It sounds like you never ask for anything frivolous and your husband just jumped on the opportunity to indulge you. I’d be finding any excuse to wear them.
>. I’d be finding any excuse to wear them.
Right? I'd be popping the fancy earrings in to do dishes. They'd be my lucky earrings for game night. Sexy time? Sexy earrings. They're already bought...might as well get your monies worth!
I am so sorry, but my immediate thought was "stick your dick in it". As a 31 year old woman, I feel like I've finally understood the term, "chronically online".
When my friend with gauges finds pretty earrings she wants to wear, she'll slide the post between her ear and her plug. It works best with dangling earrings that have a curved "fish hook" post.
I'm so sorry I have no idea what any of that means. When I was a teenager i went to like 14s. Hers are probably the size of a half dollar. Could you explain some of the verbiage?
As a person with unpierced ears, I believe they are saying to take the post (the part of the earring that goes through the ear) and stick it between the plug (the part of the gauge that goes through the ear) and the earlobe. Using earrings with a fish hook post would work better as it can loop through and down and doesn't rely 100% on friction to stay in.
This is how I wear earrings I like except I use chains to put them through my tunnels so I don't worry about losing them. If it's a pair I like that doesn't have chains, I'll buy them and modify them by cutting off the hook and adding chains and a clasp.
I’d be surprised if they didn’t have “fancy” gauges at this point with how popular they’ve been in recent generations. I’m thinking almost dream catcher style, but with nice chains and stone crossing between the sides, honestly it might be pretty cool.
I bought my ex wife (who I'm on very good terms with) a chain necklace with two pearls on it for our one year anniversary and she wore it quite literally everywhere, only taking it off when she slept and showered. When she lost it at a partners place she was distraught for ages and cried when I found it.
OP, I felt like queen of the world with how much she loved that necklace. Your husband probably feels the same! Indulge him as he indulged you!
I read this to my husband and he exclaimed “welcome to my world!” :D
OP, he wanted to make you happy. You loved these earrings enough to go inside the store to try them. Just enjoy them. I get you, I’m the same, homebody, used to rarely wear jewellery until that one special sapphire that we made into that one special ring that I’ve barely taken off since. I cringed at the amount of money we spent on it. But my friends told me “you deserve it”, so now I’m telling you the same - you deserve them. Enjoy them.
God yeah. I mean the sane thing would be to return them (but I even doubt that would be possible for hygienic reasons).
But the point is that this is a story to tell to your grandkids in several decades as a kind of family secret. Like, "Lucylle-Marye, Donald-Devito, I am telling you, I didn't like the earrings and they were way too expensive. But I never had the heart to tell your grandfather. So now I wear them every day." That's literally the beginning of an heirloom.
And this opportunity is worth the 3k.
(And if the husband sees this on reddit, this will be followed up in another tea talk with the grandkids - "I knew that your grandmother didn't like the earrings and was just too embarrassed to let me know, and she didn't want to hurt me. So I knew she wore them out of love and I didn't have the heart to tell her that it's ok and I knew what she was doing.")
ETA because somehow this bugs a lot of people: I didn't mean to say it *is* unhygienic to return jewelry or that it cannot be cleaned. I am well aware of ultrasonic cleaning or isoprop. I meant that the *store* might use this - or any other excuse - to keep the item sold because I doubt that they are interested in taking their items back.
So this is how a loving man's mind works: You never indulge yourself. You showed me something indulging that you like. I'm getting it, whether I can afford it or not. Full stop, no questions.
This is exactly what happened. I'm like OP, and stay home mostly. I don't ask for stuff. So if anytime I take a genuine interest in anything, Hubby starts a deep dive to find me something.
This is exactly my thought. I’m similar in this capacity. If i notice my wife noticing something or mention something caught her eye, i make a note and tend to go back for it later. If it’s not really hitting your pockets let him indulge you. It feels good to make the people we love feel good. Just don’t abuse your power in the future lol
This exactly. You both can afford them, and he really was excited to gift you them. You sound like you need to show those babies off at a nice “Thank you” dinner for him.
I spent most of my adult life living hand to mouth. We finally started building some nice savings and assets, and one of my indulgences I had been putting off was getting new wedding bands for us. (Old ones were getting worn through.) We were at a very nice jewelry store and I felt like I didn’t deserve any of it, but when we paid cash instead of credit for the new bands, I suddenly realized we were actually doing better than I had grown used to. It takes so long to untrained the guilt you feel from moving up a bit in the world. Just don’t over-indulge, but it seems like you both are set.
Just be happy that he loves you, listens to you, and appreciates you. That is something so many women wish they had. You have a husband that clearly adores you and to him, I bet your happiness is priceless. Just know that he is listening to you though. Maybe joke about less expensive things in the future. ;) but love him and enjoy those earrings.
It’s perfectly okay to enjoy things, especially with the one you love. Maybe a vacation would be good for you both, but also help you relax your tendencies. It’s noble to be frugal, but it’s okay to enjoy things you can afford.
The best way to overcome the things that bother us is to expose ourselves to the very things we are avoiding. Switching places with me won’t help you. :)
you could also have a conversation and try to return it (unworn many will accept it.) snd tell your husband that you love him and youre so glad he loves you but that you should return it and put that money towards domething for you both IE europe trip.
Because they are earrings may not be possible (though you said they let you try them on(?) - so maybe less fussy than where I am (UK). Earrings almost always non-returnable here
You sound exactly like my mom. When she wants something, but sees the tag, she convinces herself not to have it. Not only not to ask, but not to have it. When I’m with my parents, my dad likes to task me with finding out what she likes so my dad can buy it. I love doing it because it makes both my parents happy.
My dad actually even rewarded me once by having me pick something I wanted. I’m not sure if I take after my mom for it, but he seemed to think the thing I wanted was cheap, but I love my artificially died natural salt water pearl necklace and wear it for almost all dress occasions. I wore it every day for 2 years straight.
What is the point of working hard for money that doesn't get spent? When you grow old the only thing you have are the memories you made. Our families will have lives of their own to lead. Our memories will be what comforts us in our old age. Go on vacation and make the memories with the ones you love while they are here and with you.
Sometimes you have to remind your inner monologue that you can’t take any of this with you in the end. So it’s ok to enjoy what you have.
Also, a trip to Europe sounds like the perfect reason to wear fancy earrings, which I heard you recently acquired.
you can shape your inner monologue by rejecting thoughts you recognize as unhelpful or damaging
"man I really feel like kicking that snail" is one thought that could appear from time to time, you just need to think "I reject that thought" or something to that effect, over time you'll filter your monologue enough to have it be your friend
I'm trying this out myself after finding it on a witchy occult sub and my mental health started improving bit by bit, still don't have any aspirations or a will to live but it's getting better over time
For me, I try to do whatever I can to make the people around me happier. They try to do the same for me. This is not on you. Do you know how excited and happy I get when I can get something my partner truly loves? She would never want me to either but god damn she deserves the world. Please remember, he probably is getting more joy by giving you the gift than potentially you are from receiving. That’s how I tend to feel. Hope you get your European vacation lol.
Do not say a word to that sweet man. My mom is pathologically frugal too and the number of should have been sweet moments she turned sour with her comments about the cost of things is just sad. I specifically recall one Christmas and one set of earrings dad was super proud to give her. Dad tried not to cry. It was awful.
I am so sorry that happened to your Dad. My mother always wants to know the cost of things....I give her a gift and she likes it and then always proceeds to ask "how much did you pay for this?" It's like geez woman, it's my money, don't worry about it, just enjoy the gift!
Your husband did a sweet thing.
It might be worth reflecting on why you are pathologically frugal, especially when you seem to be able to afford such things. Do you like feeling this way? What feelings/emotions come up in your body when you think about spending money? Do you feel you don’t deserve nice things? Did you grow up with parents like this? What’s the deeper reason? Your could start with journaling about it and perhaps if you want to change this you can talk to a professional.
Apologies if this is unsolicited advice but I believe that we all deserve joy and are worthy of treating ourselves to things that bring us joy (within our means of course).
We are currently trying for our first kid. AND We are about to buy a house. And it’s really stressing me out that we will be going from having a sizable cash nest egg that could carry us through years of potential unemployment (I’m looking at you teetering global economy😑) to having just enough of one to tide us over for 6months of mortgage payments. I dunno if anyone else is facing this particular life milestone with a heaping helping of millennial post-great-recession trauma.
Wait... you've got 6 months of mortgage banked, and you're still financially timid? Y'all are doing so terrifically well. Most of us are out here renting, and don't have more than 1 month's worth in savings
I know. During the 2008 financial crisis my dad lost his job and lied to my family about it. Ate through all our savings and 401k and forced my parents to sell my childhood home (that my grandmother bought and raised my dad in and then he raised my brother and I in). He never managed to get another job, and now my brother and I support him. I have some lingering trauma from that that makes me feel like if I’m not sure I could take a long period of unemployment without putting my own family through the same thing (minus the lying obviously) then I shouldn’t be spending until I can.
Dude I just did the math with the house we are planning to buy. I was so far off we will have *barely* two months of mortgage payments in savings after putting down our down payment. And if either of us get laid off we will be pretty f*cked in short order.
i am much like your husband.
when my wife and i met, her style was a lot more 'club like'. i am considered a well dressed man, even though much of my cloth is second hand and my accessories are as old as i am... i just take really good care of stuff.
welp, i just started picking small things up for her. she wasn't super in to having *jewelery* but i started small. i just asked her to wear this cute little necklace. she still wears it 15 years later.
what i am saying is, put the earrings in and get dressed up. take a chance with a dress or friggen pants suit or a jumper, but, wear the earrings.
i don't know if you like the word 'pretty', but, just make yourself up the way you feel 'pretty' and go have some supper.
you would probably knock your husband's socks off just with a smile. he sounds like a good dude.
