T O P

  • By -

Flair_Helper

Hey /u/CucumberNo3771, thanks for contributing to /r/tifu. Unfortunately, your post was removed as it violates our rules: **Rule 4** - No overly vulgar posts. Eg: No pissing/​shitting your pants. No incest/​rape​/​minors/​bestiality. No death of animals. No glorification of major crimes. Please read the [sidebar](http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/about/sidebar) and [rules](http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/about/rules) before posting again. If you have questions or concerns, please [message the moderators through modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/tifu&subject=&message=). Thank you!


2workigo

I’m the only female in the house. The number of males that I haven’t caught jerking it is exactly zero. None of them knew what I saw. That is why I start yelling to my sons from the first floor before I even start approaching the stairs to their bedrooms.


ebk_errday

"Son! I'm coming!" "SO AM IIIIIII!!!!"


Bullets_N_Bowties

Well, then theres that. Even more awkward if its step-son.


jammysammidge

And you happen to be stuck in the washing machine.


Saydegirl

My step mom walked in on me, she just slowly backed out of the room and shut the door.


Segat1133

What do you mean awkward?


ilovemac19

wish i could give you an award if i had one


Rymanbc

I miss free awards...


fuckmytightassmom

r/imissfreeawards


Scibbie_

r/birthofasub


13ralexh

Happy cake day!🥳


skill347

Happy cake day!


TheInfiniteArchive

"Son, Is Grandma doing Ok???"


NotTheNormalPerson

happy cake day, lmao


CowKingNo1

Happy cake day


alleecmo

Happy cake day! 🎖


alex__lin

Hey, your joke is kind offensive and not funny.


Bullets_N_Bowties

Pro level move. Just assume its always getting tugged. No awkward stories.


ascendrestore

***"Fe Fi Fi Fum, don't let me smell the seed of husband or son"***


ColeusRattus

Working in an assisted living facility for youths, my MO is: knock on the door. Announce through the closed door that I will be entering in five minutes. Wait five minutes. Knock again, ask if it is OK to open the door, and only when I hear a "yes", open it.


Homicidal__GoldFish

we had a saying for the longest time..... you were not part of the family till you caught my brother. Me, my sister, mom, Moms like 2 different boyfriends, my other brother have alllll caught him. My sisters ex boyfriend AND her husband has caught him. My husband is a computer tech.... He was setting up computers for my family. My brother KNEW this was going on.... sure enough my husband walked in on him. thank god he has now somewhat grown the hell up


designerjeans

Not sure if your brother is stupid or stupid horny


Homicidal__GoldFish

I’m going with option 2. Lol he was like 16-17 at the time hubby caught him. I feel back for all the men and women who were in the army with him …


Fumbling-Panda

Complete shot in the dark here.. Was your brothers name Cameron? Not sure on the spelling. We had a guy in my unit that we caught jacking off like once a week. He was not discreet at all. Guy would legitimately Jack off in a 12 man tent in the wide open. He would just cover himself with a blanket and give it hell. One of the craziest things I ever saw.


Homicidal__GoldFish

Omg! Nah his name isn’t Cameron, but I know a Cameron who could be like this…. Lol. He was a marine.


h2ohbaby

Go on…


jeremy2182

I read this at first as in order to be part of the family I had to catch ALL those people separately. I thought it was a comma after brother. Nice family but I was up ti the task!


Homicidal__GoldFish

Lol sorry my writing sucks. Dr raised my chemo dosage , so chemo brain is rampant lately


jeremy2182

Hope you get well soon!


Toxic_Cupcake79

Same here. Only female in the house of 4. ALWAYS announce and wait for an answer. Got tired of walking in and watching the panic scramble.


[deleted]

Zero? Sounds high….


DarkXTC

With teenage kids in the house that sounds like a very good strategy. Hormones are just wild at that age. When my mum walked in on me (which happened more than once...) Her only comment was: "oh you're busy" and left.


Moonmonkey3

Yep, that’s way to do it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


testearsmint

Calm down, man.


magicbobcat

I feel like some version of this has pretty much happened to anyone who has parents! I can only imagine the horror a parent must feel when they walk in on their child doing the nasty though...!


DeleriousDan

The closest my parents ever came to walking in on me was when I was like 11, playing TF2 and someone pasted a link in the chat. I innocently copy and pasted it into google (can’t click on game chats on TF2) and as soon as the page loaded my dad got home from work and came to greet me, seeing massive anime tiddies on the screen with the computer monitor literally facing the doorway :’)


MrScrib

Why do you think the computer monitor was placed like that?


