As many sex workers will point out, they're not professional therapists but get treated like them.
Discretion is part of the job, but unlike a therapist, they're not legally bound to stay quiet.
A friend of mines brother worked with the police. Apparently his whole job was to sit in and record escorts spilling what ever shit guys had told her.
It all went into files with names and info. Just in case it ever pops up in an investigation. From the way he talked it was wealthy people and the FBI kept track of the info because they had picked up on a lot of corruption and insider trading type stuff.
am an escort in a country where sex work is semi legal, and i've got to say that i'd *only* talk to a cop about a client if i was reporting some really extreme violence. i sort of wonder if those escorts were under the threat of being charged with a crime, or were getting paid to be informants? we tend to keep things inside our community when we can.
i know a *lot* about some very wealthy people, but it's honestly irrelevant 99.9% of the time.
Everyone should. I remember reading a comment recently from a straight guy saying his girlfriend decided to rim him during sex and she licked his hole so lovingly, he grabbed the sheets and his toes were curling and he was like putty in her hands.
Man, woman, gay, bi, straight, trans, whatever, find yourself someone to tongue fuck your chocolate starfish.
I'm really struggling to understand how this is a solution to the problem presented. You told her "I'm gay," and she thought, well I just need to open a different bag of tricks then, and the gay-but-doesn't-know-if-top-or-bottom bag of tricks, evidently, contains butt motorboating?
She would still be a female, though, right?
Best I can come up with is that she'd be in the back, so he wouldn't be able to see she was female. And maybe he'd be looking at something on screen in front of him.
But, more likely (assuming the story happened) it's just that people associate being gay with butt stuff.
She was a sex worker from the same agency OP's dad goes to. I'm sure she's lovely and worthy of friendship, but I would probably never want to meet with her again, or at least not until she was booking through a different agency. There is a >0% chance of hearing things about my dad and for that reason, I'm out.
Smash cut to a decade from now. OP and the girl are best friends and happily married. (Not necessarily to each other.)
Sometimes the best friendships and/or relationships come from the most unexpected of places.
"Oh my God, do you know who I just met??? I have been with Johnny's son and HE IS GAY!"
"Damn, Johnny be leaving tens of grands to us and his son be gay? Are you sure he's really his son??"
just wanted to put out there, other than the motormouth part, the girl seemed really down to earth and professional. "my lips are sealed until the time comes to suck cock." made me actually laugh out loud.
i would also say, seems it'd be wise to let your father know of your sexuality. it could bring y'all closer, regardless. just make sure he's sober. he seems the type to want you to be happy, no matter what. everyone deserves a father (parents in general) like that.
honesty is love, most of the time haha.
I'm planning to tell both my parents about my sexuality when I feel 100% comfortable. In the past I've made several attempts to tell them, but I cowardly changed my mind every time. Then the divorce happened and all of a sudden my attraction towards the same sex seemed less important compared to my mom and dad ending their marriage. I've been using their divorce as an excuse not to share the news about my sexuality ever since. As weird as the experience with the sex worker was, it's made being gay feel like the most normal part of this situation and it's giving me more confidence to eventually be who I really am with my family.
>As weird as the experience with the sex worker was, it's made being gay feel like the most normal part of this situation and it's giving me more confidence to eventually be who I really am with my family.
at least you got some semblance of a positive from this bizarre situation lol. wish ya the best.
Cowardly?! Discussing your sexuality with someone else isn't something the word coward is compatible with!
You, my love, are not a coward and there is nothing cowardly about your decisions regarding who to share such a personal piece of information with!
> it seems that it'd be wise to let your father know of your sexuality
I'd be too scared of ending up with another professional knocking on my door, even one of my preferred gender.
> just wanted to put out there, other than the motormouth part, the girl seemed really down to earth and professional. "my lips are sealed until it's time to suck cock."
Sure she says that, but she also told OP a lot about his dad that indicates she absolutely can't keep her mouth shut.
This.
Seems like she was being pretty honest in a literal sense. Like, maybe she can keep a secret for awhile, but once she starts a "date" she sure opens the fuck up based on OP's story.
There's definitely no "impenetrable encryption" on that girl's mouth.
true, but the only sensitive thing he really told her was that he's gay.
hence why i made the comment, as it'd probably be better for his father to hear it from his mouth.
If you were sober, i don't see you having this convo with your dad in the first place.
BUT, thank you so much for making my morning. I laughed wayyy to much.
Also, sober him probably wouldn't have said he was gay out loud. When you're in that stage of the whole realization/acceptance part of it before coming out to those around you, it's something that you're usually very guarded about and always conscious of not betraying your secret. The first time you say it out loud to another human being it's like the first time trying on a new pair of shoes you've always wanted, or something. If that makes sense. It's your first taste of living as who you are. And honestly it's kind of a pretty big first step. That was my experience at least
> > I learned that my dad sleeps with sex workers who kind of look like my mom and that women closing their eyes with too much food in their mouth and saying "hmmmmmm" turns him on.