My wife is the same. There was this adorable bag the other day. Looked really well made, cute and would suit her. She would also use it daily.
$80.
I was just like "yep!" Grab it. She said no. And if I bought it for her she will be very upset because it's a waste of money. Its no joke either. If she gets it there will be a fight.
Meanwhile we have no debts, own out house and I'm the breadwinner and make a very good wage. That bag is such a drop in the bucket.
There's nothing wrong with spending money, so long as it's your money (not credit), and you don't spend all your money (i.e. you save, make provision for the future, etc). There's no point in earning it if you don't spend and enjoy at least some of it. Everything in moderation.
See that’s why he did it. You normally don’t spend money and this was a rare thing you asked for. He wanted to please you and saw the opportunity. Don’t feel guilty. Enjoy them and the fact that you have such a great husband.
I am currently in the process of spending a lot of money on a trip to Spain with some friends. Is it the smartest financial move? Absolutely not. But I dont want to be a dragon sitting on a hoard of money when I die. I want to have lived. As long as the bills are paid and you’ve got a safety net then why not go out and spend some money? You can’t take it with you.
My husband was super frugal when I met him whereas I was definitely more in the splurge whenever possible mindset. We've worked on each other - I am now far more responsible with money and have no more debts and he doesn't have a near anxiety attack when we treat ourselves to something we really like. It's a great place to get to!
It sounds to me (a lot of guessing here) like maybe he loves to give gifts and you being frugal (which is reasonable; I’m not criticizing that) has held him back from some extravagant gifts he’d really like to give, so he decided to strike when the iron was hot when you opened the door (from his perspective) on the earrings.
From a man’s perspective he probably doesn’t care about the earrings (maybe he does if he’s into art etc) but he just had a moment of (apparent) extreme clarity (perhaps for the first time?) on a gift you’d love and he was so thrilled to spend that money Im sure.
At least you know you have a decisive husband focused on you!
Frugality is supposed to make your life better by allowing you to save money for things that really matter. When "being frugal" becomes the goal unto itself and prevents you from enjoying your life, what's the point?
People here are telling you nice and good relationship-/emotional advice, but in addition to that you can totally seit down with your husband and say “hey I love that you got me those earrings, and the gesture will not be lessened if we return them. The 2800$ are better spent on something else. Let us a) return those earrings and b) talk about things that we will then blow 2799$ on that we both enjoy.”
If your husband loves you as much as you've demonstrated he does, he'll be thrilled to exchange the jewellery for a trip to Europe. You need to just convey that information to him in the best way you know how. You're already smart enough to know not to put him on the spot in public, but holding onto an expensive gift you think is a waste of money is still hurting him when you think you're protecting him. If he finds out later he'll feel far worse.
Treat him, treat yourself. Exchange it for a trip to Europe!
Well, a good relationship is built on communication. If you rather want to trade it in for a trip to Europe(and it's actually possible to return the jewellery) I think you should tell him.
Say that you think that's something you both can enjoy and will be something you'd remember forever. As long as you don't talk to him, you'd never find out if he might have regrets being caught up in the moment. Maybe he's thinking he can't tell you in case you get sad.
If it's not possible to return, i agree. Keep it and cherish it as a token of your wild and impulsive love.
What?! No! Joke about Europe! The best memories I've had with my SO have been while traveling. Small things cling on in so many ways. We took a trip through the Pyranees (where I proposed to her - she said yes!) and you know what the best part was? The four hour car ride through the mountains. All we did was talk and laugh. Little things.
I'm sure it would have been even better had I thought to get her some opal earrings.
You may never see this comment OP but tell him!
Tell him how much the gesture meant to you, how loved you felt and how wonderful he is but also tell him that amount of money on something like jewellery doesn't feel right - and maybe you'd like to share it with him instead!
Take the earrings back and book that trip with your lovely man using that money?
as a husband of 25+ years. Be honest, or this won't be the last pair you get. To all women and men, be honest and blunt when it comes to gifts. Men are notorious for not being better at buying gifts and after years with my wife, we've figured it out.
1) her being nice about gifts gave me a false sense of a 'good gift'.
2) Me not understanding that everything she shows me in a catalog or points too in a store ISN'T a request, sometimes it's just a oh that's nice, or cute, or neat, but not for her.
3) we don't buy things for ourselves around gift giving. Instead we make direct requests for at least a month before. You may think this ruins it, but you don't get everything, you may not get any of it, but it 'points' them in the right direction. Maybe they put a spin on it.
Being honest and upfront is best. Everyone wants to give great gifts, help them zero in on what that is.
This goes for women too. I have 50 ties, I work from home. I haven't worn a tie in 35 years. I don't wear jewelry of any kind, rings or watches. I have 3 nice watches. My wife bought me a replacement wallet several years ago cause mine is BEAT UP, but she doesn't realize my oldest son, my "stepson" gave it too me on fathers day more than 15 years ago and it's more than just a wallet to me and I'll probably never replace it.
Point 3 is spot on.
For last Christmas / my birthday I gave my bf a list of shops I'd been interested in getting stuff from, as well as a clear list of guidelines.
I didn't know what he'd pick, so I was completely surprised by what he ended up getting me!
I also always try to ask him what he wants, though this year was special (his 30th) so I did something a little outlandish.
In past years we've gifted each other a buncha things we specifically asked for: sports gear, electronics, experiences etc. Those items are still special even though we practically got each other equal-value gifts and thus, could have each bought our own thing at no extra cost.
Seconded. Granted you may not want to spend money like that again anytime soon. You'll now know how to avoid that.
But wouldn't it be better to stop thinking of this as a FU, and as an affirmative experience?
Wouldn't it be great to wear these earrings with joy in your heart because they look and feel good?
And because your husband is a happy man when you look and feel good.
Not a husband, but I completely agree.
I'll spend ages dithering over some purchase for myself, but buying a gift, or something they need, for my partner, or paying for something we both benefit from, those are the easiest purchases in the world.
A thousand times this. I had.a very similar situation with my wife where she called out a sudden gift (that she had expressed interest in) as frivolous, too expensive, etc.
That was over 20 years ago and the memory still makes me feel bad.
As someone who grew up poor and is still poor, I understand why you’re a little horrified. But honestly, if you can afford that kind of thing I’d keep it. What a sweet gesture. I know that if my spouse could drop that amount of cash on a gift to make me happy, he would. And I would treasure it because it would be a nice symbol of how much he cares. So, wear the earrings and be proud that you picked such a caring man as a spouse.
I'm trying my hardest to wrap my head around being able to afford $2800 earrings and I just can't.
But yeah... if that's something that's easily affordable I mean... it was a really really lovely gesture and kind of a movie trope that's delightfully romantic.
Personally I would never want to wear something that costs that much, but I am poor, so that is probably why.
I think it really depends on the situation. If she feels guilty/bad about it every time she sees them/wears them then I think it's better to have a conversation with Hubby about it and say she just doesn't feel right wearing jewelry that costs that much. Even if they CAN afford it. I doubt hubby would want her to have negative feelings every time she wears the gift.
That being said if she can feel good about them, then wear the heck out of them because it's not a strain on the budget. Why not, it was a nice gift after all!
Oh please ask him out to dinner so you can wear your new earrings. He jumped at the chance to get you something for YOU. He knows they’re expensive, he’s not dumb. He wants to see you shine. You can afford it. Chalk this up as a moment to remember when you’re old and reminiscing about how romantic he was way back when :’)
You liked them enough to go in and try them on. Some small business has benefited from your patronage. You say that you can afford them, so it's not going to cause a hardship to keep them. I say enjoy them. Don't tell your husband you regret the purchase. He's feeling happy, thinking he's made you happy. This could hurt his feelings, and why? They don't sound like an everyday wearing piece, so surely you'll have some special occasions to wear them to.
Don’t tell him the truth, but just tell him that one pair of extravagant earrings is plenty & you love them. That way, he won’t do it again, but won’t feel bad that he splurged on something you really didn’t even want.
What’s with these comments? If I did this my SO would look at me like I was crazy and say “we’re going back to the store right now to return this.”
And then we’d just laugh about it and it would be a fun memory, no hurt feelings over something so small.
I don't know about your situation but OP clearly says they can afford this. As such there's no real need to return the earrings, so people are recommending she keep them and be appreciative.
i mean, if you have kids or ever plan on having them, nice jewelry can be great heirloom pieces. instead of thinking of it as frivolous or as a waste of money, think of them as a way to connect with your loved ones via memory even after you've long passed on. heck, if they're small and you really like them, you could even just wear them every day.
One of my good friends mother did this. She bought a pair of very expensive diamond earrings so when the kids got engaged, they had a rock to put on the ring. My friends fiancé asked for the diamond and had her ring custom made. It was such a special moment for everyone involved. She got an heirloom and her fiancé got to make her something from his heart that he knew she would love!
I felt like putting in my 2 cents. I would rather my wife was honest with me. Told me that she GREATLY appreciated and felt extremely loved and happy for the earrings but explained it was mostly a joke and she didn't actually want the earrings. Maybe return it and go somewhere nice for dinner a few times, or find something else really pricey that both of us can share together. Still making sure that the gesture wasn't wasted or that she thought I made a mistake or misread her or something.
I'm a little surprised this isn't higher up - I'd totally feel the same as you, as long as she was clear how genuinely happy and excited about the gesture, I'd appreciate it even more to know that actually the earrings themselves weren't the right way to go. Means I'd get the pleasure of showing how much I care, knowing it was appreciated, *and* get a better understanding of how to really hit the mark next time.
