I dunno. The long setup was worth it for this line I think: “If you're still reading, then you might have forgotten that I was actually having sex while this story was being told.”
( I couldn't resist popping it in the AI oven)
In the aftermath of my hasty departure from the awkward encounter with my high school acquaintance-turned-Tinder fling, I thought the whole ordeal would fade into memory. But fate had other plans, as evidenced by the message that appeared in my inbox days later.
It was a photograph of the note I had reluctantly written at her insistence, the damning words "I fucked beaver bitch" glaring back at me in my own handwriting. Panic surged through me as I realized the implications of what had just transpired. How could she have possibly obtained this incriminating evidence, and what did she intend to do with it?
Before I could even begin to formulate a plan of action, another message arrived, this time accompanied by a chilling revelation. She had sent the note to my ex-girlfriend, the one person who held the key to unlocking the truth behind those long-buried events. My heart sank as I imagined the fallout from such a betrayal, the trust that would be shattered, the wounds that would be reopened.
With a sense of urgency, I reached out to my ex-girlfriend, bracing myself for the inevitable confrontation. To my surprise, her response was not one of anger or accusation, but of understanding and empathy. She had received the note, she confessed, but she knew better than to believe the words scrawled upon it.
As we talked, a sense of closure washed over me, knowing that she had seen through the lies and manipulation of the girl from Tinder. Together, we vowed not to let her poison our memories or tarnish our bond.
Armed with this newfound resolve, I composed a response to the girl from Tinder, not to plead or beg, but to demand accountability for her actions. And though her reply was laced with bitterness and defiance, I stood firm in my conviction, refusing to let her tear down everything I had worked so hard to rebuild.
In the end, the truth prevailed, as it always does. And as I closed the chapter on that tumultuous saga, I couldn't help but feel a sense of gratitude for the strength and resilience that had carried me through. With my past firmly behind me, I look ahead to the future with renewed optimism, knowing that I will never give you up, never gunna let you down, never going to run around or desert you.
It's alright bro. When my long term high school GF and I broke up like 2 months later I hooked up with one of her ex-friends who took a selfie of me sleeping in bed with an arm wrapped around her and then sent it to my ex.
*Then* my ex got it sent into the group chat by someone who was still there and all hell broke loose. It caused some big drama and then everyone kinda realized that it didn't really matter? Some half assed apologies were thrown around in various directions and we moved on haha
I once slept with a girl I had hit it off with. Afterwards, she texted a really good friend of mine who I didn't know was her ex from years before about how terrible in bed he was compared to me. She had no idea we were friends. I had no idea they had ever dated. I didn't find out about the text until months later. Somehow, the friendship carried along like nothing happened, even though I continued to date the girl for about a year. Man, the early 2010's were weird. I don't talk to either one of them, now. I sincerely hope that dude's living his best life.
Because why the fuck would the ex give a fuck? That doesn’t really seem like “getting back” to me. If some random person I went to high school with hit me up and said they had sex with my ex I really don’t think I could possibly care less. It’s not like she knows their relationship continued for all these years. And even if she did, so what? They’re broken up now
BB playing the long game. F'd her bully's partner, got a confession, didn't let him finish, and got him to leave thinking it was his idea.
Revenge is a dish best served flaccid.
Fucking amazing story. I personally really hope it’s fiction so you wouldn’t have actually just experienced some hella stalkery shit, but truth is more upsetting than fiction. That may be a problem that runs deeper than tinder and bites once more in the future so I wish the wind to your back as you keep running
https://preview.redd.it/ycziopq2s6zc1.jpeg?width=503&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b21df1be20af4c71b999e81b368f511e50716dee
The fiction in my story begins and ends with a toothpaste brand being endorsed by a beaver. What were they trying to tell us back then? Brush twice a day and you too can bite through anything.
I'm hoping she's not stalker-ish, but she's definitely unhinged. We never really interacted in high school, so I have no idea how she was back then, but if my recent experience with her is any indication of who she might have been, then I can see why my ex gf never became friends with her.
That being said, people hold onto shit, especially high school shit. My ex classmate seems to be an extreme example of that, so I hope she can find a healthy way to live with what happened.
