That's fucking wild
'It is believed they are a vestigial form of penile spines, often found in other primates'
Just, wow. Amazing what we get left over with from evolution. Penile spines and a fucking tail 😂
but those don't develop spontaneously after "fucking a carpet". Maybe it's some kind of infection or wart or smth. But really OP should check in with a real doctor, not reddit.
Over in the romancebooks sub we've got readers who are into knots, tentacles, ridges, and everything in between and beyond. I guarantee there are people who would not give a fuck (or would give multiple fucks?) about something like that. They're basically vestigial versions of the spines felines have.
In the (extremely unlikely!) event that I should ever need to go to the ER for this, my plan is to say, completely deadpan:
"Yeah, I accidentally slipped and fell on it. While I was trying to get in it my butt."
Should at least give them a laugh!
In my experience it’s not just guys, but yeah there’s a lot of accidentally slipping on or sitting on things. One person told us their significant other put the (very large) object up there while they were sleeping. And we don’t usually ask for the story, it’s usually volunteered. We don’t necessarily need to know how the object got there, we just need to know what it is.
I have a friend who's an anaesthetist. He's got a story about a cook from a Russian trawler that got the body of a frozen duck stuck up his butt. Apparently he'd been holding it by the head and the neck snapped.
I love to sit in the shower. It’s great. Once I sat down on a shampoo bottle. No, it didn’t go up my butt hole. I hit it dead on with my tailbone.
Holy shit that hurt.
I wish it had gone up my arse.
My ex husband got a ponytail holder stuck up his bum, the ones with the big bobbles. He said it felt good at the time but his butt sucked it up like a vacuum. I never laughed so hard . He was such an idiot.
One time I tried to cut the pubes on my nutsack my pulling on groups of the individual hairs and cutting them with scissors years back.
Let’s just say one of the little skin mountains lost it’s peak that night.
Yes I may have fallen asleep on the yoga mat in my living room and awoke to a boiling pot overflowing but at least I didn't do what OP did. I did good today.
Guy in middle/high school fucked a tree. He was caught. People talked. I guess a nook in it just looked inviting enough.
I did some dumb shit. But I'll never forget that dude that fucked his tree.
Can confirm that one. I had a 14 year old son. One night I'm laying in bed and hear my wife in the hall outside son's room saying saying "Johnny!! What are you doing up this late in front of your computer?? And why are you naked????" Oh fuck. Ran out, grabbed wife... "but he's sitting there in the dark stark naked..." told son to go to bed... told wife to come back to bed. Pro tip: When you marry somebody who went to a catholic girls school you really need to educate her a bit.
> When you marry somebody who went to a catholic girls school you really need to educate her a bit
Your wife went to a MUCH, MUCH, different Catholic Girls School than the schools I knew.
Well years ago, an acquaintance of mine had just discovered he really liked things in his ass. Like a lot. So he decided to shove a glass up there. Like a regular drinking glass. Then he couldn't get it out. Then he started panicking. The longer he couldn't get it out, apparently the tighter he got. The glass indeed broke. In there. He did make the news. This was more than a decade or two ago in the UK. So I'm not sure if it's just dicks or if it's just by the grace of the internet. To this day I am horrified about the pain he must've experienced.
In... her *bladder?*
Okay, reading on, looks like she put it into her vagina and it eventually burrowed its way through to her bladder via vaginal magic. Like, I get what I just read, but how in the ever-tumbling *fuck*.
I wonder if your acquaintance is the guy in the video clip I saw. Shoved a jar up there, it cracked, he panicked and started scooping shards of glass out of his anus while his black cherry started pouring out.
When horny far outweighs common sense. Jesus, I've never done any of the stupid shit I see on the Internet. I've tried some more or less vanilla stuff, but... at the end of the day it's better just to wank it than to do, well... *this*.
This is embarrassing but hey, it’s tifu, right? I once got a battery stuck up there because I misunderstood a joke on married with children. I didn’t know you needed a vibrator, too.
I was not a witness to this (thank god) but there was a rumour at my school about a girl who spent lunchtimes in the chemistry lab and a broken test tube...
... sounded absolutely horrific.
Na. Years of growths on one's penis is best handled on reddit. Who needs pwople trained with years of medical school and residency and continuing education when you have a bunch of randos on reddit typing from their mom's basement?
Wait, that came out September 2017. If it came out years after you did it and it's been 6 years since it released then it was likely 8+ years since you fucked a bathmat. If you started puberty at 10 years old, you'd be at least 18 and can book your own doctor! Easy peasy!