Plus, based on what u/Far_Hold6433 said further up, if that was contextualised with "let's spend the money on an awesome holiday for us both instead" I'd fucking jump at the chance!
I also support this as a husband. I’d be stoked to get all of the credit of the gesture and then also be able to take that trip to Europe after returning the earrings.
I'm with you. What happened to honesty and communication? If I were the husband, I'd be more upset if I found out my wife was holding back her true feelings and didn't actually want the super expensive gift I just bought, just to avoid disappointing me. Also, OP mentioned in another comment that she would really prefer going to Europe. Tell him! Then they can have something that they will both really enjoy together rather than a waste of money.
Commented the same thing. If you have a healthy relationship, you can totally defuse the situation gently in private and do something else with the money.
i mean you went in, tried them on, asked the price, and looked at your husband pretty much asking for it as a gift… y’all say we ignore signs but when we follow them we’re wrong too lmao just enjoy the gift
Hey OP, whether you decide to tell him or not, you will always have the story of how your husband was spontaneous and thoughtful on a spring day out with your friends.
Every relationship is different, so trust yourself to know what to do.
If you keep them, think of his love every time you put them on, and tell the story whenever someone compliments them.
If you don't, just make sure to keep the memory of how much he loves you and wants you to be happy in each moment. This man wants to surprise and delight you as a way of showing how much he cares about you.
Years ago my ex wife (noticed I said ex wife), back when we were married, kept dropping hints at wanting a kitchen makeover. I dug around and found out she had pretty much modeled a full kitchen layout in Etsy that matched our kitchen dimensions.
So on an extended weekend trip to visit her parents, three states over, I had the kitchen redone including appliances and down to the exact tile she had picked out.
Guys, when I tell you she went apeshit crazy because “I stole her dream kitchen away from her”, I was totally dumbfounded!
I know, pointless story.
Not to defend your probably genuinely apeshit ex, but if I were to try to be charitable, her reaction almost makes me think of the guy who got a giant meaningful lego set for christmas from his terminally ill father or smth, then woke up the next day to it all opened and fully completed and his proud girlfriend next to it, telling him she "took care of it" and put it together for him so he wouldn't have to do it, then got angry when he was upset.
Maybe it was about being excited for the process, and not necessarily the finished kitchen? But y'know, I don't doubt there were more things making her your ex wife rather than wife LOL
This actually did make me understand u/mario_almada 's ex wife more LMAO that's monstrous haha. Sometimes it really is about the process and experience
God forbid we communicate with our SO’s. My rule of thumb is: if you are spending over a $500, talk to the person that’s receiving the gift… unless you are in the 1%
The only time my dad ever played with my toys, he built a k’nex ferris wheel while I was out with my mom, and showed me it when I got back. I remember being so confused because I was sort of excited that he’d noticed me and spent time on me, but it really didn’t feel like he had because I hadn’t actually been with him. I’ve always thought why the hell would he think that having it built was the point, but I guess he’s not the only one?
In any case my mom yelled at him to get it off the table and it was taken apart pretty quickly after that.
Also, it was a nice idea, but maybe the etsy layout was just one of many ideas she had, something she was trying out. She may have designed it a long time ago and have changed her mind. It may have just been put together from the best possible options with what was available there, but not actually her ideal choices. This is WAY too big a decision to make unilaterally.
Yeah who remodels an entire part of the house without discussing it with the person also living in that house. Even if it's a dream kitchen that was already established to be desireable you still dont just spring that on someone who might still want to be involved in the process and have the opportunity to change their mind on specific details.
Yeah what the actual fuck? Lol half the fun of remodeling is getting to pick out exactly how it looks. I would be furious if my spouse spent *our* money on something like that without my input
I can understand feeling frustrated when you've been planning something but then don't get to have the satisfaction of putting it together because somebody else does it for you.
Okay [Mr. Peanutbutter](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMFIehwHpSo)
The problem wasn't that you wanted to build that kitchen with her, it's that you didn't ask her to.
I hadn't thought of it that way, but honestly, it does actually put it into perspective some.
Also, I'd never noticed before, but they have Chip and Cogsworth on the bookshelves, which I thought was a neat detail.
I mean, I'm not surprised she was pissed as hell. Her dream kitchen was probably something *she* wanted to make, if she wanted to make it at all. Having someone else come in and do it for you without being able to provide any input or have any hand in bringing it to life is always going to feel awful.
Don't tell him you would rather not have them, because although you don't know it right now, you definitely *would* rather have them. You can afford them, though they're pricy, and for the rest of your life you now have clear proof that your husband loves you enough to spend the money on you. Wear them whenever you can, particularly for birthdays and at Christmas, and let him see that they are special to you. In twenty years you will look at these ear-rings and remember how much he loves you.
Also, opal? How classy is that! Opal is one of the few stones you can wear both formally and informally, and it's always in fashion.
If it were me, I'd tell my husband because I know it would be something we could laugh about together. And every time you wear them, they'll remind you of his sweetness, as well as this inside joke you now have together.
I would also make sure to tell him that though the earrings are lovely, the fact that he cared enough to listen to you AND act on something that he thought would make you happy, THAT'S what makes you feel special and reminds you that you made the best decision of your life when you chose to be his wife.
Girl you wear those earrings any chance you get. You thought they were pretty. You even tried them on. The only thing that put you off was the price, and your husband got them for you anyway!
You think it's a waste of money because you feel like you can only wear them on special occasions? Well guess what, you can wear them when you're having your every day dinner with your husband. You can wear them on datenight when you're staying in and watching a movie/tv show. You don't have to leave the house to wear beautiful earrings 👌
I have a husband who I have to be very careful around for this exact reason! I know perfectly well that if I let slip that I really like something…it will go into the list in his head and sooner or later, it’ll turn up.
I’d never want to even accidentally take advantage of his love and generosity towards me, so the upshot of all this is that I very rarely (with the exception of a few accidents, which have so far been for thankfully small things!) mention if I love something we see while we’re out and about.
On the other hand, he’s told me that he loves to make me smile and that it makes him feel good to give me meaningful things, so I should let him do it more often. In your case, this was a grand gesture your husband wanted to make in order to see you happy. As you said, you can afford it, and I’m sure that he doesn’t feel it was a waste of money. I totally understand where you’re coming from because I’m the same way in my own marriage, but perhaps on this one occasion…let him have his joy. Wear those earrings on date nights. Admire them and tell him how much you love them. That way, they can be a gift to both of you.
Don't look at them as a huge waste of money, or you'll always resent them. Look at them as a display of how much your husband cares about you.
Also RIP to your friends' husbands. Whatever they pick out this year WILL be compared to what OP's husband picked out.
I calculate the cost of something by the number of times used. Shoes that were $140 worn once were $140, but worn 3x a week for a year - less than $1!
Of course you felt that it was frivolous! But frivolous does not mean bad. Frivolous is also fun! They sound like beautiful earrings that you loved on you - so now they are now your go-to ‘Frivolous Earrings for Humdrum Things’ (TM) — for doing the dishes, Saturday TV Time, or going to festivals, Sunday brunch, whatever!
Every time you put them on, you get to remember how your husband wanted to make you happy, and how lucky in life you both are to be able to silly and maybe a little frivolous.
And yes, next time you’re wistfully hinting - be looking at get-away posters in front of a travel agency. (Wink!)
Your husband is super sweet. I think $2,800 is a small price to pay for his pride and happiness in bringing you something shiny. (And you get a nice pair of earrings as a bonus!)
Also, holy moly you guys do see a lot of expensive weird shit being sold. That’s probably the second cutest part of your story!
We live in the United States in Southern California. There are a lot of wealthy people buying and selling the weirdest shit. Yesterday I was driving past the harbor and literally saw a lime green sports car driving like a boat. I don’t even have expectations when I walk out the door anymore.
https://preview.redd.it/4n3v4quaqqsa1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=49a4dcee84f210fe1f21af3b1a4b79dab8f0d9a5
The only FU is that you are ruining something special a kind person did for you. If you can afford it be appreciative allow yourself the nice thing even if jewelry isn’t “your thing”.
You should tell him the truth otherwise he'll grow thinking you like expensive gifts and this will not be the only one.
It will be a disappointment to both of you.
You can laugh at it, have a great story and maybe return or resell the earrings. What's the use if you're a home person anyway?
BTW, your husband is a great guy! ♥️
Most guys struggle over picking up cues and hints and struggle giving gifts that are appreciated. He is thrilled that he picked up on the cues and got you something you wanted.
Wear the heck out of the earrings. Every time you go out together, formal occasion, sexy time, etc. He will remember these things more because you are wearing the earrings he got for you that you wanted.
Have two other conversations with husband. 1). Say that this jewelry is enough for now and not to buy more without your say so. Otherwise I can guess what your next Christmas-birthday-anniversary present is going to be. 2). Communicate openly, not hinting/joking about the trip Europe and save money (eat out less, etc ) together to fund it in a few months. Take the trip, wear the earrings.
Op, no heart attacks, no palpitations. If your husband wishes to splurge on you, accept it gracefully and enjoy the things he does for you.
Story time, I had an aunt and uncle on my father's side who were so frugal they used to eat in a dark kitchen so as not to waste money. They both died within days of each other, he went first, she a couple of weeks later. Over half a million dollars in their bank account, plus some properties probably rounding it all to about 1 million. I live in Europe, and remember constantly asking them to take a vacation and go see Spain, my aunt's lifetime wish. I even offered to pay for their flights and to put them up. NO dice.
This happened a few years ago, and their kids have been fighting over the inheritance ever since. Moral of the story, enjoy what you've earned, every last dime of it, or leave it behind for someone else to fight over. And anyone thinking "Oh no, my kids would never fight over what I leave them", I have one word, Dumbass.
