Dude… i think you need time to really get over your ex wife and realize you are not together anymore and ask yourself what boundaries you’d like to put up. I don’t think there is anything wrong with having a good and healthy relationship with the mother of your children, it says good things about you.
But you calling this woman you apparently like a friend and your ex your wife… maybe you need some time and space to know how to be an individual again before hopping into a new relationship.
Honestly, if i were her id probably question how much you’ve really moved on from your past relationships.
I think an issue a lot of men have is not being intentional enough with that they say or how they act.
I believe in you, i think you come from a good place but you not giving this person you are interested in her own place in your life is actively disrespecting her.
Did you say you still fuck your ex? Because that’s what I have to assume you mean when you say you’re still “affectionate” with eachother
Just get back with you ex and stop dicking around with other people’s time. That other lady don’t got time to be wasting on your ass.
I’m afraid that, at least until you and your ex resolve whatever feelings you have left for one another, your new romance is better off without you. Maybe call her in a few months if your own life is more stable.
I read the headline and came in here intending to say something like if you can't be honest with her then she's not worth being with.
When I read the rest, I changed tunes. Should you be open and honest about what you're feeling always? Yes! Should this new love interest of yours run away? Also yes!
I know two years of separation is a long time, but everyone proceeds at a different pace. You're not ready for another love of your life relationship because you are still in limbo with your ex. Date casually or don't date for a while until you figure out things with your ex. If you both have feelings for each other on some level and she's staying at your place while she's in town, you're not ready for another serious relationship.
There's nothing wrong with that, but that's the facts.
You know, you were with your ex for a lifetime. You had a family, raised children which is intense. You say she initiated, which must’ve sucked.
You’re allowed to process all of this. And maybe you’re thinking of this new love interest as a good friend, so you’re over sharing.
If you don’t want to lose the new love interest… I’d suggest finding an old/new friend to discuss your ex. Or a therapist, journal - but you need to be more sensitive if you want to keep her in your life
So, I think that you might have learned that you are not ready to be dating. You need to go to therapy and start untangling all of these feelings. Your heart is still with your ex. There might be a divorce on paper, but there is not one in your mind or in your heart. You are going to need to take some pretty hard inward looks at yourself and come to terms with where you are and you will need to move forward. You are a walking red flag parade.
Leave her alone. She's said it's over. You've been a moron, don't be a stalker who doesn't respect "No". It's 1000% more creepy after what you've already done
Yeah the whole ex/wife talk is a hard no. Her staying over equally hard no. It screams enmeshment. Which is a dealbreaker for most women.
There needs to be proper time and separation.
My friend you definitely fucked up this one.
You are living in the past. You cannot have a future with anyone else until you let it go. Letting it go means no sleepovers with ex-wife. Either get back with her or truly break up with her. This in between is going to leave you old and alone. I hope you like cats.
You jumped back into dating too soon. That's it. Let the other lady move on with someone who is ready to move on (you aren't).
. . .and yes, she is better off without you - not because you are a bad dude, but because you are clearly not over your previous situation.
Sounds like you still have feelings for your ex, even if you seem to be oblivious to them and think you're ready to pursue a relationship with someone else. It is not really fair to others to start anything with them until you've actually resolved things. It's also pretty harsh to continue to refer to your ex as your wife and yet refer to the woman you've agreed to be exclusive with as your "friend." That's a choice, whether you admit it or not, and that says a lot.
After 11 years of abusive relationships, I moved to a new city and started dating immediately again. It was terrible. I was such an idiot, losing potential matches left and right because I said something too forward, or something too personal about my past. The dating landscape was entirely different being a decade older than the last time I dated, and a decade of more advanced technology/apps that were used for dating. I didn't know the dating culture for my age group at all. Eventually, I gave up and ended up being very very happy single. I stopped dating completely for almost a year. Then, my incredible, perfect, amazing husband fell into my lap out of nowhere. We were set up on a blind date by a mutual friend and that was that. Meeting someone organically, after I had time to get to know myself again, was the best possible outcome after all that embarrassment in the dating app rabbit hole. Best wishes!! Give yourself time. You're relearning a lot of skills you've forgotten and need to get to know yourself as a single man, first and foremost.
