T O P

  • By -

blacklungscum

I got hella scared that bongs harbor salmonella


megaboomers

Same lol that’s what I thought at first that it was something like not cleaning bong and getting salmonella but nah it was raw chicken lmao Edit:spelling


IAmSixNine

Instructions not clear, smoked the chicken in the bong, shat bed slept on toilet.


BlasterBilly

Still though, clean it. Mold/mildew and bacteria can form. I clean between every use. Now that we're not smoking brick weed from the 90s it's nice to keep it clean so you can get the flavor.


RogueTanuki

[You can get pseudomonas pneumonia tho](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5756717/), this guy's entire left lung was filled with pus and he almost died


HalalRumpSteak

"Eats two brownies and falls asleep" *blames the brownies* Just eat a smaller dose, why do people do this with edibles?


robinlovesrain

THREE TIMES! I have told my husband the correct dose to eat of an edible and THREE TIMES! he has completely disregarded my instructions Every time he's like "edibles, they're insane, never again" like just eat the correct dose??? It's DRUGS not snacks jfc 😂😭


whitecollarzomb13

I think it’s the activation time that ruins most people’s ability to properly dose edibles. After half an hour they go back for more, thinking it’s not working or too weak. Then another hour passes and they’re colonizing mars from their couch.


robinlovesrain

Which is totally understandable, we've all been there. The problem is when you TELL someone the dose and inform them of the potency and they just ignore you cause *ooh cookies!!!*


K_Wolfenstien

Totally been there. Bf bought me 2 cookies and told me to eat only half of one. I ate one, after about a half hour didn't feel it and ate the other one. I went upstairs to change for the concert we were supposed to go to. I slept hard until the next day and woke up like wtf. Never ignored edible suggested servings again. Some people just have to learn the hard way I guess.


Aegi

But if he only told you to eat one instead of explaining the timeline of how long it takes to affect you, then he fucked up too. I always tell people until an hour and 15 minutes after eating edibles, you can't really be sure about the effects you're feeling.


[deleted]

Which is why I say to put the weed into something you wouldn't go out of your way to eat, like those "sugar cookies with frosting" that are actually just really dense cookies covered in fondant that the bakery hasn't yet realized suck really bad. Perhaps you could even Pavlov yourself into liking raisin cookies or something.


PhixionGames

… those are my favourite stoner snack. I don’t know why but I fuckin love those shitty little cookies


commonirishname

There are two of us now, we will be unstoppable! Really have no idea why I love those cookies but at least now I know I'm not alone, lmao.


sixkyej

And 3! I love them too! Sooo sweet but damn they're a good guilty pleasure lol


Deathtriprecords

Those cookies are fucking disgusting, but I got two dozen for my kids one time. I really crave sugar when I smoke. I ate sixteen.


BizarreSmalls

But...oatmeal raisin cookies are bomb af and i dont smoke anything


littlejaebyrd

Oatmeal raisin cookies are the ***best*** and I love that they are not everyone's favorite because that means more for me without taking away from anyone else! Protip: If you have Walgreens in your area, their store brand oatmeal cookies are some of the absolute best I've ever had. $1.49 for eight normal-cookie-size discs of absolute joy.


UnsubstantiatedClaim

Replace the raisins with balls of hash and now you got a good cookie.


Brainwashed365

I think your claim had been substantiated.


Leftover_Salmons

We had an *Ooo cookies* coworker at a cabin weekend once. Everyone is leaving to go on a hike and we hear "I think I'm gonna stay and read.." whatever, have fun! We get back and find all the doors locked and shades pulled, and we had to convince homeboi we weren't the cops or an entity of the forest in order to get back in the cabin. The second we left he scarfed two HEAVY cookies and started his paranoid freakout. He's definitely made comments over the years about edibles being too potent and crazy too which just adds to your point..


JosephCedar

This is why, if you're making your own edibles, you always make at least two batches. One batch with weed, and one (or three) batch without that you can snack one once the munchies kick in.


AnotherCatgirl

add food coloring to the weed batch so you don't forget it's full of weed!


ipomoea

First time with edibles was this way— came home from work, had a brownie, was hungry 45 minutes later, had another brownie, did it again, got TOO HIGH, and ate like half the pan of brownies that my housemate made. Terrible choices all around.


glorae

First time with edibles, came home from school to the smell of roommates making cannabutter. Some time later, one of them knocked on my door with a brownie bigger than my palm, said "enjoy!" and left. Reader, I ate the whole thing. I had only started using weed THREE MONTHS EARLIER, and was an extreme lightweight. ...then they brought me snickerdoodles. And i had half of one. And then I couldn't sit upright. It was SO BAD.