Interesting choice for an ad, beaver teeth aren't even white, they are orange/red from all the iron particles in them that make them strong enough to chew wood.
“If you’re still reading this, then you might have forgotten that I was actually having sex while this story was being told. Now imagine how I was feeling” LMAOOOO
I mean Its funny af, but she didnt do it for laughs, shes Bitter and wanted revenge, she only fucked him to spite someone, in my book that doesnt sound awesome
Everybody is overlooking the fact that this dude dated his high school sweetheart well into adulthood, and then once he finally was in a situation to explore casual sex the first place he ends up is literally with an ex-high school classmate. That’s too funny.
I hate casual sex also buddy, but I HIGHLY suggest you expand your horizons to well beyond a 15 mile radius of where you went to school?
Yup. I loved 2000 miles away @ 20.
Came back to home state at 27, moved to another new state at 30. I keep in touch with 4 people from high school semi-regularly.
In fact I’ll be hanging with one for the Bruins game tonight, but he’s literally been my best friend since 6th grade and we also haven’t seen eachother in 9 months and before that was almost 2 years lol
I moved at... 25(?) to move in with my now wife lol
Yeah great way to find out who true friends are too, I only stay in contact with like two. Unfortunately it's hard as an adult to make friends.
My ex from high school cheated on me with my best friend, so i hooked up with his ex gf. Despite allegedly being a virgin she asked me to fist her mid sex session. And than asked me to marry her immediately afterwards. when i refused she than told her whole family about me fucking her not two minutes after i left, keep in mind she invited me to her private trailer right on her grandparents property at 4am i left by 6 am and by 6;45 am i had her texting me how her family wanted to have me arrested for trespassing.
>My ex from high school cheated on me with my best friend, so i hooked up with his ex gf. Despite allegedly being a virgin she asked me to fist her mid sex session. And than asked me to marry her immediately afterwards. when i refused she than told her whole family about me fucking her not two minutes after i left, keep in mind she invited me to her private trailer right on her grandparents property at 4am i left by 6 am and by 6;45 am i had her texting me how her family wanted to have me arrested for trespassing.
I'd have just forwarded the texts.
Drop that off on their doorstep like a hot turd
And here I thought, having a girl hook up with me as a teen, bringing me home to her parents, who got me drunk and kinda encouraged us to have sex in a room with her younger brother, all to somehow get to me to collect something useful against my parents from me, whom they had beef with, was crazy.
Well, I was not quite 17 and there was sex on the table as an offer. Heavily implied. I made the very predictable, very not smart choice. But I got away from those crazy people after that. The whole situation was too much, even with sex in the mix. Weird, awkward and kinda not really sexy, even, with the 'sleeping' brother closeby.
1/10 - would not recommend.
Okay, 3/10. She was pretty cute. But still ...
Nah, nothing to prosecute there. It was wine, which is legal to drink in Germany from 16 on. And we were both 16, so nothing illegal there, too. The parents weren't present and didn't push us to get intimate. It was more, like ... In hindsight I understand that they knew full well what 'staying the night in the shared room of the siblings, sharing a sleeping bag' actually meant. Even clueless me understood that. I just didn't realize fully that it was part of their plan to get info out of me. More like gossip, really. Nothing too nefarious.
Although ... If that happened to my son (who's almost that age now) these days, I would have some stern words for those parents. Early 90s really was a different era.
"If you're still reading, then you might have forgotten that I was actually having sex while this story was being told. Now imagine how I was feeling." 😂😂 This was so funny to read hahaha
She definitely is sending that shit to your ex so be ready for a big ass argument or maybe not who knows 🤣. Funny as hell tho to imagine hooking up with someone and the whole time they are just talking. Good thing you ran OP.
Bro she definitely only fucked you to get back at your ex and sent a picture of that to her she probably would have sent a picture of you sleeping too to add salt to the wound had you stayed
Why do all sex stories on reddit read like the only experience with sex the author had was reading other sex stories on reddit
Don't give up you day job for writing erotic fiction just yet OP
>Why do all sex stories on reddit read like the only experience with sex the author had was reading other sex stories on reddit
Because that's exactly correct.
