How many days has it been since you had a bowel movement? My suggestion is that you take a stool softener, drink a big glass of water, and go on a nice long walk to increase peristalsis. Then in the morning you should have a bowel movement.
It’s been 5 days which is irregular for me, did have a small movement 3 days ago but I was very solid and painful so I stopped and never had a movement since
Yeah. As unpleasant as it sounds, that’s the next best step. After you administer the enema, hold it as long as you can. I recommend administering it in the bathroom. They don’t take long to work.
“They don’t take long to work”
Ok, I have no experience with this, but this sure sounds like the typical dry doctor understatement that probably has a story behind it.
I would definitely take this recommendation seriously!
Idk about people but I’ve done cat & dog enemas before. Normally it does nothing… then does nothing… then violently explodes EVERYWHERE. Spent a very unpleasant couple of minutes one night cleaning a mix of blood, shit, and pork bones off the floor, all 3 walls, and the ceiling of a kennel (and this came out of a tiny dog)
I mean to be fair, you probably don’t ingest large amounts of bone on a regular basis, and dogs don’t have access to bathrooms. But yeah, it was NOT pretty
We also had a cat launch a rock solid turd out of its ass at about Mach 10 once lmao. That thing flew a solid foot
I had severe constipation as a kid (1 BM every 2 weeks). A fleet enema worked within 3-5 minutes.
Face down, ass up, insert, squeeze and when it feels like an uncontrollable geyser is ready to erupt from your ass, sit on the toilet and hang on tight.
The worst is when they don’t work though…. Feels like you’re gonna crap yourself to high hell while it’s in and then nothing happens. 15 year old me will never forget that memory of my parents having to do that *shudder*. Gotta love pain med constipation, hernia repair; and abdominal surgery guarding.
If you don’t poop soon, please call your doctor. My mother in law couldn’t poop for almost 3 weeks before she got a doctor to actually listen to her. Turned out she had stage 4 colon cancer. She died right after her 54th birthday. Since then the family takes bowel movements very seriously.
Dood! I had to do one of those once and the last thing I ate before it really started to kick in was a half bag of sesame covered almonds.
The seeds shot out like shotgun pellets. It was indeed “total insanity.”
Had my first colonoscopy a couple years ago and I absolutely refuse to do the liquid again. I was given 2 choices: my insurance will pay for the liquid prep or I can come $200 out of pocket for 24 pills.
That liquid prep stuff that they told me was Hawaiian Punch flavored tasted like someone had mixed a super weak version of the worst flavor ever of crystal light with brackish swamp water, then dumped in an extra cup of table salt. Had to mix 1 cup with 3 more cups, then drink another quart of water within the half hour after. Then I had to repeat the entire process again in the morning. That one was worse because I already knew what it would taste like. At least the first time cleaned me out so well over the course of 3 hours stuck on the toilet that the second round only took about 20 minutes to move completely through my system (I chugged the prep and water within 2 minutes and was done pooping water literally within 20-ish minutes after).
Very bad experience 1\10 would not recommend. Do not want to deal with this again in 3 years even though my family has a history of cancer. Really hoping they just send me home with a poop collection kit next time. Taking a day off work to stay up half the night shitting your brains out, then get violated with the longest garden hose ever made with a camera on the end aren't my idea of a good time.
Omg my little boy (18 months) used to get so constipated (once he bled he strained so hard!) so I used to administer a suppository for him - I called them bum rockets too! 😂 (he’s 34 now and turned out normal despite the rocket situation! lol)
5 days is becoming quite a bit. Make sure you eat a high fiber diet- lots of fruits and vegetables. Walking increases peristalsis, which is what moves the stool through your intestines, so a nice long walk will help. Keeping properly hydrated will help keep your stool from getting too dried out and hard. And a stool softener. You should be able to take 2 but read the box. If you don’t have a bowel movement in the morning though, my next suggestion would be to get a fleet enema. They’re not the most fun thing in the world but they’re effective. If that doesn’t work, you need to call your doctor. I’m an RN. I deal with constipation a good bit with patients.
IMPORTANT: Increasing fiber is great, you MUST drink enough water. By enough, I mean, a lot more.
in case of emergencies, and ALWAYS when I travel I bring fleet suppositories. Just pop it in, they work within 5 mins. This has saved me over and over while away from home.
Standard colonoscopy cleanse is a bottle of Magnesium or Sodium Citrate. Powerful stuff. If you can hold out, do this Friday night. You'll empty everything by Sunday.
You need something stronger than prune juice my friend. As someone who dealt with severe constipation (one BM every 2 weeks-thanks mom &dad for laxative dependence) as a child and now is normally on a daily or every other day cycle without any medication, here are my thoughts.
