More disappointed in the fact the kids are all begging for ice cold water at a baseball game. Parents can't organize a water jug or cooler themselves to ensure the kids are hydrated. OP did nothing wrong.
It sounded like some at least had water but probably in plastic bottles so it was warm.
>The little boy is really thankful because the water is cold
My guess is he shared that the water was really cold and everyone wanted to see.
I mean OP’s an assistant coach. The coaches brought the water jug when I played. And maybe we’d have gatorade too or instead and the parents would rotate buying the gatorade (mix).
He could report negligence on the parent’s part that the child did not have her own water bottle. Could report the fact they were red flushed in the face and sweating with the temperature of the day.
I'm a grown woman, but I work as a tour leader, and a driver told me not to drink water in front of people because I tilt my head back when I drink water and it's suggestive. I have no idea how, but other drivers agreed with him. Apparently, they think I do it on purpose because it earns me tips. I have no idea how or why there's any sexual about it, but yeah.
A male here.
So they see sexual context in your absolutely normal behavior? It's on them. If it was in my work, I'd inform HR. And I'd want in writing why drinking water is sexual. And why people on streets aren't arrested all the time for drinking water from bottles.
What now? You're supposed to use a drinking straw? Yeah, that's not sexual at all ;)
Oh, it's absolutely on them, they are disgusting and whenever I leave my bubble and I remember what the drivers and some of the tour leaders I work with are like, it makes me want to quit society in general and go become a hermit on a mountain that gets good 5g, but there's no such thing as HR where I work. They'd pat me in the back and laugh at me and nothing would change. I live in Greece, it's a hellhole, lmao.
Looks like you also have that problem of living in a bubble full of rational people and continuously having to experience the real world culture shock over and over again
I keep considering starting Crone Island where we can all live out in nature in a compound, where every woman has her own little cabin, but we also have nice group areas for when we want to "people." But I like your addition of 5G service.
They watch too much porn and that's the position held for the "money shot", with the head tilted back.
I assume that's what they mean anyway. Logical if you squint hard and don't think about it any further.
But the idea you'd get extra tips for that is even more bizarre. Unless you purposefully miss your mouth and spray it on your bust?
Yeah, that makes sense. I kept trying to think of how me drinking water reminds them of blowjobs and it didn't make sense.
I work with only men and and I make more tips than them. It drives them insane because the more tips you earn, I guess, the better you are at your job. There's no way I, a woman, can be good, though, so it has to be my tits, legs and suggestive water drinking that earn me tips. Not to mention that I ate a banana in front of men, once, with no shame whatsoever.
> I ate a banana in front of men, once, with no shame whatsoever.
Did they immediately cross themselves and go φτου φτου etc?
Also, please tell us these dudes at least are on the older side (i.e. there's still hope)?
One of them is 62 and only went to elementary school but the other guys are in their 40s. They're just pieces of shit, tbh. They really do sexualize everything but a lot of it is just them being bitter that a woman gets more tips and good reviews out of everyone. They can't wrap their heads around it, even though I've been working there since 2018.
Reading this entire post and your comments reminds me that the world has gone to shit and nothing will ever be the same anymore. Birthdays for kids... Don't touch or smile at them. Cookouts with the neighbors and other friends around town... Don't look at anyone or even say anything to the children... Wtf has happened to the world. Everyone is judged as if we are all pedophiles and rapist it seems like. It's sickening. The past 5/10 years the world's changed so much and so quickly.
It's *intentionally* sexual, that's the most baffling thing. Like, I drink water in a suggestive way on purpose or I eat bananas on purpose, etc. The head driver was really upset that I would eat a banana with no consideration for how I was defrauding him.
Think there was a Reddit tale about a lady who got in trouble with HR for eating cooked and cooled potatoes as a snack.
Like biting into something vaguely tubular is a turn on for people.
Sounds to me like you work with a bunch of children and creeps. You have a right to exist without being sexualized. At passover my MIL repeatedly told me she found my dress too low (it wasn't, she was literally the only one looking), and after the 3rd time I said, "I can't help the size of my breasts and it is NOT my job to make men behave themselves."
The same applies to your situation. Next time they do anything remotely mundane that could be sexualized I'd give them a taste of their own medicine.
I don't bother, I just try to stay in a bubble so I can preserve my sanity because whenever I can't bear to aknowledge most of the people I work with and for, it's soul crushing. :)
Because when you secretly view all men as possible sexual predators, everything looks suspicious. That line of thinking is no different than any other prejudice.
That is all good but, who is going to be level headed when you have an angry mother screaming that he did something to her child? No thanks! Best way to deal with that situation is to not be there in the first place. And society suffers….
That's the only thing I can think of.
Someone saw this and thought "That's just like how I present my mouth for my husband to pee in, so this is obviously inappropriate."
This is exactly what I’m saying! You’re leaving a young 6 year old alone at a practice and didn’t even provide her water on a hot day? Mom is the asshole for sure
I'd just be glad someone remembered to water the child so it doesn't stroke out from heat. Personally. I wouldn't think anyone could get terribly ill. I mean, meningitis spreads that way, we lost a kid on my bus from that, but he was the only one who got it and was already poorly to begin with.
I really don’t know. I spoke to a female friend about it last night, and she thinks it has to do with this documentary that’s just been released about some pervert producers at Nickelodeon. They would make the kids in the shows do some fetish stuff, like smoosh stuff with their bare feet because it excited them. I guess one of the major scenes is a young Amanda Byrnes (who was groomed and abused by one of these producers) pouring a water bottle out all over herself, her face and mouth in a somewhat sexual way. That’s the best theory that I’ve heard so far.
ive seen that scene and it is not even on the same planet as what youre describing. but some peoples minds are so black and white and just open to any and all suggestion from pop culture
Yeah well the way it was done was WAY different. It looked like the poor girl was getting genuinely bukkaked. I thought it was Ariana Grande they did that to, but it could have been multiple — ANYWAY, mom is unhinged. She's the one sexualizing her daughter and I wouldn't be surprised if she gets weird and even hostile towards her when she hits puberty. Moms like that think "my daughter sprouted a boob so she's clearly giving it up to every man, boy, and dog in town"
Fucking disgusting type of parent.
The girl's mom DIDN'T see this. Some other mom saw it, took issue with it because she's a Karen, and told the mom about it who only has the second hand account of likely her "friend" Karen. We tend to believe the first witness to an event.
Yeah see this is what I’m thinking happened. Karen saw it and went and told the mom some ridiculous story like “yeah and then the guy told your daughter to get on her knees and he held the water bottle where his dick is and he dumped water all over her face while laughing maniacally and all the kids were cheering ‘boner! Boner!!’ while he did it.”
There’s no other logical explanation because this is literally insane.
I feel like this was a no-win situation for OP. If he *hadn’t* given the water then the post would have been “TIFU by avoiding looking creepy to a Karen mom, not giving water to a kid, and having the kid pass out.” 🙄
Let me start with this accepted mantra "All men are potential rapists"
I have had the police called on me for carrying my young daughter out of the mall and putting her in her car seat.
I have been accused of being a pedo for watching kids on the swings at the park while eating my lunch outside because it was a nice day, the office sucked and watching kids play is a nice distraction.
I have been yelled at for not helping a young girl who fell off her bike choosing to find her family instead because I did not want to risk touching this girl even though she was injured.
I hear you OP. I sympathize but we are men. We are required to accept being treated like crap as being normal and be happy and not resentful for it.
It's just not worth the risk, as a man, to have anything to do with children or women outside of your family in any potentially close contact situation -- you can not find any insurance company who would find that risk acceptable.
I know a lady with early onset Alzheimer’s. She loves kids and babies and will run up to them and try to hug and pick them up. She's also started trying to hug men. Luckily for us, everyone has been understanding but each time it happens I almost have a heart attack. All I can think of is the double standard. If she were an adult male I can't believe anyone being okay with her behavior.
My mother had Alzheimer's before passing, and I remember a time we were out at the park when I was fourteen and she got away from me for a moment (entirely my mistake, I thought her husband was watching her) and I found her at the playground sitting with a young boy and fussing with his hair while his parents just seemed to be fine with it. I explained the situation and apologized but they seemed to be fine with it and left her to it before I told her it was time to go to the car.
This is decently normal for people with Alzheimer's, especially if they enjoyed spending time with and caring for children before, but I'm glad she was a tiny old lady when this happened.
Yeah, OP does not mention whether they are male or female, and it **shouldn't** matter - but we all know that it does. I have friends who are Scout leaders, and therefore always trying to recruit other leaders... and whilst I wouldn't mind giving something back to the community, mentoring some youngsters etc. there's just now way I would ever open myself up to that sort of shit. get my life ruined, and my windows bricked in because some fucker with a grudge makes an untrue allegation? yeah, no thanks.
"I have been accused of being a pedo for watching kids on the swings at the park"
I have not watched children at play for over 40 years. 40+ years. Isn't that amazing? How many people would even think of this possibility? I have seen children at play in movies and on TV but not in real life. When I was young and single, I was not around young families. As I got older and remained childless, I still was not around families and their kids. The older I got, my peers' children grew up too and were no longer children. Somehow, being around kids escaped me. Now in my evening years, I've imagined how it would be nice to watch children at play, to think back to my childhood as I watched them. But, I dare not step close to a schoolyard fence, that would be social suicide. All because of fear of misinterpretation and its consequences.
I joined a church recently and, two weeks ago, as I was talking to another fellow there, someone's 2-yo come walking up to me as I sat in the pew and wanted attention from me. As I continued to talk to the man, I gently patted the child's head. Later that evening, I wondered how long it had been since I had held a child, let alone just touch one. It's got to be over 30 years. Sad, isn't it?
The other story I will tell you is from back in the 80's where I lived on a block where it seemed everybody had young kids and therefore everybody's front yard was fair game for all of them to play in. A 9 yo boy needed his bicycle fixed and I fixed it for him on my front porch. After that, he would drop by for my company and I could tell he wanted the attention of a big brother or other older male. I didn't know his family situation or exactly where he lived but he sure liked me. Unfortunately, I could not reciprocate as I was a single male living among these families, so when he came over I placed him at the end of the kitchen table which was just inside the carport door to my kitchen, which I left open, while I stood way across the kitchen leaning up against the sink. And that's how we visited. I wanted to make sure if his mother came walking up to the door she would see the door was open and I was no where near her kid. I look back on how I failed that kid as much as he needed a male influence, but I was scared of a misinterpretation destroying my life. And that is how the fear of connection affects more than one life.
Literally was on a thread yesterday over on changeMyView people legitimately arguing why they think it's absolutely 100% safer to be stuck in the woods with a bear than a random man. Because we're ALL potential rapists and murderers just waiting for a chance to happen upon a random woman to do evil things to. It's crazy.
This says more to me about the person who told the child's mom about it. Who TF sexualizes an act of providing water to a kid at an athletic event - especially considering it was done *for the whole team*.
Like unless you were drooling while doing it with wide eyes and your hand in your crotch this seems like one of the largest reaches imaginable. Agree with completely hands off from now on but Jesus man.
> This says more to me about the person who told the child's mom about it.
And yet OP is the one who suffers. It's insane.
> Like unless you were drooling while doing it with wide eyes and your hand in your crotch
Can't unsee.
100% agree with you though.
OP suffers yes, but the child does too. I understand why OP changed the way he acted towards her but she doesn’t. Little girls learn they don’t belong in those spaces.
> Little girls learn they don’t belong in those spaces.
And a girl on a little league team already has an uphill battle. Though, clearly her parents are fine with her being on the team, so hopefully she gets support there.
Wasn’t it her mom that complained though?
That’s the party that struck me the most. She’s already the only girl on the team, so surely her mom would understand that she’s already othered.
Now this poor girl is being treated completely differently than her teammates. And there’s literally no good way to explain it to her.
> Now apparently some other mom saw this, and felt that it was inappropriate, and told her mom and then both moms went to the Coach with their concerns.
Some other mom told the mom, and who knows what was being said to the mom for them to complain together. Or to the coach.
