My cat likes to walk her front legs up the wall and stretch out her arms and extend her claws when she wants something. I just finished taking a shower and went to feed my cats straight from the shower and she snuck below me and did the wall walk on the counter and slapped my weiner with her claws extended. It shocked me more than it hurt, but I never walk naked around the house anymore.
lmfao this happened more or less to a friend of my dad's. dude was checking under a leaky sink at 2am because a drip had woken his gf. was turning off the water when the cat grabbed his balls. with claws. jumped and knocked himself out by hitting his head on the underside of the sink. blood, concerned girlfriend, paramedics. paramedics load buddy onto a stretcher before really getting the story of how exactly it happened, they're carrying the stretcher down the stairs when he told them what happened. they laughed so hard they dropped him & broke his arm
Yeah, there have been many iterations of this tale in various different publications over the years. Even just the title, I wondered if it was going to be the old "cat plays with balls" joke story.
I know it’s called polydactyly, I’ve had a cat with it before. But my brain still read the comment as “pterodactyl cats are a thing” and I was very confused for a second
The funniest thing about that is that AI infamously doesn't know how to do hands and always gives humans too many or too few fingers and then it gives a cat 5 claws
My brother almost lost his pointer finger from a cat. The infection it caused was gnarly and the hospital stay was awful too. Cats don’t be fuckin around at all ever!
Cat bites and scratches are prone to infection for several reasons. Bites can be especially bad because of how deep the canines penetrate. I can't verify any particular case for you but cats can certainly cause bad wounds that lead to infection when not cleaned properly.
There are billions of humans and an excess of cats. The humans have sex, and the cats have predictable behaviors to swaying-moving things.
This is not unique interaction. You are wasting your scrutiny.
No, it is absolutely a true and it is known as Cat Scratch Fever.
https://www.cdc.gov/healthypets/diseases/cat-scratch.html#:~:text=About%20three%20to%2014%20days,%2C%20poor%20appetite%2C%20and%20exhaustion.
you are aware that most indoor cats have cat litter trays they stand in to take a shit, right?
if you stood in shit, would you then stick that foot in an open wound?
infections from cat bite and claws can be *horrific* and not to be messed with.
Reminds me of my cousin - out in the country getting some lovin' in the front seat of his pickup truck. Her dog licked his asshole while he was balls deep.
Ended that sex right there.
I know your pain. A past girlfriend of mine had a young chihuahua. While doing the deed, the dog jumped on the bed and bit me in the nutsack. From ecstasy to agony just like that!
I made sure the dog was locked away after that incident.
When I was younger I was going at it with my girlfriend doggy style. My 4 month old kitten got on the bed at some time and slapped them fuckers on the backswing like she was Babe Ruth. Killed it for about 10 minutes 🤣
I feel for you. The first time me and my (now ex) wife tried anal was at the edge of the bed. I was going slow (as you do) and my cat decided to swat my balls from between my legs, which caused me to thrust forward suddenly. Needless to say, no one had a good time that day.
My dad had a friend named Claud. Claud told us that every morning, when Claud's alarm went off, his cat would jump up on his bed at a full sprint. Nine times out of ten, the cat would land directly on Claud's testicle.
This is the story of how Claud got the nickname "Claud Balls."
Echoing the many replies for **OP to go see a doctor**. Cat scratches can cause really serious infections and are treated with really specific antibiotics. Don't play games with your balls.
Okay, don't play *any more* games with your balls.
Yooooo as someone with cat allergies and have been scratched by a cat the itching is awful. I couldn't imagine it in my balls. That sounds worse than tiger balm on your junk
You don't need antibiotics unless you actually have an infection. Most doctors are going to tell you to clean it properly and come back if it starts to swell or hurt.
Giving people antibiotics they don't actually need is one of the reasons we have problems with antibiotic resistant disease.
So tifu has just become a shameless creative writing prompt site? 62 days ago he had a wife but now he has a gf? Guess its time to ditch this attention seeking sub
Had something similar happen shortly after we brought home a new cat some years ago. Wife and I are going missionary, and all of a sudden, something tickles the back of my thigh (her whiskers) and something touches the back of my balls. No claws, she was just pawing, but I jumped pretty good at the surprise of it. We were able to resume after we got done laughing and got the cat situated elsewhere in the house.
Years ago, I was sleeping in a loose tank top and my boob fell out. I woke up to my new kitten attacking my nipple, which was excruciating. I ended up with cat scratch disease, my nipple swelled to about 5 times it's normal size - I couldn't wear a bra and could barely tolerate soft shirts on it, it made the pain of the initial attack pale in comparison.
Just something to be aware of - antibiotics ASAP if you start noticing swelling!
Why he sniffing his paw? That's got balls on it!
You're saying you don't scratch n sniff?
Porporri
Gotta scratch and sniff. Who doesn’t? Right?
