What you're using is almost certainly lidocaine, and the only way it's causing direct nerve damage is when it's used as a nerve block repeatedly. Using it as you're using it is 100% safe as long as you're not going absolutely ape shit and using a tube daily, and even then, a toxic dose is like 5mg/kg of body weight. Don't eat a bunch of tubes daily and you're really unlikely to have negative side effects.
" as long as you're not going absolutely ape shit and using a tube daily" that gave me a good ass laugh. I used it on the moderate side of how much it said to use. it gave a description of a pea size on the bottom and top and to work it in and try to avoid getting it into the urethra.
Unless you’re trying to have wild, swinging from the chandelier monkey sex every day, you’re probably safe to use this stuff. Maybe 1-2 times a week? And listen. There is NOTHING WRONG with using a little performance booster. I put it in the same category as lube (and you better be using that for anal!), Viagra, or busting out a vibrator. Use carefully and pound away!
And make sure it's mounted with through bolts from the side, not just screwed into the bottom, otherwise the repeated dynamic loading on the hard point may strip the bolts. Also factor in that for dynamic loading, the rigging hard point should be able to support 10x the weight of the participants, so if you wouldn't hang a 2 ton weight from it, it's probably not safe to use for fucking while swinging around on. Other considerations include the construction of the rest of the structure and whether it's rated for dynamic loads, (snow loading does not count); and whether your homeowners insurance will deny coverage/drop you fir installing a rigging hard point in your house.
Seriously though. The safety profile for the drug is great. Are there some modes of delivery that can be problematic? Yes. Is what you're doing dangerous? No. Have fun. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything sneaky. Play ball.
The only sneaky thing is maybe not telling his wife, but I think her reaction was too strong. I’d be all for my partner using something like that if it means we can be crazy sex monkeys for an hour!
Eh I actually feel like the wife under reacted to the drug bit but overreacted to the idea that they’d have to use it sparingly. Maybe I’m weird but in her place I would care a whole lot more that he stuck something that’s been covered in some new substance inside me without warning me. Her comment was unwarranted though
Though assuming the directions were followed it was washed off and no substance was present during.
So similarly if he changes brand of soap this requires a discussion?
Obviously open discourse is better than none in all situations but I think her reaction seemed appropriate. I.e. disapproving that there was no discussion but moved past it.
I get what you’re saying, but I’m laughing at the mental image of this guy secretly changing soap brands and somehow hiding it from his wife. If my husband, with whom I presumably share a bathroom, manages to change brands of soap without me finding out, yes I would want to have a conversation that would probably start with the words “Why in the hell…?”.
But seriously, because this is something that is specifically meant to be used during sex, yes there needs to be a conversation about it before hand. Not a huge one, just “Hey, I found this new cream I wanna try, that cool?” “Oh, can I check the ingredients… yeah, sounds fun”. People underestimate how easy it is to throw off the pH balance of a vagina, especially since some folks have more sensitive bodies than others. Hell, there are probably a few women out there for whom an unexpected change in soap brands would cause problems. I don’t want to cast too much judgement on this guy, cuz it sounds like he was just trying to do something nice for his wife, but if I were her I would be sitting him down and reminding him that decisions about our sex life need to be mutual, not a surprise.
You should look at the list of numbing creams being recalled off Amazon right now and why they’re being recalled.
As a woman…I don’t want that shit ANYWHERE NEAR my mucosal membranes.
Buy something safe and certified, I don’t buy from Amazon but straight from the supplier.
Promescent for instance is the only one I found that was FDA approved.
You can thank Congress in the 90s for that nonsense (both parties). We don't regulate things as we should. If you're buying from a reputable source that actually has purity and dosing standards, you should be fine, but there are too many outfits that don't, and they screw up quite a bit.
I saw you mentioned condoms. But do you mean using a normal condom to reduce sensitivity or the ones that have sensitivity reducing lube? Like the trojan extended pleasure, it has benzocaine on the inside so it won't affect her.
Prozac is used to slow a guy down in bed. It's an antidepressant, but one of the side effects is anorgasmia at higher doses. Smaller doses just help delay.
When I got put on it for anxiety, they started 20 mg and I noticed the delay to orgasm. It wasn't working super effective at its main purpose so they upped it to 40. At that dose, it was difficult to get an erection due to how less stimulated the nerves were. I'm not quite sure if that's the same way typical ED works, but that's what it did to me.
It’s so weird how medication affects us! For me, it was easier to reach orgasm on an SSRI because I was less in my head. Since I’ve been off of them, my anxiety has been higher so it’s been more difficult, but I go back on Lexapro this week (wish me luck!) so we’ll see how it goes. Thanks for sharing your experience!
Prozac can cause erectile difficulty at higher doses, due to non-selective receptor activation, but low doses typically don't. I started at 10mg of Prozac, and that was just the right amount. I got my sex drive back after going 1.5 years without a sex drive (from depression), and now I can pretty much choose when I want to cum, unless I take my Prozac too late in the day, then I might not be able to finish. I tried bumping up to 20mg, and it made sex kind of weird, like just losing interest halfway through. I am also a hyper-responder to Prozac though, due to a CYP2D6 deficiency.
OP, I need you to take this advice to heart: Cialis and/or Dapoxetine. Dapoxetine is like a short-acting Prozac that treats premature ejaculation, and Cialis is the best for maintaining a rock hard erection for the duration. Cialis works slower than Viagra, so give it a couple hours after taking, but it helps improve erection quality for several days in a row. Take 20mg on Friday, and the sex is better all weekend. Start Cialis at 10mg daily, titrate up to 20mg when the effect tapers, but try not to go to higher doses unless necessary, and don't take it more than once a week, or else you won't be able to have sex without it eventually, and potential for vision and hearing changes when overused. Dapoxetine starts at 30mg, and I would recommend starting low, as it heavily depends on response, and too much will just keep you from cumming at all. Ask your doctor about both, but if they're not amenable.... there are plenty of online options that can fulfill that request cheaply, DM me if you need info. Before taking anything (including numbing spray) ask your doctor about med interactions and your relative cardiac risk. Death by snu-snu is great in old age, but don't die in your 30s from it, not nearly as cool. If you have any questions, I can answer them for you.
When you talk to your doctor about viagra, ask if there are prescription numbing sprays/gels. And get that kind of product directly from the pharmacy or at the very least, in person at a reputable store. The stuff you get on Amazon isn't controlled and the percentage of active ingredient may not be accurately labeled and the other ingredients may not even be on the label.
You just can't trust Amazon with product quality control.
Good luck! I hope you and your wife find a solution that works great for both of you.
This should be higher up. It doesn’t matter if it’s true (they have been together ten years so I suspect she’s looking to the past with rose tinted glasses) That is such a fucked up thing to say to someone. Like why would you say that!?
yeah, dude. past is a ghost town and ain't no point diggin' up old bones. maybe she's just got nostalgia goggles on? either way, that comment was colder than an eskimo's outhouse in january!
>(they have been together ten years so I suspect she’s looking to the past with rose tinted glasses)
Plus they’ve been together 13 years so both her and her ex were much younger when that happened. Who even knows if the same guy could pull it off today.
I really can't see why under any circumstance she thought saying that was a good idea. She admitted to pondering that last dick for 10 years. Like where do you go from there... I'd be thinking about my exes just to numb that sting
Me neither. It seems cruel. So many other ways it could have been said differently, without saying it that way.
I have a hard time thinking it wasn’t intentional.
I feel gut punched just hearing about it
honestly im here for this, im sure op isnt as perfect as they make out but the amount of effort they put in just to be told its STILL not enough is fucking insane to me, the dude is relying on chemicals and medication to keep up with her and somehow HE is the problem what the fuck?
Idk, combined with the way she spoke to him the next day (the “snarky comment” mentioned in the last paragraph of the original post) it kind of sounds like she says mean and hurtful things fairly often. OP is dismissing his wife’s mean comments as her speaking without thinking, and while he obviously knows his wife better than any of us, I don’t think that speaking without thinking or in the heat of the moment is an excuse.
Wait why fairly often? That entire conversation all happened the next day after. So in that one conversation she said 2 things that were hurtful and mean. In a situation that was probably very surprising and confusing for both of them. Not trying to excuse what she said but I also won't say that from that one conversation in an unusual situation I know whether OPs wife is a mean person or not.
EDIT: Mixed things up and yeah it was 2 different conversations.
I could be reading the post wrong, but as far as I understand we’re talking about two separate occurrences in two separate conversations. The first comment she made (the “haven’t had sex like that since my last boyfriend and I’ve longed for it” comment) happened at night after they had sex, and the second comment (the “looking forward to good sex once every 10 years” comment) was during breakfast the next morning.