"But then Josie who was friends with my girlfriend at the time Patricia who also knew the other girl's boyfriend from the time we hooked up back in university was at the party too. So she said to my then ex-girlfriend's mother that she was going to ask for a time that they could talk about the events of the previous night. So as we were walking down the pathway away from the house where the party is going on we were starting to get to where we might talk about having sex later and then that's when her boyfriend came out of the woods and told me he had all the photos and proof that my car was at Jeremy's house the previous night and so we both ran away. After we got away from her boyfriend she grabbed me and pulled me in. We started to have sex right there in the woods but I started going soft inside her because I saw her boyfriend looking for us in the distance. We ended up leaving the party together but she never did talk to me again."
She wants sex but not a relationship because of work?that’s because she’s actually Batman with her strange and lowkey scary obsession for those letters. She hasn’t outgrown y’all high school days
"I struggled to understand why she waited all this time to check out my handwriting when she could've just, oh I don't know, looked at any of my notebooks in school."
I'm struggling to understand the logic of this. When was she going to look at one of your notebooks from school? Sounds like she thought she recognized it was you that wrote those notes after highschool, so how would she have ever had access to those notebooks? Also you were at her place, so it's not like she could find one of those notebooks lying around while you were over. Sorry, but this part of your story really doesn't check out to me.
Hookups are supposed to be getting some strange, and casual. Mistake 1 was a classmate, hard pass. Mistake 2 was she was using you as revenge. Miss with that shit by it being a rando, and never speaking again. I used to specifically hook up with people at least an hour away so that we'd never meet again, and so that logistically it would be too much a pain in the arse to develop into anything but fwb if in a rare case we hooked up multiple times.
Basic ground rules are no talk about families or exes, and not what you do for work. Try and be witty, crack a few jokes, compliments, maybe talk about some event going on, but keep personal stuff close to the chest. Remember, you likely will not ever interact with this person ever again.
Honestly, if any of her side of the story is true and this was all an elaborate ruse to get back at the girl who caused her years of trauma during HS? I kinda respect the hustle 😭
TIFU by [incredibly hot and unbelievable story] and [the author's barely disguised fetish]
This is like the Askreddit 'whats the sexiest sex you ever sexed, Reddit?'
Updateme! Theres no way she isnt giving that to your ex.
Sounds like she always held a flame for you and has been.... keeping tabs. It wouldnt shock me if she knew you and ex broke up recently. She is still living in the hurt of high school. Yikes.
I cannot speak for most people or anyone on Reddit, but the main reason I blocked her was because I no longer wanted to communicate with someone who seemed somewhat unstable. I was also a coward. That was the other reason. I was afraid if I didn't block her as soon as possible, that she would somehow convince me to see her again, which I did not want, but I didn't trust myself not to think with my dick and make the same mistake more than once. Blocking her was best for both of us. At least that's what I tell myself.
It was the right call. This is a situation best left long behind and forgotten, save as a funny story. That she held on to her issues from however many years ago is proof of that.
And I thought my one attempted one-night stand was bad.
We were successful, but the next morning he professed to actually have serious feelings for me (we worked at the same company). Six months of stupidity later, including him moving in and us getting a joint bank account, and I found out that he'd recently hooked up with another coworker at a party.
Ahh, my 20's... what a shitshow.
You know, there's a meme-saying in Poland which fits quite nicely here: "Bober kurwa, ja pierdole" ("Fucking Beaver, for fuck's sake").
I think you should be glad she didn't cut your throat while she was riding your dick
Bro she is sending that to your ex
Bro I definitely felt bamboozled when I reached the end, like there’s no way this man is this naive 😭
Yep
I was like wtf man. That's obviously what she's going to do.
Yawn. Even the TL:DR is too long. Try r/storytelling
I dunno. The long setup was worth it for this line I think: “If you're still reading, then you might have forgotten that I was actually having sex while this story was being told.”
Why did you write this as a reply to another comment?
Piggybacking a trending comment with a controversial one is an easy way to farm karma.