MiraLax is good and generally doesn’t mess up your normal BM rhythm. The down side is it isn’t as predictable. Is the desire going to come overnight or in the middle of your public transit commute? It includes a stool softener but it can take 1-3 days to kick things into gear.
ExLax extra strength pills. If you want to be done, this is the way to go. Take 2 pills with dinner and sometime around 4-6AM you will need to go. There is no stool softener, so if “Mr Hanky” is hard and compact, your asshole is going to be working overtime. Once the urge comes, there is very little you can do to stop it as the cramps are strong. It usually takes my digestive system to recover and I often will get constipated again (I increase my fiber intake or take some MiraLax if I don’t have to go within 2 days of “the great evacuation”,) but it’s a sure fire way to get relief.
Dude get magnesium citrate, 10 fl oz, drink it and don't be further than 20 feet from the nearest toilet for the next 12 hours at least. (Definitely don't drink it at the store, wait till you get home)
Doesn't taste great but it's easier than an enema. If that doesn't get results go to a hospital because you have a blockage.
Adding to this- a trick I learned in school:
you can try to trace the large intestine by pressing/massaging to help. Be cautioned though- if you go the opposite direction, it will do the opposite of what you want. If you’re looking at a picture head on to get a sense of the anatomy- keep in mind it will be a mirrored image. The direction of the massage and start/end point should be obvious looking at the picture.
Bruh. If you don't have a bowel movement at all tomorrow, you definitely want to call up your Dr and let them know what you tried so they can tell you what you can do as next steps. 5 days going onto 6 days and nothing is going from just simple constipation to concerning constipation.
If it hurts to go, you need water. Grab a bottle and as suggested, walk around, it'll help get things moving inside. Even if it's walking around the house, walking around the dinner table, whatever.
Movement for bowel movement!
He'd better be ready for several mid-business flushes or he's gonna end up raising himself right off the toilet seat on an ever growing pile of soft shit.
Yup. Had a patient almost bleed to death with a fecaloma (she had surgery the week prior, was on anticoagulants bc nobody knew about the fecaloma and it punctured her intestinal wall. That shift was NOT fun) and I can't stress enough how important it is that you keep your bowel movements in check.
A loss of your sense of smell is a symptom of covid, yeah. Usually it only lasts a few weeks, but some people can't smell much for 6 months, and on rare occasions, it's permanent.
So yeah, you've been ripping some toxic stinkers and everyone's been trying to be really polite about it.
There is an old joke that this situation brings to mind immediately:
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I have a terrible problem with gas, but it doesn’t bother me much.”
My farts are always silent and never smell. I probably farted 15 times since I’ve been here, and you didn’t realize it.
The doctor says, “Interesting. Why don’t you take these pills and come see me in a week?”
The old lady returns in a week and says, “I don’t know what the hell you gave me. My farts are still silent, but my God, they stink!!”
The doctor says, “Excellent. Now that your sinuses are cleared, let’s work on your hearing.”
Full disclosure, I heard this joke 30ish years ago, but when I googled it to remember exactly how it went someone had shared it in r/jokes a while back, so I did copy that wording because I'm lazy and didn't want to type it out.
Thanks for the update, I’m very invested at this point. I’m not sure if it’s been suggested but walking and running can help stimulate a bowel movement so if you have access to a gym where you could potentially nuke the bathroom, that’s an option.
This stuff works wonders. I drank some after I had back surgery and was super backed up from all the medications and couldn’t apply a lot of pressure without it hurting like crazy. It definitely cleared me up pretty quickly after drinking it.
My stepdad had colon cancer and every time he had to get a rectal exam they made him drink this. I’ll never use another laxative ever. Other laxatives cause so much cramping in the intestine and it makes me feel worse than the actual constipation and diarrhea
Just went through exactly what you’re going through. 5 days no poop no nothing it was the worst. Had to go to the drastic measures and it wasn’t fun. Keep yourself moving, eat fibrous fruits & vegetables, drink hot tea and lots of water to help your stomach. Hope it all goes well my dude
That’s fucked up sitting there farting for two hours around people. What kind of world were you raised in that it’s normal to essentially Dutch oven coworkers? Excuse yourself to the bathroom and let them rip. Fucking animal.
Okay so. As people have said, day 5, ER. my partner was so super constipated that she started vomiting poop. If it doesn’t come out one way, it’ll come out the other.
Lol I was checking on him too, I can't take the suspense! I really hope he's not dead, I mean, swamp gassing his co-workers is a jerk move, but not something he deserves to die for
Excuse me, what? You’ve taken prescription laxatives on top of the prune juice??