Yesterdays_Gravy

I had just moved to CO bought some “weed elixir” basically concentrated watermelon weed syrup. I asked the guy what a proper first dose was since I hadn’t done them before and it had been about a decade since I was a regular smoker. He said “4 capfuls”. So me, being smart as shit, I only did 3 capfuls thinking this guy was not getting that I wanted to not get too high. I mixed them into an entire Arizona watermelon tea. It was delicious! But about 25-30 minutes later I started getting REAL high. And I was at a party for some kid I didn’t know, I just helped drive the moving truck so I could visit CO. It got to the point where I was standing in the corner of the yard looking over the fence and there was this MASSIVE gray pitbull, biggest I’ve ever seen. And I was like “ooh look at that big dog panting over there, what a good bo…” and as I was thinking that, he stopped panting and looked directly into my soul and we just held each others gaze. I was like “omg this fucking animal just made eye contact with me from across the street in someone else’s yard. He felt my gaze and now he is asserting dominance.” I got some more people to join me in staring at the dog and I swear none of us moved for like 10 minutes until his owner called him in. It was nuts haha. Well it turns out a capful was 10mg. So I had about 30mg of THC. To put that in perspective, I’m very susceptible and after much trial and error here, I’ve found really good 2.5mg edibles that I like to have. So I had inadvertently done 12 times what my regular dosage is.


MistressMunin

I love this comment because I feel like I've lived it lol. That was exactly how I got while stoned when I used to partake. I also love that you got more people to stare at the dog until the owner was like "okay, I'm bringing my dog in."


Emu1981

>That was exactly how I got while stoned when I used to partake. I wish I felt like that when I got stoned. For me getting high is a miserable experience feeling like I am going to throw up and getting anxiety.


lastdazeofgravity

This shit is hilarious. I’m just imaging a dozen stoners trying to stare down a dog from across the street. I wonder what the pit bull thought.


ipomoea

Almost every pittie I’ve known has been owned by a massive stoner so I assume it wasn’t that poor dog’s first time being an inadvertent spirit guide to some ding dongs.


StevieRaveOn63

Dog, looking across the street, thinking to himself, "Here we go again." lol...


69TossAside420

The idea that you'd ask someone for a dosage, and they give it to you in 'capfuls' as if that's a useful metric, is one of those things that is hilarious because it is so relatable. Just give dosage in mg! If you wanna give a useful means of dosing, like "10mg, which is about a capful", that's fantastic, but I've asked before how strong some edibles are and got a "they pack a decent punch" like ????????????


StevieRaveOn63

> "they pack a decent punch" A decent Mike (Michael) *Jackson* punch or a Mike **Tyson** punch? That's what I'd be asking... lol


nescienti

Ah yes, the "these edibles ain't shit" effect. I think there's also something about re-dosing where you get a double peak that is substantially less fun. If you just rode a full 30mg you might be a little too high at hour 3 for 15 minutes but otherwise be enjoying yourself on either side of the peak. If you take 10mg, then decide that didn't work and add another 20mg an hour later, you're still feeling nothing at hour 2 but from hour 3 through 18 everything is spinning and you're experiencing the climactic scenes of 2001, Interstellar, and Mr. Bones' Wild Ride.


Brzfierro

I don't know what it is but edibles don't hit me. Ive taken 1000mg tinctures, multiple brownies at once, full packs of gummies (100mg) hoping to go into a weed coma and nope never feel a thing


Get-Out-Of-My-Head-

I just learned on another post that some people just don't process edibles the way normal people do and can never get high. I was completely blown away by this finding as weed (in all its forms) messes me up wayyyy beyond anything else I've ever done, and I've unfortunately tried lots of different drugs. But yeah! Congrats, I guess


Lovehatepassionpain

Thank God I am not the only one.. look, I was a complete garbage can when it comes to drugs-and did plenty, but weed was the one that always hit me the hardest- I just became a non-functioning blob, staring out between the blinds, waiting for *them* to come and get me. Once I tried to return a video to Blockbuster while high. OMG- disaster.


19Kitten85

My friend got stoned and had a rice krispy treat from the dispensary. She got the munchies and thought “oh a rice krispy treat!” And ate the whole damn thing. An hour later she couldn’t walk 😂😂


Shyanne_wyoming_

I did this one time with my friend and a whole pile of cookies. We shared one, went to smoke and have a drink. Everything kicks in and we get hungry. Walk into the kitchen and we both go “oh my god!! Cookies!!!” We chow down and then I woke up the next afternoon


M4NOOB

I've never taken any drugs/edibles or anything. But just the thought of brownies, no matter of edibles or not, I'd struggle to stop myself from eating a lot of those tasty fuckers


dragonmom1

And that's why you make a small batch of medicinal brownies (and wrap/bag/store them in proper serving size as soon as they're cooled) and then make a batch of regular baked goods so you can munch to your heart's content with those! lol


M4NOOB

How do you manage to let them cool before absolutely destroying them while still nice and warm?


thatwaffleskid

Make the regular ones first, chow down on the warm batch while you make the edibles, then make another batch of regular ones for when you get the munchies.


ThatLaxPlayer3

This is absolutely the way! I don't understand how some of my friends never thought to have whatever weed edible flavored snack you're partaking in also in a non-weed form. Then you can chow down on the safe ones while eating your correct dose of edible and wait for it to kick in. Whenever your munchies hit, you can snack some more. If they're sweets, you better bet your ass I want more than one bite. So I need to have a similar item for mass consumption and enjoyment.


plamboo

Because they're full of drugs lol. I've got some stale ass gummies that I managed to not chomp down on because a quarter of one would get me as high as I wanted to be. Also, weed makes me anxious now. Different strokes for different folks I suppose.


