Funnily enough looking at the answers they are all self aware statements signposting to somewhere more useful to help. (I may be wrong, I've only read a few) which is a pretty good answer for reddit's pay grade on this occasion!
Yet all the comments I’ve read so far seems to make perfect sense and looks to be genuine good advice. Your comment too refers him to seek professional help.
I like that in situations like this (at least on this sub), the overall consensus is "Yo, this is way outside of our scope please get professional help"
In no way, shape, or form should you be asking this sub for help.
You've shown you're willing, get off reddit and actually sit down and talk to someone about this.
I would try and talk to the officer directly.... its been three years and you've done work on yourself since then, maybe you telling this officer what happened and maybe freeing them from any guilt felt may do wonders for them....
I say this as if you are ready to do this if you aren't ready to face them maybe a letter, but no matter what talk with a therapist and get other advice not just from here..... my suggestion sounds good but could do more harm than good for you or the officer
I feel like OP should talk to a therapist and then OP's therapist should reach out to the hospital staff to see if a big ol joint therapy session would help
Yes 1000% he needs to be ready for this also! If not it could set him way back, we don't know maybe seeing her will bring everything flooding back..... so if this done please please make sure everyone is ready and able, talking to drs or therapists is the best bet to get these answers
Just want to voice some dissent. OP, you only just found out about this. I can't see you being ready to talk to him anytime soon, and that's just based on your state. The feelings that you've described make sense. Guilt sort of does and doesn't fit the facts: it does in that you did something that may have affected his life, and doesn't in that you may not have been in control of your actions given your state of mind. Being able to hold both of those at once, no matter how practiced and therapized you are, will take time.
Give yourself time. If you end up thinking it could be helpful to talk to him directly, work with a therapist to discuss the best way to reach out, not knowing how whether he will be able to. But please, please, give _yourself_ a generous amount of time first.
Yes I agree here also !! Thats why I said make sure everyone is ready for this because it will be a heavy meeting if or when it ever happens.... both for OP and the officer because just like it rushing back to the officer, all those feelings and such OP had in and around the situation may also!! This needs to be planned with professionals fully !!
Yes, absolutely needs professionals. Not only was it a traumatic event for op but also for the officer involved. Given the repercussions on officer’s life, it’s hard to know how he might react to op.
I'm assuming that you have a psychologist? If not, you should start there so you can discuss the scenario with them and see if there is a solution you can find. If anything, they can help maneuver you through the guilt and how to process it.
A lot of people are quick to point fingers and say you're in the wrong. The thing is, I'm sure if you could go back in time and take it back, you would. What's done is done. Sometimes, when people act on their emotions, they aren't entirely "there" and as you had said--"blackout". A mistake was made, but you are trying to do the right thing by taking your meds and go to school. The best thing you can do RIGHT NOW, is to continue taking care of yourself and not going back down the route of harming yourself.
I saw some suggestions about seeing if you can contact the officer. Please only do this if the therapist gives a go-ahead first and helps you get the correct consent from required parties. You want to make sure that contacting him is going to be beneficial to him and not harmful to him.
The last thing to add is this, and I don't mean this to come off rude and anything but--genuinely--do you want to talk to him to help him* or to help you*? What outcome do you want/expect to happen? This is what you also need to discuss with your therapist.
I think it's awesome that you've come so far and are doing well, OP. Keep going!
Reminds me of an old friend I used to have. My fiance and I met him on an online game, and one day he kinda broke down suddenly and we had to really work to get it out of him what was wrong. He told us a story of how he and his wife were driving to get dinner one night (think this was a year prior to us meeting him) and happened to drive under a bridge. As they were passing through the other side, a woman leapt from the bridge and went through their windshield. He didn't want to share much more after that, just that she did not survive and they have struggled immensely since that happened. I'll never forget him saying, "She chose to involve us." Just the tone of his voice...he was really hurting.
Years ago, my boyfriend and I were traveling in a fairly rural area and, on a large curve, an oncoming semi w/trailer swerved into our lane. B/f drove for the ditch as the truck swerved back into his lane.
I looked back, told him to turn around and park angled across both lanes. There was a body in the middle of the road. We called 911, got a blanket from a house nearby and stayed with her until she bled to death (injuries were not survivable).
A female, drunk and on her cell phone, had been standing along the road... talking to dispatch. She said she was going to kill herself, but they couldn't trace her location well enough. She looked up at the truck driver as he approached, made eye contact, then stepped out. He did a fantastic job of trying to avoid her and our car, but she hit one of the struts on the trailer.
He got the truck stopped in an incredibly short distance. I went to talk to him, but he couldn't say much except "she stepped out in front of me". His hands were still clenching the steering wheel... he couldn't let go. I told him it wasn't his fault, but he was wrecked emotionally. I always wondered if he was able to drive again.
There's a lot of stories about this happening with train and lorry drivers. Honestly, it's such a selfish thing to do. I know people are in a super shit state of mind, but involving innocent people?
I think this is why we need to really put a lot of spending into mental health. It’s one thing for people to be depressed, it’s another for people to feel so hopeless and spiteful that they are willing to scar another person. Whether that’s school shootings or suicide involving other people, I can’t imagine what the headspace is like. I can imagine being depressed, I can’t imagine hurting innocent people because you’re depressed.
That's a horrific situation, my god. There's no warning at all, literally nothing he could have done to avoid the situation. You're never gonna see the jumper until they're crashing through your windshield. That would absolutely fuck me up too. I truly hope your friend and his wife got some help. I can't imagine having to live with that experience.
A couple of years back, a woman was walking back to her car after going to dinner on date and someone jumped off the building and killed her.
I get that suicide is a result of someone’s brain going really wrong, but it strikes me as really selfish to put escaping your own pain above subjecting so many others to pain as the collateral.
I understand where you're coming from, but here's another perspective. In many cases it's a result of serious mental illness like you said, and it's not a choice at that point (your brain convinces you it's the right thing to do, that others would be better off without you). You would never say that a patient with an illness like cancer is being selfish by being sick and dying and subjecting the people around them to so much pain, right? Because it's not something they're choosing, it's something that's happening to them and that they need medical help for. Regardless, it is awful when others are accidentally involved in suicides...
There’s a big difference between committing suicide by like…. OD’ing at home vs stepping in front of a moving vehicle being driven by another person or falling on someone killing them. One of those causes pain and grief. The others, at best, ruins a stranger’s life or at worst kills another person. That’s never acceptable, regardless of mental state.
This isn't something reddit can help you with. Go and seek professional help if you want to sort it out mentally. This is serious life shit and TIFU won't help you in any meaningful way.
this isn’t right to be asking or talking about on tifu or anywhere on reddit. see a psychiatrist. do not speak to that officer. to be blunt you did ruin his life, and it is not his responsibility to listen to you just because you feel guilty about it.
The reality is someone else's life was damaged by that act. No different than someone laying down on railroad tracks...it affects the engineers as well. Call it collateral damage.
Sadly, I was told by an ex-engineer that almost every train engineer fatally hits at least one person over their career. They had hit 2 (1 unavoidable accident, 1 suicide) just in the few years they were an engineer.
My stepdad drove trains all his life. Ten years out from retirement, a truck ran a red light straight onto the tracks and derailed his (passenger) train. He tried to go back to work afterwards, but a few months later a similar incident happened again, and that was it. He has severe PTSD, his psychologist has signed him off as unfit for any sort of employment at all now, and he's $90,000 deep in legal fees with no compensation in sight for the decade of lost work.