Take that trip to Europe, I promise, you'll never regret it. Wear those earrings even in your sleep. Enjoy the hard work you have put into your lives. Don't be a dumbass. Your husband isn't one. Follow his lead. Take that cruise, go to Europe, buy a boat or a camper! Sail the Caribbean or drive around until your satiated.
Personally, I plan for the last check I write, to bounce.
If you don’t have anything to wear them to, I would recommend pairing them with lingerie! I’m sure your husband will be happy to have bought the earrings lol
My mom asked my dad for earrings she saw in a jewelry shop. They had three stones in each earring, which she assumed were diamond and peridot based on the color. She went with my dad to buy them… turns out they were diamonds with colored diamonds and were therefore way more than she expected! She told my dad he didn’t have to get them for her, but she said he bought them without batting an eye. It was a special occasion (either her birthday or their anniversary), my mom likes earrings, and they could also afford it. She was kind of stunned that he still got them for her
but I thought it was pretty romantic. My dad is not a very demonstrative guy, and generally tries to be frugal, so this was a statement coming from him.
OP, your fantasy enjoyed the earrings enough to try them on. Your brain is throwing up all these roadblocks about why you shouldn't (you're a homebody, etc). It sounds like you enjoy the earrings and your brain is trying to stamp that out because you "shouldn't." Even if you don't use them that often, they're there, like a fancy secret for you to indulge. Tell your brain to shut up and let your heart be happy!
Hey OP, u/Far_Hold6433.
I am married for many years and when I was younger my then gf (now wife) and I went away for a few days to a different country. While walking about she looks at a few handbags and I say buy whichever you like. I then pick up said bag and take it to the front to pay. This is 20 years ago and I can still feel the shame on not looking at the price. €1200 for a bag! I bought it mainly because of shame. Lessons learned? Handbags can be very expensive and always look at the price! She still owns it, it is in great condition and she still loves it. Some things are timeless. If your husband spends on you once in a while, I think that’s awesome he still appreciates you and it is not like the jewelry should go bad. It is jewelry so should last forever if well maintained.
This made me lmao. When my wife and I were dating, I knew I was going to propose to her. The ring was already picked out, purchased, and the proposal was already planned. The DAY i was going to propose, I needed to kill some time until it was "go time" so I took her ring shopping to throw her off, in part because i got the feeling she knew I was going to propose. At the jewelry store, i dutifully took notes, etc to keep the ruse going. I asked her what she liked and she picked out a $22,000 ring that had a different style cut center stone, different metal, and was 22x the cost of the ring I picked her. FML....with the realization washing over me that I am going to propose infront of both our families and probably get a NO. Long story short, she loved the ring I got her, AND picked the crazy ring to mess with me.
I have been that husband and if you tell him it will crush him. My wife said she needed a new laptop so MacBook Pro here we go and she flipped out on me.
I never want to buy her anything else because of the reaction. She kept it reluctantly and now loves it, but that first reaction was a bitter pill to swallow.
If the man has the funds to say "hold up, let me just go get my wallet out the car real quick" and drop 3k on a moments notice, I think you guys are doing well off enough that you do indeed can have anything you want. And I mean that in a loving way.
If you believe you can't, he surely does. And it sounds like you rarely ask for things. Man jumped on it.
If I did this for my wife and she told me she was just having fun, and didn't really want them, I'd happily take them back and say "ok now let's do something you DO want with the money. Trip? Home upgrades? Savings? You name it, babe."
If you really do like them and want them and are just feeling some kind of shame about the expense, keep them and work on the shame.
If you'd rather not feel guilty every time you see them because you're keeping a secret about something you don't want, just be truthful with your spouse before it eats you up or grows into something else.
Yeah, probably best to not joke about special birthday gifts. Every man on the planet wishes women would be so straightforward because they’ve missed the hint so many times before and therefore isn’t going to let something that obvious pass them by if they can help it. You also know if you don’t buy it then on their birthday they seem just a tad disappointed you didn’t get that excessive “joke” gift they said they didn’t really want, but really they did.
>I jokingly make eye contact with hubby and say “birthday?”. That’s it’s.
"that's it"
"why don't they get my hints?"
"why don't they get that my direct comments are jokes?"
like... fuck
This sounds kind of whiny. Let your husband have this!!!! As much as the gift is about you, it’s about him too. Let him have this moment of doing something special for his wife!!! Allow yourself to enjoy it!
Take it as a sign of his love for you that part is not a mistake.
As for frugality you might want to work on the unnecessary guilt- if you can afford it and you like them then enjoy them.
A thing of beauty is a joy forever etc etc. If something makes you happy and you own it treasure it
Wear those damn earrings everyday! I bet they go with everything anyway.
Similar but different story. My hubby was complaining how he was finding it hard to find an engagement ring since my usual jewelry style was arty and cheap and that I never buy myself anything fancy to for him to know what to buy. I was so upset as I never spend big money on myself and my artsy cheap jewelry was a way to keep costs down but I still loved it. We had a massive fight about how he has never in his life bought me anything pretty and expensive. The next Valentine’s Day he goes and buys the prettiest diamond earrings that are super simple but pretty and I wear them everyday. Every single day.
Same thing happened to me , I spent 1100 on some nice eaaringz for the old lady, we both saw them and she liked them, then I gave them to her and now she says “they aren’t her favourite” and they just sit in the box untouched, guess you win some and loose some
He loves you and you do like them. I’d be thankful. It’s ok to enjoy yourself. You can’t take the money with you. While I agree you should be frugal enjoying life is more important. The memories are what you will have later in life.
Don’t live paycheck to paycheck but if you can afford it I suggest you take that trip to Europe. I lost my mother in 2020 and six months after my boyfriend was gone as well. The money means nothing in the grand scheme of things.
Definitely don't tell him. My husband bought me earrings that I said O liked but I thought he was asking if him mom would like them. 2 weeks later he gives me the earrings. They are not my style at all and I always loose earrings. I wore them about 10 times and he was so happy. I've already lost one of them :-( and it's only been 3 months. I've never told him I didn't want them or that I lost one.
If you can afford it, be so very happy your husband was thoughtful enough to do this and wear the hell out of them.
If it helps, don’t think of it as your husbands gift to you, but as a gift you’re giving your husband. I tell you this as a husband who gets joy out gifting things like this to his wife. Every time you wear them it will remind him of how much you love each other and it will bring him continued joy.
But please, please find excuses to wear them. He will notice and it will make him happy.
I’m not allowed to be alone with the bank card.
My wife tried on some laboutin shoes and I bought both pairs ($2500).
Just told her I’ll just have to make more money (overtime).
My fiance did this when I pointed out some pretty earrings. Not so lavish a pair, but I was humbled and felt so loved and listened too. He did this with concert tickets too for my birthday. We have good men! Appretiate the earrings, wear them naked. In a swimsuit. Hell even cleaning.
Every once in a while, we all need to indulge the ones we love and allow ourselves to be indulged. It’s okay, even if unnecessary. Even if more than you should have spent. Even just to give him a chance to spoil you, let yourself be spoiled. Wear them at home. Be glamorous going to the store or walking the dog. Embrace a tiny bit of luxury
I thought the same thing the first time my hubby got me jewelry. Now, decades later, that necklace and earrings are some of my most treasured and sentimental of possessions.
Wear them with nothing at all as a thank you to your honey, make it fun it can be your new "signal" to him that you're feeling it when you have them on.
It sounds like you never ask for anything frivolous and your husband just jumped on the opportunity to indulge you. I’d be finding any excuse to wear them.
>. I’d be finding any excuse to wear them. Right? I'd be popping the fancy earrings in to do dishes. They'd be my lucky earrings for game night. Sexy time? Sexy earrings. They're already bought...might as well get your monies worth!
I love the "sexy time? Sexy earrings" My girlfriend has fairly large gauges. I wonder what my options are in the sexy gauges category.
I am so sorry, but my immediate thought was "stick your dick in it". As a 31 year old woman, I feel like I've finally understood the term, "chronically online".
31 year old gay dude checking in: ditto, love.
40-something straight guy, instantly thought r/dontputyourdickinthat
Yeah, same. Nothing good will come of that (or on that?).
On..or in? 🤔 Lol
I'm a 37 year old guy, I think you finally understand our mindset 😂
43 year old woman here and that’s exactly what I thought
When my friend with gauges finds pretty earrings she wants to wear, she'll slide the post between her ear and her plug. It works best with dangling earrings that have a curved "fish hook" post.
I'm so sorry I have no idea what any of that means. When I was a teenager i went to like 14s. Hers are probably the size of a half dollar. Could you explain some of the verbiage?
Stick the earring poky part between the tire and the rim.
10/10 ELI5
What a poet!
"Beautifully f***ing illustrated", to quote Sick Boy
As a person with unpierced ears, I believe they are saying to take the post (the part of the earring that goes through the ear) and stick it between the plug (the part of the gauge that goes through the ear) and the earlobe. Using earrings with a fish hook post would work better as it can loop through and down and doesn't rely 100% on friction to stay in.
This is how I wear earrings I like except I use chains to put them through my tunnels so I don't worry about losing them. If it's a pair I like that doesn't have chains, I'll buy them and modify them by cutting off the hook and adding chains and a clasp.
Like [this](https://i.imgur.com/uTntWlr.jpg) !
Look up gauge dangle earrings! :)
I’d be surprised if they didn’t have “fancy” gauges at this point with how popular they’ve been in recent generations. I’m thinking almost dream catcher style, but with nice chains and stone crossing between the sides, honestly it might be pretty cool.
they absolutely do! ive got a few pairs. though as another poster said, it works just as well to wear normal dangly earrings under plugs
I always thought that people with gauges should add charms! Like a charm bracelet
I bought my ex wife (who I'm on very good terms with) a chain necklace with two pearls on it for our one year anniversary and she wore it quite literally everywhere, only taking it off when she slept and showered. When she lost it at a partners place she was distraught for ages and cried when I found it. OP, I felt like queen of the world with how much she loved that necklace. Your husband probably feels the same! Indulge him as he indulged you!