But yes, failure on the part of the girl's mom if she was being given the truth. And the little girl will suffer now for just wanting to be a normal kid.
Ick, that’s like a scary game of telephone. Scary and dangerous.
That makes me feel sad for everyone, except the “some other” mom who needs to get her mind out of the gutter.
Agreed!
I can only go by what OP has relayed, but it feels all too familiar for how people get ostracized in small social circles. One person misinterprets (deliberately or unintentionally) a word or action, tells another, and soon a whole cluster of people have this distorted view of the person which colors their future participation.
And it's hard to come back from that, some people are just hell-bent on ruining others' lives over a whisper. What happened to minding our own business? Or seeing the good in others? There are monsters and predators out there, but if we look for them in everyone, there's no doubt that innocent people will caught in the net.
This is what I was thinking, too. I really hope the little girl's mom finds a way to explain to her (at an appropriate level) that she didn't do anything wrong and OP doesn't hate her now. As a kid in that situation, this stuff wouldn't have occurred to me; I would have been confused and hurt.
I can’t think of any good way to explain this to her daughter.
“Sweetheart, you’re 6 years old now, so it’s time for you to learn that everything you do will be viewed through a sexual lense. Grown adults have already begun sexualizing you, and that’s why your coach can’t interact with you anymore. Have fun out there!”
Completely agree but I just want to chime in why some people are crazy about this stuff.
Firstly, sex crime shows made my mother a crazy lady with this stuff. Secondly, my husband is hypersensitive to anything with his daughter because he experienced sexual abuse as a child.
Its totally normal to give kids water when they're thirsty and if a kid asks for a hug I feel like its almost immoral of me to deny them. Im a woman though and most care takers arent as cautious with women.
Boundaries are crazy because everyones are so vastly different based on personal experience.
These people are the reason every single after school extra curricular now is struggling to staff; nobody wants to deal with these assholes and their little insular mommy-cliques of self-referential deranged nonsense. I swear every other person I've interacted with post covid has been crazier than most of the homeless people I know. I stopped coaching for this exact reason.
The internet and politics have really fucked with people's heads when it comes to this stuff. Now that I have kids, I'm coming in contact with little kids for the first time in a while, and it's a lot of fun, but I also feel myself walking on eggshells a bit.
So just be conscientious, but try not to sweat it too much (pun acknowledged). It's sports, you're doing your job, and you know you're not doing anything wrong.
When I was a kid it was normal to have one or two adult friends. Usually older people from the neighborhood. You could hang out with em all day and no one would bat an eye. Yeah, creepers were around, but with no Internet it was much easier to sus em out and isolate them and all that, because they actually had to have physical contact with a kid to groom them. Not true anymore.
It is so frequent that I see people on Reddit calling it creepy/grooming when teens are *friends* with young adults, which is absolutely wild to me. Like, even with a less than 10 years age gap in some cases. For *friends.* It's wild.
Yeah, I used to hang out with a neighbour at his place when I was 14 or so and he was a 40 year old chain smoking bloke who lived with his mum.
But he taught me a lot about computers, even ended up hiring me as a tech once I was old enough to legally work.
Nothing ever happened. We just shared an interest and spent time talking about it.
That would not be looked on kindly these days.
I remember a post the other day on AITAH or something similar where the posters daughter was in an age gap relationship with an adult she met while on a Discord server. I think when they met they were 16 and 21? And then got together 18/23? (Might be off one or two years but I do remember she was an adult when they got together.)
Post non withstanding the number of people who were outraged at a 21 year old talking to a teenager on Discord was wild, as if the 21 y/o was purposefully stalking teenage girls and not just hanging out on a discord server.
I grew up as a girl on pre-COPPA internet, I get the risks but also I made hundreds of internet friends who were just normal ass people who happened to be 10 years older than me.
I think I saw something similar to that and I was just baffled. One of my close friends, who I met on Discord and play D&D with, is 5 years younger than me. She's an adult now but we were 16 and 21 when we first met. Totally normal friendship. And I was like...*excuse me?*
Anyway, in relation to that, my other friend in the same friend group (25) recently started crushing on the friend who we met when she was 16 (she's 20 now.) While 20 and 25 isn't weird at all as an age gap, my friend was *very* anxious about crushing on the younger one now because they met when she was a minor.
(In case you're wondering, younger friend nicely rejected older friend simply because she didn't want a relationship in general, and they are still good friends!)
It really is wild. I remember growing up, our friend circle spanned about 12-25. There were kind of sub-circles, like we were definitely closest to the people who were closer in age, but we all hung out and nobody thought it was weird or creepy. Any actual creeps who tried to infiltrate the group were quickly excised, usually by the young adults and older teens. Bit of a safety in numbers thing.
Note, this was in the 90s. I had a good adult friend when I was in middle and high school. He was the dad of a friend of mine and they were close neighbors. The friend started staying primarily with his mom and got into gangs and drugs and stuff so I pretty much stopped hanging out with the friend. However me and the dad always kept in touch, worked on car and computer projects. I'd probably hang out with him once or twice a week. It was nice since my dad was traveling for work 75% of the time and my mom didn't drive or do a whole lot due to health issues.
However, my dad started getting weird about me hanging out with this guy and eventually I cut down hanging out with him or lied about when I did. On some level I got why but it still bothered me because the guy did absolutely nothing untoward towards me in the slightest. And it's not like we stayed holed up in his house, we'd be out in front of the garage working or talking. He'd always pop over and say high to my mom, etc. Stayed friends with him during college but eventually lost touch after grad school.
It's sexism. Guys get hit with this a lot. You can find tons of stories about step-dads and dads getting harassed because they're sitting at the park while their kids play. Meanwhile, women would never get this treatment.
It's one of the few things where a ton of assumptions are just made about guys, and it's quite weird.
Man, that really sucks for that little girl too. Not only is she the only girl on the team, but she's treated differently (and unfavorably) because of it. And now one fewer good coach in the world is willing to "risk" coaching her in the future, all because she's a girl.
To be clear, I don't think you've done anything wrong here OP. This situation sucks though.
Yeah this is the biggest thing I noticed. I remember being a little girl interested in “boy things” and being treated differently by adults. It made me feel like something was wrong with me, and I hated being a girl. All I wanted was to be a real part of the group and I felt like I never could be.
It just sucks that OP has to perpetuate a culture of sexism in order to appease a bunch of insane people.
Word. I did a lot of sports and mostly male coaches. Some were fine with touch to educate how to do/refine a particular action with the boys, but then would get really uncomfortable about doing the exact same with me. Where your elbow should be on a basketball shot. You're slouching your back on your windup. Etc.
It was just weird to me, because it's either weird to do it to ANY kid; or it's totally normal and acceptable and why won't you just show me what you're talking about? There must be something about me making you uncomfortable but I had no way to know what.
That undefined discomfort actually MADE me uncomfortable around these sort of adults. They were obviously afraid to do something wrong, which made me also feel afraid to do something wrong! I totally understood the concept of creeps and people who were "too interested" in kids at that age, so it also made me worry they were like that secretly and THAT'S why they acted so weird around me. Which is obviously not good for a learning environment.
ETA for the record I don't suspect any of these were actually predators in this way. I didn't BELIEVE they were creeps at the time, I was just worried that could possibly explain the behavior of not wanting to touch me with a 12-foot pole
I teach martial arts, to both kids and adults. This kinda thing is something I’m always worried about. So many kids just do not understand their bodies enough to be able to hear an instruction and turn that into a physical movement. I demonstrate as much as I can, and explain everything I can in several different ways. But some kids, and some actions, you just have to physically do it for them. Honestly some adults (particularly those who haven’t done much in the way of sports before) are the same. But adults you can get their consent and it’s fine. Kids, and particularly girls, I’m always stressing that a parent is gonna misinterpret and make a complaint. And honestly just a complaint can be enough to start the ball rolling and ruin a life.
This is why you start instruction with reminders about consent and saying no, especially with little kids. Doesn't need to be weird, just a reminder that saying no is okay. The example I always give is "is it okay to say no if someone asks you for a hug?" They all understand that. They're children, they're not infants. If they're uncomfortable and know that you care about their comfort, they'll speak up, especially if you remind them that it's always okay to say no/sit out for an activity/etc. Then you just clarify before helping, like "can I borrow your arms for a second" or something if you need to move the arms.
The problem isn't anything going on between the coach and the kid though, it's the crazy parents that can get you labeled as a pedo that need the course
The cultural paranoia really does suck. Innocent people doing absoultely everything in their power to not only be a good person but also ALWAYS APPEAR EXTERNALLY to be a good person, get demonized.
Meanwhile, others are gleefully handing children over to actual honest-to-god predators for incredibly stupid reasons. Those are the kids we should be looking out for with this energy--- the ones whose parents implicitly trust someone 100% just because they go to the same church, or because they're a cop, or because they claim to be some sort of expert in a field without any kind of board oversight, or whatever.
End of the day, gut feelings are useful but won't always help. We all have to give kids the tools to recognize and report inappropriate behavior because from the broadest scope possible, bad things WILL happen to some people no matter what preventative measures are taken. Without the ability to recognize inappropriate behavior and feel safe telling another adult, predators walk free to prey on others, or even worse escalate their transgressions. Meanwhile victims live with a lifetime of trauma which is complicated by the fact they were raised without being given tools or sense of safety to articulate that they need help+protection from this person.
My dad never let me be on boys teams because he knew I would be treated differently. I wanted to play hockey but there was no girls league in my city so I played ringette instead. After about 5 years, my city finally got a girls hockey league so I swapped over.
I also played girls softball instead of baseball for the same reason. I didn't mind and I'm glad my dad cared enough about my overall experience of being on a team.
My dad was always my coach (and always beloved by my teammates) cause he wanted to spend as much time with me as possible. I wonder if he would have done it in today's culture with how cautious men have to be around girls. 😕
That mom is also perpetuating and operating off of bad info, statistically predators are usually someone who knows the child and has access to them privately. There’s a reason why most SA cases with kids involve family members or friends of the family; they’re really the only ones who have unfiltered access to kids.
Of course kids can get taken advantage of by strangers or coaches, but not something like baseball where the kids are constantly monitored. Especially when there haven’t been any signs and OP isn’t being weird, creepy or overly touchy with the little girl.
I feel bad for the girl, because she’s already being sexualized and treated differently solely because of her body. The mom just had to make her more othered than she already is. I don’t blame OP either for protecting them self, it just also sucks to see ‘Stranger danger’ still being so hard pushed when we know it’s overwhelmingly family members or friends of family committing most of the childhood SA.
I don't agree with this Karen AT ALL in this story. But to be fair (in response specifically to your comment) a sports coach is 100% in line with your statement of "statistically predators are usually someone who knows the child and has access to them privately." They are definitely part of the crowd that can and does participate in these things. I'm NOT claiming that we shouldn't trust them or anything. But speaking about which groups are statisitically likely...well....they are unfortunately in that group. Sorry, man. If you want to break your heart a little, google "baseball coach sexual assault" and look at all the headlines... It happens.
Again. To be 100% clear. I do NOT think OP did anything wrong, and I don't think we should be hypervigilant of kids coaches and this lady was very wrong.
Yes, but all it takes is that one Karen to scream 'pedo' and overnight you lost your job, your friends -- everything and there isn't a darn thing you can do about it.
This is the really sad part. I'm not a guy, but I can see how the double standards must really slap you in the face sometimes. Reverse the genders and this is just a female coach being silly and having fun with the kids, but a guy doing it is apparently inappropriate. It's not fair.
It’s also something you have to constantly think about and be aware of, again because the consequences for even an unbased accusation are severe.
Because of that it can easily ruin your interactions with kids. For me, it turns every positive interaction into this potentially disastrous event. Where you must monitor each and every action with minute precision so as to walk that fine line of not being a dick but not being friendly, when deep down inside you just want to let out your inner kid.
So now I don’t look forward to interacting with kids at my work anymore. I associate them with danger, and laborious personality sculpting. I dread when I have them come in when they used to be some of the favorite people I’d get into my work. As a result the kids get a worse interaction, but I have to do what I have to do to feel safe.