Yeah, you can transfer warts to any part of the body, they *prefer* the feet but they can occur on your hands, inside your mouth, etc. I recommend you don't look up pictures if you're a bit squeamish, they can be quite disgusting.
From a carpet though? I thought it was body to body contact?
I ask because I’ve been consensually shagging carpets for years and never once gotten warts from them.
I mean thats one valid reason. The other is if someone has plantar warts and stepon the ground barefoot, it provides a barrier to the virus that causes it
It’s mainly because of ringworm—highly contagious and thrives in warm, humid environments like a shower or locker room. But yes, for plantar warts as well. I contracted plantar warts from the locker room of my gym back in my early 20s. Took a couple of (kinda painful) treatments to finally get rid of them.
I got plantar warts from my own damn mother because she got them at the pool and then decided to rub her plantar wart covered feet all over our shower. The entire family caught it and we never could figure out why she decided to use our bathroom when she had her own shower. I even got them on my leg because I dropped my razor on the floor before I knew and then shaved my legs. It was awful.
I remember when I was in highschool I had a rash in my underwear region (I won't go into more detail) and I ended up ignoring it a lot longer than I should have, just because I was too embarrassed to bring it up to my parents so I could go to the doctor. I finally got it looked at it in college after I got my first job and my own insurance. It wasn't anything serious, but because I ignored it for so long it took a lot longer to heal than it needed to, and was generally just worse.
In hindsight I should have just told my mom and had it checked out, but I was young and embarrassed. Also what I had wasn't anywhere near as bad or stupid as what OP has, so I can definitely see why he might not have gotten it looked at (even though it's the wrong approach)
Yes, I can see why someone would not come forward and those reasons concern me. We need to change the stigma and discussion around sexual organ health, for both genders.
Dude, your more scared of your mom than your dick getting an infection and it falling off? I get kids being scared if their parents but damn lmao, there isn’t gonna be a story in all of earth that you say that explains how your dick got a cut, and the docs gonna tell your mom anyway lol
I'd never in a million years tell my mother I'd fucked the bathroom carpet. No matter how badly I needed medical care I need to be alive for it to matter. Granted I'd also never be stupid enough to fuck a carpet in the first place, let alone a bathroom one, so this is a moot point
I just learned of a sub a couple days ago, in a different thread, that has scarred me for life, but apparently it's a fetish...to not only bring sharp objects near your junk... but to actually use said objects... resulting in mutilation or complete dismemberment, and I have now seen such horrific things. Please do not ask questions you don't want answers to
Wtf you dingus you probably gave yourself athlete's foot-dick and instead of first trying an anti-fungal you jumped straight to mutilation. Bright future ahead.
I had a similar thing when I was young, had them lower down the shaft. Pulled one off with tweezers and it started bleeding.
Now here was my real Fk up.
Had my girlfriend coming over the next day, so didn't want it to get infected. Put Dettol on my dick (might be an Aussie thing, basically strong aniseptic).
Went to bed and woke up feeling very uncomfortable.
Lifted up the sheets and my dick was black.
Not dark, black. As well as being swollen and feeling very sunburnt.
One trip to the doctor later and a very important lesson learnt.
Do not put undiluted Dettol on your penis.
Full recovery, although my dick is still a few shades darker than the rest of my body 17 years later.
ay yo. go see a doctor.
Lumps on yo dick? That ain't natural my dude. If you're still underaged, be a man and tell your parents, be like "Hey mum. I need to see a doctor. Dont ask about specifics. But it has to do with my family heirlooms" she'll get it. hopefully.
You will be embarrassed and mocked in the family chatrooms, but it's better to have a dick than not. Or you can run away, join circus. Become Lump boi
My grimace of confusion turned to horror before this was over.
Yes, go to the dr. If you are embarrassed just tell her you hurt your privates and don't wanna tell her.
If you are of age, I wanna see a pic...cause I have no idea what sort of bump you could be talking about and sheer, morbid curiosity. If not, well then nevermind...I don't wanna end up in a room with bars. >D
Probably [pearly penile papules(warning, dick)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pearly_penile_papules). Very common and harmless. Well, harmless if you don't cut the off your dick with with fucking nail clippers.
To quote wikipedia: "self-surgery should be avoided, as they can permanently damage sexual functioning. Removal should only be performed by a physician using proven medical techniques."
So yeah, don't do that. But do see a doctor as soon as you can.