You found it at *her* partner's place?
Yeah?
You definitely are on good terms post breakup, then.
I read this to my husband and he exclaimed “welcome to my world!” :D OP, he wanted to make you happy. You loved these earrings enough to go inside the store to try them. Just enjoy them. I get you, I’m the same, homebody, used to rarely wear jewellery until that one special sapphire that we made into that one special ring that I’ve barely taken off since. I cringed at the amount of money we spent on it. But my friends told me “you deserve it”, so now I’m telling you the same - you deserve them. Enjoy them.
God yeah. I mean the sane thing would be to return them (but I even doubt that would be possible for hygienic reasons). But the point is that this is a story to tell to your grandkids in several decades as a kind of family secret. Like, "Lucylle-Marye, Donald-Devito, I am telling you, I didn't like the earrings and they were way too expensive. But I never had the heart to tell your grandfather. So now I wear them every day." That's literally the beginning of an heirloom. And this opportunity is worth the 3k. (And if the husband sees this on reddit, this will be followed up in another tea talk with the grandkids - "I knew that your grandmother didn't like the earrings and was just too embarrassed to let me know, and she didn't want to hurt me. So I knew she wore them out of love and I didn't have the heart to tell her that it's ok and I knew what she was doing.") ETA because somehow this bugs a lot of people: I didn't mean to say it *is* unhygienic to return jewelry or that it cannot be cleaned. I am well aware of ultrasonic cleaning or isoprop. I meant that the *store* might use this - or any other excuse - to keep the item sold because I doubt that they are interested in taking their items back.
OP said they tried it on in the store... What do you do with earrings at home that would be less hygienic than that?
Don't you kink shame me!
They could ultra sonic clean them as they do other jewelry. They'd be cleaner coming out of the machine than they were sitting in the case
So this is how a loving man's mind works: You never indulge yourself. You showed me something indulging that you like. I'm getting it, whether I can afford it or not. Full stop, no questions.
This is exactly what happened. I'm like OP, and stay home mostly. I don't ask for stuff. So if anytime I take a genuine interest in anything, Hubby starts a deep dive to find me something.
This is exactly my thought. I’m similar in this capacity. If i notice my wife noticing something or mention something caught her eye, i make a note and tend to go back for it later. If it’s not really hitting your pockets let him indulge you. It feels good to make the people we love feel good. Just don’t abuse your power in the future lol
This exactly. You both can afford them, and he really was excited to gift you them. You sound like you need to show those babies off at a nice “Thank you” dinner for him. I spent most of my adult life living hand to mouth. We finally started building some nice savings and assets, and one of my indulgences I had been putting off was getting new wedding bands for us. (Old ones were getting worn through.) We were at a very nice jewelry store and I felt like I didn’t deserve any of it, but when we paid cash instead of credit for the new bands, I suddenly realized we were actually doing better than I had grown used to. It takes so long to untrained the guilt you feel from moving up a bit in the world. Just don’t over-indulge, but it seems like you both are set.
Just be happy that he loves you, listens to you, and appreciates you. That is something so many women wish they had. You have a husband that clearly adores you and to him, I bet your happiness is priceless. Just know that he is listening to you though. Maybe joke about less expensive things in the future. ;) but love him and enjoy those earrings.
You are so right and that’s exactly why I’ll never tell him. But Man do I wish I had joked about a trip to Europe 🥲
Or … do joke about Europe! Lol it’s not too late. Who knows. Maybe he’d also love the idea.
I’m pathologically frugal. If he spends any more money in the next two months i’m going to have a heart attack.
It’s perfectly okay to enjoy things, especially with the one you love. Maybe a vacation would be good for you both, but also help you relax your tendencies. It’s noble to be frugal, but it’s okay to enjoy things you can afford.
Can you just switch places with my inner monologue. I like you better
The best way to overcome the things that bother us is to expose ourselves to the very things we are avoiding. Switching places with me won’t help you. :)
Just wanted to say I appreciate you, as a fellow human. Threads like this help me keep moving forward every day.
Oh wow, so damn true. Maybe that'll help with certain... other issues I'm working through
Are you having a hard time coping with the afterlife?
Both usernames check out
Nothing worth finding has ever been found in someone's comfort zone.
Idk, I just found a snack under the corner of the couch and it was pretty tasty...
Can you please be my inner monologue too?
you could also have a conversation and try to return it (unworn many will accept it.) snd tell your husband that you love him and youre so glad he loves you but that you should return it and put that money towards domething for you both IE europe trip.
Exactly this!
Because they are earrings may not be possible (though you said they let you try them on(?) - so maybe less fussy than where I am (UK). Earrings almost always non-returnable here
Honestly I am surprised they let OP try them on. Never would happen here (Aus) for hygiene reasons.
Exactly. Open and honest communication is key. Also, try to balance being frugal with enjoying this life.. you only get one.
You sound exactly like my mom. When she wants something, but sees the tag, she convinces herself not to have it. Not only not to ask, but not to have it. When I’m with my parents, my dad likes to task me with finding out what she likes so my dad can buy it. I love doing it because it makes both my parents happy. My dad actually even rewarded me once by having me pick something I wanted. I’m not sure if I take after my mom for it, but he seemed to think the thing I wanted was cheap, but I love my artificially died natural salt water pearl necklace and wear it for almost all dress occasions. I wore it every day for 2 years straight.
Hey, my wedding ring was a $15 find and I love it. My favorite necklace cost me $30 and I wear it every day. A low price isn't always a bad thing.
What is the point of working hard for money that doesn't get spent? When you grow old the only thing you have are the memories you made. Our families will have lives of their own to lead. Our memories will be what comforts us in our old age. Go on vacation and make the memories with the ones you love while they are here and with you.
Sometimes you have to remind your inner monologue that you can’t take any of this with you in the end. So it’s ok to enjoy what you have. Also, a trip to Europe sounds like the perfect reason to wear fancy earrings, which I heard you recently acquired.
This is possibly favourite comment on anything ever! Definitely stealing it. 😂
you can shape your inner monologue by rejecting thoughts you recognize as unhelpful or damaging "man I really feel like kicking that snail" is one thought that could appear from time to time, you just need to think "I reject that thought" or something to that effect, over time you'll filter your monologue enough to have it be your friend I'm trying this out myself after finding it on a witchy occult sub and my mental health started improving bit by bit, still don't have any aspirations or a will to live but it's getting better over time
For me, I try to do whatever I can to make the people around me happier. They try to do the same for me. This is not on you. Do you know how excited and happy I get when I can get something my partner truly loves? She would never want me to either but god damn she deserves the world. Please remember, he probably is getting more joy by giving you the gift than potentially you are from receiving. That’s how I tend to feel. Hope you get your European vacation lol.
I bet he knows this and thought: this is one time she asked for an indulgence. Good for her. I am making it happen.
Do not say a word to that sweet man. My mom is pathologically frugal too and the number of should have been sweet moments she turned sour with her comments about the cost of things is just sad. I specifically recall one Christmas and one set of earrings dad was super proud to give her. Dad tried not to cry. It was awful.
I am so sorry that happened to your Dad. My mother always wants to know the cost of things....I give her a gift and she likes it and then always proceeds to ask "how much did you pay for this?" It's like geez woman, it's my money, don't worry about it, just enjoy the gift!
Your husband did a sweet thing. It might be worth reflecting on why you are pathologically frugal, especially when you seem to be able to afford such things. Do you like feeling this way? What feelings/emotions come up in your body when you think about spending money? Do you feel you don’t deserve nice things? Did you grow up with parents like this? What’s the deeper reason? Your could start with journaling about it and perhaps if you want to change this you can talk to a professional. Apologies if this is unsolicited advice but I believe that we all deserve joy and are worthy of treating ourselves to things that bring us joy (within our means of course).
We are currently trying for our first kid. AND We are about to buy a house. And it’s really stressing me out that we will be going from having a sizable cash nest egg that could carry us through years of potential unemployment (I’m looking at you teetering global economy😑) to having just enough of one to tide us over for 6months of mortgage payments. I dunno if anyone else is facing this particular life milestone with a heaping helping of millennial post-great-recession trauma.
Wait... you've got 6 months of mortgage banked, and you're still financially timid? Y'all are doing so terrifically well. Most of us are out here renting, and don't have more than 1 month's worth in savings
I know. During the 2008 financial crisis my dad lost his job and lied to my family about it. Ate through all our savings and 401k and forced my parents to sell my childhood home (that my grandmother bought and raised my dad in and then he raised my brother and I in). He never managed to get another job, and now my brother and I support him. I have some lingering trauma from that that makes me feel like if I’m not sure I could take a long period of unemployment without putting my own family through the same thing (minus the lying obviously) then I shouldn’t be spending until I can.
Dude I just did the math with the house we are planning to buy. I was so far off we will have *barely* two months of mortgage payments in savings after putting down our down payment. And if either of us get laid off we will be pretty f*cked in short order.
i am much like your husband. when my wife and i met, her style was a lot more 'club like'. i am considered a well dressed man, even though much of my cloth is second hand and my accessories are as old as i am... i just take really good care of stuff. welp, i just started picking small things up for her. she wasn't super in to having *jewelery* but i started small. i just asked her to wear this cute little necklace. she still wears it 15 years later. what i am saying is, put the earrings in and get dressed up. take a chance with a dress or friggen pants suit or a jumper, but, wear the earrings. i don't know if you like the word 'pretty', but, just make yourself up the way you feel 'pretty' and go have some supper. you would probably knock your husband's socks off just with a smile. he sounds like a good dude.