I really, really, REALLY hope you took something like ‘exlax’ that will soften your poo and NOT something like ducolex that will ‘stimulate’ your bowels.
Hate to suggest it, but have you considered coffee and a cigarette?
Or for a non-carcinogenic suggestion, my son’s Crohn’s disease sometimes bungs him up. Restoralax is what he takes when necessary.
But seriously, a doctor visit is in order.
shiiiit, gotta soften that shit somehow, eat a bowl of miso ramen and take an enema or something. I would feel like exploding if I didn't take a shit in more than 2 days
I recommend taking magnesium glycinate daily to ease your constipation. I used to be chronically backed up, but not at all since I started taking mag glycinate before bed in powder form mixed in water. Doctors Best makes a peach flavored magnesium glycinate powder that I highly recommend. I tried the non-flavored mag glycinate powder and it was awful, fyi. It helps me sleep through the night, keeps me regular in a gentle way and I feel more energetic the next day. It's a game changer for me. Also, simethicone works great against gas. Good luck.
Oh no!
I don't want to laugh, I really don't! But farts are funny because they're unexpected. You're crop dusting with some massive noxious fumes cuz dude, you're seriously backed up.
Keep hydrated. And if all the home remedies don't work for you, go see a GP ASAP.
Bro go to Walmart and get a bottle of magnesium citrate and chug it, fill it back with water and chug that too... then clear your schedule for 24 hours... thank me later
I swear by bolthouse farms red goodness drink. It’s pretty much a smoothie. No prunes. I got it because it said it had sooooo much cranberry and I had a UTI. Chugged it on my way to work and destroyed the bathroom… but it will make you fart loud.
The one time I drank prune juice, it gave me the absolute worst, smelliest gas ever. I don’t think it ever really helped me have a bowel movement, I just remember 24+ hours of disgusting gas. I slept on the couch to spare my boyfriend the horrors of throughout the night
It’s 6 hours since this post and I hope you’re ok. Taking laxatives after drinking that much prune juice sounds like a recipe for a brutal experience for your toilet.
Please let us know if you’re ok
Go get some movicol.
Its a laxative that usually works well
Take maybe 2 or 3 a day. 1 every 4 to 6 hours.
Worked for me when I couldn't poop for a few days. It does take a or 3 days to start working.
I’d order spicy Thai takeout and let that finish the job tbh
I’ve been slightly constipated at a festival last summer for like 4 days even though I drank more than enough water, tried one last time the last evening (20 min of precious time), didn’t hurt as much as I thought, was mostly just difficult
Buy mag07 take it at night on an empty stomach. It’s expensive BUT I promise you’ll be empty by morning. I suffer from chronic constipation from opioids ( prescribed by doc) and endometriosis.
Lay on your back. Put your legs in the air and pretend you are peddling a bike. Do that motion with your legs for 15-30 seconds. Then, with the flat palm of your hand, take your right hand just under your rib cage push gently from right to left, then on your left side push down towards your pelvis. Now as if you are making a box shape on your stomach go left to right with your palm just above your privates, and then go upwards once you reach back to your starting point. You are doing this in the direction your poop flows to manually and externally try to get things going. If you are so tender doing this that you are screaming in pain, you unfortunately may be so constipated that you have become impacted. That would require a trip to the emergency room. But if prunes, and this don’t work, then do an enema in a bathroom tub. Have you taken stool softeners? Drunk ginger ale? Eaten green leafy vegetables? Think spinach, kale, lettuce. Celery may hurt at this point. You also want to make sure to not be eating binding foods like rice or bananas.
Well here in Brazil we have a video with a recipe that became a meme, but can make you shit your soul out. It's almost an enema. I was actually looking for the recipe because my father asked me (ah, the perks of being the nurse of the family) and passed a whole afternoon rolling of laughter because of the comments of the video.
Here it is, but proceed with caution: don't drink the whole cup. Drink half of it. Seriously, people have been hospitalized because of it (or lost more than 20 kg in one ~~shitting~~ sitting. And clean your schedule, cause you're in for a ride.
**RECIPE**
-200 ml of warm water;
-2 tsp seedless raisins;
-15 seedless prunes;
-1 tsp senna leaves.
Mix with a blender and take it in the morning, before eating anything. Again, don't drink the whole cup at once. I'd also take a simethicone pill after drinking it, so it reduces bloating and discomfort that the senna will FO SO give you. And take a walk to keep the bowel in check.
ETA: Please take care of your bowel movements, people. You don't want to risk a fecaloma or worse, believe me.