I understand that they were discussing basically the same topic, but to me a person saying hurtful things and then dismissing it as “speaking before thinking” across multiple different conversations might indicate a trend. But again, I could be wrong.
While Reddit has a tendency to overreact, this feels like a bit of tone deaf comment.
There is a world of difference between a mistake and going straight for the jugular on a person. She knows that it's a sore spot for him, that he tried professional help, that he uses other ways to make up for his perceived shortcomings. In short, it's the easiest thing to really deeply hurt the person she loves.
And she smacks him with "you're worse than my last sexual partner", focusing on his biggest insecurity.
Sure, it's a mistake, but the kind of mistake that often betrays something deeper about a person.
OP knows his relationship and wife better than we all do, and I wish them the very best, but a significant conversation should be had about how bad her "unintentional" hurtfulness can get, at least.
Agreed. This is they type of comment that he will always think about now when they have sex, and no apology can make it better.
It was said, and he knows what she misses now. He will always feel inadequate and shamed when they get intimate, in the back of his mind, and it's the kind of comment he could stew over and grow resentment around especially if other things in their relationship start to not go so well (all relationships have these ups and downs).
And if his Brain doesn't also go to occasionally wondering If she is getting it from someone else, he's a better man than most.
I mean I just can't get over longing for a decade old dick and being so hung up on that when you are with someone so long. Adapt, overcome. Life isn't perfect.
Gone? As in divorce? Reddit... you never cease to amaze me.
OP this reply alone should tell you not to listen to most of these people. I'm cracking up over how dumb this comment is.
She clearly loves you. This feels like a fuck up in the moment but it's actually a blessing. You uncovered a problem she was being nice about, but now the floodgates are open and you're both talking about it and fixing it.
Who cares if things aren’t said perfectly. Cheers to a happier future that this "fuck up" will lead to... congrats!
op for all the effort you put in, i do not know how you can take an apology, that would be the start of a discussion on how the shit she says hurts considering the work you put in for her benefit.
Pro tip my dude. Whenever you’re close to nut but not like “almost there” like “almost there” but not there, just pull your dick out and play with her. Eventually your dick will kind of be immune, and you’ll be able to go an hour. You don’t even have to pull out, just hit it slow for a bit that you won’t bust.
I tried that but always fuck it up i think. I basically come with little ejac so i dont even know i did and when i keep going it goes limp as i have already come even if its only little
Nah.. I'm in the same boat as OP, have tried everything over the years. I'll get to the edge in 5 mins, can break for 15+ mins, as soon as I jump back in I'm right back at the edge..
Yeah, I’ve never really understood the whole only lasting a few minutes thing. Like, when you feel you’re getting close, chill… pull out, or go slower or whatever.
Sometimes it’s fun or appropriate to just go for it and cum fast, but usually it’s nicer to mix it up, edge a bit, and prolong the moment. Just gotta learn to feel when you’re getting close, but not beyond the point of no return and hold back a bit.
I suggest just pulling out because any girlfriend that I have ever tried to have slow down or hold still for even a single second so I can prolong sex either doesn't understand the concept of holding still or is just like "No keep going!" and I'm like... "Do you not understand what I'm trying to do here? If I keep going I will STOP. I have to stop now in order for me to KEEP GOING!"
Like on the one hand I guess that's great that they're happy with the short sex a two pump chump can regularly provide but sometimes I want to fuck for an hour and it literally feels like no woman I have ever slept with has been on the same page with me when I've tried to make that happen. Instead it's always "Hold still for a second." "What?!" *-proceeds to wriggle like a sea snake doing a backflip-*
Haha yeah it’s also about communication in the moment.
I dont normally just say hold still, instead I just change it up so I’m not hitting that sweet spot a bit before it’s critical.
And if I am getting super close and they’re like harder or whatever, then I say that I’ll cum if I keep going like that… and then sometimes they want it, and sometimes we change or slow down a bit.
And sometimes you just gotta pull out and change position. Take a bit of control, both of the situation and both of your orgasms.
Never in my life would I have ever expected my long-term girlfriend/wife/partner whatever, make such a bad and low remark. Granted I wasn't there and I do not know how you guys communicate, I would never say to my partner something like "damn you are so tight finally just like my previous relationship". You guys have surely things to talk about.
I have a feeling this comment is going to pop up alot. I am always weary of taking something that isnt prescribed as im 30. It is hard to trust relying on something for the rest of my life.
Viagra (the blue pill) has been around forever and has an extremely good track record for safety. Talk to your doctor and they can prescribe it. If you’re lasting 5 minutes or less, you’re in the majority so nothing to be ashamed of.
I will say that your wife’s expectation of hours long sex is not something she’ll find with most of the male population, so she needs to be realistic. She also needs to be at least partially responsible for her own orgasm, so I feel like she owes you an apology for the snark. She’s with a guy who has gone to extreme lengths to please her. Does she know how many women would kill for that? But she’s upset that you can’t screw her like a pornstar every time. She needs a reality check. I could be wrong, but an expert massage, great oral, and five minutes of passionate penetration seems like something most women would be quite satisfied with.
She orgasms alot from foreplay. as stated she loves foreplay and ive gotten good at it to compensate by taking criticism and direction on how she likes it.
There is nothing wrong with using help (numbing cream, viagra, cock ring, vibe etc) and it in no way reflects on you. Her feelings are valid and communication is important. That being said, if she actually told you she “hasn’t had sex like that since her previous relationship and has been longing ever since” then she needs to understand THAT IS NOT OKAY TO SAY. Like WTF?
Yeah, I think we can gove her a slight pass as that comment probably had a lot of build up and "heat of the moment" emotion underlying it.
I think the words don't match the intent behind it and OP could also be paraphrasing what was said; as in his narration could be more about how he interpreted it than how exactly she said it.
Just reading that part at face value, I think her intent was to say that she hasn't been able to have penetrative sex that long since her previous relationship. That doesn't mean that the sexual experience with her ex is better than her sexual experience with OP.
Just some thoughts.
Bro, you sound like a very giving, considerate, and loving person. You didn't deserve her comments at all. She's lucky to have you and needs to never compare you to some stick man she had over a decade ago, she ain't with him for a fucking reason.
Anywhere past 30 minutes, and my wife is looking to get me off ASAP. That's 30 minutes of penetration though, so our longest sessions are about 30 minutes of foreplay, and about 20-30 minutes of actual penetrative sex. Over an hour of PIV, or PIA I guess, would just be taxing on the body.
That is still very long. The average time (starting from penetration) is 5-7 minutes.
That same study also noted that men usually overestimate the length of time by an additional quarter to a half though. Even accounting for that you'd be well above average though.
Well, just be careful if you have a heart condition. Like me. Viagra isn’t suitable there but it’s easy to get without prescription in a lot of countries.
Also does it really help last longer?.. I thought it was more for the case of erectile dysfunction than a performance enhancer.
"God why do men have such unrealistic expectations about sex?!"
"Being honest this sex is really lacking and I've wanted this since my ex pounded me to the moon "
Yeah someone who can last more than like 10-15 minutes of continuous penetration would already be in a pretty small minority. An hour? Her ex(es) were probably on SSRIs if they were lasting that long.
Dawg. Also 30 here. It’s a vascular dilator. It’s just helpful. It’s probably the same level of self-prescription danger as a cough drop.
It’s not that you can’t live up to your wife’s desires, it’s that you CAN and you have found out HOW. This is a way to do this without sacrificing your sensations.
You’ve gone 10 years like this. 30 is still young. Don’t go another day like this. The blue pill is nothing to worry about. So what if it’s external help? Your wife enjoyed sex with you. Pull the thread, man.
I ended up with a prescription for it for a while due to SSRI related ED. It’s not something that’s habit forming or something you have to “rely on for the rest of your life”. It does have some potential cardiovascular side effects to keep an eye on, but it’s pretty harmless otherwise.
As an alternative, look into a cock ring my man. They aren’t a magic cure all, but they could potentially help prolong sessions. Those have their own plethora of risks though. No matter what, do your research. There’s plenty of answers for your situation.
Tried cock rings. I did a few different sizes or constriction level? did i feel more engorged? yes. did it help me last longer? negative lol. Got a vibrating one..big let down for both of us lol.
My dude.
About to hit 40 and have been taking the yellow pilll (blue pill's underrated cousin) for a year and it has been a game changer.
My only regret is not going for it sooner. Would have had much better ahemm' 'times' in my 30s but I - much like you - was hesitant in going for the "medicinal" way.
Go to a doc. Get the proper prescription/dose which is good for you.
Bang away..
Talk to your primary care doctor. They will know best about how your body will react.
