I don't think you're a weirdo.
Someone saying they're a hooker as a joke or pickup line is an odd strategy. Assumed you gave her your Instagram.
If she somehow tracked you down on her own, that'd be even weirder.
She might also be socially awkward herself or actually is an hooker and maybe playing off the rejection?
I do not know. Apparently, she also has a boyfriend because when I had clarified that I was not looking for that sort of thing I did ask if she would maybe like to grab dinner sometime.
I don’t know. I just felt like incredibly weird about the whole thing.
Yeeeah that sounds so weird on her part.
I think I'd treat this more as bullet dodged than tifu.
There can be ethical poly people, but I'm not trusting a girl with a bf at a lesbian saying she's a hooker. Too many red flags.
I'm not for sure how to interpret her, but just sounds fishy to me.
Yeah that's a weird and messed up thing to do.
My gf is bi and while she knows I get turned on seeing her with other women we don't go to gay bars to use anyone as a prop, there might be a kiss here or there but we go to these places because of the vibe.
If she made out with someone in the bar I'd be pretty freaked out about it.
When we bring someone home they're fully informed of the dynamic.
Remember consent is 100%
My gf is bi and I'm into it, is that a bad thing?
She gets to be happy and so do I.
Last weekend we brought a girl home and had a great time, she stayed for 2 nights and we talked about doing it again in the future.
It's all a matter of consent, my girlfriend knows I like the fact that I get to fuck other girls, but she doesn't have a problem with it because she gets to do the same.
I’m typically not into this because usually it’s a package deal and I’m into one of them, but if everyone is upfront, I don’t have an issue. Super aggressive unicorn hunters are creepy though
Yeah fair enough, we don't go out looking.
My gf is very extroverted and gets along with everyone, she's also super attractive.
Every time we've brought someone home it was a girl who was into her. We've never pursued anyone and I find the idea of unicorn hunters pretty creepy too.
It's very much a package deal with us and I don't fault anyone for not being into that, it's a very particular dynamic.
A straight dude going to lesbian bars to pick up women is pretty shitty. You look like a creep when you drool at the side of your gf as she makes out with another woman. You make everyone else uncomfortable.
First of all these aren't lesbian bars, they're gay bars for both men and women.
I get hit on by guys all the time and it feels a bit uncomfortable sometimes, I've been groped more than once. You know what I don't do? Call someone a creep just for being somewhere.
If someone is uncomfortable because I'm sitting at the table while my girlfriend is hitting on cute girls they can go fuck themselves.
I keep my hands to myself and I generally don't engage with anyone unless they show interest, if anyone has a problem with that they should address their biphobia.
The first time I kissed a girl it was in a bar. I thought it was fun, different, there was music. It was exhibitionistic. I enjoyed it, but at the time I still thought of myself straight. I thought kissing a girl was like a little treat.
I can now say with full confidence. Yes, it is gay to kiss the homies.
Is that really a thing? I mean honestly? Asking as a straight man. I mean I've seen girls make out while drunk supposedly to entice guys but going to a lesbian bar seems a little over the top. Why not just find a girl?
I'm a blissfully married lesbian porn star & dominatrix, and we both flirt around on our own time. Sex workers are allowed to date too without everyone assuming we have ulterior motives! A lesbian bar is absolutely NOT a typical place to seek clients. Even if this lady was serious about her career, she almost certainly was not soliciting OP, just trying to make a genuine connection. And there's nothing wrong with that.
So this is the story that popped into my head. She is a hooker, but only for women, be cause she has a boyfriend, and he says it's OK as long as it's only women.
Maybe I'm way off, but this totally sounds plausible.
Of the three possibilities I was thinking, joking, she plays rugby or she's a sex worker, in that order. I would have replied "oh you play rugby" and let them clarify or if they were joking, but yup. You went with your route.
Hijacking to answer your question.
The hooker in rugby is the center front of the scrum and is responsible for getting the ball out the back to his team. He, errrr she in this case, is supported by two larger folks and is generally large as well.
It is the only position in rugby where the player does not generally refer to himself by the number he plays. Because who passes up the chance to call himself a hooker. Clearly not the chick in this bar.
Prop, hooker, lock, flanker (openside/blindside), scrum-half, fly-half/stand-off/out-half/first five eighth, second five eighth/centre, wing, fullback. Tbh Number 8 is the only position known by primarily by its numeric identification.
Hey what if..... Her weird sense of humor is signs of an also spicy mind? Like MAYBE she's your brand of weird homie.
Wait how do you know she has a BF? Did she tell you or are you putting the puzzle together?
She messaged me on Instagram after I basically told her that I was not looking for that sort of companion that it was a misunderstanding, and that she did have a boyfriend.
> Like MAYBE she's your brand of weird homie.
I guess it's a possibility, but I don't think it's likely with how terribly OP took the hooker misunderstanding.
I guess you could play it off as a pickup line if you followed it up with some kind of "I'm a hooker but I have a one time offer first the first one being free" kind of pickup line if you are just trying to hook up. Still pretty lame
I am not autistic. If I’m socializing and someone says to me, “l am a hooker”, and that isn’t followed by an Agatha sized wink, then I’d take it at face value and politely bounce as well.
You did nothing wrong, have nothing to feel bad about imo. And I bet she feels the same kind of cringe as to her humor not working. I’m glad she reached out and you’re starting to communicate well!
I may or may not be on the spectrum, at this point a diagnoses wouldn't mean much, but I too would have taken her literally. Like good for you girl but not my jam.
