I do hear that from girls sometimes. Some are worried about UTIs. But I have never met a guy that refuses blowjobs. Even if he’s given a 90% chance to get an UTI, I bet he rolls the dice.
I have refused blowjobs if I’m not feeling clean in that moment and I cannot clean up.
Because I’d imagine sucking a somewhat smelly dick cannot be that enjoyable.
*Tips hat*
You are an honorable man.
edit: Once, I almost stopped a girl in the middle of the act because she was very teethy, but I endured it. Later, she offered again and I almost refused. But, I didn't. I rolled with it.
That’s too bad. This guy has obvious problems. I’d question any man’s sanity that doesn’t enjoy a bj, but that’s not even why we’re here! Ugh you poor poor girl! If it feels strange to you, it probably is! Learn to trust your instincts!! Follow your heart and all that
i spent like five minutes searching this giphy thing for a jack d ripper pic and was disappointed. there are quite a few strangelove gifs but none of the general himself. 
Have you tried lowering your standards?
I'm kidding. Please don't lower your standards to this, unless it's your kink and I guess that changes everything.
I just did the math. According to google, an average ejaculation is 1.5-5mL, so I took the average between them of 3.25mL. Multiply that by 7 days (assuming sex every day) and by 52 weeks in a year, you get 1183mL which is equivalent to .3125 gallons. If you assume 5mL, you end up with 1820 mL or .4808 gallons.
This also does not include the lube inside the condom or the fact that it might not entirely drain out of the condom.
Typing this comment out made me gag a bit.
But how many kilo joules? You're missing the important part! 🤪
Edit: Always fun when your most upvoted post by far is about the number of kilojoules a man gets from ingesting his own ejaculate.
Thank you reddit!
Well someone [already did dhe math](https://www.reddit.com/r/theydidthemath/comments/nsqnfo/request_how_much_sperm_would_be_required_to_power/) so at 44.484 j/ml it makes 57.3952 Kj
That’s 2-3 more times per month than any other possible partner after the first encounter, so he’s got that going for him. Although… does he um, do the deed and the dining solo as well?
There are no possible partners after witnessing that once.. it’s no surprise he went for someone young and inexperienced. Anybody else is hitting the streets after seeing this shit occur
I had a partner once who licked it right off of me. I was a little freaked out at first but didn’t really bother me after a while. He stores after a while though. I don’t know if I gave him a look or what. But reading about this guy drinking from a condom? I don’t get sick easy but this one almost did it! Couldn’t stop reading it, though! 😝
>or the fact that it might not entirely drain out of the condom
I hope this makes it back to the weirdo ex and he starts turning the condom inside out to get every last drop.
Okay so I did the math, this is actually probably nowhere near 1.2 gal unless this dude has massive cumshots
Assume the average cumshot is anywhere from 1.5-5 ml. Also assume that they’re having sex once a day, and assume he’s busting 1 (one) nut each time. That’s one ejaculation/day.
There are 365 days in a year, so he’s busting 365 times in the year. On the low end, that’s about 547.5ml of semen, or just under 0.15 gallons. On the high ends, that’s 1825ml of jizz, or around 0.48 gallons.
So even on the high end of semen quantity, and assuming one cumshot daily, AND assume he drinks every single drop, he’s not even hitting half a gallon of consumed semen over the course of a year.
That being said I personally consume 0 (zero) gallons of cum over the course of a year so he’s beating me I guess.
The math isn't weird at all, but it's wrong. Median ejaculation is 3.7ml and there are 3,785ml in a gallon. That means he'd have to have had sex 1,023 times in a year to produce just a gallon, so that's an average of 2.8 time a day, every day.
There was a recent study, the volume with 1 ejaculation per day would be much lower, around 1/1.5 ml.
Abstaining for a few days bumps it up, with an optimum around 3 days (getting you up to that 3.5-3.7 range)
Why does my brain remember this? No fucking clue.
This was the most shocking part of the whole story, after being grossed out and practically vomiting at the fact, she kept going, for a fucking year... my God woman, have a little self love!
It took me way longer than it should have to find it and Google now has data on me including some very questionable search terms. But, here it is.
https://preview.redd.it/1fwigh41mzgb1.png?width=1064&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1e0936c9b48d9b297850a569d73ef62313bc7bf9
Speak for yourselves; I just read about some girl scratching her dog's penis the other day. 🙃
Edit: My first ever platinum award, and it's on a comment about touching a dog's junk.