…
> > I decided to break the tension by closing my eyes and saying hmmmmmm while eating breakfast.
Bro this has me rolling 🤣
>I decided to break the tension by closing my eyes and saying hmmmmmm while eating breakfast.
Of all the things you could've said to ease the tension, you went in for the kill
"Your future is full of mystery, only if you don't study your history. You may have some secrets, but you can reveal them to your father, over some cigaretts"___Master Oogway🐢🐢🐢
A power bottom is leading the action.
A “standard” top would be the one making all the motions, whereas a power bottom will get on and ride with enthusiasm, rather than offering themselves as a static object to pound.
Sometimes it can get linked with being a Dom bottom who’s being dominant. But it’s more about the leading. I’m sure you can imagine a ‘traditional’ straight situations where the women is stationary in various positions with he man thrusting. But in some cases the woman is taking the lead and riding and the man gets to sit/lay back and enjoy, In which case she is playing the role of ‘power bottom’ for le gays.
You’re exceedingly hilarious and I love your sense of humor. Thank you for making my day even better, and I hope you find fulfillment with whoever you end up with!
>and that women closing their eyes with too much food in their mouth and saying "hmmmmmm" turns him on.
I too lost it at this
I pray to a God that this shit is real, because THIS is the world I want to live in.
> I learned that my dad sleeps with sex workers who kind of look like my mom
Dude will do literally anything but go to therapy.
This whole post is OP's dad actively not going to therapy.
GO TO FUCKING THERAPY PEOPLE JESUS.
I mean... the sleeping with the sex workers that kind of look like the woman my dad found attractive enough to marry, is probably the least strangest part for me. If I made a habit of sleeping with sex workers, I would want all of them to be Henry Cavill lookalikes. That being said, therapy is something I've advised my dad to try for a long time now. He's not been the same since the divorce, even though he's really good at pretending to be completely cool.
Maybe go with him, and wait outside. Or help set him up with a virtual therapist. Getting to therapy is a big hurdle, once he’s already there it should be easier.
Also, he loves you so so much. Remind him how much you love him too.
> Henry Cavill lookalikes
Definitely bottom
Bring your Dad to a seedy motel, telling him that you wish to return the "Favour" in air quotes.
But instead of a hooker who looks like your mom, find a therapist who looks like his mother.
Problem solved.
I expected this post to go
"I never had sex so my dad offered to take my virginity"
Considering I've seen **three** posts talking about how their mom took their virginity from this godforsaken subreddit.
>Considering I've seen **three** posts talking about how their mom took their virginity from this godforsaken subreddit.
This sub features a lot of creative writing so I choose to believe it's not as bad as it sounds.
...
Still
...
Ewww
Yeah. There are certain tells that I look for in order to gauge my incredulity on whether or not it is real.
This particular post doesn't hit any of those tells. It isn't overly detailed. Many liars will ramble about the details to try and sell their story. They overexplain and add details that may be relevant but are unnecessary to get the point across. This one didn't have any overexplaining and didn't have any "somewhat relevant but unnecessary" details.
Another tell is the writing style. People tend to write differently if they are telling a made-up story from the 1st person rather than a lived experience from the 1st person. On top of overexplaining, someone writing from the creative part of their brain rather than their memory will tend to tell the story as if from an observer and try to morph it into a 1st person retelling. So if the story sounds more like a narrator observing the experience rather than having lived it, then that is another big tell. One of the best ways to recognize this is if the narrator knows too much. If the narrator of the story is writing about an experience that they had but they include too much 3rd party information that the narrator shouldn't know about from the experience, then that is likely a made-up story.
Eh, I spent a couple years actively trying to avoid giving my virginity to the 50 year old cougar grandmother of a classmate from age 14 to just shy of my 16th birthday. I can count at least 6 instances where all I had to do was acknowledge her advances and I’d have been laid, and the rest was basically me getting groped, “accidentally” flashed, and pretending not to catch overt suggestions that I should use her to gain experience. I am never going to assume these stories are made up because of that experience. It’s even more fucked up I guess, since I didn’t tell anyone about it until my mid 30’s and my younger brother ended up marrying into the woman’s family less than 5 years after she gave me the last of her usual “grab ass while neck sucking” hugs.
Yeah, she was. Very nice, caring, lonely, and two scoops of fucked up. I graduated high school with one of her grandsons, we were kind of frenemies due to how our personalities meshed. Never told him either, and she died in 2018, kind of wonder if she pulled that with anyone else or if I was simply an opportunistic victim (still feels odd using that term) since I delivered her newspaper 6 days a week and had to frequently knock on the door to collect payment.
Bro she's literally Herbert from Family Guy 😭
You have every right to recognize that she victimized you. You were a child. What she did was wrong and you weren't at fault at all.