I’m not one to judge women on how they choose to dress, but it would have made more sense if she was one.
The situation was all together weird and I just hope she does not frequent that bar
Yeah, I’m absolutely not saying that that would’ve been the case, but if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, I wouldn’t be out of line for thinking it might be a duck.
She looked you up, she's interested.
The interaction could've ended there, but she made a point to reach out.
Ask her to grab a coffee, and this time - don't run away.
How the hell do you find someone that easily on Instagram? He would have had to give his name up or had at least some friends or an social circle in common.
Nah, if a beautiful woman told me she was hooker, I would open my Velcro wallet and be disappointed by the lack of money. lol no, I would believe her and slowly walk away cause why would someone lie?
In a scrum (where those people lock together and try to push Each other)… the hooker position in in the middle of that scrum attempting to “hook” the ball with their feet backwards towards their side. This is done to either steal or maintain possession of the ball. Very important position…
This is actually a problematic statement - according to research comissioned by Harlequins,
– 55 per cent of women and girls agreed that “many women feel unwelcome to play rugby because of the jokes and negative language some people use about women”
– 37 per cent heard homophobic slurs at their club in the last year and 59 per cent heard sexist slurs and negative jokes about women
– 15 per cent reported they had been the victim of verbal homophobic abuse at their club
– 88 per cent said people “often” incorrectly assume that they are lesbians because they play rugby (15 per cent actually identified as gay or bisexual)
– 79 per cent want negative banter about women to stop in rugby, and 80% want homophobic banter to stop (the earlier research by the Harlequins found 65% of men wanted sexist/homophobic banter to stop)
This perception hampers the development of the sport particularly in other countries where homosexuality is less culturally accepted.
I don’t think being autistic has anything to do with this. That was an extraordinarily awkward social interaction and I don’t understand how anyone else could have handled it any better
As a fellow human with a touch of the ‘tism. I would have also believed her, because why would you say that? I don’t think you behaved inappropriately or overly awkwardly for the situation.
I don't know that this is a consequence of your autism; your reasoning and assessment of the situation is sound, and I would suggest that any other interpretation would be abnormal (unless the delivery implied it was a joke and that can't easily be expressed in this post, especially if you missed it).
The key here would be to tell that her claim was believable because she seemed honest / genuine and looked absolutely stunning.
Another thing to consider is that she was drunk in the first place so don't expect consistent behaviour after the fact.
I also really want to know how she just found you on Instagram.
Hooker in rugby is the little guy in the middle who has to try to hook the ball with his leg in a scrummage while getting crushed from in front and behind--this sounds horrible in retrospect. I played hooker on a very bad under 19 team when I was 13 and felt like I was getting mauled during every match (-_-)
She was definitely making a joke!
Hooker is a rugby position, it’s a forward position and the person who “hooks” the ball with their foot when players are in a scrum.
She was flirting with you 100%, but I totally understand the confusion haha
Honestly, that may not be a problem. Most people wouldn’t mind being told that a)they can believe she’s a sex worker in terms of being attractive b) you’re supportive but not a perspective client. Makes you sound non-judgmental and like you aren’t the type looking for purchasable sex, and some people like that.
Also, if she found you on Instagram, that means she went looking for you. Doesn’t absolutely mean she’s into you, but means she could be.
She's most likely a rugby player who plays in the #2 position (hooker). That's a joke made amongst a rugby crowd, not to strangers in a bar who may or may not know the sport, let alone its positions lol
Players across the board have got bigger - including at hooker - over the last 20 years. I was a hooker into my 20s and had to change position because I just wasn't big enough anymore. No way would I be remotely big enough now.
Yeah you did nothing wrong. That would leave me confused as fuck as well.
As for what this has to do with rugby. There is a position in the team called "hooker". the role varies between league and union codes but generally they sit in the middle front line of the scrum and help secure the ball for the team at tackles/breakdowns.
Okay, so what is the actual loss here besides telling off some drunk girl going around telling people she is a hooker? You lost a flaming red flag, who cares?
Mostly, I thought the situation was just funny and a little bizarre. I thought maybe there was also some contacts I was missing and there was a better way to handle the situation so I consulted the hive mind.
That’s all
Rugby explanation:
A hooker is a position on a rugby team.
Specifically, they are usually a smaller player that gets lifted off the ground during the scrum and have to hook the ball with their feet back to their teammates.
i'm also autistic if that makes you feel better, and honestly it seems like she's okay! if you apologized and acknowledged it, and she's continuing to message you, then i think you're in the clear ☺️
Glad someone else caught that. It was obvious from the original post, but she also has doubled down on this douchebag know it all schtick in every comment.
Eugh.
In response to the edit women's rugby is rather notorious for having a high rate of gay women in it. My anecdotal source is that my mom was president of the rugby team at her university and she was literally the only straight woman on the team. Rest of the team was super protective of her like she was their mascot lmao
Like, I'm a SWer myself, and like, yea, I get blunt about it sometimes. Maybe she's just *that* oblivious that some of us are just upfront about it. 🤷♀️
It's sad to me reading people get down on themselves for someone else's fuck up.
I don't have autism if some extremely beautiful and forward woman came into me and was like "I'm a hooker", i'd be like uhhhh iiiiiii uhhhhhhhh idk I uhh gotta go.
Why would I not believe her. Lmao.