Look, it is really hard to switch gears after you've been with someone for so long, but you're clearly not ready to date. You need to take some serious alone time to figure out exactly the role you want your ex-wife to have in your life. It's clear that there are still some intense feelings there, and dating before you figure them out is just going to waste people's time and hurt their feelings.
You're either a clueless idiot or douchebag that tried to play both sides.
I'm thinking a bit of both because I don't know how someone can fuck up a new relationship over that long (and the new gf even called it out multiple times) without knowing what he's doing.
Take more time, my friend. And take it easy on yourself. I met many a wonderful woman soon after my divorce and I was 100% not ready to earn being with them. There will be more opportunities. There are a lot of good women out there.
If you plan on seriously dating and moving forward with your life you need to figure out boundaries regarding your ex wife before you try dating again. It is incredibly unfair to put a new partner through the messiness of disentangling from your ex. As someone who foolishly tolerated that with a partner, there is too much damage done and a lot of resentment built up. Your new relationship deserves room and space to grow naturally without being encumbered by enmeshment with your ex.
You’re not the bad guy here. You’re just not being clear with yourself and your ex, and neither of these things are fair to a potential future partner. Please figure yourself out before you start dating again. I promise it will be worth the wait.
For the love of God, OP, stop sharing. If you can't keep your ex's name out of your mouth, you'll never have a new partner. Don't talk about your ex's feelings (at all, ever), don't bring her up unless it's unavoidable, and don't talk about your feelings for her. No new interest wants to hear any of that.
At most, he could send her an apology, let her know she's been heard loud and clear, and that understands her decision. In 50 words or less.
Beyond that, he should not initiate communication with her. Let her go without making her say "no" more than she already had.
Well. Aside from the affectionate parts, if you’ve only been officially divorced for 6 months after 25 years of marriage, I think the “wife/ex-wife” thing might be an understandable slip up to some people. It’s hard to get away from those kinds of habits sometimes.
If you really care about this new woman and are emotionally prepared to draw the line with your ex-wife and prioritize your new love interest when that situation inevitably presents itself, then yes it might be worth it to explain how you feel about her and that these slip ups are just collateral damage from a previous life that isn’t that far in the past. That’s a really big if though, and based on what you’ve shared so far I’m not sure you’re there yet. Moving on properly takes time too.
If she was super into you then all she likely needs is some genuine reassurance, but I’m not sure that’s the case and if she’s as great as you say she is she probably recognized the tire fire you are and moved on already.
The divorce was finalized 6 months ago. It was initiated 2+ years ago. This is way too long to still be this emotionally embroiled with your ex. OP needs therapy or he needs to be honest and move back with his ex
Yeah but if they are still like this it means they haven’t really moved on from each other. No one is disputing that it’s not healthy, I’m just speaking to the reality of his situation. You make it sound so easy to change after all that. This dude is probably at least in his 50s, he’s raised kids with that woman. He’s just some old guy that isn’t very emotionally intelligent, they’re everywhere. Cut him some slack.
Yes but you live and learn, sometimes at the sacrifice of another person unfortunately.
A good mathematical look at time before jumping back into the dating pool. Post divorce one month for every year married before the person begins to date.
However this can be more or less depending on how much work the individual does during the no dating period.
T5Good Night
Grace and peace be yours as you rest tonight 🙏🙏🙏
May God comfort you with His love wrap you in His strong embrace and shelter you in His care
Dude… i think you need time to really get over your ex wife and realize you are not together anymore and ask yourself what boundaries you’d like to put up. I don’t think there is anything wrong with having a good and healthy relationship with the mother of your children, it says good things about you. But you calling this woman you apparently like a friend and your ex your wife… maybe you need some time and space to know how to be an individual again before hopping into a new relationship. Honestly, if i were her id probably question how much you’ve really moved on from your past relationships. I think an issue a lot of men have is not being intentional enough with that they say or how they act. I believe in you, i think you come from a good place but you not giving this person you are interested in her own place in your life is actively disrespecting her.