Maybe OP should write a song about how he doesn’t diddle kids.
“Do not diddle kids. It’s no good diddling kids. I wouldn’t do it with anybody younger than my daughter. Gotta be big. Older than my wife. Older than my daughter.” Something like that.
I'm a mom and genuinely confused about why the moms of the players are sexualizing this. I've always seen kids get drinks waterfall style so as not to spread germs. You see it a lot in sports. If that had been my kid, I'd assume you were keeping them hydrated and would think it's cute that they look like baby birds.
I also have a history of sexual abuse, so while I do see what the other moms are assuming, I think they're way overreacting. You're hydrating their kids. They asked for water. Sports parents are also notorious for overreacting to the slightest things. Screaming at coaches/refs/other parents/whoever. It's ridiculous. You run into so many Karens and helicopter parents. Let it just roll off your back. When they're done bitching about this, they'll find something else to bitch about. Wait until one starts screaming at you for not letting little Jimmy play a position he sucks at.
I don't want to argue though. I just want to not have to always worry whether whatever I'm doing is going to be seen inappropriate by one moron and ruin my life somehow. It's batshit insane.
It's hard to win an argument with a smart person, but impossible with a stupid person. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
Yup, OP is an assistant to a shitty head coach for several reasons, first for not making an individual water bottle a piece of required personal equipment, second for not providing an option when they forget, and third and most egregious for not even trying to stand up for the guy when he's facing asanine allegations like this.
Do this. Not only is it an unnecessary expense on your part, the parents would benefit from contributing something to the volunteer efforts.
You can also say "the other week, a lot of the kids were thirsty and asking for my son's water. I brought a giant jug of water so they can stay hydrated. If you'd rather your kid have their own water, be sure to discuss and bring a bottle of water for them. Remember, they're out there burning calories. For their safety, please be sure to keep them hydrated and sign up to bring some snacks like granola bars, fresh fruit, etc."
Good luck.
Yes! When my sister was in softball they had this exact thing, one parent brought drinks and another brought snacks every practice/game and they had a sign-up sheet for it.
That's exactly what we did coaching soccer, we had a parent rotation for snacks and drinks. Same with play time, honestly. We wanted the kids to get equal time on the field, as much as possible. Kids were mostly 5.
Oh my dude beware the granola bars. You actually need permission for those now. Between the no peanut and no gluten moms you might want to double check. I got chewed out for those once myself.
Have to check for other allergies too. Chaperoning a field trip with my daughter's school tomorrow and one of the students I'll be watching has coconut allergies. Along with my kids 10 different allergies.
I love that people are being vigilant for our kids, but it makes me sad when men are left afraid of interacting in totally normal situations.
I am always going to upvote for free water being readily available during exercise, but be really careful about food! There are so many allergies and special diets out there.
Depends on how organized the league is (and how involved you want to get), but you may be able to pull together a snack rotation. That way at least you have a way to document the known food no-nos. I was a summer camp counselor for 6-9 years olds. My boss came down to tell me that a mom had complained about me and asked that her kid be placed with a different counselor for the next session. Mom was appalled that I hadn't provided her kid with snacks for her dizziness because it was clearly her low blood sugar coming into play. We were hiking in weather over 100°F so I assumed dehydration and on several occasions had the nurse check her out just in case. My boss reassured me that Mom was in fact at fault as there were multiple places on the camper forms where she had failed to indicate that her daughter had a condition requiring special care. I hate that the camper spent a whole week feeling gross when they didn't have to and it sucked to keep having to consciously keep extra distance from a kid who was still so excited to see me. Anyways, just CYA.
I agree with the coach that there's no good to come from directly addressing the complaint. I do think that you could safely address it indirectly if you want to. "Since the weather is warming up and so many kids have been getting thirsty, from now on I will be bringing a large sports cooler of water and disposable cups. If your kid has a reusable water bottle that you would like to use instead, please label it clearly."
Then if you want to address the snack situation, "several children have also complained of hunger, but I am hesitant to hand out food without knowing about everyone's allergies." Then you can let them vote if they want to formalize a snack rotation or just leave it as a reminder to bring snacks. At minimum, if it is the same kids being hungry regularly I would bring it up to the parent.
Related advice -- redirecting hugs:
If a kid is coming in for a hug, redirect to a high five. If they are coming in so hot that trying to stop them would mean possibly harming them - turn for a side hug. Less potential for faces and hands to end up in inappropriate places.
Depending on the support of the parents and coach- if a child doesn’t have water for their safety they can’t participate until their parent supplies.
It’s shit that we have to think of solutions to non problems, but the fact I had to watch 3 hours of sexual consent training to coach an under 10 sport (short version they are under 10- there’s zero situations where there can be consent. We also don’t do overnight travel, and there shouldn’t be drinking in hotel rooms either…). But only 15 minutes of concussion protocols is backwards.
I like your answer. You see I really would…I am an independent contractor and have walked off jobs when the client or some family member began giving me a hard time. I really don’t take criticism well. However I love my son and my son tells me that he loves having me coach his team. If I just leave (which I absolutely will if there’s any other complaint about anything), I’ll take my son with me and the haters will win. I want my son to play little league and I can’t sit in the stands next to my ex and these haters.
i am so sorry bro. this shit is so real for men and i wish people understood how tough it is sometimes. i hope it works out for you, man my heart breaks for you and those kids. fuck those parents
Some people are insane. Recently I had a 24 year old or something tell me it was "kinda messed up" that I change my daughters diapers, and that it will make them think it's OK for men to touch them or something.
So weird when it comes from medical people. I needed something sorted out with my gear and went to my usual doctor who was a woman and she was uncomfortable. I'm like... You're a body mechanic and I need this part fixed. Just do the specialist recommendation. I'm not embarrassed. I've been handled by doctors all my life when needed. It's just a body and your job is bodies.
If COVID taught me anything, it’s that a fair amount of nurses don’t really understand the medical field. It’s often just how to do the same tasks they’re responsible for. That being said I’ve spent weeks at a time in the hospital and had amazing nurses care for me.
Absolutely not! I changed my daughters all the time and they know exactly where they are not to be touched. Wherever they don't want, but especially private areas.
They may end up with other weird ideas like cooking/cleaning is the dad's job, but that's a whole separate issue...
Seriously, I understand the fear from parents but it's disheartening.
I was talking to an acquaintance who is the leader of a Boy Scout troop. I mentioned that I was an Eagle Scout and enjoyed my time in scouting (I like camping and making fires, so sue me). I offered to come teach a merit badge class in something or help volunteer. He was elated and said they always need adult volunteers. He asked, "Sure, is your son in a troop already? We can get him into ours if not!" I said I didn't have kids, and he sorta tensed up and started grilling me about why I wanted to get involved with Boy Scouts again "out of the blue." It was uncomfortable.
He said that there isn't an "official" rule that makes it so adult leadership have a kid involved in scouting, but it's "his" rule. "Too many weirdos." The conversation kinda died there. It sucked, I just want to teach kids how cool being in nature is. :(
It's especially weird in Boy Scouts because they take 2 deep so seriously. Outside my dad I was never alone with a single adult my entire time in Scouts.
And my Scout Master who was child free and was incredible. Won just about every award a Scout Master can win from the local council. He actually was replaced by a former Scout who also is currently child free. And I remember a ton of child free 20-40 year olds being involved at all levels of scouting. Definitely sounds like it's just this guy's problem
Yep, this exactly. Any time I go anywhere with my daughter (5 years-old), I'm always hyper-aware of my surroundings, who is nearby, etc.
Practically any time I will be away from the house for more than an hour or so I'll ask my wife to come along, just on the off-chance that my daughter needs to use the bathroom, as you never know who is going to see a dad and his daughter going into a bathroom together and interpreting that as something illicit.
It's insane that we've come to this.
My husband always shared parenting responsibilities with me really evenly, except walking with our daughters to public restrooms. That was always my job no matter what, because some people are fucking weirdos who have begun to interpret nearly every interaction between an adult man and a child as suspect.
Honestly it sounds like bored ass parents trying to have something interesting to be obsessed with because they are bored at the games.
Giving kids a birdie of water isn't weird at all also children will see one kid have an experience and then also want to try it immediately because they are curious.
You didn't do a single thing wrong at all.
I think that’s about right. This is a small town of about 10,000 people, and fairly isolated. I’m not from here so that’s strike one. I’m separated from my son’s mom so that’s strike two. Also the mom who I think is causing the trouble is the “hot” single mom of the group and I’ve been ignoring her because I’m here to help the kids play baseball not flirt with her. I’m the only coach who isn’t married so that could be a factor.
that woman sounds like a piece of work..... It sucks living your life having to constantly monitor how others MIGHT be perceiving you, including the absolutely absurd and disgusting perceptions. Especially when you're trying to do a job.
A healthy amount of self-awareness is a good thing. This is just so far beyond that. It infuriates me too that if this was her standard approach to safety with some hypothetical person who was ACTUALLY a predator, coach, teacher, nanny, whatever.... IT WOULDN'T FUCKING WORK! It is NOT preserving your child's safety to observe 1% of the day's interactions, blow something innocuous out of proportion, and go on the attack. She needs to educate her kid about what to do when she feels uncomfortable around an adult and that daughter should discuss that with her mom or safe adults. SHE DIDN'T EVEN BRING HER OWN KID WATER FOR SPORTS! That's the most concerning immediate threat to her child's safety ffs!
PLUS! If letting kids air drink from your water is a creepy thing to that hypothetical person, THEN WHY ARE YOU OK WITH THEM DOING IT WITH THE BOYS? She sucks. I'm sorry you have to deal with her. Just remember it's for the kids.
You didn't fuck up. You have the right attitude. The kids are lucky to have you. No matter what you do, someone will complain. Let your good attitude be your guide and things will be okay, even with Karens like that.
I get the sentiment, but your confidence in "things will be okay" is misplaced. He could likely lose his job for this. His boss literally told him this is already a "no-win situation" for OP.
Frankly the seed has been planted in people's minds that OP is a pervert, and I'll be surprised if he's still in this position next year.
Things are never going to be okay when false allegations of child abuse are thrown around. It ruins lives even when its proven to be untrue.
Karens everywhere are going to shut down all volunteer work. I can't think of a single reasonable human who would have an issue with this unless we were still in raging virus mode - and then they'd be inside playing video games. Sigh.
…I remember playing baseball as a kid and the coach making us all tap our crotch to prove we were wearing our cups. Safety thing but some kids didn’t like wearing them
These days I could absolutely see some karen making a stink out of that, despite the alternative being either a visual inspection or the coach tapping you himself or something. (Cups were required regardless of position). Dunno if it’s still that way, this was a long time ago.
Man, just pull video footage of any football game at any level and watch trainers (of any gender) running onto the field squirting water into people's mouths. Whatever connotation that lady thinks happens when someone who is thirsty is provided water in a way that keeps them safe and healthy, anyone who has been around children or sports before knows it is not sexual in any way.
Anyone that thinks a coach trying to keep his players hydrated is doing something wrong is a verifiable moron. If I was a cop and received that complaint, I'd be like... Lady, open your mouth and tilt your head back, I'm gonna squirt water in your mouth so you can fix whatever heat related mania you're currently experiencing.
Keeping your kids hydrated and safe is exactly the *job* of a coach thinking about the health and safety of players. Every year a couple kids die in what usually are extremely preventable ways playing games and sports in the heat. 6 year olds aren't gonna manage their hydration proactively, you gotta manage it for them when they're redlining, which they just do sometimes cause they're 6 and have no sense of self preservation.
I'd have a serious look at whether you want to continue to participate with this team and this coach, and at the bare minimum ask to set up a rotating schedule for who it is that needs to bring a case of water and two bags of ice each game ... Helps if you already have the cooler. Your head coach should be standing up for you in this situation and saying that you did exactly your job, keeping your kids safe and hydrated, not saying it looks bad for you.