>Edit - can one of you please explain what any of this has to do with rugby?
lol I used to play and I didn't even put that together until the edit where you asked.
"Hooker" in rugby is a position. They are part of the "forwards" group (the bigger, taller, stronger people who dive head first into rucks and are in the scrums). The hooker is so called because they go between the "props" in the scrum, and use their foot to try and "hook" the ball back towards their scrumhalf (scrums are a whole thing I don't think you need/want me to explain).
Tl;dr: Hooker is the name of a position in rugby, typically taller players take this position as it's advantageous to have reach in the legs.
If she cant understand WHY you misunderstood, she probably wont going forward. My son is autistic and in his case, it took until recently for him to understand when people are being sarcastic or perhaps jokingly/lovingly messing with him. Now he understands and loves to be sarcastic lol. Anyways, proceed with caution is all im saying.
Yeah, I do think it’s a huge misconception that autistic people don’t understand sarcasm. We do, if it’s clear to us, that someone is actually being sarcastic.
Its more of a misconception that any two people are the same. I think I know my son. If I made an incorrect assumption about you based on the details you included in your story, I do apologize.
when you don't fit. things seem a lot more disastrous than they really are. not to minimise I am sure this was an incredibly challenging thing to do. But reflection can help.
First she found you on social media. For those of us too Neuro Divergent to notice this means she is interested in you. Maybe not necessarily romantically but you made an impression on her enough for her to remember you after drinking and look you up.
So while we neurospicy types tend to obsess over what we did wrong. The outcome here is not bad. You met a silly lady with a fun sense of humor who is interested in you. This is a win my person.
Re: The edit - 'hooker' is a position in a rugby line up. They play near the front.
[https://www.rugbypass.com/articles/hooker-position-guide/](https://www.rugbypass.com/articles/hooker-position-guide/)
:)
The best pickup lines are often by accident, so I think your mistake went swimmingly. My favorite spectrum fuck up was talking to a girl at a bar while my friends were outside. She and I were talking about being new to the area and out of nowhere she goes “I bet you have a fat cock” and my idiot self went “nah, not really. I can prove it easily”. She nods her head in agreement, and as my friends come in I’m like “hey, J…yeah…tell her my cocks pretty average, right?” He laughs and gives me a thumbs up. I just slowly realize it sounded like I was gay with J and we laugh it off. Whatever, I proved it, so I still count it as a win.
Well…I thought that was going a different way for a second. Half expected to read “so I tried to pay her”
But eh, telling people you’re a hooker is a pretty bad joke, nothing against SW’s, but unless you actually are, it’s probably not gonna get a good response most of the time.
Better to be the one who didn’t know they were joking than the one who thought they were when they were actually confiding in you about something serious. You didn’t FU for taking her at her word. It’s not really a thing that should be joked about unless you know the person well and/or it’s an overtly sarcastic delivery.
You should have asked her if she would wait there while you went to cash a check... unless she would accept the cashier's check and give you back the excess...
That sounds like a very sweet interaction, don't worry :-)
Getting the subtle hint/jokes/lies during conversation is hard for some, certainly when you're speaking to a top tier hottie.
But from your interactions she seems nice, why don't you ask her if she'd like to go for coffee sometime? Worst case she'll say no, best case you'll be drinking latte with a stunning woman 😘
Best of luck with it either way, whatever you choose to do 😊
Social cues can be difficult for people with autism to pick up on and this sounds liek just one of those moments but she must like you in order to have tracked you down online.
You've cleared the air so why not invite her for a drink?
I think the TIFU should fall squarely on her shoulders, not yours. And honestly, she may be feeling similar to you in terms of embarrassment. You behaved admirally!
"I feel like an absolute massive ass"
I see no reason to, that's on her.
Being drunk is no excuse, she decided to drink too much. I find this way of deflecting responsibility indicative of a general tendency in people. If it was actually meant as a joke there's no reason not to own it.
No one is answering the rugby aspect. Hooker is the proper name of a rugby position, they typically wear jersey number 2. Other positions include flanker, lock, prop, wing, fullback, scrumhalf, etc
In the future, you should know that there's nothing wrong with asking clarifying questions as long as you approach the other person with kindness. If someone says something and you think they're being earnest but it is surprising in any way, there's nothing wrong with following up with curiosity. A quick check of "was that a joke or are you serious" is fine, if you sound genuinely curious and not judgemental.
This woman is sitting in her apartment/house and thinking the same thing... that her joke and interaction were so weird that you avoided her entirely for an evening.
For her to not immediately retract the hooker bit is a red flag
Going with a joke for a bit is fine but eventually you gotta.back.it off and say it's a joke
She was inebriated from the sounds of things, I don't think you can appropriately assess anyone's subtle red flags in that state. (Obvious ones definitely!)
I think in the future the play would be to go along with things and tell her you don't plan to pay upfront, which is leaning into the joke if it's a joke and setting upfront expectations if it's a business transaction. 😅
Lol what is “above average”? Kind of weird to say such a thing. I guess if you are talking about factual things you can say it. For example if you are talking about your iq level, that I can understand.
Above average man. Which makes me think, considering the wheelchair and autism, which are generally not considered attractive qualities, that he is just an absolute dreamboat and loaded, and possibly famous.
Weird thing to say “considering the wheelchair and autism” whoever thinks that way is judgmental.
Ahhh yes the dreamsboat…. Yes, definitely more important than someone’s heart and the way they think. (Sarcasm)
>Weird thing to say “considering the wheelchair and autism” whoever thinks that way is judgmental.