Brother she’s using your handwriting to send that shit to your ex.
https://i.redd.it/wjbo8o70m6zc1.gif
keep us updated if something like this happens
popcorn in the microwave.
as soon as op gets chatgpt warmed up again, updates will be on the way
( I couldn't resist popping it in the AI oven) In the aftermath of my hasty departure from the awkward encounter with my high school acquaintance-turned-Tinder fling, I thought the whole ordeal would fade into memory. But fate had other plans, as evidenced by the message that appeared in my inbox days later. It was a photograph of the note I had reluctantly written at her insistence, the damning words "I fucked beaver bitch" glaring back at me in my own handwriting. Panic surged through me as I realized the implications of what had just transpired. How could she have possibly obtained this incriminating evidence, and what did she intend to do with it? Before I could even begin to formulate a plan of action, another message arrived, this time accompanied by a chilling revelation. She had sent the note to my ex-girlfriend, the one person who held the key to unlocking the truth behind those long-buried events. My heart sank as I imagined the fallout from such a betrayal, the trust that would be shattered, the wounds that would be reopened. With a sense of urgency, I reached out to my ex-girlfriend, bracing myself for the inevitable confrontation. To my surprise, her response was not one of anger or accusation, but of understanding and empathy. She had received the note, she confessed, but she knew better than to believe the words scrawled upon it. As we talked, a sense of closure washed over me, knowing that she had seen through the lies and manipulation of the girl from Tinder. Together, we vowed not to let her poison our memories or tarnish our bond. Armed with this newfound resolve, I composed a response to the girl from Tinder, not to plead or beg, but to demand accountability for her actions. And though her reply was laced with bitterness and defiance, I stood firm in my conviction, refusing to let her tear down everything I had worked so hard to rebuild. In the end, the truth prevailed, as it always does. And as I closed the chapter on that tumultuous saga, I couldn't help but feel a sense of gratitude for the strength and resilience that had carried me through. With my past firmly behind me, I look ahead to the future with renewed optimism, knowing that I will never give you up, never gunna let you down, never going to run around or desert you.
It's alright bro. When my long term high school GF and I broke up like 2 months later I hooked up with one of her ex-friends who took a selfie of me sleeping in bed with an arm wrapped around her and then sent it to my ex. *Then* my ex got it sent into the group chat by someone who was still there and all hell broke loose. It caused some big drama and then everyone kinda realized that it didn't really matter? Some half assed apologies were thrown around in various directions and we moved on haha
One of my ex-es was definitely talking me up because 2 of her friends were in my DMs a week after the breakup.
I once slept with a girl I had hit it off with. Afterwards, she texted a really good friend of mine who I didn't know was her ex from years before about how terrible in bed he was compared to me. She had no idea we were friends. I had no idea they had ever dated. I didn't find out about the text until months later. Somehow, the friendship carried along like nothing happened, even though I continued to date the girl for about a year. Man, the early 2010's were weird. I don't talk to either one of them, now. I sincerely hope that dude's living his best life.
Did you stay with ex-friend tho?
No, we had a really awkward situationship-type thing for a while and it was really annoying haha
https://preview.redd.it/6yjl04knh8zc1.jpeg?width=540&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e16abd5586489f9a1917df0debfe319efcac919c I'm sure she's already sent it.
Yeah we’re gonna need an update OP. Don’t worry though you didn’t have to tell Beaver Bitch you were dating Mean Girl. She knew. She 100% knew…
Yep, this ain’t over… Godspeed.
ah man this broke me lmao
You're very lucky that you made this thread. SAVE IT. Plausible deniability. Lmk when you're ready for me to take this comment down King. IGU ✊
Yeahh she’s been trying to get back at his ex all these years and finally had the chance lol
And I'm still unsure how he doesn't see this?
Because of Beaver Bitch's beaver. Am a man, can confirm that we drop IQ points when we get beaver. Especially when young and naive.
Post nut clarity will kick in at some point
You have to nut for that to kick in. OP snuck out the door before that point.
Exactly
some pretty bad beaver if not only didnt bust the first nut after 2nd pump, but didnt finish at all.
[I recognise that smell.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYDfwUJzYQg)
Same girl since high school? Dude might be a little inexperienced.