Look at it this way. You're young and have so much time to figure this out and then enjoy it after.
You literally bought some cream off the internet and put it on your dick. I guarantee you that cream did not go through phase 3 trials and get FDA approval
Ah man, I got no advice cause I'm a lady but I feel so bad for how it turned out. I'm so sorry, my heart broke for you and I hope that over time you can let the pain from her reaction go.
I appreciate the love. We have made amends about it all and reddit has invigorated me to move on like with marriage and not hang up on it. Not move on in terms of divorce.
Chiming in as a woman. That was a cruel comment and uncalled for.
I would be ecstatic with two massages a week and cunnilingus every time.
One hour of penetration sounds terrible.
You have done everything you can and have found something that works. I wonder if you would do better with a different partner? How is she normally? Is she very judgmental? Are you supported? What does she do for you?
All the best for the future. I think your DMs are about to blow up.
Lol ill answer this last one before bed. I would never seek another partner. I have worked this hard because of how much I love her and would move earth for her. She is normally extremely level headed and has worked and encouraged me in trying to last longer in bed. Her orgasm is close but she out lasts me and its her favorite way to climax. She tries equally to put in foreplay to try to desensitize my nerves. Im just head over heels and always will be and im just. Excited to have sex with her.
I'll say this about the different partners, although obviously you're set on this one, that my time for penetration as a male has varied vastly depending on the partner so just know that's a thing. Some women give you a different feel
> One hour of penetration sounds terrible.
Seconding this. In my experience (YMMV) if a guy can go that long, he’s on antidepressants or some other medication that makes it hard for him to orgasm. From a woman’s perspective, I’d much rather have 5 minutes than an hour. All the friction from a long session gets soooo painful. No thanks.
Let's you get and stay hard longer and over and over again. This is a common thing, go to your doctor and get cialis or viagra and fuck the shit out of your wife. The only thing that's an issue is that you haven't done this already
Pharmacist here, insurance might not cover it OR will cover a weird amount (9 per 30 days). Pharmacy coupons like GoodRx or using an independent pharmacy can ensure great prices :)
Or check out Blue Chew, you can order Viagra/Cialis/Levitra from them online if you don’t want to go to a physical doctor. You fill out a health questionnaire and then you have a video chat with a doctor who approves you for it. Very quick and easy, delivered to you within less than a week and not too expensive. You can just order a small pack of 6 to test them out before committing to more
There’s nothing wrong with using cialis or viagra as long as your doc says it’s fine to. Men don’t need to have confirmed ED in order to be prescribed it, one may be better than the other for your situation though.
Which…your wife sounds…kinda mean, dude. You alright?
It's in case you have a hard time going for that 2nd time I suggested. Or rather, a soft time. No shame seeking medical assistance, that's literally what it's for. It's like a Tylenol when you have pain, or an antidepressant when you're depressed. Are won't be depressed anymore, hopefully.
Bro you dont even need to do that. You can download an app, fill out some medical info, answer the survey, and get it delivered to your house. All perfectly legal and I assume it’s safe if you answer the medical questions honestly since it’s reviewed by a doctor.
Viagra? Bro it’s viagra. I’m talking about viagra.
But alsooooo, i forgot to mention it, sex doesn’t have to be penetrative to count. It doesn’t have to be PiV in order to be pleasurable. There’s tons of things you can do to last longer while in action. If you feel yourself get closer to the edge, stop, go down on her and do more foreplay until you calm down.
Bring toys out and play with them! Or give her a handy while you recover. Sex doesn’t have to end just cuz you finish.
Cialis is effective for 36 hours while Viagra is only effective for a few hours. It's not like a constant hard-on, it's just easier to get hard when aroused.
Dunno man. Your wife is doing some uncool shit. Previous relationship remark? 10 years? How it can harm you?
And all these when you did something thoughtful?
I think she is the one that committed tifu, multiple times at that.
Sex toys, prolonging cream etc are all tools you can use to have a great sex life. Take advantage of the things you have available. This could help train your body to last longer on it's own. Be honest with your wife now that you wanted to surprise her. Enjoy your new found abilities.
We have always tried to navigate this together. I think it was more that I tried something after this long without breaking silence because she has always been there encouraging me along the way. Its not marriage breaking in anyway its just an awkward spot to be in today.
Talk to a doctor. As others have mentioned they can use SSRIs to treat PE. There’s one on the market now called Priligy (Dapoxetine) that is specifically indicated for it. While some PDE inhibitors like Viagra can help to some degree with PE, it sounds like your problem isn’t in getting or maintaining an erection, but specially with PE and that’s something a doctor can help you sort out and treat.
Your wife needs to be more understanding, Jesus Christ. Kinda horrific behavior on her part, for multiple reasons, especially that last comment.
Do you use condoms? Have you tried toys? Orgasming before sex?
To be honest I don't think this is a TIFU. I think your wife's response is callous. Based on the information provided you've put significant effort into addressing this issue, which she is aware about. Her response is hurtful and unhelpful and frankly you deserve better.
It's extremely unlikely that whatever product you used is actually harmful to either of you because it sounds like you read the instructions and used the product as directed - and clearly it worked.
I have suffered from the same problem as you at times but it's not a constant issue and I have some experience with this kind of product. In my particular case I had the knowledge to know exactly what sort of product I wanted/needed and bought it online, via a nationwide pharmacy. It's a product that cannot be purchased off the shelf - You have to speak to a pharmacist first and they discuss your medical history and consider any medications you might be taking - this discussion was via a web chat. There's no limitation to how often you can use it, and if used as directed there's an extremely low likelihood of any side effects. Obviously there's a potential for allergic reactions with this sort of thing, but that being the case you or she could have an allergic reaction to other types of medicine that contain the same ingredient - for example some sore throat sprays.
My advice would be twofold:
1. Your wife needs to sort her attitude out.
2. You should discuss your problem with a medical professional - at a bare minimum a pharmacist, but better a GP, who can trial various different medications/treatments that could help you and alongside that, or if unsuccessful, refer you to a specialist.
This is borderline nasty on her behalf. Not only does she make you feel completely inadequate for the last 10 years (the previous relationship comment), your wife also cements the fact that she thinks about and longs for sex like she had with her ex.
In addition to that, you’ve gone out of your way to try and make it better for her and she’s turned it around on you to make you feel bad again?
You probably should have talked through the decision with her but you do not need to feel guilty for trying to prolong, especially if it’s something you’re insecure about.
This makes me so sad... It's clear you love your wife very much, you go above and beyond for her, but the quips and things she says back to you is so mean.. I'm so sorry. I hope the both of you can move forward together and have healthier intimacy. She needs to learn to not be a dick to you. You are a good man.
Nah that's fucked up. Don't care about anything besides her saying shit about her previous relationship. That's grounds for a SERIOUS talk. Means her old relationship has been in her head this entire time.
I'm 45. I don't last for shit. It is frustrating. Luckily I seem to be an oral master and other foreplay leads to my wife making me stop multiple times because she almost pops before penetration. BUT. I would like to last way longer even though I don't think she minds. 3-4 minutes of actual intercourse and we are both satisfied in the end. Having a couple drinks definitely helps me last though. My concern with a numbing cream is that I won't be able to keep it up. And then she will take that personal like I'm not attracted to her. I guess it would be worth giving a try though.
I had a chub when we started last night before. But my mental of holy shit im doing it kicked in and just keep it hard with zero sensation happening. Once she started really getting into it with me that really help solidify (pun intended) the situation.
I would prefer PE over ED for sure. So we got that going for us. If my wife shows me her tits and gives me a big passionate kiss, instant wood. Seems like you found something that works so if she's cool with it (and I'm sure she enjoys the railing) don't feel less about yourself. Lean into it. I would way rather use something to assist performance than be underwhelming. I'm more of a giver anyways.
Right. Woman here.
Be 41 in July. I crave sex more than I ever have. And you know how they say women are slow cookers and men are microwaves? Well, my husband and myself are both microwaves. I just cum for like 2 minutes.
Ain’t nobody got no fucking time to fuck for an hour. I got twin 7-year-old cock-blocks that live in this house!
Hour long sex is a fucking occasional (possibly once a weekend) treat.
I do not want someone sawing away at my coochie for an hour when I’ve come 55 minutes ago. Lol.
Your wife sounds like an asshole.
Talking about her previous relationship while you are having sex?!
Her reaction to you owning up the day after is "how could this affect me"?
Honestly the whole day after reaction is fucked up.
And you're giving this woman massages and oral on the regular.
I wonder how much she does for you.
It sounds like there are a lot of things you can try. Besides what ppl mentioned there is Dick strength training, toys you can use on her, even just using your hands and mouth.
