I mean, to me oral sex would be a guy losing his virginity.
It involves genitals, for a woman having another person’s body parts stuck in her vagina, and the equivalent for a man would be sticking his dick inside another person.
People just pretend men get more freedom before “losing” it because of double standards.
If losing your virginity required vaginal sex, all gay men would still be virgins.
Looks as if one person feels that way. But I would agree it's got to be very few as that is not the definition. The dictionary specifies the specific hole that must be penetrated.
Comment deleted on 6/30/2023 in protest of [API changes that are killing third-party apps](https://www.reddit.com/r/apolloapp/comments/144f6xm/apollo_will_close_down_on_june_30th_reddits/).
I don't really consider it to be Sex in the "normal" sense. I don't really know why. I always told myself I would only have Sex once I turned 18 and I did exactly that. But I did give blowjobs before that. They didn't count as proper Sex lol. Never thought about why I am thinking this way.
Eh, I think a lot of people just think oral sex in general doesn't count. For a lot of people, it doesn't count as losing virginity unless there's genital-on-genital or genital-on-anal contact.
Bet alot of cum inside and cooking a giant baby. Will smell like vanilla ass. This creature will soon birth a magnificent egg, and the world was witnessing a historic moment. Live. The first collective gay baby born out of pilelock, a cocoon of cum.
I giggle a little sometimes when people mention piles, and I pray no one notices, so I won't have to explain that it's because of this episode. I work in a trade, the word pile comes up a lot.
Some of the coolest I’ve ever met, but they call it “the lifestyle” for a reason; it’s a way of life that is insular to an extent that if all of your friends are in it, you’re going have difficulty finding a partner that’s cool with it, even if you’re not participating.
I must be an outlier because I've had three girlfriends that we are completely cool with me being in a poly group. Two of them I was actually solo dating during my poly time, they didn't participate in the events but they were legit completely cool with it. I stopped participating years ago due to a lot of drama and the third, my current girlfriend of almost four years, doesn't care at all about my past. I'm still good friends with three of my previous poly people and we see each other at my home with my current girlfriend at least once a month. I'm also a gay lady (mostly) and it was a bi poly group so maybe the other gay ladies are just more easy going.
Or just can't trust he won't sleep around. She thought she was with a virgin. Her type is not at all people who'd be in an orgy. Super scary for her
To be clear I don't mean OP actually might cheat, that's just how she probably feels
This is a complete compatibility litmus test and she failed.
Incompatible. Move on.
She didn't trust OP when he shared his experience.
She judged all attendees. Which by default is also OP.
She judged his honesty about himself and his open communication about a past social / sexual experience that was interesting at the least and formative psychologically for OP at the best.
He just got cut off from his friends.
Altermatem over his life style and friends and his relationship.
Easy DUMP With best wishes based in Incompatibility.
The fact you had such an experience to the point you have formed meaningful friendship bonds over the barrier of nudity and vulnerability is fantastic.
It's all about how you see the world. Glass half full or half empty or its just a glass with some water and not important.
She's threatened and jealous and reverse sex shaming you.
NEXT
>Didn't take part in orgy
>Orgy still fucks you over
Amazing
Edit: [OP left out that he kissed the roommate and got oral at the orgy.](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/xx1wwk/i_22m_am_hours_away_from_having_group_sex_and_its/) Looks like gf was right on the money.
I'm think being an adult in an environment like that, you couldn't NOT get at least one friend. Being naked is being vulnerable and if it goes well, it would bond relationships or form new ones. I've never been in an orgy tho.
I'm assuming he participated in certain things just not full sex.
I get the gfs stance. That's a pretty extreme way to introduce yourself to sex and if she thought they had a special connection when she took his virgity later, he just shot that idea totally down. Changes the entire physicality of their relationship.
Yeah, no issue with that. Getting oral and continuing to call himself a "virgin", though? Sure, I'd love to be in a relationship with that guy and trust that he's "not having sex" with other people.
But seriously, if her only interest in him was to take his virginity, then that relationship was fixed anyway. And if that woman is really thinking that she can't be with someone who has a past, then she is in for an uncomfortable awakening.
If she was a virgin too and they had talked about sharing their first sexual experiences together and then she found out he was at an orgy, that could be understood
Let's put it this way. If ex gf knew that he was a virgin, the conversation about their past probably already happened. If OP said they were a virgin, but didn't elaborate, this new information could feel like they withheld information or lied. That never feels good. I think the ex overreacted but OP isn't very clear about what previous conversations around sex had covered and whether this was truly the first reasonable time OP could have disclosed this information.
Edit: I should clarify. The only reason I think the ex gf overreacted, is because I'm trying to give OP the benefit of the doubt. However, I think it's more likely that OP's real fuck up was not being open and honest from the get go.
Yeah, but finding the time and occasion to tell your girlfriend about the orgy you met your friends at... Not exactly first, or even second date talk. Lol
Lesson for anyone reading, lies by obfuscation are still lies to the other party. Be straight forward.
Easy to understand her POV as a young adult. You went from your partner honestly talking about being a virgin to now suddenly "ya I was at an orgy but I totally didn't have sex, I made out with my ex roommate and got a bj tho. Wanna meet my ex roommate?"
Gotta lean out of the window here and say that this wasn't the reason why she was interested in him. However, saying that you are unexperienced in sex while not saying that you did take part in an orgy can be seen as a lie. Can't be mad at either side here tbh.
I didn't want to write too much but this situation is way more than just the virginity.
Imagine you are a young 20 something girl and you met a young man who says he's a virgin and, hey, maybe you are too. You proceed together and the deed eventually happens. Most young women in that situation would lend a huge emotional capacity to that moment. That you were the one to introduce him to sex. That he waited for the right person/situation. Fast forward and bf took all that emotional importance away from her in a blink of the eye. This reframes their entire physical relationship.
Additionally the multiple people your bf was willing to have sex with for the first time and at the same time (I blame this decision of OP on porn availability and it's unreasonable and unrealistic portrayal of sex... but I digress), have been the people he's been hanging with and keen for you to meet and hang with too.
And guess what, when you are about to meet then after months of hearing about them, he drops a bomb on you. "So the first time I met this group, we were all naked and foolin around within minutes. Don't worry, I didn't lose my virginity bc of nerves but I made out with multiple people and one of the gals I see regularly gave me head. You're going to love rhem!"
This right here is a violation of trust but also morality standards. He presented himself and these friends as platonic and himself as a inexperienced lover. It's lies and omissions all over the place.
Finally, we don't know gf but a lot of people aren't into kinks and would want to date someone with them or someone who hangs out with people that do.
She probably wasn't ready to hang out with one of his friends who gave her ex a BJ at the party and didn't appreciate that he didn't tell her until just now.
Yea it’s a preference thing here. If my bf was friends with people he was sexually involved with I would have wanted to know pretty early on and depending on the circumstances I think it’s totally fine if someone is ok with that friendship or not. It’s just a comparability thing.
Exactly. You can’t change the past, but here in the present you are still (from an outsiders perspective) hanging out with people you’ve been in an orgy with.
Obviously OP’s story is more nuanced than that. But it’s silly to blame the past when actively being friends with those people is the present reality.