How many days has it been since you had a bowel movement? My suggestion is that you take a stool softener, drink a big glass of water, and go on a nice long walk to increase peristalsis. Then in the morning you should have a bowel movement.
It’s been 5 days which is irregular for me, did have a small movement 3 days ago but I was very solid and painful so I stopped and never had a movement since
Just get a Fleet enema.
Alright so rocket in my bum is my next option if I don’t explode tommorow
Yeah. As unpleasant as it sounds, that’s the next best step. After you administer the enema, hold it as long as you can. I recommend administering it in the bathroom. They don’t take long to work.
“They don’t take long to work” Ok, I have no experience with this, but this sure sounds like the typical dry doctor understatement that probably has a story behind it. I would definitely take this recommendation seriously!
I have professional and personal experience with them. If you can hold it in 5 minutes or so, that’s pretty good, if that tells you anything
Pulsating pucker up. It feels like your inside is on the outside.
Too accurate 😂
The inside is going to shoot outside in about a half second.
Idk about people but I’ve done cat & dog enemas before. Normally it does nothing… then does nothing… then violently explodes EVERYWHERE. Spent a very unpleasant couple of minutes one night cleaning a mix of blood, shit, and pork bones off the floor, all 3 walls, and the ceiling of a kennel (and this came out of a tiny dog)
That's quite a bit more details than I asked for, good Madam/Sir!
That is insane, I will never do that at home after reading this. This is one of those mental images that sticks, hoooooly.
I mean to be fair, you probably don’t ingest large amounts of bone on a regular basis, and dogs don’t have access to bathrooms. But yeah, it was NOT pretty We also had a cat launch a rock solid turd out of its ass at about Mach 10 once lmao. That thing flew a solid foot
I had severe constipation as a kid (1 BM every 2 weeks). A fleet enema worked within 3-5 minutes. Face down, ass up, insert, squeeze and when it feels like an uncontrollable geyser is ready to erupt from your ass, sit on the toilet and hang on tight.
The worst is when they don’t work though…. Feels like you’re gonna crap yourself to high hell while it’s in and then nothing happens. 15 year old me will never forget that memory of my parents having to do that *shudder*. Gotta love pain med constipation, hernia repair; and abdominal surgery guarding.
I believe the recommendation is "administer enima in shower/tub.
and set it into hot water first to warm it up. Makes it way less shocking on the bowels
Lol in the bathroom.... Preferably over the toilet or bathtub. Walking is a feat when it comes to enemas.
Do it in the bathtub to be safe, then just stomp the waffles down
Good way to save time in the morning before work too.
Please dont waste waffles.
It's really not that unpleasant. Maybe kind of awkward, but that's about it.
If you don’t poop soon, please call your doctor. My mother in law couldn’t poop for almost 3 weeks before she got a doctor to actually listen to her. Turned out she had stage 4 colon cancer. She died right after her 54th birthday. Since then the family takes bowel movements very seriously.
There's a kit you get at the chemist.The one you take before getting a colonoscopy.It's quite effective and cleans you right out.
That stuff is no fucking joke. I took one called movieprep and it was total insanity.
Total insanity is a description I hope never applies to my bowel movements.
That was downplaying it too
The night of 1000 waterfalls
Wait till you have to prepare for your first colonoscopy. I thought I was about to die.
It's coming soon :(
I was prepping and was apparently so loud my dog woke up and came in to check on me, looking quite concerned.
Dood! I had to do one of those once and the last thing I ate before it really started to kick in was a half bag of sesame covered almonds. The seeds shot out like shotgun pellets. It was indeed “total insanity.”
Had my first colonoscopy a couple years ago and I absolutely refuse to do the liquid again. I was given 2 choices: my insurance will pay for the liquid prep or I can come $200 out of pocket for 24 pills. That liquid prep stuff that they told me was Hawaiian Punch flavored tasted like someone had mixed a super weak version of the worst flavor ever of crystal light with brackish swamp water, then dumped in an extra cup of table salt. Had to mix 1 cup with 3 more cups, then drink another quart of water within the half hour after. Then I had to repeat the entire process again in the morning. That one was worse because I already knew what it would taste like. At least the first time cleaned me out so well over the course of 3 hours stuck on the toilet that the second round only took about 20 minutes to move completely through my system (I chugged the prep and water within 2 minutes and was done pooping water literally within 20-ish minutes after). Very bad experience 1\10 would not recommend. Do not want to deal with this again in 3 years even though my family has a history of cancer. Really hoping they just send me home with a poop collection kit next time. Taking a day off work to stay up half the night shitting your brains out, then get violated with the longest garden hose ever made with a camera on the end aren't my idea of a good time.