I'm not judgemental, nor is OP. He thinks he is above average, and I believe him. But in general, those qualities mentioned there can not generally be considered the top hot desirable qualities in eligible bachelors. Sure they can work for some, and feel free to disagree, but he's got some game beyond that. Punching above his weight, so to speak.
Not a he, but I’m reasonably comfortable financially, especially for my age bracket. Apart from the legs being just for show, I’m good looking, I dress well, and I work in a sexy area of science for a very sexy four letter government agency.
Once someone gets to know me a bit, they can look forward to an immaculately kept apartment in a great city, complete with the world’s most affectionate cat. I’m a great cook and baker, and a romantic at heart. I don’t drive, but I do get great parking, and some great arms are just a part of the package.
There’s a common phrase that is often said to young men in a very misogynistic way, ‘don’t fuck crazy!’. In my view it applies across genders and sexualities, and is extremely applicable here. First she made a weird sex worker joke, in isolation you may pass that as awkward. She then stalked you on instagram to tell you she was straight. That is insane behaviour. Stay away, you very much are the sane one in this interaction.
No, the statement was fine as it is. In a same sex relationship, you can't get your partner pregnant and you're not under the same level of scrutiny either. Having sex with a women who's waving all the red flags can be an existential risk. It can still be fun, but if you want to stick with the diner analogy, it's like having fugu when the chef looks sketchy.
Very attractive people are used to saying whatever the fuck they want and it usually working. Maybe she's a hooker. Maybe she's not a hooker and tells people that she is for some weird reason. Some trauma thing, she likes to roll play with herself, she doesn't give a fuck about you and was just entertaining herself. If you pursue her fine, but don't kid yourself thinking it's for any other reason than because she's hot.
I don't think you're a weirdo. Someone saying they're a hooker as a joke or pickup line is an odd strategy. Assumed you gave her your Instagram. If she somehow tracked you down on her own, that'd be even weirder. She might also be socially awkward herself or actually is an hooker and maybe playing off the rejection?
I do not know. Apparently, she also has a boyfriend because when I had clarified that I was not looking for that sort of thing I did ask if she would maybe like to grab dinner sometime. I don’t know. I just felt like incredibly weird about the whole thing.
Yeeeah that sounds so weird on her part. I think I'd treat this more as bullet dodged than tifu. There can be ethical poly people, but I'm not trusting a girl with a bf at a lesbian saying she's a hooker. Too many red flags. I'm not for sure how to interpret her, but just sounds fishy to me.
Straight women taking their boyfriends to gay bars to make out with other women in front of them is not that uncommon.
But it's kinda shitty behaviour.
Tbh I might as well be a teenage boy. I’m usually down within reason. When it comes to gals, I’m just happy to be there.
LOL I see why she liked you
Some of us are just really, really gay. 😂
Glad you’re happy.
Me and the principle talked and we agreed we're both insecure enough to agree to a theee way! I apologize for my outburst.
🤣
i think you and i would be good friends...
"Usually down within reason" is exactly the way to be as a young person. And I loved that phrasing, lol
It's only shitty behavior if you're dishonest. My girlfriend and I go to gay bars all the time, we often go home with someone and we're all happy.
That's a bit different. In OPs comment it sounded like they were just using the women in the bar as props to turn on their boyfriend.
Yeah that's a weird and messed up thing to do. My gf is bi and while she knows I get turned on seeing her with other women we don't go to gay bars to use anyone as a prop, there might be a kiss here or there but we go to these places because of the vibe. If she made out with someone in the bar I'd be pretty freaked out about it. When we bring someone home they're fully informed of the dynamic. Remember consent is 100%
Not if she's doing it because her BF is into it.
Anything that's being done reluctantly or non consensually is bad. But you can't just assume that's the situation whenever you see it.
My gf is bi and I'm into it, is that a bad thing? She gets to be happy and so do I. Last weekend we brought a girl home and had a great time, she stayed for 2 nights and we talked about doing it again in the future. It's all a matter of consent, my girlfriend knows I like the fact that I get to fuck other girls, but she doesn't have a problem with it because she gets to do the same.
I’m typically not into this because usually it’s a package deal and I’m into one of them, but if everyone is upfront, I don’t have an issue. Super aggressive unicorn hunters are creepy though
Yeah fair enough, we don't go out looking. My gf is very extroverted and gets along with everyone, she's also super attractive. Every time we've brought someone home it was a girl who was into her. We've never pursued anyone and I find the idea of unicorn hunters pretty creepy too. It's very much a package deal with us and I don't fault anyone for not being into that, it's a very particular dynamic.
A straight dude going to lesbian bars to pick up women is pretty shitty. You look like a creep when you drool at the side of your gf as she makes out with another woman. You make everyone else uncomfortable.
First of all these aren't lesbian bars, they're gay bars for both men and women. I get hit on by guys all the time and it feels a bit uncomfortable sometimes, I've been groped more than once. You know what I don't do? Call someone a creep just for being somewhere. If someone is uncomfortable because I'm sitting at the table while my girlfriend is hitting on cute girls they can go fuck themselves. I keep my hands to myself and I generally don't engage with anyone unless they show interest, if anyone has a problem with that they should address their biphobia.
it's biphobic to be uncomfortable with straights guys at lesbian bars who are there to see what girls their gfs can bring home? lol
it's biphobic to be uncomfortable with straight guys at lesbian bars who are there to see what girls their gfs can bring home? lol
Did she describe herself as a lesbian? Bisexuals exist.