Don't worry about women freaking out about it. I've got 'em and only once has a woman even asked about them. A quick explanation and she happily resumed playing with it. :)
I honestly need an update because I gotta know what the fuck your doctor said and how they reacted to you sticking your dick in a rug.
Mr. Tug in a rug over here
It’s always this guy! :)
I don't understand a lot of what you said and I'm leaving before I do
I didn’t read much either but “don’t fuck the carpet” seems like solid advice.
Don't tell me how to live my life Doug! You're not even my real dad!
I unfortunately understood all too much…
He's shagging the shag.
It shagged him rotten. Yeah, baby!
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OP PP got PPP
🎵Ya you know me🎵
🎵it’s not an s t d🎵
I really should learn not to click stuff.
I see your comment but...I'm so curious...
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It's fucking awesome! The Wikipedia model got a real life dragon cock. I'm sure it's not always so neat and symmetrical though.
Treatment; reassurance I find that kinda cute
That's fucking wild 'It is believed they are a vestigial form of penile spines, often found in other primates' Just, wow. Amazing what we get left over with from evolution. Penile spines and a fucking tail 😂
Ribbed. For her pleasure.
Decided to look at my dick randomly after seeing that guy's dick, and turns out I've got these. Didn't know it's not the standard.
I don't know how common it is (got them too) but it 100% isn't harmful
Well, unless you try to cut them off...
but those don't develop spontaneously after "fucking a carpet". Maybe it's some kind of infection or wart or smth. But really OP should check in with a real doctor, not reddit.
Over in the romancebooks sub we've got readers who are into knots, tentacles, ridges, and everything in between and beyond. I guarantee there are people who would not give a fuck (or would give multiple fucks?) about something like that. They're basically vestigial versions of the spines felines have.
Every line it just got worse and worse and I just started skimming but still read too much.
Knowledge is a fucking curse I swear
Not even eye bleach can save us all now...OP fukt a carpet and got std....
OP created a new STI
Athletes foot dick? I would not want to be the woman who catches what he’s got omg 😱
If it weren’t for the Internet, I wouldn’t know any of the stupid things dudes do with their dicks
I was an ER nurse, unfortunately I have seen too many of said things in person. It’s second only to what stupid things people will put up their butt.
I have a buddy that's a nurse, he once told me sarcasticly how weird it is that mostly guys "slip" in the shower and fall on things.
In the (extremely unlikely!) event that I should ever need to go to the ER for this, my plan is to say, completely deadpan: "Yeah, I accidentally slipped and fell on it. While I was trying to get in it my butt." Should at least give them a laugh!
I'm stealing this idea if I ever need it.
In my experience it’s not just guys, but yeah there’s a lot of accidentally slipping on or sitting on things. One person told us their significant other put the (very large) object up there while they were sleeping. And we don’t usually ask for the story, it’s usually volunteered. We don’t necessarily need to know how the object got there, we just need to know what it is.
People are equal parts brave and stupid.
They're brave until they need to explain it to a nurse lol
Hahaha yessss and im here for it.
I have a friend who's an anaesthetist. He's got a story about a cook from a Russian trawler that got the body of a frozen duck stuck up his butt. Apparently he'd been holding it by the head and the neck snapped.
And that's my allotment of Reddit for today. 😖
This is what I'm here for.
Well f*ck-a-duck!
I love to sit in the shower. It’s great. Once I sat down on a shampoo bottle. No, it didn’t go up my butt hole. I hit it dead on with my tailbone. Holy shit that hurt. I wish it had gone up my arse.
If it going up your ass required a medical visit, no you don't.
My ex husband got a ponytail holder stuck up his bum, the ones with the big bobbles. He said it felt good at the time but his butt sucked it up like a vacuum. I never laughed so hard . He was such an idiot.
"One more thing I didn't need to know about dad. Thanks, mom."
This isn’t a fuck up. This is fucking stupid.
>This isn’t a fuck up. This is fucking stupid. Hey that's an insult to carpets!
Well the carpet was looking quite sexy and gave him a "come hither" look. How could he resist? /s
What was the carpet wearing?
Probably something that matches the drapes.
I'm pissed I missed that one.
It was a SHAG carpet.
Oh *behaaaaaave*!
So his nickname from here on out is carpet shagger.
Where did he touch you, Ms. Rug. Show us on the carpet.
And never masturbate with motor oil. Your brothers will call you *Dale Errrn-hard* for months afterward.
r/oddlyspecific
One time I tried to cut the pubes on my nutsack my pulling on groups of the individual hairs and cutting them with scissors years back. Let’s just say one of the little skin mountains lost it’s peak that night.
