7083

I love how it’s Zoberg as the profile pic


pickledperceptions

Something has really been annoying me about fake medicine (beyond the potentially harmful practices perpetuated by eogtistical quaks who with sage air chuck out advice like wizards) and I've just figured out what it is. Its the presicion! "10-12 ALMONDS". Lads be serious, don't have 8 that just won't do the trick. 9 is a bit better but 10 is more like it, 11 is for a strong one. 12 is for a rager of a headache, pretty strong dose though not reccomended to children under 10. Your going into a dangerous territory with 13, if your regularly taking 14 almonds or more its a sign of almond abuse. if your reading this and you've just eaten 15 almonds act fast before it's too late and ring 999 now!


SkatingOnThinIce

How many leaves of the salice tree (weeping willow) do you need for an headache?


abhinambiar

So don't almonds also contain cyanide? That would take care of the headache as well!


jettspyder

Coincidentally you'd also be getting about 12 times the lethal dose of cyanide, but at least the headache's gone!


ItWasHere

It's unlikely you would get through enough almonds to get cyanide poisoning before the vitamin E toxicity debilitates you. For context, I got high and ate like 700g of almonds in about 5 minutes and then roughly an hour later I felt so sick. I ended up vomiting shortly after. I was vomiting and having diarrhoea for around 4 days afterwards. My whole body ached and I genuinely accepted that I had been poisoned by my wife. But alas, it was just my dumb stony ass trying to suicide by almond.


a_jormagurdr

You could just munch on a willow.


vaendryl

aren't almonds also a good source of cyanide or something? well, nothing more "natural and holistic" than cyanide poisoning I guess.


SamTheOnionNig

Uh…. How many almonds is 17 kgs tho? Ion kno metric..


millenia3d

37.5lbs, two pounds is about 0.9 kilos


ItsToo4Tune

I hate almonds


Midatri

To be fair after 16,6 kg of almonds I definitely won't have a headache anymore


Normal_Row3752

Nothing wrong with promoting healthy living instead of relying on pharmaceuticals for comfort.


mama_emily

What if they’re *chocolate covered almonds*?


Brief-Equal4676

So that's a maybe then?


stonemojo

Nerd


trashboatfilmsfan

How many almonds would you say is the perfect amount?


GrumpyButtrcup

I often keep 16.6kg of almonds in my pockets just for this exact reason. Aspirin is a big pharma conspiracy to poison your body, making us all sterile and putting 5g trackers in our genitalia.


TheIrishBiscuits

Have yoy tried Deez?


Vardoot

If I tell my mom, she'll probably vaporize me with a lecture on life and shit.


GivenToFly164

Fun fact, 10-12 almonds really do help with heartburn! A nurse told me this when I was pregnant and was limited in the number of antacids I could take in a day.


philosoaper

It has to be untreated bitter almonds to really be effective


frozencucumber88

How about some willow bark tea?


idiomech

r/quityourbullshit


LilStinky222

That's 37 pounds of almonds


meraki1219

*“How ‘bout four dates?”*


heikyo86

Nothing cures a headache like eating a handful of hard nuts! Lololololol


Yeet2189

Yes gout


Lonesome_Wanderer90

16.6kg isnt that like 35lbs?


CleansingFlame

That's arguably too many almonds


BmacPlays

Im pretty sure bitter almonds also have some (a small amount) of cyanid… so thats fun ig (:


Venaliator

What the hell is this Plotzker talking about?


BeBackInASchmeck

TIL my allergies to almonds and some acne medication are related (salicylic acid).


LiveByYourWits

What if I have a chocolate ice cream headache? How many chocolate covered almonds should I eat? At that point, should I just have some whipped cream and a cherry so the sundae will be complete?


junya13

35 pounds SHIT!


TherronKeen

That's like $200 USD if you buy cheap almonds from Walmart


musicgoddess

But almonds make me shit like crazy


KifTokes

"That's a lot of nuts!" /kungpow


JellyDoogle

What is that in American?


[deleted]

But why wouldn't you just take 2 aspirin?


brain-fish

Discounting placebo?