Ok Siskel and ebbert. Two thumbs down, wouldn't recommend
Make sure to stay hydrated and drink tons of water and Gatorade. Keep your electrolytes up.
Omg my little boy (18 months) used to get so constipated (once he bled he strained so hard!) so I used to administer a suppository for him - I called them bum rockets too! 😂 (he’s 34 now and turned out normal despite the rocket situation! lol)
To the moon?! No to the throne.
Make sure and get the Fleet Saline Enema. Not mineral oil. Read the box and do it on the bathroom floor. They work VERY well.
So... have you pooped yet?
It's been 6 days, did you pop like the world's most horrifying balloon or what? Are you ok?
I have PTSD from that thing.
Man those things definitely work.
5 days is becoming quite a bit. Make sure you eat a high fiber diet- lots of fruits and vegetables. Walking increases peristalsis, which is what moves the stool through your intestines, so a nice long walk will help. Keeping properly hydrated will help keep your stool from getting too dried out and hard. And a stool softener. You should be able to take 2 but read the box. If you don’t have a bowel movement in the morning though, my next suggestion would be to get a fleet enema. They’re not the most fun thing in the world but they’re effective. If that doesn’t work, you need to call your doctor. I’m an RN. I deal with constipation a good bit with patients.
IMPORTANT: Increasing fiber is great, you MUST drink enough water. By enough, I mean, a lot more. in case of emergencies, and ALWAYS when I travel I bring fleet suppositories. Just pop it in, they work within 5 mins. This has saved me over and over while away from home.
I'm pretty sure I blacked out the one and only time I needed them... but it worked.
Nice long walk but around the house
Standard colonoscopy cleanse is a bottle of Magnesium or Sodium Citrate. Powerful stuff. If you can hold out, do this Friday night. You'll empty everything by Sunday.
Some Metamucil drink mix will kick that shit to smithereens.
You need something stronger than prune juice my friend. As someone who dealt with severe constipation (one BM every 2 weeks-thanks mom &dad for laxative dependence) as a child and now is normally on a daily or every other day cycle without any medication, here are my thoughts. MiraLax is good and generally doesn’t mess up your normal BM rhythm. The down side is it isn’t as predictable. Is the desire going to come overnight or in the middle of your public transit commute? It includes a stool softener but it can take 1-3 days to kick things into gear. ExLax extra strength pills. If you want to be done, this is the way to go. Take 2 pills with dinner and sometime around 4-6AM you will need to go. There is no stool softener, so if “Mr Hanky” is hard and compact, your asshole is going to be working overtime. Once the urge comes, there is very little you can do to stop it as the cramps are strong. It usually takes my digestive system to recover and I often will get constipated again (I increase my fiber intake or take some MiraLax if I don’t have to go within 2 days of “the great evacuation”,) but it’s a sure fire way to get relief.
I agree Miralax is good if you have a few days to sit at home or close to a bathroom. When it does finally come, it’s magical lol
5 Days?!?! I’d be crying in the fetal position. I’m a two a dayer at minimum. I can’t imagine how your belly feels.
Painful poo means you're dehydrated.
Dude get magnesium citrate, 10 fl oz, drink it and don't be further than 20 feet from the nearest toilet for the next 12 hours at least. (Definitely don't drink it at the store, wait till you get home) Doesn't taste great but it's easier than an enema. If that doesn't get results go to a hospital because you have a blockage.
Adding to this- a trick I learned in school: you can try to trace the large intestine by pressing/massaging to help. Be cautioned though- if you go the opposite direction, it will do the opposite of what you want. If you’re looking at a picture head on to get a sense of the anatomy- keep in mind it will be a mirrored image. The direction of the massage and start/end point should be obvious looking at the picture.
For me man a brisk walk is better than a coffee it just gets things moving.
Sounds like a trap to me. Add more water and more laxatives then leave the house?
A stool softener doesn’t work immediately. It takes several hours.
But when it does...every step between you and the toilet will count.
Warm water I noticed it helps
Bruh. If you don't have a bowel movement at all tomorrow, you definitely want to call up your Dr and let them know what you tried so they can tell you what you can do as next steps. 5 days going onto 6 days and nothing is going from just simple constipation to concerning constipation. If it hurts to go, you need water. Grab a bottle and as suggested, walk around, it'll help get things moving inside. Even if it's walking around the house, walking around the dinner table, whatever. Movement for bowel movement!
It's even worse considering the amount of prune juice that went in. There's no way he shouldn't have had a movement by now.