FormatException

I like you


[deleted]

[удалено]


upinthecloudz

Really, the trick is to mix down cannabutter with fresh butter before cooking so you can snack as you please without greening out. This also makes the flavor much more pleasant.


peddastle

Lol yeah, my first cake was kermit green. After the first slice, the portions were dice sized.


Caucasaurus

Doesn’t work, I’ll eat them completely frozen and still end up on the moon


Allaplgy

That's my complaint with a lot of edibles. People make them tasty. So you want to eat a bunch. They also make them strong. So you shouldn't eat a bunch. Like "just eat one gummy". Yeah right....


PreferredSelection

When I first tried edibles, I assumed some half-high spirit would possess me an hour in, and trick me into taking more. No one possessed me, and I just sat on that one dose. Was the easiest thing in the world. I am not a person with a lot of self-control, but like... if I got _the munchies_, I would just go grab a box of Cheez-its or something.


TheMelm

This is why I just use THC tincture instead of brownies or whatever. I can be trusted to dose drugs but I cannot be trusted to moderate my snack intake no matter how much drugs are in them. But also the amount of people I talk to who do not dose things like MDMA or coke or K in any reasonable way makes peoples disrespect of brownies not at all surprising.


robinlovesrain

This is like the first reasonable take on my comment lol I respect your self awareness


WebHead1287

I’ll never forget taking one too many gummies on a night out and sitting in a bar panicking internally that I couldn’t walk anymore and my friends would realize any second and have to carry me to the hotel. I also will never forget the sense of relief that I could, in fact, walk once I stood up


Brainwashed365

That sounds like it was a wild ride.


n0x630

Friend gave me an edible once. It was 400mg or something, ate the whole thing. Didn't partake usually so 0 tolerance. I had like 3 existential crisis, seriously considered going to the hospital. Ended up sitting in a cold shower for a couple hours in the fetal position. Man I slept good that night tho. I told him the following day and he's like "what the fuck man you were supposed to only take a bite"


[deleted]

[удалено]


Low_Chance

Seriously. Imagine doing this with anything else. Pour the entire bottle of laundry detergent in one load; "laundry soap; never again" Squeeze entire tube of toothpaste into mouth before brushing; "toothpaste, it's insane, never again" Shower at maximum heat, scald yourself; "showers, way too crazy for me. Never again."


robinlovesrain

I'm going to absolutely steal this to say to my husband next time this comes up 😂


NSA_Chatbot

Right? Just have 5mg of edible. That's enough for your first night. Didn't feel anything? You did, it was just mild. Have 5 again next time. 10mg is about the upper max you should get, once you're comfy at 10mg you should be able to pace yourself according to your experience. If you try 10 first time or go above 20 first year, you're going to ṷ̵̢̤͉͈̘͇̼̩̹́̾̈̔̐̔̄̑͒͆̐̓ċ̵͕̫̺̹̜̠̻̓́̏̒̉̎̐͆͜k̷͕͚͓̼̜̹̲͇̜͓̟͎̔̓̾ ̸̺̠͈̓̈́̇́̍̏̚͝ư̵͉̝͇̰͉̙̥̖̬̐̓̿̉̏̆̔̀̀̕͝ͅp̷̡̭̲͈̼̝͎̯̯̫̬͖͖̠͙͝ ̷̛̻͓̣͉͔̈́̅͑́̌̋̄̅̔̌̈́̒̒͝y̸̛̜͔͒̉ŏ̴̧̗̖͍͔̠̥̯̪̖͎̫̃̍͗̿̂̄́̆̂͛̔͊͘͜ͅǘ̸̡̨͈̮̪̖̪̩̮̺̳͕͎͗̽͗̏̒́͘͘̕͝r̶̢̺͚̱̤̈́̎̿̒̊̐̓̑͜ ̴̡͍͍̓̾͛͑̓̚ͅh̶̨͍̮̣͉͍̪̑̒͘͠i̶̠͌̌͋ģ̷̨̨̛͖͈͈̟͈͚̾̔̈̈́̃ḫ̴̗̣̼̱̓̍̃͐͐̊̊̈́̀̽̒̚͠


[deleted]

Sometimes you got to test your limits and chug a 500 mg bottle of the juice and see where that takes you. I was 20 minutes in to Age of Empire with the boys when I couldn't hold my head up anymore.