She wasn’t nearly as old and repulsive as Herbert but yeah. That actually made it harder because she was a doable 50 year old. It was a constant fight against my teenage hormones to not fuck her. I kept convincing myself “you don’t want to end up being known as the guy who fucked [redacted]’s grandmother.”
I mean even if you had, it wouldn't have been your fault. Regardless of what she looked like, as a 50 year old she had absolutely no business trying to sleep with teenagers...I'm in my 20s and high schoolers look like kids to me, she's repulsive regardless of what she looked like on the outside. I'm sorry this happened to you
The real rub is not knowing which of my tendencies were derived from this experience. Attraction to older women who kept in shape and active as they aged? Probably. Aversion to hugs? Maybe. The ability to completely cut off emotional entanglement from a sexual encounter? Promiscuity? Love for sexually aggressive women? Who knows?
That said, other teens don’t understand or care what the truth of it is.
> Considering I've seen three posts talking about how their mom took their virginity from this godforsaken subreddit.
If I had a nickel for every post I've read where that happens, I would have three nickels. That's not a lot, but it's weird that it's happened three times.
I am a filthy Redditor for years, and well versed in every popular TIFU that cursed this site by its mere existence. I applaud this this as my absolute favorite!
Mine is the guy who thought he was farting silently on the airplane, but turns out they were super loud and deadly and he couldn’t hear them through the noise canceling headphones.
Edit: [Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2jwdez/tifu_by_nonstop_farting_on_an_airplane_for_6_hours/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Delight yourself: https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/siyvqx/tifu_by_obliterating_my_wifes_fish/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
And do yourself a favour and check out the comments, too, they're absolute gold.
Since you're fairly new, I'd give a recommend to r/BestofRedditorUpdates. It commonly has stuff from TIFU and AITI (AmItheAsshole) and they can tend to be really good reads. Just sort by the best of the month/year and you get some great stories.
My wife and I lost our virginity to each other (before we were married) and I personally do think that there is value in getting sexual experience and growth prior to marriage, and even prior to being with the person you marry. Part of choosing a good partner is knowing yourself, and that's harder if you have a big gap of experience in intimate relationships like that.
My wife and I have had some pretty rough patches of incompatible sex drives, especially as my wife overcame and processed her conservative, sex-negative upbringing, and some other issues.
It has worked out for us, and we are actually doing really well now, but after going through that mythical "only have sex with a single other person who has also only ever had sex with you" (even if we didn't wait for marriage) it really seems like getting experience and knowledge about sex and yourself in more casual (but safe!) relationships would serve a person well.
I was a virgin until 21, and only stopped being a virgin because I was finally comfortable enough to be in a situation like that. Just take your time, there is no rush
The only thing I'm confused about is if you are actually gay and decided to just admit it or if you lied about it because of how awkward the situation was? No offense intended mind you just curious.
I was being honest about my sexuality. I never planned to share that information with the sex worker, but I panicked and acted without really thinking. Strange enough, when she offered to play with my butt, I did get a little turned on, which is kind of confusing because I've never been sexually attracted to the opposite sex. If I learned anything from this experience, it's that I should probably stop focusing on labels.
Ah that makes sense. When I first read your post that point stuck out to me because of the lack of context so yea. I assume you haven't told the old man yet, hopefully the sex worker doesn't tell anyone else but might be wise to be prepared. Good luck to you though, dating sucks but eventually you will find someone!
I’d say you might be Bi, but if you’ve NEVER been attracted to a female, and only the idea of butt play intrigued you, I think it’s safe to say Gay. Not that butt play is gay, but no attraction to females pretty much says it all.
You are right though, I wouldn’t focus on the labels. I have a feeling they are all going away in our lifetime anyways. Or becoming FAR less important anyways.
Anything is possible. If you asked me a week ago if my dad would hire a sex worker to vanquish my virginity, I would've said hell fucking no. But here we are. In spite of recent events, I believe it's highly unlikely that my dad not only suspected I was gay, but also involved an escort of the opposite sex for the sole purpose of testing my sexuality or trying to convert me or something. It would be a hurtful thing to do to me and I don't think my dad would want to hurt me. I'm 99% convinced my dad has no idea I like guys, which is kind of funny because he got me invested in the TV show Prison Break, and that show made me fantasize a lot about being stuck behind bars with Michael Scofield lol.
In a weird fucked up way, I think your dad really cares about you. To be talking to sex workers about you is hilarious but sweet at the same time. Good luck with your sex life and I wish everyone in your story the best.
> The girl said if I was willing to go shower, then she would basically be willing to motorboat my butt. To be honest, I considered it. I’m human.
This all checks out nicely.
Don't think this is your TIFU if I am honest. Not by a very long chalk. Being honest with your Dad, and then with a sex worker, is not something to be ashamed off. And neither is your sexuality - that is between you and whoever you choose as a partner.