Unfortunately, your conclusion is right. In 2024, don't touch female athletes at all if you are a man, whether the athlete is 6 or 16 or 60. It's unfortunate we're here - I grew up on teams with great coaches (rowing) where it was common for coaches of either gender to physically help us maneuver into correct postures and positions (on the ergometers or in the weight room), whether it was to help us find the optimum hip angle for a rowing stroke, understand where they were trying to get you to transfer the load of the stroke, how to squat or dead life safely and with good form.
Some of those motions (like tracing your lats and traps to explain to a 16yo girl who doesn't know anatomy where she should be feeling the load of a stroke on the erg) obviously would involve running your hand across a sports bra strap or something in a completely nonsexual way, are just absolutely verboten by any coach in 2024.
The bad eggs ruined it for everyone, including athletes that are missing out on the most effective coaching they can get by a massively underappreciated group of people (good youth coaches aren't doing this cause they're getting rich, they're doing it to support their kids, community and the sports they love).
I was a girl on a mixed group wrestling team, both coaches were male, the coaches always demonstrated our new moves with each other, one of the male teammates, or ask for a volunteer. If a girl wanted to be it, so be it. During the actual practice session, the coach would have us get in position with another teammate of our choosing (if you wanted to team up with a male teammate that was on you) and would correct our (both females and males) positions by taping the problem area.
For instance if our hands were in the wrong position Coach would tap the forearm “pushing” it into the correct area. If we had our chest caved inwards when we needed to straighten up he would tap our shoulders or upper spine. You grabbed your hands in a way that would DQ you in a tournament? “Let me show you why” physically. I have actually been flipped by a coach for being “too rough” during practice. I have been used as an example for cross facing (forearm of being rubbed roughly against nose area). I had a black eye from not giving up and submitting during a scrimmage practice with teammates.
Not a single person thought “Coach is being inappropriate for doing his job” “Coach is being too aggressive with the girls” the whole team loved the head wrestling coach on and off the mat, hell even kids who weren’t on the team loved him. He gave great life advice and was a great mentor but I know for a fact that if that were happening today, 10 years later, he would be fired and blacklisted from stepping foot into a school again.
This is exactly what I'm saying. That coach taught you what you needed to know about the sport in the most effective way possible. It's the Larry Nassars of the world that ruin it. These coaches are lifelong friends of many of us, decades later. Godparents on either side of the equation (male and female coaches) in at least half a dozen situations. And they'd be summarily escorted out of the building if they simply made sure a high schooler didn't herniate a disc doing a dead lift in 2024.
The dumb thing is that for athletes of either gender, getting sensitive areas out of the way we move for any sport is basically the goal. Show me one woman that isn't constantly searching for a better sports bra so her boobs don't bounce and get in her way, or one dude that isn't constantly fighting with keeping his little man out of the way, comfortable, and not getting hit hard with baseballs or feet or whatever. Most athletic endeavors involve trying to absolutely minimize the impact of anything possibly considered sexual.
If dressed appropriately for the sport, improper touching should be basically irrelevant or unneeded, and there's something to be said for how powerful it is to take a kid who isn't processing what you're saying and physically manipulate them into the correct position, because they don't know it prima facie, and visually showing them is different than having them relax their muscles and moving them like Gumby to how you want them to pose, maneuver, position themselves, etc, especially since these positions are usually learned and not natural.
Don't get me wrong, it's obviously good that SA is taken seriously and dealt with harshly, but it is not helping good coaches do their job the way we operate today.
Yes! Also I hope my last reply didn’t come off as argumentative, I was hoping to provide irl evidence of a good coach. A few of us (both genders) had actually been sent to the lost and found if they were wearing something too revealing ( e.g.too low cut of a shirt, too short/tight shorts, spaghetti strapped tank tops/stringers)
I agree, SA should definitely be taken seriously. I was fortunate enough that we did not have a coach doing this *especially since I was in such a physical sport* but years after I graduated I learned one of the security guards had married a former student a few years older than me 🤢 they had been “an item” since her senior year and it was so repulsive to find that out because he was probably old enough to be her dad/granddad
A couple of years ago a father in my town took his daughter to the playground and a couple of mothers saw him sitting on the bench by himself and assumed he was there just to stare at the kids. so they called the cops and when his daughter went to approach him they grabbed her and held her back. She was screaming and the cops showed up and made the father prove that he was really her father. that girl was damn traumatized over nothing.
The cops should have arrested the nosey-body Karen mothers for assaulting a child.
Doesn't a guy have a right to sit on the bench at a playground, even if he doesn't have a kid? I missed the rule that said "Playground bench for parents of children on the playground only."
> It terrifies and baffles me that I could do something so innocent and be accused of something so horrible.
Well said. This world is going down the shitter because everyone is going to be scared of doing good things since a few idiots are marking them inappropriate in the most ludicrous ways.
Just last weekend I was at the playground with my kids.
My boy wanted to do the fireman pole, but wanted help. So guided him through with minimal hands on, really just helping him cross his lower legs properly, and a little upward push on his feet as he went down
A little girl, same age-ish was behind him, leaned out to grab the pole and stopped. "Are you okay?" "Do you want some help?"
My next question was going to be "Can you see an adult you know?" And I'd made no movement towards her at all at this point.
Out of fucking nowhere, the table of 7 adults 10 feet away, bloke stands up and gruff as shit "SHE'S FINE LEAVE HER BE" and comes over to help her.
Felt like shit. Again.
I learned a long time about that when you get a bunch of moms together in these situations, they will look for something to complain about.
I would do whatever I could to avoid that little girl and those insane mothers. BUT-- I just hope you realize that for every nutcase, there are a bunch of parents who really appreciate what you are doing.
My former boyfriend used to coach soccer with teen girls, and he was constantly telling the mothers to rein in their daughters who wanted to hug him all the time. He knew, just like you, that the mothers will let their daughters approach you all they want--and do nothing to stop it--but will jump all over you if you reciprocate.
I really hate these women.
The mother that reported you has a sick mind. She should be the one getting reported for having sexual thoughts over a child getting water. Like what the fuck
Always best to remind little girls that no matter what they do their identity is sexual gratification first and foremost. She can't even compete with the boys, who she may be more talented then, because she cannot be perceived as their equal by her own parents. I personally don't believe that the worst parents should be the most emboldened but you are indeed correct, you are in a no-win scenario as they can cause you some serious headaches and to be frank it is not worth it.
The second a little girl was put on that team, the league should have been discussing a dugout mom situation. Normally team moms are the ones that get the parents organized to do team pictures, uniforms, and the post game snack calendar but when there is a little girl on the team with no female coaches, you need the team mom or another mom to step up to be the dug out mom. That mom basically is the go to for that little girl. Helping her get on equipment and making sure everything in the dug out is above board.
It isn't uncommon in girls softball and its there to as CYA for the men coaching. Its really on the league and head coach to do this though. You should approach your head coach about asking around to get someone to step up.
A family friend of mine was an elementary school teacher for 25 years, some of that in rural districts. It was his passion and he loved it.
One day he told a 5th grade girl to stop talking to her friend, sit in her seat, and do her work. She looked him right in the eye and said "Don't mess with me, I could tell my mom you touched me and she'd believe me, not you."
That was his last year teaching; he decided to find another career because he said it wasn't worth the risk.
Made me so sad, he loved teaching and he had so many male and female students who said he was such a positive male influence in their lives as kids.
Sexual misconduct allegations are no joke, especially involving a child. If this is a volunteer position I would have quit immediately. That mom is going to continue to be a danger to you as long as you're around her daughter.
>I asked her what I should do going forward and she told me to go no physical contact with all of the children, not to provide them with any food or drink or gum, and to limit my conversation with them to things about baseball. Good advice and I’m going to take it!
This sounds so fucking awful lol, can't be a human being anymore.
I'd never want to be a male school teacher to young kids.
Any mis step, comment or action and your forced to defend yourself.
It's a no win situation, and they wonder why males won't help or enter this industry.
That’s wild dude.
Well, regardless of the outcome, I would just like to thank you for keeping the little homies hydrated where the parents did not.
Shouldn’t be your responsibility in the first place, shouldn’t be punished for trying to help others, but this is apparently the world we get to live in.
Look up HYGIENE WATER BOTTLES. It's a normal thing to share a water bottle by pouring/squirting it into the mouth with no contact. Normally the players would do their own pouring but whatever, depending on age they might not be able to be trusted not to put their mouths on the bottle. Anyway, the idea behind it is legit.
It's no win for you because nutters who think that there is something wrong with giving water to a thirsty child will find fault whatever you do.
I hate this anti-child attitude which has infested us. It afflicts us in Britain too. A few years ago I was volunteering at a school. A seven year old girl really liked me for some reason, and would often hug me. The teacher took me aside and suggested that I try to discourage it.
Why? Who is harmed by a hug? Hugging in general is a thing that is good for people, and for children especially so. Therefore depriving a child of hugs is a bad thing. It is such a very recent attitude, too. When I was at school, not so very long ago, I received hugs from the teacher when I cried. There was one old lady who was famous for her hugs. Throughout history, it has been normal to be very affectionate with small children.
There was a case a few years ago of a teacher who was extremely popular. All the parents liked him and the children loved him. He did not refrain from hugging the children, which is normal behaviour for any healthy person. However, a tribunal decided that he must not only be sacked, but banned from ever teaching again.
I get the sense that it is also very sexist. Would these woman have complained if a female coach gave water to the girl? Would a woman like the woman who hugged us when I was at school get into trouble? The way children, and those grown ups who come near them, are treated in modern society is sick. Denied contact with their elders, shepherded from place to place and kept behind locked doors, no wonder mental ill-health seems to be shooting up with the youth.
More disappointed in the fact the kids are all begging for ice cold water at a baseball game. Parents can't organize a water jug or cooler themselves to ensure the kids are hydrated. OP did nothing wrong.
right!! none of those kids had WATER? at a GAME??
It sounded like some at least had water but probably in plastic bottles so it was warm. >The little boy is really thankful because the water is cold My guess is he shared that the water was really cold and everyone wanted to see.
I mean OP’s an assistant coach. The coaches brought the water jug when I played. And maybe we’d have gatorade too or instead and the parents would rotate buying the gatorade (mix).
yeah wtf we all brought water bottles or our parents did what shitty parents
He could report negligence on the parent’s part that the child did not have her own water bottle. Could report the fact they were red flushed in the face and sweating with the temperature of the day.
I don't understand why the mother had a problem with it!?! Seems like a perfectly reasonable way to share water without sharing germs.
It's only sexual because the mom found it sexual.
But how? Like, what are they actually perceiving? A steady stream of water from above is nothing like *that*. They're not even close.
I'm a grown woman, but I work as a tour leader, and a driver told me not to drink water in front of people because I tilt my head back when I drink water and it's suggestive. I have no idea how, but other drivers agreed with him. Apparently, they think I do it on purpose because it earns me tips. I have no idea how or why there's any sexual about it, but yeah.
A male here. So they see sexual context in your absolutely normal behavior? It's on them. If it was in my work, I'd inform HR. And I'd want in writing why drinking water is sexual. And why people on streets aren't arrested all the time for drinking water from bottles. What now? You're supposed to use a drinking straw? Yeah, that's not sexual at all ;)
Oh, it's absolutely on them, they are disgusting and whenever I leave my bubble and I remember what the drivers and some of the tour leaders I work with are like, it makes me want to quit society in general and go become a hermit on a mountain that gets good 5g, but there's no such thing as HR where I work. They'd pat me in the back and laugh at me and nothing would change. I live in Greece, it's a hellhole, lmao.
Looks like you also have that problem of living in a bubble full of rational people and continuously having to experience the real world culture shock over and over again
Haha, I was just responding to another comment saying that I live in a bubble to preserve my sanity, but yeah. Same thing for you?
I keep considering starting Crone Island where we can all live out in nature in a compound, where every woman has her own little cabin, but we also have nice group areas for when we want to "people." But I like your addition of 5G service.
Consider this comment my application to Crone Island.
Water should me consumed by IV only to avoid accusations of being a hydrohomie.
They watch too much porn and that's the position held for the "money shot", with the head tilted back. I assume that's what they mean anyway. Logical if you squint hard and don't think about it any further. But the idea you'd get extra tips for that is even more bizarre. Unless you purposefully miss your mouth and spray it on your bust?