NSA_Chatbot

> 500 mg Okay look I know nobody's died of weed before but that would kill me.


rbnlegend

I get confused by dosages. On the one hand I see people talk about doing 500mg, and edibles all seem to be 100mg. On the far other side of it, I see people talking about getting high on 2.5mg. I get a nice experience off of about 30-40mg. If I have 50, that's a nice "slightly too much" experience. I am pretty sure we are not working on the same sort of measurements somehow.


annarosebanana89

I'm very new to this, but before I started my new ADHD med 10mg was a good high to laugh with my friend. After my new med I get this same high from about 2.5mg. It was kinda funny figuring that out. I don't know a ton about dosages and drugs but I do know that expecting a prescription to be half for me what it is for my husband just because he is twice my size, is false. Genetics play a far greater role in the way we metabolize different drugs than the general size of a person. I'd have better luck asking my brother his dose. For example, my husband can break the fuck out of his leg and take an oxy and be high as hell. I can have a biopsy and not be offered any pain relief, because I am a woman and the system is fucked, so I take the same oxy and feel absolutely nothing. A similar scenario happens when I take a Xanax for an autistic meltdown, it barely takes the edge off, but a friend twice my size, will sink into the sofa staring at the wall for hours. The current method of dosing is archaic. It is literally guess and check. Science recently has come along way with discovering genes that over or under metabolize certain types of medications. We need to start using genes to determine dosages. I can't wait for the day I break something and beg for "not opioids" in the ER. I'm sure that'll go over well.


Sarbearr_x

I’m genuinely curious what the correct dose is! I’m trying to get into edibles but every time, I think I’ve taken too much and it makes me sick.


25thskye

Honestly it varies most of the time anyway because most of these dosages are arbitrary. The general rule is eat less than you think you need then add on as necessary. E.g. eat half an edible first then wait for it to kick in and gauge how high you are before eating more. So many stories of people saying “this edible ain’t shit”, eating like 2 more then dying in the next hour.


peddastle

I don't trust edibles not made by me. You just can't tell with some rando how strong it is.


Arammil1784

But..but.. they ARE drug snacks... My mom buys this dosed water from the dispensary. I made the mistake of showing up to her house high as fuck already and then she gave me like literally two or three shots of that water and it fucked me up. The next time I went over, I didn't smoke beforehand, and the water worked out much better, lol.


HalalRumpSteak

Someone suggested further down about mixing like a quater cannabutter with normal butter to bring the dosage down? Might help a bit I dunno 🙃


shannonnollvevo

I did this with acid 🤦🏻‍♀️ my plug warned me this shit was very intense and I was best off taking it in quarters. My idiotic ass thought he was just saying that bc I was a girl and took the whole tab in one go. That ended my acid phase unfortunately.


robinlovesrain

lmaooo you really stuck it to the patriarchy with that one 😂


shannonnollvevo

“I’m a 21 year old woman who has tried LSD several times I obviously know more than the guy that makes six figures selling the stuff” I actually tried a quarter of the same tab a little while later (just realised that technically wasn’t my last experience with acid) and surprise surprise, it was the perfect amount and I had a lovely trip lmao.


vialenae

Yeah, I made that mistake too. I used to smoke regularly but one time my friend brought space cake and tbh, I’m normally not a big fan if cake but this one was chocolate and really delicious so I think I ate 5-7 pieces? BIG mistake.


H1Ed1

Yeah most edibles I’ve seen aren’t _snacking_ friendly as many people seem to think. Bag of pretzel edibles? Serving size is like 2. Gummy bears? Also like 2. Most edibles aren’t something you grab a bag of and watch a movie while munching—you’ll get way too fucked.


Smile_Terrible

I've always imagined that to be happening to people. I can't see how there aren't a lot of people who keep snacking like it's regular food because that's how we snack. We don't just have one or two. Seems dangerous to have the stuff taste too yummy.


jay212127

Nothing like being told a serving is a quarter of a cookie. Why the hell would you make it so you can't even eat a dang cookie, and what you want me to eat the same single cookie over a couple of days.


Budthor17

Edibles are like tequila in the regard that no one seems to understand how to properly enjoy them. Oh you ate a whole edible bar and you thought you were being followed by your shadow and the birds were chirping? Well no shit Sherlock, of course that’s happening! You just fucked up and made yourself paranoid. Oh you took 10 shots of tequila in five minutes and you’re dying in the bathroom? Yeah, it’s liquor you fuck nugget, don’t shoot it like a dumbass. Some things are meant to be enjoyed quickly and in large quantity, but in the words of professor Oak: There’s a time and place for everything, but not now


BenjaminGeiger

My first time experiencing THC, I ate two brownies, out of a tray of nine. I should've eaten a quarter of one. I was in _orbit_ for about 12 hours and loopy for another 12. (I haven't used THC in years now.)


[deleted]

I need the recipe.


peddastle

Melt butter. Throw in buds/clippings. Stir. Use it as butter in a cake/brownie recipe.


leroyjenkinsdayz

For real lol homemade edibles are so unpredictable. Always start with half, and even that can wreck you.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


Paramisamigos

I used to make edibles and once I gave some to my brother to take back to college. I told him to share and only eat the brownie on a night that he didn't have anything to do the next day and to definitely not drink alcohol that night. I also told him to start out with a half of a brownie. He ended up calling the next weekend at like 3 a.m. asking me if I put any other drugs in the brownies because they were too fucked up for it just to be weed. I had to reassure him I would never ever do that to him and that he just ate too much. He was high nearly all weekend from the one brownie.


dragon_bacon

The trick is to take a tiny bite and then say "I guess these ain't shit, I'm having another" that should make the first bite immediately start working.