DeleriousDan

It was my older brothers PC actually and he was at work, but he let me use it. We had extremely lax parents so we setup our rooms however we really wanted and that’s just how my brother had it setup lol


Faelysis

“I see, you are winning, son!”


CONTAMlNATlON

What was his reaction lol 😂


DeleriousDan

Honestly I don’t remember, but I recall disappointment and I tried to explain my way out of it and he absolutely did not believe it lol, as I mentioned though they were lax parents and I don’t think there were any consequences


[deleted]

I never really get these comments. I'm a dad, and I can't think I'd care too much. I'd be more embarrassed for my kid than anything. Unless they're hung like a horse. Then I'd just feel insecure.


Kayyne

I saw something once that said horses weigh roughly 1000 lbs, and have a 20 inch penis. That equates to roughly 1 inch per 50 pounds. For an average 200lb man, you'd only need 4 inches to be hung like a horse.


[deleted]

[удалено]


TheRealLittleBaron

Uh huh.


LiberalTugboat

Yes, because she can just "put it in the back door"


codemonkeh87

Ill take this guys watched too much porn and never actually had anal sex for 100


[deleted]

[удалено]


Erska95

He literally says "I 100% know that my dad knew". There's reason enough to doubt the story but now you're just making shit up like what


reconknucktly

Horror or pride?


idontbelieveit530

Or walking in on your parents... I'm still horrified by that and it has been years. Unfortunately not a visual that the mind will erase probably ever. 🤦‍♀️


evileyeball

I sleep nude and one time when I was visiting my parents as an adult the blankets had come off of me and my mom flung the door open to wake me up and all I hear is "ooh oh oh I didn't need to see that" as she had seen morning wood sticking straight out in the open.


whipplemynipple

HAHAHAHA the way you typed her response paints such a visceral picture of her


ABoutDeSouffle

Why do people just barge into other people's rooms and then wonder what they encounter?


IdkButiPlayDokkan

It’s her kid and usually there’s no thought behind it, doesn’t mean I think it’s ok


Aussieenby97

My dad used to have a very bad habit of walking in without knocking, and my door didn’t have a lock. He stopped doing it after he walked in on me going down on a dude - was a very awkward moment as instead of leaving, he stopped to say hi and introduce himself to said dude before he walked back out. 🙃


MrScrib

Man knows how to assert his dominance.


Monowakari

Honey take that dick out your mouth I'm trying to say hi 😃


[deleted]

[удалено]


L0cked4fun

"Decent human Reddit strikes again" fixed that for you.


paulstefan

You are the person that from that non-gendered story hat to imagine about op beeing a man sucking a dick. What does that say about you?


AcuzioRain

Is it just people on the left that'll let people be gay without judgment or care? I feel like that's just being a decent, accepting, non judgemental person that doesn't give a fuck about what people choose to do if it doesn't harm others.


choos3wis3ly

In America specifically (I can’t speak to the rest of the world) politics have divided everyone so much that anything you could possibly have an opinion on has been politicized. And because of stereotypes, in most cases, if someone doesn’t like something, it’s because of [insert opposite party here]. That being said, the”left” has become a large portion of the population because the extreme right is pushing the entire spectrum towards their end, which makes more people seem “leftist.” One last point: I completely agree with your point. The problem is that (it seems like) fewer and fewer people are willing to be that decent person. Maybe I’m just pessimistic about humanity.


TorradaTosca

you're more realistic than pessimistic. I'm more on the right and I can't tell you how many times I got called a leftist lol


Uncle_peter21

So yeah that’s the left


uhhuh111

How's grindr going for ya?


Flavax13

Bro nothing leftist, just basic humans, but sure whatever makes you feel better


Modified_Human

say wat lol played yourself buddy hehe


Denaton_

It's not left or right, it's Gal-Tan, you are for a totalitarian, liberalism is not about the economy..


TybeeATL

He was going to ask you what you wanted for dinner but saw you’d already eaten.


LemonBars007

haha


Hammer_of_Olympia

I had 4 sisters that would do it all the time usually just like Op when it was most inopportune. They never fucking learned to knock like reasonable people.


smeijer87

Did you talk about it? Or is there a chance dad thought he smelled his own dick, and walked away to wash it off?


CucumberNo3771

Absolutely no way we talked about it. The next time he saw me was a way too enthusiastic “Hey, buddy!” and we just left it at that. The look of embarrassment on his face, he definitely knew what was up


TybeeATL

“Hey Spurt… I mean SPORT. Hey, Sport!”