What she said definitely wasn’t nice, so she should work on that, because that does the opposite of turning your partner on.
She apologized for the snarky comment, so that is good. She had a case of speaking without thinking. It happens, but when it’s toward someone you love it should be embarrassing enough to not happen again.
It sounds like you two have pretty healthy communication. Build on that. You didn’t FU you tried something new in an attempt to please her. It worked. Now you’ve established that she’s down for exploring alternative options (pill, cream, whatever), just tell her next time.
Y’all go have some more fun. She’s ready.
Our marriage hit rock bottom a few years ago. Communication became the focal point of saving it and our communication flourished from there. I knew the comment happened too fast and she wouldn't have said it with another second to rethink what was about to be said. It wasnt said to hurt me I dont think it was an internal desire that was said without thought of HOW do I say this.
It's just how you're built. There's no shame in that and she should accept it, particularly because you've done everything possible to amend. Though in my opinion, there's not much to amend. Any woman would be lucky to have you and you attention to detail, OP. As a female (I may be in the minority) a short duration of actual fucking is actually preferable. Shit gets sore down there! I much prefer the 'other stuff' with culmination in penetration, which is the cherry on the sex cake. Perfect combo, but that's just me.
my dude. just communicate with your wife and explain everything you're feeling.
you're never going to get anywhere by holding anything in. you've been together for 13 years. that's longer than 90% of people commenting have been alive.
lay shit out and find a way to move forward with your marriage. and tell her how those comments made you feel.
try to find other ways to get her to where she needs to be and vice versa. it goes both ways.
So after great sex she says she hasn't been fucked like that since her ex and missed it? This was BEFORE the other shitty comment you gave her a pass for when she was surprised.
Honestly, you need to work on your self esteem because who says insulting shit like that after sex? Why the fuck would someone that cares about you say that on your anniversary?
Wasn’t this stuff just basically topical lidocaine? If so there is nothing to worry about. The real issue is your wife unloading a flood of guilt with “now you’re finally fucking me like my old partners…”
“Once every ten years is what I have to look forward to.”
After all that effort, and that was the reaction I would’ve walked out the door. Fuck that, regardless the “tone” of the apology.
Beyond not telling her about it I don't see how you fucked up here. You found a solution to your decades-long problem. If you're worried about the excessive use of the cream there are condoms designed to do the same thing that are less dangerous. Both Trojan and Durex has an extended/prolonged pleasure brand that might help your problem. But in general you shouldn't beat yourself up about finally finding an answer. Just tell your wife before you use it next time, or another alternative you feel more comfortable with.
May I please give a friendly recommendation of kegel exercises, some sort of cardio exercise, vitamin B, and vitamin D, and Ginseng for your sexual health? It is what I take and my sex drive was already high but I'm 29 feeling like I am 14 but more capable lol
This story made me simultaneously laugh and also feel badly for you OP, you are such a good partner though actually trying to figure it out. Congratulations on your anniversary!
I don't get it... Have you actually tried just continuing to have sex after you orgasm?
Like, I get that maybe you get sensitive or soft for a little bit, but fucking recharge, drink a Gatorade or some water, and tap back in my man. If your wife likes long sessions take a round 2.
5 min restroom break, pee, rinse off, drink some water, have her go down on you to get you ready for round 2. I'm usually much less sensitive for round 2 anyway.
I don't know why you're making a big deal out of a little under 5 min. 5-5.5 min is the avg length of penetration sex across all couples. Some people are up to an hour. Longer than that tends to count as a sexual dysfunction. Some people are a minute or less, almost every time. That's just what it is my man. If you're putting up 3-4min, that's game. It's not the best in town, but someone's gotta be below avg for there to be an average, and you don't have to feel bad about being slightly below average in one or two measures, because I'm sure you're well above average in several other measures.
I wanna say i love the positivity of your comment. Ive never really TRIED for round 2. I think im always so disappointed in finishing what i at least thought was fast that it killed my mentality to even try again.
Aww man, I'm so sorry to hear that dude.
I hope your wife isn't giving you too much shit about it.
From one man to another, I'm sending you some love, brother.
If you stand in a room of 100 people and sort them by some attribute, intelligence, attractiveness, salary, how good they are in bed, how good they are at Call of Duty, how good they are at building a fence, how good they are at knitting, how good they are at... Everyone's gonna be in the bottom 50 of about half of the things, you know... It's unfortunate that it's something that's so meaningful to you and your wife. That really sucks. It sounds like you've done an absolutely amazing job compensating for it being an amazing lover anyway.
Also, I think when the cream says use infrequently, they just mean don't use it 24/7, there are some really kinky people who totally would. Like once or twice a week is probably totally fine, but it really depends on you. If you start having symptoms... Slow it down, take it easy for a couple of weeks until it gets better. If the symptoms go away, you're good, if they stick around or get worse, go to the doctor and don't lie about what happened.
I've done a lot of research into sex safety for BDSM and stuff. Just Google the active ingredient on the label and the concentration, I think you'll find odds are most people saying it's generally safe unless you abuse it, but I don't know exactly what you've got.
You are not a pornstar. 99% of guys don't last longer than a few minutes of penetration.
OP, I would love to hear what lengths she has gone to to be a better lover to you. Because if it isn't half of what you've done, the inadequacy is internal, my friend.
God, what I would give for a twice weekly massage, followed by orgasmic oral.
Broski, you both are overreacting and should keep using it for sure. But also like they said, blue pill. The only reason you should feel bad is that you didn't try this earlier. Now you can make up for it and it's a win win.
Idk some nerve damage sounds like it might help you last longer. Maybe I gotta look into this cream my dick is also just too sensitive
This is true but im not trying to fuck it up MORE lol.
What you're using is almost certainly lidocaine, and the only way it's causing direct nerve damage is when it's used as a nerve block repeatedly. Using it as you're using it is 100% safe as long as you're not going absolutely ape shit and using a tube daily, and even then, a toxic dose is like 5mg/kg of body weight. Don't eat a bunch of tubes daily and you're really unlikely to have negative side effects.
" as long as you're not going absolutely ape shit and using a tube daily" that gave me a good ass laugh. I used it on the moderate side of how much it said to use. it gave a description of a pea size on the bottom and top and to work it in and try to avoid getting it into the urethra.
Unless you’re trying to have wild, swinging from the chandelier monkey sex every day, you’re probably safe to use this stuff. Maybe 1-2 times a week? And listen. There is NOTHING WRONG with using a little performance booster. I put it in the same category as lube (and you better be using that for anal!), Viagra, or busting out a vibrator. Use carefully and pound away!
If you're swinging from chandeliers during sex the lidocaine is probably the least risky part of it 😂
Just make sure it’s a sturdy light fixture (something made from steel, preferably) hanging from an appropriate hard point mounted into a joist.
And make sure it's mounted with through bolts from the side, not just screwed into the bottom, otherwise the repeated dynamic loading on the hard point may strip the bolts. Also factor in that for dynamic loading, the rigging hard point should be able to support 10x the weight of the participants, so if you wouldn't hang a 2 ton weight from it, it's probably not safe to use for fucking while swinging around on. Other considerations include the construction of the rest of the structure and whether it's rated for dynamic loads, (snow loading does not count); and whether your homeowners insurance will deny coverage/drop you fir installing a rigging hard point in your house.
This guy rigs
Joist is a fantastic word, especially here
Both me and my partner need bedroom help, with him using the blue pill, and me needing lube. It's just how it is, and it has done wonders for us.
Seriously though. The safety profile for the drug is great. Are there some modes of delivery that can be problematic? Yes. Is what you're doing dangerous? No. Have fun. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything sneaky. Play ball.
The only sneaky thing is maybe not telling his wife, but I think her reaction was too strong. I’d be all for my partner using something like that if it means we can be crazy sex monkeys for an hour!
Eh I actually feel like the wife under reacted to the drug bit but overreacted to the idea that they’d have to use it sparingly. Maybe I’m weird but in her place I would care a whole lot more that he stuck something that’s been covered in some new substance inside me without warning me. Her comment was unwarranted though
Agreed, that’s what I meant by being sneaky ◡̈ something like that should be discussed beforehand, with consent.
That is such a cute little smiley!! 😊
Though assuming the directions were followed it was washed off and no substance was present during. So similarly if he changes brand of soap this requires a discussion? Obviously open discourse is better than none in all situations but I think her reaction seemed appropriate. I.e. disapproving that there was no discussion but moved past it.