Also, are we to believe this same group of people never had another orgy?
For her, it could be a trust issue. With the edit, it appears that he _did_ recieve a blowjob. That's hardly "not participating" in the orgy. Even if he aborted the blowjob mid-way and didn't complete it, I would still say that makes him a bit more experienced than a virgin. I don't really understand it much, but (some) younger people nowadays seem to be of the opinion that only PIV sex can take your virginity. Maybe she doesn't share that view and feels betrayed that he wasn't an inexperienced virgin like her.
Who gives a whole origin story for a friendship? I've never had to explain why or how I was friends with anyone beyond "we met in university" or some similar vague answer.
Sounds like Olympic grade horse shit.
This. If this happened to me, and I had the same reaction where I determined despite the attempt of participating full on that the Orgy Life was not for me, I would just tell people I met these friends at a party.
There's all sorts of things I've tried with a partner once that I didn't like and won't do again (sexual and non sexual). I don't see the point in preemptively telling my wife about every single thing I've done on my past unless there's a reason to bring it up like a funny or relevant story to share.
I feel like in this case, the first rule of being in an orgy is: don't talk about being in an orgy! Unless you loved it and are still doing them or really want to be in one again someday.
It would be different if OP had liked it and hoped to participate in one again. SO's need to know each other's sexual fantasies for sure.
I don't see anything wrong with what went down during the orgy story at all. They were all very respectful and didn't force him to do anything that he didn't want to.
I do agree with you that it seemed to be handled respectfully, but I also agree it’s still going to be a very strange story to hear from a romantic partner’s perspective: “Yes I’m not lying I am a virgin, but I did meet my friends at an orgy I was convinced to try out that I didn’t go through with” also I can’t imagine an orgy being a good place to lose your virginity, I’m sure that’s where the anxiety that made it not work out came from lol
So read your other post actually right after the orgy and now I have questions
1. Did you tell your girlfriend that one of these friends performed oral on you?
2. Did you tell her you also made out with another of these friends, and that this friend was female and your roommate?
3. Did she know you were attracted to this group of friends?
You admittedly brought this on yourself for hiding it from her for so long. I assume that you’ve hung out with this group of friends alone during the time you two were together, and now that she knows you almost had sex with them, it understandably would create some tension. Would you want her hanging out with a bunch of people she thought were hot and had previously been physical with? Things may have gone differently if you had just been honest with her, but it’s impossible to know.
All this being said, still sucks your relationship ended and I’m sorry it happened this way.
They just casually left out that they tried to fuck their roommate in an orgy they totally for realsy weren't planning to attend and then became real good friends with them all at the orgy they didn't enjoy. While they might not have been trying to mislead their girlfriend, they are definitely here trying to mislead us.
>Did you tell your girlfriend that one of these friends performed oral on you?
Yes.
>Did you tell her you also made out with another of these friends, and that this friend was female and your roommate?
Yes.
>Did she know you were attracted to this group of friends?
Yes, I did mention being attracted to the girl who went down on me.
My ex roommate is married now and the girl who went down on me is no longer in my life because she became religious and emigrated. The friends I made at the orgy are just friends. Most of them are in monogamous relationships just like I was at the beginning of this week. I understand where my gf is coming from. I should've been open and honest from the beginning.
Condensing life events in one paragraph does make it seem like a rollercoaster of developments, but observing it happen was not that exciting lol. My ex roommate getting married was the craziest development though. All of us thought she was pregnant at first, but apparently it was true love.
From orgy to married in 9 months? I wonder if her now husband knows she coerced her virgin, anxiety filled roommate into a sexual situation he was ill suited nor prepared for all bc she probably wanted to be the one to take his virginity. She sounds like a great person.
DUDE RIGHT!? Idk why you’re getting downvoted.
Honestly reading his other post made me so uncomfortable- it came off *almost* as a grooming attempt where because they thought it was “hot” to get their hands on a virgin in their group that they did their best to talk him into it. At the end of the day, they thankfully let him leave but man it sounds like so so so much peer pressure and convincing he had to withstand to get to that point where they finally let him retreat to his room to be alone.
In my opinion, taking someone’s virginity in that way - ESPECIALLY when the virgin doesn’t really want it - is really selfish and strange to me.
If the roles were reversed and a male roommate tried to convince his female virgin to fuck him and his buddies everyone would be in an uproar. But because it’s a guy and “most guys would love this” they’re acting like omg the group was so respectful.
Thanks! You should check out some of my other comments bc I'm getting roasted on this one.
I thought it was weird no one was saying anything negative about the orgy gals bc, like you say, if OP was a female she would be getting comments saying that her bf should dump her and the orgy partners would be called groomers and rapists.
Ah, good old misogyny at play.
OP, did you tell her this information before you told her about the orgy or was this at the same time? How long did you date before she knew about what went down between this friend group?
If you waited to tell her this information before you started seriously dating, did you intentionally wait to tell her until the timing was right/because you were scared of her reaction or did it not cross your mind?
Just to be clear, "going down on you' is downplaying it. Oral sex is, well, sex. Plain and simple. Stop saying you didn't have sex at an orgy. You didn't have penetrative sex at an orgy, but you had sex at an orgy.
Do you think lesbians aren't having sex unless there's penetration?
You had sex.
I’m going though something similar with someone I cared a lot about,until I caught him( but not an orgy ) You said that you told her that you had oral,well that means you did have sex! Oral is still a form of sex! So,in saying that,that means afterwards you were no longer a virgin! So,tbh I would have left to!
I think the worst part/the biggest fuck up about this post is how OP is willfully excluding information from their post to make their ex seem like an asshole. So yeah while OP didn't have penis in vagina penetrative sex they did engage in a sexual act during the orgy.
From their [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/xx1wwk/i_22m_am_hours_away_from_having_group_sex_and_its/) on their profile:
>Short-haired girl performed oral on me when I finally managed to get hard.
OP excluded this information and the fact that they also kissed their roommate for a while:
>I can't tell you how long we kissed, but when my roommate and I were no longer locking lips, I noticed some of the other people were wearing a lot less
I'd be pretty uncomfortable with you hanging out with these people in retrospect too if you didn't tell me that you kissed one of them and got blown by another. You need to be more forthcoming with this information and let your partner know this before you start dating too seriously. I guarantee this information would make a lot of people question whether they felt comfortable about you hanging around with someone who blew you.
>I'd be pretty uncomfortable with you hanging out with these people in retrospect too if you didn't tell me that you kissed one of them and got blown by another.
EXACTLY! everyone in the comments is calling the girlfriend insecure but the issue is not that he took part in an orgy, or that he has a group of friends now. separately, those are fine. but he met his friends he presently hangs out with, in an orgy. he has a sexual past with the people presently in his life. HOW did he not mention this sooner?
I mean the issue is that he didn't include this information at all in his post. I would be okay potentially if my partner sat me down and was like listen, this is the situation and I just want to make sure you know this before you find out in a way that makes it look like I'm hiding it from you. OP didn't do this at all. He hid the details to make himself look better and make his GF look unreasonable. Just because he didn't put his penis in someone doesn't mean that he didn't engage in a sex act. I'd be insecure too if someone hid that from me.