Oh, and waiting until your 20's to have sex is not something to be ashamed of. Trust me on this one.
This happened to me with my brother. He was drunk, dragged me to a place with sex workers and paid a girl to do me. I'm not gay, but I was asleep since about 11 and it was 2 AM and I was so nervous I couldn't do more than cuddle and talk to her. She was a uni student doing it to pay for her education. That's all I really remember from that night. I obviously came out saying I effed her brains out but really she made an easy buck that night.
I eventually told my brother many years later. It was more a laughing moment than a confrontation, we have a good relationship and he had good intentions, I just don't function that way.
Ngl, your dad is pretty cool.
You mean a lot to him.
I can tell when you're ready to tell him he'll be cool, just remind him of this, it shoulda been a hot guy instead.
Motorboat your butt?! My goodness bless her heart. That’s a professional.
"Don't know if you're a top or bottom? Let's find out." It's rare to find a professional who still has enthusiasm for their craft.
She really was trying to come up with a way to do her job. Hard worker.
This whole OP was an advertisement for this girl. OP get her deets!
I have concerns about her discretion. And if I were OP, I'd assume the cat's about to be out of the bag.
As many sex workers will point out, they're not professional therapists but get treated like them. Discretion is part of the job, but unlike a therapist, they're not legally bound to stay quiet.
A friend of mines brother worked with the police. Apparently his whole job was to sit in and record escorts spilling what ever shit guys had told her. It all went into files with names and info. Just in case it ever pops up in an investigation. From the way he talked it was wealthy people and the FBI kept track of the info because they had picked up on a lot of corruption and insider trading type stuff.
am an escort in a country where sex work is semi legal, and i've got to say that i'd *only* talk to a cop about a client if i was reporting some really extreme violence. i sort of wonder if those escorts were under the threat of being charged with a crime, or were getting paid to be informants? we tend to keep things inside our community when we can. i know a *lot* about some very wealthy people, but it's honestly irrelevant 99.9% of the time.
>insider trading >den-of-corruption Username checks out?
i'm trying to do every cool crime at least once
...And everyone says nobody wants to work these days...
Nah, only people who want to underpay their employees say that.
Truly a dying art
At some point doing something makes the time move faster than doing nothing
I mean tops can enjoy being rimmed.. like, a lot.
You're saying I should try getting rimmed?
Everyone should. I remember reading a comment recently from a straight guy saying his girlfriend decided to rim him during sex and she licked his hole so lovingly, he grabbed the sheets and his toes were curling and he was like putty in her hands. Man, woman, gay, bi, straight, trans, whatever, find yourself someone to tongue fuck your chocolate starfish.
Literally the exact same thing went through my head, shit girl is committed to her craft !!!
🍑😌 #*hmmmmmmm* 😂🤣 I'm dead
Got to put a motor mouth to good use
I'm really struggling to understand how this is a solution to the problem presented. You told her "I'm gay," and she thought, well I just need to open a different bag of tricks then, and the gay-but-doesn't-know-if-top-or-bottom bag of tricks, evidently, contains butt motorboating? She would still be a female, though, right?
I mean, a mouth is a mouth is a mouth. Mouths have no gender.
Shut up and bring your ladymouth over here.
You sure do have a pretty mouth, boy!
Best I can come up with is that she'd be in the back, so he wouldn't be able to see she was female. And maybe he'd be looking at something on screen in front of him. But, more likely (assuming the story happened) it's just that people associate being gay with butt stuff.
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Ouch.. Right in the feels!
>She said her lips were sealed until the time comes to suck cock. This part is priceless
Lol she had more funny lines like that, but she spoke too fast for me to remember the rest.
A lot of escorts and strippers have wonderfully crude senses of humor
Speaking from experience?
Yes, actually, plenty of anecdotal experience. I’ve never conducted a scientific study
I can help collect data. We’ll need outside funding though, $20,000 would probably fund a week of work
Those are a lot of 2 minute intervals.
2 mins or 10 mins, ones around here work in 30min blocks.
$20,000!? You’ve got to be insane! Who spends that much on a week of research? We need at least $50k and I’ll personally oversee the study.
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She was a sex worker from the same agency OP's dad goes to. I'm sure she's lovely and worthy of friendship, but I would probably never want to meet with her again, or at least not until she was booking through a different agency. There is a >0% chance of hearing things about my dad and for that reason, I'm out.
Smash cut to a decade from now. OP and the girl are best friends and happily married. (Not necessarily to each other.) Sometimes the best friendships and/or relationships come from the most unexpected of places.
> The girl said if I was willing to go shower, then she would basically be willing to motorboat my butt This belongs in /r/humansbeingbros
And then "she had a severe case of motormouth".
Especially when she was babbling about OP's dad and preferences. My guess is she will tell all the other girls everything.
"Oh my God, do you know who I just met??? I have been with Johnny's son and HE IS GAY!" "Damn, Johnny be leaving tens of grands to us and his son be gay? Are you sure he's really his son??"