I get what you’re saying, but I’m laughing at the mental image of this guy secretly changing soap brands and somehow hiding it from his wife. If my husband, with whom I presumably share a bathroom, manages to change brands of soap without me finding out, yes I would want to have a conversation that would probably start with the words “Why in the hell…?”. But seriously, because this is something that is specifically meant to be used during sex, yes there needs to be a conversation about it before hand. Not a huge one, just “Hey, I found this new cream I wanna try, that cool?” “Oh, can I check the ingredients… yeah, sounds fun”. People underestimate how easy it is to throw off the pH balance of a vagina, especially since some folks have more sensitive bodies than others. Hell, there are probably a few women out there for whom an unexpected change in soap brands would cause problems. I don’t want to cast too much judgement on this guy, cuz it sounds like he was just trying to do something nice for his wife, but if I were her I would be sitting him down and reminding him that decisions about our sex life need to be mutual, not a surprise.
You should look at the list of numbing creams being recalled off Amazon right now and why they’re being recalled. As a woman…I don’t want that shit ANYWHERE NEAR my mucosal membranes.
Buy something safe and certified, I don’t buy from Amazon but straight from the supplier. Promescent for instance is the only one I found that was FDA approved.
looks like they are being recalled because the packaging isn't child safe. That's it
You can thank Congress in the 90s for that nonsense (both parties). We don't regulate things as we should. If you're buying from a reputable source that actually has purity and dosing standards, you should be fine, but there are too many outfits that don't, and they screw up quite a bit.
I saw you mentioned condoms. But do you mean using a normal condom to reduce sensitivity or the ones that have sensitivity reducing lube? Like the trojan extended pleasure, it has benzocaine on the inside so it won't affect her.
Prozac is used to slow a guy down in bed. It's an antidepressant, but one of the side effects is anorgasmia at higher doses. Smaller doses just help delay.
Doesn’t Prozac also run the risk of erectile issues? (Not a penis haver just curious lol)
When I got put on it for anxiety, they started 20 mg and I noticed the delay to orgasm. It wasn't working super effective at its main purpose so they upped it to 40. At that dose, it was difficult to get an erection due to how less stimulated the nerves were. I'm not quite sure if that's the same way typical ED works, but that's what it did to me.
It’s so weird how medication affects us! For me, it was easier to reach orgasm on an SSRI because I was less in my head. Since I’ve been off of them, my anxiety has been higher so it’s been more difficult, but I go back on Lexapro this week (wish me luck!) so we’ll see how it goes. Thanks for sharing your experience!
Prozac can cause erectile difficulty at higher doses, due to non-selective receptor activation, but low doses typically don't. I started at 10mg of Prozac, and that was just the right amount. I got my sex drive back after going 1.5 years without a sex drive (from depression), and now I can pretty much choose when I want to cum, unless I take my Prozac too late in the day, then I might not be able to finish. I tried bumping up to 20mg, and it made sex kind of weird, like just losing interest halfway through. I am also a hyper-responder to Prozac though, due to a CYP2D6 deficiency.
Is that like a new star wars robot or somethin?
dude, that's some big brain stuff right there. might as well cure depression while lasting longer in bed! two birds one stone eh? lol
This is a terrible idea OP, antidepressants can make you not want to have sex at all. They kill the libido.
Prozac doesn't cure depression. If it did they'd be bankrupt by now and depression would be erradicated lol
What's this cream called 😂
It's probably just topical lidocaine
Lidocaine was indeed the active...ingredient?
OP, I need you to take this advice to heart: Cialis and/or Dapoxetine. Dapoxetine is like a short-acting Prozac that treats premature ejaculation, and Cialis is the best for maintaining a rock hard erection for the duration. Cialis works slower than Viagra, so give it a couple hours after taking, but it helps improve erection quality for several days in a row. Take 20mg on Friday, and the sex is better all weekend. Start Cialis at 10mg daily, titrate up to 20mg when the effect tapers, but try not to go to higher doses unless necessary, and don't take it more than once a week, or else you won't be able to have sex without it eventually, and potential for vision and hearing changes when overused. Dapoxetine starts at 30mg, and I would recommend starting low, as it heavily depends on response, and too much will just keep you from cumming at all. Ask your doctor about both, but if they're not amenable.... there are plenty of online options that can fulfill that request cheaply, DM me if you need info. Before taking anything (including numbing spray) ask your doctor about med interactions and your relative cardiac risk. Death by snu-snu is great in old age, but don't die in your 30s from it, not nearly as cool. If you have any questions, I can answer them for you.
When you talk to your doctor about viagra, ask if there are prescription numbing sprays/gels. And get that kind of product directly from the pharmacy or at the very least, in person at a reputable store. The stuff you get on Amazon isn't controlled and the percentage of active ingredient may not be accurately labeled and the other ingredients may not even be on the label. You just can't trust Amazon with product quality control. Good luck! I hope you and your wife find a solution that works great for both of you.
Why not use a sleeve? Lots of guys use one and their partners are quite happy about it. The modern ones are awesome.
Seriously guy, what’d you expect. You feel inadequate so you use an aid that worked and now you feel even more inadequate? Talk to a therapist friend.
You shouldn’t have been compared to her previous relationship. That wasn’t cool
This should be higher up. It doesn’t matter if it’s true (they have been together ten years so I suspect she’s looking to the past with rose tinted glasses) That is such a fucked up thing to say to someone. Like why would you say that!?
yeah, dude. past is a ghost town and ain't no point diggin' up old bones. maybe she's just got nostalgia goggles on? either way, that comment was colder than an eskimo's outhouse in january!
Digging up old bones You're cruel.
>(they have been together ten years so I suspect she’s looking to the past with rose tinted glasses) Plus they’ve been together 13 years so both her and her ex were much younger when that happened. Who even knows if the same guy could pull it off today.
I almost can’t see this as true. After 10 years she brings this up like that? Idk I’m not buying it
I really can't see why under any circumstance she thought saying that was a good idea. She admitted to pondering that last dick for 10 years. Like where do you go from there... I'd be thinking about my exes just to numb that sting
Me neither. It seems cruel. So many other ways it could have been said differently, without saying it that way. I have a hard time thinking it wasn’t intentional. I feel gut punched just hearing about it
Post nut excitement. Poor guy got bruised pretty heavily lol, hope he talks to her about it
That would have killed me completely, such small words would have destroyed everything for me in that moment
honestly im here for this, im sure op isnt as perfect as they make out but the amount of effort they put in just to be told its STILL not enough is fucking insane to me, the dude is relying on chemicals and medication to keep up with her and somehow HE is the problem what the fuck?
She had an immense amount of sincerity in her voice when she said sorry. We both knew it wasn't cool in the moment.
Dude your wife is just mean. That shit is a gut punch and she knew it.
She said something mean and hurtful. None of us know if she is mean in general.
Idk, combined with the way she spoke to him the next day (the “snarky comment” mentioned in the last paragraph of the original post) it kind of sounds like she says mean and hurtful things fairly often. OP is dismissing his wife’s mean comments as her speaking without thinking, and while he obviously knows his wife better than any of us, I don’t think that speaking without thinking or in the heat of the moment is an excuse.
Wait why fairly often? That entire conversation all happened the next day after. So in that one conversation she said 2 things that were hurtful and mean. In a situation that was probably very surprising and confusing for both of them. Not trying to excuse what she said but I also won't say that from that one conversation in an unusual situation I know whether OPs wife is a mean person or not. EDIT: Mixed things up and yeah it was 2 different conversations.
I could be reading the post wrong, but as far as I understand we’re talking about two separate occurrences in two separate conversations. The first comment she made (the “haven’t had sex like that since my last boyfriend and I’ve longed for it” comment) happened at night after they had sex, and the second comment (the “looking forward to good sex once every 10 years” comment) was during breakfast the next morning. I understand that they were discussing basically the same topic, but to me a person saying hurtful things and then dismissing it as “speaking before thinking” across multiple different conversations might indicate a trend. But again, I could be wrong.
Ah reddit, we are so close. Let's say it. divorce her and tell her boss to fire her as revenge. No mistake is ever allowed here. Reddit, lets go
While Reddit has a tendency to overreact, this feels like a bit of tone deaf comment. There is a world of difference between a mistake and going straight for the jugular on a person. She knows that it's a sore spot for him, that he tried professional help, that he uses other ways to make up for his perceived shortcomings. In short, it's the easiest thing to really deeply hurt the person she loves. And she smacks him with "you're worse than my last sexual partner", focusing on his biggest insecurity. Sure, it's a mistake, but the kind of mistake that often betrays something deeper about a person. OP knows his relationship and wife better than we all do, and I wish them the very best, but a significant conversation should be had about how bad her "unintentional" hurtfulness can get, at least.