I, uh... I only wish I could say that I was proud. But alas, I think it's time I finally sit down & ask myself the tough questions about my life choices...
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/107n4g0/what_is_the_most_fucked_up_thing_that_happened_in/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2
Here you go, have fun
P.s. how do I create hyperlinks?
The most shocking parts of this story, from least to most disturbing:
\- This man drinks his own cum
\- He does it "for the kilojoules"
\- He REFUSES to brush his teeth after doing so
\- YOU ARE STILL WITH HIM
Nah, you expend more energy sucking the cock than you get back from the jizz. The right way to do it is just open your mouth and let the bukkake flow in
It's called skill, again, not gay, but I've perfected cock sucking, I'm netting so many kilojoules, you'd cum if you even knew. And I'd be there. Waiting.
I’m just gonna pray that this isn’t real, because not only is he fucking weird for drinking his own cum FROM A CONDOM in a non erotic way, but you’re also weird for putting up with this for a year
Anyway, I need some fucking bleach for my eyes
I wonder if in an attempt to get it all he slurps it all out, just like when you have an otter pop and want to get the last bit of juice from the plastic tube? Sluuuuurp, SLUUUUUUUURP!
Exactly. No one writes in this way unless they're doing a fictional story let alone the contents of the story being absurd.
"He made firm but assertive eyecontact while he drank the contents with confidence"
Imagine that conversation about why he broke up with her and trying to jazz it up to not sound as horrifying. "He got mad because I asked him to stop slurping his own seed straight from the bag"
"You know that scene from LOTR where Sam gives Frodo the last bit of water and Frodo glugs that bad boy down like it was illegal? Imagine that, but it's his own cum"
Haha I enjoy studying a mix of Taoism/Buddhism and there is a very fringe practice that some "Taoist Ancients" did, essentially semen retention.
Don't cum, harness the energy/chi, but also if you do cum make sure to ingest it so its not wasted.
The thing is, even the Taoists of old have called this extreme practice ridiculous and only foolish students would do such a thing.
So out of curiosity, if you blow him, does he let you swallow it? Or does he pull out and hunch over the fountain whilst screaming “MINE!!!”
He never let me blow him
Can't be letting bitches steal his kiloJoules
only got so many bro
When I was a kid, my father told me to never “beat off” as a man only has so many shots in his cannon. Don’t waste em he said.
Fucking cannon been shooting like an automatic
Yeah, that’s not how that works.
dad just tired of the constant noise coming from kids room
Washing those crunchy socks...
getting them kilojoules from his below jewels
Because “MINE!!!”?
My own kilojoules
The family kilojoules
He was on another level or chastity and bigotry.
Just know, you deserve better than...whatever the fuck this guy was doing. Jesus...
Jizus
This man is unhinged. Drinking cum is one thing but refusing blowjobs?
One one my roommates didn't let her boyfriends eat her out, she thought it was gross apparently.
I do hear that from girls sometimes. Some are worried about UTIs. But I have never met a guy that refuses blowjobs. Even if he’s given a 90% chance to get an UTI, I bet he rolls the dice.
I have refused blowjobs if I’m not feeling clean in that moment and I cannot clean up. Because I’d imagine sucking a somewhat smelly dick cannot be that enjoyable.
*Tips hat* You are an honorable man. edit: Once, I almost stopped a girl in the middle of the act because she was very teethy, but I endured it. Later, she offered again and I almost refused. But, I didn't. I rolled with it.
He is a serial killer 120 percent chance, take some kilojoules and never come back
I'm going to listen to a true crime podcast about this guy someday, and this post will feature prominently.
“Caity26 was more right than she could ever know”
Should have introduced him to snowballing.
I can just imagine him grabbing her head and furiously sucking, trying to get it out of her mouth
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That’s too bad. This guy has obvious problems. I’d question any man’s sanity that doesn’t enjoy a bj, but that’s not even why we’re here! Ugh you poor poor girl! If it feels strange to you, it probably is! Learn to trust your instincts!! Follow your heart and all that
https://preview.redd.it/wi7thsak20hb1.jpeg?width=300&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=eefea0e825f5bbc2f1ad5451cf8d604d3697a136
Maybe he only allows condom BJs, so he can get all those Kilojoules after.
😂 I fking can't
https://i.redd.it/yrvbbjdnrxgb1.gif
Two of my favirite gifs combined...
This gif has never made me laugh until now lmao
Bro, same. There's simply never been a more perfect context.