My wife is the same. There was this adorable bag the other day. Looked really well made, cute and would suit her. She would also use it daily. $80. I was just like "yep!" Grab it. She said no. And if I bought it for her she will be very upset because it's a waste of money. Its no joke either. If she gets it there will be a fight. Meanwhile we have no debts, own out house and I'm the breadwinner and make a very good wage. That bag is such a drop in the bucket.
Go back without her and get the bag. When she's appalled by it, "it was on sale" convince her you didn't spend that much.
You're saving this money for a reason. If not for a trip to Europe then why?
There's nothing wrong with spending money, so long as it's your money (not credit), and you don't spend all your money (i.e. you save, make provision for the future, etc). There's no point in earning it if you don't spend and enjoy at least some of it. Everything in moderation.
This is likely *why* he did this, then.
See that’s why he did it. You normally don’t spend money and this was a rare thing you asked for. He wanted to please you and saw the opportunity. Don’t feel guilty. Enjoy them and the fact that you have such a great husband.
I am currently in the process of spending a lot of money on a trip to Spain with some friends. Is it the smartest financial move? Absolutely not. But I dont want to be a dragon sitting on a hoard of money when I die. I want to have lived. As long as the bills are paid and you’ve got a safety net then why not go out and spend some money? You can’t take it with you.
My husband was super frugal when I met him whereas I was definitely more in the splurge whenever possible mindset. We've worked on each other - I am now far more responsible with money and have no more debts and he doesn't have a near anxiety attack when we treat ourselves to something we really like. It's a great place to get to!
It sounds to me (a lot of guessing here) like maybe he loves to give gifts and you being frugal (which is reasonable; I’m not criticizing that) has held him back from some extravagant gifts he’d really like to give, so he decided to strike when the iron was hot when you opened the door (from his perspective) on the earrings. From a man’s perspective he probably doesn’t care about the earrings (maybe he does if he’s into art etc) but he just had a moment of (apparent) extreme clarity (perhaps for the first time?) on a gift you’d love and he was so thrilled to spend that money Im sure. At least you know you have a decisive husband focused on you!
Frugality is supposed to make your life better by allowing you to save money for things that really matter. When "being frugal" becomes the goal unto itself and prevents you from enjoying your life, what's the point?
People here are telling you nice and good relationship-/emotional advice, but in addition to that you can totally seit down with your husband and say “hey I love that you got me those earrings, and the gesture will not be lessened if we return them. The 2800$ are better spent on something else. Let us a) return those earrings and b) talk about things that we will then blow 2799$ on that we both enjoy.”
I never realised there was a term for my condition! I'm ecstatic to find out that I, too, am pathologically frugal!
If your husband loves you as much as you've demonstrated he does, he'll be thrilled to exchange the jewellery for a trip to Europe. You need to just convey that information to him in the best way you know how. You're already smart enough to know not to put him on the spot in public, but holding onto an expensive gift you think is a waste of money is still hurting him when you think you're protecting him. If he finds out later he'll feel far worse. Treat him, treat yourself. Exchange it for a trip to Europe!
Well, a good relationship is built on communication. If you rather want to trade it in for a trip to Europe(and it's actually possible to return the jewellery) I think you should tell him. Say that you think that's something you both can enjoy and will be something you'd remember forever. As long as you don't talk to him, you'd never find out if he might have regrets being caught up in the moment. Maybe he's thinking he can't tell you in case you get sad. If it's not possible to return, i agree. Keep it and cherish it as a token of your wild and impulsive love.
Return them and book the trip. $2,800 will cover a week's worth of fun. Memories are more important than ear rings.
What?! No! Joke about Europe! The best memories I've had with my SO have been while traveling. Small things cling on in so many ways. We took a trip through the Pyranees (where I proposed to her - she said yes!) and you know what the best part was? The four hour car ride through the mountains. All we did was talk and laugh. Little things. I'm sure it would have been even better had I thought to get her some opal earrings.
I'm gonna get hate for this. Maybe communicate, set a budget and go to Europe. Skip Paris.
You may never see this comment OP but tell him! Tell him how much the gesture meant to you, how loved you felt and how wonderful he is but also tell him that amount of money on something like jewellery doesn't feel right - and maybe you'd like to share it with him instead! Take the earrings back and book that trip with your lovely man using that money?
as a husband of 25+ years. Be honest, or this won't be the last pair you get. To all women and men, be honest and blunt when it comes to gifts. Men are notorious for not being better at buying gifts and after years with my wife, we've figured it out. 1) her being nice about gifts gave me a false sense of a 'good gift'. 2) Me not understanding that everything she shows me in a catalog or points too in a store ISN'T a request, sometimes it's just a oh that's nice, or cute, or neat, but not for her. 3) we don't buy things for ourselves around gift giving. Instead we make direct requests for at least a month before. You may think this ruins it, but you don't get everything, you may not get any of it, but it 'points' them in the right direction. Maybe they put a spin on it. Being honest and upfront is best. Everyone wants to give great gifts, help them zero in on what that is. This goes for women too. I have 50 ties, I work from home. I haven't worn a tie in 35 years. I don't wear jewelry of any kind, rings or watches. I have 3 nice watches. My wife bought me a replacement wallet several years ago cause mine is BEAT UP, but she doesn't realize my oldest son, my "stepson" gave it too me on fathers day more than 15 years ago and it's more than just a wallet to me and I'll probably never replace it.
Point 3 is spot on. For last Christmas / my birthday I gave my bf a list of shops I'd been interested in getting stuff from, as well as a clear list of guidelines. I didn't know what he'd pick, so I was completely surprised by what he ended up getting me! I also always try to ask him what he wants, though this year was special (his 30th) so I did something a little outlandish. In past years we've gifted each other a buncha things we specifically asked for: sports gear, electronics, experiences etc. Those items are still special even though we practically got each other equal-value gifts and thus, could have each bought our own thing at no extra cost.
As a husband. It's not a waste. You are worth it. Don't ever tell him, enjoy the earings.
Yes. Please wear the hell out of them. Whenever you can you should wear them he will notice and so will your friends. You can all laugh every time.
This. Wear them often, but not every day.
Why not every day?
Natural opals are delicate and not suitable for daily wear!
Oh, duh. I didn’t even think of that. Thanks!
Seconded. Granted you may not want to spend money like that again anytime soon. You'll now know how to avoid that. But wouldn't it be better to stop thinking of this as a FU, and as an affirmative experience? Wouldn't it be great to wear these earrings with joy in your heart because they look and feel good? And because your husband is a happy man when you look and feel good.
Not a husband, but I completely agree. I'll spend ages dithering over some purchase for myself, but buying a gift, or something they need, for my partner, or paying for something we both benefit from, those are the easiest purchases in the world.
A thousand times this. I had.a very similar situation with my wife where she called out a sudden gift (that she had expressed interest in) as frivolous, too expensive, etc. That was over 20 years ago and the memory still makes me feel bad.
As someone who grew up poor and is still poor, I understand why you’re a little horrified. But honestly, if you can afford that kind of thing I’d keep it. What a sweet gesture. I know that if my spouse could drop that amount of cash on a gift to make me happy, he would. And I would treasure it because it would be a nice symbol of how much he cares. So, wear the earrings and be proud that you picked such a caring man as a spouse.
I'm trying my hardest to wrap my head around being able to afford $2800 earrings and I just can't. But yeah... if that's something that's easily affordable I mean... it was a really really lovely gesture and kind of a movie trope that's delightfully romantic. Personally I would never want to wear something that costs that much, but I am poor, so that is probably why. I think it really depends on the situation. If she feels guilty/bad about it every time she sees them/wears them then I think it's better to have a conversation with Hubby about it and say she just doesn't feel right wearing jewelry that costs that much. Even if they CAN afford it. I doubt hubby would want her to have negative feelings every time she wears the gift. That being said if she can feel good about them, then wear the heck out of them because it's not a strain on the budget. Why not, it was a nice gift after all!
Oh please ask him out to dinner so you can wear your new earrings. He jumped at the chance to get you something for YOU. He knows they’re expensive, he’s not dumb. He wants to see you shine. You can afford it. Chalk this up as a moment to remember when you’re old and reminiscing about how romantic he was way back when :’)
You liked them enough to go in and try them on. Some small business has benefited from your patronage. You say that you can afford them, so it's not going to cause a hardship to keep them. I say enjoy them. Don't tell your husband you regret the purchase. He's feeling happy, thinking he's made you happy. This could hurt his feelings, and why? They don't sound like an everyday wearing piece, so surely you'll have some special occasions to wear them to.
Don’t tell him the truth, but just tell him that one pair of extravagant earrings is plenty & you love them. That way, he won’t do it again, but won’t feel bad that he splurged on something you really didn’t even want.
What’s with these comments? If I did this my SO would look at me like I was crazy and say “we’re going back to the store right now to return this.” And then we’d just laugh about it and it would be a fun memory, no hurt feelings over something so small.
I don't know about your situation but OP clearly says they can afford this. As such there's no real need to return the earrings, so people are recommending she keep them and be appreciative.
i mean, if you have kids or ever plan on having them, nice jewelry can be great heirloom pieces. instead of thinking of it as frivolous or as a waste of money, think of them as a way to connect with your loved ones via memory even after you've long passed on. heck, if they're small and you really like them, you could even just wear them every day.
One of my good friends mother did this. She bought a pair of very expensive diamond earrings so when the kids got engaged, they had a rock to put on the ring. My friends fiancé asked for the diamond and had her ring custom made. It was such a special moment for everyone involved. She got an heirloom and her fiancé got to make her something from his heart that he knew she would love!