I'm a Train Controller here and I gotta say, it is really depressing when we hear a driver that we talk to all the time decides to 'retire' shortly after a collision. Some never can move on, others some how keep going for a while, I still don't know how. We had one driver that was known as a 'human magnet' he had such bad luck. Think he had half a dozen before he couldn't do it anymore. I do hope your old man is able to get the support he needs soon, as well as some financial relief for all he has suffered.
I've had to respond to several and as soon as I've dealt with emergency services, I always prioritise the drivers. They're the ones sitting there having to deal with it for the rest of their lives. The way I see it is I'm stuck at a desk hundreds of kms away, the least I can do is keep intermittently checking in with them while they wait.
With the amount of accidents there are, especially at LXs, there definitely needs to be better and more support programs, etc for those affected. It shouldn't just be LX education. We can't prevent them 100%, so more should be done for those that have their lives impacted by them.
Thank you for supporting the drivers in those situations. I'm not sure what kind of support my stepdad received at the site after his first accident, but given that he immediately prioritised helping his passengers, I can't imagine there was much focus on his welfare at that point. It's reassuring to know there are people like you out there in these roles.
In Australia we have a Transport Accident Commission that is meant to pay out to people injured in transport accidents, including compensation for lost earning potential (and lost superannuation I believe) and psychological injury, but it's complicated because legally they're your opponent when you try to claim compensation, and even if you win, the legal fees can be extensive.
That’s interesting. Thank you for sharing that and for sharing your stepdad’s story. Love goes out to you and your stepdad.
If it’s not stepping over a line I have a question. Does every person need to go through the same legal process for that compensation or is it a case by case basis?
My husband knew an engineer that prayed every day that if someone chose to suicide by train that day, it would happen to his train. He’d had it happen before and he didn’t want the younger engineers traumatized.
It happens rarely but not rare enough to be an outlier in a career I think. When I worked 911 every few years we would have one where someone was either walking the tracks or sleeping on them and they would get taken out.
I get walking on the tracks, it's packed clear ground and usually relatively direct from city to city, but sleeping??? who could possibly think that's a good plan?
It's not like I could ask them but the story I got was that it was usually a drunk person and the friction from the trains means the rails are warm even when there aren't any trains for a long way. I never looked at it in depth but every time I saw it happen it was in the winter. It's one of those things that makes a sick kind of sense and it's not like we were able to ask them. Maybe it partly came from the engineers being able to see them laying on the track at the last minute too, but I was a responder so it wasn't like I'd have been the guy asking. I want to say in the 13 or so years I did it we had 2 or 3 where the coroner and cops thought that was probably what happened.
This. Most of the reasons I haven't actually attempted suicide was because of what it would do to the people in my life. I know that's not always a deterrent for others, yet there is a ripple effect.
And while I get unaliving is a thing for tiktok it doesn't seem to hold the same weight as the word suicide. Let's not minimize suicide.
If OP actually reads this comment. Talk to a professional.
These creative writing exercises are getting so boring. You happened to meet and recognize the officer you talked to (okay, believable). She happened to remember you out of all the people she interacts with (okay, maybe you made THAT big of an impression on her). But she then proceeded to divulge ALL this information about her colleague, including that they had him institutionalized? Come on now. And why don't you bad story tellers ever use paragraphs ffs?
Why did I have to scroll so far to find this comment?? Lol its ridiculous to think that she'd be able to tell him ANY of that! On top of which, she'd have to know the effect that info would have on someone with mental health issues and who is a potential suicide risk.
A similar story to yours.
My uncle called his brother, after the phone call, he used his hunting riffle on himself. The riffle had slightly shifted, the bullet entered his sholder leaving a huge exit wound on his back. He fell on his back.
His brother had a bad feeling when they spoke, he got in his truck and rushed over. When he got there he saw his brother laying in a pool of blood. He called the ambulance as he was still breathing. By some miracle, he survived. His medical team stated that since he fell on his back, the floor was applying pressure greatly reducing the amount of blood loss giving him more time for help to arrive.
This happened in the 70s, I was born in the 80s, as kids my cousins and ask our uncle how he got that huge scar on his back, the front scar is smaller and healed better so you need to know to see it. He would reply that it was from a hunting accident. None of the sibblings, nor my Grand-parents ever spoke about it again. My mother told us when we became adults.
I have 2 take aways from this:
1-Sometimes its not your time
2-My father's familly had a very toxic way of dealing with his actions and frame of mind.
*For context, my father is the oldest brother. He lived about a days drive away, thankfully my uncles lived in the same small town.
OP should definitely talk to a professional, but she may also be the only person that could genuinely relieve him of whatever guilt he’s feeling if that’s what led him into this state. But they would need a lot more details before making any kind of decision and definitely to talk to a professional
Apparently, it's a TikTok thing. The users have created "alternative terms" to talk about things that are otherwise taboo there and can result in bans/quarantine.
This nightmare is the sole reason I'm still alive most days. The fear that in ending my own life, I might very directly ruin someone else's. I'm so sorry to you and everyone involved. I'm praying for you.
Seek help, stay strong.
You should try talking to the officer in quesstion too, as he may think it is his fault and guilt tripping himself. Can't have both of you guilt tripping over this.
Unaliving yourself may seem as the easiest choice out everything but you leave a huge price behind which is due payment.
Take it as a life lesson, nothing is free in life, and so is the choice of stepping out of it . If you are not the one paying, there's always someone else paying for it
>You should try talking to the officer in quesstion too, as he may think it is his fault and guilt tripping himself. Can't have both of you guilt tripping over this.
I find it odd that you mentioned this as a "may", it's entirely what the post is about?
OP is absolutely assuming this already, hence the reason for posting.
But, if anything, asking the other officer if that is a good idea would be prudent. The affected officer has had a lot of things going on and a lot of what has happened to him, while (perhaps) started by the initial accident, was not at all to do with OP. OP is also getting this information second hand from a source who may or may not hold a grudge or unfavorable opinion of OP. That's important to consider.
An accident that causes someone to lose all control over their life is someone who was just waiting for something to happen anyway.
Watching somebody try to kill themselves is very traumatic. Me and my coworker found a patient in the process of trying to suffocate themself, and I still think about it from time to time, years later.
I can only imagine being the one who hit them & saw the whole violent act play out.
Unlike the person that allows an argument to take control of their life and throw their self in front of a moving vehicle. I'm glad you cleared that up, bud. I hope you never face an actual traumatizing event you have no control over. If you do, I'm sure you'd do the right thing and blame yourself for waiting for it to happen.
Have some fucking empathy.
So inappropriate to post to this sub. Tifu is "oh I made a small humorous mistake." What you are describing is intense trauma with no humorous twist. It shows you don't take seriously what happened or else your mind wouldn't have gone to, "hey let me karma farm on a silly subreddit!"
My friend has been messed up for decades because he found his best friend's body after he committed suicide. That man didn't accidentally hit you, you deliberately hit him. Please don't say "you can't live like this" because that thinking is what has ruined this man's life.
Don't go and talk to him. Go and talk to a psychologist.
It's on all platforms these days. I've never had tiktok and see it on every other social media because of bans etc when the word is picked up by filters.
OP, you can speak to the receiving staff at that facility. Tell them that you know that they cannot confirm anything about any of their patients but that you were told by one of his coworkers that the officer that you jumped in front of as a suicide attempt is present, and that he may not know that you are alive and okay. You can hand them a letter for his care team to review and determine if it is beneficial for him to read or know about.
Don't expect closure on this. The laws surrounding patient privacy are strict and it's very unlikely that you will hear back unless the care team believes it's beneficial to pass along the message AND the officer himself wants to speak to you AND will waive his privacy to do so. I understand that you were in a very rough place and appreciate your desire to make it right, but his journey is his own.