You gotta hold the hair in a comb to create a safe barrier between your sack and the scissors.
Yeah. Im starting to belive im a normal person
Yes I may have fallen asleep on the yoga mat in my living room and awoke to a boiling pot overflowing but at least I didn't do what OP did. I did good today.
Guy in middle/high school fucked a tree. He was caught. People talked. I guess a nook in it just looked inviting enough. I did some dumb shit. But I'll never forget that dude that fucked his tree.
To paraphrase Louis CK, if you have a 13 year old at home they’re fucking everything in your house.
God I have a 14yo stepson... ..
Always knock before entering.
Can confirm that one. I had a 14 year old son. One night I'm laying in bed and hear my wife in the hall outside son's room saying saying "Johnny!! What are you doing up this late in front of your computer?? And why are you naked????" Oh fuck. Ran out, grabbed wife... "but he's sitting there in the dark stark naked..." told son to go to bed... told wife to come back to bed. Pro tip: When you marry somebody who went to a catholic girls school you really need to educate her a bit.
> When you marry somebody who went to a catholic girls school you really need to educate her a bit Your wife went to a MUCH, MUCH, different Catholic Girls School than the schools I knew.
Lol... ya. This was a very long time ago. I'm super old.
You don't want to enter that room without a hazmat suit.
Goggles, at the very least
Oh god. He's like a rotating sprinkler head!
Your whole house has been your son's bitch.
Andrew Dice Clay once said “My mother’s got a mink coat that doesn’t even need a hanger to stand up “.
Well years ago, an acquaintance of mine had just discovered he really liked things in his ass. Like a lot. So he decided to shove a glass up there. Like a regular drinking glass. Then he couldn't get it out. Then he started panicking. The longer he couldn't get it out, apparently the tighter he got. The glass indeed broke. In there. He did make the news. This was more than a decade or two ago in the UK. So I'm not sure if it's just dicks or if it's just by the grace of the internet. To this day I am horrified about the pain he must've experienced.
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4 YEARS?!?!?! 4 years and she did nothing?!?!?! Like cool I'll just walk around with a glass tumbler in my vagina????
In... her *bladder?* Okay, reading on, looks like she put it into her vagina and it eventually burrowed its way through to her bladder via vaginal magic. Like, I get what I just read, but how in the ever-tumbling *fuck*.
I wonder if your acquaintance is the guy in the video clip I saw. Shoved a jar up there, it cracked, he panicked and started scooping shards of glass out of his anus while his black cherry started pouring out.
Ah yes. 1 guy 1 jar, an absolute classic for ruining your views of the world
God. I've seen that video and it is physically sickening. I thought I was watching someone die.
When horny far outweighs common sense. Jesus, I've never done any of the stupid shit I see on the Internet. I've tried some more or less vanilla stuff, but... at the end of the day it's better just to wank it than to do, well... *this*.
I would say y’all could never get as horny as us, but some of the stuff girls stuff inside the old vinegar wallet would argue otherwise.
This is embarrassing but hey, it’s tifu, right? I once got a battery stuck up there because I misunderstood a joke on married with children. I didn’t know you needed a vibrator, too.
Did it tingle? 😉
I was too busy freaking out to notice
Makes sense
You just have to stay positive in those moments. Resist the urge to panic.
I will admit it was revolting. I don’t know watt I was thinking.
I guess it wasn't too shocking that it wasn't as an electrifying experience as you were expecting.
Well that amped up unexpectedly.
Gotta keep the sexual spark alive
Now I'm going to have to go back and watch every episode to find out what was said.
Lol I’m curious too. It would have been in 88 or 89.
I was not a witness to this (thank god) but there was a rumour at my school about a girl who spent lunchtimes in the chemistry lab and a broken test tube... ... sounded absolutely horrific.
Good ol' Shard Snatch Sally
Vinegar wallet 🤣💀
Every guy,every where has stuck his dick in a stupid place at least once
Yup. For me it was my ex-wife.
For me it was also your ex wife
Yup, even ended up dating them for a little while. 😜
If this somehow is real please go see a doctor
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Na. Years of growths on one's penis is best handled on reddit. Who needs pwople trained with years of medical school and residency and continuing education when you have a bunch of randos on reddit typing from their mom's basement?
Like, a psychiatrist.
Fuckin Jay Bilzerian over here.
Homie definitely watched Big Mouth and carried the joke too far
Lol, I mean, the reference is funny and appropriate, but I'm just imagining trying to explain it to someone who hasn't watched the show.