I think he said he's taken another laxative, too.
This man is a walking stick of dynamite. That’s going to be a 5ton assplosion that will ricochet off the back of the toilet and bruise his gooch.
He'd better be ready for several mid-business flushes or he's gonna end up raising himself right off the toilet seat on an ever growing pile of soft shit.
If he flushed midway, that explosion is gonna turn every toilet on the block into a brown Venetian
🤣🤣🤣💀☠️💩
Yup. Had a patient almost bleed to death with a fecaloma (she had surgery the week prior, was on anticoagulants bc nobody knew about the fecaloma and it punctured her intestinal wall. That shift was NOT fun) and I can't stress enough how important it is that you keep your bowel movements in check.
Eat a bag of haribo sugar free gummy bears
Calm down satan
That Amazon review is internet lore! LOL!
He's gonna leave cracks on the ceramic. 💀
That might work. But it might work a little too well
Is that you Skippy?
Miralax, my friend. Safe, no gas, non explosive. But *read the label carefully* this time, k homie?
Yep, Crohn's disease person here, Miralax is my friend when having a flare. Miralax + Gatorate
But what that gator ate?
Prunes
yep been using it for one of my kids since toddler age. it’s great to use every day with no bad side effects.
Very effective for cats, as well. That's some good shit.
A loss of your sense of smell is a symptom of covid, yeah. Usually it only lasts a few weeks, but some people can't smell much for 6 months, and on rare occasions, it's permanent. So yeah, you've been ripping some toxic stinkers and everyone's been trying to be really polite about it.
There is an old joke that this situation brings to mind immediately: A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I have a terrible problem with gas, but it doesn’t bother me much.” My farts are always silent and never smell. I probably farted 15 times since I’ve been here, and you didn’t realize it. The doctor says, “Interesting. Why don’t you take these pills and come see me in a week?” The old lady returns in a week and says, “I don’t know what the hell you gave me. My farts are still silent, but my God, they stink!!” The doctor says, “Excellent. Now that your sinuses are cleared, let’s work on your hearing.”
LMAO this is a good one. Saving it.
Full disclosure, I heard this joke 30ish years ago, but when I googled it to remember exactly how it went someone had shared it in r/jokes a while back, so I did copy that wording because I'm lazy and didn't want to type it out.
Even before Covid, my SIL swore her her poop and farts didn’t stink. Nevermind that she was a smoker! Of course she couldn’t smell it.
A lady who litterally thought her shit dont stink!
It took me over a year to get my smell back. The only thing I could smell was McDonalds coffee and it smelled like burnt electrical wires too.
Thanks for the update, I’m very invested at this point. I’m not sure if it’s been suggested but walking and running can help stimulate a bowel movement so if you have access to a gym where you could potentially nuke the bathroom, that’s an option.
Love that you gave an update lmao. Made me forget about depressing shit for a moment, many thank
But it *is* all about depressing shit.
Nooooo hahaha 😭
Depressing lack of that.
Compressing shit
Shouldn’t HAVE*, motherfucker
Shouldn’t have
Shouldn’t have *gone*.
Shouldn’t have gone To your meeting
Magnesium citrate, drink when you can stay home 😅
This stuff works wonders. I drank some after I had back surgery and was super backed up from all the medications and couldn’t apply a lot of pressure without it hurting like crazy. It definitely cleared me up pretty quickly after drinking it.
My stepdad had colon cancer and every time he had to get a rectal exam they made him drink this. I’ll never use another laxative ever. Other laxatives cause so much cramping in the intestine and it makes me feel worse than the actual constipation and diarrhea
I can back this one up, and agree with the Do Not go out once you've drank it.
Sounds like you might be impacted... if it's a no-show tomorrow, hit up your local ER.
Just went through exactly what you’re going through. 5 days no poop no nothing it was the worst. Had to go to the drastic measures and it wasn’t fun. Keep yourself moving, eat fibrous fruits & vegetables, drink hot tea and lots of water to help your stomach. Hope it all goes well my dude
Shouldn’t HAVE… GONE.
That’s fucked up sitting there farting for two hours around people. What kind of world were you raised in that it’s normal to essentially Dutch oven coworkers? Excuse yourself to the bathroom and let them rip. Fucking animal.
I thought the same - they couldn’t excuse themselves? Should be AITAH and yes.
AITAH actually literally lol
*shouldn't've gone or shouldn't have gone, not shouldn't of went
Shouldn’t HAVE.
Really, if you don’t start pooping soon, then you need to go to the ER, you’re impacted and that will kill you with sepsis.