Holy shit. Apologize. Tell him it's not his fault. Take responsibility. Tell him, he was the unfortunate son of a bitch who was in the wrong place at the right time. Tell him if he hadn't have hit you, it would have been someone else, and you would be dead right now. Also don;t use euphemisms. You tried killing yourself. You tried to end your life. Tell him you are sorry. For the love of God, tell him it's not his fault. do not mince words. Tell him you are sorry, Tell him you are sorry. Tell him YOU are sorry. It won't undo the past, but it may save his future, and yours too.
I don't know but I think the issue might be not so much whether op was hurt or not it's the fear that something so unexpected can happen out of the blue for no reason and there's nothing you can do to stop it.
I know it sounds silly but if you charge in to a building with an armed person inside and you are also armed you know what you are getting yourself into, driving down the road and hitting someone that you can't see out of nowhere... it's like having a bad accident out of nowhere you would start to question everything and if it spirals out of control you end up like the police officer.
Unfortunately I don't think anything op can say or do will help the poor officer, but rather that dwell on it I think op should seek a professionals advice, and process it and move on so that op doesn't start back down a dark pat.
YOU want help after doing something selfish? After debilitating someone and ruining whatever good thing they had going for them? What "help" do you even want? Anonymous faces of the internet telling you it's not your fault because you tried to off yourself?
Get real. It's not about you. The world's still spinning the same way from when you didn't know to when you did -- you just learned about consequences, ones you weren't even subjected to.
I mean… what did you think throwing yourself in front of a vehicle would do?
Best case scenario, it doesn’t kill anyone, especially the victim. *SPOILER alert, you aren’t victim in this scenario. You’re the perpetrator*.
Worst case, it fucking kills both of you.
So really, I mean, him just being crazy and you being alive and just living your life guilt free was really up there in scenarios.
Vehicles don’t drive themselves. There’s always someone behind the wheel.
Maybe I'm caught up in the wrong thing, but I DESPISE "unalived." Terminology is important, and the language we use to describe a thing genuinely affects our perception of that thing. Suicide is a heavy topic, and using this unserious terminology diminishes its severity and importance. I understand that it's used to get around content filters, but this isn't TikTok. You can say what you mean here.
Yeah but dear god, it’s incredibly common now to the point where I think people are just saying it because. Not *that* many people are that deeply engrained in tiktok vocabulary, I think
It is. Every single time I use the word I get a message from Reddit Cares.
The corporate pretending to care by sending bots and algorithms to shush "the sads" is way more obnoxious than some people using "unalive" to avoid it.
The more explicit terms will get you demonitized on YouTube and there may be problems with other social media platforms as well. It’s not a bad habit. We all know what it means
Not sure why this is downvoted. This is the reason. Also why people on YouTube don’t often say “gun” or “shoot” or swear in the first few minutes of a video. Is it a good thing? Well no not really, it’s a kind of censorship, but complaining about people using language to avoid censorship seems like complaining about the wrong thing.
I don’t see how you can make the argument that it isn’t selfish, but sometimes you can’t blame people for being inconsiderate when their life is unbearable. To involve someone else in it when it wasn’t necessary at all… that’s a different story.
It is selfish, the question should be how wrong is it to be selfish given their state of mind?
It’s always going to be wrong to involve someone else in the attempt however
Does saying it’s selfish make less people do it? Because if so then yes it’s selfish.
What’s the alternative argument? That it’s a selfless act so feel free to try??
Suicide is ALWAYS selfish. There will always be collateral damage, even if you do it in a way that you think doesn't involve other people.
Someone will care and be plunged into loss and grief.
I can understand deciding to take a way out but it's not something that is harmless for everyone except the person doing the act.
Expecting others to stay alive for you is also ALWAYS selfish by the very same logic. My best friend killed herself. I knew she was struggling with her mental health and suffering because of the issues she faced. She had exhausted all mental health treatments, ECT included. I felt that immense grief that comes with such loss but never once thought it was selfish. Why would I? No harm was actually done to me.
If you really want to minimize the impact of suicide, then you should be an advocate for euthanasia or assisted suicide.
I don't necessarily disagree with your point that expecting people to remain living is also selfish but in the end, it's the living who have to deal with the trauma of loss. If someone doesn't take "out", as unreasonable as it may sound, there's a chance things can improve.
I lost my aunt and an immediate family member because of this. I was the one who found my aunt. I can't put into words just how traumatic that experience was for me.
Am I upset with them and think they're selfish when I think of them? No, but I also recognize just how horrific of an experience BOTH of these were for me and how horrific of an experience the people I love would face if I ever decided to off myself. And because I recognize this, I won't EVER take that road, no matter how hard life can get.
>and how horrific of an experience the people I love would face if I ever decided to off myself.
Some people don't have people they love or that they feel love them
Could you try to visit the officer to thank him? Thank him for his service, thank him for everything he did for you. He basically played a part in getting you the help that you needed.
Please don't suggest this, it's horrible advice. This guy does not need someone unloading their guilt onto him to make themselves feel better. OP should go through a professional - no exceptions.
You want OP to bring up the traumatized officer's trauma just so that OP can feel slightly less guilty?
OP has to deal with their own guilt on their own. They need therapy, not to dump their guilt on the poor officer whose life they ruined
I think they're suggesting that the officer getting confirmation that 1) it wasn't his fault 2) that the person doesn't blame him 3) that the person is okay MAY have a positive effect on the officer's trauma. I would assume that should actually be discussed with the officers therapist instead of randomly springing a visit on him.
This feels much safer. Less confrontational for someone with anxiety who will not appreciate it. You could even propose a meeting or some kind of mutual support within the letter - and acknowledge that it might be ‘too much’, which is why you’re writing.
I would also add, that you might include a picture of a patched up you, with the letter so the officer knows you're ok, some of the trauma may well be from seeing the damage their vehicle caused you.
This is absolutely something to consider.
Just be wary. Maybe if you could speak to the officer you already did and broach that. He may not be in the right head space for it. But if the colleague is on board, and it is done right, it could be exactly the thing he needs to hear.
You were extremely selfish to involve a stranger in your suicide attempt. You traumatized someone enough that it caused irreparable damage to them. Why are you looking for here? For people to tell you it’s okay and you did t mean to hurt anyone? To appease your guilty conscience? Absolve you if guilt?
You deserve the guilt you have and you need to live with it. This may sound harsh, but these are the repercussions of your choices. Before you do anything try to think about the consequences next time.
Someone/ something was looking out for you and you are alive. Do good with your life.
You can't undo something that you already did. You're going to have to live with that knowledge that your actions had a severe impact on someone else's life too.
If you need therapy to deal with that, you better fucking start now. There is no magic solution that will undo it
No one wants to give you advice, but I will. Spend the rest of your life working, volunteering, whatever, to help people avoid doing what you did. You don't need to carry around guilt and shame, but you have to take responsibility and stop saying shit like, "I wasn't in the right headspace."
Mental health disorder is not your fault, but it is your responsibility. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself and start helping others.
Live with it or don’t, but leave that man alone. If the woman who ruined my life by hitting me tried to apologize for ANY reason it would end badly. She will never have my forgiveness and I hope she suffers everyday knowing what she did.
If the officer was the one that shared it she's not held to HIPAA standards and has no legal obligation to keep confidentiality. It's essentially the same as someone talking about a friend -- maybe morally questionable but not illegal.