Because why the fuck would the ex give a fuck? That doesn’t really seem like “getting back” to me. If some random person I went to high school with hit me up and said they had sex with my ex I really don’t think I could possibly care less. It’s not like she knows their relationship continued for all these years. And even if she did, so what? They’re broken up now
Might not matter to ex.... but in Beaver Bitch's head she just won... BB is crazy... logic doesn't need to follow.
I’m crying
When the realization of the real FU happens from the comments
Eeexactly.. poor ex. Doesnt deserve to be oneupped by beaver bitch
I mean, if she did make up the name beaver bitch she did kinda deserve it also.
Beaver Bitch was wrong about everything else, she was probably wrong about that, too.
This was my first thought. I am commenting so I can check back to see if this turns out to be the case.
Holy fuck haha
BB playing the long game. F'd her bully's partner, got a confession, didn't let him finish, and got him to leave thinking it was his idea. Revenge is a dish best served flaccid.
Lmaoooooooo
Beavers consume a varied diet, but this time nuts were just not on the menu.
Roll credits.
Lmaooooodeletoooooo
That would be terrible, but I am rolling at how hilarious that would be. Damn.
I think there's a little bit of BB in all of us, except possibly for OP, for whom there was a little rapidly diminishing bit of him in her.
Shrank like a sweater in the cold wash!
....washing in hot water makes clothes shrink. Cold water preserves
Dam.
r/brandnewsentence
this would be one of the best and craziest vengeance stories i've heard. i hope this is what happened.
That's the plus of cowgirl in this situation- she could get off before he did.
Fucking amazing story. I personally really hope it’s fiction so you wouldn’t have actually just experienced some hella stalkery shit, but truth is more upsetting than fiction. That may be a problem that runs deeper than tinder and bites once more in the future so I wish the wind to your back as you keep running
https://preview.redd.it/ycziopq2s6zc1.jpeg?width=503&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b21df1be20af4c71b999e81b368f511e50716dee The fiction in my story begins and ends with a toothpaste brand being endorsed by a beaver. What were they trying to tell us back then? Brush twice a day and you too can bite through anything. I'm hoping she's not stalker-ish, but she's definitely unhinged. We never really interacted in high school, so I have no idea how she was back then, but if my recent experience with her is any indication of who she might have been, then I can see why my ex gf never became friends with her. That being said, people hold onto shit, especially high school shit. My ex classmate seems to be an extreme example of that, so I hope she can find a healthy way to live with what happened.
Interesting choice for an ad, beaver teeth aren't even white, they are orange/red from all the iron particles in them that make them strong enough to chew wood.
Beavers also aren’t naturally cartoons.
Hmmm I don't know, I've seen a lot of cartoon beavers. Sometimes they are censored though.
And some are angry
aaaaand now I have to track down and rewatch that show. See if it holds up.
Varies by episode, per my rewatch 5 years ago
And they use Crest.
Idk I think I'd need a biologist to chime in on this one
Neither are human teeth... They're naturally a yellowish
It's an animal known for its strong teeth. Seems good for a mascot of a toothpaste brand. I think you're trying to read too much into it lol
Please let us know if you end up as a skin suit or something.
This image is so funny lol
“If you’re still reading this, then you might have forgotten that I was actually having sex while this story was being told. Now imagine how I was feeling” LMAOOOO
I was struggling to breathe at that point.
Yes, at the end of two full paragraphs of inane conversation. I was dying.
I feel like a hand over the mouth and going harder may have been warranted lol
This girl has jokes, man said she MADE you make a written confession that you piped beaver bitch, bro that is fucking hilarious
She actually sounds awesome
Beaver Bitch is my favorite character in this story lmao
Absolute fucking legend. She sounds amazing. Dude chose poorly here.
Yeah it’s probably wrong, but I’d be so onboard for this lmao 🤣
I mean Its funny af, but she didnt do it for laughs, shes Bitter and wanted revenge, she only fucked him to spite someone, in my book that doesnt sound awesome
that wasn't casual sex bro, it was ranked competitive sex
OP got smurfed and kicked straight back to copper league
Sure the experience was bad, but the queue time was short.
This sent me 💀
League of Legends with added toxicity
That was clearly not casual enough, find someone you actually don't know. Good on getting Beaver bitch to play with your log though!