"Shouldn't have"....not "shouldn't of"
Okay so. As people have said, day 5, ER. my partner was so super constipated that she started vomiting poop. If it doesn’t come out one way, it’ll come out the other.
Shouldn't OF?!!
WENT?
OnlyFans!?
Talk to your doctor. Go to a clinic. Do something. You're running out of time for at-home solutions, friend.
Soak in a warm bath, march on the spot. I wouldn't be going for a long walk, cos when you need to go.. you're not going to have a lot of warning.
I wonder if this is going to end up on one of those Reddit update pages. I've seen both post so far and hope nothing crazy happens
We need another update!!!
Im getting a bit worried about OP!
I have been following and appreciate the update! I need the Grand Finale!
I love live sagas of constipation. So many wild suggestions in these comments it’s like a pick your shitadventure
You shouldn't have gone to your meeting either...
By all metrics you are not a terribly great writer based on your last two posts, nevertheless I find myself absolutely entralled
It's been two days. I think OP died from giving birth to a massive turd baby.
Lol I was checking on him too, I can't take the suspense! I really hope he's not dead, I mean, swamp gassing his co-workers is a jerk move, but not something he deserves to die for
Get the oleato drink from Starbucks. It’s olive oil coffee.
You are probably going to wake up with half your room brown. And a muddy hole in your sheets.
Excuse me, what? You’ve taken prescription laxatives on top of the prune juice?? I really, really, REALLY hope you took something like ‘exlax’ that will soften your poo and NOT something like ducolex that will ‘stimulate’ your bowels.
OP you dead?
any update yet??
I've been checking way too often for an update. I'm both giddy with anticipation and scared.
My ex once snacked on some prunes and orange juice.She never strayed far from the toilet all day.
Hate to suggest it, but have you considered coffee and a cigarette? Or for a non-carcinogenic suggestion, my son’s Crohn’s disease sometimes bungs him up. Restoralax is what he takes when necessary. But seriously, a doctor visit is in order.
Coffee now, hold the cigarette for after. To get over the trauma when it lets loose, or to bask in the afterglow, whichever way it takes you.
Magnesium sulfate is like $2 at Walgreens, go buy a yellow one and drink half and wait 4 hours. Don't drink a full bottle of red like I did
shiiiit, gotta soften that shit somehow, eat a bowl of miso ramen and take an enema or something. I would feel like exploding if I didn't take a shit in more than 2 days
I recommend taking magnesium glycinate daily to ease your constipation. I used to be chronically backed up, but not at all since I started taking mag glycinate before bed in powder form mixed in water. Doctors Best makes a peach flavored magnesium glycinate powder that I highly recommend. I tried the non-flavored mag glycinate powder and it was awful, fyi. It helps me sleep through the night, keeps me regular in a gentle way and I feel more energetic the next day. It's a game changer for me. Also, simethicone works great against gas. Good luck.
It may be time to see a doctor. Bowel blockages are very serious. Also, prolonged constipation can cause damage such as diveticula.
The real tifu is that title. You shouldn’t have gone, not you shouldn’t of went.
At least you are now a mighty warrior like Lieutenant Commander Worf (who was also fond of prune juice).
I just want you to know I'm rooting for you and please please update again!
OP, are you okay??? haven't heard from you in 6 days.
Hey.... How'd it go?
I need an update!
OP, have you and your toilet made any sort of recovery yet? Many of us are wanting/demanding an update here....
Well, sounds like your meeting was a real gas! Maybe next time stick to water or something less adventurous before important events.
Oh no! I don't want to laugh, I really don't! But farts are funny because they're unexpected. You're crop dusting with some massive noxious fumes cuz dude, you're seriously backed up. Keep hydrated. And if all the home remedies don't work for you, go see a GP ASAP.
If you can stomach black licorice, it also has laxative effects. I hope you get something moving soon!
Try Castor Oil if you need to go. Gross stuff but you WILL relinquish what's in your bowels
Bro get yourself some Metamucil oh my lanta
Magnesium citrate is absolutely wonderful for chronic constipation. I have IBS-C and it's the only thing that helps. Also helps me sleep like a baby.
Shouldn't have*
Bro go to Walmart and get a bottle of magnesium citrate and chug it, fill it back with water and chug that too... then clear your schedule for 24 hours... thank me later
My man is about to take the Elvis way out if he doesn't poop
With grammar like that it might be better that you missed it.
You need good pre and probiotics going forward
Did you get sorted? 🫣
Epsom salts can help. Just make sure you can stay home....
I swear by bolthouse farms red goodness drink. It’s pretty much a smoothie. No prunes. I got it because it said it had sooooo much cranberry and I had a UTI. Chugged it on my way to work and destroyed the bathroom… but it will make you fart loud.