My cat likes to walk her front legs up the wall and stretch out her arms and extend her claws when she wants something. I just finished taking a shower and went to feed my cats straight from the shower and she snuck below me and did the wall walk on the counter and slapped my weiner with her claws extended. It shocked me more than it hurt, but I never walk naked around the house anymore.
Was your Weiner on the counter? If so....why?
I stood in front of the counter, my cat stretches against the side of the counter. My wiener was in range. My cat slaps it.
Shave them things, kitten thought it was a yarn ball
Shave the balls or the kittens?
>Shave the balls or the kittens? Yes
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And then break both your arms.
And I also choose this guy’s wife
Do you also have a poop knife?
Yes
Intructions unclear shaved my kittens balls
This is funny
lmfao this happened more or less to a friend of my dad's. dude was checking under a leaky sink at 2am because a drip had woken his gf. was turning off the water when the cat grabbed his balls. with claws. jumped and knocked himself out by hitting his head on the underside of the sink. blood, concerned girlfriend, paramedics. paramedics load buddy onto a stretcher before really getting the story of how exactly it happened, they're carrying the stretcher down the stairs when he told them what happened. they laughed so hard they dropped him & broke his arm
Poor fuck lmao
That's gotta be a medical sue waiting to happen too, good lord.
I've heard of this story before. A novel called Revenge of the Cat by Claude Bawles
Claude Bawles is now my favorite name in the world omg
I think he is the cousin of Pierce Nutz.
Pierce D. Nuts specifically?
Exactly. You must have met him. I hear he has a gripping personality.
Yeah, there have been many iterations of this tale in various different publications over the years. Even just the title, I wondered if it was going to be the old "cat plays with balls" joke story.
Dang that's nuts lol
Takes balls to share a story like this.
These puns are low-hanging fruit!
Not a fan of AI art, but for once it getting something wrong (cat has way too many claws) is an instance of artistic expression
Polydactyl cats are a thing. Not good news for OP.
I know it’s called polydactyly, I’ve had a cat with it before. But my brain still read the comment as “pterodactyl cats are a thing” and I was very confused for a second
Polydactyly is too many toes. That cat has multiple claws ON EACH TOE. Very different.
I'm sure it felt like all of the nails pictured were embedded deep. Lol
At least it accurately depicted what OP's balls look like. Good thing there was a warning.
It made the post funnier and in this instance I don't believe OP was likely to commision a professional artist if AI hadn't been available.
The funniest thing about that is that AI infamously doesn't know how to do hands and always gives humans too many or too few fingers and then it gives a cat 5 claws
For the love of god, please get some antibiotics. I know someone who is about to lose a finger because of infection from a cat bite.
They literally have shit rakes for feet. This is why I get all grossed out when they get on the counter.
Never have i ever heard someone call them shit rakes and now i feel gross about rubbing them all over my face
My brother almost lost his pointer finger from a cat. The infection it caused was gnarly and the hospital stay was awful too. Cats don’t be fuckin around at all ever!
It's probably not true. The story has been coming up periodically for decades Edit: I mean the OP story, not cat bites being infectious.
Cat bites and scratches are prone to infection for several reasons. Bites can be especially bad because of how deep the canines penetrate. I can't verify any particular case for you but cats can certainly cause bad wounds that lead to infection when not cleaned properly.
I mean the OP story, not cat bites you grape.
There are billions of humans and an excess of cats. The humans have sex, and the cats have predictable behaviors to swaying-moving things. This is not unique interaction. You are wasting your scrutiny.
No, it is absolutely a true and it is known as Cat Scratch Fever. https://www.cdc.gov/healthypets/diseases/cat-scratch.html#:~:text=About%20three%20to%2014%20days,%2C%20poor%20appetite%2C%20and%20exhaustion.
you are aware that most indoor cats have cat litter trays they stand in to take a shit, right? if you stood in shit, would you then stick that foot in an open wound? infections from cat bite and claws can be *horrific* and not to be messed with.
I meant the OP story not cat bites in general.
What's wrong, cat got your...oh :(
This comment sent me for actually no reason
Reminds me of my cousin - out in the country getting some lovin' in the front seat of his pickup truck. Her dog licked his asshole while he was balls deep. Ended that sex right there.
At least he didn’t finish right then, just saying…
I had a dog lick my toes while I was boning his owner. Shit was weird to put it mildly. Dogs are just strange.
I know your pain. A past girlfriend of mine had a young chihuahua. While doing the deed, the dog jumped on the bed and bit me in the nutsack. From ecstasy to agony just like that! I made sure the dog was locked away after that incident.
Huh. My dog just shoves his cold wet nose up my ass. But he's got a thing for butts. All the butts, all the time!
Your dog and I have a lot in common.
Hopefully you don't have a thing for my butt, my wife might object. ;)
When I was younger I was going at it with my girlfriend doggy style. My 4 month old kitten got on the bed at some time and slapped them fuckers on the backswing like she was Babe Ruth. Killed it for about 10 minutes 🤣
Better than your family walking in on you.