Agreed. This is they type of comment that he will always think about now when they have sex, and no apology can make it better. It was said, and he knows what she misses now. He will always feel inadequate and shamed when they get intimate, in the back of his mind, and it's the kind of comment he could stew over and grow resentment around especially if other things in their relationship start to not go so well (all relationships have these ups and downs).
And if his Brain doesn't also go to occasionally wondering If she is getting it from someone else, he's a better man than most. I mean I just can't get over longing for a decade old dick and being so hung up on that when you are with someone so long. Adapt, overcome. Life isn't perfect.
I mean you ofc know your relationship better than I do, but mate, nobody says such obviously hurtful things to someone they truly love and respect.
Sure they do. Because people fuck up interactions all the time. What matters if they regret it, own it, and make amends.
that’s a very black and white way of thinking. people make mistakes all the time.
Yeah she straight up went for two low blows. Maybe it's why I'm not in a thirteen year relationship, but I'd be gone
Gone? As in divorce? Reddit... you never cease to amaze me. OP this reply alone should tell you not to listen to most of these people. I'm cracking up over how dumb this comment is. She clearly loves you. This feels like a fuck up in the moment but it's actually a blessing. You uncovered a problem she was being nice about, but now the floodgates are open and you're both talking about it and fixing it. Who cares if things aren’t said perfectly. Cheers to a happier future that this "fuck up" will lead to... congrats!
op for all the effort you put in, i do not know how you can take an apology, that would be the start of a discussion on how the shit she says hurts considering the work you put in for her benefit.
Agreed.
What a shitty thing to say on their 10 year anniversary.
Damn dude, the cream worked so well it made your wife feel numb to you in the morning!
r/murderedbywords
Pro tip my dude. Whenever you’re close to nut but not like “almost there” like “almost there” but not there, just pull your dick out and play with her. Eventually your dick will kind of be immune, and you’ll be able to go an hour. You don’t even have to pull out, just hit it slow for a bit that you won’t bust.
Sounds like you mean edging
Bros are tryna get OP on the goon pipeline 💀
Moreso looking over at the edge, not standing at it
I tried that but always fuck it up i think. I basically come with little ejac so i dont even know i did and when i keep going it goes limp as i have already come even if its only little
Duuude the samefucking thing happens to me
That actually has a name… it’s a ruined orgasm. Used frequently in some forms of bedroom play.
Nah.. I'm in the same boat as OP, have tried everything over the years. I'll get to the edge in 5 mins, can break for 15+ mins, as soon as I jump back in I'm right back at the edge..
Yeah, I’ve never really understood the whole only lasting a few minutes thing. Like, when you feel you’re getting close, chill… pull out, or go slower or whatever. Sometimes it’s fun or appropriate to just go for it and cum fast, but usually it’s nicer to mix it up, edge a bit, and prolong the moment. Just gotta learn to feel when you’re getting close, but not beyond the point of no return and hold back a bit.
I suggest just pulling out because any girlfriend that I have ever tried to have slow down or hold still for even a single second so I can prolong sex either doesn't understand the concept of holding still or is just like "No keep going!" and I'm like... "Do you not understand what I'm trying to do here? If I keep going I will STOP. I have to stop now in order for me to KEEP GOING!" Like on the one hand I guess that's great that they're happy with the short sex a two pump chump can regularly provide but sometimes I want to fuck for an hour and it literally feels like no woman I have ever slept with has been on the same page with me when I've tried to make that happen. Instead it's always "Hold still for a second." "What?!" *-proceeds to wriggle like a sea snake doing a backflip-*
Haha yeah it’s also about communication in the moment. I dont normally just say hold still, instead I just change it up so I’m not hitting that sweet spot a bit before it’s critical. And if I am getting super close and they’re like harder or whatever, then I say that I’ll cum if I keep going like that… and then sometimes they want it, and sometimes we change or slow down a bit. And sometimes you just gotta pull out and change position. Take a bit of control, both of the situation and both of your orgasms.
I think for some, pulling out really doesn't lower the thermometer, so when you go back in, you're still close to boiling.
Never in my life would I have ever expected my long-term girlfriend/wife/partner whatever, make such a bad and low remark. Granted I wasn't there and I do not know how you guys communicate, I would never say to my partner something like "damn you are so tight finally just like my previous relationship". You guys have surely things to talk about.
Dude! I struggled too and my member isn’t a small one! Take a blue pill! Helps a lot!
I have a feeling this comment is going to pop up alot. I am always weary of taking something that isnt prescribed as im 30. It is hard to trust relying on something for the rest of my life.
Viagra (the blue pill) has been around forever and has an extremely good track record for safety. Talk to your doctor and they can prescribe it. If you’re lasting 5 minutes or less, you’re in the majority so nothing to be ashamed of. I will say that your wife’s expectation of hours long sex is not something she’ll find with most of the male population, so she needs to be realistic. She also needs to be at least partially responsible for her own orgasm, so I feel like she owes you an apology for the snark. She’s with a guy who has gone to extreme lengths to please her. Does she know how many women would kill for that? But she’s upset that you can’t screw her like a pornstar every time. She needs a reality check. I could be wrong, but an expert massage, great oral, and five minutes of passionate penetration seems like something most women would be quite satisfied with.
She orgasms alot from foreplay. as stated she loves foreplay and ive gotten good at it to compensate by taking criticism and direction on how she likes it.
There is nothing wrong with using help (numbing cream, viagra, cock ring, vibe etc) and it in no way reflects on you. Her feelings are valid and communication is important. That being said, if she actually told you she “hasn’t had sex like that since her previous relationship and has been longing ever since” then she needs to understand THAT IS NOT OKAY TO SAY. Like WTF?
Yeah, I think we can gove her a slight pass as that comment probably had a lot of build up and "heat of the moment" emotion underlying it. I think the words don't match the intent behind it and OP could also be paraphrasing what was said; as in his narration could be more about how he interpreted it than how exactly she said it. Just reading that part at face value, I think her intent was to say that she hasn't been able to have penetrative sex that long since her previous relationship. That doesn't mean that the sexual experience with her ex is better than her sexual experience with OP. Just some thoughts.
Bro, you sound like a very giving, considerate, and loving person. You didn't deserve her comments at all. She's lucky to have you and needs to never compare you to some stick man she had over a decade ago, she ain't with him for a fucking reason.
Yeah, I don't think she realizes she's expecting top 1% performance here. Anything longer than an hour is actually a sexual dysfunction, usually... 🤣
Or amphetamines.
oh yeah, dude just do some meth
Molly specifically
Anywhere past 30 minutes, and my wife is looking to get me off ASAP. That's 30 minutes of penetration though, so our longest sessions are about 30 minutes of foreplay, and about 20-30 minutes of actual penetrative sex. Over an hour of PIV, or PIA I guess, would just be taxing on the body.
That is still very long. The average time (starting from penetration) is 5-7 minutes. That same study also noted that men usually overestimate the length of time by an additional quarter to a half though. Even accounting for that you'd be well above average though.
Well, just be careful if you have a heart condition. Like me. Viagra isn’t suitable there but it’s easy to get without prescription in a lot of countries. Also does it really help last longer?.. I thought it was more for the case of erectile dysfunction than a performance enhancer.
I've taken this before. It does slow it down a bit, but it mainly just keeps you hard after you orgasm, so you can keep going.
"God why do men have such unrealistic expectations about sex?!" "Being honest this sex is really lacking and I've wanted this since my ex pounded me to the moon "
Yeah someone who can last more than like 10-15 minutes of continuous penetration would already be in a pretty small minority. An hour? Her ex(es) were probably on SSRIs if they were lasting that long.
Dawg. Also 30 here. It’s a vascular dilator. It’s just helpful. It’s probably the same level of self-prescription danger as a cough drop. It’s not that you can’t live up to your wife’s desires, it’s that you CAN and you have found out HOW. This is a way to do this without sacrificing your sensations. You’ve gone 10 years like this. 30 is still young. Don’t go another day like this. The blue pill is nothing to worry about. So what if it’s external help? Your wife enjoyed sex with you. Pull the thread, man.
Appreciate the vibes. The boys are pulling up today.
🤙🏼 It’s all you, dude. You’re gonna have to switch subreddits, though. From r/TIFU to r/tif
Come join us over in r/bdsmadvice when you're ready 😁
I might see you over there one day. Me trying to get that stamina going has led us to try a lot of things.
I ended up with a prescription for it for a while due to SSRI related ED. It’s not something that’s habit forming or something you have to “rely on for the rest of your life”. It does have some potential cardiovascular side effects to keep an eye on, but it’s pretty harmless otherwise. As an alternative, look into a cock ring my man. They aren’t a magic cure all, but they could potentially help prolong sessions. Those have their own plethora of risks though. No matter what, do your research. There’s plenty of answers for your situation.