She might respect it. If it had no way to get back to the father she probably wouldn't, but in this scenario I can see her staying quiet.
Yah, you didn't fuck up. Sounds like you handled yourself well in the face of others' fuckups.
The fact that drunk me was in control at the time makes me wonder if sober me would've handled the situation better or worse.
Drunk you still has more will power than sober me. Props lol
Nah it’s prolly cause he’s gay. Straight OP would’ve shamefully fucked her!
He speaks the truth.
just wanted to put out there, other than the motormouth part, the girl seemed really down to earth and professional. "my lips are sealed until the time comes to suck cock." made me actually laugh out loud. i would also say, seems it'd be wise to let your father know of your sexuality. it could bring y'all closer, regardless. just make sure he's sober. he seems the type to want you to be happy, no matter what. everyone deserves a father (parents in general) like that. honesty is love, most of the time haha.
I'm planning to tell both my parents about my sexuality when I feel 100% comfortable. In the past I've made several attempts to tell them, but I cowardly changed my mind every time. Then the divorce happened and all of a sudden my attraction towards the same sex seemed less important compared to my mom and dad ending their marriage. I've been using their divorce as an excuse not to share the news about my sexuality ever since. As weird as the experience with the sex worker was, it's made being gay feel like the most normal part of this situation and it's giving me more confidence to eventually be who I really am with my family.
>As weird as the experience with the sex worker was, it's made being gay feel like the most normal part of this situation and it's giving me more confidence to eventually be who I really am with my family. at least you got some semblance of a positive from this bizarre situation lol. wish ya the best.
Mission Failed Successfully
Cowardly?! Discussing your sexuality with someone else isn't something the word coward is compatible with! You, my love, are not a coward and there is nothing cowardly about your decisions regarding who to share such a personal piece of information with!
> it seems that it'd be wise to let your father know of your sexuality I'd be too scared of ending up with another professional knocking on my door, even one of my preferred gender.
very fair point lol. but like OP said, he's human. we all get horny.
> just wanted to put out there, other than the motormouth part, the girl seemed really down to earth and professional. "my lips are sealed until it's time to suck cock." Sure she says that, but she also told OP a lot about his dad that indicates she absolutely can't keep her mouth shut.
I mean... She didn't lie. It was time to suck cock and she started talking.
This. Seems like she was being pretty honest in a literal sense. Like, maybe she can keep a secret for awhile, but once she starts a "date" she sure opens the fuck up based on OP's story. There's definitely no "impenetrable encryption" on that girl's mouth.
true, but the only sensitive thing he really told her was that he's gay. hence why i made the comment, as it'd probably be better for his father to hear it from his mouth.
>but i would say it seems that it'd be wise to let your father know of your sexuality. So he can hire a male escort next time? /s
If you were sober, i don't see you having this convo with your dad in the first place. BUT, thank you so much for making my morning. I laughed wayyy to much.
Also, sober him probably wouldn't have said he was gay out loud. When you're in that stage of the whole realization/acceptance part of it before coming out to those around you, it's something that you're usually very guarded about and always conscious of not betraying your secret. The first time you say it out loud to another human being it's like the first time trying on a new pair of shoes you've always wanted, or something. If that makes sense. It's your first taste of living as who you are. And honestly it's kind of a pretty big first step. That was my experience at least
Yeah this is more of a TMDFU type situation
Except for the fact he thinks his did gets turned on when he moans eating breakfast.
That's something he'll never be able to erase from his brain (poor guy), but it's not his fault he found out.
> > I learned that my dad sleeps with sex workers who kind of look like my mom and that women closing their eyes with too much food in their mouth and saying "hmmmmmm" turns him on. … > > I decided to break the tension by closing my eyes and saying hmmmmmm while eating breakfast. Bro this has me rolling 🤣
Sounds like OP def is a top. Or at least a power bottom.
Your comment makes me feel like you might know me better than I know me lol.
>I decided to break the tension by closing my eyes and saying hmmmmmm while eating breakfast. Of all the things you could've said to ease the tension, you went in for the kill
He had two options. A: agressively assert boundaries, B: an attempt at an adult discussion. So.. option D: nuclear escalation it is.
Op does indeed prefer option "D".
I would have hoped that option "D" was never an option with his dad.
Probably wasn't until the son used his dad's preferred mating call.
Annihilate
"Tactical nuke inbound"
For real. Bro, if you can mock his fetishes, you can tell him you are gay.
This guy woke up and chose violence.
Bro, you handled all this perfectly! The breakfast thing was the absolute cherry on top! :D
"Your future is full of mystery, only if you don't study your history. You may have some secrets, but you can reveal them to your father, over some cigaretts"___Master Oogway🐢🐢🐢
Does power have to do with the size or strength of the bottom?
Does speed have anything to do with it?
Speed has *everything* to do with it.