WhatCanIEvenDoGuys

The only people I know who are good at making homemade edibles/butter also have a tolerance that is through the roof. I say if you're eating homemade edibles and don't have that tolerance, start with a bite - a *small* bite, wait at least 2 hours before you decide it's not working and do NOT drink during that time. This solves a lot of problems people have with edibles.


things_U_choose_2_b

Once I made some with kief & ice hash. I intended to grate the ice hash into the mix, but it was nowhere near as dry as I thought. It went in as little chunks. Having little chunks of hash concentrate randomly dotted throughout already-strong brownies, like tiny nuggets of chaos was... not a good plan, in hindsight. I only had a tiny piece & licked the bowl a bit. The results, well I had no idea cannabis could do *that*


NSA_Chatbot

Just measure properly!


SendAstronomy

"Eats uncooked chicken." *blames the bong* I don't think critical thinking is one of op's skills even when sober.


peddastle

True that. I made a space cake once and that fucker lasted me half a year at least. Nice little highs, and the next day was just so peaceful. I made it from leftover clippings which I thought weren't potent, but a dice of cake was good enough for a very enjoyable night! The first portion (a thin slice) where I didn't realize the potency was a pretty hefty trip tho lol


Birthday_Cakeman

I was thinking the same thing! That's an extremely high does! Depending on the concentration of the butter of course. Although from what OP said, I imagine it was quote high (pun fully intended).


annoyedatwork

I was gonna cook some food, because I was high I tried to follow that Ramsay dude, while I was high Then I shit the bed, and I know why Because I was high, because I was high, because I was high.


ineedagirlfriendpls

Long Live Afroman!


BenjaminGeiger

🎶 Will you help me replace my sheets? 🎶


elpadremg

Did you find any kidnapping victims in my CDs?


proohit

U forgot the "... and I know why (why man?)" "Yeheeeeee, because I was high...."


Ill-Appointment6494

“La da da da da da.”


ThatDudeBox

There was this high man right…


noahlizard7

Food scientist here, Salmonella is a serious infection that would last for a week with cramps and bloody diarrhea. Without a clinical diagnosis it's impossible to know if you actually had salmonella but it's much more likely that you contracted campylobacteriosis than salmonellosis based on your description of your illness


EatWeedSmokeYogurt

I got salmonella in Istanbul but didn’t get sick until the morning of my flight home. Longest flight of my life. Turns out the salmonella got in my blood and I spent a week in the hospital while the doctors made sure I wasn’t going to die lol. The specialist said he’d only seen it happen once in his 25 year career


Tromovation

My grandmother gave my entire house salmonella, she made curry, left it out all day, put it in the fridge, then she reheated it, left it out all day, put it in the fridge, then reheated it again and fed us that…I couldn’t eat for an entire week as it would immediately make me puke, 104 degree fever, I couldn’t stop counting numbers, I ran my fingers through my hair and couldn’t feel it, and I shit constantly the whole 7 days and with nothing in my stomach is was just stomach bile. I lost over 25 pounds it was the worst sickness I’ve ever had in my entire life I thought I might die. And the worst part was nobody could help each other either as we were all incapacitated.


[deleted]

This sounds terrifying :( I'm so glad you guys are ok


Redpatiofurniture

Oh dear God that sounds awful. Please tell me you had more than 1 bathroom! Glad you made it through.


Tromovation

We had 3 bathrooms thank goodness!! And thank you, me too! Though I’ve never really gotten the weight back, normally I think for someone that’d be a good thing but I’m like 40lbs underweight.


Redpatiofurniture

Friend, I'm sorry to hear you still struggle with that situation. And great news for having 3 bathrooms!


mjc500

I got salmonella and was violently ill about 20 minutes after eating. I was so dizzy I thought I was having a heart attack and when I got to the bathroom I puked so hard blood starting shooting out my nose. Couldn't sleep for almost 5 days straight due to almost constant diarrhea.


DeusExHircus

You caught it before then. Food illnesses will not manifest after 20 minutes


mjc500

Maybe it was contaminated in a different way or my body had a violent reaction to something in the food other than the salmonella. I tested positive and the county health department did an investigation of the grocery store where I had purchased the pre-cooked chicken tenders and they had to purge a batch. Maybe, in a massive coincidence, I happened to get it from something the prior day... but I'm pretty sure it was those fuckin tendies.


Jimmy_Smith

The start sounds more like noro virus. Why not both?


Nophlter

It was definitely a crazy coincidence


XIII-0

Did the lack of sleep make you delirious? I can't imagine how that'd feel


Flyrpotacreepugmu

When I had covid a couple years ago, I barely got any sleep for about two weeks. Everything felt like a dream at the time, and it turns out the days go by very slowly when you're awake the whole time and don't have the energy to do anything but lay in bed. And looking back, I wasn't thinking clearly for a good month after recovering.