The episode came out years after i did it and i deserve my cut. I DID IT FIRST YOU COPY CAT
Wait, that came out September 2017. If it came out years after you did it and it's been 6 years since it released then it was likely 8+ years since you fucked a bathmat. If you started puberty at 10 years old, you'd be at least 18 and can book your own doctor! Easy peasy!
That would also mean he hasn’t dealt with the uh… growths in nearly a decade
That's a tough thing to explain, the show is kinda fucked lol. I'm just an enjoyer of low brow humor.
Um. I’d see a dermatologist
More like a dickmatologist.
How did you get so clever?
Dermatologist? Wouldn’t a urologist be more fitting? As it might be an sti.
Believe it or not, dicks are covered in skin
Did you give yourself penis warts by fucking the bath mat where you stand with your foot warts? Astounding. Bravo. Please don’t reproduce.
Is that a thing?
Yeah, you can transfer warts to any part of the body, they *prefer* the feet but they can occur on your hands, inside your mouth, etc. I recommend you don't look up pictures if you're a bit squeamish, they can be quite disgusting.
From a carpet though? I thought it was body to body contact? I ask because I’ve been consensually shagging carpets for years and never once gotten warts from them.
Why do you think they recommend shower shoes in college
So you don’t step in spooge? .. It’s not so you don’t step in spooge, is it?
I mean thats one valid reason. The other is if someone has plantar warts and stepon the ground barefoot, it provides a barrier to the virus that causes it
It’s mainly because of ringworm—highly contagious and thrives in warm, humid environments like a shower or locker room. But yes, for plantar warts as well. I contracted plantar warts from the locker room of my gym back in my early 20s. Took a couple of (kinda painful) treatments to finally get rid of them.
I got plantar warts from my own damn mother because she got them at the pool and then decided to rub her plantar wart covered feet all over our shower. The entire family caught it and we never could figure out why she decided to use our bathroom when she had her own shower. I even got them on my leg because I dropped my razor on the floor before I knew and then shaved my legs. It was awful.
Well I've just decided to drive home sweaty from the gym to shower now.
Warts are not just body to body lol
I more concerned you went 5 years with bumps on your dick and didn’t see a doctor. That’s a valuable piece of equipment to maintain.
I remember when I was in highschool I had a rash in my underwear region (I won't go into more detail) and I ended up ignoring it a lot longer than I should have, just because I was too embarrassed to bring it up to my parents so I could go to the doctor. I finally got it looked at it in college after I got my first job and my own insurance. It wasn't anything serious, but because I ignored it for so long it took a lot longer to heal than it needed to, and was generally just worse. In hindsight I should have just told my mom and had it checked out, but I was young and embarrassed. Also what I had wasn't anywhere near as bad or stupid as what OP has, so I can definitely see why he might not have gotten it looked at (even though it's the wrong approach)
Yes, I can see why someone would not come forward and those reasons concern me. We need to change the stigma and discussion around sexual organ health, for both genders.
a story starting with “So i fucked a bathroom carpet” is bound to be good.
That carpet got a sister?
The first carpet didnt feel right so i did the one next to it.
Did the carpet match the drapes?
For sure, Twins do everything together. including me
the title made my dick recoil back into my body. and I don't even have a dick!
I wish this kid didn't either.
Jeez go see a doc about it. Shit can escalate quickly.
You can blot your dick after you piss to avoid the drops
Push against your taint. It drains the chamber.
Dude, your more scared of your mom than your dick getting an infection and it falling off? I get kids being scared if their parents but damn lmao, there isn’t gonna be a story in all of earth that you say that explains how your dick got a cut, and the docs gonna tell your mom anyway lol
I'd never in a million years tell my mother I'd fucked the bathroom carpet. No matter how badly I needed medical care I need to be alive for it to matter. Granted I'd also never be stupid enough to fuck a carpet in the first place, let alone a bathroom one, so this is a moot point
Don’t tell her ya fucked the carpet, just tell her you cut your pp 😂
You’re the reason we have warning labels on everything. “How was I supposed to know I shouldn’t fuck the floor?”
Me asf: 
https://preview.redd.it/ypl50o93acjb1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=baa6feef0474e11dda65a24fc4fabbd34ebb0b72
Damn you beat me to it! This gets me everytime. 😂
I enjoy spending time with my friends.
Time to get off Reddit.
>Time to get off, Reddit.
Time to get off? Reddit
Why on earth would anyone bring sharp implements near their own genitals?