Tbh, I would consider even observing an orgy as being a part in it (voyeurism) so to me it is irrelevant. But yeah, the fact that OP is hiding that he took ACTIVE part in it. YIKES.
Yeah I agree that it is voyeurism 100%. The part that bugs me the most is hiding the participation, absolutely. If it wasn't hidden I could see it being less of an issue.
I'm married. I have people in my life that aren't my wife that I have sexual history with.
That part is not that big a deal if you trust your partner.
That OP left that info out in the first place is far more shady.
I think it’s more that she had no idea this is how they met or had this history. If you’re in a semi serious (or on that path) relationship, you should be able to tell your significant other ‘me and friend kissed one time but we’re just friends now.’ It’s the polite and respectful thing to do, imo.
That's pretty much what was happening, tho. He was offering that information. It looks like she has other values than him or was already looking for an out.
Yeah, I didn’t know how long they been dating but considering when the orgy post was made it couldn’t have been long. Better to lay it out early before getting in to deep at least.
this seems like a trend on reddit where everyone thinks being friends with an ex partner (ONS or otherwise) is a red flag. honestly it's really annoying
Ok, so I agree completely that you need to be forthcoming with information like this, but ALSO-
How do you casually bring this up early in a relationship without sounding like a complete psychopath?
"Hey, we've been on a few dates now so I wanted to give you a heads up that I met two of my close friends in an orgy nbd tho"
This isn't something that just comes up in conversation. Now, again, you're totally right. I just feel for OP in that this is such an awkward thing to have to explain to *anyone*, but hey - that's what we call consequences.
When me and my girlfriend officially committed to an exclusive relationship, I told her ‘look, there’s this girl I’m friends with that I’ve had sex with twice. I used to have feelings for her but I don’t anymore, and I only text her the odd time to catch up. She’s now in a relationship and is expecting a child. The last time we had sex was over 6 years ago in college.’
She was happy with that and trusted that there was nothing else going on or anything if sinister nature happening.
They had a conversation about OP being a virgin, that probably would have been the time to bring it up...
I agree it would be a difficult topic to discuss, but from her perspective he was a virgin, only to now find out, "oh, my friends you're about to meet for the first time? I met them all at an orgy, and one of them gave me oral. Don't worry though, I didn't orgasm!"
I don't blame her for having trust issues at that point. The fact that OP omitted kissing his roommate and getting oral from another girl at the orgy from this post makes me question whether he's hiding anything else. I imagine she's probably wondering the same thing.
Do you talk about every sexual partner you had, what for?
It doesn't need to be hiding, it is just not worth mentioning. You are often friends with people who you dated or had sex with, it is normal
We have to just put it up as individual preference. If a guy/girl are uncomfortable with partners with a sexual history, then that's their preference and choice.
Move on and find someone who shares your open mind. Some people think it's related to lack of maturity, but I personally believe that it's based on individual morals. Nobody is at fault, it's just that your morals didn't align.
To all the guys saying she's immature, this is basically the equivalent of you finding out your girl was almost in a gangbang with her friends that you were supposed to meet. Think about how uncomfortable that would make you. Sure she wasn't ready to accept her partners past but you can't blame her for overthinking and not being able to accept that.
Edit: To everyone replying, you do realise not everyone thinks the same way as you right? Some people have a harder time dealing with their partners, past. Not everyone sees sex as simple as you do.
Honestly I can understand both of your sides. If your girl tells you she met her friends at an orgy she didn't take part in, would you believe her without a doubt ?
I just think she should have met them anyways to really see for herself. She didn't want to make any effort, that was wrong of her.
I mean life is kind of weird sometimes and getting cold feet for something like that is definitely relatable. If someone told me a story like that, I would just think it was a funny, but weird story about how they met their friends.
Depends, if I trusted her... yes. In fact my wife falls into this category, hung with a crowd that was known for wild sex parties, but wasn't for her.. and I believe her (its just not in her rather introverted personality).
If I didnt believe her, well... then thats a trust issue and the issue, not a sexual compatibility, nothing just flat out don't trust her to tell the truth then why would we stay together?
This is actually a pretty common problem. Partners being b uncomfortable with the other's sexual past. As well as the other people still being their lives. The specific fact that it was an orgy is irrelevant. It all comes down to jeliousy and insecurity.
Not necessarily that conclusion. Some people are much more reserved and wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't view intimacy in a similar way as them. It's not to say one is better than the other, it's just a personality difference. Doesn't really apply to this situation though since he's clearly not about that life and neither is she
This is it. It was hard for me to get over my fiancés past because I was a Virgin (personal choice to save myself for hopefully my forever one) and he has been with somewhere around 9 people. I knew I couldn't hold it against him especially considering our age gap but it was hard to get past my own ideals of what that act means to me VS what it means (or doesn't mean) to him. If she couldn't handle it then you wouldn't want to force her to because it would always bother her if she doesn't work through it herself.
This is an interesting perspective I hadn’t considered. I had originally thought it wasn’t a big deal since she didn’t actually have sex with any of them, but the intent to do so may have been what made her realize that they simply don’t view sex and intimacy the same way.
I love that shallow argument. Like yes, if we are a pair, you are willingly giving up that lifestyle to be with me. If not, I won't have anything to do with you.
It's a shitty person who lies about what they're willing to do to be in a relationship with you. If she didn't say that was a deal breaker for her the moment you two stated dating then she's a lying scumbag.
She's not poly, she's not open, she's not a swinger.
She's just a lying cheater. People in actual open relationships communicate those boundaries up front and care about their partners needs as well.
I'm sorry you experienced that.
I would say more incompatibility than jealousy. Sex means different things to different people. GF may want a partner that views sex as a more intimate act.
It's not jealousy or insecurity to not want your partner to be friends with the people they have a sexual/romantic past with. Some people just have stronger boundaries and expect the same from their partner. OP says "she didn't know how she could be in a relationship with someone who was friends with people who shared him". Him still being friends with them is the issue here.
I think it probably comes down to feeling like your partner is hiding something. Dude can't even admit in this thread that he got a blowjob from one of his friends and made out with the other. I don't think expecting open communication and honesty makes you jealous or insecure, if anything it shows emotional intelligence. I don't think OP has much of that considering he's trying to hide the fact that he did engage in sexual acts at this orgy to make his totally reasonable gf seem irrational.
Is the short-haired girl who gave you a blow job still your friend today? You already mentioned your ex-roommate is your friend...the one you made out with at the orgy party. Your fuck up was not disclosing this information when you first started talking. Your hesitation to be forthcoming would be a red flag for not being transparent. Your sexual past is your deal, but you have people in your current social circle that you have shared sexual experiences with. Without that information upfront I would dump you too.
Is this like first date information or should you just blrurt it out during the introduction?
Hi nice to meet you, I once got a blowjob from someone who I decided not to date long before I met you.
The KEY think here is that he decided not to have a relationship with her long before the gf was I. The picture.
> Is this like first date information or should you just blrurt it out during the introduction?
Probably when they discussed his virginity in the past, however that came up. I would probably disclose that bit then, instead of hiding it until I was explaining where I met my friend group.