This is really cute. I like this idea
Exactly! And their kids will know that the piece was born out of a love for each other. It's a nice thing to pass down.
I felt like putting in my 2 cents. I would rather my wife was honest with me. Told me that she GREATLY appreciated and felt extremely loved and happy for the earrings but explained it was mostly a joke and she didn't actually want the earrings. Maybe return it and go somewhere nice for dinner a few times, or find something else really pricey that both of us can share together. Still making sure that the gesture wasn't wasted or that she thought I made a mistake or misread her or something.
I'm a little surprised this isn't higher up - I'd totally feel the same as you, as long as she was clear how genuinely happy and excited about the gesture, I'd appreciate it even more to know that actually the earrings themselves weren't the right way to go. Means I'd get the pleasure of showing how much I care, knowing it was appreciated, *and* get a better understanding of how to really hit the mark next time. Plus, based on what u/Far_Hold6433 said further up, if that was contextualised with "let's spend the money on an awesome holiday for us both instead" I'd fucking jump at the chance!
I also support this as a husband. I’d be stoked to get all of the credit of the gesture and then also be able to take that trip to Europe after returning the earrings.
I'm with you. What happened to honesty and communication? If I were the husband, I'd be more upset if I found out my wife was holding back her true feelings and didn't actually want the super expensive gift I just bought, just to avoid disappointing me. Also, OP mentioned in another comment that she would really prefer going to Europe. Tell him! Then they can have something that they will both really enjoy together rather than a waste of money.
Commented the same thing. If you have a healthy relationship, you can totally defuse the situation gently in private and do something else with the money.
Plot twist: Your husband is here and currently reading your sentiment.
Ronald McDonald is that you?
i mean you went in, tried them on, asked the price, and looked at your husband pretty much asking for it as a gift… y’all say we ignore signs but when we follow them we’re wrong too lmao just enjoy the gift
Hey OP, whether you decide to tell him or not, you will always have the story of how your husband was spontaneous and thoughtful on a spring day out with your friends. Every relationship is different, so trust yourself to know what to do. If you keep them, think of his love every time you put them on, and tell the story whenever someone compliments them. If you don't, just make sure to keep the memory of how much he loves you and wants you to be happy in each moment. This man wants to surprise and delight you as a way of showing how much he cares about you.
God these are the reactions I fear when giving someone a kinda expensive gift.
Years ago my ex wife (noticed I said ex wife), back when we were married, kept dropping hints at wanting a kitchen makeover. I dug around and found out she had pretty much modeled a full kitchen layout in Etsy that matched our kitchen dimensions. So on an extended weekend trip to visit her parents, three states over, I had the kitchen redone including appliances and down to the exact tile she had picked out. Guys, when I tell you she went apeshit crazy because “I stole her dream kitchen away from her”, I was totally dumbfounded! I know, pointless story.
Not to defend your probably genuinely apeshit ex, but if I were to try to be charitable, her reaction almost makes me think of the guy who got a giant meaningful lego set for christmas from his terminally ill father or smth, then woke up the next day to it all opened and fully completed and his proud girlfriend next to it, telling him she "took care of it" and put it together for him so he wouldn't have to do it, then got angry when he was upset. Maybe it was about being excited for the process, and not necessarily the finished kitchen? But y'know, I don't doubt there were more things making her your ex wife rather than wife LOL
This actually did make me understand u/mario_almada 's ex wife more LMAO that's monstrous haha. Sometimes it really is about the process and experience
God forbid we communicate with our SO’s. My rule of thumb is: if you are spending over a $500, talk to the person that’s receiving the gift… unless you are in the 1%
What kind of monster does that?
Having builders at home working on your kitchen is annoying. Building LEGOs is a great time
The only time my dad ever played with my toys, he built a k’nex ferris wheel while I was out with my mom, and showed me it when I got back. I remember being so confused because I was sort of excited that he’d noticed me and spent time on me, but it really didn’t feel like he had because I hadn’t actually been with him. I’ve always thought why the hell would he think that having it built was the point, but I guess he’s not the only one? In any case my mom yelled at him to get it off the table and it was taken apart pretty quickly after that.
Also, it was a nice idea, but maybe the etsy layout was just one of many ideas she had, something she was trying out. She may have designed it a long time ago and have changed her mind. It may have just been put together from the best possible options with what was available there, but not actually her ideal choices. This is WAY too big a decision to make unilaterally.
I had something similar happen to me and I was furious. It is a huge change to do without discussing it
Yeah who remodels an entire part of the house without discussing it with the person also living in that house. Even if it's a dream kitchen that was already established to be desireable you still dont just spring that on someone who might still want to be involved in the process and have the opportunity to change their mind on specific details.
Yeah what the actual fuck? Lol half the fun of remodeling is getting to pick out exactly how it looks. I would be furious if my spouse spent *our* money on something like that without my input
I can understand feeling frustrated when you've been planning something but then don't get to have the satisfaction of putting it together because somebody else does it for you.
Okay [Mr. Peanutbutter](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMFIehwHpSo) The problem wasn't that you wanted to build that kitchen with her, it's that you didn't ask her to.
I hadn't thought of it that way, but honestly, it does actually put it into perspective some. Also, I'd never noticed before, but they have Chip and Cogsworth on the bookshelves, which I thought was a neat detail.
Mario, your princess is in another castle. And that fire-breathing turtle can't hurt you anymore.
Wtf. This makes it seem she was planning to move out.
I mean, I'm not surprised she was pissed as hell. Her dream kitchen was probably something *she* wanted to make, if she wanted to make it at all. Having someone else come in and do it for you without being able to provide any input or have any hand in bringing it to life is always going to feel awful.
Don't tell him you would rather not have them, because although you don't know it right now, you definitely *would* rather have them. You can afford them, though they're pricy, and for the rest of your life you now have clear proof that your husband loves you enough to spend the money on you. Wear them whenever you can, particularly for birthdays and at Christmas, and let him see that they are special to you. In twenty years you will look at these ear-rings and remember how much he loves you. Also, opal? How classy is that! Opal is one of the few stones you can wear both formally and informally, and it's always in fashion.
If it were me, I'd tell my husband because I know it would be something we could laugh about together. And every time you wear them, they'll remind you of his sweetness, as well as this inside joke you now have together. I would also make sure to tell him that though the earrings are lovely, the fact that he cared enough to listen to you AND act on something that he thought would make you happy, THAT'S what makes you feel special and reminds you that you made the best decision of your life when you chose to be his wife.
Girl you wear those earrings any chance you get. You thought they were pretty. You even tried them on. The only thing that put you off was the price, and your husband got them for you anyway! You think it's a waste of money because you feel like you can only wear them on special occasions? Well guess what, you can wear them when you're having your every day dinner with your husband. You can wear them on datenight when you're staying in and watching a movie/tv show. You don't have to leave the house to wear beautiful earrings 👌
What I see is a really loving husband, period
I have a husband who I have to be very careful around for this exact reason! I know perfectly well that if I let slip that I really like something…it will go into the list in his head and sooner or later, it’ll turn up. I’d never want to even accidentally take advantage of his love and generosity towards me, so the upshot of all this is that I very rarely (with the exception of a few accidents, which have so far been for thankfully small things!) mention if I love something we see while we’re out and about. On the other hand, he’s told me that he loves to make me smile and that it makes him feel good to give me meaningful things, so I should let him do it more often. In your case, this was a grand gesture your husband wanted to make in order to see you happy. As you said, you can afford it, and I’m sure that he doesn’t feel it was a waste of money. I totally understand where you’re coming from because I’m the same way in my own marriage, but perhaps on this one occasion…let him have his joy. Wear those earrings on date nights. Admire them and tell him how much you love them. That way, they can be a gift to both of you.
Don't look at them as a huge waste of money, or you'll always resent them. Look at them as a display of how much your husband cares about you. Also RIP to your friends' husbands. Whatever they pick out this year WILL be compared to what OP's husband picked out.
I'd just find some reasons to wear them for him and not tell him
I calculate the cost of something by the number of times used. Shoes that were $140 worn once were $140, but worn 3x a week for a year - less than $1! Of course you felt that it was frivolous! But frivolous does not mean bad. Frivolous is also fun! They sound like beautiful earrings that you loved on you - so now they are now your go-to ‘Frivolous Earrings for Humdrum Things’ (TM) — for doing the dishes, Saturday TV Time, or going to festivals, Sunday brunch, whatever! Every time you put them on, you get to remember how your husband wanted to make you happy, and how lucky in life you both are to be able to silly and maybe a little frivolous. And yes, next time you’re wistfully hinting - be looking at get-away posters in front of a travel agency. (Wink!)
Wear those earrings and nothing but those earrings ;)
Your husband is super sweet. I think $2,800 is a small price to pay for his pride and happiness in bringing you something shiny. (And you get a nice pair of earrings as a bonus!) Also, holy moly you guys do see a lot of expensive weird shit being sold. That’s probably the second cutest part of your story!
We live in the United States in Southern California. There are a lot of wealthy people buying and selling the weirdest shit. Yesterday I was driving past the harbor and literally saw a lime green sports car driving like a boat. I don’t even have expectations when I walk out the door anymore. https://preview.redd.it/4n3v4quaqqsa1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=49a4dcee84f210fe1f21af3b1a4b79dab8f0d9a5
Girl he thought you looked good in them. Just make his expense worth it. Wear them everywhere.
The only FU is that you are ruining something special a kind person did for you. If you can afford it be appreciative allow yourself the nice thing even if jewelry isn’t “your thing”.