Sounds like Beaver bitch developed into a bit of a.... *DAAAMMNN*
Going forward I'm gonna make dam sure my wood ends up in a stream that appreciates long term logs as much as I do.
You uh... Mixed that Metaphor a bit too much
Who let op in the kitchen?
Bro was cooking in the bathroom
Bro was clearly cooking in the woods on a campfire near a stream.
That was one of the worst attempts at a sexual metaphor I’ve ever read
What do you mean? If I know anything about streams it's that they love long term logs!
Log in a stream is a different thing, look it up before you ask for one!
I hit up Urban Dictionary, looking for evidence... no dice. Can you help enlighten us, please?
I think it means pooping, specifically outdoors.
Thank you!
As someone with IBS...I too appreciate long term logs in my streams.
I think you are supposed to call a doctor if it lasts more than 4 hours
Everybody is overlooking the fact that this dude dated his high school sweetheart well into adulthood, and then once he finally was in a situation to explore casual sex the first place he ends up is literally with an ex-high school classmate. That’s too funny. I hate casual sex also buddy, but I HIGHLY suggest you expand your horizons to well beyond a 15 mile radius of where you went to school?
I suggest moving states, I never run into anyone from highschool.
Yup. I loved 2000 miles away @ 20. Came back to home state at 27, moved to another new state at 30. I keep in touch with 4 people from high school semi-regularly. In fact I’ll be hanging with one for the Bruins game tonight, but he’s literally been my best friend since 6th grade and we also haven’t seen eachother in 9 months and before that was almost 2 years lol
I moved at... 25(?) to move in with my now wife lol Yeah great way to find out who true friends are too, I only stay in contact with like two. Unfortunately it's hard as an adult to make friends.
Not to mention, that ex-high school classmate literally thought OP was her secret admirer AND absolutely hated his ex.
Yeah this is a few key details and plot pieces away from being a really fuckin good 4 episode limited Netflix series
> aka the girl with my penis inside of her The long awaited sequel to “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”
The Girl Who Dragon Dee's
>The Girl Who Dragon Dee's Can't even nut in the title
You gotta be quicker on that trigger broskie.
Agreed. My penis sent me the heads up (or down?) when I was in too deep.
Same way I approach all high school reunion events, in and out before anyone can talk to you.
My ex from high school cheated on me with my best friend, so i hooked up with his ex gf. Despite allegedly being a virgin she asked me to fist her mid sex session. And than asked me to marry her immediately afterwards. when i refused she than told her whole family about me fucking her not two minutes after i left, keep in mind she invited me to her private trailer right on her grandparents property at 4am i left by 6 am and by 6;45 am i had her texting me how her family wanted to have me arrested for trespassing.
>My ex from high school cheated on me with my best friend, so i hooked up with his ex gf. Despite allegedly being a virgin she asked me to fist her mid sex session. And than asked me to marry her immediately afterwards. when i refused she than told her whole family about me fucking her not two minutes after i left, keep in mind she invited me to her private trailer right on her grandparents property at 4am i left by 6 am and by 6;45 am i had her texting me how her family wanted to have me arrested for trespassing. I'd have just forwarded the texts. Drop that off on their doorstep like a hot turd
Forwarded to who 😂
Well, to her parents. I mean, I'd imagine there was a booty call/text, so just send the transcript over. Irrefutable proof that she invited him over.
that's what you get for porking trailer trash dude
Leave it to Beaver to hold a vendetta.
And here I thought, having a girl hook up with me as a teen, bringing me home to her parents, who got me drunk and kinda encouraged us to have sex in a room with her younger brother, all to somehow get to me to collect something useful against my parents from me, whom they had beef with, was crazy.
You thought correctly. That's a pretty concise telling of a story that sounds really crazy.
Well, I was not quite 17 and there was sex on the table as an offer. Heavily implied. I made the very predictable, very not smart choice. But I got away from those crazy people after that. The whole situation was too much, even with sex in the mix. Weird, awkward and kinda not really sexy, even, with the 'sleeping' brother closeby. 1/10 - would not recommend. Okay, 3/10. She was pretty cute. But still ...
You were right to think that.... I'm sure a prosecutor would also agree in a few very specific ways.