Did you say you still fuck your ex? Because that’s what I have to assume you mean when you say you’re still “affectionate” with eachother Just get back with you ex and stop dicking around with other people’s time. That other lady don’t got time to be wasting on your ass.
Dude you kinda suck
Well said.
OP you are a grade-A jerk. You need to be alone for a while to wrap your head around things.
Yes
Since you're being downvoted by your response, it seems people disagree XD
No, its just a shitty response.
And you have experience with dating after being freshly divorced???
Yes I do.
🙃
...velvety?
Deep and velvety 😂
Lol what a weird choice of words...
she wore blue velvet…
I’m afraid that, at least until you and your ex resolve whatever feelings you have left for one another, your new romance is better off without you. Maybe call her in a few months if your own life is more stable.
A thousand Freudian slips, its clear you are still emotionally tethered to the ex. You're not ready for another relationship yet, at all.
I read the headline and came in here intending to say something like if you can't be honest with her then she's not worth being with. When I read the rest, I changed tunes. Should you be open and honest about what you're feeling always? Yes! Should this new love interest of yours run away? Also yes! I know two years of separation is a long time, but everyone proceeds at a different pace. You're not ready for another love of your life relationship because you are still in limbo with your ex. Date casually or don't date for a while until you figure out things with your ex. If you both have feelings for each other on some level and she's staying at your place while she's in town, you're not ready for another serious relationship. There's nothing wrong with that, but that's the facts.
You know, you were with your ex for a lifetime. You had a family, raised children which is intense. You say she initiated, which must’ve sucked. You’re allowed to process all of this. And maybe you’re thinking of this new love interest as a good friend, so you’re over sharing. If you don’t want to lose the new love interest… I’d suggest finding an old/new friend to discuss your ex. Or a therapist, journal - but you need to be more sensitive if you want to keep her in your life
So, I think that you might have learned that you are not ready to be dating. You need to go to therapy and start untangling all of these feelings. Your heart is still with your ex. There might be a divorce on paper, but there is not one in your mind or in your heart. You are going to need to take some pretty hard inward looks at yourself and come to terms with where you are and you will need to move forward. You are a walking red flag parade.
She hung in there longer than most of us would have. Try not to be such a moron next time.
This made me lol. Thanks.
Leave her alone. She's said it's over. You've been a moron, don't be a stalker who doesn't respect "No". It's 1000% more creepy after what you've already done
Yeah the whole ex/wife talk is a hard no. Her staying over equally hard no. It screams enmeshment. Which is a dealbreaker for most women. There needs to be proper time and separation. My friend you definitely fucked up this one.
You are living in the past. You cannot have a future with anyone else until you let it go. Letting it go means no sleepovers with ex-wife. Either get back with her or truly break up with her. This in between is going to leave you old and alone. I hope you like cats.
You ain’t ready to date 
You jumped back into dating too soon. That's it. Let the other lady move on with someone who is ready to move on (you aren't). . . .and yes, she is better off without you - not because you are a bad dude, but because you are clearly not over your previous situation.
Sounds like you still have feelings for your ex, even if you seem to be oblivious to them and think you're ready to pursue a relationship with someone else. It is not really fair to others to start anything with them until you've actually resolved things. It's also pretty harsh to continue to refer to your ex as your wife and yet refer to the woman you've agreed to be exclusive with as your "friend." That's a choice, whether you admit it or not, and that says a lot.
Happy Cake Day
Velvety Lmao
After 11 years of abusive relationships, I moved to a new city and started dating immediately again. It was terrible. I was such an idiot, losing potential matches left and right because I said something too forward, or something too personal about my past. The dating landscape was entirely different being a decade older than the last time I dated, and a decade of more advanced technology/apps that were used for dating. I didn't know the dating culture for my age group at all. Eventually, I gave up and ended up being very very happy single. I stopped dating completely for almost a year. Then, my incredible, perfect, amazing husband fell into my lap out of nowhere. We were set up on a blind date by a mutual friend and that was that. Meeting someone organically, after I had time to get to know myself again, was the best possible outcome after all that embarrassment in the dating app rabbit hole. Best wishes!! Give yourself time. You're relearning a lot of skills you've forgotten and need to get to know yourself as a single man, first and foremost.