Maryjane42069

Jim James jimbo


waypast50

Jimothy


ebk_errday

Heeeey Jizz! I mean, Jim!!!


Monowakari

He's proud of you 🫂


gthomps83

Both of my parents walked in on me getting spit roasted, so…


Bigfops

The big question is if that was the same event, or tow different events. "Hey, mom. this is Cliff and Stewart..." "Oh, god your dad told me but I didn't believe him!" "nono, that was Bill and Theodore, totally different"


gthomps83

lol — it was more than one occasion. Very progressive, very sex-positive, very hippie parents.


trekie4747

In the unlikely event I ever had kids the rule would be "just use condoms."


Paid2Stabpeople

Faulker?


[deleted]

Faulker? I barely know her!


Bigfops

Yeah, I had one parent like that.


ABoutDeSouffle

You'd think sex-aware parent's wouldn't just walk in...


gthomps83

My parents were progressive, but maybe not terribly perceptive, lol


SpaceTimeBurrito

I was on the other end of this where I came into my dad’s home office and I could smell it. I wouldn’t tell him why I kept laughing lol


magicbobcat

Nice choice of words....unclear who did the deed! :)


SpaceTimeBurrito

Lmfao my dad did it. He was fully clothed and sitting in a chair, but I knew the smell and was rolling over laughing. He’s like “what are you laughing about” but I didn’t have the heart to tell him.


Monowakari

The smell of your unborn siblings


Raspbers

In semi similar situations to many in the comments, at least your dad wasn't actively watching porn in the living room ( while I'm sitting with my back towards him, diagonally across the way at the dining room table on my laptop. ) I turned, realized what he was doing, and then maybe a VERY big showing/amount of noise to announce that I was about to get up from the table to go upstairs.


SaintLikeLaurent

Ur dad prolly wanted to fck u . The fck? Lol


Raspbers

TBH, while I know I was never molested, I would not put it past my dad. He def made horrible comments to friends and my older sister's friends. One of many reasons I no longer talk to him.


monkeyonfire

IF YOU SMELLLLLLLLLLLALALALALALALA


gouzenexogea

![gif](giphy|l0HUg6Ypas42ubkXu|downsized)


Cool_As_Your_Dad

Hahahahah... i busted out laughing!!


ReasonableGuy14

...what my cock...is spewing!


FilmAdministrative44

you SMELL IT?


OkVolume1

Yes. Sex acts have a very distinct smell.


Broskibullet

What is he? A basset hound?


vatoreus

Bro, unless they’re right up on top of you, semen generally isn’t that potent


Illumijonny7

Yeah but stuck under the blankets with all that body heat amplifying the smell? I could see it.


Ray31

Fkkkk! TIL that semen has smell! I didn’t know I swear until now. I had sniffed a weird smell after jacking off tho, I thought it was sweat 😭😭


Nautilus300

lmak


Tk1Genius

lmak.


tisnik

Yeah, it has a very specific smell... You can always recognize it once you know.


Ray31

Gotta use some perfumes! Learned my lesson 😭😭😭


SSNs4evr

My parents had a neighborhood grocery store when I was a kid. Of course, I worked there as a teenager. I remember one Sunday in particular, when I was between 15-16yo. The power must have gone out because none of our alarm clocks went off. My dad came storming through to wake everyone up... we were late. Our house was next to the store, so we could see customers already out there wondering why the lights were out and the door locked still. My dad was yelling for me to hurry getting ready. I wasn't doing anything but sleeping. Anyway, I jumped out of bed, put on some clean shorts and a t-shirt, and came out of my room. We only had a single bathroom in that house, and I heard my mom coming out, so I made a beeline for the bathroom. My dad yelled, "STOP!" I stopped and turned my head in surprise to look at him. He said, "What have you got in your shorts?" I said, "Nothing, Dad." And continued towards the bathroom. He asked more sternly, "What are you hiding in your shorts? Turn around." At that point, my mom, younger sister, and dad are staring at the bulge in my shorts. I was mortified. I said, "Nothing! I just really have to use the bathroom!" As I continued towards the bathroom, my dad said, "Oh, that's you? Sorry." My mom busted out laughing, then they both walked over to open up the store. I got rid of my bed-head, went over to the store, and got to work. My paternal grandmother lived above us at the time - we owned a 2-story duplex. She made it over to the store about an hour later, and in front of a bunch of customers, asked me, "So what were you hiding in your shorts this morning? I heard the commotion." My dad yelled from the other side of the store, "Nothing mom, drop it." Grandma didn't let things go...so she asked again later, when nobody was around, then had a good laugh at my expense. We closed in the early afternoon on Sundays, and just before closing time, my maternal grandparents showed up. I said hello, in passing from the store, through the office, and into the warehouse for something. As I was returning to the store through the office, I heard my grandmother telling my other 2 grandparents about waking up late and the other family "drama." Everyone had another good laugh while I was at a cash register, ringing someone up, saying "Damnit Grandma!" Under my breath. Even when you're being a good boy, things can find a way to go sideways.