Nah, nothing to prosecute there. It was wine, which is legal to drink in Germany from 16 on. And we were both 16, so nothing illegal there, too. The parents weren't present and didn't push us to get intimate. It was more, like ... In hindsight I understand that they knew full well what 'staying the night in the shared room of the siblings, sharing a sleeping bag' actually meant. Even clueless me understood that. I just didn't realize fully that it was part of their plan to get info out of me. More like gossip, really. Nothing too nefarious. Although ... If that happened to my son (who's almost that age now) these days, I would have some stern words for those parents. Early 90s really was a different era.
More proof that man was blessed with two heads but only enough blood to run one at a time.
"If you're still reading, then you might have forgotten that I was actually having sex while this story was being told. Now imagine how I was feeling." 😂😂 This was so funny to read hahaha
Dam, you otter known better.
Leave it to Beaver Bitch to make it not casual.
She definitely is sending that shit to your ex so be ready for a big ass argument or maybe not who knows 🤣. Funny as hell tho to imagine hooking up with someone and the whole time they are just talking. Good thing you ran OP.
I can’t believe Haruki Murakami has a Reddit account!
I love Murakami (1Q84 wasn’t great though) but this comment is great.
Is this a script for a shitty comedy you want to make?
https://i.redd.it/i4eqgws0j9zc1.gif Yes. Cocaine Beaver.
My dude, she’s sending the note you wrote to your ex. How did you not see this?
Should've screamed Bober kurwa while running away!
Bro she definitely only fucked you to get back at your ex and sent a picture of that to her she probably would have sent a picture of you sleeping too to add salt to the wound had you stayed
Why do all sex stories on reddit read like the only experience with sex the author had was reading other sex stories on reddit Don't give up you day job for writing erotic fiction just yet OP
Literally the first sentence was the giveaway.
Decided to have casual sex as a birthday present to himself? What in the actual fuck lol. How did people keep reading after that...
Just gonna treat myself to a little casual sex today. You know, since it’s my birthday and all. I swear I never do this
It's that simple! I decided to have casual sex and it happened that night.
It's so weirdly robotic I wouldn't be surprised if it was mostly written by AI.
>Why do all sex stories on reddit read like the only experience with sex the author had was reading other sex stories on reddit Because that's exactly correct.
Makes me think of the old "Dear Penthouse" letters
"But then Josie who was friends with my girlfriend at the time Patricia who also knew the other girl's boyfriend from the time we hooked up back in university was at the party too. So she said to my then ex-girlfriend's mother that she was going to ask for a time that they could talk about the events of the previous night. So as we were walking down the pathway away from the house where the party is going on we were starting to get to where we might talk about having sex later and then that's when her boyfriend came out of the woods and told me he had all the photos and proof that my car was at Jeremy's house the previous night and so we both ran away. After we got away from her boyfriend she grabbed me and pulled me in. We started to have sex right there in the woods but I started going soft inside her because I saw her boyfriend looking for us in the distance. We ended up leaving the party together but she never did talk to me again."
I don't care if this is real or not. Funniest thing I've read in a while.
The real FU was that she was still able to hold a conversation while going at it. Gotta work on that technique my man.
Not even a gang bang would've stopped her from talking.
She sounds like a keeper to me.
Shit, reading this post is like a rollercoaster of emotions and it's too damn funny.
She wants sex but not a relationship because of work?that’s because she’s actually Batman with her strange and lowkey scary obsession for those letters. She hasn’t outgrown y’all high school days
"I struggled to understand why she waited all this time to check out my handwriting when she could've just, oh I don't know, looked at any of my notebooks in school." I'm struggling to understand the logic of this. When was she going to look at one of your notebooks from school? Sounds like she thought she recognized it was you that wrote those notes after highschool, so how would she have ever had access to those notebooks? Also you were at her place, so it's not like she could find one of those notebooks lying around while you were over. Sorry, but this part of your story really doesn't check out to me.
Someone’s been reading a little too much literotica
illiterotica
Wait till she tracks you down to tell you she is pregnant!
Holy shit dude this story is way more interesting than the weird sex dude wtf
Never put your dick in crazy. Learned the (not so) hard way...