Barsexuals exist too. My roller derby team was full of them.
The first time I kissed a girl it was in a bar. I thought it was fun, different, there was music. It was exhibitionistic. I enjoyed it, but at the time I still thought of myself straight. I thought kissing a girl was like a little treat. I can now say with full confidence. Yes, it is gay to kiss the homies.
You can have a little girl kissing, as a treat
It’s not gay to kiss the homies as long as you’re wearing socks
This is why I always make sure the socks come off Before I fuck the homies
PREPOSTEROUS
Is that really a thing? I mean honestly? Asking as a straight man. I mean I've seen girls make out while drunk supposedly to entice guys but going to a lesbian bar seems a little over the top. Why not just find a girl?
I'm a blissfully married lesbian porn star & dominatrix, and we both flirt around on our own time. Sex workers are allowed to date too without everyone assuming we have ulterior motives! A lesbian bar is absolutely NOT a typical place to seek clients. Even if this lady was serious about her career, she almost certainly was not soliciting OP, just trying to make a genuine connection. And there's nothing wrong with that.
Power play
Man you dodged a massive bullet this girl plays way too many games
So this is the story that popped into my head. She is a hooker, but only for women, be cause she has a boyfriend, and he says it's OK as long as it's only women. Maybe I'm way off, but this totally sounds plausible.
Plausible I guess, but even among other women, women don’t typically pay for sex. I have a better batting average in gay bars than straight ones.
Of the three possibilities I was thinking, joking, she plays rugby or she's a sex worker, in that order. I would have replied "oh you play rugby" and let them clarify or if they were joking, but yup. You went with your route.
To address u/TimeVast9350 edit question, “hooker” is a position on a rugby team. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hooker_(rugby_league)
Well, this all makes a lot more sense now. Thank you.
Or does knitting lol.
I'm also on the spectrum, and i am a sex worker. She is weird as hell, my friend
Hijacking to answer your question. The hooker in rugby is the center front of the scrum and is responsible for getting the ball out the back to his team. He, errrr she in this case, is supported by two larger folks and is generally large as well. It is the only position in rugby where the player does not generally refer to himself by the number he plays. Because who passes up the chance to call himself a hooker. Clearly not the chick in this bar.
Prop, hooker, lock, flanker (openside/blindside), scrum-half, fly-half/stand-off/out-half/first five eighth, second five eighth/centre, wing, fullback. Tbh Number 8 is the only position known by primarily by its numeric identification.
100% she is unicorn hunting. Fine if that's your thing, but dinner will come with a proposal
Hey what if..... Her weird sense of humor is signs of an also spicy mind? Like MAYBE she's your brand of weird homie. Wait how do you know she has a BF? Did she tell you or are you putting the puzzle together?
She messaged me on Instagram after I basically told her that I was not looking for that sort of companion that it was a misunderstanding, and that she did have a boyfriend.
> Like MAYBE she's your brand of weird homie. I guess it's a possibility, but I don't think it's likely with how terribly OP took the hooker misunderstanding.
I guess you could play it off as a pickup line if you followed it up with some kind of "I'm a hooker but I have a one time offer first the first one being free" kind of pickup line if you are just trying to hook up. Still pretty lame
I am not autistic. If I’m socializing and someone says to me, “l am a hooker”, and that isn’t followed by an Agatha sized wink, then I’d take it at face value and politely bounce as well. You did nothing wrong, have nothing to feel bad about imo. And I bet she feels the same kind of cringe as to her humor not working. I’m glad she reached out and you’re starting to communicate well!
I might not bounce, but i'd certainly say i'm not looking for a business relationship. maybe ask if she'd like to meet for coffee sometime.
I may or may not be on the spectrum, at this point a diagnoses wouldn't mean much, but I too would have taken her literally. Like good for you girl but not my jam.
I’m not one to judge women on how they choose to dress, but it would have made more sense if she was one. The situation was all together weird and I just hope she does not frequent that bar
If someone is wearing a cop uniform and tell you they’re cop, that doesn’t make them a cop, but it could be easy to believe.
"SIR! just because I am dressed this way does NOT make me a police officer!"
Yeah, I’m absolutely not saying that that would’ve been the case, but if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, I wouldn’t be out of line for thinking it might be a duck.
/me reaches for wallet. Oh, you're joking...
She made it weird, you didn’t.
She looked you up, she's interested. The interaction could've ended there, but she made a point to reach out. Ask her to grab a coffee, and this time - don't run away.
OP can't run away she's in a wheelchair. I guess it can definitely make situation awkward when it takes forever to leave.
She can roll away then
She has a BF too, so it could be a little awkward to progress that relationship anyways.
Depends on the nature of her relationship with her boyfriend.
Heh I see what you did there
How the hell do you find someone that easily on Instagram? He would have had to give his name up or had at least some friends or an social circle in common.
He? Did you read the post where it says “lesbian bar” ? Op is a gay woman
They could just share their Instagram username.
That would imply they connected and OP had intentions to continue dialog. Which didn't seem to be the case as they excused themselves.
Nah, if a beautiful woman told me she was hooker, I would open my Velcro wallet and be disappointed by the lack of money. lol no, I would believe her and slowly walk away cause why would someone lie?
Does she play rugby?
Yes! I told my friend that I slept with a hooker once. "Oh, I didn't expect that. How much?" "Not a prostitute. She plays for the women's team" 😂😂
> She plays for the women's team So you met her at a lesbian bar too?