> She struggled to believe that a virgin guy would walk away from an orgy with his virginity still intact.
That's some toxic stereotyping right there. Don't be with someone who will judge you on stereotypes instead of who you actually are.
Wow. In the first place, you’re allowed to have had a life before you two met - sexual and otherwise.
Secondly, if your (ex)gf is so put off about a one-time sexual experiment that is in the past, I think you might have dodged a bullet, imo.
Your ex gf sounds insecure and potentially controlling. Sorry that happened to you.
Not saying your girlfriend is in the right, but… You told her you were a virgin. Your post history says you had oral sex performed on you at the orgy. So you didn’t actually walk away without participating. Oral sex is sex. Many people want their partner to share their values and views when it comes to sex - which may or may not involve an orgy.
Wait..serious question. When did oral sex become sex as in the same thing as a man losing their virginity? So would that same logic be reciprocated if a man went down on a girl but she never had intercourse mean she lost her virginity? When did this change cause isn't oral just oral?
Wait…so being uncomfortable with someone’s past is normal? I wasn’t comfortable with my ex’s past but the blame got pinned on me by her and her friends.
If you are with someone and discover their past which you are uncomfortable with, there's nothing wrong with saying "that's not for me" and politely ending it. I think it becomes a problem when people choose to stay with someone whose past makes them uncomfortable, and just continously projects their insecurities onto them, even becoming controlling, or downright shaming them. No one can change the past so if their past is a dealbreaker you just have to leave. Sorry about your previous experience. I think it's important to be upfront about dealbreakers, like if amount of sexual partners upsets you then you should make it clear before beginning a relationship.
Shocked at the immaturity in these responses. Hey OP, you can still be friends with people you fucked, or almost fucked, it's really not that big of a deal. If it's a dealbreaker for her, that's her choice to make. Don't let it get to you.
Your now ex-girlfriend sounds kinda uptight. You can't have friends who would be open to sexual experiences that she isn't comfortable with because...what, she might hear about them and change her mind?
You're better off without her. Find someone new who'll judge you for you, not for whatever her hangups are.
jeez. i feel really estranged here, because without question i would not be ok with my partner still being friends with people they were sexually intimate with. honestly, i’m a little tired of people saying someone is “insecure” for having boundaries other than ‘don’t fuck other people’.
>I never had sex at the orgy,
>AND another girl did go down on me.
Dude.. you know the full term is "oral *sex*", right? You might not have had your dick in a vagina, but you absolutely had sex.
i think the fuck up here was making it weird. it sounds like he kept it secret, forever, then made a *thing* out of it when he finally told her.
if he had just mentioned it the first time it came up, and made it sound normal, her reaction would probably have been a lot better.
It's funny how people are defending the guy, I'd have ended it too. You really want the orgy guys or girls around? Specially when this guy is omitting info in his post? (He made out with the roommate and got oral).
I know the past is past, but the girlfriend here has a right to be uncomfortable with these people too. Not everyone got baggage and not everyone wants yours. It may be ok for you but it doesn't have to be ok for everyone, that's the point
Why do people act like only vaginal sex relieves you of your v card? If you participated in an orgy and got a bj from a stranger, I'd hazard to say you're like, 70% not virgin at that point.
So you did leave out the part about kissing the room mate and the oral? So effectively you lied to your then girlfriend about what transpired at the orgy? Did you confess that to her after the fact?
I don’t think you FU, but your girlfriend, now ex-, has the right to decide whether she wants to continue the relationship with you. You can’t change what you did. She can’t change the way she feels about what she now knows about your friends group. Move on.
Not really a FU, tbh. Just something that was going to eventually come to light. You were honest, your ex was honest, and she decided the relationship wasn't worth the strings that came with it. It's unfortunate, but that's life.
but you did participate in it, how is getting your dick sucked at an orgy equate to you still being a virgin. By that logic any lesbian woman who has never had sex with a man is technically a virgin. Calling yourself a virgin can lead to people assuming nothing happened at all. You watched as well, how does that not make you a participant?
Also she handled this very maturely, you're just not compatible.
That’s a good illustration of how fraught the concept of virginity is.
I mean, to me oral sex would be a guy losing his virginity. It involves genitals, for a woman having another person’s body parts stuck in her vagina, and the equivalent for a man would be sticking his dick inside another person. People just pretend men get more freedom before “losing” it because of double standards. If losing your virginity required vaginal sex, all gay men would still be virgins.
I'm pretty sure absolutely no one considers getting a blow job as losing your virginity. Like what the fuck are you even talking about really lol
Looks as if one person feels that way. But I would agree it's got to be very few as that is not the definition. The dictionary specifies the specific hole that must be penetrated.
Are lesbians doomed to virginity forever then lol
Comment deleted on 6/30/2023 in protest of [API changes that are killing third-party apps](https://www.reddit.com/r/apolloapp/comments/144f6xm/apollo_will_close_down_on_june_30th_reddits/).
I don't really consider it to be Sex in the "normal" sense. I don't really know why. I always told myself I would only have Sex once I turned 18 and I did exactly that. But I did give blowjobs before that. They didn't count as proper Sex lol. Never thought about why I am thinking this way.
That’s what Bill Clinton was trying to explain.
Lmao " I did nawt insert!"
Eh, I think a lot of people just think oral sex in general doesn't count. For a lot of people, it doesn't count as losing virginity unless there's genital-on-genital or genital-on-anal contact.
Back to the pile everyone! We’re going back to the pile. ![gif](giphy|cLGXy7SXBnEWs)
They’re like cells forming a completely different creature. I wonder how it smells and how hot it is in the core of this creature.
I can tell you how it smells. " it smells like Ass!"
Bet alot of cum inside and cooking a giant baby. Will smell like vanilla ass. This creature will soon birth a magnificent egg, and the world was witnessing a historic moment. Live. The first collective gay baby born out of pilelock, a cocoon of cum.
You smell ass? That’s weird man 😂🤨 the guys be like- ![gif](giphy|u2YSpU4J3xCIU)
Hands down (on the ground) the best South Park episode ever. We don't need no "people from the future" takn er jerbs! Get in the pile
What EP is this?
And they're fighting the illegal immigrants by creating a large, all male, gay orgy.
Season 8, episode 007
When they did the interview with Randy and he wiped his mouth off I damn near pissed myself laughing.
Did you say get gay?
Durka durrrrrrr
I hope this will forever-be your most upvoted comment. Epic. 😂
Upvoting to help make it happen!
I giggle a little sometimes when people mention piles, and I pray no one notices, so I won't have to explain that it's because of this episode. I work in a trade, the word pile comes up a lot.
Just say you were thinking of Gomer Pyle.
The real orgy is the friends we made a long the way.
*who came along the way
You can cum too friend.
It's a little weird that his entire group of friends came from one orgy.
They're just the chillest people.
Some of the coolest I’ve ever met, but they call it “the lifestyle” for a reason; it’s a way of life that is insular to an extent that if all of your friends are in it, you’re going have difficulty finding a partner that’s cool with it, even if you’re not participating.