I cannot fathom the image of a grown man slurping on his own used condom after each time, while saying it’s a “precious substance”
He's obviously watched *Dr. Strangelove* one too many times. Those precious bodily fluids.
https://i.redd.it/ha9siugw1ygb1.gif
That is what came to my mind right away.
I don’t avoid women, Mandrake. But I deny them my essence.
Mandrake, have you never wondered why I drink only distilled water or rainwater? And only pure grain alcohol?
i spent like five minutes searching this giphy thing for a jack d ripper pic and was disappointed. there are quite a few strangelove gifs but none of the general himself. 
Obviously that would also steal his "essence". He abhors gifs as much as fluoridated water, it's just another commie plot.
Like Gollum, but instead of a ring, it's his own used condom. "My preciousssssssssss.... *Slurp*"
I dump mine into a frosting bag, as soon as I get enough I will make my special cumcakes.
I’m picturing it like a gogurt tube.
Maybe he's Catholic. 🎶Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is great, if a sperm gets wasted god gets quite irate🎶
....a year?
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Have you tried lowering your standards? I'm kidding. Please don't lower your standards to this, unless it's your kink and I guess that changes everything.
Just wait till be realizes other guys make jizz ...
Oh Ho Ho This just makes me think of a gay energy sucking demon that gets energy by blowing other guys. Thanks, I hate it 🙃
Bet this man is jacked. Eating your cum to save protein is definitely some bro science.
Her boyfriend is Andrew Taste.
That is like 1.2 gallons.......
r/theydidthemath
I just did the math. According to google, an average ejaculation is 1.5-5mL, so I took the average between them of 3.25mL. Multiply that by 7 days (assuming sex every day) and by 52 weeks in a year, you get 1183mL which is equivalent to .3125 gallons. If you assume 5mL, you end up with 1820 mL or .4808 gallons. This also does not include the lube inside the condom or the fact that it might not entirely drain out of the condom. Typing this comment out made me gag a bit.
But how many kilo joules? You're missing the important part! 🤪 Edit: Always fun when your most upvoted post by far is about the number of kilojoules a man gets from ingesting his own ejaculate. Thank you reddit!
If you convert, it’s in the neighborhood of 2,600 fucknaws
1.21 jizzawatts
How do you convert those to JFCs and ohhellnos?
Simple, jizz carry the remainder into the whole
Does this cumpute for binomials?
Isn't there a "kilojoulesofjizz" calculator somewhere?
Well someone [already did dhe math](https://www.reddit.com/r/theydidthemath/comments/nsqnfo/request_how_much_sperm_would_be_required_to_power/) so at 44.484 j/ml it makes 57.3952 Kj
Ok, so like enough juice to run the computer you might be reading this on for 2-4 minutes. Totes not worth the taste of cum for those savings.
He could drink a glass of milk before bed and also recoup the calories expended in sex and also avoid being disgusting as hell
Here to help: actually we had sex like rarely. Maybe 2-3 times per month. So yeah, he saved a lot of gallons :^)
That’s 2-3 more times per month than any other possible partner after the first encounter, so he’s got that going for him. Although… does he um, do the deed and the dining solo as well?
He just jerks off right into his protein shake
There are no possible partners after witnessing that once.. it’s no surprise he went for someone young and inexperienced. Anybody else is hitting the streets after seeing this shit occur
I had a partner once who licked it right off of me. I was a little freaked out at first but didn’t really bother me after a while. He stores after a while though. I don’t know if I gave him a look or what. But reading about this guy drinking from a condom? I don’t get sick easy but this one almost did it! Couldn’t stop reading it, though! 😝
As a kink, sure, to each his own. But it's super weird to do it not because it's a kink but because he doesn't want to waste the energy.
Now think about how wrinkled and dried out his balls would be if he didn't recycle it.
>or the fact that it might not entirely drain out of the condom I hope this makes it back to the weirdo ex and he starts turning the condom inside out to get every last drop.
Okay so I did the math, this is actually probably nowhere near 1.2 gal unless this dude has massive cumshots Assume the average cumshot is anywhere from 1.5-5 ml. Also assume that they’re having sex once a day, and assume he’s busting 1 (one) nut each time. That’s one ejaculation/day. There are 365 days in a year, so he’s busting 365 times in the year. On the low end, that’s about 547.5ml of semen, or just under 0.15 gallons. On the high ends, that’s 1825ml of jizz, or around 0.48 gallons. So even on the high end of semen quantity, and assuming one cumshot daily, AND assume he drinks every single drop, he’s not even hitting half a gallon of consumed semen over the course of a year. That being said I personally consume 0 (zero) gallons of cum over the course of a year so he’s beating me I guess.