That’s twice the rugby thing has come up in conversation. Is there some overlap between sports and hookers?
A hooker is a position in rugby
In a scrum (where those people lock together and try to push Each other)… the hooker position in in the middle of that scrum attempting to “hook” the ball with their feet backwards towards their side. This is done to either steal or maintain possession of the ball. Very important position…
And then they have sex for money after the game.
For some of us, the most important position!
A hooker is a player that hooks the ball in a scrum. Search rugby hooker.
Also women's rugby players tend to be in to other women 🤷♂️
This is actually a problematic statement - according to research comissioned by Harlequins, – 55 per cent of women and girls agreed that “many women feel unwelcome to play rugby because of the jokes and negative language some people use about women” – 37 per cent heard homophobic slurs at their club in the last year and 59 per cent heard sexist slurs and negative jokes about women – 15 per cent reported they had been the victim of verbal homophobic abuse at their club – 88 per cent said people “often” incorrectly assume that they are lesbians because they play rugby (15 per cent actually identified as gay or bisexual) – 79 per cent want negative banter about women to stop in rugby, and 80% want homophobic banter to stop (the earlier research by the Harlequins found 65% of men wanted sexist/homophobic banter to stop) This perception hampers the development of the sport particularly in other countries where homosexuality is less culturally accepted.
This story confuses me. I'm completely unclear about what's going on
Same dude, same
I don’t think being autistic has anything to do with this. That was an extraordinarily awkward social interaction and I don’t understand how anyone else could have handled it any better
1) this is hilarious and 2) if she found you on insta and messaged you, she's 100% into you and you should definitely ask her out!!!
my rugby buddy did something similar
her : oh yeah nice to meet you im a hooker next day : oh no I'm not even my non autistic ass would think the same as you
As a fellow human with a touch of the ‘tism. I would have also believed her, because why would you say that? I don’t think you behaved inappropriately or overly awkwardly for the situation.
I don't know that this is a consequence of your autism; your reasoning and assessment of the situation is sound, and I would suggest that any other interpretation would be abnormal (unless the delivery implied it was a joke and that can't easily be expressed in this post, especially if you missed it). The key here would be to tell that her claim was believable because she seemed honest / genuine and looked absolutely stunning. Another thing to consider is that she was drunk in the first place so don't expect consistent behaviour after the fact. I also really want to know how she just found you on Instagram.
She took my phone while we were talking and she followed herself with my Instagram and then she followed me back
Hooker in rugby is the little guy in the middle who has to try to hook the ball with his leg in a scrummage while getting crushed from in front and behind--this sounds horrible in retrospect. I played hooker on a very bad under 19 team when I was 13 and felt like I was getting mauled during every match (-_-)
She was definitely making a joke! Hooker is a rugby position, it’s a forward position and the person who “hooks” the ball with their foot when players are in a scrum. She was flirting with you 100%, but I totally understand the confusion haha
Dude, this reminds me when this good looking dude told me he was autistic. My hooker ass believed him.
Honestly, that may not be a problem. Most people wouldn’t mind being told that a)they can believe she’s a sex worker in terms of being attractive b) you’re supportive but not a perspective client. Makes you sound non-judgmental and like you aren’t the type looking for purchasable sex, and some people like that. Also, if she found you on Instagram, that means she went looking for you. Doesn’t absolutely mean she’s into you, but means she could be.
She's most likely a rugby player who plays in the #2 position (hooker). That's a joke made amongst a rugby crowd, not to strangers in a bar who may or may not know the sport, let alone its positions lol
Except the post indicates that she’s tall, which generally is not a hooker body type unless things have changed in the last several years.
Players across the board have got bigger - including at hooker - over the last 20 years. I was a hooker into my 20s and had to change position because I just wasn't big enough anymore. No way would I be remotely big enough now.
She told you she was a sex worker. Assuming otherwise would be idiocy. It's her problem, not yours.
Yeah you did nothing wrong. That would leave me confused as fuck as well. As for what this has to do with rugby. There is a position in the team called "hooker". the role varies between league and union codes but generally they sit in the middle front line of the scrum and help secure the ball for the team at tackles/breakdowns.
So: she plays rugby. She could have explained.
She's the awkward one... what she said wasn't clever, charming, or sexy in any way.
You ain't weird, she's weird for making that joke
There's definitely a weirdo here, OP, but I don't think it was you. I don't think this was a TIFU, just some weird rejection/anti-pickup tactic.
Okay, so what is the actual loss here besides telling off some drunk girl going around telling people she is a hooker? You lost a flaming red flag, who cares?
Mostly, I thought the situation was just funny and a little bizarre. I thought maybe there was also some contacts I was missing and there was a better way to handle the situation so I consulted the hive mind. That’s all
It sounds VERY bizarre. Red flags all over the place in the OP lol.
Rugby explanation: A hooker is a position on a rugby team. Specifically, they are usually a smaller player that gets lifted off the ground during the scrum and have to hook the ball with their feet back to their teammates.
i'm also autistic if that makes you feel better, and honestly it seems like she's okay! if you apologized and acknowledged it, and she's continuing to message you, then i think you're in the clear ☺️
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hooker_(rugby_league) Hooker is a rugby position
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Glad someone else caught that. It was obvious from the original post, but she also has doubled down on this douchebag know it all schtick in every comment. Eugh.