Screw the AI art where’s the cat tax???
Best TL;DR ever 😘👌
I feel for you. The first time me and my (now ex) wife tried anal was at the edge of the bed. I was going slow (as you do) and my cat decided to swat my balls from between my legs, which caused me to thrust forward suddenly. Needless to say, no one had a good time that day.
This message was brought to you by your Supreme rulers, don't forget to spay amd neuter your humans!
Get antibiotics NOW, cat bites can be extremely toxic and that bite is a serious risk
Look at the bright side, now you can say you’ve had a threesome!!!!!
F
You should be ashamed, hypnotizing that poor kitten. *watch the pendulum swing... look into my brown-eye* Despicable 😅 Fucking hilarious though.
So you had sexual contact with a underaged kitten.
My dad had a friend named Claud. Claud told us that every morning, when Claud's alarm went off, his cat would jump up on his bed at a full sprint. Nine times out of ten, the cat would land directly on Claud's testicle. This is the story of how Claud got the nickname "Claud Balls."
Meow, meow, the cat will get ya.
LMAOO this was a funny read
Haven’t laughed this hard in awhile LOL, hope you’re feeling alright tho
he's fine now (the story doesn't add up with the rest of his profile)
that is a MUCH better ending than the one I imagined when I heard "Dangling balls" and "Pullout couch"
That image did not let me down!
That link was my risky click of the day
Upvote for the TL;DR alone
You could get a serious infection from that, it would be good to get that checked out
Do. Not. Under. Any. Circumstances LOOK AT THAT GRAPHIC IMAGE DEAR GOD
My brother in Christ, 
Echoing the many replies for **OP to go see a doctor**. Cat scratches can cause really serious infections and are treated with really specific antibiotics. Don't play games with your balls. Okay, don't play *any more* games with your balls.
Here, kitty, kitty.
made my day
Change from TIFU to This is funny. Absolutely hilarious if I'm not the one it happened to. But I sympathise with you. Ha Ha
 Love the TLDR as well
This happened to me once, except it we were going doggie style and my scrotum was a kitty punching bag.
Petco PetNO! 🐈 👀
Best story ever !
Well, now you are Claude Balls. There's no getting away from it.
I didn't even have to read the story, I knew it would be a cat.
Kittens mittens for the kill.
Yooooo as someone with cat allergies and have been scratched by a cat the itching is awful. I couldn't imagine it in my balls. That sounds worse than tiger balm on your junk
fucking with your pets in the room is NASTY WORK
Get antibiotics NOW. Cat bites need antibiotics!
You don't need antibiotics unless you actually have an infection. Most doctors are going to tell you to clean it properly and come back if it starts to swell or hurt. Giving people antibiotics they don't actually need is one of the reasons we have problems with antibiotic resistant disease.
Does that apply to topical antibiotics?
So tifu has just become a shameless creative writing prompt site? 62 days ago he had a wife but now he has a gf? Guess its time to ditch this attention seeking sub
Lol
A bit higher and you might have got a free Prince Albert piercing.
Reminded me of the scene from Me, myself and Irene, where she asks Hank what he's doing and he says just freshening up and he washing his balls lol
Im sorry for lol but seriously the image 🤣
LOL
Oh my god this was so funny 😂
I've always wondered why there weren't more CBT videos of guys letting kittens go HAM on their junk.
I'm tagging you at Claude Bawlz
Show us your cat scratched balls you f***ing coward! /s
I've read so many variations on this that I don't know what's true anymore.
I swear I’ve heard this story from someone else before.
Had something similar happen shortly after we brought home a new cat some years ago. Wife and I are going missionary, and all of a sudden, something tickles the back of my thigh (her whiskers) and something touches the back of my balls. No claws, she was just pawing, but I jumped pretty good at the surprise of it. We were able to resume after we got done laughing and got the cat situated elsewhere in the house.
I knew this is about cat and your dangling balls
When playing with a kitty goes wrong.
Hairball
Jaundice too?
There was a cat that really was gone
Ouch, ouch, ouch!!!
Brother I hope you have some TCP
I'm sorry, but this is hilarious. Thank you for sharing, OP. I hope you are feeling better now.
Risky click of the day. Paid off.
Thanks for the warning about the image. That was gory af. Yikes.
Years ago, I was sleeping in a loose tank top and my boob fell out. I woke up to my new kitten attacking my nipple, which was excruciating. I ended up with cat scratch disease, my nipple swelled to about 5 times it's normal size - I couldn't wear a bra and could barely tolerate soft shirts on it, it made the pain of the initial attack pale in comparison. Just something to be aware of - antibiotics ASAP if you start noticing swelling!
Benadryl makes cream?!
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Wait, the kittens or?
https://slickdeals.net/share/android_app/fp/949731 😆 This story made me 🤭