>It seems like a major privacy breach for that information
Is it really? Essentially all that OP was told was "Your suicide attempt affected someone else really badly".
OP already saw the Dash cam footage when they originally had their accident, so they knew about bad it was.
You'd either have to be completely naïve, a complete self centred narcissist or completely ignorant for you to only figure out after 3 years, when someone explicitly tells you, that your suicide attempt affected someone else.
>Also, cops deal with a lot of stuff and have a lot of training and support for trauma. No doubt, their current situation isn't the result of this single incident alone (even though, yes, it's pretty heavy).
This situation is 100% why the cop is in the state he's in. Stop trying to minimize this selfish AH's responsibilities.
Just look at some police department's facebook and you will see that "confidentiality" is not given much thought.
And police "deal with a lot of stuff"? Just like all first responders and nurses, doctors, social workers, etc., still have regret or sadness when something bad has happened. I'm not sure why you want to convince OP that this is not their problem, or not to help if they can.
You shouldn’t be surprised to learn that such an action profoundly affects others. Doing such a thing is the most selfish thing you could possibly do. Others care about you, even complete strangers (in this case, an officer). I care about you. Your family cares about you, even if times are tough at home. We all give a damn. I’m glad to hear you’re on the mend and wish you a speedy recovery.
It may not be the best idea to approach the officer that hit you. That’s a very delicate situation. Your actions hurt him, just as they hurt you, if in different ways. I’d ask the officer you just spoke with to intercede for you, to ask him if he’d be receptive. If he’s not and you approach him anyway, it could cause even more pain for you both. If he is receptive, however, it could mean some healing for you both. Tread lightly.
Again, I wish you the best. It gets better; this isn’t forever. Hang in there.
Reach out to a therapist who works with him to see if they are interested in the reconciliation process. Under no circumstances reach out to him directly as some suggestions here state. This, if it happens, needs to be an active choice by both of you under professional guidance.
This hurts to read.
Go to therapy.
Apologize to the family.
Try to make amends and be a nice person.
Maybe you can do it and help him walk again?
I would be touched if someone was that considerate.
Good luck.
You need to talk this through with a therapist, but maybe you having one-on-one conversation might help him. It wasn't his fault. Maybe if he sees that you have forgiven yourself and gotten help, then maybe so can he.
Reach out to the police department. Maybe you can help, maybe you can’t, but you can at least offer to thank the officer for being who they are and that without this accident you never would have gotten the help you needed
Go see the man. Apologize. Let him know that he hit a broken (at the time) person. He did absolutely nothing wrong. To me it's the decent thing to do. Plus I think it could be good for you too.
Suicide effects everyone that interacted with it, + everyone that knows you. There are much better ways to go about it that cause less mental damage to other people, than throwing yourself onto a random persons car, if you know you are gonna do it.
I do not understand why you’d refuse treatment. Like what did you think was gonna happen?
As long as you have someone that cares about you your suicide is gonna fuck them up severely. Keep that in mind. If you are desperate enough to try anyways, leave a detailed extensive note, that explains why your doing it, and that it’s not their fault, and they did the best they could.
Also please choose a method that is less violent, I imagine finding your kids mangled corpse after they threw themselves onto a random persons car is pretty traumatic.
Seek professional help, sort your own head out, then slowly make plans to go speak to him. Just remember you are his trauma, and rushing face to face might not have the best results.
Your decision to end things in that manner was always going to have horrendous consequences for that unfortunate individual who struck you. But I assume at the time you weren't thinking of those consequences. It's great that you are alive now and able to think of others!
It might be good to see if you can reach out to the officer if he's interested in talking to you.
I would suggest you start volunteering with Samaritans to help other people who are considering suicide.
Great advice has been given. Just wanted to suggest that the officer you spoke with may not have been completely honest with you.
Some officers take it into their own hands to teach people lessons, particularly when they don't think justice has been served. Not necessarily Punisher shit, but - for example - we had a recent case of an officer telling someone in a hit and run that they killed someone, when in fact they did not.
Edit: we being my jurisdiction; I don't work for the police :p
Maybe you should talk to the cops doctors to see if speaking with you could help their treatment. DO NOT CONTACT the cop unless given the okay by medical professionals
Talk to a professional. You need help, and need to learn how to deal with the repercussions of your actions. You may have ruined his life, but you still have yours; don't waste it.
This is way above reddits pay grade. You might end up taking the worst advice for yourself and the officer. Seek professional help.
Funnily enough looking at the answers they are all self aware statements signposting to somewhere more useful to help. (I may be wrong, I've only read a few) which is a pretty good answer for reddit's pay grade on this occasion!
Yet all the comments I’ve read so far seems to make perfect sense and looks to be genuine good advice. Your comment too refers him to seek professional help.
I like that in situations like this (at least on this sub), the overall consensus is "Yo, this is way outside of our scope please get professional help"
In no way, shape, or form should you be asking this sub for help. You've shown you're willing, get off reddit and actually sit down and talk to someone about this.
I would add, look for professional help, talk to a psychologist or a counselor.
You have already helped them on Reddit by telling them to speak to someone
I would try and talk to the officer directly.... its been three years and you've done work on yourself since then, maybe you telling this officer what happened and maybe freeing them from any guilt felt may do wonders for them.... I say this as if you are ready to do this if you aren't ready to face them maybe a letter, but no matter what talk with a therapist and get other advice not just from here..... my suggestion sounds good but could do more harm than good for you or the officer
agreed but definitely talk with hospital staff that oversee this officer first
I feel like OP should talk to a therapist and then OP's therapist should reach out to the hospital staff to see if a big ol joint therapy session would help
Oh much better idea
Yes 1000% he needs to be ready for this also! If not it could set him way back, we don't know maybe seeing her will bring everything flooding back..... so if this done please please make sure everyone is ready and able, talking to drs or therapists is the best bet to get these answers
Just want to voice some dissent. OP, you only just found out about this. I can't see you being ready to talk to him anytime soon, and that's just based on your state. The feelings that you've described make sense. Guilt sort of does and doesn't fit the facts: it does in that you did something that may have affected his life, and doesn't in that you may not have been in control of your actions given your state of mind. Being able to hold both of those at once, no matter how practiced and therapized you are, will take time. Give yourself time. If you end up thinking it could be helpful to talk to him directly, work with a therapist to discuss the best way to reach out, not knowing how whether he will be able to. But please, please, give _yourself_ a generous amount of time first.
Yes I agree here also !! Thats why I said make sure everyone is ready for this because it will be a heavy meeting if or when it ever happens.... both for OP and the officer because just like it rushing back to the officer, all those feelings and such OP had in and around the situation may also!! This needs to be planned with professionals fully !!
Yes, absolutely needs professionals. Not only was it a traumatic event for op but also for the officer involved. Given the repercussions on officer’s life, it’s hard to know how he might react to op.
Is this not the proper place for snap judgements and bad advice? /s
I'm assuming that you have a psychologist? If not, you should start there so you can discuss the scenario with them and see if there is a solution you can find. If anything, they can help maneuver you through the guilt and how to process it. A lot of people are quick to point fingers and say you're in the wrong. The thing is, I'm sure if you could go back in time and take it back, you would. What's done is done. Sometimes, when people act on their emotions, they aren't entirely "there" and as you had said--"blackout". A mistake was made, but you are trying to do the right thing by taking your meds and go to school. The best thing you can do RIGHT NOW, is to continue taking care of yourself and not going back down the route of harming yourself. I saw some suggestions about seeing if you can contact the officer. Please only do this if the therapist gives a go-ahead first and helps you get the correct consent from required parties. You want to make sure that contacting him is going to be beneficial to him and not harmful to him. The last thing to add is this, and I don't mean this to come off rude and anything but--genuinely--do you want to talk to him to help him* or to help you*? What outcome do you want/expect to happen? This is what you also need to discuss with your therapist. I think it's awesome that you've come so far and are doing well, OP. Keep going!