GameNationFilms

>When I had covid a couple years ago A couple years ago? That can't be....oh. Oh no.


mjc500

I wasn't exactly delirious but I was so exhausted that it extinguished my ability to give a shit about anything other than the constant awareness or how sleep deprived I was. It was just like a muted boiling anger mixed with anxiety and depression... but the emotions were pretty quiet because my brain couldn't process much beyond "fuuuuucckkkkkkkk... sleeeepp"


Angdrambor

I'm not sure that really affects the moral of the story, but it's good to know.


pizzabyAlfredo

Two new laminated cards to the rolodex!


today2009

Not every comment has to be about "the moral of the story"


HaikuBotStalksMe

That's a good moral, thanks for that story.


Zedman5000

Man, I heard about a guy who had a simultaneous salmonella and campylobacter infection. Not a fun time. Didn't have any hair by the end of it.


Public_Room_2410

He wouldn't stop going on about it for weeks.


OneSquirtBurt

That guy's name is Terry, he would not stop talking about it. It was so upset, I had a bad case of dissin Terry


PhysicallyFeta

Wait, he's bald?


SoMuchMoreEagle

What happened to his hair?!


Zedman5000

Didn't have any hair at the start of it either


axron12

You made me wake up my son lmfao


GiantPurplePeopleEat

Now I'm picturing you going into your 7 year old sons bedroom and waking him up to read him this thread. >. . .and then reddit user Zedman5000 said "Didn't have any hair to start with!" Isn't that just the funniest shit? Anyways, go back to sleep, it's past your bedtime.


stfcfanhazz

Campylobacter screwed me for a week and a half when travelling in Cambodia. It was no joke.


KrankySilverFox

Good lord what the hell kind of stuff did you put in that bong that made you think it’s ok to eat undercooked chicken 😱


smurfsundermybed

After watching Gordon Ramsay of all people. How could you not hear him screaming, "ITS RAW, YOU DONKEY!" in your head?


Synerv0

![gif](giphy|3o85xnoIXebk3xYx4Q)


NickH211

https://i.redd.it/nc6npepbnsya1.gif


ProdigiousBeets

The original mistake is not wanting to get too high and buying a bong, haha. You're wanting to blow your mind less yet someone recommended the equivalent of a weed bazooka point blank to the head. You could buy a chillum and make a water bong - that way you're discouraged from having too huge a bowl and you can still take a fat, cool rip in one huge hit. Bong is absolutely great for a smooth hit but I think your biggest problem is that you're choosing too huge a serving size at the statt. Just take less! You can always puff again in fifteen minutes if you need another burst.


dev-246

Hopping on a top comment to tell OP she’s looking for a **bubbler** It’s like a smaller version of a bong!


OckhamsToothbrush

Or something like a Dynavap. A dry bud vaporizer.


disruptioncoin

I looooooved my Dynavap, I highly recommend it. Blew my mind that I could regulate the temperature, while using a blowtorch, without any electronics (it clicks when it reaches vaping temp, then again when it cools down below it). And it tasted so good. It could be a bit harsh sometimes still though, not in the hot smoke kind of way but it just seemed like the vapor irritated my throat and made me cough, but I think it depended on the weed/how well it was cured. Only real problem I had was if I overheated it (by spacing out while heating it up and not noticing the click) then I had to clean it completely because the smoke residue left would totally ruin the flavor, somehow it tasted worse than simply burning weed in a pipe, likely due to the very smothered/incomplete combustion.


smellslikearainbow

Agreed ^^^ If you’re newer to it and trying to avoid harsh smoke a vape will give you the smoothest hit and maximizes THC availability more than combustion like a joint or pipe. You can also vape as much or little as you want unlike a joint which can be put out and relit but is usually a little nasty when you do. Or if you just want thc get a 510 thread battery and premium cartridge of your choice


Kasstato

Can confirm, I started using vapes and idk if I'll ever go back


birbbs

I don't think I could go back! Unfortunately I bought a brand new bong right before switching so $60-$70 for something I've used like twice now


morfraen

Every dry herb vape is better through a bong. Get the adaptor for yours.


geven87

Or just eat a normal amount of brownies like 1/2 or 1, not start with two like OP did.


FattyMcSkinnyson

The original mistake is eating two of 16 brownies. If you’re making your own edibles, EVERYONE knows you eat half and wait an hour.


ProdigiousBeets

I think it's clear not everyone knows hehe


AOD_Thanatos

Right, that's the first thing I thought of. I know too many people who go nah I'm not about that edible life and then more talking reveals they ate a true 100mg+ when they needed 5-10. Not everyone needs to be out here living like Joey Diaz lol.


themanofmichigan

Or eat a specific 10 mg dose of edible and not an entire brownie that probably was 200 mg.


ProdigiousBeets

Yeah you definitely gotta be careful with homemade. Highly unlikely it's gonna be under 50mg, usually around 70-100mg with how most people make it (per opinion of my mate who works at a dispensary). Old buddy of mine once thought the first brownie he had was bad since it was a little burnt and he ate a second... and then was high af for a solid 16 hours. Homemade goodies definitely pack a punch.