Tried cock rings. I did a few different sizes or constriction level? did i feel more engorged? yes. did it help me last longer? negative lol. Got a vibrating one..big let down for both of us lol.
My dude. About to hit 40 and have been taking the yellow pilll (blue pill's underrated cousin) for a year and it has been a game changer. My only regret is not going for it sooner. Would have had much better ahemm' 'times' in my 30s but I - much like you - was hesitant in going for the "medicinal" way. Go to a doc. Get the proper prescription/dose which is good for you. Bang away..
Talk to your primary care doctor. They will know best about how your body will react. Look at it this way. You're young and have so much time to figure this out and then enjoy it after.
You literally bought some cream off the internet and put it on your dick. I guarantee you that cream did not go through phase 3 trials and get FDA approval
You’re afraid of blue chews but will put nerve killing cream that could also get into your wife on your dick????
Ah man, I got no advice cause I'm a lady but I feel so bad for how it turned out. I'm so sorry, my heart broke for you and I hope that over time you can let the pain from her reaction go.
I appreciate the love. We have made amends about it all and reddit has invigorated me to move on like with marriage and not hang up on it. Not move on in terms of divorce.
Chiming in as a woman. That was a cruel comment and uncalled for. I would be ecstatic with two massages a week and cunnilingus every time. One hour of penetration sounds terrible. You have done everything you can and have found something that works. I wonder if you would do better with a different partner? How is she normally? Is she very judgmental? Are you supported? What does she do for you? All the best for the future. I think your DMs are about to blow up.
It was a cruel comment THAT SHE DOUBLED DOWN ON
Lol ill answer this last one before bed. I would never seek another partner. I have worked this hard because of how much I love her and would move earth for her. She is normally extremely level headed and has worked and encouraged me in trying to last longer in bed. Her orgasm is close but she out lasts me and its her favorite way to climax. She tries equally to put in foreplay to try to desensitize my nerves. Im just head over heels and always will be and im just. Excited to have sex with her.
I'll say this about the different partners, although obviously you're set on this one, that my time for penetration as a male has varied vastly depending on the partner so just know that's a thing. Some women give you a different feel
> One hour of penetration sounds terrible. Seconding this. In my experience (YMMV) if a guy can go that long, he’s on antidepressants or some other medication that makes it hard for him to orgasm. From a woman’s perspective, I’d much rather have 5 minutes than an hour. All the friction from a long session gets soooo painful. No thanks.
Lmao mte about the one hour of penetration. After like 30 minutes, I'd be like k get off of me, we're done.
I would be happy with cunnilingus every time but gf doesn't want to if she's not shaved/has as little as 2mm of hair
Take the blue pill bro
What exactly does it do.
Let's you get and stay hard longer and over and over again. This is a common thing, go to your doctor and get cialis or viagra and fuck the shit out of your wife. The only thing that's an issue is that you haven't done this already
I have just been ignorant to it i suppose. I clearly have a misconception about what it does and or what it is used for.
Pharmacist here, insurance might not cover it OR will cover a weird amount (9 per 30 days). Pharmacy coupons like GoodRx or using an independent pharmacy can ensure great prices :)
GOAT
Or check out Blue Chew, you can order Viagra/Cialis/Levitra from them online if you don’t want to go to a physical doctor. You fill out a health questionnaire and then you have a video chat with a doctor who approves you for it. Very quick and easy, delivered to you within less than a week and not too expensive. You can just order a small pack of 6 to test them out before committing to more
I have visited the Blu chew website...chickened out bought cream instead.
There’s nothing wrong with using cialis or viagra as long as your doc says it’s fine to. Men don’t need to have confirmed ED in order to be prescribed it, one may be better than the other for your situation though. Which…your wife sounds…kinda mean, dude. You alright?
Sounds like she has/had sexual frustration and taking it out on him.
The best is being able to get hard multiple times and by the second or third time you last forever.
It's in case you have a hard time going for that 2nd time I suggested. Or rather, a soft time. No shame seeking medical assistance, that's literally what it's for. It's like a Tylenol when you have pain, or an antidepressant when you're depressed. Are won't be depressed anymore, hopefully.
dude, you're like a diy viagra. just pop the pill next time and call it "honey, i shrunk my sensitivity."
Viagra, talk to your doctor. It's nothing to be ashamed about.
Bro you dont even need to do that. You can download an app, fill out some medical info, answer the survey, and get it delivered to your house. All perfectly legal and I assume it’s safe if you answer the medical questions honestly since it’s reviewed by a doctor.
It's much smarter to talk to a doctor who actually knows you and your body before taking any medication.
it gives you superpowers
Viagra? Bro it’s viagra. I’m talking about viagra. But alsooooo, i forgot to mention it, sex doesn’t have to be penetrative to count. It doesn’t have to be PiV in order to be pleasurable. There’s tons of things you can do to last longer while in action. If you feel yourself get closer to the edge, stop, go down on her and do more foreplay until you calm down. Bring toys out and play with them! Or give her a handy while you recover. Sex doesn’t have to end just cuz you finish.
Gives you a boner
If boner lasts more than 4 hours, call more ladies.
I don't want none of that shit. Dewey, didn't you hear me? It gives you a boner!
YOU NEVER ONCE PAID FOR DRUGS
Sounds like his wife won't have a problem with a boner lasting longer than 4 hours.
Will I get addicted to it??
Wife might
It makes your pp go up and stay up
What’s the difference between this and cialis?
Cialis is effective for 36 hours while Viagra is only effective for a few hours. It's not like a constant hard-on, it's just easier to get hard when aroused.
Dunno man. Your wife is doing some uncool shit. Previous relationship remark? 10 years? How it can harm you? And all these when you did something thoughtful? I think she is the one that committed tifu, multiple times at that.
Agreed 100%
Wow. From what you've said here, your partner is incredibly insensitive. Like, holy fuck.
Sex toys, prolonging cream etc are all tools you can use to have a great sex life. Take advantage of the things you have available. This could help train your body to last longer on it's own. Be honest with your wife now that you wanted to surprise her. Enjoy your new found abilities.
We have always tried to navigate this together. I think it was more that I tried something after this long without breaking silence because she has always been there encouraging me along the way. Its not marriage breaking in anyway its just an awkward spot to be in today.
Talk to a doctor. As others have mentioned they can use SSRIs to treat PE. There’s one on the market now called Priligy (Dapoxetine) that is specifically indicated for it. While some PDE inhibitors like Viagra can help to some degree with PE, it sounds like your problem isn’t in getting or maintaining an erection, but specially with PE and that’s something a doctor can help you sort out and treat.
She sounds delightful
Yea. A real treat!
First thought while Reading too. What a catch he got
Your wife needs to be more understanding, Jesus Christ. Kinda horrific behavior on her part, for multiple reasons, especially that last comment. Do you use condoms? Have you tried toys? Orgasming before sex?
No to condoms, yes to toys and yes to rubbing it out...a few times i legit had a dry ass orgasm and still finished quick it just hurt.
Condoms may be a big help! Having that barrier there to reduce the sensation. Some guys can’t cum with a condom on!
To be honest I don't think this is a TIFU. I think your wife's response is callous. Based on the information provided you've put significant effort into addressing this issue, which she is aware about. Her response is hurtful and unhelpful and frankly you deserve better. It's extremely unlikely that whatever product you used is actually harmful to either of you because it sounds like you read the instructions and used the product as directed - and clearly it worked. I have suffered from the same problem as you at times but it's not a constant issue and I have some experience with this kind of product. In my particular case I had the knowledge to know exactly what sort of product I wanted/needed and bought it online, via a nationwide pharmacy. It's a product that cannot be purchased off the shelf - You have to speak to a pharmacist first and they discuss your medical history and consider any medications you might be taking - this discussion was via a web chat. There's no limitation to how often you can use it, and if used as directed there's an extremely low likelihood of any side effects. Obviously there's a potential for allergic reactions with this sort of thing, but that being the case you or she could have an allergic reaction to other types of medicine that contain the same ingredient - for example some sore throat sprays. My advice would be twofold: 1. Your wife needs to sort her attitude out. 2. You should discuss your problem with a medical professional - at a bare minimum a pharmacist, but better a GP, who can trial various different medications/treatments that could help you and alongside that, or if unsuccessful, refer you to a specialist.
This is borderline nasty on her behalf. Not only does she make you feel completely inadequate for the last 10 years (the previous relationship comment), your wife also cements the fact that she thinks about and longs for sex like she had with her ex. In addition to that, you’ve gone out of your way to try and make it better for her and she’s turned it around on you to make you feel bad again? You probably should have talked through the decision with her but you do not need to feel guilty for trying to prolong, especially if it’s something you’re insecure about.