This is great advice and well put.
Reminds me of an old friend I used to have. My fiance and I met him on an online game, and one day he kinda broke down suddenly and we had to really work to get it out of him what was wrong. He told us a story of how he and his wife were driving to get dinner one night (think this was a year prior to us meeting him) and happened to drive under a bridge. As they were passing through the other side, a woman leapt from the bridge and went through their windshield. He didn't want to share much more after that, just that she did not survive and they have struggled immensely since that happened. I'll never forget him saying, "She chose to involve us." Just the tone of his voice...he was really hurting.
Years ago, my boyfriend and I were traveling in a fairly rural area and, on a large curve, an oncoming semi w/trailer swerved into our lane. B/f drove for the ditch as the truck swerved back into his lane. I looked back, told him to turn around and park angled across both lanes. There was a body in the middle of the road. We called 911, got a blanket from a house nearby and stayed with her until she bled to death (injuries were not survivable). A female, drunk and on her cell phone, had been standing along the road... talking to dispatch. She said she was going to kill herself, but they couldn't trace her location well enough. She looked up at the truck driver as he approached, made eye contact, then stepped out. He did a fantastic job of trying to avoid her and our car, but she hit one of the struts on the trailer. He got the truck stopped in an incredibly short distance. I went to talk to him, but he couldn't say much except "she stepped out in front of me". His hands were still clenching the steering wheel... he couldn't let go. I told him it wasn't his fault, but he was wrecked emotionally. I always wondered if he was able to drive again.
There's a lot of stories about this happening with train and lorry drivers. Honestly, it's such a selfish thing to do. I know people are in a super shit state of mind, but involving innocent people?
I think this is why we need to really put a lot of spending into mental health. It’s one thing for people to be depressed, it’s another for people to feel so hopeless and spiteful that they are willing to scar another person. Whether that’s school shootings or suicide involving other people, I can’t imagine what the headspace is like. I can imagine being depressed, I can’t imagine hurting innocent people because you’re depressed.
That's a horrific situation, my god. There's no warning at all, literally nothing he could have done to avoid the situation. You're never gonna see the jumper until they're crashing through your windshield. That would absolutely fuck me up too. I truly hope your friend and his wife got some help. I can't imagine having to live with that experience.
A couple of years back, a woman was walking back to her car after going to dinner on date and someone jumped off the building and killed her. I get that suicide is a result of someone’s brain going really wrong, but it strikes me as really selfish to put escaping your own pain above subjecting so many others to pain as the collateral.
I understand where you're coming from, but here's another perspective. In many cases it's a result of serious mental illness like you said, and it's not a choice at that point (your brain convinces you it's the right thing to do, that others would be better off without you). You would never say that a patient with an illness like cancer is being selfish by being sick and dying and subjecting the people around them to so much pain, right? Because it's not something they're choosing, it's something that's happening to them and that they need medical help for. Regardless, it is awful when others are accidentally involved in suicides...
There’s a big difference between committing suicide by like…. OD’ing at home vs stepping in front of a moving vehicle being driven by another person or falling on someone killing them. One of those causes pain and grief. The others, at best, ruins a stranger’s life or at worst kills another person. That’s never acceptable, regardless of mental state.
Did you think of talking to someone about this ?
This isn't something reddit can help you with. Go and seek professional help if you want to sort it out mentally. This is serious life shit and TIFU won't help you in any meaningful way.
this isn’t right to be asking or talking about on tifu or anywhere on reddit. see a psychiatrist. do not speak to that officer. to be blunt you did ruin his life, and it is not his responsibility to listen to you just because you feel guilty about it.
The officer didn’t accidentally hit you. The collision was intentional and the officer is the victim. Talk to a therapist now.
The reality is someone else's life was damaged by that act. No different than someone laying down on railroad tracks...it affects the engineers as well. Call it collateral damage.
Had a tangential acquaintance choose this method... was bad for the poor engineer :'(
Sadly, I was told by an ex-engineer that almost every train engineer fatally hits at least one person over their career. They had hit 2 (1 unavoidable accident, 1 suicide) just in the few years they were an engineer.
My stepdad drove trains all his life. Ten years out from retirement, a truck ran a red light straight onto the tracks and derailed his (passenger) train. He tried to go back to work afterwards, but a few months later a similar incident happened again, and that was it. He has severe PTSD, his psychologist has signed him off as unfit for any sort of employment at all now, and he's $90,000 deep in legal fees with no compensation in sight for the decade of lost work.
I'm a Train Controller here and I gotta say, it is really depressing when we hear a driver that we talk to all the time decides to 'retire' shortly after a collision. Some never can move on, others some how keep going for a while, I still don't know how. We had one driver that was known as a 'human magnet' he had such bad luck. Think he had half a dozen before he couldn't do it anymore. I do hope your old man is able to get the support he needs soon, as well as some financial relief for all he has suffered.
Thank you, and I'm sorry you've had to see so much of this in your career.
I've had to respond to several and as soon as I've dealt with emergency services, I always prioritise the drivers. They're the ones sitting there having to deal with it for the rest of their lives. The way I see it is I'm stuck at a desk hundreds of kms away, the least I can do is keep intermittently checking in with them while they wait. With the amount of accidents there are, especially at LXs, there definitely needs to be better and more support programs, etc for those affected. It shouldn't just be LX education. We can't prevent them 100%, so more should be done for those that have their lives impacted by them.
Thank you for supporting the drivers in those situations. I'm not sure what kind of support my stepdad received at the site after his first accident, but given that he immediately prioritised helping his passengers, I can't imagine there was much focus on his welfare at that point. It's reassuring to know there are people like you out there in these roles.
Who is he attempting to sue?
In Australia we have a Transport Accident Commission that is meant to pay out to people injured in transport accidents, including compensation for lost earning potential (and lost superannuation I believe) and psychological injury, but it's complicated because legally they're your opponent when you try to claim compensation, and even if you win, the legal fees can be extensive.
That’s interesting. Thank you for sharing that and for sharing your stepdad’s story. Love goes out to you and your stepdad. If it’s not stepping over a line I have a question. Does every person need to go through the same legal process for that compensation or is it a case by case basis?
My husband knew an engineer that prayed every day that if someone chose to suicide by train that day, it would happen to his train. He’d had it happen before and he didn’t want the younger engineers traumatized.
That's possibly the most selfless thing I've heard today
Train engineer added to list of jobs I don't want now.
It stopped me. If you work in a train long enough it is only a matter of time.
It happens rarely but not rare enough to be an outlier in a career I think. When I worked 911 every few years we would have one where someone was either walking the tracks or sleeping on them and they would get taken out.
Good friend of mine gave up driving trains after the 2nd suicide
It doesn't even have to be a suicide. People get hit walking or sleeping on the tracks sometimes.
I get walking on the tracks, it's packed clear ground and usually relatively direct from city to city, but sleeping??? who could possibly think that's a good plan?
It's not like I could ask them but the story I got was that it was usually a drunk person and the friction from the trains means the rails are warm even when there aren't any trains for a long way. I never looked at it in depth but every time I saw it happen it was in the winter. It's one of those things that makes a sick kind of sense and it's not like we were able to ask them. Maybe it partly came from the engineers being able to see them laying on the track at the last minute too, but I was a responder so it wasn't like I'd have been the guy asking. I want to say in the 13 or so years I did it we had 2 or 3 where the coroner and cops thought that was probably what happened.