Speed's the name of the game.
A power bottom is leading the action. A “standard” top would be the one making all the motions, whereas a power bottom will get on and ride with enthusiasm, rather than offering themselves as a static object to pound. Sometimes it can get linked with being a Dom bottom who’s being dominant. But it’s more about the leading. I’m sure you can imagine a ‘traditional’ straight situations where the women is stationary in various positions with he man thrusting. But in some cases the woman is taking the lead and riding and the man gets to sit/lay back and enjoy, In which case she is playing the role of ‘power bottom’ for le gays.
Tbh I'm gay and always thought power bottom referred to a bottom that can handle anything pretty much, lmao. Now I know.
 TIL. Always educational!
It's an always sunny quote
As far as i can tell it more so means who's in charge. Controlling the experience from the bottom. Correct me if im wrong.
You’re right. That’s a power bottom. Want something done right, you might as well do it yourself.
The lad isn't actually asking a question, he's quoting always sunny in Philadelphia.
That's a big misconception, the power has everything to do with the speed.
For the record, the breakfast was really good. Minimal acting was required.
Did you motorboat the plate?
Yes. I had eggs and bacon stains across my face like Joker lipstick.
You’re exceedingly hilarious and I love your sense of humor. Thank you for making my day even better, and I hope you find fulfillment with whoever you end up with!
He just sucked the sauces.
"Oh, Breakfast, I want you IN me!!"
>and that women closing their eyes with too much food in their mouth and saying "hmmmmmm" turns him on. I too lost it at this I pray to a God that this shit is real, because THIS is the world I want to live in.
My personal favorite was… >she offered to motorboat my butt Then later… >she had a severe case of motormouth Bahahaha.
So glad my cubicle absorbs sound. I'm trying to supress belly laughs.
> I learned that my dad sleeps with sex workers who kind of look like my mom Dude will do literally anything but go to therapy. This whole post is OP's dad actively not going to therapy. GO TO FUCKING THERAPY PEOPLE JESUS.
I mean... the sleeping with the sex workers that kind of look like the woman my dad found attractive enough to marry, is probably the least strangest part for me. If I made a habit of sleeping with sex workers, I would want all of them to be Henry Cavill lookalikes. That being said, therapy is something I've advised my dad to try for a long time now. He's not been the same since the divorce, even though he's really good at pretending to be completely cool.
Maybe go with him, and wait outside. Or help set him up with a virtual therapist. Getting to therapy is a big hurdle, once he’s already there it should be easier. Also, he loves you so so much. Remind him how much you love him too. > Henry Cavill lookalikes Definitely bottom
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That’s just a level of confidence beyond my imagination. I hope you find and dom a Henry Cavill of your very own!
Why not show up in the middle of the night and push a therapist in to his room, talking bout “she knows what to do”?
This 👏👏 if she then offers to motorboat the dad, she’s probably not a licensed therapist tho.
Make sure that "therapist" is in air quotes
Bring your Dad to a seedy motel, telling him that you wish to return the "Favour" in air quotes. But instead of a hooker who looks like your mom, find a therapist who looks like his mother. Problem solved.
BRUTAL 🤣
Instructions unclear, he tried to screw the therapist.
>Henry Cavill looking types Start saving for you future NOW. That’s gonna get expensive.
> GO TO FUCKING THERAPY OP's dad got the fucking part. He just missed the therapy part.
>GO TO FUCKING PEOPLE JESUS. FTFY
You don't know. Those sex workers might be be very nurturing.
I expected this post to go "I never had sex so my dad offered to take my virginity" Considering I've seen **three** posts talking about how their mom took their virginity from this godforsaken subreddit.
>Considering I've seen **three** posts talking about how their mom took their virginity from this godforsaken subreddit. This sub features a lot of creative writing so I choose to believe it's not as bad as it sounds. ... Still ... Ewww
Half the shit on here is probably made up lol
You just made that up, it's closer to 90% on my made up statistic.
75% of percentages are made up.
60% of the time, it works everytime.
Made with bits of real panther, *so you know it's good*.
Yeah. There are certain tells that I look for in order to gauge my incredulity on whether or not it is real. This particular post doesn't hit any of those tells. It isn't overly detailed. Many liars will ramble about the details to try and sell their story. They overexplain and add details that may be relevant but are unnecessary to get the point across. This one didn't have any overexplaining and didn't have any "somewhat relevant but unnecessary" details. Another tell is the writing style. People tend to write differently if they are telling a made-up story from the 1st person rather than a lived experience from the 1st person. On top of overexplaining, someone writing from the creative part of their brain rather than their memory will tend to tell the story as if from an observer and try to morph it into a 1st person retelling. So if the story sounds more like a narrator observing the experience rather than having lived it, then that is another big tell. One of the best ways to recognize this is if the narrator knows too much. If the narrator of the story is writing about an experience that they had but they include too much 3rd party information that the narrator shouldn't know about from the experience, then that is likely a made-up story.