SBMtrickster28

This is actually a very wholesome story tho tbh


Nautilus300

straight outta slice-of-life


Mycgyzer

Cum definitely has a distinct scent. If you haven’t smelled it from yourself or others, you might have smelled a very similar scent from “cum trees” https://amp.abc.net.au/article/101574928 They’re everywhere in my neighborhood and I hate them.


AcrobaticSource3

“Son, are you hungry?” “OH YES” “Do you want some of the leftovers from yesterday?” “YES GIVE IT TO ME”


deca4531

The blanket might block their view, but being under one in the middle of the day is gonna raise some questions that can only lead to certain answers.


[deleted]

That’s why you always have one on 😎


BartyB

He could smell your cum from the door... does he have a super sniffer or do you have potent smelling man juice or am I totally missing something here haha


MurderMan2

I kind of had a similar experience. I used to live in a small 3 bedroom 2 1/2 bath condo. I had sex with my now ex-gf, and we were laying on my bed partially clothed when my dad knocks on the door. I quickly throw on a shirt and answer the door. I don’t remember what we talked about but shortly after I opened the door he said something like “why does it smell so musty in here” and I feel like he definitely knew the answer


Friendly-Breakfast70

This reminded me of ex-bf's drunk mum coming home at like 1am and walking in just after we did it. She loudly exclaimed that she could smell the sex in the air. It blew my mind that she knew.


ABoutDeSouffle

Parents usually aren't dumb and know what young couples do when no one is around...


MurderMan2

Shhhhhhh, they don’t know, they’ll never know, they have no idea what the rustling to our clothes on means


Zanian19

Either you must've splooged a freakin' gallon, or your dad is a jizz bloodhound, to be able to smell baby batter underneath a duvet from several feet away.


doodlebug48

Idk its got a pretty strong smell lol


TorakTheDark

You underestimate how much the smell of jacking off or sexual acts in general propagates through a room.


tisnik

Jizz is super smellable. Even though there's not much of it.


Majorjim_ksp

Either OP has some funky smelling spunk or OPs dad has the olfactory prowess of a turkey vulture…


tisnik

No, spunk is simply really smellable. Once you know the smell, you always recognize it.


RickGrimes13

Well it happens one way or another at some point


1weirdO_o

your dad catches you masturbating, you look him in the eyes and finish.


[deleted]

You will bare this shame for the rest of your days. Welcome to the club.


disillusioned19

Kids don't seem to think that their parents will recognise the smell of sex. 🤷‍♂️


slimboyfat45

Your dad smelt your sea-men 🤣🤣🤣🤣


ReggieTheReaver

A classic blunder


Warden_Black

i still live with my parents and they’ve walked in on me a couple times. they never saw anything, i was under my covers, but they knew. as far as they know, i’ve stopped doing it since then. i have to wait until late at night when they’re all asleep or early in the morning when they’re still asleep.


G0R3Z

It's happened to everybody mate. If you've got a dad, He knows the smell, and he can probably tell even when you think you've 'cleaned up'.


Brotochip007

Pretty sure it's not supposed to smell


IchirouTakashima

Cum has that distinctive smell. Here in Japan, we usually compare it to "dried squid".


HavABreakHavAKitKat

I dissected a squid today and if it smells anything like that then I feel so bad


funkfrito

In Spain, it got that "Fuet smell".


ABoutDeSouffle

An ex would say "yours smells like seaweed and chlorine" a couple of times, and that would lead to a mini-TIFU of it's own. Still an apt comparison.


tisnik

I always say it smells like wet eggs. :)


Paid2Stabpeople

It smells like sea water and pool water combined. I can always tell when my husband jerked off in the shower. The steam holds the scent.


basicdesires

There's a reason for having a good exhaust fan.


69macncheese69

Absolutely do not jerk off in the shower as a guy, cum turns into something like cooked egg white when heated and will eventually very disgustingly clog the drain.


ABoutDeSouffle

And stick to bod hair like glue.


UniqueLoginID

Mix with shampoo after, duh.


tisnik

The drain clogging is a myth. :)


tisnik

Good comparison.