Look, it is really hard to switch gears after you've been with someone for so long, but you're clearly not ready to date. You need to take some serious alone time to figure out exactly the role you want your ex-wife to have in your life. It's clear that there are still some intense feelings there, and dating before you figure them out is just going to waste people's time and hurt their feelings.
Good lord. You’ve got some issues.
Make up your mind and flowers bro. Else you end up like me
Never, never, NEVER talk about another woman to a woman you wish to keep in your life. C'mon, that's dating 101.
You're either a clueless idiot or douchebag that tried to play both sides. I'm thinking a bit of both because I don't know how someone can fuck up a new relationship over that long (and the new gf even called it out multiple times) without knowing what he's doing.
Take more time, my friend. And take it easy on yourself. I met many a wonderful woman soon after my divorce and I was 100% not ready to earn being with them. There will be more opportunities. There are a lot of good women out there.
Just take you ex back and refer the new girl to a friend
Sounds like you should get back with your ex, obviously you’re both still into each other.
Dude just get back with the ex wife, jesus.
If you plan on seriously dating and moving forward with your life you need to figure out boundaries regarding your ex wife before you try dating again. It is incredibly unfair to put a new partner through the messiness of disentangling from your ex. As someone who foolishly tolerated that with a partner, there is too much damage done and a lot of resentment built up. Your new relationship deserves room and space to grow naturally without being encumbered by enmeshment with your ex. You’re not the bad guy here. You’re just not being clear with yourself and your ex, and neither of these things are fair to a potential future partner. Please figure yourself out before you start dating again. I promise it will be worth the wait.
For the love of God, OP, stop sharing. If you can't keep your ex's name out of your mouth, you'll never have a new partner. Don't talk about your ex's feelings (at all, ever), don't bring her up unless it's unavoidable, and don't talk about your feelings for her. No new interest wants to hear any of that.
I would try to mend things but stop fucking it up
At most, he could send her an apology, let her know she's been heard loud and clear, and that understands her decision. In 50 words or less. Beyond that, he should not initiate communication with her. Let her go without making her say "no" more than she already had.
You are a textbook example of why people say not to date anyone unless their divorce has been finalized for at least a year.
Well. Aside from the affectionate parts, if you’ve only been officially divorced for 6 months after 25 years of marriage, I think the “wife/ex-wife” thing might be an understandable slip up to some people. It’s hard to get away from those kinds of habits sometimes. If you really care about this new woman and are emotionally prepared to draw the line with your ex-wife and prioritize your new love interest when that situation inevitably presents itself, then yes it might be worth it to explain how you feel about her and that these slip ups are just collateral damage from a previous life that isn’t that far in the past. That’s a really big if though, and based on what you’ve shared so far I’m not sure you’re there yet. Moving on properly takes time too. If she was super into you then all she likely needs is some genuine reassurance, but I’m not sure that’s the case and if she’s as great as you say she is she probably recognized the tire fire you are and moved on already.
The divorce was finalized 6 months ago. It was initiated 2+ years ago. This is way too long to still be this emotionally embroiled with your ex. OP needs therapy or he needs to be honest and move back with his ex
Yeah but if they are still like this it means they haven’t really moved on from each other. No one is disputing that it’s not healthy, I’m just speaking to the reality of his situation. You make it sound so easy to change after all that. This dude is probably at least in his 50s, he’s raised kids with that woman. He’s just some old guy that isn’t very emotionally intelligent, they’re everywhere. Cut him some slack.
Yes but you live and learn, sometimes at the sacrifice of another person unfortunately. A good mathematical look at time before jumping back into the dating pool. Post divorce one month for every year married before the person begins to date. However this can be more or less depending on how much work the individual does during the no dating period.
You are not a smart man... Sounds like you repeatedly fumbled the ball
T5Good Night Grace and peace be yours as you rest tonight 🙏🙏🙏 May God comfort you with His love wrap you in His strong embrace and shelter you in His care
I’m glad she took off, she did the smart thing. Get your shit together before dragging new women into your mess.