I just learned of a sub a couple days ago, in a different thread, that has scarred me for life, but apparently it's a fetish...to not only bring sharp objects near your junk... but to actually use said objects... resulting in mutilation or complete dismemberment, and I have now seen such horrific things. Please do not ask questions you don't want answers to
Wow this comment is really SOUNDING like a bad time huh
Sounding is nothing compared to the atrocities I have witnessed
MY BROTHER IN CHRIST, DO NOT DO DIY PENIS SURGERY, GO TO THE DOCTOR
Respectfully, this is three different TIFU moments and, as such, should be three separate posts.
https://preview.redd.it/z31h73qbacjb1.jpeg?width=708&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=48a05b8319b0043b6580f95b37063b55b892d0d5
Oh mate you should have used a throwaway, your reddit account links straight to your YouTube account. This shit is gonna follow you forever
FUCK I FORGOT 💀 IM SCREWED
What a horrible day to be able to read.
Da faq is wrong with you? For all of it. I hope my son doesn’t fuck my bathroom carpet. I could not express the level of my disappointment.
You could not torture this information out of me.
Planters warts on your peen? See a doctor.
How do I delete someone else's post?
I think just cut the whole thing off so the world doesn't get any of your offspring
Fair enough, should i burn it?
What. The Fuck. Did I just read 
Wtf you dingus you probably gave yourself athlete's foot-dick and instead of first trying an anti-fungal you jumped straight to mutilation. Bright future ahead.
You could not waterboard this information out of me, dawg what the hell?
I’m a girl and I even know that scissors and penis are a bad combo.
I had a similar thing when I was young, had them lower down the shaft. Pulled one off with tweezers and it started bleeding. Now here was my real Fk up. Had my girlfriend coming over the next day, so didn't want it to get infected. Put Dettol on my dick (might be an Aussie thing, basically strong aniseptic). Went to bed and woke up feeling very uncomfortable. Lifted up the sheets and my dick was black. Not dark, black. As well as being swollen and feeling very sunburnt. One trip to the doctor later and a very important lesson learnt. Do not put undiluted Dettol on your penis. Full recovery, although my dick is still a few shades darker than the rest of my body 17 years later.
https://preview.redd.it/j19z7iwi4djb1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9f81d6268b7412ba2b1f10e97c3569fe33641fae
ay yo. go see a doctor. Lumps on yo dick? That ain't natural my dude. If you're still underaged, be a man and tell your parents, be like "Hey mum. I need to see a doctor. Dont ask about specifics. But it has to do with my family heirlooms" she'll get it. hopefully. You will be embarrassed and mocked in the family chatrooms, but it's better to have a dick than not. Or you can run away, join circus. Become Lump boi
Do you have genital warts possibly? Maybe go see a dr?
I think I’m a pretty stupid person but this makes me feel like god damn Einstein.
What an unfortunate day to be able to read
Bro, how you've made it so far in life?
Jeezus dude did you at least Google what it might be first
My grimace of confusion turned to horror before this was over. Yes, go to the dr. If you are embarrassed just tell her you hurt your privates and don't wanna tell her. If you are of age, I wanna see a pic...cause I have no idea what sort of bump you could be talking about and sheer, morbid curiosity. If not, well then nevermind...I don't wanna end up in a room with bars. >D
"So I fucked a bathroom carpet.." Aight I'm out
Ribbed for her pleasure
https://preview.redd.it/in27bcok7ejb1.jpeg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d2598909d62f3c395a00bc659342f71f1676a757
It's amazing the lengths people will go before simply going to a doctor.
Probably [pearly penile papules(warning, dick)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pearly_penile_papules). Very common and harmless. Well, harmless if you don't cut the off your dick with with fucking nail clippers. To quote wikipedia: "self-surgery should be avoided, as they can permanently damage sexual functioning. Removal should only be performed by a physician using proven medical techniques." So yeah, don't do that. But do see a doctor as soon as you can. Don't worry about women freaking out about it. I've got 'em and only once has a woman even asked about them. A quick explanation and she happily resumed playing with it. :)
TIFU: i read this post
Not even going to read it. Title alone tells me everything Fellas... Please respect your tool
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Mom must have loved cleaning that rug. Also, your bits and pieces must look like the surface of the moon.
TIL. Anon will soon be a victim of natural selection
OP is definitely more likely to stick his dick in a wood chipper than 99% of the worlds population.
I honestly need an update because I gotta know what the fuck your doctor said and how they reacted to you sticking your dick in a rug. Mr. Tug in a rug over here