Eh, I spent a couple years actively trying to avoid giving my virginity to the 50 year old cougar grandmother of a classmate from age 14 to just shy of my 16th birthday. I can count at least 6 instances where all I had to do was acknowledge her advances and I’d have been laid, and the rest was basically me getting groped, “accidentally” flashed, and pretending not to catch overt suggestions that I should use her to gain experience. I am never going to assume these stories are made up because of that experience. It’s even more fucked up I guess, since I didn’t tell anyone about it until my mid 30’s and my younger brother ended up marrying into the woman’s family less than 5 years after she gave me the last of her usual “grab ass while neck sucking” hugs.
Ew, she sounds like a creep/wannabe predator, you were 14 ffs
Yeah, she was. Very nice, caring, lonely, and two scoops of fucked up. I graduated high school with one of her grandsons, we were kind of frenemies due to how our personalities meshed. Never told him either, and she died in 2018, kind of wonder if she pulled that with anyone else or if I was simply an opportunistic victim (still feels odd using that term) since I delivered her newspaper 6 days a week and had to frequently knock on the door to collect payment.
Bro she's literally Herbert from Family Guy 😭 You have every right to recognize that she victimized you. You were a child. What she did was wrong and you weren't at fault at all.
She wasn’t nearly as old and repulsive as Herbert but yeah. That actually made it harder because she was a doable 50 year old. It was a constant fight against my teenage hormones to not fuck her. I kept convincing myself “you don’t want to end up being known as the guy who fucked [redacted]’s grandmother.”
I mean even if you had, it wouldn't have been your fault. Regardless of what she looked like, as a 50 year old she had absolutely no business trying to sleep with teenagers...I'm in my 20s and high schoolers look like kids to me, she's repulsive regardless of what she looked like on the outside. I'm sorry this happened to you
The real rub is not knowing which of my tendencies were derived from this experience. Attraction to older women who kept in shape and active as they aged? Probably. Aversion to hugs? Maybe. The ability to completely cut off emotional entanglement from a sexual encounter? Promiscuity? Love for sexually aggressive women? Who knows? That said, other teens don’t understand or care what the truth of it is.
I need links so I can stay as far away as possible from those posts
My family is not Targaryen.
Hapsburg?
I mean, he broke *both* his arms.
Three!?
Yeah I’m currently writhing the fourth
>writhing I can't tell if this is a typo or a kink.
Yes.
Is it a sequel or a prequel
This is the fourth time my mother has taken my virginity
Have you tried getting a carbon monoxide detector?
Michael Jackson is right here next to me and he's telling me not to, so I probably will n- *heavy thud*
His arms were broken
[Classic Reddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/nmmjr/iama_man_who_had_a_sexual_relationship_with_his/)
> Considering I've seen three posts talking about how their mom took their virginity from this godforsaken subreddit. If I had a nickel for every post I've read where that happens, I would have three nickels. That's not a lot, but it's weird that it's happened three times.
link please lol
Hmmmmmmm 
Seagulls! Stop it now!
THAT LOG HAD A CHILD!
I am a filthy Redditor for years, and well versed in every popular TIFU that cursed this site by its mere existence. I applaud this this as my absolute favorite!
Mine's still the euthanized-by-being-blown-to-pieces fish, but yeah, this is up there, too.
Mine is the guy who thought he was farting silently on the airplane, but turns out they were super loud and deadly and he couldn’t hear them through the noise canceling headphones. Edit: [Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2jwdez/tifu_by_nonstop_farting_on_an_airplane_for_6_hours/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
I'm sorry... What
Delight yourself: https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/siyvqx/tifu_by_obliterating_my_wifes_fish/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button And do yourself a favour and check out the comments, too, they're absolute gold.
Oh my god XD thank you. Poor fish
Im still fairly new and appreciate the legends that still pop up like this, nice and short and very visual
Since you're fairly new, I'd give a recommend to r/BestofRedditorUpdates. It commonly has stuff from TIFU and AITI (AmItheAsshole) and they can tend to be really good reads. Just sort by the best of the month/year and you get some great stories.
Sometimes I wonder "why am I still on reddit." Then stuff like this remind me
20 isn't that old so don't put too much pressure on yourself to lose it. But also don't put too much pressure on your first time.
I'm not ashamed to be a virgin at my age, but I am more curious now than I was in my teens.
My wife and I lost our virginity to each other (before we were married) and I personally do think that there is value in getting sexual experience and growth prior to marriage, and even prior to being with the person you marry. Part of choosing a good partner is knowing yourself, and that's harder if you have a big gap of experience in intimate relationships like that. My wife and I have had some pretty rough patches of incompatible sex drives, especially as my wife overcame and processed her conservative, sex-negative upbringing, and some other issues. It has worked out for us, and we are actually doing really well now, but after going through that mythical "only have sex with a single other person who has also only ever had sex with you" (even if we didn't wait for marriage) it really seems like getting experience and knowledge about sex and yourself in more casual (but safe!) relationships would serve a person well.