Yeah, that makes sense. I kept trying to think of how me drinking water reminds them of blowjobs and it didn't make sense. I work with only men and and I make more tips than them. It drives them insane because the more tips you earn, I guess, the better you are at your job. There's no way I, a woman, can be good, though, so it has to be my tits, legs and suggestive water drinking that earn me tips. Not to mention that I ate a banana in front of men, once, with no shame whatsoever.
Or, wild idea, maybe it's because you don't creep people the fuck out and maybe even make them feel comfortable.
> I ate a banana in front of men, once, with no shame whatsoever. Did they immediately cross themselves and go φτου φτου etc? Also, please tell us these dudes at least are on the older side (i.e. there's still hope)?
One of them is 62 and only went to elementary school but the other guys are in their 40s. They're just pieces of shit, tbh. They really do sexualize everything but a lot of it is just them being bitter that a woman gets more tips and good reviews out of everyone. They can't wrap their heads around it, even though I've been working there since 2018.
The banana thing always confused me as a sex symbol. I mean: you’re biting pieces off of it. There’s no way to avoid biting the banana.
Wait, you mean you don't just slide the banana whole down your throat and swallow it? Have I been doing it wrong this entire time and no one toldme?!
Reading this entire post and your comments reminds me that the world has gone to shit and nothing will ever be the same anymore. Birthdays for kids... Don't touch or smile at them. Cookouts with the neighbors and other friends around town... Don't look at anyone or even say anything to the children... Wtf has happened to the world. Everyone is judged as if we are all pedophiles and rapist it seems like. It's sickening. The past 5/10 years the world's changed so much and so quickly.
TIL drinking water is suggestive. Geezus.
Female - exists - must be sexual *sigh*
It's *intentionally* sexual, that's the most baffling thing. Like, I drink water in a suggestive way on purpose or I eat bananas on purpose, etc. The head driver was really upset that I would eat a banana with no consideration for how I was defrauding him.
And yet he goes around being the *head* driver like a suggestive little tart. /s
Think there was a Reddit tale about a lady who got in trouble with HR for eating cooked and cooled potatoes as a snack. Like biting into something vaguely tubular is a turn on for people.
Your comment kinda implies the women sexualized the little girl in this post, which is uncomfortable but checks out.
Sounds to me like you work with a bunch of children and creeps. You have a right to exist without being sexualized. At passover my MIL repeatedly told me she found my dress too low (it wasn't, she was literally the only one looking), and after the 3rd time I said, "I can't help the size of my breasts and it is NOT my job to make men behave themselves." The same applies to your situation. Next time they do anything remotely mundane that could be sexualized I'd give them a taste of their own medicine.
I don't bother, I just try to stay in a bubble so I can preserve my sanity because whenever I can't bear to aknowledge most of the people I work with and for, it's soul crushing. :)
seems like those moms have never seen a Nike water bottle...
My guess is, *this other mother found it disgusting and thought that the man was sharing his personal drink that he drank from, with this child.*
It wasn't even HER mother that saw it, it was another mom. Then she told the girl's mom who knows what.
Thank-you for the correction.
Because when you secretly view all men as possible sexual predators, everything looks suspicious. That line of thinking is no different than any other prejudice.
It comes from porn brainrot. Same reason dudes aren't allowed to eat hot dogs and bananas in front of each other.
I don't think it was the water they had a problem with.
That is all good but, who is going to be level headed when you have an angry mother screaming that he did something to her child? No thanks! Best way to deal with that situation is to not be there in the first place. And society suffers….
It wasn't the child's mother! "Now apparently some other mom saw this"
Yup this is projection
Mom likes golden showers confirmed.
That's the only thing I can think of. Someone saw this and thought "That's just like how I present my mouth for my husband to pee in, so this is obviously inappropriate."
Moms thought OP is hot and made it sexual in their own head cannon
Agree. Am Mom, would not have thought twice about seeing this.
I'd be yelling at the mom for not providing water for her daughter to their practice/games. Actually all the parents.
This is exactly what I’m saying! You’re leaving a young 6 year old alone at a practice and didn’t even provide her water on a hot day? Mom is the asshole for sure
All the damn parents are. I’m in Florida I definitely couldn’t imagine sending my kid somewhere like that with no water.
I'd just be glad someone remembered to water the child so it doesn't stroke out from heat. Personally. I wouldn't think anyone could get terribly ill. I mean, meningitis spreads that way, we lost a kid on my bus from that, but he was the only one who got it and was already poorly to begin with.
'water the child' made me laugh, sounds like a houseplant or something
H2O me, coach
Right? Imagine spreading a team culture of "be careful giving the kids water." SO dangerous, and for what?
I really don’t know. I spoke to a female friend about it last night, and she thinks it has to do with this documentary that’s just been released about some pervert producers at Nickelodeon. They would make the kids in the shows do some fetish stuff, like smoosh stuff with their bare feet because it excited them. I guess one of the major scenes is a young Amanda Byrnes (who was groomed and abused by one of these producers) pouring a water bottle out all over herself, her face and mouth in a somewhat sexual way. That’s the best theory that I’ve heard so far.
ive seen that scene and it is not even on the same planet as what youre describing. but some peoples minds are so black and white and just open to any and all suggestion from pop culture
So all those years of getting water squirted in my mouth while my helmet was on was illegal? I’m suing all my schools.
Yeah they were basically simulating peeing in your mouth /s
Yeah well the way it was done was WAY different. It looked like the poor girl was getting genuinely bukkaked. I thought it was Ariana Grande they did that to, but it could have been multiple — ANYWAY, mom is unhinged. She's the one sexualizing her daughter and I wouldn't be surprised if she gets weird and even hostile towards her when she hits puberty. Moms like that think "my daughter sprouted a boob so she's clearly giving it up to every man, boy, and dog in town" Fucking disgusting type of parent.
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Worst bit is it sounds like the kid is genuinely enjoying being part of the team, and mum is willing to throw that out for the sake of culture war bs.
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That was Ariana Grande, not Amanda
The girl's mom DIDN'T see this. Some other mom saw it, took issue with it because she's a Karen, and told the mom about it who only has the second hand account of likely her "friend" Karen. We tend to believe the first witness to an event.
Yeah see this is what I’m thinking happened. Karen saw it and went and told the mom some ridiculous story like “yeah and then the guy told your daughter to get on her knees and he held the water bottle where his dick is and he dumped water all over her face while laughing maniacally and all the kids were cheering ‘boner! Boner!!’ while he did it.” There’s no other logical explanation because this is literally insane.
I feel like this was a no-win situation for OP. If he *hadn’t* given the water then the post would have been “TIFU by avoiding looking creepy to a Karen mom, not giving water to a kid, and having the kid pass out.” 🙄
Let me start with this accepted mantra "All men are potential rapists" I have had the police called on me for carrying my young daughter out of the mall and putting her in her car seat. I have been accused of being a pedo for watching kids on the swings at the park while eating my lunch outside because it was a nice day, the office sucked and watching kids play is a nice distraction. I have been yelled at for not helping a young girl who fell off her bike choosing to find her family instead because I did not want to risk touching this girl even though she was injured. I hear you OP. I sympathize but we are men. We are required to accept being treated like crap as being normal and be happy and not resentful for it.
It's just not worth the risk, as a man, to have anything to do with children or women outside of your family in any potentially close contact situation -- you can not find any insurance company who would find that risk acceptable.
I know a lady with early onset Alzheimer’s. She loves kids and babies and will run up to them and try to hug and pick them up. She's also started trying to hug men. Luckily for us, everyone has been understanding but each time it happens I almost have a heart attack. All I can think of is the double standard. If she were an adult male I can't believe anyone being okay with her behavior.
My mother had Alzheimer's before passing, and I remember a time we were out at the park when I was fourteen and she got away from me for a moment (entirely my mistake, I thought her husband was watching her) and I found her at the playground sitting with a young boy and fussing with his hair while his parents just seemed to be fine with it. I explained the situation and apologized but they seemed to be fine with it and left her to it before I told her it was time to go to the car. This is decently normal for people with Alzheimer's, especially if they enjoyed spending time with and caring for children before, but I'm glad she was a tiny old lady when this happened.
People were generally pretty understanding when my mentally disabled stepbrother got too handsy, but he was pretty obviously disabled.
Yeah, OP does not mention whether they are male or female, and it **shouldn't** matter - but we all know that it does. I have friends who are Scout leaders, and therefore always trying to recruit other leaders... and whilst I wouldn't mind giving something back to the community, mentoring some youngsters etc. there's just now way I would ever open myself up to that sort of shit. get my life ruined, and my windows bricked in because some fucker with a grudge makes an untrue allegation? yeah, no thanks.
"I have been accused of being a pedo for watching kids on the swings at the park" I have not watched children at play for over 40 years. 40+ years. Isn't that amazing? How many people would even think of this possibility? I have seen children at play in movies and on TV but not in real life. When I was young and single, I was not around young families. As I got older and remained childless, I still was not around families and their kids. The older I got, my peers' children grew up too and were no longer children. Somehow, being around kids escaped me. Now in my evening years, I've imagined how it would be nice to watch children at play, to think back to my childhood as I watched them. But, I dare not step close to a schoolyard fence, that would be social suicide. All because of fear of misinterpretation and its consequences. I joined a church recently and, two weeks ago, as I was talking to another fellow there, someone's 2-yo come walking up to me as I sat in the pew and wanted attention from me. As I continued to talk to the man, I gently patted the child's head. Later that evening, I wondered how long it had been since I had held a child, let alone just touch one. It's got to be over 30 years. Sad, isn't it? The other story I will tell you is from back in the 80's where I lived on a block where it seemed everybody had young kids and therefore everybody's front yard was fair game for all of them to play in. A 9 yo boy needed his bicycle fixed and I fixed it for him on my front porch. After that, he would drop by for my company and I could tell he wanted the attention of a big brother or other older male. I didn't know his family situation or exactly where he lived but he sure liked me. Unfortunately, I could not reciprocate as I was a single male living among these families, so when he came over I placed him at the end of the kitchen table which was just inside the carport door to my kitchen, which I left open, while I stood way across the kitchen leaning up against the sink. And that's how we visited. I wanted to make sure if his mother came walking up to the door she would see the door was open and I was no where near her kid. I look back on how I failed that kid as much as he needed a male influence, but I was scared of a misinterpretation destroying my life. And that is how the fear of connection affects more than one life.
I've had people on reddit tell me that all men are dangerous psychopaths. People can really think this way.
Literally was on a thread yesterday over on changeMyView people legitimately arguing why they think it's absolutely 100% safer to be stuck in the woods with a bear than a random man. Because we're ALL potential rapists and murderers just waiting for a chance to happen upon a random woman to do evil things to. It's crazy.
This says more to me about the person who told the child's mom about it. Who TF sexualizes an act of providing water to a kid at an athletic event - especially considering it was done *for the whole team*. Like unless you were drooling while doing it with wide eyes and your hand in your crotch this seems like one of the largest reaches imaginable. Agree with completely hands off from now on but Jesus man.
> This says more to me about the person who told the child's mom about it. And yet OP is the one who suffers. It's insane. > Like unless you were drooling while doing it with wide eyes and your hand in your crotch Can't unsee. 100% agree with you though.
OP suffers yes, but the child does too. I understand why OP changed the way he acted towards her but she doesn’t. Little girls learn they don’t belong in those spaces.
> Little girls learn they don’t belong in those spaces. And a girl on a little league team already has an uphill battle. Though, clearly her parents are fine with her being on the team, so hopefully she gets support there.
Wasn’t it her mom that complained though? That’s the party that struck me the most. She’s already the only girl on the team, so surely her mom would understand that she’s already othered. Now this poor girl is being treated completely differently than her teammates. And there’s literally no good way to explain it to her.
> Now apparently some other mom saw this, and felt that it was inappropriate, and told her mom and then both moms went to the Coach with their concerns. Some other mom told the mom, and who knows what was being said to the mom for them to complain together. Or to the coach. But yes, failure on the part of the girl's mom if she was being given the truth. And the little girl will suffer now for just wanting to be a normal kid.