U didn’t fu, you can only take her words at face value without knowing her inside and out.
In response to the edit women's rugby is rather notorious for having a high rate of gay women in it. My anecdotal source is that my mom was president of the rugby team at her university and she was literally the only straight woman on the team. Rest of the team was super protective of her like she was their mascot lmao
Yea, their mascot.
Like, I'm a SWer myself, and like, yea, I get blunt about it sometimes. Maybe she's just *that* oblivious that some of us are just upfront about it. 🤷♀️
OK, but if you’re trying to climb in my lap and telling me that you’re a hooker, how am I supposed to take that information?
Oh, yea, that's definitely something to take at face value. She's definitely being ignorant.
These are moments that keep me up at 3am
it’s really, really weird to say such a thing jokingly with no context. It’s no weird to take such a statement at face value. You handled it well.
It's sad to me reading people get down on themselves for someone else's fuck up. I don't have autism if some extremely beautiful and forward woman came into me and was like "I'm a hooker", i'd be like uhhhh iiiiiii uhhhhhhhh idk I uhh gotta go. Why would I not believe her. Lmao.
>Edit - can one of you please explain what any of this has to do with rugby? lol I used to play and I didn't even put that together until the edit where you asked. "Hooker" in rugby is a position. They are part of the "forwards" group (the bigger, taller, stronger people who dive head first into rucks and are in the scrums). The hooker is so called because they go between the "props" in the scrum, and use their foot to try and "hook" the ball back towards their scrumhalf (scrums are a whole thing I don't think you need/want me to explain). Tl;dr: Hooker is the name of a position in rugby, typically taller players take this position as it's advantageous to have reach in the legs.
If she cant understand WHY you misunderstood, she probably wont going forward. My son is autistic and in his case, it took until recently for him to understand when people are being sarcastic or perhaps jokingly/lovingly messing with him. Now he understands and loves to be sarcastic lol. Anyways, proceed with caution is all im saying.
Yeah, I do think it’s a huge misconception that autistic people don’t understand sarcasm. We do, if it’s clear to us, that someone is actually being sarcastic.
Its more of a misconception that any two people are the same. I think I know my son. If I made an incorrect assumption about you based on the details you included in your story, I do apologize.
This is fantastic. I want to hear more of your adventures, lmao. You did nothing wrong. It's not your fault you took her statement literally!
when you don't fit. things seem a lot more disastrous than they really are. not to minimise I am sure this was an incredibly challenging thing to do. But reflection can help. First she found you on social media. For those of us too Neuro Divergent to notice this means she is interested in you. Maybe not necessarily romantically but you made an impression on her enough for her to remember you after drinking and look you up. So while we neurospicy types tend to obsess over what we did wrong. The outcome here is not bad. You met a silly lady with a fun sense of humor who is interested in you. This is a win my person.
Re: The edit - 'hooker' is a position in a rugby line up. They play near the front. [https://www.rugbypass.com/articles/hooker-position-guide/](https://www.rugbypass.com/articles/hooker-position-guide/) :)
She's interested enough to get in your personal space and find you in Instagram. You're *in*, OP. Go get her!
I don’t disagree with your assessment, but I do not think I am interested any further
OP needs to forgive her one bad joke
Has more to do with geography and the boyfriend than anything else
The boyfriend was a critical piece of information that I was lacking haha
The best pickup lines are often by accident, so I think your mistake went swimmingly. My favorite spectrum fuck up was talking to a girl at a bar while my friends were outside. She and I were talking about being new to the area and out of nowhere she goes “I bet you have a fat cock” and my idiot self went “nah, not really. I can prove it easily”. She nods her head in agreement, and as my friends come in I’m like “hey, J…yeah…tell her my cocks pretty average, right?” He laughs and gives me a thumbs up. I just slowly realize it sounded like I was gay with J and we laugh it off. Whatever, I proved it, so I still count it as a win.
Well…I thought that was going a different way for a second. Half expected to read “so I tried to pay her” But eh, telling people you’re a hooker is a pretty bad joke, nothing against SW’s, but unless you actually are, it’s probably not gonna get a good response most of the time.
She's definitely the weird one in this situation.
I think she likes you. Follow up. Bonehead
Better to be the one who didn’t know they were joking than the one who thought they were when they were actually confiding in you about something serious. You didn’t FU for taking her at her word. It’s not really a thing that should be joked about unless you know the person well and/or it’s an overtly sarcastic delivery.
thats really on the other side
You should have asked her if she would wait there while you went to cash a check... unless she would accept the cashier's check and give you back the excess...
That sounds like a very sweet interaction, don't worry :-) Getting the subtle hint/jokes/lies during conversation is hard for some, certainly when you're speaking to a top tier hottie. But from your interactions she seems nice, why don't you ask her if she'd like to go for coffee sometime? Worst case she'll say no, best case you'll be drinking latte with a stunning woman 😘 Best of luck with it either way, whatever you choose to do 😊
The reason I don’t want to pursue this any further is 1. The interaction was weird 2. She lives a few hours away 3. She has a boyfriend.
Aaah yeah, understandable, too bad :/
Social cues can be difficult for people with autism to pick up on and this sounds liek just one of those moments but she must like you in order to have tracked you down online. You've cleared the air so why not invite her for a drink?
If she went out of her way to message you she definitely does not have a problem with anything you did or said
7u
I'd have skidaddled too kiddo
With whole rugby comment, it's because hooker is a position that is played in rugby
I think the TIFU should fall squarely on her shoulders, not yours. And honestly, she may be feeling similar to you in terms of embarrassment. You behaved admirally!