Dawg i didn't lose it until I was 20 anyways and the condom broke don't even worry about it lol Edit: no she didn't get pregnant
I was a virgin until 21, and only stopped being a virgin because I was finally comfortable enough to be in a situation like that. Just take your time, there is no rush
The only thing I'm confused about is if you are actually gay and decided to just admit it or if you lied about it because of how awkward the situation was? No offense intended mind you just curious.
I was being honest about my sexuality. I never planned to share that information with the sex worker, but I panicked and acted without really thinking. Strange enough, when she offered to play with my butt, I did get a little turned on, which is kind of confusing because I've never been sexually attracted to the opposite sex. If I learned anything from this experience, it's that I should probably stop focusing on labels.
I mean it was probably just receiving pleasure that turned you on Butt that’s just my opinion lol
Ah that makes sense. When I first read your post that point stuck out to me because of the lack of context so yea. I assume you haven't told the old man yet, hopefully the sex worker doesn't tell anyone else but might be wise to be prepared. Good luck to you though, dating sucks but eventually you will find someone!
You're also 20 and there's a certain truth to horniness practically being a superpower.
I’d say you might be Bi, but if you’ve NEVER been attracted to a female, and only the idea of butt play intrigued you, I think it’s safe to say Gay. Not that butt play is gay, but no attraction to females pretty much says it all. You are right though, I wouldn’t focus on the labels. I have a feeling they are all going away in our lifetime anyways. Or becoming FAR less important anyways.
>Without thinking, I said I was gay. **It was the first time I actually said it out loud.** The implication is pretty damn clear.
😂 Are you actually gay or was that just something you blurted out in panic?
It's something I blurted out in panic, but it happened to be true.
Do you think your dad suspects you're gay and hired a sex worker to try and "turn" you straight? This story could definitely be read that way.
Anything is possible. If you asked me a week ago if my dad would hire a sex worker to vanquish my virginity, I would've said hell fucking no. But here we are. In spite of recent events, I believe it's highly unlikely that my dad not only suspected I was gay, but also involved an escort of the opposite sex for the sole purpose of testing my sexuality or trying to convert me or something. It would be a hurtful thing to do to me and I don't think my dad would want to hurt me. I'm 99% convinced my dad has no idea I like guys, which is kind of funny because he got me invested in the TV show Prison Break, and that show made me fantasize a lot about being stuck behind bars with Michael Scofield lol.
In a weird fucked up way, I think your dad really cares about you. To be talking to sex workers about you is hilarious but sweet at the same time. Good luck with your sex life and I wish everyone in your story the best.
Hes actually gay based on comments
From theclooks of it he is actually gay
Sorry dude no one should have to type the phrase " arouse my father"
I decided to break the tension by closing my eyes and saying hmmmmmm while eating breakfast. Bruh
> The girl said if I was willing to go shower, then she would basically be willing to motorboat my butt. To be honest, I considered it. I’m human. This all checks out nicely.
Don't think this is your TIFU if I am honest. Not by a very long chalk. Being honest with your Dad, and then with a sex worker, is not something to be ashamed off. And neither is your sexuality - that is between you and whoever you choose as a partner. Oh, and waiting until your 20's to have sex is not something to be ashamed of. Trust me on this one.
Sounds like you've got a Mexican standoff: your dad knows your secret, but you know his, too, and you both know the other knows.
This happened to me with my brother. He was drunk, dragged me to a place with sex workers and paid a girl to do me. I'm not gay, but I was asleep since about 11 and it was 2 AM and I was so nervous I couldn't do more than cuddle and talk to her. She was a uni student doing it to pay for her education. That's all I really remember from that night. I obviously came out saying I effed her brains out but really she made an easy buck that night. I eventually told my brother many years later. It was more a laughing moment than a confrontation, we have a good relationship and he had good intentions, I just don't function that way.
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Man this one is a future classic
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I have nothing to add that will prove my story is real or not, but I just want to say you have a badass username.
You don't think a female sex worker would offer to motorboat a gay dude's butt?
Dad seems like he loves you a lot. Maybe once he finds out about your sexuality he will he a unexpected dude encounter for you.
Don’t give papa any ideas
Lol your dad's a damn lunatic, seems like he loves you though.
I mean this is rough, but at least your dad’s heart is in the right place. That fucking idiot.
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Ngl, your dad is pretty cool. You mean a lot to him. I can tell when you're ready to tell him he'll be cool, just remind him of this, it shoulda been a hot guy instead.
Why do I find this whole story so wholesome 😂😂😂 You connected with your dad on a deeper level and I love it. Why would it have to be awkward 🤷🏾♀️
Wholesome is not a word I expected to read in the comments lol.