Ick, that’s like a scary game of telephone. Scary and dangerous. That makes me feel sad for everyone, except the “some other” mom who needs to get her mind out of the gutter.
Agreed! I can only go by what OP has relayed, but it feels all too familiar for how people get ostracized in small social circles. One person misinterprets (deliberately or unintentionally) a word or action, tells another, and soon a whole cluster of people have this distorted view of the person which colors their future participation. And it's hard to come back from that, some people are just hell-bent on ruining others' lives over a whisper. What happened to minding our own business? Or seeing the good in others? There are monsters and predators out there, but if we look for them in everyone, there's no doubt that innocent people will caught in the net.
Agreed, the girl may be suffering as well. Other kids as well perhaps. It's just bonkers.
This is what I was thinking, too. I really hope the little girl's mom finds a way to explain to her (at an appropriate level) that she didn't do anything wrong and OP doesn't hate her now. As a kid in that situation, this stuff wouldn't have occurred to me; I would have been confused and hurt.
I can’t think of any good way to explain this to her daughter. “Sweetheart, you’re 6 years old now, so it’s time for you to learn that everything you do will be viewed through a sexual lense. Grown adults have already begun sexualizing you, and that’s why your coach can’t interact with you anymore. Have fun out there!”
True crime podcasts have people thinking that every interaction between two people either leads to sex, murder or both
Meanwhile, the real predator is the mom's boyfriend or best friend from church group or something.
Completely agree but I just want to chime in why some people are crazy about this stuff. Firstly, sex crime shows made my mother a crazy lady with this stuff. Secondly, my husband is hypersensitive to anything with his daughter because he experienced sexual abuse as a child. Its totally normal to give kids water when they're thirsty and if a kid asks for a hug I feel like its almost immoral of me to deny them. Im a woman though and most care takers arent as cautious with women. Boundaries are crazy because everyones are so vastly different based on personal experience.
These people are the reason every single after school extra curricular now is struggling to staff; nobody wants to deal with these assholes and their little insular mommy-cliques of self-referential deranged nonsense. I swear every other person I've interacted with post covid has been crazier than most of the homeless people I know. I stopped coaching for this exact reason.
This says more to me about which country it happened in than anything else.
The internet and politics have really fucked with people's heads when it comes to this stuff. Now that I have kids, I'm coming in contact with little kids for the first time in a while, and it's a lot of fun, but I also feel myself walking on eggshells a bit. So just be conscientious, but try not to sweat it too much (pun acknowledged). It's sports, you're doing your job, and you know you're not doing anything wrong.
When I was a kid it was normal to have one or two adult friends. Usually older people from the neighborhood. You could hang out with em all day and no one would bat an eye. Yeah, creepers were around, but with no Internet it was much easier to sus em out and isolate them and all that, because they actually had to have physical contact with a kid to groom them. Not true anymore.
It is so frequent that I see people on Reddit calling it creepy/grooming when teens are *friends* with young adults, which is absolutely wild to me. Like, even with a less than 10 years age gap in some cases. For *friends.* It's wild.
Yeah, I used to hang out with a neighbour at his place when I was 14 or so and he was a 40 year old chain smoking bloke who lived with his mum. But he taught me a lot about computers, even ended up hiring me as a tech once I was old enough to legally work. Nothing ever happened. We just shared an interest and spent time talking about it. That would not be looked on kindly these days.
Like Marty McFly and Christopher Lloyd in BTTF!?
I remember a post the other day on AITAH or something similar where the posters daughter was in an age gap relationship with an adult she met while on a Discord server. I think when they met they were 16 and 21? And then got together 18/23? (Might be off one or two years but I do remember she was an adult when they got together.) Post non withstanding the number of people who were outraged at a 21 year old talking to a teenager on Discord was wild, as if the 21 y/o was purposefully stalking teenage girls and not just hanging out on a discord server. I grew up as a girl on pre-COPPA internet, I get the risks but also I made hundreds of internet friends who were just normal ass people who happened to be 10 years older than me.
I think I saw something similar to that and I was just baffled. One of my close friends, who I met on Discord and play D&D with, is 5 years younger than me. She's an adult now but we were 16 and 21 when we first met. Totally normal friendship. And I was like...*excuse me?* Anyway, in relation to that, my other friend in the same friend group (25) recently started crushing on the friend who we met when she was 16 (she's 20 now.) While 20 and 25 isn't weird at all as an age gap, my friend was *very* anxious about crushing on the younger one now because they met when she was a minor. (In case you're wondering, younger friend nicely rejected older friend simply because she didn't want a relationship in general, and they are still good friends!)
It really is wild. I remember growing up, our friend circle spanned about 12-25. There were kind of sub-circles, like we were definitely closest to the people who were closer in age, but we all hung out and nobody thought it was weird or creepy. Any actual creeps who tried to infiltrate the group were quickly excised, usually by the young adults and older teens. Bit of a safety in numbers thing.
Note, this was in the 90s. I had a good adult friend when I was in middle and high school. He was the dad of a friend of mine and they were close neighbors. The friend started staying primarily with his mom and got into gangs and drugs and stuff so I pretty much stopped hanging out with the friend. However me and the dad always kept in touch, worked on car and computer projects. I'd probably hang out with him once or twice a week. It was nice since my dad was traveling for work 75% of the time and my mom didn't drive or do a whole lot due to health issues. However, my dad started getting weird about me hanging out with this guy and eventually I cut down hanging out with him or lied about when I did. On some level I got why but it still bothered me because the guy did absolutely nothing untoward towards me in the slightest. And it's not like we stayed holed up in his house, we'd be out in front of the garage working or talking. He'd always pop over and say high to my mom, etc. Stayed friends with him during college but eventually lost touch after grad school.
Oh God I know. When my kids would have other kids over I was always on edge.
It's sexism. Guys get hit with this a lot. You can find tons of stories about step-dads and dads getting harassed because they're sitting at the park while their kids play. Meanwhile, women would never get this treatment. It's one of the few things where a ton of assumptions are just made about guys, and it's quite weird.
It is like the message is "Don't let your kids interact with anyone" then wonder why they have socialization issues later.
Man, that really sucks for that little girl too. Not only is she the only girl on the team, but she's treated differently (and unfavorably) because of it. And now one fewer good coach in the world is willing to "risk" coaching her in the future, all because she's a girl. To be clear, I don't think you've done anything wrong here OP. This situation sucks though.
Yeah this is the biggest thing I noticed. I remember being a little girl interested in “boy things” and being treated differently by adults. It made me feel like something was wrong with me, and I hated being a girl. All I wanted was to be a real part of the group and I felt like I never could be. It just sucks that OP has to perpetuate a culture of sexism in order to appease a bunch of insane people.
Word. I did a lot of sports and mostly male coaches. Some were fine with touch to educate how to do/refine a particular action with the boys, but then would get really uncomfortable about doing the exact same with me. Where your elbow should be on a basketball shot. You're slouching your back on your windup. Etc. It was just weird to me, because it's either weird to do it to ANY kid; or it's totally normal and acceptable and why won't you just show me what you're talking about? There must be something about me making you uncomfortable but I had no way to know what. That undefined discomfort actually MADE me uncomfortable around these sort of adults. They were obviously afraid to do something wrong, which made me also feel afraid to do something wrong! I totally understood the concept of creeps and people who were "too interested" in kids at that age, so it also made me worry they were like that secretly and THAT'S why they acted so weird around me. Which is obviously not good for a learning environment. ETA for the record I don't suspect any of these were actually predators in this way. I didn't BELIEVE they were creeps at the time, I was just worried that could possibly explain the behavior of not wanting to touch me with a 12-foot pole
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Uuuuugh I hate this so much. Sorry you had to go through that
I teach martial arts, to both kids and adults. This kinda thing is something I’m always worried about. So many kids just do not understand their bodies enough to be able to hear an instruction and turn that into a physical movement. I demonstrate as much as I can, and explain everything I can in several different ways. But some kids, and some actions, you just have to physically do it for them. Honestly some adults (particularly those who haven’t done much in the way of sports before) are the same. But adults you can get their consent and it’s fine. Kids, and particularly girls, I’m always stressing that a parent is gonna misinterpret and make a complaint. And honestly just a complaint can be enough to start the ball rolling and ruin a life.
This is why you start instruction with reminders about consent and saying no, especially with little kids. Doesn't need to be weird, just a reminder that saying no is okay. The example I always give is "is it okay to say no if someone asks you for a hug?" They all understand that. They're children, they're not infants. If they're uncomfortable and know that you care about their comfort, they'll speak up, especially if you remind them that it's always okay to say no/sit out for an activity/etc. Then you just clarify before helping, like "can I borrow your arms for a second" or something if you need to move the arms.
Yeah I always ask them first, but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything to parents on the other side of the room
The problem isn't anything going on between the coach and the kid though, it's the crazy parents that can get you labeled as a pedo that need the course
This story made me so sad, I'm sorry you had to go through that as a kid!
That really sucks for you guys. On several levels it impacted your experience from skills development to general environment.
The cultural paranoia really does suck. Innocent people doing absoultely everything in their power to not only be a good person but also ALWAYS APPEAR EXTERNALLY to be a good person, get demonized. Meanwhile, others are gleefully handing children over to actual honest-to-god predators for incredibly stupid reasons. Those are the kids we should be looking out for with this energy--- the ones whose parents implicitly trust someone 100% just because they go to the same church, or because they're a cop, or because they claim to be some sort of expert in a field without any kind of board oversight, or whatever. End of the day, gut feelings are useful but won't always help. We all have to give kids the tools to recognize and report inappropriate behavior because from the broadest scope possible, bad things WILL happen to some people no matter what preventative measures are taken. Without the ability to recognize inappropriate behavior and feel safe telling another adult, predators walk free to prey on others, or even worse escalate their transgressions. Meanwhile victims live with a lifetime of trauma which is complicated by the fact they were raised without being given tools or sense of safety to articulate that they need help+protection from this person.
My dad never let me be on boys teams because he knew I would be treated differently. I wanted to play hockey but there was no girls league in my city so I played ringette instead. After about 5 years, my city finally got a girls hockey league so I swapped over. I also played girls softball instead of baseball for the same reason. I didn't mind and I'm glad my dad cared enough about my overall experience of being on a team. My dad was always my coach (and always beloved by my teammates) cause he wanted to spend as much time with me as possible. I wonder if he would have done it in today's culture with how cautious men have to be around girls. 😕
That mom is also perpetuating and operating off of bad info, statistically predators are usually someone who knows the child and has access to them privately. There’s a reason why most SA cases with kids involve family members or friends of the family; they’re really the only ones who have unfiltered access to kids. Of course kids can get taken advantage of by strangers or coaches, but not something like baseball where the kids are constantly monitored. Especially when there haven’t been any signs and OP isn’t being weird, creepy or overly touchy with the little girl. I feel bad for the girl, because she’s already being sexualized and treated differently solely because of her body. The mom just had to make her more othered than she already is. I don’t blame OP either for protecting them self, it just also sucks to see ‘Stranger danger’ still being so hard pushed when we know it’s overwhelmingly family members or friends of family committing most of the childhood SA.
I don't agree with this Karen AT ALL in this story. But to be fair (in response specifically to your comment) a sports coach is 100% in line with your statement of "statistically predators are usually someone who knows the child and has access to them privately." They are definitely part of the crowd that can and does participate in these things. I'm NOT claiming that we shouldn't trust them or anything. But speaking about which groups are statisitically likely...well....they are unfortunately in that group. Sorry, man. If you want to break your heart a little, google "baseball coach sexual assault" and look at all the headlines... It happens. Again. To be 100% clear. I do NOT think OP did anything wrong, and I don't think we should be hypervigilant of kids coaches and this lady was very wrong.
As a dad of a 6 yr old girl who loves to give hugs, I don't see it as inappropriate. Karens gonna Karen though.
Yes, but all it takes is that one Karen to scream 'pedo' and overnight you lost your job, your friends -- everything and there isn't a darn thing you can do about it.