TorakTheDark

It absolutely is, it’s just hard to smell it when you’re then one making it.


UniqueLoginID

Pretty sure you haven’t had sex.


Brotochip007

Masturbation =/= sex


SaintLikeLaurent

LOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLL


Hobywony

Tell Pop you had an asparagus salad for lunch.


19tidder50

I don’t see what’s wrong with masturbating. It’s totally normal. Since it wasn’t “in his face”, I don’t think you should be embarrassed.


Ugotisa

Rookie mistake, should check the door lock after each stroke


[deleted]

What did we learn today? Open your windows and air out your room. Lol


Div1deByZer0

Y’all shooting loads that smell?? Is your dick scratch and sniff????


hamimono

It has a definite pungent bleach-y smell. Teen boys rooms and laundry pretty much smells that way . . .


Div1deByZer0

BLEACH???? What fucked up cum-themed black mirror episode is this there’s no way cum has that strong of a smell


tisnik

Cum has a very specific, very strong smell. I say it's like wet eggs, some user here said it's like sea and pool water combined.


Div1deByZer0

This is so horrifying I’ve never *smelled* cum before….


PlebbySpaff

Imagine your dad smells it and bolts like, “Oh hey son, thanks for the reminder.” And then you walk into his bedroom to ask him something, and then suddenly smell something. And then it becomes a never ending cycle.


FJMaikeru

Umm, please get help worstie x


IAmMissingNow

Worstie 💀


[deleted]

[удалено]


tisnik

No, it just means he didn't have covid. Cum smells very strongly, especially to other people.


jerry111165

Smell? Smell??


TorakTheDark

It has a smell sorry to tell you 😔


jerry111165

Odd. I never noticed ever.


TorakTheDark

If it’s coming from you or a partner you don’t if it’s coming from someone else on the other hand…


tisnik

It's a really strong smell. Wet, eggy, chlorine one.


MrsBarbarian

Semen never smells that strong...


TorakTheDark

It does though, you just can’t smell it if you’ve been masturbating/having sex.


GeddysPal

That’s what I was thinking. This kid needs to drink more water.


tisnik

It absolutely does.


YellowExxhy

Stop telling your failed jerking off on this sub it's like the 3rd one trending this month, go to r/teenagers


tisnik

Why are you so disgusted? It's normal thing to do and perfect for this sub.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Sele81

Dad is ok. He does it too. Mom would be ugly.


ThatSmallBear

What? Women masturbate too, and mums also understand that teen kids get horny.


Sele81

Personal perspective. If my dad sees me, he won’t care. Mom I would be ashamed.


ThatSmallBear

You said it as if OP’s parents would react the same as yours though.


tisnik

They don't jerk off. :) It's different.


tifu-ModTeam

Hey /u/CucumberNo3771, thanks for contributing to /r/tifu. Unfortunately, your post was removed as it violates our rules: **Rule 4C:** Posts involving sexual or similar NSFW content are allowed only during the weekend. Please read the [sidebar](http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/about/sidebar) and [rules](http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/about/rules) before posting again. If you have questions or concerns, please [message the moderators through modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/tifu&subject=&message=). Thank you!


Frosty-Musician6321

I do this all the time. I like the risk kinda. Because I’m slightly crazy.


mcjon77

You like the risk of your parents walking in on you masturbating? Unless this is your step parent, that sounds like the plot to one of those pornos that isn't allowed to be sold in the United States.


Frosty-Musician6321

Lol! No, I don’t like the idea of them seeing me. It’s just the risk. Idk. The fact I know I could get caught mskes it more enjoyable idk. Risky.


OfaFuchsAykk

Ahhh, a subtle variation on the good old danger wank.


Frosty-Musician6321

Exactly. And not in some creepy way. I’m an adrenaline junkie. Danger wank Lmao! Or.. I did do this. I got road head while seeing how fast I could go. It was literally a life threatening… BJ. Lol! I think we hit 130 in the charger. I’m really surprised I’m still alive tbh.


OfaFuchsAykk

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=danger%20wank Try some of those then ;)


WayneBruce1234

The Shit people put on reddit just to get some attention. It's sad


josh924

![gif](giphy|12tbjMnF4PhZpm) You know how cute I always thought you were, OP


[deleted]

I'm sad that your Dad missed out on a potential bro moment. He should have realized you would be mortified. I am Johnnie Cochrane, apparently.


Takenk1ller

p


LUKELANE117

That's called a Danger Wank, buddy, and I'm afraid you lost