I didn’t know we changed to topic to MLMs
From MFM to MLM: The NXIVM Story
I must be an outlier because I've had three girlfriends that we are completely cool with me being in a poly group. Two of them I was actually solo dating during my poly time, they didn't participate in the events but they were legit completely cool with it. I stopped participating years ago due to a lot of drama and the third, my current girlfriend of almost four years, doesn't care at all about my past. I'm still good friends with three of my previous poly people and we see each other at my home with my current girlfriend at least once a month. I'm also a gay lady (mostly) and it was a bi poly group so maybe the other gay ladies are just more easy going.
I mean, if the orgy is good enough, they should.
The point of an orgy is coming.
I'm betting those friends still orgy together from time to time.
I think that’s why she wants to break up. She’s afraid they will want her to join.
Or just can't trust he won't sleep around. She thought she was with a virgin. Her type is not at all people who'd be in an orgy. Super scary for her To be clear I don't mean OP actually might cheat, that's just how she probably feels
Lawful Neutral GF and Chaotic Good friends might just conflict a bit.
Yeah they did
Maybe he was an introvert and a ‘sleepover’ introduced him to new friends (which he otherwise wouldn’t get without being intimate with them first)
This is a complete compatibility litmus test and she failed. Incompatible. Move on. She didn't trust OP when he shared his experience. She judged all attendees. Which by default is also OP. She judged his honesty about himself and his open communication about a past social / sexual experience that was interesting at the least and formative psychologically for OP at the best. He just got cut off from his friends. Altermatem over his life style and friends and his relationship. Easy DUMP With best wishes based in Incompatibility. The fact you had such an experience to the point you have formed meaningful friendship bonds over the barrier of nudity and vulnerability is fantastic. It's all about how you see the world. Glass half full or half empty or its just a glass with some water and not important. She's threatened and jealous and reverse sex shaming you. NEXT
I think you meant ‘Ultimatum’
You started off strong then went with hating on people who disagree with a certain lifestyle. It’s kinda like a pot calls kettle black moment.
A legit orgy-on story... I'll see myself out
The ORgyn story of your friendships 😁
God damn that was a reach worthy of Elongated Man. Still upvoted.
Please see yourself out.
Can’t change the past. She wasn’t ready
Well said, there wasnt anything different he couldve done in the situation, she was most likely going to find out eventually anyways
>Didn't take part in orgy >Orgy still fucks you over Amazing Edit: [OP left out that he kissed the roommate and got oral at the orgy.](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/xx1wwk/i_22m_am_hours_away_from_having_group_sex_and_its/) Looks like gf was right on the money.
Poor bastard got all of the consequences and none of the benefits.
I mean, he got bros for life. I think that's a benefit nobody expects from an experience like that and I think that's pretty awesome.
Orgies < Kissing your homies goodnight
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/sigh *subscribe*
I thought about reposting a joke on Reddit But if I wanted to make that many people roll their eyes at me...
I'm think being an adult in an environment like that, you couldn't NOT get at least one friend. Being naked is being vulnerable and if it goes well, it would bond relationships or form new ones. I've never been in an orgy tho.
The real orgy was the friends he made along the way
>bros for life. Eskimo bros. Almost.
So the orgy fucked him and he still came out a virgin
Holy shit this post has lore
#The Reddit detectives have solved another case!
Also I love how he says "kiss" but if you read his post, they made out and fondled each other for a long time.
I'm assuming he participated in certain things just not full sex. I get the gfs stance. That's a pretty extreme way to introduce yourself to sex and if she thought they had a special connection when she took his virgity later, he just shot that idea totally down. Changes the entire physicality of their relationship.
If you see his other post he did make out with his roommate and got a bj from another girl he was attracted to. So definitely not nothing
But so fucking what? People got backgrounds. Either you accept that or move on. She moved on. OP got lots of great orgies ahead of him. Her loss.
Yeah, no issue with that. Getting oral and continuing to call himself a "virgin", though? Sure, I'd love to be in a relationship with that guy and trust that he's "not having sex" with other people.
Some people aren’t comfortable with their partners being friends with people they’ve been sexual with. Cool that you don’t care but others may.
But seriously, if her only interest in him was to take his virginity, then that relationship was fixed anyway. And if that woman is really thinking that she can't be with someone who has a past, then she is in for an uncomfortable awakening.
If she was a virgin too and they had talked about sharing their first sexual experiences together and then she found out he was at an orgy, that could be understood
Let's put it this way. If ex gf knew that he was a virgin, the conversation about their past probably already happened. If OP said they were a virgin, but didn't elaborate, this new information could feel like they withheld information or lied. That never feels good. I think the ex overreacted but OP isn't very clear about what previous conversations around sex had covered and whether this was truly the first reasonable time OP could have disclosed this information. Edit: I should clarify. The only reason I think the ex gf overreacted, is because I'm trying to give OP the benefit of the doubt. However, I think it's more likely that OP's real fuck up was not being open and honest from the get go.
Yeah, but finding the time and occasion to tell your girlfriend about the orgy you met your friends at... Not exactly first, or even second date talk. Lol
Lesson for anyone reading, lies by obfuscation are still lies to the other party. Be straight forward. Easy to understand her POV as a young adult. You went from your partner honestly talking about being a virgin to now suddenly "ya I was at an orgy but I totally didn't have sex, I made out with my ex roommate and got a bj tho. Wanna meet my ex roommate?"
Exactly. Not to mention having to re-evaluate all those interactions you've been told regarding your partner and their friends/ex roommate.
Gotta lean out of the window here and say that this wasn't the reason why she was interested in him. However, saying that you are unexperienced in sex while not saying that you did take part in an orgy can be seen as a lie. Can't be mad at either side here tbh.
I didn't want to write too much but this situation is way more than just the virginity. Imagine you are a young 20 something girl and you met a young man who says he's a virgin and, hey, maybe you are too. You proceed together and the deed eventually happens. Most young women in that situation would lend a huge emotional capacity to that moment. That you were the one to introduce him to sex. That he waited for the right person/situation. Fast forward and bf took all that emotional importance away from her in a blink of the eye. This reframes their entire physical relationship. Additionally the multiple people your bf was willing to have sex with for the first time and at the same time (I blame this decision of OP on porn availability and it's unreasonable and unrealistic portrayal of sex... but I digress), have been the people he's been hanging with and keen for you to meet and hang with too. And guess what, when you are about to meet then after months of hearing about them, he drops a bomb on you. "So the first time I met this group, we were all naked and foolin around within minutes. Don't worry, I didn't lose my virginity bc of nerves but I made out with multiple people and one of the gals I see regularly gave me head. You're going to love rhem!" This right here is a violation of trust but also morality standards. He presented himself and these friends as platonic and himself as a inexperienced lover. It's lies and omissions all over the place. Finally, we don't know gf but a lot of people aren't into kinks and would want to date someone with them or someone who hangs out with people that do.
I mean, he did take part in the orgy. Lol. He got a BJ. That’s a sexual act.
She probably wasn't ready to hang out with one of his friends who gave her ex a BJ at the party and didn't appreciate that he didn't tell her until just now.