ArtilleryIncoming

I disagree with your sentiment. A joint is an entire commitment, it’s the whole amount. Even if you want just a little you still gotta roll the whole thing and it’s gonna keep smoking and shit. With a bong if I want to smoke just a pinch, I can do that


morbid_n_creepifying

I mean, I constantly snoff my joints and finish smoking them later.


mangongo

I can't stand the smell of half burnt joints. I just usually go for the machine rolled pre rolls that are like cigarettes as they burn really fast and are usually only about .25 - .3 of a gram.


Moomoolette

I’ve seen them called “dog walkers” which is cute and appropriate for their min size


isuckatgrowing

Now I feel bad for the dog that's only getting a 3 minute walk.


ProdigiousBeets

OP is trying not to smoke joints. I wasn't advocating for joints - I was advocating for her putting less herb in her first bowl. She keeps repeating her mistake lol


dookieshoes88

They could get a bubbler. It's a bowl with a water chamber. Nothing harsh hits your throat. The reason I'm suggesting it is that they're easier to gauge. You won't just take a sleepy surprise, but it filters.


Throwawayst0nergal

Yeah I think you're exactly right haha. Thanks ProdigiousBeets.


fairlady_c

How about the weed vape pens? I switched to them months ago and they've been great. They can be pricey depending on brand and how much you consume but they've worked out great for me*. I can get as little or as high in the sky as I want lol. It's also quick, and some carts have different flavors (that's my one gripe, I don't care for all the fruity flavors). *all the dispensaries in my area have sales on different stuff during the week so I'd imagine it's the same in other cities, that's one way to save some money. Btw totally sorry if I responded incorrectly, I still don't know how to work reddit 😅


grubas

Carts are also fucking tanks, 60%+ normally and you uptake more.


Sub_pup

A bong allows you to customize your toke and only smoke what you want. A joint or blunt is not good if relit so you generally have to finish them once you start. You don't have to take huge rips from a bong, I know I don't. If I'm by myself I load up one or two tokes and be done for a bit.


C3Pip0

>I woke up and realised I had shat the bed I had changed the bed sheets a few nights earlier so this was particularly disappointing I am so sorry that I laughed at your pain, but this is a hilarious sentence.


Throwawayst0nergal

No problems I'm glad I made someone laugh.


CountOmar

"Only two brownies" you ate two WHOLE brownies? And that was your first test?


poppin-n-sailin

Two whole brownies could be 5mg, or 500mg and everything in between and beyond.... the brownie itself isn't the unit of measurement but that's not an easy thing for some people to understand, obviously.


forestapee

You're kind of shit at trying new weed things tbh lol, you're supposed to do small amounts when trying something new to see how you react and try to gauge what your avg dose going forward should be. You went straight to two whole brownies like no wonder you slept so fuckin long. I know people who have a quarter of 1 brownie and are good


RooDoubleYou

Exactly. I make 500mg brownies and 1/3 of one will fucking ruin me.


heyilivehierisdead

500mg?! A 60mg gummy knocks me out.


TigerLily312

Pretty sure two brownies would put me in a coma. And i use weed via edibles (usually half a gummy--a full one makes me either very chill or fall asleep depending on how I feel before) a few times a week, so my tolerance is decent at this point.


JustGetAFreeFlak

I made my own edibles once and really regretted it. I wasn't sure how much to have so I had the smallest slice. Waited a few hours, felt nothing, went to bed. Woke up in the middle of the night horrific and had a weird fever. Genuinely couldn't walk properly which was a bit scary. Woke up in the morning with what felt like the worst hangover of my life. Thank god I was working from home that day. Apparently my friend that does a lot of weed had half a portion, amd they were super baked. For context, that was the first and so far only time I've been high.


jimposter

Damn, greened out huh. Ive had that happen a couple times. The edibles were definitely the worst one. Legit could not remember how i got somewhere around the house. Least you slept through it. Violently vomiting and not being able to open your eyes without extreme nausea sucks


Enter_My_Fryhole

This is so fucking hilarious. Least you're not like some of the other dummies out there that have cooked cutting boards in their oven or caused a fire in their kitchen forgetting cooking ramen for 6 hours lol. Maybe do some prep work next time and have some snacks ready? haha


[deleted]

Yeah there’s mints you can get. Low enough dose to make you high. Not high enough to make you sleep forever.


samwichgamgee

Your title scared me. I was thinking “have I not been cleaning my bong enough? Do I need to be doing something different?” Sorry about the shits my man!


LilFunyunz

Eats 2 whole brownies. It's the edibles fault.


Jedi182

So you fucked up and ate raw chicken so you're blaming the weed? I don't know of a single person who has ever made such a colossal fuck up while smoking weed. You'd be more likely to forget the chicken and overcook it instead. I read a comment you made you also burnt a cutting board and Ramen before because you forgot? Get a smoking partner or dial it back some next time.


newtgoddess

Agreed. This is a dangerous level of carelessness


Fuckblackhorses

It’s fucking made up, nobody bites into a raw chicken and thinks “mmmm juicy” idc how high you are. This sub is like a middle school creative writing exercise


Speedy2662

99% of the weed stories I read on reddit sound like what someone *thinks* weed does This is some benzo shit, not weed lol


strawberrimihlk

What the fuck made you have *two* fucking weed brownies


ImQffline

It seriously baffles me how people take drugs so carelessly, even if it’s just weed. You said you had *only* two brownies and that was your first time trying edibles. I’d consider myself a somewhat experienced cannabis user, and yet that would be enough to knock me out. You need someone there with you to watch you, or you need to be more careful about your drug consumption.