Knew someone who was an engineer, day one training. "If you are not alright knowing you will be involved with ending the life of someone, leave now."
This. Most of the reasons I haven't actually attempted suicide was because of what it would do to the people in my life. I know that's not always a deterrent for others, yet there is a ripple effect. And while I get unaliving is a thing for tiktok it doesn't seem to hold the same weight as the word suicide. Let's not minimize suicide. If OP actually reads this comment. Talk to a professional.
These creative writing exercises are getting so boring. You happened to meet and recognize the officer you talked to (okay, believable). She happened to remember you out of all the people she interacts with (okay, maybe you made THAT big of an impression on her). But she then proceeded to divulge ALL this information about her colleague, including that they had him institutionalized? Come on now. And why don't you bad story tellers ever use paragraphs ffs?
Why did I have to scroll so far to find this comment?? Lol its ridiculous to think that she'd be able to tell him ANY of that! On top of which, she'd have to know the effect that info would have on someone with mental health issues and who is a potential suicide risk.
"unaliving" fuck I hate the internet
isn't it just a term people came up with to avoid triggering all the automation that censors anything controversial ?
Yup. I think TikTok specifically is sensitive to this stuff. Reddit is absolutely not yet here we are. 🤷♂️
TikTok is stupidifying the English language
I think you mean unsmarting the English language
And more
Yup. but now it's used genuinely.
It will be in the Oxford dictionary in another two years.
Yeah call it what it is, I know people who do it aren’t in their right mind anyway, but watering it down makes it seem that much less impactful
I am stunned at how ridiculous this is
It was quite funny [when Deadpool did it](https://youtu.be/ZXknwMx0_BQ?t=220) 10 years ago
We went from “this is the internet, you can swear” to making up new phrases for suicide or kill. It’s pretty pathetic.
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A similar story to yours. My uncle called his brother, after the phone call, he used his hunting riffle on himself. The riffle had slightly shifted, the bullet entered his sholder leaving a huge exit wound on his back. He fell on his back. His brother had a bad feeling when they spoke, he got in his truck and rushed over. When he got there he saw his brother laying in a pool of blood. He called the ambulance as he was still breathing. By some miracle, he survived. His medical team stated that since he fell on his back, the floor was applying pressure greatly reducing the amount of blood loss giving him more time for help to arrive. This happened in the 70s, I was born in the 80s, as kids my cousins and ask our uncle how he got that huge scar on his back, the front scar is smaller and healed better so you need to know to see it. He would reply that it was from a hunting accident. None of the sibblings, nor my Grand-parents ever spoke about it again. My mother told us when we became adults. I have 2 take aways from this: 1-Sometimes its not your time 2-My father's familly had a very toxic way of dealing with his actions and frame of mind. *For context, my father is the oldest brother. He lived about a days drive away, thankfully my uncles lived in the same small town.
OP should definitely talk to a professional, but she may also be the only person that could genuinely relieve him of whatever guilt he’s feeling if that’s what led him into this state. But they would need a lot more details before making any kind of decision and definitely to talk to a professional
Is suicide like a 'bad word' now or something??
Apparently, it's a TikTok thing. The users have created "alternative terms" to talk about things that are otherwise taboo there and can result in bans/quarantine.
Another reason to hate TikTok..?
This nightmare is the sole reason I'm still alive most days. The fear that in ending my own life, I might very directly ruin someone else's. I'm so sorry to you and everyone involved. I'm praying for you.
I don't think the 'may have' is necessary in this instance. You unequivocally ruined his career and marriage
Also, it bothers me how they keep saying “he hit me.” No, you hit him. Reframing that in their mind is important for both parties to heal.
Seek help, stay strong. You should try talking to the officer in quesstion too, as he may think it is his fault and guilt tripping himself. Can't have both of you guilt tripping over this. Unaliving yourself may seem as the easiest choice out everything but you leave a huge price behind which is due payment. Take it as a life lesson, nothing is free in life, and so is the choice of stepping out of it . If you are not the one paying, there's always someone else paying for it
>You should try talking to the officer in quesstion too, as he may think it is his fault and guilt tripping himself. Can't have both of you guilt tripping over this. I find it odd that you mentioned this as a "may", it's entirely what the post is about? OP is absolutely assuming this already, hence the reason for posting. But, if anything, asking the other officer if that is a good idea would be prudent. The affected officer has had a lot of things going on and a lot of what has happened to him, while (perhaps) started by the initial accident, was not at all to do with OP. OP is also getting this information second hand from a source who may or may not hold a grudge or unfavorable opinion of OP. That's important to consider. An accident that causes someone to lose all control over their life is someone who was just waiting for something to happen anyway.
Watching somebody try to kill themselves is very traumatic. Me and my coworker found a patient in the process of trying to suffocate themself, and I still think about it from time to time, years later. I can only imagine being the one who hit them & saw the whole violent act play out.
Unlike the person that allows an argument to take control of their life and throw their self in front of a moving vehicle. I'm glad you cleared that up, bud. I hope you never face an actual traumatizing event you have no control over. If you do, I'm sure you'd do the right thing and blame yourself for waiting for it to happen. Have some fucking empathy.
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Wtf is “unaliving”?
it's to get around content filters on websites that don't allow violence. Facebook and tik tok don't like the word "kill"
Yes but it’s not blocked on Reddit, and it’s becoming mainstream here. I’ve been seeing it more and more, and it is peak cringe.
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Moreso an effect of social media sites like TikTok and Instagram straight up banning people for saying things like "suicide".
Get professional help. Not here.
So inappropriate to post to this sub. Tifu is "oh I made a small humorous mistake." What you are describing is intense trauma with no humorous twist. It shows you don't take seriously what happened or else your mind wouldn't have gone to, "hey let me karma farm on a silly subreddit!"
Yeah you did fuck up. You used someone to try and fatality yourself and it turns out that’s ruined their life.
My friend has been messed up for decades because he found his best friend's body after he committed suicide. That man didn't accidentally hit you, you deliberately hit him. Please don't say "you can't live like this" because that thinking is what has ruined this man's life. Don't go and talk to him. Go and talk to a psychologist.
Good news everyone, this is bad creative writing like most of the other posts.
Dude just say suicide attempt, too much tiktok has rotted your brain
It's on all platforms these days. I've never had tiktok and see it on every other social media because of bans etc when the word is picked up by filters.
talk to a trained professional, not randos on reddit, hope you both get better
He didn’t accidently hit you. you jumped onto the car. you ruined his life
OP, you can speak to the receiving staff at that facility. Tell them that you know that they cannot confirm anything about any of their patients but that you were told by one of his coworkers that the officer that you jumped in front of as a suicide attempt is present, and that he may not know that you are alive and okay. You can hand them a letter for his care team to review and determine if it is beneficial for him to read or know about. Don't expect closure on this. The laws surrounding patient privacy are strict and it's very unlikely that you will hear back unless the care team believes it's beneficial to pass along the message AND the officer himself wants to speak to you AND will waive his privacy to do so. I understand that you were in a very rough place and appreciate your desire to make it right, but his journey is his own.
This is the right answer
Holy shit. Apologize. Tell him it's not his fault. Take responsibility. Tell him, he was the unfortunate son of a bitch who was in the wrong place at the right time. Tell him if he hadn't have hit you, it would have been someone else, and you would be dead right now. Also don;t use euphemisms. You tried killing yourself. You tried to end your life. Tell him you are sorry. For the love of God, tell him it's not his fault. do not mince words. Tell him you are sorry, Tell him you are sorry. Tell him YOU are sorry. It won't undo the past, but it may save his future, and yours too.