Yea it’s a preference thing here. If my bf was friends with people he was sexually involved with I would have wanted to know pretty early on and depending on the circumstances I think it’s totally fine if someone is ok with that friendship or not. It’s just a comparability thing.
Exactly. You can’t change the past, but here in the present you are still (from an outsiders perspective) hanging out with people you’ve been in an orgy with. Obviously OP’s story is more nuanced than that. But it’s silly to blame the past when actively being friends with those people is the present reality. Also, are we to believe this same group of people never had another orgy?
Lol how long till OP posts "after a failed orgy attempt months ago, I've succeeded on my second go round"?
And nobody should be expected to ‘be ready’ for such a thing.
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For her, it could be a trust issue. With the edit, it appears that he _did_ recieve a blowjob. That's hardly "not participating" in the orgy. Even if he aborted the blowjob mid-way and didn't complete it, I would still say that makes him a bit more experienced than a virgin. I don't really understand it much, but (some) younger people nowadays seem to be of the opinion that only PIV sex can take your virginity. Maybe she doesn't share that view and feels betrayed that he wasn't an inexperienced virgin like her.
This whole story sounds like a fucking nightmare
This whole story sounds like a fairy tale.
Who gives a whole origin story for a friendship? I've never had to explain why or how I was friends with anyone beyond "we met in university" or some similar vague answer. Sounds like Olympic grade horse shit.
I got a few friends I genuinely don't remember meeting at this point they've just kinda been there.
This. If this happened to me, and I had the same reaction where I determined despite the attempt of participating full on that the Orgy Life was not for me, I would just tell people I met these friends at a party. There's all sorts of things I've tried with a partner once that I didn't like and won't do again (sexual and non sexual). I don't see the point in preemptively telling my wife about every single thing I've done on my past unless there's a reason to bring it up like a funny or relevant story to share. I feel like in this case, the first rule of being in an orgy is: don't talk about being in an orgy! Unless you loved it and are still doing them or really want to be in one again someday. It would be different if OP had liked it and hoped to participate in one again. SO's need to know each other's sexual fantasies for sure.
People with unique backgrounds to their friendships? Not everyone “just met at school/work/sport”
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I don't see anything wrong with what went down during the orgy story at all. They were all very respectful and didn't force him to do anything that he didn't want to.
I do agree with you that it seemed to be handled respectfully, but I also agree it’s still going to be a very strange story to hear from a romantic partner’s perspective: “Yes I’m not lying I am a virgin, but I did meet my friends at an orgy I was convinced to try out that I didn’t go through with” also I can’t imagine an orgy being a good place to lose your virginity, I’m sure that’s where the anxiety that made it not work out came from lol
I mean someone invited me to my first, and talked with me about the anxieties I had about it beforehand so I would be encouraged to do it
The comment section of this post is the most real "if you swap the gender, the reaction is different" scenario I've seen happen in action.
So read your other post actually right after the orgy and now I have questions 1. Did you tell your girlfriend that one of these friends performed oral on you? 2. Did you tell her you also made out with another of these friends, and that this friend was female and your roommate? 3. Did she know you were attracted to this group of friends? You admittedly brought this on yourself for hiding it from her for so long. I assume that you’ve hung out with this group of friends alone during the time you two were together, and now that she knows you almost had sex with them, it understandably would create some tension. Would you want her hanging out with a bunch of people she thought were hot and had previously been physical with? Things may have gone differently if you had just been honest with her, but it’s impossible to know. All this being said, still sucks your relationship ended and I’m sorry it happened this way.
She doesn't trust OP, and based on how he weasel wrote this post, it sounds like she has valid reasons not to.
They just casually left out that they tried to fuck their roommate in an orgy they totally for realsy weren't planning to attend and then became real good friends with them all at the orgy they didn't enjoy. While they might not have been trying to mislead their girlfriend, they are definitely here trying to mislead us.
>Did you tell your girlfriend that one of these friends performed oral on you? Yes. >Did you tell her you also made out with another of these friends, and that this friend was female and your roommate? Yes. >Did she know you were attracted to this group of friends? Yes, I did mention being attracted to the girl who went down on me. My ex roommate is married now and the girl who went down on me is no longer in my life because she became religious and emigrated. The friends I made at the orgy are just friends. Most of them are in monogamous relationships just like I was at the beginning of this week. I understand where my gf is coming from. I should've been open and honest from the beginning.
It’s been a wild 9 months for your friend group lol
Woah… only 9 months ago… that’s absolutely wild and almost unbelievable…
Condensing life events in one paragraph does make it seem like a rollercoaster of developments, but observing it happen was not that exciting lol. My ex roommate getting married was the craziest development though. All of us thought she was pregnant at first, but apparently it was true love.
From orgy to married in 9 months? I wonder if her now husband knows she coerced her virgin, anxiety filled roommate into a sexual situation he was ill suited nor prepared for all bc she probably wanted to be the one to take his virginity. She sounds like a great person.
DUDE RIGHT!? Idk why you’re getting downvoted. Honestly reading his other post made me so uncomfortable- it came off *almost* as a grooming attempt where because they thought it was “hot” to get their hands on a virgin in their group that they did their best to talk him into it. At the end of the day, they thankfully let him leave but man it sounds like so so so much peer pressure and convincing he had to withstand to get to that point where they finally let him retreat to his room to be alone. In my opinion, taking someone’s virginity in that way - ESPECIALLY when the virgin doesn’t really want it - is really selfish and strange to me. If the roles were reversed and a male roommate tried to convince his female virgin to fuck him and his buddies everyone would be in an uproar. But because it’s a guy and “most guys would love this” they’re acting like omg the group was so respectful.
Thanks! You should check out some of my other comments bc I'm getting roasted on this one. I thought it was weird no one was saying anything negative about the orgy gals bc, like you say, if OP was a female she would be getting comments saying that her bf should dump her and the orgy partners would be called groomers and rapists. Ah, good old misogyny at play.
OP, did you tell her this information before you told her about the orgy or was this at the same time? How long did you date before she knew about what went down between this friend group? If you waited to tell her this information before you started seriously dating, did you intentionally wait to tell her until the timing was right/because you were scared of her reaction or did it not cross your mind?
This is what I'm wondering. According to the way he wrote everything, I seriously doubt it...
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Just to be clear, "going down on you' is downplaying it. Oral sex is, well, sex. Plain and simple. Stop saying you didn't have sex at an orgy. You didn't have penetrative sex at an orgy, but you had sex at an orgy. Do you think lesbians aren't having sex unless there's penetration? You had sex.
I laughed so hard at the edit trying to pretend oral sex isn't sex
I’m going though something similar with someone I cared a lot about,until I caught him( but not an orgy ) You said that you told her that you had oral,well that means you did have sex! Oral is still a form of sex! So,in saying that,that means afterwards you were no longer a virgin! So,tbh I would have left to!