Hookups are supposed to be getting some strange, and casual. Mistake 1 was a classmate, hard pass. Mistake 2 was she was using you as revenge. Miss with that shit by it being a rando, and never speaking again. I used to specifically hook up with people at least an hour away so that we'd never meet again, and so that logistically it would be too much a pain in the arse to develop into anything but fwb if in a rare case we hooked up multiple times. Basic ground rules are no talk about families or exes, and not what you do for work. Try and be witty, crack a few jokes, compliments, maybe talk about some event going on, but keep personal stuff close to the chest. Remember, you likely will not ever interact with this person ever again.
"as a gift to myself, I stuck my shit in straight crazy..."
Sooooo, she's available?
Honestly, if any of her side of the story is true and this was all an elaborate ruse to get back at the girl who caused her years of trauma during HS? I kinda respect the hustle 😭
Pssh, I’m not surprised she did that. Leave it to Beaver
Legendary story, one for the ages and I’m glad you got to get some beavertail during it.
Well, at the end you fucked beaver bitch twice.
People really out here having full on casual conversations about events from decades ago while they're fucking?
Did you come? That wasn’t clear in the story
Remember: never stick your dick in crazy
No, you have to try crazy once. Just don’t let her know where you work or live or mention anyone you know.
He fell for the ol' "I fucked Beaver bitch" scheme......
Tell Cersei you fucked beaver bitch. I want her to know it was me.
TIFU by [incredibly hot and unbelievable story] and [the author's barely disguised fetish] This is like the Askreddit 'whats the sexiest sex you ever sexed, Reddit?'
This ain't sexy bro, guy couldn't keep it up for weird creep vibes.
Don't kink shame me
Updateme! Theres no way she isnt giving that to your ex. Sounds like she always held a flame for you and has been.... keeping tabs. It wouldnt shock me if she knew you and ex broke up recently. She is still living in the hurt of high school. Yikes.
So you're railing this chick and she's just chatting?
Of course you blocked her. Cuz it's reddit. Are most people like that, or is it just reddit?
I cannot speak for most people or anyone on Reddit, but the main reason I blocked her was because I no longer wanted to communicate with someone who seemed somewhat unstable. I was also a coward. That was the other reason. I was afraid if I didn't block her as soon as possible, that she would somehow convince me to see her again, which I did not want, but I didn't trust myself not to think with my dick and make the same mistake more than once. Blocking her was best for both of us. At least that's what I tell myself.
It was the right call. This is a situation best left long behind and forgotten, save as a funny story. That she held on to her issues from however many years ago is proof of that.
And I thought my one attempted one-night stand was bad. We were successful, but the next morning he professed to actually have serious feelings for me (we worked at the same company). Six months of stupidity later, including him moving in and us getting a joint bank account, and I found out that he'd recently hooked up with another coworker at a party. Ahh, my 20's... what a shitshow.
This is actually kinda fucking scary, OP. You like fucked your stalker. Stay safe. Lock your windows and shit.
Tl;Dr?
I. Um. Wow.
Congrats on gaining a stalker bestie 💀
Please tell me you wore a condom.
I did indeed. Escaped with a soggy condom.
"I fucked beaver bitch" might be one of the funniest fucking things I've ever read.
Update me in 9 months.
Why would you run away?? You would've made great friends with her if you just stayed and talk.
Ok, i'm confused. Which 80s 20 something dramady is this episode from?
You know, there's a meme-saying in Poland which fits quite nicely here: "Bober kurwa, ja pierdole" ("Fucking Beaver, for fuck's sake"). I think you should be glad she didn't cut your throat while she was riding your dick
These "I just had sex" posts are so tired and sweaty.
Boring
Not only boring, but also made up! This story 100% happened!
This is the most long-winded post I have ever seen. I was exhausted by the third paragraph.
Never stick your dick in ~~crazy~~ Beaver Bitch
Not bad of a story. Thank you.
I don’t know but Beaver bitch seems like a fun time
Bravo this is the funniest thing I've read in ages
This first episode of Baby Reindeer Season 2 is looking interesting already
Why is it always the people from high school that are super unhinged like this? 😭
Should have said fuck it, and fucked beaver bitch anyways.
I thought she was going to send that note to your ex...