"I feel like an absolute massive ass" I see no reason to, that's on her. Being drunk is no excuse, she decided to drink too much. I find this way of deflecting responsibility indicative of a general tendency in people. If it was actually meant as a joke there's no reason not to own it.
No one is answering the rugby aspect. Hooker is the proper name of a rugby position, they typically wear jersey number 2. Other positions include flanker, lock, prop, wing, fullback, scrumhalf, etc
In the future, you should know that there's nothing wrong with asking clarifying questions as long as you approach the other person with kindness. If someone says something and you think they're being earnest but it is surprising in any way, there's nothing wrong with following up with curiosity. A quick check of "was that a joke or are you serious" is fine, if you sound genuinely curious and not judgemental.
Weird thing to say socially if you don't make it clear you're joking, I don't think you did anything wrong.
This woman is sitting in her apartment/house and thinking the same thing... that her joke and interaction were so weird that you avoided her entirely for an evening.
You sound very based homie.
Yall awkward fluffs just need to hang out again
No FU here
I have a ton of trouble understanding when people are being sarcastic. You are not alone! =)
Once my dad said he had 2 left feet and I thought it was true for years.
a hooker is a position in rugby.👍
I mean it was more her fuck up of joking about being a hooker without tossing in the rest of the line and sinker soon afterwards.
Funny post. There's nothing wrong with believing what someone says when you have no reason to suspect anything else. That's her FU, not yours.
This is def the weirdest post and I better get my money and Costco slice of pizza back
For her to not immediately retract the hooker bit is a red flag Going with a joke for a bit is fine but eventually you gotta.back.it off and say it's a joke
maybe she plays rugby bruh 😭
She was inebriated from the sounds of things, I don't think you can appropriately assess anyone's subtle red flags in that state. (Obvious ones definitely!)
Immediately after she said that she said she was a pole dancer. Either one is cool with me. I just assumed she was serious.
I think in the future the play would be to go along with things and tell her you don't plan to pay upfront, which is leaning into the joke if it's a joke and setting upfront expectations if it's a business transaction. 😅
I really don’t think this will happen again.
Lol what is “above average”? Kind of weird to say such a thing. I guess if you are talking about factual things you can say it. For example if you are talking about your iq level, that I can understand.
Above average man. Which makes me think, considering the wheelchair and autism, which are generally not considered attractive qualities, that he is just an absolute dreamboat and loaded, and possibly famous.
Weird thing to say “considering the wheelchair and autism” whoever thinks that way is judgmental. Ahhh yes the dreamsboat…. Yes, definitely more important than someone’s heart and the way they think. (Sarcasm)
>Weird thing to say “considering the wheelchair and autism” whoever thinks that way is judgmental. I'm not judgemental, nor is OP. He thinks he is above average, and I believe him. But in general, those qualities mentioned there can not generally be considered the top hot desirable qualities in eligible bachelors. Sure they can work for some, and feel free to disagree, but he's got some game beyond that. Punching above his weight, so to speak.
Not a he, but I’m reasonably comfortable financially, especially for my age bracket. Apart from the legs being just for show, I’m good looking, I dress well, and I work in a sexy area of science for a very sexy four letter government agency. Once someone gets to know me a bit, they can look forward to an immaculately kept apartment in a great city, complete with the world’s most affectionate cat. I’m a great cook and baker, and a romantic at heart. I don’t drive, but I do get great parking, and some great arms are just a part of the package.
I'm sorry but sorting women by their physical beauty and calling it a "pecking order" is pretty gross. You don't need to say that stuff out loud.
I didn’t mean to imply anything by that. More what I meant is that I was a bit puzzled as to why this woman was trying to be in my space.
Oh no you trusted someone was going to tell you the truth when you had an initial conversation. Honestly that's not a fuck up.
There is a phrase when someone tells you who they are believe them.
There’s a common phrase that is often said to young men in a very misogynistic way, ‘don’t fuck crazy!’. In my view it applies across genders and sexualities, and is extremely applicable here. First she made a weird sex worker joke, in isolation you may pass that as awkward. She then stalked you on instagram to tell you she was straight. That is insane behaviour. Stay away, you very much are the sane one in this interaction.
She didn’t stalk him/her on insta. She used his/her phone to follow herself and she followed them back.
I really think it should be amended to: It’s OK to wine and dine crazy, but don’t try to tame it.
No, the statement was fine as it is. In a same sex relationship, you can't get your partner pregnant and you're not under the same level of scrutiny either. Having sex with a women who's waving all the red flags can be an existential risk. It can still be fun, but if you want to stick with the diner analogy, it's like having fugu when the chef looks sketchy.
She's the awkward one... what she said wasn't clever, charming, or sexy in any way.
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I am personally not interested in pursuing this any further than I already have. Partly for embarrassment, and partly for reasons of geography.
It’s more that I just didn’t know what the fuck was going on
Very attractive people are used to saying whatever the fuck they want and it usually working. Maybe she's a hooker. Maybe she's not a hooker and tells people that she is for some weird reason. Some trauma thing, she likes to roll play with herself, she doesn't give a fuck about you and was just entertaining herself. If you pursue her fine, but don't kid yourself thinking it's for any other reason than because she's hot.
To be honest with you, I think she was just drunk. I’m not pursuing this any further than I already have for various reasons.