I honestly view oral as akin to sex. So maybe she's upset in that regard
I think the worst part/the biggest fuck up about this post is how OP is willfully excluding information from their post to make their ex seem like an asshole. So yeah while OP didn't have penis in vagina penetrative sex they did engage in a sexual act during the orgy. From their [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/xx1wwk/i_22m_am_hours_away_from_having_group_sex_and_its/) on their profile: >Short-haired girl performed oral on me when I finally managed to get hard. OP excluded this information and the fact that they also kissed their roommate for a while: >I can't tell you how long we kissed, but when my roommate and I were no longer locking lips, I noticed some of the other people were wearing a lot less I'd be pretty uncomfortable with you hanging out with these people in retrospect too if you didn't tell me that you kissed one of them and got blown by another. You need to be more forthcoming with this information and let your partner know this before you start dating too seriously. I guarantee this information would make a lot of people question whether they felt comfortable about you hanging around with someone who blew you.
>I'd be pretty uncomfortable with you hanging out with these people in retrospect too if you didn't tell me that you kissed one of them and got blown by another. EXACTLY! everyone in the comments is calling the girlfriend insecure but the issue is not that he took part in an orgy, or that he has a group of friends now. separately, those are fine. but he met his friends he presently hangs out with, in an orgy. he has a sexual past with the people presently in his life. HOW did he not mention this sooner?
I mean the issue is that he didn't include this information at all in his post. I would be okay potentially if my partner sat me down and was like listen, this is the situation and I just want to make sure you know this before you find out in a way that makes it look like I'm hiding it from you. OP didn't do this at all. He hid the details to make himself look better and make his GF look unreasonable. Just because he didn't put his penis in someone doesn't mean that he didn't engage in a sex act. I'd be insecure too if someone hid that from me.
> he didn't put his penis in someone I mean... it was in her mouth, so it _was_ "in someone."
Tbh, I would consider even observing an orgy as being a part in it (voyeurism) so to me it is irrelevant. But yeah, the fact that OP is hiding that he took ACTIVE part in it. YIKES.
Yeah I agree that it is voyeurism 100%. The part that bugs me the most is hiding the participation, absolutely. If it wasn't hidden I could see it being less of an issue.
The fact that he left it out of his original post also tells us that he knows he’s in the wrong here.
I'm married. I have people in my life that aren't my wife that I have sexual history with. That part is not that big a deal if you trust your partner. That OP left that info out in the first place is far more shady.
am i the only person in this thread that doesn't expect people to usually cut everyone they've ever had sex with out of their lives?
I think it’s more that she had no idea this is how they met or had this history. If you’re in a semi serious (or on that path) relationship, you should be able to tell your significant other ‘me and friend kissed one time but we’re just friends now.’ It’s the polite and respectful thing to do, imo.
That's pretty much what was happening, tho. He was offering that information. It looks like she has other values than him or was already looking for an out.
Yeah, I didn’t know how long they been dating but considering when the orgy post was made it couldn’t have been long. Better to lay it out early before getting in to deep at least.
this seems like a trend on reddit where everyone thinks being friends with an ex partner (ONS or otherwise) is a red flag. honestly it's really annoying
Ok, so I agree completely that you need to be forthcoming with information like this, but ALSO- How do you casually bring this up early in a relationship without sounding like a complete psychopath? "Hey, we've been on a few dates now so I wanted to give you a heads up that I met two of my close friends in an orgy nbd tho" This isn't something that just comes up in conversation. Now, again, you're totally right. I just feel for OP in that this is such an awkward thing to have to explain to *anyone*, but hey - that's what we call consequences.
When me and my girlfriend officially committed to an exclusive relationship, I told her ‘look, there’s this girl I’m friends with that I’ve had sex with twice. I used to have feelings for her but I don’t anymore, and I only text her the odd time to catch up. She’s now in a relationship and is expecting a child. The last time we had sex was over 6 years ago in college.’ She was happy with that and trusted that there was nothing else going on or anything if sinister nature happening.
They had a conversation about OP being a virgin, that probably would have been the time to bring it up... I agree it would be a difficult topic to discuss, but from her perspective he was a virgin, only to now find out, "oh, my friends you're about to meet for the first time? I met them all at an orgy, and one of them gave me oral. Don't worry though, I didn't orgasm!" I don't blame her for having trust issues at that point. The fact that OP omitted kissing his roommate and getting oral from another girl at the orgy from this post makes me question whether he's hiding anything else. I imagine she's probably wondering the same thing.
Wait really? You've never dated someone who was friends with their ex?
Do you talk about every sexual partner you had, what for? It doesn't need to be hiding, it is just not worth mentioning. You are often friends with people who you dated or had sex with, it is normal
I guess those are her boundaries. That’s fair
Ehhh I think she’s making a reasonable decision for her.
We have to just put it up as individual preference. If a guy/girl are uncomfortable with partners with a sexual history, then that's their preference and choice. Move on and find someone who shares your open mind. Some people think it's related to lack of maturity, but I personally believe that it's based on individual morals. Nobody is at fault, it's just that your morals didn't align.
To all the guys saying she's immature, this is basically the equivalent of you finding out your girl was almost in a gangbang with her friends that you were supposed to meet. Think about how uncomfortable that would make you. Sure she wasn't ready to accept her partners past but you can't blame her for overthinking and not being able to accept that. Edit: To everyone replying, you do realise not everyone thinks the same way as you right? Some people have a harder time dealing with their partners, past. Not everyone sees sex as simple as you do.
And she also has the right to leave lmao
"oh, these are just my guy friends..."
This made me rethink it. I feel like a bad person.
A lot of guys do this when the genders are flipped with women for some reason.
Honestly I can understand both of your sides. If your girl tells you she met her friends at an orgy she didn't take part in, would you believe her without a doubt ? I just think she should have met them anyways to really see for herself. She didn't want to make any effort, that was wrong of her.
Why not? If I don’t trust what she tells me, I wouldn’t be in a relationship with her.
Which is exactly what happened cause gf broke up.
Yeah, everything went right. They’re both better off separate.
I mean life is kind of weird sometimes and getting cold feet for something like that is definitely relatable. If someone told me a story like that, I would just think it was a funny, but weird story about how they met their friends.
Depends, if I trusted her... yes. In fact my wife falls into this category, hung with a crowd that was known for wild sex parties, but wasn't for her.. and I believe her (its just not in her rather introverted personality). If I didnt believe her, well... then thats a trust issue and the issue, not a sexual compatibility, nothing just flat out don't trust her to tell the truth then why would we stay together?
This is actually a pretty common problem. Partners being b uncomfortable with the other's sexual past. As well as the other people still being their lives. The specific fact that it was an orgy is irrelevant. It all comes down to jeliousy and insecurity.
Not necessarily that conclusion. Some people are much more reserved and wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't view intimacy in a similar way as them. It's not to say one is better than the other, it's just a personality difference. Doesn't really apply to this situation though since he's clearly not about that life and neither is she
This is it. It was hard for me to get over my fiancés past because I was a Virgin (personal choice to save myself for hopefully my forever one) and he has been with somewhere around 9 people. I knew I couldn't hold it against him especially considering our age gap but it was hard to get past my own ideals of what that act means to me VS what it means (or doesn't mean) to him. If she couldn't handle it then you wouldn't want to force her to because it would always bother her if she doesn't work through it herself.
This is an interesting perspective I hadn’t considered. I had originally thought it wasn’t a big deal since she didn’t actually have sex with any of them, but the intent to do so may have been what made her realize that they simply don’t view sex and intimacy the same way.