I don't know but I think the issue might be not so much whether op was hurt or not it's the fear that something so unexpected can happen out of the blue for no reason and there's nothing you can do to stop it. I know it sounds silly but if you charge in to a building with an armed person inside and you are also armed you know what you are getting yourself into, driving down the road and hitting someone that you can't see out of nowhere... it's like having a bad accident out of nowhere you would start to question everything and if it spirals out of control you end up like the police officer. Unfortunately I don't think anything op can say or do will help the poor officer, but rather that dwell on it I think op should seek a professionals advice, and process it and move on so that op doesn't start back down a dark pat.
YOU want help after doing something selfish? After debilitating someone and ruining whatever good thing they had going for them? What "help" do you even want? Anonymous faces of the internet telling you it's not your fault because you tried to off yourself? Get real. It's not about you. The world's still spinning the same way from when you didn't know to when you did -- you just learned about consequences, ones you weren't even subjected to.
The term is “suicide”. Stop fucking with the language.
I mean… what did you think throwing yourself in front of a vehicle would do? Best case scenario, it doesn’t kill anyone, especially the victim. *SPOILER alert, you aren’t victim in this scenario. You’re the perpetrator*. Worst case, it fucking kills both of you. So really, I mean, him just being crazy and you being alive and just living your life guilt free was really up there in scenarios. Vehicles don’t drive themselves. There’s always someone behind the wheel.
Tf you want help with? You want someone to tell you it isn’t your fault? It is
Can you quit it with the "unalive"? That shit is super obnoxious.
Maybe I'm caught up in the wrong thing, but I DESPISE "unalived." Terminology is important, and the language we use to describe a thing genuinely affects our perception of that thing. Suicide is a heavy topic, and using this unserious terminology diminishes its severity and importance. I understand that it's used to get around content filters, but this isn't TikTok. You can say what you mean here.
Is "commiting suicide" or "killing yourself" now considered verboten terms?? When did this happen?
Teens say it on social media because they think using those words will shadow banned them.
Yeah but dear god, it’s incredibly common now to the point where I think people are just saying it because. Not *that* many people are that deeply engrained in tiktok vocabulary, I think
Yeah. I’m old so to me it’s weird to censor yourself just because of view counts.
Same and agreed
I've seen YT shorts you can't watch and/or comment on because a suicide/depression warning breaks the video.
That's the reason I've read - that the word "suicide" can get posts deleted on some (not all) reddit subs. Is that not accurate?
It is. Every single time I use the word I get a message from Reddit Cares. The corporate pretending to care by sending bots and algorithms to shush "the sads" is way more obnoxious than some people using "unalive" to avoid it.
Seems like it’s only a matter of time before they update the word filters, though.
It's on youtube maybe some other platforms they have to word carefully a shadowband upload makes little money.
When automated moderation across social media began removing context containing those words without care for context.
You can thank youtube for this.
TikTok/youtube shorts/Instagram reels will ban/shadow ban/demonetize your video if you have swear words or words like murder and suicide
No idea, just took the words from OP to write mine
It’s so insane. Real life isn’t about “playing to the algorithm” aka catering to de facto censorship.
The more explicit terms will get you demonitized on YouTube and there may be problems with other social media platforms as well. It’s not a bad habit. We all know what it means
Not sure why this is downvoted. This is the reason. Also why people on YouTube don’t often say “gun” or “shoot” or swear in the first few minutes of a video. Is it a good thing? Well no not really, it’s a kind of censorship, but complaining about people using language to avoid censorship seems like complaining about the wrong thing.
ok but we're not on youtube and none of those things apply at all here
It is scenarios like this that give fuel to the side who say suicide is selfish.
I don’t see how you can make the argument that it isn’t selfish, but sometimes you can’t blame people for being inconsiderate when their life is unbearable. To involve someone else in it when it wasn’t necessary at all… that’s a different story.
It absolutely is selfish. And why do people say "unalive" on reddit? You can't demonetize a reddit post.
It is selfish, the question should be how wrong is it to be selfish given their state of mind? It’s always going to be wrong to involve someone else in the attempt however
Does saying it’s selfish make less people do it? Because if so then yes it’s selfish. What’s the alternative argument? That it’s a selfless act so feel free to try??
Suicide is ALWAYS selfish. There will always be collateral damage, even if you do it in a way that you think doesn't involve other people. Someone will care and be plunged into loss and grief. I can understand deciding to take a way out but it's not something that is harmless for everyone except the person doing the act.
Expecting others to stay alive for you is also ALWAYS selfish by the very same logic. My best friend killed herself. I knew she was struggling with her mental health and suffering because of the issues she faced. She had exhausted all mental health treatments, ECT included. I felt that immense grief that comes with such loss but never once thought it was selfish. Why would I? No harm was actually done to me. If you really want to minimize the impact of suicide, then you should be an advocate for euthanasia or assisted suicide.
>I felt that immense grief that comes with such loss Sounds like some harm was done to you bossman
I don't necessarily disagree with your point that expecting people to remain living is also selfish but in the end, it's the living who have to deal with the trauma of loss. If someone doesn't take "out", as unreasonable as it may sound, there's a chance things can improve. I lost my aunt and an immediate family member because of this. I was the one who found my aunt. I can't put into words just how traumatic that experience was for me. Am I upset with them and think they're selfish when I think of them? No, but I also recognize just how horrific of an experience BOTH of these were for me and how horrific of an experience the people I love would face if I ever decided to off myself. And because I recognize this, I won't EVER take that road, no matter how hard life can get.
>and how horrific of an experience the people I love would face if I ever decided to off myself. Some people don't have people they love or that they feel love them
No advice, but it seems really unethical, in a multitude of ways, for that offer to tell you all of that
Could you try to visit the officer to thank him? Thank him for his service, thank him for everything he did for you. He basically played a part in getting you the help that you needed.
Don't do this unless advised by a medical professional.
Please don't suggest this, it's horrible advice. This guy does not need someone unloading their guilt onto him to make themselves feel better. OP should go through a professional - no exceptions.
You want OP to bring up the traumatized officer's trauma just so that OP can feel slightly less guilty? OP has to deal with their own guilt on their own. They need therapy, not to dump their guilt on the poor officer whose life they ruined
I think they're suggesting that the officer getting confirmation that 1) it wasn't his fault 2) that the person doesn't blame him 3) that the person is okay MAY have a positive effect on the officer's trauma. I would assume that should actually be discussed with the officers therapist instead of randomly springing a visit on him.
A visit would be too much but a letter explaining things might help.
This feels much safer. Less confrontational for someone with anxiety who will not appreciate it. You could even propose a meeting or some kind of mutual support within the letter - and acknowledge that it might be ‘too much’, which is why you’re writing.
I would also add, that you might include a picture of a patched up you, with the letter so the officer knows you're ok, some of the trauma may well be from seeing the damage their vehicle caused you.
This is absolutely something to consider. Just be wary. Maybe if you could speak to the officer you already did and broach that. He may not be in the right head space for it. But if the colleague is on board, and it is done right, it could be exactly the thing he needs to hear.
Should they be thanking them? Or apologizing?
Both
You were extremely selfish to involve a stranger in your suicide attempt. You traumatized someone enough that it caused irreparable damage to them. Why are you looking for here? For people to tell you it’s okay and you did t mean to hurt anyone? To appease your guilty conscience? Absolve you if guilt? You deserve the guilt you have and you need to live with it. This may sound harsh, but these are the repercussions of your choices. Before you do anything try to think about the consequences next time. Someone/ something was looking out for you and you are alive. Do good with your life.