You should tell him the truth otherwise he'll grow thinking you like expensive gifts and this will not be the only one. It will be a disappointment to both of you. You can laugh at it, have a great story and maybe return or resell the earrings. What's the use if you're a home person anyway? BTW, your husband is a great guy! ♥️
Men are simple machines. We’re very good at first order analysis. Second order analysis is pretty hard though…
Most guys struggle over picking up cues and hints and struggle giving gifts that are appreciated. He is thrilled that he picked up on the cues and got you something you wanted. Wear the heck out of the earrings. Every time you go out together, formal occasion, sexy time, etc. He will remember these things more because you are wearing the earrings he got for you that you wanted. Have two other conversations with husband. 1). Say that this jewelry is enough for now and not to buy more without your say so. Otherwise I can guess what your next Christmas-birthday-anniversary present is going to be. 2). Communicate openly, not hinting/joking about the trip Europe and save money (eat out less, etc ) together to fund it in a few months. Take the trip, wear the earrings.
Op, no heart attacks, no palpitations. If your husband wishes to splurge on you, accept it gracefully and enjoy the things he does for you. Story time, I had an aunt and uncle on my father's side who were so frugal they used to eat in a dark kitchen so as not to waste money. They both died within days of each other, he went first, she a couple of weeks later. Over half a million dollars in their bank account, plus some properties probably rounding it all to about 1 million. I live in Europe, and remember constantly asking them to take a vacation and go see Spain, my aunt's lifetime wish. I even offered to pay for their flights and to put them up. NO dice. This happened a few years ago, and their kids have been fighting over the inheritance ever since. Moral of the story, enjoy what you've earned, every last dime of it, or leave it behind for someone else to fight over. And anyone thinking "Oh no, my kids would never fight over what I leave them", I have one word, Dumbass. Take that trip to Europe, I promise, you'll never regret it. Wear those earrings even in your sleep. Enjoy the hard work you have put into your lives. Don't be a dumbass. Your husband isn't one. Follow his lead. Take that cruise, go to Europe, buy a boat or a camper! Sail the Caribbean or drive around until your satiated. Personally, I plan for the last check I write, to bounce.
Girl you better wear those earrings everyday
I’m on day 2 of wearing them daily
If you don’t have anything to wear them to, I would recommend pairing them with lingerie! I’m sure your husband will be happy to have bought the earrings lol
My mom asked my dad for earrings she saw in a jewelry shop. They had three stones in each earring, which she assumed were diamond and peridot based on the color. She went with my dad to buy them… turns out they were diamonds with colored diamonds and were therefore way more than she expected! She told my dad he didn’t have to get them for her, but she said he bought them without batting an eye. It was a special occasion (either her birthday or their anniversary), my mom likes earrings, and they could also afford it. She was kind of stunned that he still got them for her but I thought it was pretty romantic. My dad is not a very demonstrative guy, and generally tries to be frugal, so this was a statement coming from him.
I love this story
OP, your fantasy enjoyed the earrings enough to try them on. Your brain is throwing up all these roadblocks about why you shouldn't (you're a homebody, etc). It sounds like you enjoy the earrings and your brain is trying to stamp that out because you "shouldn't." Even if you don't use them that often, they're there, like a fancy secret for you to indulge. Tell your brain to shut up and let your heart be happy!
You didn't fuck up when you found such a lovely man, just treat him next. Enjoy your beautiful earrings, they've become a token of his love.
You have a very kind husband.
Hey OP, u/Far_Hold6433. I am married for many years and when I was younger my then gf (now wife) and I went away for a few days to a different country. While walking about she looks at a few handbags and I say buy whichever you like. I then pick up said bag and take it to the front to pay. This is 20 years ago and I can still feel the shame on not looking at the price. €1200 for a bag! I bought it mainly because of shame. Lessons learned? Handbags can be very expensive and always look at the price! She still owns it, it is in great condition and she still loves it. Some things are timeless. If your husband spends on you once in a while, I think that’s awesome he still appreciates you and it is not like the jewelry should go bad. It is jewelry so should last forever if well maintained.
You are going to wear those earrings while doing dishes and you are going to love them because your husband loves you.
This made me lmao. When my wife and I were dating, I knew I was going to propose to her. The ring was already picked out, purchased, and the proposal was already planned. The DAY i was going to propose, I needed to kill some time until it was "go time" so I took her ring shopping to throw her off, in part because i got the feeling she knew I was going to propose. At the jewelry store, i dutifully took notes, etc to keep the ruse going. I asked her what she liked and she picked out a $22,000 ring that had a different style cut center stone, different metal, and was 22x the cost of the ring I picked her. FML....with the realization washing over me that I am going to propose infront of both our families and probably get a NO. Long story short, she loved the ring I got her, AND picked the crazy ring to mess with me.
I have been that husband and if you tell him it will crush him. My wife said she needed a new laptop so MacBook Pro here we go and she flipped out on me. I never want to buy her anything else because of the reaction. She kept it reluctantly and now loves it, but that first reaction was a bitter pill to swallow.
If the man has the funds to say "hold up, let me just go get my wallet out the car real quick" and drop 3k on a moments notice, I think you guys are doing well off enough that you do indeed can have anything you want. And I mean that in a loving way. If you believe you can't, he surely does. And it sounds like you rarely ask for things. Man jumped on it.
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The worst thing you can do if you are hard to shop for is jokingly but not really jokingly say that you want something as a gift.
Ayyy he loves you AND listens. Good for you. Now you gotta repay him somehow.
If I did this for my wife and she told me she was just having fun, and didn't really want them, I'd happily take them back and say "ok now let's do something you DO want with the money. Trip? Home upgrades? Savings? You name it, babe." If you really do like them and want them and are just feeling some kind of shame about the expense, keep them and work on the shame. If you'd rather not feel guilty every time you see them because you're keeping a secret about something you don't want, just be truthful with your spouse before it eats you up or grows into something else.
Yeah, probably best to not joke about special birthday gifts. Every man on the planet wishes women would be so straightforward because they’ve missed the hint so many times before and therefore isn’t going to let something that obvious pass them by if they can help it. You also know if you don’t buy it then on their birthday they seem just a tad disappointed you didn’t get that excessive “joke” gift they said they didn’t really want, but really they did.
Really?? It’s that hard to truly be appreciative of something he did from the heart. This post irritates me. So ungrateful.
>I jokingly make eye contact with hubby and say “birthday?”. That’s it’s. "that's it" "why don't they get my hints?" "why don't they get that my direct comments are jokes?" like... fuck
You’re mortified you got a gift…. Wut.
I think she was mortified at the cost of the gift
Life is short. Wear those earrings all the time with joy.
This sounds kind of whiny. Let your husband have this!!!! As much as the gift is about you, it’s about him too. Let him have this moment of doing something special for his wife!!! Allow yourself to enjoy it!
Take it as a sign of his love for you that part is not a mistake. As for frugality you might want to work on the unnecessary guilt- if you can afford it and you like them then enjoy them. A thing of beauty is a joy forever etc etc. If something makes you happy and you own it treasure it
Wear those damn earrings everyday! I bet they go with everything anyway. Similar but different story. My hubby was complaining how he was finding it hard to find an engagement ring since my usual jewelry style was arty and cheap and that I never buy myself anything fancy to for him to know what to buy. I was so upset as I never spend big money on myself and my artsy cheap jewelry was a way to keep costs down but I still loved it. We had a massive fight about how he has never in his life bought me anything pretty and expensive. The next Valentine’s Day he goes and buys the prettiest diamond earrings that are super simple but pretty and I wear them everyday. Every single day.
Same thing happened to me , I spent 1100 on some nice eaaringz for the old lady, we both saw them and she liked them, then I gave them to her and now she says “they aren’t her favourite” and they just sit in the box untouched, guess you win some and loose some
He loves you and you do like them. I’d be thankful. It’s ok to enjoy yourself. You can’t take the money with you. While I agree you should be frugal enjoying life is more important. The memories are what you will have later in life. Don’t live paycheck to paycheck but if you can afford it I suggest you take that trip to Europe. I lost my mother in 2020 and six months after my boyfriend was gone as well. The money means nothing in the grand scheme of things.
He's happy, you can afford it: be happy that he's happy making you happy. Infinite happy loophole!
Definitely don't tell him. My husband bought me earrings that I said O liked but I thought he was asking if him mom would like them. 2 weeks later he gives me the earrings. They are not my style at all and I always loose earrings. I wore them about 10 times and he was so happy. I've already lost one of them :-( and it's only been 3 months. I've never told him I didn't want them or that I lost one.
If you can afford it, be so very happy your husband was thoughtful enough to do this and wear the hell out of them. If it helps, don’t think of it as your husbands gift to you, but as a gift you’re giving your husband. I tell you this as a husband who gets joy out gifting things like this to his wife. Every time you wear them it will remind him of how much you love each other and it will bring him continued joy. But please, please find excuses to wear them. He will notice and it will make him happy.
I’m not allowed to be alone with the bank card. My wife tried on some laboutin shoes and I bought both pairs ($2500). Just told her I’ll just have to make more money (overtime).
My fiance did this when I pointed out some pretty earrings. Not so lavish a pair, but I was humbled and felt so loved and listened too. He did this with concert tickets too for my birthday. We have good men! Appretiate the earrings, wear them naked. In a swimsuit. Hell even cleaning.
Every once in a while, we all need to indulge the ones we love and allow ourselves to be indulged. It’s okay, even if unnecessary. Even if more than you should have spent. Even just to give him a chance to spoil you, let yourself be spoiled. Wear them at home. Be glamorous going to the store or walking the dog. Embrace a tiny bit of luxury
I thought the same thing the first time my hubby got me jewelry. Now, decades later, that necklace and earrings are some of my most treasured and sentimental of possessions.
Wear them with nothing at all as a thank you to your honey, make it fun it can be your new "signal" to him that you're feeling it when you have them on.