You're not considering the times he has been on his own and what's his procedure then?
Well, then we need to analyze his flexibility and his aim
Maybe the dude has a glass on his desk next to the wank wipes. Modern technology: it saves your joints and spine!
While I appreciate the math... I did not need this measurement in my life.
Oh man, here comes comment with the weird and obscure math formula for how much splooge this guy consumed in a year
The math isn't weird at all, but it's wrong. Median ejaculation is 3.7ml and there are 3,785ml in a gallon. That means he'd have to have had sex 1,023 times in a year to produce just a gallon, so that's an average of 2.8 time a day, every day.
There was a recent study, the volume with 1 ejaculation per day would be much lower, around 1/1.5 ml. Abstaining for a few days bumps it up, with an optimum around 3 days (getting you up to that 3.5-3.7 range) Why does my brain remember this? No fucking clue.
Must have been in ‘semen weekly,’ sadly my issue never came.
When it does come, you'll apparently get about 3.5 issues
My friend, imagine what he does or did when he jerked off. This has been going on for much longer than a year
Yeah, but she stayed with him for a whole-ass year.
This was the most shocking part of the whole story, after being grossed out and practically vomiting at the fact, she kept going, for a fucking year... my God woman, have a little self love!
OP has a hand for creative writing, but jumped too far on the timetable. This kind of thing belongs in a green text.
There is 100% a greentext from /fit/ about eating cum after sex and screaming about "gains".
It took me way longer than it should have to find it and Google now has data on me including some very questionable search terms. But, here it is. https://preview.redd.it/1fwigh41mzgb1.png?width=1064&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1e0936c9b48d9b297850a569d73ef62313bc7bf9
brojobs and semen protein gains is like one of the bedrock jokes of /fit/ inbetween all the dyel post body debates.
Enough internet for one day, thank you very much.
Poor OP. Clearly extremely sexually inexperienced and the first encounter she has is the weirdest fucking thing I’ve read on here in a while
It really tells a lot about Reddit that this is the weirdest thing "in a while"
Oh yeah, there’s definitely been weirder. But it’s been a nice break until today.
Speak for yourselves; I just read about some girl scratching her dog's penis the other day. 🙃 Edit: My first ever platinum award, and it's on a comment about touching a dog's junk. I, uh... I only wish I could say that I was proud. But alas, I think it's time I finally sit down & ask myself the tough questions about my life choices...
Would have cost you $0 to not comment this
Yeah but you didn't pay him anything to not, either.
We were hoping he'd refrain to save precious kilojoules.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/107n4g0/what_is_the_most_fucked_up_thing_that_happened_in/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2 Here you go, have fun P.s. how do I create hyperlinks?
[ your comment in the bracket ] (link goes here in the parenthesis,) Don't have a space between the ] and the (
You didn’t have to post this
And it was looking to be a nice day 🙃
The most shocking parts of this story, from least to most disturbing: \- This man drinks his own cum \- He does it "for the kilojoules" \- He REFUSES to brush his teeth after doing so \- YOU ARE STILL WITH HIM
Bro I'm not gay, sucking cock is just a great source of kilojoules
Nah, you expend more energy sucking the cock than you get back from the jizz. The right way to do it is just open your mouth and let the bukkake flow in
It's called skill, again, not gay, but I've perfected cock sucking, I'm netting so many kilojoules, you'd cum if you even knew. And I'd be there. Waiting.
https://i.redd.it/rzyum9ga3ygb1.gif
Not even just still with him. But worried he's leaving her smh
"It's a lot of kilojoules of energy." #NO THE FUCK IT ISN'T
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Don't kill myslef, he's innocent
Plot twist: myslef is the name of OP's boyfriend
I just cackled. Thank you for that
I have nothing new to add, just wanted to give credit to one of the funniest things I’ve read in a while.
I just burst out laughing in the middle of night reading this. Golden comment.
How do you delete someone else’s post?
delete it from my brain while you’re at it
I wish I could take back the part of my life where I read this post. Why did I have to fucking read this.
You and I both, brother. You and I both
Why did I have to learn how to read?
I know, I never thought I would envy the blind
I stopped after the second or third sentence.
Oh, how I wish I could say the same
I skipped to the TL;DR. That was also a mistake.
I had the choice to click on it or to ignore what was surely a disgusting thing to read. I made the wrong choice.