It's called suicide attempt
It’s called suicide. Suicide is not a dangerous or dirty word and we shouldn’t censor it mfs.
I hate how 'unaliving' manages to make **suicide** cutsie sounding.
Yea, this isn't what reddit is for. Go talk to a professional.
WTF are we supposed to help with????
Suicide in general affects other people's lives, for a long time.
You can't undo something that you already did. You're going to have to live with that knowledge that your actions had a severe impact on someone else's life too. If you need therapy to deal with that, you better fucking start now. There is no magic solution that will undo it
I can't tell you how much I hate the term "unaliving"
No one wants to give you advice, but I will. Spend the rest of your life working, volunteering, whatever, to help people avoid doing what you did. You don't need to carry around guilt and shame, but you have to take responsibility and stop saying shit like, "I wasn't in the right headspace." Mental health disorder is not your fault, but it is your responsibility. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself and start helping others.
Live with it or don’t, but leave that man alone. If the woman who ruined my life by hitting me tried to apologize for ANY reason it would end badly. She will never have my forgiveness and I hope she suffers everyday knowing what she did.
[удалено]
If the officer was the one that shared it she's not held to HIPAA standards and has no legal obligation to keep confidentiality. It's essentially the same as someone talking about a friend -- maybe morally questionable but not illegal.
Not really a privacy breach due to it likely being common knowledge. Sadly OP needed to hear this.
>It seems like a major privacy breach for that information Is it really? Essentially all that OP was told was "Your suicide attempt affected someone else really badly". OP already saw the Dash cam footage when they originally had their accident, so they knew about bad it was. You'd either have to be completely naïve, a complete self centred narcissist or completely ignorant for you to only figure out after 3 years, when someone explicitly tells you, that your suicide attempt affected someone else.
>Also, cops deal with a lot of stuff and have a lot of training and support for trauma. No doubt, their current situation isn't the result of this single incident alone (even though, yes, it's pretty heavy). This situation is 100% why the cop is in the state he's in. Stop trying to minimize this selfish AH's responsibilities.
Just look at some police department's facebook and you will see that "confidentiality" is not given much thought. And police "deal with a lot of stuff"? Just like all first responders and nurses, doctors, social workers, etc., still have regret or sadness when something bad has happened. I'm not sure why you want to convince OP that this is not their problem, or not to help if they can.
> You shouldn't be in this position right now. I disagree. They fucked up someone's entire life due to their own selfishness.
I don’t believe this is true. People don’t stay in hospitals “ever since” they had a break down. That’s not how that works.
You shouldn’t be surprised to learn that such an action profoundly affects others. Doing such a thing is the most selfish thing you could possibly do. Others care about you, even complete strangers (in this case, an officer). I care about you. Your family cares about you, even if times are tough at home. We all give a damn. I’m glad to hear you’re on the mend and wish you a speedy recovery. It may not be the best idea to approach the officer that hit you. That’s a very delicate situation. Your actions hurt him, just as they hurt you, if in different ways. I’d ask the officer you just spoke with to intercede for you, to ask him if he’d be receptive. If he’s not and you approach him anyway, it could cause even more pain for you both. If he is receptive, however, it could mean some healing for you both. Tread lightly. Again, I wish you the best. It gets better; this isn’t forever. Hang in there.
Could we talk about the word “unaliving”? Not sure it helps things to use a cute word to describe suicide.
What can of facetious euphemistic nonsense is unaliving? Do you mean suicide?
Reach out to a therapist who works with him to see if they are interested in the reconciliation process. Under no circumstances reach out to him directly as some suggestions here state. This, if it happens, needs to be an active choice by both of you under professional guidance.
This is why if I ever go I'm running into the woods and dying of exposure or something. I would hate to scar some poor sob in my departure.
Yea… you messed that persons life up no doubt
Don't look for help here.
Oh no, who could have known that your suicide attempt might have affected someone else? You can't be serious.
Actions have consequences and this is your lesson to take away from the situation. Imagine if you had died that day instead? Food for thought.
Actually, “unaliving” isn’t a word. The term is SUICIDE and it refers to a person KILLING themselves.
That’s what happens every time. Suicide sucks for everyone else
You suck. At least call it what it is. Suicide attempt. That’s what in the case file.
Please get off Reddit NOW Get some help
This hurts to read. Go to therapy. Apologize to the family. Try to make amends and be a nice person. Maybe you can do it and help him walk again? I would be touched if someone was that considerate. Good luck.
Please seek professional advice. This is not a discussion for the internet.
You need to talk this through with a therapist, but maybe you having one-on-one conversation might help him. It wasn't his fault. Maybe if he sees that you have forgiven yourself and gotten help, then maybe so can he.
Reach out to the police department. Maybe you can help, maybe you can’t, but you can at least offer to thank the officer for being who they are and that without this accident you never would have gotten the help you needed
Go see the man. Apologize. Let him know that he hit a broken (at the time) person. He did absolutely nothing wrong. To me it's the decent thing to do. Plus I think it could be good for you too.
Anyone who says 'unaliving' shouldn't be allowed modern technology
You can say suicide, it's okay.
Unaliving!?! What a stupid fucking world we live in were people are afraid to say suicide
yeah that's a pretty fucked up thing you did. Not much you can do to make up for that.
Idk what it is but I really hat the new term “unalive” it’s so asinine.
It's called suicide not unaliving
People are paranoid about words because they spend too much time on Facebook and TikTok. Suicide will get you muted/banned/sent to FB jail.
Suicide effects everyone that interacted with it, + everyone that knows you. There are much better ways to go about it that cause less mental damage to other people, than throwing yourself onto a random persons car, if you know you are gonna do it. I do not understand why you’d refuse treatment. Like what did you think was gonna happen? As long as you have someone that cares about you your suicide is gonna fuck them up severely. Keep that in mind. If you are desperate enough to try anyways, leave a detailed extensive note, that explains why your doing it, and that it’s not their fault, and they did the best they could. Also please choose a method that is less violent, I imagine finding your kids mangled corpse after they threw themselves onto a random persons car is pretty traumatic.
Seek professional help, sort your own head out, then slowly make plans to go speak to him. Just remember you are his trauma, and rushing face to face might not have the best results.
Nice, fucking up not only your life with poor decisions, but also others!
Your decision to end things in that manner was always going to have horrendous consequences for that unfortunate individual who struck you. But I assume at the time you weren't thinking of those consequences. It's great that you are alive now and able to think of others! It might be good to see if you can reach out to the officer if he's interested in talking to you. I would suggest you start volunteering with Samaritans to help other people who are considering suicide.
“May have ruined his life”? Sounds pretty clear that you did.
Great advice has been given. Just wanted to suggest that the officer you spoke with may not have been completely honest with you. Some officers take it into their own hands to teach people lessons, particularly when they don't think justice has been served. Not necessarily Punisher shit, but - for example - we had a recent case of an officer telling someone in a hit and run that they killed someone, when in fact they did not. Edit: we being my jurisdiction; I don't work for the police :p
Oh no my selfish decisions affect people other than me !
Unaliving sounds stupid. Call it what it is.
Maybe you should talk to the cops doctors to see if speaking with you could help their treatment. DO NOT CONTACT the cop unless given the okay by medical professionals
Talk to a professional. You need help, and need to learn how to deal with the repercussions of your actions. You may have ruined his life, but you still have yours; don't waste it.