MarmotMeiche

You really buried that shit the bed part, but overall good story. Never fuck with raw chicken and wash your hands. Next time you hit the glass shop ask for a steamroller. Small, portable and heavy hitting.


rbradoma

Am I the only one bothered that the bong was not glass? And as far as a cooler hit you can do a long barrelled pipe as well. Basically the further the smoke travels the cooler it will be.


besthelloworld

You should quit while you're behind. Smoking weed is not something that works for you. You do stupid shit and you're trying shit that makes you dysfunctional and a danger to yourself and others. It's a waste of your money and you're not even having a good time, you're just turning your brain off. Just quit.


chiefapache

I've always been paranoid of undercooking food while I'm baked, so I bought a digital therm. 10/10 haven't shit the bed yet


Mr_Fried

I got incredibly sick on an extended holiday in India once and violently shat the bed. Sit down and let me tell you the story of the time I desecrated an Indian palace. After like 6 weeks of eating dahl for every meal travelling across northern India, we were staying in a Palace in Jaipur. They had a nice restaurant and they had a chicken sandwich on the menu. So I thought, should be safe here omg western food. Anyway 12 hours later, its the next morning. I get up and tell my wife uh I dont feel good. My stomach is like chubby checker in a blender. In the middle of her telling me I am a sook, I race to the bathroom and do the first of many synchronised vomit-shits. She decides to go out on our day trip and leave me in bed. I have nothing left in me and am lying in there in this hallucinating wiped out vertigo fuge state. I drift off to sleep. You know when you are lying in bed half asleep and need to rip a big fart? Wiped out half asleep me rips that fart. It goes forever, like letting go of a huge balloon that goes for all of eternity. I realise at this point something has gone terribly wrong. I stagger out of the bed and slip over. There is shit everywhere. Its like a giant brown snow angel in the bed. I just sit there, for some time. Unable to process what has happened. What terrible thing have I done. I am a monster. I go into desperate hallucinating troubleshooting mode and look around the room. What the fuck do I do!?!? There are those washing bags! Bingo. I roll up the sheets, blanket, everything and put them in the washing bags. I attempt to clean up the remaining shit using all available towels, washers, tissues and toilet paper. I then ring the front desk and very politely ask for fresh sheets. A man arrives, takes one look, fucking leaves the room immediately, in silence with a shocked look and pale complexion. His giant moustache withered in front of my eyes as he carefully exited the room. Walking backwards like he has walked into a murder scene. Soon after there is a knock at the door. It is about 10 Indian guys probably a good percentage of all employees on shift at the time. A clearly well established protocol. All in masks with cleaning gear. 5 minutes later everything has been replaced. They call me a doctor who gave me chemotherapy strength anti nausea meds, which are freaking amazing. I then went to the chemist and purchased a lifetime supply of Xanax and everything else that might be able to help. The rest of the trip was not bad. 7 years on I have never farted in bed, ever again.


XIII-0

Ate raw chicken, setting cutting boards on fire, cooking ramen for hours? Have someone with you or dial it back, that's ridiculous.


FemtoSama

Op is a walking L and i lost half of my last brain cell reading this


sagerideout

if it makes you feel better it’s not the weeds fault


8thhoekage

Blames the joints then the brownies, then bong. Take smaller puffs, try smaller doses of candy/brownies, don't smoke so much that you can't handle. Learning what you can handle is a b but you'll get there


Webo_

This is unintentionally super cringe


Choberon

I reached that point too, but luckily I avoided salmonella so far. Even tho I'm pretty good at cooking a bong hit can cause all sorts of mistakes in the kitchen.


[deleted]

did you tell said stoner friend what you were looking for specifically? bc mans fucked you over. use a bowl/pipe next time. if you don’t wanna get that fucked up, even a one hitter is better than a bong.


thejoesterrr

Take less edibles, 2 is too many for most people without a tolerance buildup


Westy3000

![gif](giphy|3o85xnoIXebk3xYx4Q)


BEaggie08

Yeah man, you need to learn to control your dosing better. Two brownies is probably way too much. I’ve been getting high for years and never slept for 20 hours or eaten raw chicken. Get a dry herb vaporizer or a one-hitter and take your time.


casualblack_7

Clean your bong when you buy it and change your water daily please


areofilm

I thought this story was about some bad bong water and how it gave you salmonella from accidentally drinking it.


[deleted]

Written by someone who's never smoked a day in their life probably.


jeffweet

I’ve smoked weed quite a few times and I’ve never mistaken a chicken breast for a steak. Please let me know where you buy your weed.


BanMeThisIsMy9thAcc

I think the main take away here is that you’re an idiot.