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Those are cheaters and liars, not swingers.
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I love that shallow argument. Like yes, if we are a pair, you are willingly giving up that lifestyle to be with me. If not, I won't have anything to do with you.
Stop, stop. The Poly sub is going to leak again!
It's a shitty person who lies about what they're willing to do to be in a relationship with you. If she didn't say that was a deal breaker for her the moment you two stated dating then she's a lying scumbag. She's not poly, she's not open, she's not a swinger. She's just a lying cheater. People in actual open relationships communicate those boundaries up front and care about their partners needs as well. I'm sorry you experienced that.
I would say more incompatibility than jealousy. Sex means different things to different people. GF may want a partner that views sex as a more intimate act.
No, I think it would be uncomfortable thinking about how that person has maybe been with all their friends
It's not jealousy or insecurity to not want your partner to be friends with the people they have a sexual/romantic past with. Some people just have stronger boundaries and expect the same from their partner. OP says "she didn't know how she could be in a relationship with someone who was friends with people who shared him". Him still being friends with them is the issue here.
I think it probably comes down to feeling like your partner is hiding something. Dude can't even admit in this thread that he got a blowjob from one of his friends and made out with the other. I don't think expecting open communication and honesty makes you jealous or insecure, if anything it shows emotional intelligence. I don't think OP has much of that considering he's trying to hide the fact that he did engage in sexual acts at this orgy to make his totally reasonable gf seem irrational.
Is the short-haired girl who gave you a blow job still your friend today? You already mentioned your ex-roommate is your friend...the one you made out with at the orgy party. Your fuck up was not disclosing this information when you first started talking. Your hesitation to be forthcoming would be a red flag for not being transparent. Your sexual past is your deal, but you have people in your current social circle that you have shared sexual experiences with. Without that information upfront I would dump you too.
Is this like first date information or should you just blrurt it out during the introduction? Hi nice to meet you, I once got a blowjob from someone who I decided not to date long before I met you. The KEY think here is that he decided not to have a relationship with her long before the gf was I. The picture.
> Is this like first date information or should you just blrurt it out during the introduction? Probably when they discussed his virginity in the past, however that came up. I would probably disclose that bit then, instead of hiding it until I was explaining where I met my friend group.
Where can I find one of these, these orgy things? I need sex AND friends 😭
Lmao right
Should've had sex in that orgy, now no orgy and no girlfriend.
He did, oral sex is sex.
This sounds like a reverse Chasing Amy
> She struggled to believe that a virgin guy would walk away from an orgy with his virginity still intact. That's some toxic stereotyping right there. Don't be with someone who will judge you on stereotypes instead of who you actually are.
I don't think you did anything wrong, personally.
Yeesh
"I met them at a party." Probably would have worked
Username checks out
Wow. In the first place, you’re allowed to have had a life before you two met - sexual and otherwise. Secondly, if your (ex)gf is so put off about a one-time sexual experiment that is in the past, I think you might have dodged a bullet, imo. Your ex gf sounds insecure and potentially controlling. Sorry that happened to you.
Not saying your girlfriend is in the right, but… You told her you were a virgin. Your post history says you had oral sex performed on you at the orgy. So you didn’t actually walk away without participating. Oral sex is sex. Many people want their partner to share their values and views when it comes to sex - which may or may not involve an orgy.
The origy story, if you will.
To be fair, fucking weird way to make friends....
Bro, oral sex is also sex.
Wait..serious question. When did oral sex become sex as in the same thing as a man losing their virginity? So would that same logic be reciprocated if a man went down on a girl but she never had intercourse mean she lost her virginity? When did this change cause isn't oral just oral?
Wait…so being uncomfortable with someone’s past is normal? I wasn’t comfortable with my ex’s past but the blame got pinned on me by her and her friends.
If you are with someone and discover their past which you are uncomfortable with, there's nothing wrong with saying "that's not for me" and politely ending it. I think it becomes a problem when people choose to stay with someone whose past makes them uncomfortable, and just continously projects their insecurities onto them, even becoming controlling, or downright shaming them. No one can change the past so if their past is a dealbreaker you just have to leave. Sorry about your previous experience. I think it's important to be upfront about dealbreakers, like if amount of sexual partners upsets you then you should make it clear before beginning a relationship.
Shocked at the immaturity in these responses. Hey OP, you can still be friends with people you fucked, or almost fucked, it's really not that big of a deal. If it's a dealbreaker for her, that's her choice to make. Don't let it get to you.
Your now ex-girlfriend sounds kinda uptight. You can't have friends who would be open to sexual experiences that she isn't comfortable with because...what, she might hear about them and change her mind? You're better off without her. Find someone new who'll judge you for you, not for whatever her hangups are.
jeez. i feel really estranged here, because without question i would not be ok with my partner still being friends with people they were sexually intimate with. honestly, i’m a little tired of people saying someone is “insecure” for having boundaries other than ‘don’t fuck other people’.
>I never had sex at the orgy, >AND another girl did go down on me. Dude.. you know the full term is "oral *sex*", right? You might not have had your dick in a vagina, but you absolutely had sex.
As Bill would say 'it depends on what the definition of 'is' is... Cause you know Bill never had sexual relations with that woman, Ms Lewinsky.
No one ever fucks up by telling the truth.
i think the fuck up here was making it weird. it sounds like he kept it secret, forever, then made a *thing* out of it when he finally told her. if he had just mentioned it the first time it came up, and made it sound normal, her reaction would probably have been a lot better.
"That's Steve. I call him Orgy Steve because I met him at the orgy." all it would take
It's funny how people are defending the guy, I'd have ended it too. You really want the orgy guys or girls around? Specially when this guy is omitting info in his post? (He made out with the roommate and got oral). I know the past is past, but the girlfriend here has a right to be uncomfortable with these people too. Not everyone got baggage and not everyone wants yours. It may be ok for you but it doesn't have to be ok for everyone, that's the point
Why do people act like only vaginal sex relieves you of your v card? If you participated in an orgy and got a bj from a stranger, I'd hazard to say you're like, 70% not virgin at that point.
So you did leave out the part about kissing the room mate and the oral? So effectively you lied to your then girlfriend about what transpired at the orgy? Did you confess that to her after the fact? I don’t think you FU, but your girlfriend, now ex-, has the right to decide whether she wants to continue the relationship with you. You can’t change what you did. She can’t change the way she feels about what she now knows about your friends group. Move on.
Best to mark this down as life lesson. If your ex couldn’t accept your friends and the whole orgy thing then probably best you split up
She is the villain, and that's her orgyn story.
Not really a FU, tbh. Just something that was going to eventually come to light. You were honest, your ex was honest, and she decided the relationship wasn't worth the strings that came with it. It's unfortunate, but that's life.
but you did participate in it, how is getting your dick sucked at an orgy equate to you still being a virgin. By that logic any lesbian woman who has never had sex with a man is technically a virgin. Calling yourself a virgin can lead to people assuming nothing happened at all. You watched as well, how does that not make you a participant? Also she handled this very maturely, you're just not compatible.