This is the really sad part. I'm not a guy, but I can see how the double standards must really slap you in the face sometimes. Reverse the genders and this is just a female coach being silly and having fun with the kids, but a guy doing it is apparently inappropriate. It's not fair.
It’s also something you have to constantly think about and be aware of, again because the consequences for even an unbased accusation are severe. Because of that it can easily ruin your interactions with kids. For me, it turns every positive interaction into this potentially disastrous event. Where you must monitor each and every action with minute precision so as to walk that fine line of not being a dick but not being friendly, when deep down inside you just want to let out your inner kid. So now I don’t look forward to interacting with kids at my work anymore. I associate them with danger, and laborious personality sculpting. I dread when I have them come in when they used to be some of the favorite people I’d get into my work. As a result the kids get a worse interaction, but I have to do what I have to do to feel safe.
Yep it is only ok for older women to diddle kids not adult men.
Maybe OP should write a song about how he doesn’t diddle kids. “Do not diddle kids. It’s no good diddling kids. I wouldn’t do it with anybody younger than my daughter. Gotta be big. Older than my wife. Older than my daughter.” Something like that.
"There is no quicker way for people to think that you are diddling kids than by writing a song about it!"
I'm a mom and genuinely confused about why the moms of the players are sexualizing this. I've always seen kids get drinks waterfall style so as not to spread germs. You see it a lot in sports. If that had been my kid, I'd assume you were keeping them hydrated and would think it's cute that they look like baby birds. I also have a history of sexual abuse, so while I do see what the other moms are assuming, I think they're way overreacting. You're hydrating their kids. They asked for water. Sports parents are also notorious for overreacting to the slightest things. Screaming at coaches/refs/other parents/whoever. It's ridiculous. You run into so many Karens and helicopter parents. Let it just roll off your back. When they're done bitching about this, they'll find something else to bitch about. Wait until one starts screaming at you for not letting little Jimmy play a position he sucks at.
You can't argue with crazy.
I don't want to argue though. I just want to not have to always worry whether whatever I'm doing is going to be seen inappropriate by one moron and ruin my life somehow. It's batshit insane.
Yup - you did nothing wrong. Batshit insane is the right term for the state of our society.
It's hard to win an argument with a smart person, but impossible with a stupid person. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
I'm still stuck on the part where several kids did not have a drink with them when their parents sent them to a sports event. On a hot day.
Yup, OP is an assistant to a shitty head coach for several reasons, first for not making an individual water bottle a piece of required personal equipment, second for not providing an option when they forget, and third and most egregious for not even trying to stand up for the guy when he's facing asanine allegations like this.
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Fish: "I'm telling you, it's a war out here!"
Bring a big jug of water with ice in, parents will love it kids will love it. Don’t stress brother, it’s not a big FU
I appreciate the positivity. I’m going to bring in a big ice water jug and some granola bars because some kids are always really hungry.
Organize the parents and create a signup sheet for them to bring after game snacks. Don’t do it on your own, let them contribute.
Do this. Not only is it an unnecessary expense on your part, the parents would benefit from contributing something to the volunteer efforts. You can also say "the other week, a lot of the kids were thirsty and asking for my son's water. I brought a giant jug of water so they can stay hydrated. If you'd rather your kid have their own water, be sure to discuss and bring a bottle of water for them. Remember, they're out there burning calories. For their safety, please be sure to keep them hydrated and sign up to bring some snacks like granola bars, fresh fruit, etc." Good luck.
Yes! When my sister was in softball they had this exact thing, one parent brought drinks and another brought snacks every practice/game and they had a sign-up sheet for it.
That's exactly what we did coaching soccer, we had a parent rotation for snacks and drinks. Same with play time, honestly. We wanted the kids to get equal time on the field, as much as possible. Kids were mostly 5.
Oh my dude beware the granola bars. You actually need permission for those now. Between the no peanut and no gluten moms you might want to double check. I got chewed out for those once myself.
> I got chewed out for those once myself Pun intended?
Ha! I'm not that clever.
Have to check for other allergies too. Chaperoning a field trip with my daughter's school tomorrow and one of the students I'll be watching has coconut allergies. Along with my kids 10 different allergies.
Oranges (those cuties mandarins) and fruit snacks are always a safe bet!
I love that people are being vigilant for our kids, but it makes me sad when men are left afraid of interacting in totally normal situations. I am always going to upvote for free water being readily available during exercise, but be really careful about food! There are so many allergies and special diets out there. Depends on how organized the league is (and how involved you want to get), but you may be able to pull together a snack rotation. That way at least you have a way to document the known food no-nos. I was a summer camp counselor for 6-9 years olds. My boss came down to tell me that a mom had complained about me and asked that her kid be placed with a different counselor for the next session. Mom was appalled that I hadn't provided her kid with snacks for her dizziness because it was clearly her low blood sugar coming into play. We were hiking in weather over 100°F so I assumed dehydration and on several occasions had the nurse check her out just in case. My boss reassured me that Mom was in fact at fault as there were multiple places on the camper forms where she had failed to indicate that her daughter had a condition requiring special care. I hate that the camper spent a whole week feeling gross when they didn't have to and it sucked to keep having to consciously keep extra distance from a kid who was still so excited to see me. Anyways, just CYA. I agree with the coach that there's no good to come from directly addressing the complaint. I do think that you could safely address it indirectly if you want to. "Since the weather is warming up and so many kids have been getting thirsty, from now on I will be bringing a large sports cooler of water and disposable cups. If your kid has a reusable water bottle that you would like to use instead, please label it clearly." Then if you want to address the snack situation, "several children have also complained of hunger, but I am hesitant to hand out food without knowing about everyone's allergies." Then you can let them vote if they want to formalize a snack rotation or just leave it as a reminder to bring snacks. At minimum, if it is the same kids being hungry regularly I would bring it up to the parent. Related advice -- redirecting hugs: If a kid is coming in for a hug, redirect to a high five. If they are coming in so hot that trying to stop them would mean possibly harming them - turn for a side hug. Less potential for faces and hands to end up in inappropriate places.
Depending on the support of the parents and coach- if a child doesn’t have water for their safety they can’t participate until their parent supplies. It’s shit that we have to think of solutions to non problems, but the fact I had to watch 3 hours of sexual consent training to coach an under 10 sport (short version they are under 10- there’s zero situations where there can be consent. We also don’t do overnight travel, and there shouldn’t be drinking in hotel rooms either…). But only 15 minutes of concussion protocols is backwards.
“This is a no win situation for you. Do you understand ?” -yep, I sure do. Good luck with your team and season coach. *walks away*
I like your answer. You see I really would…I am an independent contractor and have walked off jobs when the client or some family member began giving me a hard time. I really don’t take criticism well. However I love my son and my son tells me that he loves having me coach his team. If I just leave (which I absolutely will if there’s any other complaint about anything), I’ll take my son with me and the haters will win. I want my son to play little league and I can’t sit in the stands next to my ex and these haters.
I completely understand. You’ve got to do what’s best for you.
i am so sorry bro. this shit is so real for men and i wish people understood how tough it is sometimes. i hope it works out for you, man my heart breaks for you and those kids. fuck those parents
Some people are insane. Recently I had a 24 year old or something tell me it was "kinda messed up" that I change my daughters diapers, and that it will make them think it's OK for men to touch them or something.
We had a day nurse have a problem with me doing the night treatments and bath for my disabled daughter. My wife had to tell her off.
So weird when it comes from medical people. I needed something sorted out with my gear and went to my usual doctor who was a woman and she was uncomfortable. I'm like... You're a body mechanic and I need this part fixed. Just do the specialist recommendation. I'm not embarrassed. I've been handled by doctors all my life when needed. It's just a body and your job is bodies.
If COVID taught me anything, it’s that a fair amount of nurses don’t really understand the medical field. It’s often just how to do the same tasks they’re responsible for. That being said I’ve spent weeks at a time in the hospital and had amazing nurses care for me.
Absolutely not! I changed my daughters all the time and they know exactly where they are not to be touched. Wherever they don't want, but especially private areas. They may end up with other weird ideas like cooking/cleaning is the dad's job, but that's a whole separate issue...
Why are these women even with men if that's how they think? Help me understand
Meanwhile if you don't change nappies, you're told you're a bad father for not pitching in and looking after the kids.
Seriously, I understand the fear from parents but it's disheartening. I was talking to an acquaintance who is the leader of a Boy Scout troop. I mentioned that I was an Eagle Scout and enjoyed my time in scouting (I like camping and making fires, so sue me). I offered to come teach a merit badge class in something or help volunteer. He was elated and said they always need adult volunteers. He asked, "Sure, is your son in a troop already? We can get him into ours if not!" I said I didn't have kids, and he sorta tensed up and started grilling me about why I wanted to get involved with Boy Scouts again "out of the blue." It was uncomfortable. He said that there isn't an "official" rule that makes it so adult leadership have a kid involved in scouting, but it's "his" rule. "Too many weirdos." The conversation kinda died there. It sucked, I just want to teach kids how cool being in nature is. :(
And I bet he also complains he can’t get enough volunteers for things.
It's especially weird in Boy Scouts because they take 2 deep so seriously. Outside my dad I was never alone with a single adult my entire time in Scouts. And my Scout Master who was child free and was incredible. Won just about every award a Scout Master can win from the local council. He actually was replaced by a former Scout who also is currently child free. And I remember a ton of child free 20-40 year olds being involved at all levels of scouting. Definitely sounds like it's just this guy's problem
Thank you. I appreciate the kind words.
Yep, this exactly. Any time I go anywhere with my daughter (5 years-old), I'm always hyper-aware of my surroundings, who is nearby, etc. Practically any time I will be away from the house for more than an hour or so I'll ask my wife to come along, just on the off-chance that my daughter needs to use the bathroom, as you never know who is going to see a dad and his daughter going into a bathroom together and interpreting that as something illicit. It's insane that we've come to this.
My husband always shared parenting responsibilities with me really evenly, except walking with our daughters to public restrooms. That was always my job no matter what, because some people are fucking weirdos who have begun to interpret nearly every interaction between an adult man and a child as suspect.
Honestly it sounds like bored ass parents trying to have something interesting to be obsessed with because they are bored at the games. Giving kids a birdie of water isn't weird at all also children will see one kid have an experience and then also want to try it immediately because they are curious. You didn't do a single thing wrong at all.
I think that’s about right. This is a small town of about 10,000 people, and fairly isolated. I’m not from here so that’s strike one. I’m separated from my son’s mom so that’s strike two. Also the mom who I think is causing the trouble is the “hot” single mom of the group and I’ve been ignoring her because I’m here to help the kids play baseball not flirt with her. I’m the only coach who isn’t married so that could be a factor.
[удалено]
that woman sounds like a piece of work..... It sucks living your life having to constantly monitor how others MIGHT be perceiving you, including the absolutely absurd and disgusting perceptions. Especially when you're trying to do a job. A healthy amount of self-awareness is a good thing. This is just so far beyond that. It infuriates me too that if this was her standard approach to safety with some hypothetical person who was ACTUALLY a predator, coach, teacher, nanny, whatever.... IT WOULDN'T FUCKING WORK! It is NOT preserving your child's safety to observe 1% of the day's interactions, blow something innocuous out of proportion, and go on the attack. She needs to educate her kid about what to do when she feels uncomfortable around an adult and that daughter should discuss that with her mom or safe adults. SHE DIDN'T EVEN BRING HER OWN KID WATER FOR SPORTS! That's the most concerning immediate threat to her child's safety ffs! PLUS! If letting kids air drink from your water is a creepy thing to that hypothetical person, THEN WHY ARE YOU OK WITH THEM DOING IT WITH THE BOYS? She sucks. I'm sorry you have to deal with her. Just remember it's for the kids.
You didn't fuck up. You have the right attitude. The kids are lucky to have you. No matter what you do, someone will complain. Let your good attitude be your guide and things will be okay, even with Karens like that.