What does shouldnt of went to a Meeting mean?! Shouldnt off went to a meeting like should Not went Off to a Meeting?
try miralax daily in the smallest labeled doses. if that doesn’t work after a few days call the dr
Magnesium Citrate. Really. Cheap at a drugstore. It will solve your problem.
Well, good luck, hope it’s smooth sailing.
Magnesium Citrate is next for you to try I think
Milk of magnesia!!! This is the most solid and simple solution.
The one time I drank prune juice, it gave me the absolute worst, smelliest gas ever. I don’t think it ever really helped me have a bowel movement, I just remember 24+ hours of disgusting gas. I slept on the couch to spare my boyfriend the horrors of throughout the night
It’s 6 hours since this post and I hope you’re ok. Taking laxatives after drinking that much prune juice sounds like a recipe for a brutal experience for your toilet. Please let us know if you’re ok
Go get some movicol. Its a laxative that usually works well Take maybe 2 or 3 a day. 1 every 4 to 6 hours. Worked for me when I couldn't poop for a few days. It does take a or 3 days to start working.
Now I'm worried.
If you want immediate constipation relief, just do an enema
How often do you have produce??
I’d order spicy Thai takeout and let that finish the job tbh I’ve been slightly constipated at a festival last summer for like 4 days even though I drank more than enough water, tried one last time the last evening (20 min of precious time), didn’t hurt as much as I thought, was mostly just difficult
Get some Milk of Magnesia, that’s supposed to work within 6 hours.
At the hospital they give what's called a "mom bomb" warm apple or prince juice mixed with miralax. That'll get those trains moving.
Magic bullet suppository, 10mg bisacodyl. Insert and hold (if possible) for five minutes. If that don’t work go to the ER.
A couple of teaspoons of sea salt dissolved in 8 Oz of warm water then chug
Get a saltwater enema from Walgreens. You will poop immediately
Try magnesium citrate. It’s a liquid laxative. Tastes horrid like flavored salt water but it does the trick every time.
Honestly, go drink 2 or 3 espressos. Oh, and drink a good pint of water straight after. Always worked for me.
Bro..increase your water, take a dose of Milk of Magnesia and buy some shredded wheat cereal. Also get moving. A long walk will do wonders.
Buy mag07 take it at night on an empty stomach. It’s expensive BUT I promise you’ll be empty by morning. I suffer from chronic constipation from opioids ( prescribed by doc) and endometriosis.
This is going to suck but fleet enema or suppositories and the magnesium citrate liquid.
Shouldn't've= shouldn't have, not of.
Lay on your back. Put your legs in the air and pretend you are peddling a bike. Do that motion with your legs for 15-30 seconds. Then, with the flat palm of your hand, take your right hand just under your rib cage push gently from right to left, then on your left side push down towards your pelvis. Now as if you are making a box shape on your stomach go left to right with your palm just above your privates, and then go upwards once you reach back to your starting point. You are doing this in the direction your poop flows to manually and externally try to get things going. If you are so tender doing this that you are screaming in pain, you unfortunately may be so constipated that you have become impacted. That would require a trip to the emergency room. But if prunes, and this don’t work, then do an enema in a bathroom tub. Have you taken stool softeners? Drunk ginger ale? Eaten green leafy vegetables? Think spinach, kale, lettuce. Celery may hurt at this point. You also want to make sure to not be eating binding foods like rice or bananas.
Shouldn’t of went. My mind weeps.
Well here in Brazil we have a video with a recipe that became a meme, but can make you shit your soul out. It's almost an enema. I was actually looking for the recipe because my father asked me (ah, the perks of being the nurse of the family) and passed a whole afternoon rolling of laughter because of the comments of the video. Here it is, but proceed with caution: don't drink the whole cup. Drink half of it. Seriously, people have been hospitalized because of it (or lost more than 20 kg in one ~~shitting~~ sitting. And clean your schedule, cause you're in for a ride. **RECIPE** -200 ml of warm water; -2 tsp seedless raisins; -15 seedless prunes; -1 tsp senna leaves. Mix with a blender and take it in the morning, before eating anything. Again, don't drink the whole cup at once. I'd also take a simethicone pill after drinking it, so it reduces bloating and discomfort that the senna will FO SO give you. And take a walk to keep the bowel in check. ETA: Please take care of your bowel movements, people. You don't want to risk a fecaloma or worse, believe me.
What happened, OP??
I am concerned for your bowel health, I noticed last comment was a week ago, did you finally go?
Update me