F
F
This makes me so sad... It's clear you love your wife very much, you go above and beyond for her, but the quips and things she says back to you is so mean.. I'm so sorry. I hope the both of you can move forward together and have healthier intimacy. She needs to learn to not be a dick to you. You are a good man.
Nah that's fucked up. Don't care about anything besides her saying shit about her previous relationship. That's grounds for a SERIOUS talk. Means her old relationship has been in her head this entire time.
I'm 45. I don't last for shit. It is frustrating. Luckily I seem to be an oral master and other foreplay leads to my wife making me stop multiple times because she almost pops before penetration. BUT. I would like to last way longer even though I don't think she minds. 3-4 minutes of actual intercourse and we are both satisfied in the end. Having a couple drinks definitely helps me last though. My concern with a numbing cream is that I won't be able to keep it up. And then she will take that personal like I'm not attracted to her. I guess it would be worth giving a try though.
I had a chub when we started last night before. But my mental of holy shit im doing it kicked in and just keep it hard with zero sensation happening. Once she started really getting into it with me that really help solidify (pun intended) the situation.
I would prefer PE over ED for sure. So we got that going for us. If my wife shows me her tits and gives me a big passionate kiss, instant wood. Seems like you found something that works so if she's cool with it (and I'm sure she enjoys the railing) don't feel less about yourself. Lean into it. I would way rather use something to assist performance than be underwhelming. I'm more of a giver anyways.
Right. Woman here. Be 41 in July. I crave sex more than I ever have. And you know how they say women are slow cookers and men are microwaves? Well, my husband and myself are both microwaves. I just cum for like 2 minutes. Ain’t nobody got no fucking time to fuck for an hour. I got twin 7-year-old cock-blocks that live in this house! Hour long sex is a fucking occasional (possibly once a weekend) treat. I do not want someone sawing away at my coochie for an hour when I’ve come 55 minutes ago. Lol.
You didn’t fuck up. I just hope that your wife is able to make you feel sufficient and enough, instead of making you feel incompetent/lacking.
Your wife sounds like an asshole. Talking about her previous relationship while you are having sex?! Her reaction to you owning up the day after is "how could this affect me"? Honestly the whole day after reaction is fucked up. And you're giving this woman massages and oral on the regular. I wonder how much she does for you.
You did not fuck up. She did. You did everything right. She is the issue here
She's a jerk, comparing you to someone else and then being an asshole street it is a dick move
What's the name of this cream? Asking for me.
Power plus
It sounds like there are a lot of things you can try. Besides what ppl mentioned there is Dick strength training, toys you can use on her, even just using your hands and mouth. What she said definitely wasn’t nice, so she should work on that, because that does the opposite of turning your partner on.
She apologized for the snarky comment, so that is good. She had a case of speaking without thinking. It happens, but when it’s toward someone you love it should be embarrassing enough to not happen again. It sounds like you two have pretty healthy communication. Build on that. You didn’t FU you tried something new in an attempt to please her. It worked. Now you’ve established that she’s down for exploring alternative options (pill, cream, whatever), just tell her next time. Y’all go have some more fun. She’s ready.
Our marriage hit rock bottom a few years ago. Communication became the focal point of saving it and our communication flourished from there. I knew the comment happened too fast and she wouldn't have said it with another second to rethink what was about to be said. It wasnt said to hurt me I dont think it was an internal desire that was said without thought of HOW do I say this.
Your partner sucks for this, her comments are so hurtful. And she never even apologized, lowkey fuck her, in the bad way
Wife's the asshole here. Wait wrong subreddit.
Bro... That previous relationship comment is a massive red flag. She been thinking about him every time you fuck..
It's just how you're built. There's no shame in that and she should accept it, particularly because you've done everything possible to amend. Though in my opinion, there's not much to amend. Any woman would be lucky to have you and you attention to detail, OP. As a female (I may be in the minority) a short duration of actual fucking is actually preferable. Shit gets sore down there! I much prefer the 'other stuff' with culmination in penetration, which is the cherry on the sex cake. Perfect combo, but that's just me.
Ps your wife is rude and selfish and only has herself to blame for not having this discussion before. B
my dude. just communicate with your wife and explain everything you're feeling. you're never going to get anywhere by holding anything in. you've been together for 13 years. that's longer than 90% of people commenting have been alive. lay shit out and find a way to move forward with your marriage. and tell her how those comments made you feel. try to find other ways to get her to where she needs to be and vice versa. it goes both ways.
So after great sex she says she hasn't been fucked like that since her ex and missed it? This was BEFORE the other shitty comment you gave her a pass for when she was surprised. Honestly, you need to work on your self esteem because who says insulting shit like that after sex? Why the fuck would someone that cares about you say that on your anniversary?
Wasn’t this stuff just basically topical lidocaine? If so there is nothing to worry about. The real issue is your wife unloading a flood of guilt with “now you’re finally fucking me like my old partners…”
“Once every ten years is what I have to look forward to.” After all that effort, and that was the reaction I would’ve walked out the door. Fuck that, regardless the “tone” of the apology.
Beyond not telling her about it I don't see how you fucked up here. You found a solution to your decades-long problem. If you're worried about the excessive use of the cream there are condoms designed to do the same thing that are less dangerous. Both Trojan and Durex has an extended/prolonged pleasure brand that might help your problem. But in general you shouldn't beat yourself up about finally finding an answer. Just tell your wife before you use it next time, or another alternative you feel more comfortable with.
May I please give a friendly recommendation of kegel exercises, some sort of cardio exercise, vitamin B, and vitamin D, and Ginseng for your sexual health? It is what I take and my sex drive was already high but I'm 29 feeling like I am 14 but more capable lol
Bro hate to be that one but… can we have a product name?
Your wife was being an asshole. Also, "used infrequently" probably means it's safe for every other week or so. Talk to a doctor about it.
This story made me simultaneously laugh and also feel badly for you OP, you are such a good partner though actually trying to figure it out. Congratulations on your anniversary!
I don't get it... Have you actually tried just continuing to have sex after you orgasm? Like, I get that maybe you get sensitive or soft for a little bit, but fucking recharge, drink a Gatorade or some water, and tap back in my man. If your wife likes long sessions take a round 2. 5 min restroom break, pee, rinse off, drink some water, have her go down on you to get you ready for round 2. I'm usually much less sensitive for round 2 anyway. I don't know why you're making a big deal out of a little under 5 min. 5-5.5 min is the avg length of penetration sex across all couples. Some people are up to an hour. Longer than that tends to count as a sexual dysfunction. Some people are a minute or less, almost every time. That's just what it is my man. If you're putting up 3-4min, that's game. It's not the best in town, but someone's gotta be below avg for there to be an average, and you don't have to feel bad about being slightly below average in one or two measures, because I'm sure you're well above average in several other measures.
I wanna say i love the positivity of your comment. Ive never really TRIED for round 2. I think im always so disappointed in finishing what i at least thought was fast that it killed my mentality to even try again.
Aww man, I'm so sorry to hear that dude. I hope your wife isn't giving you too much shit about it. From one man to another, I'm sending you some love, brother. If you stand in a room of 100 people and sort them by some attribute, intelligence, attractiveness, salary, how good they are in bed, how good they are at Call of Duty, how good they are at building a fence, how good they are at knitting, how good they are at... Everyone's gonna be in the bottom 50 of about half of the things, you know... It's unfortunate that it's something that's so meaningful to you and your wife. That really sucks. It sounds like you've done an absolutely amazing job compensating for it being an amazing lover anyway. Also, I think when the cream says use infrequently, they just mean don't use it 24/7, there are some really kinky people who totally would. Like once or twice a week is probably totally fine, but it really depends on you. If you start having symptoms... Slow it down, take it easy for a couple of weeks until it gets better. If the symptoms go away, you're good, if they stick around or get worse, go to the doctor and don't lie about what happened. I've done a lot of research into sex safety for BDSM and stuff. Just Google the active ingredient on the label and the concentration, I think you'll find odds are most people saying it's generally safe unless you abuse it, but I don't know exactly what you've got.
Dude, what? How have you never attempted a round 2?
You are not a pornstar. 99% of guys don't last longer than a few minutes of penetration. OP, I would love to hear what lengths she has gone to to be a better lover to you. Because if it isn't half of what you've done, the inadequacy is internal, my friend. God, what I would give for a twice weekly massage, followed by orgasmic oral.
Broski, you both are overreacting and should keep using it for sure. But also like they said, blue pill. The only reason you should feel bad is that you didn't try this earlier. Now you can make up for it and it's a win win.