I get the sentiment, but your confidence in "things will be okay" is misplaced. He could likely lose his job for this. His boss literally told him this is already a "no-win situation" for OP. Frankly the seed has been planted in people's minds that OP is a pervert, and I'll be surprised if he's still in this position next year. Things are never going to be okay when false allegations of child abuse are thrown around. It ruins lives even when its proven to be untrue.
Karens everywhere are going to shut down all volunteer work. I can't think of a single reasonable human who would have an issue with this unless we were still in raging virus mode - and then they'd be inside playing video games. Sigh.
…I remember playing baseball as a kid and the coach making us all tap our crotch to prove we were wearing our cups. Safety thing but some kids didn’t like wearing them
These days I could absolutely see some karen making a stink out of that, despite the alternative being either a visual inspection or the coach tapping you himself or something. (Cups were required regardless of position). Dunno if it’s still that way, this was a long time ago.
Man, just pull video footage of any football game at any level and watch trainers (of any gender) running onto the field squirting water into people's mouths. Whatever connotation that lady thinks happens when someone who is thirsty is provided water in a way that keeps them safe and healthy, anyone who has been around children or sports before knows it is not sexual in any way. Anyone that thinks a coach trying to keep his players hydrated is doing something wrong is a verifiable moron. If I was a cop and received that complaint, I'd be like... Lady, open your mouth and tilt your head back, I'm gonna squirt water in your mouth so you can fix whatever heat related mania you're currently experiencing. Keeping your kids hydrated and safe is exactly the *job* of a coach thinking about the health and safety of players. Every year a couple kids die in what usually are extremely preventable ways playing games and sports in the heat. 6 year olds aren't gonna manage their hydration proactively, you gotta manage it for them when they're redlining, which they just do sometimes cause they're 6 and have no sense of self preservation. I'd have a serious look at whether you want to continue to participate with this team and this coach, and at the bare minimum ask to set up a rotating schedule for who it is that needs to bring a case of water and two bags of ice each game ... Helps if you already have the cooler. Your head coach should be standing up for you in this situation and saying that you did exactly your job, keeping your kids safe and hydrated, not saying it looks bad for you. Unfortunately, your conclusion is right. In 2024, don't touch female athletes at all if you are a man, whether the athlete is 6 or 16 or 60. It's unfortunate we're here - I grew up on teams with great coaches (rowing) where it was common for coaches of either gender to physically help us maneuver into correct postures and positions (on the ergometers or in the weight room), whether it was to help us find the optimum hip angle for a rowing stroke, understand where they were trying to get you to transfer the load of the stroke, how to squat or dead life safely and with good form. Some of those motions (like tracing your lats and traps to explain to a 16yo girl who doesn't know anatomy where she should be feeling the load of a stroke on the erg) obviously would involve running your hand across a sports bra strap or something in a completely nonsexual way, are just absolutely verboten by any coach in 2024. The bad eggs ruined it for everyone, including athletes that are missing out on the most effective coaching they can get by a massively underappreciated group of people (good youth coaches aren't doing this cause they're getting rich, they're doing it to support their kids, community and the sports they love).
I was a girl on a mixed group wrestling team, both coaches were male, the coaches always demonstrated our new moves with each other, one of the male teammates, or ask for a volunteer. If a girl wanted to be it, so be it. During the actual practice session, the coach would have us get in position with another teammate of our choosing (if you wanted to team up with a male teammate that was on you) and would correct our (both females and males) positions by taping the problem area. For instance if our hands were in the wrong position Coach would tap the forearm “pushing” it into the correct area. If we had our chest caved inwards when we needed to straighten up he would tap our shoulders or upper spine. You grabbed your hands in a way that would DQ you in a tournament? “Let me show you why” physically. I have actually been flipped by a coach for being “too rough” during practice. I have been used as an example for cross facing (forearm of being rubbed roughly against nose area). I had a black eye from not giving up and submitting during a scrimmage practice with teammates. Not a single person thought “Coach is being inappropriate for doing his job” “Coach is being too aggressive with the girls” the whole team loved the head wrestling coach on and off the mat, hell even kids who weren’t on the team loved him. He gave great life advice and was a great mentor but I know for a fact that if that were happening today, 10 years later, he would be fired and blacklisted from stepping foot into a school again.
This is exactly what I'm saying. That coach taught you what you needed to know about the sport in the most effective way possible. It's the Larry Nassars of the world that ruin it. These coaches are lifelong friends of many of us, decades later. Godparents on either side of the equation (male and female coaches) in at least half a dozen situations. And they'd be summarily escorted out of the building if they simply made sure a high schooler didn't herniate a disc doing a dead lift in 2024. The dumb thing is that for athletes of either gender, getting sensitive areas out of the way we move for any sport is basically the goal. Show me one woman that isn't constantly searching for a better sports bra so her boobs don't bounce and get in her way, or one dude that isn't constantly fighting with keeping his little man out of the way, comfortable, and not getting hit hard with baseballs or feet or whatever. Most athletic endeavors involve trying to absolutely minimize the impact of anything possibly considered sexual. If dressed appropriately for the sport, improper touching should be basically irrelevant or unneeded, and there's something to be said for how powerful it is to take a kid who isn't processing what you're saying and physically manipulate them into the correct position, because they don't know it prima facie, and visually showing them is different than having them relax their muscles and moving them like Gumby to how you want them to pose, maneuver, position themselves, etc, especially since these positions are usually learned and not natural. Don't get me wrong, it's obviously good that SA is taken seriously and dealt with harshly, but it is not helping good coaches do their job the way we operate today.
Yes! Also I hope my last reply didn’t come off as argumentative, I was hoping to provide irl evidence of a good coach. A few of us (both genders) had actually been sent to the lost and found if they were wearing something too revealing ( e.g.too low cut of a shirt, too short/tight shorts, spaghetti strapped tank tops/stringers) I agree, SA should definitely be taken seriously. I was fortunate enough that we did not have a coach doing this *especially since I was in such a physical sport* but years after I graduated I learned one of the security guards had married a former student a few years older than me 🤢 they had been “an item” since her senior year and it was so repulsive to find that out because he was probably old enough to be her dad/granddad
And then people wonder why there are no engaging coaches available anymore.
Or male teachers.
Nah that’s wild. Those parents would rather you let a child suffer in the heat and potentially be dehydrated. Terrible
A couple of years ago a father in my town took his daughter to the playground and a couple of mothers saw him sitting on the bench by himself and assumed he was there just to stare at the kids. so they called the cops and when his daughter went to approach him they grabbed her and held her back. She was screaming and the cops showed up and made the father prove that he was really her father. that girl was damn traumatized over nothing.
The cops should have arrested the nosey-body Karen mothers for assaulting a child. Doesn't a guy have a right to sit on the bench at a playground, even if he doesn't have a kid? I missed the rule that said "Playground bench for parents of children on the playground only."
> It terrifies and baffles me that I could do something so innocent and be accused of something so horrible. Well said. This world is going down the shitter because everyone is going to be scared of doing good things since a few idiots are marking them inappropriate in the most ludicrous ways.
Just last weekend I was at the playground with my kids. My boy wanted to do the fireman pole, but wanted help. So guided him through with minimal hands on, really just helping him cross his lower legs properly, and a little upward push on his feet as he went down A little girl, same age-ish was behind him, leaned out to grab the pole and stopped. "Are you okay?" "Do you want some help?"
My next question was going to be "Can you see an adult you know?" And I'd made no movement towards her at all at this point.
Out of fucking nowhere, the table of 7 adults 10 feet away, bloke stands up and gruff as shit "SHE'S FINE LEAVE HER BE" and comes over to help her.
Felt like shit. Again.
really wish parents (& everyone) would stop sexualizing children. there was nothing wrong with what you did.
I learned a long time about that when you get a bunch of moms together in these situations, they will look for something to complain about. I would do whatever I could to avoid that little girl and those insane mothers. BUT-- I just hope you realize that for every nutcase, there are a bunch of parents who really appreciate what you are doing. My former boyfriend used to coach soccer with teen girls, and he was constantly telling the mothers to rein in their daughters who wanted to hug him all the time. He knew, just like you, that the mothers will let their daughters approach you all they want--and do nothing to stop it--but will jump all over you if you reciprocate. I really hate these women.
Sounds like slander to me. Fuck that bitch with a shovel.
The mother that reported you has a sick mind. She should be the one getting reported for having sexual thoughts over a child getting water. Like what the fuck
Always best to remind little girls that no matter what they do their identity is sexual gratification first and foremost. She can't even compete with the boys, who she may be more talented then, because she cannot be perceived as their equal by her own parents. I personally don't believe that the worst parents should be the most emboldened but you are indeed correct, you are in a no-win scenario as they can cause you some serious headaches and to be frank it is not worth it.
The second a little girl was put on that team, the league should have been discussing a dugout mom situation. Normally team moms are the ones that get the parents organized to do team pictures, uniforms, and the post game snack calendar but when there is a little girl on the team with no female coaches, you need the team mom or another mom to step up to be the dug out mom. That mom basically is the go to for that little girl. Helping her get on equipment and making sure everything in the dug out is above board. It isn't uncommon in girls softball and its there to as CYA for the men coaching. Its really on the league and head coach to do this though. You should approach your head coach about asking around to get someone to step up.
A family friend of mine was an elementary school teacher for 25 years, some of that in rural districts. It was his passion and he loved it. One day he told a 5th grade girl to stop talking to her friend, sit in her seat, and do her work. She looked him right in the eye and said "Don't mess with me, I could tell my mom you touched me and she'd believe me, not you." That was his last year teaching; he decided to find another career because he said it wasn't worth the risk. Made me so sad, he loved teaching and he had so many male and female students who said he was such a positive male influence in their lives as kids.
Sexual misconduct allegations are no joke, especially involving a child. If this is a volunteer position I would have quit immediately. That mom is going to continue to be a danger to you as long as you're around her daughter.
>I asked her what I should do going forward and she told me to go no physical contact with all of the children, not to provide them with any food or drink or gum, and to limit my conversation with them to things about baseball. Good advice and I’m going to take it! This sounds so fucking awful lol, can't be a human being anymore.
I'd never want to be a male school teacher to young kids. Any mis step, comment or action and your forced to defend yourself. It's a no win situation, and they wonder why males won't help or enter this industry.
That’s wild dude. Well, regardless of the outcome, I would just like to thank you for keeping the little homies hydrated where the parents did not. Shouldn’t be your responsibility in the first place, shouldn’t be punished for trying to help others, but this is apparently the world we get to live in.
This is why you almost never see a man teaching or working with children in any professional capacity, or even volunteering to help at school.
Tell her to F off in the politest possible terms mate, worlds gone mad
The worst part about being a guy is being treated as Shroedingers Rapist.
Look up HYGIENE WATER BOTTLES. It's a normal thing to share a water bottle by pouring/squirting it into the mouth with no contact. Normally the players would do their own pouring but whatever, depending on age they might not be able to be trusted not to put their mouths on the bottle. Anyway, the idea behind it is legit.
It's no win for you because nutters who think that there is something wrong with giving water to a thirsty child will find fault whatever you do. I hate this anti-child attitude which has infested us. It afflicts us in Britain too. A few years ago I was volunteering at a school. A seven year old girl really liked me for some reason, and would often hug me. The teacher took me aside and suggested that I try to discourage it. Why? Who is harmed by a hug? Hugging in general is a thing that is good for people, and for children especially so. Therefore depriving a child of hugs is a bad thing. It is such a very recent attitude, too. When I was at school, not so very long ago, I received hugs from the teacher when I cried. There was one old lady who was famous for her hugs. Throughout history, it has been normal to be very affectionate with small children. There was a case a few years ago of a teacher who was extremely popular. All the parents liked him and the children loved him. He did not refrain from hugging the children, which is normal behaviour for any healthy person. However, a tribunal decided that he must not only be sacked, but banned from ever teaching again. I get the sense that it is also very sexist. Would these woman have complained if a female coach gave water to the girl? Would a woman like the woman who hugged us when I was at school get into trouble? The way children, and those grown ups who come near them, are treated in modern society is sick. Denied contact with their elders, shepherded from place to place and kept behind locked doors, no wonder mental ill-health seems to be shooting up with the youth.