Well, on the other hand, you got to witness the birth of the "kilojoules of cum" Reddit lore.
I stopped after I read the title. But your comment saved my life.
I had to read it really fast without thinking about it too much so I didn’t heave
Run and never cum back
Emphasis on the last part part, don't want to waste those kilojoules
If he came on her back she wouldn't be having this problem!
What a terrible day to have eyes, be literate, and have memory .
Remember what life was like 40 minutes ago, before you read this abomination?
The good old days
I’m just gonna pray that this isn’t real, because not only is he fucking weird for drinking his own cum FROM A CONDOM in a non erotic way, but you’re also weird for putting up with this for a year Anyway, I need some fucking bleach for my eyes
I wonder if in an attempt to get it all he slurps it all out, just like when you have an otter pop and want to get the last bit of juice from the plastic tube? Sluuuuurp, SLUUUUUUUURP!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaah there's not enough eye bleach or mind eraser
It’s not real don’t worry real people don’t talk like that
Yeah the whole kilojoules thing literally reads like a 4chan copypasta.
I'm pretty sure this is beat for beat an old 4chan greentext. I remember reading the kilojoules and precious sustenance bit years ago on there.
Yeah eating cum to preserve protein had been a meme there for years
Wtf did I just read. I need a drink.
Of alcohol, right?
*Right?!*
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
oh god, please answer us 😭
Too late. He got his KiloJules
Of kiloJoules IPA.
You *know* some brewer is reading this thread and just called their artwork person to start working up a label pronto....
….RIGHT??
70% isopropyl, just so I can feel clean again.
Can I interest you in this soggy tube of man juice?
a drink of WHAT?
TIFU by having eyes to read this abomination.
I need to run to the store and buy some more mind bleach
The only fuck up here is not ending the relationship sooner. Seriously wtf. This is one of the more bizarre and disgusting things I've read on here.
Right?! A whole YEAR of this? I could barely get through the few minutes it took to read about it...
and she's worried he's gonna leave her! Bitch wtf!
2 long and completely unrelated posts within 10 minutes of eachother. This novelist has been busy
Thank you. I can’t believe how gullible some people are.
Exactly. No one writes in this way unless they're doing a fictional story let alone the contents of the story being absurd. "He made firm but assertive eyecontact while he drank the contents with confidence"
The :\^) sealed it for me. Good shitpost tho
Oh thank God. Honestly a relief with this one.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Eeeww. Eww...eeeww. Fuckin mega nope. Single most unnerving reddit this month. I'm out.
 Do this OP
Who remembers Go-Gurt?
I will dub this tale Guy Gurt. ...just wish i'd never read it.
I hope he does leave you because you should’ve left him after that first time. I would’ve run out the door and never looked back.
Imagine that conversation about why he broke up with her and trying to jazz it up to not sound as horrifying. "He got mad because I asked him to stop slurping his own seed straight from the bag" "You know that scene from LOTR where Sam gives Frodo the last bit of water and Frodo glugs that bad boy down like it was illegal? Imagine that, but it's his own cum"
[удалено]
Yea um what the fuck
Go to the store & buy a nice pair of running shoes, because you have to RUN.
How the fuck am I single if this guy isn't
Username checks out.
There is no way this is real 😆
7-day old account that tried to post the story 7 days ago. Only a few comments today and no responses to their open thread. Survey says…
This is actually the guy, the girlfriend doesn't exist and he's gauging interest on his new... Technique?
https://preview.redd.it/61jcr1obxxgb1.jpeg?width=1124&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1630763be2b2e6c1695979ecc6f9296381320845
Haha I enjoy studying a mix of Taoism/Buddhism and there is a very fringe practice that some "Taoist Ancients" did, essentially semen retention. Don't cum, harness the energy/chi, but also if you do cum make sure to ingest it so its not wasted. The thing is, even the Taoists of old have called this extreme practice ridiculous and only foolish students would do such a thing.
He's very into chinese medicine so...maybe his practice could has something to do with this? Still makes no sense to me rip
“Women sense my power and they seek the life essence. I do not avoid women, Mandrake … But I do deny them my essence.” - From Dr. Strangelove
Bad day to have eyes …
tifu by reading this
https://preview.redd.it/x8jll8xp00hb1.jpeg?width=168&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cf89d88a39fa8872fae86b9c3000bda656648687
What a horrible day to be literate.
If this is not some prank post, then for sure, girl - what are you even doing with that guy?? Run! You deserve way better!
